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"admittedly" poems
Yes, it's seemingly a nonsensical rhetorical question, but, for that precise reason, it will illustrate a lesson, if you so desire to tag along for this short session. Per Wikipedia, "The horse (Equus ferus caballus) is one of two extant subspecies of Equus ferus. It is an odd-toed ungulate mammal belonging to the taxonomic family Equidae." Hmmm... I much prefer that the horse goes "Nay," eats hay, has a mane, and is ridden by cowboys, cowgirls, Indians, equestrians, knights, jockeys, conquistadors, Mongols, and all. Even better, just point a horse out or otherwise show a picture to a kid and they will never be mistaken again. Even the littlest ones will never be stumped when faced with a rhino, tiger, giraffe, camel, and such. Admittedly, there is a worry that we could be fooled with that of a donkey or mule. How come no one has taken advantage of this?! What a scam to get us rich! "Duh doy," you say, cause we all know when we see a horse, so why would anyone try to trick us with an *** Well I ask you in turn, why does anyone try to trick us with good art versus bad, let alone art versus crap? How could anyone fall for that?!
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Jun 10, 2018
Jun 10, 2018 at 8:48 PM UTC
Rhetorical Question: What is a horse?
I don’t think this is an addiction. No, honestly, it’s just the cat. No, really, I just fell, No, I’m positive, I hit a table and- I don’t think this is an addiction. If it were an addiction, I would have to be out of control, And I’m not doing it five times a day, now am I? Though admittedly I think about it, Five hundred times a day this- This is not an addiction. This is not an addiction, I assure you, when I’m well aware that’s what this is, When I smile and say that “I’m fine,” I hope you come to realize that most times, It’s a lie, and- “No, really, I ran into the coffee table,” I grumble to my therapist. I’ve gotten so good at hiding this that, “No, I’m serious” and a forced look of honesty Somehow gets me by. “This is not an addiction,” I cry, When I know, deep inside, That, again, that is was this is. This.. This is an addiction. Cuts not healing for three weeks, Thinking about it for hours at a time, Wanting the euphoria of bleeding, On the bathroom floor, This.. This is an addiction. This is an addiction, I scream, Finally taking it for what it is as my friends, My lover, My mother, All yell at me to put my blade down, To lay down, To breathe. They scream at me To end this seemingly endless cycle That I’ve been going through For a little over five years. The nurse practitioner I saw the other day, Told me, “I want you to have a list Of thirteen things You can do before you resort To cutting.” And I want that to happen. But this.. This is an addiction. And it’s going to take a long time to recover. So far, I’ve managed to stop the police calls, The hospital visits, Some of the more larger issues. The ones that leave me worse off than where I started To an extreme. I’m still recovering. I think I’m always going to be recovering, I don’t think it’s ever gonna leave the back of my mind.. But this.. This is not an addiction. This is recovery.
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Mar 18, 2019
Mar 18, 2019 at 3:44 PM UTC
Addiction and Recovery
I don’t think this is an addiction. No, honestly, it’s just the cat. No, really, I just fell, No, I’m positive, I hit a table and- I don’t think this is an addiction. If it were an addiction, I would have to be out of control, And I’m not doing it five times a day, now am I? Though admittedly I think about it, Five hundred times a day this- This is not an addiction. This is not an addiction, I assure you, when I’m well aware that’s what this is, When I smile and say that “I’m fine,” I hope you come to realize that most times, It’s a lie, and- “No, really, I ran into the coffee table,” I grumble to my therapist. I’ve gotten so good at hiding this that, “No, I’m serious” and a forced look of honesty Somehow gets me by. “This is not an addiction,” I cry, When I know, deep inside, That, again, that is was this is. This.. This is an addiction. Cuts not healing for three weeks, Thinking about it for hours at a time, Wanting the euphoria of bleeding, On the bathroom floor, This.. This is an addiction. This is an addiction, I scream, Finally taking it for what it is as my friends, My lover, My mother, All yell at me to put my blade down, To lay down, To breathe. They scream at me To end this seemingly endless cycle That I’ve been going through For a little over five years. The nurse practitioner I saw the other day, Told me, “I want you to have a list Of thirteen things You can do before you resort To cutting.” And I want that to happen. But this.. This is an addiction. And it’s going to take a long time to recover. So far, I’ve managed to stop the police calls, The hospital visits, Some of the more larger issues. The ones that leave me worse off than where I started To an extreme. I’m still recovering. I think I’m always going to be recovering, I don’t think it’s ever gonna leave the back of my mind.. But this.. This is not an addiction. This is recovery.
