Just another day on the London Underground
Until you stepped in and weaved your way
Through the crowded carriage
And gracefully sat down opposite me
Our eyes make contact for the briefest moment
I want to stay in that moment forever but awkwardly forced myself to look away
Acting like I'm surveying my surroundings or reading an advert
If one were to read my mind right then
They would think me a saint
Oh my god oh my god oh my god
My deafening heart beat shakes my soul
My mind goes blank, EVERYTHING but you disappears
You're the most beautiful girl I have ever seen
Your fierce but kind eyes, the lines around your lips
Your golden brown skin, your long neck,
Your simple cotton summer dress with that smart cardigan
The way you sit up straight hands held in your lap
There something about you - or rather everything about you
Which made me fall in love
I long to know you, oh what I would do
But what do I say, I'll look like a fool
This noisy crowded carriage
I'd have to shout for you to hear me
What do I say? Should I crack a joke?
Or should I get on my knees right now and propose?
Do I tell you your gorgeous?
But you already know. Will I sound smooth or like a sleazy douche?
I wish I could just talk to you.
Find out what you dream of,
Learn about your childhood,
Hear about your favourite food
Know what makes you laugh and cry
I wish I could know everything about you
I wish I could be a part of your life
I would conquer the world and give it all up just to hold your hand
Hold you in my arms
Tell you I love you and hear you whisper it to me
Travel the world together
Lay down stargazing together
Raise our own child together
Make a life together
In that moment my black and white life
Was dazzled by bright fireworks
Butterflies in my tummy but the good kind
'Welcome to Euston station, please mind the gap'
She rose out of her chair and left amidst the sea of people
My heart sunk
The butterflies turned into crippling pain
But as she walked away, she turned around
Looked directly at me, and smiled
The most beautiful smile
The kind that says life is beautiful and so are you
You bring the gasoline
I'll bring the matches.
Douse this place until it's drenched
No one will know the mess we've made.
Dancing in the flames
With the Devil by our side.
Playing in the fire
Melting hand in hand.
You bring the guns
I'll bring the bullets.
Like the cowboys of old
Draw in three, two, one...
Nothing but coldness
Wet blood on our hands.
I'd say you're to blame
But both triggers were pulled.
Lets drink this poison
Toxic waste in our veins.
Heart pumping venom
Racing through our bodies.
Look at this mess.
A beautiful catastrophe.
That’s alright baby, tie me down to this familiar ground
Say you wanna grow a garden
In my old backyard, dig
Say you wanna be my man, all I got to do is forgive
It’s alright baby, ain’t nothin' new
I been hidin' under the same rocks you're throwin' for most my life
Cursed to carry a love like yours, I can’t be sorry
For the bruises on my hide
Better at drinkin' than forgivin', better at walkin' than your lovin',
Babe I can’t be sorry though I miss you still
I hear you been doin' well
Hear you’re runnin' fine
Put those strong hands to good use, quit throwin' pebbles at my house
You and me just can’t be friends
It’s alright, baby
It ain’t nothin' new
I’ve still got my pretty blue dresses, still got whiskey kisses
And I can’t be sorry no more, so
I’m gonna bury my thoughts of you, dig
My own damn garden
there were four,
now three remain
lone spirits traipsing
out into the cold,
pale faces faintly
illuminated by a
quaint harvest moon
(untimely at best)
wind biting ankles,
pushing shadows down
the meandering path
memory of those
chilling last hours
why are you stopping?
heavy hearts, hands
furious in futile attempts
to infuse warmth into limbs
my dear mother, please
do not tether him to
this decaying body;
he has long since
Stationed at odd waiting steads,
figures traipsing along endless coast
you peer at and are peered at
through flimsy facades, wringing
hands pressing temples, knotted
hands that have caressed the untouchable
vast scenery, blurring greens and reds until -
an abrupt disconnect, and you are no longer seen…
to be forgotten is unrealized bliss,
a lone heron one with the skyline at last
twelves tables run amuck
and still we swore that silent oath.
the elder, wise - all-knowing
eyed our childish glee, clasped hands
in wonder or perhaps resolute dignity
we traipsed down to the meat factory of old
eyes yearning to take in the negatives,
refracting the light of our shackles
and drones of silenced shrieks became
the purest tapestry of days forgotten
timeless still, were the tables
offering these courses of carnivorous delight.
A rueful smile quavers
with the gentle movement
of a makeshift swing hanging
from the knarled branch
of a forgotten oak tree,
of simple truths
Gathering folds of her dress
in trembling hands, the action undisturbed
as the frenzied swing comes alive
with abandoned alacrity
A voice, the crackling of dead leaves
carrying debris in the wind pauses
as changing seasons stir something
in even the most unfeeling heart
Have you come to visit me?
Don’t you know that my shelter
has become my bondage?
Movement never ceasing,
the tortured machinations
of Kronos wringing necks
eager to feel once more
the joy that once lifted
this heart from oblivion
unwittingly revealed as
the final stroke of despair
Save me from the
place inside of me that Loathes my
help, it is pulling me
Dragging me deeper into to this
full of everything i hate. like
you, and me.
i hate You more than anything on the face of this planet, well
except for me.
i hate me hate me more than a mother hates the murderer of Her
this Calamitous pit inside me
like a Rabbit's hole i can
Never escape, no matter how i
scratch at the sides until my
there is a lot of blood
in this place.
It's the poison inside of me, the reason
why i breathe in short, wispy breaths. It's got to be
the answer. i've got to get the poison
i dig and dig.
dig, dig, dig, dig
and not once do i cry
i dig and dig. deeper
the Hot Malicious wine of my pain flows all around me and the world turns grey as my head begins to spin. i hear You. i know how much You hate me.
LEAVE ME ALONE GOD DAMMIT
the only colour i see now is the deep red of a rose as i clench my hands tighter around the thorns and then
The sound of my own breath
shocks me. i lay at the bottom of the bottomless cistern inside of my soul.
the air in my lungs hissing, as i lay there broken. Vulnerable.
in a pool of my own sorrow, thick and dark. You have left me
You were the only one i let into this place
You pushed me down. You killed me
please Someone help before the rasp in my chest completely fades.
i acted cool.
You know, like how they do it on TV.
27 floors up,
your door was unlocked.
i didn't take my shoes off,
that way you could see the bad ass i really am,
You know, you told me you loved me.
That's why I came.
i believed you.
Oh, how naive of you, i think back now.
I sat on your beat-down chair,
while you sprawled out on the floor-level couch.
I was terrified,
but the kids on TV are never scared.
He said he loved you.
No one else has ever felt that way before.
He loves you, kid.
You can do it.
Come cuddle on the couch?
Meh, maybe if i feel like it later.
Play. It. Cool.
i slide unto the foot of your sex-stained sofa.
i can feel your feet shaking behind my back,
your toes teasing my sides,
poking in and out between my ribs.
i know what you want,
and i want it too.
Keep. It. Cool. Kid. Keep it Cool.
i feel my hands slip out of your tight grasp,
my fingers inching their way up your leg,
following the dips of your pelvic bone.
What is happening?
The taste of you is so foreign to me.
i've never known the sweetness of another human being.
Let's go to your room?
Kid, it's just like on TV.
Okay, yeah, i guess if you really want to.
i didn't want to take my clothes off.
The world was spinning,
i was seeing and feeling things i didn't know to exist.
What is happening?
i love you.
i love you, i love you.
it's all over,
27 floors of shame.
not only don't you love me,
you don't talk to me.