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"archives" poems
My *** drive would cause earthquakes, but I can never find the time to leave this place, this bed-side lamp, and away from poor attempts at rhyme. Depression is a tired old topic. But *** is forever at hand to pin you down, to win you round, slinking off to the toilet in my dressing gown. I know you feel a belonging to the archives of music, you drink in bed, and sink on in, to the restless call of another troubled head. I will find restoration held between your slender legs. It is all we've got, in this paradise lost, in this sweaty reclaim, to a feeling we'd forgot. Going down is not an art, but a way of keeping young. How can you claim to love what you won't dare to kiss? How will you ever hear her siren song?
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Sep 19, 2014
Sep 19, 2014 at 9:14 PM UTC
***
it's funny how technology has made it impossible for us to bury things completely our past is never hidden when all you have to do is google a name and a lifetime pops up on the screen tonight i spent hours reading the messages you sent me that said that you'd love me forever and that you would always be a part of my happiness, no matter what if this were 1953 i'd be reading letters and my tears would smear the heart felt hand writing that bared your soul instead the salty liquid sits stagnant on the spacebar and i'm holding on tight to my screen trying to force myself to simply shut the laptop hoping that closing it will wake me up from this dream, oh nothing is going to wake me up from this says the inner realist and i'm still typing away about you adding to the never-ending archives of our love or what it once was
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May 23, 2011
May 23, 2011 at 2:28 PM UTC
technology bites
I looked into my grandpa's eyes In my daughter's face disguised My son's hands now strong indeed Just like my dad's I see. Temperament like calm currents flow From generations long ago Eyes hazel gold so beautiful Passed to me ... ages old Grandma gave her that tenacity And there's Meema's willful personality My son took Peepa's tender heart That feels the pain of another's lot High cheekbones a dead give away Of Comanche heritage displayed Blonde hair like one we never knew His life cut off way too soon Deep poetic waters flow Music locked inside us rose From history past revealed today Sweet sung lullabies relayed. Unknown tears that flowed from souls Pain and hardship we'll never know What did it take to bring us here What suffering did they volunteer Archives of history living in me Within me the keys to great mysteries Treasures buried deep inside my soul Tapestries of lives sewn together as a whole Fragments of you, pieces of me Weaving together delicate filigrees Illustrious building rise from the grave Living forever through endless age
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Jul 6, 2012
Jul 6, 2012 at 6:21 PM UTC
Heritage
By: Cedric McClester As we shall see infidelity While seeming to be The latest fashion Where there’s conviction And passion So even those Who walk down the aisle Are often betrayed by words or a smile Increasingly We’re beginning to see Infidelity Wouldn’t you agree Let’s keep it real There’s Bill -  (And Camille) Knows how it feels When tabloids reveal The infidelity That she didn’t see Though it kept happening Time and again Increasingly We’re beginning to see Infidelity Wouldn’t you agree The unions survive The husbands and wives Living separate lives Check out the archives So what’s the reason For their treason Finding someone to squeeze in Must be in season It’s hard to respect Those you wouldn’t suspect Of bedding the babysitter So you can’t blame the wives For being angry or bitter Cuz it never occurred It was the babysitter Who was preferred Increasingly We’re beginning to see Infidelity Wouldn’t you agree Cedric McClester, Copyright (c) 2016. All rights reserved.
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Apr 11, 2016
Apr 11, 2016 at 10:32 PM UTC
INFIDELITY
To all the friends I lost along the way It was you who shaped me into who I am today You made me happy and when you left I was sad But now I look back on you, I don't think our parting was so bad You left a legacy within me And now I can become who I'm meant to be I couldn't have done so without you And I hope you think the same too Our paths may never cross again But since I met you my life has never been the same And now I wonder where you are And I hope that from where we met you have traveled far I know that you are changing people's lives And so I search into my heart archives And there I find the love I used to feel for you And then I see a light, a tiny spark of blue The love is still alive because of all you've done And so I search for another special someone To take a place in my heart But there is still a small locked up part Where the spark of love I have for you Can never die and never bloom Until the day that we may meet again Whether on earth or in heaven Now I sign this letter and say I love you! To all the friends I lost along the way.
