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They call it BPD,
The illness that shapes me,
Its the “I don’t fit in” disorder,
The “Your the one whos out of order”,
Come to terms I can admit,
I regret how hard I felt the hits,
Never one to take a miss,
Theres always been this conflict,
Feelings of A counterfeit.
There turns A time I can not cease,
Dark stormy ways start to unleash.
Out comes the black from inside,
This empty form and crowded mind.
The brains cerebrum is burnt,
Like third degree skin,
Its over sensitive to everything.
For these so called burns,
Then there was fires,
That incinerated mental wires.
So I learnt to change who I am,
For A world I saw as A sham.
I pieced together A personality,
I tried to find one that fit to me.
It’s plausible to fear abandonment,
Yet that won’t initially be apparent.
Nothing is wrong with been alone,
But then again not on our own.
To see the good in almost everyone,
Until I’m reminded that Im wrong,
Then Its too late I’m too far gone.
Yet if everything is black or white,
Why do I  see the other colours bright.
When you tire of a single handed fight,
Youll look for ways to grow from plight.
With knowledge and words I hope to find,
My true self for the first time.
Deadwood Jawn Dec 2018
I see you and him.
I see you and him are getting close.
I am guilty for feeling these desires to
have you to
myself.

I should not have
been
to the house
that day.

I have to
be
careful                               that

                         you                                 do not
                                                             ­                       catch on
                                                              ­                                         to
                                                              ­                          how
                                   ­                                            I
                                                               ­      feel

                       haha..

ahahaha...

                                             ­                             whoa there
                                  relax.

she is not

               even
                         yours.

Wait, don't leave
                                  just
                    ­                                     listen to
                                      my

                  AG­GRESSION

aaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA­AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH­HHHHHHH!

Sob
                       whimper

          rant
  rage
                          jump
   ­                                                                pulsate

vibrate
                           energise

            resonate.

                                ­  rejuvenation

                catharsis

                                    ­                                                    rip.

I can feel this one in my chest.
     I will take note of the area.
        This is where we love.              
      This is where the heart is.  
  This is where we are tender.  
LET IT BE SOFT.                

                                          ­                 Pleeaaaaaaasseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Leeaavvveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee­eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
Written during intense emotional arousal, witnessing one go after another friend and feeling very left out, unwanted and rejected and dejected.
(Inspiration) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=To9FQa2O65Q
Madisen Kuhn Feb 27
sitting across from you
at the white kitchen table
or cross-legged on my side of the bed
is someone hollow.
not as sweet as a fig. not as dead
as the inside of a black rotting trunk
but close. i do not hold beautiful things
like a terracotta vase. inside my head
is a seam ripper that splits everything
down the middle. sometimes
you are standing in front of the bright window,
glowing like a saint. sometimes
i let you fall into an algae-lined pool
that i will not pay to have cleaned.
everything is floating within me.
i haven’t figured out
how to anchor this stuff down.

no one ever taught me how
Deadwood Jawn Dec 2018
-------------------------------------------------------



