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"booklet" poems
Do you know how many times my mother coughs so hard in an hour that it still surprises me she hasn’t lost a lung? I wonder if all the money that she spends at the gas station on that tiny cardboard box was saved instead of spent, if she could manage to pay the bills before the late notice arrived in the mail. How many times do you think she tries to quiet the change being pushed around the tabletop as she counts out the quarters, the dimes, the nickels, the pennies before she has enough to slide the coins across the counter at the station? How many times is her anger thrown at me because nicotine is absent from the house? I can only imagine the color inside her chest, protecting her lungs with a black tar after too many years of flicking a flame to a thin white candlestick stuck between her lips. The house smells of smoke and the yellow filter lines the walls, around the frames that hang themselves by nails. I clean the mirror and see the paper towel golden from the lingering tobacco. My clothes reek of a stench so strong no amount of perfume seems to be enough. I’m paranoid that every time I’m in a room of people and someone mentions that it smells like smoke, if they know I harbor such a scent that I pour it off second handedly as if I inhale the drug too. I open the mailbox and the temptation to “lose” the coupon booklet addressed to her grows stronger. The business cards labeled with a barcode on the back subtracting a dollar off when you buy two packs strengthens the urge to scrabble up the silver coins or summons the question, “do you have five dollars? I’ll pay you back when I get paid on Friday.” Friday never comes. I often think about how much longer it will be until all the money spent on tiny cardboard boxes will be split between tobacco and medical bills. How long can you smoke a pack a day and still be cancer-free? And I wonder how it’s fair to watch your mother gamble with her life each time she places a thin cigarette between her lips. Russian roulette with cancer is a game she’s become too good at.
0
Jun 15, 2014
Jun 15, 2014 at 8:18 PM UTC
To the Cigarette Company That Keeps Sending Coupons in the Mail
Do you know how many times my mother coughs so hard in an hour that it still surprises me she hasn’t lost a lung? I wonder if all the money that she spends at the gas station on that tiny cardboard box was saved instead of spent, if she could manage to pay the bills before the late notice arrived in the mail. How many times do you think she tries to quiet the change being pushed around the tabletop as she counts out the quarters, the dimes, the nickels, the pennies before she has enough to slide the coins across the counter at the station? How many times is her anger thrown at me because nicotine is absent from the house? I can only imagine the color inside her chest, protecting her lungs with a black tar after too many years of flicking a flame to a thin white candlestick stuck between her lips. The house smells of smoke and the yellow filter lines the walls, around the frames that hang themselves by nails. I clean the mirror and see the paper towel golden from the lingering tobacco. My clothes reek of a stench so strong no amount of perfume seems to be enough. I’m paranoid that every time I’m in a room of people and someone mentions that it smells like smoke, if they know I harbor such a scent that I pour it off second handedly as if I inhale the drug too. I open the mailbox and the temptation to “lose” the coupon booklet addressed to her grows stronger. The business cards labeled with a barcode on the back subtracting a dollar off when you buy two packs strengthens the urge to scrabble up the silver coins or summons the question, “do you have five dollars? I’ll pay you back when I get paid on Friday.” Friday never comes. I often think about how much longer it will be until all the money spent on tiny cardboard boxes will be split between tobacco and medical bills. How long can you smoke a pack a day and still be cancer-free? And I wonder how it’s fair to watch your mother gamble with her life each time she places a thin cigarette between her lips. Russian roulette with cancer is a game she’s become too good at.
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15
Dear Ms. Di Prima, I really, Really, Think that Alchemy—Alchemy--Al-Chem-EEEEE Is a Nifty Topic. But, My mother has a ring Of gold. Standard Gold, No lead. None. Or had, Until our house was B-R-O / K-E / N Into By some lowlife scumbag with Too much ability And Not enough intelligence. With Alchemy I could make a shitload Of Gold (wasn't that the point?), Provided I had the Lead, And not that IMPOSTER Crap in pencils (Graphite. My childhood was a shambles.). But it's only valuable Because We're willing to pay so much. Like with Diamonds. Or Japanese Akita. Or Wagyū. It's not a lie. Just a trick. Making you think you want things that you don't need because it helps someone else who you've never met make more money than they'd ever be able to use in a legitimate way                                    (HOOKERS AND BLOW). All of these things are synthetic. With the exceptions of Gold And Graphite. So,        Maybe,                       Alchemy did work out alright, Just not in the anticipated way. We can make all sorts of things. But they become coveted only when they exist. Just ask Swipey McStickyfingers. It actually wasn't gold. You just got a bunch of painted junk, And passports. No rubies. We weren't international crooks, Renowned and beloved By jealous zealots. It was purely sentimental. But you can't understand. You can't fondly look at the earrings as the last reminder of a deceased parent. You can't flip through the identification booklet and be flooded with memories of your first trip out of the country. You ****** You can't even cash the savings bonds that were bought to put someone through college. No. He got a box of documents and some cheap jewelery. But still. Probably called for celebration. A successful heist Because his brain is still in his head.                                                                 We create people as well as objects.                                                                                           Ms. Di Prima, In the end,       Some people will always be      Clasping ********
0
Dec 27, 2011
Dec 27, 2011 at 6:38 PM UTC
Response to Diane Di Prima's Paracelsus: and Ending with the Same Last Line of Charles Bukowski's I Am Visited by an Editor and a Poet
