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Benji James Sep 2018
I'm going to write this one in blood
Just so you know it's straight from my heart
Where should I begin, where do I start?
Let me fill a new page with art
This was written in the dark
By the candlelight spark
****** ink spilt across the page
With all these things
That I just have to say
It all comes bursting out my chest
Just so you know I mean what it is that's said
So that this can all heal and mend

I'm sorry for the way
I let you down
In your emotions
I let you drown
I'm sorry for not speaking out
When you clearly needed sound
Someone to just say it's all gonna be okay
I just looked the other way
Only cared about me
And now that thought plagues my conscience
I'm sorry that I am stuck in selfish ways
Only thinking of my own feelings
And not much of yours
I'm sorry that I couldn't save you in ways that you had pictured
You thought that I'd be different
I let you walk that lonely road
Ignorant to your hurt
Our lives drifted in different directions
Now you're somewhere out there
beyond my detection
Just hope these sorries find their way to you

I'm going to write this one in blood
Just so you know it's straight from my heart
Where should I begin, where do I start?
Let me fill a new page with art
This was written in the dark
By the candlelight spark
****** ink spilt across the page
With all these things
That I just have to say
It all comes bursting out my chest
Just so you know I mean what it is that's said
So that this can all heal and mend

I'm an ocean of emotions
When we hit rough seas
That's when you don't see
The best parts of me
I'm sorry in my anger
I can get violent
Sometimes I just can't stay silent
I lose control when this rage stays caged
And that is one of my greatest flaws
Hurt people that mean so much to me
Out of anger and stupidity
I'm sorry for the bruises and marks
I'm sorry for all the hurting parts
I'm sorry for the damaged soul
I'm sorry I lost control of my thoughts
Let rage overpower,
still, decisions made in moments of regret
These are moments that weren't my best
Maybe that's why they say rage is blind
Cuz we don't see in those moments
What we become, It's only after it is done

I'm going to write this one in blood
Just so you know it's straight from my heart
Where should I begin, where do I start?
Let me fill a new page with art
This was written in the dark
By the candlelight spark
****** ink spilt across the page
With all these things
That I just have to say
It all comes bursting out my chest
Just so you know I mean what it is that's said
So that this can all heal and mend

I'm sorry for all the missed signs
and all of the misinterpreted lines
I'm sorry to those that I've offended
I'm sorry to those I couldn't connect with
I'm sorry that sometimes I struggle to find the line
I cross that thing a lot of the time
I'm sorry for the worries
I'm sorry for the tears
I'm sorry for filling you with fears
I'm sorry for the times I just couldn't bring myself to write
I'm sorry for all the failed lines
And mediocre rhymes
I'm sorry this took me a long time

I'm going to write this one in blood
Just so you know it's straight from my heart
Where should I begin, where do I start?
Let me fill a new page with art
This was written in the dark
By the candlelight spark
****** ink spilt across the page
With all these things
That I just have to say
It all comes bursting out my chest
Just so you know I mean what it is that's said
So that this can all heal and mend

Dear me, are you listening...
Most of all I'm sorry to you
And for all the things I've put myself through
I'm sorry for tearing myself apart for art
I'm sorry for holding out air from my lungs
I'm sorry for all the times that I've looked in the mirror
Only to call me ****, a monster, a freak
Frequent hate to which most can relate
I'm sorry for all the self-loathing
I'm sorry for the sleepless nights
And the endless fights inside my own mind
I'm sorry for saying, I'll never be enough
I'm sorry for not being able to let myself love

I'm going to write this one in blood
Just so you know it's straight from my heart
Where should I begin, where do I start?
Let me fill a new page with art
This was written in the dark
By the candlelight spark
****** ink spilt across the page
With all these things
That I just have to say
It all comes bursting out my chest
Just so you know I mean what it is that's said
So that this can all heal and mend

I'm sorry to the girls
Who wanted my love
I couldn't return the love they gave
Cuz I didn't feel the same way
I'm sorry to the friends that I cut off
I only did what I thought was best
I'm sorry that this life of mine is still a mess
I'm sorry to the girls that I hurt with words
Out of jealousy or rejection
I'm sorry for the lyrics that I wrote about you
May have been something said that hurt
I'm sorry I take so long to learn

