Aussie Aussie Aussie
I am a Fair dinkum a Aussie
I love life every day
Aussie Aussie Aussie
You see I am an Aussie
Yes I watch cricket and afl and league
And like the rich I watch
The rugby union
And I cheer very loud
Aussie Aussie Aussie
I am a fair dinkum a Aussie
I am having fun
Drinking my beer eating pies
Yes I am an Aussie
And I am mighty proud of that
You see like an Aussie
I love my mum and I loved my dad
Yes and I loved a nice hot dinner
Of meat and 2 veg
Aussie Aussie Aussie
I am fair dinkum
Yes I am yes I am
I am Aussie and I am proud of it
Ok I am Aussie hear me roar
I am too cool to ignore
Yes I have fun and really have my fun
And I have fun because I am an
Aussie Aussie Aussie
And fair dinkum a Aussie
Yes that is what I am
I am an Aussie Aussie Aussie
A real battling Aussie
I am cool cause I am Aussie
To the core

wanna beer wanna beer wanna beer

the aussie thing to do

then they go off to the pub and say wanna beer to you

i didn’t know what to say at first

these people do like me, yeah

they think i am cool very very cool

yeah they enjoy my company a lot

wanna beer wanna beer wanna beer

ya see the aussie thing

wanna beer wanna beer wanna beer

and a hamburger with the lot

ya see ya go to the footy and the first thing you hear is

wanna beer wanna beer wanna beer

the aussie thing to do

then you go off to the city

to a nightclub, a man blows his cigarette smoke right in your face

you say what, are you doing, then

you say

wanna beer wanna beer wanna beer

the aussie thing to do

you see you think your a man but you look like a hooligan

yeah, your aussie mate true blue

you look rough and ready to punch the guy next to you

and then you say

wanna beer wanna beer wanna beer

the aussie thing to do

wanna beer wanna beer wanna beer

better being a true blue

you see they look ***** and very very rude

as they say

wanna beer wanna beer wanna beer

the aussie thing to do

you go to the footy and then the cricket

and then off to the pub and park illegally and you get yourself a ticket

the police have arrested you, then they let you go

and the first thing you say is

wanna beer wanna beer wanna beer

the aussie thing to do

you see there is nothing wrong with the australian way of life

as long as they just leave me to do my own thing

i would love to have a packet of crisps

but i hear this

wanna beer wanna beer wanna beer

the aussie the aussie the aussie thing to do, MATE

Aussie Aussie Aussie
I am a fair dinkum a Aussie
And I love life every day
I hate this panic shopping
I think it is ****** stupid
That isn’t loving life
I hate this ****** virus
It is trappers (the devil)’s
Way of stopping us
But I love how people
Are taking to social media
To spread love to this great big world
We need to find a cure or a vaccine
For the caronavirus
To make us all love life
I am an Aussie Aussie Aussie
I am a fair dinkum a Aussie
And every day I love life
The shops are taking desperate measures to keep the stock lasting longer
But it causes frustration amongst
All sorts of shoppers
And it doesn’t make them learn
I love the footy and I still want to cheer them on
In these hard times
So if you want to rid this virus
So Aussie Aussie Aussie
Fair dinkum a Aussie
I love I live my
I love life every day
I live my life in every way

Theres an original Aussie lingo
That out there one can hear~
Most of all when you are in the country
And places like that you love so dear~
RIPPA RITA , An aussie bush expression of rejoice~
When something really goes so well
And usually not by choice~
FAIR DINKUM means simply for real
Are you fair dinkum mate~
STRUTH another real Aussie expression
A bush word for something that you hate~
Just a few words of real Aussie lingo
You might hear now and again~
SEND HER DOWN HUGHY they'll cry
When they reall do need rain~
STONE THE CROWS you'll hear them yell
When something happens by surprise~
Often in the country
When they can't believe their eyes~
HOWZ ZAT a bloke will often call out
when he manages to do something better than right~
And very indeed proud of himself
Without trying to skite~
RIGHTIO dad will call out to mum
When she hollows don't forget to get the bread~
TOO FLAMEN RIGHT he'll say back to her
When she says well ... did ja get it ted~
YA GREAT GALLOOT is what they'll call you
When you do something really wrong~
So much original Aussie lingo
They should put it all within a song~
SHIELA'S are of course suingle women
Who often are as well called BIRDS~
All this fantastic Aussie terminology
How I miss all these words~
Ocker's are usually blokes in shorts and thongs
They call thongs Japanese riding boots~
CODJA'S are older blokes
Sometimes they call them COOT'S~
COCKIES are blokes that own properties
STRIKEN A BLOW is a term for work~
BLUDGERS are those that don't like do do it
And being lazy is to of course SHIRK~
All that age old aussie lingo
I miss it so I do~
Can't wait to say HOWZ YA GOEN MATE
And G DAY to a mate or two~
It's all got a sound of it's own
One gets used to it in life~
Like the LITTLE WOMEN and THE BETTER HALF
Is what they call a wife a wife~

( Was'nt game to use spell check lol )

https://youtu.be/PT331BRkkP0

Terrence Michael Sutton
Copyright 2018

Hi everybody I am Briano alliano
And today I have a few poems and jingles for you
Here they are

I love to party up here on Saturn
Enjoying life, mate pretty ****** cool
I drink methane smoothies
And I really really enjoy it yeah
And I have a few fly burgers to share
They are good enough to eat
Eat eat eat
They are such a tasty treat
Treat treat treat
Covid can be annoying
I wish it would go away
Just imagine no afl grand final
In Melbourne that will be a shame
But we must be fucken careful
Oh yeah mate oh yeah
John Howard is in hospital
How long will he be there for
Well some say it is payback
For all the problems he caused the poor
Hey hey baby oh yeah
We must party on oh yeah
Get down to the ground yeah
Everyone party oh yeah mate
We must party oh yeah
And never stop

Our next song is c’mon Aussie c’mon Aussie c’mon
The virus is causing problems for the afl
And keeping out of Victoria will be a shame
Politicians arguing with each other
Like they normally do yeah
Even Barnaby Joyce has to say his piece
Yes an Aussie killed his victims in Christchurch but there is a lot of hurt
Well, he is the biggest **** you ever see
Yes c’mon Aussie c’mon oh yeah
C’mon Aussie c’mon
We must stay in Australia but what happens if you don’t
You end up getting hemeroids up the ***
And then footballers breaking covid 19 laws they just want to go somewhere to drink their beer
That is Australia for ya
Yes go home and your mama
Yes that is so cool yeseree
C’mon Aussie c’mon
Party on Aussie party
Just c’mon Aussie
C’mon oh yeah let’s crack open a beer
And PARTY

The next song is rock and roll devil

I am the devil incarnate
And his advocate
I tell the devil what to do
I stick up for him every day
I know a lot of people don’t believe in him
And a lot of people think he is evil yeah
But when you say you are the devil
You must think
About what your saying
Think about what you are doing
You must party all night
Some people call that the devils work
But that is a load of crap
Like a tree exploding sap
And the devil is told he doesn’t exist
So he brought out his bible
But that was burnt about 1500 years ago
And that is a sign he doesn’t exist
And that makes me the devils advocate to the Christians eyes

Thank you everyone
PARTY ON DUDES

I fall asleep in the late afternoon and wake up to the night kissing my eyelids, whispering the promise of bright streets and shadows, music and drunken laughter into my ears. Floating up from below are the sounds of clinking glasses and the hum of a thousand conversations, scooters and street-cleaning machines, skateboards and dogs and church bells; the city of masses occupied by ants. The breeze wafts in from the balcony and the marble floor is cool on my feet as I rise to go out.
The kitchen is full of Australians and the table is covered in small bags of white powder. There are bottles on the counter and someone is slicing up a lime. They are loud and happy and one of the boys empties a tiny bag out onto a plate, cuts it with his bank card and pushes it into thin lines like scratches. Someone makes us all drinks. Aussie spills powder on the floor and as I look up, he is crouched down, fifty-euro note up his nostril. We laugh, he is bent over on his knees, vacuuming the floor with his nose. I sit down to watch them, telling wild stories of wild nights, as they get more and more edgy their gestures become exaggerated and excited. I go to take a shower, Aussie wanders in and talks to me excitedly, laughing loudly. I laugh too, because he is fun, and attractive, and because he is so excited and happy and because he has a nice laugh, a loud one. I put on high-waisted denim shorts, rolled up at the bottom, and a half-corset. It is yellow with roses printed on it, and Aussie tells me I look like a pin-up doll. The girls come home and we all put on red lipstick and breathe in dust and dance around the kitchen with the boys and our drinks. There is white dust on everything, spilled everywhere. Everything is bright and exciting and electric and new, so we go out, piling into several taxis and speeding down the motorway to the beach. The line is not long and we get in for free, music pulsing through our eyes, our bodies, neon lighting up our hair and glancing off the pool inside. There are tall girls in rhinestone-crusted heels, long legs stretching from short short fluttery skirts, boys with gelled-back hair and printed shirts and their sweet-angry boy-smell. Eyes like saucers, skin like melting wax, sensual, ferocious. Aussie. Grab me by the waist, buy me a tall drink with a tall straw. Stroke my cheek, tell me I am beautiful. He disappears into the night, absolutely ******- *******, champagne, the rain of stars in his eyes, the reign of electric music in his limbs. Electric, wandering through the club like a lost prince, diving into the water like it was his home after all.

