Three Minute Warning
A messenger delivers
A three minute warning
As I lay in bed at 10:30 am
(Resting in preparation for,
not from, our oops, early morning hike).
Breakfast will be ready in 3,
Get your butt in gear or else
It will be cold, I'll be mad,
And you will answer to a
No problem cause I already know
All I need is two.
Splash water on my face
Now I'm presentable
enough to the human race,
current company probably won't be happy,
But I ain't telling her, are you?
Shave! You crazed?
It is a three day weekend,
Every day a July Fourth,
Celebrating freedom from the European tyranny,
Of shaving smooth every day!
Splash water on my head, count with me,
Five brush strokes as you can plainly see
Is a classic case of overcompensating
In my geling n' hair stylin'
Brush my teeth, well,
I hope 2 full minutes of rinsing with CVS
Green stuff, mouthwash, will have to suffice.
Blast my deodorant both sides,
Long and strong, wearin' now
My bold blue Bod husk of musk,
Cause I am a very considerate fellow
Who happens to really stink.
Clean T- shirt and shorts,
Yes, clean underwear too,
Leaves me a whole minute to write this scribble.
My flip flop noises coming down the hallway,
Are the butler announcing our joint arrival,
Me and my poem.
Lest you think this is paean to men
Another grand male boast,
Be advised this ditty be writty
By a man who, while no longer gritty,
Just put jelly on his scrambled eggs
And ketchup on his toast!
Mmmmmmm there might be a poem
Lurking in that too...
like know just time mind life feel world lost say we're things think love there's does people night away way thought got words long reality want better left make end eyes day man human dark experience remember really right death memory going place high good live city thoughts soul meaning great pain home sky believe shall change living oh fall light choice god consciousness existence years cause hard feeling thinking fear times 'cause dreams ask alive heart need past felt days dream sensation truth true use power knowledge wrong stars understand baby tell state thing face wave broken old you'll wave new broken nature you'll fuck mental look far ah drug moment best ago air lose sleep dare try leave beautiful blue born lives escape sublime doesn't body dawn friends waiting feels young daze game control perception gone story mean sun head given writing act difference reason poetry philosophy psyche little trying touch deep greatest wonder choose drugs exist we'll moments score hold play set run self forget coming hope word future dead wish burn music emotion rain stop gaze pleasure glass one's what's lies sense wake hit remain real work bad stay open brain art seek space present happy spent acid pill social we've they're half-light used land held gotta help lie path finally listen actually longing rave water cold seeking caught energy reflection information anymore venturous goes came red hide start truly hand evil divine subtle matter kind lonely yes told eternity keeps line black edge ego context dusk horizon gonna spiritual tripping dimension data die white kill seen means care getting saw places sure freedom looking hurt fool wind flow search chance la took broke existential summer content flowing belief praise empyrean empathy discovery chemical aeon couldn't who's turn forth bit question eye judgement pray passion sound personal worth memories sanity accept universe embrace lack knows free makes rise language decide consider temporal society gain wander conscious stuff religious comprehend particle psychedelic metaphysics you've entheon absurdia entactus maybe ready fate realize family meant return perfect learn miss spirit doubt rest loved minds health moving mortal bring expression sleeping cast lines purpose quiet known strange infinite king months madness haze depths ate party patterns oneself psychedelion inside guess crowd later silent clear soft breath hours hate dust forgotten arms drink fast year war longer close searching morning ashes calm beauty darkness different justice fell friend shadows knowing fine youth heavy standing sweet enjoy explain vain simple chasing hidden ends smoke gold heaven follow point person breaking necessary today relief action cool possible bass generation lying listening machine yeah substance hath engine forlorn problem subject intangible study effort quantum definitions dopamine psychedelics we'd sigma cybran apotheon isn't empathion clouds practice gave warm wanted stand poem wait storm met asleep course skies crime surely grow depression write loose fair ecstasy knew dreaming humanity waves share taken simply faith playing sands view fix winter afraid began wise welcome comprehension sought late big zero table says bliss changed repetition everybody blame unto maze understanding mr explore states ignore addiction venture define teenage american humans billion she's wasn't 'til sonder walk smile tonight speak dance skin blood breathe fears illuminate worse peace girl crave easily emotions feelings shit having force ways lets catch meet hair doors worlds hearts destroy heard walking near hurricane wisdom lights second suicide ignorance fresh waking sadness grand happiness appear rising scared save join adventure neon outside alike liberty particles wonderful compounds killed somebody grace merely closer company desert master twisted realm respect trance ridiculous sex exile pondering noble dangerous absurd nation progress culture contradiction perceive irish urban phenomena cyberspace scoreboard psi ain't you'd mydriasis entheogenesis damn ones taste throw watch painting room alas lay history spend apart sea staring poet fact cut smell happened admit river wasted brought leaves making answer sorry glow learned decided grasp breeze bed begin pretty floor lived sole sand cure awake sight tears barely kept running safe roam willing prefer mist heads asked prose wandering sounds imagine looked hour growing recognize soon falls mirror treat dirty brother climb hero problems granted digital proud changes birth quest age spring aware doing witness names amazed fucked despite takes condition intoxication level beginning worked pupils decision object insanity rhythm medium quality weather physical false process strife individual journey doth code effects abandoned channel judge notions moral swear experienced greater chain natural thunderous cleanse determine shivering hallowed plus reckon caused adolescence media superposition addict connection indigo ethics survived definition reasoning internet feedback vibrancy serotonin cyclone hacker sardonic surreality virtuality here's he's sunyata temporality junkie's empathos apotheotelos flash shining green forever anger carry son moon selfish written supposed feed ya quite loop hooked pure feet hole paper flag sick voice burning attention fly utter wicked tremble endless form infinity talking piece shores verse chest rules food placed plan hallelujah called gun fading drinking emotional measure inspiration suffering belong west read sly instead bear erase furious shame conclusion drunk roll fucking depressed calls taught died defined tire everyday answers sacred acknowledge speaks perfection games ground spoke stood motion sway keeping pretend hell movement magic park key spin kick sake jump hanging animal begins orange streetlights fade crazy honest warp puppet chained survive apathy chains claim prey science diamonds begging grip tale hang powerful wonderland heal dealing plant twice painful daylight mastery desires recall school conviction miracle yearn empyreal weekend actual court value chalk hurts humankind rabbit eggs potential offers temporary pupil atlas nostalgia serenity happens yearning ponder hypothesis worthy witnessed ideas azure tools alpha curiosity consume singularity typhoon revelation stimulant liberate application projection criminals communication throes fraternity enables actuality starshine ethos apotheosis sardonicism aren't mind's teleology empatheon entheos hear mydriatic transcendention fight tear ash minutes wanna taking nights forgot tales lest desire lust darkest single shine slow allow destruction money comes anxiety contemplate nostalgic offer continue happen ink brings brave created holding create thunder produce talk sail philosopher creating distant illuminating drive dancing ease wishing higher pass excuse figure essence angel hopes child ahead sigh using door vast loves awaits strong tornado ok sorrow immortal ghosts certain remains stained insane reached lot discovered plain poison streets killing ending tried session vs poor woke stare watching grass slick emptiness falling box painter series children virtues awareness clean rolling reach advice heavens rend half cherish bay started relax focus laughed ashamed fiend melody drop exhale void occurs beneath win chose robes thrall shield ended sons normal sunrise road forged onward burden actions unlike colors curious street observe chosen silence shades returns technology race vengeance swept bag civilization strive reconcile trouble cloud described replaced substances whilst finding euphoria dear chemistry events deal message eternal masses beliefs vision apparent honestly dr seeing idea domain soar books frames rule law pleasures eat dread bare blaze raise compassion kindness wandered objects expressed sin declare mistake smoking drum heavenly honor lands fountain renew happening aspect gotten issues divinity teach matters pills goal follows significant job romantic gazed envelope elements identity group sell foolish lucid dimensions brothers owe education november difficult recognition express properties glitter considering illusion appreciate discover resonance derived transcendental buzz notion risk scares riot rainy teaching drizzle direct experiences elation normality quote evolution versus lamplight method reflective endeavour cloth eats teenagers eventually haul club result relative breed threat subjective concerning solstice interpretations allows rational ultimately basis aligned numbness hypocrite charade morality dope chaser continuum undead exploits aeons research freeman appropriate ion junkie teachings dilation binge beatific intuitive transcendent escapism psychedelia metaphysical beta untitled mescaline otherworldly dreampt contextual experiential symbiosis codex dissociation cybernetic weren't life's let's mirror's well-being any-more entheogenic junkiedom signifiers mescalito zero-summing won't 'pataphysics window million pair logic alright whisper stone walls notice fun picture lips whispering dying wanting hands pull remained pieces poems built push house choices united turns blessed lucky drifted sane demons demon external slowly worst angels town needs needed drifting watched abyss crimson liquid arch planes add souls questions leads flicker thousand swallow note strings player despair offering realms drift caressing enter gentle closed bodies letter beat gorgeous indescribable smiling laughing probably pick grown shade precious shooting background yesterday woman ocean sober lead clothed ghost flows turned conscience alphabet contain spun luck atmosphere vagabond completely surprise rock creed drawn book autumn rays spinning bottle early regrets lake kids sad acceptance stuck melancholy formed slip draw clearly scars collapse del sit satisfied jungle realized bunch favourite laid fit breaks notes plans anyways spoken produced echoes den trees steps ugly cover explained glance stole gazing current raised travel scratch haunts played women apathetic conquest naught goodbye midnight asking passed waste loss fallen rapture absolute positive walked mistakes lately bound patience nurture fog stranger men wants prevent forfeit asks arose easy quick sing allowed prove pitch mad closest deeply tides praying root poets sentence pulse nightmare deem coffee commit golden insert mock innocent whispers offend low tea strength captured attack stories baseline joint innocence neural chemicals plains blanket dripping reflect blink concepts psychosis plucked tidal radiance roar bathed wonders thrown moves suffer unspoken exists glad shroud plunge scorn bane asunder enslaved harvest possibly fail allure drank danger unsaid veil gravity assume sum receive bloom reveal odd whispered likes news fractured wisely gathered seraphim intention wrought plane weeks mere haunting aspects ha distance hungry eternally swaying eden foretold breach advance pains balance design event forgive significance confidence error alter paying unreality cost chronology thoroughly resembles vivid steal poetic illegal understands maelstrom temples amidst perpetual lesson pathos behold reborn produces scale heaviness ascend talked weed forsake valuable andor relinquish dismiss usually kid nervous sort fierce disguise demands abandon encourage avoid minor relentless identify loneliness web alchemy cosmic rhyme coil suffered basking dropped standard spark mates hearth swore steam myth native wonderfully occasionally solace ventures determination galaxy opportunity justify political prophecy steadfast healthy forsaken chapter facebook worried ex struggle shatter gentleman including convinced profit comfortable twine deity responsible adrift sage fortune immortality theft damage examine deliverance ultimate immersion response access test physics magnitude occur member relation acts theme signal shivers mire coin planet anybody vicious nirvana pendent applause glimmering benediction consuming glint refrain renewal myths manifest nocturnal reflections limitations teenager naturally material matrix columbine giveth inseparable singular proving lifestyle coherence humane ideals starlight sincerely prudence underworld infamous perspective presented pretends excitation viewed regard enhanced zen reverence arcadia theory realization typing construct statement subjugated exploration vote hazy reaper scum streetlight artificial trespass definitive device exceed complex finality surreal petrol proposition inspiring totality originally recurring narcotic cometh juxtaposition reckoning represent inability proclamation syntax continuity nevermind avoidance irrelevant veracious arcadian commence rumination aesthetics ubiquitous nonetheless variable exploit experiencing underlying villain cola rictus ketamine corporeal electronic graciously input cannabis manifestation comprised socially proportionate insofar ethical hedonism junkies vicissitudes cognitive determining psychiatrist palindrome lucidity remix reduction dissociative reclamation detract aer enhancement intoxicants qualia world's shouldn't wouldn't other's nothing's man's summer's today's who'd everybody's y'all 'the all's t'was ethereality thought's drug's noumenon skystruck shroom alexithymia transhuman you- -the in-between self-sufficiency -one zed's 15 11 liminality immanence adrenergic symbionts sublimeoblivious medina's buckfast psychonautes determinative serotonergic psychedelos skyglow cyclica 5-ht2a noumena pharmahuasca jeans role proper loud aching grows concrete cruel strains conversation ill paint wet couple calling mouth kiss senses case keeper torn pause middle setting whats pulling bone reminds likely remind wrath karma reading sunlight prone bitch phrase enemy familiar levels careful source adolescent small straight driving courage rush flaw suppose starting deny stayed weary worship trust turbulent troubled letting absence leaving wearing college proclaim spirits gather ear lady hey garden boys winning alcohol pay foolishly banish song cross encounters plays belonging famous shift burst alice tunes hood flickers glimpse gleam fleeting grant ride deja vu anticipation spot switch boyfriend order faded wrapped definitely short fish beach clock older dusted block station anchor longest deserve passing mark awhile lovers muse ache island totally existing comfort pride phone greek apollo bleeding unknown psychic powder remembrance tree train helps painted gambling tide tired acting blow build apologies silver fabric especially suspense band cascade flawless heat hunger nearly numb bread bright minus wide looks differently dive beating veins settle turning couch holds saying impression suspension meaningless plastic rich pointless occupied brief tiger sticks stones mask cake bitter concentrate drown forbidden shell dry walks unless regardless moved type shirt lone burns songs negative momentary staying police swing unseen ability analysis worries determined dreamt sink hopelessly chances abuse palm week existed ignorant blind dice sheep agree joke spy spill odds immeasurable ass pushing wanderlust softly midst presents blade guided ripped round ball lovely rhythms beats cars glaze wash fates evening vein gloss juvenile sides faces graces month circular rung wheel rises permeates father supreme portal liked rip fades october sitting grin showing surrounded explored opened confused wall quietly deftly scene sighs lingering radio altered evaporated suns dreamed vibration important appetite exactly devil inhabiting brains ordinary beckons constant local organic soothing linger meditation moonlight lads height ethereal simplicity kinda cigarette suggest violence blew bombs arise trips predict surface guy movements grey car stepped large bank forward landed lied ancient purely crash direction inspired release warned melodic rhythmic telling mysticism blues riddle blur floating drama neck lover nerve poisonous glare factory wage character suburbia escaped gates suspended followed pierced hall marks ruled influence functioning contained losing stopping effect electronica relate fed temper facts dependent malleable convey bent delve horror wolves won lacking certainly fooled temple oblivious watches extension molecular random subtlety rem price sear covers truths judging stage frost conditions victory millennium realised confront trickster eve daughter defines awoke terror remembered required eating shadow cried proclaimed scattered sails spread contrary shout ship ships bloodless grim foul grapple spake boldly demand tyranny greed bowl fewer hollow birthday elect scar credit occasion chills masturbation alley thinks weird noise laughs mystical beloved composite lingers number serve lord capture darkened virtue clearer stem forces seasons list anew toss jim december louder english settled church tidings brackets doomsday bearing descending mistaken marble dared shone fare thrills morn hail bold beset activity superior western runners aging oil privacy discern universal destroyed opinions sighed strike provide seven weave occurred outta haunt tells majesty chorus performance lapping depth signify instability gains merit smart harm surpass forego ai stealing abroad sprouting mirthful groups dreamer lessons forest swooned moderate sobriety calendar lonesome ulterior struck heathen rooftops reminiscent bonfires expand prospect tribute lap equinox terrible aloud haunted buzzed revolution cunt guys approach questioning feeble flat submerged threshold cusp chaos communion conform pour absurdity engage plot tend ideal surge relaxed soaring someday tunnel accessible dollar teen movie command interesting continuing liking stops sociable cradle sooner gliding refuge understood attended account failure gift presume establish ensure according gradually rests option disbelief blaring bother earned dizziness text empire sunbeams canvas wholly nought insight tie conflict achieve defiance stew pretending afford harder bartender travels tribe remembering fantasy et growth magnificent forge gleaming dilated chanting randomly el cleansing stead revived fascinating agonizing badly confident addicted genuine hides unexplainable expect unequivocal reflected woven plead tranquil hah luxury righteous favor movies constructed conceive entirely devilish murder writings blossom bounce cynical addition awaiting attain castle artist insecure counts tramp introspection possess neurons excess aboard threatened married link continues trails believes strip tempting transcending atoms inevitable waded dizzy stimulating colorful wondrous ceremony rituals adapt momentum apply immerse revealed inhuman regress angst hesitate deface virtuous posts hangover portals replace omega contemplating author charity glistening solve turquoise compound owl firelight highest bustle consequence rages perceived albeit brimming endured brace artists debate specific recovery claiming incomplete taunting streetlamps deceive endlessly implore concept measured beings escaping arrives standards correctly addictive fantasize title luminous immersed accepted consigned depend bleached latin integrity torrent eventual details irrevocable thereof compelled meandering tempered titan euphoric darkens basic library refracted discuss chalice intuition fundamental repaired esteem display communism infatuated classy semblance velocity reflecting greetings derailed betrayal debauchery obsession spanish sipping inept paradigm loath forgo covet popular transition maintain covering choosing descent zephyrs insomnia arrested devise subtlest rapturous awash oxygen justly philosophies acquire universes anonymous critique labelled outcast expel criticism stalls aw perchance continuation messy mics statue phenomenon tennis adventurous questing vertigo limits total micro increased ropes unlimited progression major elysian glided harmonizing continuous provoke provides instilled sinful juxtaposed attachment clan grounds realisation chancer dived blared prophets prophet ace visual vent mesmerizing consistently unafraid overwhelming chaotic decides iris literally ecstatic supplied conditional thoughtlessness pursuit molecules imbued intend laptop ignoring pirates purchase interstellar fairness entropy cleansed motivation subconscious roaming fascination formation hypocrites assigned frequently prompts hades chronicle churning virtual moderation pleading incinerate fallacy teardrop faculty prompt beached insidious crystalline macbeth lyric requires ails dosage mechanism amends seethe tonic circuitry fortified starter closure represents disco quieter habits user diagnosis revelry tipsy dissonance scientist nocturne hyde applies sublimation manhattan aflame ingredients transcend dynamic acquiesce cruising hordes discoveries reside assert abused indecision deserving judgemental scripture expanse teens morpheus qualify apologize distract fraction conventional arising legion denotes laconic tweaking ersatz anarchy anthem distribution delta veneration olympus braces phantasms devote dub foray induce imply electrified axiom coping processed apocalypse hindsight chalking representation knowledgeable explorers recurrent valid responsibly atomic validity activities doses dealer didactic dosed fanatic tomes evaluate overdose commandments shaman funk sheepish simultaneously sociality banality generally adaptable aqua anachronism insignificance acknowledging advocate implants judgments shag unendingly surfing manifesto strictly theatrics inherent blankly analyse dio deified regression scarcity network psychological philanthropy applications stereo molecule exhortation suppression socialite necessarily immutable anesthesia duality demigods valued ruminating spirituality jekyll jive dey technological commodity debutante indoctrination ontology acceleration accuracy sentience immanent dopaminergic yokes prudently megaphone surfacing axioms subsided enthralls satellite vilify comedown directive stimulants amphetamine logos mechanisms personas itches carpark undercurrents processing columbian reoccurring binary eidetic reciprocity choler montauk phenomenological mu sourced ergo gamma chopper quale millisecond info macro glutamate belay sedates intoned posited perceptual redefine parentheses ingestion lovelessness morphs rey ect perceptive condensate subconsciousness oxytocin physiological schema disassociation lachrymose pleasurably wuz mah encapsulate psychoactive adj cyborg omelette unedited ataraxia epsilon revelatory pituitary hallucinogens augmentation theta riposte imperatives fuego psychonauts dynamical recursive foreseeable definity recursion groggily pariahs everything's others' haven't tomorrow's another's they'll it'll 'n that'll they'd writer's god's 'twas ego's o' inapplicable midsummer's dawn's chasin' tellin' stars' memory's lucy's human's runner's pandora's lambda recreationally quantized minds' be' poetry's feel's lana t'is worlds' psychonaut bandwidth praxis signifier self-esteem dance-floor twenty-something in- some- con- half-life self-loathing like-minded split-second drugged-up h-bomb non-judgemental storm-clouds think-tank choose- four-twenty 20 14 17 2014 come-down church-bells pepsi-cola tryptamine tryp unequalibrium ghb belays shamanic eyecon -last orxon twenty-fourseven multi-story inner-demon signification chems fps video-games deadpoint mdmazing beach-side indefinity miosis vocality nightfallen constructivism zedd spheres' skags sky-deep tryptamines ego-death katabasis biofeedback limit's cyberdelia sensationexperience data-addict menoeceus gamma-hydroxybutyric