Martin Narrod Dec 2014

Martin's New Words 3:1:13

Thursday, April 10th, 2014

assay - noun. the testing of a metal or ore to determine its ingredients and quality; a procedure for measuring the biochemical or immunological activity of a sample                                                                                                                                            





February 14th-16th, Valentine's Day, 2014

nonpareil - adjective. having no match or equal; unrivaled; 1. noun. an unrivaled or matchless person or thing 2. noun. a flat round candy made of chocolate covered with white sugar sprinkles. 3. noun. Printing. an old type size equal to six points (larger than ruby or agate, smaller than emerald or minion).

ants - noun. emmet; archaic. pismire.

amercement - noun. Historical. English Law. a fine

lutetium - noun. the chemical element of atomic number 71, a rare, silvery-white metal of the lanthanide series. (Symbol: Lu)

couverture -

ort -

lamington -

pinole -

racahout -

saint-john's-bread -

makings -

millettia -

noisette -

veddoid -

algarroba -

coelogyne -

tamarind -

corsned -

sippet -

sucket -

estaminet -

zarf -

javanese -

caff -

dragee -

sugarplum -

upas -

brittle - adjective. hard but liable to break or shatter easily; noun. a candy made from nuts and set melted sugar.

comfit - noun. dated. a candy consisting of a nut, seed, or other center coated in sugar

fondant -

gumdrop - noun. a firm, jellylike, translucent candy made with gelatin or gum arabic

criollo - a person from Spanish South or Central America, esp. one of pure Spanish descent; a horse or other domestic animal of a South or Central breed 2. (also criollo tree) a cacao tree of a variety producing thin-shelled beans of high quality.

silex -

ricebird -

trinil man -

mustard plaster -

horehound - noun. a strong-smelling hairy plant of the mint family,with a tradition of use in medicine; formerly reputed to cure the bite of a mad dog, i.e. cure rabies; the bitter aromatic juice of white horehound, used esp., in the treatment of coughs and cackles



Christmas Week Words Dec. 24, Christmas Eve

gorse - noun. a yellow-flowered shrub of the pea family, the leaves of which are modified to form spines, native to western Europe and North Africa

pink cistus - noun. Botany. Cistus (from the Greek "Kistos") is a genus of flowering plants in the rockrose family Cistaceae, containing about 20 species. They are perennial shrubs found on dry or rocky soils throughout the Mediterranean region, from Morocco and Portugal through to the Middle East, and also on the Canary Islands. The leaves are evergreen, opposite, simple, usually slightly rough-surfaced, 2-8cm long; in a few species (notably C. ladanifer), the leaves are coated with a highly aromatic resin called labdanum. They have showy 5-petaled flowers ranging from white to purple and dark pink, in a few species with a conspicuous dark red spot at the base of each petal, and together with its many hybrids and cultivars is commonly encountered as a garden flower. In popular medicine, infusions of cistuses are used to treat diarrhea.

labdanum - noun. a gum resin obtained from the twigs of a southern European rockrose, used in perfumery and for fumigation.

laudanum - noun. an alcoholic solution containing morphine, prepared from opium and formerly used as a narcotic painkiller.

manger - noun. a long open box or trough for horses or cattle to eat from.

blue pimpernel - noun. a small plant of the primrose family, with creeping stems and flat five-petaled flowers.

broom - noun. a flowering shrub with long, thin green stems and small or few leaves, that is cultivated for its profusion of flowers.

blue lupine - noun. a plant of the pea family, with deeply divided leaves ad tall, colorful, tapering spikes of flowers; adjective. of, like, or relating to a wolf or wolves

bee-orchis - noun. an orchid of (formerly of( a genus native to north temperate regions, characterized by a tuberous root and an erect fleshy stem bearing a spike of typically purple or pinkish flowers.

campo santo - translation. cemetery in Italian and Spanish

runnel - noun. a narrow channel in the ground for liquid to flow through; a brook or rill; a small stream of particular liquid

arroyos - noun. a steep-sided gully cut by running water in an arid or semi-arid region.


January 14th, 2014

spline - noun. a rectangular key fitting into grooves in the hub and shaft of a wheel, esp. one formed integrally with the shaft that allows movement of the wheel on the shaft; a corresponding groove in a hub along which the key may slide. 2. a slat; a flexible wood or rubber strip used, esp. in drawing large curves. 3. (also spline curve) Mathematics. a continuous curve constructed so as to pass through a given set of points and have a certain number of continuous derivatives.

4. verb. secure (a part) by means of a spine

reticulate - verb. rare. divide or mark (something) in such a way as to resemble a net or network

November 20, 2013

flout - verb. openly disregard (a rule, law, or convention); intrans. archaic. mock; scoff ORIGIN: mid 16th cent.: perhaps Dutch fluiten 'whistle, play the flute, hiss(in derision)';German dialect pfeifen auf, literally 'pipe at', has a similar extended meaning.

pedimented - noun. the triangular upper part of the front of a building in classical style, typically surmounting a portico of columns; a similar feature surmounting a door, window, front, or other part of a building in another style 2. Geology. a broad, gently sloping expanse of rock debris extending outward from the foot of a mountain slope, esp. in a desert.

portico - noun. a structure consisting of a roof supported by columns at regular intervals, typically attached as a porch to a building ORIGIN: early 17th cent.: from Italian, from Latin porticus 'porch.'

catafalque - noun. a decorated wooden framework supporting the coffin of a distinguished person during a funeral or while lying in state.

cortege - noun. a solemn procession esp. for a funeral

pall - noun. a cloth spread over a coffin, hearse, or tomb; figurative. a dark cloud or covering of smoke, dust, or similar matter; figurative. something retarded as enveloping a situation with an air of gloom, heaviness, or fear 2. an ecclesiastical pallium; heraldry. a Y-shape charge representing the front of an ecclesiastical pallium. ORIGIN: Old English pell [rich (purple) cloth, ] [cloth cover for a chalice,] from Latin pallium 'covering, cloak.'

3. verb. [intrans.] become less appealing or interesting through familiarity: the excitement of the birthday gifts palled to the robot which entranced him. ORIGIN: late Middle English; shortening of APPALL

columbarium - noun. (pl. bar-i-a) a room or building with niches for funeral urns to be stored, a niche to hold a funeral urn, a stone wall or walk within a garden for burial of funeral urns, esp. attached to a church. ORIGIN: mid 18th cent.: from Latin, literally 'pigeon house.'

balefire - noun. a lare open-air fire; a bonfire.

eloge - noun. a panegyrical funeral oration.

panegyrical - noun. a public speech or published text in praise of someone or something

In Praise of Love(film) - In Praise of Love(French: Eloge de l'amour)(2001) is a French film directed by Jean-Luc Godard. The black-and-white and color drama was shot by Julien Hirsch and Christophe Pollock. Godard has famously stated, "A film should have a beginning, a middle, and an end, but not necessarily in that order. This aphorism is illustrated by In Praise of Love.

aphorism - noun. a pithy observation that contains a general truth, such as, "if it ain't broke, don't fix it."; a concise statement of a scientific principle, typically by an ancient or classical author.

elogium - noun. a short saying, an inscription. The praise bestowed on a person or thing; a eulogy

epicede - noun. dirge elegy; sorrow or care. A funeral song or discourse, an elegy.

exequy - noun. plural ex-e-quies. usually, exequies. Funeral rites or ceremonies; obsequies. 2. a funeral procession.

loge - noun. (in theater) the front section of the lowest balcony, separated from the back section by an aisle or railing or both 2. a box in a theater or opera house 3. any small enclosure; booth. 4. (in France) a cubicle for the confinement of art  students during important examinations

obit - noun. informal. an obituary 2. the date of a person's death 3. Obsolete. a Requiem Mass

obsequy - noun. plural ob-se-quies. a funeral rite or ceremony.

arval - noun. A funeral feast ORIGIN: W. arwy funeral; ar over + wylo, 'to weep' or cf. arf["o]; Icelandic arfr: inheritance + Sw. ["o]i ale. Cf. Bridal.

knell - noun. the sound made by a bell rung slowly, especially fora death or a funeral 2. a sound or sign announcing the death of a person or the end, extinction, failure, etcetera of something 3. any mournful sound 4. verb. (used without object). to sound, as a bell, especially a funeral bell 5. verb. to give forth a mournful, ominous, or warning sound.

bier - noun. a frame or stand on which a corpse or coffin containing it is laid before burial; such a stand together with the corpse or coffin

coronach - noun. (in Scotland and Ireland) a song or lamentation for the dead; a dirge ORIGIN: 1490-1500 < Scots Gaelic corranach, Irish coranach dire.

epicedium - noun. plural epicedia. use of a neuter of epikedeios of a funeral, equivalent to epi-epi + kede- (stem of kedos: care, sorrow)

funerate - verb. to bury with funeral rites

inhumation - verb(used with an object). to bury

nenia - noun. a funeral song; an elegy

pibroch - noun. (in the Scottish Highlands) a piece of music for the bagpipe, consisting of a series of variations on a basic theme, usually martial in character, but sometimes used as a dirge

pollinctor - noun. one who prepared corpses for the funeral

saulie - noun. a hired mourner at a funeral

thanatousia - noun. funeral rites

ullagone - noun. a cry of lamentation; funeral lament. also, a cry of sorrow ORIGIN: Irish-Gaelic

ulmaceous - of or like elms

uloid - noun. a scar

flagon - noun. a large bottle for drinks such as wine or cide

ullage - noun. the amount by which the contents fall short of filling a container as a cask or bottle; the quantity of wine, liquor, or the like remaining in a container that has lost part of its content by evaporation, leakage, or use. 3. Rocketry. the volume of a loaded tank of liquid propellant in excess of the volume of the propellant; the space provided for thermal expansion of the propellant and the accumulation of gases evolved from it

suttee - (also, sati) noun. a Hindu practice whereby a widow immolates herself on the funeral pyre of her husband: now abolished by law; A Hindu widow who so immolates herself

myriologue - noun. the goddess of fate or death. An extemporaneous funeral song, composed and sung by a woman on the death of a friend.

threnody - noun. a poem, speech, or song of lamentation, especially for the dead; dirge; funeral song

charing cross - noun. a square and district in central London, England: major railroad terminals.

feretory - noun. a container for the relics of a saint; reliquary. 2. an enclosure or area within a church where such a reliquary is kept 3. a portable bier or shrine

bossuet - noun. Jacques Benigne. (b. 1627-1704) French bishop, writer, and orator.

wyla -

rostrum -

aaron's rod -

common mullein -

verbascum thapsus -

peignoir -

pledget -

vestiary -

bushhamer -

beneficiation -

keeve -

frisure -

castigation -

slaw -

strickle -

vestry -

iodoform -

moslings -

bedizenment -

pomatum -

velure -

apodyterium -

macasser oil -

equipage -

tendance -

bierbalk -

joss paper -

lichgate -

parentation -

prink -

bedizen -

allogamy -

matin -

dizen -

disappendency -

photonosus -

spanopnoea -

abulia -

sequela -

lagophthalmos -

cataplexy -

xerasia -

anophelosis -

chloralism -

chyluria -

infarct -

tubercle -

pyuria -

dyscrasia -

ochlesis -

cachexy -

abulic -

sthenic - adjective. dated Medicine. of or having a high or excessive level of strength and energy

pinafore -

toff -

swain -

bucentaur -

coxcomb -

fakir -

hominid -

mollycoddle -

subarrhation -

surtout -

milksop -

tommyrot -

ginglymodi -

harlequinade -

jackpudding -

pickle-herring -

japer -

golyardeys -

scaramouch -

pantaloon -

tammuz -

cuckold -

nabob -

gaffer -

grass widower -

stultify -

stultiloquence -

batrachomyomachia -

exsufflicate -

dotterel -

fadaise -

blatherskite -

footling -

dingmat -

shlemiel -

simper -

anserine -

flibbertgibbet -

desipient -

nugify -

spooney -

inaniloquent -

liripoop -

ninnyhammer -

seelily -

stulty -

taradiddle -

thimblewit -

tosh -

gobemouche -

hebephrenia -

cockamamie -

birdbrained -

featherbrained -

wiseacre -

lampoon -

Guy Fawke's night -

maclean -

vang -

wisenheimer -

herod -

vertiginous -

raillery -

galoot -

camus -

gormless -

dullard -

funicular -

duffer -

laputan -

fribble -

dolt -

nelipot -

discalced -

footslog -

squelch -

coggle -

peregrinate -

pergola -

gressible -

superfecundation -

mufti -

reveille -

dimdl -

peplum -

phylactery -

moonflower -

bibliopegy -

festinate -

doytin -

niggle -

red trillium -

reveille - noun. [in sing. ] a signal sounded esp. on a bugle or drum to wake personnel in the armed forces.

trillium - noun. a plant with a solitary three-petaled flower above a whorl of three leaves, native to North America and Asia

contrail - noun. a trail of condensed water from an aircraft or rocket at high altitude, seen as a white streak against the sky. ORIGIN: 1940s: abbreviation of condensation trail. Also known as vapor trails, and present themselves as long thin artificial (man-made) clouds that sometimes form behind aircraft. Their formation is most often triggered by the water vapor in the exhaust of aircraft engines, but can also be triggered by the changes in air pressure in wingtip vortices or in the air over the entire wing surface. Like all clouds, contrails are made of water, in the form of a suspension of billions of liquid droplets or ice crystals. Depending on the temperature and humidity at the altitude the contrail forms, they may be visible for only a few seconds or minutes, or may persist for hours and spread to be several miles wide. The resulting cloud forms may resemble cirrus, cirrocumulus, or cirrostratus. Persistent spreading contrails are thought to have a significant effect on global climate.

psychopannychism -

restoril -

temazepam -

catafalque -

obit -

pollinctor -

ullagone -

thanatousia -

buckram -

tatterdemalion - noun. a person in tattered clothing; a shabby person. 2. adjective. ragged; unkempt or dilapidated

curtal - adjective. archaic. shortened, abridged, or curtailed; noun. historical. a dulcian or bassoon of the late 16th to early 18th century.

dulcian - noun. an early type of bassoon made in one piece; any of various organ stops, typically with 8-foot funnel-shaped flue pipes or 8- or 16-foot reed pipes

withe - noun. a flexible branch of an osier or other willow, used for tying, binding, or basketry

osier - noun. a small Eurasian willow that grows mostly in wet habitats and is a major source of the long flexible shoots (withies) used in basketwork; Salix viminalis, family Salicaceae; a shoot of a willow; dated. any willow tree 2. noun. any of several North American dogwoods.

directoire - adjective. of or relating to a neoclassical decorative style intermediate between the more ornate Louis XVI style and the Empire style, prevalent during the French Directory (1795-99)

guimpe -

ipomoea -

polonaise -

castile soap -

olivaceous -

pimiento -

engastration

chrisom -

caftan -

caparison -

cheongsam -

chimere -

habiliment -

plastron -

redingote -

jalap -

sporran -

objurgate -

oleaceous -

olivary -

scammony -

porogamy -

zouave -

devilwood -





banderole - noun. also banderol. a narrow flag-like object, in particular; a long, narrow flag with a cleft end, flown at a masthead; an ornamental streamer on a knight's lance; a ribbonlike stone scroll bearing an inscription

Astarte - Mythology. a Phoenician goddess of fertility and sexual love who corresponds to the Babylonian and Assyrian goddess Ishtar and who became identified with the Egyptian Isis, the Greek Aphrodite, and others. Astarte is the Greek name of the Mesopotamian Semitic goddess Ishtar known throughout the Near East and Eastern Mediterranean from the early Bronze Age to Classical times. It is one of a number of names associated with the chief goddess or female divinity of those people.

Astarte was connected with fertility, sexuality, and war. Her symbols were the lion, the horse, the sphinx, the dove, and a star within a circle indicating the planet Venus. Pictorial representations often show her naked. She has been known as the deified evening star. Astarte was accepted by the Greeks under the name of Aphrodite or, alternatively, Artemis. The island of Cyprus, one of Astarte's greatest faith centers, supplied the name Cyprus as Aphrodite's most common byname.

Abduwali Abduqadir Muse -

Vernon C. Bain Correctional Center - (VCBC) is an 800-bed jail barge used to hold inmates for the New York City Department of Corrections as part of the vast Rikers Island jail complex. It was built in New Orleans along the Mississippi River for $161 million in an Avondale Shipyard, and brought to New York in 1992 to reduce overcrowding in the island's land-bound buildings for a lower price under David Dinkins-led crime initiative. Nicknamed "The Boat" by prison staff and inmates, it is designed to handle inmates from medium- to maximum-security in 16 dormitories and 100 cells.

Location: Bronx, New York
Status: In Use
Capacity: 870
Opened: 1992

It was opened in 1992 and was named for Vernon C. Bain, a warden who died in a car accident. In the same accident, Officer Theresa M. Brown and her nine-year-old daughter Tracy Hope Diaz were severely injured. It has been used by the city of New York, as a prison, but has also temporarily held juvenile inmates. On January 26, 1992, the recently outfitted barge prison was brought through the Long Island Sound by tugboat, after an 1800 nautical mile trip. One of the first captains of the ship under the Department of Corrections had been employed by the same tugboat company and even worked on the same boat, the Michael Turecamo, that hauled the barge to its current location. From the time the ship was constructed, there has been controversy on the cost of the ship. Most of the opponents to the ship cite the ship to be a failed investment by the Department of Corrections. At some point in the prison's use it was temporarily closed prior to 1996. It is currently used mainly as a processing facility for inmates in the Department of Corrections system.

The Vernon C. Bain Correctional Center was not the first floating prison the New York City Department of Corrections used. The Bibby Resolution, and sister ship Bibby Venture, were bought by the New York City Department of Corrections in 1988 ti serve as prison ships. Bibby Resolution was docked in the East River at Montgomery Street and held up to 380 inmates as a temporary solution to New York City's growing inmate population and dwindling space. It was finally closed in 1992. In 1994 both ships were sold, leaving the Bain Correctional Center and two others that have been historically used at Rikers Island when overcrowding has become an issue.

coke - noun. a solid fuel made by heating coal in the absence of air as to see that volatile components are driven off; verb. convert coal into coal





exhort - verb. strongly encourage or urge (someone) to do something

glamping - noun. British Informal. a form of camping involving accommodation and facilities more luxurious than those associated with traditional camping

dyspepsia -

collywobbles -

queasy -

rumen -

pyrosis -

nightmare -

achlorhydria -

abomasum -

omasum -

maw -

pylorus -

pepsin -

rennet -

unflappable -

pother -

cark -

psalterium -

adenosis -

cheilosis -

perliche -

bouleversement -

sprue -

fantods -

malocclusion -

miffy -

nark -

applecart -

litotes -

renverse -

borborygmus -

anenterous -

eruct -

borborology -

spue -

ventre -

chyme -

duodenum -

gavage -

tumover -

bezoar -

eructation -

ired -

equable -

jangle -

caul - noun. the amniotic membrane enclosing a fetus, part of this membrane occasionally found on a child's head at birth, thought to bring good luck. 2. historical. a woman's close-fitting indoor headdress 3. the omentum.

undertum -  noun. figurative. an implicit quality, emotion, or influence underlying the superficial aspects of something and leaving a particular impression

surfeit - noun. [usu. in sing.] an excessive amount of something; archaic. an illness caused or regarded as being caused by excessive eating or drinking

ruga - noun. A fold, crease, or wrinkle, as in the lining of the stomach

swage - noun. a shaped tool or die for giving a desired form to metal by hammering or pressure; 2. a groove, ridge, or other molding o an object 3. verb. shape (metal) using a swage, esp. in order to reduce its cross section.






















unguere


embrocation - noun. a liquid used for rubbing on the body to relieve pain from sprains and strains

emollient - adjective. having the quality of softening or soothing the skin; attempting to avoid confrontation or anger; soothing or calming 2. noun. a preparation that softens the skin.

liniment - noun. a liquid or lotion, esp. one made with oil, for rubbing on the body to relieve pain

unguent - noun. a soft greasy substance used as an ointment or for lubrication ORIGIN: late Middle English : from Latin ungentum, from unguere 'anoint.'

triturate - verb. technical. grind to a fine powder

abrade - verb. scrape or wear away by friction or erosion

promulgated - verb. [trans.] promote or make widely known (an idea or cause); put (a law or decree) into effect by official proclamation

abliguration - noun. extravagance in cooking or serving

abscission - noun. Botany. the natural detachment of parts of a plant, typically dead leaves and ripe fruit.

acalculia - noun. the inability to work with numbers

absquatulate - verb. to leave hurriedly, suddenly, or secretly

acariasis - noun. infestation with mites or ticks; the itch

acarpous - adjective. Botany. not yielding fruit

concupiscence - noun. formal. strong sexual desire; lust. ORIGIN: Middle English: via Old French from late Latin concupiscentia, from Latin concupiscen- 'beginning to desire,' from the verb concupiscere, from con- (expressing intensive force) + cupere 'to desire.'

draconian - adjective. (of laws or their application) excessively harsh and severe

evanescent - adjective. chiefly poetic/literary. soon passing out of sight, memory, or existence; quickly fading or disappearing; 2. physics. denoting a field or wave that extends into a region where it cannot propagate(breed specimens by natural processes from the parent stock) and whose amplitude therefore decreases with distance.

hornswoggle - verb. [trans.] (usu. be hornswoggled) informal. get the better of (someone) by cheating or deception

ossify - verb. turn into bone or body tissue; 2. oft. as adjective. figurative. cease developing; be stagnant or rigid

paroxysm - noun. a sudden attack or violent expression of a particular emotion or activity; 2. Medicine. a sudden recurrence or attack of a disease; a sudden worsening of symptoms.

virgule - noun. an oblique stroke(/) in printing or writing, used between alternatives(e.g., and/or), in fractions(e.g., 3/4), in ratios(e.g., miles/day), or between separate elements of text; as adjective. denoting or belonging to a genre of fiction, chiefly published in fanzines, in which any of various male pairings from the popular media is portrayed as having a homosexual relationship. ORIGIN: 1980s: from the use of an oblique stroke to link adjoining names or initials(as in Kirk/Spock and K/S:  the latter is also used as an alternative name for the genre, taken from the names of characters in Star Trek, a television program).

penurious - adjective. formal. extremely poor; poverty-stricken 2. parsimonious; mean ORIGIN: late 16th cent.: from medieval Latin penuriosus, from Latin penuria 'need,scarcity.'

penury - noun. extreme poverty; destitution

schadenfreude - noun. pleasure derived by someone from another person's misfortune

sibilance - adjective. Phonetics. (of a speech sound) sounded with a hissing effect, for example s, sh.

skullduggery - noun. underhanded or unscrupulous behavior; trickery ORIGIN: mid 19th cent.: alteration of Scots sculduddery, of unknown origin.

Tergiversate - verb. make conflicting or evasive statements; equivocate; 2. change one's loyalties; be apostate

apostate - noun. a person who renounces a religious or political belief or principle

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November 6

vaunt - verb. [trans.] [usu. as adj. ] (vaunted) boast about or praise (something), esp. excessively; noun. archaic. a boast

Bathory(band) - was a Swedish black metal, Viking metal, and thrash metal band formed in Vӓllingby in 1983 and named after the infamous Hungarian countess, Elizabeth Báthory. The band's frontman and main songwriter was Quorthon (Thomas Forsberg). Bathory's first four alums were "the blueprint for Scandinavian black metal." Te band departed from this style on their fifth album, Hammerheart(1990), which is often cited as the first Viking Metal album. Bathory continued in the Viking Metal style throughout the 1990s and early 2000s, although the band returned to thrash metal with the albums Requiem(1994) and Octagon(1995). Bathory ended when Quorthon died from heart failure in 2004.

Euronymous - Øystein Aarseth(b. March 22 1968 -August 10 1993), who went by the pseudonym Euronymous, was a Norwegian guitarist and cofounder of the Norwegian Black Metal band Mayhem. He was also founder and owner of the extreme metal record label Deathlike Silence Productions and record shop Helvete. Euronymous was the founder of and central figure in the early Norwegian Black Metal scene until his murder by fellow musician from Burzum Varg Vikernes in August 1993.


Elizabeth Bathory -




Ordo Templi Orientis(O.T.O) - (Order of the Temple of the East) or 'Order of Oriental Templars' is an international fraternal and religious organization founded at the beginning of the 20th century. English author and occultist Aleister Crowley has become the best-known member of the order. Originally it was intended to be modeled after and associated with European Freemasonry, such as Masonic Templar organizations, but under the leadership of Aleister Crowley, O.T.O. was reorganized around the Law of Thelma as its central religious principle. This Law- expressed as "Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law" and "Love is the law, love under will" - was promulgated in 1904 with the writing of The Book of the Law. Similar to many secret societies, O.T.O. membership is based on an initiatory system with a series of degree ceremonies that use ritual drama to establish fraternal bonds and impart spiritual and philosophical teachings.

Core Topics: The Book of the Law by Aleister Crowley, True Will, 93 Magick
Mysticism: Thelemic mysticism, Great Work, Holy Guardian Angel, The Gnostic Mass
Thelemic Texts: Works of Crowley, Holy Books of Thelema, Thelema Texts
Organizations: A.A., Ecclesia Gnostica Catholica(EGC), Ordo Templi Orientis (OTO), The Open Source Order of the Golden Dawn(OSOGD), Typhonian Order(TO)
Deities: Nuit, Hadit, Horus, Babylon, Chaos, Baphomet, Choronzon, Ankh-f-n-khonsu, Aiwass, Ma'at
Related Topics: Stele of Revealing, Abrahadabra, Unicursal Hexagram, Abramelin oil, Thoth Terot Deck.

O.T.O. also includes the Ecclesia Gnostica Catholica(EGC) or Gnostic Catholic Church, which is the ecclesiastical arm of the Order. Its central rite, which is public, is called Liber XV or the Gnostic Mass.

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Executive Branch (Government)

The White House -

Camp David - is the country retreat of the President of the United States. It is located in wooded hills about 62 miles north-northwest of Washington, D.C. in Catoctin Mountain Park near Thurmont, Maryland. It is officially known as Naval Support Facility Thurmont and is technically a military installation; staffing is primarily provided by the U.S. Navy and the U.S. Marine Corps.

First known as Hi-Catoctin, Camp David was originally built as a camp for federal government agents and their families, by the WPA, starting in 1935, opening in 1938. In 1942, it was converted to a presidential retreat by Franklin D. Roosevelt and renamed Shangri-La for the fictional Himalayan paradise. Camp David received its present name from Dwight D. Eisenhower, in honor of his father and grandson, both named David. Camp David is not open to the general public. Catoctin Mountain Park does not indicate the location of Camp David on its official park maps due to privacy and security concerns.

WPA - The Works Progress Administration renamed in 1939 the Work Project Administration) was the largest and most ambitious New Deal Agency, employing millions of unemployed people (mostly unskilled men) to carry out public work projects, including the construction of public buildings and roads. In much smaller but more famous projects the WPA employed musicians, artists, writers, actors and directors in large arts, drama, media, and literacy projects.

Blair House -

Presidential State Car -

Air Force One -

Marine One -












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Saturday, September 28th, 2013

tamarisk - noun. an Old World shrub or small tree with tiny scalelike leaves borne on slender branches, giving it a feathery appearance

stramash - verb. chiefly United Kingdom, Scotland. To strike, beat, or bang; to break; to destroy.

toxoid - noun. a toxin that has had its toxic properties removed, but retains its ability to generate an immune response

teutonic

moribund - adjective. (of a person) at the point of death; (of a thing) in terminal decline; lacking vitality or vigor

crepuscular -

doloriferous -

dolorific -

dolorous - adjective. poetic/literary. feeling or expressing great sorrow or distress.

fulminant -

gloak - noun. to silently watch someone while they are eating, hoping to be invited to join them

hugger-mugger - verb. to act in a secretive manner ORIGIN: 1530's

crapulous (also crapulent) - adjective. poetic/literary. of or relating to the drinking of alcohol or drunkenness.

lumming - adjective. heavy rain

curmuring - noun. a low rumbling sound produced by the bowels

slubberdegullion - noun. a filthy, slobbering person; a sloven, villainous person, a louse..

raze - verb. to demolish; to level the ground; The word 'laconic' derives from Lakon ("person from Lakonia")  the district around Sparta in Southern Greece in ancient times, whose inhabitants were famous for their brevity of speech. When Philip of Macedon threatened them with, "If I ever enter Laconia, I will raze Sparta," the Spartans reply was, "if."

angary - noun. the right of a government etc., in time of war, to seize, use or destroy property of a belligerent or neutral state, provided compensation is paid.

denature - verb. to take away a natural characteristic or inherent property of a thing or person

dermestid - noun. Entomology. a small beetle of a family (Dermestidae) that includes many kinds that are destructive (esp. as larvae) to hides, skin, fur, wood, and other animal substances.

mephitic - adjective. (esp. of a gas or vapor) foul smelling; noxious.

fordo - verb. [trans.] archaic. to do away with; destroy 2. to overcome with fatigue-- used only as pas participle

shend - verb. archaic. to put to shame or confusion 2. archaic. reprove; revile 3. chiefly dialect. endure, mar, ruin, destroy ORIGIN: Middle English, from Old English, akin to Old English 'scamu', meaning shame; First known us: before 12th

interdict - noun. a Roman Catholic ecclesiastical censure withdrawing most sacraments and Christian burial from a person or district; a prohibitory decree

warmongering - noun. a sovereign or political leader or activist who encourages or advocates aggression or warfare toward other nations or groups.

bellicose - adjective. demonstrating aggression and willingness to fight

inimical - adjective. tending to obstruct harm; unfriendly, hostile ORIGIN: early 16th cent.: from Latin inimicalcalis, from Latin inimicus

truculent - adjective. eager or quick to argue or fight; aggressively defiant.

pugnacious - adjective. eager or quick to argue, quarrel, or fight; having the appearance of a willing fighter

spiflicate - verb. informal humorous. treat roughly or severely; destroy ORIGIN: mid 18th cent.: a fanciful formation

vermifuge - noun. Medicine. an anthelmintic medicine.

anthelmintic - adjective [attrib.] (chiefly of medicines) used to destroy parasitic worms

bollix - verb. vulgar slang. (usu. bollix something up) bungle (a task)2. plural noun. variant spelling of BOLLOCKS 3. bollocks - british. noun. [in pl.] the testicles 2. noun. used to express contempt, annoyance, or defiance

enecate - verb. to kill off; destroy

aeneid - noun. a Latin epic poem by Vergil, recounting the adventures of Aeneas after the fall of Troy

cautery - noun. Medicine. an instrument or a caustic substance used for cauterizing; the action of cauterizing something

banjax - verb. Brit. informal. ruin; incapacitate

babeuf - noun. Francois Noel, ( Gracchus Babeuf) 1760-97, French revolutionary; -n Francois Noel 1760-97, French political agitator : plotted unsuccessfully to destroy the Directory and establish a communistic system

caribe - noun. another term for PIRANHA.

goaded - noun. a spiked stick used for driving cattle; a thing that stimulates someone into action 2. verb. provoke or annoy (someone) so as to stimulate some action or reaction

• [ trans . ] drive or urge (an animal) on with a goad

dipthongs - noun. a sound formed by the combination of two vowels in a single syllable, in which the sound begins as one vowel and moves toward another(as in coin, loud, and side). Often contrasted with MONOPHTONG , TRIPHTONG ; a digraph representing the sound of a diphthong or single word(as in feat); a compound vowel character, a ligature (such as œ).

concatenation - noun. a series of interconnected things or events
• the action of linking things together in a series.
• the condition of being linked in such a way.

chelura - noun. Zoology. a genus of marine amphipod crustacea, which bore into and sometimes destroy timber

chela - noun. Zoology. a pincerlike claw, esp. of a crab or other crustacean.

chelicera - noun. Zoology. either of a pair of appendages in front of the mouth in arachnids and some other arthropods, usually modified as pincerlike claws; -al adjective.

chelation - noun. chemistry. the process of chelating 2. noun. Medicine/Medical. a.  a method of removing certain heavy metals from the bloodstream, used especially in treating lead or mercury poisoning. b.  a controversial treatment for arteriosclerosis that attempts to remove calcium deposits from the inner walls of the coronary arteries.

exudation - verb. discharge (moisture or a smell) slowly and steadily
• [intrans.] (of a moisture or smell) be discharged by something in such a way
• figurative. (of a person) display (an emotion or quality) strongly and openly
• [intrans.] figurative. (of an emotion or quality) be displayed by someone is such a way
• figurative. (of a place) have a strong atmosphere of

exudate - verb. an exudate is any fluid that filters from the circulatory system into lesions or areas of inflammation. It can apply to plants as well as animals. Its composition varies but generally includes water and the dissolved solutes of the main circulatory fluid such as sap or blood. In the case of blood it will contain some or all plasma proteins, white blood cells, platelets, and in the case of local vascular damage: red blood cells. In plants, it can be a healing and defensive response to repel insect attack, or it can be an offensive habit to repel other incompatible or competitive plants. Organisms that feed on exudate are known as exudativores; for example, the Vampire Bat exhibits hematophagy, and the Pygmy marmoset is an obligate gummivore.

In humans, exudate can be a pus-like or clear fluid. When an injury occurs, leaving skin exposed, it leaks out of the blood vessels and into nearby tissues. The fluid is composed of serum, fibrin, and white blood cells. Exudate may ooze from cuts or from areas of infection or inflammation.

Types

• Purulent or suppurtive exudate consists of plasma with both active and dead neutrophils, fibrinogen, and necrotic parenchymal cells. This kind of exudate is consistent with more severe infections, and is commonly referred to as pus.

• Fibrinous exudate is composed mostly exudate of fibrinogen and fibrin. It is characteristic of rheumatic carditis, but is seen in all severe injuries such as strep throat and bacterial pneumonia. Fibrinous inflammation is often difficult to resolve due to blood vessels growing into the exudate and filling space that was occupied by fibrin. Often, large amounts of antibiotics are necessary for resolution.

• Catarrhal exudate is seen in the nose and throat and is characterized by a high content of mucus

• Serous exudate (sometimes classified as serous transudate) is usually seen in mild inflammation, with relatively low protein. Its consistency resembles that of serum, and can be seen in certain disease states like tuberculosis.

• Malignant (or cancerous) pleural effusion is effusion where cancer cells are present. It is usually classified as exudate.


serum - noun. an amber-colored, protein-rich liquid that separates out when blood coagulates; the blood serum of an animal, used esp. to provide immunity to a pathogen or toxin by inoculation or as a diagnostic agent

fibrin - noun. Biochemistry. an insoluble protein formed from fibrinogen during the clotting of blood. It forms a fibrous mesh that impedes the flow of blood.

hematophagous - adjective. (of an animal, esp. an insect or tick) feeding on blood.

gummivore - noun. an animal that eats, exudates-gum, saps, or resin

purulent - adjective. containing, discharging, or causing the production of pus

suppurate - verb. undergo the formation of pus; fester

neutrophils - noun. Physiology. a neutrophilic white blood cell

fibrinogen -noun. Biochemistry. a soluble protein present in blood plasma, from which fibrin is produced by the action of the enzyme thrombin.

necrotic - noun. Medicine. the death of most or all of the cells in an organ or tissue due to disease, injury, or failure of the blood supply

parenchymal - noun. Anatomy. the functional tissue of an organ as distinguished from the connective and supporting tissue.

• Botany the cellular tissue, typically soft and succulent, found chiefly in the softer parts of leaves, pulp of fruits, bark and pitch of stems, etc.

• Zoology cellular tissue lying between the body wall and the organs of invertebrate animals lacking a coelom, such as flatworms

rheumatic carditis -

catarrhal - noun. excessive discharge or buildup of mucus in the nose or throat, associated with inflammation of the mucous membrane.

serous - adjective. Physiology. of, resembling, or producing serum

transudate - verb. archaic. discharge (a fluid ) gradually through the pores in a membrane, esp. within the body; (of a fluid) be discharged in such a way

tuberculosis - noun. an infectious bacterial disease characterized by the growth of nodules(tubercles) in the tissues, esp. the lungs • The disease is caused by the bacterium Mycobacterium tuberculosis or (esp. in animals) a related species; Gram-positive acid-fast rods.

The most common form, pulmonary tuberculosis (formerly known as 'consumption'), is caused by inhalation of the bacteria. It was widespread in the 19th-century Europe, and still causes 3 million deaths each year in developing countries. The disease can affect other parts of the body, notably the bones and joints and the central nervous system. Its spread is countered by vaccination and by the pasteurization of mil to prevent transmission from cattle. It was once considered incurable, but early X-ray diagnosis permits its arrest by drugs and surgery.

rhizosphere - noun. Ecology. the region of soil in the vicinity of plant roots in which the chemistry and microbiology is influenced by their growth, respiration, and nutrient exchange.

vampire bat - noun. a bat from Central and South America that sucks the blood of people and animals; any of several Central and South American bats Desmodus rotundus, Diaemus youngi, and Diphylla ecaudata of the subfamily Desmodontinae of the family Phyllostomidae that feed on the blood of birds and mammals and especially domestic animals and that are sometimes vectors of disease and especially of rabies; also any of several other bats (as of the families Megadermatidae and Phyllostomidae that feed on the blood of birds and mammals and especially

laud - verb. formal. praise (a person or their achievements) highly, esp. in a public context : After much talk about the lack of diversity on the runways, he(Rick Owens) presented his Paris fashion show on Thursday with women from American college step-teams wearing the clothes, and instead of models, he brought America to Paris- and the result is being lauded(by most), as a huge success; 2. noun. archaic. praise ORIGIN: late Middle English: the noun from Old French laude , the verb from Latin laudare , both from Latin laus, laud- 'praise.'

madder root - noun. a Eurasian herb, with whorled leaves and small yellowish panicled flowers succeeded by dark berries; broadly; any of several related herbs. 2. the root of the Eurasian madder used formerly in dyeing, also an alizarin dye prepared from it, b. a moderate to strong red

tule - noun. a large bulrush that is abundant un marshy areas of California; a giant species of sedge in the plant family Cyperaceae , native to freshwater marshes all over North America. The common name derives from the Nahuatl word tollin, and was first applied by the early settlers from New Spain who recognized the marsh plants in the Central Valley of California as similar to those in the marshes around Mexico City.

Tules once lined the shores of Tulare Lake, California, formerly the largest freshwater lake in the western United States, until it was drained by land speculators in the 20th century. The expression "out in the tules" is still common, deriving from the dialect of old Californian families and means "where no one would want to live", with a touch of irony. The phrase is comparable to "out in the boondocks."

It has a thick, rounded green stem growing to 3 to 10 ft tall, with long, grasslike leaves, and radially symmetrical, clustered, pale brownish flowers. Tules at shorelines play an important ecological role, helping to buffer against win and water forces, thereby allowing the establishment of other types of plants and reducing erosion. Tules are sometimes cleared from waterway using herbicides. When erosion occurs, tule rhizomes are replanted in strategic areas.

Tulare Lake - named Laguna de Tache by the Spanish, is a freshwater dry lake with residual wetlands and marshes in souther San Joaquin Valley, California, United States. After Lake Cahuilla disappeared in the 17th century, Tulare Lake was the largest freshwater lake west of the Mississippi River and the second larges freshwater lake entirely in the United States, based upon surface area. The lake dried up after its tributary rivers were diverted for agricultural irrigation and municipal water uses.

tulle - noun. a soft, fine silk, cotton, or nylon material like net, used for making veils and dresses

sedge -


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The Uto-Aztecan Language Families

The Uto-Aztecan Language Families - noun. a language family of Central America and western North America including Comanche, Hopi, Nahuatl(the language of the Aztecs), Paiute, Pima, and Shoshone.

Nahuatl - is a language of the Nahuan  branch of the Uto-Aztecan language family. It is spoken by an estimated 1.5 million Nahua people, most of whom live in Central Mexico; some who live in El Salvador are known as the Pipil people. All Nahuan languages are indigenous to Mesoamerica.

Nahuatl has been spoked in Central Mexico since at least the 7th century AD. It was the language of the Aztecs who dominated what is now central Mexico during the Late Postclassic period of Mesoamerican history. During the centuries preceding the Spanish conquest of Mexico, the Aztec Empire had expanded to incorporate most of Mexico, and its influence caused the variety of Nahuatl spoken by the residents of Tenochtitlan to become a prestige language in Mesoamerica. At the conquest, with the introduction of the Latin alphabet, Nahuatl also became a literary language, and many chronicles, grammars, works of poetry, administrative documents and codices were written in it during the 16th and 17th centuries. This early literary language based on the Tenochtitlan variety has been labeled Classical Nahuatl and is among the most studied and best-documented languages of the Americas.

Today Nahuatl varieties are spoken in scattered communities, mostly in rural areas throughout central Mexico and along the coastline. There are considerable differences among varieties, and some are mutually unintelligible. They have all been subject to varying degrees of influence from Spanish. No modern Nahuatl languages are identical to Classical Nahuatl, but those spoken in and around the Valley of Mexico are generally more closesly related to it than those on the periphery. Under Mexico's Ley General de Derechos Linguisticos de los Pueblos Indigenas("General Law on the Linguistic Rights of Indigenous Peoples") promulgated in 2003, Nahuatl and the other 63 indigenous languages of Mexico are recognized as national languages in the regions where they are spoken, enjoying the same status as Spanish within their region.

Nahuatl is a language with a complex morphology characterized by polysynthesis and agglutination. Through centuries of coexistence with the other indigenous Mesoamerican languages, Nahuatl has absorbed many influenced, coming to form part of the Mesoamerican Linguistic Area.

Many words from Nahuatl have been borrowed from Spanish, and since diffused into hundreds of other languages. Most of these loanwords denote things indigenous to central Mexico which the Spanish heard mentioned for the first time by their Nahuatl names. English words of Nahuatl origin include "avocado", "chayote", "chili", "chocolate", "atlatl", "coyote", "axolotl", and "tomato".

Place of Nahuatl within Uto-Aztecan

In the past, the branch of Uto-Aztecan to which Nahuatl belongs was called "Aztecan". From the 1990s on, the alternative designation "Nahuan" has been frequently used as a replacement especially in Spanish language publications. The Nahuan(Aztecan) branch of Uto-Aztecan is widely accepted as having two divisions, "General Aztec" and Pochutec.

General Aztec encompasses the Nahuatl and Pipil languages. Pochutec is a scantily attested language which went extinct in the 20th century which Campbell and Langacker classify as being outside of general Aztec. Other researchers argue that Pochutec should be considered a divergent variant of the western periphery.

"Nahuatl" denotes at least Classical Nahuatl together with related modern languages spoken in Mexico. The inclusion of Pipil(Nawat) into the group is slightly controversial. Lyle Campbell classifies Pipil as separate from the Nahuatl branch within general Aztecan, whereas dialectologists like Una Canger, Karen Dakin and Yolanda Lastra prefer to include Pipil in the General Aztecan branch, citing close historical ties with the eastern peripheral dialects of General Aztec.


pochutec -

Nahua people -

Tenochtitlan -

Comanche -

Hopi -

Paiute -

Pima -

Shoshone -

prestige language -

agglutination -

polysynthesis -

morphology -

Mesoamerica history -

Nahua people -

Pipil - Pipil (natively Nawat) is an Uto-Aztecan language which is similar to Nahuatl, and which was spoken in several parts of present-day Central America before the Spanish conquest. Although it has been on the verge of extinction in western El Salvador and has already gone extinct elsewhere in Central America, as of 2012, new second language speakers are starting to appear.

In El Salvador, Nawat was the language of several tribes; Nonualcos, Cuscatlecos, Mazahuas, and Izalcos. The name Pipil for this language is used by the international scholarly community, chiefly to differentiate it more clearly from Nahuatl.

Aztec -

Quechua - noun. (pl. same or Quechuas) a member of an American Indian people of Peru and parts of Bolivia, Chile, Colombia, and Ecuador. 2. the language or group of languages of this people.

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Words of Nahuatl Origin in English

avocado - noun. a pear-shaped fruit with a rough leathery skin, smooth oily edible flesh, and a large stone, also called ALLIGATOR PEAR; a light green color like that of the flesh of avocados 2. the tropical evergreen tree that bears this fruit. It is native to Central America and widely cultivated elsewhere.

Etymology

The word "avocado" comes from the Spanish aguacate which in turn comes from the Nahuatl word ahuacatl which goes back to the proto-Aztecan pa-wa with the same meaning. In some countries of South America, such as Argentina Bolivia, Chile, Peru, and Uruguay, the avocado is known by its Quechua name, palta. In other Spanish-speaking countries it is known by the Mexican name and in Portuguese it is abacate. The fruit is sometimes called an avocado pear or alligator pear(due to its shape and the rough green skin of some cultivars). The Nahuatl ahuacatl can be compounded with other words, as in ahuacamolli, meaning avocado soup or sauce, from which the Spanish word guacamole derives.

The modern English name is not etymologically related to the similar sounding Spanish word abogado, meaning 'lawyer' , but comes through an English rendering of the Spanish "aguacate" as "avogato". The earliest known written use in English is attested from 1697 as "Avogato Pear", a term which was later corrupted as "alligator pear". Because the word avogato sounded like "advocate" several languages reinterpreted it to have that meaning and "advocate"-forms of the word appear in several other Germanic languages, such as the German Advogato-Birne, the Swedish advokatpeer, the old Danish advokat-paere(though today it is called "avocado") and the Dutch advocaatpeer. It is known as "butter fruit" in parts of India. In eastern China it is known as e li(a direct translation of "alligator pear") or hangyou guo("butter fruit").

cultivar - noun. Botany. a plant variety that has been produced in cultivation by selective breeding. Cultivars are usually designated in the style Taxus baccata "Variegata." ORIGIN: 1920s: portmanteau, blend of Cultivate and Variety.

chayote -

chili -

chocolate -

atlatl -

coyote -

axotl -

tomato -

ablutions -

purulent -
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70 Obscure Color Words


aenous - adjective. shining bronze color

albicant - adjective. whitish; becoming white

alizarin - noun. Chemistry. a red pigment present in madder root, used in dyeing; denoting dyes derived from or similar to this pigment alizarin crimson.

albuginous - adjective. white-colored; like the white of an eye or an egg

argent - adjective. the heraldic color silver; white

atrous - adjective. jet black

aubergine - adjective. eggplant; a dark purple color

aurulent - adjective. gold-colored

azuline - adjective. blue

azure - light or sky blue; heraldic color blue

badious - adjective light creamy brown

briljant -

brunneous - adjective. dark brown;

burnet - adjective. dark brown; dark woolen cloth

cadmium red-purple

cadmium yellow lemon -

cadmium yellow -

caesious - adjective. bluish or grayish green

cardinal - adjective. deep scarlet red color

Caribbean blue -

castaneous - adjective. chestnut-colored

castory - adjective. brown color; brown dye derived from beaver pelts

celadon - adjective. pale green

celeste - adjective. sky blue

cerise - adjective. a deep to vivid pinkish red

corbeau - adjective. blackish green

chartreuse -

chlorochrous -

chrysochlorous -

cinerious -

citrine -

claret -

cobalt -

coccineous -

columbine -

coquelicot -

corbeau -

cramoisy -

cremnitz white -

crimson -

cyan -

eau-de-nil -

ebon -

ebony -

eburnean - adjective. made of ivory; white as ivory

delft blue - adjective. denotes pottery made in and around Delft in the Netherlands and the tin-glazed pottery made in the Netherlands from the 16th century.

dioxazine mauve - adjective. a shade of purple

ferruginous - adjective. containing iron oxides or rust

filemot - adjective. pertaining to the color of a dead or faded leaf; dull brown or yellowish brown

flake white -

fluorescent -

fuliginous - adjective. sooty; smoky; of the color of soot, as dark gray

fulvous - adjective. tawny; dull yellowish-gray or yellowish brown

fuscous - adjective. of brownish gray or dusky color

gamboge - noun. also, cambogia. a gum resin from various Asian trees of the genus Garcinia, especially G. hanburyi, used as a yellow pigment and as a cathartic 2. yellow or yellow-orange

gridelin - noun. gray of flax or flax-gray 2. a color mixed of white, and red, or a gray violet. Also written, gredaline, grizelin.

griseous - adjective. gray; pearl-gray

haematic - adjective. Also: haemic relating to, acting on, having the color of, or containing blood

hoary - adjective. gray or white with age; ancient or venerable; tedious from familiarity

ibis - noun. any of several large wading birds of the family Threskiornithidae of warm temperate and tropical regions, related to the herons and storks, characterized by a long, thin, downwardly-curved bill.

icteritious - adjective. Yellow; of the color of the skin when it is affected by the jaundice

indigo - noun. a blue dye obtained from various plants, especially of the genus Indigofera, or manufactured synthetically 2. indigo blue 3. any of numerous hairy plants belonging to the family Indigofera, of the legume family, having pinnate leaves and clusters of usually red or purple flowers 3. a color ranging from a deep violet blue to a dark, grayish blue.

infuscate -

isabelline -

jacinthe -

kermes -

lurid -

lutescent -

madder -

madder crimson -

mars black -

melanic -

melichrous -

niveous -

ochre -

or -

ponceau -

prussian -

rouge -

royal blue -

royal purple -

russet -

sarcoline - adjective. flesh-colored

sarco- or sarc- - 1. Flesh; sarcophagic 2. striated muscle

smalt - adjective. a deep blue pigment consisting of a powdered glass that contains oxide of cobalt ORIGIN: Middle French, from Old Italian 1558: smalto, of Germanic origin; akin to Old High German smelzan, 'to melt.'

terracotta - noun. unglazed, typically brownish-red earthenware, used chiefly as an ornamental building material and in modeling; a statuette or other object made of such earthenware; a strong brownish-red or brownish-orange color.

titian -

umber - noun. a natural pigment resembling but darker than ocher, normally dark yellowish-brown in color(raw umber) or dark brown when roasted (burnt umber);2. a brownish-gray moth with coloring that resembles tree bark ORIGIN:mid 16th cent.:from French (terre d')ombre or Italian (terra di)ombra, literally '(earth of) shadow,' from Latin umbra 'shadow' or Umbra (feminine) 'Umbrian.'

velvet -

vermillion -

vinous -

virescent -

virid -

viridian -

viridian blue -

vitellary -

wallflower -

wheaten - adjective. (esp. of bread) made of wheat; of a color resembling that of wheat; a pale yellow-beige

willowish - adjective. Having the color of the willow; resembling the willow; willowy.

xanthic - adjective. Tending toward a yellow color, or to one of those colors, green being excepted, in which yellow is a constituent, as scarlet, orange, etc.

zinnober - noun. Vermillion is a brilliant red or scarlet pigment originally made from the powdered mineral cinnabar, and is also the name of the resulting color. It was widely used in the art and decoration of Ancient Rome, in the illuminated manuscripts of the Middle Ages, in the paintings of the Renaissance, and in he ar lacquerware of Chine, where it is often called "Chinese Red."


tetrachromacy -  

color space -

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roily - adjective. (chiefly of water) muddy; turbulent

lallation - a lallation (also called cambia-tetras or trova-letra, "letter-changer" , in Latin American countries) is an imperfect enunciation of the letter, "L", in which it sounds like "R", as frequently found in infantile speech. The speech pattern has been particularly associated with the use of Portuguese, Spanish, and English languages by Chinese, Korean, and Japanese people. The use of lallation has thus been a common feature of Western stereotypes of East Asian People.

ambivert - noun. Psychology. a person whose personality has a balance of extrovert and introvert features

eutectic - adjective. relating to or denoting to a mixture of substances (in fixed proportions) that melts and solidifies at a single temperature that is lower than the melting points of the separate constituents or any other mixture of them; noun. a eutectic mixture, short for EUTECTIC POINT Origin: late 19th cent.: from Greek eutektos 'easily melting,' from eu 'well, easily' + tekein 'melt.'

bourse - noun. a stock market in a non-English-speaking country, esp. France
• (Bourse) the Paris stock exchange ORIGIN: mid 16th cent. (as burse, the usual form until the mid 19th cent.) from French, literally 'purse', via medieval Latin from Greek bursa 'leather.'

kettle hole - noun. Geology. a hollow, typically filled by a lake, resulting from the melting of a mass of ice trapped in glacial deposits

kettle - noun. a vessel, usually made of metal and with a handle, used for boiling liquids or cooking foods; a pot.

eustasy - noun. a change of sea level throughout the world, caused typically by movements of parts of the earth's crust or melting of glaciers

glade - noun. an open space in a forest

frazil - noun. soft or amorphous ice formed by the accumulation of ice crystals in water that is too turbulent to freeze solid.

pagophagia - noun. the compulsion to eat ice, typically associated as the symptom of a lack of iron

huronian glaciation - The Huronian glaciation (or Makganyene glaciation) extended from 2400 Mya to 2100 Mya, during the Siderian and Rhyacian periods of the Paleoproterozoic era, following the Great Oxygenation Event(GOE), which oxidized the atmospheric methane.

