It was as if I’d never left;
a strange stillness in the room
settled upon my flushed skin
and stayed a while like an old friend
peering through the flimsy facade
of the night’s torn stockings -
strange familiars echoed the night’s whim
and satchels hung from low branches
unforgiving, weighted from defeat
and unrelenting wind, a scream
of a whisper in your ear
If only I could take in this world
before the soft distortion
made us unrecognizable
even to each other.
the stillness in the air
only seems to amplify these
fading dreams accumulated
like dead flower petals
on the windowsill
that no one bothers to dust anymore.
you wilt in this room of whitewash
and shadows, bearing an eerie resemblance
to a faded ragdoll from a time long ago
drifts of dandelion seeds float in
from the garden below, appearing
as if suspended in mid-thought
carrying with them
pureness of tranquility
embodiment of luminescence -
only to be snatched away,
blown off course through passages
of darkness and light
I’m going to wander away from you,
you, the elephant in my room.
I’m going to sneak out the back door,
A bag of my things thrown over my shoulder.
One day I’ll just keep driving
Instead of stopping where I should,
My house a blur out the window.
And you’ll be all alone.
I’m going to break away from you
the very next time your heavy feet
shakes my home,
breaks my bones,
crushes my spirit.
Unless you trample me first.
when you love someone so deeply
that they become your life
you try to keep them firmly in your grasp
changing who they are as a person
just to make it last
i kept you --this beautiful burning firefly
in four walls made of glass
and selfishly i clipped your wings
to protect your from your past
for i didn't think your heart could be captured so fast
minutes became hours became days became weeks of thinking
contemplating the worst
avoiding what's to come
because i didn't want to feel this hurt
the pain in this moment is very real
and a portion of my heart will never heal
but i envision you flying again
and that's exactly what this pain is worth
spread your wings beautiful you
i've done all i can do
i am not angry at anyone but the situation
it seems life has left us with unfair chance
we held on tight in proclamation
not realizing 'twas within a burning room we danced
you may flutter and stumble, but you'll fly again
and soon you will be back in your world; back into the colorful wind
do not worry, i say
do not worry about me
i will find my peace and purpose
in knowing you are free
because your happiness
is the happiest i will truly ever be
bobs his head to a swinging beat
donning that same purple sweater
as we shake the music room
walls with each jazz-infused note
i acted cool.
You know, like how they do it on TV.
27 floors up,
your door was unlocked.
i didn't take my shoes off,
that way you could see the bad ass i really am,
You know, you told me you loved me.
That's why I came.
i believed you.
Oh, how naive of you, i think back now.
I sat on your beat-down chair,
while you sprawled out on the floor-level couch.
I was terrified,
but the kids on TV are never scared.
He said he loved you.
No one else has ever felt that way before.
He loves you, kid.
You can do it.
Come cuddle on the couch?
Meh, maybe if i feel like it later.
Play. It. Cool.
i slide unto the foot of your sex-stained sofa.
i can feel your feet shaking behind my back,
your toes teasing my sides,
poking in and out between my ribs.
i know what you want,
and i want it too.
Keep. It. Cool. Kid. Keep it Cool.
i feel my hands slip out of your tight grasp,
my fingers inching their way up your leg,
following the dips of your pelvic bone.
What is happening?
The taste of you is so foreign to me.
i've never known the sweetness of another human being.
Let's go to your room?
Kid, it's just like on TV.
Okay, yeah, i guess if you really want to.
i didn't want to take my clothes off.
The world was spinning,
i was seeing and feeling things i didn't know to exist.
What is happening?
i love you.
i love you, i love you.
it's all over,
27 floors of shame.
not only don't you love me,
you don't talk to me.
i had a thought.
i ran out of my room,
down the hallway,
and into the bathroom.
i wriggled out of my worn down, tie dye shirt.
hopping up and down as i pull off my
high-waisted jeans, pulling my pant leg with my foot as i
trample the dark denim to the ground.
i stand there naked, in front of the
harsh, full length mirror.
combing my fingers through my natural, wavy hair.
i contort my face in disgust, cocking
my head slightly to the side.
i close my eyes, and take one deep breath in.
when i open my eyes,
the reflection staring back at me is a thin, natural
Her smooth ivory skin glows in the
silvery reflective glass.
Her stomach is flat and toned.
Her breasts lay on Her chest in perfect
proportion to the rest of her petite frame.
i run my fingers down the sides of my body.
my palms trailing along, dipping and
rising with the mounds beneath my skin.
i close my eyes and open them again,
this time taking my reflection for
what it really is.
i am fat.
my skin is pink and spotted with freckles the
colour of blood.
my stomach hangs low, covering the part
a man should see when i'm naked.
my breasts are big.
but not in the way you'd like them to be.
they lay there, sort of lop-sided.
hanging just above my ribs. Another place for
fat to take over.
the cuts on my thighs are hardly noticable
i can see tears in the eyes of the reflection staring back at me,
but i am numb.
i thought correctly. i am
fat. i am ugly.
Nobody in their right mind would want to