"whom i am confused upon"

I talk words of lust
with a boy unaware
I know not if it's unjust
if he knew that i would dare

To be touching lips with another
and another after that
3 boys who want me
and on top of that...

an ex-lover who awaits
her love to be reciprocated
by one she had wronged
by me, yes, I she has wronged.

and alas, the sister of a friend
whom i am confused upon
if i should love her or not
fool, you may think that she is the last one

another girl at school
she is but a year older
i see her from time to time
rarely i seek for her

she is but a crush
the sister, but a dream
the ex-lover - such a waste
and though it may seem

that i am an adultress
because of all these men
but judge me not
i don't belong to any of them

commit, you say
it is for the best
but if i do so again
i may have to rip out my chest

it hurts beyond words
and the pain - i may not be able to bare
and i'd have to swallow the hurt again
till i am too numb to give a care

so tell me, kind stranger, what would you do?
if you had 3 boys and 1 girl loving you
another girl, you might love
and another girl, as a crush
don't you think it's a tad bit too much?

though, i can't control it
I need to be reassured
that though my love betrayed me
this broken vessel be cured

by something more real
it has to exist
something i wont be afraid to love
something far greater than a kiss

something others cant take from me
something thats just mine
something that i can have
and keep for all time

so tell me, kind stranger, do you take me for a fool?
you think i don't know that such thing is hard to find?
that it is but impossible
because i am still so blind

i'll find my happiness
i pray to the gods i do
but only once i stop thinking of finding it
is when id find you

you. whom i have poured my heart and soul out to
without giving a rat's ass
one i'm not afraid of - i'm afraid of everything.
you, who is not wearing a mask.

if you tell me that you're right there
id lose all faith in man kind
because i know you're not
i know that now.

if you tell me you wont hurt me
don't say another word
because i know you will hurt me
i know that now.

but i can love myself
i can live for myself, too
i know that now
i don't exactly have to live for you.

it is my life
this is my world
but i'm lonely
because i'm too scared to be that broken hearted girl

the one who cried
the one who swore
and hit her lover
and walked out the door

even if i could
i wouldn't change a thing
because through this mangled heart
i can love true again


March 17, 2011
"But I am left speechless and confused"
Ellie Geneve 

Oh that poem!
A plain masterpiece!
An eye for the blind!
Beyond what my limited words can describe!
Glory be to he who wrote this breathtaking beauty!
But I am left speechless and confused
Once I see the simple number of its likes and views
I guess that's what makes it so special
A diamond unseen
A hidden potential.
And he continues to write...
As if poetry was his only friend.
I guess he already accepted the fact that
we cannot always trend

the beauty of the unseen
"Sometimes confused of what is happening,"
Ankit J Chheda 

Every Morning it’s a new day,
Sometimes a continuation of yesterday,
Things from the past lingering at bay,
New events about to occur every way,
Initially there’s time for fun and play,
Then for the same as we work we crave,
Sometimes confused of what is happening,
Confused about what we want,
But questioning about what we are doing,
We keep moving ahead,
Trying to solve our existence every day.

One of my earlier thoughts. I guess it shows that the poem is about realization as I am growing up. Not my best, but there lies an idea I wished to share with you.
"For memory of a confused yes,"
Ankit J Chheda 

I fell for that basic human endeavor,
To find me a place where I made sense,
Living that sleepless dream of unreal desire,
Listening for songs where I belong,
On this tiny speck adrift in space I call home,
Quantifying the distances and spaces between us,
Past the horizon from me in all directions,
I found a way around the earth that led me back to you,
When I looked at you I was thinking, if only,
Then you looked into me and your eyes acknowledged,
I pointed to that future,
I said, let us get to us,
You said to wake me from my dream,
Indulging with me was a variability involving risk you were not willing to take,
For memory of a confused yes,
With lack of pictures with stories,
An unnamed story of yours, entangled with mine,
You became that forgotten part of my life that I can’t stop recollecting,
So I do what I did promise,
Till death, I will live my life.

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