I, dip my fingers in your honey sweet sap.
Steering your emotions with sensations of passion.
Loathing the moments in between, with the patience of a feind;
for the instant our flesh meet;
then going far in between --
filling your blossom with seed,
releasing you of your need.
Embraced by your fragrance,
entranced by the scent,
of your bitter sweet, sweetness,
both heaven sent --
dripping from my tip,
the essence of your tenderness.
entrenched by your loveliness.
Most peculiarly of most things was that I thought all of this very fishy, daudry, drab, and boresome. This is where I turn on the second table lamp...
In a muster I arrived to the home of my aunt, where at once she drew me into the back of the house, down a flight of stairs made of tusk and bone into a catacomb where she kept a alive collection of wooly mammoths. She said the upkeep wasn't awfully horrendous as she had an invisible backdrop which led to a lion, a witch, and a wardrobe sort of thing. I stood in the gangway behind 10 foot high thigh bones waiting for one of the monstrous red beasts to come greet me, but what arrived was a very large elephant with longer tusks than usual. None of the red sillyness which I had dreamt of seeing in my previous years.
She could see I was not that impressed, and so I was led to another part of her home. Around the corner walked in my uncle in is superb and luxurious dress, reminiscent of 18th century British military fatigues. He said, "I bought the E.T. ride from Universal Studios, but as bringing the whole ride to my home I had them adapt a more suitable version to fit the property. A hangar opened and inside there were four chariots of orange and blue, diamond shaped school buses with their undersides aimed at withholding a V-shaped street. Then in two and two single file order all the classmates of my K-12 years arrived and took seat into the strappings of this 'ride' we were to take. Music played, John Williams even was produced by hologram, and after the ups and downs for several minutes we arrived to what I thought would inevitably be the forest, but rather was what I perceived was a Finnish town. The chariot I was in was stuck in the street, mud, rain, and soot entrenched us. I unbuckled the polyester straps and when I stood I realized that though the seats had built in urinals and toilets they were utterly noiseome to the senses. I followed a local girl to a food mart where I asked how I could find where I was but no one spoke a drop of English.
I corraled the group and told them to wait for me. I followed this girl who seemed quite younger than I to a small apartment in the uppermost floor of a very unsturdy chapel-like home several suburban blocks from our ride. She immediately removed her pants and I saw with my very own eyes that she was hairless and nubile. She insisted that we have a fuck, and after I caressed her and complained too that she was far too young, she insisted that the age of consent in Germany was actually 13 yet she was 16. I remember it clearly. The most gigantuous feelings of pleasure as I mended a studio closet for my dining room furniture inside her ripening channel. Eventually after an hour we finished, she offered me a towel and some biscuits, which I consumed joyously.
Upon leaving her home I remembered that she had said we were in Germany, and so I produced a measure of Deutsch that I had been saving in my repetoir for the right moment. As Finnish is not my strongest language I was pleased of this and became instantly popular among the other candidates of our journey. This E.T. ride is far different than I remember it having been. Moments later I awoke quickly, a tuft of her black hair on my eiderdown comforter and a veil of tears from the merriment of glee shrouded over my face. After I rolled and balled into the soft feathers of my bedding, I twisted myself again into a knot, and allowed myself to rejoin the soporific treatice I was aiming for.
This is now where I turn off both lamps and go on watching films of a similar style.
Wishing You The Very Best,
Sir Martin Narrod
I keep my family of conscience
I shred my folly of heir
In case of torment or fondness
I never wear underwear.
Nature has engulfed the Earth with Love
The roots firmly entrenched on terra firma
Sometimes nature’s fury uproots it all
Bringing with it, devastation galore
Yet, nature heals over time, lush green with life
Kissed with Life, by the eternal rays of the Sun
Water nurtures with the juice of Love
Breathing Life onto this planet
For Nature is Life, and we keep on strangling it
As Nature’s comeuppance may uproot us all
Our fate firmly bound to Nature; do we have a choice at all?
© Amitav (Radiance)
An evening cigarette, up on deck.
The sun sets - on the far side of the cliff -
While the boat
Dips and lift, dips and lifts.
Golden brown all around legs returning
A golden sun is burning out
Turning down the volume on the sky
Now the whiteness of the day seeps through
Our sand-entrenched shoes and is swallowed
By the vastness of the wine-dark sea.
Our salt-encrusted shoulders have rolled no boulders
To touch the sun at noon
Long afternoons through hazy pastel views
Till the day’s foaming sea breaks
Upon the hilly hooves of Spanish rocks.
Meanwhile, the spine of a sleeping giant
Lies in a hazy snooze,
Its camel back runs grey to black
Across the flat horizon. Pupils widen
As the semi circle of gold is swallowed whole
The velvet sea rolls gently for Poseidon.
Caste in India is a dense forest
Ambedkar wanted to make it a plain
And tried his best to abolish it in right earnest
But he knew full well that he was in vain
If one wants to cut a poisonous plant
The other shouts like a maddening giant
The environmentalist feels deforestation is dangerous
So the re-forestation makes him curious
The wise believe deforestation is a myth
The roots are so entrenched in earth
The trees will continue to branching out and out
And grow and grow to a greater height
Rearrange a “Wife’s” affection!
When they dislocate my Brain!
Amputate my freckled Bosom!
Make me bearded like a man!
Blush, my spirit, in thy Fastness—
Blush, my unacknowledged clay—
Seven years of troth have taught thee
More than Wifehood every may!
Love that never leaped its socket—
Trust entrenched in narrow pain—
Constancy thro’ fire—awarded—
Anguish—bare of anodyne!
Burden—borne so far triumphant—
None suspect me of the crown,
For I wear the “Thorns” till Sunset—
Then—my Diadem put on.
Big my Secret but it’s bandaged—
It will never get away
Till the Day its Weary Keeper
Leads it through the Grave to thee.
I tore the fabric of space
Interrupting my affectionate stalking
Spurts of longing, interspersed
with spasms of premature spunk
In vain, hankering to attain that next level rush
Oh you're a dirty girl aren't you
That's when I was discovered...
Her shrieks royally flushing my cheeks with shock
-Superseded by pallid chagrin
I fumble to bail,
Pants entrenched around my ankles
Of absent-mind, in haste
Prime directive a method of escape
Reflecting a grim lack of circumspection,
Trying to conceal my turgid erection
Her father particularly beyond reason
And not fond of my indecency for his daughter
Proceeds pummeling me to death with my beloved binoculars
Devoid of clairvoyance;
I am coincidentally sent
outward toward oblivion
Bon voyage through the portal
Falling facefirst into an abysmal wormhole
Its then I voyaged backward through time
To the moment of Creation
And witnessed the universe
Fuck itself from naught to existence
Spewing forth such cataclysmic splendor
THE STORY OF SARA
OR A REFLECTION ON OURSELVES
Chapter 4: THE HALLOWED PURIFICATION PROGRAMME
One night, Omar began to thunder on:
"No more of the disgusting concepts and ideas created by the Pigs! We should eliminate from our minds every single Pig that is influencing you, and I must say to you all, that I'm not seeing any progress."
The audience suddenly went all quiet.
Our leader was not satisfied with our emotional progress.
