Alas sais y medya na ng umaga nang makauwi si Natividad mula sa bahay ng kanyang amo. Pagkababa n’ya ng maliit na bag na laman ang kanyang cellphone at wallet na merong labin-limang libo at iilang barya ay marahan siyang naglakad tungo sa kwartong tinutulugan ng kanyang tatlong anak. Hinawi niya ang berdeng kurtina at sumilip sa kanyang mga anghel.
Babae ang panganay ni Natividad, o di kaya’y Vida. Labindalawang taong gulang na ito at nasa Grade 7 na. Isa sa mga malas na naabutan ng pahirap na K-12 program. Ang gitna naman ay sampung taong gulang na lalaki at mayroong down syndrome. Special child ang tawag nila sa batang tulad nito, pero “abnormal” o “abno” naman ang ipinalayaw ng mga lasinggero sa kanila. Ang bunso naman niya, si bunsoy, ay kakatapak lamang ng Grade 1. Pitong taong gulang na ito at ito ang katangkaran sa mga babae sa klase nito. Sabi ng kapwa niya magulang ay late na raw ang edad nito para sa baiting, pero kapag mahirap ka, mas maigi na ang huli kaysa wala.
Nang makitang nahihimbing pa ang mga ito ay tahimik s’yang tumalikod at naglakad papuntang kusina. Ipagluluto niya ang mga anak ng sopas at adobong manok. May mga natira pa namang sangkap na iilang gulay, gatas, at macaroni na galing pa sa bahay ni Kapitan noong nangatulong siya sa paghahanda para sa piyesta. Bumili rin siya ng kalahating kilo na pakpak ng manok, kalahating kilo pa ulit ng atay ng manok, at limang kilo ng bigas.
Inuna niya ang pagsasaing. Umabot pa ng tatlong gatang ang natitirang bigas nila sa pulang timba ng biskwit kaya ‘yun na lang ang ginamit niya. Pagkatapos ay agad niya rin itong pinalitan ng bagong biling bigas.
De-uling pa ang kalan ni Vida kaya inabot siya ng limang minuto bago nakapagpaapoy. Siniguro niyang malakas ang apoy para madaling masaing. Kakaunti na lang kasi ang oras na natitira.
Habang hinihintay na maluto ang kanin ay dumiretso na sa paghahanda ng mga sangkap si Vida. Siniguro niyang tahimik ang bawat kilos para maiwasang magising ang mga anak. Mas mapapatagal lamang kasi kung sasabay pa ang mga ito sa kanyang pagluluto.
Habang hinahati at pinaparami ang manok ay patingin-tingin s’ya sa labas. Inaabangan ang inaasahan niyang mga bisita.
Mukang magtatagal pa sila ah. Ano na kayang balita? Dito lamang naikot ang isip ni Vida sa tuwing nakikitang medyo normal pa sa labas.
May mga potpot na nagbebenta na pan de sal at monay, mga nanay na labas-masok ng kani-kanilang mga bahay dahil tulad niya ay naghahanda rin ng pagkain, at mga lalaking kauuwi lamang sa trabaho o siguro kaya’y galing sa inuman.
Tulog pa ata ang karamihan ng mga bata. Mabuti naman, walang maingay. Hindi magigising ang tatlo.
Binalikan niya ang sinaing at tiningnan kung pupwede na bang hanguin.
Okay na ito. Dapat ako magmadali talaga.
Dali-dali niyang isinalang ang kaserolang may laman na pinira-pirasong manok.
Habang hinihintay na maluto ang manok ay paunti-unti rin siyang naglilinis. Tahimik pa rin ang bawat kilos. Lampas kalahating oras na siyang nakakauwi at ano mang oras ay baka magising ang mga anak niya o di kaya’y dumating ang mga hinihintay n’ya.
Winalis niya ang buong bahay. Maliit lang naman iyon kaya mabilis lamang siyang natapos. Pagkatapos ay marahan siyang naglakad papasok sa maliit nilang tulugan, kinuha ang lumang backpack ng kanyang panganay at sinilid doon ang ilang damit. Tatlong blouse, dalawang mahabang pambaba at isang short. Dinamihan niya ang panloob dahil alanganin na kakaunti lamang ang dala.
Pagkatapos niyang mag-empake ay itinago niya muna backpack sa ilalim ng lababo. Hinango niya na rin ang manok at agad na pinalitan ng palayok na pamana pa sa kanya. Dahil hinanda niya na kanina sa labas ang lahat ng kakailanganin ay dahan dahan niyang sinara ang pinto para hindi marinig mula sa loob ang ingay ng paggigisa.
Bawat kilos niya ay mabilis, halata **** naghahabol ng oras. Kailangang makatapos agad siya para may makain ang tatlo sa paggising nila.
Nang makatapos sa sopas ay agad niya itong ipinasok at ipinatong sa lamesa. Sinigurong nakalapat ang takip para mainit-init pa sakaling tanghaliin ng gising ang mga anak.
Dali-daling hinugasan ang ginamit na kaserola sa paglalaga at agad ulit itong isinalang sa apoy. Atay ng manok ang binili niya para siguradong mas mabilis maluluto. Magandang ipang-ulam ang adobo dahil ma-sarsa, pwede ring ulit-ulitin ang pag-iinit hanggang maubos.