inhibitus intracommuneon nmda glutamatergic empathogenic m-verse cathinone superspace supertime plusminus sondrous immanension voice-in-my-head death-stroke cyberdelic absudia in-itself escapism's othrys theoxeny shulgin's mirror-neurons 'ra endorphus data-whore onlineout reductionis henotheistic pihkala tihkalthe actu-ally usedcontinue 'scoreboard' mequestionmark insignificable vanquishpreserve subject-object pandoran droplets comforting yo traumas deus shut hello pounding seconds fated nice hot flesh gets thirst enticing caress craving feverishly tongue extra tangled rope moons seat manner secret fascinated shattered kisses battered equation victim fragmented facing dawns battle star disdain lungs impossible grab horns stands button imposed politics mystery country america plenty sees pandora weak thank desiring lamp passage longed kissed count blessings compass missed disappeared attitude winds string itch internally messing hurting hiding importance desk favour renewed denied unable mild epiphany hum sharp tune mixed blades laugh younger burned messages futile saved seeds changing shape flew armed blown facial fixture vocabulary tore remorse feast class learning joy core style able spell wondering afterlife repeat record trembling showed girls lined smooth mountain map entire exception unlearn renaissance corners precedence writer vague destroying grains parallel designed queen teaches ought fuse bringing faint crows creep surround intent looming promise restless legs gently begs emerge mood sign east slanted drew flowed wrote imagination exotic untouchable atom beaches mold physically reflects hits complexion warmth bigger undoubtedly mathematically illness mate borrowed candy flame tapped resisted boy punk proof terms wear roots relationship cats dogs dog consciously sat upper patiently eager knock underneath immense resist quintessential mother stakes governments working laws clueless storms wars protection shed swell fearless ripe dwell farce abide glory reasons phoenix ring traces smells aura afternoon fully brick wild sinking afloat step clutching shelter bones trade finds delicate possession gamble fury knees tomorrow highs blows passions wine special catalyst shaped sphere product cynicism alchemist trapped downfall wax daily nightly dies blossoms intertwine silk beware original peeling sealed secrets dull willingly internal misery awful forced mission leaf forgetting noon creation impatient waters forms inner aloft afar astray thread shoulders runs dreads honesty page filled anguish field dried sleepless tall stupid rushing expected shallow childhood intertwined intricate ran stopped strangers pulled farther rings rejection stomach led safety mention gives stumble compared reply characteristics throat proven hunt eaten fake entwined doom considered grapes rainbow apple intoxicated belongs sunday skins cup color learns refuse cards writes renders unjust sins seize remnant indifference attend sent guide translation threw beaten stream burnt tar minted countless tracks encased metal location phase comrades basked adjust critical position recognise serves aside decipher failing answered twas rivers passionate morrow smashed shoes shake symbols mores cheap trace lazy circles cease cheat defeats redemption easier que nota se parents dumb idiot stays expense forehead mighty sweat imagining quotes shock following gasped relish slipped worry alien host appeared trip dancefloor wrap speed sunset legend dress crumbles deaths highway hunting washed coat float lifeless shines overcast foreboding desirable secure expansion edges sung points connected tender competition intelligence admittedly speech pockets cook skate common delinquency pavement failed fills bullets evidence listened scales seed eyed monster pointed eons period tattooed drums clothes refused fruitless knocks stains colder vitality enjoyed barren match slight tremor collapsed board beckoning selves roads droves urge final tick stick deepest beast fighting slumber sets monsters figures terrified gushing floats examining support unattended goodness bits snow images drones electric organ fracture solution magical creature gained shave gleamed narrow reckless scent unfold unmade sheets interrupt hint gate laced observing north fields served pictures mysterious mister screen strands ember eddies underground press juncture sounding craft useless slept plug counting foolishness dmt commonly fucks ad caresses washing planning carefully deliberately wit thirty advantage glowing wolf continued reader carnal drenched darkly wondrously starts pushes contents business flies companions sweetness pine wishes destiny echo suburban vapors visit wipe shapes stubborn flight candle romance doubled decisions crimes track quivering echos cracked morals vodka locked truthful deepening removed surrounds tobacco boundaries soaked reliable dinner defeat slave skyline pleases groove blitz hooded paradox footsteps disappear weightless task melted skull certainty harmony seemingly vital pharma lightning cranial exterior absorb backs admission managed arrive meat complain beer betting monday horses shocking rare numbers synonymous exclamation complete accord hunter sheer sport emptied consideration tower signals labelling consumes chap smith unending contact fiction shows paintings denial hopeful warped transmitted bleed drops split whomever soldiers vacuum confusion knife sweetest stared lit vanished pack branch insecurities menacing cathedral roof trick prepared demonic deter shoulder instantly creatures ceiling unsure nexus immediate tuned traffic mode thompson permeate cityscape bought card intense bye drought struggling ties containing papers bottled lamps diary tombstone fucker approached offered fought mankind shiver fancy alight nonsense hardly pity ragged conceal rooms technique filth tank ignored furnace deadly wondered stripped sailing breathed harmonious bars onset revel feasting intervals desired utmost discontent envy treasure fiery rent luxurious seldom swim openly roaring reared bark aloof leap awe incredible nigh prayer lo lighted abhorred net wailing ceased bat dour braver concession weaker scope jesus bud sap royal finished stalking steak glanced cautious raven perched unheard mast draws waited stronger swift halcyon purple measuring shimmers supper hospital brazen cotton adding timeless drained embracing ravish lays tempted consummation suicides simplistic recover parts sparrow guitar named wits kicked helped carnival festivities opulent june stately delight wilderness sleek casts heroic square impulse dungeon limbs beginnings constrain gown bough hoard charms dropping causing prize reveals violet weakness dissolving knocked grandfather minutely ringing tribes ambitious animals colour cigarettes wading irreligious cups brandy bet rum bulk floated trolls cherry weep solemn chilling compare ailment untold industry service shepherds lowly glorious prince fame majestic guilt fiends rends bleak adore active mead quickening mirth darling utterly bending meanings invisible decades arrogance paradise bestows layer involves stance victor heed bounty consecrated touching troubles instinct lifelessness yonder seriously bled equality shunned individuals disgust scare associated en heroes conduct angelic illuminated respond chase climbing lofty unreal intensity heading affected rag doll regret parent unhappy rejecting sings passersby parched darkling happily success finish inhale predominant compel date thine godlike aid heights depart kings sinister desecrate adventurers trivial sold savour summon quarter prime charter fullness forgiven malicious fecund diamond friendless delivering protects embellish bene instrument fourth likeness promised wasting jumping oceans autonomy aftershave merciful wight glen rivulet gathering fruits lingered shivered clouded pan proudly planted pondered fled gust cork connoisseur palms base banter insatiable assorted cocaine flip motives awesome gander humble starving sallow thousands inspire stilled explaining seeks archaic closing reminded shard cloak celestial hue regain serene vapours secures farewell oracle cares possessed defend raging retreat sith betrayed wrongs ditty homely undone howl sidelines throws glide rarely emerald beryl breeding immersing twinkling charles masterpiece corruption fuel drains sarcastic symbolism permanent works literature vista sip double oncoming satisfaction fixed raving candles ebbing motionless barriers terrifying lasts copied illusions boundless venerable branches summit continual solitary deemed retire unchained meditate solemnly blissful rebirth fulfill haste descend coal meals mortality systems vice vanity expanding felicity heir severe phantom dearest fuzzy passerby drawing languages mess chimney mum pies ascended pinch reap casting tastes broadcast crowds treading rustle bus halt pinched linked planned danced soared sways misunderstand vaulted boring degree involved distinction reverent volumes melancholic clairvoyant contradictory shrug worldwide champion principle parade spheres guessed pubs proceed pub delivery clip roman poker previous noticed general scholar junction doctor eighteen fourteen disagree driven entertain carrying birthright evermore fleet religion jealous seal forbid radiant aye exercise kindly delicious resolving kindled based currency attempt gratitude pertain vulnerable eclipse binds pronounced colours ramble constraint suspect unwilling selection contradict bodily grime cleaning select dose crucial sincerity canal rebuke subjugating nicely bridges generations suit entry genius dragon assessment daring kingdom bewildered sentences exiles cycles actors transforms hoop alteration unbroken pretext unnamed rolled guests union clouding galaxies chthonic accepts floods democracy lends modern literary elemental bends bothers permanently complaining formula sacrament ceases demanded thief responsibility peak fascinate suffocating dwells swung indignant wholesome ponders experiment sliver independent services rendered traditions knowno guidance bask suspicion pushed weapon condemned oath obsessive mindset reverse cliche evoked brewing doubts adoration gesture gestured vine tv claimed sucked flipped firmly jolt asset remark charcoal pathway circuit nova greatness cheers mob exhaustion thirteen harsh believing footfall subjects tolerated layers tremulous glimmered recollection decent strengthen kerosene valley slyly beige yawning describing pattern politely astride thumbs quit regularly balloon developed concerns elicit intimate encounter surpassed sensuality freeze sup soup succeed incredibly constantly ignite comforts omnipresent highly brushes strayed destined absolutely capable unnecessary uncover starry teachers seams needle guards enjoyment musing react mists tome learnt contrast tool witch atop lurks pipe amazement static tendencies percy lyrical treats fathoms possessions restrain trusted pissed favors shifts tsunami metaphor happiest released inclined unravel delusion afire remedy malady screams jar residing difficulty descriptive term schooled howling roved rooted prosper battery opinionated ceremonious lacked varying government origin themes concern enchantment volume blasted composed fondly duty ponderous hungered leaks defining declaration principles jealousy warrant ablaze converse tendency disregard binding abstract pathways enfolded gang humbling harness sow results producing collect tuning reload saving appearance gentlemen torches magnificence circled mimic cherished microscope performed synapses conquer extended verb sentimental falter excitement regulate sprawling peoples habit prescription vehicle massive sickening tile fulfilled clutch generates nerves unite merge spectrum healing drummer ceaseless occupy concealed wallow personally compose hears strawberry resides againand inhibition endowed devotion glides captain ordered expectations rears conclude tavern chilled cave blazed ruins worldly outshine dusky gracefully erased questioned wither reminder officer stamped discord dissection participate discussion chant wanders chants sending statues shadowy looms discomfort sunbeam commotion fragments warrior precipitated zenith vaporous headache possessing lethe sensations privilege descended crept forevermore suits persons denizens motions complicated audience recorded predetermined bloomed tempo digress muttered cuisine supped tested boon prolonged dilemma inbetween continually misconceive venice instance tinted famine extraordinary galore refined centre example aghast amaze aka earlier yawn contains tao buddha contemplation revealing eclipsed epic fluff various central patriotic disguised unlucky crap unready rome seventeen occurring strikes frequencies malachite army villains fluid screwed apology perform glimmers introduce rekindled rocked errands wane unwritten threats judges athletic mastered astonished miraculous bittersweet partial withering absently casually collapsing smog sinners fleeing deliberate enamoured skim description depressing brightens convictions fuelled turmoil particular potency permit related hardened sickened elevated crass mug survival orbs kinds vines coke distraction soiled unbeknownst partake expecting dye confined spins unfurl melodies quench italian quenched autumnal unbound consumed abandoning rapt desolation hounds prelude portion sustains transformed sale favorites advent ireland preaching luxuries furthermore regime verbal assassin british hungrily slaves immobile smarter yearned prowling prominent stupor scythe conscientious magnified tasks estranged evoking apparition sec ageing molded downtown glimpses dreaded reject qualities advancing evolve tarry inherited majority testing scandal pyre eruption cosmos mushroom slander gap adults physicality secondary interface companionship shrouded disturbed aches misdirection bubbles tad affect disparity thrill oasis twined secrecy visionary gomorrah palpable dims grants discourse judged rove tequila hewn imaginary possibilities conception forming mortals diversity discrimination sundown milling raver fusion coupled feeding pave wastes exempt paltry accompanying dreamers interfering multiplied precede estates trove entitlement precession nowadays manage alternate medicinal pilgrimage champions cerulean transformation una abides tryst memorable impotent wills endeared employ fray immediately property offense loser zealous reduce engaged rotation clans aural complaint ensnaring argument practical trial marijuana national nearing auto rebel stalked enlightenment nous seer huddled birthed overture armageddon brotherhood optimism tasteless propaganda bullshit yawned fateful thickly excel balanced venomous yacht untimely represented lethargy precipitation observation tour faculties tincture purify strangest overbearing junior contradictions wayward unattainable hallucination tatters rhetoric seated orchid devoted avoided refine illustrious elaborate chariot disrupts sensitive dramatis crisis efforts endeavours depressants aliens cops balcony shear adult intact destination deprived blemish chi brahma snatch damm evils groggy zeus unyielding citizens bored selfless devilry behaviour typical fault benefit sprawled undeterred unison separates similar instincts abandonment sagacious confronted fluorescent corpulent sibling masquerade sacrificial disturbing liberated radiates rider americans consequences communicate fundamentally ideology functions lotion carrier delete emma patriots assumes physician condemn commend delirium profile compulsion reassured friday cheaper contest unraveling secretive obsessing training counter endures invoke vintage fickle sprites twitched refreshed rafters irresistible french solemnity spindle savant prank legendary vitamins factors expanses stasis chronos genetic gawky rankle weakens equilibrium climactic pinnacle scientific easel dammed dessert revelations subsequent beautifully teacup pauses provoking comedy mercenary recesses vengeful sensing rumours terrify toke unsatisfied falsehood revere philosophers imagery reference recent ventured ledge parasite straits substantial horsemen implement pulp jested serpentine traced blizzard populated findings vowed trek dialectic fractal hubris flux refute clients mathematical prowl acquaintance hack rook ahoy stitched punishments bygone area relieves rudely spiderweb republic kneeling corpus tangible solo caution unknowing prom woken plaything achieved erosion ditched dispensed opinion twining decreed undying reel rayed gallop sapience experiments chore mace portrayed romeo overthrow coined sifting scrawled lifeline discourage unimportant erupt forthcoming crossbones testimony ambitions asian billions injustice congregation freak nonsensical climaxing rouge relent conversing incarnate marvels uncommon assure chink subsist contingent stifle maggot seraphic replacing dat dem aight vibrant agreed paranoia detailed sixth fore aimlessly fruition petulant quelled orion correspondent acumen cases benches enfolds import blackberry thirties advised constitute participation powered incandescence heroin greatly timing throbbing effervescent underway justifies organism guarantees stun astound prior unpredictable unreliable syncopated willfully tiles kite incandescent vapor warmer celebrating sensory garage antics league twenties rogue pint chip holographic representations primordial stranded understatement arranging obtuse spasmodic extremely motherfucker interpret emerged envelopes releasing embarrassing deceiver atheist intersection ironic nationality consists subtly preserve manipulation havoc dauntless twinge oftentimes tailed haven unbeknown expert connects tying nape diaspora resists resonate seep damnation swearing capacity promenade marched loops routes sexual eleanor unburdened cocktail educational unmistakably observed clarification advertising sham multiply homeland lackluster furies compassionate ambience barista accompanied brothels homecoming transitions perceptions integrate submit eases unleashed godly suitable impossibility inertia deals symbiotic tristeza pasa motorcycle pepsi tolerant agora unevenly indulge declaring overall sentient unfeeling enticed spellbound distribute corporate available predictable messed scorned distorted avenge golf embodies recreate impressions poseidon runaway effervescence daydream filtering handles weekends baked academic degrades fondest drunkenly ms furiously narratives glorify foster peaking flitted wizened likewise irreverence improved stated coalesced befalls successive sublimed preference aspires diminish irregular digestion omnipotent omniscient vulgarity presuming essentially lurking congenial deduce tolerance constitutes attacking reclaims levity lieu perpetuity representing churns dealers trippy routines transfixed unprepared fiesta troll conjurer removal contribute deterred hostage lurk indefinitely dominate envisioned grimaced numbing biblical perfectionist stoner amusement roy intuitions interior procession abuzz scintillating crusading derision emanate readily seventh racket exclaimed celtic allay forbidding magician usage ensnared revels spruce liveliness ridicule composure chats theories fuels objective framework swirls dementia hustle meditative generated playground idiom prosperity linear easing breached criminal outrageous alienation pros cons foundry checkered examination stalker campfire consumerism ownership buddhist patronize presentation exceptions minding joker chile dionysus efficient entity anticipating enhance industrial idolatry melatonin sandbox modify harmonic grunge librarians kansas caffeine rationale skimming simplify remiss conducted phobia repetitive propose gushed psychology genre wellbeing tempestuous perihelion floodgates tactile coordinates distinguishing irrepressible conflagration hallucinating unforgettable propelled indulgence intents esoteric optional slang patriot agenda contrasts verbose dens reminisce cultures playthings rewards entirety dutifully trials scoundrel resonating therapy obligated implicit rationalize migrants fearsome fondness vertical paranoid synthesis amble discerning regained backlit togetherness voluble baggage additional inverse dominated nicotine toxic pelo guidelines tethered mediator replaces salubrious noxious gaseous punctured ornate randomness nonchalance profession premise invisibly cowl heralds sickle infernal altercation viscosity hydrogen owed eddie arsenic haywire empathetic billowed preferably resonated variation thorough exaltation impious bandits delphi deadening distilling heedlessly tartarus housing mitigation cravings opposition overshadows honeymoon prophetic uninspired entanglement nemesis monitor sanguine tracksuits boldest aspired conceit maudlin delved reform arbiter regale enlightened fatigued eras libel supposedly architecture condone maintained interchanging acute accurately stoke maenads tyme transcendence equates adorable thieving orbits analogue solving rumbles plausibly transmission narcotics bettered subscribe caucasian mecca emergency resplendent craziness twat wu unthinking postmodern vernal unfelt provoked association socrates radiation consign conduits displacement appreciable bulletproof expedition locusts hoods informed dispute nope psychobabble itthis mystique oppressive misguided attitudes mammoth facilitate idiosyncrasies consumer abstraction bypass bequeathing leakage misunderstanding omens interminable querulous immortalizing mindlessly braved procrastination phat unfazed incoming photographic somnolence communed powdered strident confrontation archangel supplement burying misinterpreted adequate wireless irreverent finery astral reconfigured trenchant pumped crownless gratuitous rethinking whichever premises apex governs unaccepted sophist smokestack stellar natives traipse elective signifies pursuits doping calculate endorse pi appealed gawd disrupted fifteenth terrorists ongoing grappling bothering assures reliving innate oracular vat becometh whosoever bukowski projecting vividly committing orator toyed abstain prevailed distaste illicit deliberation storytellers rhymed histrionic disgraced philosophize scythes arcane inducing bias impiety impede cycling cohere clarifying carl capitalism scripts hometown incantations amnesia noun illuminations resurrect oppressor thea persecuted agonize deify passageways particularity techniques suggests relinquishing torrential whined entail stimulus equanimity taboo interact hemispheres seducer rejuvenation bunk connotations accords evokes goodbad unintentionally morrison classify constrained encompasses preconceived console envisaged whoa brainwashed socratic refraction greenhouse hypnotized rating pantheon removing jules sub scoured blotter sleeplessness emancipation expiration implications disconcerting transgression slaps mt dispositions weirdness bythe concluding comprehended nonchalantly ensures mendacious ethnic mediated muppet dissuaded bores mosh cirrus presides opus electro lsd memorabilia delegated individuality enclave calculations retaining bearings absconded adrenalin droll discriminate educate louise imperative wei amplify dichotomy sylvia fleetingly prerogative voraciously reinforcing featured orchestrated repeatable machinations colourful majic dabbled liberates surrealism divert ruminate stigmata recreation ethic clubbed liqueur accessories efficacious locations illustrating admissions impolite fiendish implies sensibly counselling foreplay refugees dishevelled practices incite strobing impose epicurus cranked terrorism rationalizing societal needlessly experimental quart injectors morphed electron muzak toadstool obtaining setbacks contemporary inauspicious reprimand allah negates ransacked syringe abuser archival tenents gratia lifeblood stigma luminescence disenfranchised effectively lysergic diethylamide beltane nightclubs inhumanity unzip irreconcilable undergo considerate effected atlantean disgorge revolutions scours substantially mediation tribunal accuser unsleeping proposals perceiving relating progressive uninformed promote incurred unutterable vilified orcs iniquities prediction singularly unrepentant interrogations conceivable unhindered inextricably finder inebriation tenacity idioms swooped vying radioactive spaced bureaucratic disclosure readings opiates 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like know just time mind feel life world say people things lost we're does love think there's away long way thought night got words want better day human left right remember man dark end reality memory experience going make really eyes place 'cause good death tell great feeling soul home high consciousness live pain thoughts fear understand fall thing city sky believe god meaning thinking lose change oh felt hard ask heart times years shall need past light living existence choice use dreams power days cause poetry talking state we'll alive knowledge fuck true moment little hope old wrong mental stars wave ago gone broken look brain