We were not purifying our minds in a manner and speed that was satisfactory to the Great Noble Leader Omar.
"I am looking at you all. I see you; yes, I, Omar, see each one of you. Your eyeballs seem to me to be unsure of what's behind them – I mean, your brains."
Omar's voice began to talk in a tone that was almost a whisper, whilst the vast audience strained their ears to catch his every precious word.
"And inside your brains lies our minds. Well, I'm talking about your minds, my friends. I'm not seeing progress. Yes, you do this riot; you kill this Pig; you burn this Pig school – and all of these acts are crucial to our holy cause. But, what about you yourselves? What about your own minds? Maybe you, too, are tainted with some of the Pig mentality yourselves? Now, how about that? Yes? What do you think?"
The audience gasped.
Omar began to raise his voice again.
He was taunting this audience.
"Why, you really are telling me, that you think and feel and believe, that you have the right to kill Pigs?"
At this question, Omar stopped.
The audience gasped louder.
I knew what they were thinking.
Is our Great Noble Leader questioning our faith in him and in the cause itself?!
He screamed, almost blowing away the microphones!
"Why, who gives you the right to be soldiers in this unforgiving, merciless and ferocious war we are waging every day against vastly superior forces? I'll tell you 'who' gives you that right."
The audience waited in tense anticipation at our leader's answer.
It was so silent in this vast stadium, you could hear a pin fall.
"What gives every man, woman and child the right to be a soldier in this brutal struggle is when that soldier has the purest heart and mind. It's as simple as that. And to be 'pure', my friends tonight, is the one who has not a shred, and does not have one ounce of Pig matter. That's right, you heard. Pig matter. Any dog that has even a fleeting Pig thought, is a Pig him or herself!"
The audience now began to whisper among themselves.
They seemed to be receiving the light from the words being delivered by Omar.
Many were saying among themselves, that, 'Yes, we do have Pig thought and ideas and emotions and feelings in our hearts.'
Omar continued, in a soft voice, after allowing his audience to digest his last words:
"Yes, that does come as a surprise to you, doesn't it?"
"Yes!" roared back the audience who now fully submitted to his question and answer.
"So, I ask you – who are you?" he screamed!
And the crowds immediately screamed:
"Pigs! Pigs! Pigs! We are dirty Pigs!"
Again and again, the crowd seemed to be going a little bit hysterical.
Some began tearing off their clothes, as if they were trying to 'cleanse' themselves from their Pig thoughts!
"That's right!" screamed back Omar, furiously and wildly staring with those maniacal eyeballs, like some trapped, ferocious animal, at his audience:
"Why you yourselves are Pigs! That's right! Come on now! So, what are going to do about you? If you give yourselves the 'right' to kill Pigs, then why don't I have the same 'right' to order my best elite troops to kill you too?"
"Save us! Save us!" screamed back the audience.
"Save yourselves!" Omar screamed right back.
"We are filthy! We are Pigs!" the audience began to insult themselves in all sorts of words and phrases.
At this point, Omar was shrieking!
"That's right! You are filthy Pigs yourselves, aren't you now?”
The audience continued to scream and you couldn’t understand what they were saying anymore.
Omar went just as suddenly silent.
He just looked at his followers, and allowed them the need to express themselves.
After some twenty minutes o this chaotic screaming, Omar became impatient and quickly motioned his followers to be quiet.
He continued, with a soft tone:
“So, I hereby announce the following."
Once again the entire audience become tense.
What was Omar going to order now?
"I hereby allow you all, and I mean all our soldiers and not just those sitting with me here in this stadium; I order all of our soldiers to purify themselves of every Pig matter. You will have three months. And then, after that term ends, we will establish courts, to decide wether you have succeeded in cleaning yourselves from these cancerous and murderous feelings and emotions you have. Our courts and our hallowed judges will next decide, case by case, wether you are clean or not!"
Later, when it appeared that our mostly pathetic, dirty and sick 'soldiers' were simply unable to cleanse their minds from the Pig establishment in three months – since they had no instructions or guidance - Omar, in his eternal grace, patience and humanity, decided to help them, by allowing classes to be held where one teacher would help each and everyone to 'cleanse' themselves.
Personally, I thought that our Great Noble Leader was decidedly wrong in being so gracious to these so-called soldiers, because, in my opinion, this lot were not worthy of being in our party, and they ought to have been immediately expelled.
"But, Sara," Omar would gently explain to me in his humble office, surrounded by his most trusted officers, "if we were to purge every undesirable element in the party, I would be left with practically nobody!"
I took in his gracious words. and then thought about it.
Why, he was correct, yet again, in his thinking!
Indeed, if we did purify our party from the filthy ones, we would be left with little more than a handful of true, faithful and clean combatants and that, obviously, meant our self-destruction!
"You're right, Sir; as usual, I think too hastily. That's why you are the only leader for us; my God, if I, God forbid, were leader, why I would have destroyed the party and our eternally holy cause years ago!"
"Indeed, indeed, my dear," Omar softly said, but he seemed to have already forgotten my words, and, he was already somewhere else, thinking deeply about another problem.
And so I, of course, went silent, so as not to disturb him.
"You know what?" suddenly he asked me, his eyes sparkling with passion.
"These 'classes' I was talking about. You've studied psychiatry, and I believe that we must use psychiatric methods to purify my subjects."
Suddenly a strange feeling overcame me; I found the word describing the party members as 'my subjects' a little bit odd.
Also, didn't Omar call psychiatry a Pig subject for all those years? Indeed, he said everything they taught us at university was evil, and that even the institutions of universities were dens of evil. And, yet, now, he was asking me to help him using what I was learning from my university days?
"Yes, I can see the path I am talking about Sara. We need to get psychiatrists, like yourself, to tear out, yes, tear out, the filthiness in our party members."
Suddenly, he got quite excited by his visions.
"That's right, my dearest one, Sara. Yes, and I appoint you to supervise this programme of purification. That's right, and I shall call it by its simplest name, the 'Programme of Purification'!"
Suddenly, I got excited as well, forgetting my previous disturbance.
"That would be such a heroic move on your part, Sir." I gleefully told Omar.
I feel that not only was he the saviour for our nation, but that he was also a personal saviour for myself.
"Yes, I see my vision where it is leading us to. My dear Sara; you will set up these classes and you will bring the psychiatrists and you will purify the dirty elements in our classes."
I got nervous again, for I just realized the magnitude of the job Saviour Omar was demanding I do for him!
"And therefore, I Omar call for an immediate ceasefire against all Pigs!"
Everyone in the office stood there in a state of shock!
A ceasefire against the damnable Pigs?!
Holy Omar could, of course, read our faces and smiled.
"But Holy Sir," one officer softly asked, "how can we have a ceasefire against the most evil forces in the history of our country?"
"And, Sir," asked another officer, "if we stop our eternally pure and humanistic battle against the disease-ridden pigs, wouldn't the latter take that as a sign of weakness on our part?"
Next, saviour Omar raised his hand.
Everyone went silent.
He looked at us.
There were no words from his mouth.
We waited humbly.
Geniuses take their time to formulate the right structure of words, not because they don't know what to say, but they do so that we fools can understand what they have to say.
It is out of concern for us.
