you left your blueish dress
twisted by the pool’s edge
like a cold monument
to every single misstep
and my heart is overwhelmed
with visions of a dancing grave

via crucis in the morning
carry me to our palisade
while these tiny arcs of light
leave my eyes, breaking easily
and your voice keeps me awake
i believe that i need this

you were wrong
i am nothing
but one more familiar face
amid the pageantry

The tavern roof was smokey
with a pall of blueish ash.
The juke box was a- booming
as it played "The Monster Mash".

A giant puffed a burning witch
whilst smoke rings he exhaled....
While victims of our neighbor,
Vlad...on stakes were all impaled.

The Faceless Man was grinning...
from ear to missing ear.
The hanged man turned his twisted neck
to sip a mug of beer.

The Headless Horseman shouted
for an aspirin or three.
He popped them down his gullet
where his head was meant to be.

The zombies waited tables
and the werewolf tended bar.
Mothra was the carhop
and took orders car to car.

Godzilla worked the griddle
and served burgers ala carte.
Dracula complained about the steak
caught in his heart.

Ghosts and ghouls were dancing
with abandon on the stage
While cyborgs did "the robot"
'cause they thought it was the rage.

The mummy came unraveled
as we took him for a "spin"
As Frankenstein played tuba
to contribute to the din.

Igor brought "the monster"
and then Freddie brought his claw.
Jason brought his butcher knife
and his buddy from "The Saw".

The guillotine was working
and the raven refereed
So nevermore would pardons
be
allowed to intercede.

The pendulum was swinging
to the beating of my heart.
I hoped that I would wake up soon...
then did so...with a START!

Halloween is coming.  So, I guess
I should prepare.
Watch out for bars with men from Mars...
'cause BEASTIES party there!

lipstick stains on
paper coffee cup lids
my brother always
told me i would have
to sit back and watch people
younger and more
inexperienced than i
succeed while i suffered.

oh but i
think he
was wrong
three conversations
and one free cup
of coffee later
things are starting
to look up for me

and i'm thinking that
i am the younger
one succeeding while
elders suffer.

(on the flipside i
don't want to be
making sandwiches
for the rest of my life)

and i wonder sometimes
if i'm just naturally
gifted or if i just naturally
try too hard to be liked

(or there's an offchance
a slim blueish sliver of
possibility that the stars
have all been lined up for me)

anyway that assumption
however incorrect it may
be is better than
last week when i
was thinking that no longer
was i good enough

*(but scratch that
nothing i ever accomplish
or that the skies
have pre-established
will make me believe
i'm good enough.)

(sonnet #MMMMMMMCCXLIII)


So, if I wait until the morrow, pale
As aught excuse, we might continue thence
This theme:  I meant to scribble--for intents.
Espresso.  With sweet conversation, bail
For many years, passe, lost in betrayl
Since April was't?  This morning likeas hence
We'd never ceased, I sip with Dad, a sense
Of sweeter hours in tow as if t'avail.
And Wordsworth oer last bits of coffee, to
Effect where Sunday afternoon in tour
Could don a sense of happier years we knew
When Mum was still with us.  O tis a poor
Suggestion.  I cooked lunch with mishaps fer
Reminders of the LORD's great mercies:  new.

24Jun18

1,2,3...3 stars are up
In my dark blueish sky.

4,5,6...6 stars are shining-
Shining bright
In my dark blueish sky.

7,8,9...9 stars are wandering-
Wandering with pride
In my dark blueish sky.

The 9 stars were up there,
Being nothing but superb
Being everything but resinful
Being only true to who they are.
Unlike you my friend,
They are bright stars.

A star might be
A burning ball summoned from hell.
Still the burning ball
Stole your girl's curious eyes.
A ball of hell
Showed more affection
To a girl you claim to love.

You might be shy,
But unlike you my friend
My 9 stars are flickering-
Flickering with charm.
You love your girl,
Your girl loves you,
But still the night after every day
Is her date with my stars.
The date that you-
That you can't deny.