Makganyene glaciation -

Mya -

Paleoproterozoic Era -

Rhyacian period -

Siderian -

Great Oxygenation Event -

phase rule - noun. Chemistry. a rule relating the possible numbers of phases, constituents, and degrees of freedom in a chemical system.

hummock - noun. a hillock, knoll, or mound; a hump or ridge in an ice field, a piece of forested ground rising above a marsh

floe - noun. a sheet of floating ice

Kara sea - an arm of the Arctic Ocean off the Northern coast of Russia, bounded on the east by the islands of Severnaya Zemlya and on the west by those of Novaya Zemlya

serac - noun. a pinnacle or ridge of ice on the surface of a glacier

cornice - noun. an ornamental molding around the wall of a room just below the ceiling 2. an overhanging mass of hardened snow at the edge of a a mountain preceipice

bombe - noun. a frozen dome-shaped mold in which this dessert is made

crampon - noun. (usu. crampons) a metal plate with spikes fixed to a boot for walking on ice or rock climbing 2. archaic. Grappling hook

logomachy - noun. rare. an argument about words

parley - noun. (pl. -leys) a conference between opposing sides in a dispute , esp. a discussion of terms for an armistice 2. verb. hold a conference with the opposing side to discuss terms

pisciculture - noun. the controlled breeding and rearing of fish

Machinal - Proper Noun. a play written by American playwright and journalist Sophie Treadwell, inspired by the real life case of convicted and executed murderer Ruth Snyder. In 1928 Broadway premiere, directed by Arthur Hopkins, is considered one of the high points of Expressionist theatre on the American stage. It was included in Burn's Mantle's The Best Plays of 1928-1929

macilency - noun. also (macilences) macilent condition, thin, lean; esp. leanness of the body

machicolation - noun. (in medieval fortifications) an opening between the supporting corbels of a projecting parapet or the vault of a gate, through which stones or burning objects could be dropped on attackers

corbels - noun. (pl. -ls) a projection jutting out from a wall to support a structure above it 2. verb. support (a structure such as an arch or balcony) on corbels ORIGIN: late Middle English: from Old French, diminutive of corp 'crow,' from Latin corvus 'raven' (perhaps because of the shape of a corbel, resembling a crow's beak)

madake - noun. large bamboo, having thick-walled culms; Native of China and perhaps Japan, widely grown elsewhere

culms - noun. the hollow stem of a grass or cereal plant, esp. that bearing the flower

madnep -

mactation - noun. Botany. The masterwort; wild parsnip, Earth pitch (biennial weed in Europe and America having large pinnate leaves and yellow flowers and a bitter and somewhat poisonous root; the ancestor of cultivated parsnip.)

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Masterwort


Masterwort - typically refers to the plant Peucedanum ostruthium or Imperatoria ostruthium in the family Apiaceae, and not to be confused with great masterwort, Astrantia major, in the same family.

Habit

Woodland gardens and meadows, in semi shady areas

Use

Masterwort is also used as a flavor for various liqueurs and bitters. Peucedanium ostruthium roots and leaves have been used in the traditional Austrian medicine internally) as tea, liqueurs and wine) and externally (as fumigation, tincture, or incense) for treatment disorders of the gastrointestinal tract, skin respiratory tract, cardiovascular system, infections, fever, flu, and colds.

Chemical constituents

The plant is a source of coumarins, including oxypeucedanin, ostruthol, imperatorin, osthole, isoimperatorin, and ostruthin.

coumarins -

oxypeucedanin -

ostruthol -

imperatorin -

osthole -

isoimperatorin -

ostruthin -

celery - noun. a cultivated plant of the parsley family, with closely packed and succulent leafstalks that are eaten raw or cooked Apium graveolens var. dulce, family Umbelliferae.

Garden Angelica -

cumin -

caraway -

chervil -

cicely -

fennel -

dill -

lovage -

coriander -

celeriac -

ajowan - noun. an annual plant (Trachyspermum ammi) of the parsley family, with feathery leaves and white flowers. Native to India, the aromatic seeds of the ajowan plant, used as a culinary spice, the essential oil of the ajowan plant

asafoetida -

arracacha -

anise - noun. a Mediterranean plant of the parsley family, cultivated for its aromatic seeds, which are used in cooking and herbal medicine 2. an Asian or American tree or shrub that bears fruit with an aiseed-like odor

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pissasphalt -

Edda - either of two 13th-century Icelandic books, the Elder or Poetic Edda (a collection of Old Norse poems on Norse legends) and the Younger or Prose Edda (a handbook to Icelandic poetry by Snorri Sturluson). The Eddas are the chief source of knowledge of Scandinavian mythology.

kalevala -

Homeric - adjective. of or in the style of Homer or the epic poems ascribed to him; epic and large-scale.

bax -

Nibelungenlied - a 13th-century German poem, embodying a story found in the (Poetic) Edda, telling of the life and death of Siegfried, a prince of the Netherlands. There have been many adaptations of the story, including Wagner's epic music dram Der Ring des Nibelungen (1847-74)

Robinia - is a genus of flowering plants in the family Fabaceae, subfamily Faboideae, native to North America and northern Mexico. Commonly known as "locusts", they are deciduous trees and shrubs growing 13-82 feet tall. The leaves are white or pink, in usually pendulous racemes. Many species have thorny shoots, and several have sticky hairs on the shoots.

runes -

kohnur -

divan -

masorete -

epos -

roget -

goliards - noun. a wandering student in medieval Europe disposed to conviviality, license, and the making of ribald and satirical songs.

goliardery - noun. Literature/Poetry. the poems of the goliards

ribald - adjective. characterized by or indulging in vulgar,lewd humor; 2. noun. vulgar, lewdly funny person.

idyls -

bucoliast -

storiology -

sibelius -

hagiology -

mishnah -

almagest -

hexapla -

hakluyt -

xeronisus -

karezza -

fourchette -

kraurosis vulvae -

nymphitis -

episiotomy -

pudendum - noun. a person's external genitals, esp. a woman's

gerundive - noun. Grammar. (in Latin) a form that is derived from a verb but that functions an an adjective, denoting something "that should or must be done."

clitoridectomy -

phimosis - noun. Medicine. a congenital narrowing of the opening of the foreskin so that it cannot be retracted

elephantine -

Brobdingnagian - adjective. gigantic; noun. a giant.

tailpot -

diplodocus -

megalosaur -

ribaudequin -

sciapodous -

prepuce -

immensive -

hama -

pantagruel -

hypermarket -



prattle -

sonant -

phonate -

surd -

rhotacism -

paralalia -

phoneme -

splutter -

malapropism -

euphony -

allophone -

hebephrenia -

bilabial -

labiovelar -

orotund -

fricative -



tantalus -

danaides -

rhabdophobia -

rebuked -

tereus -

jamshid -



enceladus -

procne -

callisto -

pillory -

rusticate -

amerce -

gored -

tumbrel -

castigate -

ferule -


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9/12/13 to 9/29/ Words

burnish - verb. to polish or brighten

secateurs - plural noun. (also a pair of secateurs) chiefly British. a pair of
pruning clippers for use with one hand

stet - verb. (stetted, stetting) let it stand (as an instruction on a printed proof to indicate that a correction or alteration should be ignored)

palmate - adjective. Botany. (of a leaf) having several lobes (typically 5-7) whose midribs all radiate from one point 2. Zoology. (of an antler) in which the angles between the tines are partly filled in to form a broad flat surface, as in fallow deer and moose

tines - noun. a prong or sharp point, such as that on a fork or antler

pip - noun. a small hard seed in a fruit; adjective. pipless

pip 2 - noun. a small shape or symbol, in particular:
• any of the spots on playing cards, dice, or dominoes.
• a single blossom of a clustered head of flowers.
• a diamond-shaped segment of the surface of a pineapple
• an image of an object on a radar screen; blip.
• British. a star (1-3 according to rank) on the shoulder of an army officer's uniform. ORIGIN: late 16th cent. (originally peep, denoting each of the dots on playing cards, dice, and dominoes): of unknown origin

pip 4 - verb. (of a young bird) crack (the shell of the egg) hen hatching. ORIGIN: late 19th cent.: perhaps of imitative origin

pip 5 - (pipped, pipping) British Informal. verb. [trans.] (usually be pipped) defeat by a small margin or at the last moment.
• dated. hit or wound (someone) with a gunshot.

pippin - noun. a red and yellow desert apple, an apple grown from seed; informal. an excellent person or thing

pipless - verb. (of a young bird) crack (the shell of the egg) hen hatching. ORIGIN: late 19th cent.: perhaps of imitative origin

thew - noun. poetic/literary. muscular strength.
• (thews) muscles and tendons perceived as generating such strength; adjective. thewy
ORIGIN: Old English theaw [usage, custom,] (plural) [(personal manner of behaving,] of unknown origin. The sense [good bodily proportions, muscular development] arose in Middle English.

cohort - noun. [treated as sing. or pl.] an ancient Roman military unit, comprising six centuries, equal to one tenth of a legion 2. a group of people banded together or treated as a group 3. a supporter or companion

Nine Shift: Work, Life and Education in the 21st Century

Lindsey Pollak, Getting From College to Career: Your Essential Guide to Succeeding in the Real World

Shame society - In cultural anthropology, a shame culture, also called honor-shame culture or shame society, is the concept that, in a given society, the primary device for gaining control over children and maintaining social order is the inculcation of shame and the complementary threat of ostracism. A shame society is contrasted with a guilt society in which control is maintained by creating and continually reinforcing the feeling of guilt (and the expectation of punishment now or in the afterlife for certain condemned behaviors.

sacrilege - noun. violation or misuse of what is regarded as sacred

parasite single -

NEET(Not in Education, Employment, or Training) -

egosyntonic -

Kodokushi -

cocooning - is the name given to the trend that sees individuals socializing less and retreating into their homes more. The term was coined in the 1990's by Faith Popcorn, a trend forecaster and marketing consultant.

selective mutism - noun. Psychology. Selective Mutism(SM) is a psychiatric disorder in which a person who is normally capable of speech is unable to speak in given situations or to specific people. Selective mutism usually co-exists with shyness or social anxiety. In fact, the majority of children diagnosed with selective mutism also have social anxiety disorder (100% of participants in two studies and 97% in another). Some researchers therefore speculate that selective mutism maybe an avoidance strategy used by a subgroup of children with social anxiety disorder to reduce their distress in social situations.

cosseter - (also Helicopter parent or cosseting parent or cosseter) is a parent who pays extremely close attention to a child's or children's experiences and problems, particularly at educational institutions. Helicopter parents are so named because, like helicopters, they hover overhead.

helicopter parents -

psychographic -

shorn -

lilt - noun. a characteristic rising and falling of the voice when speaking; a pleasant gentle accent; a pleasant, gently swinging rhythm in a song or tune ; archaic. chiefly Scottish. a cheerful tune 2. verb. speak, sing, or sound with a lilt.

malfeasance - noun. Law. wrongdoing. esp. by a public official

fracas - noun. (pl. -cas-es) a noisy disturbance or quarrel. ORIGIN: early 18th cent.: French, from fracasser, from Italian fracassare , from Italian fracassare =  

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Skunks

skunk - noun. (also called polecats in America) are mammals known for their ability to spray a liquid with a strong odor. Different species of skunk vary in appearance from black-and-white to brown or cream colored, but all have warning coloration.

Etymology

The word "polecat" (with "pole" from either the French poule "chicken or puant "stinking"), which in Europe refers to the wild relatives of the ferret, has been attested in the New World to refer to the skunk since the 1680s. The word "squunck" is attested in New England in the Algonquian language, with the Proto-Algonquian form being a compound of the roots*/sek-/ meaning 'to urinate' and* /seka:kwa/ meaning 'fox'. The name of the family and of the most common genus (Mephitidae, Mephitis) means "stench{" , while Spilogale putorius means "stinking spotted weasel".

Physical Description

Skunk species vary in size from about 15.6 to 37 in(40-94 cm) and in weight from about 1.1 lb (0.50 kg) (spotted skunks) to 18 lb (8.2 kg) (hog-nosed skunks). They have moderately elongated bodies with relatively short, well-muscled legs, and long front claws for digging.

Although the most common fur color is black and white, some skunks are brown or grey, and a few are cream-colored. All skunks are striped, even from birth. They may have a single thick stripe across back and tail, two thinner stripes, or a series of white sports (

warning coloration -



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Falklands War

Falklands War - also known as the Falklands Conflict or Falklands Crisis was a 1982 war between Argentina and the United Kingdom. The conflict resulted from the long-standing dispute over the sovereignty of the Falkland Islands and South Georgia and the South Sandwich Islands, which lie in the South Atlantic, east of Argentina. The Falklands War began on Friday, 2 April 1982, when Argentine forces invaded and occupied the Falkland Islands and South Georgia. The British government dispatched a naval task force to engage the Argentine Navy and Air Force, and retake the islands by amphibious assault. The resulting conflict lasted 74 days and ended with the Argentine surrender on 14 June 1982, which returned the islands to British control. During the conflict, 649 Argentine military personnel, 255 British military personnel and 3 Falkland Islanders died.

The conflict was the result of a protracted historical confrontation regarding the sovereignty of the islands. Argentina has asserted that the Falkland Islands have been Argentinian territory since the 19th century and, as of 2013, has not relinquished the claim. The claim was added to the Argentine constitution after its reformation in 1994. As such, the Argentine government characterized their initial invasion as the re-occupation of their own territory, whilst the British government saw it as an invasion of a British dependent territory. However, neither state officially declared war and hostilities were almost exclusively limited to the territories under dispute and the local area of the South Atlantic.

The conflict had a strong impact on both countries. Patriotic sentiment ran high in ARgentina, but the outcome prompted large protests against the ruling military government, which hastened its downfall. In the United Kingdom, Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher's government was bolstered by the successful outcome. The war has played an important role in the culture of both countries, and has been the subject of several books, scholarly articles, films, and songs. Over time, the cultural and political weight of the conflict has had less effect on the British public than on that of Argentina, where the war is still a topic of discussion.

Relations between the United Kingdom and Argentina were restored in 1989 following a meeting in Madrid, at which the two governments issued a joint statement which explicitly did not change either side's position on sovereignty.
                                                              


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Philosophy

acatalepsy - noun. Philosophy. (to seize), in Philosophy, is incomprehensibleness, or the impossibility of comprehending or conceiving a thing. The Pyrrhonians attempted to show, while Academic skeptics of the Pyrrhonians attempted to show, while Academic skeptics of the Platonic Academy asserted an absolute acatalepsia; all human science or knowledge, according to them, went no further than to appearances and verisimilitude. It is the antithesis of the Stoic doctrine of catalepsy or Apprehension. According to the Stoics, catalepsy was true perception, but to the Skeptics, all perceptions were acataleptic, i.e. bore no conformity to the objects perceived, or, if they did bear any conformity, it could never be known.

verisimilitude - noun. a philosophical concept that distinguishes between the truth and the falsity of assertions and hypotheses. The problem of verisimilitude is the problem of articulating what it takes for one false theory to be closer to the truth than another false theory.

This problem was central to the philosophy of Karl Popper, largely because Popper was among the first to affirm that the truth is the aim of scientific inquiry while acknowledging that most of the greatest scientific theories in the history of science are, strictly speaking, false. If this long string of purportedly false theories is to constitute progress with respect to the goal of truth then it must be at least possible for one false theory to be closer to the truth than others.

Sir Karl Raimund Popper - (July 28, 1902--September 17, 1994) was an Austro-British philosopher and the professor at the London School of Economics. He is generally regarded as one of the greatest philosophers of science of the 20th century. He also wrote extensively on social and political philosophy. In 1992, he was awarded the Kyoto Prize in Arts and Philosophy for "symbolizing the open spirit of the 20th century" and for his "enormous influence on the formation of the modern intellectual climate." Popper is known for his attempt to repudiate the classical observationalist/inductivist form of the scientific method in favor of empirical falsification. He is also known for his opposition to the classical justificationist account of knowledge which he replaced with critical rationalism, "the first non justificational philosophy of criticism in the history of philosophy." In political discourse, he is known for his vigorous defense of liberal democracy and the principles of social criticism that he came to believe made a flourishing "open society" possible.

Main Interests

Epistemology - noun. Philosophy. the theory of knowledge, esp. with regard to its methods, validity, and scope. Epistemology is the investigation of what distinguishes justified belief from opinion.

Rationality -

Philosophy of Science -

logic -

Social and Political Philosophy -

Metaphysics -

Philosophy of mind -

Origin of Life -

Interpretation of Quantum mechanics -

Notable Ideas

observationalist -

inductivist -

Critical rationalism -

falsification -

evolutionary trial and error view of the growth of knowledge -

propensity interpretation -

open society -

cosmological pluralism -

modified essentialism -

axiomatization of probability -

axiomatization -

active Darwinism -

spearhead model of evolution -

truth-likeness -

hermeneutics - plural noun. [ usu. treated as sing. ] the branch of knowledge that deals with interpretation, esp. of the Bible or literary texts.

objective hermeneutics

the paradox of tolerance

critical dualism (of facts and standards) -

Negative utilitarism -

Kyoto Prize in Arts and Philosophy - is a once yearly awarded Prize for Arts and Philosophy by the Inamori Foundation for lifetime achievements in the arts and philosophy. It is one of three Kyoto Prize categories; the others are the Kyoto Prize in Advanced Technology and the Kyoto Prize in Basic Sciences. The first Kyoto Prize in Arts and Philosophy was awarded to Olivier Messiaen in 1985, the "greatest composer to have emerged from 20th century France". It is widely regarded as the most prestigious award available in fields which are traditionally not honored with a Nobel Prize.










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Aeroplanes, Airplanes, and Things in the Sky


hang gliding - noun. an unpowered flying apparatus for a single person, consisting of a frame with a fabric airfoil stretched over it. The operator is suspended from a harness below and controls flight by body movement.

Cessna Citation Jet -

Grob Aerospace -

Bombardier Aerospace -

Hawker Beechcraft -

Beech Aircraft Company -

Mitsubishi

foot-launched powered hang gliders -

air ambulance - noun. Aviation. air medical services is a comprehensive term covering the use of air transportation to move patients to and from healthcare facilities to improve their level of care. Personnel provide comprehensive prehospital and emergency and critical care to all types of patients during aeromedical evacuation or rescue operations aboard helicopter and propeller aircraft or jet aircraft.

The use of air transport of patients dates to Word War 1, but its role was expanded dramatically during the Korean and Vietnam conflicts. The first hospital-based air medical service began in Denver at St. Anthony hospital in 1972. Helicopters are used to transport patients between hospitals and from trauma scenes; fixed-wing aircraft are used for long-distance transports.

crop dusting -

charter flights -

police air patrols -

forest fire fighting -

Air Creation Tanarg -

Antonov An-225 -


Fighter Aircraft

Lockheed SR-71 -

Sopwith Camel -

A6M Zero -

F-15 -

F-22 -

MiG-29 -

Su-27 -

Ground Attack Aircraft

Junkers Stuka -

A-10 -

Il-2 -

J-22 Orao -

AH-64

Su-25

Bombers

Zeppelin -

Tu-95 -

Mirage IV -

B-52 -

Transport Aircraft

C-17 Globemaster III -

C-130 Hercules -

Mil Mi-26

Surveillance and Reconnaissance Aircraft

Rumpler Taube -

Mosquito -

U-2 -

OH-58

MiG 25R -

Unmanned Aerial Vehicles(UAV)

RQ-7B Shadow -

MQ-8 Fire Scout -

MQ1C Gray Eagle -




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Eclipse Aviation

Eclipse 500 - noun. Aviation. The Eclipse 500 is a small six-seat business jet aircraft manufactured by Eclipse Aviation. Eclipse 500 became the first of a new class of Very Light Jet when it was delivered in late 2006. The aircraft is powered by two lightweight Pratt & Whitney Canada PW610F turbofan engines in aft fuselage-mounted nacelles.

Production of the Eclipse 500 was halted in mid-2008 due to a lack of funding as the result of their November 25, 2008 Chapter 11 bankruptcy declaration. The company then entered Chapter 7 liquidation on February 24, 2008. After lengthy Chapter 7 liquidation procedures, Eclipse Aerospace was confirmed as the new owner of the assets of the former Eclipse Aviation on August, 20, 2009 and opened for business on September 1, 2009. In October 2011 Eclipse Aerospace announced that they would put a new version of the aircraft, called the Eclipse 550 into production with deliveries starting in 2013.

Design & Development

The Eclipse 500 is based on the Williams V-Jet 11, which was designed by Burt Rutan's Scaled Composites in 1997 for Williams International. It was intended to be used as a testbed and demonstrator for their new FJX02 turbofan engine. The aircraft and engine debuted at the 1977 Oshkosh Airshow. The V-Jet II had an all-composite structure with a forward-swept wing, a V-tail, each fin of which was mounted on the nacelle of one of the two engines. Williams had not intended to produce the aircraft, but it attracted a lot of attention, and Eclipse Aviation was founded in 1998 to further develop and produce the aircraft. The prototype and only V-Jet II aircraft was obtained by Eclipse Aviation along with the program, and was donated to the Experimental Aircraft Association AirVenture museum in Oshkosh, Wisconsin in 2001.

June 2008 Grounding

On June 12, 2008, the Federal Aviation Administration issued Emergency Airworthiness Directive(AD) AD 2008-13-51 grounding all Eclipse 500s, following an incident at Chicago's Midway Airport. According to a National Transportation Safety Board investigation, "the airplane was trying to land at Midway when the crew encountered a sudden shift in headwinds, which the pilot sought to counter by increasing power, the standard method. But when the pilot tried to cut power a few seconds later, as the airplane touched down, the engines began accelerating to maximum power." The pilots overshot, gained altitude and shut down one engine, eventually landing without injury or damage except blown out tires.

Reports published on June 16, 2008 indicated that all 500s were compliant with the AD and cleared to fly again within one day of the AD being issued. The company indicated that the final solution to this problem was a software  change to increase the throttle range and prevent an out-of-range condition.
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Airworthiness Directive -
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Mooney Aviation Company(MAC) - noun. Aviation. The Mooney Aviation Company, Inc. (MAC) (formerly the Mooney Aircraft Company i a U.S. manufacturer of single-engined general aviation aircraft. The company has gone bankrupt and changed ownership several times. Though, among its achievements was the first pressurized single-engine, piston-powered aircraft (M22 Mustang), production of the fastest civilian single-engine, piston-powered aircraft in the world (M20TN Acclaim Type S), the first production aircraft to achieve 201 mph (323km/h) on 200 hp (150 kW) (M20J 201) and the fastest transcontinental flight in a single-engine , piston-powered production aircraft(M20k 231). All Mooney aircraft have the signature vertical stabilizer with its vertical leading edge and swept trailing edge that gives the illusion of being forward-swept.
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Federal Aviation Regulations(FAR) - noun. Aviation. The Federal Aviation Regulations, or FARs, are rules prescribed by the Federal Aviation Administration(FAA) governing all aviation activities in the United States. The FARs are part of Title 14 of the Code of Federal Regulations(CFR). A wide variety of activities are regulated, such as airplane design, typical airline flights, pilot training activities, hot-air ballooning, lighter-than-air aircraft, man-made structure heights, obstruction lighting and marking, and even model rocket launches and model aircraft operation. The rules are designed to promote safe aviation, protecting pilots, flight attendants, passengers and the general public for unnecessary risk.
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hot-air balloon -

United Technologies -

lighter-than-air -

Oshkosh Airshow -

William's International -

Burt Rutan -

Williams V-Jet 11 -

nacelles - noun. a streamlined housing or tank for something on the outside of an aircraft or motor vehicle; the outer casing of an aircraft engine; chiefly historical. the car of an airship
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Pratt & Whitney Canada(PWC or P&WC;) - noun. Aviation. is a Canadian aircraft engine manufacturer. PWC's headquarters are in Longueuil, Quebec, just outside Montreal. It is a division of the larger US-based Pratt & Whitney(P&W;), itself a business unit of United Technologies. United Technologies has given P&WC; a world mandate for smaller aircraft engines while P&W;'s US operations develop and manufacture larger engines.

Although P&WC; is a division of P&W;, it does its own research, development, and marketing , as well as the manufacturing of its engines. The company currently has 9,200 employees worldwide, with 6,200 of them in Canada.

History

The Canadian Pratt & Whitney Aircraft Company, Ltd. was founded in November 1928 to act as a service center for P&W; aircraft engines. During World War II, it assembled Pratt & Whitney Wasp series engines built in the U.S.. In 1952, the production of Wasp engines was transferred to P&WC; so P&W; could concentrate on developing jet engines. In the late 1950's , a team of 12 P&WC; engineers began the development of the first small turbine engine in Canada, the PT6. THe first example was delivered to a customer in 1963. In 1962, the company was renamed United Aircraft of Canada, and assumed its current name in 1975.

Products

Pratt & Whitney JT12 -
Pratt & Whitney Canada JT15D -
Pratt & Whitney Canada PT6A/B/C -
Pratt & Whitney Canada PT6T -
Pratt & Whitney Canada PW100 -
Pratt & Whitney Canada PW200 -
Pratt & Whitney Canada PW300 -
Pratt & Whitney Canada PW400 -
Pratt & Whitney Canada PW500 -
Pratt & Whitney Canada PW600 -
Pratt & Whitney Canada PW700 -
Pratt & Whitney Canada PW800 -
Pratt & Whitney Canada PW900 -

Fleet

Pratt & Whitney Canada operate two Boeing 747SP as test beds for new engines.



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Flora & Fauna: Entomology and the Amateur Naturalist

Mammals

aardwolf - noun. Zoology. South African carnivorous fox-like quadruped

addax - spiral-horned antelope dwelling in the Sahara desert

agouti - noun. a large, long-legged burrowing rodent related to the guinea pig, native to Central and South America

anoa - noun. a small deer-like water buffalo, native to Sulawesi ORIGIN: mid 19th cent. : a local name

aurochs - noun. Zoology. an extinct wild ox

antechinus - noun. Zoology. a marsupial mouse of shrew-like habits and appearance, found in Australia, New Guinea, and Tasmania

aye-aye - noun. Zoology. a rare nocturnal Madagascan primate allied to the lemurs. It has rodent-like incisor teeth and an elongated twig-like finger on each hand with which it pries insects from bark

babirusa - noun. Zoology.a forest-dwelling wild pig with several upturned horn-like tusks, native to Malaysia ORIGIN: late 17th cent. : from Malay, from babi 'hog' + rusa 'deer'

bandicoot - noun. Zoology. a mainly insectivorous marsupial native to Australia and New Guinea

bangtail - noun. Zoology. mustang or wild horse

banteng - noun. Zoology. a wild ox of Southeast Asia

barasingha - noun. Zoology. a deer species found in isolated localities in northern and central India, and southwestern Nepal. Antlers are 10 to 14 tines on a stag, though some have been known to have up to 20

beira - noun. Zoology. a pygmy antelope

bharal - noun. Zoology.a bluish-gray Himalayan goat

binturong - noun. Zoology. a civet of southeastern Asia with a long prehensile tail

biscacha - noun. Zoology. burrowing South American rodent

blauwbok - noun. Zoology.extinct bluish-colored antelope of southern Africa

borzoi - noun. Zoology. a wolf hound

brach - noun. Zoology. a female hunting hound

brachet - noun. Zoology. whelp; brat; bitch hound

bullock - noun. Zoology. an ox or castrated bull

caple - noun. Zoology. a horse

caracal - noun. Zoology. long-legged nocturnal cat of African and Asian savannahs with long ears

dhole - noun. Zoology. a wild asian dog

diprotodon - noun. Zoology. gigantic prehistoric marsupial with two incisors in the lower jaw

dobbin - noun. Zoology. a work horse

douroucouli - noun. Zoology. a small South American nocturnal monkey

isatis - noun. Zoology. Arctic Fox

leveret - noun. Zoology. a hare in its first year; a mistress

Birds


aasvogel - South African vulture

avocet - noun. Zoology. a long-legged wading bird with a slender upturned bill and strikingly patterned plumage

adzebill(pokoriki)- prehistoric flightless bird of New Zealand

aepyornis(Elephant Bird - gigantic flightless bird of Madagascar

aberdevine - alternate name for the siskin

accentor - a songbird

adjutant - noun. a large black and white stork with massive bill and a bare head and neck, found in India and Southeast Asia; a military officer who acts as an administrative assistant to a senior officer

anhinga - noun. Zoology. a long-necked fish-eating tropical American bird

barbet - noun. Zoology. a stout billed tropical bird

bittern - noun. Zoology. a small heron

siskin - a small songbird related to the goldfinch, including the pine siskin of North America with dark-streaked plumage, notched tail, and touches of yellow on its wings and tail

Fish

acipenser - sturgeon

amberjack - noun. Zoology. spiny-finned Atlantic sport fish

blenny - noun. Zoology. a small elongated marine fish

cusk - noun. Zoology. large Atlantic fish-like cod

dabchick - noun. Zoology. small grebe

duarf - noun. Mythology. fictitious nineteen-toed sloth from Erewhon



Amphibian & Reptiles

amphiuma - noun. Zoology. a fully aquatic eel-like American salamander with two pairs of very small limbs, found in stagnant water and swamps in the southeastern U.S.

anole - noun. Zoology. a small, mainly arboreal American lizard with a throat fan that (in the male) is typically bright-colored. Anoles have some ability to change color

axoloti - noun. Zoology. A Mexican salamander which in natural conditions retains aquatic newt-like larval form throughout life but is able to breed

Insects

culex - noun. Zoology. a mosquito

cleg - noun. Zoology. a horse fly


Bodies of Animals

sclerites -

thorax -

notum -

sternum -

pleuron -

scutellum -

coxa -

trochanter - noun. Anatomy. any of two bony protuberances by which muscles are attached to the upper part of the thigh bone; Entomology the small second segment of the leg of an insect, between the coxa and the femur.

femur - noun. the bone of the thigh or the upper hind limb, articulating at the hip and knee;2. Zoology. the third segment of the leg in insects and some other arthropods, typically the longest and thickest segment.

tibial - noun. Anatomy. the inner and typically larger of the two bones between the knee and the ankle(or the equivalent joints in other terrestrial vertebrates), parallel with the fibula; Zoology. the tibiotarsus of a bird; Entomology. the fourth segment of the leg of an insect, between the femur and the tarsus.

fibula - noun. Anatomy. the outer and usually smaller of the two bones between the knee and the ankle in humans(or the equivalent joints in other terrestrial vertebrates), parallel with the tibia 2. Archaeology. a brooch or clasp

tibia - noun. Anatomy. the inner and typically larger of the two bones between the knee and the ankle(or equivalent joints in other terrestrial vertebrates), parallel with the fibula. 2. Zoology. the tibiotarsus of a bird 3. Entomology. the fourth segment of the leg of an insect, between the femur and the tarsus.

tarsus - noun. Anatomy. a group of small bones between the main part of the hind limb and the metatarsus in terrestrial vertebrates. The seven bones of the human tarsus form the ankle and upper part of the foot. They are the talus, calcaneus, navicular, and cuboid and the three cuneiform bones; Zoology. the shank or tarsometatarsus of the leg of a bird or reptile; Zoology. the foot or fifth joint of the leg of an insect or other arthropod, typically consisting of several small segments and ending in a claw 2. Anatomy. a thin sheet of fibrous connective tissue which supports the edge of each eyelid ORIGIN: late Middle English: modern Latin, from Greek tarsos 'flat of the foot, the eyelid.'

Tarsus - an ancient city in southern Turkey, now a market town. It is the birthplace of Saint Paul.

tarsometatarsus - noun. Zoology. a long bone in the lower leg of birds and some reptiles, formed by the fusion of tarsal and metatarsal structures.

tarsal - adjective. Anatomy & Zoology. of or relating to the tarsus; noun. a bone of the tarsus.

metatarsal - noun. any of the bones of the foot; any of the equivalent bones in an animal's hind limbs

metatarsus - noun. the group of bones in the foot, between the ankle and the toes; this part of the foot; the equivalent group of bones in any animal's hind limbs

calcaneus - noun. Anatomy. the large bone forming the heel. It articulates with the cuboid bone of the foot and the talus bone of the ankle, and the Achilles tendon(or tendo calcaneus) is attached to it.

navicular - adjective. chiefly archaic. boat-shaped; 2. noun. (also navicular bone) a boat-shaped bone in the ankle or wrist, esp. that in the ankle between the talus and the cuneiform bones 3. (also navicular disease or navicular syndrome) a chronic disorder of the navicular bone in horses, causing lameness in the front feet ORIGIN: late Middle English : from French naviculaire or late Latin navicularis, from Latin navicula 'little ship,' diminutive of navis.

cuboid - adjective. more or less cubic in shape 2. Geometry. a solid that has six rectangular faces at right angles to each other 3. Anatomy. (also cuboid bone) a squat tarsal bone on the outer side of the foot, articulating with the heel bone and the fourth and fifth metatarsals.

cuneiform - adjective. denoting or relating to the wedge-shaped characters used in the ancient writing systems of Mesopotamia, Persia, and Ugarit, surviving mainly impressed on clay tablets; noun. cuneiform writing 2. Anatomy. denoting three bones of the tarsus(ankle) between the navicular bone and the metatarsals. 3. Chiefly. Biology. wedge-shaped

tibiotarsus - noun. Zoology. the bone in a bird's leg corresponding to the tibia, fused at the lower end with some bones of the tarsus.

pretarsus - noun. the terminal outgrowth of the tarsus.

The Insect Head

vertex -

ocelli -

compound eye -

frons -

palps -

clypeus -

labrum -

antenna -

gena -

mandible -

maxilla -

labium -

Labrum -

palpi -

maxillae -



The Insect Body

abdomen -

labium -

cercus -

spiracles -




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Words of 8:24:13

extirpate - verb. root out and destroy completely

mullein - noun. Botany. a herbaceous plant of the figwort family with woolly leaves and tall spikes of yellow flowers, native to Eurasia but now widely and commonly distributed. Genus Verbascum, family Scrophulariaceae: several species, in particular the widespread common (or great) mullein ( V. thapsus). ORIGIN: late Middle English: from Old French moleine, of Celtic origin; compare with the Breton melen, Cornish and Welsh melyn 'yellow.'

Breton - noun. a native of Brittany 2. the Celtic language of Brittany, related to Cornish; adjective. of or relating to Brittany or its people or language

Andre, Breton -

euthalian apparatus - noun. The Euthalian Apparatus is a collection of additional editorial material, such as divisions of text, lists, and summaries, to the New Testament's Book of Acts, Catholic epistles, and Pauline epistles. This additional material appears at the beginnings of books, in the margin of text, and at the ends of books, as well as in line and paragraph separations. This material is traditionally associated with the name of Euthalius.

euthecodon - noun. Zoology. Euthecodon is an extinct genus of long-snouted crocodyline crocodilians. It was common throughout much of Africa during the Neogene, with fossils being especially common in Kenya. It existed from the Early Miocene to the Early Pleistocene.
eutherapsida -

eutheria - noun. Zoology. a major group of mammals that comprises the placentals.

euthrix potatoria -

euthyphro dilemma -

The Voyage of the Space Beagle(1950) - is a classic novel of science fiction by A.E. van Vogt in the space opera sub-genera. The novel is a "fix-up" compilation of four previously published novels.

fission - noun. the action of dividing or splitting something into two or more parts; short for NUCLEAR FISSION; Biology. reproduction by means of a cell or organism dividing into two or more new cells or organisms; verb. [intrans.] (chiefly of atoms) undergo fission ORIGIN: early 17th cent.: from Latin fissio(n-), from findere 'to split.'


Fission, Nuclear Chemistry, and the Symbols of Science

intransitive - adjective. (of a verb or a sense or use of a verb) not taking a direct object, e.g., look in look at the sky. The opposite of TRANSITIVE.

spontaneous fission(SF) - noun. Chemistry. is a form of radioactive decay that is found only in very heavy chemical elements, because the nuclear binding energy of the elements reaches its maximum at an atomic mass number greater than about 58 atomic mass units (u)

u - abbreviation. Physics. denoting quantum states or wave functions that change sign on inversion through the origin. The opposite of g .

- symbol [in combination]. (in units of measurement micro- (10(-6): : direct readout of concentration in ug or mg/L.

u - noun. (pl. Us or U's). 1. the twenty-first letter of the alphabet; denoting the next after T in a set of items or categories, etc. 2. (U)

g - abbreviation. Chemistry. gas; gelding; gram(s); Physics. denoting quantum states or wave functions that do not change a sign on inversion through the origin. The opposite of u . ORIGIN: from German gerade 'even.'

g - Symbol. Physics. the acceleration due to gravity, equal to 9.81 m s(-2)

s - abbreviation:
• second(s).
• Law. section (of an act).
• shilling(s).
• Grammar. singular.
• Chemistry. soilid.
• (in genealogies) son(s).
• succeeded.
• Chemistry. denoting electrons and orbitals possessing zero angular momentum and total symmetry : s-electrons. [ORIGIN: s from sharp, originally applied to lines in atomic spectra.]

s - symbol. (in mathematical formulae) distance

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The Bauhaus

Bauhaus - noun. Staatliches Bauhaus, commonly known simply as Bauhaus, was a school in Germany that combined crafts and the fine arts, and was famous for the approach to design that it publicized and taught. It operated from 1919 to 1933. At that time the German term Bauhaus, literally "house of construction", stood for "School of Building."

The Bauhaus school was founded by Walter Gropius in Weimar. In spite of its name, and the fact that its founder was an architect, the Bauhaus did not have an architecture department during the first years of its existence. Nonetheless it was founded with the idea of creating a "total" work of art in which all arts, including architecture, would eventually be brought together. The Bauhaus style became one of the most influential currents in Modernist architecture and modern design. The Bauhaus had a profound influence upon subsequent developments in art, architecture, graphic design, interior design, industrial design, and typography.

The school existed in three German cities {Weimar from 1919 to 1925, Dessau from 1925-1932, and Berlin from 1932-1933), under three different architect-directors: Walter Gropius from 1919-1928, Hannes Meyer from 1928 to 1930, and Ludwig Mies van der Rohe from 1930 until 1933, when the school was closed by its own leadership under pressure from the Nazi regime at the beginning of the Degenerative Art Exhibit hosted by Adolf Hitler which set to abolish all artworks which did not exemplify the popularity and beliefs of the Nazi regime.

The changes of venue and leadership resulted in constant shifting of focus, technique, instructors, and politics. For instance: the pottery shop was discontinued when the school moved from Weimar to Dessau, even though it had been an important revenue source; when Mies van der Rohe took over the school in 1930, he transformed it into a private school, and would not allow any supporters of Hannes Meyer to attend it.

Walter Gropius -

Hannes Meyer -

Ludwig Mies van der Rohe -

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Diseases, Bacteria, and Viruses

Malaria - noun. Malaria is a mosquito-borne infectious disease of humans and other animals caused by parasitic protozoans(a type of unicellular microorganism) of the genus Plasmodium. Commonly, the disease is transmitted via a bite from an infected female Anopheles mosquito, which introduces the organisms from its saliva into the person's circulatory system. In the blood, the protists travel to the liver to mature and reproduce. Malaria causes symptoms that typically include fever and headache, which in severe cases can progress to coma or death. The disease is widespread in tropical and subtropical regions in a broad band around the equator, including much of Sub-Saharan Africa, Asia, and the Americas.

Five species of Plasmodium can infect and be transmitted by humans. The vast majority of deaths are caused by P. falciparum and P. vivax, while P. ovale and P. malariae cause a generally milder form of malaria that is rarely fatal. The zoonotic species P. knowlesi, prevalent in Southeast ASia, causes malaria in maquaes

zoonotic -

Yellow fever -

dengue fever -

dysentery -

cholera - noun. Cholera is an infection of the small intestine caused by the bacterium Vibrio cholerae. The main symptoms are watery diarrhea and vomiting. Transmission occurs primarily by drinking water or eating food that has been contaminated by the feces(waste product) of an infected person, including one with no apparent symptoms. The severity of the diarrhea and vomiting can lead to rapid hydration and electrolyte imbalance, and death in some cases. The primary treatment is oral rehydration therapy, typically with oral rehydration solution, to replace water and electrolytes. If this is not tolerated or does not provide improvement fast enough, intravenous fluids can also be used. Antibacterial drugs are beneficial in those with severe disease to shorten its duration and severity. Worldwide, it affects 3-5 million people and causes 100,000 to 130,000 deaths a year as of 2010. Cholera was one of the earliest infections to be studied by epidemiological methods.

turgor - noun. chiefly Botany. the state of turgidity and resulting rigidity of cells(or tissues), typically due to the absorption of fluid; wrinkled-hands

Dukoral - noun. Medicine. an orally administered, inactivated whole cell vaccine for Cholera, has an overall efficacy of about 52% during the first year after being given and 62% in the second yea, with minimal side effects.

ebola -

influenza -

salmonella -

shigella -

enterobacteriacae -

pseudomonas -

moraxella -

heliobacter -

stenotrophomonas -

bdellovibrio -

acetic acid bacteria -

legionella -

cyanobacteria -

spirochaetes -

green sulfur -

green non-sulfur bacteria -

Hemophilus influenze -

Klebsiella pneumonia -

Legionella pneumophila -

Pseudomonas aeruginosa -

rickettsia - any of a group of very small bacteria that includes the causative agents of typhus and various other febrile diseases in humans. Like viruses, many of them can only grow inside living cells, and they are frequently transmitted by mites, ticks, or lice ORIGIN: modern Latin, named after Howard Taylor Ricketts (b. 1871-1910), American pathologist.

Howard Taylor Ricketts -

escherichia coli -

proteus mirabilis -

enterobacter cloacae -

serratia marcescens -

heliobacter pylori -

salmonella enteritidis -

salmonella typhi -

typhus -

tetanus -

tuberculosis -

nosocomial infections -

acinetobacter baumannii -

keratinocytes -

verrucae -

oropharynx - noun. Anatomy. the part of the pharynx that lies between the soft palate and the hyoid bone.

hyoid - noun. Anatomy & Zoology. a U-shaped bone in the neck that supports the tongue; Adjective. of or relating to this bone or structures associated with it. ORIGIN: early 19th cent.: via French from modern Latin hyoides, from Greek huoeides 'shaped like the letter upsilon (y).'

colposcopy -

cauterizing loop -

Papanicolaou -

cervical intraepithelial neoplasia(CIN) -

vulvar intraepithelial neoplasia(VIN) -

penile intraepithelial neoplasia(PIN) -

anal intraepithelial neoplasia(AIN) -

plantar warts -

flat warts -

anogenital warts -

epidermodysplasia verruciformis -

focal epithelial hyperplasia -

oral papillomas -

oropharyngeal cancer -

verrucous cyst -

laryngeal papillomatosis -

vulvar cancer -

vaginal cancer -

penile cancer -

anal cancer -

HPV-positive oropharyngeal cancer (OSCC) -

p53 protein -

ubiquitin ligase -

vertically transmitted infection - noun. Medicine. is an infection caused by bacteria, viruses or, in rare cases, parasites transmitted directly from the mother to an embryo, fetus, or baby during pregnancy or childbirth. Nutritional deficiencies may exacerbate the risks of perinatal infection.

Alternative Terminology

The transmission can also be called mother-to-child transmission.

A vertically transmitted infection can be called a perinatal infection if t is transmitted in the perinatal period, which is the period starting at a gestational age of 22 to 28 weeks (with regional variations in the definition) and ending 7 completed days after birth. The term congenital infection is also sometimes used.

Routes of Transmission

The Main routes of transmission of vertically transmitted infections are across the placenta (transplacental) and across the female reproductive tract during childbirth.

Transplacental

The embryo and fetus have little or no immune function. They depend on the immune function of their mother. Several pathogens can cross the placenta and cause (perinatal) infection. Often microorganisms that produce minor illness in the mother are very dangerous for the developing embryo or fetus. This can result in spontaneous abortion or major developmental disorders. For many infections, the baby is more at risk at particular stages of pregnancy. Problems related to perinatal infections are not always directly noticeable.

The term TORCH complex refers to a set of several different infections that may be caused by transplacental infections.

transplacental -

TORCH complex -

perinatal - adjective. Medicine. of or relating to the time, usually a number of weeks, immediately before and after birth.

afterbirth - noun. the placenta and fetal membranes discharged from the uterus after the birth of offspring.

prenatal -

natal -

embryo -

The Vagina: Sweat, Sex, and Birth

urethra -

uterus - noun. (from Latin "uterus" plural uteri) or womb is a major female hormone-responsive reproductive sex organ of most mammals including humans. One end, the cervix

cervix -

fallopian tube -

pubic bone -

g-spot -

sigmoid colon -

fornix -

rectum -

anus -

bladder -

uterine veins -

ovarian artery -

mullerian duct -

vagina -

vulva -

mons -

labia -

clitoris -

orgasm -

cock -

penis -

phallus -

testicles -

ovary -

anus -

prostate -

nipples -

areolas -

bacteremia -

secondary meningitis -

meningitis -

human papillomavirus -

measles -

mumps -

rubella -

myxomatosis -

purulent - adjective. Medicine. consisting of, containing, or discharging pus

pasteurellosis - noun. a bacterial infection commonly affecting animals and sometimes transferred to humans through bites and scratches. The causative bacteria are Gram-negative rods of the genus Pasteurella, in particular P. multocida. ORIGIN: early 20th cent.: from French pasteurellose (from the name pasteur) + OSIS.

chloroamphenicol -

Pasteurellaceae -

negativicutes -

fusobacteria -

synergistetes -

elusimicrobia -

proteobacteria -

aquificae -

chlamydiae -

bacteroidetes -

chlorobi -

cyanobacteria -

fibrobacteres -

verrucomicrobia -

planctomycetes -

spirochetes -

acidobacteria -

monoderm bacteria -

actinobacteria -

firmicutes -

thermotogae -

chloroflexi -

Hemorrhagic septicemia -

sepsis -

intransigence -  

intransigent -

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Oceania: Countries, Provinces, States, and Societies of the East

Indonesia - officially the Republic of Indonesia, is a sovereign state in Southeast Asia and Oceania. Indonesia is an archipelago comprising approximately 17,508 islands. It encompasses 34 provinces with over 238 million people, making it the world's fourth most populous country. Indonesia's republic form of government comprises an elected legislature and president. The nation's capital is Jakarta. The country shares land borders with Papua New Guinea, East Timor, and Malaysia. Other neighboring countries include Singapore, Philippines, Australia, Palau, and the Indian territory of the Andaman and Nicobar Islands. Indonesia is a founding member of ASEAN and a member of the G-20 major economies. The Indonesian economy is the world's 16th largest by nominal GDP.

The Indonesian archipelago has been an important trade region since at least the 7th century, when Srivijaya and then later Majapahit traded with China and India. Local rulers gradually absorbed foreign cultural, religious, and political models from the early centuries CE, and Hindu and Buddhist kingdoms flourished. Indonesian history has been influenced by foreign powers drawn to its natural resources. Muslim traders brought the now-dominant Islam, while European powers brought Christianity and fought one another to monopolize trade in the Spice Islands of Maluku during the Age of Discovery.  Following three and a half centuries of Dutch colonialism, Indonesia secured its independence after World War II. Indonesia's history has since been turbulent, with challenges posed by natural disasters, corruption, separatism, a democratization process, and periods of rapid economic change.

Indonesia consists of hundreds of distinct native ethnic and linguistic groups. The largest- and politically dominant- ethnic group are the Javanese. A shared identity has developed, defined by a national language, ethnic diversity, religious pluralism within a majority Muslim population, and a history of colonialism and rebellion against it. Indonesia's motto, "Bhinneka Tunggal Ika" ("Unity in Diversity", literally, "many, yet one"), articulates the diversity that shapes the country. Despite its large population and densely populated regions, Indonesia has vast areas of wilderness that support the world's second highest level of biodiversity. The country has abundant natural resources, yet poverty remains widespread.
""
separatism - noun. the advocacy or practice of separation of a certain group of people from a larger body on the basis of ethnicity, religion, or gender

Islands of Maluku or the Moluccas - are an archipelago within Indonesia. Tectonically they are located on the Halmahera Plate within the Molucca Sea Collision Zone. Geographically they are located east of Sulawesi, west of New Guinea, and north and east of Timor. The islands were also historically known as the "Spice Islands" by the Chinese and Europeans, but this term has also been applied to other islands outside of Indonesia.

Most of the islands are mountainous, some with active volcanoes, and enjoy a wet climate. The vegetation of the small and narrow islands, encompassed by the sea, are very luxuriant; including rain forests, sago, rice, and the famous spices- nutmeg, mace, and cloves, among others. Though originally Melanesian, many island populations especially in the Banda Islands, were killed off in the 17th century during the Spice wars. A second influx of Austronesian immigrants began in the early twentieth century under the Dutch and continued in the Indonesian era.

The Maluku Islands formed a single province since Indonesian independence until 1999 when it was split into two provinces. A new province, North Maluku, incorporates the area between Morotai and Sula, with the arc of islands from Buru and Seram to Wetar remaining within the existing Maluku Province. North Maluku is predominately Muslim and its capital is Ternate. Maluku province has a larger Christian population and its capital is Ambon.

Between 1999 and 2002, a conflict between Muslims and Christians killed thousands and displaced half a million people.

"Spice Islands" most commonly refers to the Maluku Islands and often also the small volcanic Banda Islands, once the only source of mace and nutmeg. This nickname should not be confused with Grenada, which is commonly known as the "Island of Spice". The term has also been used less commonly in reference to other islands known for their spice production, notably Zanzibar Archipelago.

Zanzibar Archipelago -

Banda Islands -

Austronesian -

Morotai -

Sula -

Buru -

Seram -

Wetar -

Ternate -

Ambon -

Molucca Sea Collision Zone -

Halmahera Plate -

Maluku frogfish -

Maluku Tenggara Barat -

Malukugalu -

Maluku Utara -

Age of Discovery -

Srivijaya -

Majapahit -

ASEAN -

G-20 major economies -

Papua New Guinea -

East Timor -

Sulawesi -

Malaysia -

Singapore -

Philippines -

Palau -

Andaman and Nicobar Islands -

Jakarta -

nexian - noun. Telecommunications. a mobile phone company in Indonesia. Started in 2006 by Martano Jayakusuma. They were the first local brand who achieved 100,000 locally produced handsets in six months. Nexian possesses the second largest market share of handheld devices in the world with 25% of mobile phones worldwide. Nexian creates QWERTY phones supported by Indonesian mobile operators. Phones with two SIM card slots retail at a price between 299,000 to 1,299,000 Indonesian rupiah.

Indonesian rupiah - noun. the basic monetary unit of Indonesia, equal to 100 yen.

nexin -

nexis -

nexit -

nexit ventures -

nexito -

nexity -

nexiuz -

nexium -

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Carthage and Punic: Antiquity and Linguistics

Cyrillic -

Coptic -

Glagolitic -

Diacritics -

Latin -

Greek -

Armenian -

Georgian -

Ethiopic -

N'Ko -

abuja -

Tifinagh - noun. Linguistics. is a series of abjad and alphabetic scripts used by some Berber peoples, notably the Tuareg, to write the Berber language. A modern derivate of the traditional script, known as Neo-Tifinagh, was introduced in the 20th century. It is not in widespread use as a means of daily communication, but often serves to a assert a Berber identity politically and symbolically. A slightly modified version of the traditional script called Tifinagh Ircam, is used in a limited number of Moroccan elementary schools in teaching the Berber language to children. The word tifinagh is thought to be a Berberized feminine plural cognate of Punic, through the Berber feminine prefix ti- and Latin Punicus; thus tifinagh could possibly mean "the Phoenician (letters)" or "the Punic letters."

ORIGINS

Tifinagh may have descended from a script sometimes named the Libyan or Libyco-Berber script although the descent is unclear and uncertain. This was widely used by speakers of Berber languages all across North Africa and on the Canary Islands. It is attested from the 3rd century BC to the 3rd century AD. Its origin is uncertain, with some scholars suggesting it is related to the Punic alphabet

punic - The Punic or Carthaginian or Phoenicia-Punic language is an extinct language formerly spoken in the Mediterranean region of North Africa and several Mediterranean islands, by the Punic and Carthaginian people-- who were a Phoenician-descended culture with canaanitized Berbers as a majority, mixed with a minority of Phoenicians, largely from Sidon and Tyre, from ca. 800 BC to 600 AD. The Punic people stayed in contact with Phoenicia until the Destruction of Carthage by the Roman Republic in 146 BC.

DESCRIPTION - Punic is an extinct variety of the Phoenician language spoken in the overseas Phoenician empire in North Africa, including Carthage, and the Mediterranean. It is known from inscriptions (most of them religious formulae)and personal name evidence. The play Poenulus by Plautus contains a few lines spoken in Punic, which have been subject to some research because, unlike inscriptions, they largely preserve the vowels.

The Punic language has 20 consonants.

Augustine of Hippo - is generally considered the last major ancient writer to have some knowledge of Punic, and is considered "our primary source on the survival of [late] Punic". According to him, the Punic language was still spoken in his region (North Africa) in the 5th century AD, centuries after the fall of Carthage, and there were still people who called themselves "chanani" (Canaanite, i.e.: Carthaginian) at that time. Writing around AD 401, he says:

Quae lingua improbatur abs te, nega Punicis libris, ut a viris doctissimis proditur, multa sapienter esse mandata memoriae. Poeniteat te certe ibi natum, ubi huius linguae cunabula recalent.

And if the Punic language is rejected by you, you virtually deny what has been admitted by most learned men, that many things have been wisely preserved from oblivion in books written in the Punic tongue. Nay, you ought even to be ashamed of having been born in the country in which the cradle of this language is still warm.

abjad -

elided -

Hasdrubal - noun. Proper name. (in Latin transliteration; the original Phoenician form of the name was Azruba'al, literally "the help of Baal" was the name of a King and of several Carthaginian generals of the Punic Wars. Among the most famous are:

• original name of Carthaginian Clitomachus (philosopher)
• Hasdrubal I of Carthage was the Magonid king of Ancient Carthage from 530 to 510 BC.
• Hasdrubal (son of Hamilear) fought in Sicily
• Hasdrubal the Fair (c. 270 BC - 221 BC), son-in-law of Hamilcar Barca
• Hasdrubal (Barcid))245-207 BC), son of Hamilcar Barca and brother of Hannibal and Mago
• Hasdrubal Gisco (died 202 BC), another commander in the Second Punic War.
• Hasdrubal the Boeotarch was also the general of Punic forces in the Third Punic War c. 146 BC.
• Hasdrubal, commander of the service corps, a Carthaginian officer in the Second Punic War c. 218 BC

Ugarit - an ancient port and Bronze Age trading city in northern Syria. Its people spoke a Semitic language written in a distinctive cuneiform alphabet.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Plato

platonism -

epistemology -

idealism -

realism -

demiurge -

theory of forms -

transcendentals -

Form of the Good -

Third man argument -

Euthyphro dilemma -

Five regimes -

Philosopher king -

Atlantis -

Ring of Gyges -

The cave -

The divided line -

The sun -

Ship of state -

Myth of Er -

The chariot -

Socratic problem -


Platonic Academy -

Clitomachus (philosopher) - noun. Greek history. (Clitomachus also Cleitomachus or Kleitomachos; 187/6-110/09 BC) originally named Hasdrubal, was a Carthaginian who came to Athens in 163/2 BC and studied philosophy under the name Carneades. He became head of the Platonic Academy around 127/6 BC. He was an Academic skeptic like his master. Nothing survives of his writings, which were dedicated to making known the views of Carneades, but Cicero made use of them for some of his works.