AUSTRALIA DAY, BY THE BBQ



CHEER CHEER FOR THE CROWD YS SEE

THE PEOPLE WHO COME TO YOUR BBQ

YOU SEE YOU COOK SAUSAGES A VERY NICE COLD COKE

AND EACH MAN HAS BEER

YEAH YOU SEE EVERYONE YOU SEE WILL PARTY YESEREE

YEAH IT’S ANOTHER AUSTRALIA DAY BY THE BBQ

I BRING OUT 6 ESKIES WITH 400 BEERS

THIS WILL MAKE THE MEN HAPPY

OH BLODDY ****** DEAR

YOU SEE, THERE IS A FEW WELL DONE STEAKS AND A FEW EGG AND BACON ROLLS

OH YEAH, ****** COOL

YOU SEE WE SIT BY THE LAKE IN OUR BLUE AUSSIE GEAR

AND WATCH THE LOVELY FIREWORKS, YEAH, LET’S GRAB US ANOTHER BEER

DON’T FORGET, THERE IS OUR THEORY, DUDE, LAMB LAMB LAMB OH DEAR

YEAH LAMB WILL PUT IN THE A IN AUSTRALIA DAY, YEAH IT WILL OH YEAH

THEN A MAN CAME UP TO ME, AND TOLD ME WATCHA DOING

ARE YOU ENJOYING AUSTRALIA DAY, LIKE IT’S A DAY WORTH CELEBRATING

I HAVE BEEN TO CITIES, THAT HAVE A LOT OF PENANG

FROM FLORIDA, CHICAGO AND THE GREAT BUDAPEST

AND NO MATTER HOW FAR OR HOW WIDE YA ROME

YOU CAN ALWAYS CALL AUSTRALIA

A PERFECT PLACE TO HAVE BBQs, ON JANUARY 26TH

AND WE CHEER COME ON AUSSIR COME ON, YEAH, COME ON AUSSIE COME ON

YA KNOW EACH BOWLER IS COMING DOWN LIKE A MACHINE

THE OPPOSTION IS PLAYING NUMSKULL GAMES IN THE GREEN

WE ARE SCORING RUNS, THROW OUT YA CHEWING GUM

AQND THIS IS THE GREATEST AUSTRALIA DAY, THAT WE’VE EVER SEEN

GO AND HAVE LAMB ON AUSTRALIA DAY

AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE, OI OI OI

HAPPY AUSTRALIA DAY DUDES

I don’t know why everybody
Is bullying me to be clean
When I just want to be bad and ****** mean
I have no idea why bad people
Want to be like me
Because I prefer to stay with the real families
Like playing games any sort will do
I don’t want to be like bad people no
I am missing the footy really
Cause of this virus yeah mate yeah
But when it returns mate
I will be happy
As I yell Aussie Aussie Aussie oi oi oi
I want people to stop treating me
Like I have to be perfect
Perfection isn’t the best thing
No the crap it’s not
I want to sit on my couch
Doing my needlework
But why do you worry
I do exercises and I go for walks
So just leave me the **** alone
I haven’t got much on now
But I try and enjoy life
I took down all my signs
Because they didn’t inspire me oh no
I am Australian and I do Aussie things
In art
And when I have a solo exhibition
You can see how smart I am
Party party party
Waiting for pubs to open
But I prefer to stay with the families
I prefer to love life
Aussie Aussie Aussie
Party on

I was trapped lured into lie by a clever evil mastermind .
Lost in a strange land locked away in a basement guarded by some twisted hamster on steroids known as a kangaroo.

Sure I had been tricked by evil means by the mastermind known as Helen hey look she told me there was a huge **** down in the basement with tons of strippers and ******* who wouldn't fall for that? Duh everyone knows you never let strippers in the good part of your house .

So here I was living in the basement like some sad nerd who probably posts on a web site everyday thinking they are totally awesome cause they have five hundred followers when in reality they'd be lucky if they had even one human friend in real life.

What ?
I was talking  about one of those star wars nerd sites cause everyone knows I'd never bash a site like Hello that is ruled by a evil cult leader who moved to the states after collecting money under guise to help the site when in reality it was for his *** change .

Yeah Id never pick on someone like that .
Frankly I'm hurt you'd think that  I'm kidding and as long as I'm breathing I will always be your favorite ruthless ******* slash ****** with a heart of gold.

I sat there in my new cell wondering just what the hell I was to do all the while kangaroo jack kept his beady little eyes locked onto me .
Yeah I knew he was sitting there mentally ******* me with his eyes I felt so naked course id probably feel better if I actually put some clothes on.
Duh who wears clothes at a **** *******?
Had I known this was all a lure I would have kept my clothes on and kept my trusty **** whistle and not got into this mess to begin with.

I was ready to scream for help when all the sudden I herd a sound .
Muffled as it was still I herd it the kangaroo hopped as it approached me oh dear lord man I was far to fragile to be assaulted by this weird *** overgrown rat .

The sound was so strange it sounded like the men at work song land from down under but where the **** was it coming from!
The Kangaroo was getting far to close it leaned over into my face and being a true man I did what any other true man would do.

Began to cry and beg this ****** up gerbil not to **** me.
Answer the ******* phone mate.
It said to me as I was stunned .

Hey ******* answer the ******* phone .
It said again  incase your to high or didn't read it the first time .
You ******* talk and what ******* phone I asked trying to hold back the tears let me tell you these animals were known killers they were like Canadians on crack with incredibly strong legs yeah imagine what nickel back could do with powers like these those heartless ******* would be unstoppable .


I was lost naked and afraid minus the camera crew and some ***** chick who smelled really bad and ******* at me for not having great hunting skills why not call that show what millions of people wearing clothes call it .
Marriage yeah now there's some scary ****!

Look **** for brains snap out of hit .
The kangaroo said as it kicked me upside the head .
Answer the ******* phone so we can get on with this story you *******.

I swear those kangaroos really had a mouth on them who knew such cute looking standing rabbit could be such a *******.

Okay so where the hells the phone and never kick me again you got it!?
I have no clue where your furry foots been.
Up your grandmas *** mate and where else would I keep my phone in my ******* pouch .

Look You can insult me how ever you like Gerbil but I'm not putting my hand in that pouch besides that is the oldest trick in the book you know how many times I fell for that with grandpa ?

What?

This steroid fed mouse asked as it looked at me like all other people and some who read this might think.
What the **** is wrong with me?

Yeah that's a whole other write in itself .

Answer the ******* phone in my pouch now *******!
Umm no .
Why not ?
Cause I don't want to .
Look you ***** if  I had long enough arms I would do it but I cant okay
you know how ****** up it is to have arms this short now you know why the T Rex was the most ******* dinosaur of them all .

Yeah I had to admit my new friend slash captor had a point imagine being a total badass that cant ******* boy that's some ****** up **** but enough with the foreplay hamsters.

After some back and fourth  debate I against great protest reached in this hopping *******'s pouch and found a cell phone .

Hello ?
Well Gonzo how you like your new digs mate?
I knew that voice anywhere .

Helen !

My friend turned evil super villain explained to me her evil plan to keep me hostage and force me to co write for eternity in this basement guarded twenty four seven by Ursula her trained evil kangaroo henchwoman .

It was clear all hope was lost how could I ever escape the clutches of such twisted evil?
Then it occurred to me I would simply bust the window in the basement and get the **** out of here .

I had to act fast cause it's almost happy hour at the bar kids and this hamster is thirsty.
  
Hey Ursula I really got to use the bathroom .
Well go ahead mate the toilets in the corner .

Yeah but you know I really like my privacy you know I mean I tell you those burritos are really talking back if you know what I mean but hey if you can stand the smell be my guest I mean sure the oder alone will strip the paint off the walls but I'm sure after you pass out from the fumes you will be fine.

Fine you stupid ******* just make it quick Ursula said as she bounced her grouchy *** upstairs .

It was my only shot and thank God they had left a trusty boomerang around so I could bust the window to make my escape its almost like it was planned that way being I'm writing the story.
No **** Sherlock!

I was free as a bird if a bird had a really bad drinking problem and twisted sense of humor and was totally naked .
I looked to the front gates but there was no way I could escape that way barbwire and flesh didn't mix that well besides without there draw bridge down the crocodiles would eat me alive yeah these Aussies were total freaks .

So like some naked ninja I made my way around Helens Compound of evil making my way upstairs I slipped into a room in hopes of finding just where my clothes had been taken to.

Hey help me .
I herd a mans voice say as I flipped  on the light to find a horrific scene a strange man chained to the wall no wonder this evil woman was such a prolific writer .

Hey mate help me please get me out of here .
I knew this woman was evil but after some deep discussion I learned this poor man trapped in this upstairs *** dungeon was secretly her husband  I know how weird who has there *** dungeon upstairs ?

I don't know what I'm going to do I'm never getting out of here Gonz .
I unchained my knew friend after he told me he knew how to find a way out of here and after finding my clothes and grabbing my trusty case of bourbon we put on some music caught a killer buzz and totally forgot  why we were trying to escape the clutches of evil to begin with.

The party was great we laughed we cried we watched some really freaky homemade movies once only made me love my knew Aussie brother more Shawn was ******* awesome a bit of a freak but ******* awesome.

The party was going full swing when the doors few open and there she was my evil long lost sister Helen and her demented *** evil henchwoman  slash house pet kangaroo Ursula who although a animal had some great legs I have to admit .


The gigs up Gonz it's off to the basement with you forever !
I looked at my new best friend thought about how sad he was when I found him and thought of the great times we could have roaming the wasteland looking for gasoline like in mad max just being totally drunk instead.

Yeah then Helen yelled in her outside voice inside and bout made me **** myself so I said **** this and left my brother behind and hauled ***  

I made it to the kitchen but was trapped by Helen and her evil **** minion .

Give it up Gonz  Helen said .
At that moment I grabbed a knife .

Oh cut the crap Gonz stop being silly what are you going to do with that ?

She thought she had me but I had one last trick up my sleeve .

I opened the fridge and grabbed her trusty box of wine
You ******* don't you dare hurt my baby!

Yeah you want this back I said as walked forward and out of the kitchen towards the veranda .

You get back Helen or I swear the box of wine gets it.

Oh  yeah you stab that box then I will drop this fifth of your bourbon over the rail Helen said with that devilish look in her eyes.

You heartless ***** !
She dropped the bottle I swear it cried daddy as it fell to the ground shattering to a million pieces on the concreate beside the pool wow I had to admit she really had a nice place.

I mean sure she was twisted evil heartless had a awesome husband she kept in a upstairs *** dungeon but enough about Helens  good quality's  .

I looked as my pour bottle lay shattered upon the floor  .
I laughed you know that wasn't my only bottle .

I know that mate then reached to Ursula grabbing yet another bottle from her pouch dam you Australia why must you have so many ****** up animals in one place its like a zoo on crack.

Helen went to drop yet another bottle over the rail when I cracked.
Okay enough!
I will put your box of wine down just don't hurt the bottle okay .

Deal mate Helen replied .

We both slowly put are true passions in life down .
I'm glad you could see things my way Gonz now time for you to get writing .

Yeah Helen I don't think so I said pulling the trusty boomerang from a location I rather not disclose hey I been to prison before you be surprised the stuff people smuggle in.
Dam that hurt.!


I threw the boomerang with all my might this was my one truly  last chance at getting out of here.
But like some Aussie ninja Helen just ducked the thing  as  it flew past her head went flying around the house and turned direction coming straight towards me hitting me in the skull.