dream far given truth feels head you'll best sensation baby try leave forget young sleep face stop escape blue dare drug lives wish doesn't drugs work earth new acid game nature bad sublime gods break beautiful ah writing hold born trying coming friends hold writing ah space daze burn body reason rain real moments wonder music memories exist psyche control waiting dawn future act philosophy word choose emotion lies deep one's difference self score truly perception actually finally what's story sure spent play happy greatest help start used lie took listen touch run belief fool glass hurt we've gaze goes cold set seek they're yes information anymore longing lonely qualia social land water afraid kind getting came dead hit present keeps gotta pleasure reflection free rave line held pray path sense art black half-light wake question quiet remain longer pill stay course open ego matter places worth lack horizon saw dusk beauty hand makes energy looking gonna data told seeking die kill seen subtle bit caught venturous means freedom yeah divine eternity empathy later rise perfect minds edge comprehend spiritual write couldn't evil care ashes summer knew turn content context accept existential white red sound chance who's consider hide judgement friend 'til realize dimension cast gave tripping praise health la enjoy search universe winter broke empyrean gain family personal spirit flowing wanted point poem lying wander loved wind knowing sleeping rest stuff doubt flow began embrace months knows discovery society hate aeon darkness chemical surely searching meant oneself infinite share forgotten fell late person religious conscious sex you've teenage blame eye instead different clear bring follow known decide forth strange cool stand we'd miss psychedelic passion today wasn't language catch purpose patterns tonight subject madness temporal ready simple sanity asked entheon absurdia entactus psychedelics metaphysics humans particle unto skies inside arms drink smoke bass youth breath listening close depths intangible expression mortal nostalgia practice return loose maybe dancing shadows king war answers morning silent dust fucked party generation near judge define asleep quite machine lines moving learn hath fate ate crowd standing haze guess brought certain fair read ways hours irish scared fine reckon possible ain't year psychedelion fucking apotheon substance isn't study bliss selfish ends warm dopamine explain fix addiction culture respect wisdom calm hurricane problem contradiction heaven forlorn vain gold sweet hidden effort fast she's breaking changed engine faith dance maze alas girl sigma watch grand heavy justice wait tried doors appear phenomena definitions somebody ignore feelings process sonder cybran soft depression chasing taken throw answer action relief having wandering compounds quantum necessary effects empathion ethos begin everybody rising clouds emotions indigo falls ecstasy fresh american walking glow outside speak force grow physical says view voice happiness shame sought age understanding lay individual billion explore crave pretty lights comprehension tears big sands crime waves taught forever venture adolescence welcome humanity comes zero storm wise claim swear sounds pass damn met he's internet mr table company repetition heard playing dirty mirror lets awake sorry doing dreaming states pondering ridiculous simply greater heal hear natural mydriasis mydriatic substances fades asking measure worse scoreboard destroy erase blood leaves worlds abandoned skin twisted walk grace smile fading illuminate hearts bed food ignorance admit drunk spring exile apart killed talk master meet waking chose neon adventure join shit mist aren't breathe psi laughing feet river trance wonderful floor hair desire breeze birth desert fade looked urban continue nation probably second belong willing alike criminals progress cyberspace sole survive names pills fears beginning digital you'd sadness easily depressed perceive surreality poets merely remains sober closer prose fact growing died save insanity defined session soon realm empyreal taste suicide science skins quality peace raise ashamed azure quit yearn piece notions absurd noble liberty entheogenesis reckoning feedback particles object reconcile baseline chain sardonic false weather hallowed intoxication wasted junkie's here's express cover green witness anger treat sacred pure cure ethics code objects level happen room addict smell fun climb pupils mere ok quest roam park meaningless form hour reasoning cyclone laugh nostalgic inspiration takes attention drop written sigh hole statement sand keeping thunderous sight despite grasp lived called drinking west heads spoke daylight staring song calls hell shivering kept recognize granted weekend problems decided aware happened hacker forgive sea key single moral sway definition caused connection channel difficult media strife dangerous ones cleanse imagine running utter ground spend vibrancy trees changes rhythm everyday group deal foolish hurts anxiety painting proud brother crazy amazed value temporality decision journey spinning making ha acknowledge learned scars apotheosis sort serotonin poet safe experienced potential lucky sunyata condition poor witnessed history doth barely pretend taking hero superposition plus suffering prefer offer won't medium empathos essence events reflect apotheotelos actual determine house issues worked begging virtuality swore gleaming sly gentleman wicked abyss feed lands tea moon miracle honest streetlights tale lust nights early chained allow placed life's actions emotional plant plan drizzle speaks spin hypocrite conviction watching rules jump application chains forged angel fail reflections lot illuminating flag grip fly sick wonderfully create freeman shine job supposed eggs draw pupil dripping tremble mescaline singularity subjective darkens alpha needed atlas orange discover rabbit warp joint wonderland perfection ponder souls silence ahead roll magic ease bag sorrow escapism sake chest magnitude chaser cloud infinity replaced revelation survived vs carry yearning school slip games begins curiosity heavens powerful typhoon furious theory hypothesis apathy serenity mind's marks window humankind cybernetic fraternity liberate cut movement excuse stopped thunder tire apparent mastery occurs motion paper masses throes falling race hanging bear follows sardonicism endless burning idea ideas burden court ya verse consume kick method stood temporary flash realized eat kindness occur advice shades properties shores hang shining ink rolling minutes street deem tools autumn empatheon entheos reach echoes remix diamonds gets worthy identity thoroughly stuck happens recall conclusion choices fiend dealing finding gun son stimulant experiencing depth twice starshine whilst chosen thereof hooked confused enables painful desires serotonergic teleology prey loop wishing relation neural animal hallelujah ultimately projection communication actuality significant experiences remind transcendention notion proposition works illusion puppet offers chalk series occasion calling degrees ended sin figure slick ending ash sentence glance rend november eve drum rainy destruction romantic drawn shadow observe ghosts bodies wandered atmosphere box familiar children honor road serve beliefs strong avoid lessons returns poison relax exhale whispered intention liquid stare dope needs junkie smoking club relative glitter reached fractured stones junkiedom aspect ketamine heavenly scares domain excess robes vast euphoria grass thrall elation buzz renew dr waste let's morality wanna bottle immortal owe intuitive wouldn't teachings transcendent nocturnal education eternal divinity drive aligned illegal lamplight sell sail insomnia curious beatific seeing insane continuum kiss beta void soar roar fog basis weed town cost regrets appropriate brave threat using emptiness fountain short stole shield riot shade ghost numbness stained steam dreampt october ion derived hazy money message sing quote metaphysical scene swept plain colors nirvana alright unlike dear low teens nonetheless pick considering teenagers beneath door electronic kids build pulse teaching kid mistake teach tear contextual political civilization vision dissociation completely tells normal nevermind raised brings laughed melody spot streets holding coffee praying violence appreciate vengeance law trust exploits slowly trouble mirror's refrain compassion eats recognition discovered blaze otherworldly pieces darkest angst brothers sit win buckfast vicious binge breaks undead forgot demands able notice lucid dimensions evolution sunrise plans philosopher killing produce working cloth produced painter gazing favourite track bunch haul arrives started chemistry prevent awaits definitive strive versus rule dread bare slow stayed onward altered helps lifestyle losing followed woke fight event innocence charade child ventures higher y'all acceptance pay any-more bay vicissitudes codex cannabis pleasures planes doses awareness steal beat zero-summing narcotic lest strength matters reading easy sons drift solstice half formed normality weren't hungry hopes declare research tales envelope regret tired breed release honestly haven't it'll blow entheogenic stories amidst insofar technology direct binary pushing gotten patience danger symbiosis dilation gleam untitled risk remembering aeons contemplate suppose allows goal certainly virtues well-being popular regard result tornado mescalito usually distant creating skyglow behold manifest psychedelia representation endeavour excitation transcendental resonance odd growth hedonism possibly focus proper assert formation described interpretations reflective determination rational consuming cherish expressed pathos psychoactive eventually significance dissociative strings author experiential specific oxytocin loves glimpse frames loneliness elements created 'pataphysics craft betrayal typical built wall wonders concerning critique signifiers books failing assume effect 'auld subject-object lethe scorn wants shroud understands enhanced ascend tides finality collapse lake reclamation beach proclamation justify junkies hood teen streetlight caressing lips other's comprised harvest midnight blink aching lesson responsible native fortune mistakes nurture grown healthy test mock especially badly boring walked gorgeous innocent villain giveth benediction stone rictus nightmare skystruck insignificance struck scum nothing's thrown unspoken den shatter loss subjugated angels myth fallen demon temples reborn irrelevant thousand clothed plains whispering insert telling everybody's ultimate expand immortality small rapture bound dry comedown starlight whispers contained watched attack mechanism questions palindrome perpetual surreal theme perspective bane heathen basking singular physics sighs rhyme deity sincerely goodbye fit asunder naught comfort adrift -the radiance plunge rock planet twine applause current enhancement zen profit terrible ill weary leaving fierce alchemy luck speed opportunity men arose prophecy steadfast captured sage demand weird estates gathered distance all's foretold sold wrath kinda relentless advance coil anybody columbine ocean drown spoken ancient eden wet blessed crimson concepts yesterday evening deeply whisper flicker enter book apathetic streetlamps trespass spun turned clean underworld disguise viewed despair tunes melancholy reverence unsaid noise o' groups turning swallow dropped lead confident veracious offend talked switch teenager shouldn't paying allure variable humane inspiring ex 11 matrix flickers offering receive signal news chant exhaustion access background commence summer's arcadia deja vu complex realization vivid stick sublimeoblivious deliverance belonging creed symbionts pendent sane smiling rumination plane glint resembles conversation web corporeal solace theft burned they'll sensations shivers satisfied enslaved mire comfortable shattered arch medina's fragmented plead achieve woman stage swaying dismiss entire numb lord type chapter infamous conquest aspects proving leads bloom floating precipitation artificial renewal spill beating midst petrol mad hands exploit movements examine women sublimation occurred eternally notes dizziness perceptive guys haunts spark poems poetic pull remained gazed vagabond presented blanket cried stranger glad lucidity turns sum details pour valuable exceed represent surprise continuity occasionally relinquish gravity likes weeks wrought gathering entirely reaper rays aging root laid balance four-twenty provide double-edged ceased exploration mates world's walls alteration faces breach million grey tidal unknown price absolute garden haunting train jungle aloud allowed habits closed syntax difficulty alter scratch glimmering drifting quenched explained forfeit in-between clearly ideals ubiquitous chemicals happening abandon supreme drifted soothing reveal alcohol stimulants psychonautes indescribable conscience closest dying andor travel gentle foodstuffs tree worried demons pair recognise inability ensure including hey graciously prove logic rhetoric 15 galaxy lately hearth ethereality forsake wanting steps memorable 'round player moves del you- encourage finished suspect frequently intoxicants acts aer veil qualities animals remembered karma kissed burying shooting bold scattered input howling design forsaken banish seraphim wide cola united democracy meandering -one zed's hot commit self-sufficiency thought's psychosis flows unreality immersion aesthetics realms struggle wisely immanence absolutely member add writings coin avoidance naturally boys inseparable standard convinced concerns passed prudence quick external suffer choosing produces letter proclaimed myths pains shroom bright absurdity awhile prospect sad distribution recreation responsibly ghb adrenergic minor neurotransmission cyclica lonesome foolishness cometh 5-ht2a beings golden pitch cathinone suggest conclude cognitive motions ethical condensate precious abuse compound underlying adult bask push damage attachment originally determinative heaviness concept facts today's regress detract step ugly absence cosmic note imagination psychedelos noumena noumenon reader haunt determining error questioning habit measured limitations manifestation learning arcadian joke hallucinogens material diethylamide mysterious exists 'twas response proportionate quantized nervous anyways identify qualify device analysis moderate moderation alterations accompanying totality fascinated gradually 'the represented brief juxtaposition played t'was resides tribe stead vote period liminality delete recurring mirror-neurons alexithymia craic ar positive drank maelstrom pharmahuasca wondered reflecting lovely facebook typing quale implicit dispute occurring fallacy treasure exactly reduction distinction discussion man's construct couple contain lovers failed confidence writer's integrity worst psychiatrist sesh rare chronology scale drug's definitely title sesh-heads who'd asks unable tomorrow plucked picture alphabet named coherence task pretends inevitable contemporary trips graces wrote entertain vice elicit psychoactives feens conform deface replace grin h-bomb atomic bleeding 20 bloodless unequalibrium following quench hunger bent euphoric display interstellar vertigo influence waited sunlight explored paradise soaring faded sitting unafraid aqua tinted source itches optional differently stem rich greed forbidden negative privacy react earned ails charity gift couch courage endlessly fascinating boyfriend phrase movies hopelessly loud admission inherent hypocrites intoned devil laconic sinful vein surrounded movie contemplating blade frost stronger bone scripture surfing lord's pursuit albeit missed won command ear addicted purchase understood dilated ethereal devilish settle thirst harm compelled grants acquire unlimited unexplainable casting looks canal flawless bitch veins brimming temper philosophies arise mirthful tangible physiological pathway horror atoms earlier original imply deserving artist beloved mesmerizing boy church cars brains staying shag omelette overdose intuition undercurrents immutable instilled ships silver surface bearing intricate conditions discoveries odds communion firelight shamanic god's philanthropy ace elysian satellite ache glaze millisecond indecision pierced torn deny universal stepped roaming eyecon omega watches revelatory delta anachronism doomsday devise theta gamma covet epsilon lambda nu mu passing riddle suspended spy self-esteem laughs grows wrapped they'd account stopping storm-clouds electrified planted dice sprouting saying indoctrination drama amends cruel enemy approach similar tracksuits solve increased onset lingers hangover clan tidings endured recovery morn hordes transition alcohol's desk station blaring round cruising stereo expanse surfacing cascade anew taunting ersatz zephyrs foul oil orxon loath agonizing factory convey sear awoke descent cigarette adaptable rapturous olympus columbian outcast descending cleansed immersed burns sipping plot tend church-bells gambling library minds' ceremony others' heat anarchy ripped subtlety fled paint suppression communism canvas capitalism cleansing dub opinions inhuman bleached torrent alley minus led juvenile dollar prophet vilify concrete engage adolescent carpark clock shelter stealing dizzy multi-story chorus submerged discourse accepted relaxed socially millennium titan fates rip malleable fraction existing phone arrested manifesto sent opened bombs murder bank wage threatened judging thinks forces ass smart refuge psychology debauchery inner-demon guy ropes provoke holds strains quieter capable immeasurable dreamed grounds amok portal transcend dynamic instability chaotic lap gentlemen choose- network decides nice insecure flaw assigned legion pride runs anonymous demigods axiom refracted constituent axioms plays palm random continuing defines reoccurring setting incomplete tipsy worries existed blur continues banality colorful split-second inapplicable rung possess personally circuitry ai older dawn's reflects -last harmonizing cunt feeble video-games starter deceive weave revolution tyranny arising suspension echo neck glare tunnel disassociation incinerate expect rages regime runners bother gloss rooftops gliding suspense softly deadpoint runner's hides hindsight unseen simplicity fuego bleed heed ulterior tempered forge attain oblivious linger reminiscent blues tennis interesting island tiger bittersweet mics lapping futile deserve misery dumb incredibly hah apologize expel criticism eating jive seven half-life keeper sides righteous beset strike trials sooner starting pause spanish megaphone dared sighed fleeting reminds anticipation deftly chalice waded subsided lingered latin blared contents strikes bored spread awash swooned blossom spirits mouth fabric mention gives statue sails chaos iris tide rhythms surge shout thrills bonfires buzzed yokes bounce college mdmazing clearer conditional whats favor limits suburbia famous bowl impatient ruled agree month covering painted large forward castle tramp hall fooled quietly glistening artists pictures claiming 'you unless rhythmic paradigm shift apply applications ergo sociable macbeth adventurous lady knowledgeable commodity shell aflame sentience parentheses braces brackets revived continuous plastic reside simultaneously remembrance seethe foray tomorrow's ecstatic dived father extension fare starts glided armageddon apocalypse cradle benefit consequence driving velocity appetite radio car gather reasons stars' turquoise beach-side hue mindset settled overwhelming standards failure inept harder masturbation churning portals winning lingering valid sink ordinary posts subconsciousness alice dosed twenty-fourseven owl marble shone straight rises wearing classy powder suit dusted shirt messy tonic tie debutante chills middle impression luxury purely redefine monsters wash heaven's derailed constant conceive order definity encapsulate dance-floor surpass gates belay teardrop crystalline lone mysticism strip alight nocturne mask indefinity oxygen contact immerse chems boldly tempting bitter genuine 'n vitamins subtlest disguised encounters expectations grim dive prompt ball correctly warned rem cross implore memory's rituals junkiesque feel's brace suits activities dreamer awaiting darkened glory tranquil drugged-up revelry gains empire special transcending credit lsd caffeine molecules rush hail electronica pointless noticed foolishly wondrous character hiding wanderlust swing performance theatrics confront worship psychonaut wheel scholar dealer police ship sticks luminous predict gesture louder disco realisation pleading socialite covers victory counts conflict tendency defiance everything's trails apologies con- regression starry someday esteem unnamed permeate discern phantom nightfallen phantasms capture directive 14 17 ego's introspection pandora's ride flame realised cusp according walks forest deified boundless prompts flat tweaking lads cravings outta beached chanting burst anthem zedd melodic jeans rey chasin' december lana lied amphetamine bathed virtuous indulgence advocate blew moved seasons ontology showing apologise fundamental delve chronicle depressants funk nought business skags tryptamine accessible sky-deep consumer technological text 2014 depend stalls functioning trickster intend sociality circles equinox tryptamines beats crash complicated grant sign wolves troubled total think-tank skag-light katabasis perceptual twinkling boundaries stew suns lucy's pepsi-cola tryp fascination adapt guided cyborg dogs moonlight regardless palms irrevocable easing unequivocal midsummer's subconscious chopper ran disparity muse careful travels literally insight magnificent closure transhuman cyberdelia recreationally sensationexperience be' spirituality data-addict aftershock calendar wholly affect gap conventional lover refuse pretending perceived married daughter english likely jim grapple queen virtual relate molecule removed fish longest greetings hades bread prudently acting randomly hesitate devote justly evils fortified supplied exhortation joy ingredients virtue basic pleasurably like-minded motivation required tasks menoeceus fulfilled perchance acceleration dopaminergic option dreamt sheep toss labelled totally severe fewer over-thinking processing apollo occupied craving anchor cave vocality bustle blind ruminating coping temple miosis el blankly evaluate belays recursion recursive obsession circular 4-aco-dmt methallylescaline entheogen cake come-down 2c-b beckons willingly mdma birthday link rests highly profile imbued fought molecular elect inhibitus intracommuneon macro micro major nmda glutamatergic gamma-hydroxybutyric whatever's shaman recurrent empathogenic healing contrast reciprocity acknowledging woven m-verse height dpt week everyone's scar plausibly immanent questing ataraxia dmt pituitary glutamate concentrate provides nicotine nerve cocaine trusted coke methoxetamine requires terms slight mechanisms labelling progression momentary permeates dissonance number superspace supertime common inhabiting lovelessness landed prescription forgo diagnosis poisonous didactic pulling string stimulus legendary ponders sondrous immanension evaporated fantasy adj generally info fighting human's dynamical ego-death juxtaposed subscribe stupid truths another's worlds' vibration impressing posited phenomenon lyric sobriety prone levels mark ability important validity self-expression schema establish psychosomatic uncommon neurons debate discuss selfless flephedrone chancer turbulent aside death-stroke greek constructed reflected judges faculty proclaim mood denotes arylcyclohexylamine consistently psilocybin lysergic dearest dissociatives majesty drew inspired descriptor senses analyse lacking consigned processed meditation forego addition augmentation cyberdelic faculties implants biofeedback user wear local simplify ect visual psilo-cybrans disbelief breathed hollow anesthesia oceans riposte lachrymose maintain eidetic chances destroyed semblance closing extraordinary escaping eventual injustice absudia acquiesce presents threshold managed spake escapism's genius rolled morpheus othrys theoxeny enthralls consumerism nearing non-judgemental restless ideal induce choler determined sourced sunbeams suffered terror presume t'is detailing composite momentum symbols organic transitions ignorant religion fanatic groggily inhibition term 'ra spliff cynical dependent endorphus aetherius savour insidious mate liked scientist psychic nearly escaped necessarily farther draws mystical activity egolessness haunted owed merit sedates data-whore onlineout aboard stimulating spheres' infatuated limit's unendingly stops bandwidth laptop pirates addictive abused scarcity applies personas politics afford distraction bartender fed unedited fps role morphs liking case accuracy