So tell me my friend,
Where does your pride lie?
Will you ever wake up
From your ever lasting petrify?
Will you ever stand up to the stars?
Will you ever roar
"This girl is only mine"?

In the spirit’s solitary hours
It is lovely to walk in the sun
Along the yellow walls of summer.
Quietly whisper the steps in the grass; yet always sleeps
The son of Pan in the grey marble.

At eventide on the terrace we got drunk on brown wine
The red peach glows under the foliage.
Tender sonata, joyous laughter.

Lovely is this silence of the night.
On the dark plains
We gather with shepherds and the white stars.

When autumn rises
The grove is a sight of sober clarity.
Along the red walls we loiter at ease
And the round eyes follow the flight of birds.
In the evening pale water gathers in the dregs of burial urns.

Heaven celebrates, sitting in bare branches.
In hallowed hands the yeoman carries bread and wine
And fruit ripens in the peace of a sunny chamber.

Oh how stern is the face of the beloved who have taken their passage.
Yet the soul is comforted in righteous meditation.

Overwhelming is the desolated garden‘s secrecy,
As the young novice has wreathed his brow with brown leaves,
His breath inhales icy gold.

The hands touch the antiquity of blueish water
Or in a cold night the sisters’ white cheeks.

In quiet and harmony we walk along a suite of hospitable rooms
Into solitude and the rustling of maple trees,
Where, perhaps, the thrush still sings.

Beautiful is man and emerging from the dark
He marvels as he moves his arms and legs,
And his eyes quietly roll in purple cavities.

At suppertime a stranger loses himself in November’s black destitution;
Under brittle branches he follows a wall covered under leprosy.
Once the holy brother went here,
Engrossed in the tender music of his madness.

Oh how lonely settles the evening-wind.
Dying away a man‘s head droops in the dark of the olive tree.

How shattering is the decline of a family.
This is the hour when the seer’s eyes are filled
With gold as he beholds the stars.

The evening’s descend has muffled the belfry‘s knell in silence;
Among black walls in the public place,
A dead soldier calls for a prayer.

Like a pale angel
The son enters his ancestor’s empty house.

The sisters have traveled far to the pale ancients.
At night, returned from their mournful pilgrimage,
He found them asleep under the columns of the hallway.

Oh hair stained with dung and worms
As his silver feet stepped on it
And on those who died in echoing rooms.

Oh you palms under midnight’s burning rain,
When the servants flogged those tender eyes with nettles,
The hollyhock’s early fruit
Beheld your empty grave in wonder.

Fading moons sail quietly
Over the sheets of the feverish lad,
Into the silence of winter.

At the bank of Kidron a great mind is lost in musing,
Under a tree, the tender cedar,
Stretched out under the father’s blue eyebrows,
Where a shepherd drives his flock to pastures at night.

Or there are screams which escape the sleep;
When an iron angel approaches man in the grove,
The holy man’s flesh melts over burning coals.

Purple wine climbs about the mud-cottage,
Sheaves of faded corn sing;
The buzz of bees; the crane’s flight.
In the evening the souls of the resurrected gather on rocky paths.

Lepers behold their image in dark water;
Or they lift the hemp of their dung soiled attire,
And weep to the soothing wind, as it drifts down from the rosy hill.

Slender maidens ***** their way through the narrow lanes of night;
They hope for the gracious shepherd.
Tenderly, songs ring out from the huts on weekend.

Let the song pay homage to the boy,
To his madness to his white eyebrows and to his passage,
To the decaying corpse, who opened his blue eyes.
Oh how sad is this reunion.

The stairs of madness in black apartments –
The matriarch’s shadow emerged under the open door
When Helian’s soul beheld his image in a rosy mirror;
And from his brow bled snow and leprosy.

The walls extinguished the stars
And the white effigies of light.

