In a desperate attempt to  save hello  from near destruction the evil man ****** but yet charming in all togather strange way.
Elliot had a moment of true brillance   To get the anchors of hello togather  in a nice beach house.
Okay it  was a soon to be condemed rat trap hotel  on the Jersy shore and film it.

My worries were alerted already  for I was  really  wasnt up for making a **** .
Who am i kidding  sure i am.
But like when momma  gonzo told me that fat *****  in the red suit
wasnt really santa  just a child  molester.
I was wondering why santa  was  giving out candy in july
And why that candy cane was never in his pocket .
So the **** thing was off  it was to be a reallity show.

Freee ***** a chance to act up like a three year old hyped up on cookies    and crystal **** or whatever the kids were into these days.
They had me  sold so like a flock of segulls we ran   we ran so far away  eventhough  probation  said no my    gonzo sense said yes hey  lindsy lohan told me it sounded like  great idea  and who can argue with a crazy coke head.  

So we gathred in the bleek hope of saving hello from total boredom  and thoose hiku  writting nazis   from poetry soup.
Jack, Baths, Chris,Eileen,Gary,Paula,And that ***** Gonzo  
really  im so insecure  must just be that time of the month.

The rooms reminded me as a cross between the bates motel
and something outta the shining yes charming indeed.
We had the top floor  I always liked being on top but enough with the
forplay children.

The rooms  were picked  okay guys over there   girls come with me it was worth a try.  
The rooms were picked the honey moon suite  
going to me and Jack   ahh ****    there were strobe lights  stripper pole heart shapped  hot tub   jesus it was like  elton john had thrown  up in here  at least it smelled like it.

elliot had made it clear the bar tab was on us but knowing what a true sweetheart  he was he had somehow  left me his credit card
in my wallet maybe without knowing it.

One thing bout  are weird kinda umm  well  funny smelling digs  
there was a true blessing there  a bar   for what is a gonzo without his bar   much like a samuri  without his sword or a mean twig model without her cellphone  to throw  and finger to put down her throat to puke   memories   all alone in the moonlight dam you cats.

With some simple calls  the party was in full swing  and are shuttle bus slash   pinto had us at the hotest club slash retirement  home.
The music blasting so low as to not cause   bowel problems.
Me and Chris showing the old farts  how to play beer pong.
Missed shot  drink up grandma and please put your clothes on
****** you gravity.

Jack  kept the dance floor jumping  with his  fake mustache  little captians hat   and some other leather gear  once told me one thing that ****** was fahasion forward  you go girl.

Paula, Baths and Eileen   worked the newly  started  card game. You dont know how to gamble?  
Well are girls are happy to show ya gramps
Gary had disapeared  to the rest room  for some odd reason.
How he did put a smile on thoose  old ladies faces  seinor care
aint it grand they were were just glowing  what a odd place to be giving reading.

After we had hustled i mean  helped thoose old folks outta there life savings  it was time to party  really  they were almost dead  anyways
and a  funeral plot is overrated   just do what my  uncle did with his ex wife  tell everyone  one she went on vacation and bury her in backyard.

I'll never go tressure hunting again.
We hit the club like  like a hurricane that was laced with wild turkey   and   and a few rational thoughts.

The night was magic   for the money dissappeared   in seconds so like  any broke ***  writers  would do when facing  a fifteen thousand dollar bar tab.
We got the **** outta there.
Thank  god for a restroom window never mind me miss
im with security  and may i say you have a great rack.

The hotel reaked of mayhem and  a old winos ****  and maybe a dead
corpse or two.
HaAHahaha they'll never find you Drew.

It was like the cover of Sgt  Pepers lonley hearts club band  you know by   that classic group the backstreet boys.  
Yes drinking it doesnt effect the mind at all   now who the **** are you?

Dwarfs  junkies   men wearing sailors hats and **** straps did Jack have a dance  troupe?
Hookers drag queens  holy bat crap wonder woman   Lady Ga Ga.
Seems she had crashed into are pinto parked in the the street ******   Chris  i told you park it on the side walk  like me.

Jack  as  if  in a trance  was on stage with the  space alien ******
known as Ga Ga   it was a match made in a state   thats probaly filled with crazy people  like  Utah  or Canada.
Okay im kidding i love Canada  and i just learned it's a country
oh no wonder they hay have fences  I just thought they was a gated  community.  

Paula hit the floor after her third drink   and would probaly question   why somone  had written this space for rent  on her forehead
But like a true man that i was i would  blame that on Gary.