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Dec 24, 2015
Dec 24, 2015 at 6:51 PM UTC
To All The Friends I Lost Along The Way
It is still blurry, The times you held me helplessly. Holding this flesh that blinked with desperation. The glasses of problems brought to bed. Complete care with a side of beauty. Electric fingertips flowing along my sides. Stunning the flow in these veins. It is still blurry, The words that pressed off your tongue. Words that finished sleep and solid thought. The same mouth that has changed lives, comforted family, cursed like a sailor. Giving strength to simply continue. Moving mountains, depending on your approach. Making mornings sunlit on cloudy days. Your sunlight showed this life dissipated darkness. It is still blurry, Angst and tension between bones. The tension that can't be resisted nor denied. Giving me the strength transverse miles each way, just to sleep next to your breath. Open this heart, cuddle with its inners. Cut this tension with your actions knives. It is still blurry, The elation you delivered to my doorstep. Served purpose in my life. Giving me a chance to release all those dusty window sills in the attic. I complied an archives of you in my senses. The way you gave that heart of yours. It is still blurry, The times you settled the fears resting on your ancient dresser. Yeah the one you brag about. The one that held our water during rest, held our alarms to begin another day, and even our books of education shared. We have split these lives in so many directions. All ending in the same bed. Closer than my skin is to its bones. We were one in that bed. One after a life lived in every direction. It is still blurry, Your purpose. Actions and words in separate realms. All it would have took was a phone call. You insisted the benefits. Leaving us in seperate beds, different countries, different mind sets. Why not just enjoy love. Love lost in a storm of self discovery.
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Jun 10, 2014
Jun 10, 2014 at 10:27 PM UTC
Blurry
It is still blurry, The times you held me helplessly. Holding this flesh that blinked with desperation. The glasses of problems brought to bed. Complete care with a side of beauty. Electric fingertips flowing along my sides. Stunning the flow in these veins. It is still blurry, The words that pressed off your tongue. Words that finished sleep and solid thought. The same mouth that has changed lives, comforted family, cursed like a sailor. Giving strength to simply continue. Moving mountains, depending on your approach. Making mornings sunlit on cloudy days. Your sunlight showed this life dissipated darkness. It is still blurry, Angst and tension between bones. The tension that can't be resisted nor denied. Giving me the strength transverse miles each way, just to sleep next to your breath. Open this heart, cuddle with its inners. Cut this tension with your actions knives. It is still blurry, The elation you delivered to my doorstep. Served purpose in my life. Giving me a chance to release all those dusty window sills in the attic. I complied an archives of you in my senses. The way you gave that heart of yours. It is still blurry, The times you settled the fears resting on your ancient dresser. Yeah the one you brag about. The one that held our water during rest, held our alarms to begin another day, and even our books of education shared. We have split these lives in so many directions. All ending in the same bed. Closer than my skin is to its bones. We were one in that bed. One after a life lived in every direction. It is still blurry, Your purpose. Actions and words in separate realms. All it would have took was a phone call. You insisted the benefits. Leaving us in seperate beds, different countries, different mind sets. Why not just enjoy love. Love lost in a storm of self discovery.
Continue reading...