As I fell to my death music played as I took that long dramatic one story fall .
I hit the pavement like Lindsey Lohans career.

I laid there broken my new best friend speaking to me no gonz don't leave me we could have are own spinoff if only you didn't die .
Shawn my brother I will never forget you but I have just one last thing to say to you are you listening .

Yes mate I am.

And at that moment of dire sadness I ripped the biggest **** .
Shawn busted up laughing as above Helen looked at Ursula
Men are so ******* disgusting .

And later as they all sat looking down upon me from the veranda Helen furious at her man slaves betrayal told her partner in crime slash killer kangaroo .

Ursula go fetch the battery out of the car and the ****** clamps someone is going to be punished .
Shawn's face lit up with joy yay he exclaimed .
Helen shoot him a look .

I mean oh no such horror please don't torture me mistress   .
But hey don't judge them there not freaks there Australian.

Ursula shook her head as she made her way to fetch the car battery .
Jesus Christ why couldn't I have been Mel Gibson's pet.

Helen looked down one last time at her dead brothers body .
But to her surprise he was   gone .
The dramatic Halloween music played as Shawn looked to his evil temptress slash wife .

Mistress was that the boogeyman?

She slapped the **** outta him **** no its just that lovable perverted misspelling ***** across the water everyone calls Gonzo.

She shook her head and laughed to herself .
We will meet again my friend .


Until next time kids or Helen finds and actually kills
me stay crazy.

Gonz

My eyes were trapped in the dark
blindfolded, hold the cigar
the Viet-Com may have won the war
but my surroundings smelled like a grass heaven
in the background 50 Cent’s “In Da Club” playing
and then she sat on my lap
feeling anxious while my hands were tied
let’s just pause and go back in time...

(10 Minutes Ago)

She pulls on my heart strings
like a puppeteer from above
the pendulum of my feeling swings
with every step she takes towards my door
the anticipation knows no precipitation,
the monsoon of her kiss
the outback of her reach
the caribbean sea of my ship,
lost in her isles, her eyes, her love,
then I hear a knock on the door.

She knocks ...1...2...3...4
opened up, I said hi, she launched her lips against mine
in an euphoric stupor, I tasted her breath
while she ropes her arms around my neck
let’s call it “The Aussie Missile Crisis”
she pushed me down on a folding chair
as the right index on her lips shushed me
went into the bedroom with her “bag of goodies”.

Came back out wearing a school-girl outfit
looking more “**** Bill” than “Hit Me Baby One More Time”
giddy as I watched her taking off the tie
impatient buttons divorcing their holes one by one
while she twirled, she danced, she teased
sealing with a kiss, tying to the chair my wrists
her breast against my mouth, I was a cub nearly starved
looks like Mrs. McDonald brought the farm.


...and that’s when her bra came off
to find their way around my pupils
my trouser friend could no longer be contained
with impatient hands, there was no time to sulk
I was more anxious to smash than the Incredible Hulk
suppressing my angst, my zipper, her leather
finding myself inside her beautiful lips
touching the roof her moist heaven.

My hands still tied, while she help my thights
real hard, real soft, real smooth
like her silky tongue, wet like May flowers
climbing up and down the stairs of the Eiffel Tower
she was a cosmic reaction, I was Yellowstone
let me come so you can climb on top
of Mount Everest, from there we could see the Earth
the land, the ocean, the skies, let’s fly together.

...and we did, lifted off from the chair
to soak the water from the clouds
to come back crashing on the couch
and my hands finally free to explore
her breast
her cheeks
the smoothness of her waist
her ****
the erosion I couldn’t contain
her legs over her face
touching
caressing
kissing
biting
trusting
in short
*******
until we both came
back from wherever we went
to just lay there, gasping for air
touching our faces, both smiling
like satisfied school children that schemed
red cheeks, blue *****, smoked the green
I was Joe D, she was my Marilyn
thus ending
“The Aussie Missile Crisis”.

HAPPY HAPPY FELLA, HAPPY HAPPY TOO

I AM THE HAPPIEST DUDE AROUND

I PROVIDE FUN FOR ME AND YOU

I AM *******, TO BE A *****, CAUSE I HATE FIGHTING AT THE BAR

I REMEMBER WAY BACK WHEN I SAID, I AM NOT INTO DRIVING CARS

THESE OLD MATES SAID TO ME, I AM NOT A COOL KID ANYWAY

BUT I STILL GO OUT AND ENJOY MYSELF, YEAH YEAH YIPPEE I AY

I AM HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY, HAPPY ALL THE DAY

I AM THE ONLY COOL KID IN TOWN, YEAH, I AM A HAPPY DUDE ANYWAY

OH HAPPY. BOY AM I SO HAPPY, OH HAPPY, HAPPY ALL THE DAY

ME AND MY MATE, WE ARE WALKING AROUND LOOKING HAPPY

ME AND MY MATE, ARE HAPPY ALL THE DAY

OH HAPPY, I AM VERY HAPPY, OH HAPPY THE HAPPIEST DUDE IN TOWN

HA HA HA YOU AND ME, I AM THE THE PRINCE OF EVERYONE WHO IS HAPP HAPP HAPPY

I PLAY WITH MY IDEAS, FOR CREATIVITY, DUDES

I CAN EAT A AWFUL LOT OF FOOD

OH HAPPY, I AM ALL VERY HAPPY, OH HAPPY I AM HAPPY ALL THE DAY

ME AND MY BROTHER, ARE SPREADING THE WORD OF BEING HAPPY

ME AND MY BROTHER ARE HAPPY ALL THE DAY

I AM HAPPY, VERY VERY HAPPY

I AM HAPPY, RIGHT INTO THE DAY

BUDDHA WANTS ME, TO BE VERY HAPPY

BUDDHA WANTS ME TO BE HAPPY EVERY DAY

OH HAPPY, YEAH DUDE I’M HAPPY, OH HAPPY, CARN DUDES, MAKE ME HAPPY HAPPY HAY

ME AND MY DAD AREVERY VERY HAPPY

WE PARTY ON DUDES, WE’RE HAPPY ALL THE TIME

YA SEE I LOVE PARTYING, TO THE GREAT ANGRY ANDERSON

LAST SUNDAY AT CONVOY, I PARTY EVERY DAY

I AM HAPPY, VERY VERY HAPPY, I AM HAPPY, EVERY SINGLE DAY

ME AND MY MATE PAT ARE VERY VERY HAPPY, IN OUR LIVES WE DON’T **** ANYONE OFF

CAUSE WE’RE HAPPY, OH HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY, CAUSE WE’RE HAPPY

ALL INTO THE DAY

HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY DUDE, I AM HAPPY TO BE ALIVE YEAH MATE YEAH

HAPPY LIKE AN AUSSIE, AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE, OI OI OI

I AM A VERY HAPPY BOY, OH YEAH DUDES

Farmers farmers
The mighty farmers
The backbone of this country yeah
They need to have rain to run their farms
Or it will be too dry
Each farmer is battling the Aussie sun
Doing what they do
Trying to bring Aussie produce to the tables
Yeah mate ****** yeah
Farmers farmers
The mighty farmers
The backbone of this country yeah
You see they need to help the future of this country get a good education
But they do need rain
And if you can you must give them money
Because it is a hard ****** job
My ****** oathe
It is great to see the worlds famous singers
Putting on a hay mate concert to help them out
And get everyone to sing great songs
Farmers farmers
The mighty farmers
The back bone of this country yeah
Come on Australia
Give three cheers for our farmers
Help them out
Buy them a beer
Give them the shirt off your back
And help them financially
Yes they will appreciate your help
And yes they will feel great
And so will you because you are
Helping the backbone of this country
Farmers farmers
The mighty farmers
Give them your time
Because they are doing it tough

Jupiter moon v Saturn Methane


Today Javk Dyer and Chris Mainwaring are having a fun day at Jupiter Moon oval, to celebrate the after life UFL tournament, and Jack Dyer started the ball rolling with two space kickers, Daniel Morecmbe and Graham Thorne, and Graham Thorne kicked about 2 goals and 17 behinds and he beat Daniel Morecambe who just kicked 1 goal and no behinds and after they was over we went to the handball competition run by Tony Campbell, and we had some great participants like Don Bradman and Tony Grieg, and Zara Baker came in and was the first to get a bulls eye, and she got it twice, and also Peter Sargent handballed two through the bullseye and him and Zara were looking like winning, untill Blske came in and scored a superb bulls eye three times and he won the hand ball competition, there were two more entries, who were Peter Harvey and graham Kennedy, but neither of them got bulls eyes, so Peter Sargent won the prize, the next thing was the tie up footy game, you see if you miss a goal you get a part of your body ******* and if you get a goal, you don't, so the aim is to not get it wrong, because you will find it hard to get free to kick your next attempted goal, so the first was Naomi Innes, and she kicked a behind and Ted Bundy tied her legs together, and then Brett Eggins kicked a great goal, and he yelled put, boys are better, your going down little girlie, and then Zara Baker kicked a goal and she went over to Brett and said, girl's are smarter than you, na, nani, na na, then Scott Macdonald came up and kicked a goal and went up to Zara Baker and said boys rule the afterlife, chicks rule the bed afterwards, and then Marilyn Monroe came over and kicked a behind and the boys tied her legs together and both Naomi and Marilyn were trying to be free the next time, and then River Phoenix had a shot and he scored a behind and he disgraced the boys when Ted Bundy came out and tied his legs together, yes Ted felt good and the final person was Micheal Jackson, and he scored a beautiful goal, and now for the second and last series, and first Naomi with her legs tied together, tried to push her legs up, and because it was tbe afterlife, Naomi pushed her legs and showed us her skills she learnt in death, then Brett Eggins, kicked another goal, and Brett said I am the ruler of this afterlife, no one will beat me, no way no chance no hope and then Zara Baker, who requested to run with the ball with defenders trying to stop her, but that was a trick, because little Zara Baker was too fast as she swung around everyone and scored her second goal, and she said, go Zara, go Zara, I am the greatest in the afterlife, oh yeah I am and then Marilyn Monroe came to magically kick with her feet tied together, and she tried a full somersault over the top of Jupiter moon and scored a great goal and Marilyn said, I am the greatest kicker in the after life, and seeing I don't know much about Aussie rules, I seem alright, dudes, River Phoenis had the next kick and he wasn't too lucky and Ted Bundy tied his hands together as well as gag his mouth, and he is the loser, so he is going to burn in hell or get burnt by the methane, whatever came first, Micheal Jackson came in next to score a great goal,  and Zara, Brett and Micheal Jackson were our winners, congratulations to you 3 dudes, yes this was a great day at Jupiter moon, and everybody had fun.

