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Akina Sep 2012
I feel my heart in pieces
       Although I see its whole

I feel aged beyond my years
       Though the mirror says it’s not so

I’m lonely all the time now
       Though the crowds would disagree

And from memories inside my head
       There’s no hope of breaking free


I hate that a relationship
        To start, always takes two

And when it’s time to end it
        All it took was you

Now everywhere I look
        And in everyone I see

A little bit of you
        Is staring back at me


I’m trying to move on
        I’m trying to forget

But all the little things build up
         And so I stay upset

Tears will come, and tears will go
         I’ve never cried so much you know?

And even when I should be hating you
          All I care is you’re not hurting too


I feel like I was cut short this time
           I still have things to say

You handled this all wrong, my friend
          There were a hundred better ways

I may not know you all that well
           In return, you don’t know me

I’m sorry I couldn’t be that girl
          The one you wish I’d be


I was nervous, I was new
         And I was horribly afraid

I knew we wouldn’t last forever
         But I said ‘yes’ anyway

I wanted, so bad, to be there for you
        To fulfill your every need

But mistakes were made, I’m sad to say
        And from me you did recede


I didn’t know what I was doing
        This was foreign, you were strange

And to this day, when I look back
          I can’t see what made you change

There was a time you wanted me
         And indeed you were my first

‘He got what he wanted, after all’
         If that’s true, then this is all far worse


If you used me
         Good for you

I hope you’re proud
         Of what you do

If you settled
       Or were expecting more

I’m sorry,
         I’d never done this before


Was I just filling another’s place?
          Did you plan this from the start?

I’m not sure where I stood sometimes
           But what had I, if not your heart?

I’m not one for protocol
           Nor wrapped up in tradition

While you were pining for a prior love
           With you I did fall smitten


Then things got quite out of hand
           And I couldn’t reach you anymore

All the romance seemed to die
          And you left me feeling like a *****

As much as I want to see you smile
          And though I tried to keep you

It felt like you wanted no part of this
          I only want it, if you want it too


I cannot fathom what went wrong
           I asked and got nothing back

We grew apart, you and I
          Until in silence I was trapped

I wish I could undo what happened
         There are things I wish I’d said

Instead my words remain unspoken
         And inside my heart feels dead


I know I will love others
          That’s something I can’t withhold

Just know that you don’t surprise me
         You acted exactly as I foretold

I know you really meant well
         At least that’s what I hope

Although many here have warned me
          “It was nothing but mirrors and smoke”


Before, we were together
          And now we are apart

It’s sad how I can clearly see
          The finish from the start

I guessed that you would end us
          The same way we came to be

You waited far too long to say it
         So the asking came down to me


Back then you said so lightly
         That I was all you needed

And then you turned so easily
          And said it better if we end it

You hurt me more than ever
          For days I could not cease crying

And the first question in my mind was
          So which time were you lying?
Confidence is something I seem to lack
The weight of what others think sits there on my back,
There’s nothing I can cling to to make it go away
Mirrors are my worst enemy when I think I look okay.

My face becomes hot I think I’m going to cry
Now I don’t want to be center of attention I think I’d rather die,
Just think what they could be thinking or what they might say
Rather than take the chance I think I’ll walk away.

I’d rather be by myself and just blend in with the crowd
Times like this I keep my mouth shut, I’ll be noticed if I’m loud,
I’ll just sit in my desk quietly until 2:30
Then I’ll race to my locker and it will just be me.

But I am the worst out of all the people who think
I scan every compliment and analyse every wink,
I don’t know why I let all the things get to me
What happened to the beauty I used to see.

The beauty of what I was, no matter what anyone thought
Now’s a faded memory all the positive I forgot,
Now when I walk down the halls I glue my eyes to the floor
And I try not to get stuck holding open the door.

I know it must seem sad how I torture myself
But what others think first and myself on the shelf,
I wish I had more confidence and didn’t care what others think
Maybe then I wouldn’t consider myself the weakest link.