Omar finally spoke:
My clean, pure soldiers. We must declare a ceasefire, for I have no other choice. As a humanist, how can I allow impure elements from our party to fight and kill Pigs, when they themselves are still 'impure'? Where is the morality in that?"
Suddenly, I couldn't help but feel such fanatical love for this man; I can only describe his man and his words, as pieces of Heaven coming down to us inferior beings, and if we are decent, then we must grab every shred and piece that he utters, so we can, in turn, save our impure souls.
"Beautiful thoughts indeed, my Gracious Leader!" I said.
Then I turned to the listeners:
"What's wrong with the rest of you? If, one of our 'own' party members was impure, then by what right does he and she have to fight and kill Pigs? We must cease all out activities, until we have a purified party! It's simple and obvious!"
Thereupon followed silence.
I was speaking the obvious.
Finally, a voice spoke:
"So, how exactly are these psychologists going to 'purify' the 'minds' of our party members?"
Good question – one that I had not thought about.
Indeed, how, and by what means, were we going to purify the undesirables?
And then, just at the right moment, Omar spoke his words:
"Yes, that is a great question. There's no use giving orders that no one knows how they are to be carried out. You see, it will not only be the job of psychiatrists who will purify the filthy ones. No, we will force the filthy ones, to vomit out every filthy thought, feeling, and idea; and we shall make sure that all these impure thoughts and feelings and convictions will be screamed out of their minds."
At that last phrase, once again, I found myself pausing and thinking, what an odd thing to say!
I got lost in my thinking.
After all, Omar always, and I mean always choose his words carefully, for he would always make it a point to be so careful with the choice of his words, so that his credibility would never be in doubt and so people do understand that that he means exactly whatever he says.
I must confess, I was completely confused.
On the one hand, I had such deep reverence, complete love and a total need for Omar, and then, there was a part of me, that simply didn’t understand what he was talking about!
I remembered, once more, how everything was so nice and easy and simple with Tony.
But, I assume, that Tony was a general doctor, whereas Omar was a surgeon, and so, with Omar, we had to face a far more complex situation.
"What do you mean by that, Sir?" asked one of the officers, waking me up from my thoughts.
"I mean, it shall be the duty of every party member to purify every other party member. We must all be psychiatrists! This will be done, of course, under the supervision of the leader psychiatrist in each class. He or she will guide you, as to how to get every party member to rip out every Pig attribute in our party members. It's as simple as that."
At that, Omar gestured to indicate that the meeting was over, and so we left.
I kept thinking that his idea was, I'm sure, utterly brilliant, but how in practice were going to do this?
He left his office far too soon.
We had too many questions to ask, and yet, by leaving us, Omar was, in effect, giving us a 'programme' to do, but without clear, precise orders.
So, how were we going to carry out his orders?
What did he mean that 'we must all become psychiatrists'!
That was absolutely absurd!
Untrained people cannot simply 'become' psychiatrists, even if they are 'led' by psychiatrists – or to use Omar's words, to be 'guided' by psychiatrists.
So, Omar's idea seemed to me, to be really a recipe for a catastrophe for our party.
The more I thought of it, the more I found my mind asking myself the question: why was Omar insisting on this 'purification programme' in the first place?
Couldn't the party and its members simply continue the struggle, without having to enforce this ridiculous programme?
And didn't Omar realize that his insistence on us carrying out his orders to do the purification programme, was going to cause absolute chaos, disruption and ultimately mass desertions and expulsions from our party?
In other words, Omar's sudden 'need' to 'purify' our own members seemed to me to be a self destructive act that would seriously damage the party.
The ceasefire announcement was barely noticed by the Pigs – which came as a shock to many of us.
The government didn't seem to actually care at our ceasefire announcement.
Indeed, the Pigs declared that what they termed as the 'social troubles' was, in effect, 'over' and so, therefore, the country could breathe a sigh of relief, and people could now be 'happy'.
I didn't believe what the government was saying.
I was of course nauseated by the hypocrisy of the Pig leaders, because, their pronouncements were lies, as usual, and they would of course, continue their merciless war against us, while we had to cease our fire.
Yes, Leader Omar was probably correct, but I was damn frustrated, because it seemed to me, for the first time since I joined the party, that the Pigs may now well win the struggle.
It was obvious to me!
For how on planet earth could we 'win' a war, when we were not allowed to fight, while the same eternal enemy would continue his war against us?!
Also, to be very honest, I'm not sure that we could 'purify' Pigs in the first place.
It seemed to me to be a contradiction!
I would simply have to swallow whatever Leader Omar ordered us to do.
God knows, he's proven to be correct every time before, and maybe, he will confound us once more with his superior wisdom.
Have faith, Sara, have faith!
Never question the Great Leader, for he is superior to all of us; after all, that’s why he’s the ‘Great Leader’ in the first place!
Keep the faith!
How can we understand what a surgeon is doing, when we are, nothing more than doctors or nurses?!
That’s right; we must listen and obey our Blessed Leader, no matter how strange, confusing or strange his orders were!
Getting Humanity to the masses was getting to be more complicated that I thought it would be!
As leader of the 'Programme of Purification' I set up the first class, as an example as to how we would proceed.
I had absolutely no idea by what technique we were supposed to use, in order to satisfy our leader.
Of course, I pretended, I was supremely confident.
There were about one hundred party members.
I had one psychiatrist party member – and he wasn’t well educated , nor was he well trained, to be honest.
I was frightened and really appalled at our absurd situation!
I began the session by telling everyone what we were going to do:
"Our leader, Omar, has commanded each and every one of us to purify themselves from the Pig attributes. That is something you all know. Either you succeed, or you will be expelled from the party. It is as simple as that. There can be no mercy, or soft hearts here. Any Pig attribute must be extracted, with or without anaesthetic. Suffering means nothing to us. I want results, and the results I am looking for are purified members, who will then be able to continue our holy struggle against the Pigs."
Once again, I was just saying whatever came to my mind.
My words had absolutely no substance to them.
One part of me was nervous, since I had no clue what I was doing or saying; while another part of me was excited, because I was improvising anything I said or did, which gave me a sense of ‘power’.
This sense of ‘power’ gave me a thrill.
Next I ordered ten members to step forward.
I demanded that they immediately and without hesitation tell me what Pig attributes they had.
Sure enough, our members began to speak out whatever Pig attributes they may have, attributes such as being a liar, being deceitful, being materialistic and so on.
"I have Pig attributes; I love money," said one member.
"I admit, I admire and really respect some of our ruling class leaders."
That wasn't enough for me.
"I want you to criticize our party!" I yelled.
Once again, they were nervous.
"Go on!" I screamed, "I will not accept your silence! Or, you will be expelled! I know you have a lot of criticism for our party!"
Suddenly, one voice rang out:
"Why doesn't the party think of our own welfare; I mean, all we talk about is war and that's fine. But what about our pitiful wages? Our living conditions at home? What's being done about that? Nothing, nothing at all."
There were some gasps of shock that someone dared to 'critique' the party.
"Yes, Dr. Sara is right; why can't we criticize the party and Omar? Aren't we free human beings? Or, are we slaves?" said someone else.
There was some excitement now.
Party members could feel the freshness and joy of freedom for the first time.
"Why haven't we been allowed to criticize before?" asked one member.