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64
Songster, not as sinister as they say, she's no monster, just admittedly a bit lost in her way. she caves as I'm walking down the hall. I pick her up, off of that flooring, the rubbery kind, whatever it is, I guess it's rubber, but the kind that squeaks when you walk on it after coming in from the rain; to hell with poetry. And so anyways I pick her up and sit her on this bench next to me and give her about five minutes to come to terms with breathing and pick shimmering auburn hair out of the tears smeared across her face, two, mesmerizing, perfectly blue wells the source of the streams. And then I ask her what that was all about and she blurts out that she belongs in the Fine Arts Department, and her car broke down months ago but her father doesn't give a **** about it, because she can't lay up the basketball or steal the base and so he honorably lump summed her entire tuition and sent her to another state and how ****** she would be if she had to get a job for the first time at the age of twenty three so she wouldn't have to be dependent on her family and that she was sick of wondering why not a single guy had ever given her a ******* flower and that if she ever did end up liking one two weeks later she would find out that he was exactly the same as the others and she had a broken look in her eyes when she said she wondered why we were all here in the first place, and how we were made this way, and if people were actually ever meant to fit together or not; *what if there was nothing as certain as two halves making a whole?* She wanted to know how everyone's mind had a different game to play, she wanted to know why Jupiter had to be so far away and everything in between. We had strolled off of the school grounds by this time but I still looked twice before pulling out my flask. I  unscrewed the cap, handed it to her and said *follow me to Deadbeat Hollow, where we've already thrown our problems out of the window* and she said lets go.
0
May 11, 2012
May 11, 2012 at 9:46 PM UTC
Follow Me to Deadbeat Hollow
Songster, not as sinister as they say, she's no monster, just admittedly a bit lost in her way. she caves as I'm walking down the hall. I pick her up, off of that flooring, the rubbery kind, whatever it is, I guess it's rubber, but the kind that squeaks when you walk on it after coming in from the rain; to hell with poetry. And so anyways I pick her up and sit her on this bench next to me and give her about five minutes to come to terms with breathing and pick shimmering auburn hair out of the tears smeared across her face, two, mesmerizing, perfectly blue wells the source of the streams. And then I ask her what that was all about and she blurts out that she belongs in the Fine Arts Department, and her car broke down months ago but her father doesn't give a **** about it, because she can't lay up the basketball or steal the base and so he honorably lump summed her entire tuition and sent her to another state and how ****** she would be if she had to get a job for the first time at the age of twenty three so she wouldn't have to be dependent on her family and that she was sick of wondering why not a single guy had ever given her a ******* flower and that if she ever did end up liking one two weeks later she would find out that he was exactly the same as the others and she had a broken look in her eyes when she said she wondered why we were all here in the first place, and how we were made this way, and if people were actually ever meant to fit together or not; *what if there was nothing as certain as two halves making a whole?* She wanted to know how everyone's mind had a different game to play, she wanted to know why Jupiter had to be so far away and everything in between. We had strolled off of the school grounds by this time but I still looked twice before pulling out my flask. I  unscrewed the cap, handed it to her and said *follow me to Deadbeat Hollow, where we've already thrown our problems out of the window* and she said lets go.
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58
I'm starting to think it's me. Maybe I ask to much, though, admittedly, maybe's it's because I don't know what I am asking for? I am starting to think, it's me. Maybe I am the problem. Or maybe that's just the voice in my head, like a vice, crushing any minor thing, like an atom, until it splits with the force of a thousand suns. Or maybe it's everything else, me included. Maybe I just say it's me, because I am my biggest bully, and easiest target. I thought I was asking for simple things, but nothing seems simple anymore. I just want these ropes untied from my hands. Trapped in my own mind like a hostage, who doesn't care if they make it out. There is no greener grass on the other side, I just wish this grass wasn't wet. Sticking to me like feathers and tar. I'm starting to think that I am just coasting along, waiting for someone to help me fix my boat for me, before it sinks.
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Aug 6, 2018
Aug 6, 2018 at 9:40 AM UTC
Maybe it's...
He would declare and could himself believe That the birds there in all the garden round From having heard the daylong voice of Eve Had added to their own an oversound, Her tone of meaning but without the words. Admittedly an eloquence so soft Could only have had an influence on birds When call or laughter carried it aloft. Be that as may be, she was in their song. Moreover her voice upon their voices crossed Had now persisted in the woods so long That probably it never would be lost. Never again would birds’ song be the same. And to do that to birds was why she came.
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5.6k
Never Again Would Bird’s Song Be The Same
i am the wiggling worm writhing on the slippery sidewalk on a cold, and dreary, rainy day. i weave the baleful boots yield the pernicious puddles on a cold, and dreary, rainy day. i am pelted by relentless rain pummeled by its wanton weight on a cold, and dreary, rainy day. you may ask, "why wiggling worm? why take this cursed course on a cold, and dreary, rainy day? have you no humbled home have you no able abode on a cold, and dreary, rainy day?" "i am the vivacious vagabond," i reply "i am admittedly ambulant, on this cold, and dreary, rainy day. because i must agnize affliction i must debase duress on this cold, and dreary, rainy day. if i am to appreciate the bountiful bloom i must know the duteous doom such as this cold, and dreary, rainy day.
