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Ayeshah Apr 2013
I step up to the curtains
they weren't open yet,
but I could hear the melody of the music
and
I listen curiously,
as
the man performing before me spoke,
he used words to address me as a
Afrocentric --Soultress
with a little bit of Boriqua aurora ,
I bow my head and laugh.
The curtains lift as I walk out & up
I open my mouth softly
I tells of lovers wrapped entwined entangled
as
sheets become hiding places as lips taste of honey
from valleys of lustrous milky--juices
from a our oasis
of ******* *******,
and
overflowing valleys fill to the
brink with sweets raunchiness hehehe...
I step to the right to
look at the crowd
making sure they get the effect of how he tasted
as
I hold the mic
I gentle massage it
while motioning
to a man sitting right in front,
he licks his lips
and
I then turn my head to my left
addressing
the parties sitting right up front on my left,
I speak to them of the swells of his back and how
my nails dug deep as he enter me swiftly
with his Mandingo shaft...
how his blue eyes seeped into my brown eyes
while
he drove deeper inside of my mahogany velvet box,

a women in front crossed her legs tightly
and
wiggled in her seat,
I bow my head so I don't laugh,
I watch the center crown as
I explain how he  the man with this enormous
Mandingo ****
stuffs it down my throat
and
I **** him in choking as he trys to insert it deeper,
I'm lavishing up every bit of his essence, 
 the couple in the center hold hands even tighter
and
look at each other with a shared memory.
I flow with the music softly slowly
I connect with each member of my audience,
sharing with them the way he bent me over his stool inside
his photo lab
and
kissed between my cheeks as he spread me open
and
softly fingered my ***
while using the other to finger to lavishly assault
my chocolate velvety muffin,
as
I moaned he readily spread me,
telling me as he moved in front of me saying be still,
he tied me up to this tall stool, the crowd leans in
as if ready to hear the next verse,
I give in after a moments pause,
sharing with them how he spread my legs
and
tied them right after he spread
my hands on each leg of his stool.
In his photo lab he lubed up moving his hand up
&
down
his light skinned shaft,
I watched
and
longed for him to touch me again,
the radiance crowd
sitting on my left seemed
to be thinking as I did,
"is he going to stuff his **** back inside my mouth,"
I speak again
seeing how their all
longing to know he did in fact slowly 
walk up to me, lifting my head and saying open up baby,

I did as I was told,
the man sitting in the shadows
on my left
seems
to be stroking his **** as
I proceed to explain in poetic
****** verses
of this tall
high--yellow
black man
with the
blue eyes,
he seems in tuned
so I keep speaking of how
I licked his shaft
then allowed him to slowly meticulously
push
his **** inside my mouth
and
slowly pull out again .
I tell the audience how he ***** my mouth first slowly and then like a beast, he was ready to explode I explain how he grabs the head and stops him self from *******,

I get an
"Ah'awe"
from all the men in the audience
and
I laugh..
but
continued to explain
how he didn't want to just yet...
poetically
I explain how
he wanted to ready me for his assault
on my sweet *****,
using words to describe it ;
like mahogany rose buds or petals.
Explaining
how his Mandingo shaft
would be his weapon...
They seem eager to know more,
I tell a tale of how this light skinned brotha had me tied and teased me in his photo lab,
explaining how he pulled out a ***** just
as big as
his manhood was
and
while eating me he slide it inside of me
as
I quivered and shook he'd stop,
it seemed right when I was about to ***,
he seem to laugh out loud at my misery,
he knew just what he was up to, the audience seemed to get deathly quite,
seems even the music died
as explained the rough treatment I received at the hands of this blue eyed light skinned devil
of a man,
He licked me even at timed used his fingers along with this *****,

I explained to my audience
how he stopped his assault
on me as he slide his Mandingo up and down
my *** teasing my *******
putting the tip of his head in and then taking it out,
I told them how he finally stopped for a second,
then he entered my *** with the ***** and slide his 12" ****
deep inside my ***** causing me to cry out,
I tried to stop him but my hands were tied and that of my ankles as well,

and

he moved with such force and swiftness
I couldn't utter a word,
the more he moved the more
my body betrayed me as it heated up
from the inside out as
if he ignited something new and longing within me
he moved fast and ferociously in and out of me in sync
with the enormous ***** until
I myself was begging for him not to stop,
I
poetically
spoke memories & fantasies out loud,
letting my audience
know how
I
came so close to a ****** I've never ever got to feel or come close to feeling again,
I acted as if there was more but I then kissed the mic and walked off stage ....
  
  Another
Story
perhaps
another night
&
I'll
KISS THE MIC!
Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright ©
Ayeshah
K.C.L.N 1977 - Present YEAR(s)
**All right reserved ®
Ayeshah Sep 2013
I'm SO Scared
...........

I'm scared
to love again,
the last few times I've allowed a man in my life,
it was lies cheating and so many fights,
I've given my all only to have so much of it fall apart.

I'm scared
more now than I've previously been,
I feel like its a faze like that honey moon thing,
3 months of bliss, sadly traded for 3 years of misery.

I'm scared
to trust you because lord knows I've trust the wrong fools,
those who'd say they longed for me & needed me,
but claimed the same things to her & her too.

I'm scared
to open up,
telling you all my secrets,
dreadful memories & histories of horrible abuse,
at the hands of my exes & foster care
plus
such things from my present & more of my past,
things
I'd never share with anyone again- if I can help it,
because
it's been shared before,
with others & I've been let down and laughed at, treated badly .
had it used against me too.
I'm scared because,
secrets
were used to inflict harm,
used to make me feel ashamed...

I'm scared
to once again share intimate moments,
because I've been put down and shunned,
treated like a *****, instead of a girl-friend or wife,
I've heard how she's so much better,
how I've supposedly failed to please,
yet in my bed he's claimed he'd wish to be.

I'm scared
to be loyal because he's turned on me,
my abilities to forgive after all the un-loyal things that's been done to me,
the unfaithful ways he's shared his life with others,
the lies he's told on me while claiming to others,
how
I'm always the excuses & reason
his cheating & actions, were justified.

I'm scared
you'd do this too and I can't ever again take the hurt or lies.

Even though
I'm scared
to open up & scared to trust,
or  to be loyal and devoted...

Still scared,
but I'm not giving up,
I'm still refusing to believe that this time around,
it'll be the same as it was when I was with him & my last ex.
I believe heartedly that you'll be different then all of my exes.

You'll be given to me what they've refused,
I seen the way you
look at me and how dedicated you've been towards me,
Even my girls like you way better then him.

You've shown me what patients really looks like,
showed too how you'd treat me as your friend and as your lady,
You've listened and given great advise.

Sharing your deepest history and allowing me always to just be me,
You've lifted me up and haven't put me down,
laughing with me and making me smile,
You've danced with me in the pouring rain.

It's early still and we know the honeymoon faze will end,
but I'd like it to last for as long as it can
I actually loved
our first fight because
you expressed your desires to set things right,
You didn't accuse me nor point a finger,
being so attentive and so very soothing.

You say you love me
and
want the best for me
plus you have even shown me
your word's hold true.
So even though
I'm scared
I'm ready and willing,
Happily I'll continue to take this leap of faith with you,
because you've given me the same chances and made it a point to improve,
You're betting it all on me
and
intrusting me with your heart,
I believe its only fair that I too intrust you with mines...

Put faith into your actions
and
believe you
because you've given your solemn word,
to love me and take care of us,
I know too that you do love me and I love you too!

I know it wont be easy and I know we got a negative past in each of our history's,
but like you said;

as long as we're honest and dedicated to each other,
no matter what may come, things will keep getting better...


Sooner or later, despite my pstd, bi polar and d.i.d.
I'll see, because you'll keep showing me,
that there will be no more reason for me to be
SCARED!*

Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright ©
Ayeshah
K.C.L.N 1977 - Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved ®
Ayeshah Jan 2014
Feeling like quicksands surrounding me,
trapped here sinking into the unknown,

grasping at flimsy vines- like branches
from this willow tree near by.

The more I move to catch a hold
of it's long flowery vine- like branch,

the more I'm swallowed up
in this murky quicksand...

I need to get out & move on from here.

It's not so cold & a bit comforting to me,
scary as it is to be sinking to my death.

Like those strong arms
which once held me closely- so tightly,
I almost suffocated...   almost.

I had a dipsomania for those arms,
like those vine- like flowery branches.

A curiosity brooding over me
for a need I'd hardly allow,

like the longing to move out of this pitted hole
where slowly I'm being devoured...

Sadly for me, I seem to have a lack of
romantic-relationship acumen.

I've fell into your trap yet noticed you were
a master at excogitating reasons not to do

the assigned requirements for what would
of been a everlasting affair.

You've sinking me faster into the depths of loneliness
lies welling up and surrounding me in darkness.

Sandy banks seems with in reach,
yet I can't get a firm grip on this branch- like vines,
omnipresent swinging gently in the breeze.

Like those strong arms
which once held me closely- so tightly,
I almost suffocated...   almost.

I had this painful self-injected
craving for you like taken ******
for the first time,
only drug of choice though was you.

In my mind eyes, your succumbing
to my wicked desires where

I put you into un-rational thoughts,
guess you'd say it was
irrational

to think of you in such a poisonous,
concupiscent way.

Knowing as I do that you've
yet to quench me or fulfill this

wrongful,
painful  burden of need,
not of late and not for a long time now.

I'm stretching out my arms,
all the while the slightest movements causes me to
descend deeper into this murky slushy quicksand...

Seemingly it's rising up,to cover my chest
I'm finding it hard to concentrate,  

I guess it's the same for you
with your  irascible disposition,
ever since you've found out,

I'm no longer willing to be your victim .

I'm not going to let you swallow me whole
leaving my bones to surface later

once you've dried up
from the magnitude of your collections,
with in your murky lugubrious quicksand.

I've fought this long & I'm winning,
I have the willow's finger-like viney flowery
branch,  firmly with in my hands.

I've grasped on so tight, because,
because- I know what it's like to be free,
to live and not be ****** in,

to forever & never able to reach
that bank which always seemed more like
a mirage,

I knew to be more real then the many sandy
"I love you's"
you've plead & fibbed out to me,

I felt what it's like to laugh & dance
as the sun beats humidly down on me,

I know what I want & it's not to be with you
or die in your*

QUICKSAND!

Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright ©
Ayeshah
K.C.L.N 1977 - Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved ®
Ayeshah Mar 2010
He Fights to be the Provider,
Hiding the Pain he Sometimes feels,
Trying to be your Healer,When you both have to seal -Deals ...
In life that give way to many...
Mistakes, He lifts you up when your feeling down,
Holding all he feels deep, Down,
Worries about what you don't have while trying
to make you Laugh,
Sometimes Sitting  up, Late at night thinking
of another way to give everything
Helping you
Through the old wounds of pain caused by another Mans
Abuse,un truths or lies you never forgave,
Taking blame even thou its not in him to hurt
this presious women,
To him You are everything,
Asking Nothing of himself,
When your in pain he leands the help,
taking all your worries away
Pain Skecthed on his face,
You dont Notice, your too stuck in your own
Turmoils, You dont think..., What dose he need,
A Mans Struggles
Is beyound us,We only know what we WANT, As Women
Some of Us don't trust enough or care long as we
Get OUR share..,
We aruge with him,
Fight and fuss,
Making it harder on him to just be a Man
His Struggles,
Not to mention The Father or daddy to some of our kids,
Even when their not even his,We burend you with our self
conclusions and confusions, Make you Pay Everyday
for something you didnt do or Never Could..
Mistreatment is evident as
We give to him
Our own Abuse ...Words Hurt him too,
Even thou he Holds it ALL in
As Girls, Ladies and Women,We concurred you,
With looks of our own Deceptions and lie to get you in our web,
Black Widows Grasping at you, laying you on the plater not really
knowing what "lies" Ahead,
Not All Women but Many of THEM...,
Taking him from Man to the Beast paying for
The ******* by other old peeps family
or the Other Ex's
Not leaving Room for him to be Next,
Or The Best...,
**** His Struggles and let him deal with mines,
Let him see me as I want him to,
his girl we say, His Lady, His wife,
His Baby Momma
With all the strife and Drama,
Causing him to be Not Man but less of Him,
Make him the Next Abuser,
No its not Right but
hey Thats life,
or THE Way you want it to be..
You wanted more of his time,
stopped him from making a Dime or paper,
To Recreate him
Not in God's Image but as You want it..,
Women Listen...
He's
Giving all he can, Working Paying bills..,
In the street or 9to 5 ...,
Doing anything to let You get by,
THIS MAN STRUGGLES.
Yeah he gets a little satisfaction
from all that he's done to just put
that Smile on your face ...,
See his kids say
Hey my Daddys great,
But Given His Struggles His way of doing things..,
its time to sit and think
what it means to be a MAN,  Be Men....,
A Mans Struggle's
We dont talk much about...,ONLY what he do "WRONG"
or what he's NOT willing to Do for you,
You Complain
About what's NOT Given  or  
NOT done (done/doing RIGHT) whats not yours
or what He DONE gone in did AGAIN & AGAIN...
This Song Continues,
And now hes got your Tune Stuck in his Head,
Negatives not Words of Encouragement,
NO  Praises and Thanks for helping Rasie these bad as kids ...,
Putting food and gifts & Roof over ya Heads,
Saving up, time to spend and taking work off...not that its a cost
YOUR willing to make
( cuz Some just Aren't Going to Take it/US Women)
or to even say THANKS,
Some Of us Women just dont Get it,
Can't Say all Women but
I know Plenty of THEM,
Not willing to take his place on any given DAY...
Making him..,
Not a man but worse than sin, taking away his "self"
Esteem and the MAN you ONCE Fell in love with,
is No longer him,
Changing him Again til he's unreal...
Saying "I do" just to Get his Dibbs,
Saying "I love you" just to pay a bill,
STOP WORRYING
ABOUT WHEN HIS NEXT PAY IS,
OR IS HE GOING TO BE THE NEXT
to do what the Ex's did to you...,
ABUSE YOU,
THINK OF THE ....
Love he's giving..,
You as a women and for
giving the realationship a chance,
Wow to just be a ma!,
HIS STRUGGLES,
GOT ME IN a TRANSITION OF FEELING HIM
AND LISTENING TO ALL YOU MEN!...
I  Apologies if this Was ever me
(I bet I did it too acted petty and lost a good Man,)
I AM THANKFUL AND YOUR HEAVEN SENT.
AGAIN TO ALL THE GREAT MEN...
To all you Wonderful MEN...I say AGAIN TY...
I know some of the ****
your in and I feel your pain at times Too,EVEN
if I don't ALWAY Understand You,
Even when I'm Yappying my Mouth...,
Talking a bunch of ****,
I give Thanks to you,
all you men For DEALING with it!
Hench I dedicate this
to You Men
Cuz I can only Guess About.....
A MAN'S STRUGGLES!!!
Always Me Ayeshah
Copyright © Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved
Ayeshah Dec 2013
I never been on

Verses & Flow or Poetry Slam

don't get me wrong

I'd love to be

but me sharing like that on "mic"

scares the ******* life outta me

yet I admit

I want to in fact would love it

But right now-

I can only tell you how I feel
&
this is how I let **** out

express me&sometimes; let you in

so this is a poem I've made about this dude.