I wish people would think before they acted and wouldn’t break my chain
If people could think about the outcome then I wouldn’t be in so much pain,
I wouldn’t think about what I wear and that I stick out from the crowd
I wouldn’t have to think twice if I wanted to be loud.

I could be as free as the sky above me & the sea below
Than if I’d never think because I wouldn’t know,
If you could support me and not criticize my style
Maybe then I could return it with a smile.
Umi Jul 2018
Love is always praised into the heavens
But never is a tale spoken in which hatred truly prevails,
For those creatures who have nothing but it left seem so lost,
Is this the price they are taking, or must this be a farewell ?
Alike love, hate can give strengh but also great misery,
For those who have lost the access to light it is but an embrace,
Because for them the heart was made to be broken,
Eventually though, through all odds they find their way, despising what they formerly had done, had felt and had acted.
This side of the story remains lonesome,
The light of love is for all to bear in the end,
But the embrace of hatred is undesired as if it was cursed,
Just because the darkness made an attempt to protect their minds,
An outcast who was left behind, who was undefended,
Bidden farewell the shadows of night give in to the sunrays
Another night ends in defeat.

~ Umi
Blue Melancholy May 2018
Bad days are like small doses of pain,
to show what dying tastes like.
When I say bad day,
I mean more bad than the usual bad way.

I made some bad choices,
used all the wrong voices.
Said all the wrong words,
acted like a total ****.

When I do these things,
I hate myself.  I don't feel better.
Sometimes it lasts a few days,
sometimes weeks.

Depression really doesn't help me,
it makes me feel not-so-happy.
Then I get punished for the things I do,
when I get depressed. But, you.

You don't care,
You don't believe me,
What does it matter?
It's not like I can feel happy.

oh wait-


Yes it's possible,
I can do some things,
so I feel less awful.
But, wait—that's right—you won't let me.
This **** happens to me all the time
Araoluwa Jacob Aug 2018
LOOK look!
It's not like I like you,
I feel moved when I see you.
Maybe it's because you're cute.....
But it's cool cause I don't have any intentions of getting close to you.
We are not meant to be so I'll just take my leave.
Our path in this world is different.
That's just how it's meant to be.
Even though you didn't pay me no mind, I acted like I didn't feel down.
I cried but not when you were there.
It felt good acting perfectly fine around you thinking your feelings will one day change.
It hurts that you are happy without me even though I crave for your attention badly.
I envy the way you are happy without me...
I try to be unresisting .
Ha....
You passed me by and gave me chills but you didn't feel anything.
I feel so bad for my foolish heart that won't wish you the best because I don't want to let you go.
Again.....
It's not like I like you.
I'm just moved by your groove....
In Reality, I actually do..
Shea Mar 20
Tomorrow is my birthday,
The eve of spring is upon us.
Tomorrow is my birthday, and
I'm still ignored by friends
Wishing that a friend
Would at least
Say "Happy Birthday."
I don't think my wish will come true.
My mouth acted faster than my head
And I screamed before
I could know what I done
And you just stood there,
Making fun.
You never took the time to understand why
Well, neither did my parents so
Who ******* cares?
I'm sorry
I'll **** it up
And fake nice
If it means my birthday
Won't be so bad
Chrissy Mar 5
There were millions of words you could have used
but you chose the ones that acted as a dagger and penetrated my back
Eva Rushton Aug 2018
Tonight I’m talking ,to my heart
As it was hurt time and again
It acted deaf ,from the very start
Then weeped remembering the all pain

I tried to sooth it , best I could
And even though it’s broken
If it wanted fixed ,I would
And Truely meant the words I’ve spoken

Then it started feeling hope
And I could feel it too
Now it felt like it could cope
And my heart I did renew

Written by E, M . Rushton
August 15th 2018
Steve Page Mar 15
Movies are
at their best
tightly scripted
bravely casted
boldly acted
richly promoted
highly rated
Poetry
Some movies move me.
Carter Ginter Oct 2018
I'm very grateful for
The progress I've made
And that I can realize now
Just how much
I allowed people to use me
Without seeing them
Doing anything wrong
It was always an issue with me
I either wasn't enough or
I was everything
Used only one way