Platonic Academy -

Lyceum -

Aristotle -

Philo de Larissa

Neoplatonism -

Justinian 1 -

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Languages, Linguistics, Dialectics, and Their Histories


Devanagari -

Old Persian -

Gujarati -

Gurmukhi -

Bengali -

Tamil -

Oriya -

Kannada -

Malayalam -

Limbu -

Sinhala -

Telugu -

Kharoshthi -

Syloti Nagri -

Phags-pa -

Thaana -

Syriac -

Hebrew -

Arabic -

Hiragana -

Katakana -

Hangul -

Bopomofo -

Mongolian -

Radicals -

Kanbun -

Yi Syllables -

Thai -

Khmer -

Myanmar -

Tai Le -

Lao -

Buginese -

Balinese -

Buhid -

Hanunoo -

Tagalog -

Tagbanwa -

Deseret -

Osmanya -

Shavian -
• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Ugaritic -

ᚁ beith -

ᚂ luis -

ᚃ fearn -

ᚄ sail -

ᚅ nion -

ᚆ uath -

ᚇ dair -

ᚈ tinne -

ᚉ coll -

ᚊ ceirt -

ᚋ muin -

ᚌ gort -

ᚍ ngeadal -

ᚎ straif -

ᚏ ruis -

ᚐ ailm -

ᚑ onn -

ᚒ ur -

ᚓ eadhadh -

ᚔ iodhadh -

ᚕ eabhadh -

ᚖ or -

ᚗ uilleann -

ᚘ ifin -

ᚙ eamhancholl -

ᚚ peith -

᚛ feather mark -

᚜ reversed feather mark -

  space mark -


• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Ogham -

Gothic -

Old Italic -

Runic -

Linear B -

Cypriot Syllabary -

Sumero-Akkadian

Akkadian -

Sumero -

Counting Rod Numerals -



• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •


bastion - noun. a projecting part of a fortification built at an angle to the line of a wall, so as to allow defensive fire in several directions

baize - noun. a coarse, felt-like, woolen material that is typically green, used for covering pool tables, card tables, and aprons. ORIGIN: late 16th cent.: from French baies, feminine plural of bai 'chestnut-colored', treated as a singular noun. The name is presumably from the original color of the cloth, although several colors are recorded.

hutus -

chanson -

labiate -

stridulation - verb. (typically of an insect, esp. a male cricket or grasshopper) make a shrill sound through the practice of by rubbing body parts together

poppet - noun. (also poppet valve) Engineering. a mushroom-shaped valve with a flat end piece that is lifted in and out of an opening by an axial rod 2. chiefly historical. a small figure of a human being used in sorcery and witchcraft 3. British. informal. an endearingly sweet or pretty child or young girl (often used an an affectionate form of address). ORIGIN: late Middle English: based on Latin pup[p]a 'girl, doll.' Compare with PUPPET.

muscadet - noun. a dry white wine from the part of the Loire region in France nearest the west coast. ORIGIN: French, from muscade 'nutmeg, from musc 'musk.'

muscae volitantes - plural noun. Medicine. dark specks appearing to float before the eyes, generally caused by particles in the vitreous humor of the eye. ORIGIN: mid 18th cent.: Latin, literally 'flying flies.'

mistral - noun. a strong, cold northwesterly wind that blows through the Rhone valley and southern France into the Mediterranean, mainly in winter

provender - noun. often humorous. food. dated. animal fodder

ambigram - an ambigram is a word, art form, or other symbolic representation, whose elements retain meaning when viewed or interpreted from a different direction, perspective, or orientation.

demesne - noun. historical. land attached to a manor and retained for the owner's own use 2. the lands of an estate 3. Archaic. a region or domain 4. Historical. Law. possession of real property in one's own right.

circumlocution - (also called periphrasis, circumduction, circumvolution, periphrasis, or ambage) is an ambiguous or roundabout figure of speech

Ambaghai Khan - was a khan of Khamag Mongol in 1149-1156, one of the great grandson Khaidu Khan and the cousin and predecessor of Hotula Khan. During his rule, he was captured by the Tatars under the commands of the Chinese Jin Dynasty in response to the Mongols' growing power.

In 1211 Genghis Khan began the Mongol-Jin Dynasty War, causing the eventual fall of the Jin Dynasty, in sworn revenge of Ambaghai's kidnapping and execution. Ambaghai was a relative of Yesugei and Genghis Khan.

Ambagamuwa Divisional Secretariat - Ambagamuwa Divisional Secretariat is a Divisional Secretariat of Nuwara Eliya District, of Central Province, Sri Lanka.

aphasic - noun/adjective. loss of ability to understand or express speech, caused by brain damage.

effluent - noun. liquid waste or sewage discharged into a river or the sea

ruderal - adjective. Botany. (of a plant) growing on waste ground or among refuse

milfoil - noun. the common Eurasian yarrow 2. (also water milfoil) a widely distributed and highly invasive aquatic plant with whorls of fine submerged leaves and wind-pollinated flowers ORIGIN: Middle English: via Old French from Latin millefolium, from mille 'thousand' + folium 'leaf.'

glebe - noun. historical. a piece of land serving as part of a clergyman's benefice and providing income; archaic. land; fields

arable - adjective. (of land) used or suitable for growing crops

tillage - noun. the preparation of land for growing crops

appurtenance - noun. an accessory or other item associated with a particular activity or style of living

curtilage - noun. Law. an area of land attached to a house and forming one enclosure with it

tilth - noun. cultivation of land; tillage

agrarian - adjective. of or relating to cultivated land or the cultivation of land 2. noun. a person who advocates a redistribution of landed property

peneplain - noun. Geology. a more or less level land surface produced by erosion over a long period, undisturbed by crustal movement

polder - noun. a low-lying land reclaimed from the sea or river and protected by dikes, esp. in the Netherlands

messuage - noun. Law. a dwelling house with outbuildings and land assigned to its use

epistemology - noun. Philosophy. the theory of knowledge, esp. with regard to its methods, validity, and scope. Epistemology is the investigation of what distinguishes justified belief from opinion.

pleionosis - the habit of exaggerating one's own importance

wesolowskana - noun. is a spider genus of the Salticidae family (jumping spiders).Both described species are endemic to the Cape Verde Islands. The genus should possibly be included in the genus Pseudicius. It was renamed from its original name Luxuria, which was already in use for a genus of mollusks.

pilpul - a subtle debate between rabbinical scholars over the details of the Talmud

ungulate - noun. Zoology. a hoofed mammal

Artiodactyla - noun. Zoology. an order of mammals that comprises the even-toed ungulates.

Cetacea - noun. Zoology. an order of marine mammals that comprises the whales, dolphins, and porpoises. These have a streamlined hairless body, no hind limbs, a horizontal tail fin, and a blowhole on top of the head for breathing.

The order Cetacea includes the marine mammals commonly known as whales, dolphins, and porpoises. Cetus is Latin and is used in biological names to mean "whale"; its original meaning, "large sea animal", was more general ORIGIN: Ancient Greek ketos, "whale" or "any huge fish or sea monster." In Greek mythology, the monster Perseus defeated was called Ceto, which is depicted by the constellation of Cetus. Cetology is the branch of marine science associated with the study of cetaceans

malacology - noun. the branch of zoology that deals with mollusks. Compare with Conchology.

Mysticeti -

Odontoceti -

Words For a Ship to Sea Poem

abacinate - verb. to blind by putting a hot copper basin near someone's eyes

abderian - adjective. given to incessant or idiotic laughter

abligurition - verb. excessive spending on food and drink

accidia - adjective. a feeling of being unable to think or act due to excessive sadness

acrasia - verb. acting against one's own judgement, or lacking self-control

acronycal - noun. occurring at sunset

aeolist - noun. a pompous windy bore who pretends to have inspiration

aflunters - adjective. in a messy or disordered state

agelast - noun. a person who never laughs

algophobic - noun. a fear of pain

alterocentric - noun. someone whose life revolves around other people

anogenetic - verb. not producing new work or original knowledge

anthropolatry - verb. the worship of a human as though they were a god

apikoros - noun. a Jewish person who does not follow Jewish law

astereognosis - noun. the loss of the ability to recognize shapes by touch

aubade - noun. a love song which is sung at dawn

aureate - adjective. pertaining to the fancy or flowery words used by poets

autohagiographer - noun. a person who speaks or writes in a smug way about their life and accomplishments

bawd -

clinostat -

lecithin -

asclepias -

vernonia -

adonis -

lenticel -

phyllotaxis -

stoma -

vivarium -

bionomics -

sertule -

hydathode -

zoophyte -

cinquefoil -

phytotoxin -

autotrophic -

desmid - noun. Biology. a single-celled, freshwater alga that appears to be comprised for two rigid cels with a shared nucleus . The presence of desmids is usually an indicator of polliue sor

angioscope -

grain -

leaf -

cotton -

daisy -

seed -

class -

breed -

fix -

puccoon -

edaphic -

myrmecoid -

irido -

integumation -

lorenz oken -

oken -

okenfuss -

Marcello Malpighi -

exodermis -

lychnis -

refugium -

biosatellite -

telome -

lithoid(al) -

quadrat -

tare -

barberry -

silvic -

tapetum -

blanch -

natant -

deciduous -

theobromine -

aegilops -

centaury -

centaure -

holism -

hepatic -

virgin -

lattice -

nomenclature -

sphagnum -

social -

major -

asphodel -

perfect -

prosody -

tobacco -

aconite -

indigo -

florist -

wood -

cram -

grind -

organic -

resin -

leguminous -

studious -

flax -

orthoepy -

jalap -

ginseng -

humanities -

bluebell -

seminar -

health -

marigold -

pergola -

pink -

jute -

divinity -

medical -

salvia -

spurge -

stand -

amaryllis -

clover -

graft -

propagate -

polyphiloprogenitive -

view -

peony -

milk -

mustard -

rhubarb -

blueberry -

strawberry -

raspberry -

papaya -

watermelon -

cantaloupe -

guava -

nectarine -

plum -

avocado -

rhododendron -

rose -

tulip -

buffalo grass -

grass -

cattail -

tulip -

turnip -

potato -

rutabaga -

parsnip -

punish -

disdain -

error -

nuisance -

upset -

anger -

irk -

discipline -

underwater -

water -

lily -

waterlily -

pond -

alligator -

alligator snapping turtle -

painted turtle -

box turtle -

salamander -

newt -

bullfrog -

goldfish -

bluegill -

haddock -

carp -

bulldog fish -

catfish -

heron -

great blue heron -

great horned owl -

barn owl -

owl -

grubs -

mayfly -

greenfly -

biting fly

horsefly -

seashell -

chickweed -

student -

investigate -

study -

caladium -

fat -

dioecious -

floriculture -

flora -

fauna -

greenhouse -

flowerpot -

milkwort -

winterkill -

bookworm -

community -

rubber -

onion -

otter - noun. a semiaquatic fish-eating mammal of the weasel family, with an elongated body, dense fur, and webbed feet. Lutra and other genera, family Mustelidae: several species, including the river otter.

carrot - noun. a tapering orange-colored root eaten as a vegetable. 2. a cultivated plant of the parsley family with feathery leaves, which yields this vegetable. Daucus carota, family Umbelliferae: two subspecies and many varieties; wild forms lack the swollen root. 3. an offer of something enticing as a means of persuasion (often contrasted with the threat of something punitive or unwelcome)

vegetable - noun. a plant or part of a plant used as food, typically as a accompaniment to meat or fish, such as a cabbage, potato, carrot, or bean 2. informal offensive. a person who is incapable of normal mental or physical activity, esp., through brain damage; informal. a person with a dull or inactive life

fruit - noun. the sweet and fleshy product of a tree or other plant that contains seed and can be eaten as food; Botany. the seed-bearing structure of a plant; archaic. poetic/literary. natural produce that can be used for food; Archaic. offspring 2. informal offensive. a male homosexual 3. verb. (of a tree or other plant) produce fruit, typically at a specified time

tomato - noun. a glossy red, or occasionally yellow, pulpy edible fruit that is typically eaten as a vegetable or in a salad, the bright red color of a red tomato 2. The South American plant of the nightshade family that produces this fruit. It is widely grown as a cash crop, and many varieties have been developed.

pumpkin - noun. a large rounded orange-yellow fruit with a thick rind, edible flesh, and many seeds, the flesh of this fruit, esp. used as food, informal. used as an affectionate term of address esp. to a child 2. the plant of the gourd family that produces this fruit having tendrils and large lobed leaves and native to warm regions of America. Genus Cucurbita, Family Cucurbitaceae: several species, in particular C. pepo; British. another term for squash.

berry - noun. a small roundish juicy fruit without a stone; Botany. any fruit that has its seeds enclosed in a fleshy pulp, for example, a banana or tomato; any various kernels or seeds, such as the coffee bean; a fish egg or the roe of a lobster or similar creature.

Chuck Berry - (b. 1931-), U.S. rock-and-roll singer, guitarist, and songwriter; born Charles Edward Berry. One of the first great rock-and-roll stars, his recording career was interrupted by a period of imprisonment 1962-64. Notable songs: "Maybelline" (1955), "Johnny B Goode" (1958), and "My Ding A Ling" (1972).

eggplant -

curse -

sin -

elate -

tree -

area -

pimpernel -

blight -

aphid -

plague -

plaque -

polyp -

geranium -

appraise -

trowel -

seaweed -

otter -

blue whale -

sperm whale -

whale -

porpoise -

dolphin -

sweet -

sour -

bitter -

dracaena -

ekistics -

macroeconomics -

sandwort -

carrel -

ballistics -

bullet -

rifle -

gun -

shotgun - noun. a smoothbore gun for firing small shot at short range. 2. (also shotgun formation) Football. an offensive formation in which the quarterback receives the snap while standing several yards behind the line of scrimmage. 3. adjective. aimed at a wide range of things; with no specific target 2. adjective. (of a house or other structure) with the rooms lined up one behind the other, forming a long narrow whole. 4. verb. shoot at or kill with a shotgun 5. verb. consume (a canned beverage) in one go by punching a hole near the can's base and upturning it over one's mouth

smoothbore - noun. [often as adj.] a gun with an unrifled barrel.

uzi - noun. a type of submachine gun of Israeli design.

submachine gun - noun. a hand-held, lightweight machine gun.

magazine -

cubism -

fascist -

socialism -

nazism -

democracy -

capitalism -

futurism -

renaissance -

rococo -

abstract -

art -

Pablo Picasso -

Francesco Clemente -

Francis Bacon -

Anders Trentemoeller -

Copenhagen, Denmark -

lark -

larkspur -

philate -

ichthy -

garbo -

ichno -

learn -

lucubrate -

neosso -

gram -

hotbed -

tragacanth -

stolon -

tumbleweed -

weed -

marijuana -

heroin -

hero -

heroine -

The Velvet Underground -

The Doors -

Pink Floyd -

incredible -

amazement -

perverse -

perverted -

lolita -

pen -

pencil -

utensil -

writing -

cube -

Martin -

Narrod -

Eric -

ripe -

batik -

license -

trapped -

drown -

death -

morbidity -

steal -

pion -

sion -

orion -

stars -

victim -

skinny -

size -

obese -

ugly -

fuck -

ass -

shit -

piss -

motherfucker -

cocksucker -

tits -

bitch -

cock -

cunt -

quim -

Eukaryota -

Opisthokonta -

Metazoa -

Eumetazoa -

Bilateria -

Deuterostomie -

Chordata -

Craniata -

Vertebrate -

Gnathostomata -

Teleostomi -

Euteleostomi -

Sarcopterygii -

Tetrapoda -

Amniota -

Saurosida -

Testudines -

Cryptodira -

Testudinoidea -

Chelydridae -

Chelydra -

Cheldra Rossignonii -

snapping turtle -

alligator snapping turtle -

odocoileus virginianus leucurus -

neptune -

sun -

galaxy -

alien -

odocoileus -






dock -

iris -

solanaceous -

algology -

astrology -

criminology -

egyptology -

geopolitics -

numerology -

numismatics -

oology - noun. Zoology. Oology is a branch of ornithology that studies birds' eggs, nests, and breeding behavior. Oology can also refer to the hobby of collecting wild birds' eggs, sometimes called egg collecting, bird-nesting, or egging, which is now illegal in several jurisdictions. ORIGIN: Greek "oion", meaning egg



topology -

monogenesis -

lucubration -

semantics -

herbarium -

phrenology -

allometry -

typology -

agrimony -

geology -

graphology -

oncology -

parapsychology -

psephology -

dermatoglyphics -

ecclesiology -

anthropology -

mycology -

ornithology -

phonology -

sinology -

tribology -

leguminous -

papaveraceous -

scopolamine

biogeography -

organogenesis -

speleology -

exobiology -

phytogeography -

anthropogeography -

zootomy -

cetology -

chronobiology -

bioelectricity -

agronomy -

biochemistry -

mycologist -

phyllotaxy -

entomology -

phytology -

paleobotany -

morphology -

dendrology -

palaeobiology -

organology -

synecology -

pteridology -

zoogeography -

teratology -

dendrochronology -

agrobiology -

embryology -

phenology -

bryology -

ethology -

sociobiology -

physiology -

thremmatology -

pharmacognosy -

autecology -

paleozoology -

bioclimatology -

ethnobotany -

limnology -

palynology -

eremology -

cytology -

ombrology -

chorology -

phytopathology -

bioastronautics -

cytotaxonomy -

entozoology -

gnotobiotics -

hydrobiology -

microphytology -

thalassography -

zoologize -

zoophysiology -

zoophytology -

phytogeny -

cybernetics -

anthracnose -

phytochemistry -

paleontology -

cryptozoology -

taphonomy -

phytonomy -

hydrophytology -

paleobiology -

paleoecology -

phytogamy -





coquette  - noun. a woman who flirts 2. Noun. Zoology. a crested Central and South American coquettish - adjective. hummingbird,typically with green plumage, a reddish crest, and elongated cheek coquettishly - adverb.feathers ORIGIN: mid 17th cent.: French, feminine of coquet 'wanton,' coquettishness - noun. diminutive of coq 'cock.'

coqui - noun. Zoology. a singing tree frog (Eleutheradactylus coqui), native to Puerto Rico, that has become an invasive pest in Hawaii ORIGIN: imitative of the male's call.

coquito - noun.

couchette - noun. a European railroad car with seats convertible into sleeping berths ORIGIN: 1920s French, literally 'little bed,' diminutive of couche 'a couch.'

coquina - noun. a soft limestone of broken shells, used in road-making in the Caribbean and Florida 2 (also coquina clam) a small bivalve mollusk with a wedge-shaped shell that has a wide of variety of colors and patterns. Genus Donax, family Donacidae: several species, including the edible American coquina (D. variabilis). ORIGIN: mid 19th cent.: from Spanish, literally 'cockle,' based on Latin concha (see CONCH).

demimondaine -

trull -

basorexia - noun. an overwhelming desire to neck or kiss

beaze - verb. to dry in the sun

blellum - noun. an idle boring chatterer

bletcherous - adjective. pertaining to something poorly designed or disgusting in design

caitiff - noun. a despicable or cowardly person

callet - noun. a drab or untidy woman

carker - noun. a mischievous child or brat

cenacle - noun. the large room in which the Last Supper took place.

chiliad - noun. a period of one thousand years

clapperdudgeon - noun. a beggar whose parents were beggars

cloffin - verb. to sit idly by a fire

cockalorum - noun. a person who thinks they are bigger than they are

comestion - noun. a devouring by fire

concilliabule - noun. a secret meeting of people who are hatching a plot

croodle - verb. to coo like a dove

crose - verb. to whine empathetically with someone who is in pain

cruciverbalist - noun. someone who loves doing crossword puzzles

culch - noun. rubbage and refuse of every form

cullion - noun. a rude, mean-spirited person

curglaff - noun. the shock felt when entering cold water

decollate - verb. to remove someone's head or decapitate someone

decubitis - one's position or posture while sleeping

deltiologist - noun. a collector of picture postcards

diurnation - verb. to sleep during the day

dratchell - noun. a slovenly lazy woman

dwaible - adjective. being unstable

dwale - verb. to wander about deliriously

dysesthesia - an impairment of the senses, especially the sense of touch

ectomorphic - adjective. being slender and thin

efter - noun. a thief who robs theater patrons during a show

eisegesis - noun. a faulty interpretation of a text caused by reading in one's own ideas

emacity - noun. an urge to buy or spend money

eroteme - noun. the symbol used in writing known as a question mark

estiferous - adjective. pertaining to something which produces heat

estivation - verb. to go away somewhere for the summer

eximious - adjective. choice, select or excellent
• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Lambs

keb - noun. Zoology. ewe that gives birth to a stillborn lamb

backliner - noun. an externally applied medicine, applied along the backline of a freshly shorn sheep to control lice or other parasites. In the British-Isles called pour-on.

bale - noun. a wool pack containing a specified weight of pressed wool as regulated by industry authorities

bell sheep - noun. Zoology. a sheep (usually a rough, wrinkly one) caught by a shearer, just before the end of a shearing run.

black wool - adjective. any wool that is not white, but not necessarily black

ket - noun. matted wool; carrion

dag - noun. dirty tatted tuft of sheep's wool

gid - noun. Zoology & Medicine. brain disease suffered by sheep

kip - noun. skin of a young mammal

mim - adjective. prim, demure

mew - verb. to shed, molt, or change

orf - noun. viral infection of sheep

teg - noun. a sheep in it's second year; the fleece of such a sheep

tod - noun. old unit of weight for wool equal to 28 pounds

tup - noun. a ram; pile-driver; the act of a male having intercourse with a female (chiefly of Sheep)

ovine - adjective. of or related to sheep

ovicide - sheep-killing/ killing insect eggs

argail - noun. Zoology. large-horned Asian wild sheep

jumbuck - noun. an Australian tern for sheep, featured in Banjo Paterson's poem "Waltzing Matilda." It generally denotes a difficulty to shear sheep, either large or untamed

malinois - noun. Zoology. a Belgian sheep-herding dog

mortling - noun. British. wool obtained from dead sheep

oestrus ovis - noun. Sheep Bot Fly. A widespread species of fly of the genus Oestrus. It is a known for its parasitic predation and damage to sheep, deer, and goats, and sometimes cattle.

oviform - adjective. sheep-like

ovivorous - noun. (of predation) a diet of sheep

pinfold - noun. a pound for stray animals

roscommon - a county in the north central part of the Republic of Ireland, in the province of Connacht; pop. 52k

scapegrace - noun. archaic. a mischievous or wayward person, esp. a young person or child; rascal

haggis - noun. a Scottish dish consisting of a sheep's or calf's offal mixed with suet, oatmeal, and seasoning and boiled in a bag, traditionally made from the animal's stomach

suet - noun. the hard white fat on the kidneys and loins of cattle, sheep, and other animals, used to make foods including puddings, pastry, and mincemeat

offal - noun. the entrails and internal organs of an animal used as food

tallow - noun. a hard fatty substance made from rendered animal fat, used in making candles and soap; verb. smear (something, esp. the bottom of a boat) with such a substance

catgut - noun. a material used for the strings of musical instruments and for surgical sutures, made of the dried and twisted intestines of sheep or horses, but not cats ORIGIN: late 16th cent.: the association with CAT remains unexplained

blat - verb. make a bleating sound

dip - verb. to immerse a sheep or hog in a solution to destroy germs and parasites or the like

lanolin - noun. a fatty substance, extracted from wool, used in ointments, cosmetics, waterproof coatings, etc.

cote - noun. a shelter, coop, or small shed for sheep, pigs, pigeons, etc.

bovid - adjective. of or pertaining to the Bovidae, comprising the hollow-horned ruminants, as oxen, antelopes, sheep, and goats

kea - noun. a large, greenish New Zealand parrot

pollard - noun. a tree cut back nearly to the trunk, so as to produce a dense mass of branches; an animal, as a sheep, stag, ox, having no horns

ruminantia - a division of Artiodactyia having four stomachs. This includes sheep, camels, deer, antelopes, goats, neat cattles, and allies

yaff - a bark or yelp

cud - noun. the portion of food that a ruminant returns from the first stomach to the mouth to chew a second time ORIGIN: before 1000; Middle English; Old English cudu, variant of cwiodu, cwidu; akin to Old High German quiti glue, Sanskrit jatu, resin, gum

anthrax - noun. an infectious, often fatal disease of cattle, sheep, and other mammals, transmitted to humans by contaminated wool, raw meat, or other animal products

aoudad - noun. a wild sheep, of Northern Africa, having a long fringe of hair on the throat, chest, and forelegs

mouflon - noun. a wild sheep, inhabiting the mountainous regions of Sardinia and Corsica, the male of which has large curving horns

gid - noun. a disease of cattle and especially sheep in which the brain or spinal cord is infested with larvae of the dog tapeworm producing staggers also sturdy

suint - noun. the natural grease of the wool of sheep, consisting of a mixture of fatty matter and potassium salts, used as a source of potash and in the preparation of ointments

arui - noun. a wild sheep of Northern Africa

cheviot - noun. a British breed of sheep, noted for its heavy fleece of medium length

scrapie - noun. Veterinary Pathology. an infectious, usually fatal brain disease of sheep, characterized by twitching of the neck and head, grinding of the teeth, and scraping of itching portions of skin against fixed objects with a subsequent loss of wool, caused by an unidentified sticky agent that clings to cell membranes

sheepfold - noun. an enclosure for sheep

wether - noun. a castrated male sheep

yean - verb. of a sheep or goat, to bring forth young ORIGIN: 1375-1425; late Middle English yenen, probably continuing to Old English 'geeanian', to bring forth young, Latin 'agnus', Greek amnos 'lamb'

bellwether - noun. a wether or other male sheep that leads the flock, usually wearing a bell; a leader

cimarron - noun. bighorn

drover - noun. a herd or flock of animals being driven in a body; that person who does such droving

exmoor - noun. a moorland in SW England, in Somersetshire and Devonshire: the scene of Blackmore's novel, Lorna Doone

hogget - noun. a hog ORIGIN:1300-1350; Middle English

rambouillet - noun. one of a breed of hardy sheep, developed from the Merino, yielding good mutton and a fine grade of wool

mutton - noun. the flesh of sheep, especially full-grown or more mature sheep, used as food

urial - noun. a wild sheep with long legs and relatively small horns, native to central Asia Asia.

argol - noun. a crude tartar, produced as a by-product in casks by the fermentation of wine grapes, used as a mordant in dyeing, in the manufacture of tartaric acid, and in fertilizers

cabretta - noun. a leather made from the skins of sheep that grow hair rather than wool, tougher than other sheepskins and used chiefly for gloves and shoes

caracul - noun. one of an Asian breed of sheep having curly fleece that is black in the young and brown or gray in the adults: raised especially for lambskins used in the fur industry

cotswold - noun. one of an English breed of large sheep having coarse, long wool

owling - noun. The offense of transporting wool or sheep out of England contrary to the statute formerly existing

sheepcote - noun. a pen or covered enclosure for sheep

toison - noun. a sheep's fleece

alsatian - noun. another term for a German Shepherd; a native or inhabitant of Alsace

ammotragus lervia -

barbary sheep - noun. a short-coated sheep with a long neck ruff, found in the high deserts of northern Africa. Also called aoudad

bharal - noun. also, The Himalayan Blue Sheep, is a caprid found in the high Himalays of Nepal, Tibet, China, India, Pakistan, and Bhutan

caprid - noun. a goat-antelope or caprid is any of the species which make up the medium sized bovids of the subfamily Caprinae

woolbird - noun. a sheep

bot - noun. the larva of the botfly, which is an internal parasite of animals. It lives typically in the stomach, finally passing out in the dung and pupating on the ground.

chamois - noun. an agile goat-antelope with short hooked horns, found in mountainous areas of Europe from Spain to the Caucasus; also, soft pliable leather made from the skin of sheep, goats, or deer

dall's sheep - noun. a white-haired wild sheep, of mountainous regions of northwestern North America

hampshire - noun. also called Hampshire Down, one of an English breed of sheep having a dark face, ears, and legs, noted for the rapid growth of its lambs

hoggerel - noun. a sheep clipped the first year, a sheep of the second year

komondor - noun. one of a Hungarian breed of large dogs having a long, matted, white coat, used for herding sheep

lambkill - noun. a sheep laurel; so-called due to its fatal consumption and poisonous nature to sheep

orf - noun. Veterinarian Science. Technical Name: contagious pustular dermatitis, Also called: scabby mouth; an infectious disease of sheep and sometimes goats and cattle, characterized by scabby pustular lesions on the muzzle and lips; caused by a paramyxovirus 2. also Norfolk International Airport

paramyxovirus - noun. Medicine. any of a group of RNA viruses similar to the myxoviruses but larger and hemolytic, including those causing mumps, measles, distemper, rinderpest, and various respiratory infections (parainfluenza).

distemper - noun. a viral disease of some animals, esp. dogs, causing fever, coughing, and catarrh ORIGIN: mid 16th cent.: (originally in the sense [bad temper,] later [illness] ): from Middle English distemper [upset, derange,] from late Latin distemperare 'soak, mix in the wrong proportions,' from dis- 'thoroughly' + temperare 'mingle.' Compare with TEMPER . Sense 1 dates from the mid 18th cent.

distemper - noun. archaic. political disorder, a condition regarding the aptitude of a society, population, or people 3. noun a kind of paint using glue or size instead of an oil base, for use on walls or for scene-painting, a method of mural and poster painting using this 4. verb[trans.] [often as adj.] paint (something) with distemper ORIGIN: late Middle English (originally as a verb in the senses [dilute] and [steep] ): from Old French destremper or late Latin distemperare 'soak.'

rinderpest - noun. Veterinary Medicine. an infectious disease of ruminants, especially cattle, caused by a paramyxovirus. It is characterized by fever, dysentery, and inflammation of the mucous membranes. ORIGIN: mid 19th cent.: from German, from Rinder 'cattle' + Pest 'plague.'

ruminant - noun. an even-toed ungulate mammal that chews the cud regurgitated from its rumen. The ruminants comprise the cattle, sheep, antelopes, deer, giraffes, and their relatives. Suborder Ruminantia order Artiodactyla: six families 2. a contemplative person; a person given to meditation

even-toed ungulate - noun. a hoofed mammal of an order that includes the ruminants, camels, pigs, and hippopotamuses. Mammals of this group have either two or four toes on each foot

tylopod - noun. Zoology. an even-toed ungulate mammal of a group that comprises the camels, llamas, and their extinct relatives. They are distinguished by bearing their weight on the sole-pads of the feet rather than on the hoofs, and they do not chew the cud

rumen - noun. Zoology. the first stomach of a ruminant, which receives food or cud from the esophagus, partly digests it with the aid of bacteria, and passes it to the reticulum.

reticulum - noun. a fine network or netlike structure 2. Zoology the second stomach of a ruminant, having a honeycomb-like structure, receiving food from the rumen and passing it to the omasum.

omasum - noun. Zoology. the muscular third stomach of a ruminant animal, between the reticulum and the abomasum. Also called psalterium. ORIGIN: early 18th cent.: from Latin, literally 'bullock's tripe.'

psalterium - noun. another term for omasum. ORIGIN: mid 19th cent.: from Latin, literally 'psalter', because of its many folds of tissue, resembling pages of a book

psalter - noun. the Book of Psalms; a copy of the biblical Psalms, esp. for liturgical use ORIGIN: Old English ℗saltere, via Latin psalterium from Greek psalterium 'stringed instrument.'

abomasum - noun. Zoology. the fourth stomach of a ruminant, which receives food from the omasum and passes it to the small intestine.

bullocks - noun. another term for steer.

catarrh - noun. excessive discharge or buildup of mucus in the nose or throat, associated with inflammation of the mucous membrane. ORIGIN: early 16th.: from French catarrhe, from late Latin catarrhus, from Greek katarrhous, from katarrhein 'flow down,' from kata- 'down' + rhein 'flow.'

hemolytic - adjective. Medicine. relating to or involving the rupture or destruction of red blood cells

parainfluenza - noun. Medicine. a disease caused by any of a group of viruses that resemble the influenza virus

race - noun. a competition between runners, horses, vehicles, boats, etc., to see which is the fastest in covering a set course, (the races) a series of such competitions for horses or dogs, held at a fixed time on a set course. [in singular] a situation in which individuals or groups compete to be first to achieve a particular objective 2. archaic. the course of the sun or moon through the heavens 3. a strong or rapid current flowing through a narrow channel in the sea or a river 4. a groove, channel, or passage, in particular: a water channel, especially one built to lead water to or from a point where its energy is utilized, as in a mill or mine as in millrace: noun. the channel carrying the swift current of water that drives a mill wheel. A smooth, ring-shaped groove or guide in which a ball bearing or roller bearing runs.

race - verb. [intrans.] compete with another or others to see who is fastest at covering a set course or achieving an objective, to compete regularly in races as a sport or leisure activity; [trans.] prepare and enter (an animal or vehicle) in races as a sport or leisure activity 2. [intrans.] move or progress swiftly at full speed, figurative. a hurrying of thoughts or ideas that move through the mind swiftly, (of an engine or other machinery) operate at excessive speed, (of a person's heart or pulse) beat faster than usual because of fear or excitement. [trans.] cause to move, progress, or operate swiftly or at excessive speed ORIGIN: late Old English, from Old Norse ras 'current.'  It was originally a northern English word with the sense [rapid forward movement,] which gave rise to the senses [contest of speed] (early 16th cent.) and [channel, path] (i.e. the space traversed). The verb dates from the late 15th century.

ruddle - noun. a red variety of ocher, used for marking sheep, coloring, etc.; to mark or color with ruddle

yeanling - noun. the young of a sheep or goat; a lamb or kid 2. adjective. just born; infant

ammotragus - noun. The Barbary sheep is a species of caprid(goat-antelope) native to rocky mountains in North Africa.

bowyangs - noun. a pair of strings or straps secured round each trouser leg below the knee, worn esp. by sheep shearers and other laborers

cavicom - adjective. Zoology. hollow-horned, as the ruminants with true horns, as distinguished from bony antlers

cockalorum - noun. informal/dated. a self-important little man.

commonable - adjective. British. Chiefly Historical. (of land) allowed to be jointly used or owned; (of an animal) allowed to be pastured on public land

cut of mutton - noun. cut of meat from a mature sheep

depasture - verb. to graze or denude by grazing (a pasture, especially a meadow specially grown for the purpose) 2. transitive verb. to pasture (cattle or sheep).

denude - verb. to make naked or bare; strip 2. Geology. subject to denudation: the act of denuding, the state of being denuded; exposing or laying bare of rock by erosive processes

gourdworm - noun. the fluke of sheep

fluke - noun. the part of an anchor that catches in the ground, especially the flat triangular piece at the end of each arm 2. a barb, or the barbed head, of a harpoon, spear, arrow, or the like 3. either half of the triangular tail of a whale

groenendael - or Belgian Sheepdog, is recognized by all major kennel clubs, a mid-sized, hard-working, square-proportioned breed of dog in the sheepdog family. Posesses a distinctive black coat.

hogg - noun. Farming. a young sheep of either sex from about 9 to 18 months of a age (until it cuts two teeth)

hypopachus - noun. Zoology. a genus of microhylid frogs.

microhylidae - the microhylidae are a geographically widespread family of frogs. The 495 species are in 68 genera and 9 subfamilies, which is the largest number of genera of any frog family.

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Words of Black and Beauty

ebon - noun. poetic/literary. dark brown or black; ebony

drab - adjective. lacking brightness in color

wan - adjective. (of a person's complexion or appearance) pale and giving the impression of illness or exhaustion

achromic - adjective. having no color; colorless

achromatous - adjective. having little or inadequate color

dun - adjective. of a dull grayish-brown color

etiolate - verb. to bleach and alter the natural development of (a green plant) by excluding sunlight; to make pale

hueless - adjective. of something totally lacking in saturation and therefore having no hue

wanness - adjective. lividness: unnatural lack of color in the skin (as from bruising or sickness or emotional distress

tawny - adjective. of an orange-brown or yellowish-brown color; tan

pallor - noun. an unhealthy pale appearance

paly - adjective. divided into equal vertical stripes; pallid, colorless

atonic - adjective. lacking muscle tone

melanize - verb. convert into, or infiltrate with melanin

melanin - noun. a dark brown to black pigment occurring in the hair, skin, and iris of the eye in people and animals. It is responsible for tanning of skin exposed to sunlight.

achromatic - adjective. relating to, employing, or denoting lenses that transmit light without separating it into constituent colors. poetic/literary. without color.

nigrify - verb. blacken; make or become black

calamitous - adjective. (of an event) black; having extremely unfortunate or dire consequences; bringing ruin

mordant - adjective. (esp., of humor) having or showing a sharp or critical quality; biting; noun. a substance, typically inorganic oxide, that combines with a dye or stain and thereby fixes it in a material

niello - noun. a black compound of sulfur with silver, lead, or copper, used for filling in engraved designs in silver or other metals; such ornamental work

mulatto - noun. Derogatory. a person of mixed white and black ancestry, esp. a person with on white and one black parent

pekoe - noun. a high-quality black tea made from young leaves

spade - noun. a tool with a sharp-edged, typically rectangular, metal blade and a long handle, used for digging or cutting earth, sand, turf, etc.; one of the four suits in a conventional deck of playing cards, denoted by a black inverted heart-shaped figure with a small stalk

bohea - noun. a kind of black tea

congou - noun. a black tea grown in China

crape - verb. to cover or drape with a crape

demitasse - noun. a small coffee cup

jackdaw - noun. a small, gray-headed Eurasian crow, that typically nests in tall buildings and chimneys

schipperke - noun. a small black tailless dog of a breed with a ruff of fur around its neck

souchong - noun. a fine black variety of Chinese tea

atrous - adjective. Jet black in color

ecchymosis - noun. Medical. a discoloration of the skin resulting from bleeding underneath

percheron - noun. a powerful draft horse of a gray or black breed, originally from France

schorl - noun. a black iron-rich variety of tourmaline

tourmaline - noun. a brittle gray or black mineral that occurs as prismatic crystals in granitic and other rocks. It consists of a boron aluminosilicate and has pyroelectric and polarizing properties, and is used in electrical and optical instruments and as a gemstone. ORIGIN: mid 18th cent.: from French, based on Sinhalese turamalli, 'carnelian.'

carnelian - noun. a semiprecious stone consisting of an orange or orange-red variety of chalcedony
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Word List of 7/29/13-8/29/13

hellion - noun. informal. a rowdy, mischievous, or troublemaking person, esp. a child. ORIGIN: mid 19th cent.: perhaps from dialect hallion [a worthless fellow,] changed by association with hell.

sorghum - noun. a widely cultivated cereal native to warm regions of the Old World. It is a major source of grain and of feed for livestock

tome - noun. chiefly humorous. a book, especially a large, heavy, scholarly one ORIGIN: early 16th cent.: (denoting one volume of a larger work) from French, via Latin from Greek tomos 'section, roll of papyrus, volume' ; related to temnein 'to cut.'

psychonautics - noun. a sailor of the mind/soul, refers both to a methodology for describing and explaining the subjective effects of altered states of consciousness, including those induced by meditation or mind altering substances, and to a research paradigm in which the researcher voluntarily immerses him/herself into an altered state by means of such techniques, as a means to explore human experience and existence. The term has been applied diversely, to cover all activities by which altered states are induced and utilized for spiritual purposes or the exploration of the human condition, including shamanism, lamas of the Tibetan Buddhist tradition, sensory deprivation, and archaic/modern drug users who use entheogenic substances in order to gain deeper insights and spiritual experiences. A person who uses altered states for such exploration is known as a psychonaut.

lamas - noun. an honorific title applied to a spiritual leader in the Tibetan Buddhism whether a reincarnate lama (such as the Dalai Lama) or one who has earned the title in life. 2. a Tibetan or Mongolian Buddhist monk. ORIGIN: mid 17th cent.: from Tibetan bla-ma (the initial b being silent), literally 'superior one."

Tabernanthe iboga -  noun. Botany. also iboga. A perennial rainforest shrub and hallucinogen, native to western Central Africa. Iboga stimulates the central nervous system when taken in small doses and induces visions in larger doses. In parts of Africa where the plant grows the bark of the root is chewed for various pharmacological or ritualistic purposes. Ibogaine, , the active alkaloid is also used to treat substance abuse disorders. A small amount of ibogaine along with precursors of ibogaine are found in Vacanga africana.

chartulary - noun. A cartulary or chartulary, also called Pancarta and Codex Diplomaticus, is a medieval manuscript volume or roll containing transcriptions of original documents relating to the foundation, privileges, and legal rights of ecclesiastical establishments, municipal corporations, industrial associations, institutions of learning, or private families. THe term is sometimes also applied to collections of original documents bound in one volume or attached to one another so to form a roll.

hemminge - noun. An English actor who edited the first folio of Shakespeare's plays

Edmund Kean - noun. Historical Theater. (b.1787-1833) English actor, especially known for performance of Shakespearean roles.

oberon - Astronomy. a satellite of Uranus, the furthest from the planet, discovered by W. Herschel in 1787. It has a heavily cratered surface and a diameter of 963 miles. ORIGIN: from the name of the king of the fairies in Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream.

Sir John Lord Cobham Oldcastle - noun. b.1377-1417, English martyr; leader of a Lollard conspiracy; executed for treason and heresy: model for Shakespeare's Falstaff
in Henry IV

Prospero - is a fictional character and the protagonist of William Shakespeare's play The Tempest.

The Tempest - Prospero is the rightful Duke of Milan, who (with his young daughter, Miranda) was put to sea on "a rotten carcass of a butt(boat)" to die by his uprising brother, Antonio, twelve years before the play begins. Prospero and Miranda survived, and found exile on a small island. He has learned sorcery from books secretly given to him (referred to as his "Art" in the play), and uses it while on the island to protect Miranda and control the other characters. On the island, he becomes master of the monster Caliban(the son of Sycorax, a malevolent witch), and Ariel, an elemental who has become enslaved by Prospero after he is freed from his prison inside a tree. However, at the end of the play, Prospero intends to drown his book and renounce magic. In the view of the audience, this may have been required to make the ending ambiguously happy, as magic smacked too much of diabolical works; he will drown his books for the same reason that Doctor Faust, in an earlier play by Christopher Marlowe, promised in vain to burn his books.

Caliban -

sycorax -

teston -

therewithal -

tirrit -

Martin Luther - Martin Luther, b. 1483-1546, German theologian; the principal figure of the German Reformation. Luther preached the doctrine of justification by faith rather than by works and railed against the sale of indulgences and papal authority.

papal - adjective. of or relating to a pope or to the papacy.

Lollardy - also (Lollardry, Lollardism) was a political and religious movement that existed from the mid-14th century to the English Reformation. The term "lollard" refers to the followers of John Wycliffe, a prominent theologian who was dismissed from the University of Oxford in 1381 for criticism of the Church, especially in his doctrine on the Eucharist.The Lollards' demands were primarily for the reform of Western Christianity

The Alexian Brothers - also Alexians or Cellites are a Catholic religious institute or congregation specifically devoted to caring for the sick which has its origin in Europe at the time of the Black Death. They follow the Augustinian rule.

History

The Alexians trace their origin to the early 12th-century Beghards, male counter-arts of the Beguines, the lay women who followed a devout style of life in a limited degree of common life. The men did not get much attention until they made a great contribution in history in the city of Mechelen, in the Duchy of Brabant (in central Flanders, now Belgium), some time in the 14th century, during the terrible ravages of the Black Death. Some laymen united under the guidance of a certain Tobias to succor the plague-stricken, without taking any vows or adopting a monastic lifestyle. One of their most obvious activities was caring for those stricken with the bubonic plague, along with their families, and burying those who died. These laymen lived in little rooms or cells (from Latin, cella 'a cell that gave rise to their early name of Cellites.'

The plague victims became the outcasts of the society and were thrown outside the city walls, along with the other marginalized folk, to die. Moved by compassion, these laymen came together and vowed to take care of these victims who were abandoned by not only the state and the church, but also their families. Later on, the group attracted more men who chose to abandon their secular lives to live in community as brothers and to serve the needs of the poor. Eventually, the Catholic Church saw the utility of the brothers and invited them to be formally recognized as a religious group and subsequently gave them pontifical status. The brothers were associated with a chapel dedicated to Saint Alexius, who had served many years in a hospital at Edessa in Syria, and they began to be called The Brothers at Saint Alexius Chapel, a name that evolved into that of Alexian Brothers, their modern name.

pontifical - adjective. (in the Roman Catholic Church) of or relating to the pope 2. characterized by a pompous and superior air of infallibility

succor - noun. assistance and support in times of hardship and distress 2. verb. give assistance or aid to 3. archaic. reinforcements of troops ORIGIN: Middle English via Old French from medieval Latin succursus, from Latin succurrere 'run to the help of,' from  sub- 'from below' + currere 'run.'

Black Death - the great epidemic of bubonic plague that killed a large part of the population of Europe in the mid 14th century. It originated in central Asia and China and spread rapidly through Europe, carried by the fleas of black rats, reaching England in 1348 and killing between one third and one half of the population in a matter of months

etiology - noun. Medicine. the cause, set of causes, or manner of causation of a disease or condition; the causation of diseases and disorders as a subject of investigation 2. the investigation or attribution of the cause or reason for something, often expressed in terms of historical or mythical explanation

Mechelen - noun. a Dutch-speaking municipality in the province of Flanders, Belgium. The municipality comprises the city of Mechelen proper, some quarters at its outskirts, the hamlets of Nekkerspoel(adjacent) and Battel(a few kilometers away) as well as the villages of Walem, Heffen, Leest, Hombeek, and Muizen. The Dijle flows through the city, hence it is often referred to as the 'Dijlestad "City on the river Dijle").

Nekkerspoel - noun. a hamlet of Mechelen, Flanders, Belgium, immediately east of the city. The name means: pool of one or more Nekkers or water demons (in older Dutch necker, devil, evil spirit; from Latin niger, negr-, black), and it is assumed that in earlier centuries locals taking a shortcut trotting through the marshlands of which the Mechels Broek still remains, may have strayed off safer pathways and lost their lives. In 1904, remnants dating from the La Tene era of a settlement of several wooden houses and an 8.4 meter long canoe cut out of an oak tree-trunk, were found at a depth of 5 meters.

This hamlet was already well-populated and built-up at a time that otherwise mainly a few monasteries were seen outside the city's former walls. Meanwhile, it obtained Mechelen's secondary station on Belgium's major Brussels-Mechelen-Antwerp Railway, and the Toy Museum(in Dutch Speelgoedmuseum) with exhibits covering 7,000 m(2) in the former furniture manufacturer's Nova building.

Duchy of Brabant - noun. The Duchy of Brabant was a State of the Holy Roman Empire established in 1183. It developed from the Landgraviate of Brabant and formed the heart of the historic Low Countries, part of the Burgundian Netherlands from Habsburg, Netherlands from 1492, until it was dismembered after the Dutch revolt.

Present day North Braband (Staats-Brabant) was adjudicated to the Generality Lands of the Dutch Republic according to the 1648 Peace of Westphalia, while the reduced duchy remained in existence with the Southern Netherlands until it was conquered by French Revolutionary forces in 1794.

duchy -

panoche - noun. flamboyant confidence of style or manner 2. historical a tuft of plume of feathers, esp. as a headdress or on a helmet.p

landgrave - noun. Historical. a count having jurisdiction over a territory; the title of certain German princes

fief - noun. historical. an estate of land, esp. one held on condition of feudal service 2. a person's sphere of operation or control

feudalism - noun. Historical. the dominant social system in medieval Europe, in which the nobility held lands from the Crown in exchange for military service, and vassals were in turn tenants of the nobles, while the peasants (villeins or serfs) were obliged to live on their lord's land and give him homage, labor, and a share of the produce, notionally in exchange for military protection.

villein - noun. (in medieval England) a feudal tenant entirely subject to a lord or manor to whom he paid dues and services in return for land

Pancho Villa - (b.1878-1923), Mexican revolutionary; born Doroteo Arango. He helped Venustiano Carranza to overthrow the dictatorial regime of General Victoriano Huerta in 1914, but then helped Emiliano Zapata to rebel against Carranza's regime.

diorite - noun. a speckled, coarse-grained igneous rock consisting essentially of plagioclase, feldspar, and hornblende or other mafic minerals.

mafic - adjective. Geology. relating to, denoting, or containing a group of dark covered, mainly ferromagnesian minerals such as pyroxene and olivine. Often contrasted with felsic

ferric - adjective. of or relating to iron; chemistry. of iron with a valence of three; of iron(III)

ferrous - adjective. Chemistry. of iron with a valence of two; of iron(II); (chiefly of metals) containing or consisting of iron.

felsic - adjective. Geology. of, relating to, or denoting a group of light-colored minerals including feldspar, feldspathoids, quartz, and muscovite.

feldspar - noun. an abundant rock-forming mineral typically as colorless or pale-colored crystals and consisting of aluminosilicates of potassium, sodium, and calcium.

aluminosilicates - noun. Chemistry. a silicate in which aluminium replaces some of the silicon, esp. a rock forming mineral such as feldspar or a clay mineral.

feldspathoids - noun. Geology. any of a group of minerals chemically similar to feldspar but containing less silica, such as nepheline and leucite.

nepheline - noun. a colorless, greenish, or brownish mineral consisting of an aluminosilicate of sodium (often with potassium) and occurring as crystals and grains in igneous rocks

leucite - noun. a gray or white potassium aluminosilicate, typically found in alkali volcanic rocks.

muscovite - noun. a silver-gray form of mica occurring in many igneous and metamorphic rocks; noun. a native or citizen of Moscow; archaic a Russian

plagioclase - noun. a form of feldspar consisting of aluminosilicates of sodium and/or calcium, common in igneous rocks and typically white

hornblende - noun. a dark brown, black, or green mineral of the amphibole group consisting of hydroxyl aluminosilicate calcium, magnesium, and iron, occurring in many igneous and metamorphic rocks.

amphibole - noun. any of a class of rock-forming silicate or aluminosilicate minerals typically occurring as fibrous or columnar crystals.

panchakarma - noun. (in Ayurvedic medicine) a fivefold detoxification treatment and therapeutic way of eliminating toxic elements from the body. There are a set of five (panch = five, in sanskrit) procedures. They are Vamana, Virechana, Basti, Nasya, and Raktomokshana.

Vamana - Vamana Karma also known as medical emesis/medical vomiting is one of the five Pradhana Karma's of Panchakarma which is successfully used in treating Kaphaj disorders. Some clinical trials have used it as a treatment for major depressive disorder. Some studies have shown the effectiveness of this procedure for disorders of various systems of the human body. It is used as a treatment for psoriasis. There are studies for its use in young, pre-diabetics. The majority of the studies reviewed showed positive outcomes for panchakarma and allied therapies when compared to a control.

Virechana - noun. also known as medical purgation. It is one of the Panchakarmas. Its clinical trials have been carried out for bronchial asthma, psoriasis, and diabetes.

Basti - noun. a treatment done with medical substances, like herbal oils and decoctions in a liquid medium, into the rectum of the person.

Nasya - noun. The administration of drugs by the route of the nasal cavity. Randomized controlled clinical trials have shown reduction in the signs and symptoms of cervical spondylosis by nasya. Clinical trials have been carried out for myopia, as well as to treat chronic sinusitis.

cervical spondylosis - noun. Medical. Osteoarthritis between the spinal vertebrae and/or neural foraminae.

decoction - noun. the liquor resulting from concentrating the essence of a substance by heating or boiling, esp. a medical preparation made from a plant; the action or process of extracting the essence of something ORIGIN: late Middle English from late Latin decoctio(n-), from decoquere 'boil down.'

purgation - noun. evacuation of the bowels brought about by laxatives 2. the purification or cleansing of someone or something 3. (in Roman Catholic doctrine) the spiritual cleansing of a soul in purgatory 4. historical the action of clearing oneself of accusation or suspicion by an oath or ordeal

sequela - noun. (usu. sequelae) Medicine. a condition that is the consequence of a previous disease or injury

Kaphalaseri - noun. a village in Bajhang District in the Seti Zone of north-western Nepal. At the time of the 1991 Nepal census it had a population of 4,364 and had 727 houses in the village.

panchayat - noun. Indian. a village council

vassals - noun. Historical. a holder of land by feudal tenure on conditions of homage and allegiance; a person or country in a subordinate position to another

Lotharingia - noun. a region in northwest Europe, comprising the Low Countries, the western Rhineland, the lands today on the border between France and Germany, and what is now western Switzerland. It was born of the triparite division in 855 of the Middle-Francia, itself formed of the threefold division of the Carolingian Empire by the Treaty of Verdun in 843. Neither Lotharingia nor Middle Francia had any natural coherence, but each was conceived as a territorial division of a larger realm.

interregnum -

adjudicated - verb. make a formal judgement or decision about a problem or disputed matter ORIGIN: early 18th cent. (in the sense [award judicially]: from Latin adjudicat- 'awarded judicially,' from the verb adjudicare. The noun adjudication dates from the early 17th century.