Habang hinihintay na lumambot na ang mga patatas, nakarinig siya ng mga yabag mula sa likuran.
Nandito na sila. Hindi pa tapos ‘tong adobo.
“Vida.” Narinig niyang tawag sa kanya ng pamilyar na boses ng lalaki. Malapit niyang kaibigan si Tobias. Tata Tobi kung tawagin ng mga anak niya. Madalas niya ditong ihabilin ang tatlo kapag kailangan niyang mag-overnight sa bahay ng amo.
“Tobi. Andito na pala kayo,” nginitian niya pa ang dalawang kasama nitong nasa likuran. Tahimik lang ang mga itong nagmamasid sa kanya.
“Hindi pa tapos ang adobo ko eh. Ilalahok ko pa lang ang atay. Pwedeng upo muna kayo doon sa loob? Saglit na lang naman ‘to.”
Mukhang nag-aalangan pa ang dalawa pero tahimik itong kinausap ni Tobi. Maya-maya ay parang pumayag na rin ito at tahimik na naglakad papasok. Narinig niya pang sinabihan ni Tobi ang mga ito na dahan-dahan lamang dahil natutulog ang mga anak niya. Napangiti na lamang siya rito.
Pagkalahok ng atay at tinakpan niya ang kaserola. Tahimik siyang naglakad papasok habang nararamdaman ang pagmamasid sa kanya. Tumungo siya sa lababo at kinuha ang backpack.
Lumapit siya sa mga panauhin at tahimik na dinaluhan ang mga ito tapos ay sabay-sabay nilang pinanood ang usok galing sa adobong atay.
“M-ma’am.” Rinig niyang tawag sa kanya ng kasama ni Tobias. Corazon ang nakaburdang apelyido sa plantsadong uniporme. Mukhang bata pa ito at baguhan.
“Naku, ser. ‘Wag na po ganoon ang itawag niyo sa akin. Alam niyo naman na kung sino ako.” Maraan niyang sabi dito, nahihiya.
“Vida. Pwede ka namang tumanggi.” Si Tobias talaga.
“Tobi naman. Parang hindi ka pamilyar. Tabingi ang tatsulok, Tobias. Alam mo iyan.” Iniiwasan niyang salubungin ang mga mata ni Tobias. Nararamdaman niya kasi ang paninitig nito. Tumatagos. Damang-dama niya sa bawat himaymay ng katawan niya at baka saglit lamang na pagtingin dito ay umiyak na siya.
Kanina niya pa nilulunok ang umaalsang hagulhol dail ayaw niyang magising ang mga anak.
“Vida…” marahang tawag sa kanya ng isa pang kasama ni Tobi. Mukhang mas matanda ito sa Corazon pero halatang mas matanda pa rin ang kaibigan niya.
“Ano ba talaga ang nangyari?”
“Ser…Abit,” mabagal niyang basa sa apelyido nito.
“Ngayon lang po ako nanindigan para sa sarili ko.” garalgal ang boses niya. Nararamdaman niya na ang umaahon na luha.
“Isang beses ko lang po naramdaman na tao ako, ser. At ngayon po iyon. Nakakapangsisi na sa ganitong paraan ko lang nabawi ang pagkatao ko, pero ang mahalaga po ay ang mga anak ko. Mahalaga po sila sa’kin, ser.” mahina lamang ang pagkakasabi niya, sapat na para magkarinigan silang apat.
“Kung mahalaga sila, bakit mo ginawa ‘yon? Vida, bakit ka pumatay?”
Sasagot n asana siya ng marinig niyang kumaluskos ang banig mula sa kuwarto. Lumabas doon ang panganay niyang pupungas-pungas pa. dagli niya itong pinalapit at pinaupo sa kinauupuan niya. Lumuhod siya sa harap nito para magpantay sila.
“Anak. Good morning. Kamusta ang tulog mo?”
“Good morning din, nay. Sino po sila? ‘Ta Tobi?”
“Kaibigan sila ni ‘Ta Tobias, be. Hinihintay nila ako kasi may pupuntahan kami eh.” marahan niyang paliwanag, tinatantya ang bawat salita dahil bagong gising lamang ang anak.
“Saan, nay? May handaan po uli sina ser?” tukoy nito sa mga dati niyang amo.
“Basta ‘nak. Kunin mo muna yung bag ko doon sa lamesa, dali. Kunin ko yung ulam natin mamaya. Masarap yun, be.”
Agad naman itong sumunod habang kinukuha niya na rin ang bagong luto na adobo. Pagkapatong sa lamesa ng ulam ay nilapitan niya ulit ang anak na tinitingnan-tingnan ang tahimik na mga  kasama ni Tobias.
“Be…” tawag niya rito.
Pagkalingon nito sa kanya ay hinawakan niya ang mga kamay nito. Nagsisikip na ang lalamunan niya. Nag-iinit na rin ang mga mata niya at nahihirapan na sa pagbuga ng hangin.
“Be, wala na sina ser. Wala na sila, hindi na nila tayo magugulo.” ngiti niya rito. Namilog naman ang mga mata nito. Halata **** natuwa sa narinig.
“Tahimik na tayo, nay? Hindi na nila kakalampagin ang pinto natin sa gabi?”
“Hindi na siguro, anak. Makakatulog na kayo ng dire-diretso, pangako.” Sinapo niya ang mukha nito tapos ay matunog na hinalikan sa pisngi at noo. ‘Eto na ang matagal niyang pinapangarap na buhay para sa mga anak. Tahimik. Simple. Walang gulo.