From the humblest of beginnings
Began a tough innings
A family deprived
His dad had died

So to work he went
To help pay the rent
From a teen to a man
In a short time span

He had many a job
Hard earned each “bob”
He was a keeper of bees
He picked beans and peas

With marbles and shanghai
He had a keen eye
So rabbits he’d stalk
Their pelts he sought

A butcher and baker
And fence post maker
A fisherman and fruiterer
And even spud picker

A shearer of great ability
Those shears he clicked with agility
From morn to night
He worked hard alright

Met a girl and made her his wife
Ten children now blessed his life
He provided as best he could
Forever working for their good

A large family and so little money
Life, of course, was not always sunny
Simply he lived, simple his dwelling
The trials he faced so very compelling

A ****** awful thing was done
A terrible tragedy stole his son
With grief immeasurable and untold
He held together; staying controlled

Children struggled to forgive their mother
As she left him and found another
Yet for her he would always stand
Always hoping to win back her hand

Another tragedy claimed a limb
We thought it would be the death of him
His work, his wife, his health now gone
Yet silently, painfully he continued on

We knew his heart was terribly broken
Yet always forgiveness he had spoken
We knew he lived with daily pain
But silent and strong he would remain

His strength and courage was beyond belief
But for him there would be no relief
His children were now all grown
He died, one night … alone

apparently there's a massive avocado
problem in australia,
flat like belgium,
sea cold as the north sea,
a massive jet-lag the only attraction,
stop-over where the chinese talk
in renminbi, cigarettes cheap (~£10
a carton), you hear the account
but never want to see the pictures,
just the words,
so a massive avocado problem, one avocado
costs $5 australian, a bottle of wine costs under
$3, odd, isn't it? a packet of cigarettes
costs ~$20... and you'd sooner see a koala pouch
and a wallaby... than an aboriginal man...
i guess it's like the story of the american indians...
a zoological curiosity, kept in a zoo that isn't a "zoo",
in some nature reserve dying from alcoholism,
what a pretty ivory face everywhere you turn,
what a pretty ivory face everywhere you turn
in belgian melbourne, a colonial city
with very little attractions except conformity
to the health service... sooner a bonsai kangaroo
(wallaby), or a koala, than an aboriginal man...
ah god's gift to the world, western european
ant-filled-underwear explorers...
what a zoological curiosity to place a koala pouch
above an aboriginal man...
and how debased the once famous teuton women
by roman account of warfare turned from
noble women ready to commit suicide rather than
be *****... ****** their image so often as to
provide the profession of **** actresses...
i'm loving it... i think i'll toast with the aboriginal men
a clear thought and boomerang the koala dead
for supper... or that's one interpretation
of a tourist's experience.
the inbetweeners only went there for butlins
water slides... i wouldn't even go there go there
for the weather... i'd go there to kickbox a kangaroo
and dance with the tasmanian whirlwind:
but all the shamans of the aboriginal folk are long gone,
and all the aboriginal drunks don't do what ivory
european drunks do: gamble and buy up ******...
they just sit on porches... with telepathic powers
igniting the aquaholic eucalyptus trees who from drinking
too much water... leave the sucklings of grass barren
as bush green... which is hue of stagnating green
into brown or yellow;
but the avocados are expensive... no avocado on toast
as the greenwich girl would like it to be...
too posh for baked beans on toast:
she says farting makes her hubby less of a hard-on;
i find that statement completely agreeable;
the biggest cultural shift though?
sushi... 1 piece of sushi oscillating at ~$3...
sushi and dolphins... match-up...
aussie aussie.... ahoy ahoy fuckjoy!

briano alliano performs on venus party trap




you see welcome to the trap and i had a great night at the poetry slam

where i met this man who said m6y poem was great, well, he liked it

in fact when i didn’t win it, he wanted to heckle the organisers, well, it was

fun, but i like the organisers too, but this man realiy believed in me, ya know

especially when i told him i am putting art in an exhibition

here is my first song, the poem i read at the poetry slam ,here goes

jingle bells oh buddy jingle bells

it’s christmas in july

the party is on for young and old

and presents to make us happy

jingle bells oh buddy jingle bells

it’s christmas in july

party on till next week, man

yeah, celebrate christmas in july

dashing thru the cold canberra winters day

you see i think my reindeers are in hibernation today

because the air is very cold, and it’s a great day to say

merry christmas my good friends in the month of july

jingle bells oh buddy it’s jingle bells

it’s christmas in july

the party is on for young and old

bring out the warm eggnog

and put up the christmas tree, and have santa on a stick

then you get those lollypops, and give ‘em an almighty lick

and give ‘em an almighty lick, my mate

ya see last night at the poetry slam, this bloke said i really sang the last bit with a lot of guts

and determination, and now as i left last night i saw a fight taking place, and i knew if i don’t stare

everything will be alright, and now here is my next song

i am tired, but i can’t sleep, i need to have a siesta, yeah mate yeah

i need to relax and enjoy my life, and have a soft drink yeah mate yeah

carn the swans carn the raiders carn the packers, like that man last night spoke to me for

yeah mate yeah, and now time for, here is my next song, loving friends and loving family


You see when I was young and I always was trying to be cool
I had a family who tried to stop myself from being cool, and I was
So fristrated with that, I said, no I am cool, but I wssn't cool, I wanted
To laugh at everybody and I laughed so loud that my psrents were telling me
To quiten down and this made me angry, you see I got violent and I started to rant
And rave and it took me over a long time to understand that they were treating me
Like a cool kid, but I was young and stupid and it seems like they were teasing me
And giving me a hard time, and i also said that I wanted to be cool and always go out having a good time and getting ****** as a parrot, you see, my voices were putting those thoughts
Right in my head, giving me a lot of problems, making me very very sick of being in this crazy situation, and I am glad I have this amazing loving family and good friends, to help me through any kind of situation.
You see when I try and muck with my father like a mans kid, my brother would say, don't muck with him, he's not like us, don't much with him, no he is not a young dude. Be like us, and be a young dude and be a little shy boy, you try and be oool every day, and you try and give stay up all night while everybody else is going to bed, so you can go, hey to him, but the thing about it is, that it is the fact that he is living in the past.
So then my loving family and loving friends made me feel better about how much I wanted to
Move on and live life to the fullest, you see he will laugh like a man should and then say, heh heh heh heh , i am a cool boy, I am not a little shy boy, I sit up all night, I don't go to bed, you see I am superior, but my mates call me a complete loser.
Because this man is a total and absolute ******, and it makes me absolutely crazy, and this drives me crazy, you know very crazy, but I always call it a loving family and loving friends, I don't need these friends who only like me because I sit underneath them.



here is my next song, titled mashed potato finger nail at the skate park, here goes

You see Jacki Fred Harold Stone was a very cool young dude
You see instead of going to bed with all the other kids
He wanted to go to the skate park and ride the skateboards
With his best mates down there, and it was a very weird effect
You see his fingers smelt like mashed potato and all his mates went home
And they said he was a little shy boy, and Jacki Fred Harold Stone said
I am not a little shy boy, I am a cool boy, who loves to skate
And when I have a rest the mashed potato finger nails come again
To inspire me to keep being cool here at the skate park
You see I did some very awesome tricks, and I had so much fun
But I still smelt my mashed potato finger nails, it was driving me wild
I told all the people at the skate park and they said, your not shy
In fact your the coolest dude out of your family, and none of us want you to leave
I don't care if you used to get teased by everyone at your school
And I don't care if your family teaeed you as well
You see Jacki, I think your cool, and I will never tease you, not ever
I want to sell you drugs, but you don't have to take them
Because your the boy with the mashed potato finger nails
And we'll never ever tease you, we want to be your friend
And we want nothing more than that
So come on Jacki Fred Harold Stone, show us how to skate
You see my name is Jason Lee, and this is my mate Tristan
And we'll be your only friends you will never tease you
Cause at least you come here and ride your skateboard like a cool dude
And after your finished you stay with us and have a joke around
Despite of the times you tell us, your cool, we still have problems with this deal
You see, you are the kid who has mashed potato finger nails
And I don't care at all, your like us, Jacki, your cool, and your fingers smell like a good
Dose of mashed potato, which means your very cool
here is my next song, titled as much fun as it sounds, here at the trap

You see Jacki Fred Harold Stone was a very cool young dude
You see instead of going to bed with all the other kids
He wanted to go to the skate park and ride the skateboards
With his best mates down there, and it was a very weird effect
You see his fingers smelt like mashed potato and all his mates went home
And they said he was a little shy boy, and Jacki Fred Harold Stone said
I am not a little shy boy, I am a cool boy, who loves to skate
And when I have a rest the mashed potato finger nails come again
To inspire me to keep being cool here at the skate park
You see I did some very awesome tricks, and I had so much fun
But I still smelt my mashed potato finger nails, it was driving me wild
I told all the people at the skate park and they said, your not shy
In fact your the coolest dude out of your family, and none of us want you to leave
I don't care if you used to get teased by everyone at your school
And I don't care if your family teaeed you as well
You see Jacki, I think your cool, and I will never tease you, not ever
I want to sell you drugs, but you don't have to take them
Because your the boy with the mashed potato finger nails
And we'll never ever tease you, we want to be your friend
And we want nothing more than that
So come on Jacki Fred Harold Stone, show us how to skate
You see my name is Jason Lee, and this is my mate Tristan
And we'll be your only friends you will never tease you
Cause at least you come here and ride your skateboard like a cool dude
And after your finished you stay with us and have a joke around
Despite of the times you tell us, your cool, we still have problems with this deal
You see, you are the kid who has mashed potato finger nails
And I don't care at all, your like us, Jacki, your cool, and your fingers smell like a good
Dose of mashed potato, which means your very cool
as much fun as it sounds to heckle, i still remember the american dude, but this man last night was a cool dude, buddy, cool man sam


and have you ever been a cool kid to your dad, and had people laugh at you, i felt that last night when i didn’t join in the heckle, but that man

