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Today I find myself comfortably numb
My brain has gone silent, my emotions feel dumb
I will find warmth in a Moonlight Sonata
In an empty room filled with no sunlight
I will tell myself to live, I’ll say that I’ve got to
But looking around, how does one live?
I hear a voice, it says I must protest
Keep your focus, do not digress
For sleep, from you, has been solemnly taken
Until you leave a mark, the world must be shaken
I have proven to you that you are not a priority
And to surrounding people you are rarely picked
You do not exist to the vast majority
And you are left to die, you are left to be sick
So you must force yourself to leave quite the impression
And the world will know it was you, nonetheless
Get yourself out of this depression
And give everyone what you have left
I found closure in the idea that I was free
But the one who was chained down, I saw it was me
I reached for a helping hand; I felt my left take my right
How beautifully remarkable, what an incredible sight
And then my brain began to defrost
How cold and lonely; I was no longer lost
Without myself I was surely deserted
The evidence cannot be destroyed  
And I made a promise, it can’t be averted
I have lived for too long in this void
How lovely you seem, how lovely you are
Your body has hidden most of your scars
So get yourself ready and get yourself dressed
Pick up your courage, pretend you are blessed
mariamme Jun 2018
i am emptied of my tools,
the words, that gave me release
from the demons taught my
every waking nightmare,

every tingling pain in between
three eyelids & another playlist
to distract from the raw panic
that is the only "life", a livewire
in the pool; i drown myself
hourly, minutely examining
the scabbed over promises
that i wrote in between creases
of smiles and skin, heavy
with the weight of yearning

for simple pleasure to last longer
& for pretty lies to become truth
if only for longer than collections
of skimmed days, oil on water.

i chose momentary bliss-
it floats on the surface scars
lovely & weak against my anger
& i pale in comparison; lust is
flame against the falseness
of my form, rigid because
any less would be vulnerable
& the scars would be visible
under the melting of my smile.
feeling sort of worthless.
lost all the phrases, turning about
inside my skull that would aid me
& give me a sense of security
in times like these. i want to feel
loved & important to someone,
but i also would like to tolerate
myself for once.
Alyssa Underwood Jan 2016
I would have taken the easy path
But that would leave no room for glory
I would have picked out a comfortable life
But that isn't God’s kind of story

I would have followed a prettier road
But missed the most beautiful way
I would have clung to familiar things
But lived out my days in the grey

I would have chosen what’s stable
But grown cold, apathetic and bored
I would have sought out earth’s riches
But lost all that in heaven is stored

I would have liked more successes
But not learned so quickly of grace
I would have seen myself praised more
But given up knowing God’s face

I would have tied all my loose ends
But not known it’s He Who brings peace
I would have wanted for happier times
But traded a joy that can’t cease

I would have opted for normal
But not tasted rare delicacies
I would have preferred a man’s love
But been robbed of Divine intimacy

He’s chosen for me the high road
More jagged, more narrow and steep
So now I must travel this difficult way
Ever knowing it leads to the deep

Now I must choose to cherish His path
And trust Him to walk with me there
Now I must hasten to take up my cross
The fellowship of His sufferings to share

For one day this life will be over
And all my afflictions will end
It is then I will see what all this is for
In my Bridegroom, my Savior, my Friend
~~~

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."
~ 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