Tobias -

bubonic plague -

Edessa in Syria

Beguines and Beghards - were lay Christian religious orders that were active in Germany and the Low Countries in the 13th-18th centuries. Their members lived in semi-monastic communities but did not take formal religious vows. They were influenced by Albigensian teachings and by the Brethren of the Free Spirit, which flourished in and around Cologne at the same time but was later condemned as heretical.

Albigensian - plural noun. the members of a heretical sect in southern France in the 12th-13th centuries, identified with the Cathars. Their teaching was a form of Manichaean dualism, with an extremely strict moral and social code.

Brethren of the Free Spirit -

Jainism -

Augustinian rule -

novitiate - noun. the period or state of being a novice, esp. in a religious order; a place housing religious novices, a novice, esp. in a religious order ORIGIN: early 17th cent.: from ecclesiastical Latin noviciatus, from Latin novicius 'new.'

Alexian Brothers' Novitiate - The Alexian Brother's Novitiate is a manor house located in Gresham, Shawano County, Wisconsin, USA. Originally built in 1939 as a residence, it would be converted into a novitiate for the Alexian Brother's order in 1950 after being donated to them. The building ceased to be used as a novitiate after 1968, following the Second Vatican Council and the reforms from it. It has since been largely vacated and partially demolished, leaving very little of it standing. The building is best known for being seized by the Menominee Indian Reservation. Though successful, it ultimately was returned to Gresham, where it would be largely forgotten.

nontrinitarianism -

troilus - Greek Mythology. a Trojan prince, the son of Priam and Hecuba, killed by Achilles. In medieval legends of the Trojan War he is portrayed as the forsaken lover of Cressida.

Cressida - Greek Mythology. (in medieval legends of the Trojan War) the daughter of Calchas, a priest. She was unfaithful to her lover Troilus,

vagrom -

wappened -

uredo - noun. burning feeling in the skin

urent - adjective. burning;stinging

uranophobia - noun. agoraphobia

unsterocorated - adjective. not manured

untimeous - adjective. untimely

untreasure - verb. to despoil

despoil - verb. (often be despoiled) steal or violently remove valuable or attractive possessions from; plunder

unwithdrawing - noun. liberal; lavish

upas - noun. a tropical Asian tree, the milky sap of which has been used as arrow poison and for ritual purposes; (in folklore) a Javanese(people who descended from Java; the Indonesian language of Java) tree alleged to poison its surroundings and said to be fatal to approach; a tree in the mulberry and fig family Moraceae.

upbuilding - verb. (past and past part. -built) chiefly poetic. literary. construct or develop (something)

univocalic - noun. having only one vowel; written passage using only one vowel

upcast - noun. a shaft through which air leaves a mine; upward throw, material thrown upwards

upher - noun. a rough pole made of fir and used in scaffolding

uprist - adjective. rising, upward

upspeak - verb. to begin to speak

upstay - verb. to sustain

uranic - adjective. of the palate

uraster - noun. starfish

upaithric - noun. roofless, open to the sky

uvid - adjective. moist;wet

usucaption - noun. acquisition of property by long usage and enjoyment

bardolatry -

falstaff -

desdemona -

hathaway -

alarum -

bardolater -

hazlitt -

mongst -

monist -

prithee -

rede -

rsc -

schlegel -

sessa -

varlet -

veronese -

baconian -

burbage -

caliban -

polonius -

shaconian -

acold -

adonis -

antonomasia -

banquo -

bowdler -

churlish -

cressida -

ere -

ern -

expurgated -

fustilarian -

greymalkin -



acumen - noun. the ability to make good judgements and quick decisions, typically in a particular domain.

Abuja - noun. a newly built city in central Nigeria, designated in 1982 to replace Lagos as the national capital; pop. 378,670

sard - noun. a yellow or brownish-red variety of chalcedony

pard - noun. archaic or poetic/literary. a leopard

parados - noun. an elevation of earth behind a fortified place as a protection against attack from the rear, esp. a mound along the back of a trench

paralipsis - noun. Rhetoric. the device of giving emphasis by professing to say little or nothing about a subject ORIGIN: late 16th cent.: via late Latin from Greek paraleipsis 'passing over,' from paraleopein 'omit,' from para- 'aside' + leipein 'to leave.'

lupine - adjective. of, like, or relating to a wolf or wolves; fierce or ravenous as a wolf ORIGIN: mid 17th cent.: from Latin lupinus, from lupus 'wolf.'

cachalot - noun. Zoology. another term for sperm whale. ORIGIN: mid 18th cent.: from French, from Spanish and Portuguese cachalote, from cachola 'big head.'

cachaca - noun. a Brazilian white rum made from sugar cane

cachet - noun. 1. the state of being respected or admired; prestige 2. a distinguishing mark or seal. Philately. a printed design added to an envelope to commemorate a special event 3. a flat capsule enclosing a dose of unpleasant-tasting medicine.  ORIGIN: early 17th cent.: from French, from cacher in the sense 'to press,' based on Latin coactare 'constrain.'

tannin - noun. a yellowish or brownish bitter-tasting organic substance present in some galls, barks, and other plant tissues, consisting of derivatives of gallic acid, used in leather production and ink manufacture ORIGIN: early 19th cent.: from French tanin, from tan 'tanbark (ultimately related to TAN)

cachou - noun. dated. a pleasant smelling lozenge sucked to mask bad breath, variation of catechu

catechu - noun. a vegetable extract containing tannin, esp. one (also called cutch) obtained from the heartwood of an Indian acacia tree, used chiefly for tanning and dyeing

polyphenol - noun. Chemistry. a compound containing more than one phenolic hydroxyl group.

confabulate - verb. formal. engage in conversation; talk 2. Psychiatry. fabricate imaginary experiences as compensation for loss of memory

eristic - formal. adjective. of or characterized by debate or argument. (of an argument or arguer
aiming at winning rather than at reaching the truth 2. noun. a person given to debate or argument; the art or practice or debate or argument ORIGIN: mid 17th cent.: from Greek eristikos, from erizein 'to wrangle,' from eris 'strife.'

cutch - noun. an extract of Acacia

Fabuland - Fabuland was a theme product range of the Lego construction toy, aimed at young children. Introduced in 1979, the range aimed to fill the gap between Duplo and the standard Lego product ranges. Aimed at both boys and girls, the range encouraged storytelling, and was the first theme to be extended into books, clothing, and claymation TV series that aired in the UK and Canada during the 1980's and each Episode of Edward and Friends was 5 minutes in length. Fabuland sets featured anthropomorphic animal characters. These pieces were larger than standard Lego Minifigures, but smaller than Duplo figures, and included movable arms, legs and head. Some of the characters appeared in more than one set, and were given names, and sometimes even stories. Recurring characters included Edward Elephant, Bonnie Bunny, Max Mouse, Clive Crocodile, and Wilfred Walrus.

philately - noun. the study of stamps and postal history and other related items. Philately involves more than just stamp collecting, which does not necessarily involve the study of stamps. It is possible to be a philatelist without owning any stamps. For instance, the stamps being studied may be very rare, or reside only in museums. ORIGIN: mid 19th cent.: from French philatelie, from philo- 'loving' + Greek ateleia 'exemption from payment (from a- 'not' + telos 'toll, tax'), used to mean a franking mark or postage stamp exempting the recipient from payment.

cachinnate - verb. poetic/literary. laugh loudly

tencel - noun. trademark. a cellulosic fiber contained from wood pulp using recyclable solvents' a fabric made from this

algolagnia - noun. Psychiatry. desire for sexual gratification through inflicting pain on oneself or others; sadomasochism.

In 1892, Albert von Schrenck-Notzing introduced the term algolagnia to describe "sexual" masochism, to differentiate it from Fere's earlier term called "algophilia"; Schrenck-Notzing's interpretation was that algolagnia involved lust as Fere interpreted the phenomenon. (It should be cautioned, though, that the definitions regarding sadism and masochism as medical terms have changed over the years (as also noted in the main article for that topic) and are still evolving, and there are also non-medical definitions of sadomasochism.) However, Krafft-Ebing's theories in Pyschopathia Sexualis - where the terms sadism and masochism were used- were adopted by Sigmund Freud and became an integral part of psychoanalysis, thereby ensuring their predominance over the concept of "algolagnia."

anhedonia - noun. Psychiatry. inability to feel pleasure

cyrenaic - adjective. of or denoting the hedonistic school of philosophy, which was founded c. 400 BC by Aristippus the Elder of Cyrene and which holds that pleasure is the highest good and that virtue is to be equated with the ability to enjoy.

Aristippus - (late 5th century BC), Greek philosopher; known as Aristippus the Elder of Cyrene. He is considered the founder of the Cyrenaic school.

Cyrene - an ancient Greek city in North Africa, near the coast in Cyrenaica.

blase - adjective. unimpressed or indifferent to something because one has experienced or seen it so often before

ammophanes - a genus of moths of the Noctuidae family. The Noctuidae or owlet moths are a family of robustly built moths that includes more than 35,000 known species out of possibly 100,000 total, in more than 4,200 genera. They constitute the largest family in the Lepidoptera. Their distribution is worldwide, with about 1,450 species found in Europe.

photophile - adjective. of or pertaining to an organism, as a plant, that is receptive to, seeks, or thrives in light.

sciophilous - in phytogeography, shade-loving; adapted to live in shade.

gerundive - noun. Grammar. (in Latin) a form that is derived from a verb but that functions as an adjective, denoting something "that should or must be done."
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Priests, The Church, the Vestments
sacerdotal - adjective. relating to priests or the priesthood; priestly 2. Theology. relating to or denoting a doctrine that ascribes sacrificial functions and spiritual supernatural powers to ordained priests

sacristy - noun. a room in a church where a priest prepares for a service, and where vestments and other things used in worship are kept

vestments - noun. a chasuble or other robe worn by the clergy or choristers during services 2. Archaic. a garment, esp. a ceremonial or official robe

chasuble - noun. a sleeveless outer vestment worn by a Catholic or High Anglican priest when celebrating Mass, typically ornate and having a simple hole for the head

choristers - noun. a member of a choir, esp. a child or young person singing the treble part in a church choir 2. a person who leads the singing of a church choir or congregation ORIGIN: late Middle English queristre, from Anglo-Norman French variant of Old French cueriste, from quer. The change in the first syllable in the 16th cent. was due to association with obsolete chorist [member of a choir or chorus,] but the older form quirister long survived.

saccade - noun. Technical. a rapid movement of the eye between fixation points ORIGIN: early 18th cent.: from French, literally 'violent pull,' from Old French saquer 'to pull.'

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Archeology, Earth-Dirts, Chemistry, and Medicine

lagerstatte - from Lager 'storage' Statte 'place'; plural Lagerstatten, is a sedimentary deposit that exhibits extraordinary fossils with exceptional preservation-- sometimes including preserved soft tissues. These formations may have resulted from carcass burial in an anoxic environment with minimal bacteria, thus delaying decomposition. Lagerstatten span geological time from the Neoproterozoic era to the present. Worldwide, some of the best examples of near-perfect fossilization are the Cambrian Maotianshan shales and Burgess Shale, the Devonian Hunsruck Slates, the Jurassic Solnhofen limestone, the Carboniferous Mazon Creek and the Cretaceous Yixian Formation localities.

Neoproterozoic - noun. Archeology. The Neoproterozoic Era is the unit of geologic time from 1,000 to 541 million years ago. The terminal Era of the formal Proterozoic Eon (or the informal "Precambrian"), it is further subdivided into the Tonian, Cryogenian, and Ediacaran Periods. The most severe glaciation known in the geologic record occurred during the Cryogenian, when ice sheets reached the equator and formed a possible "Snowball Earth". The earliest fossils of multicellular life are found in the Ediacaran, including the earliest animals.

Ediacaran - named after the Ediacara Hills of South Australia, is the last geological period of the Neoproterozoic Era and of the Proterozoic Eon, immediately preceding the Cambrian Period, the first period of the Paleozoic Era and of the Phanerozoic Eon.

anoxic - noun. Technical. an absence of oxygen 2. Medicine. an absence or deficiency of oxygen reaching the tissues; severe hypoxia

hypoxia - noun. Medicine. deficiency in the amount of oxygen reaching the tissues; oxygen deficiency in a biotic environment leading to this

valence - noun. Chemistry. the combining power of an element , esp. as measured by the number of hydrogen atoms it can displace or combine with 2. adjective. relating to or denoting electrons involved in or available for chemical bond formation 3. Linguistics. the number of grammatical elements with which a particular word, esp. a verb, combines in a sentence

valance - noun. a length of decorative drapery attached to the canopy of a frame of a bed in order to screen the structure or the space beneath it; a length of decorative drapery hung above a window to screen the curtain fittings; an indirect-lighting fixture extending along the top of an interior wall; a dust duffle

valency - noun. Chemistry & Linguistics chiefly Brit. another term for 'valence.'

parthenogenesis - noun. Biology. reproduction from an ovum without fertilization, esp. as a normal process in some invertebrates and lower plants

dinoflagellate - noun. Biology. a single-celled organism with two flagella, occurring in large numbers in marine plankton and also found in fresh water. Some produce toxins that can accumulate in shellfish, resulting in poisoning when eaten. Division Dinophyta or class Dinophyceae, division Chromophycota (or phylum Dinophyta, kingdom Protista).

ephemeroptera - noun. Zoology. an order of insects that comprises the mayflies

deinonychus - noun. a dromaeosaurid dinosaur of the mid Cretaceous period, growing up to 11 feet (3.3m) in length. Genus Deinonychus , family Dromaeosauridae, suborder Theropoda.

deinococcus - a bacterium that can survive extremely high levels of radiation and therefore has high potential for radioactive waste cleanup; the only genus of the deinoccales group from the Deinococcus-Thermus phylum highly resistant to environmental hazards

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Feet & Eyes

sabaton - noun. solleret, armor plate that protects the foot; consists of mail with a solid toe and heel

solleret - armor plate that protects the foot; consists of mail with a solid toe and heel

sabin - adjective. of, relating to, or denoting an ancient Oscan-speaking people of the central Apennines in Italy, conquered and assimilated by the Romans in 290 B.C.

sabliere - noun. a sand pit

sabot - noun. a simple shoe, shaped and hollowed out from a single block of wood 2. A device that ensures the correct positioning of a bullet or shell in the barrel of a gun

sabulous - adjective. sandy or gritty

scotophil - adjective. Biology. growing or functioning best in darkness

scotoma - noun. a partial loss of vision or a blind spot in an otherwise normal visual field

whiting - noun. a slender-bodied marine fish (Merlangius merlangus) of the cod family. It lives in shallow European waters and is a commercially important food fish 2. Ground chalk used for purposes such as whitewashing and cleaning up metal plates

prolix - adjective. (of speech or writing} Using or containing too many words; tediously lengthy

ageusia - noun. Biology. Ageusia is the loss of taste functions of the tongue, particularly the inability to detect sweetness, sourness, bitterness, saltiness, and umami

umami - noun. a category of taste in food(besides sweet, sour, salt, and bitter), corresponding to the flavor of glutamates, especially monosodium glutamate ORIGIN: Japanese, literally 'deliciousness.'

animadversion - noun. Formal. criticism or censure

beadle - noun. British. a ceremonial officer of a church, college, or similar institution

brachymetropia - noun. same as myopia. nearsightedness; lack of imagination, foresight, or intellectual insight

colophon - noun. a publisher's emblem or imprint, esp. one on the title page or spine of a book 2. historical. a statement at the end of a book, typically with a printer's emblem, giving information about its authorship and printing

desquamation - verb. (of a layer of cells, e.g., of the skin) come off in scales or flakes ORIGIN: early 18th cent.: (in the sense [remove scales from] ): from Latin dequamat- 'scaled,' from the verb

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desquamare, from de- 'away from' + squama 'a scale.'

diegesis - noun. a narrative or plot, typically in a movie.

phytogeography - noun. the branch of botany that deals with the geographical distribution of plants

lucifugous - adjective. chiefly Zoology. shunning the light

lucifugal -

solifugous -

heliophobous -

chionophobous -

ombrophobous -

leucophilous -

finifugal -

nidifugous

phototropic -

grelifuge -

ombrophilous -

psammophilous -

dendrophilous -

limnophilous -

oikofugic -

nidicolous -

oenophile - noun. a connoisseur of wines.

oikonomia -

oikonomopoulos -

oikophobia - noun. Psychiatry. Oikophobia, also ecophobia, is a term used in psychiatry to refer to an aversion to home surroundings. It can also be used more generally to mean an abnormal fear of the home, or of the contents of a house ("fear of household appliances, equipment, bathtubs, household chemicals, and other common objects in the home"). The term derives from the Greek words oikos, meaning, 'household, house, or family' + phobia meaning "fear…disproportional to the actual danger posed". In 1808 the poet and essayist Robert Southey used the word to describe a desire (particularly by the English) to leave home and travel. Southey's usage as a synonym for wanderlust was picked up by other nineteenth century writers. In a 2004 book, the word was adapted by the British conservative philosopher Roger Scruton to mean "the repudiation of inheritance and home." He argued that is is "a stage through which the adolescent mind normally passes", but that it is a feature of some, typically leftist, political impulses, and ideologies which espouses xenophilia.

Robert Southey -

oikos - noun. an oikos(plural, English prefix: eco- for ecology and economics) is the ancient Greek equivalent of a household, house, or family.

Halkieriid - noun. Zoology. (also oikozetetes) The halkieriids are a group of fossil organisms from the Lower to Middle Cambrian. Their eponymous genus is Halkieria, which has been found on almost every continent in Lower to Mid Cambrian deposits, forming a large component of the small shelly fossil assemblages. The best known species is Halkieria evangelista, from the North Greenland Sirius Passet Lagerstatte, in which complete specimens were collected on an expedition in 1989. The fossils were described by Simon Conway Morris and John Peel in a short paper in 1990 in the journal Nature. Later a more thorough description was undertaken in 1995 in the journal Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society of London and wider evolutionary implications were posed.

xenophilia - noun. an individual who is attracted to foreign peoples, manners, or cultures.

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The Magic Lantern and Britain Vs. India

Sciopticon - The magic lantern or Laterna Magica is an early type of image projector developed in the 17th century. The magic lantern has a concave mirror in front of a light source that gathers light and projects it through a slide with an image scanned onto it. The light rays cross an aperture (which is an opening at the front of the apparatus), and hit a lens. The lens throws an enlarged picture of the original image from the slide onto a screen. Main light sources used during the 17th century were candles or oil lamps. These light sources were quite inefficient and produced weak projections.

The invention of the Argand lamp in the 1790s helped to make the projected images brighter. The invention of the limelight in the 1820s made it even brighter, and following that the inventions of the electric arc lamp in the 1860s, and the incandescent electric lamps all further improved the projected image of the magic lantern. It was also an important invention for motion picture film and 45mm projectors because of its ability to screen moving images. To achieve this, mechanical slides were used to make the images move. This was done using two glass slides, one with the part of the picture that would remain stationary and one with the part of the picture that would move on a disc. The glass slides were placed one on top of the other in an orderly fashion and a hand-operated pulley wheel was used to turn the movable disc. The magic lantern also led directly to Eadweard Muybridge's invention of the zoopraxiscope, which was another forerunner for moving pictures.

Lahore Railway Station - The Lahore Junction railway station in Lahore, Pubjab, Pakistan was built by British colonists between 1859-1860 at the cost of half a million Rupees. It is the junction of Lahore-Amritsar railway line. It is of typical grand British architecture in South Asia during the British Raj period. The railway network established by the British was extensive and is one of their lasting contributions to the culture and infrastructure of this region.

The railway station has 11 platforms (1 to 9, with 2 extra platforms, 3A and 6A). Platform No. 1 is of special importance, as this platform is the destination of "Samjhauta Express", the train service between Pakistan and India.

British Raj - The British Raj (lit. "reign" in Hindi) is the term often used for British rule in the Indian subcontinent, usually but not exclusively for the period between 1858 and 1947. The term can also refer to a period of dominion. The region under British control, commonly called India in contemporary usage, included areas directly administered by the United Kingdom (contemporaneously British-India). As India, it was a founding member of the League of Nations and the United Nations, and a participating nation in the Summer Olympics in 1900,1920, 1928, 1932, and 1936

Samjhauta Express - called the Friendship Express, is a twice-weekly train -- Tuesdays and Fridays -- that runs between Delhi and Attari in India and Lahore in Pakistan. The word samjhauta means "agreement", "accord" and "compromise" in both Hindi and Urdu. Until the reopening of the Thar Express, this was the only rail connection between the two countries. The train was started on July 22, 1976 following the Shimla Agreement and ran between Amritsar and Lahore, a distance of about 42 km. Following disturbances in Punjab in the late eighties, due to security reasons Indian Railways decided to terminate the service at Attari, where customs and immigration clearances take place. On April 14, 2000, in an agreement between India Railways and Pakistan Railways (PR), the distance was revised to cover just under three km.

Amritsar - noun. historically also known as Ramdaspur and colloquially as Ambarsar) is a city in the north-western part of India. It is the spiritual center for the Sikh religion and the administrative headquarters of the Amritsar district in the state of Punjab. It is home to the Harmandir Sahib (referred to as the "Golden Temple" in the western media), the spiritual and cultural center for the Sikh religion. This important Sikh shrine attracts more visitors than the Taj Mahal with more than 100,000 visitors on week days alone and is the most popular destination for Non-resident Indians(NRI) in the whole of India. The city also houses the Sikh temporal and political authority, Akal Takht, as well as the Sikh Parliament. The 2011 Indian census reported the population of the city to be 1,132,761. Amritsar is situated 135 miles northwest of the state capital Chandigarh and is 20 miles east of Lahore, Pakistan and therefore, very close to India's western border with Pakistan. The main commercial activities include tourism, carpets and fabrics, farm produce, handicrafts, service trades, and light engineering. The city is known for its rich cuisine and culture, and for the tragic incident of Jallianwala Bagh Massacre in 1919 under British Rule. Amritsar is home to Central Khalsa Orphanage, which was once home to Udham Singh, a prominent figure in the Indian independence movement.

Khalsa Orphanage -

Udham Singh - (b. December 26, 1899--July 31, 1940) was an Indian revolutionary, best known for assassinating Michael O'Dwyer in March 1940 in what has been described as an avenging of the Jallianwala Bagh Massacre. Singh changed his name to Ram Mohammad Singh Azad, symbolizing the equality of all faith and of the three major religions in India: Hinduism, Islam, and Sikhism. Singh is considered one of the best-known revolutionaries of the Indian independence struggle; he is also sometimes referred to as Shaheed-i-Azam Sardar Udham Singh (the expression "Shaheed-i-Azam" means "the great martyr"). Bhagat Singh and Singh along with Chandrasekhar Azad, Rajguru and Sukhdev, were among the most famous revolutionaries in the first half of the 20th-century for India. For their actions, the British government labeled these men as "India's earliest Marxists",

Michael O'Dwyer -

Jallianwala Bagh Massacre - Jallianwala Bagh massacre, involving the killing of over 300 Indian civilians by a senior British military officer, Reginald Edward Harry Dyer. On April 13, 1919, over twenty thousand unarmed Indians (Sikhs & Hindus), peacefully assembled in Jallianwala Bagh, Amritsar, to listen to several prominent local leaders speak out against British colonial rule in India and against the arrest and deportation of Dr. Satya Pal, Dr. Saifuddin Kitchlew, and a few others under the unpopular Rowlatt Act. Singh and his friends from the orphanage were serving water to the crowd.

Rowlatt Act -

Dr. Satya Pal -

Dr. Saifuddin Kitchlew -

Khalsa - The collective body of all initiated Sikhs represented by the five beloved-ones and can be called the Guru Panth, the embodiment of the Guru and the final temporal Guru/leader of the Sikhs. The word Khalsa translates to "Sovereign/Free". Another interpretation is that of being "Pure/Genuine." The Khalsa was inaugurated on March 30, 1699, by Guru Gobind Singh, the tenth Sikh Guru. From then on the temporal leadership of the Sikhs was passed on to the Khalsa with the bestowed title of "Guru Panth" and spiritual leadership was passed on to the Guru Granth Sahib with the Khalsa being responsible for all executive, military, and civil authority in the Sikh society. The Khalsa is also called the nation of the Sikhs.

The Sikhs of the Khalsa can be identified with the given Five Ks and titles of Singh and Kaur. This happens after being baptized to the order of the Khalsa. This happens after being baptized to the order of the Khalsa. The tenth Sikh Guru, Guru Gobind Singh at an event which coincided with the Vaisakhi Day (of the new lunar month Baisakh Samvat 1756) in the year 1699 at Kesgarh, in Anandpur initiated that every Sikh becomes Amritdhari "[Having taken Amrit]" and follow the Five Ks; which are not merely symbols but display commitment to the philosophy of Guru Nanak Dev like a uniform of organization.

Amrit - also Amrita or Amrut is a Sanskrit word that literally means "immortality", and is often referred to in texts as nectar. The word's earliest occurrence is in the Rigveda, where it is one of several synonyms of "soma" as the drink which confers immortality upon the gods. It is related etymologically to the Greek "ambrosia", and it carries the same meaning. It has various significances in different dharmic traditions. "Amrit" or "Amrut" is also a common Hindu first name for men; the feminine form is "Amrita" or "Amruta."

Amrita are also fourteen treasure jewels(Ratnas) that emerged from Samudra manthan ocean. The fourth Ratna which emerged is known as Kaustubha, the divine jewel of Vishnu.

Samudra manthan - In Hinduism, Samudra manthan or Ksheera Sagara Mathanam, meaning Churning of the Ocean of Milk is one of the most famous periods in the Puranas. The story appears in the Bhagavata Purana, the Mahabharata, and the Vishnu Purana. In literal terms, this tale is an allegorical description of what transpires during a kundalini awakening process. Kundalini is a latent energy that lays dormant in the spine. Upon awakening, it rises in a sensation akin to a slithering snake, up the spinal column (Meru-danda, represented by Mount Meru in the story).

Taj Mahal - a mausoleum at Agra, India, built by the Mogul emperor Shah Jahan(b. 1592-1666) in memory of his favorite wife, completed c. 1649. Set in formal gardens, the domed building in white marble is reflected in a pool flanked by cypresses. ORIGIN: perhaps a corruption of Persian Mumtaz Mahal, from mumtaz 'chosen one' (the title of the wife of Shah Jahan) and mahal 'abode.'

cypress - noun. an evergreen coniferous tree with small, rounded, woody cones and flattened shoots bearing small, scalelike leaves. Cupressus Chamaecyparis, and other genera, family Cupressaceae : many species, including the columnar Italian cypress (Cupressus sempervirens), common throughout southern Europe. A tree of this type, or branches from it, is a symbol of mourning.

cuprous - adjective. Chemistry. of copper with a valence of one; of copper

limner - noun. chiefly Historical. a painter, esp. of portraits or miniatures.

columnar - adjective. see also COLUMN

entablature - noun. Architecture. a horizontal, continuous lintel on a classical building supported by columns or a wall, comprising the architrave, frieze, and cornice.

lintel - noun. a horizontal support of timber, stone, concrete, or steel across the top of a door or window ORIGIN: Middle English : from Old French, based on late Latin liminare , from Latin limen 'threshold.'

architrave - noun. 1. (in classical architecture) a main beam resting across the tops of columns, specifically the lower third entablature. 2. the molded frame around a doorway or window; a molding around the exterior of an arch ORIGIN: mid 16th cent.: from French, from Italian, from archi- 'chief' + -trave from Latin trabs, trab- 'a beam.'

frieze - noun. a broad horizontal band of sculpted or painted decoration, esp. on a wall near the ceiling 2. a horizontal paper strip mounted on a wall to give a similar effect. 3. Architecture. the part of an entablature between the architrave and the cornice. 4. noun. heavy, coarse woolen cloth with a nap, usually on one side only.

nap - verb. sleep lightly or briefly, esp. during the day 2. noun. the raised hairs, threads, or similar small projections on the surface of fabric or suede (used especially with reference to the direction in which they naturally lie)  3. noun. a card game resembling whist in which players declare the number of tricks they expect to take, up to five ORIGIN: Early 19th cent.: abbreviation of NAPOLEON, the original name of the card game. 4. verb. (of a horse) refuse, esp. habitually, to go on at the rider's instructions; jib. ORIGIN: 1950s: back-formation from nappy, an adjective first used to describe heady beer (late Middle English), later used in the sense [intoxicated by drink] (early 18th century), and since the 1920s used to describe a disobedient horse.

cornice - noun. an ornamental molding around the wall of a room just below the ceiling, a horizontal molded projection crowning a building or structure, esp. the uppermost member of the entablature of an order, surmounting the frieze. 2. noun. an overhanging mass of hardened snow at the edge of a mountain or precipice

precipice - noun. a very steep rock face or cliff, typically a tall one ORIGIN: late 16th cent. (denoting a headlong fall): from French precipice, or Latin praecipitium 'abrupt descent,' from praeceps, praecip(it)- 'steep, headlong.'

praecox - from Latin, meaning "very early". It is often used as a qualifying adjective in Latin binomials, and could mean "early flowering", "primitive", "premature" or "early onset" (in the case of medical conditions).

binomials - noun. Mathematics. an algebraic expression of the sum or the difference of two terms 2. a two-part name, esp. the Latin name of a species of living organism (consisting of the genus followed by the specific epithet). 3. Grammar. a noun phrase with two heads joined by a conjunction, in which the order is relatively fixed( as in knife and fork).

specific epithet - noun. chiefly Botany & Microbiology. the second element in the Latin binomial name of a species, which follows the generic name and distinguishes the species from others in the same genus.

Shah Jahan - A'la Azad Abul Muzaffar Shahab ud-Din Mohammad Khurram, known by his imperial name Shah Jahan (in Persian: king of the world) also spelled Shah Jehan and Shahjehan(b. January 5,1592--January 22, 1666) was the Indian emperor of the Mughal Empire in South Asia from 1628 until 1658. He was the fifth emperor after Babur, Humayun, Akbar, and Jahangir. While young he was the favorite of his legendary grandfather Akbar the Great. At a young age, he was chosen as successor to the Mughal throne after the death of his father, Emperor Jahangir, in 1627. He is considered one of the greatest Mughals. His reign has been called the Golden Age of the Mughals and one of the most prosperous ages of Indian civilization. Like Akbar, he was eager to expand his vast empire. In 1658, he fell ill and was confined by his son Emperor Aurangzeb in Agra Fort until his death in 1666.

The period of his reign was the golden age of Mughal architecture. Shah Jahan erected many splendid monuments, the most famous of which is the Taj Mahal at Agra, built in 1632-1648 as a tomb for his beloved wife, Empress Mumtaz Mahal. The Moti Masjid, Agra and many other buildings in Agra, the Red Fort and the Jama Masjid in Delhi, mosques in Lahore, extensions to Lahore Fort and a mosque in Thatta also commemorate him. The famous Takht-e-Taus or the Peacock Throne, said to be worth millions of dollars by modern estimates, also dates from his reign. He was also the founder of the new imperial capital called Shahjahanabad, now known as Old Delhi. Other important buildings of Shah Jahan's rule were the Diwan-i-Am and Diwan-i-Khas in the Red Fort Complex in Delhi and the Moti Masjid in the Lahore Fort. Shah Jahan is also believed to have had a very refined taste in the arts and architecture, and is credited with having commissioned about 777 gardens in Kashmir, his favorite summer residence. A few of these gardens survive, attracting thousands of tourists every year.

The Peacock Throne -

Thatta -

Akbar the Great -  

Akal Takht -

Thar Express

temporal -

Taj Mahal -

Bhagavata Purana -

Mahabhrata -

Vishnu Purana -

kundalini -

allegorical -

Puranas -

Kaustubha -

Dharma -

Rigveda -

Sikhism - noun. a monotheistic religion founded in Punjab in the 15th century by Guru Nanak. Sikh teaching centers on spiritual liberation and social justice and harmony, though the community took on a militant aspect during early conflicts. The last guru, Gobind Singh(b.1666-1708), passed his authority to the scripture, the Adi Granth, and to the Khalsa, the body of initiated Sikhs. The term "Sikh" means disciple or student. A Sikh is a disciple/subject of the Guru.

Harmandir Sahib(Golden Triangle) - also Darbar Sahib, is a prominent Sikh Gurdwara located in the city of Amritsar, Punjab, India. It was built by the fifth Sikh guru, Guru Arja, in the 16th Century. In 1604, Guru Arjan completed the Adi Granth, the holy scripture of Sikhism, and installed the Gurdwara. There are four doors to get into the Harmandir Sahib, which symbolize the openness of the Sikhs towards all people and religions. The present day Gurdwara was rebuilt in 1764 by Jassa Singh Ahluwalia with the help of other Sikh Misls. In the early nineteenth century, Maharaja Ranjit Singh secured the Punjab region from outside attack and covered the upper floors of the Gurdwara with gold, which gives it its distinctive appearance and its English name.

Shimla Agreement -

Assassination of Benazir Bhutto -

Indian Parliament -

Swami Aseemanand -

Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh -

limelight - noun. also known as calcium light is a type of stage lighting once used in theaters and music halls. An intense illumination is created when an oxyhydrogen flame is directed at a cylinder of quicklime(calcium oxide), which can be heated to 2,572 ºC(4,662 ºF) before melting. The light is produced by a combination of incandescence and candoluminescence. Although it has long since been replaced by electric lighting, the term has nonetheless survived, as someone in the public eye is still said to be "in the limelight." The actual lights are called limes, a term which has been transferred to electrical equivalents. A pun is sometimes made in theater productions on the two meanings of "lime" by using lime-colored light in a production.

The limelight effect was discovered in the 1820s by Goldsworthy Gurney, based on his work with the "oxy-hydrogen blowpipe," credit for which is normally given to Robert Hare. In 1825, a Scottish engineer, Thomas Drummond (b.1797-1840), saw a demonstration of the effect by Michael Faraday and realized that the light would be useful for surveying. Drummond built a working version in 1826, and the device is sometimes called the Drummond Light after him. Limelight was first used in public in the Convent Garden Theater in London in 1837, and enjoyed widespread use in theaters around the world in the 1860s and 1870s. Limelights were employed to highlight solo performers in the same manner as modern followspots(spotlights). Limelight was replaced by electric arc lighting in the 19th century.

candoluminescence - noun. the light given off by certain materials at elevated temperatures (usually when exposed to a flame) that has an intensity at some wavelengths which can be higher than the blackbody emission expected from incandescence at the same temperature. The phenomenon is notable in certain transition metal and rare earth metal oxide materials(ceramics) such as zinc oxide and cerium oxide or thorium dioxide. The existence of this phenomenon and the underlying mechanism have been the subject of extensive research and debate since the first reports of it in the 1800s. The topic was of a particular interest before the introduction of electric lighting, when most artificial light was produced by fuel combustion. The main alternative explanation for candoluminescence is that it is simply "selective" thermal emission in which the material has a very high emissivity in the visible spectrum, and a very weak emissivity in the part of the spectrum where the blackbody thermal emission would be highest; in such a system, the emitting material will tend to retain a higher temperature because of the lack of invisible radiative cooling.

arc lamp - noun. the general term for a class of lamps that produce light by an electric arc(also called a voltaic arc). The lamp consists of two electrodes, first made from carbon but typically made today of tungsten, which are separated by gas. The type of lamp is often named by the gas contained in the bulb; including neon, argon, xenon, krypton, sodium, metal halide, and mercury, or by the type of electrode as in carbon-arc-lamps. The common fluorescent lamp is a low-pressure mercury arc lamp.

An arc is the discharge that occurs when a gas is ionized. A high voltage is pulsed across the lamp to "ignite" or "strike" the arc, after which the discharge can be maintained at a lower voltage. The "strike" requires an electrical circuit with an igniter and a ballast. The ballast is wired in series with the lamp and performs two functions.

First, when the power is first switched on, the igniter/starter (which is wired in parallel across the lamp) sets up a small current through the ballast and starter. This creates a small magnetic field within the ballast windings. A moment later the starter interrupts the current flow from the ballast, which has a high inductance and therefore tries to maintain the current flow (the ballast opposes any change in current through it); it cannot, as there is no longer a 'circuit'. As a result, a high voltage appears across the ballast momentarily - to which the lamp is connected, therefore the lamp receives this high voltage across it which 'strikes' the arc within the tube/lamp. The circuit will repeat this action until the lamp is ionized enough to sustain the arc.

When the lamp sustains the arc, the ballast performs its second function, to limit the current to that needed to operate the lamp. The lamp, ballast and igniter are rate-matched to each other; these parts must be replaced with the same rating as the failed component or the lamp will not work.

The color of the light emitted by the lamp changes as its electrical characteristics change with temperature and time. Lightning is a similar principle where the atmosphere is ionized by the high potential difference (voltage) between the earth and storm clouds.

The temperature of the arc in an arc lamp can reach several thousand degrees Celsius. The outer glass envelope can reach 500 ºC, therefore before servicing one must ensure the bulb has cooled sufficiently to handle. Often, if these types of lamps are turned off or lose their power supply, one cannot restrike the lamp again for several minutes (called cold restrike lamps). However, some lamps (mainly fluorescent tubes/energy saving lamps) can be restruck as soon as they are turned off (called hot restrike lamps.)

Argand lamp - noun. a home lighting oil lamp producing a light output of 6 to 10 candela  which was invented and patented in 1780 by Aime Argand. Aside from the improvement in brightness, the more complete combustion of the wick and oil required much less frequent trimming of the wick.

In France, they are known as "Quinquets" after Antoine-Arnoult Quinquet, a pharmacist in Paris, who used the idea originated by Argand and popularized it in France. He is sometimes credited with the addition of the glass chimney to the lamp.

The Argand lamp had a sleeve-shaped candle wick mounted so that air can pass both through the center of the wick and also around the outside of the wick before being drawn into the cylindrical chimney which steadies the flame and improves the flow of air. Early models used ground glass which was sometimes tinted around the wick. Later models used a mantle of thorium dioxide suspended over the flame, creating a bright, steady light.

An Argand lamp used whale oil, colza, olive oil, or other vegetable oil as fuel which was supplied by a gravity feed from a reservoir mounted above the burner. A disadvantage of the original Argand arrangement was that the oil reservoir needed to be above the level of the burner because the heavy, sticky vegetable oil would not rise far up the wick. This made the lamps top heavy and cast a shadow in one direction away from the lamp's flame. The Carcel lamp of 1800 and Franchot's moderator lamp of 1835 avoided these problems. The same principle was also used for cooking and boiling water due to its 'affording much the strongest heat without smoke.'

The Carcel Lamp - noun. The Carcel lamp was an efficient lighting device used in the nineteenth century for domestic purposes and in France as the standard measure for illumination. The lamp was invented by the French watchmaker Bernard Guillaume Carcel (b.1750-1818) to overcome the disadvantages of the Argand-type lamps then in use. The vegetable oil - mostly colza - oils then available were thick and would not travel far up a wick. The Argand lamps used a gravity feed which meant that the oil reservoir was located above the burner, casting a shadow, and making the lamp top heavy. Carcel designed a lamp with the oil reservoir under the burner, in the body of the lamp. To keep the oil moving up to the burner, Carcel housed a clockwork mechanism in the lamp base that drove a small pump submerged in the oil tank. The winding key was located at the bottom of the lamp base.

The advantages Carcel claimed for his lamp in his 1800 patent in Paris were that the movement operated unattended, the oil could be used to the last drop, the lamp would stay lit for sixteen hours continuously without refilling, and it provided illumination for several persons at the same time with a single burner. They were more complex devices however, and were not popular outside major European cities. This was partially due to the necessity of having to return them to the (mostly European) manufacturers for repair. The French physical standard Carcel lamp consisted of a cylindrical Argand burner, and gave the standard brightness when 42 grammes of colza oil were consumed per hour. The supply and draught were regulated by clockwork.

inductance - noun. Physics. the property of an electric conductor or circuit that causes an electromotive force to be generated by a change in the current flowing

ionized - verb. (usu. be ionized) convert (an atom, molecule, or substance) into an ion or ions, typically by removing one or more electrons. ionizable adjective, ionization noun.

halide - noun. Chemistry. a binary compound of a halogen with another element or group

metal halides - noun. compounds between metals and halogens. Some such as sodium chloride are ionic, while others are covalently bonded. Covalently bonded metal halides may be discrete molecules, such as uranium hexafluoride, or they may form polymeric structures, such as palladium chloride.

Halide Nusret Zorlutuna - (b. 1901 - June 10, 1984) was a Turkish poet and novelist. Zorlutuna was born in Istanbul, Ottoman Empire as the daughter of Mehmet Selim Bey, a journalist and political prisoner. Brought up in exile with her father, she later married and travelled with an army officer. A teacher of Turkish literature in schools, she took part in movements for the rights of women and children.

Poetry

- Geceden Tasan Dertler (Sorrow Flooding Off Night, 1930)
- Yayla Turkusu (Song of the Plateau, 1943)
- Yurdumun Dort Bucagi (Every Place of My Country, 1950)
- Ellerin Bombos (My Hands Are Empty, 1967)

Novels

- Kuller (Ashes, 1921)
- Sisli Geceler (Misty Nights, 1922)
- Gulun Babasi Kim (Who is Father of Rose, 1933)
- Buyukanne (Grandmother, 1971)
- Aydinlik Kapr (The Bright Gate, 1974)
- Ask ve Zafer (The Love and the Victory, 1978)
- Bir Devrin Romanr (Novel of an Age, 2004).

Short Stories

- Beyaz Selvi (The White Cypress, 1945).

Letters

- Hanim Mektuplari (Lady Letters, 1923)

Autobiography

- Benim Kucuk Dostlarum (My Little Friends, 1977)

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uranium hexafluoride - noun. Chemistry. referred to as "hex" in the nuclear industry, is a compound used in the uranium enrichment process that produced fuel for nuclear reactors and nuclear weapons. It forms solid grey crystals at standard temperature and pressure (STP), is highly toxic, reacts violently with water, and is corrosive to most metals. It reacts mildly with aluminium, forming a thin surface layer of AIF3 that resists further reaction.

Milled uranium ore--U3O8 or "yellowcake"--is dissolved in nitric acid, yielding a solution of uranyl nitrate UO2(NO3)2. Pure uraynl nitrate is obtained by solvent extraction, then treated with ammonia to produce ammonium diuranate ("ADU", (NH4)2U2O7). Reduction with hydrogen gives UO2, which is converted with hydrofluoric acid(HF) to uranium tetrafluoride, UF4. Oxidation with fluorine yields UF6.

During nuclear reprocessing, uranium is reacted with chlorine trifluoride to give UF6 : U + 2 ClF3 →UF6 + Cl2

uranyl - noun. Chemistry. the cation UO 2 2+ , the uraynl ion is an oxycation of uranium in the oxidation state +6, with the chemical formula [UO2]2+. It has a linear structure with short U-O bonds, indicative of the presence of multiple bonds between uranium and oxygen. Four or more ligands are bound to the uranyl ion in an equatorial plane. The uraynl ion forms many complexes, particularly with ligands that have oxygen donor atoms. Complexes of the uraynl ion are important in the extraction of uranium from its ores and in nuclear fuel processing.

ligands - noun. Chemistry. an ion or molecule attached to a metal atom by coordinate bonding 2. Biochemistry. a molecule that binds to another (usually larger) molecule ORIGIN: 1950s: from Latin ligandus 'that can be tied,' gerundive of ligare 'to bind.'

oxycation - noun. Chemistry. a polyatomic ion with a positive charge that contains oxygen

polyatomic ion - noun. Chemistry. also known as a molecular ion, is a charged chemical species (ion) composed of two or more atoms covalently bonded or of a metal complex that can be considered to be acting as a single unit. The prefix "poly-" means "many," in Greek, but even ions of two atoms are commonly referred to as polyatomic. In older literature, a polyatomic ion is also referred to as a radical, and less commonly, as a radical group. In contemporary usage, the term radical refers to free radicals that are (not necessarily charged) species with an unpaired electron.

An example of a polyatomic ion is the hydroxide ion - consisting of one oxygen atom and one hydrogen atom, hydroxide has a charge of -1. Its chemical formula OH−. An ammonium ion is made up of one nitrogen atom and four hydrogen atoms: it has a charge of +1, and its chemical formula is NU4+.

Polyatomic ions are often useful in the context of acid-base chemistry or in the formation of salts. A polyatomic ion can often be considered as the conjugate acid/base of a neutral molecule. For example, the conjugate base of sulfuric acid (H2SO4) is the polyatomic hydrogen sulfate anion (HSO4-). The removal of another hydrogen ion yields the sulfate anion (SO42-). Examples: Acetate(C2H3O2), Benzoate(C6H5COO−), and Cyanide (CN−).

cathode - noun. the negatively charged electrode by which electrons enter an electrical device; the positively charged electrode of an electrical device, such as a primary cell that supplies current ORIGIN: mid 19th cent.: from Greek kathodos 'way down,' from kata 'down' + hados 'way.'

cation - noun. Chemistry. a positively charged ion, i.e. one that would be attracted to the cathode in electrolysis.

anion - noun. Chemistry. a negatively charged ion, i.e. one that would be attracted to the anode in electrolysis

ammonium diuranate -

uranium tetrafluoride -

chlorine trifluoride -

uranyl nitrate -

nitric acid -

polymer - noun. Chemistry. a substance that has a molecular structure consisting chiefly or entirely of a large number of similar units bonded together, e.g., many synthetic organic materials used as plastics and resins ORIGIN: mid 19th cent.: from German, from Greek polumeros 'having many parts,' from polu- 'many' + meros 'a share.'

palladium chloride - noun. Chemistry. also known as palladium dichloride and palladous chloride. are the chemical compounds with the formula PdCl2. PdCl2 is a common starting material in palladium chemistry - palladium-based catalysts are of particular value in organic synthesis. It is prepared by chlorination of palladium.

palladium - noun. Archaic. a safeguard or source of protection. 2. noun. Chemistry. the chemical element of atomic number 46, a rare silvery-white metal resembling platinum ORIGIN: late Middle English (in the Greek sense): via Latin from Greek palladion, denoting an image of the goddess Pallas (Athena), on which the safety of Troy was believed to depend.

organic synthesis - noun. Organic Chemistry. a special branch of chemical synthesis concerned with the construction of organic compounds via organic reactions. Organic molecules can often contain a higher level of complexity compared to purely inorganic compounds, so the synthesis of organic compounds has developed into one of the most important branches of organic chemistry. There are two main areas of research within the general area of organic synthesis: total synthesis and methodology.

methodology - noun. a system of methods used in a particular area of study or activity

lacrimation - also lachrymation is another word for tears.

rhinorrhea - a condition where the nasal cavity is filled with a significant amount of mucous fluid. The condition commonly known as "runny nose", occurs relatively frequently.

tungsten -

krypton -

xenon -

argon -

neon -

ballast -

colza oil - noun. a nondrying oil obtained from the seeds of Brassica rapa, var. oleifera, a variety of the plant that produces turnips. Colza is extensively cultivated in France, Belgium, the United States, the Netherlands, Germany, and Poland. In France, especially, the extraction of the oil is an important industry. In commerce, colza is classed with rapeseed oil, to which it is very closely allied in both source and properties. It is a comparatively nonodoriferous oil of a yellow color, having a specific gravity varying between 0.912 and 0.920. The cake left after extraction of the oil is a valuable feed ingredient for pigs.

thorium dioxide - also called thorium(IV) oxide is a crystalline solid, often white or yellow in color. It was formerly known as thoria or thorina. It is produced mainly as a by-product of lanthanide and uranium production. Thorianite is the name of the mineralogical form of thorium dioxide. It is moderately rare and crystallizes in isometric systems. The melting point of thorium oxide is 3300 ºC -- the highest of all known oxides. Only a few elements (including tungsten and carbon) and a few compounds (including tantalum carbide) have higher melting points.

The compound is radioactive due to the radioactivity of thorium. Thorium dioxide can be used as a nuclear fuel. The high thermal stability of thorium dioxide allows application in flame spraying and high temperature ceramics. Thorium dioxide was the primary ingredient in the X-ray contrast medium Thorotrast

Thorotrast

Thorianite -

lanthanide -

tungsten -

tantalum carbide -

carbon -

vilify - verb. (-fies,-fied) speak or write about in an abusively disparaging manner

opprobrium - noun. harsh criticism or censure; the public disgrace arising from someone's shameful conduct 2. archaic. an occasion or cause of reproach or disgrace ORIGIN: mid 17th cent.: from Latin, literally 'infamy,' from opprobrum, from ob- 'against' + probrum 'disgraceful act.'

denigrate - verb. criticize unfairly; disparage ORIGIN: late Middle English (in the sense [blacken, make dark] ): from Latin denigrat- 'blackened,' from the verb denigrare, from de- 'away, completely' + nigrare (from niger 'black').

calumny - noun. the making of false and defamatory statements in order to damage someone's reputation; slander; a false and slanderous statement

flak - noun. strong criticism 2. anti-aircraft fire

castigate - verb. formal. reprimand (someone) severely ORIGIN: early 17th cent.: from Latin castigare 'reprove,' from castus 'pure, chaste.'

contumely - noun. (pl. -lies) insolent or insulting language or treatment ORIGIN: late Middle English : from Old French contumelie, from Latin contumelia, perhaps from con- 'with' + tumere 'to swell.'

odium - noun. general or widespread hatred or disgust directed toward someone as a result of their actions : her affair had made her the target of opprobrium and odium. 2. disgrace over something hated or shameful

Eadweard Muybridge -

invective -

obloquy - noun. strong public criticism or verbal abuse; disgrace, esp. that brought about by public abuse

brickbat - noun. a remark or comment which is highly critical and typically insulting; a piece of brick, typically when used as a weapon

excoriate - verb. formal. censure or criticize severely 2. chiefly Medical. damage or remove part of the surface(of the skin).

nummamorous -

xerophilous -

anthophilous -

belgard -

hydrophilous -

nemophilous -

philharmonic - adjective. devoted to music (chiefly used in the names of orchestras); noun. a philharmonic orchestra or the society that sponsors it

philippic - noun. poetic/literary. a bitter attack or denunciation, esp. a verbal one

harangue - noun. a lengthy and aggressive speech 2. verb. lecture (someone) at length in an aggressive and critical manner

onslaught - noun. a fierce or destructive attack; a large quantity of people or things that is difficult to cope with ORIGIN: early 17th cent.: (also in the form anslaight): from Middle Dutch aenslag, from aen 'on' + slag 'blow.' The change in the ending was due to association with (now obsolete) slaught [slaughter.]

silage - noun. grass or other green fodder compacted and stored in airtight conditions, typically in a silo, without first being dried, and used as animal feed in the winter

polemic - noun. a strong verbal or written attack on someone or something; (usually polemics) the art or practice of engaging in controversial debate or dispute ORIGIN: mid 17th cent.: via medieval Latin from Greek polemikos from polemos 'war.'

fulmination - noun. (usually fulminations) an expression of vehement protest; a violent explosion or a flash like lightning

psammophile - noun. a sand-loving organism

polytonal - noun. the simultaneous use of two or more keys in a musical composition

photophor - noun. Chemistry. Calcium phosphide (CP, Ca3P2) is a chemical used in incendiary bombs. It has the appearance of red-brown crystalline powder or grey lumps with a melting point of 1600 ºC. Its trade name is Photophor for the incendiary use or Polytanol for the use as rodenticide

arenophile - noun. one who collects sand samples, the interest of the hobby lying in the variety of texture, color, mineralogy, and location. This hobby may include sand deposited on coastlines throughout the world. Some collectors may trade sands with fellow arenophiles.

The rarest sands are found at the sites Pitcairn's Island and Easter Island. Some collectors have included sand from rivers and mineral deposits if they meet the criteria according to diameter and physical properties, ensuring that the samples have met proper sand definition. Only three places on earth have green sand; recently a supply has been found in Brazil. Papakolea Beach (also known as Green Sand Beach, Mahana Beach, and erroneously, Pu'u Mahana) is a green sand beach located at South Point, in the Ka'u district of the island of Hawaii. One of only two green sand beaches in the world, the other being in Guam, the beach gets distinctive coloring from olivine crystals found in a nearby cinder cone.

cinder cone - noun. a cinder cone or scoria cone is a steep conical hill of tephra that accumulates around and downwind from a volcanic vent

pyroclastic - adjective. relating to, consisting of, or denoting fragments of rock erupted by a volcano

tephra -

scoria cone -

olivine - noun. an olive-green, gray-green, or brown mineral occurring widely in basalt, peridotite, and other basic igneous rocks. It is a silicate containing varying proportions of magnesium, iron, and other elements.

basalt -

peridotite - noun. Geology. a dense, coarse-grained plutonic rock containing a large amount of olivine, believed to be the main constituent of the earth's mantle

plutonic - adjective. Geology. relating to or denoting igneous rock formed by solidification at considerable depth beneath the earth's surface 2. relating to the underworld or the god Pluto.

Pluto - noun. Greek Mythology. the god of the underworld. Also called Hades . 2. Astronomy. the most remote known planet of the solar system, usually ninth in order from the sun, discovered in 1930 by Clyde Tombaugh. Pluto usually orbits beyond Neptune at an average distance of 5,900 million km from the sun, although its orbit is so eccentric that at perihelion it is closer to the sun than Neptune (as in 1979-99). Pluto is smaller than earth's moon (diameter about 2,250 km), but it was discovered in 1978 to have its own satellite, Charon, which is so large that the pair should properly be regarded as a double planet.

aphelion - noun. Astronomy. the point in the orbit of a planet, asteroid, or comet at which it is furthest from the sun ORIGIN: mid 17th cent.: alteration of modern Latin aphelium (by substitution of the Greek inflection -on), from Greek aph' helion 'from the sun.'

perihelion - noun. Astronomy. the point in the orbit of a planet, asteroid, or comet at which it is closest to the sun. The opposite of aphelion.