Dear Ms. Di Prima, I really, Really, Think that Alchemy—Alchemy--Al-Chem-EEEEE Is a Nifty Topic. But, My mother has a ring Of gold. Standard Gold, No lead. None. Or had, Until our house was B-R-O / K-E / N Into By some lowlife scumbag with Too much ability And Not enough intelligence. With Alchemy I could make a shitload Of Gold (wasn't that the point?), Provided I had the Lead, And not that IMPOSTER Crap in pencils (Graphite. My childhood was a shambles.). But it's only valuable Because We're willing to pay so much. Like with Diamonds. Or Japanese Akita. Or Wagyū. It's not a lie. Just a trick. Making you think you want things that you don't need because it helps someone else who you've never met make more money than they'd ever be able to use in a legitimate way                                    (HOOKERS AND BLOW). All of these things are synthetic. With the exceptions of Gold And Graphite. So,        Maybe,                       Alchemy did work out alright, Just not in the anticipated way. We can make all sorts of things. But they become coveted only when they exist. Just ask Swipey McStickyfingers. It actually wasn't gold. You just got a bunch of painted junk, And passports. No rubies. We weren't international crooks, Renowned and beloved By jealous zealots. It was purely sentimental. But you can't understand. You can't fondly look at the earrings as the last reminder of a deceased parent. You can't flip through the identification booklet and be flooded with memories of your first trip out of the country. You ****** You can't even cash the savings bonds that were bought to put someone through college. No. He got a box of documents and some cheap jewelery. But still. Probably called for celebration. A successful heist Because his brain is still in his head.                                                                 We create people as well as objects.                                                                                           Ms. Di Prima, In the end,       Some people will always be      Clasping ********
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70
Parsimony Antipathy or Prudent Hostility Locked-up Cuspid Of the One Celled Organism As the Augury tends to its Auspices oddities One Weak Ordeal and your reward will be handsome Ceteris paribus when Ockham’s blade gets dull Get a loan from your Karma or come back as amoebae Hearts won’t be practical until they’re unbreakable. But if you hear hoofbeats, think horses, not zebras. Sometime this week I’ll hang from the gallows Every drip of the tallow brings closer the end But I’ve got this imp secured in this bottle And you can have him for a price less than a penny Yeah, I’ve got a genie who’ll grant all your wishes Just pay for this bottle and your family gets fed But act fast, for soon I **** my last twitches By this time tomorrow I could very well be dead Salivating tadpoles for Hegemony crickets All imprisoned here with this repressionist peasant By a singular stroke into Jove’s black booklet Lucidly errant, who hasn’t been flippant? Clever Arachne, my love, oh thou immodest spider All I ever wanted, she picked a fine time to leave us My days squandered eavesdropping Apocalypse riders But if you hear hoofbeats, think horses, not zebras. Sometime this week I’ll hang from the gallows Every drip of the tallow brings closer the end But I’ve got this imp secured in this bottle And you can have him for a price less than a penny Yeah, I’ve got a genie who’ll grant all your wishes Just pay for this bottle and your family gets fed But act fast, for soon I **** my last twitches By this time tomorrow I could very well be dead
0
Jan 2, 2013
Jan 2, 2013 at 11:29 AM UTC
The Unexpected Hanging Paradox
Parsimony Antipathy or Prudent Hostility Locked-up Cuspid Of the One Celled Organism As the Augury tends to its Auspices oddities One Weak Ordeal and your reward will be handsome Ceteris paribus when Ockham’s blade gets dull Get a loan from your Karma or come back as amoebae Hearts won’t be practical until they’re unbreakable. But if you hear hoofbeats, think horses, not zebras. Sometime this week I’ll hang from the gallows Every drip of the tallow brings closer the end But I’ve got this imp secured in this bottle And you can have him for a price less than a penny Yeah, I’ve got a genie who’ll grant all your wishes Just pay for this bottle and your family gets fed But act fast, for soon I **** my last twitches By this time tomorrow I could very well be dead Salivating tadpoles for Hegemony crickets All imprisoned here with this repressionist peasant By a singular stroke into Jove’s black booklet Lucidly errant, who hasn’t been flippant? Clever Arachne, my love, oh thou immodest spider All I ever wanted, she picked a fine time to leave us My days squandered eavesdropping Apocalypse riders But if you hear hoofbeats, think horses, not zebras. Sometime this week I’ll hang from the gallows Every drip of the tallow brings closer the end But I’ve got this imp secured in this bottle And you can have him for a price less than a penny Yeah, I’ve got a genie who’ll grant all your wishes Just pay for this bottle and your family gets fed But act fast, for soon I **** my last twitches By this time tomorrow I could very well be dead
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34
Miryam unzipped the tent flap and looked out pretty dead out here she said Benedict looked at her **** hiding behind the blue jeans come back in then no point in going out yet she zipped it back up and crawled back beside him and lay down looking up at the blue tent canvas what do you think Morocco's like​? she asked Morocco he replied she laughed I know that but to experience it apart from what was in the booklet they sent with the other stuff she said have to see when we get there he replied are you sure that ex-army bloke won't be back? she asked not for a few hours he's gone to see sights in Malaga lucky us she said make the most of he said she gazed at him is there no satisfying you? pretty much not he said she smiled I’m sure people heard us earlier she said your fault if they did he said all that noise and giggling and oh oh oh more more I didn't she said you're making it up pretty much so he said she kissed his cheek to think I thought you were the quiet one she said I am quiet as a mouse he replied what if he comes back early and we're making out? she said he won't he's off to see where Picasso was born and other arty things Benedict said people might talk if they see me in here too much she said they can't see you in here he said they might hear me then be silent he said smiling trying to unbuttoned her jeans she watched him biting her lower lip seductively and turning her head at an angle who said you could? shall I stop? he said no don't you dare she breathed out she held his fingers and helped unbutton until it was all done there now you she said and unzipped his jeans with one motion why would he want to see where Picasso was born? she said taking off ?her jeans and what other arty things? Benedict undressed listening watching takin her tight **** in the blue bra museums art shops galleries that kind of thing boring **** she said putting her jeans and underwear to one side yes guess so Benedict said what if he changes his mind and comes back? she said laying down next to him well he'll get a free lesson in biology won't he Benedict said she smiled and kissed his neck and said utterly **** what the hell what the heck.
