I may not the best daughter.
But you will always be the best Father.
Yes, I've been slapped, left and right.
But I know I deserved that.
And I'm thankful you do that,
So I will realize how wrong I was.
I always promise to do good
But I also broke that promise,
Cause every time I swear
Later on I'll do the same mistake again.
I tend to do bad things repeatedly.
Yet you forgive me no matter how worst it is.
I didn't love you truthfully,
But you and your love embraces me.
If it isn't because of your love I maybe in hell now,
Screaming in pain endlessly.
You promise to save me and go everywhere I go.
And you never fail to do that.
I cried becasuse of how happy I am,
To know that there's someone who's willing to die for me.
You gave me everything but I can't give you even a single thing.
I was so self-centered, I was so selfish.
But that was before.
It's true that you can't change yourself,
Unless you ask for God's help and guidance.
It is not only me who make accomplishments,
But it is also the Holy Spirit you sends me.
I admit that I can't keep promises
So I ask for your patience,
To always look for me.
I know you do and will always.
Thank you for making me happy.
I only need you in my life.
Cause for when I'm with you,
It was always beyond perfect.

Regret nothing
and be grateful for what you are
and what you have
whether it is good or bad
and know that wealth
is not possession but enjoyment
so be grateful for the people
throughout your life that made you happy
especially the ones who made
your soul blossom
as we can learn much from those
who have gone before us.

Don't be afraid to step off
of the accepted path
and head off in your own direction
if your heart tells you
that it is the right way to go
and always believe that
you will succeed at whatever you do
and wherever you go
because you never know
how strong you are
until being strong is the only choice
that you have.

Don't worry about whether
your beautiful or you are ugly
because by the time that we are eighty
we will all look the same
even after playing our little game
so just hang in there
and everything will be all right
and try to get some sleep
at night.

As we go through life
we learn that they can't teach you
everything that you need to know in School
like teaching you how love somebody
with all that you have
nor can they teach you
how to be famous
and they can't teach you
how to be rich or how to be poor
and most of the time
they will just show you the door
becasuse they will never
teach you how to walk away
from someone
that you loved and who
you thought was
that someone who was sent to you
from above.

They don't teach you
what to say to someone who is dying
or teach you how to stop crying
as you watch them leave
or how to deal with
someone's continuous
lying .

I've done it all starting
with answering the call
for my Country in a meaningless war
that left me with only
trying to find a door
that would lead me out
of my pain and I've been rich
and I've been poor and
all of the dead space in between
and so much I have seen
that I will never forget
and I am still trying to find that door
to my happiness.

Don't judge me if you don't
know a thing about my wants and needs
or I will drop you to your knees
because I have been knocked down
so many times and left for dead
by those who are not very well read
but I keep getting back up
because that is me
and what I do better than anything
so it would seem.

On the down side of this wild ride
of the boomer generation
I try to finish out this ride
as I watch so many dropping
by the wayside but so many are still  
waiting to just turn the page
with no rage.

Never regret anything
that made you smile even if
it only lasted for a very short while
and try to remember that
your happiness is all up
to you.

While humanity sleeps in the night
all I do is write
and my words and my tears
have flooded Valley's without
a single solitary sound
but for me sometimes the Sun shines
but the clouds always seem to return
so I guess I'll just never learn
but I do know that when knowledge
speaks wisdom listens.                                      Jon York              2012

You cannot commit suicide
Because its not a crime
When you can no longer hide
Knowing you'll never be good enough may as well stand as a sign

Block the view of all hope
take the rope,take the rope

When you can't even talk about it

"Nobody would miss you"
Repeated like a mantra

Nobody actually cares
They just want to give out false hopes and trap you in snares
I'd rater be mauled by bears

The light of life seems nothing more than a glimmer
Coated in a shadow so dark it consumes
Relentlessly eating at happiness

"Yeah,
I can laugh
Becasuse I'm a joke
You can laugh too,
I couldn't be any more broke"