I'm going to write this one in blood
Just so you know it's straight from my heart
Where should I begin, where do I start?
Let me fill a new page with art
This was written in the dark
By the candlelight spark
****** ink spilt across the page
With all these things
That I just have to say
It all comes bursting out my chest
Just so you know I mean what it is that's said
So that this can all heal and mend

I'm sorry that in my weakness I want to die
I'm sorry that I struggle with this life
I'm sorry for all the crazy things that cross my mind
I'm sorry for all the broken promises
I'm sorry I haven't achieved any of my dreams
I'm sorry that I'm inconsistent
I'm sorry that I claim I'm a victim
I'm sorry for the times I don't accept the blame
I'm sorry for the jokes I made that were lame
I'm sorry that this song is full of sorries
I'm sorry to all those people I've wronged
I'm sorry to myself for never feeling real love
I'm sorry for having no faith in a god above

I'm going to write this one in blood
Just so you know it's straight from my heart
Where should I begin, where do I start?
Let me fill a new page with art
This was written in the dark
By the candlelight spark
****** ink spilt across the page
With all these things
That I just have to say
It all comes bursting out my chest
Just so you know I mean what it is that's said
So that this can all heal and mend

©2018 Written By Benji James
It's taken me so long to write something completely new, but I finally did it, I sat myself down and finally just gathered some motivation to finally finish something. :P
Deep on Deep Jan 8
Sorry
I Can't repair you,
I'm broken too

Sorry
All i ever wanted
To be the one to speak her name as mine

Sorry
For hurting you over and over again
It hurts me too

Sorry
I keep saying it's good for you
but i doubt my honest feelings

Sorry
That you don't understand me when i say
I love you

Sorry
For not comming with a warning lable
"dangerous, do not speak with"

Sorry
For not telling you
And never going to

Sorry
You could've guessed
I'ts to late now

Sorry
I'm kinda stuck
But you can't help me out

Sorry
Do I want to stay or not
Well I don't really know

Sorry
For lying to you and never stopping
It's a big cycle

Sorry
I really am
but remember


It's just a game
This one's for you babe
RedD Sep 2018
I have too much on my mind don't I?
Feel too much honesty too soon
Too soon for you?
Possibly
I apologise

I apologise my way through life, always
Its just how it always is
Has always been
But I won't apologise about my feelings for you
I can't
I won't

You make me feel this way
You must own that
I own it, I own my feelings now
I'm not afraid if people know
(about us)
But its not the right time
Just now
I know this

And that is what's so hard
Having to contain everything I feel
Just like a ball in the palm of my hands
I'm so afraid if I let go
I'll never get to hold it again
It will roll too far away
Out of reach

And Someone else will pick it up
Take it for their own
I'm not good with sharing
I don't want to share
Not you anyway
1st page started of as this then I vomited out a 5 page A4 letter
Good to release
Might hide those 5 pages
MalakF Jul 2018
I feel the need to apologise for the way that I am.
I have no control, as if I was a computer programme.
I’m sorry that the slightest thing can completely shift my mood,
I’m sorry I can be impulsive and have a bad attitude.

This inappropriate anger is not intentional
and I swear to god
I know it’s unacceptable.

My friendships are a rollercoaster,
it’s practically bipolar.
One second I’m all lovey dovey
and the other second it will be as if you were never my buddy.

This is who I am and I hate it.
I’m sorry I’m like this,
I’m sorry I see no bliss.
So as much as this Drama does persist
Your Prisoned Warning tugs at my Cool Shirt
Asking me to take Prudence and desist
In bashing Silence to where it would hurt
Now engraved in Copper I will make Clear:
For all my Writ Plagues I Apologise,
Deep in use plug Buds to that Trumpet's Ear
If Empathy a Letter in disguise
This my Friend's Spy; Deploy to high pursuit
Waving that Placard in belated claim
Which tastes folly less on a nutty boot
And Reprimand stamped on his just Remain.
Such I learned that Friendship's Best takes no Force
I Follow my Heart; Now you Follow yours.
#tomdaleytv #tomdaley1994
Mandalina Nov 2018
I wish I could stop thinking
                                    crying
             ­                         and dying

I wish I could stop screaming
                                     lying
                                        and disappoint

I wish I knew how to apologise
                                          think straight
                                             and get over regrets

But most of all I wish I could end it all
                                             by not breathing
                                                    or trying

I simply wish for freedom
                                  peace
                 ­                    and death