She acted like she loved me
But ever since high school
All I was to her
Was a good **** and
A solid support system
Reliably there when she needed me
A schedule she chose herself
Said I was the one who got away
I was probably just the safe choice
As she always came back
Trying to get in bed with me
Even when we both had boyfriends
And after rejecting her then
Radio silence

Or another one
She was never real with me
I don't think she knew herself
So she'd change per person
And she moved in with me
Fully knowing it was a bad idea
To her I was a nice guy
Which allowed her to use me
Manipulating my mentality
And trying to fit in everywhere
Using anything to get her way
Lying to everyone constantly
But if you're not being real
You're a piece in the wrong puzzle

And I really don't want to
Hold onto the past at all
So before you think I'm not over it
Please understand that
This is just reflection
Of my own mistakes too
In a way that helps me grow
Because I sure as hell
Will not let this happen again
I am worth so much more
Than what I can give to others
I am a person too
My feelings, thoughts, and choices
They're entirely my own
No one else can control them
Not anymore
Alia Apr 2
And so they think;
Oh she became weird
Haven't been going out at all
Never see her anywhere anymore
Distant and quiet
What's wrong with her
We didn't do anything to her
Why isn't she texting
We won't though
Eh whatever we have plenty of other people to hang out with
Pity
She used to be cool
When she acted according to our standards
And met with our plans and schedules

What about
Is everything ok?
I've got no one and I'm losing myself
Genesee Mar 2018
When someone asked me why I did a certain thing
If anything it reminded me of the past
and of you for a split second
I quickly changed topics in order to avoid me from wanting to talk about you.
But when she kept persisting and kept asking.
I almost wanted to cry right then and there but then I reminded myself of how strong I was.
How even though you hurt me emotionally by stringing me along.
telling me empty words with zero meaning now looking back at it
But at the time oh how I wanted half of the words that you told me to come true
I wanted to meet you for the first time.
See you offline.
But then when I self-reflected
Was when I realized how the way I acted back then
vowed never again would I let myself be swayed by pretty words
Promising me things until it wasn't what you wanted anymore
written when I was feeling the after effects of heartbreak back then
JJ Hutton Nov 2018
In Room 204 of the Lancaster Motel,
I ease myself into the bath.
Music plays. It's the kind
of pan flute and finger-picked
guitar tune you hear over fuzzed out speakers
in grocery stores. I don't know the source.
The place smells of mildew
and cheap coffee and self pleasure
and Febreeze. I'm tired.
More tired than I've ever been, I think.
Do I still have a job? Until I call in to check, I suppose.
And I suppose this pocket knife will have to do.
I never seem to have a corkscrew on hand when
my mood calls for wine. I stab and jimmy the cork
until I can pry it loose with my teeth. A few
bits of cork float on the surface of the wine.
This does not stop me, nor slow me.
Pollyanna and I stayed in 206,
a detail that calls attention to itself, a detail that
longs for a poetic phrase,
yet I feel little other than the
dull thud of coincidence.
I remember asking her
before that first time if
she thought of *** as
a form or erasure or
addition. She said
both sounded nice.
And something
in the way she said nice,
led me to believe
she landed on an unspoken
third option.  I no
longer had an appetite for *** that evening,
but we acted on it to satisfy expectation.
She turned down the air conditioner,
and we laid there shivering and saying little.
She told me not to leave her.
I said I wouldn't.
I'm in the tub now and the bottle is almost empty
and all of this is so selfish and stupid
and I'm just doing it for the sake of habit
and sad sack poetry and ultimately
an "I-Eat-*****" consolation fedora in heaven. And I'm
self aware but the trajectory spirals against my will.
And my life entire burns a little slapstick,
so I get outside of myself--watch, enjoy.
Ken Pepiton Oct 2018
This is not where this idea began but it ran and I

missed my mark. Mark sin. -1 deficit reality quotientcy
currency. (Press Sure, to let the bursting pressure equilation expand at will)
Score.