From the carpet rise skeletons, escaping their graves,
Fallen crosses sit silent on the hill,
The night’s purple wind is sweet with frankincense.

Oh ye broken eyes over black gaping jaws,
When the grandson in the solitude
Of his tender madness muses over a darker ending,
The blue eyelids of the silent god sink upon him.

I am alive & just barely;
my throat is closing off
with hard, precious cancer eggs
tucked safely where my tonsils
are supposed to sit.
my fingernails this lovely
shade of purple, a deeply
blueish tint influencing them
almost indigo. They tattle,
silently proclaim my complacent
malnutrition. the moons of my manicure
have sunk backwards, eve
returns to dusk, my favorite
time of day, where the quiet
begins, the candle may be lit,
& the eyes I always feel on me
are at least shadowed from my vision.
the coffee is so black
pulsing through my shrunken veins
that my tears are caffeinated.
even when I don't hold a cigarette,
I see the smoke under my breath.
my hands & feet are always cold,
my muscles tremble & I swoon
when we try to stand strong together.
there is turmoil
constant static
in the fissures of the grey matter.
well? tell me! does it really matter?
my bones ache
my face breaks
oh, this Exist Contemplate.
my government has always
been corrupt; the city walls
are finally wearing, having
borne the onslaught for decade
& decade. oh, the Burn & Blister.

I crawl to my coffin without your permission;
Where are you, my Handsome Benediction?

Night 1:
I spend my last, and hurting days
Attempting to erase your face,
And the memory of your last hug:
Fingers tugging on the lace
of my dress,
and the purple velvet of the blanket,
Covering both our skins,
Our vulnerability,
And passion.

Night 2:
I am trying to forget,
But you stained me like ashes from a cigarette
On the white fabric you used to wear.
Or still do... who knows?
You haunt me, but I come to trace your silhouette,
And ****, you’re gone again—
Maybe protected in the shadows.

Night 3:
Where are you today, my joy?
Where am I?
I hopelessly wander the empty, sandy dunes,
Watching the full infinite moons
Pass by.

Night 4:
I never thought I would be the one to leave you—
I always thought it would be the other way around.
I am truly lost...
The sandy dunes are, in fact, hills of beige frost,
And I am scared;
I am scarred.
You’re an irreplaceable piece of art,
And I’m too far from where you are.

Night 5:
My hands are shaken, and are bruised.
I am ashamed; I am confused.
Clearly, the only way to **** off a memory is through abuse.
I learned to take a pill—
It does claim to have my pain reduced!
And the velvet,
And the lace,
Are appearing to erase.
Then goes a smudge of colour;
Next, leaves a seraphic face...
What was the purpose of a greyish-blueish gaze?
Who knows?
Who am I?
Who are you?
Who is who?
  I am no one anymore;
  For there is no one to adore.

wake up from your adventures, and take a dab.
don't take it far, thats not your job
the dab will take you as far as needed
and you're blankets will resurface.

put on your garments, and take a dab.
the day is new, and its age unknown
its crispy mood has woken your hairs.
You'll need to wear those socks.

Have a potato, and take a dab.
theres plenty more, so don't rush
the savory maple cloud, of pancake.
the coffee is void of the cow milk.

greet your neighbor, and take a dab.
His dog will have a bath, the cat
the rabbit, the finch, the turtle, the mouse,
they will all be thinking about oats.

Hop off your bike, and take a dab.
the ocean left you clean, the sun
a blueish green shade of wandering.
you're a person, in their shoes.

put on some tunes, and take a dab.
the day was tall, hungry and sharp.
the yellow sky fogged with milk
is calling you from your bed.

open the drapes, and take a dab.
the dancing wind will have its supper
and your nose will get to drink.
the green air finds your shirt.