-j.m.k
Gemma Sep 2018
"Breathe for me...
You have nothing to worry about.
Oxygen in
Carbon dioxide out
Squeeze my hand if you can hear
Sit down if you think you are going to -----
Few more steps and you can forget your embarrassment:
So strong , I'm so proud , you're so brave."
But am I though?
Because their glares gleam weak,
their eyes deliver pity,
a grin , a laugh , I'd concentrate on their mockery for a few moments but my body is beginning to break into a million breaths.
I'm a pathetic mess ;
I can feel myself giving up,
the deflating of my chest,
the twist in my stomach.
Adrenaline, you've got to love it.
My brain is ready to start a fight whereas I can only produce half a sentence
then I'm done
down for the day
Recovering is the world's slowest reaction rate
And I'm never going to mend from the self-hatred my consciousness makes
Because I've always understood I'm not normal and that's fine
But the negativity created from these moments has made its way inside
So much the judgement stops me from breathing
My confidence has truly died
I'm sorry I'm not what you want
I know this isn't what you need to hear,
I apologise that my happiness appears forced
And my smile doesn't match my tears.
sara May 2014
it's cold and dark and calm outside
so you make sure that i'm tucked up tight
but i need fresh air so the window is open ajar
whilst there in the corner lays a battered guitar

i'm high as **** so you carried me home
and wrapped me up into a bed of your own
you throw a lumpy mattress by the guitar on your floor
and apologise in advance for the fact that you snore

because i can't even remember my name
may give the green light to most, to see me as 'fair game'
my hair is a mess and my clothes are askew
but that doesn't seem to matter to you

i'm taken aback as you toss me a shirt
you try to stifle your laugh but i catch you smirk
as i try to escape from the clutch of my dress
i hear a laugh which you fail to suppress

i wrestle your shirt with my limbs in a tangle
you yank it over my head, for which i am thankful
i wriggle free from the blanket and sit up cross legged
as you fling yourself down at the foot of your bed

you tell me you've just got a text from my mother
who says she trusts me with you and no other
and that you are under very strict instructions
to keep me away from all teenage destruction

it's 1.30am and my thoughts are cotton wool
but our bottle of ***** is still three quarters full
my eyes spy the battered guitar in the room
and i beg you to play me my favourite tune

an undeniably slow start as you mess up the chords
and ramble on about how i'm probably bored
but my eyes fix on yours with an encouraging grin
and as you continue to play, goosebumps rise on my skin

and as you place the battered guitar back down
you sarcastically ask whether i'm happy now
the buzz of my body and the smile on my face
shows that here, happiness is truly the case
2018 edit and I’m still finding guitarists cute um
Lyn-Purcell Sep 2018
ᗩIᑎᕼᗩᖇᗩ
~ ⚪♫⚪ ~
Ainhara is standing in her Queen's room,
staring at the door that leads to
her chamber
'My Lady...' she thinks worried before
looking at her reflection. Her mistress had
surprised her a gift of a finely made dress
of rose-silk, making her a flowing vision
in blue.

~ ⚪♫⚪ ~
The dress is suitable for the bright and
hot morning, light, airy and delicate
with one shoulder that is heavily beaded
with peacock feathers; the slit reveals
her slender legs, the hip appliqued with
the white lilies of her Queen's Kingdom,
and simple flat shoes.

~ ⚪♫⚪ ~
Her fiery locks are pinned into her usual
bun. It is then that she hears a gentle
knock on the door which she approaches
and opens.
"Did you not hear the command of the
Queen Mother?" Ainhara gently hisses,
"Queen Lyn is not to be disturbe-"
"I know, Lady Ainhara, I apologise,"
a guard whispers as Ainhara stands in
the hallway.

~ ⚪♫⚪ ~
"How is Queen Lyn?"
'Drained and exhausted. She has not slept
well in three days...
"The Queen is very busy.
She is determined to complete the tasks set to
her." Ainhara sighs. "Esshi is overseeing her
meals currently. Did her mother not say all
matters of state should be brought to her?"
"Yes she did, but the shipments are set
to arrive today. And she said that once
they arrive, I am to notify you.
They have made way to the Western
Entrance."