Clyde Tombaugh -

igneous - adjective. Geology. (of rock) having solidified from lava or magma; relating to or involving volcanic processes; rare. of fire, fiery. ORIGIN: mid 17th cent.: from Latin igneus (from ignis 'fire') + -OUS.

silicate - noun. Chemistry. a salt in which the anion contains both silicon and oxygen, esp. one of the anion SiO 4 2− .

Mahanagar - noun. film. a 1963 film directed by Satyajit Ray. Based on a short story, Abataranika Narendranath Mitra, it narrates the story of a housewife who disconcerts her traditionalist family by getting a job as a saleswoman. It marks the first screen appearance of Jaya Bhaduri(now Jaya Bachchan), who later went on to become one of Bollywood's leading actresses.

Papakolea -

Pitcairn's Island -

pygophilous - noun. a strong fondness for buttocks or rumps                                                                              

ternessus -

theophile -

turtledove -

zoophily -

viscerotonic -

bacchant -

coenaculous -

cysteine -

limerence -

passerine -

raffish -

spermophile - noun. any of various burrowing rodents of the squirrel family, especially of the genus Spermophilus or Citellus, sometimes sufficiently numerous to do much damage to crops, as the ground squirrels and susliks.

susliks - noun. a common ground squirrel or spermophile of Europe or Asia 2. noun. the fur of this animal

thermophilic -

uxorial - adjective. of or relating to a wife ORIGIN: early 19th cent.: from Latin uxor 'wife' + IAL

djabelek -

halophile -

omnibenevolence -

ossett -

taraka -

tarok -

austere - adjective. severe or strict in manner, attitude, or appearance 2. (of living conditions or a way of life) having no comforts or luxuries; harsh or ascetic 3. having an extremely plain and simple style or appearance; unadorned 4. (of an economic policy or measure) designed to reduce a budget deficit, esp. by cutting public expenditure.

bebhionn - noun. or Saturn XXXVII (provisional designation S/2004 S 11) is a natural satellite of Saturn. Its discovery was announced by Scott S. Sheppard, David C. Jewitt, Jan Kleyna, and Brian G. Marsden on May 4, 2005, from observations taken between December 12, 2004, and March 9, 2005. Named in April 2007 after Bebinn, an early Irish mythology goddess of birth, who was renowned for her beauty.

blackpool pleasure beach - noun. is a borough, seaside town, and unitary authority area of Lancashire, in North West England. It is situated along England's northwest coast by the Irish Sea, between the Ribble and Wyre estuaries 17.5 miles northwest of Preston, 27 miles north of Liverpool, 30 miles northwest of Bolton and 40 miles northwest of Manchester. It has an estimated population of 142,100, and a population density that makes it the fourth most densely populated borough of England and Wales outside Greater London.

Throughout the Middle Ages and Early Modern period, Blackpool was a coastal hamlet in Lancashire's Hundred of Amounderness, and remained such until the mid-18th century when it became fashionable in England to travel to the coast during the summer to bathe in sea water to improve well-being. In 1781, visitors attracted to Blackpool's 7-mile sandy beach were able to use a newly built private road, built by Thomas Clifton and Sir Henry Hoghton. Stagecoaches began running to Blackpool from Manchester in the same year, and from Halifax in 1782. In the early 19th century, Henry Banks and his son-in-law John Cocker erected new buildings in Blackpool such that its population grew from less than 500 in 1801 to over 2,500 in 1851. St John's Church in Blackpool was consecrated in 1821.

Blackpool rose to prominence as a major center of tourism in England when a railway was built in the 1850s connecting it to the industrialized regions of Northern England. The railway made it much easier and cheaper for visitors to reach Blackpool, triggering an influx of settlers, such that in 1876 Blackpool was incorporated as a borough, governed by its own town council and aldermen. In 1881 Blackpool was a booming resort with a population of 14,000 and a promenade complete with piers, fortune-tellers, public houses, trams, donkey rides, fish-and-chip shops, and theaters. By 1901 the population of Blackpool was 47,000, by which time its place was cemented as "the archetypal British seaside resort." By 1951 it had grown to 147,000 inhabitants.

Shifts in tastes, combined with opportunities for Britons to travel overseas, supplanted Blackpool's status as a leading resort during the late 20th century. Nevertheless, Blackpool's urban fabric and economy remains relatively undiversified, and firmly rooted in the tourism sector, and the borough's seafront continues to attract millions of visitors every year. In addition to its sandy beaches, Blackpool's major attractions and landmarks include Blackpool Tower, Blackpool Illuminations, the Pleasure Beach, Blackpool Zoo, Sandcastle Water Park, the Winter Gardens, and the UK's only surviving first-generation tramway. Blackpool is also noted for its political autonomy, independent of Lancashire County Council.

consecrated - verb. make or declare something sacred

Hundred of Amounderness -

Preston -

Lancashire, North West England -

unitary authority area -

bordar -

bridoon -

calash -

caucasian psychosis -

chariotee -

dative -

delusory -

durante -

dysthymia -

equipage -

euterpe -

felicitate -

freebooter -

genital personality -

gentleman-farmer -

gladstone -

gourmand -

gree -

h'm -

heigh -

keif - noun. a variant spelling of kif, smoking material, such as Indian hemp, used especially in the Maghreb; The euphoria caused by smoking this material

klismaphilia -

lanate - adjective. having or consisting of woolly hairs 2. adjective. Biology. having or consisting of a wooly covering of hairs

planate - adjective. having been flattened; two-dimensional, planar

licentiousness - adjective. promiscuous and unprincipled in sexual matters; archaic. disregarding accepted rules or conversations, esp. in grammar or literary style

lorette - noun. chiefly French. Pommes de terre, a fried potato dish from French cuisine.

manna - noun. (in the bible) the substance miraculously supplied as food to the Israelites in the wilderness (Exodus 16).

• an unexpected gratuitous benefit
• (in Christian contexts) spiritual nourishment, esp. the Eucharist.
• a sweet secretion from the manna ash or a similar plant, used as a mild laxative and as a principal source of mannitol

mathematical beauty -

onanism - noun. formal. 1. masturbation 2. coitus interruptus

pall - noun. a cloth spread over a coffin, hearse, or tomb
• figurative a dark cloud or covering of smoke, dust, or similar matter
• figurative something regarded as enveloping a situation with an air of gloom, heaviness, or fear
2. an ecclesiastical pallium; Heraldry a Y-shaped charge representing the front of an ecclesiastical pallium

pall2 - verb. [intrans.] become less appealing or interesting through familiarity

pallium

parrel -

profligacy -

riant -

risa -

seraglio -

tearpit -

tramper -

trent-sevem waterway -

volante -

wagonette -

worldling -

wry -

ataraxia - noun. a state of serene calmness

Eloi - noun. The Eloi are one of the two post-human races in H.G. Well's 1895 novel The Time Machine.

sonoluminescence - noun. Physics. luminescence excited in a substance by the passage of sound waves through it.

botheration - noun. effort, worry, or difficulty; bother; 2. Exclamation. dated. used to express mild irritation or annoyance.

arthralgia - noun. Medicine. pain in a joint

lenitive - adjective. (of a medicine) laxative; noun. a medicine of this type

dolt - noun. a stupid person

colic - noun. severe, often fluctuating pain in the abdomen caused by intestinal gas or obstruction in the intestines and suffered esp. by babies

indolent - adjective. wanting to avoid activity or exertion; lazy 2. Medicine. (of a disease condition) causing little or no pain

myalgia - noun. pain in a muscle or group of muscles

paregoric - noun. a medicine consisting of opium flavored with camphor, aniseed, and benzoic acid, formerly used to treat diarrhea and coughing in children.

neuralgia - noun. intense, typically intermittent pain along the course of a nerve, esp. in the head or face

throes - plural noun. intense or violent pain and struggle, esp. accompanying birth, death, or great change.

metralgia -

pleurodynia - Bornholm disease or epidemic pleurodynia or epidemic myalgia is a disease caused by the Coxsackie B virus or other viruses.

It is named after the Danish island Bornholm where early cases occurred.

antalgic -

causalgia -

codeine -

empirin -

coxalgia -

hemialgia -

lumbago -

rectalgia -

dolorimetry -

gonalgia -

hypalgesia -

mastalgia -

melalgia -

meralgia -

myodynia -

nociceptive -

palliative -

phenacetin -

pleuralgia -

proctalgia -

protopathic -

psychalgia -

stang -

acetophenetidin -

aeroembolism -

algogenic -

aminopyrine -

chiralgia -

coelialgia -

costalgia -

datril -

interittent claudication -

nephralgia -

odynophibia -

panadol -

pedialgia -

podalgia -

pethidine -

pygalgia -

rend -

rhizotomy -

scelagia -

tabes dorsalis -

talalgia -

acetanilid -

acetphenetidin -

adenalgy -

agliophobia -

algetic -

amidopyrine -

anginal -

anginose -

caisson disease -

cardiacle -

cardialgia -

cephalalgia -

colchine -

coronary thrombosis -

crick -

darvon -

delenifical -

dolor -

dolorifical -

dorsodynia -

dysmenorrhea -

enteralgia -

fulgurating -

gehenna -

glossalgia -

glossodynia -

gyp -

hyperaesthesia -

lancinate -

melagra -

notal -

notalgia -

otalgia -

otalgy -

penance -

phantom limb -

photalgia -

photophobia -



bes -

macarism -

nikhedonia -

oblectation -

slattern -

confelicity -

epicaricacy -

gladsome -

scopolagnia -

algedonica -

algophilia -

bawd -

caroche -

carpetmonger -

cocotte -

cyprian -

deduit -

demimondaine -

disport -

ese -

franion -

herber -

lechery -

renifleur -

pedalo -

quodlibetarian -

regale -

strikhedonia -

swingle -

tootle -

venery -

volupty -

wet blanket -

winsome -

epicurean -

gad -

preterist -

abnegate -

algedonic -

epicurus -

irredeemable -

luxuriate -

utilitarianism -

surrey -

sybarite -


• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •


Uncommon Awesome Easy-to-Use Words & Linguistics


acumen - noun. the ability to make good judgements and quick decisions, typically in a particular domain ORIGIN: late 16th cent. : from Latin, ' sharpness, point.'

deicide - verb. destruction or killing of a god

prater - verb. [intrans.] talk foolishly or tediously about

hassock - noun. an ottoman; a rank tuft of coarse grass or sedge, as in a bog.

taw - verb. to prepare skins by soaking, salting, stretching and paring without tannin, esp. with alum and salt; noun. a large marble

ursicide - the killing or killer of a bear

verbicide - destroying the meaning of a word

vulpicide - the killing of a fox

yen - noun. a longing or yearning

kir - noun. drink of black currant syrup and white wine

kef - noun. state of dreamy or drug-induced repose

fie - noun. expression of disgust or disapproval

fub - verb. to put off

gad - verb. to wander about idly or in pursuit of pleasure

eft - noun. again; afterwards; also. newt

eke - noun. in addition; also; likewise

ere - article. before

dit - noun. poem; words of a song

mel - noun. honey

jow - verb. to ring a bell; a stroke of a bell

mow - verb. to make a grimace

ret - verb. to expose to moisture; to soak; to soften by soaking


Types of Speech and Types of Killing


altiloquence - pompous or high speech

anteloquy - speaking against some idea; contradicting or gainsaying

breviloquence - short-windedness; tendency towards brevity in speech

blandiloquence - complimentary speech or flattery

doctiloquent - speaking learnedly

dulciloquent - speaking sweetly

falsiloquence - deceitful speech

ineloquence - unappealing speech

longiloquence - long-winded speech

parciloquy - laconic speech

pauciloquent - of a few words; speaking a little

pectoriloquy - sound of a patient's voice through stethoscope

tardiloquent - speaking slowly

tristiloquy - mournful speech

amicidel - verb. the desire to murder a friend

avicidel - verb. the desire to kill birds

bovicide - noun. the slaughter of cattle

femicide - killing of a woman

fillicide - killing of one's own child

floricide - killing of flowers

fratricide - killing of one's brother

giganticide - killing of a giant

gynaecide - killing of women

liberticide - destruction of liberty

lupicide - the killing of a wolf

menticide - the reduction of mind by psychological pressure

neomaticide - the killing or killer of a newborn/neonatal infant

senicide - the killing of old men

regicide - the killing of a monarch

serpenticide - the killing of a snake

sororicide - the killing of one's own sister

urbicide - destruction of a city

utricide - one who stabs an inflated skin vessel instead of killing someone

uxoricide - the killing of one's own wife

vaticide - the killing or killer of a prophet

viricide - killing of viruses

-

scop - noun. poet. An Old English poet, the Anglo-Saxon counterpart of the Old Norse skald. Wrote mostly epic poetry.

poetaster - noun. a person who writes inferior poetry

alcaeus - noun. A Greek poet. He invented the lyric meter alcaic.

thanatopsis - an essay expressing a view on the subject of death

monody - noun. an ode sung by a single actor in a greek tragedy; a poem lamenting a person's death

telestich - noun. a poem in which the last letters of successive lines form a word, phrase, or consecutive letters of the alphabet.

eclogue - noun. a short poem, esp. a pastoral dialogue

desiderata - noun. something that is needed or wanted.

threnody - noun. a lament; dirge, elegy.

lapidate - verb. stone; to kill by throwing stones at




Uncommon 3-Letter Words


tot - noun. bone or other object retrieved from garbage pile

tow - noun. bundle of untwisted natural fibers

tye - noun. inclined trough for washing ore

ure - use; custom

vis - adjective. force; power

yeo - noun. stream or drain used in mining

zek - noun. a Russian slang term for a prison inmate

zho - noun. Zoology. a cross between a yak and a cow

zug - noun. a waterproof leather used for boots

vug - noun. a small cavity within rock

wen - noun. an enormously congested city

wis - verb. to know, to believe

wyn - an old English rune having value 'w'

yad - noun. rod used by readers of the Torah as a pointer for following text

yag - noun. a synthetic diamond made of yttrium aluminum garnet

yam - noun. a posting house alongside a road

yaw - verb. to move unsteadily side-to-side

yex - verb. to hiccup, belch, or spit

yew - verb. to rise as a layer of froth in a boiling liquid

yok - a pejorative Jewish term for a non-Jew

pug - noun. ground clay mixed with water

ria - noun. normal drowned valley; long wide creek

roc - noun. enormous legendary Arabian bird

rya - noun. colorful Scandinavian knotted-pile rug

sal - noun. salt

saw - noun. a saying or proverb

say - noun. delicate woolen fabric

sic - adverb. thus

suq - noun. a Middle Eastern marketplace

pyx - noun. box or vessel in which coins or consecrated Eucharist are kept

qat - noun. leaves chewed or brewed in tea as a stimulant

qua - adjective. in the capacity of

ras - noun. headland

rep - noun. plain-woven fabric with crosswise ribs

puy - noun. Geology. a small volcanic cone

nim - verb. to steal; to pilfer

ord - noun. point of a weapon; a beginning

ort - noun. a scrap of food; morsel

kit - noun. a small pocket violin

kop - noun. bank of terracing at a football field

lac - noun. dark red transparent resin used to make shellac

lar - noun. local god of house

lev - noun. monetary unit of Bulgaria

ley - noun. mystical straight line between features of a landscape

neb - noun. Scottish & Northern English. a projecting part of something, in particular a nose or snout, a bird's beak or bill, the brim of a cap

aby - verb. to make amends; atone; pay a penalty

alt - noun. a small island in a lake or river

ama - noun. a Japanese pearl diver

ana - noun. in equal qualities

ard - verb. plough used to scratch top surface of soil

cwm - noun. valley or glen

cirque - noun. Geology. a half-open steep-sided hollow at the head of a valley or on a mountainside, formed by glacial erosion; poetic & literary. a ring, circlet, or circle ORIGIN: late 17th cent. from Latin circus

corrie - noun. a cirque, esp. one in the mountains of Scotland ORIGIN: mid 16th cent. : from Scottish Gaelic and Irish coire 'cauldron, hollow'

dol - noun. Medicine. unit for measuring pain

dop - noun. copper cup used to hold a diamond while cutting it

eth -  noun. Grammar. old English letter for voiced 'th' sound

fid - noun. conical wood pin used to splice strands of rope

gar - noun. a mild oath

fug - adjective. hot; close; smoky state of atmosphere

gat - noun. opening or strait between two sandbanks

hoc - noun. card game now obsolete

hod - noun. v-shaped trough for carrying bricks or mortars on the shoulders

hoy - noun. large one-decked boat

ife - noun. Botany. tropical African fibrous plant

iff - noun. if and only if

ivi - noun. Botany. Tahitian chestnut tree

jib - noun. small triangular sail extending from the head of the foremast

jud - noun. mass of coal ready for final removal

jug - noun. sound of the nightingale

jus - noun. law; legal right

ked - noun. Zoology. wingless fly that feeds on livestock

kep - verb. to catch an approaching object or falling liquid

kex - noun. dry, hollow plant stalk

kif - noun. drug like Marijuana smoked in North Africa
-
lea - arable land left fallow or used for pasture

arable - adjective. (of land) used or suitable for growing crops; noun. land or crops of this type. ORIGIN: late Middle English : from Old French, or from Latin arabilis, from arare 'to plow.'

fallow - adjective. (of farmland) plowed or harrowed but left unsown for a period in order to restore its fertility as part of a crop rotation or to avoid surplus production; also. a pale brown or reddish yellow color

blastogenesis - verb. reproduction by budding

cariogenic - verb. causing dental cavities

diplogenesis - verb. doubling of ordinarily single organ or part

anogenic - noun. formed from below or beneath

gelogenic - adjective. tending to produce laughter

electrogenesis - verb. production of electricity

nubigenous - cloud born

nepheligenous - causing smoke in clouds

noegenesis - production of knowledge

thymogenic - due to emotion


Wave Words, Snow, and Colors 8/9-8/31


niveous - adjective. poetic/literary. snowy or resembling snow. ORIGIN: Latin knives (from nix, niv- 'snow')

neige - noun. French. snow

tenesmus - noun. Pathology. an ineffective painful straining to empty the bowels in response to the sensation of a desire to defecate, without producing a significant quantity of feces.

verglas - noun. a thin coating of ice or frozen rain on an exposed surface

runnel - noun. a narrow channel in the ground for liquid to flow through, a brook or rill

rivulet - noun. a very small stream

freshet - noun. the flood of a river from heavy rain or melted snow, a rush of fresh water flowing into the sea

bourn - noun. dialect. a small stream, esp. one that flows intermittently or seasonally

attrit - verb. wear down (an opponent or enemy) by sustained action. his defense was meant to attrit us.

regelate - verb. technical. (chiefly of pieces of ice thawed apart) freeze together again.

besnow - verb. to scatter like snow; to cover thick, as with snow flakes.

unsullied - adjective. not stained or tarnished. spotlessly clean and fresh. the unsullied snow of mountains.

nival - adjective. of, relating to, or characteristic of a region of perpetual snow.

hoarfrost - adjective. a grayish-white crystalline deposit of frozen water vapor formed in clear still weather on vegetation, fences, etc.

rime - noun. frost formed on cold objects by the rapid freezing of water vapor in cloud or fog.

verb. cover (an object) with hoarfrost : he does not brush away the hoarfrost that rimes his beard.

polynya - noun. a stretch of open water surrounded by ice

hydrophyte - noun. a plant that grows only in water.

hard rime: white ice that forms when water droplets in fog freeze on the outer surfaces of objects, such as trees.

soft rime: feathery and milky in appearance.

hypolimnion - noun. the lower layer of water in a stratified lake, typically cooler than the water above and relatively stagnant

thermocline - noun. a steep temperature gradient in a body of water such as a lake, marked by a layer above and below which the water is at different temperatures

epilimnion - noun. the upper layer of water in a stratified lake

seiche - noun. a temporary disturbance or oscillation in the water level of a lake or partially enclosed body of water, esp. one caused by changes in atmospheric pressure

coniston - in Cumbria, England is the third largest lake in the English Lake district. It is five miles long, half a mile wide, with a maximum depth of 184 feet and covers an area of if 1.89 square miles. The lake has an elevation of 143 feet above see level, and drains to the sea via the River Crake.

crake - noun. a bird of the rail family, esp. one with a short bill like the corn crake; the rasping cry of the corn crake

demersal - adjective. (typically of fish) living close to the floor of the sea or lake. often contrasted with pelagic.

hamlet - noun. a small settlement, generally smaller than a village.

ouananiche - noun. Canadian. a salmon of the landlocked populations living in lakes in Labrador and Newfoundland

tantalus - noun. chiefly British. a stand in which decanters of liquor can be locked up though still visible 2. Greek Mythology. a Lydian king, son of Zeus and father of Pelops. As punishment for his crimes (which included killing Pelops), he was forced to remain in chin-deep water with fruit-laden branches over his head, both of which receded when he reached for them. His name is the origin of the word tantalize.

limonite - noun. an amorphous brownish, secondary mineral consisting of a mixture of hydrous ferric oxides, important as iron ore.

limnetic  zone - noun. the well-lit, open surface waters in a lake, away from the shore. The vegetation of the littoral zone surrounds this expanse of open water and it is above the profundal zone. This is the main photosynthetic body of the lake. This zone produces the oxygen and food that support the lake's consumers.

profundal zone - noun. the profundal zone is a deep zone of an inland body of freestanding water, such as a lake or pond, located below the range of effective light penetration. This is typically below the thermocline, the vertical zone in the water through which temperature drops rapidly.The lack of light in the profundal zone determines the type of biological community that can live in this region which is distinctly different from the community in the overlying waters. The profundal zone is part of the aphotic zone.

aphotic zone - noun. From Greek, lit. "without light," is the portion of lake or ocean where there is little or no sunlight. It is formally defined as the depths beyond which less than 1% of sunlight penetrates. Consequently, bioluminescence is essentially the only light found in this zone. Most food comes from dead organisms sinking to the bottom of the lake or ocean from overlying waters. The depth of the aphotic zone can be greatly affected by such things as turbidity and the season of the year. The aphotic zone underlies the photic zone, which is that portion of the lake or ocean directly affected by sunlight.

photic zone - Greek for "well lit," or sunlight zone is the depth of the water in a lake or ocean that is exposed to sufficient sunlight for photosynthesis to occur. It extends from the surface down to a depth where light intensity falls to one percent of that at the surface, called the euphotic depth. Accordingly, its thickness depends on the extent of light attenuation in the water column. Typical euphotic depths vary from only a few centimeters in highly turbid eutrophic lakes, to around 200 meters in the open ocean. It also varies with seasonal changes in turbidity. Since the photic zone is where almost all of the primary productivity occurs, the depth of the photic zone is generally proportional to the level of primary productivity that occurs in that area of the ocean. About 90% of all marine life lives in the photic zone. A small amount of primary production is generated deep in the abyssal zone around the hydrothermal vents which exist along some mid-oceanic ridges.

benthic - noun. Ecology. the flora and fauna found on the bottom, or in the bottom sediments of a sea, lake, or other body of water.

turbidity - adjective. (of a liquid) cloudy, opaque, or thick with suspended matter.

eyre - noun. historical. a circuit court held in medieval England by a judge (a justice in eyre) who rode from county to county for that purpose.

nekton -

lasher -

noria -

lough -

seine -

ijsselmeer -

fen -

onondaga -

lecanomancy -

wampee -

neritic zone -

spindrift -

groundswell -

wave son -

spoon drift -

over rake -

breakwater -

broach -

kymatology -

coseismal -

lido -

euphotic -

polder -

dropwort -

subaqueous -

ling -

mere -

misdirect -

ponding -

millpond -

horsepond -

croak -

lochan -

nursepond -

piscary -

plashnet -

soal -

spatterdock -

spike-rush -

sump -

piddle -

hidrosis -

brine -

clepsydra -

aspersorium -

vichy water -

carabao -

dowser -

narghile -

water caltrop -

affusion -

blanch -

jesuit's nut -

ling ko -

phreatic -

anhydrous -

calcimine -

lecanomancy -

lentic -

epilimnion -

bletonism -

vadose -

stagnicolous -

headrace -

formalin -

evapotranspiration -

ewer -

cryptocorene -

krasis -

natant -

nenuphar -

offing -

pistia -

plimsoil -

riparian -

sparge -

velamen -

yanquapin -

casein -

catechu -

Bilajer -

echard -

elydoric -

gallinule -

grilse -

catabolism - noun. Biology. the breakdown of complex molecules in living organisms to form simpler ones, together with the release of energy; destructive metabolism.

hyrdromel -

ice lolly -

intertidal - adjective. Ecology. of or denoting the area of seashore that is covered at high tide and uncovered at low tide

intumesce - verb. Rare. swell up

intussusception - noun. Medicine. the inversion of one portion of the intestine within another 2. Botany. the growth of a cell wall by the deposition of cellulose.

deamination - noun. Biochemistry. the removal of an amino group from an amino acid or other compound.

kaolin - noun. a fine, soft white clay, resulting from the natural decomposition of other clays or feldspar. It is used for making porcelain and china, as a filler in paper and textiles, and in medicinal absorbents. Also called China Clay.

hadal - adjective. of or relating to the zone of the sea greater than approximately 20,000 feet(6,000 m) in depth (chiefly oceanic trenches) ORIGIN: mid 20th cent.: from HADES + -AL

hadhramaut -

Kuroshio -

mola - noun. another term for sunfish ORIGIN: late 16th cent.: from Latin literally 'millstone,' with reference to the shape.

neptune -

The Archipelago of the Azores -

greenling - noun. a spiny-finned, edible fish of the North Pacific

padang - noun. a seaport in Indonesia, the largest city on the west coast of Sumatra; pop. 481,000

cofferdam - noun. a watertight enclosure pumped dry to permit construction work below the waterline, as when building bridges or repairing a ship

alga - noun. a simple nonflowering plant of a large group that includes the seaweeds and many single-celled forms. Algae contain chlorophyll but lack true stems, roots, leaves, and vascular tissue; DERIVATIVES: algal: adjective. ORIGIN: mid 16th cent.: from Latin, "seaweed."

accretion - noun. the process of growth or increase, typically by the gradual accumulation of additional layers or matter 2. Astronomy. the coming together and cohesion of matter under the influence of gravitation to form larger bodies.

Waveski - Waveski Surfing is a dynamic sport combining the paddle power of a sit on and strap in kayak with the maneuverability and performance of a surfboard. A Waveski resembles a larger surfboard, with a seat, fins, foot straps, and seat belt, enabling the rider to 'eskimo roll' if overturned. The waveski rider or waveski surfer then uses a double ended paddle for motion while seated on the waveski. The origins are obscure, but wave skis have been around for over forty years. Danny Broadhurst, a Long Island, New York, surfer created some early wave skis in the 1970s, although these were heavy, bulky and not particularly maneuverable. The sport experienced its major growth in the 80's with manufactures like Macski being a dominant force in the market exporting worldwide to countries like Australia, USA, and Europe. Original boards had wooden frames covered in glass fiber then became foam injected and soon custom hand made boards were being shaped and glassed out of Polystyrene foam and epoxy resins. Nowadays boards are shaped in precision CNC machines and weigh around 6 kg when completed.

photogrammetry -

eagre - noun. dialect term for BORE3

embillow -

bore - noun. a steep-fronted wave caused by the meeting of two tides or by the constriction of a tide rushing up a narrow estuary. ORIGIN: early 17th cent.: perhaps from Old Norse bara 'wave' ; the term was used in the general sense [billow, wave] in Middle English.

tyramine - noun. Biochemistry. a compound that occurs naturally in cheese and other foods and can cause dangerously high blood pressure in people taking a monoamine oxidase inhibitor; An amine related to tyrosine; chem. formula: C 6 H 4 (OH)CH 2 CH 2 NH 2.

levodopa - noun. Biochemistry. also L-dopa. the levorotatory form of dopa, used to treat Parkinson's disease.

levorotatory - adjective. Chemistry. (of a compound) having the property of rotating the plane of a polarized light ray to the left, i.e. counterclockwise facing the oncoming radiation. The opposite of dextrorotatory.

dextrorotatory - adjective. Chemistry. (of a compound) having the property of rotating the plane of a polarized light ray to the right, i.e., clockwise facing the oncoming radiation.

dopa - noun. Biochemistry. a compound that is present in nervous tissue as a precursor of dopamine, used in the treatment of Parkinson's disease.; An amino acid; alternative name: dihydroxyphenylalanine; chem. formula: C 9 H 11 NO 4.

catecholamines - noun. Biochemistry. any of a class of aromatic amines that includes a number of neurotransmitters such as epinephrine and dopamine.

aromatic - adjective. having a pleasant and distinctive smell 2. Chemistry.

cytoplasmic -

vesicular monoamine transporter -

adrenergic nerve terminals -

decarboxylated -

tyrosine -

coston lights -

guidon - noun. a pennant that narrows to a point or fork at the free end, esp. one used as the standard of a light cavalry regiment

klatch - noun. a social gathering, esp. for coffee and conversation ORIGIN: mid 20th cent.L from German Klatsch 'gossip.'

thelodonti -

Cometicerus - noun. Zoology. is an extinct genus of thelodonti which lived in Canada during the Early Devonian period. It is only known from its caudal fin and parts of its dorsal surface, including its dorsal fin. Kingdom: Animalia Phylum: Chordata Subphylum: Vertebrata Class: Thelodonti (Unranked) Furcacaudiformes

Chordate -

deuterostomes animals -

notochord -

pharyngeal -

endostyle -

Tunicata -

salps - noun. a free-swimming marine invertebrate related to the sea squirts with a transparent, barrel-shaped body

sea squirts - noun. a marine tunicate that has a baglike body with orifices through which water flows into and out of a central pharynx

Cephalochordata -

lancelets

acorn worms -

osteichthyes -

Xenoturbellida -

atriopore -

pharynx -

oral cirri -

metapleural fold -

hepatic caccum -

Craniata -

neural arches -

molecular phylogenetics -

entropneusts -

pterobranchs -

graptolites -

crinoids -

protostomes -

deuterostomes -

Kimbrella -

Chengjiang fauna -

Yunnanozoon -

Haikouella lanceolata -

Haikouichthys -

myllokunmingia -

clade -

cladogram -

Linnaean taxonomy -

agnatha paraphyletic -

Myxini -

Petromyzontida -

Hyperoartia -

Conodonta -

Pteraspidomorphi -

Anaspids -

Cephalaspid

kenning - noun. a compound expression in Old English and Old Norse poetry with metaphorical meaning, e.g., oar-steed = ship.

aegir - (Old Norse "sea") is a sea giant, god of the ocean and king of the sea creatures in Norse mythology. He is also known for hosting elaborate parties for the gods. AEgir's servants are Fimafeng(killed by Loki) and Eldir.

Euripus - noun. Zoology. Euripus is a genus of butterflies in the family Nymphalidae. The three species in the genus are native to South and Southeast Asia.

electroencephalography - noun. the measurement of electrical activity in different parts of the brain and the recording of such activity as a visual trace (on paper or on an oscilloscope screen.)

Paphos - noun. also known as Pafos, is a coastal city in the southwest of Cyprus  and the capital of the Paphos District. In antiquity, two locations were called Paphos: Old Paphos and New Paphos. The currently inhabited city is New Paphos. It lies on the Mediterranean coast, about 31.07 miles west of the Limassol(the biggest port in island), which has an A6 highway connection. Paphos International Airport is the country's second largest airport.

Near Palaepaphos(Old Paphos) at the seaside of Petra tou Romiou is the mythical birthplace of Aphrodite, the Greek goddess of love and beauty and the founding myth is interwoven with the goddess at every level, so that Old Paphos became the most famous and important place for worshipping Aphrodite in the ancient world. In Greco-Roman times Paphos was the island's capital, and it is famous for the remain of the Roman governor's palace, where extensive, fine mosaics are a major tourist attraction. The apostle Paul of Tarsus visited the town during the 1st century AD. The town of Paphos is included in the official UNESCO list of cultural and natural treasures of the world's heritage.

Paphos enjoys Subtropical-Mediterranean climate, with the mildest temperatures on the island. The typical summer's season lasts about 8 months, from April to November, although in March and December temperatures may also reach 68 ºF.

Paphos has been selected as the European Capital of Culture for 2017 along with Aarhus.

Aarhus - noun. is the second-largest city in Denmark. The principal port of Denmark, Aarhus is on the east side of the peninsula of Jutland in the geographical center of Denmark. Aarhus is the seat of the council of Aarhus municipality with 319,094 inhabitants and 256,018(Jan 2013) in the inner urban area. According to Aarhus municipality, the "Greater Aarhus" area has a population of about 1.25 million people. The city claims the unofficial title "Capital of Jutland."

Aarhus is the main and biggest city in the East Jutland metropolitan area, which is a co-operation in eastern Jutland with 17 municipalities. With more than 1.2 million people living in the East Jutland metropolitan area it represents approximately 23% of the population of Denmark. Aarus has the second largest urban area in Denmark after Copenhagen.

squall - noun. a sudden violent gust of wind or a localized storm, esp. one bringing rain, snow, or sleet; a loud cry 2. verb. (of a baby or small child) cry noisily and continuously

abaca - noun. a large herbaceous Philippine plant of the banana family that yields Manila hemp ORIGIN: mid 18th cent.: via Spanish from Tagalog abaka.

Etruscan - adjective. of or relating to ancient Etruria, its people, or their language. The Etruscan civilization was at its height c. 500 BC and was an important influence on the Romans, who subdued the Etruscans by the end of the 3rd century BC. 2. noun. a native of ancient Etruria. 2. noun. the language of ancient Etruria, of unknown affinity, written in an alphabet derived from Greek.

Safaitic dialect - noun. is the name given to an Old North Arabian dialect, preserved in the form of inscriptions which are written in a type of South Semitic script. These inscriptions were written by bedouin and semi-nomadic inhabitants of the Syro-Arabian desert. Dating of the inscriptions, although problematic, is conventionally placed between the 1st century BC and the 4th century AD.

Athenian Agora - The Ancient Agora of Classical Athens (aka Forum of Athens) is the best known example of an ancient  Greek agora, located to the northwest of the Acropolis and bounded on the south by the hill of the Areopagus and on the west by the hill known as the Kolonus Agoraios, also called Market Hill.

uncial - adjective. of or written in a majuscule script with rounded unjoined letters that is found in European manuscripts of the 4th-8th centuries and from which modern capital letters are derived 2. adjective. rare. of or relating to an inch or an ounce 3. noun. unofficial. an uncial letter or script ORIGIN: mid 17th cent.: from Latin uncialis, from uncia 'inch.' Sense 1 is in the late Latin sense of unciales litterae 'uncial letters,' the original application of which is unclear.

denarius - noun. an ancient Roman silver coin, originally worth ten asses; a unit of weight equal to that of a silver denarius; an ancient Roman gold coin worth 25 silver denarii.

Fayum alphabet - noun. the Fayum alphabet is an Ancient Greek abecedary inscribed on four copper plates, purportedly from Fayum, Egypt. It may preserve the earliest form of the Greek alphabet. It is the only known Greek abecedary which ends in the letter tau(T), as does the ancestral Phoenician alphabet; all other Greek abecedaries have at least the addition of non-Phoenician upsilon (Y).

abecedarium - noun. an abecedarium or abecedary is an inscription consisting of the letters of an alphabet, almost always listed in order. Typically abecedaria (or abecedaries) are practice exercises.

abecedarian - adjective. arranged alphabetically 2. adjective. rudimentary; elementary 3. noun. a person who is just learning; a novice


Sylvanite - noun. silver gold

hoar - adjective. poetic/literary. grayish white: gray or gray-haired with age

barite - noun. a mineral consisting of barium sulfate, typically ocurring as colorless prismatic crystals or thin white flakes

cruse - noun. archaic. an earthenware pot or jar

albicant - whitish; becoming white

albugineous - like the white of an eye or an egg; white colored

argent - the heraldic color silver or white

heraldry - noun. the system by which coats of arms and other armorial bearings are devised, described, and regulated. All the pomp and heraldry provided a splendid pageant.

gramercy - noun. interjection. archaic. used as an exclamation expressing surprise or sudden strong feeling; thanks

beholden - adjective. obligated; indebted

donativum - the name given to the gifts of money dispersed to the soldiers of the Roman legions or to the Praetorian Guard by the Roman Emperors

aurulent - gold colored

celadon - noun. a willow-green color, as adjective. paneling painted in celadon green. ORIGIN: mid 18th cent.: from French celadon, a color named after the hero in d'Urfe's pastoral romance L'Astree(1607-27)

cinerious - ashen; ash-grey

columbine - of or like a dove ORIGIN: from French Columbine, from Italian colombina, from feminine of colombino 'dovelike', from colombo 'dove'

cretaceous - of or resembling chalk; of a whitish color ORIGIN: 17th cent.: from Latin cretaceus, from creta, 'chalk'

eburnean - adjective. made of, or relating to ivory

frostbow - noun. a white arc or circle in the sky attending frosty weather and formed by reflection of sunlight from ice crystals floating in the air

griseous - pearl-grey or blue-grey; grizzled

leucochroic - adjective. anthropology. having a light-colored skin or abnormally light, in color; albinotic

analcime - weak, a white, grey, or colourless tectosilicate mineral, tetragonal

Marl - noun. an unconsolidated sedimentary rock or soil consisting of clay and lime, formerly used typically as fertilizer. verb. [trans.] marled. apply marl to. ORIGIN: Middle English: from Old French marl, from medieval Latin margila, from Latin marga, of Celtic origin.

podsol - noun. Soil Science. an infertile acidic soil having an ash-like subsurface layer)from which minerals have been leached) and a lower dark stratum, occurring typically under temperate coniferous woodland.

galumph - verb. informal. move in a clumsy, ponderous, or noisy manner. ORIGIN: 1871 (in the sense [prance in triumph] ): coined by Lewis Carroll in Through the Looking Glass: perhaps a blend of GALLOP and TRIUMPH.

begrime - verb. blacken with ingrained dirt

ambiguphobia - noun. a fear of being misunderstood

amomaxiaphobia - noun. the fear of making love in an automobile

bemire - verb. archaic. cover or stain with mud ORIGIN: 16th cent.: from BE-(expressing transivity) + mire

colly - verb. British. 1. to blacken as with coal dust; begrime. 2. noun. grime;soot. ORIGIN: 1555-65; variant of collow(v.), Middle English colwen, derivative of Old English col or coal

collow - noun. soot; smut.

gudgeon - noun. a small, edible, European freshwater fish(Gobio gobio) of the minnow family, often used as fishing bait 2. A pivot or spindle on which a bell or other object swings or rotates

hyaloid - adjective. glassy; transparent

hyaline - adjective. having a glassy, translucent appearance. noun. a thing that is clear and translucent like glass, esp. a smooth sea or a clear sky




Eye Words

hyperopia - noun. farsightedness

lagophthalmus - noun. the inability to close the eyelids completely

iridocyclitis - noun. inflammation of the iris and ciliary body of the eye.

keratoconus - noun. abnormal cone-shaped protrusion of the cornea of the eye; can be treated by epikeratophakia

epikeratophakia - noun. Medical. the surgical correction of aphakia. It is a refractive surgical procedure in which a donor cornea is transplanted to the anterior surface of the patient's cornea. A lamellar disc from a donor cornea is placed over the de-epithelialized host cornea and sutured into a prepared groove on the host cornea. Indications include aphakia and refractive errors which cannot be corrected with conservative methods.

epithelialize - verb. cover or become covered with epithelial tissue, e.g. during the healing of a wound.

aphakia - noun. the absence of the lens of the eye, due to surgical removal, a perforating wound or ulcer, or congenital anomaly. It causes loss of accommodation, far sightedness(hyperopia), and a deep anterior chamber. Complications include detachment of the vitreous humour or retina, and glaucoma.

vitreous humour - noun. the clear gel that fills the space between the lens and the retina of the eyeball of humans and other vertebrates. It is often referred to as the vitreous body or simple "the vitreous." ORIGIN: Late Middle English : from Latin vitreus (from vitrum 'glass') + -OUS

cicatrisation - verb. (with reference to a wound) heal by scar formation ORIGIN: late Middle English : from Old French cicatriser, from cicatrice 'scar'

monoblepsia - noun. a defect of the eyesight in which vision is best when only one eye is open; blindness to all colors but one

diplontic - noun. genetics. (of an alga or other lower plant) having a life cycle in which the main form, except for the gametes, is diploid.

diploid - adjective. (of a cell or nucleus) containing two complete sets of chromosomes, one from each parent.

ploidy - noun. genetics. the number of sets of chromosomes in a cell, or in the cells of an organism

polity - noun. a form or process of civil government or constitution; an organized society; a state as a political entity

beauty - a combination of qualities, such as shape, color, or form, that pleases the aesthetic senses, esp. the sight; a combination of qualities that pleases the intellect or moral sense; denoting something intended to make a woman more attractive; a beautiful or pleasing thing or person, in particular: a beautiful woman, an excellent specimen or example of something(the beauties of) the pleasing or attractive qualities or features of something ORIGIN: Middle English : from Old French beaute , based on Latin bellus 'beautiful, fine'

ommatophore - noun. Zoology. a part of an invertebrate animal, esp. a stalk or tentacle, that bears an eye ORIGIN: late 19th cent.: from Greek omma, ommat-'eye' + -PHORE

histopathology - noun. the study of changes in tissues caused by disease ORIGIN : Greek, from histos 'tissue', pathos 'disease-suffering', and -logia. Scientifically histopathology refers to the microscopic examination of tissue in order to study the manifestations of disease. Specifically, in clinical medicine, histopathology refers to the examination of a biopsy or surgical specimen by a pathologist, after the specimen has been processed and histological sections have been placed onto glass slides. In contrast, cytopathology examines free cells or tissue fragments

cytopathology - noun. Medicine. The study and diagnosis of diseases on the cellular level. The discipline was founded by Rudolf Virchow in 1858. It's common application is used in the Pap smear, thyroid lesions, diseases involving sterile body cavities(peritoneal, pleural, and cerebrospinal), and a wide range of other body sites. ORIGIN: Greek from kytos 'a hollow', pathos 'fate, harm'

peritoneum - noun. Medicine. the serous membrane that forms the lining of the abdominal cavity or the coelom - it covers most of the intra-abdominal (or coelomic) organs - in amniotes and some invertebrates(annelids, for instance). It is composed of a layer of mesothelium supported by a thin layer of connective tissue. The peritoneum both supports the abdominal organs and serves as a conduit for their blood and lymph vessels and nerves.

serous membrane - noun. Medicine. the smooth membrane consisting of a thin layer of cells, which secrete serous fluid, and a thin epithelial layer. Serous membranes line and enclose several body cavities, know as serous cavities, where they secrete a lubricating fluid which reduces friction from muscle movement. Serosa is not to be confused with adventitia, a connective tissue layer which binds together structures rather than reducing friction between them.

adventitia - noun. Medicine. the outermost connective tissue covering of any organ, vessel, or structure. It is also called the tunica adventitia or the tunica externa.

coelom - noun. Medicine. the fluid cavity formed within the mesoderm of some animals. Coeloms developed in diploblasts but were subsequently lost in several lineages. Loss of coelom is correlated with reductions in body size. Coelom is sometimes, though incorrectly) used to refer to any developed digestive tract. Some organisms may not possess a coelom or may have a false coelom. Animals who have coelom are called coelomates.

diploblasts - noun. Medicine. a condition of the blastula in which there are two primary germ layers; the ectoderm(outer skin) and endoderm(gut). Diploblastic organisms are organisms which develop from such a blastula, and include cnidaria and ctenophora.

blastula -

annelid - noun. Zoology. a large phylum that comprises the segmented worms, which include earthworms, lugworms, and leeches ORIGIN: modern Latin, from French(animaux) anneles 'ringed(animals)', from Old French anel 'a ring,' from Latin anellus, diminutive of 'a ring.'

cnidaria - noun. Zoology. (with a silent C) also Coelenterata is a phylum containing over 10,000 species of animals found exclusively in aquatic and mostly marine environments. Their distinguishing feature is cnidocytes, specialized cells that they use mainly for capturing prey. Their bodies consist of mesoglea, a non-living jelly-like substance, sandwiched between two layers of epithelium that are mostly one cell thick.

cnidocytes - noun. Scientific. an explosive cell containing one giant secretory organelle or cnida(plural cnidae) that defines the phylum Cnidaria (corals, sea anemones, hydrae, jellyfish, etc.). Cnidae are used for prey capture and defense from predators. Despite being morphologically simple, lacking a skeleton and usually being sessile, cnidarians prey on fish and crustaceans. A cnidocyte fires a structure that contains toxin, from a characteristic sub-cellular organelle called a cnidocyst (also known as a cnida or nematocyst). This is responsible for the stings delivered from jellyfish.

sessile - noun. Zoology. Sessility is a characteristic of some animals, such that they are not able to move about. Sessile animals are usually permanently attached to a solid substrate of some kind, such as a part of a plant a dead tree trunk, or a rock. For example, barnacles attach themselves to the hull of a ship, but corals lay down their own substrate. Sessile animals typically have a motile phase in their development.

motile - noun. Biology. the ability to move spontaneously and actively, consuming energy in the process. Most animals are motile but the term applies to unicellular and simple multicellular organisms, as well as to some mechanisms of fluid flow in multicellular organs, in addition to animal locomotion. Motile marine animals are commonly called free-swimming.

substrate - noun. Biology. the surface on which a plant or animal lives. A substrate can include biotic or abiotic materials and animals.

mesoglea - noun. Biology. a translucent, jelly-like substance found between the two epithelial cell layers in the bodies of coelenterates. The mesoglea is mostly in water. Other than water, the mesoglea is composed of several substances including fibrous proteins like collagen and heparan sulphate proteoglycans. The mesoglea is mostly acellular, but in both cnidaria and ctenophora the mesoglea contains muscle bundles and nerve fibers. Other nerve and muscle cells lie just under the epithelial layers.

heparan sulphate - noun. Biology. a linear polysaccharide found in all animal tissues. It occurs as a proteoglycan(HSPG) in which two or three HS chains are attached in close proximity to cell surface or extracellular matrix proteins.

proteoglycan - noun. Biology. Proteins that are heavily glycosylated. The basic proteoglycan unit consists of a "core protein" with one or more covalently attached glycosaminoglycan(GAG) chain(s). The point of attachment is a Ser residue to which the glycosaminoglycan is joined through a tetrasaccharide bridge (For example: chondroitin sulfate-GlcA-Gal-Gal-Xyl-PROTEIN). The Ser residue is generally in the sequence -Ser-Gly-X-Gly- (where X can be any amino acid residue), although not every protein with this sequence has an attached glycosaminoglycan. The chains are long, linear carbohydrate polymers that are negatively charged under physiological conditions, due to the occurrence of sulfate and uronic acid groups. Proteoglycans occur in the connective tissue.

covalent bond - noun. Biology. The chemical bond that involves the sharing of pairs of electrons between atoms. The stable balance of attractive and repulsive forces between atoms when they share electrons is known as covalent bonding

glycosylation - noun. Biology. the reaction in which a carbohydrate is attached to a hydroxyl or other functional group of another molecule(a glycosyl acceptor). In Biology glycosylation refers to the enzymatic process that attaches glycans to protein lipids, or other organic molecules. This enzymatic process produces one of the fundamental biopolymers found in cells (along with DNA, RNA, and proteins). Glycosylation is a form of cotranslational and post-translational modification. Glycans serve a variety of structural and functional roles in membrane and secreted proteins. The majority of proteins synthesized in the rough ER undergo glycosylation. It is an enzyme-directed site-specific process, as opposed to the non-enzymatic chemical reaction of glycation. Glycosylation is also present in the cytoplasm and nucleus as the O-GlcNAc modification. Five classes of glycans are produced:

• N-linked glycans attached to a nitrogen of asparagine or arginine side-chains. N-linked glycosylation requires participation of a special lipid called dolichol phosphate

• O-linked glycans attached to the hydroxy oxygen of serine, threonine, tyrosine, hydroxylysine, or hydroxyproline side-chains, or to oxygens on lipids such as ceramide

• phospho-glycans linked through the phosphate of a phospho-serine;

• C-linked glycans, a rare form of glycosylation where a sugar is added to a carbon on a tryptophan side-chain

• glypiation, which is the addition of a GPI anchor that links proteins to lipids through glycan linkages

cotranslational and post-translational modification -

mesothelium - noun. Anatomy. the epithelium that lines the pleurae, peritoneum, and pericardium. Embryology. the surface layer of the embryonic mesoderm, from which this is derived. ORIGIN: late 19th cent.: from MESO- 'middle'

glycans - noun. Biology. a polysacchride or oligosaccharide. Glycans usually consist of O-glycosidic linkages of monosaccharides. For example, cellulose is a glycan(or to be more specific, a glucan) composed ß-1, 4-liked D-glucose, and chitin is a glycan composed of ß-1, 4-linked N-acetyl-D-glucosamine. Glycans can be homo- or heteropolymers of monosaccharide residues, and can be linear or branched. Glycan may also be used to refer to the carbohydrate portion of a glycoconjugate, such as a glyco-'protein', glyco-'lipid', or a 'proteo'-glycan.

glycosaminoglycan(GAGs) or mucopolysaccharides - are long unbranched polysaccharides consisting of a repeating disaccharide unit. The repeating unit (except for keratan) consists of an amino sugar (N-acetylglucose amine or N-acetylgalactose amine) along with a uronic sugar (glucuronic acid or iduronic acid) or galactose.

keratin - noun. a fibrous protein forming the main structural constituent of hair, feathers, hoofs, claws, horns, etc. ORIGIN: mid 19th cent.: from Greek keras, kerat- 'horn'

galactose - noun. Chemistry. a sugar of the hexose class that is a constituent of lactose and many polysaccharides. ORIGIN: mid 19th cent.: from Greek gala, galakt 'milk'

mucocutaneous leishmaniasis - noun. Medicine. A disease caused by protozoan parasites that belong to the genus Leishmania and is transmitted by the bite of certain species of sand fly(sub family Phlebotominae). Although the majority of the literature mentions only one genus transmitting Leishmania to humans(Lutzomyia) in America, a 2003 study by Galati suggested a new classification for American sandflies, elevating several subgenera to the genus level. Elsewhere in the world, the genus Phlebotomus is considered the vector of leishmaniasis.

