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jaden Jan 2016
Some days I am so sad I feel like I could throw up.
I imagine it's all the words I've swallowed trying to climb out of me.
On days like this, I think about all the times people have told me I deserve to be happy.
And for some reason, I cannot stop crying.
On days like this, I find myself not able to get out of bed.
On days like this, I think to myself, "There are no good days; only days like this."
Sometimes I can't seem to shake the feeling that everyone's out to get me.
And suddenly, people start to smile brighter when I'm not around.
I know what I must do.

On days like this, I wish I could just cut this sadness out of me.


abandon ship
j.c.
Lost Soul Oct 2018
"Do what I say no matter the cost"
I am what they want me to be
My feelings are numb
My soul is lost
It's fine if I'm not whole
All they need is my body
My bones cry out
My skins is a sheet covering the holes
I have little energy to even breathe
I cry till my lungs have no air
I stuff my face in a pillow
My jaw aches while I clench my teeth
All the oxygen in the room leaves
Dark thoughts swarm my head
Depression holds me while I heave
I could just die
I feel worthless, I am nothing
I watch as everyone leaves
I don't know how long I can do this
Got to get away
Its not like I'll be missed
No one around me cares
I'm a breathing corpse
I guess its true
Life's not fair
Billie Eilish
Mallory Davis Feb 2015
Four walls crush
barely recognizing the reflection that stares
longing for the fat a cushy existence has brought
to burn with the binding responsibilities
another morning brings
Freedom
is hunting with the wolves
no place to call home
open air, open eyes
open life
with only your bones and wit as companions
new faces, new place
no cage around what should be free
will
guilt would linger at first
then a home would be made in the ***** blanket
that is loneliness
fleeting moments with strangers a staple in this life
I will create
like many do when it all becomes too much
and you become reckless abandon
We did it younger than ever,
We discovered how to escape;
That sincere claim
of every next generation,
The undying theme never ageing.
Such is the way.

Just run! The adult-world's awaiting
and I won't yet be taken,
Lost in a maze of adolescence,
There I fear my gaze will ever-remain.

Skins touch the soul, in the depths of it
I know; Love Here.

Have we finally surpassed
that teenage haze
in which I was encased?
In which I was amazed.

I can never give up those memories,
Hence, I dutifully make these recordings.
This data keeps me dauntless, reinforcing my character.
I feel at ease to know it will remain here.
What is inexplicable now
perhaps I can decipher in the future.
That shivering empyrean was committed
to the darkest recesses of my mind,
And there it shall remain for the rest of time.
Jayantee Khare May 2017
If you let them in more,
they will break everything for sure,
and abandon you for being broken....
Leaving behind all the memories for the moonlight,
There is no more time for a dance under the stars.
It's hard enough to see, even when you're near me.
So I won't move, what else can I prove?

Just standing in the night, waiting for the daylight
When you will shine, and show me where your eyes are.
But do not look for me, for I have been sent to leave
And without you, it seems
That nothing else can be.

The way that you miss me cries into the skies
Over the tide and out to sea
Where no one sees
Where you've left me.
Lyrics to a tune written for voice & jazz quartet.
If  someone once cared about you.
and they disappear
What are they saying.
shadowfreud Mar 24
no –
i'd fall with you
coursing headfirst and abreast through the clouds
with graceful reckless abandon
we'll live a supersonic life
& go out with a boom
like a pair of
supernovae