12
Inside of my body Amidst death and poison a virus lurks in every puddle, pumping blood that flushes my tired heart like the river Styx Amidst this battlezone that is my failing being lies a secret, sleeping The cells swim by They are rarer now like precious gems the factories of my fighting body produced like diamonds born amidst feverish forges within a toxic mine The gems, they call them T-cells, are now suicide bombers converted daily by the whisper of necromancy They call this hex *** a war against your own treasures Yet my T-cells are more, runes blazing mystic and glowing, antigen sorcery that wards against failing Amidst the 300,000 +sleeper cells that abandoned my cause Insurgence bulges with nightmare The cells clamour growing with the whispers of past victims now roped into the mystic chains, the wizards call it RNA, that bind us An ironic family of ghosts who live in each other "junk DNA" My body is no junk; instead a treasure - what do they say one man's trash? My body an amalgamation 30 years magic growing twisted like thorny vines that must consume their helpless host My T-cells inception Worlds within me the "JUNK" of lovers past becomes entangled in archives carved in my bones. Amidst recipes of a poison I cannot trace, I am ironically linked into a family of ancestors whose cries beat in my still working heart The drum of the long fallen crying for justice ...My blood Our blood. chains enmeshing ....ghosts I will never know Now parts of me that lie sleeping in Trojan horses, all my own.
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Jul 8, 2014
Jul 8, 2014 at 6:16 AM UTC
Blood is Thicker than T-Cells
Inside of my body Amidst death and poison a virus lurks in every puddle, pumping blood that flushes my tired heart like the river Styx Amidst this battlezone that is my failing being lies a secret, sleeping The cells swim by They are rarer now like precious gems the factories of my fighting body produced like diamonds born amidst feverish forges within a toxic mine The gems, they call them T-cells, are now suicide bombers converted daily by the whisper of necromancy They call this hex *** a war against your own treasures Yet my T-cells are more, runes blazing mystic and glowing, antigen sorcery that wards against failing Amidst the 300,000 +sleeper cells that abandoned my cause Insurgence bulges with nightmare The cells clamour growing with the whispers of past victims now roped into the mystic chains, the wizards call it RNA, that bind us An ironic family of ghosts who live in each other "junk DNA" My body is no junk; instead a treasure - what do they say one man's trash? My body an amalgamation 30 years magic growing twisted like thorny vines that must consume their helpless host My T-cells inception Worlds within me the "JUNK" of lovers past becomes entangled in archives carved in my bones. Amidst recipes of a poison I cannot trace, I am ironically linked into a family of ancestors whose cries beat in my still working heart The drum of the long fallen crying for justice ...My blood Our blood. chains enmeshing ....ghosts I will never know Now parts of me that lie sleeping in Trojan horses, all my own.
Continue reading...
121
Do not lance your hair Just to satisfy those men in suits, Or your woman, sat there with that expectant gaze Reserved for only you. Let your image be cultivated Through the culture of the downstroke. The lazy thick steel on the neck of the guitar That shudders at your touch And responds with the readiness of one thousand ****** Cooing their broken sounded and false approvals. I see your fingers fumble across the chipped mahogany And I recall on the benefit of all men The first and forgotten lovers, Buried beneath years of clumsy *** And vicious disregard. And from the shadows in the archives of your grey matter You remember every wince of self-doubt, Etched across the faces of your women That you never cared to notice in the dizzy ecstasy Of your youthful wantonness And the hardness of your **** So age will bite at your features, And you will squint in the wind, Cowering at the cold that clings to your bones. At some age you will cut your hair And iron your shirt. Nurse your whiskey And find yourself in receipt of all those women Still tangled in the hotel sheets In the back lodgings of your mind And everything they did to shape you. And you pick up that old acoustic And play the tune of one thousands odes.
