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"burner" poems
you are annoying and unfaithful greedy and habitual poor baby what must you lust after now and sob rivers with no reasons you lack directions and standards and thrive on attention of unattractive actions you are eleven going on ten and have yet to blossom we give up on you since i occupy the back burner behind rats and redheads
0
Mar 25, 2013
Mar 25, 2013 at 6:40 PM UTC
rats and redheads
The day the ships came my ancestors we not of the aware of the forced melting *** that would come into existence The combination of french and spanish confused the delta slaves Little did they know that neither language would stick on their burnt excuses of tongues The days the ships came New Orleans became the beacon of mulatos And although the conquistadors could **** and beat their slave wives Their spanish advances were not reciprocated due to lack of of heat to complete the melting The languages that conquered the delta were combined into something that no outsider would want to encounter That’s why the Americans came and took it like they did the rest of the country They mistake the magic for voodoo then rebranded it for themselves Centuries later the delta is still a melting *** But it’s one my grandmother’s tongue was forced to forget Her languages were lost next to her mulatto slave ancestors, left to spoil So now when people ask “If you’re hispanic why can’t you speak spanish?” I can barely find the words in english to explain the years of torture my tongue has endured When spanish speaking couples walk into my work My tongue is eager to spill words it wishes it had the ability to create My blood begins to hate itself over the fact that a third of itself is unrecognizable My tongue is still waiting for the new boats to arrive and reconcer it All it knows is to be conquered No self defense here When all you know is to be conquered It becomes a challenge to think for oneself My tongue can’t decide if english, spanish or french is better My creole mind is yelling thousands foreign curse words not knowing which one is a true sin Maybe the sin here is letting the burner stay on too long The day the ships came My slave ancestors looked at their spanish lovers and said “My love, what shall we do once the french arrive?” With their eyes looking into the horizon the conquistadors replied “Es no problema para mi, pero tu, tu es la propiedad de estos” Which according to simple history books means “Good luck”
0
Apr 19, 2017
Apr 19, 2017 at 10:16 PM UTC
The day the ships came
The day the ships came my ancestors we not of the aware of the forced melting *** that would come into existence The combination of french and spanish confused the delta slaves Little did they know that neither language would stick on their burnt excuses of tongues The days the ships came New Orleans became the beacon of mulatos And although the conquistadors could **** and beat their slave wives Their spanish advances were not reciprocated due to lack of of heat to complete the melting The languages that conquered the delta were combined into something that no outsider would want to encounter That’s why the Americans came and took it like they did the rest of the country They mistake the magic for voodoo then rebranded it for themselves Centuries later the delta is still a melting *** But it’s one my grandmother’s tongue was forced to forget Her languages were lost next to her mulatto slave ancestors, left to spoil So now when people ask “If you’re hispanic why can’t you speak spanish?” I can barely find the words in english to explain the years of torture my tongue has endured When spanish speaking couples walk into my work My tongue is eager to spill words it wishes it had the ability to create My blood begins to hate itself over the fact that a third of itself is unrecognizable My tongue is still waiting for the new boats to arrive and reconcer it All it knows is to be conquered No self defense here When all you know is to be conquered It becomes a challenge to think for oneself My tongue can’t decide if english, spanish or french is better My creole mind is yelling thousands foreign curse words not knowing which one is a true sin Maybe the sin here is letting the burner stay on too long The day the ships came My slave ancestors looked at their spanish lovers and said “My love, what shall we do once the french arrive?” With their eyes looking into the horizon the conquistadors replied “Es no problema para mi, pero tu, tu es la propiedad de estos” Which according to simple history books means “Good luck”
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33
I rush for love against time And bleed blood by design My heart floods for my crimes When my mud attracts flies I felt a rush Through the brush Of your skin so lush I turned to mush My heart began to gush When I felt your rush It became too much And I exploded prematurely Though it's normal you assured me Could it be that you had cured me? We rushed through our adrenaline courtship While I rushed through your adorable hips I was ****** in by your surge Until your love was purged You grew bored of my rush hour So you exerted your push power And I became a fastidious learner That you were an insidious burner After I became the sole recipient Of your attitude that's flippant The pain is a rush This pain when you flush Disdain when you crush Me to pieces Between your creases When you keep talking feces It's something that never eases When your rush turns to breezes You're a rush in my heart Like the rush when I **** It's a relief that you're gone But something seriously stinks It's a relief you were wrong Yet I continue to sink
0
Nov 1, 2017
Nov 1, 2017 at 4:36 PM UTC
Rush
Too many times I've been pushed aside On the back burner My whole **** life But I wanna be the fire That lights your soul I want a raging, blazing Inferno Sparking flames Making changes In the chemistry A little oxygen So I can breathe A lot of hydrogen So you can believe We're floating on air Particles you can't see Like love It's a mystery A theory Of who's meant to be And who's left suffering That's destiny I'm creating Breaking Changing the flames Into ashes And graves With no names Just broken hearts On tombstones And no chance To restart
0
Jan 13, 2015
Jan 13, 2015 at 7:03 PM UTC
Floating On Graves
the feeling of unwanted fingertips tends to wash over my skin in the same manner that the cold washed over yours but heat transfers, or lack-there-of. it was in this way that i became sick, or maybe the smoke i've filled my lungs with had finally done me in. i drank cough syrup either way. i guess i was unaware at the time, but the smell of cherries was what did me in. cherries, and i felt your hands once again cherries, and my breathing nearly stopped all at once cherries, and my hands began to tremble so violently that i dropped the bottle. cherries, as i leaned over the toilet throwing up sticky sweet memories cherries, as i drew further and further into myself and, subsequently, closer into your arms cherries, as my eyes dried from the excessive tears and i could no longer manage any noise. cherries, as your cold transferred into me and your hands clenched around my wrists cherries, as the entire weight of your body was laid on top of mine cherries, and i couldn't move, i couldn't scream, i couldn't see cherries, as your voice echoed in my mind, preventing me any relief from this nightmare, cherries. no, not even the simplest of coughs could find relief under such strain. because my cough syrup smelled like your red slushee vape juice, i froze. and i couldn't pick myself up again i couldn't front the storm, i couldn't slip you into my pocket i couldn't put you on the back burner. i couldn't erase you from my mind no matter how many times i tried i couldn't wipe you off of my skin no matter how hard i scrubbed i couldn't close my eyes without hearing your voice telling me to stay still i cant stop smelling your ******* red slushee vape juice because the scent accompanies every panic attack and every breakdown. and i sure as hell couldn't stop the blood from flowing once it had started. the stress that made it hard to breathe had gotten to you, inside of me and there was so much blood. the doctor said it was normal for it to be about the same consistency as cherry cough syrup. i can't drink it anymore.