A dude whose comforting and new

a dude whose lenient

and beautiful inward & outward.

He talks to me of so many thing

and he has a mind that speak more

volume then money....

I've been know to deal with them  baller's

those who'd spend on me-

the moment I call em.

He's gentle and kind,

mindful of me & my needs

even

funny even at times

when he's joking round with me.

He lights my way and makes me see

not of everything physical,or ****** either

but of inspiring dreams

for me to do better

than what I've been told I could barely achieve

from listening to past assaults

and dead weighted-ended relationships...

To opening the ******* door

& letting me just be ME....

My hair weaves

he complimented

and my braiding techniques too

from my beautiful big lips

plus this luscious **** hours glass phat *** shape

he says baby your amazing

then kisses my forehead

like Taye Diggs did in both The Best Man movies.

When he touched my breast- not in a ****** way

I felt finally safe-

cuz I asked did you feel the lump there

he kisses me on my cheek

tells me it's ok even if my hair falls out

and all my weaves went away,

he's seen me without em,

seen me with out makeup too.

No need to worry since there isn't even a lump,

so he says & I smile widely.

but if it was I'd still be the most beautiful

this he promises me

and looks me right in my eyes.

This dude says he watched me sleep

sometimes until the early morn

and looked at me like I've never

looked at myself.

Mind you I know I'm fine

but barely was I ever able to know my wealth,

to even ******* know myself worth

or who I really was.

Sadly so beautiful but yet I'm so tainted & insecure

He's seen this about me long ago

yet I thought before him-

that love had to hurt

that the pain I've caused me-

from dealing with other types of "love"

from dudes due their share was somehow real

Other dude's who'd spend

and who'd **** me deep & put my *** to sleep

was what love meant

this "love" I was so used to-

was pose to be fist knocking back my head

eyes black in their sockets,

clothes ripped off

and me being slammed to the ground ******

and left bleeding

Left, deserted, abandon

and me sore bruised-

from ever part of me

cops coming once a month

or when he ****** his boss & I went the *******.

Or love was him- telling ole girl in Chi Town

how much he couldn't live with out her

while sitting on the toilet in my house-

in my bathroom after ******* me

and calling it making love.

Or love was pose to be in my head

when he let his cousin get away with ****** me-

yet I was the who got her *** beat.


I thought from

the age of 6

that I was pose to lay there

just spread wide for you

and let you use me

pinch

poke and rule me!

I didn't know this kind of man

so every time dude came around-

I'd chase him away.

telling him

NAW man I don't date white boi

(that's slang for boy)

but
I've dated the Italian and he liked them easy women

the ones he could change and manipulate

I've dated the Natives born of this "America" land

he showed me what my mother tried to hide-

like a drunkard father beating her at night

this was the Native

who wasn't taught how to eve3r be a man

Then there was Paul-

a mixed up race/breed Native too-

Apache yet Mexican and yet American

in New Mexico they're called Chicano's

so guess that what the **** he was

he had the short man complex

and couldn't bother to talk

he thought *** would be pleasurable

but sadly for me & him

his baby toddler *****

just didn't do the trick.

So hurting worded voices loudly spoke

caused me abuse,

I guess it's still my fault-

I allowed them to hurt me.

The smooth talker,

Casanova,

The Ballers,

The players with the nice whips

(That means cars y'all)

The man who could **** out my mind & my brains

get my ***** wet before he even got to my house


The Mr. Fix it-

whose good at fixing ****

but not for being committed

cuz his check wasn't enough to even put a dent in my rent

and his habit of scathing his *****

and calling me ***** just didn't work.

So these are them type motha fuckas

I'm used to-

like ole boy

who'd carry my books

and help me with all my assignments in college

for a peek yet talk and brag about the *** he hadn't ever hit

not me but that's the story he told

lying since his reputation depended on it.

Sorry but this was my thinking this was how it went

& how it was meant or pose to be

yet
the Egyptian had it best

on top of all these dudes.

His was the ultimate

because his lies where centered

by half truths

which I know

know were more lies

than his word sworn on a Qur'an,

he'd **** his best friends wife

then beat me into submission,

**** me- buy me....

BUY Me,

Bought me

like a slave from way back when

buy me

love me

then buy me some mo

He'd buy all kinds of **** to keep me claiming for me

houses, cars, jewelry,

and name brand items- I'd have a black eye,

ribs smashed to pieces,

but **** I looked real cute

limping round  in my new **** from

Sax 5th Avenue, Dolce & Gabbana, Prada & Versace.

**** name it & I maybe already had it


this is the same man who saved me from

being ***** by my foster father,

yet he became like the foster father

he saved me from

seemingly

after we've became husband & wife...

So when dude comes calling

I hold back built higher walls,

push him away,

fight and get in his face,

waiting for the monster to come out

waiting for him

to slam me to the floor or ground

I never believe a word he says

always looking for a reason or excuse

calling him lair and fake

telling him to ******* & go away

never really given him a

chance for him to be my man.

I be mean and I make him wait

but he says I know your pain

and together we can make it

just let's take it day by day.

He kisses me lightly,

caresses me tenderly

massages me to sleep

listen to my every word

and gives great advise,

has been a friend and part of the family

he has opened me

to expressing his own

pains trails & tribulations


never judgmental or abrasive

not even abusive

not even a little bit.


But
my ****** up mind is so scared

so afraid and ****** I'm worried

.

Honestly my hearts succumbed to his un-willful ways

but I can't fathom

once more being hurt

and I don't know if I even want to

yet I think I do.

So tell me help me please

explain

give advise and tell me

how do I say no when for many months now

he's been making me the center of

His Universe?!

Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright ©
Ayeshah
K.C.L.N 1977 - Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved ®
This has a lot of cussing/swearing in it so if you're not into it or any other ****** language please do not read it thanks.
Ayeshah Feb 2010
I'll never love like
I used to LOVE him,
But You knew that,
Didn't You,

Cuz love comes in different
shades of purple's pink's& blue's
Chance's are
I'll never care like

I once did,

Again

You knew that too.
Chance's are
I'll never trust completely
Let me guess umm

YUP

you also knew that?
Chance's are

I'll cry again OR I'll smile again,
I'll live like I did before you or him came in to my Life.
I'll try once more to find my soul mate,

But
Chance's are
Nothing will ever be the Same,
Not with out You,

Not with out Us,
Chance's are

we're stuck right here.
With one another,
Is it so bad
Or do you like it this way.
Am

I your everything

your Nubian Queen
Chance's are
I'm nothing You thought I'd be,

I'm a lady yet Crazy,
You see how I do,
But

Chances are
your already Immune.
Chance's are,
Your not ready

Maybe It's me,
Maybe I'm too scared and scary to be,
More than what

He made me,
Yes I am ashamed,
I let him take away my greatness

And steal away my fame
Made me think
I wanted this for myself,
But
Chance's are

Your gonna help-
Me to change

for the better,
Let me lean on you in this weather,
Let me hold you as you hold me,

Sweet talks,
While shedding our grief.
Chance's are

Your gonna keep
your word un-like Him
Sorry there's

no Comparisons
Chance's are,
You'll claim everything,
Even the seed's of another man's

See now that's what I call a MAN.
The one's who really
love and want that

Woman
and

what ever comes with HER.
Chance's are,
You could be fooling me
but

in time I'll know and I'll see.
Chance's are
I might just be using you,
But for what Boo,

Trust in us cuz,
I now got you too.
Chance's are,
I'll RUN from you,
Too Infected& Effect

From what others used to do,
I might blame you too
For the mess they caused me,
Chance's are
I'm doing this

ALREADY?
Chance's are
I'll let you go too soon

and

miss You the most
Cuz

the love you give to me

WAS

unconditional!,
Even your touche's

were

HEAVENLY

From head to toe!
Chance's are,
I'll beg and plead for your heart
Just to get it and tear it all apart.

With every thing in life thou ain't
It worth the risk cuz
Chance's are
I wont do none of

THIS,
I might just love you for you

like you'll do for me,
I might just give into you

in your time of need,
I might just hold you

and

play with your hair
Maybe braid it or what ever

cuz it's there!
I might just let you heal me til I hurt No Mo,
Even claim

YOUR OWN seed's as my OWN!
I might shut the HELL up and let you win A fight,

Maybe just to have make up *** on Winters cold nights!
I might just be everything your looking for huh?
Maybe cuz you know
Chances Are
Abundant...,

To be right there
NO MATTER WHAT
I wouldn't care.
I might carry you to victory,
We might find pleasure in enjoying the little things,

We might make this a lasting thing.
Something to tell OUR grand kids.
You never know and that's the beauty of it
We still try and even thou LOVE hurts,
How do you KNOW