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Sep 13, 2012
Sep 13, 2012 at 11:39 PM UTC
Battered Old Acoustic
Seven score and eleven years after the Emancipation Proclamation; I'd like to thank my community for finally acknowledging his memory.   Wanting to view historical document written by Rev. Martin Luther King, logged on and took a virtual trip to our ever expanding National Archives. His views on day of historic speech, "Heartwarming to see this marvelous, gigantic group of people here from all over the nation to give witness." I'm giving credit to ABC news for being allowed to hear the man's words from his own mouth without having to read them in black and white. There's no argument in regards to race differences and that we the people, have miles to go before we are at similar mindset in climate of opinion. Spotlight should shine brightly on how far we've come as we the people, away with all the negatives of no hopes of ever achieving racial harmony. If MLK were alive today he'd see many positive changes and would see his dream is still alive and well though we have miles to journey's end. Yes, Dr. Martin Luther King, you are appreciated as we honor your day. I have many reasons to thank you and all who paid the ultimate sacrifice. My children are allowed to attend any public school they wish without fear. I can now sit in the front of the bus without fear of arrest or a mob beating.   There are no laws preventing me from front door entry of public buildings. Thanks so much! I'm free to date or marry any person of any race I choose. The list above is just a small sampling of all the changes his life evoked. I'm thankful he was gifted to our planet in period of time he was needed. He is missed by the planet and those of us who are grateful that he existed. Dr. Martin Luther King was true Visionary with foresight to see great things.
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Jan 19, 2014
Jan 19, 2014 at 7:16 AM UTC
Martin Luther King, the Visionary
Seven score and eleven years after the Emancipation Proclamation; I'd like to thank my community for finally acknowledging his memory.   Wanting to view historical document written by Rev. Martin Luther King, logged on and took a virtual trip to our ever expanding National Archives. His views on day of historic speech, "Heartwarming to see this marvelous, gigantic group of people here from all over the nation to give witness." I'm giving credit to ABC news for being allowed to hear the man's words from his own mouth without having to read them in black and white. There's no argument in regards to race differences and that we the people, have miles to go before we are at similar mindset in climate of opinion. Spotlight should shine brightly on how far we've come as we the people, away with all the negatives of no hopes of ever achieving racial harmony. If MLK were alive today he'd see many positive changes and would see his dream is still alive and well though we have miles to journey's end. Yes, Dr. Martin Luther King, you are appreciated as we honor your day. I have many reasons to thank you and all who paid the ultimate sacrifice. My children are allowed to attend any public school they wish without fear. I can now sit in the front of the bus without fear of arrest or a mob beating.   There are no laws preventing me from front door entry of public buildings. Thanks so much! I'm free to date or marry any person of any race I choose. The list above is just a small sampling of all the changes his life evoked. I'm thankful he was gifted to our planet in period of time he was needed. He is missed by the planet and those of us who are grateful that he existed. Dr. Martin Luther King was true Visionary with foresight to see great things.
Continue reading...
24
There's a secret chamber, indestructible matter. Matter can exist in no more stable state than this small chamber is in. The chamber occupies very little space in the center of the earth. The chamber contains two dimensional information. This information describes everything that ever happened on earth for the archives. The octopuses recorded everything. They perceived everything. If an octopus managed to wrap it's tentacles around your head, you'd understand. It would tell you that everything has been worth it. You'd understand that you must live beautifully for the sake of the swirling two-dimensional archive at the center of the earth.
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Mar 5, 2013
Mar 5, 2013 at 6:04 PM UTC
Octopus Manifesto 3 (in the center of the earth)
SweetPea! she put my poem "The Rain Unseen" (which was posted a long time ago) on a few of the collection sites she went back into my archives to find it! it happens to be one of my favorite poems! there are many people who do this. SweetPea just gave me an inspiration what if we did this: rather than ♥ing a recent poem go back into a poet's ARCHIVE and look for a worthy buried treasure? (a good poem which never trended) like, and REPOST and put on the appropriate collections I had a wonderful response because a lovely poet reposted a write I'm very proud of Thanks to all who have done this for me in the past also YOU ARE ALL WONDERFUL!
