There's a lot of *****
in a cricket match,
don't fancy catching them.
There's a lot of bats and
batsmen,
and batsmen bat the *****.
An umpire calls the shots but
he don't bowl the ***** and
a wicket keeper keeps no wickets
but he looks after bails
which are not ***** but
if the bails fall
the batsmen do too,
are you
following this?
A no ball is still a ball
and no ***** are still *****
which is all *****
if you ask me.

Some say it should go burn in hell
That the money leaves a really bad smell
  But hit and giggle
  Or **** and piddle
It's here to stay the IPL.

From countries far and wide
Come players with heaps of pride
  But if they fail
  You'll hear them wail
For there is not anywhere to hide

The cheques books come out
The auctioneers will shout
  Some Players get bought
  Some others get naught
The IPL now has such clout

The turn-styles are all in clamour
The Batsmen are using the hammer
  They go for the big six
  Bowlers try their new tricks
So cricket is married to glamour

Should cricket become this glam
When the ball is met with a blam
  hit way in the air
  didn't see you there
Sorry about that Maam!

Klusener could whack it, yes Lance,
To spinners, down wicket, he'd dance,   
   No defensive tricks, 
   He smote them for six,
The same for the quicks without prance.

Sometimes he could bowl pretty quick,
Sometimes the batsmen he'd trick. 
  Gave balance to the side, 
  Served country with pride,
All without ever being a *****.

His best score V England, remember?
Our bowlers he got to dismember. 
  Zulu hit it so high 
  Way up into the sky,
It didn't come down 'til November.

Pakistani Mohammad Aamer,
Much too young to buy his own beer,
   But his bowling is ace,
   He got in Ponting's face,
Other batsmen are living in fear.

Pakistani Afridi is mad,
Though he is not inherently bad,
   But he did chew a ball,
   Which about says it all,
But watching him play makes me glad.

Look, Shahid Afridi is crazy,
Even though he appears quite lazy,
   He wants to be strong,
   But it turns out all wrong,
It's because his brain is all hazy.

I know little of Umar Amin,
My knowledge of him is too thin,
  Does he bat left or right,
  Will he give Oz a fright,
Or meekly get out once he's in?

Then Umar Akmal will stride out,
He's tiny but he gives it some clout,
   An average of fifty,
   Looks pretty **** nifty,
From behind him, the crowd they will shout.

Oh what a scene
Cricket being played on a field of green
Eleven players per team all dressed in whites
What a fabulous, glorious sight
Bowlers bowl, Batsmen bat
Umpires keep the score, was he out, "howzat"
Bowlers aim not too high, not too low
Bowlers bowl not too fast and not too slow
Batsmen notching up the runs
Receiving the ball at full speed, hitting the ball to the boundary for a four
If their lucky they will hit it for six, over the boundary bar
A coin is tossed for who bats first, the losing team defending
Six ***** per over, 50 overs per inning
Who scores the most is the team that is winning
A few rules to abide
Keep your leg to the side, dont get caught leg before wicket
Bowlers of pace, try to keep the ball away from the batsmans face
If you are caught out before you score, a duck will appear on the scoreboard
A century is of course one hundred runs, simply known as a ton
Then comes a break for afternoon tea, sandwiches and cakes all freshly baked
The second team step up to the mark
For this typically English game in the park
Families attend from far and wide to watch the battles of the two cricket sides
Battling it out on a field of green, halcyon days continuing

Recruitment is a difficult job
Surely, everyone knows that
It is like chasing a target of 350 in 50 overs
However, when you are hiring Investment Bankers
The target remains the same
But the pitch, which is a belter as of now
Suddenly acquires a greenish hue
And the ball starts swinging and seaming
One mistake, and you are back to the pavilion
Meanwhile, the asking rate keeps climbing
Thus, the pressure keeps building
Yes, that's how tricky Investment Bankers are
At least as far as India is concerned
However, European Investment Bankers are a different ballgame altogether
The target continues to be the same
As does the nature of the pitch
However, now you have to chase the target in 40 overs!!
Well, you decide to steel yourself
To bat out of your skins
And do manage to hit a few ***** out of the park
However, your joy is short-lived
As you go for one boundary too many
Only to get caught at deep square leg
More and more batsmen follow
And try their level best
To keep the required run rate under control
But the wickets keep tumbling
Meanwhile, your last hope, Hardik Pandya, arrives at the crease
And takes the game by the scruff of the neck
While at the other end, Virat Kohli stands strong
And the pair manage to build a partnership of 100
However, the European I-Bankers end up having the last laugh
As Virat gets run out
While going for a quick single
And Hardik goes for a maximum
Only to get caught
Just inside the boundary line
By now, you know, as do the European I-Bankers
That the game is well and truly up
Unless a miracle happens
Well, all you can say
Is "Better Luck next time"
Also, welcome to the world of hiring European Investment Bankers