"aguish" poems
I’ve been sad so long I’m afraid of what it means
When the world isn’t weighing down on me
Don’t know what to carry when it’s not heavy.
I’m skeptical when I’m happy,
Unsure of my identity when it’s easy,
Feel suspicious when I’m breathing freely.
Who am I when the sea isn’t tumultuous?
Lost when times are prosperous?
What do I do when I can’t trust this?
I’m uncomfortable with the blank spaces empty of mental illness.
Who am I when there’s no battle to be faced?
I feel hollow and out of place
Like I am made of clay that hasn’t quite taken shape.
I want to be someone when there’s no foe to vanquish
Have a meaning beyond my aguish.
I know there’s more to me than sickness,
But I feel no strength without my weakness.
How do I become the person I am meant to be?
How do I find myself when I am happy?
Jun 14, 2023
Jun 14, 2023 at 3:58 PM UTC
The Lost Letter of Love-
The thunder of the busy street makes love to the vicious voices that plague my mind. Reminisce of a forgotten love still shower my inner most thoughts. Passion that once overwhelmed my life is now my reason for exhaust. The shimmers that once lit my ambition and drive now hang lightless, darker than the deepest secret. Yet the frequency of lost desire still induces the most intoxicating substance. Arms grow weary caressing forgotten times, the tears that once grew a river, are now dry beds of torment. The beautiful dawn plays in coalition with the residuals of a distant song. “Goodbye my lover” plays in harmony with the neglect of reality. Not facing demons yet displaying affection to them. Indulging in virtues once restricted by political propaganda. I am her vicious vendetta, her thoughtlessness, her absence. I lay on a bed of needles enjoying the aguish, suffering in satisfaction. The destructive thought of deserving such a decisive decision allows my mind to become a rag of lost emotion, wiping tears from the concaved steps that once bread a whirlwind of radical love. A canvas stained recklessness paints a picture of a destined solitude. No regret orchestrates a symphony of percussions, streaming beautiful sound through the hills of total regret. Awake becomes second nature, slumber slumbers with the lack of motivation to ignite the calm. Insomnia hums in a melody so righteous that the religion becomes the man. A hollow shell of broken ambition sway in the wind of self desire. The cries of the night become intoned with the cries of truth. Instinct maps the course of self-withered illusion, illuminating the “why us” cause. A foundation of happiness holds the weight of a pessimistic engagement. While optimistic scavengers prey on the depths of endless souls. Disappointment rectifies all signatures of a so-called love. Remembering a once forgotten future claims its stakes as the eternal right. The moon holds desperate for the fortune of the unfortunate son. Unsettled disputes, take a toll on broken bodies. Broken wills dance in the limelight ignoring the forgotten pain, a laugh of retribution becomes one with inexplicit content. While saying “I love you” becomes that of explicit context, searching for the meaning between the lines. The lost letter of love shapes like the clouds in the sky only resembling something it never can be.
RICHARD ITSKOVICH
Jul 28, 2010
Jul 28, 2010 at 2:05 PM UTC
I want to tell you about the time I jumped.
The time I became my biggest fear
And conquered.
I want to tell you of the white curtains that tried to sweep over my eyes, and
How I summoned that aguish
I want you to know
It wasn't made right straight away
Blood, screams, tears whirled first
In my face on my body,
A weight of dread coming from her mouth
Holding my arms down.
But then still.
A peace took residence in the air, creating an earthly dull hum
A constant murmur, hypnotising
The knots out of our backs
The beast in my stomach,
to surrender
I want to tell you
I felt safe,
But then I would not be credible to you
And my words could be dismissed.
Now, the truth spilled
Her tongue no longer licks my legs, purple
Nor do I wake with my knuckles numb
I take what I have coming, happy and sad
Both, the vibrant beat
To my weaping heart
Jan 25, 2018
Jan 25, 2018 at 5:13 AM UTC
From small to tall,
You always guide me and all,
Vast and wide ocean waves is nothing at all.
Your love is an over-flowing river, never ending and forever.
I just want to say thank you for the unconditional love, so pure.
A love so strict yet keeps me from slip.
I became so naive, selfish and gives you pain.
I think of nothing but my own aguish and makes your life blemish.
You hath done many things, sacrificed and longed.
You sailed the deep hue and melancholic of the sea for a good future for me to see.
You're the light and columns of this little house.
Brave and unyielding.
You're the anchor to my boat, holding me strong.
You has gem eyes that makes the stars envy,
Wavy brown hair that matched the horizon waves of dispair,
And blissful smile that shines and light the days.
Now Im laying on my bed lost in the labyrinth of my thoughts, longing and yearning.
Oh my dear mother, a gift from above, let me feel the warmth of your love.
Let me inhale the familiar scent again.
Let me listen to the hopeful words again.
Please come back?