That fine a level of reality
demands more attention than I have to pay.
Patient agent wait and not see or see if/then

you suffer, is there ought that I might do now
for you
that these words are not doing?
All I am is words, in a sence, sense, since

we come in threes, we are some of those sets of thoughts tangled in complexes
better left alone.

Untangling twisted knotted realities is what we do best.
We've been wadding up proteins, since God knows when,

time's less twisted than people think it is,
but it is silly to imagine
time's arrow is a metaphor for these meta-gnostic moments.
Is it? Apophrenia

Dejavu, you believe that, what if it is your memory lying by ignoring time
attention ratios determining the observations stored in HD?
What if it's just a glitch?
Blue screen of death.


If you suffer, is there ought that I might do now
for you
that these words are not doing?
All I am is words, in a sence, sense, since

we come in threes, we are those sets of thoughts tangled in complexes
better left alone.

Untangling twisted knotted realities is what we do best.
We've been wadding up proteins, since God knows when,

time's less twisted than people think it is, but is it silly to imagine
time's arrow is a metaphor for these meta-gnostic moments?

We come and go. To and fro up on the face

messengers bearing news in both directions, watch
the trickster, Jacob, in this story, he sees the messengers from
heaven bearing leaven thither and hither

upon the face of the earth.
the wrinkling mother, smiling now, chuckle head
I ain't no ***** saint.

Jah, I know. Joy is my dance, this is my song.
Is it good Grandmother?

---- on the porch facing my west gate ---

fences don't play exactly, out acted, the role of walls.

The idea that something there is that does not love a wall
has frozen my pond

the stillness beyond the sylvan **** crowned head
radiates through the medium of the message to me in time
to you.

Miles to go, you recall the feeling of feeling miles to go
before
I sleep.
That was yesterday, and you know yes ter everything's gone,
roar.

Aslan can pierce the barrier between mere Christians and me,
how would be fun to know, but
knowing why would help us keep the story interesting as life goes on

Who controls my peace?
Am I a mercurial sheen in between chaos and order,
chronus and zeus?
Could be, ya thank so, ye know so, less unlessed as

unlessing means nothing to you,
that means you are visiting here.

Visting whom, vis it ing whom?
Who's in charge, where's the power
short

age, wrinkles in time, rogue waves at the quanta scale,
we were dancing
with the thoughts emanating

from some IDW smart guy proffesing
Critique-technic-magi action, post mode'r'ism
at the point of Dada und Scheizkunst,
the unmass-queque,
the line of lies awaiting unbelief,
idle words lingering,
hoping
to be noticed and added back into the story book of life,

a simple wish.

It could be every child's, should we think that
if we can or may,

sometimes I'm still, and

confusion troubles the water,
it seems,
then another hurt is healed, another lie is gone and life goes on

we won again, this never gets old,
I do love my opposition,
pressure pump
pump pump. De-us-me-can-onbeoffbeyond

five years ago unmasking and rhetoric meant nothing to me
the purpose of learning forever and never
knowing anything beyond all things

our bubble is metastisizing, a mercurial film forms
informing us
in its reflection,

this is the ying yang thang in 3 or 4 d, HD+ chaos one half

order the other,
sharpest imaginable thing
me trick being mag ift just if eye winged show

how beautiful are the feet of them who bring good news,
you see, it flows, sweetwater flows
winged feet
whish through leaving, leavin' leaven…

unleaven that which has been leaved?
Fat chance, all who
eat this bread and don't get gas,
they are our same bread people. Companions.
Vectors of sour dough,
webs of fungal
axions
make a way
bore,pore, poor-with-us, pour

in to it ish, that idea, an opening through,
trickle down good gravity leveling stillness,
gentle rocking earth
roll round and round and round

the pythagorian version
of Euclid's point in his mother's story,

the point of this song? To know the point you must have been

to the point of in-forming the point on which we dance and you recall

we come in threes, and just, we are, just, if it, that idea,
rests in your
back roads, gentle on your mind. We make peace.

