There once was a young man named Feste, and he was not a very good young man.
He was a thief, and a sneaky one at that. He would go to all of the stores in the market and steal anything that he pleased.
He loved to steal from the baker and the butcher especially.
He would go to his hiding place in the forest after his deviousness and eat away his stolen treasures, brooding on what a “clever little boy” he was.
The baker and the butcher knew though. They noticed him coming in most days and leaving in quite a hurry. They could not actually catch him in the act, but they knew beyond a doubt what he was doing. They were having drinks together one night though when they devised a clever scheme to stop him from stealing ever again. The butcher carved up a juicy ham, and the baker baked up a delicious pie, but they added a little something extra to it…

The butcher made sure to quite a bit of alcohol into the ham, and the baker did the same with his pie. They both set their two traps in the store, right when the spoiled thief Feste came strolling into the market with his eyes gleaming.
The baker watched him walk into his shop,the pie disappeared.
The butcher watched him walk into his shop, the ham disappeared.
They both smiled and went about their work.
Feste rushed to his hiding place and devoured his stolen goodies so fast that he didn’t even realize how peculiar it seemed to taste...
Not long after, he started to feel strange. Numb and stupid. He ran towards the village, acting a buffoon. The villagers stared and laughed at Feste acting so odd. His mother found him though and brought down the fury.

“Feste! Why are you acting like a **** fool?" She demanded.
He threw out a few words in a drunken stupor and swayed in place.
"Wait.. have you been drinking!?” She screamed.

“Noe maum! Allll Ie had todae is pie and haam!” He stammered in a drunken sway.

“And where exactly did you get those!?” She inquired.

Feste had a look of terror on his face and grew silent.
He was found out to be the no good thief and was punished severely, because his mother thought he stole the alcohol as well as the pie and ham, and he couldn’t prove otherwise.
Feste never stole again and he even apologized to the butcher and baker, though they still do have a laugh now and then…

The End

Grandpa?
Tell us about the flowers again.

"I don't like to tell those stories anymore little Bug."

but you write allll your poems about the flowers
you have so much love in you papa!

"I don't remember the flowers, Bug."

you have to remember the flowers!
you spent years telling the world about them on stage!
How the sunflower invited you to an occupied bed
and you stayed there for shelter
imagined a future with her, another child
But You found your child in the pansie
when the sunflower left for Hotter adventures.
You really loved the pansies Grampa

"Yes I did, more than anything."

Every time you met a flower you left them for the pansies!
the pansies are so pretty
they had you obsessed grandpa, you were addicted you said!
how they smelled, how they felt on your fingers
but they were always getting into danger and never listened to you
they made you feel like you were broken
and they were withering away
All of your flowers always went without eating grandpa!
why didn't you water them?

"I promise you bug, I watered them plenty."

crying on them doesn't help grandpa,
you needed to feed them

"I fed them plenty"

Did you feed them enough sun?
you always said you kept them in
with the windows shut, that's why they withered
until they all left you for the sun

"The sun left me, they didn't leave me for the sun."

No the forget me nots took the sun from you
you said that a lot
how she stole the happiness from you and gave you this poetry
how you really can never forget her
and you hate that it's her favorite flower
because it seems enchanted on purpose to haunt you.

"Let's talk about a different flower"

Ooh the daffodil didn't eat either
she wrote poems about it! and she even wanted to plant a bunch of poison for you
she kept coming back too! all the flowers came and went with the seasons
she gave you so much that you practically died when she left
you were poor and got sick from not eating
crashed your car and tried to **** yourself

"these aren't casual things you should be talking about in passing with your grandpa bug"

but it's all in your poetry!
the pansies really loved you grandpa.
The sunflowers gave you Charity because it's what they knew
The daffodils supported you when you both needed each other
the forget-me-nots are the reason for all your trauma and will stick with you for the rest of your life
but the pansies kept coming back because they loved you
you didn't offer each other anything other than love
you didn't drive each other or pay for bills
you didn't even like to go out but you did, because it was a reason to be together

What's your favorite Flower Grandpa?