aspired poiesis in-itself shake signifier somnolence some- cycling phenomenological judgments reductionis judgemental changing duality spell trick reply constructivism henotheistic prophets psychological ester shulgin's veneration pihkala mistaken explorers tomes commandments tihkalthe imperatives continuation psychonauts strictly sentimental western mess tribute band chalking signify actu-ally repaired pariahs jekyll hyde thank letting writer block tellin' abroad distract twenty-something self-loathing usedcontinue 'scoreboard' believes fantasize aw vent thoughtlessness fairness sheepish voice-in-my-head therapy poetry's universes plusminus ignoring dosage ingestion that'll oftentimes songs represents government bog-standard bureaucratic recreational mequestionmark insignificable helped seriously entropy logos fecund majority valued wuz mah dey vanquishpreserve dio highest remnant yo fragments manhattan signification presentation direction posting example wondering list idiosyncrasies parent pandoran montauk consists contrary regularly sessioning praxis foreseeable filled nootropics kicked efforts bullshit nears busy introduction behavior function voices narc cling ingested reservoir excessive na stress session's postmodernism reform rebirth unchained comedy foreboding philanthropic mushroom invisible radioactive radiates radius blossoms sunset weapon km paradox previous stared intertwine climactic candles erased climaxing baked stripped dawns delta-nine housing host figures unready ablaze highs flowed entwined feeding bloomed vista vodka metaphor faint harsh washing atom layers meta-physical galaxies imposed nerves thought-provoking serotonin's abuzz awe-inspiring jealousy wishes optimism forgiven rudely guidance conceit mimic balanced tolerant hurting decisions consideration seeds strengthen truthful participate illness people's persons worldly property multiply communitythe interrupt wilderness guests honesty unprepared bunk wrap gawky collapsed lacked tybalt prince romeo cats slow-mo spunout bones deadly benefactor's breeding unyielding revealing palpable dizzying awe loser embracing needle shed delivery experiance tune renewed crownless woken wither roots sweat aftershave fixed vital companions encompasses anticipating shear unbeknownst naivity unbeknown malicious terrify beckoning split oppressor menacing persecutor portrayed orbs astride glides passersby dammed chants seducer instincts reconfigured merciful blows accuser soft-spoken delight aghast archaic subjugation dopamine's planning deaths philosophers quivering backs horizon's cathedral blades oasis afire hindsight's revelation's ripcord reload flip clip unzip aftertaste freak drains ascended thrill mirth daemonhood archetypically dignifies consciousnesses god-damned disappear lifewell mensurate jessup limbic fulfill quantifiable se buddhist fucker incarnate selves eddie practices dispensed contains yogic disdain constrained mister deus playground immortalizing charles twatted screw-up mum class designed bigger attitudes screw-ups cocktail twenties darwin thirties -galadriel bequeathing unfurl expanses dilates caresses tanhauser c-beams orion shoulder roy gate batty vibrant paradoxism formula stone-written adjust bukowski pliable readily unlearn dictum beer educational answered albbeitt thievius aperture gentility revere revelations untold unfazed synapse interpret casts nowadays philanthropist legend rejection glide synapses tequila rhymed astral realmente prowling disgust backlit tarry zeta iota pi omicron upsilon rho arbiter tau phi chi kappa eta compassionate digamma glazen strider backbeat timelaspse battered pretension wane syncopated nigh kansas orbits wax ledge synesthesia redemption tryst cataclysm profligates lightning generates war-cry shocking congregates unstopping frost-fire brewing dropping carrying slanted provoking heavy's seed enchantment groove advertising trace bettered jar vanished vox bottled skepticism retreat pounding venerable haste wastes dara ministrations looming afloat dog alchemist raids tatters wise-man remedial secure marched eyed disappeared barren roads remedy malady roved visit accord raiders stomach apothecary drought ragged deterred tirade westside orcs glen stalking swift apothecarion consum'd k-side square prize communed mead relent mordor omens millennium's rope apothecary's sundown mamba pasa que five-thousand revelator watt mitzi-turbos isengard sale guarda phat warmer mountain borrowed resist ripe replaces kinds heralds morrow fields ever-blue unending fateful sings eruption emerald beryl seep aura dystopian vortal corruption hewn malachite pollutants weep smog industrial vaporous desolation smokestack pyre inhumanity snow red-stained droplets caress shirtless consecrating declaration demonic layer fiendish overcast blitz shows convergence unhindered precipitating sending entitlement rebuke dionysian late-summer's float drenched suburban medina cautious refute darling purplesmoke dens traipse stakes ring gamble soon-to-be-drunks scourer decent tome atop lethargy's athletic novae stalked tar nova tartarus melted denizens hellion angelic acumen underway ever-'round distorted socio-indulgence atom's carnal post-apocalyptic carnival sub esoteric pumped vertical spectrum ultra-violet infra-red sacrament perception's dye incredible fallenangel planned entirety dull burnt lifeless flitted themes bye numbing unheard disconnection immolation melodies transgression seppuku corporate skid-row kazantip 'benefactors' adjudicating dead-end mecca anti-social fuzzy pronounced huddled cheap skate delinquency weekends cherished mosh tower knocked ringing hoods individuals' blissful doubled pillhead breached gushed floodgates melancholic choleric phlegmatic ponderous reassured sanguine falter stoke ambitious temperments chthonic ravish furies presides avenge falsehood ravagers stigmata embodies noun verb exclamation taboo censorship-ridden semantics evokes casually banter kindly scandal sadists incompetencies spoon-fed electron 1950's gluttons tying dominated wars shaped fifteenth copied tasteless bores rushing color junior cheat addict's reduce dirt-cheap listened teachers board bits ms profiteering hungered tick nationality meat smith drops outsmarting three-piece day-to-day papers ignored steak bias pre-chewed crap screwed underachiever bet service criminal baud technobrain smarter tampering heroin molded showed tethered heir endures invoke atlantean neo-classical incite skybound concordat charisma strands factors self-representation utopiadistopia governments envisioned users societatis machina 2-cb slipped unraveling prediction linear 42 something's memorabilia propaganda -ladies inputoutput -between reestablished tv -remember actors -which static time- brainwashed more- carrier -would disruption life- -what shrug glitching patriotic bay- right- knowledge- overshadows screen implies -there -and thoughtsat mitigation misinterpreted judged dirae hubris omnipresent emancipate handles omnipotent scripts dominate concession omniscient weakness hack frequencies laws theories advantage discrimination indulge incarcerate passionate widespread vulgarity eschew vocabulary four-letter altercation stifle socrates unforgettable generations eras ever-assaying rememory -today break-down tincture purify refine accompanied ten-shpots fourseven heta qoppa self-comprehension compose rapt compass map location arcane north daresay skyline yonder illuminated prelude abstraction oracular highway extra invisibly sprawling anthill inherited elaborate underground routines traffic passageways lighted epic ambitions thousands scales slang kicker overuse pipe literary interchanging barriers clairvoyant empyral eon pondered celestial comforting facial contest glimmers halcyon node plug allay viewful unfold sun's doubts promise dwell choirs' irreverence defend tangled champion auto hunt hunting barbarity game-face revengence nemesis malefactions condone fiesta low-lives bat scoped unlucky ditched rebel slave nape dwells distilling stains fluorescent transfixed contemplation chilling black-light projectors injectors ongoing dour unwilling subjugating catalyst submit nine-to-five sunslave pyrokinesis beast wallow pyromaniac thesis analyst oppressive routes cops refused sidelines pushed pathways connors possibilities criminalized clients conduits parallel immense fracture rent pauses spiel instinct ensnaring edges echos reflections' spiderweb vapors immersing fuel vengeful intents suspicion venomous watchdog individuality youthless fuels hounds paranoia motives alien precedent inhale bake's incantations abandonment surrounds ceiling profoundness campfire declaring unattended racket reel certification risin' 10'000 stranded rings mojo ten-thousand rawr planet's saturn's smooth subaqueous silk sheets trippy cares surround vulnerable heart-wrenching hate-fueled contradict farce fury ironic misguided dissuaded attacking inspire -charles hauer -rutger g-man monologue introductory speech -nathan -morpheus nathan's -faith -miles weak passage attempt winnfield pulp valley finder fiction featured biblical shepherds brother's iniquities 2517 worry fancy toke jealous stoner attitude magnificence pursuits tender crowds hispanic stylized latina astonished glimpses charcoal volumes water's wild intoxicated guards street-party droves supped resurfaced disregard pub massive tavern glimmered brazen liqueur expedition quarter downtown jules -ezekiel deliberate dragon indifference expecting junkie-to-be dunno black-hole privilege super-massive sublimedlong irrepressible archive librarian librarians interminable car-park city's trapped highest-level wayward cloud-cover photon seemingly torches roof open-topped sodium-vapor multistory surrealism gracefully causing lamp awesome coupled parade haywire spacey soul-storm astrape sprawled flesh weightless locusts profession terrorists hackers images tile dealers hostage statues yacht cloak threats slaves bullets bulletproof checkered rouge enfolds baby's drones iti'm antics dispositions havoc skull mob drums screams battery gleeful mania's ahoy battle-cry skins' tank discontent rome shunned crossbones congregation overfilled alpha-beta powdered unbroken theorize bumpin' sup proven points peaking indefinitely scope tested blizzard fluid stance erupt refraction locational asis tenses pint inflammatory superficiality's climbing overture blue-black ignite pavement signals mast madrugada heading record philosophical us' grab country 'there feast exotic clueless motionless ornate pulled grapes kingdom solemnly masterpiece subjects freeze shock gasped competition snatch embarrassing artist's wizened thirty ordered 'now paintings rafters indignant glorious admiringly easel fruits revealed perched swooped moistly exclaimed sparrow centre 'my see' twat feverishly hungrily lived' decreed easels agreed dishevelled 'aha' rove generalization reprimand sylvia bandits marauders borderlands numbers fuck-ups shed-parties galore octopussy beta-phenethylamine mezheads mead-a-plenty sinners mold stone-cold magical recounts usi'll lostbefore practical unravel findings philosophia descartes shakespeare's cogito foreplay sexier wordplay's ditty bookish dayscontinuous ratatat guitar sentient expansion exponential clarifying alphabeticall continual half-lit instance recover rejuvenate impotent absorb recorded intricacy synthesis ouroboros fathoms dark-arts eight-day disrupted best-served braking cook pinch well-versed essentially lethargy bleak waging mother finds implications documenting birthed farewell raven corvidae crows swearing underneath corax appeared rider secrets horsemen trench-coat crowfather circled unleashed approached striders seventh famine untimely rook grimaced harbingers black-feathered fleet fourth seal wailing implant vine sickle chariot scythes sow nonchalance portion digress fruition ensnared spruce reap scythe nicely vehicle blazed cityscape aid fumigated anguish kings warpath cups dance-floor's yoking admissions primordial prom right's promenade lazy chilled reared teacup unintentionally wrongs vanity obtaining psychobabble threw absconded intact daysdaze sways subduerepulse disgraced unsatisfied shut forced continued linked abide charismatic vitality confined jah substantial arrive testing liquidity chillingly waters partake sport inebriation floated diary mezhead hits self-consciousness peeling blotter disconcerting darko knees bewildered golf emptied amazement derealization pine black-and-white tiles displacement donnie fatigued double vapor concussion sat athena's plummeted disorientation seated secretive flew glanced stormveil cowl gown immobile minerva's sleepless sid party-induced deprived saving narcolepsy drained yawn purple medicinal wine gentlemanly fiver card smashed finery served lotion dinner hometown codine rolled-up abby commotion buckie chats beatdown blackout finish counter expense obligated vacuum isfair physicality viscosity colder electrically superfluidity irresistible promote superconductivity bending corners knife envelopes zero-point aligns magnified youthen driven innate subsist tracks strappare unevenly equilibrium maintained after-party prowl refined passions internally nocturnally viewfully enumerate every-time crusading compel aliens somebody's heart-shaped movementsmoments chessboard beaches footfall throat sacrificial horses duel-carriageway sand-torn gallop discerning betrayed oxymora masquerade parched banked wolf broadcast 2c-eye ocular lamps locked extra-terrestrial narcotics beginnings perpetuity recognizer legs tattooed third-degree motherfucker forehead tombstone stamped fresco amble delicate rendered desensitize brushes clothes albeitt wipe misbehave traced -all touching emulsified strayed slyly gang friday mo-fo howdy-ho mug unpredictable bounty milling brightens randomness excitement forty-five leaks complain assorted arsenic opulent floats villains one-z's drummer i'ma swagtacular exploratory straits vaulted impede equalizer predictable considered destiny wondrously questioned affirmative victim savant sham coat expiration visionary magistracy double-up phonetic manipulating two-syllable machinations overthrow scare date precedence responsibility accessories disgorge mind-altering blood-red discriminateimpede informed ultra-blue leavebelieve colours morals scoured adults parents creation deepest society's satisfaction dangan conjurer apparition contendrend afar fray rejuvenation compartmentalization cranked astray tastes months' spaced bringing kisses ambience on-air younger surpassed encased ever-remain adult-world's undying electronica's aqueous swung readings cyberpunk uef's pitch-black stately guidelines reliable unappreciated advisory conflagration expanding mortals stellar condemned sins circuit consumes fiery neo-rave transcendension techno-paganism electro-festivities psychonautical betting yolocaust entactogens fake deter dabbled decipher dutifully recordings reinforcing dauntless emptyempathy forthcoming asof revenant suffocating writes fuelled success knocks sardonism parasite furnace prestige astound pilgrimage navigators soul-sailors sandbox champions ever-renewing charter telepathy candy charms rainbow off-blast laced meditative cotton fluff ceriously down-count sayonara asian irregularities wireless filtering clutch mystery dope-fiend quintessential hardened sinking sargent shoes stalker useless stumble plain-clothes give-away sensibly officer horns filth bars dirtydead 50'000 sounding chequered strobing reverse-engineer humilitydivinity style seams lurks your's torrential sickened unstoppable powered sith stated destination refers discourage goneleave plebeians halt triumvirate safety procrastination -ness proof envy stream chap apathylethargy -cious- supper nonchalantly pity perfectionist ethic unmotivated felicity simplicity's nope entry beaten nineteen-ninety-four enclave balcony wikipedia two-thousand-and-whenever shimmers byactualise lofty crisis armed unmade testimony looneys unrenown ethnic arch-enemy thrasymachus orator disproponent mercenary unimportant sophist stun fully vintage bubbles consecrated thea ghosting heroic ever-inebriated exaltation numericall 21 12 19 16 22 10 26 25 hologram 13 23 devilry 24 18 forms soul's emanate willpower pockets trek mt scenicsuburban flies bus archangel photographic relationship evidence enticed sublimed bough diversity warmth secrecy remiss clans renders twitched lurking standout june noon mexican't pinched troll dungeon new-wave punk smells genre backburner grunge fated raver nineteen-year-old connoisseur k-hole double-dosed pill-head speed-freak commentaries tribunal collect spellbound poker flipped cards chip washed dried dessert revel rave-shamans shadowy cell-phone monday kite gangsta compared sunday fame ca-cancer- incoming epiphany tornado's roaring strangest looms meta-amphetamine consign chink concluding dabble comrades diminish experiments predetermined seventeen menthol everydaze stays guessed girls communality experimental nominal electro superseded describing hot-handed destined regale vaporizer tremor marijuana glorify slept darkly cadet stick-monkey principles drug-baron free-fall tobacco identifiable unintended bygone blown exhail consumed bud kindled selflessly woefully dope-dealing house-parties vandalize off-world tofall relieves park's bulk benches adore amplification manner mace transcended minted metal frostfire basswave fondest diamond descend gushing committing descended greatly non-aristocratic shard synonymous opiates weaker plaything trembling bearings fuckin' core destroika preserve minding muzak timeless fleetingly conquer unbound vizual conquistadors howl fyrestone waitin' pandora erosion huxley jaguar rogue distributor sleek darkling imperialempyreal chim warrior tyme heresay hearsay dayumbehold messages endeavours tapped zeitgeist progressive monitor nsa leap easier decades envisaged marvels futuristic two-thousand-and-fourteen maudlin unjust sec radiant perspectivesubjective mores interact can'thave secret endlessness magician reveals forming everthrough deceiver readersacred comprende aight hooddarkside darkside socio-paradigm personable paradigms umbra ecliptic flight aphelion perihelion autumnal estival dream-tryptamine vernal hibernal equality fearless apex national speedometer fourscore mk ad -wankelmut louise idiom repeat infinitum emma untouchable elliptical di-charactoristic dilemmaexistence witch joker thief subtly companionship pack starsigns pettiness rip-and-runs anyother-such thieving kneeling scumbaggery tenancy friendless player's ink's worldwide 'erbs science-fiction hum raggedly dead-stars zeus deep-sound throws refractions kharon reverent guide binding sprites seldom solemn antithesis reminder simplistic weirdness entity unfeeling unreal prime necrontyr slumber rumbles pies pepsi cherry whoa patriots warped entheon's whoayeahthat's intro empirical otherside amps tryps supremecy trancendence neo-conservative citizens unite persecuted vying twining symbiont amphlify c'tan afterlife blacksun darkstar 'tis equinoxtryp amp non-interference tolerance reject principle prior interfering teen-lost equanimity street-light spins grains balefire in-vitreous dreadlockswarhawk shave scintillating ebbing winds rustle pave lined aloft yawned lateness eclipsed sincerity refreshed swirls entheos-ridden heights street-lamps vapours solo trypping conjur umbrae other-worlds tsunami eddies buzzin' rotation summon kerosene lampades conceal zed motorcycle shiver aether undeterred footsteps rooms nebula soberest mefrom dancefloor gomorrah clouded convictions glitched temporalquantum socratic streetlamps' spheres rationale cosmos eighteen thirteen schooled wits cybranity evolve pychedelic undergo psilocybranity merge algorithms cybernautic fractal posthumanity fuse summarizing summarize ventured emancipation transcendence definitively adherent bandmate certainty tailspin abnormally learnt drug-obsessed grappled instantly love-sick anti-ds bothers quagmire abysmally unrepentant scoundrel grandfather grandparent sweetest armenian necromancer great-grandfather undoubtedly french dementia promised brotherhood danced emigrate british interned father's cork gaols eye-to-eye insufflate solemnity roman haven ruins hunter thompson calea zacatechichi forsome waves' morrison venice urge emergency techo mission alienation oscillates mid-revolution macrocosmmicrocosm reverse harmony jedi ridicule well-known slander delicious disturbed sees meals preconceived rewards misunderstand storms unreliable congenial bodily luxurious adding sexual appealed lasts daily nightly demonstrates dreads feasting renounces honorably condemn sensuality tolerated avoided physicists doling prolonged succeed desirable impious blessings unnecessary advises enjoyment turmoil impiety determinism removing commend endowed ill-planned ceases irreproachable setbacks intense luxuries upsets goodness intervals liberates concern intent sap favors consequences fearlessness 425 happiest reveres punishments perform firmly conversely conceivably believing miraculous accustoming utterly results teaches cuisine unhappy rejecting happily 427 likewise achieved improved deliberately delivering embellish fullness theognis preaching prayer well-planned disagree cases base insatiable available agonize dreaded stilled regain secures byfatebut thatchanceis governs drugknowledge quotes prosepoetry sarcastic love-amphetamine empathospsychedeliaentactusabsurdia renaissance uncover impossible electric counting paniscus cirrus chronos harmonious epicurus et pan whichever estranged throbbing scorned openly abhorred reckless appriciated dose emaciation wholes advent bridges eaten kid's oracle melded prophetic insomniatrance pythia delphi ethylene wei producing tao wu possessing verbosity para-noia aka dims itch mortality syringe where's tethers musing sci-fi bends rends misdirection claimed illicit crass pathogenic rumours rumourmongers disinformation's wholesome lazers east solitary hallucinating creature pelo diablo atheist moons constraint thrutrue terrifying aloof propagation trade apple ho-mipt dipropyltryptamine eucharist speed-amphetamine inner strawberry psychem hoop blueberry brandy godflesh hospital blackberry bubble-gum ogygia liveliness resplendent wit ought advancing playthings expected stigmatized prevailed soiled converse crimes mediator suggests microscope dilemma mediation outlawed distribute crossfire re-examine psychoanalytical kar machrs gamma-aminobutyric logike a1-3 ampa opus receptor op1-4 dissociate d1-4 vigilaeon alpha1-2beta1-3 aetherion opiatus glyr cannabinoidergic psychedelionabsurdia mt1-3 inebriatus chemicall h1-4 stimulatus opioidergic nachrs 5-ht1-7 monoaminergic gaba-ab intoxicatum cb12 premonitions unthinking fo-sure field beware workrecreation educate physician prosperity ensures ethicality forbidding misunderstanding verbal stasis nexus inverse billions hopeful seeks gleamed detracting foundry pinnacle world-view incorporates multi-verse inextricably strings' melodic-theory boethius deso-energetic outrageous fadedwasted time-dilation post-autumnal dusky eye-openers splotches thoughts' tear-drop console flux liminal protects classically somethingintangible rememberi'll maenads rum raving rag hears inbetween quart vista's match aeon-dissociative psilo-cybranity hybridity shivered -flavour aponia hypothalamus-hypophysis dimethytryptaminergic sigma1sigma2 leakage asynchronous receptorsubtype protection philosophize particularity assure obtuse modify singularly journey's abides reminisce attend scent utmost cigarettes wading conduct foreword toyed humbling errands furthermore benzodiazepine psychonautics everyisone self-regulatory messiness caution conversing considerate painkillers opioid similarly hello demonized variation libel explaining liability prerogative rationalizing contribute intriguingly plasticity m-theory stubborn pharma fixture permanent ruminate societal derision resonating resonations position independent locations term's godly particular cybernetic-organism diffract clubbed deeping stupor hedonistic oscillation sensorimotor 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4-mmc mxe dom benzoylmethylecgonine 4-fmc sass nn-dimethyltryptamine lsa pma nitrous moxy valium 25i diazepam 25-dimethoxy-n-2-methoxybenzyl-4-iodophenethylamine 25-dimethoxy-n-2-methoxybenzyl-4-bromophenethylamine 35-dimethoxy-4-methallyloxyphenethylamine 25-dimethoxy-n-2-methoxybenzyl-4-chlorophenethylamine dimitri petrov line- -end injure shower coldest reverberates spinnin' corridors privileged resounds pelting cogs chamber collab looping coward praised altschmerz all-the-better apotheos falsehoods cute quieting hug mydriasii śūnyatāā beads societies knossos birthplace agrippa athens damascus jericho thebes argos luxor
I am not a thug
It’s a shame
If that’s what you see
When you look at me
I’m not a gangster
Or a rapper
I’m not the images
Plastered all over T.V.