0
Jan 8, 2014
Jan 8, 2014 at 2:02 AM UTC
AT MALAGA WE REST.
Miryam unzipped the tent flap and looked out pretty dead out here she said Benedict looked at her **** hiding behind the blue jeans come back in then no point in going out yet she zipped it back up and crawled back beside him and lay down looking up at the blue tent canvas what do you think Morocco's like​? she asked Morocco he replied she laughed I know that but to experience it apart from what was in the booklet they sent with the other stuff she said have to see when we get there he replied are you sure that ex-army bloke won't be back? she asked not for a few hours he's gone to see sights in Malaga lucky us she said make the most of he said she gazed at him is there no satisfying you? pretty much not he said she smiled I’m sure people heard us earlier she said your fault if they did he said all that noise and giggling and oh oh oh more more I didn't she said you're making it up pretty much so he said she kissed his cheek to think I thought you were the quiet one she said I am quiet as a mouse he replied what if he comes back early and we're making out? she said he won't he's off to see where Picasso was born and other arty things Benedict said people might talk if they see me in here too much she said they can't see you in here he said they might hear me then be silent he said smiling trying to unbuttoned her jeans she watched him biting her lower lip seductively and turning her head at an angle who said you could? shall I stop? he said no don't you dare she breathed out she held his fingers and helped unbutton until it was all done there now you she said and unzipped his jeans with one motion why would he want to see where Picasso was born? she said taking off ?her jeans and what other arty things? Benedict undressed listening watching takin her tight **** in the blue bra museums art shops galleries that kind of thing boring **** she said putting her jeans and underwear to one side yes guess so Benedict said what if he changes his mind and comes back? she said laying down next to him well he'll get a free lesson in biology won't he Benedict said she smiled and kissed his neck and said utterly **** what the hell what the heck.
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153
Tears are water to the soul, and yet I seem to overwater it. I must have misread the info booklet on how to keep it thriving, and instead burnt it along with the pictures of us.
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Dec 28, 2017
Dec 28, 2017 at 7:56 PM UTC
th3 riVer fl0ws th~roUgh m£.
I woke up with an aching heart Pillow case damped from tears Tried to sink in words from you That day you left and gone away I wandered lost without direction. It felt like yesterday was an art The way you smile to your ears Like painted clouds on the sky so blue Sillily I pretended like I was okay Yet I silently longed for your attention. Suddenly we heard of words that cut Deep into our feelings that yearns For a moment being in love so true I desperately prayed you would stay That the illness was just an imagination. Little efforts we both had put On this flower that bloomed for years Ended with a silent goodbye from you Petals fell like my teardrops I ran away I wasn't ready to forget us and move on. I shed tears flipping through our booklet Contained the sweetest dreams of ours As I began accepting and find closure I promised to be strong come what may Until some day we shall meet in heaven.
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Sep 8, 2018
Sep 8, 2018 at 12:10 PM UTC
Fallen Petals
Black and White Black and Yellow.           The second keyboard and a small pinpoint. B İzimi'i. Now the warrior story and the very bad woman. AAPP 3 / Bailey Lionesses and Natte Naidi, In the 40 years since the leader of the Abyssinian diocese, a female leader marches to Tacitus, and the BBC and BBC leaders have been assigned to soldiers of Saudi Arabia's Gala soldiers. The young man and his grandson have cited the Syrians, Churches, Muslim Plans and a series of generations. Black and White smoke in the BBC, BBC News, BBC News, Laptops, Food Supply and Arabia, the mouth of the mouth, the Welsh Orders model, many free programs in the Arab Emirates, Tinkengi candy brush, and Latina Natalie,                                                                              slim and slender. Point out your song and song in the big throat!! Africa, Australia, USA is part of the Geographic Division of the United States, Europe and South America. George Griffin's words, livestock, martyrs Emperor Thomas, their friends and their families, and the German light, the strong ideology and Christianity that symbolized the Christian life, the bridges were gathered in Russia, England and the United States. In the morning fire and poetry, a brief booklet of the Uppsala, and a lawyer and former colleague respect the son of a dead man. In the second hour, the woman was a delusion, a god, a Roman god, in the same god, a Roman goddess of Rome. In the eye, the old trees are screams and high health benefits. The Mexican Mexican Mexican Museum, Vitamins and Minerals, filled with mountain chains, dense clouds and miraculous dreams. The beetles in my head were "in England, Guinea, the United Kingdom, the barracks, the raging, and the lives of marine life in the United Kingdom." Antiplical machines are the first payment for the first poem of the poem. It was posted on the special foot.                                  Black and White Black and Yellow.        