"No excuses"

I prided myself on never hating anyone
I let their negativity roll off my back
Bit my tongue until it was split in two
Took their criticism and took the high road
I see that was no use
Your negativity is a poison
Seeping into whatever crevice crack it can find to invade
A parasite latching to its host
Wanting to bring down my drive my spirit
My mind you want to raid
You glance at me smirk with contempt
because you see in me what you lack in yourself
Personality maybe?
A smile that shines so bright the very sight of it sickens you
But in true fashion
I never brag or boast or thrive on the vision of another's misfortune
Even though you would love to watch me suffer
I use your negativity
As my creativity
My fuel to leave you in my rearview
And as i drive away I will throw up the deuces
Make my own way
No excuses
You wont bring me down!

"my excuses that keep me stuck"

in high school
despite the last bit of it
being spent as overweight
and with major lack of confidence
i found myself indifferent
to everything.

maybe it was because of the depression
and the abuse
or it was everything combined
but i wasn't excited or upset
about graduating.

i didn't have anything
to look forward to,
the life i imagined for myself
after high school
was a coffin
and i couldn't see anything past that.

sometimes i found myself thinking that
if i failed my senior year
i could stay another year
and maybe that would mean
another year for me to live
before i met the end.

in those last few months
i found myself growing fonder
of the people that spent their time
teaching me the things they knew
and i had begun
to entertain the idea of becoming a teacher
since i thought
that i would get nowhere
with art or writing.

after i graduated
and realized i wanted to live after all
i spent little to no time
looking into becoming a high school teacher
it all seems too much of everything
too much money, too much time
not having enough time
that's the thing holding me back
my excuses that keep me stuck
and flailing around
wallowing in self-pity
in the pig sty of my room.

maybe if i took a leap
took a chance,
grew a metaphorical pair of balls
(or just got a shot of testosterone)
i would man up
and do the shit that it takes
to get where i want to be.

"always ready with a list of excuses"
Ashley Brooke Payne 

i've seen her beaten and broken
tears fall and words unspoken
each day hiding new cuts and bruises
always ready with a list of excuses
they've taught her well
her home became her hell
it doesn't get better, no way out
she listens to them scream and shout
and fists fly, stings against her skin
they say it's because she's full of sin
in school we all cast down our eyes, turned our heads
but thought of her while we were tucked warm in our beds
this sad hand that life had dealt
and no one knew just how she felt
and we all tried to pretend it away
what could we do, what could we say?
we seen it happen over and over again
but times were different then
a man's family was his own, his possesions
and no one would even think to question
why this little girl was always so sad, so scared
& hoping that maybe someone out there cared
when they found her black and blue
it was like we were waiting, we already knew
that help never came and she was gone
that sweet little girl who was left alone
i wonder now if the angels weep
for the child who sleeps?

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