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Jeff Gaines Apr 2018
Hello everyone,

  I'm so very sorry … I feel horrible doing this, but I have no choice. You see, I have published my first book on Amazon/Kindle! This piece (and many others) had to be taken down because they do not allow published material to be available online for free. (Go figure) I wanted to leave the shell of the posts because I felt compelled to leave all your helpful and loving comments. (Silly sentimental, I know), but I also didn't want to just have the pieces disappear without an explanation. I feel bad enough as it is!

  I owe ALL of you so, SO much for all of your reads, love, and support. It was YOU that gave me the gumption to FINALLY get off my **** and publish! Thank you all for the warm comments, camaraderie, and encouragement! I will still be here, reading, uploading and just being the Rascal that I am. How could I EVER leave you guys?

  The book is called “The Way I See It – FictionPhilosophySoul Food” and it will be FREE for the first few days on Kindle Select, so watch for it, if you are interested. I hope that you go and grab it. If you do, I would also hope that you find it worthy, you would leave me a good review. That will help me get in the public eye! Soon afterward (2-3 days or so), it will be available in paperback.

Find the book(s) here: www.amazon.com/author/jeff.gaines

Or find the book(s), and all about me, here: www.JeffGaines.world

  Soon after, I also hope to have my first novel (a supernatural thriller), called “Wanderer” available as well!

  Wish me luck!
Big, Biggest Love,
        Jeff Gaines
It is so sad to see someone change and then have to ponder whether this was them becoming someone else ... or if they were somehow fooling you all along and that now, you are seeing the real them for the first time.

ca·price
kəˈprēs
noun
noun: caprice; plural noun: caprices
1.
a sudden and unaccountable change of mood or behavior.
"her caprices had made his life impossible"
synonyms: whim, whimsy, vagary, fancy, fad, quirk, eccentricity, foible More
2.
MUSIC
another term for capriccio.
_____________________________________________

ca·pric·ci·o
kəˈprēCHēˌō
noun
noun: capriccio; plural noun: capriccios
a lively piece of music, typically one that is short and free in form.
a painting or other work of art representing a fantasy or a mixture of real and imaginary features.
Jeff Gaines Apr 2018
Hello everyone,

  I'm so very sorry … I feel horrible doing this, but I have no choice. You see, I have published my first book on Amazon/Kindle! This piece (and many others) had to be taken down because they do not allow published material to be available online for free. (Go figure) I wanted to leave the shell of the posts because I felt compelled to leave all your helpful and loving comments. (Silly sentimental, I know), but I also didn't want to just have the pieces disappear without an explanation. I feel bad enough as it is!

  I owe ALL of you so, SO much for all of your reads, love, and support. It was YOU that gave me the gumption to FINALLY get off my **** and publish! Thank you all for the warm comments, camaraderie, and encouragement! I will still be here, reading, uploading and just being the Rascal that I am. How could I EVER leave you guys?

  The book is called “The Way I See It – FictionPhilosophySoul Food” and it will be FREE for the first few days on Kindle Select, so watch for it, if you are interested. I hope that you go and grab it. If you do, I would also hope that you find it worthy, you would leave me a good review. That will help me get in the public eye! Soon afterward (2-3 days or so), it will be available in paperback.

Find the book(s) here: www.amazon.com/author/jeff.gaines

Or find the book(s), and all about me, here: www.JeffGaines.world

  Soon after, I also hope to have my first novel (a supernatural thriller), called “Wanderer” available as well!

  Wish me luck!
Big, Biggest Love,
        Jeff Gaines
In all honesty, I wasn't snooping. It just worked easier in the composition to not explain that. But I will here. I was sitting at the computer desk in our apartment. On my left was a 3 foot wide, 3-shelf, book case. It was filled with ring-binder notebooks of hers. Probably more than 200! She'd told me they were her "Notes from school" and I never gave them another thought. I had never touched one in over 4 years.