tomorrow will bring rain or sorrow?
Maybe the sun will Rise  AGAIN

And

you'll fall in love with me.
Take a chance on me cuz ,

Chance's ARE....,

(whatever WE make them!)
Always Me Ayeshah
Copyright © Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved
Ayeshah Feb 2010
I'm the Afrocentric Gift
you been waiting and dying to open ..,
Christmas came Early just for you this year,
I'm the Thoughts in ya head,
Mind blowing the
Essences of Sexuality,
Wisdom,
Knowledge
and a
multitude of Feminine Power,
Prowling and
Roaring for your affection,
I'm every Women,
Just not to night
I don't want to share,
Be my one & only..,
I am the
Architects building
the bridges back to ya heart,
My Prominent Black African King,
Mr.**** as ya wanna be..,
I Dreamed of this many times at night & also for some weeks,
Thoughts of you Thought of us become " We"
Teaming up and Doing
What lovers do,
But
I want more,
I want your heart too,
I see it in you,
the artist ;Your words caressing me,
Like painting and drawing,I'm just one of your sculptures..,
But
I'm the centerpiece of this mental non-nocturnal dream,
Your the
Author writing a great masterpiece only I'm the Main character...,
Chapter one we began slowly as our bodies
mesh&entwined...;,
Can you distinguishes between Fantasy,
I'm here and these feelings are real.
Lust so passionate you'd think you
conjured me up from your imagination.,
I'm un reasonable when it comes to you,
I want to give you unquestionable pleasure.
Be the Concubine you desire & you shouldn't have to wait,
Not tonight anyways.,
Come here and let me show you,
Be mines....,
Sacrifice yourself,
Be my love salve and come away with me..,
I want to give you this
Delicious yet delicate sweet
Afrocentric Gift!
Speak into me poetically,
Mentally blowing my mind ,
touching with words as you hurt me gently
Yet pleasing my body..
take me
cuz
right now
I'm for the taking,
I'm ready and waiting,
open me,
for
tonight I'll be your
Latin mist
You Puerto Rican *** ,
Come get drunk off my love,
Let me sooth you
and
caress you into submission.
Take what's been given.
This Mix, and blend it with you ,
dance to my song
as
I open for you.
I'm ready and willing
to be what you want me to be.
Give
me pleasure
release the yearning
deep with in me...
I'm yours ya Afrocentric Gift!
Always me Ayeshah
Copyrights © 1977-2010 Ayeshah(A.K.K.C.L.N)
All rights reserved.
Ayeshah Mar 2010
They touched and caressed,So close and so intimately.
She decided she had enough of feeling awkward
and took control over the situation.
Kala said I notice you been looking at me lately
a little differently and I wanted to know why?
Ai'yahna  let out a little sigh.
Well ever since I kissed you
in the elevator at work things
just hasn't been the same,
Yes I know we kissed
and touched like this but are you only  
bi curious or are you really into me?
Kala said  I wont lie this is my first time
doing anything even close to this.
I've never thought of it before
but I like how I feel when you touch me.
Ai'yahna Says you know I've been thinking
about you for a long long time
now and for me it's different.  
Let me show you what I mean.
Ai'yahna kissed  Kala's  forehead,
the bridge of her nose, than teased
her mouth open as she pulled her head by,
by pulling gently on her hair.  
Ai'yahna Moaned into her mouth as they deepened the kiss,
Sitting in the living room had started
out with champagne and dinner,
a girl's night out.
They're both wearing lingerie
Ai'yahna had on a baby doll nightie,
red&pin;;,
Kala's wearing a blue and purple short set
their toe's have the french tips and pedicure
from earlier when they went to the salon to get a full do up.
Ai'yahna  slides one hand in Kala's top
as she feels her up and down than squeezes
Kala's breast.
Kala bits on her lower lip and tries not to like it so much.
She feel weird but can't understand whats coming over her.
Ai'yahna  than stared kissing her neck biting as
She went further down toward Kala's cleavage,
Kala was only 5'2" with a slim waist and a big ***,
Her breast were about 36.C
Ai'yahna liked her ladies shorted than her 5'7 thick frame,
she too had a big ***, bigger than
Kaala's & her breast were about a 38-40.B
but she didn't have that tiny waist like Kala
She was thick not a big girl but far from small of course
Ai'yahna worked out about
4 to 5 times a day every time she took her
break and for about an hour for lunch.
Ai'yana didn't look butch she carried her weight
well and had a very feminine side
to her just like Kala, the difference's between them was
Everywhere Kala was soft
Ai'yahna was hard tone and firm,
But unlike a man she still had that femininity
about hr and she was still muscular like a woman
should be not counting her arms of course.
Kala started caressing Ai'yahna's back as
Ai'yana moved slowly down Kala's body
Kala couldn't help what Ai'yahna was doing to her,
She felt like she was burn up from the inside out,
Her desire caused her confusion
she shouldn't like it so much but OH God it felt so good,
She'd never been touched kissed
or licked like this by man or woman
and Yes she's dated a chick before
but they never went this far.
Ai'yahna licked
Kala's navel and midriff she teased and taunted her with her hair,
her fingers and teeth,
Up and down and all across her body,
Kala was looking her mind
she tried hard to fight the feelings
that were coming over her,
She wanted to stop it but couldn't form
the words all that came out was a little sigh.
As Ai'yahna moved further down  her body she tensed,
Readying herself for what was about to happen,
Ai'yahna kised than gently bit  down on
Kala's mound right  at the base of her ****,
she than used her teeth to take off
Kala's shorts as she was doing this
Kala began to play with Ai'yahna's ****,
squeezing her ******* with her two
fingers and pulling gentle, than
Kala grabbed a handful and slowly caressed each one
massages and teasing Ai'yahna.
Kala slid one finger inside
Ai'yahna's mouth when she was done taking her shorts off
than pulled her finger out and slid it into her own *****
Teasing Ai'yahna.
Kala said
Watch me and let me watch you,
Ai'yahna slowly danced as she undressed for Kala,
She moved so graceful like a ballerina.
Ai'yahna sat on the bear skin rug and started to
also playing with her own *****, She slowly putting
two-fingers in very very slowly until they were
filling up her hole. she moved them in and out
and Kala watched while taking one hand
and moving it in circle around her ****,
letting the other fingers slide in and out of her *****,
She took them out then shoved them deep
inside herself while Ai'yahna
watched  with abandon desire in her eyes.
Ai'yahna stood up and walked over to where
Kala was sitting on the couch.
She picked her up easy and laid
Kala down on the bear skin rug.
Spreading her legs far apart
Ai'yahna than licked  Kala's hole as
Kala continued to play with herself,
Ai'yahna moved her hands and held
them both above her head with just one
of her own hands while using the other to tease in
and out of Kala's *****.
She knew Kala would probably
put up a fight and she knew too that Kala liked it rough.
Ai'yahna thought to her self she may not be a man
but she'd make t work to have this beautiful woman
as her very own and do her best to please her.
It was so **** hard competing with men
for bi carious women.
Kala did in fact struggle and cried out as she felt
Ai'yahna penetrate her ***** to it's very core,
she likes it rough but wow this was so different
and it felt good more than it hurt-ed.
Ai'yahna ****** on her **** so hard
and bobbed her head up and down like
she was ******* on a **** she liked
and ****** insider her hole
taking her hands away just to spread her open
teasing her ***** as she slide in 2 fingers stretching her hole
and making her tense up as the pressure built and built inside Kala.
Just as Kala was about to ****** and *** her boyfriend walks in.
Neil didn't know what to say at the scene he just walked in on
his chick and another girl was on his floor going at it
and from what he could see the other chick had her fingers
and mouth on his chicks *****.
He could tell Kala was *******
from that sweet look on her face.
She always bit down hard
on her bottom lip to keep from
screaming while she was *******.
It turned him on yet he was fuming ,
To him it was some what like cheating and
His lady would pay for this one way or another.
She pushed up and away from the other woman
and the other woman just smiled and said Hey.
how are you I'm Ai'yahna,
She stood up licked her finger
than ****** one her index and
extended her hand to him.
Neil just looked at the both of them.
He studied Kala's sweet angelic face
as she watched the floor.
He than looked at this
Ai'yahna chick and smiled
she was almost as tall as him well
close enough to suit what he had just thought to do.
He liked her build and her athletic frame,
she still had to look up at him and he liked that a whole lot,
He said Hi. I'm Neil ,Kala's boyfriend....,
Baby he said to Kala.
I knew you had asked about doing this
but I never thought you'd really do it,
I'm shocked,
Kala says sweetie before you go off
please listen.
He laughs and says,
NO you listen.
Kala thought she was in for it now
and looked at the floor again while he talked.
Neil says I want in&right; now!
Ai'yahna smiles while Kala's mouth's drops open,
Neil's stripping and He watches his chick
just stands there with her mouth hanging open.
Ai'yahna walks up to Kala and starts
kissing her passionately.
She than bends down on her knees
and starts lick and again ******* on
Kala's ****,
Ai'yahna than again slide her fingers in Kala's  *****.
Neil walks right up to Kala and grabs her head saying
"**** my ****".
Kaala laughs and does what Neil asked of her to do.
She stops and says wait.
"No" is All Ai'yahna says and
her and Neil pick up
Kala and laying her down again on the bear skin rug.
Ai'yahna again starts her sweet torture on
Kala's ***** while Neil  stuck
his **** a little roughly inside
Kala's mouth.
Kala **** hard and
deep throats
Neils **** taking it all inside
as he rides her face.
He hold the sides of her face as
he pushes his **** in and out her mouth.
TO BE CONTINUED!!!!!
Always Me Ayeshah
Copyright ©
Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved
Ayeshah Dec 2015
I have this
feeling

I'll not try
to explain it

Deep inside
me*

It's telling
me
not to

*trust
you


I admit it

I've been
hurt a great deal


but seems here

You're
playing a game
only you can

win

You hold all
the major cards


SO
of course
You'll win


Only one's
that'll work


In this game is
the pair of


Jokers

Which doesn't say a lot
then again it says;


I'm the Fool

Not once
but
twice over


I've been a joke before
unbeknownst
to myself


The other players knew
&

They've cease to inform me

SO I've had no choice
to be lead on these string's
forever

&
Danced
to a foreign tune


This time
I'm a Joker
&

long as you're amused

Guess I'll play my part.

Act II Scene VII

© 2015-2077 by Ayeshah K.C.L.N.
All rights reserved.
No part of this may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means,without prior written permission of Ayeshah K.C.L.N.
All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players; They have their exits and their entrances, And one man in his time plays many parts, His acts being seven ages. At first, the infant, Mewling and puking in the nurse's arms.
As You Like It,
Act II, Scene VII
William Shakespeare
Ayeshah Jan 2014
I'm tired.

Tired of you

and the **** you keep texting me.

Tired of the many excuses

& all yo threats **** yo *** funny.

Tired of how you assume so much,

shut the **** up.

Everything ain't about you,

her,  them or him.

Most of times it's

whatever
I ******* feel like writing.

I'm tired of how you
still try to dictate to me,

******* please
YO *** ain't mines.

When I left you,
it was over your lies,
cheating, your mental,
physical plus emotion abuse,

oh wait don't forget your deceitfulness,
your decorum of begin
a unscrupulous
sorry excuse of a man,

Yo *** tried it calling me
a  N...,
over 4 times.

I bet yo  wanna be
"Italian" ***

liked all this "N!"
did fo you...

Member I was with yo ***
when you were broken,
homeless, penniless
even toothless,
yo *** still toothless,
and  you were still
trying to be a player boo!

You tried to blame me for all
the ****** off **** you've done to me,

but like I been told you
when you begged me back

"all I wanted back
then from you was
money & ****"

No one used you- you played ya **** self,

call me user, gold-digger it's not gon help.

I stopped being in love with you long ago,

I know you seen it when Yo *** tried it,

I been told you- don't put yo

motha ******* hands on me,

you had to finally find out the hard way,

told you stay the **** outta my face,

you screaming loudly in my ear,

trying to scare me

please.

I'm from Brooklyn- fighting meant
some days we got to eat!

You thought because
of what the Arab dude

did to me I'd be scare of

" you",

even at his ****** off worst

that motha ****** -the best at abuse

was 10xs better than you.

You say you want me back,

then flip out cause

I'm not interested,
not when you've still be on some kid level ****!

claimed you want to help,
when I need some money,
you think you slick,
helping a few times, claimed as a friend
then saying I have to be yo woman,
your just a sorry *** liar,
I no longer need that
little once a month $200 dollars,
naw man like I been told you,
I'm not for sell & you you will
never own me.

You once, well a few times told me
I was your property,

I find it funny,

how I belong to you when
I'm my own woman?

You then say I used you but how is it possible

when since I left you I told you upfront son

all I wanted was yo **** & some money,

Now ***** you say and ****,

you called me that

through out our sorry ***
3 year relationship,

I'll be a ***** & a ****

**** I don't give a ****,

"My truth"
is you was
the only one I used to ****

oh wait your warped mind
you say making love,
but you don't know the meaning of love.
I know the differences

and trust me or don't but

you got ok ****  just it ain't
that back breaking- making
love type ****,

it never was,

sorry boo, you only
know how to ****,

**** UP PEOPLES LIVES

**** UP YOUR OWN

**** UP FAMILY'S HAPPY LIL HOME

**** up a good time and **** up the world

your just **** up and ****** off with your

insults and lame words

put me down it doesn't hurt no mo,

I know I'm better off t
hen ever again being yo girl.

Believe what ever you like

long as we just say good-bye

as the song goes

BLAME IT ON ME

long as we ain't doing
this no more.

I could care less,

claim I'll never change

but the only who hasn't
gotten help or changed in
the slightest is you and I'm not
yo door mat,

I'm not what you need

try a straightjacket

long as you go do
that **** the ****

away from me.

Yo *** hate to see me
happy even when

I was with you,

your a miserable
type of person,

and a lonely, sad ****,

a 45 year old fool.

Last time we was together

I couldn't wait to be rid of you,

ya just annoying now,

always trying to manipulate
your rules & dictations,

or get your own way,
trying to force yourself

into my life

ya always trying to be spiteful,
plus hurtful

even to ya own father
& that **** was over a bike...

not a motorcycle,
a ****** off pedal bike!

These are all the reasons
why I left you,

but you can tell em all you left me

it doesn't matter cuz at the end of the day

I'm finally happy

being on my own, no accusations, ridicule,

abuse or any other ****** off problems

from you,

and while I'm happy weather

for a moment or a lifetime

I'll live it up & do as I ******* please.

I'm so tired of this same old thing,

comforting you, explaining literally

every single thing

having to always justify myself to you,

WHO
the **** are you?


You don't deserve a answer

so MIND YO ******* business man!

This is my life & that of my children

& I'm a do as I **** well please!

if you were a good person in general,

treated me like a man should

things would of been so completely different,

The problem ain't me

as I used to believe,

it's you and I'm

I'm tried,

TIRED OF YOU!


(you'll never be good or good to me)


Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright 1977 - Present ©
K.A.C.L.N ©
All right reserved ®
I been dealing with a person who takes anything I write on Hello-poetry in a literal sense no matter when,what, who and/or where  my idea's , thought or whatever comes from when I write, this dude assumes its about someone else and or about him, then texts me and cusses me out ,puts me down etc, im like so what if i write let me write  who the hell is he to dictate my poems real or not real true or not true  weather of my life or fantasy, anyhow fact is, 1 he aint my man 2 he stalking me online and off and im done, we broke up long ago and well the poem finally says it all, so HP friends forgive me as I rant.... pray for me, my girls & me are  moving to KY soon, so I will be better off out of NM and soon! my kids don't need this or to see me stressed over an ex one who isn't their father or kin and this is just tiring , im a student and it seems i am just wrong for bettering my life n that of my kids since it aint got anything to do with him im wrong, got a retraining order too and he still harasses me so im done as i said. this ends now! thanks for reading and hope to write about better things soon! 1 luv yall! Always Me Ayeshah
Ayeshah Dec 2010
He makes me smile when
all I want to do is cry at times.

He makes me wonder
how did I become so blessed,

even thou I been
blessed a long time ago,
I just didn't know,

joy burst forth from my lips
as a giggle escape cause of
something he recently did!