I’m respectful to women
I was taught this
By my mother
I’m willing to fight
If the cause is right
But mostly I’m a lover
…A good book
If you like
I’m not lazy
I'm not a thief
I'm not a criminal
Who runs the streets
I work at least
60 hrs. per week
And don’t be surprised
When you realize
I’m very articulate
When I speak
I’d rather read a book
Than shoot hoops
On a basketball court
Music is my passion
And I write poetry for sport
Love is my drug
And I put it
Into everything I do
And addictive too
I bet you won’t see that
On the news!
I am not a thug
So please don’t assume
You could be missing out
On a good friend
Don't let your preconceptions
Don’t keep your mind closed
I'm not a thug
I am a MAN
Try to get to know me
Then you'll find out
Who I Am
I am a controlling boyfriend.
No, I am not a male, nor do I have a girlfriend to abuse. But I am the crazy stalker controlling boyfriend.
I've been noticing a trend, one I touched on the other day in a status. I am free with my boy -- make out at Rocky, browse activities at play parties -- but am extremely jealous and possessive of my girls, when I have one. Or even in my present case of not having one (waiting on someone to make up her mind, or wrap her head around the poly issue), I still don't want her seeing anyone else in the meantime. :harrumph:
People new to poly often question "how do you handle the jealousy??" It's funny, I don't get jealous when I have both partners in my bed, or in my arms. I get jealous when outsiders are flirtatious or showing interest. It's also funny, I get more upset when people flirt with my boy not knowing he's with me than when they are aware of our situation. I don't get it either; just a quirk of mine. I have gotten very pissed at random guys in the club ogling my girlfriend, even though they had no idea she was my girlfriend, and probably would've ogled more if they knew we were together.
Perhaps my nonchalance with my boy is merely grown out of our time together. It's been six and a half years, and no one has managed to break us up -- though some have tried. But out of all that we've become stronger together.
Maybe it's the fear in me, that finding a third partner is so difficult to begin with. Believe me, a patient person I am not. And for a unicorn, there's a far higher risk that someone else will charm her away from me/us.
And it's not limited to the present, either. I had this same issue well over a year ago with another girl. Of course, J was a selfish and inconsiderate person who would make plans with her friends (acceptable), but not bother to tell us until she was dressed to go out (unacceptable). When did you plan on telling us?? K may be the most considerate person I've ever met, so that's not her way at all.
But my realization that I've had these feelings of jealousy and possessiveness before filled me with such self-disgust; I've become my own controlling high school boyfriend, who once told me, and I quote: "I like when you wear pants [over skirts] because when you wear pants, at least you can tell you have no ass." 1. I'd like to see you tell me I have no ass now. ;) 2. Wtf??
I'm also uncertain if the possessive feelings would be made better or worse as I grow as a dominant. K is the first girl I've ever considered taking on as a sub in addition to as a partner, though she's not aware that's been on my mind. That was not part of the conversation at all yet, I could just see her fitting very nicely on my knee. ;) Even if we weren't to add her to our relationship, were I to ever see anyone else topping her at a party, I would be livid. And if she were to become my girlfriend and my submissive, you bet your sweet ass everyone would be asking my permission before playing at any functions.
Obviously I have some things to work on.
Firstly, finding our unicorn.
THE STORY OF SARA
CHAPTER 2: UNIVERSITY
Well, I did study and, I did pass my exams, and I did succeed in ending up in a decent, upper class school!
How did I pay for it? I hear you ask me?
I didn't: I got a scholarship!
And, what a new world I faced!
What a totally different society I saw!
I felt that I was in another country, for I never knew that there existed, from my own people, men and women such as those I encountered!
My studies in psychiatry really excited me: I thought that I would be able to 'solve' anyone's mental problems.
All I had to do, was to study and study as feverishly as I could.
Studying furiously, and with love and passion, was the key to success.
Study, and then you pass your examinations, and then you become a doctor in psychiatry - and I would thereby become successful.
I would then be someone important.
I would be respected by everyone.
My life would have a purpose and a meaning because I would be going in the correct path.
It was simple as that!
And what was the alternative?
Not to study?
And what would I do then?
Go do a menial, low paying job?
That was anathema to me!
It made me sick, to even think about that!
Because, I came from a poor background, and I lived in poverty, and I saw the culture and the people who lived in poverty, and by God, I don’t want to ever live in those circumstances ever again in my life.
What was poverty to me?
Your house is ugly; your neighbourhood is ugly; your neighbours are the most indecent people you can imagine.
The area you live in, swarms with people who live their lives in ‘anti-social behaviour’!
And what’s ‘anti-social behaviour’?
That means your community is one, where most people are drunks in public, where fights, with guns and knives, are an everyday occurrence; where the most filthy language is the norm in public; where rubbish covers large parts of the town; where vandalism and damage to cars and property is another daily occurrence; where people play ear-deafening music in the streets and there’s nothing you can do – because, if you call the police, they’ll obey, but then they’ll come back and make hell out of your life – in other words, the gangs rule the community.
Aren’t those enough reasons to get out of poverty?!
And, then for me, there are other things that are really important to me.
I mean, who is going to respect you, if you have a menial job? Who is going to look up at you?
Who is going to listen to your words, when you speak?
And, most importantly, are you yourself going to be happy with your self and with your life, if you had a menial job?
Of course not!
To be a fully satisfied human, you need to live in respectable surroundings with a respectable job.
Otherwise, there cannot be happiness for you.
Once I joined my university, I encountered mostly upper class students.
That’s why, I say it was like ‘another world’ for me, because I had never encountered people like that before!
Their dress was different; their accent and they way they spoke was different; but what interested me the most, was the fact, that their intellectual interests were extremely varied, as opposed to the people that I had grown up with and knew – those people whose only interests, were getting drunk, practicing promiscuity, crime and drugs!
Now outside classes, I got began to get involved with different groups of academic students – each group held differing ideas about the world, politics, economics, philosophy of life - and any other subject you can imagine.
I was never interested in what I called the other 'superficial' groups; that is, those who discussed what I considered to be the stupidities of life, such as fashion, make up, cars, sports and so on. No way; not for me, were people like that!
For I was far too serious for such mind-wasting people, and, frankly life-wasting people.
No, I wanted to learn; my God how utterly hungry and thirsty and deadly serious about acquiring more and more knowledge on every 'serious' subject I was - so that, one day, I would be a useful and productive human to society!
If I was not in my classes, and if I was not listening to those intellectuals, I would sit on any desk and search the internet and read endlessly, on any and every 'serious' subject.
With respect to my classes, as the months rolled over, I began to feel, and think, that my professors were not all that smart at all. I began to feel that they were, in fact, quite ordinary, dull people. But then, I grappled with next obvious question: if they were 'ordinary' and 'dull' people, then how come they were professors – and by 'professors', I mean that they must be far from 'ordinary'? Surely, any person, who is able to be a professor, must be intelligent?
And yet, the more I listened and took down notes from these professors, and the more I analyzed their words and ideas, the more I became convinced at their emptiness and stupidity!
My God, you must believe me, for they were talking utter rubbish!
Well, who exactly, 'made' them professors?
I began to dislike them.
Then, the obvious consequences took place in my mind: the more I disliked them, the less I paid attention to their words and that, in turn, increased my boredom in class!
No, this was a complete and utter waste of time for me. Yes, I would still need to read the text books given to us by the university, and I would need to understand these books in order to pass the examinations.
But, I was also determined to do my own independent psychiatry studies, in order to find the ways and means of solving people's emotional problems.
I found it really thrilling to see so many students having so many ideas about the world, because, for me it was so utterly unusual to see young people actually caring about so many issues in our lives!
You had the conservatives; socialists; Dadaists, existentialists, communists of every shade you can imagine; fascists, socialists, liberals, Nazis, monarchists, Hare Krishnas, Hindus, Budhists, yoga-followers, animal rights campaigners, environmentalists, religious fundamentalists, anarchists - the list was quite endless to the point of absurdity for, within each group, there were sub-groups, that ranged from the so-called 'left' to the so-called 'right'.
However, in all this confusion and chaos, there were, at least two things, that you knew for certain: and that was, firstly; that no group agreed with any other group, whilst secondly; every 'leader' of any group sincerely and passionately believed that, yes they, and only they, had all the answers to all the questions that faced our dear Humanity!
But with time, it dawned on me that that most of these intellectual students were not quite what I expected of them.
They would passionately discuss any subject and in excruciating detail!
To me not every subject was worthy of being discussed!
Everything was criticized in university.
Everything was questionable.
Nothing was certain.
On the opposite these students believed that they had a duty to deeply philosophise and intricately analyse and scrutinize from every angle every subject and issue in our planet!
Nothing was accepted and nothing was taken for granted.
And it was exhausting to listen to them!
I say ‘exhausting’ because after every meeting, I would actually feel emptier!
I simply did not learn or gain anything from all these endless discussions!
So they would analyse issues like: what is the soul?
What is the difference between the soul and the spirit?
Where is the soul located?
Where is the mind located?
What is the difference between bravery and foolishness?
Are mathematical facts like 1+1=2 discovered or created by mathematicians?
What does the word ‘the’ mean?
What does the word ‘a’ mean?
Who has a right to create rules and laws?
How much taxes should each adult pay?
Is the universe finite or infinite?
And so it went on and on until your brain became numb with the deafening boredom and pointlessness of it all.
What irritated me the most was that with these groups of students, was that nothing was sacred.
Nothing was certain.
On the opposite, everything was completely uncertain.
As for myself, I gradually gravitated to the leftists – that mixture of socialists, communists, anarchists and other such-like groups.
Because to me their philosophy was more or less simple.
There wasn’t all that endless series of critiques and analysis that so nearly damaged my brains!
Their idea was simple: we had to removed the oppressors.
And the oppressors was anyone who had power and influence.
And what kind of society did we want?
A purely egalitarian one where there would be neither master nor slave.
Here I found that much needed sense of certainty!
Here was an ideal, a philosophy that had strict rules that we were meant to follow in order to achieve our sacred aims!
I was immediately attracted to one student leader, Tony, who passionately urged his listeners to use any means necessary – except violence –in order to achieve our goals of total equality within our society.
He was a tall man of average weight, with short hair – actually, let me immediately stop myself here - because actually there was absolutely and totally nothing remarkable about the way he looked; but what really made him so attractive was in his personal charm, and the way he spoke, with such a theatrical ability, that made you unable to move as long as he talked.
I can still see him, as he gracefully gesticulated in such an animated manner, giving further power and reason, to every word and idea he uttered:
"Can't you see and feel what is going all around you? My friends, listen to my words, because we are living in a society that is dominated by greed and ultimately misery and death on an everyday scale. Why is the dustman paid any less than a doctor? Aren't we all human beings, born free and equal? And, so, if you, my friends, agree with me that all men, women and children, are equal, then it should make obvious sense to you that we should all live equally. Do you feel what I am saying to your hearts, or not?!" he would thunder at us, with his face contorting from the passion, and with his ability to be so majestic and, yet, so utterly humble at the same moment!
Yes, I began to think more and more about what Tony had to say. Why was there poverty in the first place?
Where was Humanity?
Indeed, aren't we all equal human beings; so why this discrimination? It seemed so sensible to me; and yet, what was I, Sara the Nobody, doing about this problem?
Nothing, of course.
Yes, I was just a student – but I was not actively working against the dark forces, as Tony was always talking about.
Tony would mesmerize his listeners, which were usually held in the evenings, at around eight o'clock.
He always managed to talk to you directly – or so it felt, despite the large number of listeners.
"There are people who make millions in minutes – did you people know that? While most people in our society struggle and sweat not only tears, but, I tell you, they sweat blood – yes blood" he would scream at this point, "day in and day out, and getting paid next to nothing, you also have a minority who make millions in minutes! How can you, yes you, tell me that that is fair? Why do you, my listeners, why do you lamely accept, that we live in a society that allows conditions, whereby the majority, and I say the vast majority of human beings, men and women, have to bleed to death just, to pay their never ending bills, while a minority lead an easy life overflowing with money, glamour, power and luxuries that are indescribable? I ask you again and again to answer my questions: is that fair? And if it is not fair, then what should be done about this sick situation? Well, clearly, we must use violence to take our rights, because no democracy will allow our party to succeed in any election and obviously the rich will never voluntarily give up their oceans of wealth; therefore, if you ask me, what is to be done, I firmly tell you as my response, that we must fight for our eternal rights, and by using the verb 'fight', I mean we 'fight' with every weapon at our disposal – be they words or bullets!"
I was simply exhilarated by his symphony of words!
And yet, I couldn’t help but feel that there was something ‘missing’ in Tony’s personality.
He just didn’t have that supreme self assurance that others had.
I guess that was what was ‘missing’.
I couldn’t understand why he did have that degree of insecurity – because, it seemed to be a contradiction when you are living your life for an ideal, and at the same time, you have insecurities within your heart!
It was also at university, that I first met Sanji.
He was a tall, dark wavy haired man with a dark complexion. His beautifully oval eyes had a deeply pensive look, and at the same time, they were always somehow mired within a sorrowful gaze.
Even when he would talk to you, Sanji's eyes seemed to be far away, deep in thought, about God knows what subject!
Gracing his eyes, were beautifully arched eyebrows and the longest, thickest eyelashes I have ever seen, that beautifully complimented those seemingly lonely eyebrows in perfect harmony.
He was a quiet, soft spoken gentleman, who was the most polite and sincere man I had ever met – I would forever ask myself, how can this man, be so gentle and compassionate, and without seeming to get distressed, angry or anxious?!
He had such a depth of serenity in his personality – and that trait was something that made so utterly envious of him; I was constantly wishing and trying to have a millionth of that serenity of his.
He was utterly sure of himself – and not in any arrogant way. He was completely happy and secure with the ideas and principles which guided him throughout his life.
He had a complete knowledge as to what the purpose of his life was. As a result he knew exactly where he was going with his life.
There was no sense of being lost with Sanji; for he knew the endless, twisted, meandering number of Paths of Life ahead of him - and more importantly he knew which path he wanted to tread on in his life’s journey.
He would never use foul language; and would always listen to you with interest as you talked – which is rare in our world.
And he had that most beautiful ability and talent to be so extra careful in choosing his words when he spoke, for he always wanted to get his thoughts and ideas properly across to you, so that people would understand him well, and so that there would be no confusion as to what he stood for.
That's why he was so pensive and why he spoke so deliberately; there was never any impulsiveness on his part; he intended exactly every word, and exactly every phrase, and every sentence he used; there never was any carelessness on his part when he would interact with you.
I never met a man who was so wholly and totally considerate for the feelings of others.
And, of course, my utter and complete admiration, respect and awe for this gentle soul increased over the years, as I couldn't but love his sheer intelligence.
You felt somehow utterly ‘safe’ with Sanji; do you know why?
Because you felt that this beautiful human was so protective of you, and because he was so utterly emotionally secure, steady and strong so that as long as you remained with him, you would never be lost.
Of course, we were totally opposites; whereas he was pensive and thoughtful, I was impulsive, reckless and emotional.
Whereas he never allowed the situation he was in to take control over him, I would willingly and enthusiastically allow myself to be overwhelmed by a situation, if it suited my emotional needs.
"Sara, don't you realize that all these so-called student 'intellectuals’ are nothing more than buffoons? No, wait, let me change my language here. I'm wrong to say that these so-called intellectuals 'intellectuals are nothing more than buffoons'. I'm sorry; first of all, they are not ‘intellectuals’. They are completely idiotic. Secondly, they are not ‘mere buffoons’, because they are in fact far more threatening than mere buffoons. And so, my question is, don't you realize that these students are actually dangerous people, who are hurting innocent people out there, thanks to their riots and disturbances?"
Sanji would always ask me questions like these, because he was really concerned at my deepening involvement with the militant student circles.
"Sanji you know how much I respect you, and how much you mean to me. But, in these days of ours, action is needed against the evil rulers out there. And there's no point in just studying and doing nothing about the challenges that face us."
