Hungry, Horney Spiders:
When that day
finally comes and you're caught in a web.
Out of options.
In the darkest part of the tunnel,
looking into the black hole eyes
of a hungry, horney Spider.
Don't be afraid because death is a myth.
But the spirit carries on.
Disagree, I understand.
Personally, I know way too many ghosts to take "life" seriously because in some way we will always possess life.
My name is Jacob like the ladder, don't call me Baby.
You have a dick, cool, I have one too.
I'm good munching on my
If you don't understand what I'm sayin'
then I guess my words are bigger than your schlong.
Please excuse me,
as I take a chance
to try and con the ones who have conecended us.
As I slide down
my verbal pole of innocence.
Slithering, crawling, hungry and horney.
Strutting around the club,
looking for fame,
so I can give him a lap dance
and go down on HIStory.
You told me to pick a card
& I chose the Star.
One day, Some day,
I will outshine all of your darkness.
I met fate at a strip club.
We're all diamonds, just some of us are in the rough.
IT GET'S BETTER.
Hate the holidays well I got one for you.
Dont have to follow no rules.
Just drink till ya drop.
To what's the ocassion still ya
havent a clue.
Hey there missy.
dont piss and moan just grab a pint
ya big sissy.
No need for a kleenex just wipe that blood off
on your sleeve.
Stoner slacker and poets unite for
it's Thanksgiving Eve.
No need to hang anything by the
chimney with care.
But it is a party so lets see your underwear.
Lets beat the holiday blues.
Hey who's drunk and horney?
Short skirts and thoose high heel shoes.
Crank that jukebox hey grandpa theres
no need to leave.
Cause everyone is included on Thanksgiving eve.
Hey amigo if we play are cards right.
we can stir enough shit to see a chick fight.
Hey whats going on upstairs God only knows.
It's not cheating just wrestling without any
Hey who just cut a whole in the floor?
hey grandpa ya better watch that exotic woman
your dancing with.
Cause she's a woman with a little more.
Hey ya'll the cops are coming along with a swat
team so it's my cue to leave.
but like that fat prick in a red suit I'll
return to bring ya another great Thanksgiving Eve.
The hp deathstar had all but sqaushed are rebellion.
And the pub falcon was being looked for parked in front of everycyber bar across the net so it really sucked cause capt Gonzo
was really thirsty.
We had taken refuge on endor for awhile untill
thoose fury bastards got pissed over a simple misunderstanding
they sure were some horney little teddy bears .
In thinking over were to hide there was mention
of eurainus to which I replied.
Get your mind outta the gutter man.
you just said eurainus.
Cp bathsebo and R2 Swanson said s0mething to which
I jokingly replied hush the men are talking once wasnt to smart.
Ever been kick to the grown by a steel high heel shoe
hopefully the numbness will wear off.
Master golden had taught me much
but that was many drinks ago.
How am i supposed to remember that far back
yesterday was a blur.
So fuck it lets kick his ass already jack skyhorner said.
Darth Elliot was mighty the battle was hell.
I would have joined in but someone had to rob the liqour
cabinet besides Honzo Gonzo a bit of a hangover.
As the stormtroppers aproached screamed like a 13 year old girl and ran to fire up the pub falcon.
As the others said what about jack I said im sorry but he's gone
it was brutle i took out as many as could.
But Jack would want us to move on.
Just then Jack appeared and said nice scream gonz.
We blasted across the gallaxy with no direction cause ya know
how guys are about asking for directions.
Fully stocked and and reloaded so to speak.
Drath Elliot was amighty foe.
But no match for the outcast girly screaming
On The Way To The Show
Tommy's usal worry had already been set into overdrive
due to a car that ran on some sort of strange voodoo
that seemed to hold it togather and keep it
from exploding well at least hopefully while we were in it.
Tommy was a prick but he was a prick with a car.
Susan silent in the passger seat sat there as
always driving my over active horney teenage
imagination insane as I struggled to think of anything
but the curves of her body and how she would look
without that low cut top nothing more awkward
than a boner in the backseat with your best friend beside you.
Who like a demented child would know doubt see your awkwardness
and being the true friend he was say hey look this homo
looks like he's ready to go camping he's already pitching a
Rick was proof the missing link did exist.
And unlike some people who were unfairly given
nicknames lived up to his with every breath he took
Rick the Prick what a turd of human to bad
he was my so called best friend.
But rick the pricks attention was not cast apon my
moment of utter utter awkwardness and
soon to be blue flustration.
No he was to fasinated by are resting friend
Tabitha who's dont fuck with me or i'll knock your dick in
the dirt mentallity was wasted on rick who
if he should ever come across sleeping beauthy
would probaly think hey why not fuck her.
Dude watch this fuckin gonna be awsome.
rick had seemed to gain some sort of ninja
skill as his stealth like hands he must have gained
from trying to rape his sister.
Like some fucked up car wreck or to big girls fighting
over the last cookie my eyes were transfixed
apon this sure to be disaster.