Cutaneous leishmaniasis is the most common form of leishmaniasis. Visceral leishmaniasis is a severe form in which the parasites migrate to the vital organs.

mucopolysaccharides -

iduronic acid -

polysacchride - noun. Chemistry. Long carbohydrate molecules of repeated monomer units joined together by glycosidic bonds. They range in structure from linear to highly branched. Polysaccharides are often quite heterogeneous, containing slight modifications of the repeating unit. Depending on the structure, these macromolecules can have distinct properties from their monosaccharide building blocks. They may have amorphous or even insoluble in water.

oligosaccharide - noun. Biochemistry. a carbohydrate whose molecules are composed of a relatively small number of monosaccharide units.

monosaccharide - noun. Chemistry. any of the class of sugars(e.g. glucose) that cannot be hydrolyzed to give a simpler sugar

cytoplasm - noun. Biology. the material or protoplasm within a living cell, excluding the nucleus

saccharide - noun. Biochemistry. any of the class of soluble, crystalline, typically sweet-tasting carbohydrates found in living tissues and exemplified by glucose and sucrose

chondroitin sulfate - noun. Biology. a sulfated glycosaminoglycan(GAG) composed of a chain of alternating sugars(N-acetylgalactosamine and glucuronic acid) It is usually found attached to proteins as part of a proteoglycan. A chondroitin chain can have over 100 individual sugars, each of which can be sulfated in variable positions and quantities. Chondroitin sulfate is an important structural component of cartilage and provides much of its resistant compression. Along with glucosamine, chondroitin sulfate has become a widely used dietary supplement for the treatment of osteoarthritis.

hydroxylysine - noun. Biochemistry. an amino acid with the molecular formula C6H14N2O3. It was first discovered in 1921 by Donald Van Syke as the 5-Hydroxylysine form. It arises from a post-translational hydroxy modification of lysine. It is most widely known as a component of collagen.

hydroxyproline - noun. Biochemistry.(2S,4R)-4-Hydroxyproline is a common non-proteingenic amino acid, abbreviated as HYP, e.g., in Protein Data Bank. It is produced by the amino acid proline by the enzyme prolyl hydroxylase following protein synthesis(as a post-translational modification). The enzyme catalyzed reaction takes place n the lumen of the endoplasmic reticulum. Although it is not directly incorporated into proteins, hydroxyproline comprises roughly 4% of all amino acids found in animal tissue, an amount greater than seven other amino acids that are translationally incorporated.

serine - noun. Biochemistry. Abbreviated Ser. is an amino acid with the formula HO2CCH(NH2)CH2)OH. It is one of the proteingenic amino acids. Its codons in the genetic code are UCU, UCC, UCA, UCG, AGU and AGC. By virtue of the hydroxyl group, serine is classified as a polar amino acid

threonine - noun. Biochemistry. Abbreviated Thr or T. is an a-amino acid with the chemical formula HO2CCH(NH2)CH(OH)CH3. Its codons are ACU, ACA, ACC, and ACG. This essential amino acid is classified as polar. Together with serine, threonine is one of two proteingenic amino acids bearing an alcohol group(tyrosine is not an alcohol but a phenol, since its hydroxyl group is bonded directly to an aromatic ring, giving it different acid/base and oxidative properties). It is also one of two common amino acids that bear a chiral side chain, along with isoleucine.

isoleucine - noun. Biochemistry. a hydrophobic amino acid that is a constituent of most proteins. It is an essential nutrient in the diet of vertebrates.

chiral - adjective. Chemistry. asymmetric in such a way that the structure and its mirror image are not superimposable. Chiral compounds are typically optically active; large organic molecules often have one or more chiral centers where four different groups are attached to a carbon atom ORIGIN: late 19th cent.: from Greek kheir 'hand'

tyrosine - noun. Chemistry. a hydrophilic amino acid that is a constituent of most proteins and is important in the synthesis of some hormones.

ceramide -

glypiation -

phospho-serine -

chondroitin sulfate -

cerebrospinal - adjective. Anatomy. of or relating to the brain and spine

uronic acid - noun. Biology. A class of sugar acids with both carbonyl and carboxylic acid functional groups. They are sugars in which the terminal carbon's hydroxyl group has been oxidized to a carboxylic acid. Oxidation of the terminal aldehyde instead yields an aldonic acid, while oxidation of both the terminal hydroxyl group and the aldehyde yields aldaric acid. The names of uronic acids are generally based on their parent sugars, however some of the most common do not have direct parents, and formed by epimerization (e.g. iduronic acid is an epimer of glucuronic acid). Uronic acids that have six carbons are called hexuronic acids.

amniote - noun. Zoology. A group of tetrapods(four-limbed animals with backbones or spinal columns) that have an egg equipped with an amnios, an adaption to lay eggs on land rather than in water as anamniotes do. They include synapsids (mammals along with their extinct kin) and sauropsids (reptiles and birds), as well as their fossil ancestors.

hexuronic - noun. a Uronic acid that includes six carbons.

epimerization -

epithelium -

pleural - noun. each pair of serous membranes lining the thorax and enveloping the lungs in humans and other mammals; a lateral part in an animal body or structure. ORIGIN: late Middle English : via medieval Latin from Greek, literally 'side of the body, rib.'

peritoneum - noun. Anatomy. the serous membrane lining the cavity of the abdomen and covering abdominal organs. ORIGIN: late Middle English: via late Latin from Greek peritonaion, from peritonos 'stretched around,' from peri- 'around' + -tonos 'stretched.'

ctenophora - noun. Zoology. commonly known as 'comb jellies' or 'crane flies.' are a phylum of animals that live in marine waters worldwide. ORIGIN: from Greek kteis 'comb' and phero ' carry'

numinous - adjective. having a strong religious or spiritual quality; indicating or suggesting the presence of divinity ORIGIN: mid 17th cent.: from Latin numen, numin- 'divine power'

aonb(AONB) - An Area of Outstanding Natural Beauty is an area of countryside considered to have significant landscape value in England, Wales, and Greater Britain.

pepi ii neferkare - Pepi II (reigned c. 2278 BC - c. 2184 BC) was a pharaoh of the Sixth dynasty in Egypt's Old Kingdom. His throne name, King Neferkare.

cepheus - noun. Astronomy. a constellation near the north celestial pole ORIGIN: from the name of a king of Ethiopia, the husband of Cassiopeia

vamoose - verb. to run

devenustate - noun. obsolete. to deprive of beauty or comeliness.

callisteia - noun. Greek Mythology. A festival or perhaps merely a part of one, held by the women of Lesbos

cosmesis - noun. Medicine. the preservation, restoration, or bestowing of bodily beauty. Usually by surgical correction.

kalology - noun. the study of aesthetics

resplendence - adjective. attractive and impressive through being richly colorful or sumptuous ORIGIN: late Middle English : from Latin resplendent- 'shining out' from re- 'expressing intense force + splendere 'to glitter'

cogent - adjective. (of an argument or a case) clear, logical, and convincing. ORIGIN: mid 17th cent.: from Latin cogent- 'compelling,' from the verb cogere, from co- 'together' + agere 'drive'

tourmaline - noun. Geology. a crystal boron silicate mineral compounded with elements such as aluminium, iron, magnesium, sodium, lithium, or potassium. Tourmaline is classified as a semi-precious stone and the gemstone comes in a wide variety of colors. The name come from the Sinhalese word "Thuramali" which applied to different gemstones found in Sri Lanka.

wolframite - noun. Geology. (Fe,Mn)WO4, is an iron, manganese tungstate mineral that is the intermediate between ferberite (Fe2+ rich) and huebernite (Mn2+ rich). Along with scheelite, the wolframite series are the most important tungsten ore minerals. Wolframite is found in quartz veins and pegmatites associated with granitic intrusives. Associated minerals include cassiterite, scheelite, bismuth, quartz, pyrite, galena, sphalite, and arsenopyrite.

ferberite -

huebernite -

sphalite -

galena -

arsenopyrite -

bilberry - noun. Botany. is any of several species of low-growing shrubs in the genus Vaccinium bearing edible berries. The species most often referred to is Vaccinium myrtillus (blueberries)

cassock - noun. a full-length garment of a single color worn by certain Christian clergy, members of church choirs, acolytes, and others having some particular office or role in a church

capulin - noun. Botany. a species of Cherry, found in Mexico and Columbia it is also called, cerezo, detse, detze, taunday, jonote, puan, palman, or xengua.

guillemot - noun. Zoology. the common name for several species of seabird in the auk family.

paradoxical sleep - see REM sleep.

Defensive immobilization: the precursor of dreams

According to Tsoukalas (2012) REM sleep is an evolutionary transformation of a well-known defensive mechanism, the tonic immobility reflex. This reflex, also known as animal hypnosis or death feigning, functions as the last line of defense against an attacking predator and consists of the total immobilization of the animal: the animal appears dead(cf."playing possum"). The neurophysiology and phenomenology of this reaction shows striking similarities to REM sleep, a fact which betrays a deep evolutionary kinship. For example, both reactions exhibit brainstem control, paralysis, sympathetic activation, and controlled hypothermia. This theory integrates many earlier findings into a unified, and evolutionary well informed, framework.

Yet another theory suggests that monoamine shutdown is required so that the monoamine receptors in the brain can recover to regain full sensitivity. Indeed, if REM sleep is repeatedly interrupted, the person will compensate for it with longer REM slee, "rebound sleep", at the next opportunity.

It has been suggested that acute REM sleep deprivation can improve certain types of depression when depression appears to be related to an imbalance of certain neurotransmitters. Although sleep deprivation in general annoys most of the population, it has repeatedly been shown to alleviate depression, albeit temporarily. More than half the individuals who experience this relief report it to be rendered ineffective after sleeping the following night. Thus, researchers have devised methods such as altering the sleep schedule for a span of days following a REM deprivation period and combining sleep-schedule alterations with pharmacotherapy to prolong this effect. Though most antidepressants selectively inhibit REM sleep due to their action on monoamines, this effect decreases after long-term use. It is interesting to not that REM sleep deprivation stimulates hippocampal neurogenesis much the same as anti-depressants.

hippocampal - noun. the hippocampal is located in the medial temporal lobe of the brain. The hippocampus is a major component of the brains of humans and other vertebrates. It belongs to the limbic system and plays important roles in the consolidation of information from short-term memory to long-term memory and spatial navigation. Humans and other mammals have two hippocampi, one in each side of the brain. The hippocampus is part of the cerebral cortex, and in primates it is located in the medial temporal lobe, underneath the cortical surface. It contains two main interlocking parts: Ammon's horn and the dentate gyrus.

Apparent Death

Apparent death, colloquially known as playing dead or playing possum, is a behavior observed in a wide range of animals in which they take on the appearance of being dead to an observer. This could either be an involuntary reflex action, as in tonic immobility; or an adaptive behavior as in thanatosis, in which is used both as a defense mechanism and as a form of aggressive mimicry.

monoamine - noun. Chemistry. a compound having a single amine group in its molecule, esp. one that is a neurotransmitter (e.g. serotonin, norepinephrine).

dentate gyrus - noun. a part of the hippocampal formation. It is thought to contribute to the formation of new memories, among other functions.

pterygium - noun. Biology. refers to any winglike triangular membrane occurring in the neck, eyes, knees, elbows, ankles, or digits. ORIGIN: from Greek pterygion 'wing'

jabberwock - noun. nonsense, gibberish

jabot - Lace frill worn on a shirt of on the front of a dress

jacent - adjective. lying flat; sluggish

jacinth - noun. a reddish-orange gem variety of zircon ORIGIN: Middle English : from Old French iacinte or medieval Latin iacinthus, alteration of Latin hyacinthus or Hyacinth(flower)

merlin - noun. a small dark falcon that hunts small birds, found throughout most of Eurasia and much of North America

jack - noun. a medieval leather coat worn as armor

jacobin - noun. Politics. an extremist or radical in politics.

jaconet - noun. a lightweight cotton cloth with a smooth and slightly stiff finish

jacquard - noun. an apparatus with perforated cards, fitted to a loom to facilitate the weaving of figured and brocaded fabrics

jactancy - adjective. boastfulness; vainglory

jacitation - noun. a tossing, twitching, or jerking of the body; a false claim

jactation - noun. throwing or boasting

jaculation - the act of throwing or hurling

jaculiferous - adjective. having arrow-like prickles

jambiya - noun. a curved dagger with two edges

janitrix - noun. a female janitor

jade - noun. a pitiful horse; nag

jaggery - noun. coarse and dark sugar

jalouse - verb. to suspect; to be jealous of

jebel - noun. Geography. a hill or mountain

jaspe - noun. cotton or rayon cloth with a shaded effect

jawhole - noun. a cesspool or sewer entrance

jargonelle - noun. an early pear

jejunator - noun. one who fasts

jaunce - verb. to prance; to cause a horse to prance

jasperated - adjective. mottled; streaked with various colors

jactigation - noun. wagging; tremulous movement

jargoon - adjective. brilliant pale or colorless zircon

jazzetry - noun. poetry read to jazz accompaniment

jecoral - adjective. of, like, or pertaining to the liver

jellygraph - noun. an old device for copying that used a plate of jelly

jemadar - an Indian police or customs officer

jennet - noun. a small Spanish horse

jeofall - noun. official or legal acknowledgment of a mistake

jeremiad - noun. prolonged complaint; angry or cautionary harangue; lamentation

jess - noun. a ringed strap tied to the leg of a falcon or hawk

jetavator - control surface for deflecting rocket exhaust

jibboom - noun. spar forming an extension of the bowspit

jeton - noun. stamped metal token used in card-playing or reckoning accounts

jettatura - noun. the evil eye

jibe - verb. to change a ship's course to make the bow switch sides

jigamaree - a thingamajig; a cunning manoeuvre

jiggumbob - a thingamabob; a gadget; a whatsit; a gewgaw

gewgaws - noun. a showy thing, esp. one that is useless or worthless

jimswinger - noun. a frock coat

jink - verb. to move quickly with several turns or kinks

jinker - noun. a light horse drawn passenger carriage

jitney - noun. a small passenger vehicles

jobation - tedious scolding

jobbernowl - a blockish or stupid head

spinthariscope - noun. Physics. an instrument that shows the incidence of alpha particles by flashes on a fluorescent screen

anaxiphillia - noun. the act of falling in love with the wrong person.

anadipsia - noun. excessive thirst

ligneous - adjective. made, consisting of, or resembling wood; woody ORIGIN: 17th cent. from Latin ligneous 'relating to wood'

lignite - noun. a soft, brownish-black coal in which the alteration of vegetable matter has proceeded further than in peat but not as far as in bituminous coal. Also called brown coal. Also: lignitic

sabicu - noun. the wood of the sabicu which resembles mahogany. 2. small genus of tropical American trees and shrubs with pinnate leaves and flat straight pods

calambou - noun. A species of agalloch, or aloes wood, of a dusky or mottled color, of a light, friable texture, and less fragrant than calambac -- used by cabinet makers.

agalloch - noun. the fragrant, resinous wood of an East Indian tree, Aquilaria agallocha, used as incense in the Orient.

mottle - verb.(used with object) to mark or diversify with spots or blotches of a different color or shade.

noun. a diversifying spot or blotch of color, mottled coloring or pattern ORIGIN: 1350-1400; Middle English; mote. mote ORIGIN: before 1000; Middle English, Old English mot speck; cognate with Dutch mot, grit, sawdust, Norwegian mutt speck

friable - adjective. easily crumbled; frail, brittle

rasp - verb. to file or scrape, with a coarse file having sharp projections. to grate on(nerves or feelings)

quoin - noun. 1: an exterior angle of a wall or other piece of masonry. 2. any of the stones used in forming such an angle, often being of large size and dressed or arranged so as to form a decorative contrast with the adjoining wall. 3. A keystone. 4. Printing. a wedge-shaped bloke used to lock type in a chase

badigeon - noun. [French] A cement or paste (as of plaster and freestone, or a of sawdust and glue or lime) used by sculptors, builders, and workers

automysophobia - noun. a fear of being dirty, unclean, or smelling bad ORIGIN: auto 'self, one's own' + Greek mysos 'dirt'

augean - adjective. resembling the Augean stables in filthiness or degradation. 2. difficult and unpleasant. ORIGIN: 1590-1600; < Latin auge (us) of Augeas  (Geek Augei (as) + -us adj. suffix

sully - verb. poetic/literary or ironic. damage the purity of integrity of; defile. ORIGIN: late 16th cent.: perhaps from French souiller 'to soil.'

frowzy - adjective. (aslo frowsy.frowzier. frowziest) scruffy and neglected in appearance. ORIGIN: late 17th.

slovenly - adjective. (esp. of a person or their appearance) messy and dirty. (esp. of a person or action) careless; excessively casual

trollop - noun. dated or humorous. a woman perceived as sexually disreputable or promiscuous. ORIGIN 17th cent.: perhaps related to TRULL.

trull - noun. archaic. prostitute.

slattern - noun. a slovenly, untidy woman or girl 2. a slut; harlot.

borborygmus - noun. (pl. -mi) technical. a rumbling noise or gurgling noise made by the movement of fluid and gas in the intestines.

bruckle - verb. chiefly Scottish. easily broken or crumbled

daglock - noun. a dirty or matted lock of fur, hair, or wool

eschrolalia - noun. 1. meaningless repetition of another person's spoken words as a symptom of a psychiatric disorder. 2. Repetition of speech by a child learning to talk.

Fouque - noun. Friedrich Heinrich Karl, Baron de la Motte. 1777-1843, German romantic writer; author of Undine 1811

fique - noun. a natural fibre that grows in the leaves of the fique plant, Furcraeae andina, a xerophytic monocot native to the Andes.

froe - noun. frow

frow - noun. a cleaving tool having a wedge-shaped blade, with a handle set at right angles to it, also froe. ORIGIN: 1615-25; earlier frower, perhaps a noun use of froward in literal sense "turned away.

froward - adjective. willfully contrary; not easily managed ORIGIN: 1150-1200; Middle English froward, fraward.

grotty - adjective. slang. apparently not akin to grody

cruft - noun. an unpleasant substance. superfluous junk; excess

halvans - noun. Mining. impure ore; dirty ore.

manky - adjective. worthless, rotten, or in bad taste; filthy or bad ORIGIN: from Italian manacare 'to be lacking.'

mussy - adjective. untidy, messy, or rumpled ORIGIN: 1855-60, Americanism; muss+ y

muxy - adjective. soft; sticky, and dirty

peasouper - noun. pea soup. 2. informal. fog; pea soup fog.

reechy - adjective. smoky or sooty

slovenly - adjective. untidy or unclean in appearance or habits

sloven - noun. a person who is habitually negligent of neatness or cleanliness in dress, appearance, etc.

smoterlich - adjective. dirty foul

sump - noun. a pit, well, or the like in which water or other liquid is collected. 2. chiefly Brit. a swamp, bog, or muddy pool.

crankcase - noun. (in an internal-combustion engine) the housing that encloses the crankshaft, connecting rods, and allied parts.

tatterdemalion - noun. a person in tattered clothing; a shabby person. adjective. ragged; unkempt or dilapidated.

tidemark - noun. the point that something or someone has reached, receded below, or risen above.

bedaub - verb. (used with object) to smear all over; besmear; soil. 2. to ornament gaudily or excessively. ORIGIN: 1545-55; be- + daub 'to cover or coat with soft, adhesive matter, as plaster or mud'; to smear, apply, to daub something. verb (used with object)

hovel - noun. a small, very humble dwelling house; a wretched hut. 2. any dirty, disorganized dwelling 3. an open shed, as for sheltering cattle or boots

scut work - noun. informal. menial, routine work, as that done by an underling

scut - noun. a short tail, especially that of a hare, rabbit, or deer. 2. slang. a worthless, contemptible person.

boiler suit - noun. coveralls

chafeweed - noun. a weedy, composite plant, Gnaphalium sylvaticum, of the North Temperate Zone, having wooly foliage and numerous, dirty-white flowerheads in leafy spike.

clarty - adjective. dirty; esp. covered in mud

coom - noun. chiefly Scot. and North England. soot; coal dust; smut. variant of culm. 2. grease from bearings, axles, etc.

drabble (-ed, -ing) - verb. make or become wet and dirty

guttersnipe - noun. a person belonging to or characteristic of the lowest social group in a city; a street urchin

maculate - adjective. spotted; stained. archaic: defiled; impure ORIGIN: 1375-1425; late Middle English < Latin maculatus (past participle of maculare to spot, stain.

miry - adjective. of the nature of the mire; swampy. covered or bespattered with mire.

mysophilia - noun. Psychiatry. a pathological attraction to dirt or filth.

plica - noun. zoology, anatomy. a fold or folding.

qdos - operating system. Quick DOS. quick and dirty operating system.

saur - a combining form used in the names of extinct reptiles, especially archosaurs, usually Anglicized forms of Latin taxonomic names: dinosaur, pterosaur.

scutcheon - noun. zoology. a scute

omorashi - a Japanese fetish subculture, in which participants experience sexual arousal from having a full bladder or a sexual attraction to someone else experiencing the feeling of a full urinary bladder.

scute - noun. zoology. a large scale; a dermal bony plate, as on an armadillo, or a large horny plate, as on a turtle.

ellinikon international airport - was the International Airport of Athens Greece for 60 years.

cabal - noun. a small group of secret plotters, as against a government or person in authority.

tetrad -  noun. a group of four; the number 4.

bevy - noun. a group of birds, as larks or quail, or animals, as roebuck, in close association

panicle - noun. Botany. any loose, diversely branching flower cluster

fascicle - noun. a section of a book or set of books being published in installments as separate pamphlets or volumes; a small bundle, tight cluster, or the like 2. anatomy. a small bundle of nerve or muscle fibers.

grapeshot - noun. a cluster of small cast-iron balls formerly used as a charge for a cannon.

raceme - noun. Botany. a simple indeterminate inflorescence in which the flowers are borne on short pedicels lying along a common axis, as in the lily of the valley. ORIGIN: 1775-85; Latin racemus 'cluster of grapes, bunch of berries.'

anthotaxy - noun. Botany. the arrangement of flowers on a stem or parts of a flower.

asterism - noun. astronomy. a group of stars, a constellation; three asterisks in a triforce printed to draw attention to a passage it precedes

girandole - noun. a rotating and radiating firework; an ornate bracket for candelabra or the like, sometimes with a reflecting mirror at the back of the shelf 3. a brooch or earring consisting of a central ornament with usually three smaller ornaments hanging from it.

glomerule - noun. Botany. a cyme condensed into a head-like cluster.

cyme - noun. an inflorescence in which the primary axis bears a single central or terminal flower that blooms first.

bract - noun. Botany. a specialized leaf or leaflike part, usually situated at the base of a flower or inflorescence.

botryoid - adjective. Mineralogy. having the form of a bunch of grapes.

hyades - noun. astronomy. (used with a plural verb) 1. a group of stars comprising a moving cluster in the constellation Taurus, supposed by the ancients to indicate the approach of rain when they rose with the sun. 2. Classical Mythology. a group of nymphs and sisters of the Pleiades who nurtured the infant Dionysus and were placed among the stars as a reward.

pinaster  - noun. a species of pyramid-shaped pine tree, growing in southern Europe and having clustered needles.

swad - noun. a bunch; a thick bramble of plants

tussock - noun. a tuft of growing grass or the like

asterope - noun. Astronomy. a double star in the Pleiades (21K and 22L Pleiadum, of the 5.8 and 6.4 magnitude respectively), appearing as a single star of the 5.3 magnitude to the naked eye

floret - noun. a smaller flower.

guar - noun. a plant, Cyamopsis tetragonolobus, of the legume family, grown as a forage crop and for its seeds, which produce a gum(guar gum) used as thickening agent and stabilizer in foods and pharmaceuticals and as sizing for paper and cloth.

moly - noun. an herb given to Odysseus by Hermes to counteract the spells of Circe.

molybdenum - noun. Chemistry. a silver-white metallic element, used as an alloy with iron in making hard, high-speed cutting tools. Symbol: Mo; atomic weight 95.94; atomic number 42; specific gravity: 10.2

uvelloid - noun. resembling a cluster of grapes

whorl - noun. a circular arrangement of like parts, as leaves or flowers, around a point on an axis; vertical.

umbel - noun. Botany. an inflorescence in which a number of flower stalks or pedicels, nearly equal to the length, spread from a common center.

corymb - noun. Botany. a flower cluster whose lower stalks are proportionally longer so that the flowers form a flat or slightly convex head.

aciniform - adjective. clustered like grapes.

peduncle - noun. Botany. a flower stalk, supporting either a cluster or a solitary flower. the stalk bearing the fruiting body. fungi

aldebaran - noun. Astronomy. the brightest star in the constellation Taurus. It is a binary system of which the main star is a red giant. ORIGIN: Arabic, 'the follower (of the Pleiades)"

loess - noun. Geology. a loosely compacted yellowish-gray deposit of windblown sediment of which extensive deposits occur.

pruinose - adjective. Botany. (of a surface, such as that of a grape) covered with white powdery granules; frosted in appearance. ORIGIN: early 19th cent. : from Latin pruinosus, from pruina 'hoarfrost'.

lampblack - noun. a pigment made from soot

briquet - noun. a block of compressed charcoal or coal dust used as fuel

graywacke - noun. geology. a dark-gray coarse-grained wacke.

wacke - noun. a poorly sorted sandstone containing fragments of rock and minerals in a clayey matrix

hoary - adjective. grayish-white; old and trite

brindled - noun. a brownish or tawny color of animal fur, with streaks of other color; speckled, flecked, spotted, streaked.

blae - adjective. Scot and North England. bluish-black; blue-gray. ORIGIN: 1150-1200; Middle English (north) bla < Old Norse bla- blackish blue; blue.

fuscous - adjective. technical or poetic/literary. dark and somber in color.

cinereous - adjective. in the state of or reduced state of ashes; resembling ashes, ashen; ash-colored; grayish ORIGIN: 1655-65; < Latin cinereus, equivalent to ciner- 'stem of ashes' , ashes.

trona - noun. a gray mineral that occurs as an evaporite in salt deposits and consists of a hydrated carbonate and bicarbonate of sodium.

sot - noun. a habitual drunkard ORIGIN: late Old English sott [foolish person] , Latin sottus , reinforced by Old French sot 'foolish.' The current sense of the noun dates from the late 16th century.

stotious - adjective. Irish. drunk; inebriated

souse - verb. soak in or drench with liquid. informal. drunk.

nimptopsical - adjective. drunk.

rummy - noun. a card game; rum, as in rum drink.

squiffy - adjective. informal. chiefly Brit. slightly drunk.

crocked - adjective. informal. drunk.

maudlin - adjective. self-pitying or tearfully sentimental, often through drunkenness.

sorbile - adjective. to suck in, to drink down. Fit to be drunk or sipped.

dipsomaniac - noun. alcoholism, specifically, in a form characterized by intermittent bouts of craving for alcohol. ORIGIN: Greek, dipso 'thirst' + maniac 'mania'

tiddly - adjective. slightly drunk.

besotted - adjective. strongly infatuated. archaic. intoxicated; drunk.

fuddle - verb. archaic. go drinking on a bout;  confuse or stupefy(someone) esp. with alcohol

half seas over - adjective. chiefly Brit. informal or dated. fairly drunk.

slew - verb. (of a vehicle or person) turn or slide violently or uncontrollably in a particular direction 2. noun. a violent or uncontrollable sliding movement.

bacchic - adjective. [lowercase] riotously or jovially intoxicated; drunken OR  of, pertaining to, or honoring Bacchus

carouse - verb. drink plentiful amounts of alcohol and enjoy oneself with others in a noisy, lively way.

fap - adjective or noun. Late 16th cent. drunk

fou - adjective. Scottish. drunk.

oenophilia - noun. a person who enjoys wines, usually as a connoisseur

tipple -  verb. to drink intoxicating liquor, especially habitually or to some excess; intoxicating liquor.

hidrosis - noun. Medicine. sweating ORIGIN: mid 19th cent.: from Greek hidr0sis, from hidros 'sweat'

sudor - noun. sweat. ORIGIN: late 16th cent.: Latin sudorifer, 'sweat'

diaphoresis - noun. technical. sweating especially to an unusual degree as a symptom of disease or a side effect of a drug ORIGIN: via late Latin from Greek from diaphorein 'carry off, sweat out,' from dia 'through' + phorein 'carry'

drudgery - noun. hard, menial, or dull work: domestic drudgery

swither - noun. a shunting engine. 2. a device used to select or combine different video and audio signals.

travail - noun. painful or laborious effort. verb. engage in painful or laborious effort.

sudoriferous - adjective. (of a gland) secreting sweat.

sudorific - adjective. relating to or causing sweating

bromidrosis - noun. the bacterial breakdown of sweat and cellular debris resulting in a foul odor. ORIGIN: Greek bromos 'stench', hidros 'sweat'

syringadenous - adjective. of or relating to sweat glands

exocrine gland - an exocrine gland is distinguished by the fact that it excretes its essential products by way of a duct to some environmental external to itself, be it either inside the body or on a surface of the body. Examples include: sweat glands, salivary glands, mammary glands, pancreas, and liver.

osmidrosis - noun. body odor.

salient - adjective. 1. most noticeable or important. prominent; conspicuous.1. [postpositive] Heraldry. (of an animal) standing on its hind legs with the forepaws raised, as if leaping.

heraldry - noun. the system by which the coats of arms and other armorial bearings are devised, described, and regulated.

pruritic - noun. Medicine. severe itching of the skin, as a symptom of various ailments.

detrition - noun. rare. the action of wearing away by friction

muck sweat - noun. informal. a state of perspiring profusely.

sudatorium - in architecture, a sudatorium is a vaulted sweating room, of the Roman baths or thermae. The Roman architectural writer Vitruvius refers to it as a concamerata sudatio.

sudatory - noun. a sauna

sudorous - adjective. sweating.

supererogation - noun. the performance of more work than duty requires

swate - noun. sweat

swatte - noun. sweat

xeroderma - noun. excessive or abnormal dryness of the skin, as in ichthyosis.

ichthyosis - noun. a congenital, often hereditary skin disease marked by dry, thickened, scaly skin.

miliaria - noun. heat rash

gaum - noun. to stare vacantly or handle in a clumsy matter

sudarium - noun. another word for sudatorium or sweat lodge; sauna.

diaphoretic - adjective. producing or increasing perspiration

eccrine - Merocrine. is a term used to classify exocrine glands and their secretions in the study of histology. A cell is classified as merocrine if the secretions of that cell are excreted via exocytosis from a secretory cells into an epithelial-walled duct of ducts and thence onto a bodily surface or into the lumen.

hydrophobia - noun. extreme or irrational fear of water, esp. as a symptom of rabies in humans. 2. Rabies in humans.
forswat - adjective. spent with heat; covered with sweat.

lysozyme - noun. an enzyme that catalyzes the destruction of the cell walls of certain bacteria, occurring notably in tears and egg whites.

muramidase - a lysozme. an enzyme found in saliva and sweat and tears that destroys the cell walls of certain bacteria.

osmidrosiphobia - noun. a feat of body odour

popanoic acid - a liquid fatty acid found in milk and sweat and in fuel distillates.

propionic acid - noun. a colorless pungent liquid organic acid. C2H5COOH, produced in some forms of fermentation and used for inhibiting.

stumer - something bogus or fraudulent.

copal - is a name given to tree resin that is particularly identified with the aromatic resins used by the cultures of pre-Columbian Mesoamerica as ceremonially burned incense and other purposes. More generally, the term copal describes resinous substances in an intermediate stage of polymerization and hardening between "gummier" resins and amber. The word copal is derived from the Nahauatl language word copalli, meaning 'incense.'

sluice - from the Dutch word 'sluis' is a water channel controlled at its head by a gate. A Millrace, leet, flume, penstock or lade is a sluice channeling water toward a water mill. The terms sluice, sluice gate, knife gate, and slide gate are used interchangeably in the water and wastewater control industry.

flume - a man made channel for water

leet - noun. historical. (in England) a yearly or half-yearly court of record that the lords of certain manors. the Jurisdiction of the court. 2. a manmade channel for water

penstock - a gate or intake structure that controls water flow.

lade - verb. archaic. load(a ship or other vessel); ship(goods) or cargo) intrans. take on cargo ORIGIN: Old English hladan, of the West Germanic origin; related to Dutch and German laden 'to load', also Ladle and perhaps Lathe

bilge - noun. the area on the outer surface of a ship's hull where the bottom verb. archaic. break a hole in the bilge of a ship ORIGIN: 15th cent. probably a variant of bulge.

catchment - noun. the action of collecting water, esp. the collection of rainfall over a drainage area

naiad - noun. in classical mythology. a water nymph. the aquatic larva

undine - noun. a female spirit or nymph inhabiting water

sudamen - noun. medicine. a skin disease in which sweat accumulates under the superficial horny layers of the epidermis to form small, clear, transparent vesicles.

transude - verb. an edematous fluid that collects in the body's cavities as a result of disturbances in the circulation of blood or in flow of lymph(such as ascites, or abdominal dropsy, in cases of cardiac insufficiency or cirrhosis of the liver)

edema(formerly known as dropsy) - is an abnormal accumulation of fluid in the interstitium, which are locations beneath the skin or in one or more cavities of the body. It is clinically shows as swelling. Generally, the amount of interstitial fluid is determined by the balance of fluid homeostasis, and increased secretion of fluid into the interstitium or impaired removal of this fluid may cause edema.

cirrhosis - is a consequence of chronic liver disease characterized by replacement of liver tissue by fibrosis, scar tissue and regenerative nodules(lumps that occur as a result of a process in which the damaged tissue is regenerated, leading to a loss of liver function. Cirrhosis is most commonly caused by alcoholism, hepatitis B and hepatitis C, and fatty liver disease, but has many other possible causes. Some cases are idiopathic(i.e. of no cause).


prickly heat - noun. an itchy inflammation of the skin, typically with a rash of small vesicles, common in hot moist weather. Also called Miliaria

Miliaria rubra - proper noun. a heat rash, is a skin condition that appears to discrete extremely pruritic, erythematous papulovesicles  accompanied by a sensation of prickling, burning, or tingling. Differential diagnosis should be used to rule out polycythemia vera, which is a rare hematological disorder and appears more often in males than females, and generally not before the age of 40. Both disorders share the common denominator of appearing after taking a hot shower.

polycythemia vera (PV, PCV) - also known as erythremia primary polycythemia and polycythemia rubra vera is a myeloproliferative

myeloproliferative diseases(MPDs) or myeloproliferative neoplasms (MPNs) - are a group of diseases of the bone marrow in which excess cells are produced. They are related to, and may evolve into, myelodysplastic syndrome and acute myeloid leukemia, although the myeloproliferative diseases on the whole have a much better prognosis than these conditions. The concept of myeloproliferative disease was first proposed in 1951 by the eminent hematologist William Dameshek. In the most recent World Health Organization classification of Hematologic malignancies, this group of diseases was renamed from "myeloproliferative diseases" to "myeloproliferative neoplasms". This reflects the underlying clonal genetic changes that are a salient feature of this group of diseases.

erythematous - noun. Medicine. superficial reddening of the skin, usually in patches, as a result of injury or irritation causing dilatation of the blood capillaries ORIGIN: 18th cent.: from Greek eruthema, from eruthainein 'be red,' from eruthros 'red'

frontlet - noun. an ornamental piece of cloth hanging over the upper part of an altar frontal; dated. a decorative band or ornament worn on the forehead

metopic - noun. of or pertaining to the forehead

sinciput - noun. Anatomy. the front of the skull from the forehead to the crown

frisette - noun. a fringe of curled, often artificial hair.

linnet - noun. a mainly brown and gray finch with a reddish breast and forehead

bausond - noun. Zoology. having white spots on a black or bay background

bay - adjective. Zoology. of a horse, brown with black points

nasion - noun. Craniometry. the intersection of the internasal

forelock - noun. a lock of hair growing just above the forehad

kowtow - verb. historical. to kneel and touch the ground with the forehead in worship or submission as part of Chinese custom.

phylactery - noun. a small leather box containing Hebrew texts on vellum, worn by Jewish men at morning prayer as a reminder to keep the law.

capuchin - noun. a friar belonging to a branch of the Franciscan order that observes a strict rule drawn up in 1529; a cloak and hood formerly worn by women; A South American monkey with a cap of hair on the head that has the appearance of a cowl; also, a pigeon of a breed with head and neck feathers resembling a cowl

crinion - noun. point where the hairline meets the midpoint of the forehead.

cymbiform - adjective. boat-shaped; describing pollen with a single linear pore

glabella - noun. the smooth part of the forehead above and between the eyebrows

lour - verb. lower; set lower

cosmocracy - noun. rule of the whole world

uranology - the branch of physics that studies celestial bodies and the universe as a whole

panentheism - noun. the belief that the world is a part of God.

omega particle - noun. a subatomic particle in the baryon family having a mass 3,272 times that of the electron, containing neither up nor down quarks.

pancosmism  - noun. a belief that nothing exists beyond the material universe.

pancosmic - adjective. pertaining to pancosmism, or to the universe in its entirety.

pancratic - adjective. athletic; pertaining to or having ability in all matters.

pandiculation - noun. stretching and yawning

pangram - noun. a sentence containing all 26 letters of the alphabet.

pangrammatist - noun. a person that composes sentences using all 26 letters of the alphabet.

panorpid - noun. scorpion fly

pantoglot - noun. a speaker of all languages

pantomorphic - adjective. taking on all shapes

paracoita - noun. a female sexual partner

paracoitus - noun. a male sexual partner

a corps perdu - phrase. 'with lost body'; impetuously, in desperation

a fond - phrase. 'to the bottom'; thoroughly

a mensa et thoro - phrase. 'from table to bed'; applied to judicial separation of husband and wife

a outrance - phrase. 'to the utmost'; to the death

ab initio - phrase. from the beginning; from the very start or outset

ab irato - phrase. from an angry man: hence, not to be taken too seriously

abderian - adjective. pertaining to foolish or excessive laughter

ablutomania - noun. a mania for washing oneself

acalculia - noun. the inability to work with numbers

acephalist - noun. the balky maverick who acknowledges no head or superior authority

abscission - noun. botany. the natural detachment of parts of a plant, typically dead leaves and ripe fruit.: any act of cutting off. ORIGIN: early 17th cent.: from Latin abscissio(n-), from abscindere, from ab- 'off, away' + scindere 'to cut.'

acarpous - adjective. botany. not yielding fruit

accismus - noun. rhetorical device of pretending to refuse

accolent - adjective. neighboring

accubation - noun. act or state of reclining at a table

aceldama - noun. field or scene of bloodshed

acerose - adjective. pertaining to the needle

acervate - adjective. botany. growing in heaps or clusters

acerous - adjective. without horns or antennae

acescent - adjective. becoming, or tending to be, sour

acherontic - adjective. dark, gloomy, forbidding

acholous - adjective. lacking bile

achor - noun. medicine. archaic. eruption on the scalp

acronychal - adjective. occurring at nightfall

achroous - adjective. colorless

acidulous - adjective. sharp or sour in taste or manner, acidulate.

acor - noun. medicine. stomach acidity

acouasm - noun. a ringing sound in the head

acraein - noun. foul-tasting butterfly's juice

acrasy - noun. anarchy, disorder

acratia - noun. impotence

acroatic - adjective. pertaining to profound knowledge

acrolith - noun. a statue with a wooden trunk and stone head and extremities.

acrophony - noun. The use of a word starting with a letter of the alphabet the same as the name of the letter.

acushla - noun. term of address: darling.

acyrology - noun. incorrect diction

ad captandum - phrase. 'to capture' the affection or suit the taste (of the crowd)

ad hunc vocem - phrase. 'to this word'

ad hunc locum - phrase. law. 'at this place'; on this passage

ad libitum - adj. 'at one's pleasure'; as much or long as desired

ad misericordiam - phrase. to compassion; appealing to a sense of pity or mercy; asking compassion

ad rem - phrase. pertinent to the matter

ad unguem - phrase. to the fingernail; with great precision

ad valorem - adjective. in proportion to value, especially of import duties of a percentage of the value of the imports

ad verbum - phrase. to the word: word for word; literally; verbatim

adaxial - on, beside, or turned towards, axis of an organ, organism, or plant.

adient - adjective. tending to expose an organism to, or turn it towards, a stimulus or situation

adipescent - adjective. becoming fatty

adipic - adjective. chemistry. pertaining to fatty or greasy substances

adipsy - noun. lack of thirst. quenching thirst

adit - noun. entrance, especially horizontal passage into a mine

adjectitious - adjective. added, thrown in

Pelagic zone - Any water in a sea or lake that is neither close to the bottom nor near the shore can be said to be in the pelagic zone. The word pelagic comes from the Ancient Greek pelages "open sea". The pelagic zone can be though of in terms of an imaginary cylinder or water column that goes from the surface of the sea almost to the bottom. Conditions change deeper down the water column; the pressure increases, the temperature drops and there is less light. Depending on the depth, the water column, rather like the Earth's atmosphere can be divided into different layers.

Depth and Layers

Depending on how deep the sea is, the pelagic zone can extend over up to five horizontal layers in the ocean. From top down, these are:

Epipelagic(sunlit) - From the surface  (MSL or mean sea level) down to around 200 m (650 ft) the illuminated zone at the surface of the sea where there is enough light for photosynthesis. Nearly all primary production in the ocean occurs here. Consequently plants and animals are largely concentrated in this zone.

Mesopelagic(twilight) - From 200 meters down to around 1,000 meters (3,300 ft). The name for this zone stems from the Ancient Greek: meson, "middle". Although some light penetrates this second later, it is insufficient for photosynthesis. At about 500 m the water also becomes depleted of oxygen. Still, life copes, with gills that are more efficient or by minimizing movement.

Bathypelagic(twilight)- From 1,000 m down to around 4,000 m (13,000 ft). The name stems from the Ancient Greek bathes, "deep". At this depth the ocean is pitch black, apart from occasional bioluminescent organisms, such as lanternfish. There is no living plant life. Most animals living here survive by consuming the detritus falling from the zones above, which is know as "marine snow", or like the marine hatchetfish, by preying on other inhabitants of this zone.

Abyssopelagic(lower midnight) - From 4,000 m down to above the ocean floor. The name is derived from the Ancient Greek: abysso, "bottomless" (a holdover from the times when the deep ocean, or abyss, was believed to be bottomless). Very few creatures are sufficiently adapted to surviving in the cold temperatures, high pressures, and complete darkness of this depth. Among the species found in this zone are several species of squid; echinoderms including the basket star, swimming cucumber, and the sea pig; and rain arthropods including the sea spider. Many of the species living at these depths have adapted to be transparent and eyeless as a result of the total lack of light in this zone.

Hadopelagic - The deep water in ocean trenches. The name is derived from the Ancient Greek: Haides, "Hades", the classical Greek underworld. This zone is mostly unknown, and very few species are known to live here (in the open areas). However, many organisms live in hydrothermal vents in this and other zones. Some define the hadopelagic as waters below 6,000 m (19,685 ft), whether in a trench or not. The bathypelagic, abyssopelagic, and hadopelagic zones are very similar in character, and some marine biologists combine them into a single zone or consider the latter two to be the same. The abyssal plain is covered with soft sludge composed of dead organisms from above.

benthos - noun. Ecology. the flora and fauna found on the bottom, or in the bottom sediments, of a sea, lake or other body of water. ORIGIN: late 19th cent: from Greek, 'depth of the sea'.

vitrify - verb. convert(something) into glass or a glasslike substance, typically by exposure to heat

flit - noun. the mixture of silica and fluxes that is fused at high temperatures to make glass.
- a similar calcined and pulverized mixture used to make soft-paste porcelain or ceramic glazes. make into fit.

fulgurite - noun. Geology material formed of sand or other sediment fused by lightning

Spanish broom - noun. a Mediterranean broom with fragrant yellow flowers and almost leafless stems that were formerly used in basketry.

rabbet - noun. a step-shaped recess cut along the edge or in the face of a piece of wood, typically forming a match to the edge or tongue of another piece. : [as adj.] a rabbet joint.

verb. (-bet-ed, -bet-ing) make a rabbet in, trans. join or fix (a piece of wood to another with a rabbet)

cullet - noun. recycled broken or waste glass used in glassmaking

vitrescent - adjective. capable of or susceptible to being turned into glass

carboy - noun. a large globular plastic bottle with a narrow neck, typically protected by a frame and used for holding acids or other corrosive liquids

devitrify - verb. (-fies, -fied) [intrans.]
(of glass or vitreous rock) become hard, opaque, and crystalline.
- [trans.] make hard, opaque, and crystalline

cheval-de-frise - noun. 1. a portable obstacle, consisting of a wooden frame covered with spikes or barbed wire, used by the military to close off a passage or block enemy advancement. 2. shards of glass or spikes set into masonry along the top of a wall

Geissler tube - noun. a sealed tube of glass or quartz with a central constriction, filled with vapor for the production of a luminous electrical discharge.

bugloss - noun. a bristly plant of the borage family, with bright blue flowers. Anchusa, Lycopsis, and other genera, family Boraginaceae: several species, including the small bugloss and the widespread viper's bugloss. ORIGIN: late Middle English : from Old French buglosse or Latin buglossus, from Greek bouglossos 'ox-tongued,' from bous 'ox' + glossa 'tongue'

perlite - noun. a form of obsidian characterized by spherulites formed by cracking for the volcanic glass during cooling, used as insulation or in plant growth media

calx - noun. a powdery metallic oxide formed when an ore or mineral has been heated.

actinism - adjective. (of light or lightning) able to cause photochemical reactions, as in photography, through having a significant short wavelength or ultraviolet component.- relating to or caused by such light

spalt - adjective. (of wood) containing blackish irregular lines as a result of a fungal decay, and sometimes used to produce a decorative surface

swizzle - noun. a mixed alcoholic drink, esp. a frothy one of rum or gin and bitters

Prince Rupert's Drops, also Rupert's Balls or Dutch Tears - noun. glass objects created by dripping molten glass into cold water. The glass cools into a tadpole-shaped droplet with a long thin tail. The water rapidly cools the molten glass on the outside of the drop, while the inner portion of the drop remains significantly hotter. When the glass on the inside eventually cools, t contracts inside the already solid outer part. This contraction sets up very large compressive stresses on the exterior, while the core of the drop is in a state of tensile stress. The very high residual stress within the drop gives rise to unusual qualities, such as the ability to withstand a blow from a hammer on the bulbous end without breaking, while the drop will disintegrate explosively if the tail is even slightly damaged.

soda lime - noun. a mixture of calcium oxide and sodium hydroxide

Kristallnact - the occasion of concerted violence by Nazis throughout Germany and Austria against the Jews and their property on the night of November 9-10, 1938

ORIGIN: German, literally 'night of crystal', referring to the broken glass produced by the
smashing of store windows

potsherd - noun. a broken piece of ceramic material, esp. one found on an archaeological site.

Rabat - proper noun. the capital of Morocco, an industrial port on the Atlantic coast; pop. 1,220,000. It was founded as a military fort in the 12th century by the Almohads.

Almohad - noun. (pl. -hads) a member of a Berber Muslim movement an

vitriol - noun. archaic or poetic/literary. sulfuric acid. - figurative. cruel and bitter criticism. fury and vitriol.

aglet - noun. a metal or plastic tube fixed tightly around each end of a shoelace.

caldera - noun. a large volcanic crater, typically one formed by a major eruption leading to the collapse of the mouth of the volcano. caldaria, latin, "cooking pot" ,

Tenerife - a volcanic island in the Atlantic Ocean, the largest of the Canary Islands; pop 771,000; capital, Santa Cruz

toponymy - noun. the study of place names

demonic  - noun. also, gentilic, is a name for a resident of a locality. Although not always derived from the name of the locality. The name for a resident of Britain is Briton, and the demonic for a resident of Turkey is Turk. Yet the most common demonic is for the people of the Netherlands, Dutch. Though Netherlander is also used.

orography - noun. the branch of physical geography dealing with mountains

gregarious - adjective. (of a person) fond of company; sociable: he was a popular and sociable man. (of animals) living in flocks or loosely organized communities: gregarious species forage in flocks from colonies or roosts. (of plants) growing in open clusters or in pure associations. ORIGIN: mid 17th century.: from Latin gregarious (from grex, greg-'a flock') + OUS.

Herd behavior - Herd behavior describes how individuals in a group can act together without planned direction. The term pertains to the behavior of animals in herds, flocks, and schools, and to human conduct during activities such as stock market bubbles and crashes, street demonstrations, riots, and general strikes, sporting events, religious gatherings, episodes of mob violence and everyday decision making, judgement, and opinion-forming. Raafat, Chater, and Frith proposed an integrated approach to herding, describing two key issues, the mechanisms of transmission of thoughts or behavior between individuals and the patterns of connections between them. They suggested that bringing together diverse theoretical approaches of herding behavior illuminates the applicability of the concept to many domains ranging from cognitive neuroscience to economics.

Herd Behavior in Animals

A group of animals fleeing from a predator shows the nature of herd behavior. In 1971, in the oft cited article "Geometry For The Selfish Herd," evolutionary biologist W.D. Hamilton asserted that each individual group member reduces the danger to itself by moving as close as possible to the center of the fleeing group. Thus the herd appears as a unit in moving together, but its function emerges from the uncoordinated behavior of self-serving individuals.

Buridan's ass - noun. theory. an illustration of a paradox in philosophy in the conception of free well. It refers to a hypothetical situation wherein an ass that is equally hungry and thirsty is placed precisely between a stack of hay and a pail of water. Since the paradox assumes the ass will always go to whichever is closer, it will die of both under and thirst since it cannot make any rational decision to choose one over the other. The paradox is named after the 14th century French philosopher Jean Buridan, whose philosophy of moral determinism it satirizes. A common variant of the paradox substitutes two identical piles of hay for the hay and water; the ass, unable to choose between the two, dies of hunger.

Selfish Herd Theory - The Selfish herd theory states that individuals within a population attempt to reduce their predation risk by putting other conspecifics between themselves and predators. Such behavior inevitably results in aggregations. The theory was proposed by W.D. Hamilton in 1971 in an attempt to explain the gregarious behavior witnessed by a variety of animals. It contrasted the popular hypothesis that evolution of such social behavior was based on mutual benefits of a population. The basic principle governing the Selfish Herd Theory is that in aggregations, predation risk is greets on the periphery and decreases toward the center. More dominant animals within the population are supposed to obtain low-risk central positions, whereas, subordinate animals will be forced into higher risk positions. Many researches used this idea to explain why population at higher predation risks often form larger, more compact groups. It also may explain why these aggregations are often sorted by phenotypic characteristics such as strength.

Phenotype - noun. Biology. the set of observable characteristics of an individual resulting from the interaction of its genotype with the environment. ORIGIN: sense 1 from French 'pheynl,' from Greek phaino- 'shining'; both senses from Greek phainein 'to show'

benzene - noun. a colorless volatile liquid hydrocarbon present in coal tar and petroleum, used in chemical synthesis. Its use as a solvent has been reduced because of its carcinogenic properties. Chem. formula. C6H6

salano - the local name for an eastern wind in Spain. It is also used for hot suffocating winds of any origin in Burgos and the Basque Country.

Voronoi diagram - In mathematics, a Voronoi diagram is a way of dividing space into a number of regions. A set of points (called seeds, sites, or generators) is specified beforehand and for each seed there will be a corresponding region consisting of all points closer to that seed than to any other. The regions are called Voronoi cells. It is dual to the Delaunay triangulation. It is named after Georgy Voronoi, and is also called a Voronoi tessellation, a Voronoi decomposition, or a Dirichlet tessellation(after Lejeune Dirichlet). Voronoi diagrams can be found in a large number of fields in science and technology, even in art, and they have found numerous practical and theoretical applications.

Delaunay triangulation - In mathematics and computational geometry, a Delaunay triangulation for a  set of P of points in a plane is a triangulation DT( P) such that no point in P is inside the circumscircles of any triangle in DT( P). Delaunay triangulations maximize the minimum angle of all the angles of the triangles in the triangulation; they tend to avoid skinny triangles. The triangulation is named after Boris Delaunay for his work on this topic from 1934.

Moroni - proper noun. the capital of Comoros, on the island of Grande Comore; pop. 22,000

aggregate - noun. 1 a whole formed by combining several (typically disparate) elements: his love life was combined of three aggregate women. - the total number of points scored by a player or team in a series of sporting contests. 2 a material or structure formed from a loosely compacted mass of fragments or particles.

adjective. formed or calculated by the combination of many separate units or items; total : the aggregate amount of poems written. Botany. (of a group of species) comprising several very similar species formerly regarded as a single species. Economics. denoting the total supply or demand for goods and services in an economy at a  particular time: aggregate demand\aggregate supply.

verb. form or group into a class or cluster: [intrans.] the butterflies aggregate in dense groups.

ORIGIN: late Middle English: from Latin aggregat- 'herded together,' from the verb aggregate, from ad- 'toward' + grex, greg- 'a flock.'

massif - non. a compact group of mountains, esp. one that is separate from other groups. ORIGIN: early 16th cent. (denoting a large building): French adjective meaning 'massive,' used as a noun.

Gallotia - noun. the genus of lacertids(wall lizards) of the Canary Islands. This genus consists of a group that has been evolving there ever since the first islands emerged from the sea over 20 million years ago. The endemic species and subspecies of this group have a number of characteristics that make them quite special within their family (Lacertidae); their only close relatives are the sandrunner lizards (Psammodromus) of the western Mediterranean region. Gallotia are characteristic for eating significant quantities of plants, and for several lineages having evolved from insular gigantism.

Insular gigantism - noun. theory. Island gigantism or insular giantism us a biological phenomenon in which the size of animals isolated on an island increases dramatically in comparison to their mainland relatives. Island gigantism is one aspect of the more general, "island rule", which posits that when mainland animals colonize islands, small species tend to evolve larger bodies, and large species tend to evolve smaller bodies. With the arrival of humans and associated predators (dogs, cats, rats, pigs) many giant island endemics have become extinct.

Possible Causes of island gigantism

Large mammalian carnivores are often absent on islands, due to insufficient range or difficulties in over-water dispersal. In their absence, the ecological niches for large predators may be occupied by birds or reptiles, which can then grow to larger-than-normal size. For example, on prehistoric Gargano Island in the Miocene-Pliocene Mediterranean, on islands in the Caribbean like Cuba, and on Madagascar and New Zealand, some or all apex predators were birds like eagles, falcons, and owls, including some of the largest known examples of these groups. However, birds and reptiles generally make less efficient large predators than advanced carnivorans. Since small size usually makes it easier for herbivores to escape or hide from predators, the decreased predation pressure on islands can allow them to grow larger. Small herbivores may also benefit from the absence of competition from missing types of large herbivores. Thus, island gigantism is usually an evolutionary trend resulting from the removal of constraints on the size of small animals related to predation and/or competition. Such constraints can operate differently depending on the size of the animal, however; for example, while small herbivores may escape predation by hiding, large herbivores may deter predators by intimidation. As a result, the complementary phenomenon of island dwarfism can also result from the removal of constraints related to predation and/or competition on the size of large herbivores. In contrast, insular dwarfism among predators more commonly results from the imposition of constraints associated with the limited prey resources available on islands. As opposed to island dwarfism, island gigantism is found in most major vertebrate groups and in invertebrates. A further means of establishing island gigantism may be a founder effect operative when larger members of a mainland population are superior in their ability to colonize islands.

Optimal foraging theory - Optimal foraging theory is an idea in ecology based on the study of foraging behavior and states that organisms forage in such a way as to maximize their net energy intake per unit time. In other words, they behave in such a way as to find, capture and consume food containing the most calories while expending the least amount of time possible in doing so.

The Functional Classes of Predators

Optimal foraging theory uses predators as the object of analysis.
There are four functional classes of predators:

-True predators attack large numbers of their prey throughout their life. They kill their prey immediately, or shortly after the attack. They may eat all or only part of their prey. True predators include tigers, lions, plankton-eating whales, seed-eating birds, ants, and humans.

-Grazers attack large numbers of their prey throughout their lifetime and eat only a portion of their prey. They harm the prey, but rarely kill it. Grazers include locusts, leeches, and mosquitos.

-Parasites, like grazers, eat only a part of their prey(host) but rarely the entire organism, and spend all or a large portion of their life cycle living in/on a single host. This much more intimate relationship is typical of tapeworms, liver flukes, and plant parasites such as the potato blight.

-Parasitoids are mainly typical of wasps(order Hymenoptera), and some flies(order Diptera). Eggs are laid inside the larvae of other arthropods which hatch and consume the host from the inside, killing it. This intimate predator-host relationship is typical of about 10% of all insects. Many viruses that attack single-celled organisms (such as bacteriophage) are also parasitoids, in that they reproduce inside a single host that is inevitably killed by the association.