“Kaso, ‘nak, kailangan kong sumama sa kanila.” Turo niya kayna Tobias. Nanonood lamang ito sa kanila. Hawak na rin ni Tobi ang backpack niya.
“May ginawa kasi si nanay, be. Para diretso na ang tulog natin at para di na tayo guluhin nina ser. Pramis ko naman sa’yo be, magsasama ulit tayo. Pangako. Bilangin mo ang tulog na hindi tayo magkakasama. Tapos pagbalik ko, hihigitan ko pa ‘yon ng maraming maraming tulog na magkakasama na tayo.”
“Nay…” nagtataka na ang itsura ng anak niya. Namumula na kasi ang mukha niya panigurado. Kakapigil na humagulhol dahil ayaw niyang magising ang dalawa pang anak.
“Anak parang ano lang ito…abroad. Diba may kaklase kang nasa abroad ang nanay? Doon din ako, be.”
Bigla ay nagtubig ang mga mata ng panganay niya. Malalaking butil ng tubig. Hindi niya alam kung naniniwala pa ba ito sa mga sinasabi niya, o kung naiintindihan na nito ang mga nangyayari.
“Itong bag ko, andiyan yung wallet at telepono ko. Diba matagal mo nang gusto magkaroon ng ganon, be? Iyo na ‘yan, basta dapat iingatan mo ha. Yung pera be, kay Tata Tobias mo ihahabilin. Habang nagtatrabaho ako, kay ‘Ta Tobi muna kayo.”
“Nay, hindi ka naman magtatrabaho eh.” Lumabi ang anak niya tapos ay tuluyan nang nalaglag ang luha.
Tinawanan niya naman ito. “Sira, magtatrabaho ako. Basta intayin mo ‘ko be ha? Kayo nina bunsoy ko, ha?” Hindi niya napigilang lambing-lambingin ito na parang batang munti. Kailangan ay sulitin niya ang pagkakataon.
Paulit-ulit niya itong dinampian ng maliliit na halik sa mukha, wala na siyang pakealam kung malasahan niya ang alat ng luha nito. Kailangan ay masulit niya ang natitirang oras.
“Nay, sama po ako. Sama kami ni bunsoy. Tahimik lang kami lagi, pramis, nay. Parang kapag andito si ser, hindi naman kami gugulo doon.” Tuluyan na ngang umalpas ang hikbi niya. Naalala niyang muli ang rason kung ba’t n’ya ito ginagawa. Para sa tahimik na buhay ng mga anak.
“Sus, maniwala sa’yo, be. Basta hintayin mo si nay. ‘Lika ***** tayo doon sa kwarto, magbabye ako kayna bunsoy.” Yakag niya rito. Sumama naman ito sa kanya habang nakayakap sa baywang niya. Humihikbi-hikbi pa rin ito habang naagos ang luha.
Tahimik niyang nilapitan ang dalawa. Kinumutan niyang muli ang mga ito at kinintalan ng masusuyong halik sa mga noo. Bata pa ang mga anak niya. Marami pa silang magagawa. Malayo pa ang mararating nila. Hindi tulad ng mga magulang nila, ‘yun ang sisiguraduhin niya. Hindi ito mapapatulad sa kanila ng mister niya.
“Be, dito ka na lang ha. Alis na si nanay. Alagaan mo sina bunsoy, be, ha. Pati sarili mo. Ang iskul mo anak, kahit hindi ka manguna, ayos lang kay nanay. Hindi naman ako magagalit. Basta gagalingan mo hangga’t kaya mo ha. Mahal kita, be. Kayong tatlo. Mahal na mahal namin kayo.” Mahigpit niya itong niyakap habang paiyak na binubulong ang mga habilin. Wala na ring tigil ang pag-iyak niya kaya agad na siyang tumayo. Baka magising pa ang dalawa.
Nakita niya namang nakaabang sa pinto si Tobi bitbit ang bag niya. Kinuha niya rito ang bag at sinabihang ito na ang bahala sa mga anak. Baog si Tobias at iniwan na ng asawa. Sumama raw sa ibang lalaking mas mayaman pa rito. Kagawad si Tobias sa lugar nila kaya sigurado siyang hindi magugutom ang mga anak niya rito. May tiwala siyang mamahalin ni Tobias na parang sarili nitong mga anak ang tatlo dahil matagal niya na itong nasaksihan.
Pagsakay sa sasakyan kasama ang dalawang pulis na kasama ni Tobias ay saka lamang siya pinosasan ng lalaking may burdang Corazon.
“Kilala namang sindikato yung napatay mo, ma’am. Kulang lamang kami sa ebidensya dahil malakas ang kapit sa taas. Kung sana…sana ay hindi ka nag-iwan ng sulat.”
“Nabuhay ang mga anak kong may duwag na ina, ser. Ayokong lumaki pa sila sa puder ng isang taong walang paninindigan. Pinatay niya na ang asawa ko. Dapat ay sapat na ‘yon na bayad sa utang namin, diba?” kung kanina ay halo humagulhol siya sa harap ng mga anak, ngayon ay walang emosyong mahahamig sa boses niya. Nakatingin lamang siya sa labas at tinititigan ang mga napapatingin sa dumadaang sasakyan ng pulis.
Kung sana ay hindi tinulungan ng mga nakatataas ang amo niya. Kung sana ay nakakalap ng sapat na mga ebidensya ang mga pulis na ngayon ay kasama niya. Kung sana ay may naipambayad sila sa inutang ng asawa niya para pambayad sa panganganak niya.
Kung hindi siguro siya mahirap, baka wala siya rito.