"I never had one when I was asked"

when was the last time you were asked?

"when the pansies first told me their name"

what did you say?

"I said goodbye...
but not for long
you know me and the pansies"

One day, 24 hours, 1440 minutes, 86400 seconds. All made up concepts so we can better understand the infiniteness we call the universe.
I digress from speaking on the subject longer as I only have 86400 seconds left to live, well at this point its more like 85372 seconds.
Think of allll the possibilities, i can go with friends and family and cry and tell them how much i love them and try to forget that I've never been bungee jumping, deep sea diving, skiing, and overall just not lived.
Although, what defines life? Well OBVIOUSLY we all know that Merriam-Webster's dictionary defines life as "the ability to grow, change, etc. that separates animals and plants from things like water or rocks".
Well if we use THIS definition then I've never lived because i don't WANT to grow or change.
Is it SOOO bad that every day I go home and lat in bed for hours idly wanting the next 85,314 seconds to pass and for my life to end
Now THIS is the point in the rant where I am to turn the whole concept on its head and say that everything will be ok. But unfortunately that would cost 25 seconds of my last 1439 minutes and 3 seconds so Id rather not waste my time with falsity and lies.
I write this with the same handwriting and brain that articulated that I don't WANT to another second here ESPECIALLY not another 86288 seconds. So i can be where no longer some concept, but I am the the reality of the universe. Were gonna die anyway.

i have lingered too long at the pearly gates of the Sea.
these Sea-carcasses have finally untold the tale of me.
as i swim up, and by the lustful Sea’s view, a gulled you,
i see, allll the wonders of the Sea, (surrounding me)
and as i believe i’m swimming up with the intent to find air,
i’m caught in awe, and start to know, (the Sea is all i can bear)
and as i think i’m swimming up, i could possibly be swimming down.
this Sea keeps me undrown.
i will forever (in this Sea) see this glorious, pearly town.
a endless affair, which i can easily bear.
i swear, the Sea constantly flooding me, (tastes like the stars)
i need to swim back down, and find those pearly bars.

fat,
rolls of fat,
skin,
filled with scars,
heart,
about to explode,
hurt,
i hurt,
everyone around me,
im hurt,
'cause i dont mean to,
yet i still do,
i look in the mirror,
disgust is allll i see,
fat, scars, pain,
a pile of rotted flesh,
trying to do the impossibe,
look and feel better.

The first place people were
Ever called Christians but
That Antioch was in Syria
My Antioch was in Yellow
Springs Ohio.  It was founded
By Horace Mann who has
Been given the title Father of
American  publiceducation.  He is
Best known to many for saying
"Be ashamed
To die until you have won
Some victory for humanity"  
It does seem to me that if
shame alone could keep one
From dying it would be highly
Prized and nobody would have
To die any more so that they we
As allll probably can truthfully
Summon up an adequate supply
of the product  in our biography
But come to think of it I believe
Horace Mann was a Christian
Of some type and He probably
Knew it-was way to keep us alive
In default of the great act which
May prove to be beyond our
Capacities, a perverse blessing
You might say but Antioch is a
Special place-A few years ago
It got resurrected and who can
Say that Horace Mann and may-
Be even shame had no part.  Any-
Way I can claim it as my alma
Mater, a still living place and
I did meet Billy Graham there
Well actually it was on an ex-
cursion to Indiana but that is
Another story I'll leave for later.

My mind screams STRANGLE
and my heart whimpers a cry I don't hear.
This doctors not to be trusted,
he's in on it too, I swear.
Where are my claws when I need them?
These petty fingernails just leave red marks
as I sit in this chair like at the dentist,
but instead of cleaning my teeth
they're cleaning my mind!!!
Patches of grey from here on out.
Little dixie cups with pills
that I don't want but I fear for
what happens if I refuse.
'That's a good boy' they say
as I swig down the water,
sour taste left in my mouth.
They don't let you sleep here,
during the day at least.
And they're ALLLL out to get ya,
watching your every move.
I don't know where the entrance is
let alone the exit.
Everythings so clean,
if I could even see straight
I'd see no specks of dust.
Group therapies with more spies,
tryin' to get me to talk.
It's a ploy!
Don't say a word boy!
I play chess with my roommate
cuz the meds don't let me read.
He gets me,
checkmate.