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Dec 4, 2015
Dec 4, 2015 at 3:25 PM UTC
The Wiggling Worm
I've done a lot of things I'm not proud of but I can't be tied to those forever so people forgive and forget I try to forget but still feel bad and I know there are still sore subjects that I should be sensitive about. Scrolling through Reddit I see a post of Māori students at an airport greeting their returning teacher with a traditional Māori war dance which was an admittedly sweet gesture but something didn't sit right with me. I wondered why the students greeting their teacher had to do so through a display of militaristic nationalism I wondered if that was the last dance the Moriori people saw before the Māori genocided them for their resources I wondered if the Māori danced like that as they ***** murdered, and cannibalized the Moriori. Wondering all of this made me ask myself: Why did they have to greet their teacher like that? The students wanted to make a big gesture which dancing is perfect for but dancing can also be vulnerable and embarrassing because people may mock how you express yourself but strangers at the airport are less likely to laugh at you if you're doing a synchronized dance with a group of people and the dancing is recognizably tied to national identity because then it's a culturally rich dance you're a xenophobe for laughing at and that's what nationalism is: strength in numbers and a readymade identity in lieu of an individual personality oftentimes for the sake of pistanthrophobia. So as I read the circlejerking comments on the post I wondered what the difference is between a Māori war dance and a **** salute I guess the Māori people have experienced more oppression than Nazis but nationalism is nationalism and those who have oppressed are oppressors and many who are oppressed would gladly be oppressors given the chance. Nationalism isn't healthy for culture and often isolates people from other cultures that are all combining due to globalization which people fight to preserve their little dances and costumes so we can stay in eternal conflict over delusions of supremacy when the only nationality should be a global one.
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Aug 28, 2022
Aug 28, 2022 at 8:41 PM UTC
Nationalism
I've done a lot of things I'm not proud of but I can't be tied to those forever so people forgive and forget I try to forget but still feel bad and I know there are still sore subjects that I should be sensitive about. Scrolling through Reddit I see a post of Māori students at an airport greeting their returning teacher with a traditional Māori war dance which was an admittedly sweet gesture but something didn't sit right with me. I wondered why the students greeting their teacher had to do so through a display of militaristic nationalism I wondered if that was the last dance the Moriori people saw before the Māori genocided them for their resources I wondered if the Māori danced like that as they ***** murdered, and cannibalized the Moriori. Wondering all of this made me ask myself: Why did they have to greet their teacher like that? The students wanted to make a big gesture which dancing is perfect for but dancing can also be vulnerable and embarrassing because people may mock how you express yourself but strangers at the airport are less likely to laugh at you if you're doing a synchronized dance with a group of people and the dancing is recognizably tied to national identity because then it's a culturally rich dance you're a xenophobe for laughing at and that's what nationalism is: strength in numbers and a readymade identity in lieu of an individual personality oftentimes for the sake of pistanthrophobia. So as I read the circlejerking comments on the post I wondered what the difference is between a Māori war dance and a **** salute I guess the Māori people have experienced more oppression than Nazis but nationalism is nationalism and those who have oppressed are oppressors and many who are oppressed would gladly be oppressors given the chance. Nationalism isn't healthy for culture and often isolates people from other cultures that are all combining due to globalization which people fight to preserve their little dances and costumes so we can stay in eternal conflict over delusions of supremacy when the only nationality should be a global one.
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48
Indulge me for I'm sat looking at a scarf As I transport rather splendid G and T To its final destination Not mine I hasten to add, my scarf that is not the gin Purple not my colour you see I had issue with burgundy as a child, frightful memories I digress but it was left behind like a signature Not intentionally just in a sweet forgetfulness I can't pick it up, crazy as it sounds I mean if I did it would be real not imagery The moment lost, but no real moment as I can't feel it Do you understand ? Perhaps not I have admittedly been reminded of its presence I imagine it's scent, no I imagine her scent Her presence in the room, her smile lifts me I mean it's just a scarf I mean it can't exist can it? Do we leave a little of ourselves behind? Emotion like lost property I don't know, I honestly don't Is there a course for metaphysical disorientation and the re repatriation of lost purple scarfs? I guess not. I'd probably fail in any case. It will still be here tomorrow. In plain sight, just hidden from my reality Goodnight scarf.
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Mar 11, 2013
Mar 11, 2013 at 9:55 PM UTC
Goodnight imaginary scarf
You claim a fortress you've built of yourself To guard you from feeling anything Why the need? We've all been hurt, even us two, and yet we still let people in Let you in You say the ache creeps in anyway Until you focus on anything else and it fades You don't need to salve the ache yourself Admittedly the tendrils of feeling are seductive indeed You said yourself, hold on love Let us sit in the stars with you, and disperse the chill in your bones Take us to your cabin all alone, together We are not the malicious, mocking, twisting agony from you We will never extract from your veins The poison of your pain For us to drink later, and make ourselves feel powerful We only lift, and cradle, and cocoon We never step aside, laughing at your failure, Yourself shattered into a thousand pieces on the pavement Why the fortress? Be an openness Reveal to us, your fears, your questions, and dreams and we will give you calm Fight your demons Rejoice your triumphs Not for you, but with you Are you truly better alone?
