Alyna,
First , I want to sincerely apologize for the way I acted these past few days. I realize now that it wasn't helpful at all, and I hope that you can forgive me.
I've learned I can't change the past, or dwell on it any longer. I need to learn from those mistakes and move on from them. I need to be more open with you, and actually come to you when I'm having trouble with things instead of bottling them up. I've pushed you to the edge, but I know I have a lot of things I can improve on, and I want to work on improving them. We can get someone to talk to that can help us through this if we have to. Putting everything behind us , I just can't walk away. I know some of these wounds will take a long time to heal. You're the best thing that has happened to me. It'll take countless hours of talking and rebuilding your trust. There are still a lot of things I want to do with you and things I want to find to do to with you. I still have a lot of things to experience in this world , and I'd like to experience them with you. These things in the past don't have to define us.
We are still young and growing into the people we are going to be. I don't have everything in my life figured out, but I know how I feel about you. Things didn't go the way everyone , including me , thought they would. I never thought I'd feel this way about you, when I first " met " you that night two years ago in front of that holiday, over some stupid donuts.
This could be the middle of our journey , or even the beginning of it still. I honestly don't feel like it is the end, though I know it could be. I can't act like this anymore, this isn't me and we both know that. It won't always be easy, and no one else but us needs to understand it. I want to be successful with you, support your dreams , and push you toward them. While also being there when you think you're going to fall short. I had always thought love was expensive dinners , and fancy gifts. I see that it's none of that. I know now that it is rolling into their spot when you get up in the morning because it smells like you , feeling your hands on my face while we stare into each other's eyes. You asking me to bring something home on your way back from work and then grabbing the wrong thing so you have to go back. You calling me when I would get off work super late because you wanted me to come home. Coming home after a long day and feeling your hands around my body, and knowing that everything will be okay.
I won't always have the right words to say , but I'll try my best. I'll be there to hold you when you need me to, and to also give you your space. I'll be there to help you on a hard test , or when you're feeling nervous about your first interview for a teaching job. I'll start working harder and get a better job so that I can make a better life for not only you , but myself. I know I can't excuse the things I did , but I can only accept them and not let them define me , or our relationship. I think I pushed you away because the thought of spending your life with someone is scary, but now it doesn't seem that way at all.
I think I spent so much time trying to fix my past mistakes , that I lost sight of the present and future. I'm not worried about what people will say , or trying to regain you and your families trust. I just want to make you happy, and be a better person to you and myself. I've only ever watched my parents relationship fall apart. That's not what I want to happen to us. I'm very afraid to lose you.
I'm not asking you to take another chance with me. I want to jump into this together. Two people who love each other and are willing to do anything to be together. Who will fight for each other now matter what . Who see that this might only be a small speed bump on the long road ahead. Two people who believe that this can be fixed, and think that our relationship can be much more than it was.
I don't have very much money or possessions. My marbles aren't all there in my head, and I can't promise that I will always be strong for you. I do that I will love you unconditionally , be your shoulder to cry on, your feet when you think you can no longer stand. I will take care of you when you're sick and laugh at you when you find a silly
Joke. I will be your light when you are lost. The wind in your sail when you need a push. Your fire when you get cold. Your stinky.
I realize that it's going to take a lot more than what I have on these pieces of paper, but we have got to start somewhere. I'm ready to rebuild this from the bottom up. We have a lot of stuff to go through , and to talk about. I can't think of a better way to spend my life than with the person I love. I've held you to such high expectations , without setting the same for myself out of fear of failure. I want to commit my time, and energy to you , to us.