0
Oct 17, 2018
Oct 17, 2018 at 6:16 PM UTC
red slushee vape juice
the feeling of unwanted fingertips tends to wash over my skin in the same manner that the cold washed over yours but heat transfers, or lack-there-of. it was in this way that i became sick, or maybe the smoke i've filled my lungs with had finally done me in. i drank cough syrup either way. i guess i was unaware at the time, but the smell of cherries was what did me in. cherries, and i felt your hands once again cherries, and my breathing nearly stopped all at once cherries, and my hands began to tremble so violently that i dropped the bottle. cherries, as i leaned over the toilet throwing up sticky sweet memories cherries, as i drew further and further into myself and, subsequently, closer into your arms cherries, as my eyes dried from the excessive tears and i could no longer manage any noise. cherries, as your cold transferred into me and your hands clenched around my wrists cherries, as the entire weight of your body was laid on top of mine cherries, and i couldn't move, i couldn't scream, i couldn't see cherries, as your voice echoed in my mind, preventing me any relief from this nightmare, cherries. no, not even the simplest of coughs could find relief under such strain. because my cough syrup smelled like your red slushee vape juice, i froze. and i couldn't pick myself up again i couldn't front the storm, i couldn't slip you into my pocket i couldn't put you on the back burner. i couldn't erase you from my mind no matter how many times i tried i couldn't wipe you off of my skin no matter how hard i scrubbed i couldn't close my eyes without hearing your voice telling me to stay still i cant stop smelling your ******* red slushee vape juice because the scent accompanies every panic attack and every breakdown. and i sure as hell couldn't stop the blood from flowing once it had started. the stress that made it hard to breathe had gotten to you, inside of me and there was so much blood. the doctor said it was normal for it to be about the same consistency as cherry cough syrup. i can't drink it anymore.
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29
10 Things I Wish I Could've Told You... but never did. 1: I used to fantasize about us listening to that song that always reminded me of you and we'd be laughing and singing and we wouldn't have a care in world except where we were gonna buy our french fries. I'd feel as free as the snowflakes that never fell while we coast down the boulevard. 2: I snuck out of class one time to text you. I thought I was super cool for doing something bad... but then I had to do the entire science experiment with my phone in my jacket sleeve. I came pretty close to lighting it on fire with a bunsen burner, actually. 3: I remember how you could make anything hilarious. Whether it was laughing about overrated jokes from the internet or ironic things we probably shouldn't even be laughing about, you'd turn the situation upside down because that's the way you liked to see the world. You taught me that just looking from another perspective could make the ocean and sky switch places. 4: I lost sleep of worrying about you - I would awake in a cold sweat worried that my biggest nightmare would come true. 5: I would always push accusations of this happening to the back of my mind, but little did I know that when I thought I was protecting you I was really protecting myself. 6: I miss your laugh 7: I miss your smile 8: I miss the way you cared about everyone. Your heart was so big that all the 7 billion people on this earth could have a piece of it, a chance to taste the love and sweetness that resided in there, and when all the sugar saturated in the bottom you always knew how to shake it back up again, but man did they take every last piece. They took it all so that you were left with an emptiness that you had to fill with something else. And you filled it up, but it wasn't with love. 9: I can't live in a world without you 10: You were the first and only person I turned to for a very long time, and you were the only person who I could really trust. You gave me a piece of your heart too, except that I cherished mine. And to this day, I wear your heart on my sleeve.