He makes me stay on my toes
& he makes me feel so whole,

love isn't ever pose to hurt
but I hurt'ed mightily for him
& for him too,

to think I went through it all
and came out clean,
refreshed & brand
spanking NEW!

He makes me smile
&
He makes me laugh!

The power of children
&
a mothers love can
do wonders
for your soul!

it's a gift God
'can only give-  
Twins!

Always me Ayeshah
© 1977- present year(s)
Ayeshah(A.K.K.C.L.N)
All rights reserved
Ayeshah Feb 2010
Molesting Innocent's
Taking
advantage of young un-suspected victims,
****** away hope,
Beating out trust as
"they"
tell you it's all for your own good.
The System
Verbally sales you,
Mentally
making you believe thing's aren't
really what they seem.
Hey pretty girl,
You
want to come home with me,
Like
stranger's using Candy,
Creeping in the middle of the night
stealing away dreams,
Snatching babies outta arms
For not being what "they"
want you to be.
Jumping through hoops
to prove your worthy.
The System cover up lies,
Disguised
Your Shame
It's not "their fault for you
becoming pregnant at 10,12 & 13.
Abortion isn't in my beliefs,
Forcing us,  Breaking us, Making us do what "They want!
Telling Lies while Judges become your executioners
Fostering empathy's,
Making you live in misery
Parents- Grandparent's
Crying Screaming,
Dreaming of they days you'll be back.
Depressions, PTSD, Bipolar
Explosive disorders
Meaning a person gets angry fast
with no reason or for the littlest of things....,
Label's
from Misuse,
Misrepresentation's
Misuse of my or even your body,
******, Molesting, Physical, Mental,
The System
took me from a Exceptional-Good home,
Placing me
with Monster;
Who called themselves: wholesome,
loving- Good- God fearing Church goers;
Foster Parents.
A Preacher  
phrasing the almighty book,
every Sunday
While every night
He'd say I was better then his wife,
As
my eye's cried,
Hoarsely I beg him to stop.
Case-Worker & The Systems
cover up.
From home to home
Group home to group
I'd run as fast as I can,
To  my
own family even thou
We were  broker then sin
at least I was so safe there.
Repeat & repeat these step every chance
I'd get & still they'd  Placed me in home's
until
I got old enough to make it on my own.
Even then The System wouldn't let me be,
See I knew "their" ***** deed,
All the well kept secrets....
unfortunately for me,
16 going on 17 mother already of 2 while
expecting another lil girl,
The System tryna step in once again,
Robbing me of my Children,
Their
words: labeling me,
I'm tooo crazy to love or ever be a mother.
I'm not doing what "They " want....
I had it,
Life was it for me,
I wanted to commit Suicide
I just couldn't thou & Lucky for me
cuz
I Finally found away out at 18.
Got my kids- Sued & Beat
The System!
Always Me Ayeshah
Copyright © Ayeshah K.C.L.N
1977-Pesent Day(s)
All right reserved
Ayeshah Feb 2010
Can you feel the resonance throbbing gently through this subtle discourse?
I constantly  find your lustful innuendo to be an incredibly pleasurable experience. Like your a magical lyricist.., Your words urge  to create masterful *******'s through laced pages with in me you bring out the artistic'ness hidden deep with in me.  
Rhymes and rhythmic vibrations build up until finally they gush forth with musical symbols, A stream of  lyrics resounds in & out of  my orchestra,
While we attempt to concentrate on our next  feature.
You have me unable to distinguish the next verse for our repetition's, Artfully your lyrics coincide with my own causing phrases to be come literate and a **** good read, Flowing melodies,
While you impregnate my text with all your, your lyrical kiss&naughtiness.;
Filling up my syllable's,Reconstructing my vocabulary.
Our rhyme is  basic element that defines the couplet, LOL Coupling as  we do.
Our consistent element is the repetition of form,
As in me and you forming as one Not in-difference to you ,
Just with small changes,
in your  technique
As we face off while playing out these scene,
Your persistence of  our sonnet reverberates like multicultural dance,
I'm competitive while feeling in awe of you. Your sweet tunes ripple down my spine,
while our word play
brings havoc to my mind. Like a chant or a sweet harmonies.
Causing mental eruption's. Conversing about to end,
tactically you evoke emotional & sensual response, But I'm
keeping up with your lyrical  flow. Rhyme for rhyme,
as each adjective courses through me, in and out while you become a
cunning linguist
master!, I'm about to overflow as you
Cause me to rhythmically fall victim to
insightful
Poems!
Always Me Ayeshah
Copyright © Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved
Ayeshah Sep 2013
He said we'd be happy, in love- together forever.

His Forever was 10 years, 8 months, 2 weeks, 4 days, 12 hours, 32 minutes, and 18 sec ago,

His Forever was me waiting for a love that wasn't truly there, a loyalty that only I gave,
empty words- promised after your battery and being choked out.

His Forever was me with many lonely nights and calls of concerned &my; ears listening to you laughing,
saying "i love you woman" yet its not me you've said this to, that was,
10 years, 8 months, 2 weeks, 4 days, 12 hours, 32 minutes, and 18 sec ago.

He said we'd communicate & work things out, be faithful, loyal and always devoted forever.
His Forever was 10 years, 8 months, 2 weeks, 4 days, 12 hours, 32 minutes, and 18 sec ago,

His Forever was me being an attentive house wife,mother to his children lover and intimate companion,friend, plus budget keeper and everything else he'd might of needed,
That was 10 years, 8 months, 2 weeks, 4 days, 12 hours, 32 minutes, and 18 sec ago,

His communication was speaking about me in a disrespectful way just to get sympathy from whom ever would sway his way
His communication was lying to me, lying to our children and everyone it'd seem- about everything,
from his wear about the newborn child and the money we, me & his children went with out,
we struggled when we never had to just so he could court a woman who apparently already has a man.

Sharing things with her and doting on her son, given her what should of been the promises he failed to keep with me.
His Forever was 10 years, 8 months, 2 weeks, 4 days, 12 hours, 32 minutes, and 18 sec ago,

His Forever was 10 years, 8 months, 2 weeks, 4 days, 12 hours, 32 minutes, and 18 sec ago,
Where he said he'd do anything in his power to make things better,
but that was 10 years, 8 months, 2 weeks, 4 days, 12 hours, 32 minutes, and 18 sec ago,

For Better become For Worse after only 3 to 4 years of marriage.

Until Death Do Us Part, was the death of what could of been something magical.

His Through Sickness& In Health was carried out by his DWI, and me continuously~ standing,supporting him & sticking by.

Yet when I needed him and stuck in the hospital there was no through sickness or in health.

His Forsaking all other, well that was the year before 10 years, 8 months, 2 weeks, 4 days, 12 hours, 32 minutes, and 18 sec ago,

Within the first year everything seemed perfect the illusion's of what we or I've striven to achieve...
If you're confused that was, 11 years, 8 months, 2 weeks, 4 days, 12 hours, 32 minutes, and 18 sec ago.

I remember holding hands and laughing for sometimes no reason at all,
Walks in the park sometimes down the street just to enjoy each others company.
Laying in bed gazing into each others eyes,hands entwined.

Love letters handwritten of all the lustrous and love felt feelings expressed where words vocally couldn't express,
A wedding day that made him cry and i watched 1 single tear fall from his eye as he said I do.
He didn't and never been that type of man since.

Fist on my face, slapped down choked and ****** assault, lies and stealing what little i had,
jail became his best friend, where he learned to hone his abilities to deceive.

But truth is,
I blamed me for a lot of it until I realized I gave all I can and did my best.
It wasn't me it was him and i had to leave, taking the children with me.

I can say all in all I've learned a painful lessons...

I'm only sad it took me,
10 years,
8 months,
2 weeks,
4 days,
12 hours,
32 minutes,
and
18 sec!*

Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright ©
Ayeshah
K.C.L.N 1977 - Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved ®
Ayeshah Nov 2013
Sadly I think of you & wonder if those green eyes remember me or if you think of me....
I bet you don't.
Do you miss me even a little bit...
I doubt you do or could care less,
I seen the affirmation in your wake of destruction,
to my home & very soul...

I'm sure your happy now since you've destroyed this home, stole and thought it'd be fun even funny, I hope the temporary satisfaction fills you in those lonely nights and days where I once use to dwell.

I pray my scent still lingers in the air where ever you go and all over your pillows, leaving you craving me and still yearning for my lustful touch, kisses and caress...

our legs entwining, our body's moving in sync, your green seductive eyes staring at me with love shinning through as you make me your lady, your life and someday maybe your could of been wife...
We shouldn't of ruined "that" because "that" was the best part of us.... Or so I keep trying to tell myself.
I cant forget or forgive you for the negative names that came out your mouth- towards me and they are so so unforgivable, yet because I love you and still care.

I guess, it's best for me to forgive some of the disrespectful ways and things you've said plus done to me & not just me but my children.

I hope your happy really I do, I feel if things were so completely different  we could of been steadfast in working things out.

I seriously miss your strong arm wrapped breathlessly and so very tightly around me, and that's ok, it's ok to miss you, to crave you and at times still need you.

I know that us being apart is for the best, least that's what I'm telling myself...

the healing I've allowed me to go through will one day help me think back on what we shared as a fond memory.

The growing that's taken place, tells me that, for me- my chapters not over and the pages that once were us sadly was a tragedy, but these new blank pages and those canvases over there are ready for me to start a new book and paint again....

Sadly thought I'm so used calling you when I have a issues problem or need a pick me up, sadly I'm used to going over & climbing in your bed, having you fill me up with your intensified love making.
And sweetly but sadly- how you used to hold me for no reason at all or even when you scooped me up right in the middle of walmart screaming "I LOVE YOU" as loud as you could...

I pray the next one you meet you realize that if she sticks around when your broke,broken and penniless, giving you all of her love as you lie and abuse and give reasons for your deceit that you hold on to her.
I pray you don't lie cheat or steal as you've done to me...

I was there if you'll recall, when no one else was, and would of still been if you didn't damage my home and my life or that of my children if you'd realize that, there was no need to play games with me to win...

There was no need to demand and abuse or lie and cheat, there was never a need to try to manipulate or any need for control not over me not with us,

no need to force my hand and or the love i carried with me every where, since it was you who always owned the key to my heart!

To those "green/hazel eyes" which haunt my days and wakes me from sleep with nightmares of what once was a beautiful tragedy of ..........................

um........................US!


(Sad­ly I miss you & sadly I still love you too)

Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright ©
Ayeshah
K.C.L.N 1977 - Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved ®
Ayeshah Feb 2010
I listen for so long at what
TV, Radio & what other people said.
Advertisements, Magazines,
Books on how to loose weight,
Other ways & things to make myself look
pretty.  Pity-Petty me,
Trying to dress like
Celebrities,
Trying so **** hard to fit in & be like those
Models & some of them one hit wonders...
even starting to think there
was something wrong with my skin.
Too dark for many
and yet I have this red hue kind of glow,
White teeth but so UN perfect to me.
Hour glass shape I hated it,
Big strong thighs that just didn't look right,
Truth be told for a while I used to like me
until I started becoming self-sabotaging .
Thinking I could get him or just be happy doing
what all the other girls & women did,
Oh how I wanted to be anyone else
other than myself.
Long curly- unruly hair,
***** some would say
but back then
I'd have it no other way,
Afro puffs, braids,
beads,
Styles that made people question me.
Relaxing, burning&straighting; my hair
To look like Halley Berry  
How she looked in that movie
QUEEN.
I guess.
Making me feel so unPretty,
You sorry lil freak in
the mirror looking right back at me,
My grapefruits sit high-up on myself,  
They perk up and smile at me
in my state of  undress,
Some where some how along the way
I started hating them & their shape,
Wanted bigger even though I'm  38C.
Why? I really don't know...
I guess it all started
way back when;
I was just blooming
into a young lady,
Finding ones self.,
When I started to hate being me;
Foster father told me
I need to eat less,
Only Black/Puerto Rican
with dark skin in
a all White School.
Went onto visit family during this time
and got picked on
at home because
most of my families skins was so light,
Abusive relationships unbeknown at the time
had me feeling like I could never get it right,
Doing what ever "He" He  "Him" liked,
which is also what
helped take away any concept of self.
Went through the toughest 15 yrs of my life,
Married young to a
Man whose opinion
matter more then Mines.
Finally hit 23, Divorced & Free,
A light came on bright as the Sun...
I had to figure out who
I was when everyone told me
I was Ugly,Worthless & Dumb.
See eventually you reach that exhaustion.  
You take a really good look in the mirror,
Seeing me for me what hard facing reality...
I have almond shaped cat like eyes,
Brown hair with auburn highlights,
Full lips that most people pay to have
and I ain't never had to inject rat poison
into any parts of my FAT,
It's at this point where
I had to decide at this crossroad
which route I'd take.
Most would choose defeat but I had my little girls,
I couldn't accept them ever looking
at me as someone who gave up.
I had to figure out how to love myself  all over again
Be comfortable with who I am.
It takes many a lifetime sometimes to
finally come to this conclusion.
But for others like me,
It's really like building or rebuilding a puzzle,
The Puzzle Of You!
Always Me Ayeshah
Copyright © Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved
Ayeshah Apr 2013
It's getting late.
We've ran around
all day and he knew from
the time
I called him
early this morning,
how much I wanted to be with him,
I
doubt he took me serious
when
I
told him after
I
get out of class we would
head back to his place...
I
called him on my break
and
told him
I
would be seeing him soon,
he sort of giggled like yeah right
"
Brooklyn"....
I
worked on my assignments
but
my mind was else where.
As
I
typed on my school PC,
I
thought of how good
he'd
feel inside of me
and
I
began to feel myself heating up,
getting a bit wet
between my thighs...
As soon as I could;
I
rushed out of my seat,
down the steps
and
to my car,
doing my best to keep my speed
about
80 mphs.
I
picked him up
just as he got off
the city bus.
He jumps in my car
--
kisses me
on my cheek,
I
couldn't think
my mind was wishing
he'd
kiss me everywhere.
Hi
I
said breathlessly,
he stares at me
with
them beautiful eyes
and
says hey babygirl...
I
love when he calls me that.
We
rush to finish all we had to do
and
once at his place
he cooks
trying to do his best
to
feeds everyone.
While
he's attending to dinner,
I
rush in and out the shower.
I
run to his room
and
wait
--
I'm
ready, heated
and
prepared...
I
lie naked on my back watching out his window
I can feel him enter the room as I'm
staring at a dusky yellowish setting sun.
I
can feel him in the doorway,
his eyes are glazing
over my body...
For a split second
I
feel vulnerable,
weak even.
This
deep
longing
takes over
and
like a she-wolf
I
leap up as if by magic
off his bed.
He's ready for me,
He giggles
knowingly,
and
pushed me down,
He holds me there
as
he lifts my legs up around his shoulders.
He
barres his face in between my thighs.
*******, licking
I
moan so loud,
I
think the neighbors can hear me...
Oh well
he doesn't stop,
only moans out
I LOVE YOU
while his tongue dances
in & out of me,
then
around
my *******.
He's teasing me
--
it's building up...
He
knows
I'm about to burst
--
he's ready for me,
as soon as
I
cry out
he lifts
his head up,
I
arch my pelvis
up to meet his
hard, long, thick,
solid ****,
he slows me down
--
literally
picks me up off
the bed...
In one swift motion,
he's deep inside of me,
I'm airborne,
lifted into
his protective strong arms,
his muscle aren't even taunt
as
he allows me to grind
while he moves
in & out of me,
along with me,
like we're racing
--
trying to beat each other
but somehow we match stroke for stroke...
as my ****** breaks
he's
moving deeper.
I'm ready to burst again.
He watches me
as
he leans over my abdomen;
he caresses my *******,
He takes off his wire frame
glasses.
He looks at me with them eyes
that can melt your soul.
I
feel the warm vapor
of his breath nestling on
my neck..
He licks
in
between
the hollows of my neck,
leaving trails
of his wondrous kisses
down the valley of my cleavage,
******* one
breast
then the other,
moving onward to my *******,
all
the while hes pumping
in and out of me..

