You never gave a ****
Even when I loved you
But you're one hell of an actor
You had me believin'
Everything would be okay
And took it from my right to breathe
And now I'm suffocating
Tryin' to get you erased
My heart, it's screamin'

I could have loved you forever
Unconditionally
But then you went and ******* me over
Almost abusively
If not for circumstances I would try to get you back
But seeing as the circumstance is me
And I'm done playing games
Just know
I could have loved you forever

You won't hurt me again
Because now I'm guarded
There's no way you can get to me
So the story goes
Hidden deep within me
Is a soul strong enough to survive
And now I'm suffocating
Fightin' for the air I breathe
My tears, they're streamin'

I could have loved you forever
Unconditionally
But then you went and ******* me over
Almost abusively
If not for circumstances I would try to get you back
But seeing as the circumstance is me
And I'm done playing games
Just know
I could have loved you forever

It's my time now though
And your time to go
You're not welcome back here anymore

I could have loved you forever
Forever
Unconditionally
But I know I'll find better
Good enough for me
If not for circumstances I would try get you back
But seeing as the circumstance is

I could have loved you forever
Unconditionally
But then you went and ******* me over
Almost abusively
If not for circumstances I would try to get you back (try to get you back)
But seeing as the circumstance is me
Just know
I could have loved you forever

Forever baby
I could have loved you forever

~Welcome the Eighth of days!!
Whereby the snake of fear becomes our best of friend transmutable,
we come here now ready already in~~

"Joy"
~'Release all your fear
Heaven anticipates earth
Rolling in laughter'~~
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/joy-18/

‎"Everything you see has its roots in the unseen world.

The forms may change, yet the essence remains the same.

Every wonderful sight will vanish,

every sweet word will fade,

But do not be disheartened,

The source they come from is eternal, growing,

Branching out, giving new life and new joy.

Why do you weep?

The source is within you

And this whole world is springing up from it".


-Rumi~~
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/rumi-weep-within-you-springing-up-from-it/

~'So It Is Sown!!!

From,
The Heart of the Infinite Deep Dark Sea of LOVE <3 <3 :) :)!!!
From where she and all is sprung and springs still and still;
Where if some is Good More Is Given!!!!

Welcome to the 8th of Days...
My Dearly departed and imperishable ones of such this very LOVE!!!'~~
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/dearly-departed-1/

'Satyam Shivam Sundram Love Truly as Kindness in Action
as Beauty Be of Great Spirits's Ka- Alling Afu Ra's Childeren All
Must Be One Great Womb Where Our Love's Light Spirit Breathes
Within as without, above and below every rainbow I Am Another You';
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/in-lakech-ala-kin/

'I know of these flock's,
Of all the little birds and swarms,
Of bees, but whom did 'Tweet',

Which did 'Pollinate' Lovely Upon Such,
A Shimmering Glimmering Flowering Field,

I know not which one,
or if s/he was or is still sleeping!!!

**"Bliss's!!R'
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/glimmer-the-field/

2012 Crossing Over, A New Beginning;
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hlfYHAV1i8w

'Nostradamus and sleeping prophet's One lost image of the singular Eye';
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/columbuss-crossing/

'Nostradamus too understood so much within,
With and about these could find no conclusion,
Of otherwise what was self evident,
Certain kinds of trends predictable,

But a blank of 'time/space',
That went blank thereabouts by,
Nine Times Nine the 81st page,
'The Lost Book of Nostradamus',
Where it was left open...

IS... Us...

Knock Knock!!!
BLISS

You can become

'One' with this then 'Great Architect',
See, Understand A Midwife Be Need,

Then Also Completely That None Can Be Left Out Indeed!!!'
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/come-home-all-returning/

"KISS Kiss'S KissES"!!!

'Keep It Simple Silly

'Sweet

Especially Sweet!!!'
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/kiss-kisss-kisses-1/

"HEART TIME"

'GOOD  Time
Bad Time

HEART

NO TIME

HEART

NO TIME
AT ALL'
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/heart-time/

"Knock Knock BLISS!!!"