was nice to me, saying he admires me, but i am not gay, i am bradley simmons

Bradley lived in Cowra with his mum and dad and brother Kenneth, and Kenneth was a real mans kid who plays with his friends in the street and then he goes home to watch Disneyland with his dad, and he mainly liked to watch westerns, while Bradley was certain that there is something going on in the air, and went to church with his mum.
You see this wasn't really tbe best family unit, especially when families go out to fun family events, but Bradley and Kenneth's dad was a director at kids town, which is a Buddhist drop in centre, who looke after the daily needs of under fortunate kids, and Bradley and Kenneth were told to come into these centers, when their dad organised some games to brighten their spirits, one game was spin the Buddha, where you get a spinning buddha statue and the kids get a lolly pop if the Buddha spun towards them, and even though they thought it was lame, well you can see it in their faces, Bradley thought it was cool and then said to his dad how about I plan games for them to play, like soccer out in the paddock, or even cricket, or tennis, and one of the homeless Boyd sadism I am too poor to get into Auskick, so can we play Aussie rules, and if I whip your ***, I know I can play for Richmond, and Kenneth who tried to be the cool kid there said, well if you make Richmond, it won't mean you are good, it means you play for Richmond, and Bradley told Kenneth to be nice to him, he obviously likes Richmond, and Kenneth said to Brad, why don't you shut up you stupid old ******* ****, and Bradley said, I am cool, I can turn these kids away from you.
Then Bradley said ok it's time to play a board game and little Ryan said, well what does board games have to do with helping us get houses, and Bradley said, oh no I ain't that powerful, I am just a kid, I can't give you a home, no,,I am here to make you feel that people actually care for you, because I think it would be tough for you having no home to go to and the kids listened to Bradley like he was one of the adults and being a typical jealous little brother started to get very jealous especially when e tried to make a joke, and they told him to get lost, because your brother is boosting our self esteem.
At the end of the day, Kenneth said to Bradley, you are a stupid ******* old *******, playing board games doesn't make them really feel better, what makes them feel better is taking them for walks around, but you are too stupid for that aren't you Bradley, you are too fucken shy to be like those kids friends, you see they all like me better, they just tolerate you, so go back to your bedroom and go and do some underage *******, no you aren't one of us boys, *******.
Bradley was upset with what Kenneth said and went to his bedroom and cried for hours and since then he didn't have inspiration to go back to his dads work to help the kids there, but his dad said, your brother is just jealous, and you should do this if it makes you feel happy, and his dad said, and if you find that Kenneth is proved right, just ignore them, and you can start off by ignoring Kenneth, because really, I wish every kid could have the inspiration that you bring to kids town, don't let teasing stop you for reaching your full potential, Bradley, Bradley decided his dad was right, and he kept on going to kid's town to make a difference in these children's lives, playing games and talking to one another, this was so cool the kids thought, Bradley thought he was growing up, and Kenneth who decided to come in, because he thought kids need to be kids, yes, his dad was doing a good job, but really Kenneth had what the kids really wanted, like he bought his computer and showed him the virtual world, and Bradley said no kids playing board games are fun, and computer games can wreck your eyesight, but the kids decided that Kenneth needed to be heard too, after all he is the other son of the kid's town leader, so they listened to him for a while and instead of trying to play along, Bradley felt hurt and said, ******* all, and went to his room to cry, and all the tough boys said, 'what a cry baby' and then he said his brother isn't an monster, we still like him, but Kenneth wanted to make Bradley jitter, so he now decided to play around laughing very loudly, like he was like us, man or something and Brad was in his room, crying and their dad decided that Brad needed to share his friends and said that he prefers the way Kenneth did things, Brad got really angry and started to be totally mental, by punching Kenneth like a ******, as well as threatening to **** the father that gave him a perfect life as a kid, of course he didn't **** him, but he was an angry *******, you see he was the board games king, while his brother was a computer **** kid, and Kenneth tried to not hurt Brad's feelings, even though, being a kid, he found it hard to not teaee the ****** and Bradley was put in a special school where he made a few new friends, but they weren't into playing board games or anything else with him, they wanted to teaee him, with teachers joining in, because Bradley needed to learn about how to control is temper, and someone tried to bully him, and Bradley stood up to him, and another guy was determined to tease Bradley also, but as he tried to punch Bradley put his hands on his **** and squeezed his ***** real tight, and since then everyone liked Bradley, but not to his dads liking the little cool kid to his dad was suddenly Kenneth,,and Bradley felt he was trying to tease Kenneth the same way, and see how he likes it, but all his friends like Kenneth better, and Bradley punched Kenneth in the gut and his friends thought Bradley was a **** and left the house and another girl at school was making fun of Brads parents and Brad tried to stand up to her,but she said, they never helped me,**** kids town and ******* early to bed and early to rise baby, and Bradley got really upset and from that moment the only young ones who like him were the rougher ones, who hassled Bradley for money,and Bradey became to shy to say no. Which made him a little young dude with no friends, he had family trying to contact him, but he was determined to make their lives a misery.
Bradley was an idiot, with his drinking and teasing and punching people, yes dude, he needs anger management, and he needs it now, but you must want to go, but Bradley made a pact, that he won't get help till Kenneth found a girl and got married and has kids,,so his thought of being teased all through his adult years, wasn't going to happen, and Kenneth married Bridgett Kingsley and they had Toni and Ros, yes, Bradley's little nieces, and he loved them dearly, and the bonding of Bradley and Kenneth grew fondly, while their parents had the old Brad back, he ain't married but he's happy, and that's what Counts in life.


******* that look a lot of wind singing this to you at the venus party trap and when i got home i was told to sit there little shy boy and let your school mates play air guitar, i was happy too, because of sam

at the poetry slam, thinking i had guts tom read a poem and not win, who cares, it’s a fun night out dudes

You see, you are still a little shy boy, and we are still teasing you
So, now you are working, man, come, leave us
And let us muck around, we want to smoke our bongs
As well as drink our bourbons, and drink 100 beers
Yeah we all feel cool, and don't wake up little shy boy
We want the adults to not bother us, cause we are having so much
Fun, we don't want to be adults,and don't want you to worry about us either
You see, all the men, are sitting there, trying to muck with them
Saying tease him, if you want to tease, just teaee him
But at the end of the day, man, we aren't really teasing
We are sitting up all night, being bums and young bludgers
And it's because you are such a ******
We might be making it seemed you are getting teased
But, we really want to leave you alone,,if you leave us alone
Cause, we are drug addicts,,and we want you to respect the fact
That we don't want to work, as long as you think that you aren't a young bludger
Everything will be already, but young bludgers go to bed for work
So mate, just enjoy yourself, and smoke your bongs
And have a good time, doing it
You see, I want to enjoy ourselves doing this
You are now leaving us all on our lonesome
See ya dudes

see you soon, venus party trap, and t

Gatt wishes he'd never been born,
Says his brain is the size of a prawn,
  You know the old spinner,
  But he ain't much thinner,
That ****** Aussie is Shame Warne.

He can bowl a big turning ripper,
Then fool you with his quick flipper,
  While he comments on sky,
  And eats one more steak pie,
Before you're done up like a kipper.

Even with the bat he's not bad,
Drives the opposition quite mad,
  He could captain them too,
  More than Ponting's IQ,
But he's gone and us Poms are just glad.

Gauguin or Michener
horizon lust inspired,
The South Pacific desired.
From early childhood on.
Fiji in the 70’s all alone in
A Personal journey of self
and world discovery.

From the big island of
Viti Levu, embarked
on native small boat, fifty
miles out to the Yasawa group.
Reaching tiny Yaqeta with
300 souls living close to the bone,
No Running water, or electric spark
glowing. Remarkably bright stars
shine at night, no city lights showing
to hide their heavenly glow.

Unspoiled Melanesian Island people
Meagerly surviving only on the sea
and a thousand plus years of tradition.

I welcomed like a friend of long
standing, with smiling faces and
open sprits. Once eaters of other
humans beings, converted now to
Methodist believers.

Their Island beautiful beyond belief,
Azure pristine seas in every direction,
Coral reefs abounding with aquatic life.
Paradise found and deeply appreciated.
I swam and fished, played with the kids
and laid about in my hammock, enjoying
weeks of splendor alongside people
I came to revere, generous and loving
at peace with themselves and nature,
Embracing a stranger like a family member.

My small transistor radio warned big
Cyclone brewing, of Hurricane proportions.
My thoughts turned to Tidal Waves.
The village and all those people
living a few feet above sea level.
Tried to express my concerns to
my host family and others, getting
but smiles and shrugs in return.
Spoken communication almost
nonexistent, me no Fijian spoken,
Them, little English understood.

It started with rain, strong winds,
Worsening building by the minute.
The villagers’ merely tightening down
the hatches of their stick, thatch houses.
Content it seemed to ride out the storm,
As I assumed they always did.

Shouldering heavy backpack
I hugged my friends and headed
for high ground, the ridgebacks
of low mountains, the backbones
of the Island. Feeling guilty leaving
them to their fate from high water.
Perplexed, they ignored my warnings.

In half an hour winds strong enough
to take me off my feet, blowing even
from the other side of the Island.
On a ridge flank I hunkered down,
pulled rubber poncho over my body,
Laying in watershed running inches deep
cascading down slopes to the sea below.

The wind grew to astounding ferocity,
Later gusts reported approaching 160
miles per hour. Pushing me along
the ground closer to the cliff edge
and a 80 foot plunge to the sea below,
Clinging to cliff with fingers and toes.

For three hours it raged, trees blowing
off the summit above, disappearing into
the clouds and stormy wet mist beyond.

A false calm came calling, the eye of the
Cyclone hovered over the Island, as I
picked my drenched self up and made my
way over blown down trees and scattered
storm debris to the Village of my hosts.

Most wooden, tin roofed structures gone
or caved in, the few Island boats broken
and thrown up onto the land. Remarkably
many of the small one room “Bure” thatched
huts still stood. Designed by people that knew
the ways if big winds.

The high waves had not come as I feared.
Badly damaged, yet the village endured,
As did most of the people, some broken
bones, but, mercifully, no worse.

Back with my host family, in their Bure,
new preparations ensued, the big winds I
was informed would now return from the
opposite direction, and would be even worse.

For another four hours the little grass and
stick House shook, nearly rising from the
ground, held together only by woven vine
ropes, and hope, additional ropes looped
over roof beams held down by our bare
hands. Faith and old world knowledge
is a wonderful thing.

Two days past and no one came to check on
the Island, alone the people worked to save
their planted gardens from the salt water
contaminated ground, cleaned up debris and
set to mending their grass homes. The only fresh
Water well still unpolluted was busily used.

With a stoic resolve, from these self-reliant people,
life seemed to go on, this not the first wind blown
disaster they had endured, Cyclones I learned
came every year, though this one, named “Bebe”
worst in the memories of the old men of the island.