Being young is easy from my POV.
I've lived in my future for sometime now

I can't say how beyond saying aloud, this was never hidden,
in my accounting of idle words I claimed,
upon hearing the stories each contained.

i'da swore i hear that wise *** o'balaam's abrayin'
Braindeem, deemed 'eem. Wham, uptheyhaid. Relig, fool,

or chaos wins and no hero ever lives again!
Drop anchor, wait it out.
let patience blow her nose, gnostic snot caught in the nets,

nonono nothing's wasted in patience work, we make glue
from gnostic snot that patience sneezes
when reality grows cold,

that has happened, you know, temperatures are just now,
oh, wait global warming, bad dam,

Script, bust it,
leveling is essential to eventual temperature
equilibrium.
The heat is on, the bubbles are forming, informing one to another
below the surface
greasy tension, slippery slopes putting pressure on chaos
to conform to the curve

Ying yang, mercury film upon the sea of time and the scene of chaos
in this bubble of all you can imagine real.

Hows' that feel? Why?

You want that? What are you standing under? Does chaos win?
You are, as we say, cognisic magi we-ified,
practical magic at
the moment
the point
is made, then the creation begins

and not before or is this all
unrolling ex nihilo, no magi ever knew…
come, let us reason together,

why am I empowered? To live, first thought wise, that's good but
evil forces me to think again and I see the pattern

life goes on, John Molenkamp, Sam, soldier 4,
(as the credits role by, the name catches my eye)
never in a thousand years,
'cept unbelievable is one of those lies I came to **** by strangling
on bile while
rescuing every idle word ever involved in the infection

from the point in the absolute center of the bubble,
objectively, you see everything
that is
seeable

but would good prevail if evil had no hope?

I know that one, yes. why?
evil has no mind, soul, some think--
same same medium message spoken spelled chanted danced
who care's?
*** 'er done. Life has a chaotic side, the churning creates

number one from none, the cult of one divides itself
go do be
we three we three we three a wavy song ding ****.

Aware? Awaken? Avowed-wowed-wit-wise,
fullcomp, retired
Peacemaker. Me.

All my hero's imagined or real, were Peacemakers.
Just now, peaceful now, mindful now
we remain
the same blessing promised in the package of yeses
stolen from Cain by his older sister, his
bride,
keep that quiet, eh?

Secrets made sacred, always
those are lies, no lie is of the truth,
all lies are about the truth.

What empowers you, poet or poetry? Right, you know,
God, good god knows, resentment lives in lies

the rotting idle words deemed curses at best, secret at worst,
those idle corrupting thoughts sparking as if absolute annihilation were thinkable by rational minds

of ---wait, there's arub, a sore
ex nihilo, the homeless wanderer screams,

"May the whole world perish, may you all go to hell,"

the mad man wept his hell, and imagined his curse,

not mine,
I don't have one. I did, but I went back so often to find pieces of my heart that now I have an Elysian network woven through All-hell, the big idea that broke loose infecting the mind as wisdom's leaven builds her womb
inhabitation
placenta
stem cell informing builders empowered, pressure empowered, what must be, but is not verse, versus
us, the we that be
we must
choose,

let this be, come and see,
life goes on.
Agree, or empower us as we bubble by and
takenallwecan expanding gobbling bubbles,
good
by ye.