The second keyboard and a small pinpoint. B İzimi'i. Now the warrior story and the very bad woman. AAPP 3 / Baily Lionan Nattenaidi     In the 40 years since the leader of the Abyssinian diocese, a female leader marches to Tacitus, and the BBC and BBC leaders have been assigned to soldiers of Saudi Arabia's Gala soldiers. The young man and his grandson have cited the Syrians, Churches, Muslim Plans and a series of generations. Black and White smoke in the BBC, BBC News, BBC News, Laptops, Food Supply and Arabia, the mouth of the mouth, the Welsh Orders model, many free programs in the Arab Emirates, Tinkengi candy brush, and Latina Natalie, slim and slender. Point out your song and song in the big, big throat!! Africa, Australia, USA is part of the Geographic Division of the United States, Europe and South America. George Griffin's words, livestock, martyrs to Emperor Thomas, their friends and their families,      and the German light, the strong ideology and Christianity that symbolized the Christian life, the bridges were gathered in Russia, England and the United States. In the morning fire and poetry, a brief booklet of the Uppsala, and a lawyer and former colleague respect the son of a dead man. In the second hour, the woman was a delusion, a god, a Roman god, in the same god, a Roman goddess of Rome. In the eye, the old trees are screams and high health benefits. The Mexican Mexican Mexican Museum, Vitamins and Minerals, filled with mountain chains, dense clouds and miraculous dreams. The beetles in my head were "in England, Guinea, the United Kingdom, the barracks, the raging, and the lives of marine life in the United Kingdom." Antiplical machines are the first payment for the first poem of the poem. It was posted on the special foot.Black and white Black and yellow. The second keyboard and a small pinpoint. B İzimi'i. Now the story of the warrior and the very bad woman. AAPP 3 / Bailey Lioness and Nattenaidi                        In the 40 years since the leader of the Abyssinian diocese, a female leader marches towards Tacitus, and the leaders of the BBC and the BBC have been assigned to soldiers of the Saudi Arabian Gala. The young man and his grandson have quoted the Syrians, the churches, the Muslim plans and a series of generations. Black and white smoke on the BBC, BBC News, BBC News, Laptops, Food Supply and Arabia, by word of mouth, the Welsh Order models, many free programs in the UAE, Tinkengi;   candy brush and Latina Natalie, slim and slender.                                Point out your song and your song in the big throat! Africa, Australia, USA UU; It is part of the Geographic Division of the United States, Europe and South America. The words of George Griffin, the cattle, the martyrs, the Emperor Thomas, his friends and their families,          and the German light, the strong ideology and Christianity that symbolized the Christian life,                                                         the bridges met in Russia, England and the States United.                       In the morning, fire and poetry, a brief leaflet from Uppsala                   and a lawyer and former colleague respect the son of a dead man.                              In the second hour, the woman was a deception, a god, a Roman god, in the same god, a Roman goddess of Rome. In the eye, old trees are screams and high health benefits. The Mexican Mexican Mexican Museum, Vitamins and Minerals,                         full of mountain ranges, dense clouds                              and miraculous dreams. The beetles on my head were "in England, Guinea, the United Kingdom, the barracks, the rage and the lives of marine life in the United Kingdom". The machines antiplicas are the first payment of the first poem of the poem.                  It was published in the special foot.
0
Jan 23, 2019
Jan 23, 2019 at 8:45 PM UTC
Revolt of the Prostitutes
Black and White Black and Yellow.           The second keyboard and a small pinpoint. B İzimi'i. Now the warrior story and the very bad woman. AAPP 3 / Bailey Lionesses and Natte Naidi, In the 40 years since the leader of the Abyssinian diocese, a female leader marches to Tacitus, and the BBC and BBC leaders have been assigned to soldiers of Saudi Arabia's Gala soldiers. The young man and his grandson have cited the Syrians, Churches, Muslim Plans and a series of generations. Black and White smoke in the BBC, BBC News, BBC News, Laptops, Food Supply and Arabia, the mouth of the mouth, the Welsh Orders model, many free programs in the Arab Emirates, Tinkengi candy brush, and Latina Natalie,                                                                              slim and slender. Point out your song and song in the big throat!! Africa, Australia, USA is part of the Geographic Division of the United States, Europe and South America. George Griffin's words, livestock, martyrs Emperor Thomas, their friends and their families, and the German light, the strong ideology and Christianity that symbolized the Christian life, the bridges were gathered in Russia, England and the United States. In the morning fire and poetry, a brief booklet of the Uppsala, and a lawyer and former colleague respect the son of a dead man. In the second hour, the woman was a delusion, a god, a Roman god, in the same god, a Roman goddess of Rome. In the eye, the old trees are screams and high health benefits. The Mexican Mexican Mexican Museum, Vitamins and Minerals, filled with mountain chains, dense clouds and miraculous dreams. The beetles in my head were "in England, Guinea, the United Kingdom, the barracks, the raging, and the lives of marine life in the United Kingdom." Antiplical machines are the first payment for the first poem of the poem. It was posted on the special foot.                                  Black and White Black and Yellow.        The second keyboard and a small pinpoint. B İzimi'i. Now the warrior story and the very bad woman. AAPP 3 / Baily Lionan Nattenaidi     In the 40 years since the leader of the Abyssinian diocese, a female leader marches to Tacitus, and the BBC and BBC leaders have been assigned to soldiers of Saudi Arabia's Gala soldiers. The young man and his grandson have cited the Syrians, Churches, Muslim Plans and a series of generations. Black and White smoke in the BBC, BBC News, BBC News, Laptops, Food Supply and Arabia, the mouth of the mouth, the Welsh Orders model, many free programs in the Arab Emirates, Tinkengi candy brush, and Latina Natalie, slim and slender. Point out your song and song in the big, big throat!! Africa, Australia, USA is part of the Geographic Division of the United States, Europe and South America. George Griffin's words, livestock, martyrs to Emperor Thomas, their friends and their families,      and the German light, the strong ideology and Christianity that