H́ͨ̆ͪ̉­̴̛̫̥̳̪̘̫͙̟ͪ̈̓ͨ͟ͅE̶̊͒̔̀͛̌͡͏̛͉̦͚͚͔͝ ̵͑̔͗ͥ̉̐͋̈ͥ͒͑̋ͨ̍͂̚͏͕̼̲̫̥̫̮̙͖̤̮͖͓̲͍͍̀̕W̢̹͕̫͇̙̞͇̪̌̋̆̔̃͛͛ͩ͐̊̃ͨ̅ͮ̍͊̈́́̚­͉͕͍̞̱̠ͅͅA̛͆̋ͩ̓͋̓҉̶͙̣̹̥̩̘̪S̡̃ͤ͗̒̐̊͛̍̕͞͏̰͍͖̥̦͎̻̱̪̪̙̭̫͔͚̘̣͉ͅ ̵̉̈́̌̾̿ͪͤ̃̈́͏̡̗̪̦̹̪̟̞̪̗͇̯ͅN̸̢̨̺̱͉͙̝̖̣̻̺̳͔̮̱̜̪͚̠̤̜ͬͮ͐ͤ̋ͪͩ̇̂̀͊̉̏ͦ̏̌ͧ̑­O̵̡̹͓̣͙̘͈̩̳̫̼̖͙͌̂̃̚͘͠Ṭ̢͓̭̦̣̗̩̭̪͉͓ͤͬ̋̎̓̾̔͛͛̔͂̾ͬ̄͊ͦͥ̅͡ ̧ͩͤ̑̿̿̇̚͘͏̢̛̯̬͍̹̳̘͇̥̩̣̩̟̤̺͉A̶̴̬̗͍̥̞̞̩̝̩̣̰̳ͯ̎ͥ̏̃ͮͤ̆̋̏͜͜Lͨ̀̄̏̓̉̋͆̋̇­̸̧͔̼̰̪̱͕̞̺̬̼̘̟̭ͥ͐͒̅͗͠͝͠W̧̖͙̞̪͙͙ͮ̑ͥ͆͛̌̽ͭ͐̌ͩͦ̓́̚̚͘ͅA̰̺̝͙͖̻̹̘̣͌ͨ̾̓͢͜­̬̣̺Y̢͎̹̩̺̦̬͚͉̲͎͓͉̅̄̽̅̎̏̎̌͂̃ͫͭ͞͞S̴̵̨̠̞̖̠̳̖͇̓̇ͧͮͥ͗͑̅̃̾͗͂ͨ͊́̆ͨ͢͢ ͦ͌̌̃̋̒̽͜͏̴̧̪̯̻͙͇̙͈͉̠̠͇̜͈͇͍̣͕̞͢L̵ͪ̊̏̃ͭ̒͊҉҉̞̰̣̥̺͙̣̥̳̠̹̭̘̜̜̙Iͨ̂ͬ̑̿͋͐­̲̗̹͓̠̜͕̞̞̻͙̞͚̼̫̲̞̣̟̃͑̓̃̂͊͛̅̓ͥ̕͜K̅͊ͤ̃̊͂ͮ͊͒̒̎̿҉́͡҉͏̖̯̜̜͔̪̖̟̙̞̺͎̦̖̠E­̶̶̵̪̱̺͍̫͎̣̾̽̂̾̒ͣ̀ͬ̏̐̿ͭ̿͟͡ ̸̧̡̞̠̻̟́̅ͮ̋̕͢T̡̢̼͕̝̠̼̩̜̜͓̠̱̘̜̲̦́͆ͩͨ̈͊ͮ̆̈͑͐̚͜͢͝ͅH̡ͫͧ͛̐ͦ̋ͣ̔̓̾͆͐ͥͯ̚͢­͕͉̤̫̹̟͇̭́I̷̧̨̒ͬ̇ͬ̾̆ͬ̂̌͌͏͍͍͔̖̮̪̖͓̰͎̪Ş̴̰̭̜͓͚̖̯̦͇͓̞̹̼̺͖̐ͪ̐̅͒̚̕͘



­--------------------------------------------------------
He wasn't. Thanks for understanding, Lydia.. Lydia is angry.. Someone's hurt him..
This is Lydia speaking.
I vow I'll go straightedge, grow
old w/ U now I will try to live.
Honey? I'm royal jellydrizzler, ambro-
sia sprinkler, manuka slav-

erer, glucose washingline.
Honey? Truncated puberty bassethounds
no more mellifluous a confection-
ary spokesperson than sweet sounds

of rhyming superlatives, purple prose glaze,
cherup syrub of yr...Honey?
I'm Jack the Dripper, Jackson ******* squeez-
ing bees,

weird scenes inside
the love hive. Honey, yr krazysexykool
- were U head
girl @krazysexyskool?