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Jul 10, 2015
Jul 10, 2015 at 12:48 PM UTC
thank you
You are there in the centuries, standing on the hottest sands face of illusion, higher civilizations everyone tried to understand, For you they wrote so many poems, books and pages, history archives the unbearable block stone can't hide what you have inside your cold womb. Pharaohs, kings and dynasties are there to come and go as shadows, Embraced by you their faces remain deep in underground finding the truth, but you still live proudly with the time, until existence of the earth and sun return you to the ashes of greatest love song. -nour- June-013
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Jun 24, 2013
Jun 24, 2013 at 4:47 AM UTC
Ode to the Pyramid ~
To these Babylonians Oh father, and I am a child of Abraham Daughter of salt and desert Daughter of the sun blazed beige dream mountains Who roll together like sleeping dinosaurs In the archives of my memory. To these Babylonians And I have withheld from them my true name For their tongues are not fit to pronounce it Written in black stardust across my ankle Branded like the wandering sheep In the blue hills drowning in yellow gnats and cloud. My father taught me how to survive Babylonia By the seaside the shore was covered in Transparent jellyfish and dark ocean weeds Abraham inhaling foamy salt waves Preaching black oil, blood and fire Preaching this, Babylonia When foreign lands resemble home When homes revert to foreign land. When earth and sky and water do not remember you When you do not remember them Singing still in the salty undertow Treble clefs caked in the cracks of my bones Barefoot fire altar, sticky sunbeam fractures Progeny of Abraham Singing sacrifice Stolen seconds folding themselves into eternity. To these Babylonians And I am a child of Isaac Violin strings shouting with the river Jacob whispered all rivers and all rivers Flow to Rome And all salt water tastes of home Find me in the poison current of the obsidian ocean Jellyfish seaweed and petroleum-slurred sands My father Abraham sang many songs.
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Dec 2, 2015
Dec 2, 2015 at 5:17 PM UTC
Salt Stained Babylonia
Browsing life’s dusty files, the archives of all that happened, our memories can span the miles and be right there in just one second. Distance never separates people, but it brings us all together, makes us realize we’re equal and that our roots are not a tether. But it’s always hard facin’ goodbyes at any time… to people or places… to know, while deeply lookin’ in their eyes, you’ll never see again their faces.
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Aug 8, 2014
Aug 8, 2014 at 2:50 AM UTC
Far away
“when you get up in the morning you must take your heart in your two hands. You must do this every morning.” Grace Paley fall into me on blackout days for something beautiful is here is everywhere is nowhere you knew it Borges used it beauty is a physical sensation the axis mundi piercing the palms of my hands memory like a gipsy woman who reads palms beauty, yes, it draws the soul ascetic I figured it out in the smiling of your sleep like babies smile to angels, they say this game that keeps us alive is hers golden beetles die for it of for the love of dust pastimes of gods its archives everyday the light tastes differently the body moves where the mind is or the other way round I'll read Cartarescu to you half naked one page a day beauty is the quest, this spiral of wonder filling up the rest & my nails
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Feb 10, 2023
Feb 10, 2023 at 1:42 PM UTC
something beautiful
the wrong atmospherics of transmission move in uninvestigated chaotic archives red and pink turbulent storms swarm across deep space frequencies in imaginative currents of pulsars that are translated into phases each represented in diverse conflicting modes of expression in obsessive grooves of consciousness cut up components of recycled narratives audibly fixating on vibrations that sound across the universe in diffused spirals of manic fluctuations converting archaic symbols into equivalents of dust surfaces that oxidise in intermittent epochs and deposit a rediscovered earth an expansive transferable construction of accidental providence that allows for expression in artificially generated realities hallucinated images that float across the consciousness of the cosmos producing visions that punctuate rational thought become preoccupied with the conception of interplanetary transpeciation counting the chronological diversity of those that occupy the black, blank vacuum of space
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Aug 4, 2013
Aug 4, 2013 at 7:54 PM UTC
We are not alone...there is somebody out there...in space everyone can hear you scream...