~~~
Spike Harper Aug 2017
It isn't a game.
But one can definitely lose.
There are no competitors.
Yet self comparisons fog hind sight.
Leading to more dreary backroads that the world forgot about.
It was fun for a little while.
Telling yourself that you threw away the world and not vise versa.
Was truly the greatest lie.
One that grew into actual belief for a time.
But found that the greatest hell.
Is watching your paradise burn.
Bound only by disbelief.
Dumbfounded.
It's a shame that when you lose everything.
Somehow your mind is the only thing that stays intact.    
As if those aspects were programmed into humans in preparation for it..
And happiness got the short end of the stick.
Then to further rub dirt into the wound we create hope.
By means of pursuit.
Shakespeare knew the questions.
And left it up to everyone else to answer.
Only as generations pass.
We couldnt be further from any resemblance of an answer.
Let alone know the question has already been proposed.
Writers play with this notion and yield no two pairs alike.
Lifes most important knowledge sadly can only come from experiencing it.
But with the world in such a desensitized state.
The fear of stagnation is becoming the only real possibility.
Preposterous?
No
Predetermined the moment we chose to let others choose for us.
There is no freedom.
Only sacrifice.
Right.
Forgive my semi rant. A lot is going on in and out of my head.
Jordan Rowan Dec 2015
**** the voices on TV that scare us into depression
**** the killers ravaging the innocent and the gentle
**** the institutions placing us into corners
**** the religions trying to sterilize our minds
**** the powerful that feed on greed and power
**** the lazy that leech off the hardworking
**** the women who use men for ***
**** the men who use women for ***
**** the people that don't believe that you are strong
**** the weakness in you that you know you can defeat
**** the false prophets of false beliefs
**** those who do not respect
**** those who do not love
**** the apathetic
**** the lazy
**** the rich
**** the poor
**** the dead
**** the alive
**** the miserable
**** the happy
**** those who say that life is not finite
**** those who say that life is not beautiful
**** everyone
**** yourself
**** death
**** all that does not make you a better person
**** all that does not help bring happiness to others
**** all that does not make you smile
**** all that does not make you weep
**** all that does not make you feel alive
Jack Jenkins Jun 2016
"Hey, how are you you doing?"

"I'm doing okay..."

I'm okay because I cannot describe all the different ways I'm feeling apathetic.
And I give you that smile that hides all the hairline fractures in my heart.

Every wonderful longing is swallowed alive,
I'm transcending my emotional capacity to live and love.
All my cheer is shallow and without substance,
Naught more than a cooked marshmallow:
Sweet and crisp without any nourishment.

My wretched self allows me to suffer thus.
Isolated when never alone,
Alone when in true love,
Irreversibly broken,
Choking on my frozen dust.
//On anxiety//
Xandra Lynch Dec 2018
I
The snow is blank as
My apathetic manner
A seed thrusts out; new

II
Intense agony
Spreading and twisting in a
Worthless, weeping heart

III
The product amazes
Me; it's absolutely a
Lucid, pure nothing

IV
New Year's - a silent
Lullaby; empty promise
For the hopeful/less

V
Nothing ever came
From nothing; good trees do not
Sprout rotten, **** fruit
99% of New Year's resolutions fail by February. If you want to improve yourself, your mindset, humanity, or society, invest time into your goal. Suffer if you need to come to new heights. It sounds cliche, but it works; make a SMART goal (specific, measured, attainable, relevant, timed) and work for it. THERE ARE NO SHORTCUTS - don't try to make one; put a crap load of time into whatever you do. Go out into the world and fix it, child; it's at your disposal. I BELIEVE IN YOU!

~This has been my lackluster motivational New Year's speech
Osiria Melody Feb 14
Jubilant child, gently prancing to the candy store
A lollipop, chocolate bar, or a fruit paid in full
Locked door, crying river tears that make my sad
eyes swirl red, like peppermints
Mommy and daddy don’t love each other anymore

Notorious teen, aggressively committing thievery
A pack of cigarettes, alcohol, or pills paid in full
Locked door, smiling sunny teeth that make my
cheeks radiate, hurt
Popping pills like death candy
Mommy and daddy just got divorced

Apathetic adult, hating to have my own family
Bottles of colored juices, packs of funny looking
lollipop sticks, or death candy sprawled across the
table
(Alcohol, cigarettes and drugs are my friends,
how pathetic)
Haphazard mess, failing health over death candy,
coughing smoky clouds, dragon voice sadness
Mommy and daddy are dead