~ ⚪♫⚪ ~
"I see. Well, let us see to it."
"Yes," The guard bows and leads the
way with Ainhara at his heels.
As she passes the open stain-glassed
windows, the cool breeze hit her,
making her dress flutter behind her
and the beadery shine and glitter.
Part one of the Masked Bard free-verse! ^-^
This one is going to be told more so in my handmaidens' POV.
Part two will be out tomorrow!
Lyn ***
Riz May 2017
lets be the new old fashioned
and whine on the internet

as we can’t change the -
or maybe the word is
won’t

it is tricky to trust
the government
and those who hate the government
                                    yet wish to govern

i apologise for intruding
on your ideology
but money is the play

can you hear
the one-armed fascists
clapping
        the sound ringing

then comes their dialogues
without meaning
just a noise
unsatisfying
our questions

greyness in the divided               kingdom
since budget day austerity         grows

the wise
predicted
this

tell the treasury i don’t
treasure them

explain the inequality to me
is it
where you laugh
                      at the idea
                             of the walk
                                        of shame
                                             but does a ******* laugh
                                      at the idea
                             of the walk
                      of shame
or is it different?

mr osborne
many brainwashed to think he was
a political conqueror

a man who rules yet
has never really
ruled
now slipping and sliding
into U turns at every junction
bombs up his sleeve
shards of my wages
smuggled in his pocket

i’d say **** me
but he’d get
too happy

disgusting disrespected
determined to defecate
my life
his life her life

injustice declared
in the green chamber of
fundamentalist *******

tea party later
            pinky’s up
petty snobs and knobs
              wimps and chimps

rah rah
yah my course at uni
holds the record
for *******
the most first year
birds

rah rah
yah i flashpacked asia
                         gap year
was going to 'find' myself
but instead
found a ladyboy
             giving me a blowy

rah hah
hah rah
yah

tea party invite
to the taxman       lost in post
                                        stay away sir

endless pits of poorer parties you can attend

ok so
mr osborne

don’t tax us for ostrich or
crocodile
meat

or the national lottery
or
jaffa cakes

but do take our blood
for a ****** treat

would you rather spend that money
cleaning the seats on the tube
                               didn't think so

ew aren't women so gross
fit a padlock on my tongue
stop it running loose

you assume our existence
is here for your mockery
imprison us within our ****** processes
               imprison us in vindictive convictions

our economic burden
cut taxes?
you cut
we bleed

     clotting blood

watch your animations
of sexist continuation
cartoons and frosties
three teaspoons of sugar

privatise my practice
privatise my property
privatise my private              

does it apply to all my juices?
charge me for a **** of my ***
and watch my baby cry

malevolent
     misogynistic
          mother-*******
                        mon­sters              

osborne is
‘backing people who work
                                    and save’

applause

but who is
backing people who work harder
                                     and can’t save?

...

he’ll rest now
on his comfy sofa
and second home

ravenous vultures
feeding on the helpless
          destroying cultures

capitalist realms
serving
monetary expansionism
                pecuniary longing
mechanical violence
                 hierarchal dominance

disabled benefits
tainted with his
poisonous thumbs
            disabled suicides kept out the press

no more deaths from esa c -
        - ut to some standard bbc news

propagandise their
suffering

trapped in
his money teasing schemes
                       subsidised by
              chi chi chicken ****
                   two bit
                           fascists

osborne, let's
forget the gbp
for a sec

how about the feeling
of being deeply
unwanted
by your own country

living a dependent life
imagine the depression
then the rejection of
any help to have
an independent life

wheel a mile in my chair

imagination without
involvement is
impossible for deadened tories
a bit like
arousal without
**** is
impossible for deadened hearts

he evicts those labelled
mental health
and
lack of wealth

it reeks

is it hard for him
to hear those in wheelchairs
and those with minds
in wheelchairs?

government gang culture
mr david icke
may be
right

do we live to
flee panic
and die
in a man-made drought
of thoughtless clouds passing
                                   above us
whilst we're
waiting and
waiting for
the drop
   just a drop will do