"What 'challenges' are you talking about? And who are all those 'evil rulers' you talk about? Can you seriously tell me that every man and woman who happens to be rich must necessarily be 'evil'?"
"Yes," I replied immediately, without thinking.
"Sara, you are simply wrong. You are morally wrong. You don't have the 'right', nor do any of these militant students have any 'right', to harm a person, simply because he's rich. That is not only absurd, stupid and ridiculous in the intellectual sense, it is also absolutely immoral."
"What do you mean by 'morality'?" I asked Sanji.
"Is killing the innocent, 'morally' right or wrong?"
"It's wrong, of course," I replied.
"Well, there's the definition of what morality is."
I didn’t like the fact that Sanji was being too simplistic with me.
"And so, too, then, it is moral for us to remove the rich," I deliberately used the phrase 'removing the rich', and thereby avoiding words, like exterminate, because, I knew, Sanji really found such strong language to be offensive!
"But you still haven't answered my question: is every person who is rich evil?"
He was right; I was avoiding that difficult question.
Actually, it was more than difficult, since I didn't have any answer.
"Furthermore, I have another question: what if a rich person is working for a company that is doing no harm to people. Would you still categorize that person as evil?"
"Yes, I would," I replied.
I was just answering what leaders like Tony would expect me to say.
But, the truth is, I had no answers.
"Are you serious, Sara?" exclaimed Sanji.
"We are facing a war against those who seek to exploit us to death," I said, employing another phrase I had learned from the party.
"You keep talking about a 'war'; what 'war' for God's sake? I don't see any war out there?"
"Sanji, we are in a struggle against the Pigs. What do you call that struggle? A picnic?"
"Sara, I don't know how you choose your words. It seems to me you just use any word and any phrase that suits your present emotional needs; but you don't actually think enough of what it is you are actually talking about," said Sanji.
Actually, he was absolutely right.
I wondered, did he actually see through my use of phrases and sentences that I simply produced, without thinking about them?
"There's no 'war' out there!” Sanji would always tell me, “there's just a bunch of harmful students, and young people, who are causing disturbances and riots, and the police are there to stop you people from creating any more havoc. If that's the definition of a 'war' or a 'struggle', then your words certainly have different meanings to my words."
I didn't know what to say.
I knew that if I allowed my enthusiasm to open my mouth, I would be just repeating the same phrases and slogans, and I respected Sanji far too much to do that to him.
"You know what Sara?" asked Sanji. "I think you're deluding yourself. Not only you, but a lot of young, impressionable people in our generation, are really deluding themselves when it comes to this age old problem."
"What problem?" I said, the words just coming out of my mouth, before I had the time to think of Sanji's words about us deluding ourselves.
"Well the age old problem of the rich and poor. How do we lessen the exploitation of the poor by the rich? How far should society go in reducing the power of the rich? Is poverty natural or should we strive to abolish it? Does the fact that the rich classes exist mean that we have an abnormal or normal situation? You know, not one leader, and not one country, throughout our human history, have been able to solve that problem, and I suspect, this problem will be with us for a long time to come. One thing I can say for sure, and that is what you people are doing, isn't harming the rich in any way. You people think and believe that you are harming, or even destroying the rich, but the truth is, you are nothing more than a nuisance to the rich."
"Sanji, how can you say that? Our country is undergoing a revolution! Our country is undergoing convulsions, thanks to our ceaseless struggle!"
I was just saying more slogans and borrowed phrases.
“Sara, I hope my words will reach the rational part of your heart. You are following an immoral movement and I realize that can’t convince you that that these people are criminals. But remember my words – you are following false idols and soon, some day, some year, you will get badly hurt by these same idols you believe in. You will be badly hurt and damaged by them precisely because these leaders you follow are themselves seriously harmful and not helpful. They are exactly like drugs. At first, you feel the joy, the exhilaration – and then your body and mind begin to deteriorate and rot away from the effects of the same drugs. The same sad process happens when you become a slave to false gods!”
Sanji simply sighed, as if saying to me, that I was 'useless'.
I couldn't help but smile, feeling somehow I actually 'won' the argument!
He looked at me with pity.
Actually, it was more with sorrow.
So, yes, we went on marches, demonstrations and we would deliberately provoke the police and fighting would ensue. Next, we would be sent to jail, because, obviously the police would overwhelm us with their firepower, to await trial and soon the judges gave us light sentences of a few days in prison, and we soon left prison, and this routine would go on and on.
And we would be so excited, because the media would report our activities on television and in the newspapers; we would be interviewed by the mass media – at first it was, for me, so thrilling, because I really believed that what we were doing was going to change our country and our society into a totally egalitarian one.
And we would go on and on with these activities.
And, then, I inevitably found myself thinking about my life and what I was doing.
It was always that annoying and nagging question: what was I doing with my life?
Was I going in the right direction?
Were we doing the right thing?
Impulsive as I was, I couldn't bother to reason with myself on these disturbing questions, and I went straight to Tony to get much needed answers from him.
"Do you have doubts about our cause, Sara?" Tony asked point blank.
"No, not about the validity of our noble cause, but I am finding myself worried if our actions are the correct way." I replied.
"What do you mean by the 'correct way'"? He would stare right through my eyes at this point and I found it making me insecure.
"Well, I mean, what positive results do you see coming out from all of our activities Tony? What changes have we made? What –"
"Look and listen", he interrupted me; "I understand that you are still young and inexperienced on the battlefield. That's normal my Sara".
I felt so much more confident when he used the word 'my' Sara. He continued: "Soldiers who have experience aren't the same as soldiers who don't have experience. Am I correct, Sara?"
"That is certainly true," I replied immediately.
"So, you must be patient, little one. Success does not come overnight, does it? The struggle – any struggle – takes years to achieve, my dear girl." He said as he began to raise his baritone voice.
"So, today a battle here, and tomorrow a battle there, and soon, from the acres of debris, rubble, wreckage, bloodshed of the war, you will slowly see what true victory will look like! Yes, our victory will be assured only through persistence and by blind, fanatical devotion to the cause, Sara, and not by doubt!"
Yes, I was, once again, completely convinced by Tony and his ideas.
Silly Sara, how could I doubt the wisdom of these veteran soldiers, who've been fighting for years in order to secure victory for the masses! What a stupid fool I was and may God curse me!
Soon, I graduated with my psychiatry degree as a licensed doctor – not that I believed any of what psychiatry books had to say!
How strange for anyone to study a degree they don't actually believe it to be true!
In these intervening years, I continued to explore the intellectual circles of my university days.
I found so many subjects not only interesting, but I also could not resist going with an unrestricted passion for all of their work and activities – legal or illegal.
Take animal welfare.
Why were rich farmers killing animals so that people can simply eat them, when we humans can go vegetarian?
I felt so thrilled by this completely novel idea – I simply had never thought of it, and so when I first heard I was shocked and thrilled at the same time to hear how beautifully true it all was: vegetarianism was necessary for us humans, while at the same time, we must punish those mass killers of animals!
And that's when I joined another party, called the 'Animal Liberation Front'.
I immediately plunged into their activities: we would endlessly harass farmers; go into supermarkets and smash all the corners that sold animal food; we would throw poison on farm land; release, or 'liberate' animals that were imprisoned by farmers. The latter was my real favourite, because I really could feel the utter thrill and pleasure of releasing all those inmates condemned to death; inmates – yes, they just happened to be animals, but what difference was there between us and animals? Don't they have the simplest right, and that is the 'right to exist'?
Next we would go into restaurants that served animal food, and we would make the most terrible scenes by howling and screaming at all the criminals who were eating animal flesh.
"What's the difference between you and cannibals? You're all cannibals!" We would scream at the frightened people; soon the managers and the waiters of the restaurants would call the police, and, yet again, we would simply wait for the latter to put us back in jail.
Yes, I was so proud to say that jail for me was my second home! My first home, I felt, were the streets, for it was only on the streets that I could make changes to my world.
You can't make changes from your come, can you?
Of course, not!
No use in just reading books and then not take physical action – how stupid and pointless that would be!
Oh how everyone loved me – because I was so utterly dedicated, determined to pursue every action right to its end!
Every day, every waking hour, I would be with some group, planning, organizing and executing a disturbance that would soon be echoed by our mass media.
And that's how you awaken the masses, who, then turn against the oppressors, and once the oppressors are eliminated, you have the perfect society!
Humanity will come some day - and it shall be us soldiers of the great movement who will hand it over to the toiling masses!
I'm like a pill,
Because if you swallow my well-being,
You will be relieved of your worries, sicknesses, and ailments,
But too much of anything isn't beneficial for any of us,
And too much of me
Could leave your tongue escaping from your mouth,
And the irises of your eyes attempting to meet your brain,
Which is why you should take me
Within considerate reason,
And not take me for granted.
Swallow me whole,
Wash away your pride,
Feelings of me running deep inside you.
I swallow you,
I swallow you whole,
I swallow you down.
You are the perfect pill for my ills.
I can see the comely contents of your character
Labeled on a container,
And as soon as it becomes empty,
You will see me rushing
To get a refill of your grace.
Ever since you were prescribed to me on May 13th,
I've never listened to my doctors
Who assume to know
What is best for me.
I consume that dear, special, deep word
Like a space cadet of an overdose.
I need you within my reach,
I need your relief,
I need your reassurance,
I need you to care..
But what I need the most of from you,
Is your affection.
Originally written 7/2/11
(c) 2014 Brandon Antonio Smith
I love you with all my heart and soul,
with everything I am and everything I want to be,
you are my life, my entire world,
without you I wouldn't be who I am today, please believe me.
I want you to be the best person that you can be,
always be honest, loyal, loving, and caring,
and always be kind generous, sweet, and respectful,
don't be a follower, be a leader and always do the right thing.
Do what you believe is right, follow your heart,
don't do what you know in your heart is wrong,
trust and believe in yourself, make the right choices,
and you will become a better person and you will be strong.
Be yourself, don't be someone you're not,
and don't be someone, that others want you to be,
you are your own person, be that person,
never forget who you are and who you want to be.
When you are looking for that special someone,
don't rush into anything, be patient and wait,
time and patience is all you need, love will find you,
just give it time, eventually you will find your soulmate.
And when you find that special someone, never let her go,
always be there for her, love her--care for her--be her best friend and lover,
believe in her--trust in her, and she'll always be there for you too,
be the man she's always dreamed of, don't use or abuse her.
But if you find her and she's already with someone,
just be there for her, that's all you can do,
be patient, have faith, and if it's meant to be--love will bring you two together,
fate is always on your side, as is God too.
I hope you will be the man I tried to raise you to be,
as I know you will, I tried to make sure you were polite and considerate,
live your life being truthful, try not to make mistakes,
but if you do, please let it be small--learn from it , don't let it be too late.
I've tried to be the best mother I can be for you,
and being a mother, is one of the hardest jobs I've ever had,
but being a mother with a full time job is even harder yet,
I'm sorry if I'm not always here for you, I don't mean for you to be sad.
I love you and I'll always be there for you, no matter what,
I hope you know this to be true, you're my son,
I'll be here for you through it all, the good and the bad,
the happy and the sad, my love for you will never come undone.
Silence, beautiful voice!
Be hard and still, for thou only troublest the mind,
And within such a joy I cannot rejoice,
a glory I shall not find.
Catch not my breath, o clamorous heart;
for thou art more horrendous than the horrendous,
and thy mourning over this heavy breath is far too hard,
but sounding alternately irresolute and pretentious.
Thou needst not be my ultimate, though doleful, present;
thou art wicked and frail as the serpent;
I shall let thy tongue be a thrall to my eye,
but vex thee greedily 'till thou benevolently saith goodbye.
I shall makest thee angry and giveth in to anger and lie
and let thee search about within my soul, and die.
Ah! Still, I shall listen to thee once more,
But move, I entreat; to the meadow and fall before
Thy feet on the meadow grass and adore
Bring my heart to thy heat but not make it sore
Not thine, which are neither courtly nor kind;
not mine, for thy youth still, makest me sweet and blind.
Oh, if only thou couldst be so sweet,
and thy smile all the worldliness I dreamt,
For it all wouldst no longer be stormy and pale,
or threatened be, to vanish amongst such winds or ghastly gales;
Ah, yon fairness wouldst be fair,
and scented as sweetly as thy hair.
Whom but thee, again, I should meet
Whenst at stormy nights sunset burneth
At the end of the head village street,
Whom I should meet behind the red ferns?
For I believest, in such boundlessness of fate
Fate that worlds cannot deny, and grudge cannot hate.
And, I believest indeed, my darling shall be there,
to touch he, shall my hand so sweet,
He bowest to me and utterest holy amends
To his future lover, but less than meekly hesitant; friend.
What if with his sunny hair
He connivest for me a snare
Who wouldst hath thought locks of gold so fair
Huddled and curved cozily by hands of care
Immersed in silver, tailored in gold
Even darker than toil, but sharper than words
Wouldst throw in my way pranks and deceit
As to his expectations I couldst not meet?
Wouldst he expect me to stand in the snow that couldst bite
and criest for and cursest him, in the middle of furious nights?
And what if with his sunny smile
Which he refineth with sweetness all the while
And with such an ostentatious remorse
That makest truthful delight even worse
He stealest my heart and makest me swear
So for any other I ought not to care
And my tears shall again be conceived in between
In the eternal mirror of revelling seasons, unseen
Knowing not what it hath done, or where it hath been
What if seas and clouds turnest just they are, so mean?
And imprisoned up and above
I shall hearest beloved Lord talk of the futility of love
And He shall oftentimes stop and mirthlessly laugh
Ruining the castles and puzzles and stories I dreamt of
If distances are not too far to walk to
I shall darest to cross my sphere and get over you
But sins hath perhaps forbidden my courteous intentions
As their meanness swayest me around with no destination-
ah, look at how their vile, grinning eyes temptest me!
They itchest my veins, they throttlest my knees;
and how uncivilly their sleazy teeth hauntest me!
Indeedst, indeedst-they are far more horrendous than these living eyes canst see!
Perhaps his smile and tender tone
Were all that I imagined alone
Now that all spells hath grimly gone
Am I truly left on my own?
Ah, prone, prone is truly my soul
But I am distant here, lonely and cold
I am also strong but this solitude is too bold
I hath always been awake with truth, but this I cannot fold
And hovering dancing leaves are grotesquely thrown
About their echoing chambers opened wide
Until more rueful gravity has grown;
and hilarity fades wholly from my side
Once we came to the bench by the rouge church
And sat for hours by the wooden pillar alone
We sang along with the singing white birds
And those strangely blushing red thorns
'Till we fought everything burdened and curtly torn
As how the moon hurriedly cried 'till it found the morn
'Till suddenly, sweetly my heart beat stronger
And thicker, 'till I almost heard it no longer
But I realised, and fast mused and sighed
'No, it cannot stayest long, it cannot be pride.'
T'en we walked a mile-
Just a mile from the moors,
Circling about to find some exile
Away from noises and banging of doors.
We both pleaded, pleaded to our dear Lord
T'at genuine love our hearts couldst afford
But time grew envious and cut our walk short
As night approached and we suddenly had to resort.
And he too, he too was mad
And frowned and twitched that so made me sad
Endlessly alone he wouldst blame me and more fret
Sending myself down and brimmed with regrets
Like a parrot shuffling about its offspring's dying bed
My eyes grew warm and hurtful and red
Anger betrothed him to its indignant powers
Corrupted his cheers and drank away his laughters
I was furious, I cursed and kicked frantically at fate
How it grossly tainted and strained my tenuous date
For it was tenuous and I struggled to makest it strong;
but fate shamefully ripped it and all the triumph I'd woven, all along.
And losing him was indeedst everything,
nothing distracted me and kept my jostled self going.
I feelest lethargic even in my sleep,
I keepest falling from rocks in my dreams-ah, too leafy and steep!
I dreamest of suburbs that are rich with divine foliage,
I rejoicest in whose tranquil, though transient, merriment.
And as morn retreatest, I shall be again filled with rage,
I refusest to eat and enjoy even a slice of everyday's enjoyment.
I am now wholly conquered by worry; I was torn and lost in my own battlefield,
I hath no more guard that shall lift me upwards and grant me his shield.
Ah, I hath now been turned, to a whole nonentity;
at my wounds people shall turn away, with a foolish laugh and mock sorry.
O, love, and I am now vainly stuck in the night,
The night that refusest to leave my tired sight.
The night that keepest returning the dark
with no more hope of reflective sight,
and no more signs pertinent burning light,
and sick I'th become, of this jealous dread.
But am I really sick now? Utterly sick of this lonesome envy?
Ah, still I better refusest to know. My dreams are bad.
The shapes in there are far too inglorious and mad.
Just like those-ah! Do not let them harm me!
Where are my eyes? My very heart, my own blood,
and perhaps, my thorough sense of humanity?
One second back they were all still with me,
but they are all now ruined phantoms and shapes,
whenever I am fast asleep,
he turnest them out like obedient sheep
and handest them to the unseen to be raped.
He was neither sincere nor tactful,
and believed too heartly in his odious and ill-coloured soul.
Ah, but duly shall I even call this season harmful,
sorrows rule our hands, whilst distaste reign our men.
Disgrace ownest its peaks, within gratuitous handfuls,
men knowest not their lovers, speakest not of us as friends.
Ah, this is a bitter spring indeed, of anger and fear;
With thousands of evil tongues and evil ears,
For lovers are at war with their lovers,
and makest each others' eyes unseeing and blind.
Even God, our lovely God himself, is at war with his heavens,
for whose minds are lost, as real conscience shall never ever find.
Where is my love? Ah, perhaps staggering under the woods,
And I, who else, shall be with him,
Gathering woodland lilies,
Prosperously blooming under the trees.
Where is my heart? Ah, it is carried again within him,
as we layest about the green grass on our limbs,
with oiled lamps at our feet,
and tellest stories as our loving eyes lean closer and meet.
Ah, beauty! That is the picture in my mind,
not him, not him, that has sent me blind.
Still the image of him makes me sick,
his image that is as stony and greedy as a brick.
He has no feelings, he has no emotion,
he has no endurance and twists of natural passion.
He has all the strength and virility the world ever wanted,
but his mind remainst cold, his heart his own self once entered.
He is as unjust as a statue,
he knowest not wrong and right, nor false from true.
For whilst I tried to praise his being so comely,
he took all my remarks sedately,
he gazed at me with an arrogant face snarling,
and praised the gentleness of his own darling.
He is unthinking, savage, and unfeeling,
his face a human, his heart a brute.
He might be all the way comely and charming,
too pitiful he is inhuman and acts like a crude.
My fancy was sometimes real overbold,
for whenst I was to coo and hold, he was but to scream and scold.
Scorned, to be scorned by one that I not scorn,
whenst all this passion my shoulder had borne?
It is unfair and ignominiously hateful,
gross and unjust, horrid and spiteful.
A fool I am, to be unvexed with his pride!
And once, during repetitive daylight,
I past him, one day I was crossing his lands,
I did look at him not as a gentleman,
He was laughing at his own tediousness,
I dreaded him for that, but as I came home
later, I cried again, over his picture with madness.
Ah! How couldst I ever forget him,
whenst he is but the one I love?
No matter how strange this may seem,
he was the one I real dreamt of;
I want to love him not in a dream,
I want to touch him in his flesh.
I want to smell that scent of him,
and breathe onto his lap and his chest.
I want to sit in his oak-room,
and tellest him of stories of glad and gloom,
before the ocean-waves afar laid
next to quiet storms, amidst our private delight.
I want to have him selfishly!
Have him laugh endlessly with me,
and all the way love him madly;
with a heart so dearly but greedy.
What, if he fastened himself to this fool dame,
and bask in her infamous joy, and fame
Should I love him so well, if he
gave her heart to a thing so low?
Should I let him again smile at me
If we are bound to see each other tomorrow?
His smile, at times can be full of spite
Yet in spite of spite, he is all but comely and white;
I miss him, I miss him as just how I miss my dream,
He is, though marred, is just as sweet as I remember him,
I insist sorrow coming up to me,
To consolest and hearest here, my deepest plea
And thrust the most painful pain to he and she
And restore then, his innocent self to me.