On the third day a boy came running,
having spotted and hailed a Motor yacht,
which dropped anchor in the lagoon on the
opposite side of the Island.

I swam out to the boat and was welcomed
aboard by the Australian skipper and crew.
Shared a cold Coke, ham sandwich and tales
of our respective adventures of surviving.
They agreed to carry me back to the Big Island.

A crewman returned me ashore in a dingy.
I crossed the island and retrieved my things,
Bidding and hugging my friends in farewell.
I asked permission to write a story about the
storm and the village, the elders' smiles agreed,
they had nothing to loose, seemed pleased.

One last time I traversed the island and stepped
Into the yachts small rowboat, my back to
the island. Hearing a commotions I turned
seeing many people gathering along the
shores beach. I climbed out and went among
them, hugging most in farewell, some and
me too with tears in our eyes, fondness, respect
reflected, shared, received.

As the skiff rowed away  halfway to the ship,
the Aussie mate made a motion with his eyes
and chin, back towards the beach.

Turning around in my seat I saw there
most of the island population, gathered,
many held aloft small pieces of colored cloth,
tiny flags of farewell waving in the breeze,
they were singing, chanting a island song,
slow, like a lament of sorts.

Overwhelmed, I stood and faced the shore,
opened wide my arms, as to embrace them all,
tears of emotions unashamedly ran down my face.
Seeing the people on the beach, the Aussie crewman
intoned, “****** marvelous that. Good on 'ya mate.”

Yes, I remember Fiji and Cyclone Bebe, most of all
I fondly remember my Island brothers and sisters.

                                    End

he big concert in the sky forces meteor over USA


HI EVERYONE I AM SAM KINISON

and i sing wild thing, oh yeah dude let’s party

you make my heart sing, who let’s party dude

if you feel cool enough, you will be made to ****** dry

wild thing, as we are flying in the sky, pretty cool, that’s great, ya ****** see

and sam kinison screams real loud, and it makes your heart

crawl right out of your body, and make ya wanna bleed

wild thing, hey wild thing, i think you will move me, who oh oh oh oh

and then came the great elvis presley singing

you are nothing but a hound dog, your farting all time

you are nothing but a hound dog, farting all the time

you will never catch me a rabbit, cause your no mate of mine

you said it was high class, that is just a lie

you said it was high class, well, that is just a lie

and you’ll goodie every day and night and watch this great meteor with us in it really fly

and now here is robert palmer, how can it be permissible

to compromise my principals, that kind of love is missable, she’s anything but typical

it’s a craze, or a cause, it’s a powerful force, there is nothing wrong surrounding because

does our meteor we are sending to the USA look good to you, because we find it, SIMPLY IRRESISTABLE

And john denver, take me home, country roads, to the place, where we belong

west virginia mountain mama, take me home, country road

there is no heaven, can you understand that, we are up here flying over the USA

And we want you to understand this, that we want you to take me home

country road take me home, to the place i belong, we are travelling over your country obama

saying we have been taken home, by country roads

and now, george harrison has a song, i got my mind set on you

i got my set on you, roy orbison sang, ANYTHING YOU WANT YOU GOT IT

anything you need you got it, anything you need you got it, baby

wild thing, oh yeah oh yeah

we are flying in the meteor yeah, who who who who

you make everything so wonderfully groovy

you big despicable wild thing

and this meteor did a mercy dash to bring elvis presley sam kinison robert palmer john denver

george harrison and roy orbison over this nation to explode with total madness, oh yeah, dudes

KABOOM, IS WHAT IT SOUNDED LIKE IN SPACE OVER USA, BUT IT WAS THIS GREAT CONCERT, WAS REALLY GOING ON

TRUST ME, I AM A COSMIC SLEEPER, IT WAS TUESDAY NIGHT, WEDNESDAY AFTERNOON IN CANBERRA, NEARLY POETRY SLAM

I WAS A BIT QUIETER AT THE POETRY SLAM, BUT I SENT MY LITTLE COOL KID THERE, AND SENT MY OLD MAN TO THE POETRY SLAM

I STILL BLEW THE CROWD AWAY WITH MY AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE POEM, I AM COOL, MAN

hi dudes and dudettes and welcome to Saturn club rings, where we are celebrating

the life of peter macnamara who was a famous aussie tennis player, and my nanna jean allan

whose new earth body is Aydan Calafiore, who was a great singer on the voice, anyhow his last life jean alan was a great

tennis fan and i have jean allan with me now to welcome peter to the afterlife

as we bring him to helping the world in his next life and here is slim dusty to start the welcoming party

slim

hi everyone and welcome to the great tennis player peter macnamara, here is this little piece

oh yeah, i would love to have a beer with peter

his backhand was pretty ace

and now this great player joins us in outta space

he joined up with mcnamee in doubles oh yeah

and in 1982 he was number 3 in the world

in 1980 he made it good in our grand slams

winning aussie open in 1979

and then won wimbledon in 1980 and 1982

and now, i want to see if he could carry his love for tennis or whatever to the kids of today

is he going to a future pro, like he coached a lot of greats

and hoping in his next life, he can inherit his great tennis styles

he is now the greatest, welcome to Saturn as perform this show, WELCOME peter to the great show

and now as yo look over our greats, what are you going to do

celebrate your life dude, here is jean who was your great fan


and now here is jean to read a poem, to say WELCOME

jean’s poem

welcome pete welcome pete

it will be great to see you here

your backhand and your coaching skills

really showed us how to play

i didn’t see the earth as jean this century

but i saw a lot of you

you made me want to sit on my couch watch the tennis and enjoy it yeseree

congratulations to peter, you were the greatest, yes you were

i saw players you beat, and players who you lost too

yes, and you were great

as i sat closing my legs on my couch

i loved to see you play

and i have reincarnated into a very talented kid

i think you will as well

whether you will play tennis, or anything else you see


congratulations mcnamara you were the best i can see

we have a few great future players, and australia hasn’t very many good men

but ash barty is playing well for the women, maybe your spirit can help you through

aussie aussie aussie oi oi oi

i hope you will be happy in your future lives, i know i am

The farmers are doing it tough
Tough, it is hard to understand
Why they give money to the farmers and when it comes to helping the homeless they don’t give a ****
You see people give all the money to protect the farmers
And they don’t want to help the homeless
The homeless need more money
They are sleeping rough rain hail or shine and if we don’t get rain the farmers want to be helped, mind you the food comes from there and you know what Australians think of Aussie grown and  we must sort of think of that but the homeless are swept under the rug by Australians when they ask for a few simple dollars and they get nothing, and you never see a telethon on television for them
But you see the formers get the nod, well I suppose farmers are having a tough time but they have a home at night to go to
While the homeless have nothing
Sorry, I feel strongly about helping homeless people through tough times and I am just saying my piece

Once upon a time in an alternate universe not too long ago
I met the cheekiest babe from the other side of the world.
She went by Smurfette, she loved to call me Papa Smurf
and Vanity wasn’t gay, the ******* just loved himself too much.

She always sat by the window, detoxicating herself of verses
cranking out a few lyrics, scoping the city in the trenches.
Of the love we waged never wavering and waving a white flag
“I’m gonna put you to bed” were all our wars went to die.

But I was more than alive, inside the land from down under
called her Daphne the Nymph, the voluptuous Greek Goddess.
Wanted to raise little Koalas together in our Kangaroo farm
in every kiss we traded souls, in every breath we lost our lives.

And we gained them again back when the Jitneys were blue
our sweat-drenched bodies overtaken by some strange voodoo.
Every ship we embarked on was lost in the Atlantic without return
James Bean captained our vessel, holding it together with crazy glue.

In New York City locked lips inside a phone booth, it was euphoria
she was already born a Queen since she hailed from Astoria.
Our Bohemian Rhapsody blended like Cheech & Chong on a ******
her pouty lips, ****** smile, five years later how can I forget her?

Her voice, beautiful sparrow, vocal chords stone carved like no other
and yet normally speaking she sounded like the Crocodile Hunter
Soaked the landscape of her essence, remembrance without a beat
the song she wrote about us, plays in my heart eternally on repeat.

Anthony and Mark reading a poem on Saturn



You see fellas we are both out of the problem planet earth
And I can tell you, that I am glad and so is my mate Mark
As soon as Mark died he went straight to Saturn
And said hi Anthony, how's it going
I said the medications got you to
Well, mate now you are safe away from people who can harm you
They will never get you again
I will make sure your safe, and you will feel safe
If not now, but in the future, I love you Mark
And I watched those people on earth
Refusing to Cuddle you, with the problems you had
Anyway, I live in this place in Saturn
And my neighbour is great cricketer Don Bradman
Every night, I sing to him
Our Don Bradman, we're just like you,,safe away from pressures that Earth has
Our Don Bradman, as an earthiling you were very good
But Don Bradman, you can succeed more because you are so great
You can average 100 here, and no one will stop you if your any good
Then I told Mark, I know you like cricket, and you love music
And I have the great Micheal Hutchence play for me once a week
Yes, Mark, you don't want to come back to earth
You can stay with me, up here on Saturn
Where we can have a great time, enjoying every day life
And Mark I also have a St kilda player giving me Aussie rules pointers
And I can tell you, that Trevor Barker opened my eyes
I can play Aussie rules, so Mark , I will sing to you
Our Trev Barksr, you showed how to play Aussie rules
Our Trev Barker, as a footy star, you know how the match is played
Our Trev Barker, yes, we'll win it so ****** easily
Mark went up to Trev Barker saying Marks my name
And me and Mark are travelling all over the solar system
Having a lot of fun, cause really the only way you can get here
Is if you really study the bible back to front
So let's have fun, Mark, and really show Saturn how to party
Mark said, yes, the voices have stopped, I am saved
And so is Anthony, both are happy


Sent from my iPhone

Here is my version of a paradigm shift,
Socratic questions if you get my drift.
Why did God make the Universe elliptical?
To make an Aussie football, not spherical!
Why did God make football? See here,
To make men miserable, my dears!
Why did God make beer?
To make men happy, my dears!
So, some intelligent chappies here,
Taking beer to the football, no fears,
Now they're miserable and happy dears!

Little Teddy bear
pink and cuddly
lying on the kerb
with the lights
of the cafes
bouncing off you

Oh who’s missing you tonight
crying for her teddy bear?
maybe it’s little Amy asleep
who dropped you
while her mum carried her
into the car?
and maybe now little Amy
cries in her room:
'Where’s my teddy bear?'
And Mom says: 'Oh, sweetheart;
sleep, maybe it’s in the car…
we’ll get it in the morning.'