"Do we, or do we not, have the right to criticize?"
Suddenly, several voices mixed together shouting:
"Of course we have the right to criticize!"
"Go on, then!" I prodded them. "Criticize!"
"Why do the party leaders treat us like dogs?"
"Why can't we even complain when these party leaders abuse us?"
The voices started to pour out!
They were aimed at the abuses our party leaders had inflicted on the ordinary party members.
"Omar talks of our good attributes, such as love, humanity, compassion and all that, and yet, why doesn't he stop the physical and verbal abuses we suffer on a daily basis from party leaders?"
"Yes! Where's the compassion and humanity within our own party?!"
"We're fighting the impure, dark forces, and yet our own party is littered with the most abusive, inhuman dogs we've ever seen!"
Personally, I felt like taking out a gun, and shooting every one of those unfaithful, disloyal and unappreciative party members.
But, I had to pretend that I was ‘appreciating’ the criticism.
Meanwhile, the party members were becoming more confident as they spoke out heir feelings.
"That's right, what does the party actually do for us, who work for the party? We are treated no different, than if we were employees in any ruling class company. Can you tell me what's the difference?"
"When's the last time we got a pay increase?"
"Never!" shouted someone else.
"Why do we work so much more hours, than the supposedly 'evil' people out there?"
“And how are we supposed to know who is, and who isn’t, a Pig?”
Actually, that was a good question!
“Suppose, one man felt that that he wanted to get rich, and let’s say he admits that, does that then mean, we have the ‘right’ to kill that person?”
“That’s right, how can we call ourselves a party of love, compassion and purity, if we believe that we have the ‘right’ to end a person’s life, based on just one Pig thought, as Omar says?”
I felt really disgusted.
My God, so these so-called members of our party really were Pigs after all!
Omar was right!
I just couldn't believe how many people spoke out their Pig feelings.
But, I had to stay calm.
They must now accuse each others of being liars!
"That's not good enough!" I screamed at these people.
"You're lying to me, and to yourselves! You're unworthy of staying in the Party! Go on," I prodded them now, "talk to each now; forget me, and forget your psychiatrist. I want you to talk to each other, and tell each other what you really think of each other!"
At first, the members were unsure and hesitant.
But then, I kept screaming at them, to speak out what they felt about those around them.
To my surprise, everyone began to accuse everyone else of being dirty liars, and of beings Pigs!
Suddenly, party solidarity evaporated, as everyone become hateful of everyone else!
Screams and accusations and insults began to be heaped at each other.
"You repulsive person. You know you are nothing but a tool of the Pigs!"
"You are a spy for the rich!"
As so they went on, with their insults.
The odd thing is that not one party member actually 'knew' the other!
But, there you have it – reality was coming out, and that must have been the process of purification, pure and simple!
Within a few minutes, the party members were becoming highly aggressive, and I screamed encouragement:
"Go on! You bastard liars! Filthy, unworthy Pigs! Tear out the lies and vermin from each other!"
Soon, I saw endless finger pointing, wild manic eyes full of rage, and pushing at each other.
"That's what I want to hear and see: Hatred! Let your hatred rip out every Pig attribute in each other! Hate! Hate!" I screamed joyfully.
Most party members suddenly began to break down and cry uncontrollably.
Weakling, I thought!
How dare they cry!
They ought to be shot – are these crying morons, what we call ‘soldiers’?!
I noticed that the psychiatrist, assigned to be with me, was beginning to feel sadness and real compassion for our party members.
“Dr. Sara,” he said, “can I just comfort them?”
I looked at him with absolute repugnance:
“You untrained moron! That’s not the way to tear out the impurities! We need to break down the impure hearts and minds of these squirming idiots, and you certainly DO NOT DO THAT BY GIVING THEM A HUG!”
The poor psychiatrist was shocked at my sudden anger that was vented against him.
But, I must admit, I absolutely loved having this power of casting fear, and humiliation to human beings!
To be honest, I myself had no idea if, what I was doing was the ‘right’ method or not!
But you must know that by now, reader, don’t you?
I shrieked, finding, to my complete surprise that I was now encouraging not just verbal violence but physical violence!
I continued screaming:
"Kick! Punch! Tear their Piginess right out of their brains! Don't be scared! Exterminate all Piginess!"
And yes, to my exhilaration, serious beatings ensued and the rest began to get in hysterical sobs.
After a certain amount of time, I ordered a complete halt to all activities, verbal and physical.
They obeyed like dogs.
I stopped the abuse, not because I had had enough – no, I did it, because, I was scared there might be serious physical damage to our members, and that would then be a burden on our budget – since we would have to take them to hospital and pay for their stupid bills!
The 'Programme of Purification' had now begun in earnest all over the country.
But, it was strange to me, because when I was ordering people, I felt thrilled, but, when I inevitably got back home, and I was alone, I kept thinking again and again, what good was this going to do to the party and to our cause against the Pigs?
Also, I felt really empty and unhappy.
I was only satisfied or happy, when I was doing things or when I was physically active; but whenever I had nothing to do – I felt empty, sad and insecure!
Wasn’t Omar and our party supposed to give me peace of mind and happiness all the time?
I, myself, supervised several sessions like that, until I felt that it was now time for every class to be on their own, with only the psychiatrist at hand.
To my horror, I discovered that every psychiatrist that happened to be a member in our party, was himself and herself, completely insecure, unstable characters that were, in now way, capable of practicing psychiatry in a professional manner!
Didn’t Omar know about that fact?
And the oddest thing, was that so many of our psychiatrists, actually got their degrees from the best universities in our country!
So, how come, they were so lacking in the most basic knowledge in psychiatry?
And who would award degrees to people who were themselves completely irrational, and mentally unstable?
To me, that fact was really disturbing, because, I obviously began to think, about all those psychiatrists who were practicing in private clinics and in hospitals in our country.
How could they be allowed to practice psychiatry, when they were simply not qualified to do so?
And God knows, what emotional harm and damage they were inflicting on their own mental patients!
Anyway, I had to forget about problems like these.
Within a few weeks, I had to order these so-called psychiatrists out.
The party members were now to be on their own, and they were to continue abusing each other until I felt that we achieved 'purity'.
And so, I left them and I awaited to see the results.
And to my horror, I heard endless reports come to me, that these 'purification' sessions, were simply becoming, nothing more than members verbally and physically abusing each other.
Nothing else was happening.
I was hoping that somehow, following the abusive stage, people would become loving and compassionate
That was what Leader Omar had told us would happen.
But that didn't happen.
Several more days later, I ordered all classes to cease, and all of those who participated were next ordered to the various Supervision Boards.
I just didn't actually see what the point was for all these classes.
Let the Supervision Boards judge wether or not these members of the party had been purified.
Not surprisingly, most of these so-called party members' were deemed to be Pigs!
Just as I thought!
A Pig remains a Pig no matter what you do!
This is what I had been trying to tell leader Omar, and we see the results to prove my point.
More than 95% of our so-called 'members' were deemed to be pure Pigs and so they were expelled from our Party!
But, did we have to go through all these arduous sessions in order to 'prove' that point?
And more importantly, what good did we do by reducing out party members by 95%, since obviously, we were by now in a gravely weak position vis-à-vis the enemy?