Yr compassionate
becoz yr compassion art
is that yr compassion heart
has compassion smarts. Compassion farts

even vent a delectable sillage.
Honey, when U showed me yr hon-
eypot, it ate away l/ acid at my 3rd eyelid
- pineal flash! When

I showed U my bruce,
U had me feeling
so pinefresh, last of the summer spruce
decongesting

the mucus of a moose.
No relation to non-Monty Montgomery,
but when I petted yr zipper cat @clubhousecaboose,
U helped me see

- eureka!
Bing-
o! ******.  Either that or 'Each 1 of us is special in their
own way'. The Get Along Gang

was a vision thang.
I'm yr Lenin & yr my Inessa.
I'm yr Lennon & yr my May Pang.
On a ferry cross the Volga to yr Oktober rock 'n' rolla.

& tho' U've got a hermione
& I'm not into hot karl,
U're my Lenny
& I'm yr Carl.

But shock appearance of the final realisation I
could lose the U inside of U, yr inimit-
able secular seelenfunklein, strikes down high
spirits l/ L.Ritchie floored by ceilingfunkline flit.
elle jaxsun Jul 2018
to be honest with you,
i didn't plan on making it this far.

i didn't plan anything at all.

and i'm always baffled by my lack of motivation,
but i forget i've already made my biggest accomplishment by

being here today.
06102018
revised: 11112018
Meghan Young Aug 2018
Do you see these nails that are bitten and torn to shreds.
Do you see my hair that is mangled and tangled, it hasn't been washed in days.
Do you see this acne on my face, I pick at it till it leaves scars.
Do you see the clothes I'm wearing, I bet I haven't changed them in weeks.
Do you see this room, I haven't cleaned it in months
Do you see my teeth, they bleed because I haven't brushed them in awhile.
Do you see I go on binges of eating or not eating, cause I feel guilty.
Do you see I go on benders if drinking or smoking.
Do you see my eyes and face are red from crying recently.
Do you see my texts I never send cause you wouldn't care.
Do you see when I say "I'm ok", "I'm fine" that those are just lies.
Do you see my smile and laugh, it's mostly fake.  
Do you see how I sleep all day and wake up and go right back to bed.
You don't see but you should.

This list could go on for infinitely.
It's signs like this that should be noticed.
Depression, anxiety or any mental illness is important for learning the signs.
Your story matters just as well as your voice.
Deadwood Jawn Nov 2018
"I do mush with the right people I suppose
Lol"

                                                   ­                                            "With me?"

"Hm
In some sense"

                                                         ­                                        "Ahh.. "

"Uh
I didn't mean that bad"


In some sense...

                In some sense...
      
                                                I­n some sense...

                                                       ­        In
                                                           some
                                                        sens­e...

Some sense...

                                                       ­             Some sense..

                               Some
Some


                             Sense


                                                         Sense

  
   i  n     s  o  m  e      s  e  n   s   e    .   .   .



                                                         o    m   e           s      e        n       s       e
                                                    s
         ­                                         i                "It's OK, you should be
                                                  n             ­    honest.
                                                  s      ­           Surely I mean enough to you
                                                  o             ­    to not make you lie to me.."
                                                      m
   ­                                                         e       ­       s           e        n        s        e


                                  ­                                            i
                   ­                                                        n

                                                              s
­                                                           o
                                                     m
                                              e

              ­                     s
                              e
                      n
       ­       s
   ... e

Not now.
Extracted from an exchange I had. Misfire. I decided to confront what really happened after that was said. View on a desktop for the intended layout. Or turn phone sideways
Grace Conde Oct 2018
I hate you,
the way You
make my Heart
twist, dagger in my
chest, sinking, sinking,
my lungs slowly filling, Your
smile the only thing that can save
me. I Love You I'm So Incredibly Sorry
please come back, because without You, I
am Nothing: You are my sun, my moon, and
All My Stars, but I am so tired, and if I could find
a way to push You Out Of My Mind for good, I would,
and how I wish You were Dead, because I am screaming,
but No One Can Hear Me.

