This isn't a poem but I just wanted to share it. There is a poem at the end however.
Chapter 1: Kenzi
The room is dim. The only light emanating from the small desk lamp in the corner.
“Unhappy with the life I'm living,
Not finding anything to
Wash my ***** slate of emotions
And to keep me from crying.
Nothing to turn to when I cannot
Take anymore of this pain.
Each tiring day I 'm getting thrown
Deeper into the rainstorm.
Trying to find a peaceful way to
Escape contention and get
Away from this life I hate. I
Refuse to cry anymore.
Sunshine doesn't stay with me for long.”
A poem I once wrote. The words ran through my head like a melody.
As I rummage through disorganized desk drawers, I search for a paper and pen. After glancing at the time on my cell phone, 2:11 AM, I begin to write:
“Dear—“
...dear who?...
“—Everyone,
If you are reading this—“
...what do I say in a note like this?...
“—it means that I've finally released myself from this painful world. I'm
sorry for any heartache that I have caused you and I want you to know
that I love you more than anything. Once again, I'm sorry...I'm sorry I left
like this.
Kenzi Mullberry ”
After signing the letter I just sat there, staring contemplatively at the paper.
...am I really going to do this?...
I looked the time again, 2:25. I usually hear the train roll by around 3.
After carefully folding the paper into thirds, I laid it on my bed.
...I hope they see it here...
Peeking out, I slowly opened my bedroom door.
CREEEAAAAK
I froze, listening... All quiet. Cautiously creeping down the carpeted stairs I let out a deep breath of air and arrived at the front entrance. Then, hesitantly, unlocked the door and stepped outside. Standing in the cold night air, I scanned the empty street. Then finally took a deep breath, and started walking.
My thoughts quickly drifted to Adam, my boyfriend.
...would my family tell him about the note? I don't want him to worry...
I took out my cell phone and typed up a text. Staring at the words, a tear rolled down my face. SEND
I checked the time again before putting the phone back into my pocket, 2:43.
...I'd better hurry...
Picking up my pace, I wiped my eyes and then shoved my hands into my sweatshirt pocket.
It was crisply cold out and my pale nose was red and running. A quick shiver ran through my body as the chilled breeze whispered past my ears and fluttered my dark brown hair. I looked up at a car traveling across the freeway overpass. It's surprising that there are still people driving this early in the morning. It's like that saying, "The city never sleeps."
There wasn't a sidewalk on this road so I stayed on the grass, even though there were no cars in sight. I looked to my right as I passed the canal, dry and empty. The irrigation water has been turned off for the winter.
Slowing down, I approached the crossing and my eyes examined the rail line. I could hear the train getting closer. I stepped onto the tracks and could feel them shaking beneath my feet. The train was getting closer and I started to panic as the bright headlight grew and I heard the horn.
...no. I have to do this...
I closed my eyes, embraced myself, clenching my teeth and my frozen fists.
”I'm sorry...”
Chapter 2: Adam
Music ran through my ears.
“...I miss you and it still feels like I know you
I've got pictures of us side by side to show you
But it feels like I owe you so much more
And you will always be perfect
You'll always be beautiful
Our hearts will never forget you
You didn't belong here
And it's become so clear
Why heaven called your name
And it just doesn't seem right, was it really your time?
Are we dreaming?
We'll never let go of you
Wish you were here but it's becoming clear
That Earth's just not the place for an angel like you...”
BZZZZZZ
I paused the music and looked down from the bright laptop screen, picking up the bottom corner of my pillow to reveal my phone.
* 1 MESSAGE:
Kenzi
“Huh, what's she doing up so late?” I thought, as I waited for the text to open.
*Hey babe. i...im sorry...i know i'm about to
break ur heart, but i just cant take it anymore.
When you wake up and see this, i'll be gone...
I Love You Adam <3 im sorry...
“What?”
I re-read the text...
“Kenzi! You idiot–“
I jumped out of bed and threw on my jacket as I burst out of my bedroom and around the corner to the front door. I quickly slipped my shoes on and bolted out, not caring if I disturbed the others sleeping in the house. I had to stop her.
I sprinted across the driveway, knowing exactly where she was going.
She had talked about it so many times before, she'd say, “Adam, I'm so depressed I wish I could get hit by a train.” She'd pretend it was a joke, but I always knew she was being literal.
The air was cold and thin, making my throat dry so it was hard to breathe. I heard the train whistle.
“******* Kenzi...”
I strained to make my legs move faster, they were burning.
After cutting through the park, I passed the cemetery.
“Don't end up there k?...not yet...”
My shoes we're untied, due to my rush out the door, and I stumbled, but regained my balance. All I could think about was running. I could hear the train rumble as I turned the corner and the tracks came into view. I saw her.
“Kenzi!...Kenzi get off!” I was breathing hard and my face stung from the cold. “Kenzi!”
I saw the headlight and knew I wouldn't reach her in time. But I kept running.
CLICK-CLACK CLICK-CLACK CLICK-CLACK TOOOOOOOOT
I finally stopped 10 feet from the tracks. Raising my hands to my head, I grabbed my hair, then threw my arms back down and placed my hands on my knees as I caught my breath.
“Kenzi...you...stupid...” I softly spoke, I could feel tears creeping out of my eyes.
The end of the train finally passed and I jogged over to the tracks. Her body was on the ground, limp; lifeless.
...I can't believe she actually did it...
I bowed my head and closed my eyes, taking in a deep breath of air, then gazed up at the sky in discouragement.
...why did she have to–…
-----------------------------------------------------
*He looks into her motionless blood-shot eyes,
and sees something he hasn't seen in years.
A pain so deep, it's stitched into her skin,
leaving dark scars she knew would never fade.
He wants to help, but can no longer feel
The life that once ran through her veins.
The cold has taken over her weakened soul
and left it in the troubling dark of her mind.
She can no longer see, no longer taste
The endless joys they once together shared.
In a world full of happiness and sun
Were only memories of things left behind.
She couldn't see, didn't want to feel, the light
that was softly beckoning her away.
And now he stares at her in a state of something
He knew he could never bare the thought of.
As he kneels beside her he plainly whispers,
“This heart wasn't made for suicide...”
