Twists and turns
Life shifts and stuns
Memories we once created
We evade and shun
Heart breaks
Headaches
Bae I'm sorry we reached this side
If only there was an anti clockwise turn
I'll ease your pain
Give you happiness in return
I'm sorry your feelings i hurt
Gave you a reason for you to despise
All the lies
For a while
Felt like by you i was doing right
The tears in your eyes
The anger in your replies
How could i not see how deep you were deprived
I'm sorry that i wasn't enough
All i need is another chance
To prove to you
That I'm the suitable guy
To call your better half
I'll promise to do you right
And with you we'll make solid plans
And fascinating memories
That would surely last
For a life time to come
I'm truly sorry baby girl

Akwana Wa Odera
@therealakwana
© 2019

I can't run away
My fears just got to where i stay
I've always pictured my safe haven
A simple place where my head could lay
Only to realize it was nothing close to heaven
This place i craved
Found out it wasn't safe no more
As my fears lay await
Pretty little fears
Waiting to scare my self
Someone once said
Earth without art is just eh!
Reason i picture beauty in pain
My fears
As harsh as they may be
They are still pretty to me
For the real struggle is within
Tarnishing them would just expose
An uglier struggling side of me
One i would never want the world to see
So every time I'm scared
And fail to conquer my fears
I join them in tears
My pretty little fears

Akwana Wa Odera
@therealakwana
© 2019

'Lady's first'
My favorite catch phrase
Every time we walking together
And want to see her *** move all together
A beauty in bold letters
Still contemplating on which font's better.
With comparisons to none
She's always left me in awe
Just how...,
How could she have existed
This carefully drawn
And beautifully presented piece of art,
To which I've withdrawn
My resistance
And let her capture my heart.
'This my destination'
She says with hesitation
'My hug...?'
She turns
And smiles
I can never deny
She gets me hypnotized
As I disappear in her eyes
It's like they sparkle
Releasing a thousand fragments
Of light
Confusing me on which
Is the most bright
This new high
She takes me
Beyond normal level heights
With which i get deep within
My new favorite drug
My dopamine.
'***?'
She brings me back
And hug her tight
Whispering in her ear
'I love you back'

Akwana Wa Odera
@therealakwana
© 2019

I think Kenyan politics like love is blind
And we are just visually impaired beggars
Waiting to be given crumbs and the leftovers
As the true 'nation owners'
Share the bigger pie, with greed and 'honor'
I get sick every time i get to watch this sequel
With too much unending repetition
Impersonation
Individualization
With despots ruling the nation.
We've totally failed as a people
Always ready to criticize
But never determined to see through
Always ready to fight
When it's us with huge dues
Protecting our own
When it's them that get huge!
Someone told me to vote to eradicate
The rot
That through my vote
Maybe there will be change in the lot
And the true will get afloat
But I'll have to disappoint,
In a system this rogue
To vote i will not!
No need to confront
Let me express the systems faults.
Politicians fighting for supremacy
The bigwigs protecting there lame legacy
Whilst people in the north are hunger stricken
And the system blames the weather for its wickedness
Corruption levels are beyond explanations
With money for development disappearing in the boardrooms
Leaving unemployed Youths struggling to bet on their livelihoods
In a system this rogue
To vote i will note
When the main agenda in Kenyan shows
Is politics
And who will get to be the kingpin of all
When the Chinese are taking over our plots
Leaving Kenyans at their mercies with no hope
When it's huge loans that are borrowed
But no track record or development to show
And that's just a piece
Of the iceberg that we've crushed in
Breaking the system to bits
The system is sick
But again we are blind
And not even struggling to see
I wonder what miracles we'll need
Just to put the system to speed
But still
In a system so rogue
To vote i will not!