I would now see how Leader Omar would react and what he would do.
The meeting was held in Omar's simple office.
There were several nervous officers plus myself – I myself, somehow, was not in the least worried.
I think that Omar was already told of the results, because his face seemed unusually grave and serious.
"Well, Sara?" he began looking straight into my eyes.
A thought crossed my mind: well, if you knew of the results, then what exactly are you asking me?
"Sir, the results have been" and at this point, the leader raised his voice interrupting me.
"I know what the results are. I do not need you to tell me what they are."
"Well then why are you asking me?" I blurted out.
The other officers were shocked at my answer and question.
For some reason, and I just don't know why, I was not scared or intimidated at all.
I mean I should've been deathly scared because I had heard that Omar had executed countless party members before; he would do so without even notifying the families involved: only the executioner would know.
That’s what I would hear, anyway.
"Sir, I just wanted to tell you, that I knew that this programme did not succeed, because, in my opinion.."
"You say that it has 'not' succeeded," asked Omar.
"That's my informed opinion, yes Sir," I replied.
"Why do you say it has 'not' succeeded? To me, the success is as obvious as the sun above your brains."
Everyone was surprised, because this was the first time we had heard what Omar had to say about his purification programme – and to him, it was an actual 'success'!
"Sir, party members remained mired in the abusive stage, and we did not succeed in purifying them into the next stage, which would be the loving, compassionate and humane stage." I replied stiffly.
Omar continued to stare at me.
I sat there without a hint of emotion.
Then, a soft smile broke across his serious face.
"Exactly," finally he said something.
'Exactly what, Sir?" I asked, confused.
"That is exactly what I mean, when I say to you, that we succeeded."
"But, how did we 'succeed' Sir, when so many, 95%, had to be removed from our great party?" I asked.
I used the word 'great' deliberately, in the hope of appeasing him and thereby reduce what I could feel was his anger against me.
"Sara, listen to me. I actually thought that you would understand, but, regrettably, you didn't understand."
I didn't like the tone of his voice at all.
It sounded to me cold and rude.
"Look, when I ordered the Purification Programme, I did so, in order to uproot all members in our own party, who were themselves Pigs. You understand, so far?" Omar asked.
I felt even more uncomfortable, because he was treating me like I was an idiot.
"Yes, Sir, I understand you," I replied.
"Good. Now you have seen for yourself, that a vast majority of our party members, are themselves no better than any other Pig, and, as a consequence, I expelled all those dogs out. Today, I am satisfied, that with a mere 5% of party members, we have a pure, elite, pure men and women, and it is precisely to these 5% that I now look up to, in order to restart and re-energize our party, and, therefore, our struggle."
Omar finished with a self-satisfied smile.
"Yes, but, Sir, with this pure 5%, how can we actually continue the struggle? We just don't have enough soldiers any more. So, what next?" I asked.
"The 5% today will be 95% tomorrow," answered Omar as swift as lightning.
His smile was now beaming, as he seriously gazed at all the other officers in the room.
He struck me as being so over filled with confidence, that he was about to burst from his skin!
"Do you now understand me?" he asked with a steely voice.
I felt at a loss!
Everyone in the room murmured words of support for Omar.
What was he talking about?!
He made no sense!
I looked around me in the room, and no one dared to criticize the leader.
For some reason, I felt compassion for all those party members who were so summarily expelled.
"But, couldn't we have kept some of those we expelled?" I asked, sounding desperate. "I mean, Sir, a lot of those members weren't really Pigs in the full sense of the word; they were mostly decent, hard working men and women, who adored you and the principles we stand for, but they did have a few criticisms of the party."
"That was enough for them to be terminated from the party!" declared Omar.
"Enough for them to be expelled from the party?" I asked, almost pleading. "Sir, where's the justice, compassion and love in all this? We expelled decent people; just because they had a few Pig thoughts, and just because they criticized the party, does that mean they deserve to be expelled so casually? No one is 'perfect', Sir, don't you agree with me?"
Omar seemed bored with me.
Casually, he replied:
"No one is perfect, that is correct. That's why we need to keep the absolute purest human beings. If we kept those that were contaminated, then they may infect that blessed, pure 5% that remained in the party."
"But, Sir, why do you say that all those expelled were like an infectious disease? They weren't! I knew personally so many of them, Sir, and I repeat, they were decent people, Sir!"
"Yes, you are repeating yourself Sara," said Omar, and then looking at the rest of the members, he asked, "well what do you think of Sara's opinion? Should we have kept the vermin in the party?"
Well, obviously if you phrase your question like that, no one accepts 'vermin', I thought!
But, my whole point was that these people were not 'vermin'!
Everyone in the room, answered:
"Sara," Omar suddenly growled, staring at me with those fiery eyes, "I am a humanist, and when I see a human with a highly infectious disease, then I remove him. It's as simple as that. There's no room for 'compassion' here. Indeed, if I were to be 'compassionate', and keep this infectious person, then I would not be 'compassionate', would I – since I would allow other people to get infected? Perhaps, your nerves are too weak. You may be too soft. But, that is what a leader must do. He must 'lead', despite the pain and suffering that comes from leading; if I were to waver and be scared or unsure of myself, then I would no longer be a leader, correct? Imagine an airplane pilot who's not sure if he's flying the plane correctly; how would that make you feel? You would dismiss the captain immediately. And, that is why I am a leader, and why you are not! And that is why you too are hereby dismissed from the party."
I was stunned.
But I didn’t somehow absorb what he had just said.
"Sir, I accept being expelled, but I beg you for one last question?" I asked, hoping, that Omar would rethink his decision to expel me.
"Go ahead," replied Omar, without looking at me anymore.
I was no longer worthy at being looked at!
"Sir, if one man or woman, simply had one Pig thought, such as the desire to have their wages increased, does that give the party the right to expel them?"
I deliberately used the phrase 'does that give the party the right to expel them', when, of course, we all knew, the 'party' was Omar, but I didn't want to sound as if I was directly accusing him, and so I cushioned my accusation with the word the 'party'.
"Yes," Omar replied casually.
"And do you really believe that no one here in this room has had a single thought cross their mind that you would define as an evil thought?" I asked, knowing that this was my second question.
"The pure have no evil thoughts."
"Doesn't that make them similar, if not the same, as the Prophets – that is, free from all sins?"
For a man who loved talking so much, I found it strange that now he was answering only in single words.
"And for the new members who will be joining the party, who no doubt will be sinful, how will we, I mean you - since I am being expelled - how will you purify them, without getting the same results, which is 95% being expelled?"
There was now no quick answer from Omar.
Suddenly he raged:
"If humans cannot be purified, then DAMN THEM! THAT IS NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY! I HAVE COME TO CLEANSE THE UNCLEAN, BUT IF THE CANCER PERSISTS, THEN THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO EXCEPT TO REMOVE THEM!"
"But how will we continue our struggle then? It seems that you're more interested in 'cleansing' party members, rather than fighting the enemy?" I asked, surprised that he was allowing me all those questions.
Maybe he actually needed these questions, so he could think about them in his mind.
"You do not have the 'right' to kill the impure, if your own side are impure."
For once, he made complete sense.