Harder to breathe when you’re trying to speak
through grains of sand
Found a dull romance, much more emotionless
than my parents’ relationship
Your promises of climbing mountains and
swimming oceans

Nothing more than promises, false and broken
A living dream of what it all means, withering
dignity
At least, death candy never commits infidelity, an
insatiable lover
Takes me to my grave, burying me in all
these substances



Melody
2/14/19
I drew my inspiration from admiring the sweetness of a candy store.
Madelynn Nieves Sep 2018
Lost
Empty
Apathetic
Varying degrees of self hatred
Effortlessly breaking me down

Making me doubt
Everything we ever were

Asking politely
Let me be
Or learn to grow
Not digress
Existing in solitude is what I do best
Atlas Jun 22
You have to accept
That the world we live in
Is full of
Unempathetic
Apathetic
As * holes

And it's not going to change
Any time soon
Annelyra Jan 2015
it is said
that the delicate flutter
of a butterfly's wing
vibrates the Earth
to its core
and transforms
everything

it is also said
that instead
the thoughtless footfalls
of every heavy human
are inevitable
inexorable cartography
splashed across
the landscape in
thin invisible lines
intertwining
and full of divine
meaning

imagine
the apathetic
apocalyptic
apoplectic
chaos
the uproar
the heartache
the blood spilled
the madness

imagine
the wings torn off butterflies
that don't shake the earth
and the stamping of feet
over unmarked land
if it turns out this is all
just an intricate
beautiful
accident.
Some moments I stop and think:
I'd give in to it, just to give myself purpose.
Turn it all into a sick game of chasing the dragon.
Then I ponder a ******'s destiny and it hurts wondrously,
Like a super-massive black-hole. I want to dive in and lose control.
Wonder how long I'll last;
Until I get curious,
Get bored.

What are those depths like?
What will it look like
from the bottom?
Lying on my back
looking up at the sky.

I'm not religious, I'd rather be apathetic.
There's a difference,
My indifference;
Deliverance:
It's a privilege.

Pray thee, tell me I'm wrong:
That curiosity will not be the death of me,
That my venturous nature will not **** me.
But is there a better way to die?
Herein the proving grounds arise:
I'll not seek death again.
My fear has been quenched
by the acceptance of an inevitability.
Death is no grim reaper, rather, a great equalizer;
It is predictable.
You ever considered suicide?
I'll level with you and tell you I have.
I questioned (with) my life, at a point in time
You can't start living
until you've made a conscious decision not to die.
But what'd prompt an affirmative to life?
In short, why?

Hah, I dunno.
Were you really expecting the answers to life
from a teenage ******-to-be.
"Who's the more foolish;
the fool or the fool who follows him?"

Come find yourself, then
we'll see who's laughing.
Quote:
-Line Thirty-Nine and Forty delivered by Obi-Wan Kenobi (Sir Alec Guinness) in Star Wars: Episode IV: A New Hope
Andrew Owens Feb 2013
All alone to suffer the thoughts of the voices that hate me
judging all the memories
never letting go of the details of the tragedies
I never stopped them  

The tragedy is the failure to be brave
the failure to let go of fear
to recognize I may have a future
but a part of it is gone

Wave goodbye to the one who cared
another voice has control
heartless and cold
as if to be fearless and bold

No longer a stranger to chasing desire
impurity embraces the light
feel the warmth of her flesh
indulge in the lust of tonight

A cold exterior dances with a heart of cold fire
numb to feeling inside, but desires too much
tear down the walls and come closer
To ending the feeling that is cold to the touch

Thoughts are my silent rage
with a blackened heart and a love as blue as my eyes
reflecting on the moments that mirror the person I see
I am merely disguised as the person I never wanted to be

The beauty of pain
below all of the flesh
to cause the heart to ache
and the mind to worry

Weakened by doing nothing at all
comfort in apathetic failure
with the passion that died and silence called
to be unbreakable after my last word
shinyewon May 2018
I am
Broken,
Unkind,
Sarcastic,
Hurtful,
Heartbreaking,
Sad,
Apathetic,
Stupid

But

I am loved.
Sparrow Mar 28
Dear Granny,

I saw someone
a week ago,
In the streets
on my way back home..

