"atychiphobia" poems
Feeling unhappy;
that I'm not good enough
Unconvinced and in despair,
Disbelief in my own
act and decisions
I am doing the best I could
to meet the expectations;
thus I am frustrated
Why am I putting
a lot of pressure on myself
just to seek attention?
I am trying hard
until gratified
Why am I still unfulfilled?
In fact, I am scared
I fear that I may fail
and may not reach satisfaction
It feeds my self-doubt
perhaps I am good-for-nothing
Feb 22, 2017
Feb 22, 2017 at 12:10 PM UTC
i've always wanted to apply for CSSSA,
but i'm too scared the rejection letter
will be the future shades of senior year
when i finally hear back from the mailman
who took my essays a year ago,
all bundled up in pre-approved envelopes,
stamped, addressed, received, thrown aside.
-
but that's not for two years,
so i don't know why i'm worried.
-
i've always wanted to do something,
not make something of myself,
even though the verb is the same in
spanish, with a reflexive difference.
-
in regard to this, a wise twenty-something (contradictory)
once told me to let myself feel instead of worrying so much:
"to put it less eloquently, feelings are like **** FEEL 'EM."
-
apparently i haven't felt in eight months.
-
so maybe in compensation,
i will apply to CSSSA,
though the deadline is the 28th,
and the assigned portfolio demands
an utter lack of procrastination--
not my strong suit, you could say,
as a month of homework is still
sleeping in my bed.
-
**** it's all due tuesday.
-
also, while walking home
i saw a norse god namesake
on a balcony-asgard, wreathed
in the byproduct of his last smoke,
and somehow, despite my inability
to feel, that just made me so sad.
-
Feb 3, 2013
Feb 3, 2013 at 12:50 AM UTC
I should’ve known the way you warmed your palms
against my back that you would kiss me, but at least your trembling
lips covered the hesitancy of mine, tortured into timidity
by the guy who pushed himself into me demanding
that I like it. You touched me with a reverence I didn’t deserve
as I remained tangled in reservations of certain caresses, positions,
and the possible suggestion of *** in my bed. You nestled your chin
in the curve of my neck instead and while you slept on the prospect
of contentment, I cried for trust you would expect from me, a wrecked
reject **** victim who believed that maybe she was a tease who would continue to displease any man willing to lay her. I made you leave
when I saw the sun’s rays, but relief didn’t stay behind.
Mar 12, 2015
Mar 12, 2015 at 6:18 PM UTC
when i place everything that i am
and ever was and ever will be
into a blender, the terror in my bones
isn't born from pressing the button
but from dumping the contents out
for you to defenestrate.
May 8, 2015
May 8, 2015 at 11:40 AM UTC
Her scent is left faded yet not forgotten,
A tarnish in my deepest soul,
The sillage of your presence
Lingers ever more. Could I ever ask you to return?
Absolutely,
But I fear the darkness of rejection,
More than never knowing.
Aug 31, 2014
Aug 31, 2014 at 1:20 PM UTC
I’m coasting through my life,
Many chances unseen,
Perfection or failure–
I know nothing between.
I’m afraid to attempt,
Any new kind of feat,
For risk of the unknown,
Leaves my goals incomplete.
Before an honest chance,
I avoid and delay,
Then I self-sabotage,
Every step of the way.
And I’ll only engage,
If I’m sure I’ll succeed,
Never taking a chance,
So, my win’s guaranteed.
This way I’m protected,
But, I don’t dare to dream–
For I’m broadly inept,
With a low self esteem.
Of course, I’m missing out,
On any real progress,
For this fear of failure,
Never leads to success.
Oct 19, 2024
Oct 19, 2024 at 1:41 AM UTC
I am like the ground that contains minerals
Which are expensive.
I am like a groundnut in a shell
My thoughts are covered like an old Indian lady everywhere.
My thinking is beyond the technology of nowadays
The dream I dream shines like the morning star
The vibrant future is as bright as the sun,
Is this profanity?
Perhaps it's the quality of being ******
This is the enthusiasm everyone wishes
But my best is not to be sculptor
What's more imperative in me?
To keep the word of God burning
In the lost souls.
What's in side me
is as wide as Zambezi river
My heart has kept quotes of scriptures
Which it has built me pillars to stand strong.
I am full of words...
full of being proud whenever am not.
Fighting to make my faith to be strong like concrete.
Tick tack
Time click
Still looking for spear salvation
Am no longer feeling like a grease spoon around
But my word sharp like the sword to fight against my enemies for not showing the green lightsWhat's inside me
is roaring like the lion
The foot step I take is as tortoise
So no more Algophobia!
No more Taphophobia!
No more Atychiphobia!
That's what inside me...
Mar 23, 2019
Mar 23, 2019 at 1:39 PM UTC