Its been a long life of living
so take a dab
and wake up in a new one
to take more dabs.

there may
   or may not
exist
certain colours
that the human eye
is unable
to see
an insipid
   blueish-yellow
an unpalatable
   greenish-red
each said
to be impossible
for our eyes
to process;
if seen
it could appear
in all manner
of forms
but would remain
indescribable

they say that
butterflies can see
the ultraviolet spectrum
and that
the honey bee
sees in infrared;
and so
it would not
be too absurd
for a person
to dismiss
the "impossible"
to believe
in the possibility
of the as-yet
unseen

although
scientifically
the only way
to perceive
these "forbidden" hues
is through trickery
and constraint
by forcing the brain
into seeing both
antagonistic colours
simultaneously
and
without reprieve
until the border
between
the opposing shades
finally dissolves

there may be
a truth
but it is hidden
somewhere between
the plausible
   yet impalpable
and the proven
   yet proselytised

sweaty forehead, a gory past
wildly glowing eyes of oblivion
shivering hands, sirens, bars
freedom, imprisonment, razor blades

peru, coca farmers, chemicals
smuggler channels, route 36
franklin's face on crumpled-up paper
rattling coins, benjamins, stacks

gotta make it or take it
gotta sell or abuse it
flashing louis, abundant future
sweaty forehead, ****** present

biker chapters, brothers, funerals
tommy hauled jim's coffin
rick carried tommy to his grave
cut-offs, gats, one call: ******

despair, hatred, vengeance, omerta
mortals remain silent, angels don't
rain of blood, a puddle of codes
turf, plots, streets, blocks, gangs

cults **** cultures, weapons replace
shelter in a group home; the stabbing
"shaun got heart, he a furious one --
can use dat dude, pay him up"

black, white, african-american, chechens
territories of unspoken laws
intimidated witnesses, gay mobsters
lured teenagers, deadly magic of power

the old ones impress the new ones
newbies will turn into soldiers
**** or get killed; headshots of fear
numbers on the forehead, blueish

unwritten are the rules of some
bribed politicians, skippers, knockos
the one who wets, will be wetted
others prefer the clarity of faith

organized crime, rats and kingpins
multilevel marketing, elevators
glass towers, late and secret meetings
route 36, the white magic of death

it's all in the game


"The only thing that burns in hell is the part of you that won't let go of your life.
Your memories, your attachments, they burn 'em all away. But they're not punishing you, they say. They freeing yourself.

Relax."

(Quote from the film "Jacob's Ladder")

when they said their **** against Marcus Aurelius
then they said a thing about Commodus -
and then i watched  the blueish woad:
as said the heart have earned the fork in road
or the forevermore for the upcoming usurpation -
     blunt grey admittedly:
all jotted a count for,
                the 5 good Caesars -
          O my home, that's Scootland -
        a land i neared to: but never had -
          when no noun be an Ascot toward a verb of nearing
a had helter-skelter off a saddle - later said: a bed.
             oh Scotland:
such that via venture into Hardian
a tongue could be spoken less!
   spoken less and thought of more!
and you could say aye to a yee - toy a princess
toward a girth of a robin's beak bullying a sunrise
into a cry... as parallel toward a mamma mia or
akin to fudge and marshmallow chuckling chastity
chewed for that "necessary" calorie arithmetic!
or runny gooey choc: then i be then i be the one for
hunting fat carps in a lake rather than
the kingly rivers of no return -
                 or how it was all right back then:
are you man enough to be staged?!
oh but when the void is but a yawn - what then?
what care to say profound things?
               honestly: none, whatsoever.
then you turn and say perfumed things,
rather than profundi necro - via
de profundis: or the profound contra of
                      dead profundity -
resurgence of the Oscar Wilde cosmopolitan.
          as some said, merely: piglet,
     but then some say: rightly prozac pink -
blue to ******, and white as salt, as sugar,
         as *******, as Colombian death-opera.
           the dead are profound,
agreeably they are, bound to be found,
        they're a little bit obvious,
      X always marks the spotty acne bound parishioner
readied for liturgy -  and isn't that a cherishable act?
  pay the proper price of pray...
                       still, the adaptation of Macbeth
with typescript Shakespeare agonising ****** tongue
  sho' sho' short and all the better for it - was:
and if ever there was a home for me,
if ever,
           it was neither England nor Poland...
it was somehow Scotland, somehow too the remote
Scandi Faroes Islands, a very much moochie *******
stance on Verstappen (v-necked sh'tappen 'appen) -
               i still think of woad as blue,
and Commodus as one of the five righteous
emperors who did good...
     yet counter is not unrepresented - surely
not kindred of Caligula - woad is still synonymous
with blue in patch-fazed sloppy when it was indeed
tempered with intentional tartan of purring purple;
did i say something profound? obviously not...
did i was anything at all? obviously i did...
did i say more than the wind rummaging a tree
to see autumnal revisionism in lost colour
stemming from green? i d' see indeed!
    an epitaph as more than my trinity name
and by date more of residing worth to
gain breath and so forthcoming take to losing it?
if not as failed individuals didn't we practice
the clarity of procreation for dietary existentialism
being necessarily practice, in light of the need
of not having failed? then too no motherly motto
strand of thought to listen to: or a gym membership
not being joined: as much in need
of criticism, as so in need of actual members -
       for the laconic treatment of words
and the high-notion of advert -
           from " " capsules of the 20th century,
through to the shortly lived ~, or question of
ambiguity,
            into the ***** of what's necessarily there:
           of a question, that's a ~question,
that's a "question", that's actually a -question-
           or how prefixation became exaggerated:
or how every single blonde-**** reader
started to behave like an english teacher
and did the herr salute toward getting excited when
punctuating their own punctuation was a
bit: overshadowed - kindly put: underused.