Leave it for a day and the world forgets you exist. Not all followers, mind you, but most. Over 4,000 followers on Twitter and they'll retweet the latest tweet only. Most won't ask "Where's Kendra? Is she ok?" They won't go through my archives of posted poems to read or find some kinship. No. Only the latest & greatest, thank you very much. Is it my poetry? Does it throw people off? Is it because I don't constantly write about erotica & flaming *** Is it because I discuss domestic violence like an uncaged soul? Or is it merely the beast of social media, itself? These questions I often ask myself. I suppose it sounds like I'm feeling sorry for myself. Perhaps that isn't too far from the truth. Not to put myself on some pedestal. I do the same thing. I simply find it sad. Thousands of poems posted between here, Twitter, blogs, etc. and it all goes unnoticed - except the latest one posted. Surely I'm not the only who feels this way but it wouldn't be the first time if I am.
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Oct 3, 2015
Oct 3, 2015 at 11:58 AM UTC
ADHD of Social Media
He called my poem Wise and tropical The heat of the Caribbean: The tongue of the goddess Years of eating so much Fishcakes lace with Guinea Pepper Seeds Ginger beer and mauby bark drink Top with lemonade and pomegranates remains in my blood stream: When I dream, I dream and react like a chosen prophets So, I spread my words like a modern Moses Message in my poems, are Like ashes, they can’t be bottle They have to be scattered Throughout the internet, Around the globe: global feeds, Depending on the poet’s pen The archives is not the place for them to be stored I once saw my mother sob As she kneel in the sugar cane field The tears was for her children future, These days I sob because of a bad dream Our American dream is no longer valid, a beacon of hope without a definition for our future: Tupac saw the comings In his dreams, Suddenly, the silencer Silence him, Martin Luther king, had a dream A silencer silent him Apparently, John Lennon was getting closer to the truth he too was silent He called my poems Wise and tropical, I think of them as written transmission:
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Oct 3, 2018
Oct 3, 2018 at 11:27 AM UTC
Guinea Pepper Seed Poetry
Reading, Reading you, Reading me: Symphonic emotional intelligence, Words like a violinist. I carry them with me Inside my mind applying reality, The unreality passsing out of me. The poems speak like see through natures, The clarity of my discombobulation. You all become real. Archives of the souls Instantaneous connection Closer than Touch: Your words resonance with every Fiber of my being. Your words Invent more words, Your emotions tie The world's shoestrings, The experience shared Is a reality of musical theatre And it kills the silence, The silence of the mind. Your words are movement, Be it from a past, The metaphysical dance, A kiss of gentle air, The idea is a life living Recovering from the enigmatic plague Of ignorance. Though I see the bird sing My heart stops when it I hear it Through your words; Connectivity. Reading is not reading, It is saying what your silence says, Art becoming life in an echo of YOU. The words that I understand: Yes, the pain is also a gesture of reality, It lets us know it was real, Your tears, Your secrets, The murmured past, And as I read it becomes as the Sun on morning dew. Beginnings, Endings, You become apart of me, I become part of you, Not words But music in the silence. And the moment will come When you hear it too: The poetry: Crystalline humanity.
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Aug 1, 2016
Aug 1, 2016 at 12:14 PM UTC
On Reading Your Hellopoetry:
It’s the morning of a different day—who knew there’d be another? Lisa and I went on our harbor jog @ 5am—that’s nothing new. It was, like 44°—we’re enjoying fall’s cold, refreshing bite. Anyway, my mind wasn’t on it and I nearly stumbled over a chunk of dark, uneven roadway, made invisible by its function. Charles, jogging beside me, wordlessly managed to right me without us losing a step and I smiled my thanks. argh! I’ve got to get out of my head. Later, in class, lulled by the comfort of the stiff, wooden chair, my eyes unfocused and the professor’s voice seemed to fade into the backdrop. Suddenly, he was asking me a direct question that seemed almost without context. Metaphorically slapped back into focus, I scanned the room and the whiteboard for clues before awkwardly—walking the edge of catastrophe—bluffing it out, because, well, I’ve an instinctive reluctance to admit defeat with any sort of grace. I didn’t sleep well last night. I had dreams—nothing with a defined purpose–just an amalgamate of bonfires and storms in a coastal scrubland with an odor of fresh cedar and a sense of casual vulnerability. My attention today is like an intermittent pulse. . . Songs for this: Headz Gone West by Nia Archives Dark Red by Steve Lacy
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Nov 8, 2024
Nov 8, 2024 at 8:13 AM UTC
pulses
Today I ran through the archives of the extensive library of memory, in there I found various books with titles I have been longing to read; "Days of shimmering sunshine," "Friendships forged for life," "The purple Barney I played with," "The best" and "The worst." I browsed through myriads of red and navy blue leatherbacks, only to realize I found myself. I found that it contained my dreams, my fears, my hopes and even the reason for the selection of my favorite chocolate. Memory reminds us of our essence. The essence that brings tranquility to our souls on a chaotic day, an essence that reminds us of our path that brought us to the destination of today. Visit the library of memory often, and remember to take a cup of steaming tea.