0
Nov 12, 2012
Nov 12, 2012 at 4:09 PM UTC
Re: Fortress
***** feet ***** of them ache they're dry all dried out, moisture to face and digestive tract make little difference but comfort a little sort of; maybe subdue to replenishing skip the pain with a drink fucken, fucken drink fucken dust lingers in the brain, it swirls a cloud of ground envelops the shape of u u become covered u have a layer, salty, and dry and 'organic' (surely bio (though im not sure what is or why are)) full city boy, suburban boy, not particularly gritty boy along side hippies and volunteers all tripppy and unwashed, and un plastic yet forcefully hemped drunk of micro beer and burnt brown and blotchy red and wire-y and dry and matted as if nothing really matters except for principles misguided and randomly enforced feel like a husk; peanut shell insides swallowed by the mouth of the party embodied a monsterous sweaty man tanned and thickly bearded and beered fat dreads fall around and surround u; a forest of hair a circle encroaching of fuzzy pillars in fibres entrapped inside them; feel their lingering time matted hold a wealth of effort to become unkempt; they are bars they are walls and the FACE! ………………………   ………………………………… oh looming down, wafts of armpit vapour cloud; a looming puft that surrounds engorged by the scent as it circles u, the mouth that lowered onto u chews u and spills bits of u chomp chomp protein for vegetarians; u; ur rigour ur vigour ur guts    eaten in a flurry of chomps and slurps and it crunches and it grates like the rocks on the ***** of ur feet it grates u are digested and reused as they would like but for them; for a collective u dived into for fun 2 days to peddle ur wares to progress ( admittedly through some days of regression…) for all humans, and Humans; for fun on monday we will repent for the damages waged on the inside of the body and the outsides too for some gain i guess on this which we settle for always for display for fun
0
Mar 12, 2013
Mar 12, 2013 at 2:10 AM UTC
festivals
***** feet ***** of them ache they're dry all dried out, moisture to face and digestive tract make little difference but comfort a little sort of; maybe subdue to replenishing skip the pain with a drink fucken, fucken drink fucken dust lingers in the brain, it swirls a cloud of ground envelops the shape of u u become covered u have a layer, salty, and dry and 'organic' (surely bio (though im not sure what is or why are)) full city boy, suburban boy, not particularly gritty boy along side hippies and volunteers all tripppy and unwashed, and un plastic yet forcefully hemped drunk of micro beer and burnt brown and blotchy red and wire-y and dry and matted as if nothing really matters except for principles misguided and randomly enforced feel like a husk; peanut shell insides swallowed by the mouth of the party embodied a monsterous sweaty man tanned and thickly bearded and beered fat dreads fall around and surround u; a forest of hair a circle encroaching of fuzzy pillars in fibres entrapped inside them; feel their lingering time matted hold a wealth of effort to become unkempt; they are bars they are walls and the FACE! ………………………   ………………………………… oh looming down, wafts of armpit vapour cloud; a looming puft that surrounds engorged by the scent as it circles u, the mouth that lowered onto u chews u and spills bits of u chomp chomp protein for vegetarians; u; ur rigour ur vigour ur guts    eaten in a flurry of chomps and slurps and it crunches and it grates like the rocks on the ***** of ur feet it grates u are digested and reused as they would like but for them; for a collective u dived into for fun 2 days to peddle ur wares to progress ( admittedly through some days of regression…) for all humans, and Humans; for fun on monday we will repent for the damages waged on the inside of the body and the outsides too for some gain i guess on this which we settle for always for display for fun
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60
So here we are, just you and me. On the edge of everything and nothing, we sit staring out into the ocean of things we wish we’d done. We hold hands, it’s a formality. I’m scared. You soothed my anxiety, because even though I was scared of you, I knew everyone else was too. I miss making you coffee in the morning, I wish I’d loved YOU more. You always had that massive mug with two teabags or two tablespoons of coffee. I wish your family and I could have worked. Please don’t think for a second I didn’t try. Most of my time spent at yours was on eggshells, the ones they had placed. I miss our first year, your second. Remember that? We were so silly and full of joy. Gimmick Puppets, Plants. You and your stupid trenchcoat that ended up smelling awful no matter how much you washed it. Your long hair was nice. I liked it. It framed your smile that was as bright as the Sun that set in the West over Zephyr’s strawberry field. The light sank in your eyes the more you were with me. I drained you, I knew that. I stayed. I lied. You didn’t trust me anymore. I’m happy, admittedly lonely. But I know you’re happy, scared but happy. It’s always been my job to appear, do what I must (whether I know what that is or not) and watch over. The bear finds another like him, and as I remember mentioning a few times, as we lounged lazily on the sofa with our cereal, playing every bit the monsters others cast us out to be; What on Earth is a bear doing with an angel?