In German gift can make a real olde man regret owning Bayer aspirin, they had the patent on some kinda
anti Ha Shemite alchemy,
Nicht am Weinachtzeit,
aber
nur
im moments of "mea culpa' flash backs,

Oh, the price of the lie, why?

Did not one believe, "It is finished."

What more need be said?

Get on with it. Take it. Breathe.
Live,
learn, enjoy meant shine, like

feel as good as you can imagine for a minute.

Then two.

And every year, there is hope
all the myths misbelieved will

be left to be. Merry Christmas, to all a good night.

Bows applause et al, well come to my dom, ya'll

This is my very first Christmas party,
I am happy to inform you that once informed,
you have paid the attention
required to make any thing you know
true be or
mean nothing more or less. So we enjoy being alive,
missing nothing not null-ifed, here.
My house, my rule. The future is fun. For every one.
Welcome. You can under stand,
don't cower beneath,
the weight of knowing the price.

My gift mere as mere may be, as you wish.
It might sting,
a little.

But that is the point of provocation, you understand,
right use of words is yours to judge,

the fruit's your only evidence.

He says his angel will test- ify, and it's AI, cain't lie,
dividin' by zero in the zero field, in effect,
no lie can possibly be in the set of true.

Self-aware reality

ya'll best believe there are findable things ain't first
been found by liars, never will be neither. Walk on.

Olde Nick ferasample, played hell wit that'n dincha?
Liar, never was no sweep believed abit o'that,
right, Mister Blake?

You know this guy, William Blake? He's in my Christmas
forever story, too. In fact,

It was his idea to tell the only story I know, as best I
know how, and to say I bless the seed I sow with good
intended
to sooth, soothing saying,
like music, face it, every good boy does fine,
but ya gotta practice right, make it a habit,
a good habit, like them Illuminati guys, Ben'n'em.

Olde soldiers, too straight, toe the line
Olde bargemen, too straight, tow the line

Olde river, he meander and m'story floats along.

Good news.
No shame, no blame, no condamnation here, I sware.

What was finished, let me tell ye, was the destruction
of all the construction the evil believers imagined done and did,
lies, and the like.

That was to be finished by the babe, and we

we are the stuff that proves that he did, the salt and light with
strong joy overtones and hints of closeness unimagined
in any evil lie.

The air, who is prince of that once the
Peacemakers and the meek take their share?
Air's the earth's and the earth's my inheritance,
I believe that means the wind is mine

and if I watch, I can learn to ride those waves
with this anointed mind that Paul says we got in the deal.