Never
Good
Enough.

NeverGoodEnoughNeverGoodEnoughNeverGoodEnough,
I Hate You, my throat burning with Vivid, Unfiltered Hate
for You, every time You Let Me Down, my mind
already bound with your empty promises, my
dear, can't You see? My heart beats for You.
And when You take me in your tender
embrace, slowly putting me back
together, I can finally breathe.
With You, the world rights
on its Axis. Please don't
Hate me, I'm so sorry
I Love You.
Auroleus Oct 2012
Once not long ago
In the vile state of Utah,
An evil wizard
Impregnated a feral cat with
Mormon seed.
In no time at all,
A litter was born
And all of them died
But one–
Mittens the Kitten.

Mittens grew up with a sense of entitlement
Because the evil wizard filled his head
With the Mormon scriptures.
When Mittens would catch and **** a mouse,
The evil wizard would pet Mittens
With a vigor that was borderline
Inappropriate.
Mittens was bred to ****.

In the evenings,
Mittens would enjoy a bowl of warm blood.
Sometimes it would coagulate,
But Mittens loved his blood.
He lapped it up
With a a vigor that was borderline
Inappropriate.
Mittens was bred to ****.

The evil wizard was a Harvard Business Grad,
And since feline-humanoids were not accepted
At Harvard Business School,
The evil wizard taught Mittens
All that he knew.
Mittens soaked up the knowledge
With a vigor that was borderline
Inappropriate.
Mittens was bred to ****.

Some years went by and Mittens
Became a successful business owner.
He would lap up bowls of
Other people's business
With a vigor that was borderline
Inappropriate.
Mittens was bred to ****.

Fast forward to the present tense
(My personal favorite tense)
And Mittens is running for president.
He uses his magical smirk to cloak his lies
So that naive voters might believe that
They should vote for this cat.
He smirks and he lies
With a vigor that is borderline
Inappropriate.
Mittens was bred to ****.
Deadwood Jawn Dec 2018
Some of us Christians                                    
          Some of us do a fantastic job                          
                       Some of us do an odd job              
                                Some of us do a terrible job.  

                                                         ­    And that's not O.K.

Because some of us will never agree on anything.
But that's O.K.

                                                           ­                   It isn't O.K to
                    
                                                     Attack
                                            Attack      At­tack
                                         Attack            Attack
                                        ­ Attack            Attack
                                        ­ Attack            Attack
                                        ­ Attack            Attack
                                        ­ Attack            Attack
              CKATTACKATTACK            ­ATTACKATTACKAT
              attack                              ­                                      attack
              ckAtta­ckAttackAttack            AttackAttackAttackA
                   ­                      Attack            Attack          
                              ­           Attack            Attack
                                        ­ Attack            Attack
                                        ­ Attack            Attack
                                        ­ Attack            Attack
                                        ­ Attack            Attack
                                        ­ Attack            Attack
                                        ­ Attack            Attack
                                        ­ Attack            Attack
                                        ­ Attack            Attack
                                        ­ Attack            Attack
                                        ­ Attack            Attack
                                        ­ Attack            Attack
                                        ­ Attack            Attack
                                        ­   Attack         Attack
                                            Attack       Attack
                                              Attack   Attack
                                                     Attack

                                  T h e  o t h e r  b r o t h e r s !
Live by the sword, die by the sword. This is one of the causes of my mental distortions. It is likely borderline. Who knows. This was written after getting fed up with the Christians shouldn't have tattoos debate. Oppressive household. **Use computer for intended layout**
I didn't ask for this..

Seperate your ties from my heart
-no, sever them.

Yes, sever your strings from me.

I hate you so much ahaha.
I love you so much.