Chris and Eileen  danced laughed I had this odd feeling they were close   as Baths replied no **** sherlock  now pour me another  wine
befor i kick you in the *****   she is a charmer.

The crew fliming are madness  as togather we all danced apon the bar  but for some odd reason the ground had tilted and only effected me  dam UKs and there ninja abiltys and Garys knack for floating  on air.
I went down like a cheerleader on prom night hitting my head apon the floor.

Out like a stripper at a frat boys party after she had   beer and roofie
cocktail.
I was taken to a magical place  were  whiskey  flowed  like water
and you didnt have to pay for ***.

I awoke  in a hospital bed   head taped up  surrounded  by friends
the doctor asking many questions puzzled I made no sense.
Dear Lord this man has   brain dammage the doctor said.

The nurse leaned over  her  low cut top hey it's my write okay.
Brought a gleam to my devilish eyes   hey i mouthed   to Chris
I can see her *******.

Well  Gonzos fine  Chris replied.
As From the restroom there was a clatter
so i did turn my hungover head to see what  the **** was a matter.            

Jack appeared from the rest room Ga Ga in arm.
naked as bald eagle   void of feathers.

Gary.  Hey  i always herd  she was a .

Chris  Thats just ******* weird.

Paula. Who's the ***** who wrote on my forhead?  

Eileen.  it wasnt Chrisey poo.

Baths. Jesus  Gonzo your   long winded  crazy   and good looking
yeah i added that       hey don hit me i just had a near sober experience.
dam gaga is really a.

Jack  yeah and im in love my my my  poker face

FIN

Feel the breeze running through your hair
Flowers blooming along the green, green grass
Colors painting the world
Adding life to this bleek place

Picking a flower or two
Celebrating the coming of spring
Where Mother Nature announces her return
Giving life to the earth

So familiarize what having to swallow this pill is like
It happens all the time, they take your heart and steal your life
And it's as though you feel you've died because you've been killed inside
But yet you're still alive which means you will survive
Although today you may weep because you're weak and
Everything seems so bleek and hopeless
The life that you're seeking, it begins to seep in
That's the only thing keeping you from leaping off the motherfreaking deep end

And I'm pulling for you to push through this feeling
And with a little time that should do the healing
And by tomorrow you may even feel so good that you're willing
To forgive them even after all that **** you been put through.
This feeling of resilience is building.
And the flames are burning quick as fire would.
Through this building. you're sealed in
But you're fireproof, flame retardant, you withstood it.
And as you climb up to the roof, you're just chillin' and you look down
'Cause you're so over them you could put the heel of your foot through the ceiling.

As time passes, things change everyday
But wounds, wounds heal
But scars still remain the same
But tomorrow today's goin' down in flames
Throw the match, set the past ablaze

So feel the fire beneath your feet
As you barely even perspire from the heat
Exhale deep and breathe a sigh of relief
And as you say goodbye to the grief
It's like watching the walls melt in your prison cell
But you've extinguished this living hell
Still a little piece of you dies, you scream..

Some people live purgatory lives;
they dance with the invitation
of death
just long enough
for the moment
to become romantic
then they usher the
entire idea
right out the door
as if being
friends
with the end
is an easy way
to pretend

they cannot
         go at any moment.

Some people chase
   the idea of death
so much
they forget to
do something
as simple
yet profound
as live.

We spend every day
repeating cycles
and trying to make
our routines
perfect
then remain
frustrated at

     everyone and ourselves

for not being able to get this fluctuating life right

yet-

I am learning that getting it right
takes doing it wrong
more than
quite a few
times

and

that is simply something neither you or I can be ashamed of.

We cannot substitute the lessons
that failure and patience bring us-
all we really can do is
face our hardships
with limited understanding
and obtain what we can
from our moments of misery.

I am finding more and more
         that myself
  lingers in those moments
and I am beginning to appreciate
the days
I spend
catching
       bleek
          & subtle
                     glimpses
           of what I can

become.

You see,
I used to fear my own presence.
Shake my head at my own sight.
Be disgusted with my thoughts
and ruin my existence.

I used to do all of these things because I felt
helpless.
I was not the person taking charge
      for my life.
I was not the person owning responsibility
for their actions.
I was not the person acting on their decisions
although the choices were petrifying.
I was not that kid because

I DID NOT YET UNDERSTAND WHAT I WAS CAPABLE OF.

I had yet to find the opportunity in my failures.
I had yet to see the potential in my flaws.
I had yet to understand that there are twenty-four hours
in a single day
and we can own every single one of them
when we are not focused on defeat.