"
Oh OOOoo mmm Ahhhh ooOoOo "
I cry out
--
as
his **** becomes ramrod.
I
close my eyes
feeling him stretch me
his rough treatment
turns me on even more,
I
can feel my ***** becoming wetter,
Feeling his **** penetrate deeper than before,
I'm so wet I feel myself over-flowing.
My ***** aching for him to stop but I'm not ready to give up..
We
pause,
then wait for a few seconds...
Our
breathings so hard,
we're gulping for air..
whilst his ***** nestles inside
my quivering ***** ,
my *****
tighten around his ****,
as
I'm listening to
him breathe.
We share a look
--
I'm ready just as he is...
his muscle become taunt
as
he
rigorously
&
vigorously
lifts me like weights
up & down,
while he moves
in and out of me
--
slamming into me
I
feel myself
swells as he fills me up
so completely
with his hard ramrod shaft..
so deep is he
--
I
can't talk, moan or breath,
only whimpers of moans
rant
the sunset evening sky...
softly at first; then
I
finally call out
his name
and
scream: *
yes yes yes O'Yessss
He grunts
and
moans watch
so
I
look down at his priapic ****,
as
I
watch
--
my mind plays a little trick on me
and
I
imagine it entering me
at a magnificent speed,
I'm turned on even more
while watching
this assault on my *****,
while
he continuously thrusting fast,
deep
and
so **** hard
I
can barely
take anymore.
I
watch
and
imagine it entering with
the force of the
explosion.

TO BE CONTINUED.......
maybe another day like;
"April's Fools"
Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright ©
Ayeshah
K.C.L.N 1977 - Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved ®
Ayeshah Oct 2011
I remember the first ingredients
to our lover's brew -
desire & passion
was the basics ingredients,
He already had the spice of
"want" & a dash of "need"
copiously he trailed rainfalls of kisses
down my body.
Until he reached my valley of milk & honey,
He opened me slowly, meticulously so- placing one finger inside as his tongue danced across my *******.
Causing me to reach my hands down pulling his hair, trying to pull his head closer deeper as my body melted to him.
Contumaciously
He rejected my urgency...
reaching my hands he held both with just one of his own keeping me in place as he administered his lustful assault on my person, my mind froze as my body ****** hips first before he let go my hands then wrapping both hands around my thighs.
Holding me tightly while making me cry out his name over & over...
He knew I was ready, wet & sleek.
He's hard solid & ready but I rush to taste him he only allows me to for a second then he bends me over my *** facing his **** he doesn't enter me- he once more licks & ***** my ******* then my tongues my ***.
Causing a new sensations...
right before my body explodes he slams into me swiftly, my moan dies as my cries of more rant the morning air.
He's moving so vigorously- blending sensual amounts of harmonic tones of his own moans and whimpers in my ear as he ****** harder but oh so gentle like he was a drummer & his throbbing ****- a solid 10" hard hitting drum is now beating  in & out of me,
He was so energetic without rules or reasoning to pleasuring me so immensely he never noticed the door bell ringed..
Oh well, my legs began to shake as he holds my hips he moves in- pushing deeper,
retracting slowly then again- he slams inside of me...
from behind me he pulls my hair while his other hands is placed  on the small of my back, I'm convulsing like I'm having an epileptic reaction- my ******* rapture causes me to fall in a heap upon our bed.
These are the ingredients to our
Lover's Brew!
Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright ©
Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved ®
Ayeshah Nov 2014
You've said and I'd have to agree
I'm  
selfish,

Because
I refuse to let you do anything to me,
Selfish ......

Why because
I refuse to spread wide & let you
**** me then leave?

You've expressed to others
how

Selfish

I can be,

because
I wont give in to your deceit,

I refuse
to allow you any sympathy
when it comes to

your fuckery

your an
infectiousness diseases...

Selfish

cause I wont be

subdued with all

the lies and ways
you mistreat me,

all the game playing,

trying to scheme

fake me out,
while you try to
make me lay out

my cards,

ya stupid cheat,

Selfish

because I've told you

I Wasn't Ready

I'm calling your bluff,
Your not so tough,

Ya sort of funny papi

Your always trying to knock me,

wishing to cause havoc and bring me down again.

Selfish

huh

really?

I'm so

Selfish
because I'll put my children

all of them before you,

I've placed my walls back up

wont allow you to climb em

I've changed my mind

more than once it's cause

of something you've done...


You've got me rethinking
being up on this pedal-stool
&
I'd rather you stop shaking it

so
I can get down

but you'd rather see me fall.

It's

Selfish

*of me- right
cause

I'd rather not have to fight,

I don't like being put down,

Specially ya
small jabs

about my mental

the many excuses

you've come to make

time and time again

You've dismissed

my past and all

the bad that's trapped me,
You make fun of me
for having PTSD
& D.I.D.

You've said and I'd have to agree

I'm


Selfish

cause I don't want to do this,

I don't need another man's

to abuse,
or for you to
use  and beat me

I'd rather be


selfish
then to take care of another drunk

or man with any type of addiction,

even if you're addictions me.

I'll be


selfish

While
I guard all that's dear to me

You've already
deliberately

tried to cause me so much pain

dressed it up and called it love

but I wasn't fool to your game.


Selfish

huh?

Is it because,

I didn't let you in

well not as much

as you'd like me to,

Naw papi

it's because
You
can't just pop into my life

then try to take it over.


SORRY *******

You can't mistreatment

and abuse me

than bring me flowers

cards or candy,

You can't rock my body

then dismissively

treat me like

I'm worthless....

But it's me

whose so *******


Selfish.

I've said it long ago
Oh how he thinks

I'm


"His Type"

Well that's not true
because
baby you've made it

so **** clear

that
I'm nothing.

Besides

a *****,

a **** & a ****...

A *****

even though

You've apologized

each and every time

those
words left your lips,

not right away

but you've done it
&
I refuse to forgive you

over and over

each time you've

repeated ya crimes...


No way could
I allow you back
because
you showed you'd
do it
again and again,

and if
BIG ******* IF,
if I allowed it

which I wont-
not anymore and never again
its because  
you've said it
right

and
if you cant

remember

well  baby
I'll help you

out

its
because

I'm


SELFISH!

*Always Me Ayeshah ™ ®
         K.A.C.L.N ©
     All right reserved ®
Copyright 1977 - Present
AND I DON'T NEED YOU, NOR DO I EVEN LIKE YOU ANYMORE! GO ******* WITH YA FUCKERY!
Ayeshah May 2012
He used to paint my nails.

He'd paint em

pinks reds and orange

he'd paint them blue

sometimes too

mostly black.

He'd make tiny daisy

flowers all around.


He used to put lipstick

on me

he'd trace my  out lip line

he'd use

black or brown liner

making them fuller

he'd tell me

they need to look fuller.


He use to dress me up

he'd get fishnet thigh highs

he'd have me step into

a mini dress

made of synthetic leather

zebra prints all around.


He'd follow with

a black tight

leather half shirt

gloves long and white

always would follow.


He use to do my hair

he'd comb front to back

for 45mins

it'd shine and glow

falling off my shoulders

cascading down my back

it almost touched my ****.


He used to put me in heels

he'd picked always the reds

I didn't like these red heels

I stood almost to his chest.


He used to tell me

to dance.

He'd say move my

hips like this

in a circular motion.


He'd say stand

  in the middle

on the dinning

room table

dance for me

he'd say
dance
for poppop.


He use to touch me

when I danced

He used to

touch himself too

I cried.


He'd become meaner

He'd say don't

make me punish you

I felt punished already.


He'd get undress

I'd cry louder

begging him not to.


He's slapped

my face

I always fell

I'd stand up

fast or he'd

hit me again.


He'd lay me on the table

keeping me trapped

in the middle

he'd fill me every night

I'd cry

He'd laugh.


*He use to paint my nails.

(until my birth father shot him)


Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright ©
Ayeshah
K.C.L.N 1977 - Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved ®
Ayeshah Dec 2010
I wanted to feel his hands


massaging me once more,


rubbing out the pain & stress of my day(s).

I wanted to look into his beautiful eyes

that always said


"I Love You My Queen"

I wanted to once again

entwine our fingers


as we held close

our bodies while we laid & talked.

I want to kiss his lips,


feel

our
tongues dance again.

I wanted to run my fingers

once more thew his curly hair....

I want to hear him whisper once more

Good morning my love,

as he came home


from a night of work....

I wanted to feel him


kiss my forehead

and

say baby


I'll fight for you,

for Us!

Like he once was willing to do...

I wanted him to

be there when

His 1st born!



HIS SON

came outta me,

I wanted him to watch as

my opening stretched wide


for the life we conceived


started to break free,

wanted to look at him watching

me struggle


( for my & our sons life)

Wanted him to watch me


cry out with each contraction,


as my body sweating

and

shook from hot to cold

with hot flashes & chills,

I wanted him to see

my legs spread far apart,


my bottom hanging it seems~

slightly off the bed

my feet wrecked up on stirrups


as my ***** minora opens wider ,

stretching it's self as well as my  ***** majora....

As our sons head slowly emerges out of me,

I wanted him to watch me

as I watched him

"catch His 1stborn....

His only SON!


I wanted us to cry laugh & hug each other

as our child is placed in my arms....

Him kissing me on my forehead

once more teary eyed with

that proud new daddy

look men tend to get.........

I wanted this and so much more.....

I no longer want it thou!

Realities hit
&
I'm better off

doing this on my own!

**Always Me Ayeshah
© 1977- present year(s)
Ayeshah(A.K.K.C.L.N)
All rights reserved
Ayeshah Mar 2010
procrastinating is my hobby,
ask
someone if you don't believe me ,
baby i lay around  
as i please
&
work at my own leisure,
incredibly you fail
to understand i am me

and

i love more then like the way that i am-  gorgeous courageous
coco golden skin,  

painfully
i know you feel the threat of  

my  momentous  appeal  
keeps  
you you & yeah you --  mystified.

guaranteed  your days are filled
with shock and frustration,

haa haa hee

how very exciting to me seeing your not as experienced as  I,

unlicensed  to tame what i'd never give
freely,

repetitiously you've played the game,
failure must be a sweet pill sallowed whole huh?  

adequately i compel my strengths --  my naivety makes
my appeal that more interesting,

call me uniquely imperfections
rarely made in to what  many can never comprehend,

my life is my dialogue to my very own daily soap opera

la di da da--  it's more then my  sultry walk
as i pass you on bye.

in this corrupted jungle
you have to win or be inhibited by  
what others  may call taboos,

whew  weee your so serious,

chasing prey only to tease--  lingering doubts?
catch me--  i bet you can't.

innocently the line's been crossed

yet
speak not of what should be!

only--  this--

is what you'll know ; procrastinating is my hobby!
I Am The Lioness!