He called me up at midnight monday
Talking to me like we have met in another life
telling me how he wants me to be his future wife
telling me about all the trouble he is going through
telling me about his secrets that I never knew

I never gave him a penny of my love
and he got attached
he doesn't really know me and he got attached
to the mystery of me created by his mind
he got attached to his own solution to his own issues
Giving his own thoughts a name that happens to be mine

but the truth is if he ever listened or took the time to know me
he wouldn't be soo attached
like all the people I opened up to
gave my heart to and they threw it in the trash
If he knew how I laugh like a monkey
and how my lungs are burned like ash
how I wouldn't fit his thoughts at alll
how I'm insecure
how I'm never  sure about anything
how I overdose on everything
how I'm messy and irresponsible
how I can never tell a full story
how I can never flirt
how easily I'm open to getting hurt
how clumsy, weird and awkward I am
I told'm
agh I swear I'm not that interesting
atleast not to someone like you

but that intrigued him more
And he was tipsy
he said you will miss me when I'm gone
I told him we are not on the same page at allll

He said tell me one thing
do you love me
and I said no
he said you do cause your still talking to me
and I felt like I wanted to slap some sense into him
I really don't want to hurt you
but where your mind is talking you
I swear it's not true
but he didn't listen
he didn't call to listen

he called to give in to his thoughts
he couldn't let it go
his thoughts he gave my name
Not me
but to him it's all the same
And that's when it got lame

he said I want you
and I almost screamed
I don't want you !
hung up

And now
I'm sorry It had to be that way

she better have a ***** cast in gold,
acres of patience and miles of love.

she better have the perfect bikini line,
never a watch tan, but always on time-
had a good reason all three times she’s cried.

she better have a blonde squad that defends her,
lululemon avengers,
oh- and they all respect
her relationship with you.
but were something to happen,
you know they’d hop on that too.

she better be dorky, in all the right ways.
tan legs and a t-shirt, loses each time that she plays.

and it’s so sad that you can’t take her out
to the bar or the club,
all those ******* guys who see her and think:
mmm, gimme some!

then I can understand
how you could leave me,
sad, and home allll on my own.
because you’re with Venus herself,
and she’s dropping it low.

but- I can’t think about her,
getting mad, letting out a ****, a burp,
or a big snotty sneeze,
because then it’s not that she’s perfect.

you just didn’t want me.

ughH i hate
hatE feeling lonely
its like everything inside me is being
suuuuuuuuuuucked out.
and on top of that
my motivation has g o n e
d
o
w
n
the drain
so even normal tasks are a struggle :(
theselfpity
is at an allll time low
just seing others happy with their friends or just being active makes me feel jealous
i just want someone to embrace me and tell me ethery things okay
and i know im overacting but i cant help it;;;

(Soft and whispered, as in some pop punk song intros)

(The circle goes round
The spiral goes down
You become what you don't want.

Who is the cent-eral figure,
Is he a beacon of hope?
I'd-shuh hate to be so blunt)

(Power chords)

(Shouted emotionally)

You go on and be a paladin, cuz you can be, I
I'll just take the obligation
You deny it's what you do to me, do to me, but I know
I'm a blatant disappointment

If you could make me feel, make me feel, like weee hyad hope
Even if it was a **** lie
You would give me the sensation
Well before you were indi-yeeted
For every wohn of yoah **** lies

Now Iyhh, deon't, bleame you
For lyen to me, lyen to me
Lyi-ennn is all we kyann doh
Frommh, theatt, vantage
It ohmost seems like allll we evuh dooo
All we do is tahll - the - truth.

(More vicious)

The circle goes round.

The spiral goes down.

You become what you don't want.

Who is the center-al figyuh?

A beacon of hope?

I'd shoah hate to behy sooo blunt!