Akwana Wa Odera
@therealakwana
© 2019

I'm i a poet
I ask myself
Or i just write
To express something
I've felt?
We so many of late
Poets i ment
Many I've met
Some their pieces
I've read
Some are lost
Others left
But within this space
I fail to categorize
My place.
I'm i a poet
I ask myself
Of late my pieces
Have been of feelings
And fate
But isn't that what poets
Do when writing their specs?
Expressing their desires
And the mixed emotions
They have felt
Maybe a cry for help
Or a struggle to defeat
They intend...
But still in this space
I fail to categorize
My place.
I'm i a poet
I ask myself
I heard poets use
Metaphors and
Similes just
To hide their say
Or rhetoric questions
Leaving their readers
Mouth agape
With thoughts at standstill
Wondering what they ment
But still in this space
I fail to categorize
My place.
Maybe I'm a poet
But I'm done asking
Myself
I know i write my thoughts
And my says
My feelings too
Tho at times
I put them at bay
The happenings of yesterday
And what the world
Has shown me today,
So maybe I'm a poet
Or an invention
I've created for myself
Reason in this space
I won't categorize
My place.

Akwana Wa Odera
@therealakwana
© 2019

As happy as a king
They say...
In my own rights
It can be a thing too
You know,
Me being a king
On my own seat
With raised feet
A king in my own sense
With no pleasure to rule
The world
A king of my own place
I do and please my wants
A king not for fame
But just me being the same
A king with taste
I mean music art and chess
One with a humble face
A racing heart and
A curious reasoning mind
A king of my own kind
A king with a sound mind
A king of me
The king is me


Akwana Wa Odera
@therealakwana
© 2018

I start sweating
My breath mild and heavy
My hands shaking, My palms sweaty
I'm not steady, Feeling dizzy
I'm getting uneasy, I'm going crazy
I get a panic attack for having a panic attack
At controlling myself i ****
Whatever I'm holding i tightly clutch
It's going to be a bumpy ride
My whole body starts trembling like a raging tide
I stealthily try controlling myself as i check my side
I panic again fearing them seeing me trying to hide
I'm all wet soaked in sweat and frightened like a child
I'm losing my breath my temperature is rising up
I loosen my cloths and between my friends i try to widen the gap
I try convincing myself to stand up
I cant look up
I try to loosen up
I feel a tear in my eye
I'm hurting but i have to lie
I force myself to calm down
Gulp air and breath in out a few times
Quickly wipe of the tear
Smile and pretend to be in cheers
When deep inside I'm filled with tears
A grown up full of fears
Fears if the demons within me
Fear of the me inside me
Tears from the pain i can't explain
What i face everyday they can never withstand
What i go through they will never understand
I have Anxiety! A disorder you've never had(heard)

Akwana Wa Odera
@therealakwana
© 2018

You are lucky
To have what
You don't deserve
Too slow to act
In a flick of time
You lose what you had
It's sad
But it's life
We judge with no facts
Agreeing with unsigned
Packs
I wonder what in this
Society we lack
Living in a dilemma
Life never fails to criticize
We are brought up on lies
Sometimes i wonder why
They lecture us when
We eat fries
You don't have to light the
Whole room to be bright
The firefly has it's own light
But has never lit up
The darkest night
Out of sight
Out of mind
When i get lost in my head
I close my eyes
I'm told all my wrongs
Are documented in a file
I've been lowkey for a while
Will i ever put on a suit and a tie
Send me a confidant
I need to express my pain
And the number of times i cry
I never tire looking up
In the sky
Just mesmerized by how birds
Spread their wings and glide
With a tap on the ground
It's lifted ready to fly
Breath and stay calm
It will all be alright...
I tell myself just to relax
In attempts to make my stand
On this world.

Akwana Wa Odera
@therealakwana
© 2018

Felt like dying today
I've just been surviving these days
But still anxious to see what
Tomorrow holds
As the day unfolds
I fail to understand my course
How i wish i was a rose
Just to know how it feels
To be adored sand loved
Even if it's just for a while
Even though the rose often wilts
It once felt wanted at least
I envy the molds and yeast
Always ****** and despised
But had a fair share
On crumbs of wheat
Sometimes i just sit
Painfully staring at my wrist
I want to, but fear
To let them bleed out
I am a misfit
The *******
My life is a cliffs
How do i shift
When I'm always blocked by reefs
I'm holding on to a small leaf
My position is at a balance
I fear i might fall deep
Never to see the surface again