'If this BLISS comes knockin'
BLISS wants in, O' Be Lite Swift

Say the 'Door Is Already Open'
Bring Friends All The More!!!'
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/knock-knock-bliss/

'Dancing In LOVE's
Joyly Fun Seeking
Thine Rightfully
Divined Kiss's
Thine Divine
All Willing
Alrighty
Got
\/
.
.
And
Out of
Ode Baseless
Fearful Trances
Hypnotic Spell's
Broken Freed
~Of IT ALL~
Abusively
Already
Leave's
If You
Let It
Be!!
\/
S
o'
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/my-needs-deep-of-all/

~'We Shall Launch That
Greater Magical Mystery
'IT' of them ALL!!!'~~
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/friend-of-heaven/

~'Know soonly
We shall find,

Truly Abundantly Food
For Our Bodies And Souls;

EIGHT DAYS A WEEK!!!'~~
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/here-we-are-eight-days-a-week/

~'Your heart
torrential river
rushing reaching
touching changes all
at once all so between
it's every beating!!!'~~
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/yours-and-mine/

~'As we breathe so too it follows like the Great Tantric Being...'~~
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/faith-from-whence-they-came/

~'Solomon is here with me man
and we laughing really we can
understand the wooing of such
pains fading Heaven oh so hard
and at once too easily off!!'~~
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/solomon-is-here/

~'Sure I can understand your heart
that just assume chop garlic really

and more than imagine
the quandaries

and about the fairly's of lonely's

wide by wakeful heart of eye
I can dream about the hopes, dares

and of your despairs of your great
yet uncertain missions too'~~
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/garlic-really-or/

~'Still I say
Forgive me all!!!

Oh silly me,
for to be or not to be,
twas not question after all,'~
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/forgive-me-all/

~'In any Darkness at all,

This or night, still you will find,
there is truly only More Love Willing,

To Come Into the Sphere' of Our Beings,'~~
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/this-eye-timothy/

"Mind Games" - John Lennon

We're playing those mind games together

Pushing the barriers, planting seeds
Playing the mind guerrilla

Chanting the mantra, peace on earth
We all been playing those mind games forever

Some kinda druid dudes lifting the veil
Doing the mind guerrilla

Some call it magic, the search for the grail

Love is the answer and you know that for sure
Love is a flower, you got to let it, you got to let it grow

So keep on playing those mind games together

Faith in the future, outta the now

You just can't beat on those mind guerrillas
Absolute elsewhere in the stones of your mind

Yeah we're playing those mind games forever
Projecting our images in space and in time

Yes is the answer and you know that for sure
Yes is surrender, you got to let it, you got to let it go

So keep on playing those mind games together
Doing the ritual dance in the sun

Millions of mind guerrillas
Putting their soul power to the karmic wheel

Keep on playing those mind games forever
Raising the spirit of peace and love

Love...
(I want you to make love, not war, I know you've heard it before)
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/imagine-this-two-by-john-lennon-1/

“When you work you are a flute through whose heart the whispering of the hours turns to music.
To love life through labor is to be intimate with life’s inmost secret.
All work is empty save when there is love, for work is love made visible.”
~~Kahlil Gibran~~~!!!
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/kahlil-gibran-such-your-beauty-of-love/

'We gift each other,
I will run with what you impart,
to me and with what I see,
your most precious gifts,'
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/again-with-for-timothy-one-with-all/

'As much as this is simple truth,
I know those now whose body itself is one with this inner spirit,
and runs in defiance of all other illusion!!!'

"Know then that the body is merely a garment
Go seek the wearer , not the cloak."

~ Rumi
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/in-defiance-of-all-other-illusion/

I have never allowed myself to abide
by the unfortunate misgivings of
censors and their hollow minds.
I love to abusively use the word ****,
and every time I see you with your kids,
I light one up.
Blow smoke in their ****** faces,
then I'll tell your innocent little *******
about the last time I was completely wasted.
See I'm morally opposed to all forms of censorship.
That's why I drive drunk, three stogs in my mouth
and I answer honest when your wee kiddies question it.
"Sir, what's the white powder you have upon your face?"
"That? Oh no worries my little brother
that's just a bit of *******."
At some point, I think I lost societal membership
all due to my personal policy.
Simply, **** censorship.

