"besh" poems
*because what's actually worth celebrating? well, i always celebrate another bunch of words, another litre of *** and, most obviously: another tomorrow.*
for a long time now i have
seized to celebrate
birthdays...
only this year have
i stopped "celebrating" easter:
coming from a traditionalist
family,
with my great-grandmother
dead for several years
everyone in the family
joked: she said enough prayers
for all of us...
my great-grandfather
took the micky out her in
that lovingly joking way anyway
he used to say:
you and your crows (priests,
that's the slang term for
a priest in poland) -
i can't remember
the last time i celebrated christmas,
or should it be called:
adverts from november through
to january marketing mecca
"holiday"?
but it breaks my heart
with regards to birthdays,
i don't celebrate it -
fair enough up to 25...
but a bit like receiving voting rights,
i think people have the potential
to relinquish their celebration
of something that's cake-worthy
once the teenage years end...
nonetheless...
on the dot,
i receive the phone call
on the day...
my grandparents...
wishing me this that & the other...
and... that's it!
it's actually more painful
to receive that phonecall,
than to receive: no phonecall
with besh wishes and what not.
i grew out the candles,
the balloons...
what is to be celebrated,
may i ask?
as the cliche says:
women lie about their age anyway,
if they found a way to avoid
the celebratory antics -
me? i'm just waiting for my
grandparents to die...
cruel, i know,
but it's much more cruel to receive
a phonecall from them,
"wishing" me a happy birthday...
day like any one...
now, if i remembered squeezing past
the genital skin of my mother...
that would be something...
thankfully, man's faculty of memory
and therefore being conscious
comes much much later,
thank god for that.
Aug 13, 2017
Aug 13, 2017 at 6:11 PM UTC
I will take all the chances i can
Chance to hold your hands
Chance to make you smile
Chance to see you look at me
Chance to love you eternally
But that does not end in just a few chances
Cause chances are nothing when youre in love
Why?
Because this chances can come true with the power of falling in love.
Love can make you do things
Things youve never done before
Things youve never felt before
But we're too scared of new, so was i
I was scared and still.
Being scared can make your wishes fall into pieces. So was i.
I was scared.
Scared of loving her. Loving my bestfriend.
I was even scared of calling her "my bestfriend".
I was scared being judged.
Being judged by loving someone who is also like me.
A girl.
So, here I am.
Hearing my broken heart breaking each time
i hear your name,
see your pictures,
its just too painful too feel.
If you ever see this letter i wish you will feel it was me, your friend. letting you know that you caught my heart.
So im begging you.
Please dont play with it.
If you do, im okay as long as you still hold it just please dont let it go.
I came to your life as a friend, a girl best friend. I wanted more but i know my limits so i sacrifice my heart and let it burn to numb the pain.
I miss you, ill see you next school year. As a friend.
Your secretly lover, bestfriend.
Ps. Besh pag mali mali english sorry nag mamadali mag type
Pss. Tamad ako. Tamad. So sorry talaga
Psss. Mag momove on na ko. Hahaha char.
....
May 28, 2017
May 28, 2017 at 6:23 AM UTC