But that day, I had found something online that I wanted to write down. The printer tray was empty, so I looked around for a scrap of paper and figured I might find a blank sheet in one of these notebooks. I randomly grabbed one that had a larger ring in its spine, because it was easier to grab. I put it on my lap and opened it to a random page ... RIGHT to that poem.

Once again, the universe showing me things I am in desperate need of seeing. It was one of the sadder moments in my life, I must say. I opened MS Word and wrote the date at the top. Then I cut loose with whatever came out. The format of every line beginning with "I" just happened ... I left it, as is, and that was that.
Bruce Gil Aug 2015
I'm just like an orchid clinging on a tree
hanging around harmlessly
sipping it's nutrients without a care
taking advantage of it's hospitality

I'm just like an orchid clinging on a tree
being taken care of,and it will bloom beautifully
my flowers will make you smile
it will warm your heart and make you senile

but even though the tree is being ignored
it never complains,thus giving me everything and more

I'm just like an orchid clinging on a dying tree
i will die along with it
flowers will wilt,roots will rot
and just like an orchid dying with a tree

I didn't even realized the great love that was given to me...
cait-cait Aug 2018
imagine —
you are the last of your species,

an angel, who dances on
ice.

like
a
film that protects
this earth ,
your wings are broken ,
and these are the pieces of you that cannot go
home .
.

so on
tiptoes, this cracked marble
does not shatter,
and
everyone gets to watch you perform ,
unknowing of the cold truth that you are shackled
to ,

like
a ballerina in a box
that hums a sweet tune —

you still dance ,
even as the last of your species,
even though
you are all that you have left.

and
even though
you have decided that love is a form of
betrayal.
.
i didn’t know what to title this but my comedy lit class was assigned plato’s the allegory of the cave and i loved it.... this is somewhat a different style (or concept) for me but i hope you still enjoy. this was another poem where I wrote the ending lines before the beginning ha ha. Meaning Is up for interpretation
Maia Vasconez Oct 2018
It's not that I’m hurt, it’s that I think I’ve been wounded.
If you wanted to be animals you should have done it outside.
I said you made me too sad and he sends his condolences in a get well soon card and he asks if he can sign the cast.
I KEEP PLAYING IT BACK:
HIS HANDS ARE BOTTLE OPENERS. SHE'S A RAKE IN HIS LAP. THIS FEELING IS LUKEWARM AND YOU DESERVE ALL THE BITTER IN THE ALCOHOL.
IF YOU WANTED TO BE ANIMALS YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE IT OUTSIDE.
I COULDN'T SLEEP IN MY BED
MY ROOM WASN'T MINE
I WANTED TO THROW MYSELF FROM THE BALCONY
I WANTED TO SEE
JUST HOW MANY BONES
I COULD GET AWAY WITH BREAKING
...
That night left a bruise.
And I'm
                 Still reeling.
I thought I could trust you
With my hopes
My dreams
Secrets

But no
You turned them against me

Told the words I whispered
Cried and shouted
Spoken in
Confidence

With one single note
You have betrayed me
Hurt me
Wounded

Cutting
Deeper than any flesh wound

Now because of your childish pride
And your stubbornness
It is I who is being punished
Who has to live with your mistakes

You have cost me
More than you know

You’ve been banished from my parent’s lives
Not that I really blame them
For all the harm you’ve brought
them

Now that damage
Has carried on to me
And I have to live with it

You can go on your merry way
Having nothing to do with them
But I do

Because of you I can never
Have a celebration
A party
All of that is now gone

My graduation
Forget it
You’re no longer invited

My parent’s don’t want you in their home

Remember I said that
I wanted you to be my maid of
honor
Forget that too

Because of your selflessness
I have to live with the consequences
Even when I have done nothing
Wrong

Now because of you
my trust is











Lost
Francie Lynch Jul 2018
Birthed by altruism or selfishness,
Motivated by personal gain
Or the forfeiting of a nation;
It's the betrayal of friends,
Country, cause and trust.
Cassius,
Judas,
Benedict Arnold,
The traitor has many personas.