stand up
or don't,
it doesn't really matter
This is in response to Osborne's Budget 2016.
MalakF Jul 2018
She says a lot of things; whether she means them or not, does not matter. The words have already floated in the air and there was nothing she could do about it. I mean; she could apologise but there's no way in **** would she prioritize her daughters mental stability over her own dignity.
Mystifying Chaos Jan 2018
"Do you remember the time when we first met? I was wearing a guns and roses t-shirt and you were playing basketball with your friends? Remember how I was walking past the court and got hit by the ball, and you came running towards me, asking me if I was okay? Do you remember how shy you were when our hands touched for the first time? Your cheeks turned into the color of beetroot.
Do you remember how we became friends? I was new to the society in which you were the head? How scared I was when I had to sing for the audition round and you decided to sing along to my favorite song?
Remember how you asked me out? Took me by my hand and intensely gazed into my eyes, as Eric Clapton sang 'wonderful tonight' in the background? Remember how I started laughing and asked you to stop joking around. And then you just kissed me, to stop me from blabbering. I was stunned and shell shocked.
Remember when we got drunk after our first big fight? We said mean words and slept in separate rooms that night. Remember how I later knocked on your door to apologise? We drank the entire bottle of Jim Beam and got sloshed as we listened to Bob Dylan till the wee hours of the morning light.
Remember how it all began?"
I see no recognition in your eyes. I guess the amnesia didn't just take away your memories but it also took away everything that was mine.
Hans Taylor Nov 2018
I’ve more or less had to delete you
Ever since your Facebook wall
Turned memorial
But I still had clothes of yours
Now they live in a thrift store
They’re still there, I checked
Not to bad mouth your fashion sense
I’m just now getting used to
Referring to you
In the past tense
I still tense up when I hear your name
I used to do the same
Whenever you popped up in my contacts
I had to erase you to overcome that
And you were the top one at that
To tell the truth when I near your old place,
I take detours
But I suppose that’s a silly way to do it
Since you don’t live there anymore
And anyway,
I swear I see your face in all kinds of places
The parking lot where we sparked a lot
The back of the park, no lights, a good spot
I'm running out of ways to change the subject
When people ask why I never delete voicemails
About once a year I just feel the need to hear it
And I cry a bit
And I’m lying about the size of the bit that I cry
But never mind that
I hop on Spotify and listen to music
Our favourite songs of the time are hidden
In a secret Spotify playlist that I only play sometimes
Like I need some kind of alibi when I think about you
And I still make excuses, you know that
I never visit you
Sorry about that
It still blows my mind how loud a needle drop can be
When you swap a vinyl disk for a friend’s skin
I can still remember you scratching it
And that one time when you brought up six times
That you wanted to die
I should’ve probably seen the signs
But I didn’t at the time
And now I am frustrated
When newspapers
Quote your name as a cautionary tale
There's a whole lot more to you
Than a convenient warning
About the dangers of drug use
You are my friend -
And there you go, I've done it again
You were my friend
And it makes my teeth clench
When people who will never meet you
Put it down to a lack of strength
A missing backbone
But if you’ve checked my bones lately
You’d find they were mostly empty
I have leaned on so many crutches that they have fused with me
Permanently
And I saw you at role call
For “alive”
Every morning
Until the day you died
Even when you hadn’t heard from your dad in weeks
And I apologise for all the missed calls on my part
One too many
My fault
Mea culpa
Waynepatrick Jan 8
The way your lips curve when you smile,the light in your face when i say you're mine,
how your hips swerve when you come to me,
when you make me mad and I apologise for making you feel bad,
the pronunciations of your words, the dances you do just to make me look,
when you fall asleep in my arms then laugh the next morning when they are numb,
how you bring out my best without even trying and make me feel outstanding,
I love how you do these.
Julian Delia Sep 2018
I want to apologise.
Broken relationships, I shall eulogise.
To those I know (or, knew);
Forgive my absence when you needed a warm caress and a hug,
But instead got frostbite, a torrent of snow or dew.

I am sorry for drawing a sword
When you were hoping for an olive branch;
I can be as thorny as an all-knowing lord.
I wish my heart was limitless,
And my kindness infinite –
I dream of love that is fearless,
And of joyousness completely exquisite.

Yet, that is not who I am –
I can be a calm ocean or a tempest,
A total commotion, or peacefully at rest.
I can be enigmatic and reserved,
Or, I can be charismatic, if the mood is reversed.
We are not good or bad;
We can be lewd and strikingly mad,
Or cunningly shrewd, or maybe sad.

We are the yin and the yang;
We all tend to sin, to our demons we hang.
We are objects of pure fascination,
In constant fluctuation,
A recalcitrant reconciliation.
So, I will say it one more time –
Look into my eyes, see through my guise.
I apologise to those who had no shoulder to cry on
And sought mine, when I was not there.
I hope you’re fine, and that someone showered you with care.
Finding peace when you feel like you are forever at war is difficult, but it's possible.
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