I hate that I  l o v e  you.
I love that I  h a t e  you.

I despise your eyes.
I adore your eyes.

I convulse on the dreams about you.
I sing in my spirit on desires for you.

Bring the discord again.
           The discord.
              The discord.
                 The discord.
                   The discord.
                      The discord.
                         The discord.
Discord.
Deadwood Jawn Dec 2018
I see nothing but a few.
A hazy few silhouettes
from a crowd.

                                                Who understands?
                  Who will listen?
    Who has the empathy?
                                                        ­        Who has patience?
                                  Who loves me?


                                                           ­         I see nothing but a few..


  C          L                O                 S                      E           R
         C             L                O                 S            E     R
                   C          L          O          S        E       R
                             C      L      O       S      E     R
                                     C   L    O     S    E   R
                                        C  L  O  S  E   R
                                            C L O S E R
                                              CLOSER
          ­                                    C̸̮͉̻͓̙̘̯L̫̠̖̱O̡̰̤̮͉̺̝̰̬͕͡S̀͞­̨̫̘͈͖̝̝̬E͏̞͙̠͍̥͍̤̝R̨͍̥͕̘͇̖̹̹̝͘




------------------------------­--------------------------------------------------------
In the midst of depression, I'm finding it hard to talk to others about my pain. I do not know who will understand. Who will not judge. Who will listen intently. Who will simply be empathetic. Who... And my mind demands the ones good with emotional care will be the ones I go to. I am in ruins. I was ravaged.
Go ahead.
Band against me.
Go and misunderstand me.
Store up that lovely negative energy.
Store it up good and be ready! Be ready to fire.
Delicious orange-red smoke emitting from your cannons.

D͠o̧ ̷you͏ ͜n̸o̴t͏ und҉e͝ŗs̷tan͏d?
̸Ẃh͡ý?̸
W̡hy do͟ yo̵u̧ ̸not un̢d͠er͡stan̕d?͞
̛Í un͡der͝st͘a̧n̷d a̧lĺ ́óf̕ yo̢u̡
͢Y̧et͝ ͜y̡ou ̨d͟o ͡not und҉e҉r͜stand m̢e.͏.̧.҉


Y̢ǫ̶̸̵u̵ ̷̸̡́ r҉̧̨͢a͟͜v́́̕͢͝á̢̧͡g̴̡͟͢e̷̸҉̕͘  ̡m̧̀e̴̕.̨̨͠

My entire room
is despair.

Soon there will be
NOTHING
left

of me.

"You need to get a grip."
"You need to man up."

AnD mY gREat FaVOuriTE:

"you "didn't ask for this" mate you're asking for the aftermath though."

you're asking for the aftermath though. you're asking for the aftermath though.
you're asking for the aftermath though.
you're asking for the aftermath though.


you're asking for the aftermath though.







you're asking for the aftermath though.










you're asking for the aftermath though.









you're asking for the aftermath though.






T̞̼̬̘͓̳͕̼͔͚͚̱̘̙̗̼̔ͧ͂̄̽̽̚ͅh͚̝̻̞̦̯̦͙̹̝̺̯ͭ͋ͭ̈́͊ͭ͋̀̍̂ͮ͋ͯ­̬̥͙̮̥è̳̘͇̼̳̪̰̩̰̝͍͈̯̭̝̯̉̉̂́ͤ̑͑ͩ̅͐́ͅ ͕̰̫͖̩̼̱̤͕̞̜̳̜̻̬̬̗̈́͌ͧ̽ͮ̿͊̊͑͌ͨ͌ͅa̤̫̙̬̦͉̼̰̩̪̱̯̠͔̫̅̽̅̏ͣͨ̆͗ͤ́͆ͮ̏͆fͬ̅ͯ͆­̰͍̣̘̲̝̌ͣ͑͑̇ͮ̋̃ṭ̝̱̞̦͓͓̥̪͓̙̪̟͓̮̯͆̍̾ͧ̏͐̈ͣͦ̚e̟̱͔̠͎̭̫̦̦̾̏͊̾̎̄ͯ̚r̾̇ͦͧ̈́­̖̼̫̼̠̘̞͎͖͚̪͙ͤ͌̀̍ͬ̿ͭm̬̘̙̻̯̭͖͍̲͕̎͂̓̑ͯ͐ͫ̈́̋̈a̝̝̤̝͔̝̩̝̥͍͙̜̦̰͒̃̃̓͗͂̒̿ͥ̚­̮t̗̜̰͉̱̘̺͕̠͈̖͑ͣͪ̾̋̏̈̔̎h̦̦̦̝͉̤̦̙̣̜̩̹̫̑̌̂ͬ̇̄̈́́ͤ͆̒ͧ̌ͭͅ.͕͖̭̯̭̟ͬ͑͆ͨͬ͂ͩ­͎̦̘̲̱̳̝͔̰̟ͅ