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Jun 25, 2016
Jun 25, 2016 at 5:05 PM UTC
Of Bears and Angels
So here we are, just you and me. On the edge of everything and nothing, we sit staring out into the ocean of things we wish we’d done. We hold hands, it’s a formality. I’m scared. You soothed my anxiety, because even though I was scared of you, I knew everyone else was too. I miss making you coffee in the morning, I wish I’d loved YOU more. You always had that massive mug with two teabags or two tablespoons of coffee. I wish your family and I could have worked. Please don’t think for a second I didn’t try. Most of my time spent at yours was on eggshells, the ones they had placed. I miss our first year, your second. Remember that? We were so silly and full of joy. Gimmick Puppets, Plants. You and your stupid trenchcoat that ended up smelling awful no matter how much you washed it. Your long hair was nice. I liked it. It framed your smile that was as bright as the Sun that set in the West over Zephyr’s strawberry field. The light sank in your eyes the more you were with me. I drained you, I knew that. I stayed. I lied. You didn’t trust me anymore. I’m happy, admittedly lonely. But I know you’re happy, scared but happy. It’s always been my job to appear, do what I must (whether I know what that is or not) and watch over. The bear finds another like him, and as I remember mentioning a few times, as we lounged lazily on the sofa with our cereal, playing every bit the monsters others cast us out to be; What on Earth is a bear doing with an angel?
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8
My father's long fingers smooth over the aged scratchy pleats. The Kilt is magnificent. It has the fleeting beauty that only a well kept antique has, that warm firelight glow of the past. It has a few scuffs and holes, but the somber reds and greens of clan Mackintoish have settled into the cloth and darkened pleasantly. The kilt is always the most important detail, it has passed from grandfather down, and it looks as handsome now as in the sepia photographs on our shelves. The dirks black ornate hilt rests heavily against his hip, and the belt is cinched tightly to hold it up. you can practically hear bagpipes My grandfather's dark green cotton socks sit near the top of my father's calf and he leans over to adjust the frills. And as his tan wrinkled brow furrows in concentration, and his admittedly attractive white whiskers scrape across his collar, and the image nears completion, the drum beats louder. Reaching up from the ancient past and grasping the future in tradition, the ghosts of ancestors enter his poise, and he suddenly appears less like my father and takes on the swagger of a cocky fisherman, of pirate. He is swinging swords and playing pipes, and cobbling, and setting stones upright in ancient forgotten ritual, and tossing cabers. I know looking at him now, what my own ghosts will be when my time comes.
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Jul 20, 2014
Jul 20, 2014 at 8:16 PM UTC
My Father's Kilt
You are my man my chosen companion the decades now seem just a flash living desires dreams working and children decisions admittedly rash distance and merging the laughter and anger have taken full space in their turn most times I feel ageless with graceful awareness know it is for now that I yearn what a surprise your fine chest has grown ******* now and I  pluck the hairs from my chin I never thought we would morph into this stage my partner my lover my friend
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Aug 2, 2012
Aug 2, 2012 at 10:04 PM UTC
My beard your breast
the coffee's too bitter and i'm losing sight of a rose-colored dream that tethers me to actuality. i wish i could sleep but the acridness permeates, feeding my mind with a thought that runs, and falls, and caves in— like a dying star, devouring any hope of a good morning's delight. the unwelcome has now stirred awake, so i hide between these words and wait for salvation to take me under its wing. alas, the clock keeps on ticking. maybe peace never visits at night.
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Jul 11, 2019
Jul 11, 2019 at 1:23 AM UTC
no rest for the wicked
I've spent the last 3 months in rehab rebuilding myself after you tore me down and admittedly there's still pieces of me I haven't found little pieces at the bottom of your sea, drowned It's a struggle everyday to get by yet as time passes, nanoseconds at a time I remember less how great you felt, how without you I though I'd die And like every ****** and great addiction I relapse, back into my rose coloured world of fiction as much as I long to be clean, I guess I subconsciously like it better when you're mean, ruthless and equate me to dirt, as though I like it better when it hurts or else why, what keeps me falling back with every unintentional relapse and though I may not physically let you in your venom that I crave seeps into my skin that every time I acknowledge your existence you win Now, I know this isn't a game, win or lose it's that dark, shadowed, familiar path I choose because pain is always better shared between two And, thus I'm back to rehab today so that I might find a better way to hold myself up and to myself say It was never love, just a drug induced hallucination my chemical flooded brain caused adoration and the constant feeling of fascination that you're immune to it all and it's my favorite addiction but I can't last as a ****** cause this is real life, fact not fiction.
