"Hopelessness, confusion"
Ludolf 

Does it have shape?
Or is it colored
like black and white
deformation of the mind
Lost, aggravation
Indubitably torment
Difficulty, madness
All screwed up into one
Wandering about
Hopelessness, confusion
Demean comprehension
Of one’s own existence
Insanity, disease
Infection of the soul
Is it the end?
Or is it oblivion
Slowly consuming
the mind.

"A puff of frustration causing hopelessness"
Shay Ruth 

Today, I saw it all

The way a nose perched, delicately

Riffs moving, internally

A puff of frustration causing hopelessness

Two, one more than one

A test of strength

Procrastinated beginnings, never

The last thread of hope, ready

It should work

It should

"down on the steering wheel in an act of hopelessness and defeat."
Matt Roberts 

I saw you today for the first time in years.
You were stopped at a red light
and I pulled up behind you.
You were driving his car with him
in the passenger seat
due to his dui arrest
from a few weeks ago.
Your windows were rolled down
and I could hear him
screaming at you about some nonsense.
You were silent as you looked at him,
eyes off the road,
hoping for an end to the noise.
I saw the tears streaming down your cheeks
in the reflection of your rearview mirror
and watched as you put your head down on the steering wheel in an act of hopelessness and defeat.
I guess I finally know what he's got that I don't.
I guess now I finally know why he's so much better than I am.

"I give you my shame, lonliness, hopelessness and pain"
Kimberly L Session 

I kneel before you though you are no God
I give you my shame, lonliness, hopelessness and pain
You take it all with no argument, no hesitation and no judgement

When I kneel before you I feel the world staring down upon me; disappointed and accusitory
What would they say if they saw me in these moments?
The world, friends, family.......what would they say?
I can't stop spending time with you though I have tried

Unfortunately, it only takes a thought
It use to be harder to give it all to you
Forcing myself to bare those things to you.........it use to be so hard
Now it is easy! And I hate myself for it.

To keep myself sane, to keep it all inside, I run my tongue across my gums to feel the missing molars, the hole in the bicuspid, the degraded bicuspid and think in my head......
"Fight the urge. Fight the urge. Fight the urge to kneel and purge."

I go silent. I go numb.
I beat it, I hope, at least for today
But, I see you and feel the need to give it all to you
And in that moment I am beautiful, or, at least I hope to be

I made the mistake of listening to society
They told me to be the way they dictate on tv, in magazines, on billboards, and bus signs and newspapers and the radio
I tried because they said it wasn't ok to be me
To just be me
I wasn't enough
Why can't I be enough?

Thoughts. Thoughts. Thoughts! It's too easy!

I kneel before you though you are no God
I give you my shame, lonliness, hopelessness and pain
You take it all with no arguments no hesitation and no judgement

"Fight the urge. Fight the urge. Fight the urge to kneel and purge."

                                                        ­                      FLUSH!!!!!!!

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