-----------------------------------------------
I have valour you know not of. Leave. Me. Be. "Friends" are beginning to break me apart. Terrible.. Terrible misunderstanding.. I am.. Misunderstood.
Grace Conde Oct 2018
I exist
on the border
between Reality,
and the Imaginary.

I breathe in belligerent Black,
and Withering whites.
I am incapable of grays,
a gradient of gruesome Grief.

I dance on the Border,
exhaling exuberant fragility,
my border is made of glass.

And I rise from the ashes,
a Byproduct of the
bridges I've burned.
Craving soothing touch,
Yet silently seeking
Incriminating Isolation,
Addicted to my own destruction.

A shattered soul dutifully
Dances on the Border,
Held captive by her sins.
Trapped between Good
and Bad. Happiness
and Heartbreak. Lost
and Found. Death
and Resurrection.

Born on the Border, a
Simple Figment of
Immoral Imagination.
Deadwood Jawn Dec 2018
Ravaged.                         Forlorn.
                           Stunned.               Broken.      
  
                       I  C A N N O T        Anger.
                           M O V E.
      Guilt.                                  Unwanted.
      ­            Filthy.             ******.
   Neurotic.         Selfish.            Jealous.
I've been.. struck hard.
Haunter Jul 30
I'm sorry.
I don't need to live off
my preteen fame.
To fuel my borderline
personality.

Take a ******* seat.
There's not enough room
for the both of us.
Aren't you supposed to be at a meeting anyways?

The sun doesn't shine on one for ever.
I know this for certain.
Read a book, go to therapy.
Get the **** over yourself.

Darkness is coming for you.
Your lyrics are.
a redundant wheel of bullshitt.

Cry on *****.
I don't need ******
to make a decent beat.
Nice track marks though. .
The alcohol ***** me up every time,
And I just can't seem to find,
My sanity in the calamity,
Of my every loving mind,
Because when it's drowning in tequila,
I just want sleep with a fella,
I'll invite over random people from Tinder,
Thank the Lord I haven't been murdered,
Or worse, yes there's worse,
Because I'm suicidal, find me a hearse,
I've been this way,
Since the fourth grade,
When my innocence was broken,
And now I'm just too woken,
To the ways of the world and the **** people in it,
And I just can't seem to find my place among it,

Relapse on the horizon,
If I can't find a way to survive this,
Please someone save me from my drowning before I die,
Because I don't know how to swim in my own mind,

I've been in pieces lately,
Crying sometimes uncontrollably,
And that's just not me,
I'm usually kinda happy,
Cracking jokes, to cover my hurt,
So no one knows just how far down in the dirt,
I really am these days,
How much I just want to fade,
Into oblivion, and never resurface,
Because I put a mask on my face,
And tell everyone I'm okay,
It's like an automatic reaction to say,
To never tell anyone how I really feel,
Which is like garbage if you can deal,
With the truth, but most people can't handle it,
Most people don't want the real ****,