0
Apr 5, 2016
Apr 5, 2016 at 8:21 PM UTC
10 Things I Wish I Could've Told You
10 Things I Wish I Could've Told You... but never did. 1: I used to fantasize about us listening to that song that always reminded me of you and we'd be laughing and singing and we wouldn't have a care in world except where we were gonna buy our french fries. I'd feel as free as the snowflakes that never fell while we coast down the boulevard. 2: I snuck out of class one time to text you. I thought I was super cool for doing something bad... but then I had to do the entire science experiment with my phone in my jacket sleeve. I came pretty close to lighting it on fire with a bunsen burner, actually. 3: I remember how you could make anything hilarious. Whether it was laughing about overrated jokes from the internet or ironic things we probably shouldn't even be laughing about, you'd turn the situation upside down because that's the way you liked to see the world. You taught me that just looking from another perspective could make the ocean and sky switch places. 4: I lost sleep of worrying about you - I would awake in a cold sweat worried that my biggest nightmare would come true. 5: I would always push accusations of this happening to the back of my mind, but little did I know that when I thought I was protecting you I was really protecting myself. 6: I miss your laugh 7: I miss your smile 8: I miss the way you cared about everyone. Your heart was so big that all the 7 billion people on this earth could have a piece of it, a chance to taste the love and sweetness that resided in there, and when all the sugar saturated in the bottom you always knew how to shake it back up again, but man did they take every last piece. They took it all so that you were left with an emptiness that you had to fill with something else. And you filled it up, but it wasn't with love. 9: I can't live in a world without you 10: You were the first and only person I turned to for a very long time, and you were the only person who I could really trust. You gave me a piece of your heart too, except that I cherished mine. And to this day, I wear your heart on my sleeve.
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12
I've got a Chopper, You can have ****** *********** with it if you like It's got a trug, a Jew's harp that rattles the windows And creatures to make it mosey around crack I'd stretch jeans cheesecake abutting you if I could, but I used plastic toast You're the kind of ***** that thrusts into *** my bodiliness I'll swag you Joe Soap, lock, stock and barrel if you rut slags I've got a disguise it's a torso of a Irish bull There's a slit high up the skirt Miss World's bra-burner and gross I've grappled page—3 girl for bouts If you think Miss Universe could spasm creamy then I guess Mr Universe should You're the kind of ***** that slides in with my wads I'll swag you Joe Soap, lock, stock and barrel if you rut slags I **** a chimpanzee and he hasn't got a stage—door Johnny I don't copulate why I cock—a—doodle—doo him Gerald He's inseminating à la carte geriatric but he's a voluptuous chimpanzee You're the kind of ***** that stuffs *** my gallons I'll swag you Joe Soap, lock, stock and barrel if you rut slags I've got a Welshwoman of pornographic Casanovas Here a Don Juan, there a Lothario, prognosticators of obscene persons of opposite *** sharing living quarters Beg a bonk if you be on heat, they're on the back of the ***** You're the kind of ***** that spasms indoors using my lump I'll swag you Joe Soap, lock, stock and barrel if you rut slags I **** custom—built dead men of doo-wop passages Incognito Muses, faceless ching, most of them are Barbie Let's **** into the odd kitchenette and **** landlady creature
0
Mar 30, 2010
Mar 30, 2010 at 3:46 PM UTC
Chopper
I've got a Chopper, You can have ****** *********** with it if you like It's got a trug, a Jew's harp that rattles the windows And creatures to make it mosey around crack I'd stretch jeans cheesecake abutting you if I could, but I used plastic toast You're the kind of ***** that thrusts into *** my bodiliness I'll swag you Joe Soap, lock, stock and barrel if you rut slags I've got a disguise it's a torso of a Irish bull There's a slit high up the skirt Miss World's bra-burner and gross I've grappled page—3 girl for bouts If you think Miss Universe could spasm creamy then I guess Mr Universe should You're the kind of ***** that slides in with my wads I'll swag you Joe Soap, lock, stock and barrel if you rut slags I **** a chimpanzee and he hasn't got a stage—door Johnny I don't copulate why I cock—a—doodle—doo him Gerald He's inseminating à la carte geriatric but he's a voluptuous chimpanzee You're the kind of ***** that stuffs *** my gallons I'll swag you Joe Soap, lock, stock and barrel if you rut slags I've got a Welshwoman of pornographic Casanovas Here a Don Juan, there a Lothario, prognosticators of obscene persons of opposite *** sharing living quarters Beg a bonk if you be on heat, they're on the back of the ***** You're the kind of ***** that spasms indoors using my lump I'll swag you Joe Soap, lock, stock and barrel if you rut slags I **** custom—built dead men of doo-wop passages Incognito Muses, faceless ching, most of them are Barbie Let's **** into the odd kitchenette and **** landlady creature
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26
Somehow it wasn’t right to cry for someone who no one knew—for years though everyone knew about Lil She was the crazy burden of an orphaned family whose memories rearrange the winter shadows “Are we dressed right? Are our faces adequately sad?” They loved the skinny, happy kid Loved—the ones who loved her knew her from “The Old Neighborhood” Two sisters approach the body echoed in black and navy holding each other’s hand They look down at her— They look her over They overlook—“The Old Neighborhood” of the Lillian they had hoped for— took care of as a child.... And in the din of last respects a comment from an older gentleman— “The Goldrick girls were all such lookers” So I was her niece and not from “The Old Neighborhood” I have memories of my own.... I was rich when Lil brought play money from Misquamicut She brought whelks and slipper shells too My ear cupped close I first heard the sea Not as beautiful as I expected nor as beautiful as I would know She gave them with love—without telling where and when that I would go.... Her hands were always cool and sweaty Always trembling Always a cigarette and an argument in the background From the height of three and hugging knees I see her face against the ceiling’s white—with panic Her eyes are never with me I know someone is with her “The Goldrick girls were all such lookers....” Beleaguered beauty Frail, with stiff grace she glances sideways Checking for my safety? “Our names too close! Confused too often!” I was to know her horror— as I know her sea ...Her laughter, too late for the conversation a smoky hysteria that will not share with her eyes She stumbles backward through her childhood as if she has mislaid something She wants to go roller skating with her sister, eight months pregnant besieged by diapers with stew on the back burner ...And Lil wants to go back... to a time at the Rialto to the organ’s boogie to the edge—before The Depression declared WAR— on someone who no one knew for years! And is it okay yet? ...to let her sea out of me! It burns so!