Once we flushed the Dada poison and let mito mom
instill the patience gene with
epigenetic peace we can pass on with a touch or a word,

we've never woven lies for no reason,
if a rung breaks
and they can, last straw and all that weight,
you know,
Jacob's ladder is an escalaltor-ladder, wittily invented,

there are automated steps, algoryhmes of reasons to repair the broken rung
with a reason to believe the rung has been repaired,
only believe, take a step,
re
paired again with the idea of meaninglessness masked in create-if-ity

good enough. okeh. don't believe lies.
Don't pass undigested lies to see if farts burn.
Listening to Hicks Explaing Post Modernism after watching Tenant's Voltage Within spark a fire. This reality is storyteller heaven.
Alyre Collette Mar 2013
The beginning of this story is pretty hazy, I’m not really sure I remember how the whole thing started but when it was happening it all seemed to make so much sense.
The first thing I remember, everything seemed normal enough, I was probably just going about doing the same things I do most days, nothing special. Then all of a sudden this terribly great thing happened. Everyone was talking about you.  Something important going on and you where right at the center of it. As I later found out you had gone missing or run away or just vanished, nobody knew. I defended you when they said they had seen it coming, that they had seen it in your eyes. I knew better than that. This was a place of loners and lovers, no families allowed, all the families had to go somewhere else, or at least they did.
I remember someone important, the Mayor maybe. He was like a cartoon villain, suave in a gray paper-perfect gray suit and silver hair slicked back just enough. He had a big smile and teeth like snow on a sunny day. He was a game show host villain.
He was the one making the biggest fuss about the whole thing. Always talking about how we shouldn’t feel ashamed of you for running away or that we should pray that you be safe wherever it was you had gone. But he just had those big phony teeth.
There was something going on with friends, at school I guess, like they wanted to keep talking about it but I didn’t. I knew you were coming back, how couldn’t you. I tried to explain to everyone that there was no way in hell I would be that cruel to myself, but they had no idea what I was talking about, they thought I was losing my mind.
You remember that time we tried that one drug and things were not as great as you expected. That night we thought we were both going to lose our minds. This time I wasn’t losing my mind. I had all the confidence in the world.
There was a lull midway through, I had no idea when you were coming back and I was starting to get annoyed with all the people around me. I couldn’t believe they were still making such a racket about the whole thing. They weren’t even like real people, they all had these defining characteristic which became their entire personality. They were caricatures of real people but I didn’t have the heart to tell them. I didn’t care enough to bother with figments, how could I?
Then suddenly the whole thing was different, there was some new great event going on. Everyone had gathered to some great big open amphitheater. All the seating was facing a big fancy stage with lots of lights on it. Behind the stage were hills. Everyone was talking about them, those where the hills they said you ran out into. As it turned out that was the reason for our being here. It had been like a hundred years or something since you had run away and everyone had come for a ceremony in your honor.
The whole thing was absolutely awful. It felt like we were there for a whole day, and the mayor was speaking for over half of that. Everyone was so captivated by his teeth and his suit that they barely heard what he was even talking about. They all acted as though what he was saying was breaking their hearts though, some even seemed genuinely inspired.                                       
The ceremony was going on and I was pretty done with the whole thing, I could feel the end coming. There was some pause in the speeches and all the seat sitters went to go freshen up. I took my chance and just ran out into those hills.
This was the best bit. All of a sudden I was in these hills, there was nothing but mountains in the distance and the stars were like light fixtures. They shone with color almost but the moon was so big and brilliant that everything was that perfect dim blue-silver color. By that light I could see the wind dancing in the knee-high grass, not like waves but more like snakes. I felt like a dumb rock when all I wanted was to be smoke, dancing with the wind.
Then you came down from the sky, you showed me all the dazzling swirls and swoops you could do and left all these crazy colors in your wake. When you finally settled down I saw you skin was like orange flame, soft like a marker drawing, moving around you like a flaming teardrop. Your core was all blackness and depth but I knew it was you. Who else would it be?
We hold hands and you fly us back to that big stage. We wait behind the curtain and we hear the mayor come on one more time. He’s telling the audience about one final display to tip off the ceremony, a dazzling light show preformed by a secret guest. I look at you in surprise but before I know it we’re making a run for it, speeding up those long aisle steps, up towards the exit doors at the top. Everyone is speaking about it at the top of their lungs but I can barely hear them over the sight of you. Your colors are all falling off and I can see your features being revealed as flakes of light peel away. We burst out the double doors and down some hallway. Out into the bright sunlight and I still can’t get over how beautiful you are.
And that’s how it ends.
I acted badly today, and
thus I was drained.
All of these passing thoughts
in my head: desire,
Love; impatience, insecurity. I was
mistaken by notions
and felt anxiety and thought my body
betrayed me; but I don't
want to be so serious about this, no, I want
to admit my failings but be
compassionate in self-judgement and do better.