As this wasnt the best fuel for my situation
Ricks hand slowley slid his hand up her top
for fucks sake stop fucker I tried to say
but my mind was on auto pillot
and the crew was ready to party so to speak.
Rick's devilish glee was that of a child on christmas
who had probaly stole some other childs bike.
well that is till the sleeping dragon awoke.
Tabitha like some sleeping wolverine sprang
into action placing a wicked hit to the balls that made
a sickening thud.
Once was best cause people like Rick could
always get a mail order bride and he
really shouldnt reproduce.
Tabitha much like mike tyson in his prime
had a lotta power and little care on who she used it on.
As soon a slap met my already semi embaressed face.
What the fuck tab?
Thats for going along with it fucker.
Befor I could utter a another word another
smack greeted me now shut up bitch.
So as any strong man would do comfronted by a
a she banshee awoken from her coma I shut the fuck up.
But Tommy in his usal stages of male pms hadnt got the memo.
knock it the fuck off back there.
I have to admit it was fun seeing tabithas fist colide into the back
As Susan just remained silent probaly fearing for
As of to the Concert slash festival we went.
five friends and some human punching bags.
cramed togther in a vehicle slash death machine.
For one last party Me Rick, Tabitha,My mental sex partner Susan
And Tommy the prick with the car.
Something told me this was gonna leave a mark.
The idea seemed like all my others genius why think it through
had my parents ?
Fuck no if it wasnt for wild turkey loud music wild women and
bad desiscions gonzo wouldnt be here.
Thanks for being a party girl mom.
We had gotten hitched i always said if i found a woman
who could out drink me under the table was smokin hot and meaner than a rattle snake and would actully have sex with me without charging.
I would make my wife.
From the moment Skeeter had stepped into my life and said hey what
the fuck you lookin at bitch ?
I knew that pint size cracker was the one.
And finally after my in house arrest and her brief vacation in Rikers was up we finally tied the knott and got married but enough with the foreplay children.
Like two insane people with a shared thought.
The first night was outstanding the second even better she was like a
hot female version of me.
A teenage hellcat who should have been busted for filling out that sweater thank god for citezens arrest.
The first week flew by Ya think we can everday?
My dear if you just put your mind to it and some other parts.
I know we can.
Yes to have a dream and to be horney with someone
who shares the same dream is a wonderful thing.
Till you have to slip her roofies to get some sleep.
I knew thoose pills would come in handy than for
just having them for blind dates.
Although Ive learned your supposed to not take them also.
Then its just awkward waking up looking to the other person
saying hey what happend and why are we in the burger king rest room?
After a few weeks i learned why people actully spoke to each other
and had these thing's called conversations.
I learned my Skeeter loved halloweeen for how could she not with so many costumes.
And she had a a real passion for law inforcement with all the handcuffs and tazers a couple badges a cop car hmm makes me
wonder could it be yes your right.
People really get carried away playing dungeons and dragons.
The first month was great the second made me rethink taking vitamins she reminded of a hamster in a wheel runnng without stop
just taking breif breaks to hit the bottle of Jack Daniels
I miss working the pet store.
Leaving the house to stagger to the bar myself worn like a
a cheap motels matress.
Skeeter glowing like a neon sign if a neon sign were prone to random acts of violence.
Speaking sweet nothing's to each other like I love you sugar ,
did you hide the bullwhip ? And hey wake up you drunk fucker.
Her eye's a work of true beauthy that read fuck with me
and i'll knock your dick in the dirt or light you on fire
ahh romance it is grand and slightly dangerous and painful at times.
The night alive the drinks flowing the waitress a attractive yet
soon to be mauled victem of a five three spitfire.
The paper read of something i belive they call them numbers
dam you davinnci code.
Befor I could down the wild turkey order four more and say in the name of Bono.
She sprang from her seat like a miniture ninja leaping over the bar.
tackling the woman who had angred my mighty banshee.
the fight was epic and i did what any good red bloodedand whiskey fueled pervert would do I sat there and cheered on this cat fight.
get her honey it was a true sitght to be seen hair being pulled
clothes being ripped off okay i added that one.
And as a voice echoed over the crowd that said
hey who is that hot crazy bitch.
I turned to the man pointed saying look its raining
vodka and Adam Lambert oddly enough he looked.
the sucker punch was fast hard and hurt like a son of
a bitch sorry but thats not just any hot insane horney carzy bitch
thats my teenage nymphomaniac homicidle costume collecting halloween loving demon with a touch of sweetness wife.
The cops had arrived but strangley enough Skeeter knew them all by
Im starting to belive she might have a thing for tazers.
The questions flew around sir what caused this and why are you not wearing any pants.
She was in a rant so like any semi sober man I decicded to set her straight well kinda.
I cant belive you take her number the rage filling within her
building like a volcano of pint sized sexiness mean chicks
Well honey I ment to tell ya mid flight that was the bar tab.
And after i awoke from acoma my hellcat in my hospital bed
I looked from a black eye saying skeeter i love you more
with every day that does pass.
To which my teenage nympho replyed good.
God cause if ya didnt Gonzo id have to kick your drunken semi sane long winded ass.