symbolized the Christian life, the bridges were gathered in Russia, England and the United States. In the morning fire and poetry, a brief booklet of the Uppsala, and a lawyer and former colleague respect the son of a dead man. In the second hour, the woman was a delusion, a god, a Roman god, in the same god, a Roman goddess of Rome. In the eye, the old trees are screams and high health benefits. The Mexican Mexican Mexican Museum, Vitamins and Minerals, filled with mountain chains, dense clouds and miraculous dreams. The beetles in my head were "in England, Guinea, the United Kingdom, the barracks, the raging, and the lives of marine life in the United Kingdom." Antiplical machines are the first payment for the first poem of the poem. It was posted on the special foot.Black and white Black and yellow. The second keyboard and a small pinpoint. B İzimi'i. Now the story of the warrior and the very bad woman. AAPP 3 / Bailey Lioness and Nattenaidi                        In the 40 years since the leader of the Abyssinian diocese, a female leader marches towards Tacitus, and the leaders of the BBC and the BBC have been assigned to soldiers of the Saudi Arabian Gala. The young man and his grandson have quoted the Syrians, the churches, the Muslim plans and a series of generations. Black and white smoke on the BBC, BBC News, BBC News, Laptops, Food Supply and Arabia, by word of mouth, the Welsh Order models, many free programs in the UAE, Tinkengi;   candy brush and Latina Natalie, slim and slender.                                Point out your song and your song in the big throat! Africa, Australia, USA UU; It is part of the Geographic Division of the United States, Europe and South America. The words of George Griffin, the cattle, the martyrs, the Emperor Thomas, his friends and their families,          and the German light, the strong ideology and Christianity that symbolized the Christian life,                                                         the bridges met in Russia, England and the States United.                       In the morning, fire and poetry, a brief leaflet from Uppsala                   and a lawyer and former colleague respect the son of a dead man.                              In the second hour, the woman was a deception, a god, a Roman god, in the same god, a Roman goddess of Rome. In the eye, old trees are screams and high health benefits. The Mexican Mexican Mexican Museum, Vitamins and Minerals,                         full of mountain ranges, dense clouds                              and miraculous dreams. The beetles on my head were "in England, Guinea, the United Kingdom, the barracks, the rage and the lives of marine life in the United Kingdom". The machines antiplicas are the first payment of the first poem of the poem.                  It was published in the special foot.
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62
i love new cds the crinkle of sliding plastic wrap off how it feels to remove the security label in two tries or less to see my eyes on the backs of songs crystal clear and iridescent *(too new to be vintage too old to be cool)* how smooth a brand new jewel case feels and a booklet before fingerprints but then again i love finding them secondhand a little smeared and pages crinkled how a brand new album is a blank slate for me to write my memories on and when the plastic cracks and the music plays on it all just proves that together we lived *(hoping and praying we didn't get scratched to the point of no return)* i was born in the fall of a fleeting shimmering silver age the hybrid time between analogue for the common man and digitization of the masses my childhood when these things were still fragile expensive slipping into adulthood and falling into feeling obsolete *(i am the last remaining child of the compact disc)*
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Sep 30, 2016
Sep 30, 2016 at 11:15 PM UTC
the last remaining child of the compact disc
I. Intensity I feel it. Every step. Every breath. It's there. I feel it. In the air. In the trees. In the sunshine. In the rain. It's everywhere. It's in my bones. It's in the world. I wasn't prepared for this and I don't know what to do now. My heart feels heavy like the weight of my own personal planet. Loss and grief, they're such big things but they come to you in waves and believe me, when they try to take you back to shore, it hurts like hell and you feel it everywhere. I tried to avoid this, tried to lodge it out of my mind but it simply isn't possible. I think I'm spiraling out of control but the only person who can help me is--myself. II. Disbelief Roses on a casket. Touching your hand for the last time. Tears, lots of them. Legs are shaking. Awkward hugs and handshakes. This isn't actually happening, is it? My world doesn't feel right without you and somehow I'm still expecting to come home to your smiling face. People ask me how I'm doing-- "Oh, I'm fine." I don't have the courage to be honest and tell them I'm actually a string from falling apart. If I don't want to deal with the weight of my own emotions, why would anyone else? Following the how I'm doing, I get the "What can I do for you?" "Oh I don't know...make my heart feel like less of a planet and make like a body part." I don't say that, of course. I thank them for their compassion and say I don't need a thing. III. Numb I put one foot in front of the other. I must find the strength to move forward. It's been two weeks now. After being consumed whole by the weight of my own emotions, I have reached the transition from "too much" to "almost nothing at all." At the start of this, I didn't know what to do...and I still don't know what to do. I wish there was some sort of instructional booklet for the grieving process. Emotions, conversations, embraces-- they all start to blend together even though they're all so different. I feel distant but not lost. I know where I am. I am still moving but somehow I feel like I'm stationary. How do I move closer? How do I not lose myself completely? Grieving, it takes different shapes. It's like a ghost that is always lingering but only makes its presence known in the worst of your moments.