☀ ☀
Kevin Aug 2018
An empty boat glides through a tide-less sea
Echos of thunderous silence reminisces the rowdy sailors once on board
Without fear they sailed across the dark waters
Without the knowledge of forthcoming doom they kept the spirits high
Navigation impaired by the wrath of silence, their abominable gaiety and preposterous hopes were muted for eternity
Life drained, flesh rotted, bones crumbled to dust, and the boat was filled with peaceful death
Though without an inhabitant it still continues to drift towards a predesitned chaos
Its calm trail behind disrupted by an impatient tranquility
Its still path ahead disallows all animations with an unfluent time
Yet it moves forward
If I when my mailman is sleeping,
and my doll and teddy bear
are sleeping
and the sun is burning my retinas
because I can't stop
staring at it,—
If I outside a store
dance naked, grotesquely
before reflective storefront windows
the Monster Mash
while singing softly to myself:
"It's my birthday.
Today's my birthday,
Happy birthday to me!"
If I admire my nostrils, my *******,
my arm hair, my eleventh toe
in the light of Christmas morning,—

Who shall say I am not
the joyful ****** of planet earth?
Ashley Chapman Nov 2018
In a playful vision sent
Your ****** homologue
Of amber shins and pale phalanges
Weaves four-leaved clovers.

In response,
***** spurs
And protean winged descent
To float into your kaleidoscopic star:
Gliding,
Freely falling,
To rest in lace extremities.

There in our bed of sensual feet,
Sunflowers breath,
Whose burnished rotating petals
Gather me in wisps,
Each spiral frond,
Gyring
Before death's voids
Is drawn in purls.

And in pleasures held,
Cossetted in latticed limbs,
A ***** lustrous rich embrace;
Denuded and alive!
And with abandon kissed:

    Bony toes
    Tendons
    Deep arches
    Shins
    Ankles,
    Sweetmeats,
    Light and delicate.

As here between pretty shins
And fleshy silken feet
Our ascent begins
Rising,
From low regions,
To scale new heights
And crown our night.

This lovers' leap into prismatic
reproduction
In the empty Cosmic wastes
     In a web is caught!
Where feet and toes inspire
Continuity for pointed stars.

As material possibilities collide
The lust for life
Is born in non-existence:
So in our nest of feet,
Mating in the game
With heads thrown back,
Of lust drink deeply we.
A friend sent a mesmerising image taken from a kaleidoscope. In that image so many ideas came together that I was able to put this down. It tells of what I know, the line between life and death, or more succinctly put, between our conscious and the great unconscious. In mind, to love is indeed sublime as it removes us from ourselves and plunges us to meet our heart's desire. Out in the wastes of time and space we also see ourselves writ large where whole galaxies collide and in so doing, the resultant chaos, new stars are born. So I take solas in such thoughts, even if my soul does at times yearn to shuffle off this mortal coil and be at peace and know Truth at last.
Brian Apr 7
Focusing straight ahead, unfocused, as
sound waves pleasure my ears.

Unconsciously conscious as
wind slaps my face with life.

Freely taking mandatory curves as
heat permeates my being.

Arriving oriented, confused as
the clouds uncloud my vision.

A journey's end, a beginning as
I ponder "how did I get here?"
Ever just drive and lose yourself?
King Panda Mar 2016
she huddles in
tormented pose
working like a fiend
on her oeuvre’s
final piece
the anatomical agony
of horizontal necks
the three shades
the souls of the ******
abandon all hope ye who enter this mind
the words run
in the shadow of her face
years and years
the pyre’s ash
tormented her features
until her skin turned
grey like the sky
abandon all hope ye who enter
she lost her mind
somewhere in the fire
abandon all hope
on that day
she cried for the sun
abandon
she huddles in
her loose skin
the oils of her flesh
embodying the paints
staining the woman
she once was
patty m Jul 2018
Beyond the reef
                     in crackling amber
the sun rises above the earth,
                     kissing river beds strewn with lovers

Passed mouth to mouth they whisper innuendo
the possibility of  living *******.
Bobbing bodies mimic boats on waves
and soon delirium penetrates a new country.

Heat and fire flare in bandied breeze
                          igniting insatiable shadow;
Pure and venial, the air incarnate
excites the ocean and ****** sing.