Rake in the leaves
Sweep out the memories
Exhale out the dust
Take in the reveries

I love the swaying of the trees
In my summer sunshine
The gusts of winter courting the scent of lime.

Acres of yellow
Flocks of the white
Greeting yards of children all in plain sight.

Wonders of the ocean
Salt and water and sky
Blueish like the reflection of the clouds in your eye.

Rise of the light
In the glory of the gods
Singing in the full expanse of the prairies of love.

Empirical quests
In the burst of the works
Inhaling in the gorgeous yuletide of the earth.

Time in the nothing
Worries of the trite
Enbosom me in the absence of the darkness of the night.

A mug of camomile tea is best accompanied
By the gloam of a late summer's day and
The distant bleats of young sheep,
I find. Peace lies between
Two silhouetted trees, black
Against a blueish sky.

Im not an alcoholic
I just like to drink
Sometimes morning
Noon and night
When i remember moments
I've forgotten i think
But it's the amber
Colored cool
An essence up under
The senses
Dipping beneath wounds
Molding into
As Mr.Daniels
Shapes itself gainst ice
I've drank once before
Much
So much i doubled over...
Twice
But it moves
Shakes n shivers
Caressing heated blood
Sexing blueish veins
Im not an alcoholic
It's just
Beautiful Brandy
Coos n calls
My name
I've barely known
I've continuously shook
From dreams
Taking another hit
Brutal punch
Stroking the skin
Call me fein
No im not an alcoholic
But Brandy made me do
Yes my lips
Kissed Mr.Daniels
Brandy too
They are lovers
Of the sickest kind
Tantalizing flesh
Taking time
Glass is full
Cup runneth over
Turning corners
Lucky me
Four leaf clover
I said im not an alcoholic
Sipping elixir
What a d..n shame
I've brought champagne fame
Im not an alcoholic
Must I say it
Once again??

Murray

Stuck in a room built by terrifying numbers – big numbers. The front door marked 130, 125, 120, 115… Mom’s hand reaches and pulls the door open. Twenty seven bones shut it tight.

2. Blueish glow from a sticker encrusted Dell. 500 sit ups documented on screen. Twenty four ribs transferred into megapixels. Hundreds, thousands, millions of skeleton sisters silently screaming. Intertwined by sharp edges.