Traitors are hated by those they prefer. (Tacitus)

I forgive those who ****** and steal,
but a traitor, never.
(Zapata)

A nation cannot survive treason from within...
He rots the soul of a nation...
No wise man ever thought a traitor should be trusted.
(Cicero)

Softness to traitors will destroy us all. (Robespierre)

An open enemy, however criminal, is no traitor. (Spooner)

To have a traitor as an ally is to have an enemy in waiting. (Carey)

It is the just decree of heaven that a traitor never sees
his danger till his ruin is at hand.
(Metastasia)

There are but two parties now... traitors and patriots. (U.S. Grant)

If I had one bullet and I was faced by both enemy and traitor,
I would let the traitor have it.
(Codreanue)

There is a special place in **** reserved for traitors. (J. Trudeau)

Every man must be for the U.S. or against it.
There can be no neutrals... only patriots or traitors.
(S. Douglas)

Et tu, POTUS. (F. Lynch)
2020 Campaign Slogan: "Make Rusmerica Great"
Jeff Gaines Apr 2018
Hello everyone,

  I'm so very sorry … I feel horrible doing this, but I have no choice. You see, I have published my first book on Amazon/Kindle! This piece (and many others) had to be taken down because they do not allow published material to be available online for free. (Go figure) I wanted to leave the shell of the posts because I felt compelled to leave all your helpful and loving comments. (Silly sentimental, I know), but I also didn't want to just have the pieces disappear without an explanation. I feel bad enough as it is!

  I owe ALL of you so, SO much for all of your reads, love, and support. It was YOU that gave me the gumption to FINALLY get off my **** and publish! Thank you all for the warm comments, camaraderie, and encouragement! I will still be here, reading, uploading and just being the Rascal that I am. How could I EVER leave you guys?

  The book is called “The Way I See It – FictionPhilosophySoul Food” and it will be FREE for the first few days on Kindle Select, so watch for it, if you are interested. I hope that you go and grab it. If you do, I would also hope that you find it worthy, you would leave me a good review. That will help me get in the public eye! Soon afterward (2-3 days or so), it will be available in paperback.

Find the book(s) here: www.amazon.com/author/jeff.gaines

Or find the book(s), and all about me, here: www.JeffGaines.world

  Soon after, I also hope to have my first novel (a supernatural thriller), called “Wanderer” available as well!

  Wish me luck!

                                Big, Biggest Love,

                                               Jeff Gaines
I once had a really close friend ... I really want to believe this ... BUT ...
No matter how close I thought I was ... I would soon learn I was wrong. and eventually, after years of what I thought was closeness, she just "vanished" from me (or did she "vanish" me from her?), leaving me no way to contact her.

I pondered the reasons to the point of insanity ... until I realized that it just was what it was and there was nothing to do or say except to write a therapeutic piece like this (a few, actually) and move on.

I was led to find this writing from poet Trent Shelton ...
It truly began my healing process with an enlightening understanding:

"You can't control someone's loyalty. Being loyal is a decision they have to make. No matter how good you are to them, doesn't mean they'll treat you the same. No matter how much they mean to you, doesn't mean they'll value you the same. You just have to understand the people you love the most, can sometimes turn out to be the people you can trust the least. But never let that turn you into a person you're not. Keep LOVE in your heart."
~TRENT SHELTON
Nobody Sep 2017
Your suffering is always greater than mine,
you claim your fears are bigger.
Whine your feelings are better than mine,
insist my feelings are simpler.

Try to laugh my feats away like a joke,
but my will is more forward than yours.
Now don’t expect any warmth from me,
my spirit won’t be ignored.

You think you can quiet my defiance,
but I'm used to standing alone;
still these ego trips never get old,
they only harden my resolve.