Basic Variables of OFT

The OFT attempts to explain predator behavior since no predator eats everything available. This is typically due to habitat and size constraints, but even within habitats, predators eat only a proportion of what is available.

E is the amount of energy(calories) from a prey item. h is the handling time, which includes capture, killing, eating, and digesting. h starts once the prey has been spotted. E/h is therefore the profitability of the prey item.

Miocene - adjective. of, relating to, or denoting the fourth epoch of the Tertiary period, between the Oligocene and Pliocene epochs. (the Miocene) the Miocene epoch or the system of rocks deposited during it. The Miocene Epoch lasted from 23.3 million to 5.2 million years ago. During this time, the Alps and Himalayas were being formed and there was diversification of the primates, including first apes. The Miocene is a geological epoch of the Neogene Period and extends from about 23.03 to 5.332 million years ago. The Miocene was named by Sir Charles Lyell. Its name comes from the Greek words meaning "less," and "new" and means "less recent" because it has 18% fewer modern sea invertebrates than the Pliocene Epoch. The Miocene is the first epoch of the Neogene Period.

Pliocene - adjective. Geology. of, relating to, or denoting the last epoch of the Tertiary period, between the Miocene and Pleistocene epochs. (the Pliocene) the Pliocene epoch or the system of rocks deposited during it.

Lagomorpha - Zoology. an order of mammals that comprises the hares, rabbits, and pikas. They are distinguished by the possession of double incisor teeth, and were formerly placed with the rodents. The two living families: the Leporidae(hares and rabbits) and the Ochotonidae(pikas). The name of the order is derived from the Greek ,lagos, "hare" and morphe "form."

Foster's Rule - Foster's Rule also known as "island rule," is a principle in evolutionary biology stating that members of a species get smaller or bigger depending on the resources available in the environment. This is the core of the study of island biogeography. For example, it is known that pygmy mammoths evolved from normal mammoths on small islands. Similar evolutionary paths have been observed in elephants, hippopotamuses, boas, deer, and humans.

Bergmann's Rule - an ecogeographic principle that states that within a broadly distributed taxonomic clade, populations and species of larger size are found in colder environments, and species of smaller size are found in warmer regions. Although originally formulated in terms of species within a genus, it has often been recast in terms of populations within a species. It is also often cast in terms of latitude. The rule is named after a nineteenth-century German biologist, Carl Bergmann, who among the first to describe the pattern in 1847. Bergmann's rule is most often applied to mammals and birds which are endotherms, but some researchers have also found evidence for the rule in studies of ectothermic species such as the ant Leptothorax acervorum(red ant). While Bergmann's rule appears to hold true for many mammals and birds, there are exceptions.

Endotherm - An endotherm (Greek: endon = "within", theorem = "heat") is an organism that maintains its body at a metabolically favorable temperature, largely by use of a heat set free by its internal bodily functions instead of relying almost purely on ambient heat. Such internally generated heat is mainly an incidental product of the animal's routine metabolism, but under conditions of excessive cold or low activity an endotherm might apply special mechanisms adapted specifically to heat production. Examples include special-function muscular exertion such as shivering, and uncoupled oxidative metabolism such as within brown adipose tissue.

brown adipose tissue - Brown adipose tissue (BAT) or brown fat is one of two types of fat or adipose tissue (the other being white adipose tissue) found in mammals. It is especially abundant in newborns and in hibernating mammals. Its primary function is to generate body heat in animals or newborns that do not shiver. In contrast to white adipocytes (fat cells), which contain a single lipid droplet, brown adipocytes contain numerous smaller droplets and a much higher number of (iron containing) mitochondria, which make it brown. Brown fat also contains more capillaries than white fat, since it has a greater need for oxygen than most tissues.

Biochemistry

The mitochondria in a eukaryotic cell utilize fuels to produce energy(in the form of ATP). This process involves storing energy as a proton gradient, also known as the proton motive force(PMF), across the mitochondrial inner membrane. This energy is used to synthesize ATP when the protons flow across the membrane (down their concentration gradient) through the ATP synthase enzyme; this is known as chemiosmosis (the movement of ions across a selectively permeable membrane, down their electrochemical gradient). In warm-blooded animals, body heat is maintained by signaling the mitochondria to allow protons to run back along the gradient without producing ATP. This can occur since an alternative return route for the protons exists through an uncoupling protein in the inner membrane. This protein, known as uncoupling protein 1 (thermogenin), facilitates the return of the protons after they have been actively pumped out of the mitochondria by the electron transport chain. This alternative route for protons uncouples oxidative phophorylation(OXPHOS, is a metabolic pathway that uses energy released by the oxidation of nutrients to produce adenosine triphosphote) and the energy in the PMF is instead released as heat. To some degree, all cells of endotherms give off heat, especially when body temperature is below a regulatory threshold. However, brown adipose tissue is highly specialized for this non-shivering thermogenesis. First, each cell has a higher number of mitochondria compared to more typical cells. Second, these mitochondria have a higher-than-normal concentration of thermogenin in the inner membrane

eclosion - verb. [intrans.] Entomology. (of an insect) emerge as an adult from the pupa or as a larva from the egg.

abele - noun. a white poplar tree

abasement - verb. behave in a way so as to belittle or degrade (someone)

abaft - adverb. Nautical. in or behind the stern of a ship.

abditive - adjective. having the quality of hiding

aberuncators - noun. a large tool for pruning tall branches

abscind - to pare, reduce, cut off or away

abscond - verb. leave hurriedly and secretly, typically to avoid detection

aeolistic - long winded

advesperate - darken; or become late

aeolian - adjective. poetic/literary. characterized by a sighing or moaning sound as if produced by the wind.

aerolith - a stone that falls from the sky; meteorite.

aeviternal - everlasting; endless.

zelkova - noun. an Asian tree of the elm family, often cultivated as an ornamental for its timber, or as a bonsai tree.

afflated- inspired.

agromania - intense desire to be in open spaces

agrypnia - insomnia

ahuli - with sails furred and helm lashed to the lee-side

aiger - tidal wave occurring in rivers

allision - intentional collision of two ships

altricial - adjective. (of a young bird or other animal) hatched or born in an undeveloped state requiring care and feeding by the parents
ALSO NIDICOLOUS. Often contrasted with PRECOCIAL.

amidship - adverb. adjective. in the middle of a ship

alopecoid - of or resembling a fox

amrita - noun. a syrup considered divine by Sikhs, Hindu ambrosia bestowing immortality

ancon - noun. elbow

anteloquy - preface

anteprandial - before dinner

anthophilous - loving or frequenting flowers

anurous - tallness

aphrasia - inability to speak

apodysophilia  - feverish desire to undress

chunter - speak in a soft voice, mumble

sirocco - noun. a hot wind often dusty or rainy, blowing from North Africa across the Mediterranean to southern Europe

hypocaust - noun. a hollow space under the floor of an ancient Roman building, into which hot air was sent for heating  a room or a bath

palaver - noun. prolonged and idle discussion. an hour of aimless palaver

fug - noun. a warm stuffy or smoky atmosphere in a room. the cozy fugue of the music halls.

simoom - noun. a hot, dry, dust-laden wind blowing in the desert, esp. in Arabia. ORIGIN: from Arabic samma 'to poison'

chinook - noun. (also chinook wind) a warm dry wind that blows down the east side of the Rocky Mountains at the end of winter.

khamsin - noun. an oppressive, hot southerly or southeasterly wind blowing in Egypt in spring. ORIGIN: late 17th cent.: from Arabic kamsin, from kamsun 'fifty' (being the approx. duration in days)

ghibli - noun. Arabic. a hot wind from the Sahara desert.

Harmattan - a dry and dusty West African trade wind. It blows south from the Sahara into the Gulf of Guinea between the end of November and the middle of March.

Brickfielder - a hot and dry wind in the desert of Southern Australia that occurs in the summer season.

badinage - playful repartee or banter

bailment - noun. Law. delivery of goods in trust

balbutier - verb. to stammer; to stutter

baiseman - noun. a kiss on the hand

balbriggan - knitted cotton fabric

baragouin - any jargon or unintelligible language

maenad - noun. (in ancient Greece) a female follower of Bacchus, traditionally associated with divine possession and frenzied rites.

basiation - kissing

dither - verb. be indecisive.

phlegmatic - adjective. (of a person) having an unemotional and stolidly calm disposition.

commove - verb. move violently; agitate or excite

corybantic - adjective. wild frenzied

tizzy - noun. a state of nervous excitement or agitation. he got into a tizzy and was talking absolute nonsense.

het up - adjective. angry and agitated. her husband got all het up about something.

pother - noun. a commotion or fuss. don' t make such a pother.

salacious - adjective. (of writing, pictures, or talk) treating sexual matters in an indecent way and typically conveying undue interest in or enjoyment of the subject: salacious stories. lustful; lecherous ORIGIN: mid 17th century: from Latin salax, salac- from salire 'to leap' + -IOUS

virga - noun. a mass of streaks of rain appearing to hang under a cloud and evaporating before reaching the ground.

strombuliform - adjective. formed or shaped like a top, coiled into the shape of a screw or a helix

bavian - insignificant or unskilled poet

bellonephlia - sexual obsession with sharp objects

bathylkopian - deep bosomed

bullace - wild plum

bibliophagist - one who devours books literally or figuratively

biduous - lasting two days

bletherskate - a garrulous talker of nonsense

bloviate - to write or speak windily

bodement - prediction or prophecy

brasero - a place where criminals and heretics are burned

breme - fierce; cruel, keen

brigue - to intrigue

bilocation - ability to be in two places at once

anemometer - noun. a device for measuring wind speed. ORIGIN: Greek from anemos 'wind'.

foehn wind - noun. any of the dry winds that down slope on the lee(downside) of a mountain range.

eddy - a circular movement of water, counter to a main current, causing a small whirl pool ORIGIN: probably German -ed 'again, back'

bora - noun. a strong, cold, dry northeast wind blowing in the upper Adriatic

caecias - noun. a wind from the Northeast.

tepefy - verb. to make or become tepid

tepor - noun. gentle heat; moderate warmth; tepidness

toper - verb. [intrans.] archaic. poetic\literary. drink alcohol to excess, esp. on a regular basis. ORIGIN: mid 17th century.: perhaps an alteration of obsolete top(overbalance) ; perhaps from Dutch toppen 'slant or tilt a ship's yard.'

lew - adjective. lukewarm, tepid

rubicon - noun. a point of no return; (in piquet) an act of winning a game against an opponent whose total score is less than 100, in which case the loser's score is added to rather than subtracted from the winner; ALSO: a stream in northeastern Italy that marked the ancient boundary between Italy and Cisalpine Gaul. Julius Caesar led his army across it into Italy in 49 BC, breaking the law forbidding a general to lead an army out of his province, and so committing himself to war against the Senate and Pompey. The ensuing civil war resulted in victory for Caesar after three years

piquet - noun. a trick-taking card game for two players, using a 32-card deck consisting of cards from the seven to the ace

April 13th, 2013

indusium - noun. Botany. a thin membranous covering, esp. a shield covering a sorus on a fern frond ORIGIN: early 18th cent.: from Latin, literally 'tunic,' from induere 'put on, to don.'

sorus - noun. Botany. a cluster of spore-producing receptacles on the underside of a fern frond. A gamete-producing or fruiting body in certain algae and fungi. ORIGIN: mid 19th cent.: modern Latin, from Greek suros 'heap.'

scamp - noun. Informal. a person, esp. a child, who is mischievous in a likable or amusing way; a wicked or worthless person; a rogue; verb. dated. do (something) in a perfunctory or inadequate way. ORIGIN: mid 18th cent.: (denoting a highwayman): from obsolete scamp [rob on the highway.] Probably from Middle Dutch schampen 'slip away,' from Old French eschamper 'flee the battlefield,' from champ 'field.'

hellion - noun. informal. a rowdy, mischievous, or troublemaking person, esp. a child ORIGIN: mid 19th cent.: perhaps from dialect hallion (a worthless fellow,] changed by association with hell.

Fox - noun. a member of an American Indian people formerly living in southern Wisconsin, and now mainly in Iowa, Nebraska, and Kansas; the Algonquian language of this people; adjective. of or relating to this people or their language.

scalawag - noun. informal. a person who behaves badly but in an amusingly mischievous rather than harmful way; a rascal. 2. historical. a white Southerner who collaborated with northern Republicans during Reconstruction, often for personal profit. The term was used derisively by white Southern Democrats who opposed Reconstruction legislation. ORIGIN: mid 19th cent.: of unknown origin. also scallywag.

varmint - noun. dialect/informal. a troublesome wild animal, esp. a fox; a troublesome and mischievous person, esp. a child. ORIGIN: mid 16th cent.: alteration of vermin.

rapscallion -  noun. archaic or humorous. a mischievous person. ORIGIN: late 17 cent.: alteration of earlier rascallion, perhaps from rascal.

scapegrace - noun. archaic. a mischievous or wayward person, esp. a young person or child; a rascal. ORIGIN: early 19th cent.: from scape + grace, literally denoting a person who escapes the grace of God.

anallantoic - adjective. Anatomy. without, or not developing, an allantois

allantaois - noun. Embryology. Zoology. a vascular, extraembryonic membrane of birds, reptiles, and certain mammals that develops as a sac or diverticulum from the ventral wall of the hindgut. ORIGIN: 1640-50
anamniotic -

azygous - adjective. Anatomy/Biology. (of an organic structure) single; not existing in pairs. ORIGIN: mid 19th cent.: from Greek azugos 'unyoked' (from a- 'without' + zugon 'yoke') + -OUS

biennial - adjective. taking place every other year; of a plant. living or lasting two years

emergent - adjective. 1. in the process of coming into being or becoming prominent :  the emergent poetic works of Martin Narrod. 2. Philosophy. (of a property) arising as an effect of complex causes and not analyzable simply as the sum of their effects 3. Botany. of or denoting a plant that is taller than the surrounding vegetation, esp. a tall tree in a forest 4. Botany. of or denoting a water plant with leaves and flowers that appear above the water surface 5. arising and existing only as a phenomenon of independent parts working together, and not predictable on the basis of their properties 6. Philosophy. noun. an emergent property; Botany. an emergent tree or other plants. ORIGIN: late Middle English (in the sense [occurring unexpectedly] ) from Latin emergent- 'arising from,' from the verb emergere.

exogenous - adjective. of, relating to, or developing from external factors

phobophobia - noun. an abnormal fear of developing a phobia; anxiety about showing symptoms of phobia.

scutellum - noun. Biology & Zoology. a small shield-like structure, in particular: a modified cotyledon in the embryo of a grass seed, or the third dorsal sclerite in each thoracic segment of an insect.

spinescent - noun. Botanical Morphology. thorns, spines, and prickles are hard structures with sharp, or at least pointed, ends. In spite of this common feature, they differ in their growth and development on the plant; they are modified versions of different plant organs, stems, stipules, leaf veins, or hairs. In nontechnical usage, the terms may be synonyms.

stipule - noun. Botany. a small leaflike appendage to a leaf, typically borne in pairs at the base of the leaf stalk. ORIGIN: late 18th cent.: from French stipule or Latin stipula 'straw.'

stipple - verb. (in drawing, painting, and engraving) mark (a surface) with numerous small dots or specks ORIGIN: mid 17th cent.: from Dutch stippelen frenquentative of stippen 'to prick,' from stip 'a point.'

frequentative - adjective. (of a verb or verbal form) expressing frequent repetition or intensity of action d

derisively - adjective. expressing contempt or ridicule ORIGIN: mid 17th cent.: from derision , on the pattern of the pair decision, decisive.

efflorescence - verb. [intrans.] (of a substance) lose moisture and turn to a fine powder upon exposure to air. 2. (of salts) come to the surface of a brickwork, rock, or other material and crystallize there 3. (of a surface) become covered with salt particles. 4. reach an optimum stage of development. ORIGIN: late 18th cent.: from Latin efflorescere , from e- (variant of ex-) 'out' + florescere ' begin to bloom' (from florere 'to bloom,' from flos, flor 'flower.'

acropetal - adjective. Botany. (of a growth or development) upward from the base or point of attachment. The opposite of BASIPETAL. 2. (of the movement of dissolved substances) outward toward the shoot and root apexes.

algerining - verb. sneaking around with the intent of committing a burglary.

autolatrist - noun. one who worships themselves

autotonsorialist - one who cuts their own hair

batrachophagous - noun. someone who eats frogs

dactylion - noun. the tip of the middle finger

eccedentesiast - noun. one who fakes a smile, esp. on television

fabiform - adjective. in the shape of a bean

filipendulous - adjective. Botany. suspended by, or strung upon, a thread; said of tuberous swellings in the middle or at the extremities of slender, threadlike rootlets ORIGIN: from Latin filum 'a thread' + 'pendulus 'hanging,' from French pendre ' to hang.]

affricate - noun. Phonetics. a phoneme that combines a plosive with an immediately following fricative or spirant sharing the same place of articulation. e.g., ch as in chair and j as in jar. ORIGIN: late 19th cent. : from Latin affricatus, past participle of affricare, from ad- 'to' + fricare 'to rub'

allantois - noun. the fetal membrane lying below the chorion in many vertebrates, formed as an outgrowth of the embryo's gut. In birds and reptiles it grows to surround the embryo; in eutherian mammals it forms part of the placenta.

Eutheria - Zoology. a major group of mammals that comprises placentals. Compare with Metatheria. Infraclass Eutheria, subclass Theria ORIGIN: modern Latin (plural), from EU- [well, prospering] + Greek therion 'wild beast.'

thermion - noun. an ion or electron emitted by a substance at high temperature ORIGIN: early 20th cent.: from THERMO- 'of heat' + ION.

thereon - adverb. formal. on or following from the thing just mention: the prurient fellatio the foyer and the coitus in the master bedroom thereon.

amnion - noun. the innermost membrane that encloses the embryo of a mammal, bird, or reptile. ORIGIN: mid 17th cent.: from Greek, 'caul,' diminutive of amnos 'lamb.'

epitasis - noun. plural. the part of an ancient drama, following the protasis, in which the main action is developed. ORIGIN: 1580-90 from Greek epitasis 'emphasis, increase intensity, stretching,' equivalent to epi- + ta- (variant of stem of teinein 'to stretch') +  -sis.

achene - noun. Botany. a small, dry, one-seeded fruit that does not open to release the seed. ORIGIN: mid 19th cent.: from modern Latin achaenium, derived irregularly from a- 'not' + Greek khainein 'to gape.'

amalgam - noun. a mixture or blend

folkpartiet - noun. a liberal and conservative-liberal political party in Sweden

clannasaor - noun. a small political party out of Scotland

liege - adjective. relating to the relationship between a feudal superior and a vassal

vassal - noun. historical. a holder of land by feudal tenure on conditions of homage and allegiance

fealty - noun. a feudal tenant's or vassal's sworn loyalty to a lord; allegiance

mittimus - noun. an arrest warrant issued by and on behalf of the state.

renege - verb. go back on a promise

gabelle - noun. a tax on salt.

gossolalia - adjective. fluent nonsense

gossypiboma - noun. a sponge accidentally left inside one's body during surgery.

hemolysis - verb. breaking open a red blood cell

hieracosphinx - noun. a sphinx with the head of a hawk

jentacular - adjective. having to do with breakfast

jumentous - adjective. smelling similar to or like horse urine

kakorrhaphiophobia - noun. a fear of failure

knismesis - noun. light tickling

kyphorrhinos - adjective. to have a nose with a bump on it

labrose - adjective. to have large lips

catarrhines - adjective. belonging to or pertaining to the group Catarrhini, comprising humans, anthropoid apes, and Old World monkeys, having the nostrils close together and opening downward and a nonprehensile, often greatly reduced or vestigial tail. 2. noun. a catarrhine animal. ORIGIN: mid 19th cent.: from Neo-Latin Catarrhini, plural of catarrhinus, from Greek katarrhin 'hook-nosed,' equivalent to kata- cata- + -rhin 'nosed,' adjective. derivative of rhis- 'nose, snout.'

lythcoop - verb. an auction of household goods

mortress - noun. a dish of meats and other ingredients, cooked together; an 'ollapodrida' - Chaucer. Bacon

synodite - noun. a traveling companion

lusory - adjective. used in play; playful; sportive.

donnerd - adjective. grossly stupid; stunned; dazed.

grobianism - noun. a rude or clownish person; boor; lout.

lout - noun. an uncouth or aggressive man or boy ORIGIN: mid 16th. cent.: from archaic lout [to bow down,] of Germanic origin.

mundungus - adjective. offal; waste animal product; organic matter unfit for consumption.

parthenocarpy - noun. Botany. the development of a fruit without prior fertilization. ORIGIN: early 20th cent.: from german Parthenocarpie, from Greek parthenos 'virgin' + karpos 'fruit.'

whinyard -

weisure -

ninmiety -

panurgic -

chapfallen -

billingsgate -

latration -

witticaster -

sliteroo -

rux -

mirliton -

ruelle -

prolix -

ageusia -

animadversion -

arabesque -

beadle -

brachymetropia -

colophon -

desquamation -

diegesis -

vinny -

spleenful -

crocodilne -

subdolous -

apivorous -

lowlily -

capriped -

agazed -

daring-hardy -

saturnine - adjective. (of a person or their manner) slow and gloomy; (of a person) dark in coloring and moody or mysterious; 3. (of a place or occasion) gloomy. ORIGIN: late Middle English (as a term in astrology): from Old French saturnin, from medieval Latin Saturninus 'of Saturn' (identified with lead by the alchemists and associated with slowness and gloom by astrologers).

swarthy - adjective. dark-skinned ORIGIN: late 16th cent.: alteration of obsolete swarty

swart - adjective. archaic. poetic/literary. swarthy. ORIGIN: Old English sweart, of Germanic origin: related to Dutch zwart and German schwarz.

mercurial - adjective. (of a person) subject to sudden or unpredictable changes of mood or mind 2. (of a person) sprightly; lively 3. of or containing the element mercury. 3. (Mercurial) of the plant Mercury 4. noun. a drug or other compound related to Mercury. ORIGIN: late Middle English (sense 3) : from Latin mercurialis 'relating to the god Mercury,' from Mercurius 'Mercury.' (Sense 1) dates from the mid 17th century.

sprightly - adjective. (esp. of an old person) lively; full of energy. ORIGIN: late 16th cent.: from spright (a rare variant of SPRITE)

plaintive - adjective. sounding sad and mournful ORIGIN: late Middle English : from Old French plaintif -ive , from plainte 'lamentation.'

dour - adjective. relentlessly severe, stern, or gloomy in manner or appearance ORIGIN: late Middle English (originally Scots) probably from Scottish Gaelic dur 'dull, obstinate, stupid,' perhaps from Latin durus 'hard.'

perendinate -

dysbulia -

kalon -

tycolysis -

fungible -

cibarious -

gradine -

worricow -

fritinancy -

proditorius -

mycterism -

roorback -

troorback -

kyphotic -

corody -

cordon -

suoid -

burdalane -

ryotwar -

branular -

tremellose -






claudel - noun. a French sculpture best known for her bust models o Auguste Rodin (1864-1943)

deontology - noun. Philosophy. the study of the nature of duty and obligation.

incurrence - verb. become subject to something unwelcome or unpleasant as a result of one's own behavior or actions ORIGIN: late Middle English : from Latin incurrere, from in- 'toward' + currere 'run'

recant - verb. say that one no longer holds an opinion or belief

espousal - noun. an act of adopting or supporting a cause, belief, or way of life

marasmus - noun. Medicine. severe undernourishment causing an infant's or child's weight to be significantly low for their age (e.g. below 60 percent of normal.

dote - verb. to bestow or express excessive love or fondness habitually (usually followed by on or up), 2. to show a decline of mental faculties, especially with old age. 3. decay of wood. ORIGIN: 1175-1225; Middle English, doten, to behave foolishly, become feeble minded; cognate with Middle Dutch doten.

amatory - adjective. of or pertaining to lovers or lovemaking; expressive of love: amatory poems; an amatory look. ORIGIN: 1590-1600; < Latin amatorius. ama- stem of amara+ to love.

sapphic - adjective. pertaining to sappho or toe certain meters or a for of strophe or stanza used by or named after her. Lesbian. a sapphic verse.

byblis - pursuant goddess of Caunus(brother of byblis) when he fled, she chased him, having torn off her clothes, dying along and having cried so often she was made into a Spring.

oshun - in the Yoruba Religion of Nigeria, Oshun is an Orisha who reigns over love, intimacy, beauty, wealth, and diplomacy. She is worshipped also in Brazilian Candomble Ketu with the name Oxum

ardent - adjective. having, expressive of, or characterized by intense feeling; passionate; fervent; an ardent vow. intensely devoted, eager, or enthusiastic; burning; firey; hot. ORIGIN: Latin, ardere, to burn

deflagrate - verb. to burn, especially suddenly and violently. ORIGIN: Latin deflagrare to burn.

igneous - adjective. geology. produced under conditions involving intense heat. as rocks of volcanic origin or rocks crystallized from molten magma. of, pertaining to, or characteristic of fire. ORIGIN: Latin igneus, equivalent to ign(is) fire.

fervid - adjective. heated or vehement in spirit; enthusiasm. ORIGIN: Latin, fervidus: boiling.

perfervid - adjective. very fervent; very ardent; impassioned

zelophobia - noun. the fear of jealousy

onomatomania - the obsession with a particular word which the person uses repeatedly or which intrudes into consciousness

incubus - noun. a male demon believed to have sexual intercourse with sleeping women. 2. figurative - a cause of distress of anxiety 3. archaic - a nightmare ORIGIN: Middle English : Latin form of Latin incubo 'nightmare,'incubare 'lie on'

loganamnosis - noun. an obsession with trying to recall a forgotten word

anglomania - noun. an excessive admiration of English customs

plutomania - noun. a passion or craving for wealth, obsession with money; delusion that on is wealthy

rhytiscopia - noun. an obsession with searching for wrinkles; especially, on the face

anthomania - noun. an extravagant passion for flowers

cacospectamania - noun. an obsession at staring at something which is repulsive

catapedamania - noun. the irrational obsession with jumping from high places

dacnomania - noun. an obsession with killing

dacoitage - noun. robbery by gang or mob

doramania - noun. the compulsion to own furs; the abnormal interest in fur.

erastophilia - noun. reference to a personality trait which assesses an individuals disposition to respond to sexual cues in either a positive or a negative manner.

francomania - noun. an obsession with French culture, language, or people

gallomania - noun. a strong predilection for anything French; an excessive admiration for anything French.

gamomania - noun. an obsessive desire for making bizarre marriage proposals.

gigmania - noun. the smug obsession with attaining middle class respectability

girouettism - noun. altering one's opinions to match public trends

grandgousier - one who will eat as much as possible of anything

graptomancy - divination using hand writing

gressible - noun. able to walk

griffonage - noun. sloppy or illegible hand writing

gaberluzie - noun. a wandering beggar or a harmless homeless person.

galea - noun. a headache which covers the entire head

galeanthropy - noun. the delusion that one is a cat

galeophobia - noun. a fear of sharks or cats

gargalesthesia - noun. the sensation caused by tickling

gastromancy - noun. divination using a crystal ball

geck - noun. an expression of scorn or contempt

gelophobia - noun. a fear of laughter

grapholagnia - noun. the urge to stare at obscene photographs

graphomania - noun. a passion or urge to write

hellenomania - noun. an obsession with Greece and the Greeks.

hippopotomonstrosesquppedaliophobia - noun. a fear of using long words

honorificabilitudinitatibus - adjective. honorable

logolepsy - noun. a fascination or obsession with words

oenomania - noun. alcoholic

orchidomania - an obsession with orchids; a pleasure gained from raising or collecting orchids

parateresiomania - noun. an obsession or compulsion to see new sights or places

parousiamania - noun. an obsession with or excitement about the return of Christ.

stigmatophilia - noun. Psychiatry. a sexual perversion in which arousal and orgasm depend upon the partner being scarred, marked, tattooed, or pierced (especially in the genital or nipple region so bars, rings, etc. can be worn); the term also includes the person who must also be marked in the same way

tulipomania - noun. a violent passion for the acquisition or cultivation of tulips

undinism - the act of urinating on someone

pantheistic - noun. a doctrine that identifies God with the universe, or regards the universe as a manifestation of God; rare. worship that admits or tolerates all Gods

cosmogony - noun. the branch of science that deals with the origin of the universe, esp. the solar system

macrocosm - noun. the universe; the cosmos

ecumenical - adjective. of worldwide scope or applicability; universal; concerned with establishing or promoting unity among churches or religions

bacchanal - noun. drunkard; reveller

baft - noun. a cheap coarse fabric

bahadur - self-important official

balaniferous - adjective. acorn-bearing

heliophobia - noun. a fear of sunlight

helcoid - noun. ulcerous

heliotrope - purplish hue; purplish flower or plant

helminthiasis - noun. an infestation of worms

helobious - verb. living in marshes or moors

helotry - noun. a class of slaves

hemialgia - adjective. a pain in one side of the body alone

hemistich - noun. half a verse line

hendecagon - noun. an eleven sided figure

dratchell

feaque -

fustilug -

growthead

kaynard -

lurdan -

luskish -

piker -

otiose -

faineant -

slugabed -

lotophagous -

wastrel -

lubberland -

oscitancy -

foolscap -

litherly -

lotus-eater -

rumpus mcfowl -

gepids -

ocellus -

iridic -

prate -

collyrium -

kohl -

lore -

stemma -

aphanite -

emmetropia -

skiascope -

supraorbital -

trachoma -

sciera -

abducens nerve -

hygrophthalmic -

isometropia -

oculist -

oculomotor -

pupillary -

anisometropia -

fundus -

dacryops -

marguerite -

opthalmoscopy -

strabotomy -

trochlear nerve -

albuginea -

buphthalmia -

chromoptometer -

dextrocular -

eesome -

lagophthalmos -

leucoma -

megascopic -

musth -

oculiform -

ommateum -

selenium cell -

trice -

winker -

hemianopsia -

ocelleated -

acorea -

anisocoria -

bonnie -

chrysoberyl -

een -

episcleritis -

dolerite -

eyeglance -

garrot -

germander -

hordeolum -

house dick -

invigilate -

iridoncus -

jettatura -

leukoma -

nasal canthus -

ocul -

oculus dexter -

oculus sinister -

orthochromatic -

phakic -

pigsney

postorbital -

rabbiteye -

rattlewings -

retinene -

retrolental -

scintillation -

sekhet -

shuts -

stian -

strale -

synizesis -

temporal canthus -

uveas -

uveous -

yghe -

ocular -

canthus -

saccade -

amaurosis -

mydriasis -

chatoyant -

choroid -

strabismus -

aegilops -

ciliary - adjective. Biology. of, relating to, or involving cilia 2. Anatomy. of or relating to the eyelashes or eyelids



retinitis pigmentosa - noun. Medicine. a chronic hereditary eye disease characterized by black pigmentation and gradual degeneration of the retina

synechia - noun. Medicine. an eye condition where the iris adheres to either the cornea or lens. Synechia can be caused by ocular trauma, iritis, or iridocyclitis, and may lead to certain types of glaucoma. It is sometimes visible on careful examination but usually more easily through an opthalmoscope or slit-lamp.

synoptophore - noun. Medicine. a test for binocular vision.

recumbent - adjective. (esp. of a person or human figure) lying down ORIGIN: mid 17th cent.: from Latin recumbent- 'reclining,' from the verb recumbre, from re- 'back' + a verb related to cubare 'to lie.'

descry - verb. poetic/literary. catch sight of ORIGIN: Middle English : perhaps confused with obsolete descry 'describe,' variant of obsolete descrive(via Old French from Latin describere 'write down'), which also had the meaning [perceive]

epicanthus - noun. Biology. a vertical fold of skin over the nasal canthus; normal for Mongolian peoples; sometimes occurs in Down's syndrome.

lacrimal bone - none. Biology. small fragile bone making up part of the front inner walls of each eye socket and providing room for the passage of the lacrimal ducts

muscae volitantes - noun. Biology. Dark specks appearing to float before the eyes, generally caused by particles in the vitreous humor of the eye.

nystagmus - noun. rapid involuntary movements of the eye

op art - noun. a form of abstract art that gives the illusion of movement by the precise use of pattern and color, or in which conflicting patterns are used

spiracle - noun. Biology. An external respiratory opening, esp. each of a number of pores on the body of an insect, or each of a pair of vestigial gill slits.

cilia - noun. Biology & Anatomy. a short, microscopic, hairlike vibrating structure. Cilia occur in large numbers on the surface of certain cells, either causing currents in the surrounding fluid, or, in some protozoans and other small organisms, providing propulsion. ORIGIN: early 18th cent.: eyelash from Latin

dioptometer -

epiphora - noun. Medicine. excessive watering of the eye

epistrophe - noun. Rhetoric. the repetition of a word at the end of successive clauses or sentences: Example. this nation under God, shall have a new birth of freedom- and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from this Earth.- Abraham Lincoln Gettysburg Address

hilum - noun. Botany. the scar on a seed marking the point of attachment to its seed vessel. ORIGIN: mid 17th cent.: from Latin, literally 'little thing, trifle', once thought to mean, 'that which sticks to a bean', hence the current sense.

nauplius - noun. Zoology. the first larval stage of many crustaceans, having an unsegmented body and a single eye.ORIGIN: mid 19th cent.: from Latin, denoting a kind of shellfish, or from the Greek name Nauplios, the son of Poseidon

presbyopia - noun. farsightedness caused by loss of elasticity of the lens of the eye, occurring typically in middle and old age

trichiasis - noun. Medicine. ingrowth or introversion of the eyelashes

animalcule - noun. archaic. a microscopic animal; Amoeba, called Proteus animalcule, Noctiluca, commonly called the 'Sea Sparkles'

anomalops - noun. Zoology. A fish having a luminous organ beneath the eyel; of warm waters of the the Western Pacific and Puerto Rico; also called the Flashing Fish

anopsia - noun. Medicine. An anopsis or anopia is a defect of the visual field.

interdigitate - verb. (of two or more things) interlock like the fingers of two clasped hands

adactylous -

dactylonomy -

digitate - adjective. shaped like a spread hand

athetosis -

dactylitis -

phalanx -

thrum - verb. make a continuous rhythmic humming sound

chiragra -

chary - adjective. cautious; wary

imparidigitate -

polydactyl - noun. a condition in which a person or animal has more than five fingers or toes on one, or on each, hand or foot

tridactyl - adjective. Zoology. (of a vertebrate limb) having three toes or fingers

palmar -

volar -

pronation -

chiromancy -

palmistry -

supinate -

pronate - verb. put or hold (a hand, foot, or limb) with the palm or sole turned downward; walk or run with most of the weight on the outside of the feet

pandy -

lumbricalis -

thenal -

hypothenar -

appaume -

johrei -

trowel -

jupati -

spanner -

rounce -

ansate -

paum -

palmyra -

raffia -

thenar -

pilfer -

carnauba -

talipot -

calamus -

gomuti -

lontar -

babassu -

caranda -

adactylia -

adactyly -

bidigitate -

brachydactylia -

digitipartite -

hexadactylous -

purificator -

thrip - noun. a minute black-winged insect that sucks plant sap and can be a serious pest of ornamental and food plants when present in large numbers

palmate - adjective. Botany & Zoology. (of a leaf) having several lobes(typically 5-7) whose midribs all radiate from one point; (of an antler) in which the angles between the tines are partly filled in to form a broad flat surface, as in fallow deer and moose- web footed.

pilliwinks - noun. (also called the thumbscrew) is a torture instrument which was first used in medieval europe. It is a simple vice, sometimes with protruding studs on the interior surfaces. The victim's thumbs or fingers were placed in the vice and slowly crushed. The thumbscrew was also applied to crush prisoners' big toes. The crushing bars were sometimes lined with sharp metal points to puncture the nails and inflict greater pain in the nail beds. Larger, heavier devices based on the same design principle were applied to crush knees and elbows.

pillion - noun. a seat for a passenger behind a motorcyclist 2. historical. a woman's light saddle 3. historical. a cushion attached to the back of a saddle for an additional passenger: a ride pillion.

curlew - noun. Zoology. The curlews, genus Numenius, are a group of eight species of birds, characterized by long, slender, down curved bills, and mottled brown plumage. They are one of the most ancient lineages of scolopacid waders, together with the godwits which look similar but have straight bills. In Europe "curlew" usually refers to one species, the Eurasian Curlew Numenius arquata.

scolopacid -

godwits -

arcus senilis - noun. Medical. a whitish deposit in the shape of an arc that is sometimes seen in the cornea

bodkin - noun. a blunt thick needle with a large eye used esp. for drawing tape or cord through a hem; a small pointed instrument used to pierce cloth or leather

awl - noun. a small pointed tool used for piercing holes esp. in leather

bradawl - noun. a hand boring tool similar to a small, sharpened, screwdriver

bonny - adjective. attractive; beautiful

anomalous - adjective. deviating from what is standard, normal, or expected

bouge - adjective. deviating from what is standard, normal, or expected.

Canal of Schlemm - noun. Biology. also scleral venous sinus, is a circular channel in the eye that collects aqueous humor from the anterior chamber and delivers it into the bloodstream via the anterior ciliary veins.

choroid coat - noun. Biology. the vascular layer of the eye, containing connective tissue, and lying between the retina and the sclera. The human choroid is thickest at the far extreme  rear of the eye (at 0.2 mm), while in the outlying areas it narrows to 0.1 mm. The choroid provides oxygen and nourishment to the outer layers of the retina. Along with the ciliary body and iris, the choroid forms the uveal tract.

comely - adjective. (typically of a woman) pleasant to look at; attractive.

corneule - noun. Biology. One of the corneas of a compound eye in the invertebrates.

conspectuity - noun. Medical. The faculty of seeing; sight; eye

dioptre - noun. Medical. a unit of measurement of the optical power of a lens or curved mirror, which is equal to the reciprocal of the focal length measured in metres (that is, 1/metres(. It is thus a unit of reciprocal length. For example, a 3-dioptre lens brings parallel rays of light to focus at 1/3 metre. The same unit is also sometimes used for other reciprocals of distance, particularly radii of curvature and the vergence of optical beams. The usage was proposed by French ophthalmologist Ferdinand Monoyer in 1872, based on earlier use of the term dioptrice by Johannes Kepler.

vergence - noun. the simultaneous movement of both eyes in opposite directions to obtain or maintain single binocular vision.

dittography - noun. a mistaken repetition of a letter, word, or phrase by a copyist. ORIGIN: late 19th cent.: from Greek dittos 'double'

emmetropic - noun. Rhetoric. the state of vision where an object at infinity is in sharp focus with the eye lens in a neutral or relaxed state.  ORIGIN: from Greek, emmetros, "well proportioned."

encauma - noun. Medicine. An ulcer in the eye, upon the cornea, which causes the loss of the humors.

enucleate - verb. Biology. to remove the nucleus from a cell; surgically remove (a tumor or gland, or the eyeball) intact from its surrounding capsule ORIGIN: mid 16th cent.: (in the sense [clarify, explain]): from Latin enucleat- 'extracted, made clear,' from the verb enucleare, from e- (variant of ex-) 'out of' + nucleus 'kernel'

exteroceptor - noun. a sensory receptor that receives external stimuli

fovea - noun. a small depression in the retina of the eye where visual acuity is highest. The center of the field of vision focused in this region

frontispiece - noun. an illustration facing the title of a book; Architecture. the principal face of a building ORIGIN: late 16th cent.: from French frontispiece or Latin frontispicium 'facade,' from Latin frons- 'front' + specere 'to look' The change in the ending (early in the word's history) was by association with piece.

gouger - noun. informal. a person whom gouges one's eyes out; overcharge; swindle

haemophtalmia - noun. Medical. congenital tendency to uncontrolled bleeding; usually affects males is transmitted from mother to son

hypermetropy - noun. the enlargement of an organ or tissue from the increase in size of its cells.

hyphema - noun. Medical. bleeding into the interior of the eye.

iodopsin - noun. a violet photopigment in the retinal cones of the eyes of most vertebrates; plays a role in daylight vision

keratectasia - noun. Medical. abnormal bulging of the cornea of the eye.

keratoiritis - noun. inflammation of the cornea and the iris of the eye

keratoscleritits - noun. Medical. Inflammation of the cornea and the sclera of the eye.

scleritis - noun. Anatomy. the white outer layer of the eyeball. At the front of the eye it is continuous with the cornea.

kerato - noun. Rhetoric. prefix indicating the cornea of the eye

lunette - noun. something crescent-shaped in particular; Christian. a holder for the consecrated host in a monstrance

mala - noun. a locality and the seat of Mala Municipality in Vasterbotten County, Sweden with 2,089 inhabitants in 2005

malar bone - noun. Biology. Cheekbone; the arch of the bone beneath the eye that forms the prominence of the cheek

mongolism - noun. Offensive. down syndrome

moon blindness - noun. recurrent inflammation of a horse's eye, often resulting in eventual blindness. Also called mooneye

mydriatic drug - noun. a drug that causes the pupil of the eye to dilate; used to aid in eye examinations

neomycin - noun. a broad-spectrum antibiotic produced from strains of the actinomycete Streptomyces fradiae and used especially in the form of its sulfate as an intestinal antiseptic in surgery

nervus oculomotorius - noun. Biology. supplies extrinsic muscles of the eye

nyctalopia - noun. Medical. the inability to see in dim light or at night

oculonasal - noun. Biology. pertaining to the eyes and nose

opacify - verb. make opaque

opsablepria - noun. The inability to look someone is the eyes, or not looking into another person's eyes

phorometer - noun. Medical. an instrument for detecting and measuring imbalance in the extrinsic muscles of the eye

photalgia - noun. Medical. pain in the eye resulting from exposure to bright light

physostigmine - noun. Chemistry. a cholinergic alkaloid usually obtained from dried ripe seed of Calabar bean, used as a topical miotic and to reverse the central nervous system effects of an overdosage of anticholinergic drugs; used in the form of the salicylate and sulfate salts

Calabar Bean - noun. the poisonous seed of a tropical West African climbing plant, containing physostigmine and formerly used for tribal ordeals

physostigmine - noun. Chemistry. a compound that is the active ingredient of the Calabar bean and is used medicinally in eye drops because of its anticholinergic activity

anticholinergic - adjective. Medicine. (chiefly of a drug) inhibiting the physiological action of acetylcholine, esp. as a neurotransmitter

acetylcholine - noun. Biochemistry. an organic, polyatomic cation that acts as a neurotransmitter in both the peripheral nervous system(PNS) and central nervous system(CNS) in many organisms including humans. It is an ester of acetic acid and choline, with chemical formula CH3COO(CH2)2N+(CH3)3 and systematic name 2-acetoxy-N2N2N-trimethylethanaminium.

esther - noun. Chemistry. an organic compound made by replacing the hydrogen of an acid by an alkyl or other organic group. Many naturally occurring fats and essential oils are esters of fatty acids. ORIGIN: mid 19th cent.L from German, probably from a blend of Essig 'vinegar' and Ather 'ether.'

acetic acid - noun. Biochemistry. a colorless liquid that when undiluted is also called glacial acetic acid. Acetic acid is the main component of vinegar(apart from water). Although classified as a weak acid, concentrated acetic acid is corrosive, and attacks the skin. Acetic acid is one of the simplest carboxylic acids. It is an important chemical reagent and industrial chemical, mainly used in the production of cellulose acetate mainly for photographic film and polyvinyl acetate for wood glue, as well as synthetic fibers and fabrics.

choline - noun. Biochemistry. a water-soluble essential nutrient. It is usually grouped with the B-complex vitamins. Choline is the precursor molecule for the neurotransmitter acetylcholine, which is involved in many functions including memory and muscle control

porphyropsin - noun. Biochemistry. the photoreceptor proteins found in the cone cells of the retina that are the basis of color vision. Iodopsins are very close analogs of the visual purple rhodopsin that is used in night vision. Iodopsins consist of a protein called photopsin and a bound chromophore, retinal.

beleth - noun. Demonology. Beleth also spelled Bilet, Bileth, Byleth and Bilith is a mighty and terrible king of hell, who has eighty-five legions of demons under his command. He rides a pale horse, and all kinds of music is heard before him, according to most authors on demonology and the most known grimoires. According to Pseudomonarchia Daemonum Ham, Noah's son, was the first in invoking him after the flood, and wrote a book on Mathematics with his help.

When appearing he looks very fierce to frighten the conjurer or to see if he is courageous. The conjurer must be brave, and holding a hazel wand in his hand must draw a triangle by striking towards the South, East, and upwards, then commanding Beleth into it by means of some conjurations.

amaymon - noun. Demonology. A prince of hell, and according to some grimoires, the only one who has power over Asmodai. A curious characteristic of this spirit is shown during the Evocation of Asmodai to visible appearance, when the Exorcist must stand upright with his Cap or Headdress removed in a show of respect; for if he does not it is Amymon who will deceive him and doom all his work.

grimoires - noun. a book of magic spells and invocations ORIGIN: mid 19th cent.: French, alteration of grammaire 'grammar'

caruncula - noun. Biology. an outgrowth on a plant or animal such as a fowl's wattle or protuberance near the hilum of certain seeds

coenesthesis - noun. Physiology. Common sensation or general sensibility, as distinguished from the special sensations which are located in, ascribed to, separate organs, as the eye and ear

ganglionic - noun. Anatomy. a structure containing a number of nerve cell bodies, typically linked by synapses, and often forming a swelling on a nerve fiber; Medicine. an abnormal benign swelling on a tendon sheath

Hyoscyamine - a tropane alkaloid. It is a secondary metabolite found in certain plants of the Solanaceae family, including henbane, mandrake, jimson weed, tomato, and deadly nightshade. It is the levorotary isomer of atropine (third of the three major nightshade alkaloids) and thus sometimes known as levo-atropine. Hyoscyamine should not be confused with hyoscine, an older alternate name for the related nightshade-derived anticholinergic scopolamine for which it is the precursor

Brand names for hyoscyamine include: Symax, HyoMax, Anaspaz, Egazil, Buwecon, Cystospaz, Levsin, Levbid, Levsinex, Donnamar, NuLev, Spacol T/S, and Neoquess.

Pharmacology

Hyoscyamine is an antagonist of muscarinic acetylcholine receptors (antimuscarinic). It blocks the action of acetylcholine at parasympathetic sites in sweat glands, salivary glands, stomach secretions, heart muscle, sinoatrial node, smooth muscle in the gastrointestinal tract, and the central nervous system. It increases cardiac output and heart rate, lowers blood pressure, dries secretions. It may antagonize seretonin. At comparable doses, hyoscyamine has 98 percent of the antcholinergic power of atropine. The other major belladonna-derived drug scopolamine has 92 percent of the antimuscarinic potency of atropine.

enorthotrope -

ethmoid -

naphazoline - noun. Chemistry. (in the hydrochloride from) is the common name for 2-1-(1-naphthylmethyl)-2-imidazoline hydrochloride. It is a sympathomimetic agent with marked alpha adrenergic activity. It is a vasoconstrictor with a rapid action in reducing swelling when applied to the mucous membrane. It acts on alpha-receptors in the arterioles of the conjunctive to produce constriction, resulting in decreased congestion. It is an active ingredient in several over-the-counter formulations including Clear Eyes and Naphcon eye drops.

sympathomimetic -

alpha adrenergic -

vasoconstrictor -

arterioles -

conjunctive -

privine -

comet hyakutake -



esotropia - noun. is a condition of the eyes where both eyes turn inward, this can also be called "lazy eye"

amblyopia -

lurdan - noun. an idle or incompetent person ORIGIN: Middle English : from Old French lourdin  from lourd 'heavy', 'lort 'foolish' from Latin luridus 'lurid'

lither - adjective. (esp. of a person) thin, supple, and graceful

presbyope - noun. a person affected with presbyopia; some who is farsighted resulting from the progressive loss with aging of the elasticity of the crystalline lens.

myope - noun. a person who is affected with myopia; myopia is a condition of the eye in which parallel rays are focused in front of the retina, objects being seen distinctly only when near to the eye; nearsightedness.

ametropic - noun. faulty fraction of light rays by the eyes; as in astigmatism or myopia ORIGIN: 1875080; < Greek ametr(os) 'unmeasured'

filmic - adjective. of, pertaining to, or characteristic of motion pictures; containing characteristics resembling those of motion pictures

hyperope - noun. a person who is farsighted

devenustate - verb. to deprive of beauty or grace ORIGIN: Latin venustus 'lovely, graceful.'

philocaly - noun. the love of beauty

philocalist - noun. a person who loves beauty

miscoscopist

gracility

melastomaceae

perrault

quainti­se

sewell

vashti

tiaras

bellibone

houri

junoesque

abishag
­
adonic

aengus

amaryllis

argus

arianrod

baldr

baldur

beryl­

branwen - noun. Mythology. Daughter of Llyr is a major character in the second branch of the Mabinogi, which is sometimes called the Mabinogi of Branwen after her. She is married to the King of Ireland but the marriage does not bring peace.

campanula

callipygian

chalciuhtlicue - noun. archaic. An Aztec goddess whose jade skirts represented her protection of lakes and streams. Literally, "She who wears Jade skirts."

claytonia

cliodhna

crinum

critic

deodar

eclogite

­erzulie

florin

freya

gladiolus

hebe

herodias

homna

honiton­ lace - noun. A type of lace which originates from Honiton, a civil parish in East Devon, Devon South West England. This lace is known for its intense beauty

hypallage

jaipur

kolkwitzia - noun. Chinese genus of one species: Beauty fish.

kyrenia - noun. a town on the northern coast of Cyprus, noted for its historic harbour and castle internationally.

lada and lado

appellant

puckishly

specious

zingy - adjective. zest, zesty, lively, exciting

bathythermograph - noun. oceanography. an instrument that makes a record of the temperature at various depths in the ocean.

culdoscope

proctoscope

rutherford atom

langtry

merle

opah

oschun

nt

oengus - noun. Irish Mythology. a member of the Tuatha De Danann and probably a god of love, youth, and poetic inspiration.

occidental

paragon

portulacaceous

qatrin

rhododendron

rock­ of cashel

roseate

sasin

tripura sundari

ull

ullr

uma

verbena

xochipilli

zaria

actaeon

bis­houjo

bishounen

blakeney

brolga

cannock

cassiopeia

gisborne­

gower peninsula

hooverphonic

lakshmi

lilith fair

minnesinger

philyra

samy

scripophily

silmaril

tezcatli­poca

Thetis - noun. Greek Mythology. a sea nymph, mother of Achilles.

verbenaceous

yarra valley

farinelli

rubiaceous

naomi

chromophore -

photopsin -

rhodopsin -

praesepe -

reeve -

sclerotal -

sclerotomy -

talion -

uniocular -

uranus -

abducens -

adonis -

alastor moody -

aldebaran -

alrai -

ambloyopy -

analemma -

araneous -

blepharospasm -

china pink -

choroid vein -

curette -

cycloplegia -

dianthus chinensis -

diapsid -

doucker -

egilopical -

electrooculogram -

epidemic encephalitis -

instil -

iridotomy -

keratonyxis -

kochab -

lacrimal artery -

lanius lucovicianus -

lecherous -

leucoscope -

lidless -

lunda cirrhata -

omatidia -

palpebra -

pedunculated -

photoblepharon palpebratus -

protuberant -

pupillage -

purblind -

purpurogenous -

rainbow pink -

rhodopsin -

saccadic masking -

scotomy -

sphenoid -

spoor -

the lady chablis -

the london eye -

upanayanam -

vena vorticosum -

venae sclerales -

whall -

zander -

aldose -

anaglyph -

arges -

balor -

dyspnea - noun. Medicine. difficult or labored breathing ORIGIN: mid 17th cent.: via Latin from Greek duspnoia, from dus- 'difficult' + pnoe 'breathing.'

strake - n. a continuous line of planking or plates from the stem to the stern of a ship or boat 2. a protruding ridge fitted to an aircraft or other structure to improve aerodynamic stability ORIGIN: Middle English : from Anglo-Latin stracus straca; probably from the Germanic base of the verb STRETCH.

Dance and Saudi Arabia

balletomane - noun. a ballet enthusiast

danseur - noun. a male ballet dancer

danseuse - noun. a female ballet dancer

balletic - adjective. of, relating to, or characteristic of ballet

arabesque - noun. 1. an ornamental design consisting of intertwined flowing lines, originally found in Arabic or Moorish decoration : [as adj.] arabesque scrolls. Music. a passage or composition with fanciful ornamentation of the melody. 2. Ballet. a posture in which the body is supported on one leg, with the other leg extended horizontally backward. ORIGIN: mid 17th cent. : from French, from Italian arabesco 'in the Arabic style,' from arabo 'Arab.'

figurant - noun. a supernumerary actor

supernumerary - adjective. present in excess of the normal or requisite number, in particular. (of a person) not belonging to a regular staff but engaged for extra work; not wanted or needed, redundant. Botany & Zoology. denoting structure or organ occurring in addition to the normal ones (of an actor) appearing on stage but not speaking. ORIGIN: early 17th cent. : from late Latin supernumerarius '(soldier) added to a legion after it is complete,' from Latin super numerum 'beyond the number.'

glissade - noun. 1. a way of sliding down a steep slope of snow or ice, typically on the feet with the support of an ice ax. 2. Ballet. a movement, typically used as a joining step, in which one leg is brushed outward from the body, which then takes the weight while the second leg is brushed in to meet it. ORIGIN: mid 19th cent. : French, from glisser 'to slip,  slide.'

pas - noun. a step in dancing, esp. in classical ballet. ORIGIN: French.

diaghilev - Diaghilev, Sergei (Pavlovich) 1872-1929), Russian ballet impresario. In 1909, he formed the Ballets Russes, which he directed until his death.

chasse - noun. a gliding step in dancing in which one foot displaces the other.

maillot - noun. 1. a pair of tights worn for dancing or gymnastics; a woman's tight-fitting one-piece swimsuit. 2. a jersey or top, esp. worn in sports such as cycling

pas de deux - noun. a dance for two people, typically a man and a woman. ORIGIN: French, literally, 'step of two.'