May 27, 2015
May 27, 2015 at 12:27 AM UTC
Life ain't no bed of roses
We're not destined to
drown in a pit of despair
Aguish is unknown until flesh
grazes a blade of barbed brair
A prickle that ******
A nettle that nicks and
stings my gaping gore
A scab I scratch and pick
My heart...a naked sore
The pain of a plant's pike
Poison seeping through my pores
Miss Ivy takes her effect
Toxins causing lock jaw
Severed sinew plastered with rags
A slash sutured with cotton and thorns
Suffering through my misery
The tears begin to fall
Hard crust clogging my chest
Covering a fresh wound
that once formed
Blood caked over a cut
Creating a congealed blood cork
Fighting my inner demons
The tiger bears it's claws
Messing with the bulls emotions
I am the matador
Dismembered dreams it seems
that every memory is now torn
Present and future vines intertwine
The past pondered and warped
Mouths spew false truths
Profanity strewn on the floor
Ears sewn shut while lips sip
on a glass of gossips gall
The wizard chants
and casts a spell
A corpse is reborn
Here I sit on the edge of a cliff
While thoughts pace and
linger outside death's door
My brain is linched,
hung by a hurricane of thoughts
Head decapitated by a
sickle my mind is now
brutally butchered brawn
A bayonet thrusts into my side
An assassin attacks me with saws
Penetrating my beating benevolence
I'm punctured by grape-stained swords
I am nothing but a ragged ragdoll
A cast-away with an aching core
A strolling soldier
A wandering warrior
An outcast that was scorned
Sep 30, 2025
Sep 30, 2025 at 4:24 AM UTC
Flakes fall so so slow.
The windows are fogged, I touch, they're .. cold
They're cold like my mind, like my heart, like my tears..
Tears that stain this cheek black from last nights mascara,
From last weeks tirade, from last years aguish, from my last years of pain..
Flakes fall so so slow.
They fall on my hand and melt away as quickly as they came.
Start at the edges, move to the middle, then STOP… and become water.
It becomes water on my hand that then overflows and slips through the crevasses of my palm unto the unknowing abyss _like you.
You slipped through the cracks of my heart, my soul_ you were my undoing, you had me . . . but you slipped.
Flakes fall so so slow.
Trees are withered and dead. no colors on their limbs and they bent under submission to the falling snow.
Like I _ I bent over backwards and forwards and sideways, jumped up and down just to make you happy.
And what did I receive? All I received was the burden of having you on my back and the so called obligation I had to you.
Flakes fall so so slow.
Like time when you're in the worst heartache of your life. it slows.
It slows to every god **** second, As if God himself was watching in slow motion just to laugh, just to say I told you so.
Flakes fall so so slow.
So god **** slow.
Painfully slow that you have no other choice but to look.
You watch as it makes the world beautiful in a matter of seconds until it gets ***** and washed away.
Like you did with me. I am washed away with the dirt you bestowed upon me.
Flakes fall so so slow.
And I am right there with it. Falling slower than ever before as I watch my life pass me by and doing nothing about it.
I am the Slowest Winter.
Aug 1, 2014
Aug 1, 2014 at 11:31 AM UTC
Icy he was the favourite play thing
of winter, abused by so many touched
in inappropriate ways. Said to be pure
but always ****** on in so many ways.
Parents dropped him from a height.
Screams echoed from the heavens till
he was broken in to fearful pieces below,
his aguish was individual tears descending .
But he found no peace in the solitude
of lingering white, as throw in jest upon
all manners of objects till he either was
silent or just broke regrettably apart.
Icy had feeling but all that was left
after he was used, All a puddle of
misused emotions that were more suited
for a drain and he evaporated silently away.
Jul 15, 2016
Jul 15, 2016 at 5:50 PM UTC
Day 7872 of my existence
I tried to end it all, but the
knife was not in reach and the scissors were much too dull
Regressed into my depression
No savior in sight
No organized religion will help me see the light
I'm convinced it is my fate to go blissfully in the night
Ignorance is bliss, but the wise are always jaded
they see how cold the world is and how you're never appreciated
You're on your own, alone, in the darkness, in the sorrow
You pay a person to listen to your problems, so you'll get through the day and hopefully make it until tomorrow
Nothing is ever free,
not even love from your family
It always comes with a price or a condition
A vulnerable, worn down person
To be used and abused is my norm
Listening to the rain, I identify with the storm
I feel it's aguish and its thirst to be heard, to have a voice
The calming effect that emerges afterwards is not resolution, but conceding to the fight
To lose that endless battle, that I won't come out of alive
Apr 25, 2017
Apr 25, 2017 at 5:53 PM UTC
Up until today
I thought it was still a dream
But reality shook me
And brought me back quickly
Knowing
This was no dream at all
But another event
To add to the list
Of responses
People will say
When asked,
“hey, why did she turn out that way”
With the answer being
“You”
You caused this aguish
She now feels
You caused this anger
She tries to conceal
You take no responsibility
For the things you’ve done
The lives you ruin
The pain you caused
But I will not hate you
Instead I will tell you to pray
Because the day I see you again
***** you will pay!!!!
Oct 24, 2016
Oct 24, 2016 at 12:11 PM UTC