So you timidly try and silence me,
then make excuses to escape.
‘Cause your wits won't handle me long,
I’m the one you can’t sedate.
Jeff Gaines Mar 2018
Hello everyone,

  I'm so very sorry … I feel horrible doing this, but I have no choice. You see, I have published my first book on Amazon/Kindle! This piece (and many others) had to be taken down because they do not allow published material to be available online for free. (Go figure) I wanted to leave the shell of the posts because I felt compelled to leave all your helpful and loving comments. (Silly sentimental, I know), but I also didn't want to just have the pieces disappear without an explanation. I feel bad enough as it is!

  I owe ALL of you so, SO much for all of your reads, love, and support. It was YOU that gave me the gumption to FINALLY get off my **** and publish! Thank you all for the warm comments, camaraderie, and encouragement! I will still be here, reading, uploading and just being the Rascal that I am. How could I EVER leave you guys?

  The book is called “The Way I See It – FictionPhilosophySoul Food” and it will be FREE for the first few days on Kindle Select, so watch for it, if you are interested. I hope that you go and grab it. If you do, I would also hope that you find it worthy, you would leave me a good review. That will help me get in the public eye! Soon afterward (2-3 days or so), it will be available in paperback.

Find the book(s) here: www.amazon.com/author/jeff.gaines

Or find the book(s), and all about me, here: www.JeffGaines.world

  Soon after, I also hope to have my first novel (a supernatural thriller), called “Wanderer” available as well!

  Wish me luck!

                                Big, Biggest Love,

                                               Jeff Gaines
When I lived in my beautiful cottage by the river, the old house across the street had been converted into a "flophouse", much like what unscrupulous landlords do in the 5 boroughs of NYC. They take a studio and make it a 3 bedroom ... they take a two bedroom and make it a 5 and ... well, you get the picture. The owner of this home had done the same.

SO, being low rent for being crammed into such a small space with others, it attracted ne'er-do-well's and transients ... at best. One morning I awoke to sirens and such invading my normally quiet and peaceful, dead end street. Apparently, a guy had been stabbed to death in the flop house ...

A ****** in my quaint little fishing village?

NO!

But, it was all confirmed by one of the local Police Officers there that was also a pal of mine. He told me that one of the "flops" was actually renting the couch and that another 'tenant" had placed a beer in the fridge for his early morning shakes. When he awoke and found it missing, he saw one of the same brand beside the guy on the couch. Infuriated that the guy took his beer, he repeatedly plunged a 10-inch kitchen knife into the guy in his sleep ... The poor soul never woke up.

What was really sad, was that it all came out somehow that it was NOT his beer and that the stabber's beer had been drunk by the stabber's own female "house guest" while he was asleep. I'm guessing her shakes came earlier than his?

Somehow, I'm reminded here of the W.C. Fields quote:
"Ah, the evils of strong drink!"

Also during that time in my life, I had helped two "friends" that were really struggling ... who, in turn, had then stolen from me ... one opportunistically and the other refusing to pay a large debt after I bought him a used car to help get him back on his feet.

Those frustrating "lessons" and the poor soul on the couch became this piece in my often-hard-to-understand mind. I know that he didn't actually steal the beer, but the parable, as-it-were, remains.
M Salinger Dec 2018
I have these
persistent
whispers of fears
that I won't love someone
so wholly
& deeply,
that I won’t feel that
intensity
that intensely,
again

it’s a
strange fear
since
no fiber
of
my being
is the
same
as it was,
back then

my bones
don’t remember
that blood
coursing all around,
pumping me full of
toxins
that felt like the
transcendence
of a runner’s high
melting
into an ******

this
is not the
body
of someone whose
life
was so closely intertwined
with yours,
back then

all that's left
is a faint linger of sensation
a hint of a memory,
like thinking of a taste
or a smell