"I can sleep
But never rest
Drink myself deep
To help with pressure in the chest"

Standing in the eye of this storm
Knowing a step in any direction
Only brings me closer to death

"I'm fine,really"

Slam the door
*I won't be a burden anymore

When you asked me if we could be Friends
An amount of rage and sadness Overpowered me
Tears started pouring out from my Eyes
I felt like an old toy being Dispossed
I felt like the family member that is Put on a home and forgotten
In complete solitude
Even though I was surrounded by The presence of many
None of them was you
I closed my eyes hoping you Would appear
My dear
You made me feel like a princess
You stole my breath with every Kiss
When you caressed my skin
I felt I was being touched by an Angel
I didn't see evil within you
Yes, I saw fear, but not malice
I don't really understand
All the situations you have been Through
Or all the insecurities within you
But I need you
Becasuse you are the book I always Wanted to read
But couldn't get my hands on
Either because it was too expensive
Or it was out of stock
Anyone would give up anything
Just to read the pages that you let Me read
How fortunate would I be
To stumble upon such a Masterpiece again
I have come to accept
No matter how good a person's Intentions are
It might just not be the right Moment
But if you wait for the right time
You might wait for the rest of your Existence
I wish you'd be in my shoes for Some moments
Just so you could see
Just so you could feel
Just so you could hear
The magic that you are
If you were an ocean
I'd drown myself in you
Just to see what's at the bottom
I can't be your friend
Because at the end of the night
I want to be in your bed
Not for what yo're thinking
But because the night makes us More sincere
Your story
With all the hurt
The happy
The mad
Is my favorite of them all
I hope none reads you
The way I was able to
Uncensored
But now that I've read you
Or at least now that I read parts of You
I have questions
And know that answers won't Come
So I'll leave a review
On my personal thoughts
That my answer is NO
But I'll say Yes
Don't go!

ive heard no but that doesnt settle well
once you have done it why go back
excel over evening up even
no is motivation for yes
yes is the key to success
believe in yourself and you can do anything
those who oppose you never let them win
walk up like you own the beyotch take control
never let others influence your good deeds and efforts
lead the pack set the bar make the rules
i refuse to let you think otherwise
you dk me or have the right to judge me
ive done more than you could image
im stimulated while your burnt out
my good mood will not be over powered
by your bad mood
i live to be great i live to be great i cant settle for less
you call me crazy but i know the truth
i say what i want dont tell me less or otherwise
will power and strength will take one farther than they could imagine
the refuse you because you are close you refuse them becasuse they failed
refuse to lose and you will win

Stab your hand, right into my chest
and pull out my heart,
it's for you, but i'm too much of a coward
to extract it myself.
When you're done ******* this whole city
I'll let you know i love you
Becasuse I don't think its true,
not just yet.
In this desert I'm suffereing
and tomorrow it will rain,
Tomorrow never comes.
My feet never follwed the wrong crowd.
Sit and bow our silly heads
forgive ourselves for never living
But I really want you to know I love you.

Sometimes I need you
Sometimes I don't
So I write metaphors all morning about all the ways that we love
And all the ways we don't
But, would we love each other so much with out all of the distress?
Becasuse what is tranquility with out disharmony?
What is clarity with out obscurity?
What is the Sun with out the Moon?
Whst is me, with out you?
Unconsciously, you are my solace
And I am yours

Eyes coated in icy gloss and body draped in lace.
Skin so silky and pale,
nails chipped with black and grey.
Even your sultry lips,
everything was so familiar but so forgotten.

I felt sorrow for your helpless parents,
who cried tears of pretension.
They shall never know you,
nor your hazy thoughts you shared.
How horrid.

I recited a well rehearsed soliloquy into my skin,
in the hopes of your missing approval.
Perhaps morbidity and salty warmth can revive.
Do you see me now?
Do you witness me engraving my madness?