The quivering above ground
slithers silkily spilling watercolor rhapsody,
                         in a gush of white a fertile tsunami
reeks reckless abandon.   Once by moonlight,
they rubbed sleep from eyes, hugging hurt
as they clamored high in ghostly pallor.
Some leading the dance, hungered for knowledge,
others played shadowy roles.
Yet wafting still, comes the foreign fragrance,
fragments of spirituality,  a longing to touch,
as abundance rolls in shorelines green.
                         Offered mercies, fragile as wings,
shades of truth cascading like water, breathless
in sensual splash;
                       how tremulous
                       the image of truth,
                       the threshold of tomorrow.
Moon Cherry Sep 19
There you are
Where I left you
I thought I can’t bring myself to see
Where I left you
Next to a flower ***
From where I left you
My heart breaks
From where I left you
.
Small
You look at me
As I left you
.
I cried myself to sleep
Eyes drowned
Numb lips
Still I left you
Regrets
My heart breaks
I rush to the place
Where I left you
There you are
No more
Puissant piquant and predatory
And observant from afar
He looks down on your slumber
Like a door that's left ajar

Plying with his manly vice
A reckless male visage
A rogue of masculine device
Seeks entrance to your mind

He saunters with a swagger
A macho savvy moxie
To personify virility's incarnate
His dream zone's metier

He sifts your ****** entourage
In search of sprawls recumbence
To tantalize climactic fervor
With lambent photic scenes

Grasping at your revelries
He spies the wanton lust
With swanky strut appealing
Your primal urge to sate

He leaves undone resistance
With innate resilience seized
The lavish wayward implications
Of unrequited livid deeds

Like passion's lurid lecheries
An insatiable torrid sooth
You wrestle with his adamance
Your  carnal ecstasies revealed

You pounce on his exsertion
You splay your agile form
wriggling like a supple nymph
You accept his blatant storm

You writhe in your abandon
In a euphoric supplication
His machismo ****** enveloping
Your wildest latent needs

With no regrets or reticence
you awaken from this dream
To find yourself alone again
Like it had never been
I of we all create our own incubi and succubi and we should pay attention to their parameters.  Nothing like a philanthropic Incubus.
Alice Jul 2018
The departure gives meaning to the absence.
Because absence alone means
     
               disintegration.

And holding on to absence
               Putrefies the heart.
Because you are giving pieces of yourself
    To a black hole.

So when they left,
         You were gifted with a decision:


To move to the left, where nothing feels right
Or to dream of the right, where they never left
Dlusionl13 Mar 2018
You are saying I am cruel
I bet you don't even care
Yes I am rude and also somewhat mean
Because I am a thunderous sea trying to calm the hurricane of your betrayal going inside me
You think I won't know
You are the one spreading the rumours
Thank you for sharing with the world your opinion of me

I was not like this before
It's you who ridiculed me
Making my already hard life a miserable mess
It's you who forced my mind
To shut the windows of my heart on everyone's face
I lost happiness as joy left me alone
In mending the broken hearts I was late
In joining the shattered pieces of friendships I failed
I want to thank you sincerely for making my life a living hell

You ignored me, isolated me
Burning my already suffered soul like an ignited coal
I could do nothing as hope left me
Turning me into a dark black hole
You knew what I was going through
Yet you left me saying you were tired of my demons
Thank you I never knew promises were meant just for a show

But how can you call me a ****** now
Telling everyone I am not good
Telling me I am isolated for a reason
Who made this worse
Think you should
I regret ever talking to you
I don't know why I shared my deepest darkest secrets only with you
Thank you for making me sorry for trusting you

You had promised you would help me
You said it was okay that I was okay
What happened then?
Why did you abandon me?
You took everyone that were close to me
Spread all the lies you want
No one is left anyway
But thank you for making me realise
That the battles I fight make me stronger than coward people like you

A loner an outcast
My life's never-ending cycle
It's my story my secret
I am the soul of a lonely dead girl
Betrayal hurts because it's something we never expect from the one we trust the most
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