i had a thought.
i ran out of my room,
down the hallway,
and into the bathroom.
i wriggled out of my worn down, tie dye shirt.
hopping up and down as i pull off my
high-waisted jeans, pulling my pant leg with my foot as i
trample the dark denim to the ground.
i stand there naked, in front of the
harsh, full length mirror.
combing my fingers through my natural, wavy hair.
i contort my face in disgust, cocking
my head slightly to the side.
i close my eyes, and take one deep breath in.
when i open my eyes,
the reflection staring back at me is a thin, natural
Her smooth ivory skin glows in the
silvery reflective glass.
Her stomach is flat and toned.
Her breasts lay on Her chest in perfect
proportion to the rest of her petite frame.
i run my fingers down the sides of my body.
my palms trailing along, dipping and
rising with the mounds beneath my skin.
i close my eyes and open them again,
this time taking my reflection for
what it really is.
i am fat.
my skin is pink and spotted with freckles the
colour of blood.
my stomach hangs low, covering the part
a man should see when i'm naked.
my breasts are big.
but not in the way you'd like them to be.
they lay there, sort of lop-sided.
hanging just above my ribs. Another place for
fat to take over.
the cuts on my thighs are hardly noticable
i can see tears in the eyes of the reflection staring back at me,
but i am numb.
i thought correctly. i am
fat. i am ugly.
Nobody in their right mind would want to
i wonder now what dreams she seeks
i remember baby pink sheets & rosy cheeks
i remember soft cries
looking in her big blue eyes
and my heart had never known that ache
would i ever think this was a mistake
but i was so far from home
15 years old and all alone
no where to go, no way to provide
to the child i had carried inside
i loved her, like i've never loved before
but i wanted her to have so much more
than i could ever give, than i would ever know
how i wish i could've watched her grow
every night i'd lie and weep
wishing i could rock her to sleep
and hold her close, hold her tight
singing lullabies to her through the night
i had to think of her, not just me
give her a future, an opportunity
one day something changed it all
as i sat there waiting for her to call
because she had found me after all these years
i've never felt so much, cried so many tears
when i finally heard my daughters voice
i knew that i made the right choice
because she said "thank you mom"
I feel like Steve Jobs taught us a lot throughout his life.
Many things he said stuck with me,
For instance he once said,
“There is no reason not to follow your heart.”
First of all,
I can’t help but notice,
That when Steve Jobs followed his heart,
It led him to technology.
This leads me to believe
That Steve Jobs
Is a robot.
I’m not saying this is a bad thing,
Although the movie I-Robot
Might have instilled…might,
A robotic phobia within me.
Robots are computers,
And computers are smart,
At least smarter than I am,
But still intelligent.
So I feel the quote,
Despite it coming from a robot,
And the fact that robots don’t usually have hearts,
Can still be considered valid.
The first thing that comes to mind
When I contemplate the conundrum
Of following one’s heart,
A huge lesson I learned
In my very first year
Is that the college experience,
Don’t pay for a degree
That your mother picked out
After her weekly manicured fingers
Were finished leafing through program pamphlets.
After comparing graduate success rates,
And campus quality,
What will make you successful.
But to her,
Means being rich.
And I’m sorry to tell you,
But your mama’s wrong.
Money means nothing,
Because it can’t buy you happiness.
So instead of admitting
That your mother still dresses you,
You’re a big kid now,
An adult even,
So you can make the decisions,
Especially the ones that will determine who you become.
But here’s the big firework ending,
That surprises the unknowing children
At the end of a baseball game,
The way that you
Are at the end of your dependent life,
Graduation summing up the ninth inning.
If following your heart,
Doesn’t lead you to college,
Then don’t go.
Do not waste your money, because
You can make it
With as little as a high school diploma.
You might have to work a little harder
To make ends meet,
But it is possible.
And I’m not being a dreamer,
Because I’ve seen it happen!
And the guy I know,
That was the manager of a store,
Could support his wife,
Who is a grade school teacher,
So we know that her salary
Isn’t very impressive.
But they’re buying a house,
And have a baby on the way,
And he’s happy!
All without a college education.
So don’t make a multiple thousand dollar mistake,
By going to college,
For all the wrong reasons.
Because when you do this,
Forcing yourself through lectures and papers,
When your heart isn’t there,
Your chances of failing
Become a looming monster
That accompanies you to class,
Matches you footstep for footstep,
Word for word,
Until you just stop going to class completely.
So, instead, follow your heart
And do what you want.
Despite what people may tell you,
College can wait.
Travel the world while you can,
Like I do,
Or do whatever,
I don’t really care.
Whatever your heart,
The compass of your soul,
Leads you to do.
Because like Steve Jobs said,
It’s those late night conversations,
wrapped tight in your arms,
making me feel like you never, ever want to let me go.
A gentle pause in words, as you build up courage before taking the plunge,
Fingers tilt my chin up, ensuring that my attention is yours,
And ever so quietly, hesitantly, you ask, “Why me?”
So i kiss you.
I kiss you to show you that your lips on mine really do take my breath away.
And i cling on to you so tight because i can pretend I’m okay,
as long as I’m in your arms.
And you don’t have to be big to keep me safe!
I don’t need a Ken to my Barbie facade,
I don’t need plastic smiles or fancy things,
All i need is your hand in mine,
All i need is for you to stay this time,
But sometimes, that’s just too much to ask,
Because I can’t ever explain why the one person I need is you.