but what my heart can’t
remember,
my mind can't
forget

you haunt me
still
in my
dreams,
of a bond
that could have been,
that a viable transition
could have been,
that no
love
need be
lost

wakefulness
coaxes me
out
as I start to remember..
it’s not
me
who should
fear
that melancholy

because
you
my dear friend,
are the *****

of a finger, that
throbs & aches
but in
hindsight,
is never as consequential
as it
felt

that at
most,
leaves a
shadow of a
scar

on a new
layer
of fresh
skin,
soft to the
touch
and
well-worn

with quiet assurance
and kind courage

two things
I hope for
you
but fear
you’ll never
have

soft, persistent
whispers
that guide me
away from
you..
Savanna Paige Sep 2018
****** ink, pens out my pain
& rotten diaries hides away the causes.

I wish I was a talker,
Instead I’ve always been a tight-lipped writer.

Listening to my heart pound at the sound
Of loud thoughts banging on my ear drums, demanding to be heard.

Going against the urgency to blade a veined pathway for their eviction.

No longer can I live with the absence of spoken words.

My outcries are no longer content w/ morning debuts in overwhelmed notepads.

Constantly running wild trying to free the thoughts held hostage.

Because never have I ever..
Had the cords to voicalize my brokenness using my now blistered tongue.
I’ve only ever known to bite down.

Swallowing fiery bullets to shield my freezing flesh.

Thinking it was enough when I found an underground tunnel for my thoughts to car-pool through.

Letting my pained fingers be the ambassador for an inaudible uproar.

Leaving the words trapped inside a box of my mind like a faulty magic trick.

My brain has a way of fooling me,
As it shoots pain throughout my body to signal danger. 

While simultaneously conditioning me to mouthed the words “I’m Fine”

So it’s no surprise that not a single pair of eyes can see,
The way my silent tongue is beginning to smother me.
I’m fine until I’m not. Getting over this betrayal has been the hardest for me. I inspire to be like
people who can talk & verbalize their feelings , pains, & personal experiences. I’m so ready to grow from that dark chapter of my past. I’m just not sure how.. but then again how can I when I pretend it doesn’t exist??
MU May 2017
How does it taste
My hand...?
The hand that fed you...!
You have been chewing on it
Through and through
For a while now...

The hand that hurts
From providing...
So much
That it came close to breaking
Just to protect you
From starving

The hand that hurts
And shakes
So much
That I can't even eat with it anymore
And as such
Will remain
Hungry
And probably die

I'm angry

I am angry with you
But the worst thing is
That I can't hate you
Because hating somebody you love
Hurts even more

I am angry
Because in my core
I was sure that you would do that
And all I did was
Ignore...
And you thought I didn't have a clue?
I gave you the cue
For this to happen
And I didn't pull my hand
And accepted for it to remain soar
Full of marks from your bites
And the endless nights
Of providing..
For such a long time
Telling myself
It’s fine
Because the bite
Of somebody you love
Is sweet
As honey

But now you are full
And it doesn't matter if I pull
Or leave my hand there
For you to take a last bite
You are just waiting for the fight
So that you can run away
And never look at me again

How does it feel
To be a traiter
How does it taste?
Bitter?
Only my tongue
My hand is sweet

Hand biter...!
Helping somebody who doesn't deserve it, is really bad. Falling in love with somebody who doesn't love you, is even worse. The worst is to help somebody you love but who doesn't love you back while you know in your heart that it is wrong, but nevertheless do it, because you love being in love...

But the absolutely worst is to love somebody who doesn't love you, and helping her so much on your own expense so that you can't even help yourself anymore and are in trouble now because of her, and she is waiting for a confrontation so that she has an excuse to never speak to you again.
LexiSully May 2016
Feelings and emotions course through me like the cold tears run down my face

My breaths come short and forced as my heart burns with despair

"Do they secretly distrust me?" I cry into the night, for I had truly believed that I had changed for the better

"They must, for why else would they do such a thing as this?"