I can not blame you,
but I do.
I do for the sorrow, the deranged ache,
the lack of knowledge and memories,
and everything that dripped from my wrists.

Poor girl, with the icy eyes and sultry lips.
Poor girl who craved comfortable sadness.
Who craved the barrel of a pistol,
pressed to her skull.
That skull so packed with stories.

One horizontal and one vertical maybe.
Can I join you?
Can I lay so still and so zen, just as you do.
No. I can not. I shall not. I will not.
You're beyond and I am here.

So to hell with you and your potential,
your untold stories, your novel you never wrote,
your smoke and bourbon dashed breathe,
as you whisper Emily Dickinson quotes to me.

You left me here in this dystopia, without a savior.
Now I will pass your empty locker, and your seat in honors english,
I'll feed the cat who devoted itself to you, and I'll sit on the edge of your bed.
I'll look around your room and will focus only on your favorite book.
The one you read aloud to me in the park at midnight.

You're a ghost and you lay feet ahead of me in a casket.
You suffered from your own catastrophe,
and truthfully it's my fault I didn't listen deeper when you called.
Soon we'll be together again,
and you won't be alone in the darkness of the stories I never heard.

Did your icy eyes gloss over? Was your silky pale skin stained with crimson?
Did your sultry lips quiver,
and did your chipped nails tremble beneath the trigger.
I hope your eyes were soft just at that moment,
becasuse they were always so cold.

im a drone fly dressed in yellow and black robes
a king snake, drained of poisonous nectar  
i am rotten fruit
bitter to the bite
you recoil at the taste of me
i am the ugly duckling in reverse
cracking out of my plain jane shell
only i never turn into something beautiful on the level where it counts  
i am forever out of place
with things that have a purpose
im an outsider posing as an insider
everyday of my life
constantly trying to convince myself i am a bad person so i can fit in enough to blend in with my surroundings
to not awake an arousing suspicion
that i am different from you
to lead you away from any slight possibility of you finding a weakness
i am an expert in my head, or at least that's what i tell myself  and here are some secrets to salivate on
you must believe your own lies
because then they are no longer lies
they are your truth
they are possibilities
and these possibilities grow at the tips of your fingertips
into a noose
tightly wrapped around your throat
you will learn to enjoy the suffocating feeling in time
you must suffer to feel success
please do not ask me why
because i will not have an answer for you
in time
you will learn why
i play pretend
this is why
i don't cry
so you can see. do you see?
me
all choked up inside
i will never hurt you
but i will always hurt myself.


despite
wanting to love you
but im too afraid to let you in
i have no ill intentions
but for me to say that out loud
holds a weight too immense for me
to say looking you in the eyes
and you don't believe me
because i stare at the sky and my lips tremble
because im trying to hold back the earthquakes behind them
but i cant hold it all in like i use too before i met you
and i just want to let it out and i just want to let you know
and i just want to tell you
that i love you when you need to hear it  
but we both speak more with silences then words
so im sitting in silence hoping you pick up on
how i
feel
about you
every single second of every single day
and it will never change
you will always be in the center of my brain
bouncing around in the brain of a musing insomniac


if only you knew
every late night nightmare
like you knew where to find every freckle.
i have sixteen you said.  
the half of it
if only you knew the reason why behind every time i was too afraid to cry or say the things that i should've said to make us work out in the end
im so sorry
that im so selfish
i didn't know
i'd meet a miracle in the middle of february
because if i did i would have spent every day preparing for a space in my heart with your name on it


but im going to try
im gonna get better for both of us

frankly it's gotten to the point where I don't even believe myself when I look in the mirror
gives you leeway into my heart
and i can not say i do not have ill intentions genuinely
instead I say it with a quivering lip that
you do not believe
becasuse it all adds up with you
but it adds up with me too
and when I feel small
I go back to my world of make belive
I absorb myself back into my apathetic shell
please demon of mine ralses eme