Here I am
on the edge between
happiness and sadness
once more.
How did I get here?
How did I become so lost,
so alone...
Why am I here?
Why dont I belong?
acception is such a strange concept.
We believe in those we feel worthy,
and forget those we feel are not.
Why cant we accept that each
And every person is great
and unique and amazing
in ther own special way
they create individually.
I would do a lot
to make sure
people dont end up
where I am right now.

I choose to accept
your every quirk.

I’ve been looking for a new me
Slipping on a different pair of skin
Drinking someone else’s opinion
I can’t find myself anymore
This isn’t my voice
They’ve dressed me up into a monster I’m not

There is nothing more hollow than the sound of fate.


We used to drink coolers in the sunlight and beam at the current state of the world;
Crystallized visions warped in everlasting time,
we dreamed.
We were unbothered, but unhinged without realization,
But we loved it anyways.
A remaining 24 hour cycle- a day by day opening first act
We stood amongst our choices and applauded.

-

All she wants is a late night whisper of confirmation.
All she wants is everyone to see her glamorous, shooting star
personality;
Make them think, under her belief,
that she was anything special.

Grappling for a sense of hope and help and laughter
A glimpse into this near-distant future
Screaming for a change in the past.
Its all left unheard and she aims for the sun-
She lands amongst the tides and sinks under.

She lays her head on her satin red pillows and cries a song no one will hear, no one cares to open their ears.



And in the morning you find her face down.

-

They call me the green dragon because I'm puffing smoke,
Filling the surrounding rooms and destroying everyone I know.
I don't know where I'm coming from and where my mind has seemed to go but
I hold dearly these emotions arising
And I can't stop this swelling in my chest;
What comes after this?

I am transported into this space of celestial fluid that consumes my thoughts
The dark matter, the voices you can't seem to find, nor grab
They disappear like a photograph over a slow burning candle,
Fading off like smoke into the air,
Nothing.

They were always something. And now they stay lingering,
Infused into this space and you are treading water
Your head almost under.

We slip into this sleepless coma, this eternal unfamiliarity of the future
Dark as night, mute noise, no one present
Your eyes slip back and remember, remind yourself of what you lost
Face the actions you've created, you've sought out
Drown.

I whisper through the tears and say I'm not the only one,
I'm not the only one,
And somewhere soon we'll meet again and drown the sun.

Some lost love, a forbidden thought,
I am apologetic but I must be leaving
And soon one day I hope to see

That things will remain what they seem.

-its a cycle of life

conceptcollection

It all starts with a kiss on the forehead from the devil.
A curse so deadly that The Grim Reaper would fear for his life.
Togetherness is a lost cause for sanity and my mind.
One of them, if not both, has been absent.

I've killed many and many before.
Homicidal cravings have polluted my veins.
Empathy has fled the scene of this heinous crime inside my head,
As the voices so gracefully moved in.

Frequent scenarios are projected in my dreams,
Like some spooky yet ****** film.
Two vampiric women kiss so maliciously,
As their lips are painted with blood.
This vision makes ****** *******.

The blood flow has not yet been drained from my vision,
As it stains the cotton of my memory.
Remorseful thoughts convert to an addiction.
I need to accommodate another fix, before my inevitable conviction.

I've once felt the feelings of the peaceful,
But reality has stolen my conscience.
A lovely soul transformed to atrocity .
This lantern gained a shortage of oil,
causing me to become lost in a field of misery and pain.

Minacious laughs frolic in my ears,
Though these giggles I'm quite familiar with.
I heard them often, so joyful and so free.
But now they've turned to evil.

An inability to move my hands when desired,
Caused by attire not aimed for warmth.
I'm a prisoner blocked by a wall of darkness,
So deliberately detaining my sanity.

I have loved a time, so long ago,
Where happiness was my most valued acquaintance.
Yet something inside of me awoken so suddenly,
Shamelessly demolishing any remote heart I once possessed.

Possession is such a polite word to use,
describing demonic forces taking ownership of your soul.
But I consider it a blessing in disguise,
Due to the unescapable fact that who I was could not be an acception,
To those who hold superiority over me.

A monster I was?
Or A monster I have became.
It would never be determined by the others.
All they fathom is that a monster is contained,
And lives will no longer be stolen by the guilty hands of this monster.