Her wrinkled skin burnt by the Sun
Her attire frayed and patched with dust
An empty oil can of crumpled tin
A humble sum peeks shyly from within
Her hand stretched, a cup formed from her palms
It shakes too furiously to beg for alms
She speaks a language alien to me
Yet her eyes tell me a universal story
A tale of a debt that was never paid
Kindness was dealt a hand of apathy instead
And the care with which a seedling grows
Was not returned as winter crept close
Because fall came and went, and the old leaves are spent
Shed across the city streets, with none to speak for the dead

Like the world around me I know not
why I should care
Her face is that of a stranger to me
Yet I keep waking up
on account of these dreams
A similar picture, a similar scene
And at the heart of it
The face is yours,
Granny.

Love,
Soham
Do not neglect the old. As you wouldn't be neglected as the young.
The golden rule.
Cunning Linguist Apr 2017
S
  p
   i
  r
a
l
   i
   n
g

   d
    o
   w
      n
-
[an
infinite
abyss]
-
A temporal anomaly
peaking your drift
Perusing the cosmos,
within Dude's rocketship

Quarantined as a species
from contact with the Gods-
Odds are they're too busy banging
new milky ways into the stars
While you're pensive, quantum-plating
the nature of existence
Prayers fall unto deaf ears
too apathetic to listen

Godspeed towards the rift,
Time bends at the edge of a black hole
-But only the tip

My seeds melt into the motherverse
So I get down on it,
Cunning Linguist eats his words
Oedipus'd be jealous,
In slow motion
Impregnates spacetime itself;
With a big bang fellatious 
 
Thus, the holy seed of life
Was ****** into the void~~~
Perpetuating strife
Into the *****, of beyond

Its not a paradox if you simply process
0 and 1 at once
1 can go into 0
as many times as it wants

8====D~~(Y)

Preach level = Jim Jones
just the punchline's too long
Your golden idol,
Holy ****,
Bless this nut that I bust
I'll stretch my luck
To the sum of existence
Until it comes full circle

Voracious, bodaciously
Spatial in stasis
Without patience
Inseminating your eyeholes
Through lines of text

Transcendental
Entangled in a
  Δ,
With a devil & angel
Dimensions oughta coalesce
At just the right angle

Y'all haven't the wherewithal
To feel my *****
Slap-happy against one's skull
Put the rock in the hard place
Neanderthal
Meander tall, in the wave of thought,
The photons in your DNA are all but shot

I will abduct your subconscious
To probe through your thoughts
* testing Testing *
are you turned on?
Feel your ******* tingling ~~
I'm simultaneously dichotomic
Jerxin off my dingaling
playing your heartstrings like a harp

Allow me to go deeper
& penetrate your very reason for being.
Is the life that you're seeing
-Just the information eyes are receiving
-Only what your mind is perceiving
-Abstract thought is just too deceiving no
Can you even conceive it?

Why bother

Wanna switch positions
so you can see
where I'm coming from?
Go ahead and tell me,
are the heavens not
what you've dreamt of

A smoldering ember
in a once burning sky
Life of a former divine,
Masquerading as an angel of light
A furnace see:
 **nihl
Tethered,
To the nethers
On the outskirts of the universe
Nikki nashon Jun 16
trying not to be subversive
but all I can think about is how those curves bend
feeling hedonistic
Hippie aesthetic contrasting my forlorned apathetic visage

You've got pleasure-seeking
Ostentatious displays of intellect
But im feeling decadent

Lay a kiss on my cheek
Soothing lips like lavender and peppermint sweets
I catch my stare
Thom Jamieson Dec 2018
I am already dead,
just too lazy
and apathetic
to make it official.
I am already dead.
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