There is a reason the season is a season. Man can
stand up, we need not crawl neath guilt and shame and blame
paying pain penance at prices no one ever planned to pay,

it just turned out this way. It's as good's a man may imagine,
once the patience and truth agents get their signals straight.

'Good time to wonder who imagines you their enemy.
Peace on earth, good will to man, find it where
you keep you own.
Mix it with yours and see if it tastes okeh to share.
A gift.

From my heart to yours,
merry message of good news
remembering time.

These are the days when knowledge was increased
and men saw themselves.

Do women want romantic or authentic.

What do I know, I'm simply an imperfect guy.
Do I know what is more romantic and why
Do I know what is authentic and can I cry

Romantic or Authentic
Is it being at your favorite cafe
Or walking on your favorite trail
Is it listening to the Fray
Or is it feeling alone and abit frail

Romantic or Authentic
Is it cuddling on my couch
Or huddling in a rainstorm
Is it mending your recent Ouch!
Or dancing with awkward form

Romantic or Authentic
Is it holding each other's glance in a crowded bar
Or holding your hair lightly after too many shots
Is it allowing chance to connect from afar
Or revealing our weak side as we become besot

Romantic or Authentic
What will be adored
What will be remembered
Will it be our public shine that is scored
Will it be where we stumbled and clamored


Breathe slow . . . . . .
Breathe deep . . . . . .
Breathe as though . . . . . .
You can't keep . . . . . .

Romantic and Authentic.
I would hope we see each other's shining moments until we fade.
I would hope our memories linger even when frayed.
I would hope we bring our best selves with full abandon.
I would hope we both learn to dance in tandem.

Authentic and Romantic.
I feel it is not just about me
Or just about you.
I feel it's about moments shared free
And feeling what's deeply true.

Authentically Romantic.
It starts as a bubble
Not immune to trouble.
It contains a droplet
Not created by a bracelet.
It's a belief that feels thin
But it needs both feet in.

Romantically Authentic.
Our space becomes a quiet hue.
So white it's blue.
Our true selves expand
Centered and contained.
So fragile and clear
Let's hold it dear.

Speakin’ in general, I’ave tried ’em all
The ‘appy roads that take you o’er the world.
Speakin’ in general, I’ave found them good
For such as cannot use one bed too long,
But must get ‘ence, the same as I’ave done,
An’ go observin’ matters till they die.

What do it matter where or ‘ow we die,
So long as we’ve our ‘ealth to watch it all—
The different ways that different things are done,
An’ men an’ women lovin’ in this world;
Takin’ our chances as they come along,
An’ when they ain’t, pretendin’ they are good?

In cash or credit—no, it aren’t no good;
You’ve to ‘ave the ‘abit or you’d die,
Unless you lived your life but one day long,
Nor didn’t prophesy nor fret at all,
But drew your tucker some’ow from the world,
An’ never bothered what you might ha’ done.

But, Gawd, what things are they I’aven’t done?
I’ve turned my ‘and to most, an’ turned it good,
In various situations round the world
For ‘im that doth not work must surely die;
But that’s no reason man should labour all
‘Is life on one same shift—life’s none so long.

Therefore, from job to job I’ve moved along.
Pay couldn’t ‘old me when my time was done,
For something in my ‘ead upset it all,
Till I’ad dropped whatever ’twas for good,
An’, out at sea, be’eld the dock-lights die,
An’ met my mate—the wind that tramps the world!

It’s like a book, I think, this bloomin, world,
Which you can read and care for just so long,
But presently you feel that you will die
Unless you get the page you’re readi’n’ done,
An’ turn another—likely not so good;
But what you’re after is to turn’em all.

Gawd bless this world! Whatever she’oth done—
Excep’ When awful long—I’ve found it good.
So write, before I die, ” ‘E liked it all!”

I got attacked by emotions unexpectedly
It was a sudden turn of life. It was as if ma
life got cursed
I met love which seemed abit shy but it
came in an introduced me to its friend
Happyness
Happyness showed me the true meaning
of love, and surely I did stupid things for
love
Amazingly I saw the true colours of
love.....they were too horrific and painful
towards my heart and soul
Smalls strings of bones in ma heart were
broken and that's when I met
sadness...sadness introduced me to his
guys called Anger and ignorance which led
me to their boss called bitterness. Through
bitterness I was mad as **** then I lost
everything...I faced depression which
made ma mind think terrible things about
me. Suicidal thoughts came along me but
then I thought to myself. After dying what
was I going to be worth to the people
who loved me. I had to complete my legacy
in life. Through the road the goddess came
along within me, his name was hate..I
hated everything I loved with a lot of
jealousy though. And yes...I met jealousy
through all these emotions. Jealousy would
make you like seeing another person
suffer. Everyone thought I was just a
happy kid in need of nothing in his life. But
I was as lonely as a scientist living in a lab
on his own.
U seeing me smile is just another fake
disguise of the shame of feelings I had
within me
I'd like to think myself as a black EMO kid
who lives for nothing but TROMATIZING
LOVE