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Sep 5, 2018
Sep 5, 2018 at 11:48 AM UTC
The library of Memory
It left residue on these two hands so much that you won't shake them you won't grab them when these hands are reaching out You're scared these ***** hands might infect you these two hands they're bruised from the anger scarred from the anxiety & sticky from the memories he left these hands are worn exhausted & weary looking for rest so when they reach out these hands, this heart- they're in distress and even though these hands are sticky I am not asking you to clean them Just hold them make them feel seen cuz there's residue now but one day these two hands will be clean
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Oct 11, 2021
Oct 11, 2021 at 9:41 AM UTC
Sticky Hands - a poem from the archives
Around this time of year when the sun and shorts come out I remember the past. Others are looking forward while I'm looking behind. In afternoons in sun soaked classrooms I look down at my ankles and wrists and I awkwardly shuffle to cover the past. I remember two years ago, and the depression I never quite recovered from. I tug on my sleeves to cover the marks least anyone notice the fading white scars. I remember the razor blades and blood soaked sheets as I pour out my feelings and body on to the pages. I remember the tears and anger, and confusion because why would a sweet girl from a good family and nice neighborhood ever do this to herself? I remember wanting to tell someone but never feeling like I could ever trust anyone again. I remember my hopelessness. I run my fingers over the crosshatching, for the vagueness of my memories, the scars feel so real. And the past comes alive to me in these afternoons when I remember exactly two years ago. And today as a similar situation arises and for the first time is a long time I longed for that ache. But instead of stiffing through the archives to find the rusty razor blades, I close my eyes and whisper to myself *"You are strong. And you will wear these scars as a reminder of how strong you are, and how you survived."* And the past remains the past.
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Jun 7, 2014
Jun 7, 2014 at 11:12 PM UTC
Affliction
Dear Mom, I know I shouldn’t have been snooping, but when looking for some socks on a day when I was still living with you and had neglected to do my laundry, meticulously paper clipped in your drawer, I found a 26-page document that made my insides curl when I saw the name of Dad’s mistress printed blatantly on the front cover. Yes, I looked through it (and I know I shouldn’t have) and I don’t know what made me more disturbed—the fact that you took the time, ink and paper to look up the woman who destroyed your marriage on public records, and neatly annotated the highlights of her messy divorce prior to meeting Dad—or that this 26-page monstrosity sat innocently beside his old Valentine’s Day cards, still painstakingly arranged by year, mixed in with your daughters’ decade-old crayon drawings captioned by the loopy letters of a child’s handwriting next to little plastic baggies with worn edges containing baby teeth, the roots yellowed by age and decay. You never let anything go, do you? You hold time captive by the wrists until the soft skin bruises, and even when it finally jerks itself away, you still manage to sweep up every speck of dust its presence left behind, and store it perfectly labeled in your archives like some neurotic historian, where you think your daughter, who was only looking for a pair of socks, would never just happen to stumble upon this hoarded material record of every ******* thing that torments you.
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Nov 18, 2013
Nov 18, 2013 at 11:25 AM UTC
"Letter to my Mother"