Akwana Wa Odera
@therealakwana
© 2018

Kick start I push myself to start Blink twice Draw the curtains aside Like golden spears  Penetrating my windows I let the sunlight Hit my eyes Just to acknowledge the fact That it's already dawn I need to wake up And feel the earth Just to appreciate That I'm feeling alive.  The chirping of the birds A natural melody  That never get hyped The smell of fresh dung The dew on the grass Shining, in sparkling light As the sun rays hit the ground The morning cold Making me shiver a bit As i try to see through  The fading fog The the white rising smoke Of burning firewood From neighbour's kitchens The laughing and energetic Sounds of little children As mothers prepare  Some something to feed them The sizzling sounds Of steaming kettles The scrubbing and rubbing Of yesterday's utensils The smell of cooking breakfast The day has started The whole village's a woken I yawn and smile Its just another day In my village town.   Akwana Wa Odera @therealakwana © 2019

All my life,
I've been one who listens
Listening to their tales
Of achievements and heartfelts
Their laughter and cries
Of life and it's heartbreaks
Of the weather changes
From clouds to scorching sun rays.
So i think,
To me too they should listen
Of the over flowing thoughts
And these compilated images.
As they speak, i listen
When i write
Will they read them?
These stories in my head
Made of characters
I tend to invent.
Short stories with intent
Long stories of how i pretend
****!
Maybe i should not
They'll never relate
Our life's experiences
Maybe will never be the same
So i hold in my breath
As my shaky hands reflect
Of my torments intense
And my heartbeats quick race
Mmmh,
You don't want me telling
About my face
It's already covered in sweat
The expressions it portrays
I'm already betrayed.
How do i even try to
Explain my self
When I'm already panicking
With unrest
With my mouth agape
Fumbling with words to say
I'm choking, my throat is tight
With words stuck in my chest
I look to the right
Then steal glances to my left
Hoping they never get to notice
How I'm struggling
To cover my mess
All i wanted was them to listen
To the many tales in my head
But how do i start
When there's nothing to say!

Akwana Wa Odera
@therealakwana
© 2019

Get her by the waist
And hit it from the back
Real quick
She blows me up
Sit her down
Feel her ****
She pants and cries
Pushing her pants
To the side
I slide in my ****
And **** her hard.
She moans, she screams
My back she scratches
I pin her to the ground
With more intense
I swing and pound
With slapping sounds
Like my ***** might crack
She calls out my name
Begging for me to stop
And not stop.
I can feel the pleasure
But it's not time yet
I pull out from her center
And eat her as she folds my face
She then goes on top
And i swear i can't remember
The rest...!

Akwana Wa Odera
@therealakwana
© 2018

In this life you either
The hunter or the hunted
There's no in between
You either survive
Or fade away
Curious how he managed
To be perfect in his creation
One gets to camouflage and
Get a way
My grand ma always said
This world is never safe
The food chain is always set
You are either at the top
Or at the bottom with your
Already sealed fate
Life is just but a game of cards
Play them right
Maybe you'll live to see
Another day's light
Adjusting like a bandwidth
maneuver through the night
Hidden in plain sight
Only seen when it's right
One wrong move
You'll regret for the rest of your life
Play your cards wrong
And you cease to be known
Everybody fighting for titles
Armed to the teeth
This fight is fatal
To make them listen
You can never use gentle
I wonder what will be left
When the dust settles
I fail to differentiate between
Whispers and the whistling of
Steaming kettles
Stop anticipating for a third world war
We are already fighting with questions
This world was never my haven
Being safe is not an option

Akwana Wa Odera
@therealakwana
© 2018

I'm told its written in the man up stair's book
A camel could pass through a needle hole
But not a rich man to seeing heaven...
But how many are believed to have entered
If not more than seven?
I wonder if it's true with the souls
The good die young I'm told
Do they?
Or they're captured and put on hold
What's your say?
Or you think this is play?
I'll paraphrase.
How many times have you got all you wanted with less pain?
How many times have you discarded something just because it stained?
Or left your room with the bed neatly laid?
Maybe I'll give you a pass on laid and bed
I'm a character performing live in that show
On the first sunlight
For crying out loud,
Why do we applaud
When its our rights they try to fraud?
And prevent ourselves when they start acquiring fame
The swahili have a saying,
If you want to bend a tree stem
Do it whilst it's still wet...
Or is it fish...?
I think I'm messed.!