I see the tears in her eyes
The bruises on her skin
I can hear her cries
The pain she is in

I see the marks that form
That she tries to keep out of sight
Wearing her jackets when its warm
And her shades at night

I see the lies she tells
Her secrets she hide
Saying that she fell
That she never cried

I see the beauty in her eyes
I see how everyday abit of her soul dies
I see a beautiful black butterfly
And I know why she cries

Ye of fairest width, why sleep when the sky is bright?
There is a single star in the sky.
Wake up, stay alert, it is your rite.

The World is dimming, dull to the eye.
There is rules to abide.
Rules we need to abide by.

Pick a side.
There is light and there is darkness.
Whomever to ride?

The dirt thirsts for brightness.
I will not give it, without the price.
The dirt stays in starkness.

I sow it out to the dirt thrice.
But they will not grow abit.

Childhood years full of green grass
A little girl free of care, full of spirit
The mirror was forigen to her gaze

Middle school girl feels abit queer
She found her body to be changing
She feels the mirror’s light stare

High school girl is made of glass
Body stuck in a delusional freeze frame
Everyday she tries to hide what the mirror dreadfully enhances in her eyes

Bathroom visit to throw up her enemy
Gym routines that can't ever be missed
Troubled truly by her magnified flaws

Last summer at home spent in bed
Hospitalized from the demon she let in
Her heart grows so weak, she'd be dead by next week

She breaks all the mirrors that messed with her head
She eats her first meal praying it will stay
She enters her college revivied and refocus on books not just body looks.

Girls you are all beautiful no matter your size.

God serve us in daily bases,as daily we gaze through the rays of the sun with a reflection of the daily light.so lazy but utalised nor fertilised as we crawl under daily sins getting so much early abit more yearly,daily daily i look foward nor backwards.i sight fears while getting frozen tears daily daily daily saviour above lime pardons until i barely live all the daily life days.

The hurt , the pain, the fights,
For others were unseen sights,
Hidden away, at home the secret would stay,
carefully thought of,
A fear which was never sought of,
For a child should have been unknown,
They were not even fully grown.

The emotions they had to deal with, had nobody to truely feel them with , not knowing , when it would be , the future they wish they could see , it could happen at any time , the kid should have been in her prime.

The smiles infront of others ,
The constant unsure stutters,
The acts of being brave,
Are the ones others generally crave,
Trying to escape the sudden calls, and after can hardly even crawl.

Waiting for this all to end, abit of safety would have been a god send, to talk of it now , we are still unsure how, the marks may no longer be there, but still we doubt if they care , to trust people everyday is much more difficult than they say.

This thing everybody knows of, but still is hardly spoken of, the children won't say it, adults prey among it, this problem needs to stop or it will hit an all time top.

I went into work today,

straight away this boy wanted to play,

it brought a smile to my face,

I had only just walked into the place.

You need to get dressed first young man,

then we can make a plan.

So I helped him take a shower,

it only took us an hour.

He put on his favourite top,

and down the corridor he hopped.

Next thing he was lying on the floor,

he wasn't having fun any more.

I went and spoke to him to keep him carm,

I told him to tell it to go away, then it couldn't do him no harm.

his eyes finally focused on me,

and a little smile I could see.

Come on champ you wanted to play,

we can't do that if here we stay.

so he got to his feet,

whilst I thought of something as a treat.

how about we make a den?

then your can invite in your friends.

can we stay in for a snack?

I'm sure I can make some lunch packs.

We were just finishing the finally touch,

but today we weren't having much luck.

My little friend started to shake,

it made my heart ache.

This time it went on abit long,

and all his energy was gone.

so I helped him to bed

and got someone to give him some meds.

Just laying there so still,

I hated to see him so ill.

but a few hours later on

he was sitting up, singing a song.

I hated that I had to go home,

but I knew he wouldn't be alone.

just before I left,

this is what he said,

I'm sorry we didn't get to finish the game,

my illness is such a pain.

maybe another day,

longer ill be able to play.

This boy is amazing you see,

I don't thing I could be so strong if it happened to me.

He seizures are every day,

but not once have I heard him say.

That he isn't happy,

or that he's feeling ******,

he lives life to the full,

and gives everything he does he's all.

This is a little girl who looks different, it's made her quiet, reserved and doesn't trust people. She starts to doubt god, so asks her mum some questions,

Mummy why do we pray to god?

