This morning before
I ever lifted my head,
I turned to see
Your half of the bed.
And what a harsh reminder
Of how I'm growing old
With your side of the bed
Still unbearably cold.
Your sheets are not tossed,
Your pillow unpressed--
All lovely reminders
Of my current distress.
Was it not merely a month ago
That I was curled against your skin?
We were perfect puzzle pieces,
Your shoulder to my chin.
All day long
We would curl up and sleep
With nothing like time
And business to keep.
But what a terrible disease
Lurked inside my mind.
I never thought I could be
So selfish and unkind.
If only I had known
I was capable of such sin
I never would have let
Our cursed romance begin.
I could promise to never
Let it happen again.
I could take my pills
Like I refused to then.
I could be so much better,
My darling, please see.
If only, if only
You'd come back to me.
That’s alright baby, tie me down to this familiar ground
Say you wanna grow a garden
In my old backyard, dig
Say you wanna be my man, all I got to do is forgive
It’s alright baby, ain’t nothin' new
I been hidin' under the same rocks you're throwin' for most my life
Cursed to carry a love like yours, I can’t be sorry
For the bruises on my hide
Better at drinkin' than forgivin', better at walkin' than your lovin',
Babe I can’t be sorry though I miss you still
I hear you been doin' well
Hear you’re runnin' fine
Put those strong hands to good use, quit throwin' pebbles at my house
You and me just can’t be friends
It’s alright, baby
It ain’t nothin' new
I’ve still got my pretty blue dresses, still got whiskey kisses
And I can’t be sorry no more, so
I’m gonna bury my thoughts of you, dig
My own damn garden
Why is the speckled lark oblivious to the fading warmth
of a dying sun that taints the world with feeble light
illuminating the motionless face of a stone mountain dwelling?
Does it cease the rhythmic flutter of wings all aglow
fashioned like countless generations before and those yet to come?
When shadows fall and gradually disappear
into obscure crevices of clearings in woods never tread upon
it would seem that darkness exposes
reflects the barren souls living, existing,
and yet almost incapable of being.
So much of everything is composed of nothing
mere empty space yearning to pull off the illusion of reality-
until a desire to delve deeper
to push through quanta of energy
and minuscule atoms screaming with silent fury
in psychologists and philosophers
eager to present another iota of wisdom obtained
in a shivering orphan living day to day
with an unparalleled yearning for better tomorrows
in a lark not oblivious to the fading warmth of a dying sun
but striving with all the forces inside impelling it
to live in anticipation of a phoenix orb of light
to exist amidst this terrible chaotic world
gradually growing resplendent
cyclical as a flame
These answers, though in reach,
are better off left alone
to shiver in secret passageways
slitted eyes and broken glass
stairs leading to nowhere
still have a destination
but only if you choose
pause in flight
breath drawn in sharply
light footsteps on floorboards
leave no traces
downstairs, the library
a plethora of curiosities
silent ghosts prodding
slowly meander down
these narrow hallways
grasp tiny brass doorknobs
only to find..
these answers, though in reach,
are better off left alone
My innocence is gone
I am alone...but not broken.
I was thrown into the darkest place imaginable
when you betrayed me.
At first I was empty...
but you leaving has given me a second chance at the happiness i deserve.
I am alive again
and I am stronger than before.
I don't have to pretend anymore
or be afraid of what you think.
I am better off without you,
though it took long enough for me to realize it
The dawn of my life is here,
and I am happy again.....
I finally have a choice.
i'm in a dangerous state of mind
with no care for living this life
where human emotions are traded
for less than a pack of rubbers
but you didn't even use those
so how much did i truly mean
when the push came to shove
and grinding hips
with moaning lips
that whispered, screamed,
and cried his name
on the night you fucked my heart away
where loyalty takes a literal backseat
and a long term relationship
is laughing stock material
ha ha standup, ain't i funny
to look for something more than this
but i would choke on my own tongue
before i'd speak bad of you
my backstabbing lover
i hope to god it he was worth it
the cost was more than just tears
but blood spray on the bathroom mirror
and an empty place where i once
used to love
i can't find the will to care
more than a few half-hearted,
correct that, heartless
obscenities muttered under my breath
with murder on my mind
a 3:30am fantasy to help dull
the pain that i should be feeling
maybe i'm just a pessimist,
fatalist, cynical, and negative
but my lack of surprise cuts the most
lied to by my mind for those
two months of my life
that i thought i had it all
better to have loved and lost
but even better to fuck it all
and just go out with your name on my lips
and your lies in my heart
i hope you think of me when you're with him
that you choke on your tears
plagued with the worst emotions and loss
a better killer than any gun