There comes the waves kissing the shore,
Both gentle and harsh,
Mellow winds caressing the sand ever gently,
and at times abusively.
Like a sand castle residing at the shore,
your days are numbered to when you fall.
It's not the rough ones that are the reaper,
They left crumbs so you see your pieces fall off,
But the soothing ones that smothers you from grain by grain,
Feeding off bits of you that you left forgotten.
Like a sand castle residing on the shore,
Your days are numbered to when you fall,

-HIY

A fractured spirit as a child.
Divorced parents.
A Saturday father.
A jealous mother of happy time spent with our father.
What very little time that was.
For me it was never close to enough.
That precious time was reduced even more.
I missed and needed my daddy.
But mom didn't care, her feelings were clearly more important than a fragile child.
After being dropped off by our father there were times of mental and physical unwanted unnecessary uncomfortableness.
All I wanted was time with my daddy but it became scarce, because our father did not want us subjected to that type of behavior any longer from a jealous woman.
Fractured spirit led to a fractured heart.
Part of my heart was so loving and warm.
The larger part was so cold and so bitter.
Which has led to a fractured tormented soul especially after losing my daddy a few short years ago one March day.
Watching my daddy suffer first hand from stage IV lung cancer opened up old and new wounds.
It fractured my mind.
It fractured my very essence of being.
Why is my existence completely fractured ?
Why was it after watching my father get so abusively tortured by cancer did I and do I feel so broken and unrepairable ?
Perhaps it's because I want the same fate as my daddy and I won't feel whole ever again until I do.
I've never been a truly happy person since my father left us as children.
I've never been whole, ever, and I never will be.
I drag my fractured existence through year after year since my daddy's passing.
Never caring, even a little if I myself was diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer
tomorrow.
Selfish?
Perhaps.
But that cold and bitter part of my heart doesn't care much about selfishness.
It only cares about the exhaustive numbing pain it has dragged around for nearly 50 years.
As other layers of guilt with other separate affairs of my fractured heart have been added throughout these painful years, life if I am to be honest, has almost become a nuisance.
Crowds of people I avoid because my cold bitter heart trusts no one.
Outside of my home I venture only because I have to, to support the family I created.
Otherwise my fractured being I would keep in my home away from a world I almost despise and sometimes loathe.
Money does not make me happy.
Love does not make me happy.
Nothing will ever make the bigger piece of my fractured heart happy.
It's north pole cold and it will never be warmed until I suffer as my daddy did and I finally leave this place called Earth that I look at as hell.
I only need to leave my home for one day to realize that this really is hell on earth.
Until I can get away from the ignorance...
the I I I I I ...
the selfishness of just about every human being I encounter everyday I will never be happy.
When I see my daddy's face and Jesus's face is when my fractured heart will become whole once again and when I will finally allow myself to be happy.....at long last.
I can't wait to know even something as simple and taken for granted as being/feeling whole.... I can't wait to know how that feels because I never have.
A whole heart from me would be absolutely angelic.
A heart that Jesus has longed to see whole too, i'm sure of it.

Quietly, quickly, inconspicuously, daringly, cautiously, knowingly, doubtingly, forcefully, confusedly, consciously, uncontrollably, thoughtfully, dumbly, numerously, abusively, blatantly, spontaneously, thinking of the blank, black, silence that engulfs my being every nocturnal moment I remain frozen in the banks of reality waiting for the hypothetical trigger of the hypothetical gun to be ripped behind its epicenter to allow me the will to be woken from a death that had been disrupted by a millimeter of flame from a centimeter of a stars everlasting life within a never lasting cycle of momentary aliveness in a stillness that ceases to be as such.

On Screen...

mummy could act
she was a pro
she could provide drama
for the camera on cue
how the directors loved
what she could do
no doubt she'd steep herself
in the character
she was playing
the movie studio's favored
her for many a part
as her presence for the lens
was irresistible
capturing the emotional essence
of the role
she did it with aplomb
mummy had a way
of showing her best
frame by frame
never was her ability
as an actress lame or tame

At Home...

as mummy's filming schedule
did fill to over flow
the pressure of it
did impact on family life
mummy had a volatile temper
which she often exercised
few knew mummy was so cruel
she'd maltreat her darling daughter
in a manner most abusive
she'd belt her very hard
which invariable resulted in tears
mummy how could you be
so hurtful
with the pain you've inflicted
upon your darling daughter
it has stayed ingrained
I thought you loved me
how wrong I was
to think that

Exposed...

finding answers
to mummy's make up
twas insightful
she had not a good childhood herself
for her folks had treated her abusively
the screen offered
her an illusion
to escape the memories
of those times
when mummy felt
a little wound up
she'd find her release
in viciousness
toward her daughter
these days
mummy's behavior
is understood by me
she sought comfort
from the cruelty
by retreating
into the world of film
there she experienced
something swell

Arrogance, high-pitched laughter,
hiding behind some old fashioned
movie smile knowing you're a fraud
yet pausing and waiting for people to applaud.