3. One pile of 206 bones fast asleep under a magenta comforter. Three sets of arms pulling the bones back to Earth. Too many tears to keep track of.

4. Zero smiles at the breakfast table. There is a 92% chance of precipitation by the looks of moms quivering lip.

5. One fiery ball of hot gas. 206 bones soaking in the ultraviolet rays. Nineteen ribs poke through a white Hanes t-shirt. One wrist full of red shadows. Only one scar remains and I can’t even remember it.

6. 52 bones- three steps forward, two steps back. Forward, forward, keep moving forward.

7. 1 New York style cheesecake. 707 calories. 117 per slice.

And so the children danced by the seashore

At the break of dawn with

The sun not quite up,

But its radiance illuminating

The sky in a breath-taking

Blueish hue, that one could not

Distinguish from the tone of the

Infinite sea beyond the horizon.

They held each other's tiny hands,

Soft, for they were never

Exposed to the hardships of life.

Tender as silk with hopes and

Dreams of a brighter day.

The children jumped from puddle to puddle,

Splashing around the residue of yesterday's rain.

One girl with golden curls and a long

Sleeveless red dress danced around

In circles, stomping her feet in the water,

Her laugh sounding more like a squeak.

One boy with short brown hair and

Nothing but his underpants on

Leapt in the air arching his back

Wearing a glee-filled smile twinkling on his face.



The children heard a noise echoing

From afar;

They turned their heads to the source

Of the sound, and saw a bird in the distant.

"One, two, three, four birds!"

The girl counted on her petite fingers.

"Five, six, seven, eight birds!"

The boy yelled, showing off.

The birds got closer, but the children

Only knew how to count till ten.

They looked up with eyes and mouths wide open

As the huge metal birds roared past

With their giant wings and blasting sound.

The children froze with their hands

On their ears watching curiously as the birds began

To drop dark objects, hundreds of them.

The objects hit the ground where

The children stood, blowing away

All hopes of a better day.

O' the age of innocence is long lost.

She could've been an artist;

He could've found a scientist,

But greed got in the way,

For the fate of these innocent children

Lay in the palm of some fool's hand.



But dry your eyes my love,

For our children will hold hands at

That same spot someday, one day.

They will dance and splash,

Laugh with joy for there is hope.

There is hope in the resurrection of

The age of innocence.

god created the sun
god created rain
rain and sun slept together
a rainbow evolved

every being has a double, somewhen
i'm half gipsy and jewish
bleedin' blueish
wise man told me lies about trueness

smell the fragrance of ghosts
relax, feel, love yourself
i will be praying for you
in rainbows

Deep as the motives of an empire,
his chest rises and falls
as quickly as kings through centuries.

---

You may be marooned in my bed,
     but of all the boys that have been lost
in the blueish depths left on my neck,
     I'm glad you lingered there

