There are lessons that school doesn't teach you
Some things can't be learned by sitting in an uncomfortable chair for several hours a day, tapping your pencil against a desk with your head in your hand staring blankly into space...and if you're like me you have headphones in your ears, thoughts in the clouds, feet off the ground with the touch screen of my phone at my finger tips.
One of those things you can't learn trapped in the four walls of a classroom is that life hits you, hard, in the face, like that first heartbreak...causing an unbearable ache in your chest that feels like you may be entering cardiac arrest.
Your body goes into shock and it's almost like you're in la la land for a moment with a hangover infecting your heart that no type of Advil can fix, until you realize that the person you've thought you were in love with for the past while is no longer that person...they reveal themselves by ripping off their mask of a handsome face to expose a terrifying appearance of sharp teeth and beady eyes, a monster, a liar, a cheater...a heart breaker...
Life waits for you to stand back up only to kick you back down and although you've already fallen seven times and your hearts a little bruised and tattered you stand up eight with a stubborn refusal like the ocean waves always coming back to kiss the shore line no matter how many times it's sent away.
When I was thirteen years old, my older brother taught me something that no teacher could ever have written down in their lesson plan, he said that the number one rule to being cool is to remain unphased, never admitting anything can hurt you, excite you or impress you.
I figure it's like walking through life with your arms as a shield, to protect yourself from all the unexpected miseries or hurt like heartbreak or getting fired or not getting hired. I try to walk through life with my arms and hands wide open...and yes that means catching every heartbreak and each last drop of pain life can squeeze out for me but it also means that when beautiful...amazing things just fall out of the sky...like love...I'm ready to catch them.
I may get an F on one of life's tests but that doesn't mean I can't study for the exam, the bigger picture, because failure is success when you allow yourself to learn from it and that's what I'll do, I will be as open as a book and make sure to write down all of my journeys with no details left out, highlighting the good parts but never forgetting the bad
But I'll be sure to tread carefully because life is as fragile as a bubble but I have to remember that I can't be afraid to stick my finger out and pop it if I don't like the direction it's going in and if popping that bubble means a down pour of miseries, bring it on because my hands are as strong as the suns love for the moon, so stack up my problems like books in a library and I'll read them again and again
And for each new lesson I'll show up with a backpack full of everywhere else I've been, eager to collect another souvenir like the laugh lines framing my mouth or the worry wrinkle etched into my forehead and my heart will come along for the ride, strapped in tight, prepared for all the potholes and sharp turns but there's no air bags aloud so every time we crash there's nothing coming between me and the beginning of a new lesson
Not all can be lost in the midst of so much.
Not all can be lost in the thought of your touch,
And the sound of your sighs, the indescribable look
With brightening eyes and the patience it took.
Perhaps I have given you no more than you deserve,
And still what do I possess that was more than your words?
Hold me; hold me now like you did before,
Before the disillusionment before love swayed to war.
Call to me tell me my name, so I can answer
And you can know that I came. My love
I only want to feel safe with my heart in your hands.
I only want to be close enough to feel you from where I stand.
I remember candle light and sharing souls I remember long
Stairs into starlit eyes and bearing the scares we wore
Compared to recent wounds. Hush now it rains,
When your eyes mist over my old pains ache,
Like my wrist and my heart in my chest,
You are all of the things I've grown to like best.
So you lied and I feel you steeling my perception of us,
Slowly returning head down with my mad mangled trust.
As the ground shook I felt it all lost.
I know that’s not true, I know that I must
Know something of who you are,
You’re the same sweet handsome boy,
Who first made me see stars.
And a brand new mark among the scars on my heart.
It's amazing how fast a year can go by.
I still remember that day like it was yesterday.
That sweet day in May.
I remember waking up to a text, "Your sister is in labor."
I think I smiled bigger than I ever have before.
I was so anxious all day.
I had a tournament that day too.
We had just finished our game and I checked my phone.
I saw the message, with a picture attached.
A picture of you.
And while everyone was happy and estatic that we had won,
I had joy in my heart because you were finally here,
After all those long months that never seemed to end, you were finally here.
I remember the day your mom told me she was pregnant with you.
I remember all the days I spent with her while she had never ending morning sickness.
Helping her take care of the house and your sisters.
The sickness never seemed to go away.
I remember that day in class when my Sissy sent me a text.
It's a boy!
I was so happy I screamed with excitement.
Everyone turned to look at me but I didn't are.
All I cared about in that moment was you.
I remember the day they brought you home.
I got to hold you for the very first time that night.
I fell in love instantly.
You looked so peaceful wrapped up in that blanket.
Your eyelids flutterling.
Your chest falling and rising with every breath you took;
because you were finally here.
And you were beautiful.
The days and months started to pass and you grew with every passing day.
I watched in awe.
I loved seeing you learn to crawl,
then stand on your own,
Now starting to form tiny words.
You are growing into such a handsome big boy.
But you will always be my little bug.
Oh what pure beauty,
So much perfection,
How is it even possible?
Someone as handsome as you,
You can get anyone,
But why me?
I'm not complaining,
I am deeply amazed,
So much astonish,
Deep serenading blue,
Soft pale skin,
It is so warm,
Just like your heart,
It beats to a beautiful melody,
keeping you here with me,
Red, soft, and perfect,
Our kiss is what makes me love you most,
It reminds that you really are real,
It shows me that life is worth living,
Tells me that we are going to be together,