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Jan 29, 2011
Jan 29, 2011 at 10:44 AM UTC
rehab
The last time I saw you, you were standing there at the gate, watching me walk away   I was trying to look cool, like nostalgia in motion That’s a difficult thing to pull off when you’re constantly looking back  You were smiling and waving, like it was all gonna be alright I secretly hated you for that   Everything in my being screamed at me to turn around, to run back to you I wanted to take your hand in mine and pull you out of there like Wayne did to Cassandra… Only I didn’t I did my duty I turned around one last time at the end of the longest hallway in the world and stole one last look Blinking back the burning sensation in my eyeballs and the tightness in my throat And then I plodded on Just like I was supposed to I had a stabbing pain in my gut like things would never be the same again Like the WE we were was dying and going away forever   At the time I dismissed that sharp unbearable thought as sentimental weakness The sloshy musings of an admittedly overdramatic youth   Never would’ve guessed my gut knew so much more than my thirsty brain With its linear logic and high powered deductive reasoning I told myself we’d be together again soon I told myself to focus on the task at hand, and you’d be the reward waiting for me at the end of it all The bright white light at the end of my long dark tunnel   I told myself you’d be the sunshine on the other side of the mountain Knowing somewhere deep down it wasn’t true   Knowing somewhere deep down, that the WE we were Now existed only in my fondest memories Only in the dark moments I would occasionally indulge on the cool side of my pillow I turned around And walked out of your life
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Jun 26, 2013
Jun 26, 2013 at 12:50 PM UTC
Love Letter
The last time I saw you, you were standing there at the gate, watching me walk away   I was trying to look cool, like nostalgia in motion That’s a difficult thing to pull off when you’re constantly looking back  You were smiling and waving, like it was all gonna be alright I secretly hated you for that   Everything in my being screamed at me to turn around, to run back to you I wanted to take your hand in mine and pull you out of there like Wayne did to Cassandra… Only I didn’t I did my duty I turned around one last time at the end of the longest hallway in the world and stole one last look Blinking back the burning sensation in my eyeballs and the tightness in my throat And then I plodded on Just like I was supposed to I had a stabbing pain in my gut like things would never be the same again Like the WE we were was dying and going away forever   At the time I dismissed that sharp unbearable thought as sentimental weakness The sloshy musings of an admittedly overdramatic youth   Never would’ve guessed my gut knew so much more than my thirsty brain With its linear logic and high powered deductive reasoning I told myself we’d be together again soon I told myself to focus on the task at hand, and you’d be the reward waiting for me at the end of it all The bright white light at the end of my long dark tunnel   I told myself you’d be the sunshine on the other side of the mountain Knowing somewhere deep down it wasn’t true   Knowing somewhere deep down, that the WE we were Now existed only in my fondest memories Only in the dark moments I would occasionally indulge on the cool side of my pillow I turned around And walked out of your life
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29
Look behind everything you’ve been told, and see the lies unfold Not everything is as it seems, as though we may try to avoid plots and schemes A world awaits where we be zipped up and laying inside a cage Perhaps infinite fires of the souls delight, might pry forbidden truth’s to sight We’ve only read of hell, but what indeed if we be internally brought to the plate, the brim, the fiery pits of dark sin I’ll sing hymns of anarchy and bleed my lips bare dry I’m a woman made of fury With eye’s that seek means of a way to purity This is who I am Though the world seems to try and shut me down Fury... builds into rage, not always staged Shalt you be enraged? Though meant for a stage Admittedly so, you’ll be witness of my show That just like the snow will fall on the heads of those who don’t know ©Jessica Stull
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Dec 14, 2018
Dec 14, 2018 at 12:15 AM UTC
I’m not Dramatic, I’m a Realist
I was waiting for a simple message from you that we both know was never to come. I sat impatiently atop the cities tallest building and watched the coming storm.  I witnessed the water beat the feeble earth into submission and it looked alright to me.  But then the raging sinless sea swallowed the shore.  The end of our hometown (est. 1919) took about a minute and a half. A man leapt out of his chair and said it was amazing as the punishing, purifying wave tore into his home of 20 years.  The coin laundromats and malls became the shallows and downtown by the Top 40 radio station became the deep.  Clown fish swam amongst the stop lights, trash cans and satellite dishes.  And a coral reef began to grow deeply into the brick of the tasty Greek restaurant at the corner of MLK and Main.  Eels and rays swam up the sidewalks and hammerheads patroled the submerged skyscrapers.  Admittedly, a lot of the busy people who didn’t take the time to look out their smudged windows and watch the water devour the flood walls and seafront property didn’t make it out of their homes and cars and schools and businesses.  And those people that didn’t make it to the outskirts of the metro in time were quickly drowned and integrated breathlessly into the oceanic food chain.  The deep began to kiss my ankles and I thought I would surely drown.  I surmised that you probably weren’t thinking about us at that moment and that it was for the best.  You had other matters on your mind. I watched a miniature apocalypse take place and I thought I should probably call and quickly tell you that everything you ever loved was gone or going. I decided against it. Anything I say to you is gonna come out wrong anyway.