0
Apr 11, 2017
Apr 11, 2017 at 3:49 PM UTC
Stages
I. Intensity I feel it. Every step. Every breath. It's there. I feel it. In the air. In the trees. In the sunshine. In the rain. It's everywhere. It's in my bones. It's in the world. I wasn't prepared for this and I don't know what to do now. My heart feels heavy like the weight of my own personal planet. Loss and grief, they're such big things but they come to you in waves and believe me, when they try to take you back to shore, it hurts like hell and you feel it everywhere. I tried to avoid this, tried to lodge it out of my mind but it simply isn't possible. I think I'm spiraling out of control but the only person who can help me is--myself. II. Disbelief Roses on a casket. Touching your hand for the last time. Tears, lots of them. Legs are shaking. Awkward hugs and handshakes. This isn't actually happening, is it? My world doesn't feel right without you and somehow I'm still expecting to come home to your smiling face. People ask me how I'm doing-- "Oh, I'm fine." I don't have the courage to be honest and tell them I'm actually a string from falling apart. If I don't want to deal with the weight of my own emotions, why would anyone else? Following the how I'm doing, I get the "What can I do for you?" "Oh I don't know...make my heart feel like less of a planet and make like a body part." I don't say that, of course. I thank them for their compassion and say I don't need a thing. III. Numb I put one foot in front of the other. I must find the strength to move forward. It's been two weeks now. After being consumed whole by the weight of my own emotions, I have reached the transition from "too much" to "almost nothing at all." At the start of this, I didn't know what to do...and I still don't know what to do. I wish there was some sort of instructional booklet for the grieving process. Emotions, conversations, embraces-- they all start to blend together even though they're all so different. I feel distant but not lost. I know where I am. I am still moving but somehow I feel like I'm stationary. How do I move closer? How do I not lose myself completely? Grieving, it takes different shapes. It's like a ghost that is always lingering but only makes its presence known in the worst of your moments.
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One, two. Five minutes more. I got this. Three, four. I made sure to organize them. Five, six. I already practiced multiple times. Seven, eight. I'm pretty sure I memorized all of them correctly. Nine, ten. As I opened the booklet, and held my pen firmly, I read what seems to be a joke to me. Eleven... All left is spilled ink.
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May 12, 2016
May 12, 2016 at 8:39 AM UTC
Exam.
Memories of pain, you're screaming again, you're going insane. Dark thoughts are sometimes called nightmares when your eyes are closed. and eventually your eyes open and you remember memories and you call them thoughts but they swarm and sting like a cloud of wasps and you remember their eyes and you remember to forget before your eyes refuse to close again. No sleep means dark thoughts become elaborate plots for white sheep and bread trails become dead tales as you climb off the cross while muttering "me, me, me!" So you shake the glass from your entrails and lick the blood from your hang nails and suddenly nothing ******* rhymes and you realize you don't care and the little booklet that tells you how to play the game gets wet and you can't even read it. and finally you have nothing. and nothing makes sense. And now you can sleep, but the dark creeps close and fills your nose, breaks your bones, and milks your moans. Memories of pain, you're screaming again, you're going insane.
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Apr 20, 2014
Apr 20, 2014 at 8:16 AM UTC
Echo And Echo
Soaked by the rains and poked in the eye by the people as I flow into the drains and what do they gain from the pleasure of seeing poor men feeling the pain? In the laundromat where I dry off my pieces and start to think that the World is unfair and I'm afraid of drying my hair in the drying machine because the temperature's hot and I've only got a couple of quid just enough for a bottle to get rid of the taste that I taste in the waste and the water of streets. It's a rinse and wash cycle and around I will go into the jaws of depression where everything's so down and down on a template where nothing is rated and I don't even count I am mounted on tape and put in a booklet and in case I forget it's available on Amazon, The story of John and the the things that went on in the cul de sac where there was no hope of heading back and the lack of direction which was locked in suspension and extended detention. I have a secret do you want to know? would you like to travel down avenues where the junkies use daylight as a midnight binder would you find in it something to make you think you'd bring the answer to a table could you allow for the language that melts even plastic and the discarded cards of the die hards and addicts and if you picked up the lingo do you really think that you'd go into the den of the demons? Do you want to follow through shallows and into the bellows of bellowing madmen who with not a thought of the where or the when just the now and the how and the eyes that would grace you then steal as you walked through? In this soaked state I am in where the sin starts to dry and in quite equal measures to the amount that I cry there is always a why and a solution to buy but it's always too late for the few who can't wait and the rain keeps on coming while those people keep running and I flow down the drains.
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Jun 15, 2013
Jun 15, 2013 at 11:49 AM UTC
Tickets
Soaked by the rains and poked in the eye by the people as I flow into the drains and what do they gain from the pleasure of seeing poor men feeling the pain? In the laundromat where I dry off my pieces and start to think that the World is unfair and I'm afraid of drying my hair in the drying machine because the temperature's hot and I've only got a couple of quid just enough for a bottle to get rid of the taste that I taste in the waste and the water of streets. It's a rinse and wash cycle and around I will go into the jaws of depression where everything's so down and down on a template where nothing is rated and I don't even count I am mounted on tape and put in a booklet and in case I forget it's available on Amazon, The story of John and the the things that went on in the cul de sac where there was no hope of heading back and the lack of direction which was locked in suspension and extended detention. I have a secret do you want to know? would you like to travel down avenues where the junkies use daylight as a midnight binder would you find in it something to make you think you'd bring the answer to a table could you allow for the language that melts even plastic and the discarded cards of the die hards and addicts and if you picked up the lingo do you really think that you'd go into the den of the demons? Do you want to follow through shallows and into the bellows of bellowing madmen who with not a thought of the where or the when just the now and the how and the eyes that would grace you then steal as you walked through? In this soaked state I am in where the sin starts to dry and in quite equal measures to the amount that I cry there is always a why and a solution to buy but it's always too late for the few who can't wait and the rain keeps on coming while those people keep running and I flow down the drains.