Relapse on the horizon,
If I can't find a way to survive this,
Please someone save me from my drowning before I die,
Because I don't know how to swim in my own mind.
Val Graz Jun 14
I'm staring down at my arm holding a knife,
It may be only in my head, but I'm balancing my life,
Weighing out if it's worth the pain,
That I've been dealing with, making me more insane,
I've been ******* over so many times, by people who said they cared,
Well, maybe it's time I give up and stop trying so hard,
Because I've taken all the medications they want to give me,
I've done years and years, so much talking in therapy,
And still I'm here, contemplating the end of it all,
Because there's just so many times you can get up after a fall,

And it's a lie when they say you can always dust off your knees,
After laying on the ground, getting up and praying for release,
Because I've done my time, being miserable and in hurt,
And I just want some relief from sitting in the dirt,

Someone once told me you can always call me when you don't feel safe,
Well I don't want to be a burden, because I'd be calling every day,
Because lately I've been feeling down, feeling wrong,
About the past and all the things people have done,
And yeah, I'm more of a sinner than a saint at the end of the day,
But that's just the role that these deeds have cast me in to play,
For being abused at such young of an age,
And now I hate myself and want to pay,
Cosmically, permanently, with a smile on my face,
Because it would all be over, I can't keep up this pace,

The pills,
The thrills,
The ****,
The greed,
The hookups,
The makeups,
The alcohol,
The temptation of it all,
And everything in between,
I want to atone for my deeds,

It's a lie when they say you can always dust off your knees,
After laying on the ground, getting up and praying for release,
Because I've done my time, being miserable and in hurt,
And I just want some relief from sitting in the dirt.
The orange wasteland.
Scorching heat.
Complete isolation.

He approaches.

The unclean one said:

"You know I'm there.
    At the corner of your peripherals.
You know I'm here.
    Absorbing your every stimulus.
You know I follow you.
    My blackened aura seeps into you.
You know what I do.
    I am the distortion; a malfunction.

Gaze at me.
    Behold me.
See my fiery, dead eyes.
    My rows of razor blade teeth.
My size of seven foot and over.
    Remember our battles?
I remember them well.
    I am he who tells you:
They have left you.
    They hate you.
They do not love you.
    They withhold from you.
They use you.
    
I am unbalanced.
I am chaotic.
I am neuroticism.
I am ruthless.
I need.
I crave.
I want.

                 And I will never leave."

The crimson warrior replied:

"I accepted your presence, ***** one.
I accepted it long ago.

A shot.
An arrow.
A spear to the torso.
    
                    A blow.
                    A wound.
                    A maiming of the flesh.

Make no mistake!
I have not yielded.
See my eyes? I see still!                
See my heart? It beats more!

                    You are strong.
                    Your presence is imposing.
                    You are chaotic.
                    Your power is frightening.

And yet you cannot defeat me.
Yet you shriek because I carry Him.
Yes, you shatter the ears of those around me.
As you understand I carry light.

                    Dance with me, beast.
                    Toy with me, dark one.
                    For I will never die.
                    I cannot die because
                    He fights with me."

Shortly thereafter,
The unclean one's countenance changed.
I know who you are, demon.. you cause chaos and destruction. Ravage and ruin. Discord and death. I will not submit to you.
Rakib Jan 4
Keeping in condition of the mind

What's real and what's kind?

Thoughts jumbled, feelings wide

I need to break free from this abide
Steve Jun 29
A shocking revelatory letter is presented
The tone goes from thanks to regret
while the hurricane spins in her head
The pharmacology reconnected synapses,
morphing her soul, keeping her in bed

He realizes she’s letting go for him,
she’s done this before
She can’t figure out how to love him any more

Months later he realized the person
he thought he loved was just a mirror
She never knew her true self
Maybe she never will
This is my very first poem.
You couldn't
Be
          T R U S T E D .
                                        Be
                    ­  You couldn't

Pain...
Anger...
Sweet crimson on my pages.
               Dead.
Dead, my rose.
My precious flower..
            How I mourn for you.
  