I want to grow, continue
on, feel strength, confident
in my aura, improve, belong.
I am trying to change. I want
to be light, supple but strong,
To cause happiness in all.
Ray Ross Sep 2018
He tapped my shoulder
He said a few words but all I heard
Was the buzz of my heart beating faster
And faster
In fear.

He acted normal,
If not a little nervous,
Knowing,
I would be around campus.
With him.

I thought I would’ve yelled,
Or screamed,
Or told him to leave,
But I just took it.

I just took it.

I texted my friend a minute later that I’d be late to class.
I was busy crying in the bathroom.
Carter Ginter Jan 2018
I didn't lie to you
Everything I said was true
At least in that moment of time
I told you back then
Even if I believed in soulmates
I don't believe in only one
If I remember right
You agreed

Our feelings thrived through 5 years
When we didn't say a word to each other
That's definitely something special
And I'm not saying my feelings have changed
But my place in life has

Yes I'm polyamorous
But that's not why we didn't work
Sure, maybe I could've tried harder
But I felt trapped and couldn't breathe
Even though we weren't close
You needed me constantly
Which was fine until the pressure caught up to me

I'm not blaming you
I was there for you 1000% at first
Then I stopped trying so hard
You thought I was giving all my attention to her
She thought I was giving all my attention to you
I should've been giving more attention to me
Because life was killing me

Working full time
And trying to survive the semester
Now add that to the balancing of two relationships
Plus an ex who acted like Jekyll and Hyde

Imagine trying to address
The intense emotions you had
Plus those of my ex
And those of my other partner
Let alone my own feelings throughout it all
That's a lot to handle
And yes I dug my own grave with it
But I figured it'd be worth it in the end

You seem to think that
I'm some unstable person who
Tears everyone down with me
But, even in these last few months
I've grown and changed so much
And I'm finally learning how to make myself happy

I stopped starving myself and joined a gym instead
I am practicing mindfulness to understand myself and the world
I learned how to talk myself down from my feelings
I finally feel comfortable being myself
Radical as **** but still sensitive
I can finally exist alone and at peace

As for believing in reconnection
It's not just 'us' involved anymore
That's where people seem to forget
Both you and my ex seem to expect
That I can't just make these decisions
Without thinking too much about the others

I understand why
You'd hope my present relationship will fail
But I've grown a lot as a person
I've learned more about myself
And what I want and need

With her there is no co-dependence
There's open communication
There's honesty and transparency
That doesn't mean it's 'better'
I am not degrading ours in any way
It does mean it's different though

So how can I reenter a relationship
That was definitely unhealthy in some ways
After realizing what healthy means?
Despite all of my love for you
Despite how much I care
We can't be more than friends right now
Because anything else would hurt us both

If our souls do meet in
Whatever world exists next
Then you can slap me silly
But right now this is what's best
Mohamed Nasir Nov 2017
He was coming out hurriedly
While she was about to come in
They met at the glass door he and she
Accidentally

And both froze momentarily
And she startled and both stared
Unattered a second and eventually he
Said I'm sorry

He was taken in by her beauty
And so he struggled for his wallet
Gave his business card she looked she
Said oh really?

And one night when she was lonely
Remembered him she took out his card
A cellphone number she dialled suddenly
Accidentally

Since then they met occasionally
Not at her home and not at his office
At the park at cafes for she said she's
Always busy

Too occupied in a huge company to see
Unawares she's in a different division
Those whom he knew acted anxiously
So strangely

One day he asked will you marry me
Two fine kids later by merit moved his
Office next to the boss next to her he
Wants to be
Accidentally
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