What right do you have to fight an enemy, if your own side are tainted with the same attributes you are seeking to eliminate in the enemy?!
Of course, where I disagreed with Omar, was his definition of what constitutes an impure person.
"Well, my opinion," I continued.
"Damn your opinion!" he screamed at me, suddenly standing up and looking more or less hysterical.
"Damn my opinion?" I answered right back, while the horror of the listening officers intensified. "Then, if my opinion be damned, why do you, Sir, appoint me for your very own programme?"
I felt somewhat dizzy because, to be honest, one part of my brain was talking and answering without thinking of what I was saying; the words just came right out of my mouth and that was what made me dizzy, and yet, I loved what that part of my brain was saying!
"You revolting ape," the leader slowly spoke back. "Why you are another traitor just like all the rest!"
Now the officers were getting nauseous – because they felt that the leader may be implying, that they too were 'traitors' or perhaps 'apes'.
"How can I be a 'traitor', when I enthusiastically carried out your orders for the 'purification' programme?"
"What 'work' you did was nothing but destructive work," Omar quickly replied.
What on earth did he mean by that?
"Yes, you, Sara, deliberately set out to sabotage my plans and orders for the 'purification' programme. You destroyed my blessed programme," he said with a supremely self-assured grin on his face, as if we had suddenly won the argument.
"These are your words and your thoughts, Sir, but I was your most loving, adoring, faithful member of the party. But, it seems to me that you don’t allow me to defend myself,”"
"Defend yourself?!" he cut me off yet again, laughing out loud; "since when are common rats allowed to 'defend' themselves? Rats! Pigs! You hopeless idiot! Traitors have only one way to go and you know where that road ends, my dear Sara, don't you?" he found his words to be so amusing, he fell back on chair, laughing quite uncontrollably.
I found myself looking at him as he went on laughing.
I was not really sure how to interpret Omar's behaviour.
He seemed to be lost, in finding how hilarious it was for him to 'find' me to be a 'traitor'; well, even if I were a traitor and he is to be credited for 'finding' me out, how did that square with the unalterable fact that he, the Great Leader Omar, had decided on a ceasefire against the Pigs, and then deciding to go for this gigantic programme which had so miserably failed?
He failed, not I; he failed and not the party members.
After all, he's the Leader and he chose this path, against our wishes, and so how was he going to look at his party members now?
Here he was laughing while the entire party could only look at him as a 'failure'.
Or, maybe, it was only myself who saw him as a failure?
"I hereby order" he quit his laughing and abruptly continued, "your expulsion from our dearly beloved party."
Now with the 'expulsion' order, there usually comes other punishments; what were they to be, I wondered?
"Sir, can I ask you another question?"
"Sure," he replied casually.
I was surprised by his generosity in allowing me to ask him so many questions.
For some reason, I felt that I was a television reporter and he was granting our channel an exclusive interview!
"To you the world is black and white?"
I was surprised.
I expected that he would actually say the world was black and white, because, all he ever talked about were the 'evil' ones versus the 'pure' ones.
"So, who's in between?" I asked.
"There are many creatures who are caught in conflicting emotions – that is, between pure and evil."
"So, how do you define them? And, would they be allowed in your party, or are they to be regarded as enemies?"
"No, pure vermin. Pests. They need to be extracted."
To him, he had a ready made answer for seemingly anything you asked him.
He spoke with such an astonishing degree of confidence and a abnormally high sense of complete self-assurance; it seemed to me as if I was simply asking him silly questions, such as one plus one, and is the sun yellow!
The man simply had no doubts.
And, I admit, even though he had just expelled me, and called me a ‘traitor’, I still utterly adored him for his emotionally strength!
He was utterly entrenched in his thoughts and convictions.
It was his strength of faith, and the purity of his character, and his unwavering faith in his convictions, that I myself desperately needed.
I needed his strength, precisely because, I myself was so emotionally weak.
"But, Sir, if we talk about our society today, if you are to win this struggle, then I presume that you intend to kill," and here I made a mistake in the choice of my words, "I mean, you intend to eliminate the impure ones, and doesn't that mean, according to your own statistics, that that means, the vast majority of our population need to be eliminated?"
"Yes. If needs be."
"But, aren't you contradicting yourself, Sir? How can you,"
"I know exactly what your question is," he said, interrupting me, "you want to know how we can win the struggle if we intend to eliminate the majority of society. You see, you assume incorrectly, which is very common for you, that when I say 'eliminate' I mean to kill. You are wrong. I mean, that once we defeat the ruling powers, then we must re-educate the masses, and that will be done by force, because the impure masses will not voluntarily desire to be purified. So, as I say, that will be another phase in our struggle: the forcible re-educating of the masses, and that will cause much violence and bloodshed."
I was astonished.
He never spoke to us about that plan of his.
"You do not seriously think that ordinary men and women are going to let you 're-educate' them do you?" I asked.
I wished he would hug me, and give me back that sense of pure and unending security.
"No, of course not," he snapped back, his words and voice, almost biting me, "didn't I just tell your ears that I will need a lot of bloodshed? Or, maybe your ears decided not to relay my voice to your brain? And it isn't only men and women of course! No, re-education and purification of society begins with our children. We need to re-educate our society the good, humane, loving, compassionate values and we must make sure that we extract any evil attributes, such as selfishness, greed, arrogance, love of violence and so on."
"And, in order to create pure, loving, compassionate, non-violent people, we need to engage in so much bloodshed, as you say?"
"Of course. It is not my fault; what I am doing is to recreate Man as God intended him to be. Now, for thousands of years Man has been tainted and corrupted by vice and greed and viciousness. Then, someone like myself appears on the Stage of Life and History. That is, of course a chance, random event. I mean, I and my appearance in this life, is a random event. So, then I ask myself this question: what do I need to do, in order to recreate Man; to bring him back to his origins, when he was kind as a lamb? Well, I need to remove all the filth that has so deeply accumulated in the heart and mind and soul of Man; you see this putrid accumulations have been going on, as I say, for thousands of years, so, as you can imagine, there's a lot of it deep within Man’s heart and mind. Now that I know the depth of the cancer and how much it has spread throughout the body of Man, I can now judge how much surgery will be necessary in order for me to remove the impurities. And, so, I can tell you that is why, so much blood will be shed, because humans will not be willing to have themselves re-educated; force will be needed, and if some persist in their refusal to learn, then they should know the consequences."
For once, he seemed to be making some sense – except for the 'forcing' people to be re-educated.
"No human wants to be pure. Humans love to be evil. That is why force will be needed to bring them back to their pure origins. After all, how many pigs do you personally know want to learn about love, humanity, morality and beauty?"
If it weren't for his violence language, he talked like so many other leaders.
"But isn't it immoral to 'force' people to be re-educated?" I asked.
"Isn't it immoral to allow so-called humans to have the freedom to do as they wish and act out their evil attributes, such as: deceit and lust and rape and arrogance and murder and violence and criminality?"
"But," I said – but he suddenly motioned with his arm that I may no longer ask questions.
I sat motionless, as Omar motioned his secretaries to start writing down his next set of orders, which were then to be distributed to all party members.