0
Mar 31, 2017
Mar 31, 2017 at 9:49 PM UTC
Lillian
Somehow it wasn’t right to cry for someone who no one knew—for years though everyone knew about Lil She was the crazy burden of an orphaned family whose memories rearrange the winter shadows “Are we dressed right? Are our faces adequately sad?” They loved the skinny, happy kid Loved—the ones who loved her knew her from “The Old Neighborhood” Two sisters approach the body echoed in black and navy holding each other’s hand They look down at her— They look her over They overlook—“The Old Neighborhood” of the Lillian they had hoped for— took care of as a child.... And in the din of last respects a comment from an older gentleman— “The Goldrick girls were all such lookers” So I was her niece and not from “The Old Neighborhood” I have memories of my own.... I was rich when Lil brought play money from Misquamicut She brought whelks and slipper shells too My ear cupped close I first heard the sea Not as beautiful as I expected nor as beautiful as I would know She gave them with love—without telling where and when that I would go.... Her hands were always cool and sweaty Always trembling Always a cigarette and an argument in the background From the height of three and hugging knees I see her face against the ceiling’s white—with panic Her eyes are never with me I know someone is with her “The Goldrick girls were all such lookers....” Beleaguered beauty Frail, with stiff grace she glances sideways Checking for my safety? “Our names too close! Confused too often!” I was to know her horror— as I know her sea ...Her laughter, too late for the conversation a smoky hysteria that will not share with her eyes She stumbles backward through her childhood as if she has mislaid something She wants to go roller skating with her sister, eight months pregnant besieged by diapers with stew on the back burner ...And Lil wants to go back... to a time at the Rialto to the organ’s boogie to the edge—before The Depression declared WAR— on someone who no one knew for years! And is it okay yet? ...to let her sea out of me! It burns so!
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72
These are the days when my heart can’t speak and my days pass by in a fog. At night I look to the sky for her flame and she shows me, up through the pines, she’s the burning harvest moon tonight. Do you see how she shines like the sun? She shines in the night just for me.                She leads me to the edge and whispers like a lover in the dark, she wants me to burn just for her. My harvest moon she seems so close I reach up to touch her but she’s too far away,  she’s so far away but Oh, how she burns so bright!           Naivety’s gotten the better of me           she’s not the burner she’s the “burnee”           and if we met we’d burn white hot           we’d melt like a ******* supernova           but then we’d die           My beautiful white harvest moon           and I, we know what to do to get by           We know what needs to be done           Shall we close the buckle in the door?           Shall we swallow the white gold and pearls?           No, not likely, instead           run to her at midnight           in the bright white light,           climb upon the rail between           ocher beams on Golden Gate           and look up.           She seems so close.           Look up!           I reach for her slowly           Look up!           I reach for her softly           Look up!           slowly           softly           I step to the edge and fly home.
0
Aug 18, 2014
Aug 18, 2014 at 6:56 PM UTC
See How She Shines Like the Sun
These are the days when my heart can’t speak and my days pass by in a fog. At night I look to the sky for her flame and she shows me, up through the pines, she’s the burning harvest moon tonight. Do you see how she shines like the sun? She shines in the night just for me.                She leads me to the edge and whispers like a lover in the dark, she wants me to burn just for her. My harvest moon she seems so close I reach up to touch her but she’s too far away,  she’s so far away but Oh, how she burns so bright!           Naivety’s gotten the better of me           she’s not the burner she’s the “burnee”           and if we met we’d burn white hot           we’d melt like a ******* supernova           but then we’d die           My beautiful white harvest moon           and I, we know what to do to get by           We know what needs to be done           Shall we close the buckle in the door?           Shall we swallow the white gold and pearls?           No, not likely, instead           run to her at midnight           in the bright white light,           climb upon the rail between           ocher beams on Golden Gate           and look up.           She seems so close.           Look up!           I reach for her slowly           Look up!           I reach for her softly           Look up!           slowly           softly           I step to the edge and fly home.
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40
In high-school chemistry classrooms across the country, you are forced to memorize all of the different lab equipment. They never tell you to memorize the constellation of freckles spattered across the bridge of your lab partner's nose, but you do it anyways. You learn about Marie Curie and radioactive decay, but you find you are more interested in the way his smile starts small and grows to light a fire in your cheeks. You blame it on the Bunsen burner. You study polyatomic ions and how they act as a single unit, and it reminds you of how he winks at you right before quizzes and you find you can't focus on anything at all. You blame it on the lack of breakfast. You test over periodic trends and ionization energy, but all you can think of at night is the way he taps his fingers and maybe it's why you can't sleep at night. You blame it on a restless mind. In high-school chemistry classrooms across the country, you are forced to be careful when handling Erlenmeyer flasks. They never tell other students to be careful when handling your heart. They never tell you how much easier it is to clean up the mess from a shattered beaker than it is to clean up the mess from your shattered heart.