But what gives human life it's worth?
I will forever ponder that thought.
For I am the star of this so called Hell,
And where I'll be when my time has come,
No sane human would dwell.

Sometimes I find myself wishing for more;
That I could make something better than before.
Everything I’ve done is a one-time exception;
I face myself with thorns rather than acception.

Surely my successes were merely chance!
Ideas don’t come to me like they did in the past.
People say they see talent in me, I see nothing—
Then again, would I even know I was good at something?

Everyday you come across many people
Short, tall, black, white, round, slim, pretty and ugly
You learn eventually that these people become gone
Gone is many ways
Gone towards you
Gone towards themselves
Spritrualy, mentally, physically, and financially
The truth is that these strangers are your friends, your lover, your family.
They take you on beautiful strolls to contemplate on life
They take a toll on your life
They take a hold on your life
Accepting the love we think we deserve has hit me the worst
Wherever it may be you would like to be accepted
At school
At home
At work
Anywhere, acception is key
Have you ever wondered why people feel the need to be accepted by someone that truly does not care for their being?
It's an indescribable pain
Being unaccepted can taunt your innerself and make you believe you cannot live without
You're mental and physical frame convinces you to believe that you will never be good enough for anything or anyone
Still people chose to hold on and continue to what cannot be
The madness of this is that while we try to spread love we have not recieved it back and we can but not from the people we deeply desire for

What does it matter that I'm good . I'll never be alright with who I am, what I want is only a dream. And the ones that I love are as real as life will ever be.

Apparently I talk as though
something's missing from your book.
I laugh because I know there's not, yet
I'd be lying if I said that I
hadn't already looked.

When I speak of you my words reveal
none of that which you've become,
I dare not tell them what you mean to me,
nor how you make me feel, once more,
young.

I'm feel as though I'm wobbling from
the sturdiness of your grip.
Unbalanced and uncompromised,
I'm bracing myself to slip
away from you.

I'm waiting for you to leave,
preparing myself to grieve
over your loss. A small voice
attempting to convince that
I never gave a toss for you
at all.

If that voice was right, then I wouldn't feel so small
without you.

You worry me

I haven't felt you attempting to hurry me along,
nor have I felt the need to
long for your affection,
your regular attention shows a surprisingly
full acception and reflection
of myself.

You're lifting me from the shelf of my creation,
my elation dampened simply by surprise
and shock
that the rock I have been clinging to wasn't
such a burden after all.
In fact it became a tool and
rule of our companionship
which I timidly, yet confidently, accept
to be becoming
a relationship.

Welcome to the Mad House.
(I hope you decide to stay)

Affection
something I crave
from nobody other than you.

Attention
something I hate
but I want all of yours.

Appreciation
something I have
for every one of your actions.

Acception
something I need
because you will never be mine.

Two sips away from poison
Two lies away from treason.

Two too many mistakes made for redemption
Two too many hands away from salvation.

Two minutes away from acception
Two seconds away from extinction.

Dear journal
If traveling has taught me anything
It's that no matter where you go
People won't accept you
People don't tend to change
State to state
I guess I figured that out to late
But it's ok
We are having a great time
But my mind won't stop from blurry windows
To closed eye lids
My mind won't stop moving
But it's ok I like it that way
It keeps bad things off my mind
And I need that from time to time
We climbed a hill today
It was pretty big
It was pretty fun
I learned a lot about limits
And how people bestow you with them
Miles of mounains and hills
The gold mine and more
It was everything meant to be amazing
Acccept me standing in the middle of it all

It's me who should know better
It's me who should make the sacrifice
It's me who should be strong
when others won't.

for what?

When did I get so used to
burn every inch of myself out
for acception and love
that no one grants me?

for what?

It's me who knows better
It's me who makes the sacrifice
It's me who is strong
as it's the only choice

for what?

When did it get so hard not to
wear everything on my sleeve
as opposed to hide them so
I won't be noticed?

for what?

It's me who is the fool
It's me who is the attention-seeker
It's me who is the weakling
still painfully invisible.

no reason, no consequence
no beginning, no end

after all, I'm the girl who can't hurt herself
who can't heal herself
who can neither exist nor perish.
It's me who is the utmost liar

no savior, no captor
no one, no one, no one.

I want to Write down what I'm feeling.
Describe everything I'm dreaming.

My love for you were as warm as a fire.
But why? You're nothing but a liar.

