Althought alone i feel satistied
my soul yet is scared
worried maybe afraid
I am lonely with my solitude and the scarcity of travellers.  
but i will keep going
one day i will find my way

There's a very thin line
no one made it, but it's there
dividing the genius from the crazy.

There's a very thin line
so thin you can't even see it
so easy to cross
so difficult to stay in a side.

There's a very thin line
you don't see it
and neither the others do
althought they might try a little harder
to guess where you exactly belong.

There's a very thin line
and I don't know where I belong
I don't know if I'm an artist
or I'm just ******* insane
trying to believe beauty is anywhere
and I'm in charge of proving it.

There's a very thin line
but **** it:
maybe insanity has a hidden beauty, too.

you walk across my mind
stomping memories fleet through me
pulled in two different directions
inner conflict
you rest in my imagination
just a small figmant of the truth
you bask in my inner light
absorbing all that you can
foreboding dreams await where you laid
restless night
tryign to slowly ease away from memories
thoughs so haunting
filled with your eyes, your smile, your voice
they say time will heal my brain
but i am permanently indented
you've taken over my head
what more can you conquer
oh wondering soldier
why are you so harsh?
did you already forget
have you truly focused on a different thoguht
am i really jsut the remnants of the past
am i tucked securely where i won't be found
i do believe you to be a liar
oh, love of mine.
forcefully broken, spiratically declined.
tell me whats crossing through your head
what way are you flowing
i used to float beside you
in our wildest dreams we didn't see this coming
oh broken heart!
why was she your answer
she is not your medication, just a fabrication of ones imagination.
i will be the retaliation
i willl not release without war
or should i let you slide through my aura
like water through the word work
i feel hallow
bang on my chest
echo
overwhelming emotion bouncing through me
can you feel my hurt?
i would cast it out
if it wasn't burned and etched so deep.
your words, can't forget.
were you even real?
was love ever true?
i'm torturing myself
while you put on a happy fiscade
but i know YOU
oh yes, i know you more than you think.
and someday you'll come back to me
but these arms will be filled
my thoughts, pure.
my heart will have found its cure
you will be remembered
as my self-inflicted inner suicide
and i will be reborn
reincarnated, refreshed, renewed.
you will not be foregotten
althought i wish time would erase you
but instead
something new will take your place
i will shine and glow
i will burn through your darkness
with happiness and new life
rebirth.
you cannot hold down the sky
even if the clouds and rain must fall
so my addiction,
i've put myself in rehab.
each day gets worse.
before it grows easier
but watch as light transcends from my face
down to my fingers, to my toes, gently glowing without a trace.
i shine in glory
for finally finding the truth
i'm sorry lover,
                         my drug,
                                         partner,
                                                      be­st friend.
each moment is a faded memory.

What happens in my mind.....
A world within the world we live in,
but at the same time distant.
All the things in my mind make sense to me,
althought to many other people they don't.

My perceptions, my ideas, my dreams,
my abilities, they're all mine and no one else's (except God's)

One moment I'm talking and having a great time with people,
but just one second later I disconect.
It's awesome being like that!!

In my mind, I've flown around the world a billion times,
I've visited amazing places and done things that are not posible
on planet earth.
Just because they can't be done on earth, it doesn't mean they can't be done at all......
I've done them in my imagination, they are just as real to me as the chair I'm sitting on.

After reading this, you might think that I must've got ****** or drunk, but this is only me....
God made me this way.

I want to be honest of my life
Cause people think of me like worthless mice
I care about people more than myself
You may say that a defiency of self
I love people and thats what I am
I was broke more than once but I am able to stand
I used expect much from people but usually get nothing back
This how life is and now I understand.
I don't like to see people suffer in pain and I feel it's my duty to make them feel entertained.
I want to help people as much as I can
Even if I feel that it interveins with my plan.
I think that Allah gave me this gift to love
Althought It wasn't easy to accept what was given from above.
I loved a girl for once in my life.
I even thought she could become my wife.
I took a decision to leave her in peace.
Although this decision is breaking me to my knees.
The pain I have I suffer alone.
Because I feel other people's problems are bigger than my own.
This the life that no one knows.
No body knows how much I care.
But this is the life I want to bare.
I am greatfull for the people I have and know.
I thank the people that I dearly love and hold.
Love you all to the highest degree.
I hope you life to be better than me.

Such a lady
althought at first meeting
one could think that
she was a bit
shady.

She uses her power well
constantly looking
for something
to sell.

She possess's an aura
and demeanor of a
movie starlet.

Staying so busy
but still able to find
passing minutes
and spend them
with me and then
like a bird she
flies free.

A free bird in flight
that can't be caged
but maybe someday
she will turn
the page.                   Jon   York           2012

I who am enlightened, enlightens.

Althought the greatest fear or evil of all is indeed omniscience.

Fear omniscience.

The people who don't have the will to think deeper are technically happier

We should not be able to know that everything is nothing.
Knowledge brings us deeper and deeper and deeper with an absolute, ultimate ending at nothing
It's like a tunnel that everyone's in but there's no way of going back except: UNDERSTANDING
But then again understanding is a knowledge. The loop.
The third eye exists, this is the third eye.
Third eye is the "loop" realization.

But one thing is what can save anyone. That's when the thinking ends.
Where it all ends is when thoughts are reached with another's, that's when thinkings done, and that something else is the savior. A soul.

You said my tears didn't taste salty
and I wanted to say
that was because I was drowning
all of our memories down my face.

But you know, that's not something
that can fit in a mouth,
I couldn't imagine my tongue
pronouncing those words,
there is no sound for those thoughts.

That's something you can read in a
note on a table, in a public toilet wall,
and it sound tragically beautiful
and maybe you'd take a picture
and post it in your social media
sharing the story of some strangers.