Little Teddy bear
pink and cuddly
lying on the kerb
with the lights
of the cafes
bouncing off you


Oh who’s missing you tonight
crying for her teddy bear?
maybe it’s little Lin
who came visiting from Shanghai
and exchanged her panda bear
for an Aussie cuddly toy
and she’s in the airport now
and cries: 'I lost my Aussie teddy bear'
and they can’t find one at the airport
and Dad says:
'Don’t worry;
we’ll get you a new one
when we get home…'



Little Teddy bear
pink and cuddly
lying on the kerb
with the lights
of the cafes
bouncing off you

I love Australia it looks fine to me   mate


You see Australia is very cool
There are a lot of fun things to do here
You can go down to Sydney"s beaches
Like Bondi, Manly or even Coogee
You can see if you can run faster
Than the best at city 2 surf
It puts Sydney on the Australian map
And we also have our great sporting games
Like cricket, tennis, AFL and the two rugby codes
If you go to the USA, you'll see so many parades
They have for christmas
While we just have one main parade
Which is from Adelaide, and that is really good
You get at glimpse of the past with come on Aussie come on
Sydney started a great Santa race, where you run
A marathon dressed in a Santa suit
And it was brought to Canberra
And it was very successful too
There are two televised Christmas carols
From Sydney's domain and Melbourne's Meyer music bowl
Yes, if you see the great ocean road and then have a look
At the grampians, you will have a great time
And there are some great surf carnivals on various beaches here
Showing that footy and cricket, is not all we have
We love to drink, sometimes too much
But we are out to have a good time
A ball, we are ready to party this Australia day
Australian sons, oh let us rejoice
But we need to include women too
Australians all let us rejoice
With Tony Abbott wanting to destroy us
AS OUR BELOVED PRIME MINISTER OH YEAH A HEAP
We are aussie through and through
So when we go our on Australa day
We watch the fireworks, yes we are having a big ball of fun
In the country of Australia

A drop of Aussie poetry (guess from where):

The liquid amber is a nice drop.
I especially like the sherbert on top.
It caresses my taste buds with flavour
And I enjoy its savour.

An Australian man’s home is his Castlemaine XXXX
Full of Foster Children
Drinking nectar.

Vb
a mans drink
only consumed by AFL players
i dont play but i still drink it
dont even give a ****
yolo
mr patch is a ***** *****
keen for that vb when i get home, in the fridge
need a new carton
******* hell maclean high has the cross country today
dont even wanna go
wanna drink my vb
keen for some steak and pork
with a side of vb
aussie mate, get some stickes on my commy
vb stickers
oi ****, come round later for a bbq
and a vb
tru auzie

Australia is the lucky country
Lucky, yes we are
Australia is the lucky country
Lucky, yes we are
The luckiest country
Compared to the Middle East
And I know Australians live in poverty
But we have beaches and footy mate
We also have events to bring the families in
To enjoy this wonderful country
Lucky, yes we are
We have loads of helpers
That look after the poor
We also have people
Who show our great bushland
To walk around and explore
Yes we are the lucky country
Compared to the Middle East
We do have our problems
Like a lot of people do
We enjoy the party people
Because we need to have fun
Yes we do oh yeah
We have great tv from our many stations
We bring what we don’t have on tv
To the radio
Because Australia is the lucky country
Lucky, yes we are
We play carols all over the country
And at the carols we collect money
To give to many charities
We go for walks and runs
And that is what we do for fun
And we march every Anzac Day
To honour Australia’s diggers
YouTube keeps the people in touch
Of this great big world
Because Australia really cares for
Other countries and that is why we are the lucky country
Lucky, yes we are
Aussie Aussie Aussie
Lucky yes oh yeah

Poor little Peter Hawthorne the first Australian Erin boy




Life was tough for little Peter, you see he struggled day in and day out
You see he was not the family person that his family wanted him to be
And also none of the cool kids wanted to be his friend
Because they thought he was too weird
So young Peter Hawthorne had to settle with a ******* named Kyle
Who might I add is a real sports nerd, and mind you
He looked at fighting at the football as a way of life
And this was the way I will increase my mojo, what a joke
It wasn't really that he got into fights, no every kid does that
It was the fact he got into fights for saying stupid things like
Come on you ****** Norwood team, punch them in the face
And then when the umpire made a decision Kyle disagreed with
He would say, you take that decision back ya stupid umpire
All I will phone my lawyer and have him charge you with assault and battery
Which made no ****** sense at all
And he will invent words, like get off him ya ****** opposition
Or I will take you to the establishary court, and you will be behind bars forever
And Peter Hawthorne really wanted to know what a establishary court is
Kyle would say, it is where this ref and the other team is going if they ******* me
Then a penalty for the opposition from right in front, and Kyle yells out
Why don't you put your glasses on ya stupid ref
Or did you leave them in the coffin with your last fucken life
Ya stupid fucken ***** and Peter let out a little giggle
As if to say that Kyle was the biggest ***** known to man
And when some people started to hassle Kyle
Kyle said, leave me alone ya stupid *****, or I will call the fucken police
And I will, my mummy has a door open just for you two fucken wankers
And yes those dudes bashed him up good
And Peter Hawthorne sat their laughing,
And yes, heaps was coming out of his mind which made his laugh stronger
Like don't trust that Julia Gillard, she belongs in the mental hospital
And that Andrew Barr, he is the biggest ***** of the century
I like Tony Abbott, he will make those young bludgers redundant
Because they are teasing me, I will show them, I will vote for Tony Abbott
And also his words to me were your mad going to college
You should be out working like me and vote for the liberal party
Yes, when I was a boy, ya know Pete
And I stopped him and said, yeah Kyle when you were a boy
I was a boy too, so shut ya fucken gob ya fucken ******
Kyle was angry with Peter and said, I want all my presents I gave you back
You aren't a friend worthy of my gifts,so fucken give them back ya cunk
And Peter laughed at the fact that he said cunk instead of ****
That was so funny, thought Peter
And after the weekend where Peter and brother ditched waiting for Kyle
And went straight to the football, and made Kyle go on the bus by himself
Kyle said to Peter, don't ever do that again ya fucken ******
And Peter said back to him you are a ******, ya liberal ****
And that feud went on for months, and after 10 months
They were friends again, but mind you, Peter wanted out of this friendship
Because he had too much fucken baggage and he said all this to
His other mate, who decided that Peter was too cool for Kyle
And despite the fact that Kyle saw Peter having fun with his new mate
Who was Redmond, Kyle wanted Peter all to himself
And Redmond wanted Peter to gang up on Kyle
In a dark alley, because Peter wanted to rid this evil beast from his life
So he can be a normal person with normal issues
Well, the issues he had after the dark alley incident
Weren't like he imagined, you see Kyle threatening to take him to court
But to this day, he never has, which says the fact, he's all fucken talk
And no action, and Redmond and Peter are the best friends
Two peas in a pod forever, and they are finally rid of ******* Kyle
*******, *******, kyles a little *******, he's a little ******* kid
And the man came up and said he's a man mate
And Peter and Redmond said. He might look like a man, but he's a little baby kid
Peter and Redmond lived happy lives as best friends
And Kyle, Is not with them, and that suits them fine

I love Australia it looks fine to me   mate


You see Australia is very cool
There are a lot of fun things to do here
You can go down to Sydney"s beaches
Like Bondi, Manly or even Coogee
You can see if you can run faster
Than the best at city 2 surf
It puts Sydney on the Australian map
And we also have our great sporting games
Like cricket, tennis, AFL and the two rugby codes
If you go to the USA, you'll see so many parades
They have for christmas
While we just have one main parade
Which is from Adelaide, and that is really good
You get at glimpse of the past with come on Aussie come on
Sydney started a great Santa race, where you run
A marathon dressed in a Santa suit
And it was brought to Canberra
And it was very successful too
There are two televised Christmas carols
From Sydney's domain and Melbourne's Meyer music bowl
Yes, if you see the great ocean road and then have a look
At the grampians, you will have a great time
And there are some great surf carnivals on various beaches here
Showing that footy and cricket, is not all we have
We love to drink, sometimes too much
But we are out to have a good time
A ball, we are ready to party this Australia day
Australian sons, oh let us rejoice
But we need to include women too
Australians all let us rejoice
With Tony Abbott wanting to destroy us
TOO BAD JULIA AND KEVIN WEREN’T ANY MATCH BUT
We are aussie through and through
So when we go our on Australa day
We watch the fireworks, yes we are having a big ball of fun
In the country of Australia

way back in the 1960s
was a hard time for me
i was kidnapped and thrown to sharks
which made me scared to do some things
i couldn't be a typical Australian
because of the great steve bradley
but i tried to show everyone i loved life
despite of what he did
way back in 1965 my brothers last life bill woodfull died
and he had no reason to come back
he was a famous cricketer and thought he found his peace
but then as he floated around the cosmos looking for his purpose
he noticed that not everyone gets the perfect life he had
he felt bad for greame  thorne
you know being taken away so young
while he was an old man who captained Australia through the body line test, and in 1969, greame thorne became me (brian allan)
and i was loving my new life with my new family
and despite me being thrown to the sharks
i still loved my poppy splashing me with the hose
and in the year of 1971 bill woodfull entered in my family as
my brother (chris allan), and i was excited to have a brother
even if buddha and athena put him in this family to make me
feel great after my tragic time in the 60s
we watched cricket and chris played cricket
and i went to watch him
we had our fights like all brothers do
but the spiritual bond of a old time famous cricketer helping
a fallen child was always there
he played cricket with me even if his friends wanted him to
go over his house and we pretended we had our own cricket teams
my brother remembered don bradman from his previous life
and wanted to be like him
and we had a lot of fun playing backyard cricket you know
real famous cricketers helps kidnapped kids even in spirit
we had a lot of fun together and we tackled each other on the bed
we had our teddy bears and cuddly toys as our families
and we pretended we were fathers to all of our cuddly toys
it was fun
we watched music chart shows and played Aussie rules in the front yard and i used to listen to my brother play his and other peoples music, it was fun and very exciting
we used to get in trouble and i wasn't very normal like i didn't play up that much, but my previous life was scaring me, but that wasn't
my brothers fault, you see if you see a famous sports star helping a kid who has problems, well my brother's previous life did it to my previous life
my brother wrote a song for me and gave it to me on my 40th birthday and i took him to the club for his 40th birthday
and now i am 51 and he will soon be 49, and we had a  lot of fun
seeing it all started as bill woodfull coming in to help out greame thorne, ya know make him love life
my cricketers were
dean massey
joe massey
sam binny
and more including myself

my brothers cricketers were
trinnen
botany
laitlat the fast bowler
and more including himself played as aussie cricketers too
i liked to use peter sleep
my brother liked kim hughes
so greame thorne thanks bill woodfull  for helping him through his next life
brian and chris allan

Ok…today I’m talking about my friends…in the pre-cyberspace era and now in 2012…feel free to interrupt and ask questions as they pop up in your heads…


Part 1: pre-cyberspace

1
I love this age
of the internet

but ages ago
(pre-cyberspace)
I was lonely
I had no friends
and my neighbors
gave me ***** looks;
and my classmates
when I gave them scone
they gave me scorn


2
I wrote to prospective penpals
but they never replied -
those *******!
Nothing ever in my mail
in exchange for the thousands I sent!
It was just a ***** scheme
to collect my stamps!
And maybe they’re Buffet-style investors –
thought one day I’ll be famous
so they’ve collected my letters
in my elegant handwriting...