And that sounds a little extreme at first,
I know,
but if I can convince you of anything today-

please do not be afraid of change.

Welcome it with open arms and be prepared for
your entire life to get uncomfortable
when you start being honest with the world
and most importantly-
yourself.

I have let go of so much heartache
from no longer pretending I am okay.

I have let go of so much anxiety
from not allowing others to hold
their expectations over me.

I have let go of so much depression
from standing up for myself
because I was sick of the world
telling me NO.

I have let go of so much
useless negativity
and have said goodbye
to so many friends
and relatives
because
choosing compassion
over what they took from me
always kept me on
the better course;

a step ahead
when they were looking behind
and reflecting
by the time
they could realize
intuition wins.

but I guess depending on which way you are looking at it-
all of this is just bragging of course.

So I will never mind you
if you are not listening.

I will forgive you
when you come around.

BUT IF YOU ARE LISTENING LOUD,
HERE RIGHT NOW-

know that I am too.

And for every dream you are chasing-

    it is chasing after you.





Thank you.

He forgot how to help himself.

He forgot how to love,accept,and respect himself.

He now loves feeling his pain,
and wishing things were still the same.
Exchanging brains,
for drugs with names,
that will land him under the ground,
or inside of a cage.

It’s a crime to wait,
for life to take,
the righter path,
with a mind that hates.
At night he’ll pace
his mind will race,
yet sit in place,
designed to waste.

Why does he do it?
So self destructive.
He claims he isn’t an addict,
but isn’t above it.
The future is bleek,
so no need to recover.
A bleeding heart bruises,
and is misleading in color.
At the moment before,
the moment he snaps,
and right before he’d lose it,
*his music *oozes from the loosest of nooses.

Bleek jockey *****;
Death is nevv life,
a ride upon a Black horse.
An ill-omened trot;
bring forth Avvakening,
no time to stall.

Delirious foaming sips
Fidgeting for a cigarette
I look like a raging manic
Time to whistle the time away
With strategies of how I could have spent It better
( My time I mean)
Courting disaster
A youth breathing in angst
Working out the senseless semester
Of continuous mistakes
Sinking sailboat within the space of
Sea in the back of my mind
The bubbles pop like acid rain
And I've nothing tangible to soak
Up the stain
I've perpetrated my desires into
A crisp letter that I've labelled
With a sticker of a lark
Spun out on stress
Reliving the sickness
A gush of cough suppressed in
My chest
Vladimir Nabokov's "******"
Explains it the best
Contemplative in public places
With my thoughts hung like
Guitar basses
Riffs in my skull that whisper
How this phase is contagious
And I'm still the only one left of my
Peers with sweaty palms
And a sore throat
Dancing
High to a symphony of lyres
As I suddenly hit a sour note
This vast mountain road
Sliding back and forth on
Riding to a sense of home I've
Long ago forgotten
Is this tingle normal?
Is my preservation of self
Illegal?
Like that girl Lucy with
Cartier in the sky?
The leaves withered up long ago
Like dry grapes and I can't wait
Much longer in this combustible
Longing for
Someone's lies to shelter
In my soft direction
No use speaking about my
Indiscretions
Because no one ever listens till
I utter "I told you so"
I pour karma, dharma and nirvana
Into a tea cup
Finish the potion up
And start to loosen my joints
Poking along my skin in oddly
Sewn points
Walking through the doorway
From one world to another
To the waking screaming world
From a heavily dosed slumber
Seasons came and passed
Grains of sand caress the insides
Of an hourglass
Waiting for forever it seems
For some stranger I catch glimpses
Of in my dreams
Courses through my veins
As novocaine
After a bright vision solidified
In numb numbers as they said it would be
My blanket no longer fits me
As my feet stick out contorted
And my bleek sensation of safety
Seems to have become distorted
A calender left blank
I sit in a shackled ruin
I'm running on the brink
And no longer doing things
I thought knew me
Withdrawing from stings
Of the images in my fantasies

many times i feel, as if the things i have to do matter only to me.
like my life or death isnt apparently a deal. but how can that be true.
we all live with love. but with pain more often we sleep.

now the only time we ever feel the hope in our heart is when things are shining, not bleek. but how can this be true.
we must learn to let go, of the fact our fear has pushed us onward.

well you only know its love when you dont know.
you only start to hide when it starts to show.
you only know you love life when you let it go.

move on now to better things. is what we are told. but how can this be so.
we live in the shadow of others mercy and we take to pride our own victory over others at the same time. is this how it goes.

let go of the love of power. and the power of love will win.

let it go

with our only hope being the main thing we wake up to, and the last thing we have in our heads as we sleep,  we must let go of fear, and the past must make its own course. free you're mind, and everything will follow.

the enemy is fear. we think it is hate, but it is fear.
fear creates danger, not vice versa, and courage dispels its.

let it go.

the fear.
the past.
the hate.

the love of power.

free your mind, and everything will follow.




let it go

Bleek

            
Can you spot the deference,

Charles has become King.


