Traffic in Beiing
Is horrific.
Hoot, bang, smash.
Crash. Glass.
See what I mean.

A little history, I have 2 children of my body and 7 of my heart. Yes of my heart at 37 years old children adopted me and they were mine!!!!!!!! My heart and universe was full.:-) trully all 9 are a gift.
I never knew what I wanted to do in my life had no goal, except my goal found me! I am poor in money, but life gave me riches beyond my dreams, I still feel that but theres a shift!!!
I was phoned at 5.15pm 7.7.2011 that one of them decided to go, take his life, his decision! Your life stops, what the f@ck? You are lost, trully gone!!!! So much pain for him and his family and you!!!!!
How do you tell his brothers and sisters that he is no more, won't get older, won't be there anymore, no laughter no fun, wake up this is a dream, nightmare! Find words, so few!!!!!
It is 2014 and nearly the third year,  all the others are older, doing there lives, growing and I am gratefull that they are there and doing, but there is a missing link still! ****!!!!!!!!
There is trully nothing I can do or say to make everyones hurt go away or mine, I am still so angry and sometimes the pain is too great. My heart hurts so much and I have to give him  a place in my world, make him fit!!!!!
It gets too much and there are no words, they can't or won't do much good! I hate beiing lost! Not allways there!!!
Sometimes it's as If i want to give up, but the rest need me, not always, but I have to be open for them, be fair!!!!!!
I love them all, my words cannot convey what I feel! They give me light!
But the shadow sometimes makes it black and it takes time to find the bright!

Are u happy now
With all you’ve got
With money and the body of the god.

Are you happy with idea of beiing perfect
And the place that shines.

But I’m sitting here, looking around
Writing the poems, making no sound.
Actually making a sound!
But i guess i was right, and i’m not enought
But **** those memories they’re ******* hard.
Yeah i remember all u said, i remember the voice, oh yeah!
When i stand up, go outiside i remember when we hang out.
Yeah i remember that spot.

And whenever i see you, its sad because
i remember that now she has something that was between us.


And i guess its true what they say, you don’t know what you had till it’s gone away.

Its not my intention to write whats on my chest but still i find myself not beiing able too stop typing everything that i feel i need to say.

I cared!
I loved!
You didnt care!
You didnt love!

YOU BROKE ME
TRULY YOU DID

So to the next man i say;
Dont save me!
Cause i dont wanna be saved.

learning the breeze stay clear  from the foam
living your life some where all alone
break peace from the bread you used to know
lone in decision pressed clear by my own'

in the distance trees  those legend of spring solstace bread
whet is going on in my head
all colors of grey, peach and cream
the solstace of what is beiing  seen

mockry the space torn odyssy
a brigade of the most triumphant be
-trees