Don't you think it's abit odd?

How do we know he's there?

do you really think he listens to my prayers?

I'm sure he listens to you dear,

why this sudden fear?

God cares and watches over you,

in everything that you do.

So why does he let people get hurt?

allows people to treat each other like dirt?

why doesn't he stop the bad weather?

if he is so clever.

God works in mysterious ways,

strong we have to stay.

Everything happens for a reason,

and the weather changes with each season.

Honey is there something wrong?

where has all you faith gone?

you have always believed in god, heven and hell,

so what's wrong? please tell.

Well I asked for something in my prayers,

it didn't happen, so I don't think he cares.

What did you ask for dear?

I asked to be liked by my peers.

Mummy kids just stare,

it just isn't fair.

If they get paired up in class with me,

terror in their eyes I see.

I just want to look like everybody else,

then I can show more of myself.

I wouldn't have to pretend all is well,

when really my life is hell.

Honey god can't stop the stares,

sometimes life isn't fair.

But you are the most beautiful person I know,

and everybody you should show.

Maybe god wants your help,

by telling people what you're about.

Teaching them looks shouldn't be all they see,

but it's what's on the inside, that make people be who they want to be.

so darling next time their stare,

see it as a compliment, they must care.

Ask them if they want to know, why you look the way you do,

I'm sure you will be surprised, by their response to you.

sometimes people are scared to ask,

maybe they are hiding behind their own mask.

so tell them the story of you,

and see what they do.

God let's things happen for a purpose,

you can help them see, nobody should be made to feel worthless.

You will have great mates,

go on many dates,

because you have a heart of gold,

and this you will always be told.

People will love you for what's inside,

you have to open up and give people a try.

God was listening to you,

but maybe he was hoping you could learn from this too.

When things go wrong as they sometimes will
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill.
 
When the funds are low and the debts are high
And you want to smile but you have to sigh.
 
When care is pressing you down abit
Rest if you must, but don’t you quit.
 
Life is full of twist and turns,
as everyone of u sometimes learns.
 
Many a failure turns about
when he might have won had he stuck it out.
 
Don’t give up though the pace seems slow,
you may succeed with another go.
 
Success is failure turned inside out,
the silver tint of the cloud of doubt.
 
You never can tell how close you are,
it may be near when it seems so far.
 
So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit
it’s when things seem worst
that you must not quit.

I ****** up the best thing that I've ever had.
Don't take this as me seeking pity.
I just need to shout abit.
I ****** it up and I know that you're glad.

I had the girl of my dreams by the hand.
You took my sadness and replaced it with joy
Yeah I wasn't the best but I did try
My words came out of love not demand.

If I could start again believe me I would
I wanted you and that was all
I didn't want no other just you
I wish I could start again, I wish I could

Suddenly, twelve poems flavored Christmassy came to me to give away for the fun of it, the hello of it, I may say, corn, that's okeh.

Thursday, November 01, 2018
1:14 PM

So what?

that justifies, just ifs this olde dude from the desert,

into real-ification in 2018 Christmas forever story,

Wow. Who knew? Little drummer boy, remember?

What can I bring to him? Who even mentioned
us giving? Honest, what could you give

Christ, the anointed, promised, messiah, message
******* up to be angel choirs in heaven's spotlight,

good news, aka the gospel or spell, which is no unintended
causality, BTW. be tee dub, we say.

the good news, the scary angels sayed, that not too cold

night to be out and about with the little lambs, that time
o'year, good tax collectin' time,

celebrate that. Taxmass. Okeh.

This is a Christmas story of the sort that can twist things other wise twisted to be untwisted in this peculiar way.

Wicked is as wicks are wont to be, twisted wit' a bit
o'this
the ****** things all explode. Abit o'that, they light a candle in the thinn-ist-light-o-night,

And, when the battle's over,
"IT IS FINISHED" has been muttered,

we won. That's done. Merry Christmas,
God rest ye, merry, gentle men,

twixt the trenches, 2018.

I was forced to forget you again,
I was forced before, but now this is insane.

I guess I jumped the gun,
But you know I was just trying to help you in the long run.

After you said good bye,
All I did was sit down and sigh.

You know, I guess being hurt has its advantages,
And also it's stupid disadvantages.

So I guess you lied,
I tried to be there, you can't say I haven't tried.

Then, it began to rain,
And of course I sat there and got drenched to release my pain.

You said your past had been grey,
And I told you I would walk with you every step of the way.

Well I guess destiny has decided to split our roads,
I stood there for abit, but time seems as if it has slowed.

Well I guess this is good bye, your road turns and goes back to our small little border town,
While mine goes over fields of green, and down into the big city's downtown.