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Aug 25, 2012
Aug 25, 2012 at 2:11 AM UTC
How We Breathe (Underwater)
I was waiting for a simple message from you that we both know was never to come. I sat impatiently atop the cities tallest building and watched the coming storm.  I witnessed the water beat the feeble earth into submission and it looked alright to me.  But then the raging sinless sea swallowed the shore.  The end of our hometown (est. 1919) took about a minute and a half. A man leapt out of his chair and said it was amazing as the punishing, purifying wave tore into his home of 20 years.  The coin laundromats and malls became the shallows and downtown by the Top 40 radio station became the deep.  Clown fish swam amongst the stop lights, trash cans and satellite dishes.  And a coral reef began to grow deeply into the brick of the tasty Greek restaurant at the corner of MLK and Main.  Eels and rays swam up the sidewalks and hammerheads patroled the submerged skyscrapers.  Admittedly, a lot of the busy people who didn’t take the time to look out their smudged windows and watch the water devour the flood walls and seafront property didn’t make it out of their homes and cars and schools and businesses.  And those people that didn’t make it to the outskirts of the metro in time were quickly drowned and integrated breathlessly into the oceanic food chain.  The deep began to kiss my ankles and I thought I would surely drown.  I surmised that you probably weren’t thinking about us at that moment and that it was for the best.  You had other matters on your mind. I watched a miniature apocalypse take place and I thought I should probably call and quickly tell you that everything you ever loved was gone or going. I decided against it. Anything I say to you is gonna come out wrong anyway.
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32
Back in January seeds started flowing From the balcony. On Sunday we read The poems of the deaf and Watched the matches stumble Drunkenly through the darkness. In March my hips began to Fill out like my mother’s. A monsoon of bullet ants Waged war along the perimeter of the bath. I squashed three under my thumb. Hide, I told them. I have dropped mercy off the edge of the hanging bridge. In May the stars were soft, The ants came back to bite me in my sleep. I tried to clasp your nose to keep you warm But all the heat had flown from our bodies. Sacrifices were made along the way. The ants, admittedly, least among them.
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May 25, 2020
May 25, 2020 at 6:53 PM UTC
It does not need to end in God
What steps he took, after losing his edge Cocky **** running wild in days, never slept Took drugs, took women, took men Never slept again What cliffs she admired, after seeing the edge Tormented in fuzzy daydream childhood afternoons She came down and stayed for days An obsession with time to the point of stasis I think I'm losing my edge He thinks he's dead again She lost the bed again A faceless man was sat on a bench by the seafront Hood high, said goodbye Told me his missed the old style, wants more Told him I was tired and this is whorish What vines are these, that bound my ankles and I was screaming into vacuums, grand clocks, strange houses Safe houses that become embers Magic men, shaman, shaggy hair, danced there To use words in multiple places, placing clues A whole story, absolute, read it backwards, forewords iTunes shuffle function, on the poetry of the soul (if it exists) But he lost his edge again Yes he went to Africa, saw the face of God and the Devil, unification Iboga, uneasy stomach, vomited and killed them all Watched the world burn, and children dance Bluebell Lucy on arrival, back home Taunted the skies, saved the proletariat Grew wild roots and sang, some seraph Admittedly not an architect, or a poet or ********** How many people have made these allusions Sold drugs, killed men, ran home, all there, ghost of government Hedgerows grew wild, were noticed and cut down Still praise beatitude, Ginsberg, love-made, Kerouac, still plays She was Hannah and she was Malcolm, also Marvin He was them too, all the same, transcendental self-infatuation Peach trees, coloured blinds, ashy scattered floorboards Burnt home, music playing, popular culture All free-form even with formality A stream of conscious way of life Outlook unsure He thought he lost his edge Turns out s/he never had it
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Dec 26, 2013
Dec 26, 2013 at 12:26 PM UTC
Mezzo Exterior Austerity
What steps he took, after losing his edge Cocky **** running wild in days, never slept Took drugs, took women, took men Never slept again What cliffs she admired, after seeing the edge Tormented in fuzzy daydream childhood afternoons She came down and stayed for days An obsession with time to the point of stasis I think I'm losing my edge He thinks he's dead again She lost the bed again A faceless man was sat on a bench by the seafront Hood high, said goodbye Told me his missed the old style, wants more Told him I was tired and this is whorish What vines are these, that bound my ankles and I was screaming into vacuums, grand clocks, strange houses Safe houses that become embers Magic men, shaman, shaggy hair, danced there To use words in multiple places, placing clues A whole story, absolute, read it backwards, forewords iTunes shuffle function, on the poetry of the soul (if it exists) But he lost his edge again Yes he went to Africa, saw the face of God and the Devil, unification Iboga, uneasy stomach, vomited and killed them all Watched the world burn, and children dance Bluebell Lucy on arrival, back home Taunted the skies, saved the proletariat Grew wild roots and sang, some seraph Admittedly not an architect, or a poet or ********** How many people have made these allusions Sold drugs, killed men, ran home, all there, ghost of government Hedgerows grew wild, were noticed and cut down Still praise beatitude, Ginsberg, love-made, Kerouac, still plays She was Hannah and she was Malcolm, also Marvin He was them too, all the same, transcendental self-infatuation Peach trees, coloured blinds, ashy scattered floorboards Burnt home, music playing, popular culture All free-form even with formality A stream of conscious way of life Outlook unsure He thought he lost his edge Turns out s/he never had it
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44
It's better I give While life's within; The situation's Sin-win-win-sin. I must appear as an altruist, But scratch, you'll find a hedonist. And so I give more than receive, The pleasure's in giving, I'm not deceived. Been one all along; It feels right to be wrong. Admittedly so. I'm a hedonist. I amass such joy Reaping the benefits.