Althought it's totally different
when you feel those tears
falling down in rivers, in columns
of sweets memories and happy days,
but I couldn't say that
it would make everyting harder.

And now we're looking at each other
and inside of me there's a lagoon
of the things that couldn't be said
and the memories that couldn't be sweet,
I realize I'm really sunken in my own narrative.

I've seen pictures of the unknown dead,
Can't sleep at nights,
The images are in my head,
They stick to my mind like tattoos on skin,
When will this end,
Althought it just begin,
Seen pictures of young and strange old face,
Need to calm myself,
And let my heart embrace,
These pictures are now showing up in my dream,
Am i being haunted?
To me that's what it seems,
These pictures of unknown faces that show,
I'm tired, i just can't take no more,
The table will turn,
Things will return,
In hell you'll go,
Your soul will burn,
These pictures are lessons for the things I've done,
I've done so much,
Can only say some,
I've learn my lesson,
Now these pictures must go,
Too much images,
And none of them i know,
These images are getting to my head,
I've seen pictures,
Of random dead.

There is someone that a thank you maybe not enough
A cut with a knife and making my blood flow may not sufice
She did something that no one can ever do
What she did is like Gods hand changing the sky from red to blue
She made the dead **** turn into a beautiful rose
Life is dark when you see it through my eyes
But in your eyes light grows ever so pretty
My life was all full of lies
No one i trusted showed me the pleasure of being alive
It was easier for me to die and leave the world behind
I saw the patients die in front of my eyes and wandered why cant it be me who doesnt get revived
I have always wondered why these thoughts are in my mind
Why do people love me and say i am kind
Do i deserve what i get or am i just trying to be happy and leave the world behind
I know my thoughts are crazy but i cant control my mind
I love people althought i know i am bound to be hurt
Depression Depression thats my story
I know you try to hold my hand and comfort me til the morning
But i am still fed up of fighting for glory
Maybe its time to hang the white flag above my chest
I know this is hard to hear
But i am done living in fear
I am done living in pain
Maybe it should be a start of a new year
Time to let the time pass
And through everything out in the sea
Let me become a blood bath
I should not think negative i do agree
But you once showed me the way to be free
You told me take my wings and fly away
Your words were encouraging but what you did was the key
I appreciate and remenise every single day
Now i understand the meaning of living
And how i should looked at myself in peples eyes
I should not stop givving
Even if people dont realize my size

I wonder if everyone ever felt like this or if it´s just me.
I wonder if they all saw flowers one day and felt nothing.

I´m thinking how is it to be happy.
Have I ever been so?
I don´t know how to remember feelings.
Is it just something you know when you feel it?

I wonder if there is a good end.
End that actually is a happy ending.
When you feel happy and nothing will change that because it´s supposed to be the happy ending.

I hope they are full of happiness.
Flowers in my garden even.
Although they can´t make me happy.
I hope their lives will truly be the best they could ever be.

I wish I could feel their smiles.
I imagined it like a Sun shining through clothes,
just slightly warm, touching your skin while you smile.
I always prefered dark,
althought I could not feel the touches,
I could see.

I look  up
and then around me
society says" EW look at her
shes a witch
shes a freak
shes a creep
look at the way she taps her hands
walks barefoot on the ground
is a neurodivergent
artist
is lazy,
you must return
to the hustle culture
you must stop with your nonsense
with your feminism
with your dreaming etc...
with your believing in magic and spirituality.

My whole life
everyone laughed at me
mocked me for being myself ,
my parents ,my brothers and pretty much everyone
I've been so misunderstood
that I haven't even understood
myself
or the friends that I had,
looking back,not really sure
that they were my friends.
If and when I was truly myself .

I remember in my past lives
when I was also a witch
I was beaten tortured
and drowned,
just for being a women/ a witch
when they talk about  the patriarchy
this is it ,
I am still a witch in this lifetime  
althought there isn't outright opression
like it was back then,
I still find it a struggle
because I've never ever
fit in and when I tried
it felt like a taste from  the burning hell,

I wish that society was more accepting and understanding
of different types of human beings.
I certeinly strive to be.
I don't know if this is a poem
or an essay
I don't really know what is it
to be honest with you ,  
All I know is that,
I am really trying to do the work in healing myself
and understanding
that where there is a will
there is a way,
everyone has a different purpose
and this is part of mine.

you are a shadow i hold onto
you are the skin i never felt
you are the smiles i'm dire to make
the face i want to caress

you are the life to my nothingness
you are the air to my lungs
and even though i'm never ageless,
with you i'm forever young

you are the parent to my inner child
you are everything i dream
i write countless poems about you,
but what do they even mean?

you are the fire inside me
that roars with a burning rage
you are the countless tears i cry
when i hope something will change

you are a ghost that i fantasize
you are a spirit unkept
all the nights i wish i would've died
weeping softly as i slept

you are the shame i always feel,
the barriers blocking my path
and although life moves on,
i still live in the past

you are the constant reminder
that nothing will ever last
and i am so slow to heal
although time moves so fast

you are everything i seek
and i'm feeling so lost
but every corner i turn to peek
there's always a hidden cost

you are the killer at night
althought i can't be killed
because i already died
and here i am dying, still.

you are the owner of this corspe,
this body you abused
and although you destroyed my whole life,
i'm nothing but your muse.

you are the words that fall out my breath
the words i meaninglessly write
because through my fantasy and regret,
i try to make it all right

you are the suicidal tendency
that will always, always encompass me
you are the massive hole in my heart
that will always keep me company

and i can't get in my head
that you never loved me
what else do i have?
who else am i?

other than a disaster,
a pain you left behind
i feel happiness and pain,
i think they are one in the same,

because without you to blame,
i'm nothing