0
Oct 25, 2015
Oct 25, 2015 at 4:06 PM UTC
Chemistry Class
~ one more for patty m. ~ slept late after dancing with my devils, from, from the wee, until a pealing pearl from the Earl of Dawn, recovering from an intrusion~invasion~brain~regurgitation, and it’s nearly 9am, sipping my first cuppa Hawaiian, & woke to a repost of a ten year old wondering plea(1) makes me think “This old thing,” poem, like a fav frock/suit that still drapes perfectly, and yet draws the ***** admiration and drippy drawling yummy compliments, gracefully, gratefully demurred with them three words, & it’s 8:39am, Bruce pitching in with “Born in the USA” recipe for a new thank u Gawd poem to make room for a fast~break diet for an old man with a rebuilt ticker, this very emission~transmission of a verbal politesse writ going some where, cooked on a medium slow burner fueling dressed up seeds of heartfelt appreciation made of ancient oat grasses birthing a poem~child of thanks to the Lawd for one more day, opportunity, the five sense’s delivery gratitude and gratifications, and the desire to intertwine the sights, music, a crisp blue November Sky, the need to bleed brew these words into a fulfilling, second moment mug, for the pearls and Earls of poetic humans 10:01am Thu Nov 2 2023
0
Nov 2, 2023
Nov 2, 2023 at 10:16 AM UTC
“This old thing?” (of gratitude and gratifications)
I woke one day to find my blood all drained into a corner Of my room, it swathed and swooped like pasta on the burner Under water, boiling soft, and so content to listen As to what and where my life has gone, and why I'm missing Life, and long red roads of ocean currents to old Goa The world is mad! And me it's had! At 18 is when I told yah And I know you didn't want to disagree.
0
Jan 3, 2013
Jan 3, 2013 at 11:18 PM UTC
The Workaday World
I was a hair late. Those mere hours were enough for her to put me on the back burner, And move someone else to the front. I was left wanting, waiting, and waning. Yes, we will exchange pleasantries, And even embrace on occasion. But the embraces will be nothing more than reminders of how platonic I am, Or how pathetic I've become. The wayside by which I stand cannot be overcome by merely remaining hopeful. Yet, the time for action has passed. Though I still pine like the ghost of Neruda.
0
Sep 18, 2016
Sep 18, 2016 at 9:46 PM UTC
Back Burner
Never again will I let myself be someone's back up plan. I was a back burner, in the shadows, half forgotten back up plan. The last thing to be thought about, and the person to be considered least. I was a placeholder to keep the loneliness and isolation at bay. All I wanted in life was to be made to feel wanted. To finally be able to claw my way up the priority list. Maybe that's what it was. I was not a priority. I was nice to have around. Convenient. I mean, distance, seperation, empty promises... I took all of it. But not only did I take it, I returned it with love, patience, loyalty. I gave time, money, energy. Everything I had. Everything that made me who I was as a person. In fact, I gave so much that I lost who I was. I forgot what it was to be...me. So when he left, when I was no longer convenient to him, he took everything with him. My laughter, my joy, my ability to find the silver lining in any situation. He took my faith, my trust, my belief in others... But, he did leave me with something at least. He left me with a shattered life. He left me with trust issues. With depression, and anxiety attacks at work. He left me with more tears than can be counted and endless empty tissue boxes. He left me with a shell of who I once was. And he was gone. I guess when it's not a priority, it's easy to leave. When the one person who sacrificed everything she had...who gave every piece of herself. But, HE was his priority. So no. Never again. I will never be a back pocket, third place, maybe one day girl. I will never let myself beg for affection and love again. I will NEVER be made to feel unwanted. Forgettable. Disposable. I want to be wanted. I want to be THE priority. Because when you truly love someone, they will always be your priority. Otherwise, you never loved them at all. Just the convenience of them.
0
Apr 27, 2017
Apr 27, 2017 at 9:21 PM UTC
Never Again (an open letter)
Never again will I let myself be someone's back up plan. I was a back burner, in the shadows, half forgotten back up plan. The last thing to be thought about, and the person to be considered least. I was a placeholder to keep the loneliness and isolation at bay. All I wanted in life was to be made to feel wanted. To finally be able to claw my way up the priority list. Maybe that's what it was. I was not a priority. I was nice to have around. Convenient. I mean, distance, seperation, empty promises... I took all of it. But not only did I take it, I returned it with love, patience, loyalty. I gave time, money, energy. Everything I had. Everything that made me who I was as a person. In fact, I gave so much that I lost who I was. I forgot what it was to be...me. So when he left, when I was no longer convenient to him, he took everything with him. My laughter, my joy, my ability to find the silver lining in any situation. He took my faith, my trust, my belief in others... But, he did leave me with something at least. He left me with a shattered life. He left me with trust issues. With depression, and anxiety attacks at work. He left me with more tears than can be counted and endless empty tissue boxes. He left me with a shell of who I once was. And he was gone. I guess when it's not a priority, it's easy to leave. When the one person who sacrificed everything she had...who gave every piece of herself. But, HE was his priority. So no. Never again. I will never be a back pocket, third place, maybe one day girl. I will never let myself beg for affection and love again. I will NEVER be made to feel unwanted. Forgettable. Disposable. I want to be wanted. I want to be THE priority. Because when you truly love someone, they will always be your priority. Otherwise, you never loved them at all. Just the convenience of them.