  Dilyn and the Corgi’s are

  In Battersea dog’s home.


  Yet, the Welsh still suffer

from principality syndrome.

Stars in paint, crackled glaze
walk the cobbled street with me.
ochre, blue and wizened haze,
A swirling canvas galaxy.

Light my broken dawn, my love
darkened hours, quiet night
bring me all the skies above
and drape the dim and pale moonlight.

Sadness, silence, watered cheeks
sunflowers waving in the dirt
charcoal clouded, ever bleek,
dark storms brew like bruises hurt.

Dewy glass and fired ale
absinthe daydream, starry night
touch my arm, porcelain frail
pale skin and paler light.

Though sometimes there's days,
   I feel all alone;
Even with family beside me,
   a house not a home.

I know that I'm loved,
   but still shed a tear;
For to be all alone,
   is life's greatest fear!

Alone is a dark place,
   so dreary and bleek;
It creeps in with fury,
   turns strong men to weak!

When I'm heavy and lonesome,
   my heart so so sad;
I remember Christ My Saviour,
   He helps me feel glad!

I remember He loves me,
   He's been here for me;
Once suffering and lonely,
   but now I'm set free!

My heart now so happy,
   my sadness all gone;
With Christ in my life,
   I sing a new song!

He's shown me forgiveness,
   my sins washed away;
He's filled me with gladness,
   and mercy to stay!

A new day had dawned,
   His grace He has shown;
With Him right beside me,
   I'm never alone!

Subscribe to my vibe, rolling to the sea.
It comes with the tide thats pulling at me.
The ride I ride screams with glee.


As a freak I blend in,        with the geeks.
A fine *** woman,       *i seek.
Iv been celibate,       for about a week.
Man that future,    sure looks bleek.

Blonde wavy hair she has,
What id give, to pound that ***
Ride or die, ill be smoking that grass,
Livin up in rockin roll heaven will be a blast.

i have my mother's skin
freckled and fair
my dad's nose
sloped and refined
my grandad's curiosity
vibrant and pestering
and my grandmother's voice
poetically overflowing

i have my mother's emotions
capricious and antagonistic
my dad's perfectionism
bleek and disciplined
my grandad's stubbornness
punctuated and impervious
and my grandmother's faith
gentle and unfailing

i am what i am
i am who i am
because they have raised me

In all the crooked corners of my mind,
Cobwebs and dust mites are all I find.
There's no longer a sense of reality,
I can only see a ton of duality.
My stories now have dust mites,
Whose bindings have layers that are contrite.
So where is it that I should seek,
A tale that is not so bleek?

Slice and chop into the dirt
exacerbate into the earth
Pillow-lined: the metal slate
My mental state triggers a string
that plucks at the guts
and resonates up, scraping

The ventral pull of innards
Takes my head down with it
As I listen to syllabic
'Toungue-and-Bleek'
No talk of god lifting the weak
Only if mortals sleeping

'Cept the thing, is that,
mortals are all I've seen
This lucid dream
is my home
This sweet by-and-by
is all I've known

We grow together
We grow apart
We grow alone
We take these pills to take us home

Yet when we're rolling in our beds
all we ever fear is death
Accept the fact we are alone
Close our eyes and dream of home

There's things in life you just can't deny
Like how you kept me up this night
How you remind me of something I had inside


And people tell me play it cool
But I can't help if I'm a fool

And I can't explain it but I'll try
You are things I want to be
And an image of someone I didnt want to let go
Call it repeated history  

Cause when you get attached to someone
You search for them in everyone you meet
And when I see even the smallest pieces of  crumbs of  you in them
I like to make believe

Cause I can't help the people I meet at a young age so bleek
The people that leave an impression on me

And now I search for them in everyone I meet
And you resemble something

I can't speak ..
I can't say...

If I did it wont make sense anyway

But there are things in life you just can't deny
Like how your thought kept me up tonight

In the season of hope, it was to be,
a friendship to form,
lost at sea.

I remember the day when we would speak,
such hostility between you and me.
I ask for comfort,
though you rest in peace.
Another chance to say sorry,
or inspire you to be.

