i tried to write a poem that wasn't about you
but nothing came to mind
so i climbed up on top of my mom's roof
and puffed smoke signals towards the moon
in hopes that they'd take my thoughts with them

before i knew it
i was counting sattelites
the same way that i'd count your breaths at night
     apparently everything marches to the same measure as your sunken sternum

"sunrise, sunset."

somewhere in orion's belt
hides the same gleam as your moonlit grin
and i'm back at it again
     twisting up sweet leaf in the appologies you'd sling
     and hoping you'll think of me
when you wake from coughing in your sleep
as i scortch my fingertips

maybe you'll be reminded
of that first campfire kiss
we shared in the sticks
     was it five years ago
          or was it six?

****
     i just can't think of anything but our tangled hips

          the way they read just like a star chart's dots and trailing dashes
     and the astrological improbability of celestial bodies managing to gracefully merge

Appologies to the spider
I crushed clumsily, by tracing
what I thought were the lines
of law.

make them to break them
bridges of bone
no way to even phone it in

if you don't save
the number.

"Who am i?" I ask myself,
Nobody can tell me,
Nobody can teach me,
Who am i and what i need is
Something i need to figure out myself.

I finally get my answer,
I'm me .
I am what am meant to be,
I am as bad as the worst,
But thankhod as good as the best.

For me what you seee is,
What you get.
Yes you may call me naive,
But i love my life.
I am happy
And for that my freind,
I make no appologies.

I hav had some up's and downs
Super highs and some really low lows
I dont regret what i hav been through,
Cause i know i hav been blessed with my life,
And rewarded with hood freinds,family and good health.

I am not in a competition,
With anyone else,
I am in a race of my own.
I hav no desire to the game of being better,
I just aim to improve.

I am selfish,impateint and a little insecure.
I make mistakes, I'm out of controll
And sometimes i am hard to handle,
But if you cannot handle me at my worst,
Then you don't deserve my best.

I would rather be hated for who i am,
Than being loved for whom am not.

I am unique,
I am speacial.
I am who i am meant to be,
I am me :-),
And. thats all

I'll ever be.

I stated what  has bothered me over time
always hear just do things right.
   it could have  been my blindness
or facing my dismiss

  some  poems i place  carried dust until i opened them
some still  trying to come up

but a blinded artist can not see the beauty he  can create
unless  he opens his eyes for just a speck of time.
nor can a  musician  play  if he can not hear  the melody he plays.
nor can a heart beat if it is closed to whats out side or the mind work  with all of its realm  to truely show whats inside.
   i am not always going to be right    as much as some has wanted me to be

  but i am a person who still beleives in creativity.
time does play a role  anguish and pain if allowed takes the stage
    i am a friend that truly cares but left  stuck in the background because of someone else..
  i am the starving artist  who has many times been told my work needs a gallery  so i give it away  to those  dear and close to me.
    and now i am just a distant memory.   so i
vent

2/10/2014

my appologies for the previous poem" why".  i have had mixed comments else where but really  look at it, thats what  alot of people see. it isnt about me or even you we are all different,  the biggest thing is  lets just get along. an no longer push people into a corner   or  push away because they dont do exactly the way you or i do. i lost many of friends on both sides of this .  my  biggest  part about who i am  is i  have a heart and i care , i would bend over backwards to help and  there are many who  know that to be fact. some  walked away  as if i did them wrong.   i started getting very frustrated and angry. i even put down my artwork for  a while ,   and really it never needed to be this way. so again sorry if i offended anyone i just needed to vent  
alan

Transgressions without
Appologies like heavy bricks
Thrown on a stage
Instead of roses
Smell them and remember