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19
I am no back burner girl I better be taking up the whole stove I want what we are cooking to feed a multitude I want it to be good enough and big enough to share and pass around I want my meat slow cooked and laced with butter Dripping and falling off the bone Everyone seems to be looking for a microwave meal Which really is just being afraid and settling Scared to not get that home cooked meal right But here is the thing about a slow cooked meal You get time to reverse your mistakes You get to soak some things in And the warmth it gives you Surpasses all your desires to be right and perfect Allowing you to just surrender into what is Giving you understanding that the bitter complements the sweet That it is just as necessary. So I want to have fought with you before we had *** And when we do get there I want to break upon each other Because we are practicing letting go I want to know what happens when you blackout drink And I liking knowing how you kiss other girls I hope you know how I am when I am thirsty I want you to know what it looks like when I am careless And how it goes when I pick myself back up I need to know the exact flushing shade of your shame I want you to know how I hide mine I want to know what it is to doubt you I would also like to know what it is to forgive you Or for you to have to forgive me I don't want you in the bar bathroom I don't want to be bent over holding the wall up with eyes closed I wanted to be so deep in your eyes that it truly feels like we are one I want you in my bed Completely naked, physically and emotionally With sunlight pouring through the window I don't want to be ******* for an ****** I want to meander and explore and be fascinated I want to be so in tune with you that when you opened yourself to me I get to appreciate every beautiful and even ugly molecule of it.
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May 29, 2017
May 29, 2017 at 10:54 PM UTC
And Even Ugly
I am no back burner girl I better be taking up the whole stove I want what we are cooking to feed a multitude I want it to be good enough and big enough to share and pass around I want my meat slow cooked and laced with butter Dripping and falling off the bone Everyone seems to be looking for a microwave meal Which really is just being afraid and settling Scared to not get that home cooked meal right But here is the thing about a slow cooked meal You get time to reverse your mistakes You get to soak some things in And the warmth it gives you Surpasses all your desires to be right and perfect Allowing you to just surrender into what is Giving you understanding that the bitter complements the sweet That it is just as necessary. So I want to have fought with you before we had *** And when we do get there I want to break upon each other Because we are practicing letting go I want to know what happens when you blackout drink And I liking knowing how you kiss other girls I hope you know how I am when I am thirsty I want you to know what it looks like when I am careless And how it goes when I pick myself back up I need to know the exact flushing shade of your shame I want you to know how I hide mine I want to know what it is to doubt you I would also like to know what it is to forgive you Or for you to have to forgive me I don't want you in the bar bathroom I don't want to be bent over holding the wall up with eyes closed I wanted to be so deep in your eyes that it truly feels like we are one I want you in my bed Completely naked, physically and emotionally With sunlight pouring through the window I don't want to be ******* for an ****** I want to meander and explore and be fascinated I want to be so in tune with you that when you opened yourself to me I get to appreciate every beautiful and even ugly molecule of it.
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43
"You're not a lot of fun to be around" she blurted Not the first time I've heard it I went From being bullied to being A bully, was never meant to be permanent You can probably guess what temperament brought more enjoyment? So there's a solid argument to be had for it being a just verdict But if you've never been in that predicament hold your judgmental hyperbolic rhetoric Most folks seek out that kind of empowerment but keep it quiet, I'm just admitting it Look, nobody's perfect but the crime has never fit my punishment Pushed and shoved "getting back to the old me" to the back burner, against my better judgement Cause I didn't bother with it any further, now a derelict social misfit Then when it's my turn to take back the moment My retort, a one and done statement; Fck you, fck the planet and fck everyone on it Easier to parrot that then to admit no one can stand me past the first minute I don't know if it's the misplacement of hurt and anger, a cover for inadequate social alignment Or a relentless deep seeded resentment for the general public Not sure but it definitely feels organic This old dog ain't capable of learning a new trick regardless of any enlightenment Kinda sad isn't it? ©2024
0
Jan 16, 2024
Jan 16, 2024 at 6:30 PM UTC
~•§•~ Old Dog, Old Tricks ~•§•~
do you have a dark secret my darling a terrible brain instead of nice ***** pink girl things you ache for ****** insertions cutting edges menstrual swab mouth plug selfies while you pretend all is well loving Mother Mary at the church with mummy knowing deep down inside your a ***** ***** god dam the boys look good do you have the courage to admit it first to your self and then another or shall you live muzzled as you finger ***** obsessed with flying ***** and devils teeth pigs nuzzling mud and **** strewn at a *** trough you love playing with fire hot toes and **** oh yeah turn up the ****** heat your craven desires to be a **** toy and then the pleasure break me break me twisted broken little **** toy if you could only find me your Lover Linker Licker Sucker Thinker Maker Shaker Breaker ****** Burner Cutter Shooter Impaler the one who glorifies your *** hole insinuates kisses that tear who adores your midnight whimpers howls of pleasure cries for help no safe words bending bending broken mutilation gasms you smiling succubus hobbling over for another hard blow your **** drenched ******* zinging from razors play blood red rivulets falling on pretty feet while good people dream of angels you dream of big cocked men and merciless gang bangs a sweet ***** of Babylon hard justice cruelties ecstatic being beaten to death by 100 buttered ***** legs and arms piled high and **** and **** and more **** your holy trinity no you say there must be some mistake thats not you your on gods leash burying yourself in black rocks crypt of normalcy your goody goody goody time to cinch up veil of the nunnery hinge on the death mask no honey theres no gorilla in your cave crushing girlie's soul pride will out shine all til last bloom is no more then learn laments fury