I wanna get ******.
Won't you  *******  me?         I'm tired.
Another state tonight.. AnOTheR SPlit. Maybe..
Evelyn Smith Jan 31
Worthless dumb baby trapped in a clueless adults skin.
Too loud, too emotional, too needy, too lost.
Self destructive but never self reliant.
I'm a leech to the people I love.
I can't function without their aid,
I can't live without their validation.

The feelings I express with never be reciprocated to how my brain desires.
Normal people do not burst and burn when feeling something.
They don't ache for companionship.
They don't regress for love.  

My body is covered in 1,000 marks where I took it out on myself for simply feeling.
Too overwhelmed by the sensations in my body and brain.
Too overly stimulated to function.

I cry when the tone of someone's voice doesn't make sense in my head.
I feel sick when people are not how I want them perceived.

My world is black and white.
All I know is love and hate.
A false sense of security and a stand-still fear.
Infatuation and obsession.
Boredom and demotivation.
If I'm not feeling like I'm about to explode what's the point in feeling at all.

Neutrality and a 'happy medium' only make me feel unsafe, empty and numbed, I'm never satisfied.
To feel so strongly is a blessing and a curse.
When it works its perfect.
When it fails it's fatal.

Attempts of my life over and over again at the fear of never being accepted or loved.
That someone will leave when you give them all your trust.
That someone will hurt you for simply opening up.

I know I'm a lot to handle, too much at times.
Like a newborn child I need looking after continuously.
Attention and affection 24/7 around the clock.
I'd hate to be close to me, I hate being me.

Intelligent and eloquent but my emotional permanence is zero.
I don't know how to function, I don't know how to be human.
They say it's my quirks, they say its unique.
How expressive I am is what people like about me...
Only when its suitable for them,
where they have something to gain.
Not when i'm crying at 4am, screaming at midday, rambling spiel for hours on end.

I'm exhausted of me and I wish everyone else was too.
I wouldn't take a single thought of not ending my life if I was truly alone.
I've tried to push everyone away but I missed the feeling of being in love.

No matter what state I'm never happy and I fear I never will be.
I wish I had no emotions, I wish I was nothing.
this is **** but i needed to ramble before i **** myself over
Why do I break everything I touch?
It's almost as if my fingers are razor blades  

But that's not even the worst part.
The worst part is the words that come out of my mouth
After my heart feels like it's been torn into shreds by your blades.

And baby even that, that's not even the worst part.
The worst part is I cant even tell
If my thoughts are real
If my feelings are rational

Baby please help me because sometimes I get lost in my own mind

Theres demons that live up there and they take over sometimes.

It's hard for me to know,
To tell the difference

Between a feeling that deserves to be felt
And a feeling that shouldn't really be there.

I've spent the better part of my life being told that what I feel isnt real.

I've spent the last 4 years questioning myself,
And quite frankly my whole life.

Desperately trying to figure out
Whether I deserve to feel this way

Or somehow I've asked for this.

Did I create this darkness myself?

Does my mind somehow convince me that everything and everyone
In this world
Is only going to hurt me?

Is it my fault if it does?

I wish I had the wisdom
And the rational

Between reality
And insanity

Baby please believe me when I tell you

"I didnt ask to be this way ! I want a way out I want an escape. I don't want to feel this way tonight, tomorrow, or ever again!"

I've tried to explain
Theres no quick fix to this.

Theres trauma.
There's questions unanswered.
Memories blocked out to help
Avoid the pain.

But a person can only handle this constant
"I hate you."
"I love you."
"Don't leave me."

For so long
Before they crack too.

Have I weighed you down too
With this awful demon.
While trying to fight off my own?
Can anyone on here understand this mess I just wrote? This disorder makes me feel so alone
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