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Baron Saturday The Moon God sees these are fitting beasts. There's a snek in my Jim nest and i'm fully chinned, laughing at me the walk twist the key's own menstrual pattern. Wander out of it's not time's own belonging to my neighborhood. As I (in jest) myselve's own existing contrary to bird law's bound booklet handed from headless man on the subway, so it will become.
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Dec 11, 2014
Dec 11, 2014 at 12:26 AM UTC
13
The day you was selected and not elected to be my love. It wasn't cause of your political affilation. That I could careless about. It was because you have the power of both houses of Congress. I said it. I meant it. You a representative stronger then anyone in the senate. It a seal deal when you move on a proposal. You have the power of the veto. And you're not the president. You understand, what Thomas Payne meant by his booklet common sense? If we broken the word Congress down. This what it means concerning you. Courageous, in the mist of a fight. On time, at the beginning of your shift. Nice, when needs to be. Grand, to the point that others listen to you. Restless, to the point that you don't give up. Estatic, that you able to accomplish a lot. Satified, that once the deal is done you share the credit. Sincere, to those that call upon you. Only, if the politicians had the quality of you. Then , the world we live in wouldn't be going through the things they are going through.
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Jan 15, 2013
Jan 15, 2013 at 8:52 AM UTC
C.O.N.G.R.E.S.S
my feet quickly began to meld into the rubber grips on the stairs descending (into hell, I promise) and wasn't I supposed to ask him something? or wait, maybe I was supposed to ask yesterday. what if I see someone I know? ohnonono don't look at him don't- yeah, yeah, I'm perfectly fine but if you don't mind, I need to get this test done (so I can go home, but I don't say that) there's a sword fight going on in my spine, and a boxing match in my head. somehow my tears manage to stay on the bridge of my lips, staying off of the paper that will judge me. and then I wipe them with ever graying hands, hands that shake as I pass him the booklet, and hands that turn the doorknob releasing me and flushing out all the panic. r.c.
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May 6, 2014
May 6, 2014 at 10:49 PM UTC
panic
*With my two hands I've been working, Creating blisters and sore, Contracting each muscle, Down to each core. The simple work that needs power and strength, Where your psyche and physique are combined to extend. With my two hands I've been reading, Trying to grasp, On each word in each booklet, To the profundity it has. Absorbing and digesting each paper till the end, Creating a thick net of neurons, So the mind can comprehend. The fascination it holds, is with both tasks well spent, Exhaustion but fulfillment can result in the end. With my two hands I've been trying, To align myself straighter, To the urge in me to think, And the urge in me to labour. The combination it seems, Is the way out. The combination it seems, Is what leaves me no doubt.*
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May 19, 2016
May 19, 2016 at 5:25 PM UTC
The surgeon
It's relatively a slow process. A thought builds upon anticipation. Thanks to the nostalgia ingrained by Disney. Musically the songs are different. Granted the press of a thumb. Spotify, Pandora. An assortment of different streams all profoundly deep. Separately, the adaptation is the same. Boy meets girl. Eyes go on vacation. Suddenly we're dressed in leisure. Beautiful sights ingested by the brochures of a hotel lobby. Just yesterday none of this seemed possible. Everything crowed into the bends of a folded booklet. Lost in the sensation of influential taste. This was my outlook. A yesterday morning spent in the hotel lobby of my own interest. I am in sense booking my own fear. This slow process that begins it's advance. A millennium that begins a couple seconds past twelve. She was the art visually spread across the brochure. With arms wide open I fell in. Speeding up this process ever slightly. I still a consumer at best. Her being the best vacation I ever been. I am in sense booking my own fear. Her love. Further more exploring the secret of her parenthesis
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Dec 29, 2017
Dec 29, 2017 at 12:46 AM UTC
Exclamation, Parenthesis
Could you be here? the street sign, trees, puddles of wet snow murmur Yesssssssss father and daughter playing a card game with the woman behind the counter whisper You could, if you tried the drawing and origami birds folded up inside an exhibition booklet from Krakow urge you to be here.
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Mar 11, 2020
Mar 11, 2020 at 6:24 AM UTC
Be here
To write is to be free Free from the restrictions Handed to me In a booklet that reads Life
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Dec 5, 2013
Dec 5, 2013 at 12:09 AM UTC
My Freedoms 1
Where does my pen go? I can’t find it in the pocket of my cold-faded jeans. I used to have it when I was in college mingling with the intellectuals that try to find a good post in society. Where is it now? I have something to write on my hand size booklet. Where does it go? On a bus, I feel I’m pressing toward the sunset all day since it’s cloudy. Here come the raindrops. It finally touches my glass window. I have more time to think on since travel would take few hours. Have I slept? I think I let it that way. Too many words to utter but kept inside. Then I’ll need to write it down. Where does my pen go? Years have become stitches in my mouth. Ten thousand words to consolidate in a phrase. Can’t write it down. I think my right hands can no longer connect with my fast aggressive left mind. Stiches, more stiches to zip the words in my pocket. My window started to moist. Rain, let it rain. The fog enters on a small hole. I guess it clogs out the burden. It melts the spirit of selfishness and now I wanna wield my pen and dance with it. Still don’t have it. As my finger walks through my glass window, I know I can write it down. There it says “VOW YMC”. Voice Out What Your Mind Conveys.