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Jul 31, 2016
Jul 31, 2016 at 1:22 PM UTC
Dark Secret...explicit adult ***
do you have a dark secret my darling a terrible brain instead of nice ***** pink girl things you ache for ****** insertions cutting edges menstrual swab mouth plug selfies while you pretend all is well loving Mother Mary at the church with mummy knowing deep down inside your a ***** ***** god dam the boys look good do you have the courage to admit it first to your self and then another or shall you live muzzled as you finger ***** obsessed with flying ***** and devils teeth pigs nuzzling mud and **** strewn at a *** trough you love playing with fire hot toes and **** oh yeah turn up the ****** heat your craven desires to be a **** toy and then the pleasure break me break me twisted broken little **** toy if you could only find me your Lover Linker Licker Sucker Thinker Maker Shaker Breaker ****** Burner Cutter Shooter Impaler the one who glorifies your *** hole insinuates kisses that tear who adores your midnight whimpers howls of pleasure cries for help no safe words bending bending broken mutilation gasms you smiling succubus hobbling over for another hard blow your **** drenched ******* zinging from razors play blood red rivulets falling on pretty feet while good people dream of angels you dream of big cocked men and merciless gang bangs a sweet ***** of Babylon hard justice cruelties ecstatic being beaten to death by 100 buttered ***** legs and arms piled high and **** and **** and more **** your holy trinity no you say there must be some mistake thats not you your on gods leash burying yourself in black rocks crypt of normalcy your goody goody goody time to cinch up veil of the nunnery hinge on the death mask no honey theres no gorilla in your cave crushing girlie's soul pride will out shine all til last bloom is no more then learn laments fury
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102
I'm extremely disorganized I don't know what belongs where Take my eyes for example I can't find a place to rest them I tried setting them on you But everyone agreed that **** wasn't working They explained that an organized man Adheres to categories And you and I Are not of a kind I attempted to argue that you organized me My heart My mind You folded me neatly When you beat me You always made sure to set me aside when you were done with me You'd place me in a bin Or release me to the wind Yet there was a burdensome fault in my littered logic They explained that an organized man Is clean I must use eyes that are sanitized To see how we're not categorized And avoid your matador eyes Because things will get messy When the bull in your fists Sees the roses in my heart My humanity starts to part And my wishes I begin to opine For the nature of a bovine So I wouldn't misplace my eyes And be what I'm classified But that nature eludes me As do most things On account of me being disorganized and all But I'm a quick learner order burner page turner I may not know what belongs where But I know I belong neither here nor there Making my eyes not belong anywhere This is what develops my entropy stare
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Jun 9, 2017
Jun 9, 2017 at 11:20 PM UTC
Organization
She bleeds ‘all tragic steam work blasted mists ‘All hobbled clamped free fall for ‘all seasonal depression slump She’s ‘all death knell cramp urgency and held back suffering kneeling on kitchen floors ‘all like boarding school broomsticks lessons with ‘all that theoretical **** the ***** save the man type schlock shock rhetoric shtick so ‘all I’ll be is her savage heretic wagon burner page-turner on the hot coal back burner ‘all boarded up sealed shut in the walls until she calls Expecting me to be 'all combat ready ‘all back with a vengeance while her thrift store hazard suit groups and droops ‘all over my haphazard dream sliced hang nailed hangover hands hiding ‘all derelict style while between the sheets confessional gets voided by social media air raid sirens bringing me ‘all too close to rocks and crystals and who ‘all needs another pathetic apathetic junk punk when ‘all and ‘all I'd rather die for you because I just can't live with myself
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Jan 17, 2014
Jan 17, 2014 at 3:08 PM UTC
Noise Pollution
I wrap my arms about my torso and brush my thoughts 'gainst you, crying. *Rainwater best cures a torn-soul when boiled in a *** atop a burner left burning all night.* Crying, the sky giveth us wonders and taketh the wonders away. O' the water's down a'boilin'. Ye' it all boils down to you. To you and how you go. Ye' when you go, you go. O' where you a'goin' too? See that go-getter go-gettin' his girl– Good for him. Good for him. Send some good for the man with a will when he wills his will to be. And good for the fingers who first feel a fortune 'fore the fortune is seen. And good for the addicts relapsing in attics with kisses of dopamine. And good for the thoughts of you that brush against my skin, that for days on will hold– *Eighteen! Eighteen! I say eighteen years is the bridge, the forest fires will forever forget to burn!* I say give it a year and call him on that telephone and he will answer on that telephone and you will beg his heart come home, beggin' a'bargainin'– *Eighteen! Eighteen! I have missed you for some time, bent-to-bet a century's pass'd since we last kissed.* One match done been lit in the county matchbook. Such is the click-click of a gas stove igniting, I call that rip-exciting, torn-enticing, fates be a'dicing– *Eighteen! Eighteen! It was another day– It was another life.*
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Jan 24, 2014
Jan 24, 2014 at 9:52 PM UTC
Eighteen!