I know not what I seek,
the world is lonely, so bleek.

In my dreams I search for truth;
may my soul be worthy to plead.

Arriving there is always sweet,
Embracing you our lost mouths meet,
Our journies always fun and wild,
I long for you just like a child.

You treat me with such love and grace,
I love your heart, I love your face,
I feel so safe when I'm with you,
You hold me tight the whole night through.

You reassure me when I'm down,
You fool around, and act the clown,
You sense I'm down before I do,
And spring to life to pull me through.

But comes the time that I must go,
My heart feals heavy, weary so,
I cling to you and cry my tears,
You kiss them gone and wipe them clear.

The passing days bleed into weeks,
My empty bed is cold and bleek,
The wait for you seems endless at times,
I manage It by making rhymes.

I yearn for when we next entwine,
And I can briefly make you mine,
I vow to make this permanent,
And try to make you more content.

But until then, this endless wait,
Is necessary, it's our fate,
But one day we will be as one,
I promise love, to you I run.....

For you Rob x

My heart is aching without a doubt it's my stomach that twists and turns without warning my face promoting euphoria but only to the naked eye. Everyday I wake up crying without someone there, does anyone here me screaming is anyone out there? I shrug it off hoping that it will get better, but day after day I feel myself floating closer to the sun. My skin is melting as I realize I' m trapped in my own limbo; this depression is eating me from the inside out. Darkness creeping closer to my core as it claws at my soul only to be stopped by the mild feeling of hope that wells up when a glimmer of happiness is seen over a bleek chapparal. Digging my fingernails into my chest I pull out a black mass, slowly pumping nightmare fuel to my brain; squeezing with all my might it bursts. An ink colored substance lingers down my arm as I fall through space, the sun getting farther and farther as I plummet to the earth. Finally I land, unable to move a single muscle I utter to myself. "Help me."

It's still and calm
Patiently waiting under your palm.

It's dark, black blood.
It wishes to break from your restraint
And start a flood.

And truth be told it completely would.

It's dark, black blood.
The blood deep within that you will never let Bleed out.
The blood deep within you that no one else Knows about.

It hasn't flown for years.

It's dark, black blood.
If only others knew the power it does hold
Its pain always shown, never told.

Yet you've never seen it.

It's dark, black blood.
And it's inside everyone
Patiently waiting for it's time to run.

Streak down your cheek,
On a day dreary and bleek.

Erupt from underneath,
Rush between your teeth.

Yet it never will.
It's too dangerous for each of us
To ever let it spill.

It's dark, black blood.

Grey daylight bleeds through my bedroom window
Wake me from a deep and dreamless sleep
Rain echoes off the mud
I am as bleek as the day

Dayspring brings no optimism
Like days of my youth
When mornings swelled with exhilaration
A sunny side disposition

Now apprehension bears down
Unbearably
Pressing, choking, smothering
The day is so terribly long

Bone-weary I sit upon stones
Begging the waves to wash away my sorrow
Beseeching the sunset to take my regret
But they do not

The cold gust of night and melancholia
Now all I have is the moon
She pours down her shining sentiment
Still I am alone

Im just scared and tired
Im just getting tired
all the walls build towers
I plummet below sea level
and revel in my misery
every step isn't far enough
all my options are bleek

Mad
Angry
Furious

I want rights
The right to be myself
Right to my body and my mind
The justice of being here
My choice
Children
Partners
Who is my family?
The opposition must fall

Sad
Bleek
Death

I bragged about salty craggled bits forged in heaven-hell.

Breighed, knelling, in a door of mud,
is okay.
All night!

Until THUD.

Thrash,
he lit up all of our butter soaked popcorn.

I knew I deserved a day of rays of hope.

But NOPE.

Never.

I'm threw.

I blasted threw what you knew and showed it all on all of our state of the art cameras.

Depedent I should be.
For you to show all of me.

How much I was bad,
and how much you real weren't,
how sinful you've been,
and all the bridges you've burnt.

have business,
and show up,
like it really should be,
have hope that we all hate your less
that the goldenglory.

Take a nap,
take time,
take a dime and make a phonecall,
taken down and transcribed,

take it,
please take it please,
take all of what makes me bad,

so in your face I can breath.

Let me breath your lies,
let me stir up a stick.

I'll pick my better losers
and they'll clog up the thick.

The thick in the stickers.
The wishers awash.

The bleek nickle-dimers,
who've aschewed all begotten
dinner diners.

And alchohol sticker states.

Make me feel really bad for felling
how I do,

then I'll feel hate.