Manipulatively working your pawns
for comfort, for egoistic measures,
abusively, but too easy to stop.
You're an actor, live performer,
liar and a former sizzling fire.

It's tempting and intriguing, it's deceit,
how you mistreat your minions,
unethical and wrong and you are aware
your mind's wellfare is based on other's opinions.

Don't watch me go
it's not forever
only our love bears that badge.
I close my eyes because you fill them
I need to see
beyond the dreams
past you
surrounding me
you fill my pain
like warm Southern rain
shed from the eyes of a goddess
Your heart will forever be
a sacred shrine
And my offerings
will always bleed
and flood the floors
of your divine temple
You have my prayers
and I have your soul
there is no forgetting
without you, there is no whole.
Your secret place is ours
with enshrouded chests
and beating *******
I am with you for hours
alone in our minds
connected
writing parallel lines
but in time....
In time we'll connect again
physically ~ abusively
you'll have me to yourself
and you'll cry
at all the time that's gone by
we weren't living this lie
but now we cry
because we could've tried.
Now we're tired
way too soon
like a slow pounding rain
turning to monsoon
Sweeping away possessions
and cares and loves
leaving us with nothing
but time and ****.

What more did we want?
080404~7.41p

The fog on the window to my soul has been cleared away and now I'm left staring at nothing but my own hidden self.
I see the hidden fears and desires that tuck themselves away in the deepest parts of my mind,
buried subconsciously in a place that is never meant to be revealed.
Have I truly stared into my own broken soul, naked before me, with no subconscious defenses to keep my suppressed personality traits in hiding where they belong?  
Or have I simply been consumed by the delusions of an LSD fueled nightmare?
The answer most likely lies somewhere in the middle ground between these two statements, as the answer to most questions often does.
Whatever the reality may be; I feel naked, violated, and used.
The darkest parts of my mind were turned against me and used to torture me internally,
For what felt like an eternity.
But I have made it through to the other side.
The LSD gently fades away as my rationality is restored, and I can still look at myself in the mirror.

Those thoughts that you throw away into the garbage disposal of your unconscious mind in an attempt to hide you from yourself.
Those thoughts that go against the societal norms that have been abusively drilled into your mind. 'Those are the thoughts that I stare eye to eye with every day in an attempt to know who I am.
Not just the illusion of the person who I think I should be, but truly the purest form of my identity.
So I stare at my naked self.
He's ashamed and scared.
But I throw him some clothes, pull him to his feet, and now we are one again.
My demons and I walk hand in hand along a broken road.
I know their faces now, they are not strangers to me.
Can you say the same?

What makes you think you can insult our religion?
Abusively holding some of my kind captive,
Choking them with your overbearing attitude;
Puncturing my religion with detestable words.

Is it the bonnet on our heads-
That bother your ugly souls or the fraks that we don't wear?
Is it because we say Jesus and you say Allah?;
A difference in opinion.

Our lord will surely bring our captured-
Back where they belong;
And justice will be served
But not by us.

Some days I have an
an urge to become
abusively cursive.

I'm a born a left hander
but the Patrician Bro's
beat that out of me.

The change over, was,
what no doubt, caused
me to print my letters.

It's all built in.
Hearts are just parts,
   just unfair parts
   and we hurt with them.
The world is a monster
   It's a monster mother,
   abusively apathetic.
Who cares when you cry?
Who really cares?
   Some do, and keep these.
   Some don't, and know the difference.
Brandish a sword or words -
   it doesn't matter,
   but use your choice wisely
   because either can end a life.
The higher your climb is,
   the longer your fall will be.
   And we all fall.

In my visions all my life, I truly didn't understand why. I know that when I would tell people what it was I have seen and what was going to happen they would speak abusively of me.

So all I had to talk to was Jehovah God, HE has been with me all my life, He is my friend and I don't ever have to hide what it is I feel inside. Because HE already knows, so if I was going to be judged it would be from HIM.

Everyone has cold me names and even shamed me for the gifts that God has given to me. He lets me seething also in dreams that would make anyone scream. But does that give any of you the right to judge me?

Judy Emery © 2017
The Queen of Darken Dreams Poetic Judy Emery