"abusement" poems
*the man of light
knows darkness all to well
he possess sacred knowledge
of source
a living experience with in
radiant
and self effulgent
he knows all is permitted
in the acculturated labyrinths of mind
rooted in bias
and incalculable distortions
a hell house ride
constructed of warbled mirrors
Leprechauns gold
an abusement park
of crepuscular
subconscious ethers
and concertized form
on shape shifting sands
creativity gone mad
where time undoes all
its weary inhabitants worn
they are the color of sleep
attaining misguidance
oh the vacuous business
of guided meditations
through azure skies and verdant fields
while the certified uninitiated
whisper
their pale voices against sonorous winds
as if they could lever boulders with broken twigs
stone churches
gothic crosses
temples of man
monoliths to the imaginary
fantastical man god
re-pleat with beard and cock....how quaint
adulations and prostrations
to there man made deity
through myth that binds
group think
other directed
un-individuated individuals
like tribal ants
a world of shattered light
a white knuckle ride
on a spinning mud ball
yet who knows the secret
of the inner light
the illuminated door
the portal through which
Scottie will really beam you up
The man of the mystic light
in a darkened freakish world
is he not an inconvenience
like a mentor to the deaf dumb and blind
he is rarely recognized
almost never believed
the light is not a metaphor
the source that emanates all
although formless and self effulgent
it is not a religion yet all abide with in it
in the dark funnel of conceit
man turns everything into a noun
as if naming is claiming
when what he seeks is beyond
for it is a great dimension of another order
konx om pax
light in extension*
Jan 9, 2017
Jan 9, 2017 at 1:08 PM UTC
The mirrors whisper secrets
Little tidbits of advice
Reflections of a washed up zealot
Being optimistic to pull me from this ever-clenching vice
Torn, tattered, broken, battered
Claimed exaggeration from these hushed murmurs
Self destruction evident, nothing really matters
Tugging on my mind; the zealot’s cheery sermons
“Happiness is key
And the key is universal...”
But no one ever thinks to be
Something ultimately omniversal
A tool to be used constantly for general amusement
A tool to be ignored when no longer needed
A tool to be picked for sadistic abusement
A tool to be deluded, guilted, always twisting to the greeded
And like the calm before the inevitable storm
The tool dances to the tunes the varied user creates
Suicidal pursuit nightly, heart never warmed or warned
Staring back at the zealot is me; whispering dogmatic secrets of self-hatred.
Sep 11, 2015
Sep 11, 2015 at 6:35 AM UTC
You feel that sudden chill
Suddenly you feel cold, though its summer
You have a lot of school work to do
But you go straight to bed
Just trying to sleep
Wake up, hear voices in your head
You take another smoke, in the closet
Better not get caught by your parents
That doesn't fix it
You fall back asleep, skipping school
You get blamed for something you didn't do the next day
Didn't stand up for yourself
You don't care about anything anumore.
You've lost that sense of feeling
Getting yelled at, a bit of abusement
But the only pain you feel is inside your head
Crippling into your thinking
Getting hold of your emotions
Never letting you go
You relapsed several times
You overdose on pills every day
But not enough to pass out
You then promise yourself one day to stop
But relapse again 2 days later
You meet someone people
Become friends; they don't know what you're going through
But the smiles, the talks, that makes you think....
Think about something...
You're not alone anymore
When you think about those suicidal thoughts again....
Think twice: you have friends
And someone who cares about you
That special one you think about everyday
No relapses; you stop on pills and self-harming
You start healing every day
Little by little
Still getting those thoughts
But they disappear quickly
You think about that person
Everyday; looking forward to see him
Your parents don't know about him
They would be mad at you
Telling you to focus in school
But no one can really prevent themselves from falling in love
One day, you relapse again
You think about what you've just done
You tell yourself that this is wrong
You stop, the relapse only lasting one day
You think about him again
You tell yourself you'll never do this again
Looks like you've healed
You're still depressed
Like ***** to you
But you got something to look forward to
Friends
That special one
That's all that matters to you now
You can't say you're alright
But you have hope
This will get better, right?
As you lie awake at night
Things are different now
In a good way
Life isn't easy to live through
Its hard to keep yourself alive
But now, you have people you care about
Something you didn't actually have in the past
"Everything will be alright." You tell yourself
Am I off the list of relapses?
It looks like it
None of the people I care about would like it
If they find out I'm hurting myself
So I'll not do it, for them
For me also
I'm off the list of all of those relapses
Slowling healing everyday
Thank you
You don't know exactly what I'm going through
But just by existing, you're helping a lot
And by all the conversations we have
Dec 3, 2015
Dec 3, 2015 at 2:28 PM UTC
tied to your family
through exchanges of damage
how can you manage life
with the tether of the holidays ?
back in the vicinity
back in the fond
the fold of abusement
held warm
by secretious exchange
imbibe
care of mottled re-riggings
of tried over memories
re-rung in company
to be loudly agreed upon
again and again and again...
back with family
fellow obscenities
bellows
Jun 9, 2019
Jun 9, 2019 at 12:55 PM UTC