The man in the van
Started hatching his plan
Down the street at a quarter to four
With his clipboard and tie
and his best lizard smile
He purposefully knocked on my door.
"Do you have a license?"
his voice broke the silence
I stood there and claimed common law
I told him his kind on my land were not welcome
asked him to step away from my door.
He said "could I step inside for a second to see if you have a TV.
I told him get lost as he told me the cost
of getting television for free.
I stood there and mocked
he was really quite shocked
by my laughter and absence of fear
at a thousand pound fine, maybe even some time
at her majestys service for me.
I then, quite politely closed the door behind me
as I marched him tout suite down my path
straight back to his van, this strange little man
while the neighbours all watched with a laugh.
"You're breaking the law"
He told me once more
as I put the poor ****** inside
I closed the door tightly
and then so politely
Waved *******, as home I did stride.