Akwana Wa Odera
@therealakwana
© 2018

All my life
My urges have been controlled by lust
You could say i was a player if you must
But it's my private affairs,
No need to put it out
But then i met this girl
Talking of love at first sight
Shining so bright
In my heart she was the light
Some say they had their hearts captured
In a box and threw away the key,
Mine was a different thing
She brought her own lock
And i swear i never saw the key!
I was hypnotized
I'm told love is blind
For real i couldn't see
It's like a dream dreamt with no sleep
She was the anchor to my ship
Docked far away at sea
All i saw or heard was she
I was blown away
Like pollen grains,
During pollination,
I glided through the air
With no intentions of touching down
Her voice... **** that sound
Charming sweet
Ravishing through my ears
Like that pleasant soft jazz music
Every time she speaks
Or calls out my name
With her I'm insane
But its ok
Because she's a type of perfect
I'd rather go crazy for
Her body features
Always up to date
No need for updates or body fixtures
A beauty only seen in pictures
Petite tall with hips curved
How could she not be loved?
This girl i met
Sad it was all in my head!

Akwana Wa Odera
@therealakwana
© 2018

I sit down and wonder
Of when my poems will not be of dismay
But of laughter and relief
Of joy and and uncontrollable bliss
Of charisma and positivity
Of hope and reliability.
Life is a feeling in itself
Full of perception I've invent
My thoughts and imagination
A clear reflection
Of a society I've have beget.
I can never really tell when the earth was formed
Or the number of people who've been here before
Centuries after centuries,
Societies have been cloned
With millions of generations
Getting to be born
So if change is inevitable,
Why I'm i still stuck
Stuck in the ways of the past
Clinging on to these memories
I've always despised?

Akwana Wa Odera
@therealakwana
© 2019

Love is for the birds
My grandfather always told me
Every time I ran to him
With my heart broken
Why do you keep wasting
All your precious time son
Just to end up hurt broken
And lonely?
You're too you to let them
Turn your heart coldly
Ignoring the old man
I ended right back to him
With the same story
Too much of worry
And feeling sorry
For my self
Is it my game?
I'm i too obvious
So i get an 'L'
Because my skills are lame
But i just recently met one with a flow
Almost the same
It's not my appearance
I'm positive I'm sane
But then grandpa,
Tell my why they ran

Akwana Wa Odera
@therealakwana
© 2018

Pick a tag, tag a man
Pick a mic speak your mind
Tic toc tik like Nike it ticks
List long week, the weekend
Will kick
Flow sick mode ink
I write i think
My poems released
Hip hop, hip joint
Do a dab
With no music to dance
I shake i jump
My head on nod
They think I'm crazy
A mental clinic they propose.
Street talk, me i walk
I stick my nose
I get annoyed
Humans talk
Rumors choke
Quick fire, it's a bush fire
The whole world will get to know
Take a sip, my cup on refill
**** smoke thick
My mind mode on think
Kush and lean
My eyes heavy i sleep
Wake up feeling lower than i did
Tip tip i rub my ****
I have no feeling
But **** her deep
Trip down
My memories got lanes
I duck, i swerve,
I refrain most of them.
My minds on lock
My thoughts undisclosed
Lay a trap, trap the mouse
Cut it limbs
And make it stand.
With no sense of humor
In humane in human
Overrated, they are a tumor
Superbly, the write's in me
My sun will rise
My darkness will flee
My poems on three
They'll rate them for free
I sit and wait, hopping to see the day
They understand my frolic writing spree
Drip drip like a tap not closed
Juggle their minds
While my thoughts unfold
As i write in prose
Then share them as poems,
These are just
My random thoughts
With words to match
The force.