The darkness absorbs me, surrounds me, and I weep until I weep no more.
Dawn Maiers Jan 2015
You say I'm controlling and a sneaky ***** but you don't really know me, you only wish.
You want your freedom, your brunettes, red heads and blondes.
All your beauties keep you love drunk and high strung.
Go ahead and write them your lyrics & sing them your songs.
When you realize you miss me
I will be long gone.
You think one of them will bring you happiness but guess what? Your wrong.
One day you'll wake up reeking of *****, smoke and *** and you'll realize that the hole you're trying to fill is not full yet.
You'll think of my love then, this I bet. How I gave you my heart, all the memories of me you've tried so hard to forget.
Eventually all your beauties will tire of your ******* and mind games and you will be left alone with nothing but your aging face, regret and shame.
Kind of a long one. Sorry. Lol
J-J Johnson Mar 2015
"No! No! This cannot be happening"
The words stumbled out as I tried hard to keep the sogged eye from draining
My vision became blurrer
And blurrer as I turned and run out of the house
Grabbing my stiletto as I did
Under the pear tree in the garden I stopped
And allowed the now heavy eyes
To drain the burning water
They flow on as if rain onto a wet clay statue
Bitter and hurt
Bitter from the disappointment and forlon
From a mixture of shock, disbelief and loss
Served in a glass of betrayal and a tray of painful regret
I raise the dagger in a drunken cognition
For my sob now has become the cry of a damage soul
A disfigured spirit
I can barely hear them from without in the midst of the caos
Those little voices in my heard
Screaming out at me
Hitting ******* the walls of my mind
Pushing my conciense
"Do it!" one says
"It wouldn't solve the problem" the other retorts
"But it will end it!"
"Leaving bigger problems"
The blood in my head is more than in any other part
The heat rising in exponents
The tension now causes my whole body to trob
To ache
My mind cannot hold it any longer
The quicker the better
I opened my mouth to say my final
But all the came out
Was a scream.
Kenji Nov 2018
It fathoms inside of me, the person I was, the person who I became, and the person I am becoming.
The epitome enforces loss of control, loss of desire, and loss of my true self.
Naturally, conflicting, always switching these dominant sides of me.
I lose it, in all focus of who I am, I deceive.
Unknowingly, playing different characters to clarify my true self, when it's all just lies, a game, a mental mind ****.
I deceive.
WHO AM I?
WHO ARE YOU?
WHAT ARE YOU TO BECOME?
Questions I ask myself everyday hoping the answer will just flow, it doesn't, I just switch.
A confliction of pain, loss, hurt, betrayal, emotion, sin.
I lose myself.
I never stay.
I never stay.
But they don't too.
Alone, lonely...
Waiting to be loved truly of the emotion and depth I desire.
Born to love deeply, and to be loved intimately, spiritually.
I suffer in my own self.
I torture myself to these standards of perfection I don't even have.
I **** myself everyday, knowing that it's eternal, it will never end.
MISUNDERSTOOD...
HATED...
Not worthy of the love that I deserve.
In a cycle that scars my unhealing pain.
I cry, I cry everyday.
No one to talk to, no one who wants to be there, no one who truly understands what it's like to be me, and nobody who wants to.
Yet, loving so deeply is a curse, sacrificing your own soul for others but ******* yourself over in the end.
It's never gonna end.
NEVER
So I die, losing myself between all my personalities.
Character deformations and a mind of a computer system that is constantly processing and rearranging, my thoughts never shut out.
Deranged, I scream and ache in pain.
I hide, because living a lie for so long has turned me into something I'm not.
The voices, they won't stop.
The people inside of me, they will never leave.
The thoughts I have within have consumed me, and there's no escaping it.
So, I deceive, hoping one day, it will all end.
Knowing, that life isn't a curse, but me.
The naturally deceiving nature of my soul.
Moon In Pisces
Gemini Ascendant
My thoughts, exposed.
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