(some may be lost on what i wrote&say; but ok lol)

Always Me Ayeshah
Copyright ©
Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved
Ayeshah Oct 2013
Tonight I felt loved like I've long since forgot existed,

It's been, it seems, like ages,
(10 years,8 months,2 weeks,4 days,12 hours,32 minutes,and 18sec!)

Since, since I've felt this or allowed myself  feel acceptance, or to allow my heart to fill up.

To be cherished even....

Tonight you slowly took your time...

You've given to me, it'd seem the missing pieces I've been needing...

I watched you watching me, as you'd listen to my history and without ever judging you've allowed a bridge to start being built.

You see long ago I knocked one down and I put up walls, I even made a levy in the hopes that no one would attempt crossing again to concur than once more destroy my heart and that of my trust, but tonight....

Oh tonight you listen, asked question's.

Purely from a longing to know me and not just about me,

but how I've come to be who I currently am...

I felt almost whole.

I was it seems, very in tuned with you,

as you shared your history with me, allowing me into a world of worlds,

I've only dreamed of.

Far away lands, I've only read in romance novels.

Yet you've actually lived it.

The magic I held of your homelands, never went away or filtered as you shared the ups and downs of your life and history... it's only made you that more enchanting to me.

It made me that more willing to share myself with you too.

Knowing of your trial and the burdens you too had faced made you seem even more real but still so very enchanting to me.

Oh tonight, you metaphorically sung to my soul and caressed my heart with the amount of trust and love you've encased around me.

After the hours past and each of us shared our history along with sob stories it seems we  solidified what we already knew; a bound not just of friends for life but it became more...

We have had this love for one another but the magnitude of us seem so over whelming as night became morning, you held me tight in your embrace, stroking my back and caressing my hair, expression the need for me to forever be with you and give to you all of me.

Mind ,soul,Heart, and body.

Spiritual love and acceptance all the days of what would be US.

You loved me, with each stroke, with each touch, with each word and syllable, with each caress, you've loved me.

I felt us joining, felt this morning- the bound we made turning into more than us becoming lovers or friends, as if you took me to wife and I've taken you as husband.

I feel foolish to even say such a thing,  because you know how it is at the present and i'ts so sorry I feel every time I leave.

Once here,  laying in bed, I think of all we've shared and things we given word to.

No one else even knows in such a short time we've consummated the idea's of US being everything we failed obtain from previous relationships.... of becoming more nor what it'll all now mean..,  I think of the tenderness you've engulfed all around me along with this shield of your protection, of your love.

Which shines brighter than a lighthouse or any other beacons.

I unthinkably touch myself,  automatically where your fingers have lingered on my skin, where your lips have traced, I find myself this morning longing for you to be with me.

Once more holding me to you as we semi sleep, I can still feel your movements as my body matched you stroke for stroke, and in awe plus yearning I let out a sigh.

I'm at peace.

With you I am home....  Yet right now my dilemma's a skinny yet hefty arm, which holds me firmly...  It feels so foreign to me now, the weight feels awards, as you know this is the same arm that's been holding another and made it a point caste me aside.

For this new assault, this new kind of manipulation(s) I feel a bit sick.

More disappointing too, knowing that it's not you.

I feel dishearten to be laying here thinking of the wonders we shared and to me I need not ever justify this love we've wrought...  yet laying here with him makes me feel sorry for our situation, It makes me feel more sorry for you.

To be placed in this as it is,  after we've cultivated this bound, this love so pure and so true.

A stark contrast to my mistreatment's by said same person & person(s) plus that of your abuse too...

I am scared and feeling very inadequate too.

I need you, and need us.

I'm vulnerable yet I wont falter on what we're allowing to take shape,  to root.

I also wont allow those roots to ever be dug up...  this is now our turn, our time.

This wont be our ending and no shame comes to me when it's about you,

about us becoming
WE!



Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright ©
Ayeshah
K.C.L.N 1977 - Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved ®
Ayeshah Jul 2010
Magnolia's and black Roses
comfort me,
I lay awake as you
softly
breath low lower- fading-

wondering how
I've let you get into
my thoughts & now
once more into my bed...

tonight
I've come awake at the
touch of
your hand,
roughly you've penetrated
the core of my being...

softly a breeze stirs
from my cracked window
and the smell
waffled with your scent
lingers in this bedroom,

Black roses & sweet magnolia's...

I looked over your body too many times

Your eyelashes
I've counted each curly
one a million times,

those high check bones
I've touched & caressed until my hands went numb.

You never move and I hardly breath
thinking it's not right but Ok-
Oh how you danced
with in my Vally of seduction
and
become intoxicated  
as you dranked in my nectar- honeycomb.

I wanted you- I wanted this moment ,
I did want to love you and
in a lot of ways I do but
laying here now as I stare at your form

lifeless on my bed I feel it wasn't
just your misleading
pain & your lying games
that brought me to the breaking point...

It was the man
I finally saw who told me once..,

I am worth more!

tears of freedom
streams down my face as
I lay here watching you,

watching the slight breeze from
my cracked window shifts
the thousands of petals all around
you & all
I can do is cry with
a
simple smile on my face.

My rooms filled with the smell
of you
&
Magnolia's & Black Roses.

Always Me Ayeshah
Copyright © Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved
Ayeshah Dec 2011
Come to me,
*** with me.
fall into lust
as our
love consumes us,
let me ride you...
Like
tidal-waves
you crash into to me...
Gently
so gently
your filling me,
filling me
until I cry out
begging you to stop
yet
wanting so much more.
*** for me,
come to me.
Holding on,
holding me
tight
mmhmm
tighter...
The
weight of you
all on me
has
me feeling
so
protective,
loved, cherished,
treasured,
accepted
and
so wanted...
Come to me,
*** with me.
Your
kisses trailing
over my body
making me dizzy
leaving me breathless..
*** for me,
come to me.
I
yearned for you too long now,
my body's calling
for more
and
my hungers overflowing.
*** with me,
come to me.
Open
me and play within
like
hide and seek,
the keys deep within.
Kiss me
here-  slide farther....
now kiss me there.
*** for me,
come to me.
I
have a notion to pretend,
role play
and
change this tryst into a romantic
randevú.
I need you.
I'm  begging you
Please
I'm
longing
and
wanting
you....
Meet
me in our bedroom.
let's
retrace our steps,
repeat
what's
recently transpired-
Come to me
*** for me!
Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright ©
Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved ®
Ayeshah Jan 2010
I saw You today.
I had no words for you,
You walked past and didn't even notice me.
I heard it threw a friend you was moving,
To find ya self.

I guess like you told me.
I saw her too,
holding your hand & gazing up in to your face.
Shes beautiful.
You always did know how to pick them.
I kept walking thou, But silly me I did turn back.
I had to get on last look,
One last glimpse  of what use to be My everything.

I saw her Today.
She came in to my shop,
I almost hit the floor.

She said she was looking for a dress.

A beautiful off white dress is what she picked out.
Creme colored with pearl tear drops and laces entwined.
the head dress Well she settled for a Crown

I kept my composure ,
Never saying  anything of importance,
I couldn't let her know who I was
or what I meant to you.

Her Mother was teary eyed and so Happy,
I hear her Say
Your the luckiest man in the World.
As She laughed she said She was the lucky one.

I know just what she means,
I too once was lucky to be with you too.
Everything you did was almost too perfection.
I ruined it and Now I'm helping Ya fiance pick out her gown.

I walked home after closing shop,
As I walked in central park I think to myself,
I wish I was her.

I saw you TODAY,
You were running out of the church,
Which was packed,
And everyone was all lined up on the steps,
As you run down towards your limo, You look up.
Smile to me from across the street.

You don't even say Good-bye.
I hope She makes your life complete&happy;!
I hope  YOUR happy,
I hope you have and receive everything you
desire in this life.
I know as these tears fall,
They will one day dry.
I saw You today & all I can tearfully say is.....
Congratulation's!

Always Me Ayeshah
Copyright © Ayeshah K.C.L.N
1977-2008 All right reserved
Ayeshah Mar 2010
What gives you the right to

judge me,

criticism wasn't asked

so why you

open your mouth,

What's your prerequisite

to make assumption's

& judgments-

Constructive criticism

my ***,

My

ADHD

PT-SD

Dyslexia Anxiety

& dealings with you

caused me a break down,

got me

chronically depressed,

You say you only

want the best for me,

Well shut up & let me be!

pill popping just so my E.E.D.

(Emitted explosive disorder)

wont cause me

to become

sentience

with life

new labels

would say

******

if you keep bothering me

I ain't stupid-

So stop talking down to me

Im not illiterate

******* I read

So let me be

No I don't have TS

(tourette syndrome)

I ******* cuss

cuz I wanna

so shut the hell up

I know right from wrong

I'm no psychopath

Then again

I just might be since

I could give a flying ****

about you

weather you live or die

I wouldn't cry.

Your making it harder

for ya self not me just go way

Doc

Do ya got **** Job,

I don't want to talk anymore

My past is where I left it

Behind me

You deal with it

Cuz

I already did & do

For you that

call your selves

wanting to help....

My OCD

(Obsessive-compulsive disorder)

is personal  

So what if I wash

my hands& ***

3 or more times

I'm not stupid
or deaf

I have

Selective Hearing

Nor am I *******.....

that's how

I say hello

with my *******

I told you,

I'm not *******.....


***** I'm Special!

Always Me Ayeshah
Copyright
© Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved
Ayeshah Apr 2011
I gots
my hair wrap on,

b'cuz

I
just finished

doing/sewing in
my  own
weave.

Did my own nails
and feet
too.

I got too many
mouths to feed


Ain't got time to go
to a shop.


He's
staring at me
tonight.

I got on
my cut off sweats
and
my tank-top.

I watch him too
as
I walk to the kitchen....

I stop
&
focus on my task...


Bacon ,eggs, bread

and

homemade orange juice.


I look over again

and

I noticed the look
on his face,
as
I reach
for
2 eggs...

He stands up
&
walks over to me....

Looking at him
as
he approaches
sends shivers
down my spine,


I unwind- reminded
of this mornings event.
He wants to touch me

but
drops
his hand

and

the tears
that
start to role down
my face
leaves me feeling dazed.
Crazed!

I walk past him
and
smell
the pan burning.

Burning
away my

uncried
wales....

The pain

The hurt

The deeds been
done.


This morning

I felt new beginnings
while life swept away....

Unforgiving.

It's 8pm
time to go to bed,
sleep eludes me
as
I star blankly
up at this movie,

I allow.......
Him
to cook and finish
what
I started.

He's watching me again.

I want to pretend that
I don't notice
but
my voice
get choked
as
I tell him
I did what

to
me is unforgiven.

He
tells me I'm sorry,
it's for the best.
I cry out
No
it's just best for YOU!
....
O'PLEASE

forgive me

if I don't believe you.
I throw my wedding ring
at him
saying

I no longer want it!!!

NO......Not
after this morning.
I feel my *******
getting wet,
It's not what you think..

&
I know its time
to
change
my **** pad,

He
looks at me as
I run to the
bathroom.........

I'm sitting
here
on a toilet
as
he's
repeating
his plea
to forget
&
forgive.


It's now
8:48 pm

I wash up
&
come out....

I tell him
I loved you
But.......
To
abort
his seed,
my eggs
"I"
can
never
be..........

Forgiven!

Always Me Ayeshah


Copyright © Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved
Ayeshah Mar 2010
Write me ******
Converse with in my notebook
Write me in verses
Use  lust a word to trace my lips,
kisses in forms of sonnets,
Touch my hair in feather inked  pens,
pencil my buttocks with curvy nouns
Endearments in & out like syllables,
while spelling out sensual adjectives
poetically ****** me,
calling out my name
as you rhyme again in and out out and in
****** deeply within me your hard penetrating
Philosophy.
Wrap your hand in mines as you  
once more trace  your tongue down my notepad
become master ******* within pages of my dairy.
Converse with in my notebook
as we fill up  my pages.
Please Please Please
Write me in verses
Write me ******
Write me harder& harder
Faster Please
Write good long as you Write me
Sweet Poets!
Always Me Ayeshah
Copyright © Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved
Ayeshah Feb 2010
Excuses & Reasons
sound like the same things
while your
compounding your lies after
trying to hide your deceit.

Conceited just a bit maybe
of late since
You're finally got me fooled,
had me stupidified,
Regrets comforting
knowingly- knowing you
but not really knowing
you at all huh?

All I hear is what you consider "truths",
Was it good,
They way you played me?

Playing around with my heart from the start,
Was because the other girl(s) said NO?

I didn't know it
but my time with you
was about to run out,

As I was getting the run around
You were laughing at me behind my back,
Stabbing me metaphorically.

I never knew how bad your need was,
to be loved not by only one
but by many,
I feel so unsure,

How can we began
when your not even letting me in,

How can you say lets start over
when over & over You lied,

Looking me right in the eyes,
face to face as you
completely use your
reasons & excuses,

There's no need
No use for a YOU & ME.