I hearest no sound from where I am standing
But the rivulets and tiny drops of rain
Are starting to send moonlight to my whining
As I twitch and swirl and whirl about in the rain.
I watch people flock in and out the evening train;
their thoughts hidden, like all the mimicry in a quiet play.
Hearts full of glowing love, and at the same time, of disdain;
all pass by gates and bars and entrances with nothing serious to say.
Ah, perhaps I am the only one too melancholy,
for even at this busy hour think doth I, of such poetry.
Yet melancholy but real, for if I ever be dear to someone else,
then I decide that should I be, to myself, far dearer.
For I believe not tales another creature tells,
they can be lies, they can be unfairer.
Like a nutshell too hard for the very poor shell itself,
I do feel pity for him and his ignorant self.
Unlucky him, for I carest more for every puff of his breath,
no matter how eerie-and she, rejoices over
the bashful lapse, of his death.
My life hath crept so long on a broken wing
Through cells of madness, horror, and fear;
Fear that is brutal and insidious, though inviting
and lies that eyes cannot see nor ears hear;
My mood hath changed, at least at this time of year
As I'th stayed more about and dwelled mostly here
And my previous grief hath outgrown itself like a butterfly
Too I witnessed as It fluttered and flickered madly,
and at the very last moment, died silently 'midst its own fury;
All weeks long, I hath listened and learned tactfully more
Lessons that I hath never heard of, never before.
But still, hate I this severely clashing world;
too much torpor hath we all borne, and burning, virile hurt.
O down, down with laborious ambition and sleaze
Kiss this earth's silent layers and fold down our knees
Ah, darling, put down thy passion that makest thee Hell!
To all madness of thine thou should sayest, farewell-
Hesitate not, and leave thy curious, and agile state
Be honest and precise, be courteous and moderate.
Crush and demolish and burn all demonic hate
Thus instead cherish and welcome thy realistic fate.
Entertain thy love; with dozens and dozens of new, novelty!
Brush up thy pride, but leavest away, o, leavest away thy old vanity-
Ah, and profess thy love only to me, for it brings me delight
It returns my hope, and turns all my dissolutions to light.
And tease, tease me, and my frenetic, personal song
Though I but be a wounded thing-with a rancorous cry,
I am wretched and wretched, as thou hath hurt me all along
Sick, sick to the heart of this entire life, am I.
Many one hath preached my poor little heart down,
Neither any merriment is mine, 'mongst this serene county town.
My only friend is my oak-room bible, and its dear God
Who mockest frenetic riches rich at diamonds but poor at heart
With cries that rulest turning minds from each other apart;
and with wealth running away to selfishly savest their spoilt, cruel hearts-
o, how I am lucky-for I am destroyed, but not by my dear Lord;
I am healed and charmed by His generous frank words.
All seemest like a vague dream, but still a dear insight
For he, above all, taught me to see which one was right
I still miss him, and dearly hope that he canst somehow be my future poem
And together we shall fliest towards joy and escapest such unblessed doom;
His musical mouth is indeedst my song,
a song that I'th been singing intimately with, all along!
For this then shall I shall continue my pursuit,
with a grateful heart and so a considerate wit,
for I am sure now-that he is mine, and only mine,
and duly certain of these promising, though long, signs;
But now I feel my heart grow easier;
as it now embraces days in ways lovelier;
for I hath now awakened again, to a better mind,
so that everything is now to me just fine;
Still he bears all my love and intuitive goodwill,
yet how to waken my love, God knowest better still.
Of Man’s first disobedience, and the fruit
Of that forbidden tree whose mortal taste
Brought death into the World, and all our woe,
With loss of Eden, till one greater Man
Restore us, and regain the blissful seat,
Sing, Heavenly Muse, that, on the secret top
Of Oreb, or of Sinai, didst inspire
That shepherd who first taught the chosen seed
In the beginning how the heavens and earth
Rose out of Chaos: or, if Sion hill
Delight thee more, and Siloa’s brook that flowed
Fast by the oracle of God, I thence
Invoke thy aid to my adventurous song,
That with no middle flight intends to soar
Above th’ Aonian mount, while it pursues
Things unattempted yet in prose or rhyme.
And chiefly thou, O Spirit, that dost prefer
Before all temples th’ upright heart and pure,
Instruct me, for thou know’st; thou from the first
Wast present, and, with mighty wings outspread,
Dove-like sat’st brooding on the vast Abyss,
And mad’st it pregnant: what in me is dark
Illumine, what is low raise and support;
That, to the height of this great argument,
I may assert Eternal Providence,
And justify the ways of God to men.
Say first—for Heaven hides nothing from thy view,
Nor the deep tract of Hell—say first what cause
Moved our grand parents, in that happy state,
Favoured of Heaven so highly, to fall off
From their Creator, and transgress his will
For one restraint, lords of the World besides.
Who first seduced them to that foul revolt?
Th’ infernal Serpent; he it was whose guile,
Stirred up with envy and revenge, deceived
The mother of mankind, what time his pride
Had cast him out from Heaven, with all his host
Of rebel Angels, by whose aid, aspiring
To set himself in glory above his peers,
He trusted to have equalled the Most High,
If he opposed, and with ambitious aim
Against the throne and monarchy of God,
Raised impious war in Heaven and battle proud,
With vain attempt. Him the Almighty Power
Hurled headlong flaming from th’ ethereal sky,
With hideous ruin and combustion, down
To bottomless perdition, there to dwell
In adamantine chains and penal fire,
Who durst defy th’ Omnipotent to arms.
Nine times the space that measures day and night
To mortal men, he, with his horrid crew,
Lay vanquished, rolling in the fiery gulf,
Confounded, though immortal. But his doom
Reserved him to more wrath; for now the thought
Both of lost happiness and lasting pain
Torments him: round he throws his baleful eyes,
That witnessed huge affliction and dismay,
Mixed with obdurate pride and steadfast hate.
At once, as far as Angels ken, he views
The dismal situation waste and wild.
A dungeon horrible, on all sides round,
As one great furnace flamed; yet from those flames
No light; but rather darkness visible
Served only to discover sights of woe,
Regions of sorrow, doleful shades, where peace
And rest can never dwell, hope never comes
That comes to all, but torture without end
Still urges, and a fiery deluge, fed
With ever-burning sulphur unconsumed.
Such place Eternal Justice has prepared
For those rebellious; here their prison ordained
In utter darkness, and their portion set,
As far removed from God and light of Heaven
As from the centre thrice to th’ utmost pole.
Oh how unlike the place from whence they fell!
There the companions of his fall, o’erwhelmed
With floods and whirlwinds of tempestuous fire,
He soon discerns; and, weltering by his side,
One next himself in power, and next in crime,
Long after known in Palestine, and named
Beelzebub. To whom th’ Arch-Enemy,
And thence in Heaven called Satan, with bold words
Breaking the horrid silence, thus began:—
“If thou beest he—but O how fallen! how changed
From him who, in the happy realms of light
Clothed with transcendent brightness, didst outshine
Myriads, though bright!—if he whom mutual league,
United thoughts and counsels, equal hope
And hazard in the glorious enterprise
Joined with me once, now misery hath joined
In equal ruin; into what pit thou seest
From what height fallen: so much the stronger proved
He with his thunder; and till then who knew
The force of those dire arms? Yet not for those,
Nor what the potent Victor in his rage
Can else inflict, do I repent, or change,
Though changed in outward lustre, that fixed mind,
And high disdain from sense of injured merit,
That with the Mightiest raised me to contend,
And to the fierce contentions brought along
Innumerable force of Spirits armed,
That durst dislike his reign, and, me preferring,
His utmost power with adverse power opposed
In dubious battle on the plains of Heaven,
And shook his throne. What though the field be lost?
All is not lost—the unconquerable will,
And study of revenge, immortal hate,
And courage never to submit or yield:
And what is else not to be overcome?
That glory never shall his wrath or might
Extort from me. To bow and sue for grace
With suppliant knee, and deify his power
Who, from the terror of this arm, so late
Doubted his empire—that were low indeed;
That were an ignominy and shame beneath
This downfall; since, by fate, the strength of Gods,
And this empyreal sybstance, cannot fail;
Since, through experience of this great event,
In arms not worse, in foresight much advanced,
We may with more successful hope resolve
To wage by force or guile eternal war,
Irreconcilable to our grand Foe,
Who now triumphs, and in th’ excess of joy
Sole reigning holds the tyranny of Heaven.”
So spake th’ apostate Angel, though in pain,
Vaunting aloud, but racked with deep despair;
And him thus answered soon his bold compeer:—
“O Prince, O Chief of many throned Powers
That led th’ embattled Seraphim to war
Under thy conduct, and, in dreadful deeds
Fearless, endangered Heaven’s perpetual King,
And put to proof his high supremacy,
Whether upheld by strength, or chance, or fate,
Too well I see and rue the dire event
That, with sad overthrow and foul defeat,
Hath lost us Heaven, and all this mighty host
In horrible destruction laid thus low,
As far as Gods and heavenly Essences
Can perish: for the mind and spirit remains
Invincible, and vigour soon returns,
Though all our glory extinct, and happy state
Here swallowed up in endless misery.
But what if he our Conqueror (whom I now
Of force believe almighty, since no less
Than such could have o’erpowered such force as ours)
Have left us this our spirit and strength entire,
Strongly to suffer and support our pains,
That we may so suffice his vengeful ire,
Or do him mightier service as his thralls
By right of war, whate’er his business be,
Here in the heart of Hell to work in fire,
Or do his errands in the gloomy Deep?
What can it the avail though yet we feel
Strength undiminished, or eternal being
To undergo eternal punishment?”
Whereto with speedy words th’ Arch-Fiend replied:—
“Fallen Cherub, to be weak is miserable,
Doing or suffering: but of this be sure—
To do aught good never will be our task,
But ever to do ill our sole delight,
As being the contrary to his high will
Whom we resist. If then his providence
Out of our evil seek to bring forth good,
Our labour must be to pervert that end,
And out of good still to find means of evil;
Which ofttimes may succeed so as perhaps
Shall grieve him, if I fail not, and disturb
His inmost counsels from their destined aim.
But see! the angry Victor hath recalled
His ministers of vengeance and pursuit
Back to the gates of Heaven: the sulphurous hail,
Shot after us in storm, o’erblown hath laid
The fiery surge that from the precipice
Of Heaven received us falling; and the thunder,
Winged with red lightning and impetuous rage,
Perhaps hath spent his shafts, and ceases now
To bellow through the vast and boundless Deep.
Let us not slip th’ occasion, whether scorn
Or satiate fury yield it from our Foe.
Seest thou yon dreary plain, forlorn and wild,
The seat of desolation, void of light,
Save what the glimmering of these livid flames
Casts pale and dreadful? Thither let us tend
From off the tossing of these fiery waves;
There rest, if any rest can harbour there;
And, re-assembling our afflicted powers,
Consult how we may henceforth most offend
Our enemy, our own loss how repair,
How overcome this dire calamity,
What reinforcement we may gain from hope,
If not, what resolution from despair.”
Thus Satan, talking to his nearest mate,
With head uplift above the wave, and eyes
That sparkling blazed; his other parts besides
Prone on the flood, extended long and large,
Lay floating many a rood, in bulk as huge
As whom the fables name of monstrous size,
Titanian or Earth-born, that warred on Jove,
Briareos or Typhon, whom the den
By ancient Tarsus held, or that sea-beast
Leviathan, which God of all his works
Created hugest that swim th’ ocean-stream.
Him, haply slumbering on the Norway foam,
The pilot of some small night-foundered skiff,
Deeming some island, oft, as seamen tell,
With fixed anchor in his scaly rind,
Moors by his side under the lee, while night
Invests the sea, and wished morn delays.
So stretched out huge in length the Arch-fiend lay,
Chained on the burning lake; nor ever thence
Had risen, or heaved his head, but that the will
And high permission of all-ruling Heaven
Left him at large to his own dark designs,
That with reiterated crimes he might
Heap on himself damnation, while he sought
Evil to others, and enraged might see
How all his malice served but to bring forth
Infinite goodness, grace, and mercy, shewn
On Man by him seduced, but on himself
Treble confusion, wrath, and vengeance poured.
Forthwith upright he rears from off the pool
His mighty stature; on each hand the flames
Driven backward slope their pointing spires, and,rolled
In billows, leave i’ th’ midst a horrid vale.
Then with expanded wings he steers his flight
Aloft, incumbent on the dusky air,
That felt unusual weight; till on dry land
He lights—if it were land that ever burned
With solid, as the lake with liquid fire,
And such appeared in hue as when the force
Of subterranean wind transprots a hill
Torn from Pelorus, or the shattered side
Of thundering Etna, whose combustible
And fuelled entrails, thence conceiving fire,
Sublimed with mineral fury, aid the winds,
And leave a singed bottom all involved
With stench and smoke. Such resting found the sole
Of unblest feet. Him followed his next mate;
Both glorying to have scaped the Stygian flood
As gods, and by their own recovered strength,
Not by the sufferance of supernal Power.
“Is this the region, this the soil, the clime,”
Said then the lost Archangel, “this the seat
That we must change for Heaven?—this mournful gloom
For that celestial light? Be it so, since he
Who now is sovereign can dispose and bid
What shall be right: farthest from him is best
Whom reason hath equalled, force hath made supreme
Above his equals. Farewell, happy fields,
Where joy for ever dwells! Hail, horrors! hail,
Infernal world! and thou, profoundest Hell,
Receive thy new possessor—one who brings
A mind not to be changed by place or time.
The mind is its own place, and in itself
Can make a Heaven of Hell, a Hell of Heaven.
What matter where, if I be still the same,
And what I should be, all but less than he
Whom thunder hath made greater? Here at least
We shall be free; th’ Almighty hath not built
Here for his envy, will not drive us hence:
Here we may reigh secure; and, in my choice,
To reign is worth ambition, though in Hell:
Better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven.
But wherefore let we then our faithful friends,
Th’ associates and co-partners of our loss,
Lie thus astonished on th’ oblivious pool,
And call them not to share with us their part
In this unhappy mansion, or once more
With rallied arms to try what may be yet
Regained in Heaven, or what more lost in Hell?”
So Satan spake; and him Beelzebub
Thus answered:—”Leader of those armies bright
Which, but th’ Omnipotent, none could have foiled!
If once they hear that voice, their liveliest pledge
Of hope in fears and dangers—heard so oft
In worst extremes, and on the perilous edge
Of battle, when it raged, in all assaults
Their surest signal—they will soon resume
New courage and revive, though now they lie
Grovelling and prostrate on yon lake of fire,
As we erewhile, astounded and amazed;
No wonder, fallen such a pernicious height!”
He scare had ceased when the superior Fiend
Was moving toward the shore; his ponderous shield,
Ethereal temper, massy, large, and round,
Behind him cast. The broad circumference
Hung on his shoulders like the moon, whose orb
Through optic glass the Tuscan artist views
At evening, from the top of Fesole,
Or in Valdarno, to descry new lands,
Rivers, or mountains, in her spotty globe.
His spear—to equal which the tallest pine
Hewn on Norwegian hills, to be the mast
Of some great ammiral, were but a wand—
He walked with, to support uneasy steps
Over the burning marl, not like those steps
On Heaven’s azure; and the torrid clime
Smote on him sore besides, vaulted with fire.
Nathless he so endured, till on the beach
Of that inflamed sea he stood, and called
His legions—Angel Forms, who lay entranced
Thick as autumnal leaves that strow the brooks
In Vallombrosa, where th’ Etrurian shades
High over-arched embower; or scattered sedge
Afloat, when with fierce winds Orion armed
Hath vexed the Red-Sea coast, whose waves o’erthrew
Busiris and his Memphian chivalry,
While with perfidious hatred they pursued
The sojourners of Goshen, who beheld
From the safe shore their floating carcases
And broken chariot-wheels. So thick bestrown,
Abject and lost, lay these, covering the flood,
Under amazement of their hideous change.
He called so loud that all the hollow deep
Of Hell resounded:—”Princes, Potentates,
Warriors, the Flower of Heaven—once yours; now lost,
If such astonishment as this can seize
Eternal Spirits! Or have ye chosen this place
After the toil of battle to repose
Your wearied virtue, for the ease you find
To slumber here, as in the vales of Heaven?
Or in this abject posture have ye sworn
To adore the Conqueror, who now beholds
Cherub and Seraph rolling in the flood
With scattered arms and ensigns, till anon
His swift pursuers from Heaven-gates discern
Th’ advantage, and, descending, tread us down
Thus drooping, or with linked thunderbolts
Transfix us to the bottom of this gulf?
Awake, arise, or be for ever fallen!”
They heard, and were abashed, and up they sprung
Upon the wing, as when men wont to watch
On duty, sleeping found by whom they dread,
Rouse and bestir themselves ere well awake.
Nor did they not perceive the evil plight
In which they were, or the fierce pains not feel;
Yet to their General’s voice they soon obeyed
Innumerable. As when the potent rod
Of Amram’s son, in Egypt’s evil day,
Waved round the coast, up-called a pitchy cloud
Of locusts, warping on the eastern wind,
That o’er the realm of impious Pharaoh hung
Like Night, and darkened all the land of Nile;
So numberless were those bad Angels seen
Hovering on wing under the cope of Hell,
‘Twixt upper, nether, and surrounding fires;
Till, as a signal given, th’ uplifted spear
Of their great Sultan waving to direct
Their course, in even balance down they light
On the firm brimstone, and fill all the plain:
A multitude like which the populous North
Poured never from her frozen loins to pass
Rhene or the Danaw, when her barbarous sons
Came like a deluge on the South, and spread
Beneath Gibraltar to the Libyan sands.
Forthwith, form every squadron and each band,
The heads and leaders thither haste where stood
Their great Commander—godlike Shapes, and Forms
Excelling human; princely Dignities;
And Powers that erst in Heaven sat on thrones,
Though on their names in Heavenly records now
Be no memorial, blotted out and rased
By their rebellion from the Books of Life.
Nor had they yet among the sons of Eve
Got them new names, till, wandering o’er the earth,
Through God’s high sufferance for the trial of man,
By falsities and lies the greatest part
Of mankind they corrupted to forsake
God their Creator, and th’ invisible
Glory of him that made them to transform
Oft to the image of a brute, adorned
With gay religions full of pomp and gold,
And devils to adore for deities:
Then were they known to men by various names,
And various idols through the heathen world.
Say, Muse, their names then known, who first, who last,
Roused from the slumber on that fiery couch,
At their great Emperor’s call, as next in worth
Came singly where he stood on the bare strand,
While the promiscuous crowd stood yet aloof?
The chief were those who, from the pit of Hell
Roaming to seek their prey on Earth, durst fix
Their seats, long after, next the seat of God,
Their altars by his altar, gods adored
Among the nations round, and durst abide
Jehovah thundering out of Sion, throned
Between the Cherubim; yea, often placed
Within his sanctuary itself their shrines,
Abominations; and with cursed things
His holy rites and solemn feasts profaned,
And with their darkness durst affront his light.
First, Moloch, horrid king, besmeared with blood
Of human sacrifice, and parents’ tears;
Though, for the noise of drums and timbrels loud,
Their children’s cries unheard that passed through fire
To his grim idol. Him the Ammonite
Worshiped in Rabba and her watery plain,
In Argob and in Basan, to the stream
Of utmost Arnon. Nor content with such
Audacious neighbourhood, the wisest heart
Of Solomon he led by fraoud to build
His temple right against the temple of God
On that opprobrious hill, and made his grove
The pleasant valley of Hinnom, Tophet thence
And black Gehenna called, the type of Hell.
Next Chemos, th’ obscene dread of Moab’s sons,
From Aroar to Nebo and the wild
Of southmost Abarim; in Hesebon
And Horonaim, Seon’s real, beyond
The flowery dale of Sibma clad with vines,
And Eleale to th’ Asphaltic Pool:
Peor his other name, when he enticed
Israel in Sittim, on their march from Nile,
To do him wanton rites, which cost them woe.
Yet thence his lustful orgies he enlarged
Even to that hill of scandal, by the grove
Of Moloch homicide, lust hard by hate,
Till good Josiah drove them thence to Hell.