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Jan 3, 2017
Jan 3, 2017 at 7:54 PM UTC
Sin-Win-Win-Sin
Beethoven's Ninth; Mozart's Thirty-Eighth; What do they lack Artistically speaking? They lack the music of the buttocks, The celestial odourous **** Which charmeth all who hear it. Although admittedly Schubert Left an unfinished movement On the floor near his piano And the whiff was something horrid.
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Jan 12, 2015
Jan 12, 2015 at 10:03 AM UTC
Buttock Music
This was a handwritten letter that wasn’t patient enough to wait in the mail. I am a supporter of writing letters. Our world is drifting from the simplicity of pen and paper. We love to complicate things in life. I hope this letter can be a simple reminder that there is happiness and hope, even in darkness that reminds you of ink. The first time I saw you my mind raced to memories of summer days at the beach; campfires; the sound of the ocean. I thought, “She has no idea how beautiful she is. It doesn't cross her mind that girls envy her and men desire her. She is too concerned with the sound of laughter, and how it makes the darkness step back.” I make a lot of assumptions, mostly unjustified, about people I cross paths with. But I am sure you are justified in feeling like royalty. You look like happiness. A fort in the living room that looks like a castle, and cookie dough that tastes like heaven. If the opportunity crosses my path, I would give anything to meet you. If you walked in front of me, I would think you were a shooting star and make a wish. Don’t change. Shine unapologetically. You illuminate the humans around you. Admittedly, the desire to write this letter is still unknown. The desire is there and so here are the words.
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Aug 4, 2014
Aug 4, 2014 at 12:43 AM UTC
A Letter to the Setting Sun
this is a fine morning and the man in the bathroom mirror smiles though he admittedly isn't the friendliest person but honestly he seemed genuinely glad to be awake and alive on such an Autumn day with the birds chirping and the window near the kitchen slightly ajar allowing safe passage to a nice chill breeze. he finds the cat up as well meowing "Good morning!" cheerfully and innocently in its tiny cat voice and he chuckles and meows back in the most accurate manner available. on the kitchen table there's a mug of coffee, the newspaper rolled like a cigar, a plate of waffles, bacon, scrambled eggs and powdered happiness which the man gobbles wholeheartedly while reading the day's fresh headlines: President Declares Peace on Earth, Local Man Defeats Dog - Gives Too Many Treats, Cop Buys Medical Lemonade From Child's Lemonade Stand, World Hunger Exterminated... permitting the felines to rule our existence was truly the best of ideas!
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Nov 8, 2015
Nov 8, 2015 at 2:37 PM UTC
Meow Meow - Earth is Saved!
. “You’re the one that I lean on” Emotions Emotions Emotions. How do I expose my ulterior when I had shut down my interior. My motives remain different but still plastered with the same smile I put out on my exterior. But this. Slightly different. Wholly honest. Well I would hope so. After all this is a piece with the heat of the moment. Black and white. White paper, black ink. Nothing more, hopefully nothing less of the truth. Within, without your pain or mine. I want you to have your specific happy ending. If you do believe that happiness is non existent and your toxic fully carries you and makes you feel. Nothing to do with being alive. It just makes you feel. Then let your toxic consume till the day your soul tells you otherwise and pleads for you to settle. Let what you want and dream of happen now. I wish you nothing but all that you desire. There’s never ever any negativity that I would wish for you. But admittedly my pain will always be written and if you take it as a jab to your chest. Truly do not. I only express my truth to poetry. Don’t let it make you think negative of yourself. Allow it to show that I’m human, I hurt, I feel, I love and laugh. Just find your own Happy ending. I’m radiating positivity to you.
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Jun 2, 2019
Jun 2, 2019 at 1:23 PM UTC
Her Happy ending