There's No more US.
You had your fun
but Now your times up,

You had the chance after chance
to come clean but like I
told you
Your can save your
Reasons & All of your Excuses
I'm too Through!
Always Me Ayeshah
Copyright © Ayeshah
K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved
Ayeshah Jan 2010
Do You know why I stay away,
Put Space Between Us two?
I think you do and it's sad really cuz I really like you,
Like you more than I should and more than I care to admit,
But what gets me is I hate that I fall so hard, fast and easy,
Yet I hold myself way back from letting you In,
Trying & hidding my true feelings,
It's not that I'm scared or anything(lol yeah I am)
I just know that Your not ready
for all that I am,
and All that I can give to you
Which is all that comes with me,
So I stay away and hold my self back,
I speak mostly when spoken to and Only comment a little,
Cuz if I said I want you, And  if I said I'm Yours,
Plus if I said I need you more than you ever could of thought,
I'd probably scare you off,
If you really knew what was going in on in my head,
Like how I want you in my bed,
How I'd hold those strong arms around me
and Rock you til YOU fell fast asleep,
How I'd cook just to watch you eat,
Well I can't say these thing to you,
Cuz if I did then
I'd loose my VERY Best Friend!
Maybe I wouldn't but you see
I'm also some what of a Chicken -
ONLY when it comes to YOU!  
If I told you that I  was in awe with all you do,
What would you say-  what would you do,
If i said Kiss me just slightly on my cheek,
Would you do this and more?
Make me crave even more,
If I said I wanted to be more than your babies momma,
Spend a life time making Us happy,
Keeping you satisfied,
Being your Queen
while letting you be King,
I think about you too often to count,
And its sad really cuz
I can't speak clearly when your around
its like my tongue got tied down,  
What if I told you I once watched you sleep,
Maybe it was just a dream,
Yet I look at your lips  while I fantasy about that body,
I look ad those hand ,
So strong , How I'd let you hold me,
Molding me close to you,
See If I told you these things you'd likely scream ,
Run from me,  
Just maybe huh?  
What I'm unsure of is how can I keep hiding
this burning desire to be more than just your friend,
When I know your not ready,
When I know there isn't room for me,
See  BABY
I notice along time ago that
Your the strong silent type,
The Big soft hearted Giant,
Yet I know your also the type to wreck havoc
when someones Coming with disrespect,
Your a humble Man
and if I had you in the palms of my hands,
I'd cherish all that you are and
Love you for the Man you've already become,
Take you for who you are and Keep us on point,
I know you must hear this a lot, I'm sure I'm not the only one,
To be caught  in your poetic verses,
or shown the many side of your philosophical  greatness,
I know so many women feel as I do,
They too may not have told you,
Maybe some have and just like me they too fantasy about You,
For A man you have  the sexiest ***.
A brain & body to match,
Your words make me crave just one touch,
See I already said too much,
I sound so silly, Imaging me saying how
I really feel or ever saying these things to you,
Funny but when Your around it's like  
I have a speech impediment,
I start talking with a stutter,
How crazy am I
Cuz  I can't "forum"(form) the right words,
I can barely think .
My mind draws a blank.
How would you feel truly; If you knew my feeling
& knew too they  go deeper then you think,
right to the roots,
The very heart of Me,
My soul weeps inside to be touched and concord by only You,  
If ever you were to find out-  
WELL  I think I'd crumble. Fall to my knees,
Cuz Your the essences that gives me peace,
You make me feel like a brand new women ,
Your A gentle-man.
Who Knows How to
really
Treat this Lady(your friend )ME.
You keep me leveled and Don't even know it ,
I wonder how You'd feel if you ever knew.
I'm infatuated, Basically in love with
YOU?!
That's why I'd loose my mind if You Ever Know!
Always me Ayeshah
©1977-2009 Ayeshah(A.K.K.C.L.N)
All rights reserved.
Ayeshah Sep 2015
He watched as I  'slept",

seems as if my chest is rising and falling in tune

as he breathed deeply through parted lips.

 He shed his clothes and,

wearing only his boxers,

he stretched out alongside me.

 He trailed a finger down my cheek,

my neck,

caressing every inch of my body

 He bent his head to nuzzle my smooth  COLD skin,

flicking my ear with his tongue.

 A soft moan escaped his lips.

A single tear slides down my face.....

No One Can Hear Me!

Always Me Ayeshah ™ ®
         K.A.C.L.N ©
     All right reserved ®
Copyright 1977 - Present
He's Killed me!
Ayeshah Dec 2011
Take your word..
You say.   But  She took Your word when
you told her- you loved her the most
in this world. She's your lady & baby girl.  You  gave ya word to her   when you told her your so in love and no other will do!
Not me nor anyone can replace her- remember you gave her ya word- huh?
hmm TAKE your word for it ?  You gave ya word to her and told her you'd do anything to please her! 
but  now I must-
 Take your word... ??
When You told her I'm nothing to you at all.
Your not in a good place right now  &  only she can pull you out!
Your missing her so much.
  You wish she was here  because your craving her touch.
& you keep on begging me to-
Take your word.....
When you've told her, her and her,  you have to stay because  your trapped.
didn't you tell  her this girl in that 1 - I'm not healthy+
I'm in a bad state-
( of mind because my mental psychosis ain't right)
  which is why you can't leave me  right now?!
This you say- Take your word...
When you telling
em  I'll never be as good as them.  (this girl or that  other woman) 
 You can't wait until your free.
Your playing pretend with me but they're  (her, she and them)  is really where you want to be?
Take your word.......
When once again
after you've lied stole and cheated
&
emotionally beat the love right out of me-
Yet you want me to
Take your word?!?  
I took your word: 
 when YOU vowed to
forsake all others  when you promised  to
love me in sickness& in health, for better & worst-  
WHEN YOU
asked me to love you forever  
and
if I'd do just that  (take ya word)  
YOU'D  "show" me
I could once more trust you or as you said  
(take your word) & you'll give me all of you
1000%,
take ya word
on everything & it'll be us, me & you, through thick or thin
and you'd "show" me 
 I could believe in you once again too, that if
I take ya word-
you'll bring the faith I had in you- back to me,
"IF"
  I'd take ya word  
YOU'D save me from your past neglects and FINALLY love me best!
   "IF "
I'd take ya word  - You'd never abuse, misused, or deceive me EVER again!  
SEE
that's the problem,
I did
TAKE YOUR WORD
&
TOOK
you back even after all this...  
NOW I don't want to hear it...
  Ya words  hurt me...  
SEE
I was ya choice but never was I  1st!  
Never
did I have 1st dibs
& for you,
it was easy picking
when you got hungry unscrupulous ***** nasty type chicks after you! 
 I was never number #1
I was just  1 of many   you played & used!
Yo your words ain't ****.  
Take MY word(s)  & listen good :
I can't and  I  wont do this to myself nor allow
you to
******* abuse me
NO MORE,
I'm to good for you and this here mess!
BOY  Ya WORD and words no longer mean ****!
DEUCES!
Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright © Ayeshah
K.C.L.N 1977 - Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved ®*
..
I've once more been put into a place i really dont want to be, Life's complicated enough with out all the bull'ish! I love me more than you all can ever imagine and i now think i dnt know what love is cuz i doubt this is IT!  yet... i stayed this long for nothing! im a fool of the 1st kind!
Ayeshah Dec 2013
Airbrushed watercolors

steal tonight,

Majestic acrylics
like royal purple,
lavender & reds-
silken sheets a mess

boldly he  molds
her to his skillful hands,

browns & blues, pinks & greys.

Flesh tones meshed in silhouettes

Lips

touching in the sweetest embrace,

as his body joins with hers.

Slowly
masculine hands
hold her tightly

while his ramrod manhood finds it's mark.

Her
tulips open moist for him

&

his honey dew kisses scorch her coco skin,

leaving her heated with each caress of his lips,

burning with each touch of his fingers,

she's never tasted such desire,

from sun up to sun down,

he's ready & willing.

Her
tiny whimpers & plea's escape her

as
his tantalizing assault

causes her to convulse inside & out..

Her
release continues to intensify

and

he's like a caged beast

trapped- with her tightly

pinned beneath him
as
he pounds deeply
within her velvet walls.

She's moaning, clinging,

legs wrapped round his waist,

nails digging deeply

in & down

his back with each stroke

with

each ******

she's moving in sync crying out

as

he causes such havoc

on her body,

scorning her skin

with

each lavish

flick of his tongue.

It's morning and the day breaks

rays of sunlight

streams into

their bedroom,

he's yet to be done

and

for hours now

her body's been

his canvas.

He's painted her

wild & wanton

seductive & brazenly wicked

he's stroked her

rose bud ****** assorted colors

against her velvet walls,

masterfully opened

and

vigorously

he strummed

her tulips to spread widely

on his canvas.

He's melted her to him

and

there's no other place she'd rather be

than on-*

His Canvas.

Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright ©
Ayeshah
K.C.L.N 1977 - Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved ®
Ayeshah Dec 2011
I conflicted you,
confused you,

I never meant to
but you see baby

I'm defective from past
and
present abuse

misused,
mistreatment,
misdeeds,
misconceptions

recreated into what you
see
before you,

an
explosive mindless mess.

I should of got help

before
letting you in...
Should of
fixed me before
we began

but
you see papi

I didn't want to,
because
it'd mean
letting you go
for another to ****** up.

Ooh no
I could never have that,
so
I hide my pain-

until we fought and I blamed you
when it was never even your fault,

I tried to drown you in my anguish,

causing you
to become a beast instead of man!

took away your self-esteem
making you into what I believed

I wanted,

believed
I needed-  
to become a better me.

See papi

I thought if you did all
I asked and laid in my bed-

things from my past would cease to exist.

I thought once we became as one
you'd pick up the burden of

my broke heart mend me
and
fix what once was lost,

help me to become better even
thou
I never knew what was yet best
for me...

I let you in,
when
I was wounded
and
while war was raging in my head...

All
I needed was you
in my bed-
inside of me
pumping nothing but deceit
as we consummated
a lie,
a dream,
unrealistic fantasies
and
things that could never be
but still
I held on turning

you into -
what others have turned me to
too.

Letting you
think your the only one
when
I had him them and those three.

I could never love you
because at the end of the day
I barely *******

loved myself!
Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright ©
Ayeshah
K.C.L.N 1977 - Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved ®
Ayeshah Apr 2012
I am glad
he doesn't love -
with his  silky tongue
for
his words can dangle
forever in my veins
like an infectious cold,  
tearing away at my heart
while my mind tries to forget all the things
he's never saying

I'm glad
he never tells me he loves me,
my  heart,
my soul
or
my face
nor
my body,
the lie
would mean
he care and has feelings
that
I have known weren't ever there.

I'm glad  
he doesn't say
he  longs for me
like he longs & loves
the sun,
or
good food & flowers.

I'm glad  
he ignores my plea as I beg him  
to finally treat me with a semblance
of respect
because
it'd mean
he wants this to work,
I'm more realistic...
I know it never will or can.

I'm glad
he leaves my side after making me ***,
because it'd mean
he wants more than my body...  
I know he's not ready to commit
or
open his heart,
not to me anyways.
I'm glad
he doesn't look too deep into my eyes,
because
he'd see that I'm so broken and lonely
&  
he'd see the crippling pain
he causes each and every time
he walks out...  
I'm so glad
he doesn't notices a thing.
- If that's true,
why do I hear in me
tears dripping
like winter falling leaves?
hmm?*
Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright ©
Ayeshah
K.C.L.N 1977 - Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved ®
Ayeshah Feb 2010
With my hand in yours...........,
With This ring I'd wed or so It was Suppose to be...,
I was Suppose to walk down the aisle..,
Say my I do's,
Give a speech even,Tell you on this day,
Why I love you most,
Why I love you so much..,
Walking down the aisle,
Looking as beautiful as I could be,
Smiling faces all blended together,
As I slowly try to rush on ahead to you..,
My focus and determinations rising as I finish the last few steps...,
The only face
I'm looking for
is yours,
As I'm given away on this day...,
I Can't believe it comes to this,
Trial and tribulations,
We've shared a few,Grew&grown..;,
I want to grow even older&wiser; with you..,
To my Surprise I'm handed to a stranger,
ya best man and what he has to say to me,
I don't want to hear,
He Tell's me Your not ready,
You don't think you can come to ya sense's,
and I must listen ,
listen to him its a serious matter,
but my brain ain't working,
I can't understand what's being said,
ON
this wonderful Beautiful day,
I'm told I wont be given away to you,
I wont get to say my I do's ,
I,We
picked everything out
as best we
could and wanted it to represent US, Look Man,
this ain't funny so stop playing PLEASE,
Has something Happen I ask him ,
YA Friend,
The Best Man,
He holds his head down,
Bent real low as he looks up at me a tear falls
and He hates to be the one to tell me
but your just not coming at all,
How could you do it, Whats gotten in to you,
How could you hurt me specially
TODAY,
We had it set in motions from the first time we met,
We both knew some how it was gonna end like this, with us
Together forever, or so we Vowed,
Rehearsal was perfect,
Everything was so right even agreeing to do this outside,
Shouldn't it rain now why is the sky shining blue, so bright,
Why
is it that there's laughter every where but only tears in my eyes,
I run back to the limo and get inside I got to talk to you,
but as I reach the car,
Ya best man
Ya friend,
Say you left, your not there,
hours past.
I'm at the Reception Hall,
Minus well
let everyone enjoy it,
since they came from out of town,
from all over the U.S.
My family and yours,
was Suppose laugh and share stores toast Us
and say how proud they were for us..
Instead they're all looking at me
wondering what I'm ah do....,
How
could you leave me here with everyone guessing. starring, wondering?
For better or worst,
that what we planned,
taking my hand placing your ring on my finger, as I
smile,
Yes I agree to carry your last name,
Sickness and in health ,Until death do us part,
With all of my heart,
I give myself to you,
No matter what may come, these words I promise you,
But your not here to listen to me or to even hear me,
I shout it out for the people looking and staring,
I'm breaking down,
I never thought this would happen to me not to day.
Not to me...,
It's still not raining,
It's still sunny out,
DJ
please play anything
let me loose my self with this Champagne,
Ya Friend,Ya Best MAN,
He's here with me&My; girl too,
They look at me with such sorrow,
I'm still in my wedding gown,
How Funny & sad for me huh?
I look so beautiful,
My hairs perfect,
My face is painted just right,
In the sunlight,
My Mahogany skin glows..,
Dance I say with a smile, its OK,
I'm alright...,
Please dance.
Looking out the window I let the tears flow,
How could you be so bold yet so cold,
You let me go & even thou
I know you'll say you didn't mean to:
When or if I ever talk or see you,
I'll say LEAVE,
Let me be
like you did to me on ;
OUR WEDDING -DAY!
ALWAYS ME AYESHAH
©1977-2009 Ayeshah(A.K.K.C.L.N)
All rights reserved.
Ayeshah Jan 2014
You've come along during a time where I wasn't expecting,

wanting or needing a relationship.