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Aug 23, 2016
Aug 23, 2016 at 12:32 AM UTC
Where does my pen go?
God created us through our parents We should be their greatest adherents For we are their children, their hope & blessing They also need our loving & caring As our pro-creators, they are worth our honor A great way to respect their source, our Creator A great shame to be ungrateful towards them! -11/30/2015 (Dumarao) *21st Daily Reflection from Catechism Booklet
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Sep 27, 2019
Sep 27, 2019 at 8:44 PM UTC
Honor Our Parents
most of the internet seems like a wild west in terms of copyright laws... i only came across one website, where you can't simply copy & paste the content... which is a shame... yes, it's a canadian website... but let's stage a contra... against the mp3 generation pirates, beginning with napster... ever fiddle with the album sleeve of pearl jam's vitalogy? i know the vinyl snobs are out there, saying how much superior they are... but this c.d. sleeve? it's like touching very well crafted leather... so much for mp3... oh, and the binaural booklet? fuck me, that's a wonder too, you just start getting itchy fingers, like i remember getting, when i was a kid, and other kids used to play with my toys, esp. the NES (nintendo 8-bit)... i'd just get these itchy fingers... two major games? obviously mario bros but then there was this duck-shooting game, where you'd cheat, and walk up to the television screen and start shooting... **** me, that's really getting touchy feely... like i said, memory can be a great cinema.
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Jun 3, 2017
Jun 3, 2017 at 6:02 PM UTC
credit to pearl jam vs. the mp3 generation
We sit in waiting rooms In leafy suburbs and council estates and amongst the urban hubbub Of life continuing without us Around us On NHS waiting lists and in clinics Waiting for a swab and a stick and a booklet with a few telephone numbers For you to call and fix yourself, if you wish Sitting across from our familiar stranger this week because of the new news that is our history, Herstory painful reality Fresh on our twitter feeds Souls laid out bare for everyone to see Our hurt. And still you'll never understand what it means. This week Thousands of women in their weekly meet Our stories told and untold, forgotten and remembered, memories always a feather's distance away. Whispered And carried through the storm. But still you won't hear how deep The trauma sits But what matters is We survive And we are together, now.
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Oct 19, 2017
Oct 19, 2017 at 11:19 AM UTC
#MeToo
Look around you, in the bushes, up in the clouds, in the cubicle next to you at the office. There’s a (wo)man or maybe a wo(man) ready to save your life, put out a fire or kiss you. (S)he is a mother or a father or a sister or a nephew – and (s)he is on a “don’t touch me” list. The evil one has branded “IT” as inhuman, ugly, ***** canine – words that hurt deeply, sting. You see, (s)he used to have a ***** but now does not – or (s)he didn’t have a ***** but now does. What makes the evil one sweat about the pinkness or blueness of a child’s toy animals? Is it wearing pants instead of skirts? Is it wearing lipstick instead of a moustache? In the court of the evil one – modeled after Renaissance art and sculpture – is a rule. Only the descendants of Eve properly equipped with a ***** – and born with it – are human. So, hark, you who believe in equality, test your chosen ones – be sure their equipment is valid. What God has given cannot – according to the laws of nature – be changed into fake goods. Fear not, though, you scaredy-cats, the evil one now has a solution – a birth certificate is not enough. The new proof of citizenship – in fact the only legal document – is the ****** passport. This 20-page, copyrighted, coded booklet is impervious to forgery – it explodes if attempted. The bearer’s birth photo is on page 1 – containing a ***** or ***** plus an inkblot thereof. This is proof positive of the real gender of the owner – ***** anyone with a contrary viewpoint. The evil one is pleased with their cunning enforcement of the true rule of nature: Only men – natural penises, of course – may serve as adherents of “MY” constitution. © Lewis Bosworth, 8/2017
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Sep 26, 2017
Sep 26, 2017 at 10:06 PM UTC
The Evil Genre
Look around you, in the bushes, up in the clouds, in the cubicle next to you at the office. There’s a (wo)man or maybe a wo(man) ready to save your life, put out a fire or kiss you. (S)he is a mother or a father or a sister or a nephew – and (s)he is on a “don’t touch me” list. The evil one has branded “IT” as inhuman, ugly, ***** canine – words that hurt deeply, sting. You see, (s)he used to have a ***** but now does not – or (s)he didn’t have a ***** but now does. What makes the evil one sweat about the pinkness or blueness of a child’s toy animals? Is it wearing pants instead of skirts? Is it wearing lipstick instead of a moustache? In the court of the evil one – modeled after Renaissance art and sculpture – is a rule. Only the descendants of Eve properly equipped with a ***** – and born with it – are human. So, hark, you who believe in equality, test your chosen ones – be sure their equipment is valid. What God has given cannot – according to the laws of nature – be changed into fake goods. Fear not, though, you scaredy-cats, the evil one now has a solution – a birth certificate is not enough. The new proof of citizenship – in fact the only legal document – is the ****** passport. This 20-page, copyrighted, coded booklet is impervious to forgery – it explodes if attempted. The bearer’s birth photo is on page 1 – containing a ***** or ***** plus an inkblot thereof. This is proof positive of the real gender of the owner – ***** anyone with a contrary viewpoint. The evil one is pleased with their cunning enforcement of the true rule of nature: Only men – natural penises, of course – may serve as adherents of “MY” constitution. © Lewis Bosworth, 8/2017
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