Akwana Wa Odera
@therealakwana
© 2019

They made an underbid
When they said love don't cost a thing
Through thick and thin
My love life has been one best explained
With a grin
With hidden fears
Hoping for a shoulder to lean
I've never been anything close to perfect
But always tried to turn out the best
Among these other trying gents.
I practice to be true
So i never get to pretend
But seriously my true self
Is one you can never get to comprehend.
The thoughts in my head...
The fears, the jitters I've felt
The pains, the regrets
I fear might be the sole reason
If from my path i ever deflect.
So yes i believe I'm a misfit
But loving you has always been
My wish list
Despite my many imperfections
You are my new innovation
A new found escape
Every time my thoughts reset
You are my bliss
As i get stuck in oblivion
You are my fill
Quenching a thirst
I've always wanted to relieve
Be my fate
And I'll live up to thee
Because you my friend
Are the reason
I'm no longer struggling be!

Akwana Wa Odera
@therealakwana
© 2019

In a world full of people
I feel so alone
I am so withdrawn
From reality, i don't
Know what's real anymore
It's like I'm in the middle
Of a crowd
And I'm drowning
But no none notices as
I'm battling and struggling
To breathe
Gasping and flapping
Shouting for help
But only a squeak comes
Out
My screams get trapped
Within my throat
I'm tightly strapped
Not with ropes
But thoughts
My mind clouded
I can't remain afloat.
I heard them say i should
Talk.
That it'll help repair what
Broke
But I'm not broke no more
I'm passed broken
Like fragments of glass
I'm shattered beyond repair
I'm a ghost with no reckon
My purpose i fail to fathom
My life just turned to a phantom
Tired and exhausted
Weary and forsaken
I can't count how many times
I've contemplated to die
I hate hope
It's the most elusive of all
Always encouraging
Only to break me more
I have no seen wounds
But I'm always sore
I didn't ask to grow
I didn't apply to be born
I didn't choose to be a bore
Why then do i always feel so low
So alone
I misspelled the word enthusiasm
Now I'm no longer enthusiastic
To enthuse
But I'm always eager
To know what tomorrow would hold
That's what keeps me strong
Maybe not for long....

Akwana Wa Odera
@therealakwana
© 2018

Too caught up
And lost in my head
That every time
I open up the door
I get so confused
Like I'm out of space,
Time, the other day
Just came to apologize
On how it had to quit the race
It couldn't help but notice
Every time it came to my mess
It had to pass itself
Leaving me wondering
When my mind
Will come to the realization
That they are just
Maybe dreams
That ain't real
But then, how i wish
That these pleas
Were not for real,
And the pain
Not so deep!

Akwana Wa Odera
@therealakwana
© 2019

I watched the sun rise
Then turned out to watch it
Set down the skies
I took a peek at the moon
It came out at night
I watched it glitter in the dark
Two supernatural features
That fail to control their futures
The moon and the sun
Are just couples that never touch
It has nothing to do with distance
But the timing they feature
The timing is always wrong
Just when the sun's very worn
The moon still takes too long
The sun's brightness has never
Turned her on
Love at a glance
Your and i started with smiles
You promised with me you'll run miles
****, all you did was run me dry
I'm wiping no tears in my eyes
I promised myself for you I'll never cry
But why...?
You were never satisfied?
Yet i promised you all my life?
I always sensed circus in your cries
Crocodile tears and your lies
I'm a fool,
I fell for a fox
Leading her straight to my hen house
Falling in love is just but a gamble
You never know when you are tossing the wrong dice
My heart was the price
Fragile as it was
You still smashed it to the ground
With pieces scattered around
I'm not sure if I'll mend it right
I for one envy the sun
His patience never runs out
Always hoping to meet the moon
Every time its sets down