"I further order the following. I demand that 25% of party members be expelled from the holy party immediately, because it is obvious that they collaborated with our Sara. Next, the great Purification Programme will continue. You may have thought that I would abandon this great humanistic enterprise to cleanse Man from his sins. No, my friends, for I was not born to surrender! No, my friends, the programme will continue but on a different basis. From now on, anyone, who will be reported to have Pig attributes, will be taken to our courts and let our genteel judges decide their fate. All courts will be held in secret and no news will come out: the guilty will be given their punishment whilst the innocent will quietly return to our ranks. Furthermore," suddenly he began to speak really fast as he rolled out order after order, as if he were 'cleansing' himself from his past failures, "I declare the ceasefire to be over. Next, I order, that we must now no longer restrain ourselves in any way, shape or form in our armed struggle against the ruling Pigs. No, the war against the ruler Pigs will now take its next logical turn, and that means we will fight Unrestricted Warfare; by that, I, Omar, order that we fight the Pigs by any means necessary. We will now see the end of the Pigs, precisely because of my Unrestricted Warfare Order. Thus, we enter the final phase of our military struggle. Next, I order that anyone who dissents, or who does not follow party lines, to be summarily dealt with," and at this last phrase, he grinned his famous grin, whereby everyone understood what he meant: anyone who is to be 'summarily dealt' with, meant more or less death.
He woke up
next to the empty spot
where Wonder Woman had been.
He puked in the toilet
slammed down a forty-ounce Miller High Life
and started putting the suit on.
the gray and black tights
the yellow utility belt
and the cape.
It was leather.
He put the cowl
under his arm and left his apartment.
It was a late start
by the time
the bus got him to
Mann's Chinese Theater.
He saw a lot of his
friends and colleges
as the bus went down to his stop.
It was a regular day
all the characters were
in their usual little groups.
Spider-Man & Captain America
two Mormon boys that had been
excommunicated from the church
they got caught butt fucking
now they were stuck in Hollywood
like everyone else.
or H-Men as most people called them
were a group of junkies.
One of them had a cousin at Fox
and they got four replica X-Men costumes.
So that's how they scored
their junk everyday
garnered pretty good tips from the tourists.
Cyclops, Jean-Grey, Storm, and Wolverine.
It was a good grift. Damn good idea.
Then you had the impersonators
plastic surgery freaks
obsessed with Michael Jackson
creepy bald men dressed as Dr. Evil
and there was always
a lazy fat guy
that would do Elvis.
Not know any of the songs
and saying the catch phrases all wrong,
"Well, thank you Ma'am....thank you so much."
Those guys never lasted too long.
The cutesy cartoon characters
were almost always
pedophiles or old bag ladies.
The horror people were hands down
the most bat-shit insane of the lot.
They got into the most fights
they terrorized the kids
and they talked a lot of shit.
Would bate guys into fights.
Michael Myers would always start shit
with guys that had beautiful women with them.
It was fucked up.
The LAPD took away Freddy Kruger last month
for beating up a guy
right in front of his kids.
There was talk from the cops
about shutting down their whole thing down.
Making it illegal to dress up in costumes
and get tips.
'Panhandling' as the office had said.
Batman hung out with
Superman & Wonder Woman
while doing his thing.
The night before
Wonder Woman and him
had been drinking, smoking, and
they fucked once
before she asked him
what she needed to.
"We got two new guys starting tomorrow."
"Yeah. They came up to me on the street today,
wanted to know if they could hang with us."
"Wha? What? Well...do they have costumes?"
"Yeah." She said, exhaling smoke, wrapped in the sheet on the bed.
"These guys got a Green Lantern and a Robin costume. Really good quality,
they showed me pictures. Hey, you finally got a Robin now! Isn't that great?"
"Shit...I don't know Diana...I was kinda liking our little threesome.
"Oh come on, Bruce. It'll be good." She said, wrapping her arms around him
as he sat on the edge of the book, looking out the window.
"We can finally get the big, group tips. Like what the H-Men got going."
"Alright. That's fine."
And the next day
there they were,
Green Lantern & Robin.
Wonderful costumes, like she said
their hair color and overall appearance
"Hello. Robin. Green Lantern."
Their gloved hands all shook.
They got acquainted and he couldnt help but like them.
Nice guys, musicians, Rockabilly guys, from Venice.
They went out into
the crowd of people
Superman's voice booming over the crowd
telling everyone that they're safe from
evil and wrong doers, blah, blah, blah,
the usual bullshit that Superman always said.
Batman yelled to Robin over the enclosing crowd.
They were now fully entrenched by people
fat & sweaty
Batman's panic attack took over.
"COME ON!" He shouted over the rising crowd noise.
The dynamic duo
shoved & pushed
parting the sea of fat tourists
and breaking out onto the sidewalk.
"What's up, Batman?" Robin asked
looking up to him.
The size difference was just like in the comics
Robin was a little guy.
"I just needed to get outta there. Let's go take a lap
down Hollywood Boulevard...see what kinda cash we can grab."
up and down
the walk of fame
posing for a few pictures
making some kids day
with wide-eyed excitement
that will be with them forever.
They made forty bucks too.
"Alright, that's good for now. Let's grab a beer, Robin."
It was a small dive
on Hollywood Boulevard
they were two beers in
and Robin was learning a lot
about how Hollywood really was.
Some real talk from Batman to Robin.
"Yup. I moved out here in 1997. I saw that movie 'Swingers' and I thought...
I could do that, that could be my life, I want that."
"And what happened Bats?"
"Well...I came out here, went to film school, did everything I was told, and...
I still got fucked." He said, taking a long pull from the bottle.
"Well what happened exactly?"
Robin's green glove, gripping the brown bottle
tilting it back, bubbles rising
"Well...ya see...when I was in film school, the instructors all told us...you either do your internship here in Hollywood or go to New York. Anywhere else and you won't be able to make it. That's what they said."
"Yeah. So I did my internship here in Hollywood and it was for nothing. The whole two years that I was at Faramount, I was never allowed to even touch any film equipment. Well, just to dust it off and clean it. But they didn't even try to teach me anything there. I just did food runs at lunch, got them their Starbucks in the morning, and took out the trash. Swept the parking lot, cleaned the toilets, I was a fucking janitor at that place. And you know what happened next?"
"One day they just fired me. Just like that. After two years of being their bitch boy. So now I have $50,000 in student loans that I can't pay back, and a degree that got me nowhere."
"Fuck." Robin said, finishing his beer.
"Yeah. So what do you do?"
"I'm in school for audio engineering."
"Ah...the music business eh?"
Batman grew silent then, just finishing his beer, and staring into the mirrored wall.
He wanted to say,
"I have 117 scripts sitting in a stack next to my t.v. That's eight screenplays a year. Robin, I've been at this for fourteen years and it doesn't get any better. I never stop trying and I keep at it, year after year. But I'm done. Get out while you
still can Robin. This city will eat you, rape you, kill you. If you still have a home, I suggest you go back to it."
Batman sat there, his beer finished, still staring straight ahead.
Robin pulled out a ten dollar bill, smiling, calling for the bartender
with that sparkle in his eye
of youth and hope.
He didn't want to say all that shit
crush that gleam in Robin's eye
like he once had.
Those were the best days
the great days
the glory days
to be young, handsome, poor, and hopeful
that you could make it
that it could happen.
