Panic attacks for me are shakey.
I start to think everyone's starring,
I wonder what they're thinking.
My resoloution is to get out.
Then the tears come pouring down.
As they do my body follows.
I sink to the ground and try to hide myself.
The sleeves of my jacket become soaked,
And then my heart feels like it'll explode.
Anxiety is a whole nother code.
perhaps being told
“you are not alone,” is the
scariest of all
You’re an extension of me, little lion
Voice, soft and ever-flowing like your
frizzy, unkempt mane
You once had trouble roaring like I do,
when you were a cub
Heard a fragile roar, one that
broke my heart into happy tears
You’re an extension of me, little lion
Character, resilient and galvanizing like
your aspirations, never-ending
You once had trouble staying strong with
your claws of positive voices,
when you were a cub
Heard a decree of triumph, one
that lifted my spirits beyond happy tears
You’re an extension of me, little lion
Voice, impactful and ever-confident
like your beautiful, voluminous mane
We are the physical embodiments of our parents.
comes down like a benediction,
but swarms as killer bees
on an unwilling target.
A Tyger on the lose
is most likely to attack
you in the bathroom.
I'm not sure if it's poetry, but I definitely learned from writing it.
Not at all terror has no religion
today like yesterday London is ON!
For good for the good reason!!
Like in the West, in the East
It’s the same for all the people.
Send to the prison
the terrorist has no religion.
There are terrorists
on the front and more
so behind the scene
forget not both
are equally terrorists!
where do you float when you run out of breath?
how do you walk without knowing what's next?
weight on your chest, they say take a deep breath.
But what if you dont, is the alternative death?
do we twitch on the ground, try to think about less?
do we quietly combust, do we weather the test?
I dont know all the reasons, but i can tell you the rest.
If we go then we go,
But i havent quite yet.
Superficial feelings seem to run the world,
Along with the idea that to be attractive,
You have to be skinny with teeth as white as pearls.
Whilst you consume sugar,
That gnaws at your bones,
And the smoke that your inhaling,
Helps the Cancer grow.
The salt in your body,
Gives you high blood pressure,
And the drugs that your snorting,
Make friends with Schizoprenia.
How beautiful it is to find,
That your decaying inside,
Whilst your abide in alcohol,
Only kissing people to keep your tongue busy.
But it doesn't matter,
It's never mattered,
Cause at least your pretty.
Shallow people need to be educated.
It's cold outside but I hear seagulls
It feels like October or November
Mixed with a little bit of May
It reminds me of pumpkin farms and beaches
Both associated with good times
Paired with past people
Forevers gone all wrong
Memories of goats and cookies
Almost send me into an attack of anxiety
Heartbeat racing and limbs get weak
I have to concentrate on my breathing
Cause I can't afford to fall right now
The beach reference comes from the smell
It's probably dead fish
But it reminds me of lakes
Like the one we went fishing on
Or the one we swam in with my family
Different waters carry the same smell
And remind me of the same person
My most intense triggers seem to be the weather
Which is ****** cause I can't escape it
So I keep driving
To escape these broken memories
Now broken people
And it's all my fault
A fierce growl shattered the vampire's coffin
The wood cracks and the monster is awake
Hurry! Dig a pit for the creature to hide
Burn it before the sunrise
Oh do not let the world encounter this chaos
No one should see the vile mien
of a ferocious blood ******* entity
That thrusts its teeth deep into the delicate skin
and schemes for barbaric damages.
The naive creature stands with utter dainty
A revolting smirk sleeps on its face
Pale skin and a bloodshot gaze
An evil snicker revealed the fangs
See how the eyes move with hostility
Like a venom injected in the name of brutality
Sharp nails and clenched fists
Searching for a throat to slit.
The air now breathes a vengeful sigh
Like a wild beast craves to die
Dark shadows lurk behind the curtains
Silent whispers yodel about a burden
The creature stone eyed, stares back
I breathe quietly under the horrid impact
It is coming my way
I can feel the intruding fear of a feeble prey in my veins
Finally, as if the monster made its mind
It opened the mouth in a solemn cry
A shrill voice so piercing, it shattered my facade
I fell on the ground like a broken glass
It was no monster or a Dracula that howled
Ah yes, my own reflection scared my soul
Years of self hate and agony prevailed
And I have been ******* on my veins in despair
My corrupt heart no longer beats
Darkness dwells in its core; so deep
Now watch the results of constant infight
I am nothing more than a mere parasite
A ray of sun touching me toes,
The toxic memories fading with the tick tock
Once again, I repair my coffin
And slither into a sound slumber on the symphony
Of a robin.
There's a monster inside all of us and unconsciously some of us allow it to feed on our most sensitive emotions. Yes. It is painful.
I straddle thru the crowd and their
stinking of variant spit.
Eyes closed,I feel myself walk,my veins
fall and strive like
movement slid across a tv screen.
I'm spirialing faster and faster
I need to rid the demons that are taking over my head
Please call over a priest or a pastor!
DeNts dEnTs...three dents in my car
If only I looked behind me
My mind had traveled too far
One bite...just one bite
I want to eat but my brain always puts up a fight
One, two, three,oh God theres more,four five, six
STOP COUNTING!!...the lines....red lines
I cant hold it back anymore!
Drip,drip, drip...tears stream down my face
I shouldve been there for you
I was the one to put u in this place
The world is black, the world is good
Cover my eyes and rock in place
Just like an unstable person would
Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap
It's not working, I need my headphones
I open the plastic ....the sharp plastic
Pressing my finger to the point
The pains feels good.....
I put on my headphones
"They are empty, they are worn
Tell me what we built this for
On my way to something more
You're that one I can't ignore!!!