With these came they who, from the bordering flood
Of old Euphrates to the brook that parts
Egypt from Syrian ground, had general names
Of Baalim and Ashtaroth—those male,
These feminine. For Spirits, when they please,
Can either sex assume, or both; so soft
And uncompounded is their essence pure,
Not tried or manacled with joint or limb,
Nor founded on the brittle strength of bones,
Like cumbrous flesh; but, in what shape they choose,
Dilated or condensed, bright or obscure,
Can execute their airy purposes,
And works of love or enmity fulfil.
For those the race of Israel oft forsook
Their Living Strength, and unfrequented left
His righteous altar, bowing lowly down
To bestial gods; for which their heads as low
Bowed down in battle, sunk before the spear
Of despicable foes. With these in troop
Came Astoreth, whom the Phoenicians called
Astarte, queen of heaven, with crescent horns;
To whose bright image nigntly by the moon
Sidonian virgins paid their vows and songs;
In Sion also not unsung, where stood
Her temple on th’ offensive mountain, built
By that uxorious king whose heart, though large,
Beguiled by fair idolatresses, fell
To idols foul. Thammuz came next behind,
Whose annual wound in Lebanon allured
The Syrian damsels to lament his fate
In amorous ditties all a summer’s day,
While smooth Adonis from his native rock
Ran purple to the sea, supposed with blood
Of Thammuz yearly wounded: the love-tale
Infected Sion’s daughters with like heat,
Whose wanton passions in the sacred proch
Ezekiel saw, when, by the vision led,
His eye surveyed the dark idolatries
Of alienated Judah. Next came one
Who mourned in earnest, when the captive ark
Maimed his brute image, head and hands lopt off,
In his own temple, on the grunsel-edge,
Where he fell flat and shamed his worshippers:
Dagon his name, sea-monster,upward man
And downward fish; yet had his temple high
Reared in Azotus, dreaded through the coast
Of Palestine, in Gath and Ascalon,
And Accaron and Gaza’s frontier bounds.
Him followed Rimmon, whose delightful seat
Was fair Damascus, on the fertile banks
Of Abbana and Pharphar, lucid streams.
He also against the house of God was bold:
A leper once he lost, and gained a king—
Ahaz, his sottish conqueror, whom he drew
God’s altar to disparage and displace
For one of Syrian mode, whereon to burn
His odious offerings, and adore the gods
Whom he had vanquished. After these appeared
A crew who, under names of old renown—
Osiris, Isis, Orus, and their train—
With monstrous shapes and sorceries abused
Fanatic Egypt and her priests to seek
Their wandering gods disguised in brutish forms
Rather than human. Nor did Israel scape
Th’ infection, when their borrowed gold composed
The calf in Oreb; and the rebel king
Doubled that sin in Bethel and in Dan,
Likening his Maker to the grazed ox—
Jehovah, who, in one night, when he passed
From Egypt marching, equalled with one stroke
Both her first-born and all her bleating gods.
Belial came last; than whom a Spirit more lewd
Fell not from Heaven, or more gross to love
Vice for itself. To him no temple stood
Or altar smoked; yet who more oft than he
In temples and at altars, when the priest
Turns atheist, as did Eli’s sons, who filled
With lust and violence the house of God?
In courts and palaces he also reigns,
And in luxurious cities, where the noise
Of riot ascends above their loftiest towers,
And injury and outrage; and, when night
Darkens the streets, then wander forth the sons
Of Belial, flown with insolence and wine.
Witness the streets of Sodom, and that night
In Gibeah, when the hospitable door
Exposed a matron, to avoid worse rape.
These were the prime in order and in might:
The rest were long to tell; though far renowned
Th’ Ionian gods—of Javan’s issue held
Gods, yet confessed later than Heaven and Earth,
Their boasted parents;—Titan, Heaven’s first-born,
With his enormous brood, and birthright seized
By younger Saturn: he from mightier Jove,
His own and Rhea’s son, like measure found;
So Jove usurping reigned. These, first in Crete
And Ida known, thence on the snowy top
Of cold Olympus ruled the middle air,
Their highest heaven; or on the Delphian cliff,
Or in Dodona, and through all the bounds
Of Doric land; or who with Saturn old
Fled over Adria to th’ Hesperian fields,
And o’er the Celtic roamed the utmost Isles.
All these and more came flocking; but with looks
Downcast and damp; yet such wherein appeared
Obscure some glimpse of joy to have found their Chief
Not in despair, to have found themselves not lost
In loss itself; which on his countenance cast
Like doubtful hue. But he, his wonted pride
Soon recollecting, with high words, that bore
Semblance of worth, not substance, gently raised
Their fainting courage, and dispelled their fears.
Then straight commands that, at the warlike sound
Of trumpets loud and clarions, be upreared
His mighty standard. That proud honour claimed
Azazel as his right, a Cherub tall:
Who forthwith from the glittering staff unfurled
Th’ imperial ensign; which, full high advanced,
Shone like a meteor streaming to the wind,
With gems and golden lustre rich emblazed,
Seraphic arms and trophies; all the while
Sonorous metal blowing martial sounds:
At which the universal host up-sent
A shout that tore Hell’s concave, and beyond
Frighted the reign of Chaos and old Night.
All in a moment through the gloom were seen
Ten thousand banners rise into the air,
With orient colours waving: with them rose
A forest huge of spears; and thronging helms
Appeared, and serried shields in thick array
Of depth immeasurable. Anon they move
In perfect phalanx to the Dorian mood
Of flutes and soft recorders—such as raised
To height of noblest temper heroes old
Arming to battle, and instead of rage
Deliberate valour breathed, firm, and unmoved
With dread of death to flight or foul retreat;
Nor wanting power to mitigate and swage
With solemn touches troubled thoughts, and chase
Anguish and doubt and fear and sorrow and pain
From mortal or immortal minds. Thus they,
Breathing united force with fixed thought,
Moved on in silence to soft pipes that charmed
Their painful steps o’er the burnt soil. And now
Advanced in view they stand—a horrid front
Of dreadful length and dazzling arms, in guise
Of warriors old, with ordered spear and shield,
Awaiting what command their mighty Chief
Had to impose. He through the armed files
Darts his experienced eye, and soon traverse
The whole battalion views—their order due,
Their visages and stature as of gods;
Their number last he sums. And now his heart
Distends with pride, and, hardening in his strength,
Glories: for never, since created Man,
Met such embodied force as, named with these,
Could merit more than that small infantry
Warred on by cranes—though all the giant brood
Of Phlegra with th’ heroic race were joined
That fought at Thebes and Ilium, on each side
Mixed with auxiliar gods; and what resounds
In fable or romance of Uther’s son,
Begirt with British and Armoric knights;
And all who since, baptized or infidel,
Jousted in Aspramont, or Montalban,
Damasco, or Marocco, or Trebisond,
Or whom Biserta sent from Afric shore
When Charlemain with all his peerage fell
By Fontarabbia. Thus far these beyond
Compare of mortal prowess, yet observed
Their dread Commander. He, above the rest
In shape and gesture proudly eminent,
Stood like a tower. His form had yet not lost
All her original brightness, nor appeared
Less than Archangel ruined, and th’ excess
Of glory obscured: as when the sun new-risen
Looks through the horizontal misty air
Shorn of his beams, or, from behind the moon,
In dim eclipse, disastrous twilight sheds
On half the nations, and with fear of change
Perplexes monarchs. Darkened so, yet shone
Above them all th’ Archangel: but his face
Deep scars of thunder had intrenched, and care
Sat on his faded cheek, but under brows
Of dauntless courage, and considerate pride
Waiting revenge. Cruel his eye, but cast
Signs of remorse and passion, to behold
The fellows of his crime, the followers rather
(Far other once beheld in bliss), condemned
For ever now to have their lot in pain—
Millions of Spirits for his fault amerced
Of Heaven, and from eteranl splendours flung
For his revolt—yet faithful how they stood,
Their glory withered; as, when heaven’s fire
Hath scathed the forest oaks or mountain pines,
With singed top their stately growth, though bare,
Stands on the blasted heath. He now prepared
To speak; whereat their doubled ranks they bend
From wing to wing, and half enclose him round
With all his peers: attention held them mute.
Thrice he assayed, and thrice, in spite of scorn,
Tears, such as Angels weep, burst forth: at last
Words interwove with sighs found out their way:—
“O myriads of immortal Spirits! O Powers
Matchless, but with th’ Almighth!—and that strife
Was not inglorious, though th’ event was dire,
As this place testifies, and this dire change,
Hateful to utter. But what power of mind,
Forseeing or presaging, from the depth
Of knowledge past or present, could have feared
How such united force of gods, how such
As stood like these, could ever know repulse?
For who can yet believe, though after loss,
That all these puissant legions, whose exile
Hath emptied Heaven, shall fail to re-ascend,
Self-raised, and repossess their native seat?
For me, be witness all the host of Heaven,
If counsels different, or danger shunned
By me, have lost our hopes. But he who reigns
Monarch in Heaven till then as one secure
Sat on his throne, upheld by old repute,
Consent or custom, and his regal state
Put forth at full, but still his strength concealed—
Which tempted our attempt, and wrought our fall.
Henceforth his might we know, and know our own,
So as not either to provoke, or dread
New war provoked: our better part remains
To work in close design, by fraud or guile,
What force effected not; that he no less
At length from us may find, who overcomes
By force hath overcome but half his foe.
Space may produce new Worlds; whereof so rife
There went a fame in Heaven that he ere long
Intended to create, and therein plant
A generation whom his choice regard
Should favour equal to the Sons of Heaven.
Thither, if but to pry, shall be perhaps
Our first eruption—thither, or elsewhere;
For this infernal pit shall never hold
Celestial Spirits in bondage, nor th’ Abyss
Long under darkness cover. But these thoughts
Full counsel must mature. Peace is despaired;
For who can think submission? War, then, war
Open or understood, must be resolved.”
He spake; and, to confirm his words, outflew
Millions of flaming swords, drawn from the thighs
Of mighty Cherubim; the sudden blaze
Far round illumined Hell. Highly they raged
Against the Highest, and fierce with grasped arms
Clashed on their sounding shields the din of war,
Hurling defiance toward the vault of Heaven.
There stood a hill not far, whose grisly top
Belched fire and rolling smoke; the rest entire
Shone with a glossy scurf—undoubted sign
That in his womb was hid metallic ore,
The work of sulphur. Thither, winged with speed,
A numerous brigade hastened: as when bands
Of pioneers, with spade and pickaxe armed,
Forerun the royal camp, to trench a field,
Or cast a rampart. Mammon led them on—
Mammon, the least erected Spirit that fell
From Heaven; for even in Heaven his looks and thoughts
Were always downward bent, admiring more
The riches of heaven’s pavement, trodden gold,
Than aught divine or holy else enjoyed
In vision beatific. By him first
Men also, and by his suggestion taught,
Ransacked the centre, and with impious hands
Rifled the bowels of their mother Earth
For treasures better hid. Soon had his crew
Opened into the hill a spacious wound,
And digged out ribs of gold. Let none admire
That riches grow in Hell; that soil may best
Deserve the precious bane. And here let those
Who boast in mortal things, and wondering tell
Of Babel, and the works of Memphian kings,
Learn how their greatest monuments of fame
And strength, and art, are easily outdone
By Spirits reprobate, and in an hour
What in an age they, with incessant toil
And hands innumerable, scarce perform.
Nigh on the plain, in many cells prepared,
That underneath had veins of liquid fire
Sluiced from the lake, a second multitude
With wondrous art founded the massy ore,
Severing each kind, and scummed the bullion-dross.
A third as soon had formed within the ground
A various mould, and from the boiling cells
By strange conveyance filled each hollow nook;
As in an organ, from one blast of wind,
To many a row of pipes the sound-board breathes.
Anon out of the earth a fabric huge
Rose like an exhalation, with the sound
Of dulcet symphonies and voices sweet—
Built like a temple, where pilasters round
Were set, and Doric pillars overlaid
With golden architrave; nor did there want
Cornice or frieze, with bossy sculptures graven;
The roof was fretted gold. Not Babylon
Nor great Alcairo such magnificence
Equalled in all their glories, to enshrine
Belus or Serapis their gods, or seat
Their kings, when Egypt with Assyria strove
In wealth and luxury. Th’ ascending pile
Stood fixed her stately height, and straight the doors,
Opening their brazen folds, discover, wide
Within, her ample spaces o’er the smooth
And level pavement: from the arched roof,
Pendent by subtle magic, many a row
Of starry lamps and blazing cressets, fed
With naptha and asphaltus, yielded light
As from a sky. The hasty multitude
Admiring entered; and the work some praise,
And some the architect. His hand was known
In Heaven by many a towered structure high,
Where sceptred Angels held their residence,
And sat as Princes, whom the supreme King
Exalted to such power, and gave to rule,
Each in his Hierarchy, the Orders bright.
Nor was his name unheard or unadored
In ancient Greece; and in Ausonian land
Men called him Mulciber; and how he fell
From Heaven they fabled, thrown by angry Jove
Sheer o’er the crystal battlements: from morn
To noon he fell, from noon to dewy eve,
A summer’s day, and with the setting sun
Dropt from the zenith, like a falling star,
On Lemnos, th’ Aegaean isle. Thus they relate,
Erring; for he with this rebellious rout
Fell long before; nor aught aviled him now
To have built in Heaven high towers; nor did he scape
By all his engines, but was headlong sent,
With his industrious crew, to build in Hell.
Meanwhile the winged Heralds, by command
Of sovereign power, with awful ceremony
And trumpet’s sound, throughout the host proclaim
A solemn council forthwith to be held
At Pandemonium, the high capital
Of Satan and his peers. Their summons called
From every band and squared regiment
By place or choice the worthiest: they anon
With hundreds and with thousands trooping came
Attended. All access was thronged; the gates
And porches wide, but chief the spacious hall
(Though like a covered field, where champions bold
Wont ride in armed, and at the Soldan’s chair
Defied the best of Paynim chivalry
To mortal combat, or career with lance),
Thick swarmed, both on the ground and in the air,
Brushed with the hiss of rustling wings. As bees
In spring-time, when the Sun with Taurus rides.
Pour forth their populous youth about the hive
In clusters; they among fresh dews and flowers
Fly to and fro, or on the smoothed plank,
The suburb of their straw-built citadel,
New rubbed with balm, expatiate, and confer
Their state-affairs: so thick the airy crowd
Swarmed and were straitened; till, the signal given,
Behold a wonder! They but now who seemed
In bigness to surpass Earth’s giant sons,
Now less than smallest dwarfs, in narrow room
Throng numberless—like that pygmean race
Beyond the Indian mount; or faery elves,
Whose midnight revels, by a forest-side
Or fountain, some belated peasant sees,
Or dreams he sees, while overhead the Moon
Sits arbitress, and nearer to the Earth
Wheels her pale course: they, on their mirth and dance
Intent, with jocund music charm his ear;
At once with joy and fear his heart rebounds.
Thus incorporeal Spirits to smallest forms
Reduced their shapes immense, and were at large,
Though without number still, amidst the hall
Of that infernal court. But far within,
And in their own dimensions like themselves,
The great Seraphic Lords and Cherubim
In close recess and secret conclave sat,
A thousand demi-gods on golden seats,
Frequent and full. After short silence then,
And summons read, the great consult began.
My dearest Frank, I wish you joy
Of Mary's safety with a Boy,
Whose birth has given little pain
Compared with that of Mary Jane —
May he a growing Blessing prove,
And well deserve his Parents' Love! —
Endow'd with Art's and Nature's Good,
Thy Name possessing with thy Blood,
In him, in all his ways, may we
Another Francis WIlliam see! —
Thy infant days may he inherit,
They warmth, nay insolence of spirit; —
We would not with one foult dispense
To weaken the resemblance.
May he revive thy Nursery sin,
Peeping as daringly within,
His curley Locks but just descried,
With 'Bet, my be not come to bide.' —
Fearless of danger, braving pain,
And threaten'd very oft in vain,
Still may one Terror daunt his Soul,
One needful engine of Controul
Be found in this sublime array,
A neigbouring Donkey's aweful Bray.
So may his equal faults as Child,
Produce Maturity as mild!
His saucy words and fiery ways
In early Childhood's pettish days,
In Manhood, shew his Father's mind
Like him, considerate and Kind;
All Gentleness to those around,
And anger only not to wound.
Then like his Father too, he must,
To his own former struggles just,
Feel his Deserts with honest Glow,
And all his self-improvement know.
A native fault may thus give birth
To the best blessing, conscious Worth.
As for ourselves we're very well;
As unaffected prose will tell.
Cassandra's pen will paint our state,
The many comforts that await
Our Chawton home, how much we find
Already in it, to our mind;
And how convinced, that when complete
It will all other Houses beat
The ever have been made or mended,
With rooms concise, or rooms distended.
You'll find us very snug next year,
Perhaps with Charles and Fanny near,
For now it often does delight us
To fancy them just over-right us.
Foreword: This piece is set apart from The Codex Psychonautes which does not assert judgement on the nature of any substance,
For a psychonautical advisory I suggest you look to The Codex.
Furthermore: These are but guidelines, it would be pointless to say otherwise. Use them as you deem, in this, everything is as it seems.
Caffeine is unappreciated enough,
Give credit to that stimulant for the things it does.
Coffee has little time to play, for there are errands
to attend to before the light fades.
The amphetamine will spin you until you're spun,
The cathinone will also try you with its luck.
The stimulant is a trickster [touch within]
and a magician never reveals their secret,
Even when seeking it befalls endlessness.
Me and E(cstasy) used to dance all night,
Closer to all your dreams was as far
from the light, we soaked ourselves
in emotionality and I soared high:
Perfection in the dark
rekindled my heart; 'cause
on pills you love everyone.
Cocaine is always hungry but will never feed you
for it is naught but the scent of pure ego;
because on coke everyone loves you.
There is nothing to learn from an opioid or benzodiazepine
beyond the hedonistic stupor in-between awake and sleeping.
Similarly, cigarettes never taught me anything about myself
much like quick, dirty sex, that's nicotine and painkillers, in essence.
Alcohol is reliable for those sociable
but can hurt the body and scorn the emotional.
Drink toyed with me, then she abandoned me;
Despite that messiness I still reminisce occasionally.
Gamma-HydroxyButyric acid [GHB] requires utmost caution,
One must observe the proper conduct when
wading through such subtle intoxication.
Don't use Ket too much, don't use angel dust.
If you want a supreme Arylcyclohexylamine
seek out Methoxetamine, use it responsibly.
Dissociation, end of line; no[thing is o]ne.
Always be considerate before transcending reality,
Reverence for psychedelics keeps them self-regulatory.
Of all the compounds they would humble and reveal to you;
Existential, being when tripping; every[is]one.
Cannabis I dare to use recreationally
for it often reminds us when one should act sensibly.
That deep conversing with trusted friends
is better than any substance I have ever had the nerve to test.
white man says
make america great again
white man says it
like he ever knew America bad
like he ever knew anything but privilege
white man says
take us back
to better times and
I wonder which he means
or Jim Crow
or woman only knows kitchen
or woman doesn't get vote
or back of the bus
or don't ask don't tell
or all that war and all that death
white man says
make America great again
like it ever was to begin with
other white man says
make America Christian again
like this country wasn't founded
on freedom of religion
like you’re only free to have it
if you love Jesus
white man says
conservative with fear between his own teeth
says the word
like it's a dying breed
like it'd be a bad thing if it did
says it like he knows a damn thing
about what it means to be a minority
white man says
fuck political correctness
as if kindness requires too much effort
as if it's a mistake to be considerate
as if words don’t have significance
white man says
says go back
says you're not wanted here
sounds a lot like 1941 Germany
sounds a lot like Hitler
doesn't know how much survival it takes to be one in this country
like it only means good
like these men who look just like him don't walk into movie theatres and shoot
into schools and shoot
into churches and shoot
into mosques and shoot
into human and shoot
tell me again what it means to be legal
to belong here
to have the right to be alive without chains
say we'd rather have guns walk free than citizens
say we'd rather save money than lives
say this country's got too many problems
say you know how to fix it
white man says
make America great again but
doesn’t know that progress
doesn’t work in reverse
tell me again
how going backward
will make the future any brighter
when our past is a reflection
of all the light
we never really had