Have I even ever felt love?
Or was it just deception,
The wanting for acception?

Why did I ever trust you?
Did I just never see the issue?

Did you ever love me?
Or was I just another dummy?

You used me,
Abused me.

Left me public smiling,
Secretly crying,
But now I'm just dying.

She was drown to superstars
Shiny cars
Fast lives Slow hearts, materialistic worshippers
Loud mouths, voice yelling hand clappers
Just to get a point a across

Attitude filled reality stars
She idolized, visualized and internalized
Their lifestyles

Just to end up losing her own identity

Consumed by what she idolized she forgot to open her eyes

Blinded by perception, while dying to gain acception

I Am A Teenager
mY moutH iS A fauceT
My Mind Is A Different Somebody
whO I havE yeT tO meeT
I Strive To Succeed
iT striveS tO faiL
I Strive To Work Hard
iT striveS tO givE iN
I Strive To Be Who I Want To Be
anD alL thaT minD oF minE doeS
Is Stop Me

I Am A Teenager
yeS I spenD alL daY oN mY phonE
But No It’s Not Because I’m Texting My Friends
it’S noT becausE i’M ignorinG yoU
I’m Just Trying To Distract Myself
froM thE constanT paiN piercinG mY thoughtS
Letting Me Believe That I Won’t Make It
Past Graduation
lettinG mE believE thaT lovinG myselF
isn’T possiblE
I Try To Stop These Thoughts And Move Forward
anD alL thaT minD oF minE doeS
Is Stop Me

I Am A Teenager
starvinG foR acceptioN
Dehydrated Of Happiness
mY motheR
Holding Cake And Water
buT noT carinG foR mE
For Fear Of Too Many Calories
anD noT wantinG tO triP anD falL
I Beg For Her Truthfulness
anD alL thaT minD oF herS doeS
Is Stop Her

My kidneys are failing me
But I have failed them too
I tried to **** myself
Yes I'm starting on a taboo.

But I do have to admit
One very sad little fact.
I never wanted to end my life
It all was just one sick act.

I know, it's low.
But don't cheer up just yet.
If I did it for a lack of attention
that you didn't give, and I didn't get.

Then what does that make of you?
Do you feel any better?
I still managed to harm my health,
Not dying doesn't end my letter.

I need love and acception
So I happen to just ask it wrong.
People make mistakes,
And I've made them so long.

I at least care to come clean,
I have the feeling, I'm never seen.
I speak the truth when I say,
I've never chosen the wrong way.

I just needed you
And you needed me too
I'm not there, but neither are you
It's not fair, but we're not seeing through.

We're both wrong
And no ones right.
And now you're gone
And I gave up the fight.

mindfulness on nature's needles
see the sky's brightness turned to max over hand prints
planned trips of impromptu gladness exceeds all
of every expectations, I breathe tall
I feel small, but content
the world's beauty just will never relent

it is my perception that ebbs and flows
my imperfections that make me glow
and my intentions that seem to go
in all directions connected expressions
I feel the calm of love and acception
within is lifted, the self-oppression
I'm blissed out this yoga session

mottor: „fountains are drying by habitude” – Sixtus Aquarius

in the common acception
in the heart of small capacity of aunt Haby
there are still surviving reserves

and I quote:  
“what poetry mister Gee?
dreams and illusions which go off on one
to humbug us for good”  

aunt Haby sticks her hand
illustratively in the ground and says man
I know for a fact:
what’s in my hand
is no ‘green planes on the wall’!  

Yet
the thing is
that there is no way of knowing
how much poetry is there in the ground
at World's End  

so the Poeth-dog is coming it sniffs
her demonstrative hand
and then the beast raises its foot
  
some ms Habies are even stroking him
on this matter
arguing that it’s ordinary but they know better

for most often is driven away
from heaven
and everything is reduced to a few solemn
and sexymenthal cry-barkings
  
this is where I come in
friendly like a racing horse
a flyer swimmin’ on the ground
and aunt Haby jumps on me
she just found out I’m transporting poems
internally and internationally
and reality is that o-kaaay
what can I say?
  
aunt Haby is sad
her hand hurts like hell
I walk airborne underground like the gadfly
I save her urgently to the worlds end
right there where the land is resurrecting us
after the glaciations
  
where the entire world is wrenching in tears
of laughter