Akwana Wa Odera
@therealakwana
© 2018

So i met this girl
Who says she loves me
But i think I'm just an object
She's infatuated in
She was wanting a 'boyfriend'
And i fell right in
So i get to comfort her
Make her think she's in love.
The other day i heard her boast
That I'm around
Maybe so her friends could just
Confirm that I'm hers.
Now she gets mad when i don't call
And talk
She thinks it's because i got bored
And walked.
Her insecurities I've known
Reason, every time I call,
I have to pause and check my tone
I can't even switch off my phone
Or leave it at home,
She might call and think I'm gone.
With her i trade carefully
So at night she can maybe
Sleep peacefully
Hold her hand tightly
Just to reassure her
She's not lost entirely.
Every time
I think of her
I get lost in sense
I'm i in love,
Or infatuated just like her.
In my prison of thoughts
Hers compose the most
Struggling to understand
This girl i met but can't ignore
I have a broken bird
In my hand
And I'm short of what to do.

Akwana Wa Odera
@therealakwana
© 2019

Smile so bright,
She's an angel in the light
My at most delight
Twinkle twinkle little star
Sometimes i think
She came from far
Maybe another galaxy
Past the skies.
Show me how to fly
I need to reach
The highest peak
When loving my girl.
Dancing to the tunes
Of her heart beat,
A perfect orchestra
When her eyes blink.
Her eyes big
When i look into them
I dive in
Getting lost in them,
I sink deep,
An abyss
Full of bliss.
To say the least
She's the pivot I'm the beam
This girl with a smile
So bright
My angel, my light
My at most delight!

Akwana Wa Odera
@therealakwana
© 2019

Arise and shine
The sun is up i have to wake
The earliest bird catches the worn
I'm early but worn
I fail to even raise my arm
I have to beat time
Maybe attend class,
Do some work
Or make an appearance in the offices
But I'm still in bed struggling with sense,
I'm safe
But this feeling is getting intense
It's like I'm in an impending danger
Whilst in my bed...
Today i just don't feel like facing the world
They'll think I'm mad
Still contemplating on waking, up
Time flies
Thirty minutes are already up
I get my first panic attack
Just because I've not made up my mind
If today I'll be walking around.
Struggling out of bed
I rush to bathe
Stripped to my feet
I Immerse myself in water
As thoughts in my mind litter
I wish i could drown in a lake
I wish i never had to pretend
I wish i was not fake
I am a counterfeit of myself
I'm like kreatcher, the worn out elf
A blurred reflection of my better self
So many cloths thrown on my bed
I fail to decide on which one to take
They all seem weird yet i bought them myself
Forty five minutes out
I'm still not sure what I'll put on
I'm hit with a second panic attack
Time is running out
And I'm still stagnant
In my head i do a quick chat
Trying to rush myself, to quickly leave the house
Putting on what at least feels right
Within minutes,
I'm out of my comfort zone into the daylight
As i walk I'm filled with fright
My mind controlling my pulse
I'm not sure if I'm walking right
I start slowing down
In front of me there's a group of guys
I can't surpass them
I'm not sure what they'll say
So i lag behind knowing with this pace
I'm going to be late
Luckily i reach my destination
But I'm alone
There was some miscommunication
No one is around, i wasted my time
I start panicking, I'm sweating
I did not plan for this
I need a place to sit
I need to chill and restart
I get a place, looking confused
I take out my phone
Pretending to be busy
When I'm actually confronting myself to try and act normal
Finally making up my mind
I decide to go back to my house
Using the quickest shortcuts
I'm back in no time
Today wasn't that bad
I had minimal interaction
A win on my side
At least i did not embarrass myself
The irony my life has led to
A life I'm always resentful of
A life based on my anxious self
A life controlled by anxiety

Akwana Wa Odera
@therealakwana
© 2018

I felt terrified...
Petrified!
My fears intensified,
Then without warning
My body became too hot
Like i was being fried.
I start sweating
Frightened as a child
I fear to even wipe the sweat out.
I'm like a tout flouting my
Embarrassment,
For judgements to supersede.
From these shackles i yearn
To be freed...
I'm enslaved  by my own creed
With no hopes to witness
My salvation.
Isn't treason a serious felony?
Why then is my mind not in
Questioning?
Has it gotten to you too?
No wonder you seem helpless to
Intervene!
I'm locked in my head
It's a prison let me be...

Awana Wa Odera
@therealakwana
© 2018