3
by the way
any of you of my age here at this site -
any of you got my unloved, collected penpal letters?
Well you know what?
I never became famous;
I became a poet
and poets never make money -
so what have you got?
My letters you collected
are as worthless as banana peel!
Losers!
You should have bought Coca-Cola shares
like Warren Buffet!
Losers!





Part 2: and then came cyberspace

4
Ah, so woe was me then
with no friends -
then came the internet
And wow! Did I get mail!
Now I’ve got countless mail and mail again –
You’ve got mail!
You’ve got mail!
chirp my computers!
(Yeah – I got so much mail
I need a herd of computers!)
And what did you say?
Spam? Junk mail?
I mean, OK, there’s junk mail and spam, yeah –
Hey! What’s wrong with you guys?
You people have too many questions!
You jelalous?
One thing’s sure never changed in the world -
All you wise guys and spoilsports!

5
Well
and as the tornado of my e-mails implies
the internet has brought me countless friends:
Hey, all those penpals who never replied -
Eat your hearts out, baby! -
Cos yours truly now has
countless numbers of friends
at various sites like *Faceless
Friendless, Lonely Hearts Full of Holes –
to mention just a few

6
And you know what?
I get so many just writing to me - to me,
with requests –
Requests! - see how polite and civilised my friends be?
Well, there’re just so many
I’ve had to turn down quite a few
who’re not, shall we say,
not good-looking enough, unlike me…
You know, it’s important, to be seen in good company
What?
Sure…you want proof? Just a few names
from the infinite list of my friends will suffice, you say?
Yeah, here are some of my friends with such distinguished names:
Gummy bear…Porcupine…Desperado…Mexican Jumping Beans…
Kosovo Sweetheart…Reindeer Pie…China Doll…Ninja Turtles…
And hey – don’t you try steal any of my friends!
Sure some people turn me down –
like that guy what’s-his-name in Syria?
Yeah – him…he said he doesn’t want to be friends;
says he’s too busy fixing his people…
Then I asked
yeah, I asked President Obama – but he said
he has got enough Aussie friends,
in high places, might I add, he said
Oh, but he’s no idea about
the value of my Friends Database!
I asked Vladamir Putin
(since he’s so many friends in Russia)
but he says he’s busy at the moment
caring for the people of his nation…
(No wonder he’s so many friends in his nation
who all turn out in the streets to show him their love.)
But hey? Who needs them anyway -
when I’ve got friends like Rasputin?
Yeah, see – I’ve not only friends in cyberpsace
but from otherspace too,
but that’s another story…

Point being: thanks to cyberspace
at last
I’ve got all the friends I want!
By the way,
did I mention my friend Chubby Pinch My Bottom?

Robbie carter wanted to drive hid Australian car from Australia to the USA so he can watch a Broadway but there was no way he could do that and every time
He suggested it to his mates they just laughed at him but Robbie came up with a good idea, you see he will raise funds to build a tunnel under the ocean linking Australia with the USA and also to keep him relaxed he would build a few towns under the ocean As well
You see Robbie wanted this so bad, but both countries governments didn't like the idea
Because the distance was too far and the water will cave in to the tunnel but then both countries changed government and suddenly Robbies dream became a reality, you see the will open the tunnel from the Aussie end at Brisbane and then open the other end at Florida and they will build 45,000 towns under the water
With motels and restaurants and houses and truck stops
As well as an underwater version of Ayers Rock  And to makes sure it was good to go
Robbie helped designing this under ocean adventure from Brisbane to Florida with towns
Which were just like the towns on earth and they intended on building a Broadway stage where they will play all the latest musicals they were playing in New York and this could make the journey a pleasurable one for each patron who starts the trip and in about the first 4 months they had 60% of the new world completed and Robbie was asked to inspect the area and this meant checking the area and then imagining how the world would function under the ocean and what he noticed they   Built a shopping street on the first street with a fun park on the first turn and then a Broadway musical theatre a few blocks down and Robbie took one look and said this is fantastic and then went further on and saw a very big under ocean shopping mall and Robbie was impressed in how
Each area of the under water towns is going to look and then Robbie went back to Brisbane and in about 5 more months
The entire under ocean tunnel and towns were completed but they couldn't open the tunnel at either end unroll Robbie and the safety inspector have checked it out and originally it was made so you could drive from Australia to America but they had coaches and trains and yeah this was looking great
And the under ocean Ayers Rock looked fantastic and the Broadway musical theatre looked great as well and the roads were as dry as a bone
Despite being under the ocean
And the fun park and each shopping mall were really looking great as well  and Robbie was very impressed with how his town under the ocean really looked and it has a few town parks where the kids can play and mind you it can make you wanna leave your life above ground and make you wanna live here and Robbie left getting ready for the big grand opening where the first car is going to drive right from Brisbane to Florida stopping at every truck stop and restaurant and take away along the way and Robbie will ride the first motor bike under the ocean from Brisbane to Florida and this was going to take 7 months to complete and then the under ocean world will officially be opened and Robbie pulled his bike over at the broad way theatre to catch a show and then rode his motorbike up and down the Main Street of each town and also rode his motor bike up Ayers Rock and down the other side and it wasn't as big as the rock in the centre of Australia but still was a great climb and rode into the fun park
And the zoo and took a photo of the monkeys and the rabbits
And then rode off to the motor bike through the truck stops and parks and rode through each city and then arrived in
Florida and as he entered the crowd cheered for Robbie as he reentered the top of the earth
And then all the people started driving under the ocean to start
A new life beneath the earth's surface and there will be cost that each driver in Brisbane and Florida has to pay so the under ocean village can be safe from poachers and bad people
You see you have to have a reason as simple as you are driving to the USA will cost $700 and visiting the under ocean town will cost $650 just so the village can be safe from predators you the $650 will give you a red ticket so you have the right to every shop and motel in the village and the $700 will give you a red and white ticket giving you the access to visit the shops and truck stops and letting you out the other end, and there is a $1000 fee for cars with caravans to visit every part of the village and allowed out to both ends of the countries Australia and the USA and Robbie carter was very impressed on how this village is going and Robbie made a once a year thing to go down to the village to catch a show on Broadway and then had a meal in a classy under ocean restaurant and yeah this was a success

I used to hate your healthy avocados...until I had one
Not that your coffee tasted superior to my tea
But what's taste when you season mine with gun powder?
Yes, In case you did not detect
There is a lot of hate in this one
Call me aggressive and spiteful
Whilst holding your rifle
They say hate begets hate begets hate begets hate
So for you to understand
I put aside my ignorance and try to walk in your shoes

OK, let's start:

A lot of trees
Beautiful sky, delightful breeze
A rich land where tenants are a many and they shun the proprietor
I know I promised to be nice
But let's face it for that white picket fence, someone had to pay the price.

Start again:

Sunny coasts
Bacon, eggs on toast
Walk the dog in the park, life is not all that hectic here.
To make it clear, running out of coffee is my basic fear.

Flat stomachs
In fact, six packs!
Cupboard full of knick-knacks
and plenty of time to kick back and relax
Never-ending supply of niceties

Calm waters
Long walks along the harbor
and perhaps a tall pint of lager at the pub

Throw some juicy ones on the barbie mate!
Who cares if 6.2 mil in Somalia are starving mate?
You say to me:
"survival of the fittest, Darwin mate"
"It's so difficult to fit in" I say; so tiring MATE
Did I say that right?
I'm Mohammad, as James in a play called "Aussie Catch Up"
and I don't know how to play that part

What else can I say? they gave me a voice (although in English)
between the self deprecating migrant and the middle eastern rag head, the gave me a choice

And by the way my boss tried to anglicize my name
Said Sebastian had a nice ‘ring’ to it
Well go ahead, march to your colonial tune and have me sing to it

Oh healthy avocados, you're too ripe for my liking
Maybe I'm just used to a bit of rawness in my diet
To be honest
I have a heavy heart, a dark one
Maybe to reconcile, you should take a step
a very very very very very very long one

Talk-show queen
Oprah Winfrey with her entourage
is going to Australia
and it’s timely now for a quick Colbert Report
on the state of the colony of Australia
Colony?
Yes, that’s right
Australia is still a British colony -
How else do you explain it?
as the Head of Government in Australia
is still the British Monarchy
and her Majesty, the Queen of Great Britain,
has her representative
a Governor-General in Australia;
and the Aussie national media faithfully reports
that Prince Philip is a God in some remote island
and the TV stations broadcast visions of
which British Prince kissed which of their latest fancy
And so, Oprah, welcome to the Colony
Ah, yes, and the Chinese migrants coming in
are surprised to learn of Australia’s status
at citizenship ceremonies
and the young man explains to his grandma:
“Oh, Foreign Devil still control Australia;
sad, Chairman Mao did not Liberate Australia.”
And Indian migrants, much to their disappointment
are heard to remark:
“Oh no – does this mean we still have
to go through another fight for freedom as in 1947?”
But then they are consoled by the fact
that a Gandhi only comes once in 200 years
so we can all still get on with our lives
and the nation will continue
to eat burgers and enjoy barbecues and hop like kangaroos
until such things may happen…
Ah well, dear talk-show Queen Oprah Winfrey
and her entourage
this ends our report on the sovereign nation down under:
Happy Stay in Her British Majesty’s Colony