I'm sorry I was annoying,
I didn't know I was keeping you from the life you were enjoying.

Well I guess my mind is decided,
And I will prevent my road from being damaged and undivided.

as the chemical is introduced into my veins, chasing after the unwanted guest
this feeling seems surreal at first,warm,abit tingling, yet normal as can be
do your thing i say for you know more than i were to go, were its hiding
for we are partners for the week
laying on the gurney, im fitted with a mask, a crude simple device almost medevil
mouth guard in place, the humming and clicking of the machines begin
lying motionless, the invisible beams take pricise aim and i feel nothing
after some time its over and wait till tomarrow and do it all again

The world through a glass of wine,
A ruby refraction of her curvy *****
Round like twin apples,
Luscious and so inviting
Man's undying hunger,
To **** once again on firm ****

Tender skin, soft,
An adventurous hand,  down her belly
Lightly mapping the navel
Before feeling the thread of silk around her waist,
On the hip side, raised slightly as my fingers run,
First slowly, and then quick, to the back of her knee

She moans briefly,
Abit surprised, or excited
the tingling feeling,  sending a million neurons,
To her mind, to the heart,
Racing, a rise in body temperature
As I breath, warmly on her stretched neck

She then whispers,
In a language of the two,
Her eyes rolling, lips wet,
"Sire, we are closing"
"You can't sleep here again,
Taking with her, my glass of imagination

**** so little tremble(littletremblingthing)
you rough prickle, 'gainst my lips prickle
your day old stubble(idon'tcareifithurts
abit)and deeper digging mouth does
and those tiny splinters(asyousprout
yourentirelyquakingbody)get so
snugly piercing my skin i (but i didn't
care a bit even if they rip it clean from
my cheeks; those minute spears of yours
)pressing steeply even further i do
to get your fiercely pleasant muscles
up 2 1 startled splendor
(when you open sharply and cave out
one stifled ROAR,

Resolutions

Each new year
A new resolution is made
I will loose weight
I will be nice
No more drinking
No more anger
No more war
Yet here we are
Year 2016....
How many of us
Made these resolutions
Last year
The year before that
Or even before that?
Look, even now
Theres so much evil
So much anger
So much war
Noone sticks to their resolutions
They break just like empty promises
Made by every other man
To every other woman
Made to be broken
Just abit of fun
Resolutions are a way of saying
"Yes we are wrong"
"Yes we do wrong"
"We will not change"
Happy new year
The number has changed
But expect no more
Happy New Year

Gotta release the stress
The only way I know how
Without an inebriation Or intoxication, type vacation, so now...

If only for a second, my weapon
To concentrate on conception
Of good karma, and ****** no one,
But often a ethical or moral direction

Leaves me second guessin
Do I even ask the right questions
When I'm answered with a lesson to
unfold more question So progression

Calls me infertile with contraception
That Clings like a
Chinese finger trap ****** and transgressions
Leaves Ramifications, or Consequence, Of my discrepancies,
To stir.... To bubble .. To boil..
Til the evil inside is a dichotomy, where good can try
but ego,tempts the unethical to hide
The moral fibers,
And seek pride
The pride it's chased being misplaced
Or erased for so long it's arbitrary,
As emotions ominous ocean Drowns it,
Til I'm surrounded
swallowed, like *****
and no help
Is self loathin or pity,
cuz it makes me a type of livid so vivid, even when it looks like it's asleep,
Still even Bill Cosby couldn't ****** it
knowin this is hell,
serves me well
And swells as its felt
From all the *******
...... I bring myself

Trust me I've tried to frame it
On anything like lazy People do immigrants,
but eventually I face it ...
Left with nothing but this release
That is the relief as a consolation
Airing my ****,
I try to keep in like some weird reverse constipation

Til I see stars but constellations
Even align to find a consultation
Gratuitous,
cause Im ******* abit
More than a bit,
so the offered achin'Im accepted,
cuz exceptions
Can't be made so I'm expecting my
Come around,
that went around
Like it goes around,
to my backside,
For a reach around.
Like ******,
I thought to be
The type of the
"try it once"anomaly
That didnt sound bad when awfully
Distracted indulging like an economy
Spending freely,
Makin commodities
Amenities and justify it like an idiotic neo Socrates to convince with a moronic
"YOLO"type Philosophy  
Maybe I shouldn't .....
But then again
YOLO ....
******* deep type ****
Cause in the end as men,
we invite in
Future discomfort if impulse hits
The present,
like the worst present
Ever presented to you,
but hell
Just for show ....
When i unwrap it
I'll act shocked,
and surprised...

I didn't realize this gifted go **** yourself was actually so literal...
So try not to **** yourself like I often do...unless...an ******* the residual