it was bound to happen, after all my fascination with
the complications he was writing about
became incubated in a hibernation for some time,
but i already said, once before, you get the zest,
you get this unending hunger like a vampire
should you come across philosophy last, esp. after
being unable to blossom in chemistry's affairs
to a suitable self-satisfying level of expertise,
then all those migrating electron diagrams in organic
chemistry give you enough to read philosophy without
cringing or finding it too difficult - counter reading
it with major literary works and you're part of
the circus frenzy; so yesterday's afternoon and
apart from all he mentioned to a dichotomy rather
than a dialectic about empiricism and transcendental
idealism - the expansive topic of regression...
i just had to spot regressive bookmarks, or
bookmarks of regression that people unearth as if
from the dead; such is the nature of these bookmarks,
people do resurrect them, in as least number of
examples as possible:
a. i've met a Greek who was still bemoaning
    that Istanbul is still "actually" Constantinople
    (the local turk has stopped selling
     black market cigarettes in his shop
     imported from eastern europe, so now i'm
     resorted to smoking the portable shēsha pipe,
     that lovely creamy extra-thick smoke
     of pure jasmine, which cigarette smoke
     anorexic and blueish-grey can't compete with),
b. actually i don't have an example at this point
     because i digressed about not being able to
     buy cheap cigarettes, but there are plenty others...
oh! right, the atypical American example
with the constitution and gun laws and how
it is rarely argued that the government is turning
bonkers and someone might get a thrill from a second
"French" revolution, or some other horrific affair.
c. ah forget about it.
so within his abstracts, from one per se to another,
a simpler Kantian conceptualisation is
a Matryoshka doll, he purposively defined things
as in-themselves, and to him a noumenon (thing-in-itself)
was far better understood than a phenomenon,
because phenomena i'm guessing he too thought
were discriminatory, unfair, bewildering,
for example: why did the Beatles matter? it's bewildering,
you can't juggle such a question on your own
terms, you can't play the Rubik cube with such a question,
fair enough if you want to play the clarinet,
but it's like that, best epitomised in the film Amadeus
where Antonio Salieri bemoans the phenomenon that
Mozart is... the sophisma figurae dicta (sophism
figures out statements) to no advantage - for example
the liberté, égalité, fraternité all men are born equal
*******, i.e. can i run a 100 metres in under 10 seconds?
NO! of course Antonio is persuasive, in that he himself
is persuaded to talk, because he cannot fathom
the phenomenon that Mozart is, and he isn't - as such
phenomena are hard to grasp, you can't put in anything
into them other than envy, respect, jealousy, joy
or whatever you wish akin to the central character of
Steppenwolf who wants to walk with the giants,
thinking the giants are waiting for him... are they?
the noumenon is oddly enough more fathomable,
it doesn't necessarily attract, it neither necessarily repel,
in its abstract formulation it can never be a phenomenon
at best it can be a sub-phenomenon, it can work below
the surface of things, but there will never be any
glitter or princely yawns surrounding it.

You stand in front of me, eyes wide.
Those eyes stare at me.
Big and bulging yet beautiful nonetheless.
Eyes that describe a thousand words in a look.

They can describe pain and misery through their greyish blue colour with a piercing stab straight into my heart making me question what it is they want, and why I’m scared.

Or, the blue colour comes to life and you tell me stories of the sky, the sky that resembles the colour of your eyes. Happy tales of a better time or a bright future.

or the scariest of them all.

they say nothing

there is no blue



there is no light










it’s grey
and you’re done looking at me


But for now, your eyes stare at me.
It isn’t a blue,
or a grey
Or even a blueish grey.

It’s just your eyes staring at me, and I stare back.
There aren’t a thousand words.
There isn’t a story.
It’s just you,
and it’s just me.

It’s a nice feeling.
You blink.
I blink back.

To the boy I saw at work today,
the one so beautiful,
my heart
stopped,
what happened to our fairy tale ending,
the part where you give me your number and sweep me away?
Maybe I was just so
blinded
by your watercolour eyes,
of blueish grey,
your large, steady hands that brushed against my own pleading two
when you payed for your drink,
that brushed against my bare back,
against my stomach,
against my cheek
in the very same moment,
that I saw the stars that you didn't.
I was sure I saw something buried in the creases of your smile,
something that said
"I'm yours."
All
mine.
But something told me otherwise when you walked away,
blessed the rest of the room with those watercolour eyes
and gave them all the same promise.
To you I was just a
faceless vending machine,
to me you were
everything I've been longing for.
My pathetic
pictures
I paint with people like you,
like the boy at the bus stop,
like the boy in the cafe,
like every boy who ever took my breath away,
are as realistic and accurate
as the finest Dali or Picasso.
But to me,
you are all more real,
more beautiful,
than any work of art.
More even than my own
pathetic
paintings.