I'm gonna miss you
I still care
Sometimes I wish we never built this palace but real love is never a waste of time."
Close my eyes and listen .....
But they're are still pouring
Through tears is the only way the world finally glistens
Red ....red...I see red
I see blue eyes
I dig my nails into my thighs
to remind myself I'm not dead
My 1 yr old niece crys
and for a brief second I'm out of my head and I can actually stand up and try
Try to be normal, try to hold it in
But when I am alone once more
My depression once again lets panic and anxiety come in
It’s been 3 months since my last panic attack.
Oh, you mean its been one?
A understandable misunderstanding,
For it’s not like I know myself.
One tends to drop the childish habit,
Of gnawing at shreds,
When there is little left to know.
Only so much scent to unmask,
So much ‘purpose’ you can detect,
A sliver of a ‘lesson’ you can collect.
So I’ll stop fiddling with the rag doll,
Leave my questions behind,
Barricade the door,
Crush it shut,
Banish the key,
Til eternity sees
The light of day.
⁃ For it’s not like I’ll ever know myself
I hear all these names at once
I hear all these things at once
I can hear everything
A glass just shattered
It was loud for them
It was louder for me
Don't be rude!
"I need to get some more raspberries tomorrow-"
"Remember Harry's anniversary is next week-"
All these words combined
Making me lose my mind
"I need to get- Harry's anniversary is next week-"
" remember- some more raspberries tomorrow-"
I'm being stared at
I can't see
But I know they're staring
Don't take pity
I'm used to it
There's a woman touching me
She's touching my shoulder
She's speaking in a 'can I help you ma'am?' voice
But I can't hear what she's saying
"Get a chair!"
I see her again
She's rubbing my back
I think I'm screaming
I can hear screaming
I don't know if it's me
It doesn't sound like me
But it also sounds like me
"What's up with her?"
"Don't be rude!"
The room blurs.
Then I'm outside.
The woman is still there.
She's still speaking in that stupid voice.
I wanna tell her that I'm not a toddler.
But I do appreciate what she did.
So I decide not to be rude
i trusted you to guard my emotions
but somehow you captured my heart and managed to let darkness into my chambers
your attack managed to make my heart vulnerable
susceptible to breakage
and just when I thought your invasion was over
you decided to crush my heart to absolute fragments
an unforgivable plot
yet you were forgiven
and although it took me forever to rebuild after you
i would take you back in a second
and suffer all over again
i dont understand why I keep coming back to you
Autumn moves fast through the tunnel of love
Push from the top; bottom falls from above
Dangling leaves are flexing about
Dreaming of hope is a nightmarish shout
Cackle of ghouls; a shivering spine
All that is due will be due in due time
Whispering wind softly kisses my cheek
Lifetime of searching; know not what I seek
Darkness emerges as light fades away
Tried to hold on knowing no one can stay
Feeling alive only once I am dead
Listen but don't hear a word that is said
Roar of a flame, the warmth of the light
Fireball streaks interrupting the night
From the ashes we rose and to dust we return
Heart made of ice will not sooth what’s been burned
Holding my breath and not rising for air
Promise to no one the nothing I share
Hugging and squeezing a cuddly toy
Faded reminder when I was a boy
Roar of a racing car traveling fast
Linear stories that live in the past
Afternoon stroll through the paths in the woods
Wasn't enough when it’s all that I could
Didn't regret not regretting a thing
Perfectly still while I sit on the swing
Lazy and careless; the problem I tackle
Chained here forever without any shackles
Future and past presently now amuck
Free man who's also imprisoned and stuck
Roaring, the waves speaking softly to me
Shouting a message using secrecy
Cackling rooster call to end the day
Adult you become but your parents can't stay
Ending's begun and beginning ends near
Enveloped in fog; then it all became clear
Through stutter and stammer, I clearly can speak
World’s strongest man; I am fearful and weak
Worldly observer, I travel through life
Don't leave my house; Live alone with no wife
Peacock with confidence strutting my stuff
Have had my fill but not yet had enough
Nothing I fear but much fear have for it
Blowing out candles that never were lit
Bellowing cheers of "hip-hip hooray!"
Round of applauds for those who've died today
Subtle of strikes from a blatant attack
Gift you are given; already took back
Slapped with audacity right in the face
Composed with the utmost politeness and grace
Then without allergy, still my body reacts
Calmly I sit through a panic attack
Telling a lie until it becomes truth
Speaking with stature his words are uncouth
Deafening silence rang shots from the gun
Finished a race that has not yet begun
"Rule" one time "Golden", now covered in rust
Did what was needed but not what I must
You can be anything but yet nothing you are
Traveling often but didn't go far
Properly set for no expectations
Biased perception began at creation
Feet on the ground and head in the clouds
On display while naked and exposed in my shroud
Written - April 6, 2017
All rights reserved.
When people say, "let me know how I can help,"
I always smile and nod.
It's sweet of them, and kind, but on the inside my heart
Later than night, when I'm curled under my desk,
hands over my ears
and the smothering weight of panic squeezes me, crushes me,
that sentence echoes.
"How can I help?"
I don't know.
I don't know.
Can you help?
Can I be helped?
I sit and ride it out, and my phone stays on the table.
The next day they ask, "are you doing better?"
I reach for my pen and scratch a smile onto my face.
Much better. Thank you for asking.
My insides are empty.
for a hostage,
that you may die
and that there may be
Poem inspired by Col. Arnaud Beltrame, French hero officer who swapped himself for hostage and sadly died in a terrorist attack on a supermarket in Avranches, western France, yesterday. R.I.P.