Don't get me wrong I was on many sites, still talking it up

to those who'd seem genuinely interested,

yet I've as you now know, went through a lot of disappointments

with the opposite ***, from cheating, abuse, games,

lies and so much more,

well you now know, so no need for more details.

You've come at a time where & when I only needed a friend,

I should of been clear about that instead of continuing
late night conversations of whose ex's hurt who
the most & the things we'd do differently
"if " only(s)....

"If" only you'd come at a time where DBT- counseling,
was almost complete & these insecurity's
left by the lies,doubts, mistrust or broken down communications
from past experiences didn't have me questioning
every single word you say,
plus every one of your actions made.

I've been keeping to myself,
becoming a recluse,
but
from the
Mental Disorders handbook,
I'm listed as
a afflicting person since I've display
a person with a pervasive pattern of  social inhibition,
feelings of inadequacy, extreme sensitivity to negative evaluation,
with my avoidance of social interaction.

I'm afflicted with the disorder & I tend to describe me
as ill at ease, anxious, lonely, and generally feel unwanted
plus I fell I'm isolated from others.

I used to go out a lot,
I had a plethora of friends well very good acquaintances,
I've allowed exes to push me into giving them up & now
I find it hard to just open up, find it so difficult to trust.

My supposed best friend slept with my husband
and another of these so called best-friends lied to a few men
that could of become my man.

So women or man- I find it hard to be myself now round them,
round you it was easy to talk to laugh and be completely free,
but I should of told you, I wasn't ready for
late night trips to your home, showers or baths to relax me,
back rubs until you put me to sleep.

Wasn't ready for you and those powerful hugs,
the encouragements
or
pats on the back
for the countless hours studying & getting my 4.0
with all my college classes .

You're a friend well you were & still are,
I should of left it at that.
Should of...

I should of told you,
that I doubt I know what loves is
or 
 if I've ever really owned it, I think I've rented it- a time or so,
but to say that I've been truly loved?

Naw I doubt it,
been infatuated & lusted a lot but love?
again
Naw I doubt it...
You already know I ain't speaking of my children,
pets or family.

Well let us exclude
my mama
cause she's always said to me
"who could ever love you"?

Most of my life I've tried to fill in the blanks of "who"?
"who could ever love me"

I thought I knew, *
but in recent events plus theses last 15 years
I've notice those who came to say they loved me
showed me different & treated me so ugly!

You've come along during a time where I wasn't expecting,
wanting or needing a relationship.

Your friendship is comforting,
I guess I'm scared, worried of the unknown, all those
"ifs"
and what could be, but I'm afraid, worried-
I already said worried, so worried in fact I've sometimes
put space between us.

I'm so painfully bruised & scarred from inside plus out,
from the age of 6 to now that's 30 years of being  bruised & scarred.

This was pose to be a poem and now it's more like a letter,
You know like "Dear John" or to whom ever,
but the ever only person whose made me make sense of me
seems to be you.

Somehow your in this deeper than I think I am
I'm conflicted, confused,
even though you've yet to do what others have done to me
or what others have put me through.

Think I should say: what I've allowed them to do-
"sometimes"
I've allowed them to do.

I seem to NO- I know I make you pay for what they've done to me,
guess I shall say I've allowed them to do to me knowingly or not...
I'm so disappointed by life & all it's had to offer me,
I've known & at times unbeknown to myself
have taken it out on you,
on others too by staying out their lives...

I apologize, but I'm not sorry,
that to me is something I don't think
I could ever be...

Saying sorry for me means- I'm a sorry person,
flawed-
*YES,

*very much so, becoming a recluse ok
but to be "sorry"    no,
therefore I apologize.


Through  all the ******* and all the mess
you've supported me.


I'm screaming or yelling at you & you've accepted me,
from the nightmares, that wake me & you've heard
my siren crying yelps of despair,
you've held me tightly,
reassuring me it's just a dream that my ex's
along with my childhood/teen molesters plus them ******
can't harm me no more...


You've left the lights on since I'm afraid of the dark
walking me to my room and locking the house up tight,
even at times checking under my bed
see your comforting for me,
at 36 I should be ashamed, yet with you I finally feel free
feel a bit good about me & about you,
says a lot since for a while I've yet to feel ANYTHING!


You've come along during a time where I wasn't expecting,

wanting or needing a relationship.

But now that your
*here" can you please stay?



Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright 1977 - Present ©
K.A.C.L.N ©
All right reserved ®
Ayeshah Mar 2011
I AIN'T EASY & IT TAKES A LOT TO PLEASE ME,
I DO WHAT I WANT & HOW I PLEASE,

PLEASE DON'T DICTATE TO ME,
DON'T TELL ME HOW I MUST BE,
I'M FIRE & ICE,

I'M-HEARTS BROKEN MENDING ON FENCES.....

I'M A LADY WHO KNOWS  JUST WHAT SHE WANTS
AND

ITS UP TO ME TO FULFILL MY DREAMS....
BE A REAL MAN OR LEAVE ME BE!

*DON'T WORRY ABOUT MY SULTRY WALK
OR
WHO MY LEGS PART FOR- IT'S RARE
AND HE MUST
LOVE ME MORE THAN LIFE IT SELF,


I'M NOT MEANT
TO SIT UP ON A SHELF.....

DON'T THROW ACCUSATIONS MY WAY
WITH OUT FACTUAL PROOF,

WHAT I DO IN MY OWN HOME
CAR & OR BED ROOM
DOESN'T CONCERN YOU!

LABEL ME BOLD BLACK SOULFUL
& OH SO PECAN PUERTO RICAN'LY BEAUTIFUL

IF YOU MUST LABEL
ME AT ALL!

DON'T ASK MY NEIGHBOR
CUZ
I'M NOT AFRAID
TO TALK OR FACE YOU.....

GOSSIPER
SPEAK UP
AND

NOT BEHIND MY BACK,
I WORKED FOR MY SHARE
AND
I DON'T HAVE TO
PUT ON AIRS OR AN ACT.


CALL ME A ****,

A ***** OR *****

HA HA HAA HAA....

THINK ABOUT ME .....

YEAH

YOU MUST
CUZ
YOUR LIVES SUCH A BORE!

DON'T WORRY ABOUT
WHAT MY KIDS ARE MIXED WITH
AND WHY  THEY GOT GOOD HAIR!!!!


IT AIN'T YOUR BUSINESS
IF THEIR PLAYING
ON THE LAWN,

LEAVE MY KIDS ALONE
OR YOU'D
BE ****** HARMED.

YOUR WATCHING
MY HOUSE

& WATCHING ME  LIKE A HAWK.....

STALKING ME FROM ACROSS
THE STREET,

IM SURE YOUR IN YOUR
WINDOW WATCHING
TRYING TO SEE....

IMAGING ME

AS YOU BEAT YA MEAT,
SHE'S
ACROSS FROM ME TOO
TRYING TO SEE-

ALL THE WHILE
PLAYING WITH

HER BULLET
VIBRATING TOOL....

SADLY YOUR HATING ME
BUT WISHING

YOU
WERE JUST LIKE ME!

A LINGUISTICALLY - LIONESS.....
BUT YOUR YOU
& I'M
IMPERFECTLY ME!

Always Me Ayeshah
Copyright © Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved
Ayeshah Feb 2010
Hypothetically
Would you take ya time to get to know me ,
hold me and teach me the ways of your body,
let me get to be all that you dreamed,
ya
ever waken wish and fantasy's,

Hypothetically
Could I be the one that changed
ya life
made you think twice,
must be nice to be on the outside looking in,
Wishing as hard as
I can to be the one you call ,
****
Can't you see me standing here,
waiting to dry all
your tears,
caress you after dark,
make you say my name ,

Hypothetically
Could you look at me
like that,
make
me smile right back ,
touch you like no other
& take you as more than my lover,
feel the rain falling on us
as we made love
in a heated rush,
Listen to your heart beat
as you fall fast asleep,

Hypothetically
walk with you & talk with you
listen to your heart ache your problems ,
your desires and
things that others can't see,
Could
you let me in even
just for a tiny bit ,
let me see whats it is that's
got me doing flips,
making me want you so badly
and
thinking of you constantly,
missing you when
I can't see you or touch you,
I want to hug you,
rub you and love you,
Couldn't
you
understand me
or the pain
ya causing me
cuz
your not here with me,
What
Would
you do if I told you
I know you more
than you think
I do,
If I could conceal
all that you went
through
so you wouldn't
have to show and prove,
Couldn't
you put up a
front and
act like your
in love with me too,
See
I been where
you been
a time or too
but
if only you knew..,
even thou I
asked

You all this,
What would you say
and do,
If
I meant it all this
in stead
of asking you
Hypothetically
????
(some times you just need to know!)
ALWAYS ME
AYESHAH
Copyright ©
Ayeshah
K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved
Ayeshah Jan 2014
We're laying here  with pillows on the floor, like where in the Sahara or some other exotic place just- watching TV.

Hold me while you run your fingers through my hair, caress my face as you look down into my sober face,  a smile breaks and i cast my eyes downwards knowing I'm blushing  cause your looking at me with that tale tell look.

I flick through the channels pretending not to notice your left arms laying right on my breast, the weight of it is refreshing since your left arms underneath my right arm and you've encircled the top half me protectively in your embrace.

I like leaning back on your chest as we watch TV, going through the channels together but you allow me to hold the remote, we settle for a movie we both like, "The Grudge".

We're all into the movie & been watching for a long while, it's scary and I shirk so loud you hold me tight,  even though I've now jumped a tiny bit & cursed out the scary girl crawling around on the screen,

I've covered my eyes with my blanket, I peek out from the blanket and look up at you, your holding in a laugh which seems so hard for you to do.

Kissing my forehead and loosen up your grip, then say to me baby are you scared?

Naw like really?,  of course I am & duh I say, you finally burst out laughing , its beautiful like sweet baritone- like music.

You bend & kiss me,  the kiss, I guess goes on for what seems like hours, it's only been at most a minute,.
Baby,- is what you say to me and finally I open my eyes, your looking at me with that tale tell look.

We kiss some more as we start ******* each other, fast and swift we get right down to it, no  foreplay  just the kissing, you enter me and unbeknown to me I'm moist, ready.

Your moving deeply, I'm moving fast, like it's a race, your aims to take your time,  but I'm heated, I've been longing for you, so I make sure without saying a word that I end up on top.

I'm grinding my pelvis as we mesh together, allowing you to move in & out of me, I'm climaxing rapidly, I told you I've been longing for you.

****** You've stop me dead, cold, and I'm looking at yo *** like what the ****, you smile those bright teeth with those amazing lips spread wide showing off your kool-aid grin, then say to me relax baby & don't move.

I don't know how you've done it but I'm on my stomach in a flash, and you haven't even taken your **** out of me,  rather your moving so deep inside of me allowing the pleasure from before to come back in such a force,
that I ******* bit hard down on my lip, not intentionally, your moving fast now and smack me on my ***.

I'm moving with you as if I'm a dancer in a ***** shaking video,  as if I'm a **** star pro and your the main star, I've always wanted to ****.,

I'm moving faster now, we've matched each other stroke for stroke, so much so it's like where  racing to some imaginary finish line,

but you slow your pace, I wish I could- but I'm already climaxing and my body's doing it on it's own.

You intentionally move even deeper, to where I can feel you hitting my ******,

It's all my body needed,  I cry out so loudly, you pick up your pace and **** me so hard, so deep, your holding on to my hips and slamming your **** in & out,  out & in
with such force & so much friction, once more my body's reacting.

You pump so fast & all I can do is take it, while I *** again & again,  you've yet to,

but I can feel it coming, with each stroke, each ******,  I feel the thickness all nine inches of you swell up.

You growl out; Ahhhhhayeshahhh, I'm *******, and erupt, right behind you is my turn, guess you knew cause you never stop.

This is crazy cause all this started just from us

Watching TV.*

Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright 1990-Present ©
K.A.C.L.N ©
All right reserved ®

— The End —