(sonnet #MMMMMCDXXIX)


I've rolled the phrase "white rime upon--" in frail
Excuse across my tongue oer tea's intense
Note in that morning cuppa, as defense
For something while cold porridge' stiff detail
Was forked twixt apple slices in the pale
Eye of uncertain dawn whose warming sense
Would filter shafts through skeletons I'd thence
Termed all the naked trees stance, and what's bail?
If Febry opes with silence as it were,
What's new?  Mine's colder in the frozen view
No voice breaks oer, the blueish distance poor
Light watches sans aught joy because I knew
Not to thence cherish Mum, or failed our tour
Of hours together now she's gone.  Frost cue?

01Feb16a

Drone turnpike ride comfort.
Brownish blackness
I wonder where I am for six or seven seconds
and feel genuinely afraid.
But then, once I realize I am in bed
I feel in a womb.
Only two dank faded blueish eyes look straight up.
The smell is like me crawling around on the carpet.
My brother wearing wearing a pink feather boa.
The smell is people describing the smell as "country"
but the way they say it makes it sound like a bad thing.
Ordinary people.
Ordinary ******* people.
Using so many bags.
They never put kittens in barbie carriages.
Caged themselves up in their rooms with just barbie.
Tortured on a bed of legos for feeling attracted to a doll.
Sexuality is a spectrum, young young happy go.

Green and purple with a blueish hue
Choreography of color, colors you
Aurora Borealis
Everyone who sees you falls in love
I'm just one of thousands looking up

I'm happiest alone in my blue room
When the new moon
Brings hymns from my blue muse

Curled up in my blue egg
Bought some new Keds
Now I'm spinning blue webs

You didn't mean to do this
But you really blue this
Turning everything so blueish

We may just be two fish
But I don't know who this
Swimming soul is who could do this

I dug up some blue blooms
To fill my blue bath with fumes
While my bottle consumes
these blue veins like reigns how the hurricaine looms

I don't want to play with you boy
This blue pen is my favorite toy
I'm a kind kitten who doesn't **** coy

You can kick me til I'm sick and then make me lick the wounds
And from far away I'll meow to you blue blue tunes

I.

Your fingers danced on my knees so gracefully.

they knew their stage well,

the had danced there many times before

   but never so freely,

this was the first time we had ever been alone.

II.

There was a band aid on your finger and

you told me about some sander wheel,

or something or the other.

I showed you my scars from a previous job

but we only discussed the scars

that were visible to the eye.

I’m still convinced

you wouldn’t understand

the ones that lay beneath.

III.

The bar lights had a blueish tint;

while we waited for our drinks  

I watched them

gently grace your brow,

you smiled.

You have such a genuine smile,

it always seems to whisper, “come closer,”

even without a spoken word,

IV.

You pulled my hands into yours

and asked why they were always cold.

I thought it was because

most of my time, I spend alone.

So for just one cold handed, blue tinted moment,

I wanted to call someone mine

I kissed you,

and you looked at me

as if you could possibly love me...some day.

V.

As much as try to fight the idea of you,

and I fight it with both fist up,

as if to prevent you from hurting me

before you even try.

I’m starting to notice your absence

and even have come to detest it at times.

you were the only thing
i wanted
no
to be wanted by you was
the only thing
i wanted

do you remember
when we hung like bats from the ceiling of
the lowest room in my house
you cast shadows across my
arms
pulled the nails from
my hands
stripped the skin from my arms
plucked my bones out and
watched my veins fray like wires

it hurt
it hurt and it felt like love

and then we were separated by
seven seas by
shallow forests by
melting ice caps by
dark blueish time

i was one thousand years from
you as you snapped up anything sweet
and in reach
i was suspended in the air
with three hundred other passengers
and not a single one knew
what was running racing pulsing
through my head
i was burning but there was something cold
and wet on my face
i was cracked wide open
crumpled right outside your door

then came the truth
and other things that hurt
that's all i want to say about that

but i'll always feel like
i didn't try hard enough
that it was me not you
that itcouldhaveworkedicouldhavemadeitwork

i think maybe i didn't want to
be enough
i wanted to be yours