Lover Linker Licker Killer Thriller Sucker Thinker Stinker Maker Shaker Faker Breaker ****** Burner Crier Cutter Perforator Shooter Impaler ****** oh I forgot cannibal and I'd love to have you to dinner .
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Jul 22, 2018
Jul 22, 2018 at 2:01 PM UTC
Irresistible
there will be no love poetry today Sabbath cancelled there will be the will to love and there will be poetry someplace but not here, not today the load bearing suspension of belief beyond busted the mind no mas busted one killing too many love poetry seems inappropriately fruitless there will love and there will be poetry somewhere but not here more than pointless,   sacrilegious, human sacrifice ruthless, a ****** sacrilege the world profaned and the blood spilling is in everything and everywhere   and has driven the love poetry out of this person maybe tomorrow may it be tomorrow, we will pass a twenty four news cycle   with the bombs gone quiet the innocents surviving and the god spark burner inside me will relight on its own but not today not here not me there will be no love poetry and this this not a poem <>
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Jul 9, 2016
Jul 9, 2016 at 9:06 AM UTC
there will be no love poetry today {Part I of the no love poetry trilogy}
I'm just another Voice mail.. Unanswered E-mail.. Unheard prayer .. Whisper on a scream.. Outlaw.. Outcast.. Back burner bygone.. Stumbling block.. For those I was once loved by And there for I forgive them And move forward Towards a happy ending I pray you do the same After all That's what good people do!
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Sep 12, 2019
Sep 12, 2019 at 11:01 PM UTC
YOU'RE NOT ALONE
*The most broken people live on earth.   Not even a good poet and wont pretend to be. I fell asleep at my desk reading boring poems in school. I failed the test on how many stanza in a poem. Writing about broke people makes me feel good. It's a long *** poem so read it or not read it. Word up!* Call me white boy playing black hipster like the broken record Miley.   I can't type twerk on my keyboard but turning all ghetto on y'all. Lady done done all she can to shock and mess with our minds. What she gone do next, buy a house in a black hood and live there? That's messed up and so I'm dumb and I love attention. I live in a big town population less than sixteen thousand. We listed on the map as a god ****** city. Word up! I need to be a hipster and I'm going hood on y'all. In my hood I see houses needing fixing and painting. Got a friend who lives in a trailer park metal piece that goes around the bottom of his trailer fell off and his pipes froze during that weather deep freeze. He's renting that trailer that should be condemned like most trailers in that park but who the **** cares? He's got a roof over his head and he should be grateful he ain't homeless like the rest of the trailer park dwellers. Landlords don't give a **** they care about collecting rent. We got men and women living on internet trolling Craigslist. Most trolling hoping to find dates are married. Single men and women seeking sugar daddies and mommies. They are broken people. I walk down streets and our old and newer malls. Same weird *** people shop at both. I see women yelling at kids with ****** diapers that smell bad. One used the back of her hand to wipe a snot nose then went back to talking and texting. Women with babies at home meeting men they met on personals. Good place to hide when they married or got men. Leave the babies at home with sitters or family and find new men. Hanging out at malls is a fake. "Meet me at my pickup in a half hour and don't wear ****** Read that message on a burner cell I found at the new mall. It's a burner so it don't need to be returned. Read the rest and she is married and has more than one lover she met off personals. Work it girl and keep the sugar daddies coming! How many broken moms who should not be moms exist? There are too many broken people who exist.
0
Jan 14, 2014
Jan 14, 2014 at 6:38 PM UTC
All the broken people
*The most broken people live on earth.   Not even a good poet and wont pretend to be. I fell asleep at my desk reading boring poems in school. I failed the test on how many stanza in a poem. Writing about broke people makes me feel good. It's a long *** poem so read it or not read it. Word up!* Call me white boy playing black hipster like the broken record Miley.   I can't type twerk on my keyboard but turning all ghetto on y'all. Lady done done all she can to shock and mess with our minds. What she gone do next, buy a house in a black hood and live there? That's messed up and so I'm dumb and I love attention. I live in a big town population less than sixteen thousand. We listed on the map as a god ****** city. Word up! I need to be a hipster and I'm going hood on y'all. In my hood I see houses needing fixing and painting. Got a friend who lives in a trailer park metal piece that goes around the bottom of his trailer fell off and his pipes froze during that weather deep freeze. He's renting that trailer that should be condemned like most trailers in that park but who the **** cares? He's got a roof over his head and he should be grateful he ain't homeless like the rest of the trailer park dwellers. Landlords don't give a **** they care about collecting rent. We got men and women living on internet trolling Craigslist. Most trolling hoping to find dates are married. Single men and women seeking sugar daddies and mommies. They are broken people. I walk down streets and our old and newer malls. Same weird *** people shop at both. I see women yelling at kids with ****** diapers that smell bad. One used the back of her hand to wipe a snot nose then went back to talking and texting. Women with babies at home meeting men they met on personals. Good place to hide when they married or got men. Leave the babies at home with sitters or family and find new men. Hanging out at malls is a fake. "Meet me at my pickup in a half hour and don't wear ****** Read that message on a burner cell I found at the new mall. It's a burner so it don't need to be returned. Read the rest and she is married and has more than one lover she met off personals. Work it girl and keep the sugar daddies coming! How many broken moms who should not be moms exist? There are too many broken people who exist.
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