So Batman didn't say another word about it.
There were things
Robin would have to learn all on his own.
Rains lashing down
The thunderous clouds
Applauding every drop
The clouds have opened up
Their hearts to bring hope
To the parched souls on Earth
The seeds have been lying dormant
It’s time for them to germinate
Covering our garden with greenery
For it will find roots in the soul
Deeply entrenched with belief
That every shower does not wreak havoc
It also ushers new life and hope
© Amitav (Radiance)
I hate this place
I hate it so much
It makes me want to leave
I hate this place
I hate it so much
I want to sit and cry
I can't leave this place
This is my hell
This is my prison without bars
Sometimes I can grin and bear
And take the daily routine
But mainly I just want to die
And take this place down with me
You know the place of which I speak
It's in your heart too
We all go there sometimes
Maybe a lot, or just a few
I hate it when I'm here
This prison with no walls
This cell that has no boundaries
This cage for my mind
My soul is entrenched
By the constraints of my brain
So I take leave in a rush
And hope that you will too
This place is not long for us
But maybe it'll be good for you.
You are the book written by the mystic eternal,
in sub atomic particles of each and everything
after transcending the limits of time,
on the wings of the thought in the primordial core,
that witnessed the seeds being sowed in the beginning.
I am entrenched in the inner urge of the spread of everything,
the surge of cosmic mind, all the five elements
the Brahman, most sublime, omnipresent,
at once, inert and omnipotent, a feat one of a kind
the waves of music, the subtle "ÄUM" containing all,
even when the symphony begins, and climbs to the crescendo
when self and the Master, my cosmic significant other,
merge in YOGA, the ocean, the confluence of consciousness.
O, why but I am like t'is! Hath I, since t'at last sober night,
as th' wan, dull clouds crept nearby, been bequeathing
tragic, credulous insecurity to myself. Like t'at frail moonbeam
disturbed by starless rain! And a turbulent voyage
didst I take, alongst my dreary sleep, into th' grounds
of scythed lands-full of horror, nightmarish leaps,
and dire-some terrors. Why didst I do so! I hath come, to comprehend
not, why t'is turbulence of brave grossness seemeth like nothing else
but perniciously irredeemable, as though I accidentally, or even
consecutively-inflicted it, without the wakeful knowingst
of my brains. Indecipherable! T'is vacant delirium of mockery, and its abysmal hearth
inside-set alight by invisible flames-torches of hell, and gruesome
shrugs of untimely malevolence. Insatiable deployment, indeed! How
miraculous it would be, should I be free from t'is inconvenience
in th' course of some upcoming days, but still, doth I hope so!
Waggish remarks, jests, and playful turns of ancient riddling-
areth but exchanged outside, with airs so snobbish, from t'ose
pampered youngeth dames, blind to t'eir silenced world's grievous
suffering, and laborous perspiration. How unfair t'eir fiendish hearts areth-
once and againeth-sneering at th' pure, stoical beds of t'ose airy rivers,
andth t'eir dim solitude, with t'ose rings of presumptuous laughter!
Spaciousness in its holy sphere, untouched by th' turmoil t'at lingers on it
surface, neither driven away nor shaken by ungratefulness. Toil
improperly apprehended! And insulted as it might become, tenderness
shalt it leave behind, insolence but be crafted along th' insidious rims
of its face. Marvelous in wild ways! Wild, devilish ways! And unwatched
by th' stomping blokes on its visage, shalt it rise, rise like an unforgiving
tidal wave, soulless in its aliveness, blighting and scratching
t'eir shoulders, with blades unmarred-dormant powers t'at ought not
to be ignored by seconds t'at feebly tick away. And t'eir ends
shalt 'ey meet, granted liberally by t'eir
deliberate neglect, and repulsive indulgence.
In th' nothingness of aggravation I am but naturally not a hard-hearted creature,
too of a stony appearance I possess not-intimate and even, t'at should be how
my being is paraphrased mercifully! With t'ose perpetual-and even limitless-
replenishing jewels of ardour, flawed only by harmless faults, I would consider myself treasured
by nature, o t'at precious creature whom hath so adorably vouchsafed t'is
spring-like life to me; warmth can I gratefully feel in t'is winter every day,
in my prayers, studies, and amongst t'ose invigorating fits
of my daily perambulations. How truthful, aye t'is confession is made! As I am
but a pious, sanctified child, ye' in spite of being a humaneth as I am, a snake is bound
to dwell within my bosom, asleep in its quiet slumbers, unawakened so long
as I unbetray my redolent virtues.
But last night! How nigh my soul from t'at anxious burst of agitation,
melancholiness so undesired but abruptly avenged my silence. My indulgent
silence! Th' one frame of my unresting mind t'at I so fastidiously preserved!
Hatred encountered my countenance, and bifurcated my virgin
dispositions; flew into anger then I-so sudden as gripped my soul was
by paths of hostility sent onto me-overwhelmed by t'is ineloquent treatment,
howled in despair, and agony was all I felt within my cheerless heart-
until everything amounted into a blurry shadow-insignificant as it was,
but th' fraud was still t'ere-stupefying desire, so ardent within th' leaves
of my conscience, to slaughter even th' most innocent skins-
'till no more breath t'ey shalt but gasp for. And triumph shalt I procure,
ascendancy shalt be painted onto my palms, and opulent pride shalt I be
endowed with, so unlike all t'is hateful remorse, and slithering chastisement!
Amongst t'ose seas of disillusionment; whilst frowning in desperation-combusting
all t'ose wretched spirits wert all I wasth but able to think of;
and all I conjectured wert proven worthy of my thoughts. Inevitable! Entrenched
was its root-t'is flourishing tiny devil on my inner self, as it is-'till th' morning but
retreated and vanquished t'is gust of little hell, which had decoyed me
and my lithe genuineness like a trivial shell.
O dear! My flawless prince, hath thou but thoroughly gone from me?
Still, a painting of thy kiss roam silently th' rooms of my heart. Now scanty
as to emptiness, roaring fussily as to loneliness, for thy being unhere!
Distorted hath been now its breaths-adored only by groans
of misery-like caprices t'at laid unwanted, abhorred by t'eir masters-
for t'eir yesterday's pricelessness, and valuable crowns! How ungrateful masters,
my dear! And how t'eir proceedings shalt recall
t'ose pristine shines, yes, my dear, (of my golden gems) t'at areth gone,
with unsounding returns t'at are unexplainable, and too unattainable-
and shalt remain dim be t'eir whereabouts, amongst t'ese winds
of fervent, but sultry days. O, come back, my love, come back to my arms,
and hate me not, for my threads are woven alongst thy charms-
ah, t'ose threads of life, of soulfulness, and unabashed mortality!
Clashes of feelings, emotions, and mutual usurpation
of endless infatuation. Chaste, and unimpure, passion! Yes, yes, my love-
t'at's how we ou't 'a be, next to t' fireside, lulling each ot'er to sleep,
and welcoming t'ose night dreams with hearts so dear, lullabies
so near to our ears, of t'at unwavering breaths of passion, and unchangeable
affection, for th' rest of our lives! Leave me not-once more, but stay hereth
with me, and make me forgive
and forget cheerethfully t'is seditious, thoughtless, but most of all