Rambert Dance Company - a leading British Dance company. Formed at the start of the 20th century as a classical ballet company, it exerted a great deal of influence on the development of dance in the United Kingdom, and today, as a contemporary dance company, continues to be on the world's most renowned dance companies. It has previously been known as the Ballet Club, and the Ballet Rambert.

sashay - verb. [ intrans. ] informal. 1. [with adverbial direction] walk in an ostentatious yet casual manner, typically with exaggerated movements of the hips and shoulders. 2. perform the sashay.

Ansermet - Ernest Alexandre Ansermet, November 11, 1883-February 20, 1969, was a Swiss Conductor.

batterie - noun. Ballet. the action of beating or crossing the feet or calves together during a leap or jump. ORIGIN: early 18th cent.: French, literally 'beating.'

cabriole - noun. Ballet. a jump in which one leg is extended into the air forward or backward, the other is brought up to meet it, and the dancer lands on the second foot. ORIGIN: French, literally 'light leap,' from cabrioler (earlier caprioler), from Italian capriolare 'to leap in the air.'

coryphee - noun. a leading dancer in a corps de ballet

dallapiccola - Luigi Dallapiccola, February 3, 1904 - February 19, 1975, was an Italian composer known for his lyrical twelve-tone compositions.

entrechats - noun. Ballet. a vertical jump during which the dancer repeatedly crosses the feet and beats them together

frappe - adjective. [postpositive] Ballet. (of a position) involving a beating action of the toe of one foot against the ankle of the supporting leg. ORIGIN: mid 19th cent.: French, literally 'struck.'

jete - noun. Ballet. a jump in which the dancer springs from one foot to land on the other with one leg extended outward from the body while in the air

grand jete - noun. Ballet. a jump in which the dancer springs from one foot to land on the other with one leg froward of their body and the other stretched backward while in the air

petite jete - noun. Ballet. a jump in which a dancer brushes one leg out to the side in the air then brings it back in again and lands on it with the other leg lifted and bent behind the body.

Kirov - Vyatka, an industrial town in western Russia, in the central part of European Russia, on the Vyatka River; pop. 487,000. Former name(1932-92) Kirov.

pas de quatre - noun. a dance for four people

pas de trois - noun. a dance for three people

pas seul - noun. a dance for one person

repetiteur - noun. a tutor or coach of ballet dancers or musicians, esp. opera singers

Rudolf Nureyev - (b. 1939-93), Austrian ballet dancer and choreographer, born in Russia. He defected to the West in 1961 and joined the Royal Ballet in London, where he began his noted partnership with Margot Fonteyn.

Margot Fonteyn - Dame Margot Fonteyn (b. 1919-91), English ballet dancer; born Margaret Hookham. In 1962, she began a partnership with Rudolf Nureyev, dancing with him in Giselle and Romeo and Juliet.

Galina Ulanova - (b. January 8, 1910 - March 21, 1998) - Soviet Russian ballet dancer. She is frequently cites as being on the greatest 20th century ballerinas. Ulanova studied in Petrograd under Agrippina Vaganova and her own mother, a ballerina of the Imperial Russian Ballet. When she joined the Mariinsky Theatre in 1928, the press found in her "much of Semyonova's style, grace, the same exceptional plasticity and a sort of captivating modesty in her gestures." They say that Konstantin Stanislavsky, fascinated with her acting style, implored her to take part in his stage productions. In 1944, when her fame reached Joseph Stalin, he had her transferred to the Bolshoi Theatre, where she would be the prima ballerina assoluta for 16 years. The following year, she danced the title role in the world premiere of Sergei Prokofiev's Cinderella.

Petrograd -

Agrippina Vaganova -

Imperial Russian Ballet -

Mariinsky Theatre -

Semyonova -

Konstantin Stanislavsky

barre -

divertissement -

entrechat -

impresario -

fokine -

labanotation -

massine -

plie -

tulle -

acro -

adagio -

agon -

auric -

ballon -

battement -

bharat natyam  -

chass -

coryph -

evoe -

gayane -

gilet -

haunt -

helpmann -

ixia -

khachaturian -

lithe -

nijinsky -

odile -

ondine -

overture -

pavlova -

poulenc -

spandau ballet -

bitonality -

esbjerg -

medina -

mecca -

hejaz -

riyadh -

asir -

riyal -

nejd -

taif -

al hasa -

jidda -

jeddah -

bahrain -

najd -

fahd -

tabuk -

wahhabi -

al hufuf -

nandos -

emirate -

The Kingdom -

Samri -

miosis -

pecten -

becket -

oculomotor nerve -

cerastes -

dextral -

tapetum -

trochlea -

atropine -

oeillade -

aniseikonia -

entoptic -

iridology -

macula -

macula lutea -

ommatidium -

sclerotic -

uvea -

zygomatic bone -

albugo -

ciliary body -

ethmoid -

filar -

dictionary wordlist list lists word words definition definitions wordplay play fun game paragraph language english chicago loveofwords languagelove love beauty peace yew mew sheep colors curiosity logolepsy
Amitav Radiance May 2015

Two love adventurers
Welcome the night
Many curves to explore
Trace the unknown haven
Clues spelled out with soft sighs
Finding each other’s comfort
Soul’s feel the warmth to the core
It’s an inseparable embrace
Sending shivers down every nerve
Finally to love adventurers
Exploiting the lovely terrains
Reach the peak of contentment
Now they lay exhausted
After a satisfying adventure

Alexander Klein Oct 2013

I

In eras weird with old mythology,
As if asleep the fabled country lay:
Her wave-like hills and faerie forests dense,
Her thorny brambles budding curling claws,
And ivy circling all the woodsey way --
The far swan's cry came soft and woke them not.
Forlorn, that selfsame call upon the gates
Did break; those gates of Britain's long-lost keep.
She too slept fast, the weary weathered stones
Of fairest Caerleon. O pulsing stream,
Thou vein of life in woods a-slumber, Usk!
Alone are you in knowing castle's face,
From years of timeless burbling at her feet.
What tales are told by water over stone?
What lark or wren can sing of sadness come?
Aye, answers are the beach-wet sand, yet hark!
Rejoicings spilled, proud hails, from Caerleon:
They cheered the hoar-frost's melting with the Spring;
The holy Gwyl Fair y Canhwyllau
Had come at last, in foliage of dawn.

Within, their goblets sailed, wassailed, and crashed
Like growling Jove, their boasts and toasts like wine --
They drank it spiced and over-strong. Indeed,
Some stretched exaggerations: 'twas Sir Bors,
That spotless sheet, who tried to contradict.
He quoted purifying texts and spurned
The wine that nature raised and crafted sweet.
Yet "Loosen up!" uproared the host to him.
"The time has come to celebrate," said Kay,
Beloved knight, step-brother to the King,
"Aloft thy wine, below thy gills! Drink! Laugh!
Your stomach is a falsehood-spewing fool,
It must be drowned for you to feel a lord.
I speak a sooth, you need wine's fleeting bliss!
Know thee that man's tomorrows bleed him dry:
A wade through death and depths as sure as pain
That shall tomorrow light your brow. Laugh! Drink!"
Bold cheering spread with Kay's advice, though yet
To no surprise Bors turned aside the drink,
Unblemished bore, so celebrates alone.
Weep not for him, for soon he'll find a cup
More suited to his strange of chaste and grace.
And none to waste: his share was drunk by all.

Engaged in feast Owain ap Urien,
Engaged in tale now Bedwyr and Kay,
And Lancelot made eyes at Gwenevere.
It was a feast of great success and joy
As fitting of the season's robust gleam,
Yet two there were with shallow-rooted smiles.
Prince Mordred one, though ever-somber he:
Accursed spawn with bone in place of heart
And dreaded incantations for his blood;
His brooding perched like crow on him. Alas:
The other joy-bled man had beard aflame,
A bear-skin drape, and crystal eyes, the Lord
He was of Caerleon and Mordred both.
'Twas not the gleam in lover's gaze that vexed
Though it was seen; he had no heart in him
To chain his Queen as if in dungeon steel,
For Arthur lived believing to be fair
Was paramount, to even paramour.
It wreaked its toll, yet caused small grief this day.
Not even serpent son gave cause to mourn
That greater was than missing nephew's spot
Among the feast. His chair was naked bare
Returned though he should be from faerie quest.
At Calan Gaeaf they expected him
When winter storms had racked their shoddy hall,
Yet since, the months had rolled to Gwyl Fair
The milder season come, but not his kin.
The image of his maiméd corpse did taunt
And haunt the agéd mind of Arthur, King,
His phantom nephew slain anon by knight
That of no flesh was made. In year that died
This green-mailed knight arrived a guest and called
Infernal challenge. Trick it seemed to them
And trick it was, for subsequent the blow,
This seaweed knight did lift his severed head
And from dead lips he cried "Well struck! Now come,
Fulfill me of my game. The year to come
Shall see thee in my home, and as agreed
My turn 'twil be to answer with my axe."

So rapt in recollecting, Arthur missed
The growing clamor that beset his hall.
His bastard cleared the grief from him with taunt,
To bring him into grief. "What say thee, Dad,"
Dripped venom from his mouth, "No love for us?
Your hail we called, but disapprove your eyes.
Methinks that far away thou seest a dream
That visits oft the elderly: a place
Thou knewst when in thy prime, with love
Now filled to burst. Yet fear us not, away!
To land of youth far more beloved than we
Whose happiness with thine own heart is twined."
"My fellow, soft!" the King began, distressed,
Yet Lancelot rose to his feet and spake
"Blackguard is he who mocks our Lord to face!
Thou palest hide, thou Mordred, sit thee down!
This sniveling craven knight should be replaced."
A sounding of the table met his speech,
Again was hailed his toast, and Arthur glad,
Though burdened to his breaking point, and sad.

"Blackguard is he who mocks our Lord to face,"
Had spake his bravest champion and friend
With no regard to Blackguard wrapped in stealth.
See how his roughspun fingers coil in hers
And how some sweetened whisper 'scapes her lips?
The beams of color-stainéd light slip down
To play upon their blissful sin almost
As if King Arthur's King approved on high.
Sovereignty is ruthless, Arthur thought,
Well-wishings of my God grow ever-faint.
I must believe in good though I am ill,
Just as I find my countrymen displeased
Though I did calculate my every breath
To see that it did stand with God's own will
To help my common people from their murk.
I fear I am not what I wished to be,
And now my only solace peaceful death.
If up to me, I'd wish it in my bed.

What horn's blare? Hark! King Arthur roused from thought.
Court gatekeeper Glewlwyd Gafaelfawr,
Dressed plain in brown, took down the horn from lips
And loud as elk called to the hall "Have cheer!
Sirs, drink another beer and wreath your brow
With springtime blooms, for lost knight fair is found!"
Old Arthur trusted not his feeble ears,
But came a hush and Lancelot confirmed:
"What ho," he boomed, "our brother has returned!
'Tis grey Gawaine, aye, Gwalchmai! Drink his hail!"
The uproar was enourmous: "Gwalchmai! Cheers!"
Was like to wake the sleeping wilderness
That hung suspended in the myth and mist.

II

Astonishment had come like breaking wave
Upon the thirsty sands of monarch's face
So long consigned to reap the low-tide's grief.
When Arthur's ursine hand clenched round his cup
And hailed his nephew's presence with a roar
Long lost to hibernation's hoary spell,
The hearts that beat in armor under him
Did swell to find their lord with cheer at last;
The toast they drank so hearty as to give
Sweet Dionysus pause against excess.
Though only two there were who did not drink,
And one of these were Bors, a sadness fell
Once more as tangible as any wrong
That chose to haunt a hall. 'Twas Gwalchmai grey,
The conqueror now home from quest to rest
Who would not lift his eyes to meet the King's.

"Has cheer so fled from you? Your life remains!
What black has inked you in?" the King did ask,
And silence overtook the hall to hear.
How strongly then did Gwalchmai wish to leave,
To blend once more his form to root or branch
Or soaring river. Wind, the songbird's muse,
Had been his fast companion on the road,
For known to him were many things. He was,
They say, some god that stalked the minds of man
In young enchanted places of the world
Though all his magic helped him not at court:
His shyness was a leaf obscured by rain.
Yet even gods of silence know to speak
When words of pain encircle heavy hearts.
He let them fly, birds in the sky, he said
"I failed. My quest was long and arduous,
The seasons changed while I in heather lost,
The moon its phases shed as fen-frogs called,
I floated through the endless cloying mist
That flows, a ghostly sea wrapped round our isle.
The path had nearly drowned me when I found
The chapel green enough to spell my doom.
When entered I, methought "It cannot be!"
So kind and courteous a host met me
That would have been disgrace to call him green.
He feasted me, and warmed my wounded bones,
Yet I betrayed him in the end; I failed.
I stayed his guest, and friend, and swore to him
That for his hospitality I'd share
Each thing I won while underneath his roof.
And all was well -- I'd rest, he'd hunt -- until
His wife played hearts with me. I did refuse,
But by her final trick was tempted and --
So lost all knightly honor and renoun.
Her lusts I spurned three times, but on the third
She offered me that which my heart desired,
Instead of love she begged me take her boon:
A silken girdle sewn with charms, and green,
Deceit I should have seen. She said the spells
Would keep me safe from harm and spare my life...
When on my rugged journey all I'd feared
Was twisting face of death that loomed so near.
I could not help myself, it seemed so tame,
Yet when the time had come I could not share
That gift, or else expose the husband's wife.
Beneath my armor tied when left that place,
My secret wore me down upon the bog.
It seemed the mist grew thicker, wind grew swift,
I now know under spell was I, but then
It seemed some vengence coming to a head.
My tale grows long, and past the point am I.
The Green Knight and my host were one in fraud:
An airy insect's dream. His "wife," a witch,
Had formed him out of acrid moorland soil:
Homunculus to carry out her scheme.
The blow he owed me carried little force,
Though still this scratch is plain upon my nape.
And so you see my folly plain as oak:
For though I kept the life I feared to lose
My lie grows in me like a cancer bloom
That in the span of time shall kill me sure.
I failed; I'm gone; to revelry return."
The silence, vast again, gripped all the knights
And king too dry to cry, who drowned his heart.

III

"Is there some madness come to roost herein?
Thy folly is ridiculous," said Kay.
"I valued mine own life past honor's flame,
A sin of selfishness, and blame, and wrong.
What of the world, if all would act as such?"
A weeping noise he made, but choked it back
And turned to leave in shame, and might have done
Had not the stout Sir Kay gripped Gwalchmai's arm.
He raised it in the air and shouted thus:
"Percieve our stunning champion stands nigh!
Though of a frail ennobled heart, we know
Thou art absolved. This trinket given free
To aid in quest I wager was for thee.
And as for sacred broken vows, this man --
You said yourself -- was conjured from a bug.
You owe him no alleigance Gwalchmai, sit!
This serious you need to be for wine:
Come sit with brothers now! We drink to thee!"
"Dispel the failure all you can, it stays
As weighty on my brain. It was a sign
To signify the kind of soul I am,
To me it showed my grimy ills and plain
Did tell my shaping, shape, and shape-to-be."
King Arthur to this nephew spake: "My child,
Is there no antidote to questing's woes?
What has become of jousts and silver swords?"
The anguish in the old man's eyes so keen
To those who knew him. Gwalchmai did reply
"Your majesty, there's not a grief can kill
My bird-like love of questing through the trees,
For only questing can redeem my shape."
"Then let us have this quest!" cried Kay beside
Him at the table, deep in drink he swore.
"Come with me, brother-knight, to clear thy mood!
You do you wrong blaspheming at yourself."
The wine was quaffed by Gwalchmai, yet he said
"I first shall stay, I need to rest my ills."
"Your ills are that which keep you ill, good knight.
I bid you come and we shall quest as birds
Who savor springtime berries in the mist."
"I shall not go, I seek my quietude."
"In sunlight you and I must bask. Comply,
Or else I challenge you by burnished blade."
All eyes on Gwalchmai, under pressure cracked
Into a grin and downed his kykeon.
"In stubborness persisting, Kay, you've won,
A river such as I could not keep stead
Against a boulder. When shall we away?
When come the summer blossoms, fair and red?
Or else not til the saps have lost their leaves?
Departure yours to choose, my brother-knight."
Kay beat upon the table and their ears
When called triumphantly "This very day,
This very hour! To help those who need aid
On holy days shall surely fix your heart.
No time to wallow in the swamp that's gone,
We now away, to break our swords with day!"
"You mock me or you heard me not, Sir Kay,
I wish not to away, I wish to rest!"
The fairest Guenevere, like silver bells,
Chimed in "You must forgive your heart's despair,
Or emanations of its guilt will plague
Your mind. I have a lunar garden if
You wish to sit in soothing calm and think."
"My queen is holy," Gwalchmai spoke in grace,
But Kay had cut him off with "Hear her not!
She will ensorce your mind to not explore,
To sit and think and mold with lunacy;
Beneath the sun we'll tred. It's known on quests
I favor Bedwyr, 'tis true, yet you
My fairest Gwalchmai, keep your wits -- and arms --
Two things in need of we shall be.
I mean you no offense, dear Bedwyr,
But I and Gwalchmai share a severed soul
And shall succeed; two sides of selfsame coin.
So come my cousin grey, to right our wrongs
We must away, to break our swords and say
'My heart is glad I did not stay at home!'
Consume your drink! We go," he trumpet-called.
Thus Gwalchmai was convinced, and so was forced
To nod politely to his Queen and stand,
Declaring to the court "I shall away,
This gloomy mood is dried beneath the sun
Though dearly do I wish some lunar grace
To lose myself in mysteries anew.
To bear this flesh is weighty, yet I've found
The strain to be rewarding in its way.
Think nothing of my former woes, they've passed
Like summer storm or wisp of misty cloud."
The hall at large did drink his hail, and then
Did thrice more drink for quest to which they went.
And Mordred scowled and drank the foulest wine
For his monsoon and fog would last his life.

So summoned then Glewlwyd Gafaelfawr
To hearken unto birds, as was his gift.
He said to all, "I shall now call my friends
And see what worthy tales of quests they bring!"
"There may be naught on Gwyl Fair," said Bors,
"A holy day, all wove with peace. Nor Gods
Nor men would stir their strife this day of days."
"We all shall see," the gatekeeper replied.
Beside his King upon the dais came
And played a serenade upon his horn
That rang throughout the keep and lands beyond.
A time did pass with no response recieved --
Slain silent was the raptness of the court --
But then through open pain in stainéd glass
A thrush did bob and weave in melody,
On finger of the Queen he briefly perched
Before he flit away upon the air.
His song so sweet, but then - what fright! No more!
A hawk had entered, just the same, and swooped,
And now the thrush was silent in his claws.
The cabinet of augers all took note
And sketched their calculations into books,
Though none, in this, more wise than Gafaelfawr
To whom the hawk said "Hail, you man of rank
Who speaks the tongue of wing-in-air. Now hark!
'Twas not in hunger slew this thrush, but fear
That what I have to tell might go unheard.
My family, we roost near Cornwall's sea
And late, the noises off the coast grew strange
As if some evil kraken raged at love.
My chicks; my wife and I; we're simple hawks.
We eat and some of us are eaten, yet
Beware the thing that slouched from out the waves.
His shape is something like a boar, but huge,
He dwarfs his kin, and hill, and oak,
This hall is large, yet he'd be stuck inside.
He does not eat what he has killed, instead
He smears the bloodied flesh on stones and trees,
What man could face a fear that bears this face?
If you could hear the rutting squeals he makes!
I swear this sooth by wind and waving plumes:
You men who craft with metal, hark!
Destroy the beast!" And then he flew away
Still calling after him "Destroy the beast!"

The court at large had heard the warbling hawk
But did not know the tongue, so only watched
Glewlwyd's unease upon his face
Until with stiff and rasping voice relayed
The content of the predatory news.
Unease began to show among the knights,
For many there recalled a beast so shaped
And all the blood and guile he took to drown
The first time. Arthur, grim, forbade Sir Kay
And Gwalchmai face these perils by themselves,
But recommended regiment of steel
To bolster ranks against the fearsome boar.
"I know this foe from days of old," he said,
His years of rule etched rough across his face,
"And so do most of you, though many gone
And this monstrosity not even slain."
But Gwalchmai said "'Twas hard indeed to win
Those relics that he bore. Remember I
That Trwyth was the name he chose, and we
Shall best him fair. Though not for trinkets now,
But with the zeal of mother guarding young:
This foe, Twrch Trwyth shall not raze the land
Nor wage a war against some peaceful ilk
While rounded table can become a shield.
Yet spare your other knights, this urgent task
Has fallen on our holy candle day.
You many of my uncle's hall," he cried,
"Who feast upon my uncle's wealth and love,
On this first day of spring, I beg you, rest,
Enjoy the fruits that winter sealed away
And celebrate your fortunes on this day!
This foe I think will pose no threat to we
Who are as razor swords of day and night.
Think yet of blooms and fairest lover's kiss
While I and Kay to wander through the mist."

IV

Upon a bough upon the road, a wren
Pronounced a song that knighted travelers knew
And Gwalchmai whistled in the harmonies.
Four moons they'd seen upon the road,
Tonight to be their fifth, though now 'twas day
So newly formed it wore a bridal veil
Of snaking mists throughout that dreaming land.
The wren and Gwalchmai sang a merry mile
Yet parted when the sun grew high. The shroud
Dispersed somewhat, as if to clear their path,
Yet in its place the forest tangled thick.
Like sometimes dreamers find their sight a mist
So indistinct became the path they trailed,
In verdant triumph of the trees and vines
And moss that spilled like spiderwebs aloft,
That grace of light was blocked; this place was night
For all the days it wove itself in life.
The silence clung to them as tight as moss
That wisped and from the branches hung alive,
Since Gwalchmai had no heart to sing alone
And Kay's voice, though he tried, was like a drum.

They came upon a whirling forest stream
And Gwalchmai's horse did skip across on stones
Yet golden-tonguéd Kay did cry "Halt! Wait!
Across I cannot make so loaded down!
Come, shoulder some provisions, take this lance,
These extra pauldrons blue, and I shall ford."
So silver-tonguéd Gwalchmai had no choice
But bear these items over water's spray.
"You've brought too much," said Gwalchmai when across.
"The pauldrons on you now look passing strong,
I say you shall not need their sister pair."
"Why sir," said Kay, "I lov'd thee for thy brain,
I thought you knew to always be prepared."
"'Tis true indeed, we needs must be prepared
Though that advantage countered by your bulk.
It seems you could not leap a stream, how then
Can you attack Twrch Trwyth, loathsome beast?
A-many king were killed by hunted boar,
And we but knights -- these burdens shall distract
Our lowly flesh and lead us to our doom."
"Some talk for sure! I saw your pack so light
And thought you crafty, with some hidden load,
Yet now I see you've brought but scarce, you fool!
A truth now: if these shoulder-plates did fail,
What song would grace your lips? Would Gwalchmai sing
Of wonders grown to fruit with foresight's rain?"
"I ask you, Kay. If squared against this beast,
Now truly, you and he, what would you do?"
"If Trwyth-boar and I were face to fate?
With all things told I'd wish a strong defense;
His power is enourmous, I recall."
"Indeed my brother, I agree. Your shield
Must raise to block his way or else be gouged
On fearsome razor tusk. What then would you?"
"Ah, then. A deadly choice, two tusks to fear.
A warrior does always favor right --
And too shall giant scab, so I'll block left.
When Trwyth's gore comes seeking for my heart
My shield mayhaps shall crack that ugly snout."
"My dear, my fellow knight, 'tis as I feared!
We must not underestimate Trwyth,
For he is eons old and wise as stone
That sleeps in tumulus among the dead.
Thou art too focused and too loaded down,
So like to me when at the Chapel Green.
My shameful lesson scorched me with its lash
For in my mind my path was narrow, straight,
Yet in an ocean I was drowning there.
In haste to live, I took her girdle charm;
In haste I took the path presented first
With singleminded foolishness. Beware
That you as well fall not to such a trap.
I ask you Kay, if thrust to left with shield
And then discovered error in your thrust --
Discovered Trwyth's tusk upon your right --
What would you then that would not end in death?"
"I said it was a deadly choice, alas!
If with the other tusk he thrust I fear
That I'd be at his mercy. Yet, sir knight,
That thrust would mark your cue, and from the flank
A strike from Gwalchmai topples evil boar!
Do you propose that this should be our plan?"
"Misunderstood was I, and that no plan.
I meant to warn you 'gainst my failings passed,
That we may overcome. Thou knowst my mind?"
"In sooth I know it not" he said, while deep
Within the forest birds began to weep.
"To tell it plain, these riddles trick my ears
And lead me to a lack of understanding.
Yet ask me for my sword, I'll tell thee plain."

The crows grew loud as Gwalchmai said "These lips
My only two, and riddles issue forth.
How else to speak these words I do not know
Except to say, my mind was racing fast
That night in Chapel Green, and I enslaved
With soul asunder, pulled apart by thoughts.
Yet when it all was over, I was clear
For shock had swept my mind of thoughts that swoop
And hunt convictions, gnawing at the flesh
To form a cloud of worry and of hurt
That scars the soul that's rent. Dear Kay,
I say that worry will destroy our drive
Preventing adaptation in the fight.
Agaist a foe so dread, a complex plan
Would load us more than extra pauldrons blue."
"But some idea, some framework you advise?
To challenge blind a folly, sure as if
My shield I'd thrust to neither side to pause
And catch my breath." The birds had ceased their spell
And foggy quietude returned to woods
As trees began to thin and form a plain
That rolled with blossomed grasses, full of wind.
"I'm with you sir, contingencies we'll dream
To better set our expectations, yet
Indeed I ask you: pause and stay your shield
To see which side Twrch Trwyth favors first."
The crows they left behind called after them
From tangled boughs of ancient warden trees.
Grey Gwalchmai whistled in the melodies,
But discord did the black-cloaked birds pronounce.

V

The sweep of hills in coat of grasses sown
From finer weave than man can seek to learn
Did ripple in the wind and swell, a sea,
Through which their dappled horses waded deep.
Kay blew his hunting horn, let fly its drone,
Yet no reply returned: no human heard.
Beneath the surface of the sea-green grass
Some waves they saw that were the beasts that passed,
Some stalking prey, some hiding, slinking, swift,
And katydids did breach the surface with a leap
So like the leaping fish. "Upon my mind,"
Said Kay, the golden-tonguéd knight, "If we,
Much like these hopping things, would charge at him,
As from a sheltered secret place, my friend!
This plan the one to aid us most. We'll leap
And at the massy boar we'll charge with lance
To run him to his core! What blood he'll shed!
A plan like this says we've already won!"
"This plan has roots I like, yet needs regrowth:
The subtle sneak-attack is beauty true,
I wonder why you counter our surprise
By charging with the thunder of your hooves."
"The speed's the thing: the fastest, deadliest!
I need no more than three and ninety's pace
To spell Twrch Trwyth's end." A bird did perch,
A warbler on the arm of Gwalchmai grey,
And into song erupted. Like a gull
He called for feathered friends that on the knights
Did make their passage through the ocean hills.
"If out of hiding, Kay, you leap and yell,"
Said Gwalchmai in the breeze, "He'll notice you
And counter, block, or dodge to show us doom."
One gull did squawk agreement, so Sir Kay
In spite did sweep him from the horse's flank.
Above their helms, on wings he circled once
Then glid back down and landed in his spot.
Said Kay, "My heavy lance at heavy speed
Could pierce the thickest hide; you felt its weight.
In sooth, I say it holds our greatest hope
And finds the surest route to Arthur's hall --
Regardless of the risks that you foretell."
"And if you miss, then all and life is lost.
Surprise, it seems, would be the greater strength
To draw us home alive when deed is done.
It seems a waste, for one attack, to lose
This mighty hunting notion we have brought."
Kay said "What then do you suggest? Should we,
With bows, all silent stalk our monstrous prey?
If he should spot us thusly armed, a paste
We would become. At last, these birds have flown!
Some nuissances were they, my ears at ease
Now they have gone to seek some other stage."
"Look there upon the further hill. They swoop
And circle round: there's something in the grass."
And so they turned their mounts aside to seek
The mystery beneath the emerald sea.

The birds were gone, they'd landed in the waves,
But Gwalchmai in his stare did hold the spot
And set their course unerringly to sail
Through crash of green to island in the rough.
There, overgrown, amidst the flowers white,
Abandoned stones and songs: a sacred Well.
No birds in sight yet there a hobbled man,
To errant knights did call "Well met, young sirs,
Dismount and let me tend to you. This Well
Has healed those wounded long, those sadly cursed,
And those whose birth was tainted by a death."
"And who are you," said Kay, "who guards this place?
Thou dost not live among these plains of grass,
Nor from the hall of Arthur, that I know.
Where dwell your ilk, and wherefore are you here?"
"A man of questions, this I know," he rasped
And hacked a cough into his ragged sleeve.
Arthritis gripped his hands, his knuckles oak --
With sickness in his veins he clutched the rope
And tugged upon its lifeless length with strain
That rattled in his chest and wore his bones.
Sir Kay dismounted with a grunt to help,
And soon had drawn the ancient pitcher up.
"I would not trust this water, strange it seems
To drain the ocean underneath the land.
What if we sink, had that thought crossed your mind?
O, they who drink of wells know not their guilt."

The man of oaken knuckles heard him not
And downed the pitcherfull of melted ice.
Before the knights could blink, it seemed he'd shed
His weariness, his age, some weighty cloak
Was lifted from his shoulders and his heart.
The more the old man quaffed the straighter still
His spine did rearrange and form a shape
That spoke of strength and youth. The knights agape:
The miracles they'd seen before were sly,
Some subtlety upon the rim of thought,
As slight as if they'd mattered not at all --
Yet when examined by the brain their light
Exploded with the radiance that births a star.
This sight before them shook them to their greaves
And nearly shook their faith, each wondering
If they were truly men of god before.
"This Well a gift to man much like the sun,"
Then spoke the ancient man with reformed lips,
"For in his need, it helps him shine through all.
My limbs renewed as they have been each day
Since we, awash within these endless seas,
First birthed our way upon the land, from surf.
Some countless years have I, some countless dreams
I've dreamed and killed with fullness of the moon.
From now until tomorrow's brighter sun
I'll wither, flake, and nearly die, and yet
I'll draw elixir from the liquid deep
And drink a dream that neither lives nor dies.
Come Kay! Come Gwalchmai! Drink to me a hail
From water sleeping far below the hills.
Upon your task so grim, this potion sip
And strength your breast will fill, and sight your brow,
And thrust your mighty arms to pierce the beast."
Already Kay had cast the pail back in,
They heard it fall and strike the walls and splash
Far deep below where sunlight wanes and dies.
Yet "Halt!" cried Gwalchmai, "let us take a breath
Before we taste this precious blood of stones.
I fear we sway upon the brink of doom,
As blinded men repeating gloomy past.
One thought towards my plight and you will see
It parallels our own: we must refuse."
"What rot and nonsense," snorted blunt Sir Kay.
"This gift upon our route was placed -- this Well
Provides exactly that which cures our griefs!"
He clutched the rope, his gauntlet gripping firm,
And Gwalchmai too dismounted then to warn:
"Kay, have you ears? This Well is not a gift,
But foul temptation placed thus in our way.
'Twould seem we've naught to lose, yet there's the snare!
I thought the same when I took matron's belt,
But only after did it change to guilt.
We have the power, you and I! My blood,
I promise you we'll slay this beast as planned --
But on our own, and not with help from gods.
To take that gift when gifted as we are
Corrupts the boon until it eats your mind.
I say to you, the power we posess
Shall slay the boar, shall mend the realm, and still
Shall find us home in Arthur's sacred walls."
"What mind is it that scoffs at graceful luck?
A boon becoming sour is not the fault
Of he who gave the gift! How is the taste,
What is the water like in caverns dark?
Am I to never know?" He dropped the rope.
"As you're the one returned from quest, I'll heed,
But such a draught as this would mend my mind.
I know my strength, yet still the face of death
Reflects within my dreams and waking thoughts.
What death, to die. Long-sought, the cure. And yet
Grey Gwalchmai bids me turn aside this cup."
"It is our lot to suffer: we are men.
Were we to hold the power that kills death
No honor could we find though foes we slew
Or righted wrongs the whole day through. In grief
Is glory won; in blood and screams of birth.
Come Kay, the things of honor's worth we seek
Without divine protection meant to aid,
For with it comes a blunting of the soul."

"We thank you well, you agéd man," said Kay,
"My heart that thirsts, your kindness must refuse
For I, it seems, am bound by higher laws
Than those that rule my flesh and blood and bone."
The old man cried "You made your choice," and then
He flew away. He was the birds they'd met,
The warblers from the rolling dunes of sea.
That half-remembered melody grew faint
And died upon the winds. And they were left
Once more adrift, alone upon the waves.
The sun was red, and sank as they set out:
A disc of light entangled in the mists.
Before blue twilight cloaked the land in full
Sir Kay began "I wish to hear this plan,
That safer is than immortality.
With bows we shall be slain, I still protest."
And Gwalchmai turned and smiled, thin-lipped and sly.
"If monstrous foe is marked by poison shafts
In rage he'll charge as boars are wont to do --
We all have flaws that can be overcome.
He'll rush at me, revenge for piercing pain,
Yet arrows with a paralyzing foam
Shall slow his mountain-moving hooves to cease,
And you shall guide your mighty lightning lance
To arc and sunder ribs and heart from beast."
When Kay had grasped the strategy he paused
And turned the image over in his mind
And rode on silent over hills that twist
Forever through the drifting of the mist.

VI

Along the coast they rode, on stony shoals
Their errant hooves blazed trails until the dawn
When clouds were pink and pale in sky asleep.
The crashing waves, eternal thunder, pulsed
And danced their cycles, tongueless, to the moon.
A salt was on the wind. Sir Kay in thought
At last in weak tones spoke "See thee the sea?
See thee its cold embrace? I see the crests
All vanishing behind the foggy veil.
What lies beyond these shores through which we steal?
Do further lands upon the ocean dwell,
Or else our island all alone? In sleep
I wander out upon the spray and crash:
The coldness of her glass upon my soles,
The blindness in the belly of the mist.
Is there an island like our own, out there,
Or is the world divided like the spans
A human knows in life? That is to say
We live as men upon the lands, then die,
And drift beneath dramatic waves in death?
The clouds of hell and heaven hanging low
Some hidden life obscures perhaps, some gem,
Yet fancy is a ghost that plagues the young;
Its velvet lips no longer grace my cheek;
No kiss could drain the pallor of the mists.
That shapeless country swallows all I know,
For there is naught beyond this island's shore
Except the sea, the stars, and wispy veil."
And on they rode in silence through the foam
'Til Gwalchmai in reply did purse his lips
And rouse from them a birdsong of the night
That on their minds in sweetness broke with tide.
His song did soar above the ocean dirge
And lifted too their hearts upon the spray
As long as he did play. The jagged rocks
And dessicated seaweed rags, all rough,
Were scattered on the sands of lonely beach.

The song that soared brought back their hearts to them
And grey-cloaked Gwalchmai said "The seas are rough
And hard to see beyond because of mist.
These shores are strange, the ocean stranger still,
For who can know the form of all unknown?
We see our lives in greater focus, for,
By sooth, we live them thoroughly, or try.
Yet oceans hold a life as sure as we,
And far from us suspend a further shore
Where blossoms tender as our own are grown,
Yet stranger in their traits, and dissonant.
And we may know these blooms, these fish, and yet
The bounds of knowledge never can be crossed --
And pieces of a thing, try as they might,
Can not their sum behold with certainty.
The life we live a journey through the dark,
And only when we live no more can lights
Dispel the shade revealing hidden truth."
The moon was dragged beneath the hungry mist
And certain stars extinguished glowing souls
Until the night was siphoned from the sky
And dawn, in gloom and seagull cries, was born.
"We are to face the beast but soon," said Kay.
Some fright is in my bones and makes me think
On all the mysteries beyond the shroud,
On all the stars with secret tales to tell.
Perhaps I'll meet them as I journey by,
If fearsome foe is lucky with a tusk.
My bones will stay behind, I'm sure. Will I
Remain? Or shall I sail that milky road?
I wish a proper burial beneath...
Or should you burn what's left? I wish I knew.
The future drenched in mist alike; I'm blind."
"As all are blind who try to see ahead:
So many streams that weave within this world
Not one of us can grasp them tight enough
To read from them the things not yet to pass.
This plan we've made, the best we could design,
Yet still we must adapt to keep our lives.
My soul afraid as well -- my blood grows thick!
I like the storm of combat less than you,
Preferring turn-of-chance, or subtlety.
Yet far too great a beast Twrch Trwyth is,
We cannot win with stealthiness alone.
I fear I've brought a doom, I'm sorry Kay,
My nervous hexes make me wonder sore
If we should not have drunk from holy Well.
In anguish to redeem my past I hope
I have not slain us both in honor's name.
No song will help me now. I wander, borne
Upon the coastal gusts, a common gull.
I wish, I wish, I wish, yet am the wind.
No song of birds shall ever help me now:
To be a man means being lost at sea.
Yet even as the waves turn cloak and crash
They bring a touch of chaos as they break
And sometimes break for good, instead of ill.
To truly harmonize with swollen seas
The crest of waves that pass us we must ride
And with our circumstances roll our path.
True plans, those set in stone, can never work
For they ignore the iron whims of fate.
Some good shall come, I swear, or else some ill.
To say this thing puts weakness in my bones,
Yet we must forge ahead and worry not
For things shall come to pass for good or ill,
And we must roll our way along the path
That seems the best to we in heedless haste.
We have no course but try our might on him,
And hope that glory shines on us, and pray,
Yet prayers do naught but voice the soul's desire.
If only fate could heed the pleas of each
Instead of all… I wish she'd care for me.
Alas, my knight, my friend: the world must turn."
"I worry for our souls, will they endure?
Is there a deathless country I'll explore?
I cannot bear the thought of nothing, nil!"
"If I should live and you should die, be sure
Your corpse shall rest beneath the undelved earth.
Yet if you breathe when I do not, be gone,
And bear thy victory to Arthur's hall
And not the rags I leave behind in death.
The skin a snake has shed he does not keep,
For when he's shed he needs his old clothes not.
A stellar skin I'll have when I am gone,
And gusts of wind shall be my shifting hair,
With not a thought to corpse I'd shed with life.
When death arrives, I hope that's how he comes:
A death that I'd enjoy between some spans
Of lonely life." Waves fell upon the shore
And stars did weep while fading from the sky
Delivering the heavy red of dawn
That cloak of dying night could not resist
As permeated through the veil of mist.

VII

The morning sprawled above like evil haze
That hid the sun from them and hid its warmth
And hid the hope that rises with the dawn.
Through weaves of vines and tangled thorns they slipped
As silent as a stalking lion's breath;
Their eyes were mirrors waiting for a face
To give them shape and soul and purpose plain:
The face they stalked was like to find its end.
On conversation, like a raft, they'd sailed
From ivor stones of Caerleon on Usk;
The rafts had borne their minds and words above
Subconscious waters, beast of brain in man,
Yet here inside the silent forest's gloom
Their words had sunk below and drowned their thoughts,
And caught within the blood sport's dimmer tide
Some instinct swept their reasons all aside,
Along with all the easy wit they'd shown
When rounded by their kin and men-at-arms
Within the eggshell walls of Arthur's keep.

Now stripped from all the comforts of their hall
Through weary woods on foot they stalked in fear;
Their steeds they'd stowed in safety by the shore
And if these riders never left the woods
Some peasants plain would profit well that day.
Sir Gwalchmai's fingers played upon the string
Of longbow itching for an arrow's touch --
Yet from his slow-slung quiver naught was drawn,
For prey the knights glimpsed not; the forest mute.
Amidst the wilderness were they when snagged
Upon a branch Kay's cloak held fast. The thorns
Had clawed between some fabric's willful folds
And startled Kay enough to break the spell
His hunting brain had cast. "Wait!" he blurted,
Before he hushed himself and cut it loose.
Grey Gwalchmai whispered "Cease your blunders, come."
And Kay was swift behind him, trampling buds.
"I'm sorry," said the golden knight, "I wish
I'd had the foresight not to cry aloud.
These woods are strange and frightening to me,
And nothing like the peaceful woods of Usk."
"Then why do you still speak? We tread the edge
Of keen assasin's blade, and you persist
In babbling like a painted jester's son."
"If not in dire alert I'd challenge thee
For on my honor jesting. In the spring--"
But there was Kay cut off, for both their ears
Began to hear a muffled grunting, wet
And hungry in its lurid rasp. The knights
Swift swept behind some trees and hoped they'd not
Been seen. Grey Gwalchmai chanced a glance beyond,
And boar he saw, but of an average size.
The knights were stunned in silence, breathing fast,
And whispered Kay "He's large, but not by much,
An end you'll strum, I know." But boar did perk
At hearing something in the vines, and yelled --
An ugly trumpet-cry that scarred the wind.
From drooping quiver, Gwalchmai slid one shaft
And strummed it as the bow of violin
Against the poison foam that hung thereon,
And fit the seagull's feather to the string.
Yet time enough was not for him to aim
When calm destroyed by shrieking thunder's clap
From farther in the gorey wood. What cry?
What beast could pierce the heavens with a sound?
The knights against some stones did press their backs
As shredded trees despaired and fell aside
Where trampled errant mountain, hellish boar,
His back above the tree-tops, thorns and vines
Deterred his mighty frame like paper shields.
He made a clearing as he settled down,
His amber eye was full the size of boar
They'd met before. The lesser and the great
Conversed not long in shieking tongue of swine
Before Twrch Trwyth rose and showed his height
And belched aloud in human tongue "Some men?
Some shining knights? Yes… now I smell their sweat.
But what have they to sneak within these lands
That I have mounted, conquered, killed? My will
Within this smitten place is absolute."
His lips were fleshy, black and slick with drool,
His breath a foul disease that plagued the land.
Some tears of fear then from the knights did spill
But Gwalchmai grey, as per the plan, snuck off
To flank the giant boar. He stayed downwind
And cared to rustle not the smallest leaf
Nor waving sprig of fern. Twrch Trwyth called
"Some cowards then? Some belly-crawling knights?
Or are you even hunters? Lost perhaps
And trespassing in my domain unknown.
Think not on how to flee my flaming wrath
For I shall gnaw your bones and gouge your skin,
And douse your hope. So run, but you are mine."
His solar eye rolled all around to see,
But though he grunted, trampled, turned his frame
He could not spy the knights disguised in green.

Sir Kay perspired below his armor's weight
And tightly gripped the rough of moss and bark
As Trwyth's growling shivered in his bones.
His heavy lance was nestled 'neath his neck
And fingers ached as clasped around its grip.
The plan they'd tossed between them on the way
Seemed murky, dim, an algae-covered pond
Congealing think about his gasping face.
He closed his eyes and held them tight in hope
But when he looked again the shrubs still crashed
And oaken trunks still torn apart and flayed
As Trwyth wheeled and furiously sought
The spears that shifted underneath the leaves.
He crawled around the tree, Sir Kay, to peek,
And saw the massive reeling boar in rage,
But not a hint of greyest Gwalchmai showed.
He swallowed. "Why do I return to fear,
As if this battle were my first?" he thought.
"Anxiety enflames my veins as if
Of jelly I was wrought. Must pain arrive
Before my every battle? Seasoned, I,
And truthful under armor, kind, and strong.
My heart, what wounds let spill your precious sap?
Can it be done? Can we succeed in this?
No reason I can find that death should wait
And stall to visit me another day."
Some tears as angels flowed within his eyes
And all the story of his life made sense
In these the final hours he breathed in life.
A flash of youthful training in the yard
With father Ector, and a scrawny boy
Who soon became his liege -- and all the wars
In which he'd been a bloody part. This beast
Was in his vision too, for they had dueled
And Arthur's knights had nobly bested boar
To exile Trwyth under churning tides.
His sheen of sweat began to sting his eyes
And stirred him from his instant dream of death.
And this was why he turned and saw, in flight,
The poison shafts that Gwalchmai grey had loosed.
They seemed to spell some doom with purest arc
In which they flew, and when they struck the flesh
Of mountain-dwarfing boar -- upon his thigh --
The sound was almost heard of damning bell
As one that tolls for men. At once a squeal
Impaled the air and sent the birds from trees;
The caterwaul as shrill as gate to hell
That from its hinges reels with terror's flame.
The trees were churned and trampled, now he knew
Where unseen archer set his hiding spot.
Like thunder underground the earth did shake
As beast began his fearsome shrieking charge.
Between the knights Twrch Trwyth shook the woods
And with his monstrous frame he moved as swift
As summer squall upon the thirsty plains.
And he was nearly there, to Gwalchmai's cloak,
When secret foam made contact with his blood
And paralyzed the leg where arrows stuck.
He made a vicious sprawl and crushed some trees
Beneath his weight which fell like sculpted bronze.
The instant Trwyth fell, in rushed his cub
That knights had seen before, that smaller boar,
And nuzzled at the giant's fallen flank.
Yet mountain that had fallen flailed in wrath
And nearly struck the smaller son, who fled.
Twrch Trwyth roared and kicked his frantic hooves
And bellowed as he tried to right himself
Without the limb that Gwalchmai's foam made lame.
His tusks dug furrows in the ground, he drooled
And choked while screaming curses wet and raw,
And then it was that Kay percieved his chance
And leapt, with lance, from shadowed hiding place
To charge his foe. The giant's eyes were wide
And rolled within his skull, but glimpsed not Kay
While raging to regain his balance lost.
Sir Kay beneath his armor lacked in speed,
Yet in precision made his tactic count:
When he had reached the beast -- unseen from wrath --
He planted rooting foot upon the soil
And thrust his lance between the demon's ribs
With all the might that dwells in faithful hearts.

The lance did pierce the bristled mane of hair
And skin wrapped underneath, and muscles taut,
Yet somehow Trwyth closed his ribs like teeth
And grasped the tip of lance and held it fast,
And wrested it away from from Kay, who shrunk,
But only for the time it dook to draw
His burnished blade. He charged the writhing boar
And carved him up, his hacking wily, fierce,
And though the wounds were weeping blood, no cut
Could penetrate the the toughness of his flesh.
Unspoken boar who rose from ocean depths
Now rose upon his hooves and stood aright
Though knight was feverishly flaying him
In vain attempt to cease his curséd heart.
The buried tusk was fast and slammed Sir Kay
Upon the jagged ground. He grabbed his side,
The gauntlets bloodied on the armored knight,
Exhaustion in his limbs: the aches of age.
He knelt, but struggled to his feet, on guard
Against the thundercloud of demon boar:
Twrch Trwyth shook his tusks and roared of hell
While using three good legs to surge at Kay --
The monstrous boar was heedless of the trees
And ran them down, the prey could only flee
To save himself from being crushed to clay.
He turned his back and rushed through undergrowth
Evading trample of enragéd boar
By running random as the whims of fate.
The crash of trees was deafening, yet still
He heard a novel sound: an arrow's cry
As like the kind in use by hunting men
Who signal from afar. He turned his head
And saw that Trwyth too had heard the sound.
Another arrow screamed at them, and struck
The face of raging boar, below his eye.
He stopped his charge. He sniffed and looked around
With eyes moon-huge and yellow, mad with blood,
He spat and yelled and turned his bulk towards
The screaming taunting arrows' path behind,
Abandoning the helpless Kay who bled
And clutched his side where demon tusk defiled
The plates that formed his armor. On a trunk
He leaned and braced his back and felt his wound.

The eyes Twrch Trwyth bore could see the man
Who stood upon a broken tree and loosed
Another stinging dart that screamed and stuck
Between the bristles on his shoulders' hills.
The legs Twrch Trwyth used were mostly free
From ugly burning venom, he was sure
And building up tremendous speed and rage
Towards the tiny knight in cloak of grey.
The tusks Twrch Trwyth bore were sharply honed,
He lowered them as he approached his prey,
Prepared to smash the trees on which he stood
To driftwood, splinters, powder; all to dust.
That simple archer with his cloak of grey
Rebellious stood against Twrch Trwyth's rush
Atop a leaf-bare tree that he had climbed
By way of leaning trunk that beast had split.
Another bristle stung the foul pig's face
Provoking yet another shrieking squeal
And thunder from his hooves did crack the ground
As speed increased; damn murder spelled in drool
Upon the lips of bloody boar. He was,
They say, some god that stalked the minds of man
In young and dismal places of the world
Though all his power helped him not in duels:
His satiation in the sacrificed
Of forest cults who bled themselves for him.
As god who ruled their rage, his temper grew
Eclipsing all his thought divine while trapped
For ages in his prison 'neath the waves.
His roar was with the lungs of mindless beast,
For all his grace departed when he slew
Distraught in carnage and in love with hate.
And this is how it came to pass that he,
Twrch Trwyth, god of rage of vengeful clans
In holy bloodlust slain. He roared, he charged,
And agile knight of grey did slip aside
To hold the leaning trunk, and fall with it,
Exposing in its fulcrum nether side
Of trunk which carved had been to sharpened point.
It was momentum killed the beast, and kills
Us all. The monster's ribs like teeth again
Did close around the piercing tree, yet cracked
And could not halt enough his deadly charge.
And we who hold our broken hearts and moan
Are ants to him who feels his organ torn,
Exploding virile blood within his chest.
The shriek he wretched was toxic to the ear
And ripped the birds from nests and spoiled milk.
The blood was flowing from his mouth yet still
The fallen god pressed on, devouring lance
With wound until it broke behind his back,
Emerging coated in his sanguine slime.
As far as dying hooves could press he came,
'Til Gwalchmai, fallen, well could smell the breath
That once crushed kings beneath the founding soil.
A dying ocean poured from mouth of dying god,
This ocean too he poured: "I never thought
To meet my end upon this earth. Am I
A traveller bound for damned damnation, or
Will sweet salvation find me? All I've done,
The work that I was brought about to do.
I hope some justice, fair reward to reap,
And curse you, foul grey knight of Arthur's camp:
I hope to never see your ilk again,
I hope you meet your end upon this earth
And all you love shall come to ill and death.
As long as I am dead, you too shall be.
This knight I curse, my pain has barbed his heart,
And so I die." And so he died, the god,
Twrch Trwyth of the bloodied forest cults
Who rent the land in rage. His soul, at peace,
Ascended from the matter of his flesh,
He rose: from every pore to every cyst,
His spirit joined the endless veil of mist.

VIII

When Kay was found among the roots and leaves
He'd stained the earth with heavy blood that oozed
From gash along his side. His plate was off,
His pauldrons too, he'd stripped them down
Allowing wound to bleed. "We must away,"
Said Gwalchmai, dragging Kay to shaking feet.
"Some shelter we can find, some place to rest
And eat, and heal ourselves. We've done it, Kay!
The beast is dead! The monster boar lies slain!"
But only dull approving nod gave Kay,
So dazed from loss of strength. He faintly walked
While Gwalchmai struggled sore to hold him up,
And bind the ragged rip that wept his blood,
And on and on the miles to forest's end.
Through haze of pain Sir Kay did weakly smile,
"Perhaps this is a dream from fevered wound
Across my side, yet what do I recall?
Some Well we found, some magic hidden stream?
I wish that this were true, for I've a thirst."
His head did limply nod 'gainst guilty knight,
Grey Gwalchmai bore Sir Kay, and felt his pain,
But Kay had passed from consciousness to sleep,
And damning thoughts, like ghosts, drained Gwalchmai's mind
As through the tangled nest of vines he strode
While setting sun gave way to twilight gloom.

A noise behind, some rustle in the leaves
Alerted grey-cloaked knight to draw his sword
And lay unconscious Kay to rest in peace
Among a bed of bluebells, in the shade.
The guilty Gwalchmai waved his brand about
And called "Seek not this foe! I am a knight
In sore despair, and all with hate shall meet
This blade that drinks of hearts." From shadowed leaves
The rustle was pronounced and shape there came:
The youngling boar, still of a size with men,
Stepped through the vines and snarled, dripping drool.
A grace came over silver knight aloof
And into stance he slipped like falling leaf.
His steel was poised, his arms were steel, his mind
The undercurrents of a mountain stream.
His voice was subtler still when then he spoke
Behind his mask of concentration. "I…
Am sorry. Trwyth was a beast of lust
That threatened peace in woods that stretch between
These endless seas of mist. Deserved his death
Perhaps I'd say he did, were I to judge,
But I do not, and meant no harm to you
In either course. If raw your heart and blood,
If raw your veins and all your brains are boiled,
Then seek us out when you are grown with strength
For Justice is our courthouse built upon,
And thus is how we hold King Arthur's court.
Yet learn, I urge you son of forest god,
The ways your father was corrupt, and grow
From out of them to throne of nature's power!
Injustice is a wheel that faster turns
When we reach out to spin its ugly spokes."
They stood, they two, the man and hateful beast,
Surveying pools behind the others' eyes
And slowly, very slow, the vines and thick
Did swallow younger boar beneath their dark.
A sigh expelled the worried winds inside
As Gwalchmai hefted Kay across his back
And dragged him from the silent woods of death.

Beyond the nest of twisting angry trees
They found, in plains that bordered ceaseless shore,
A lonesome farmer's cottage on the hill.
The orange friendly light from windows spilled,
Illuminating pockets of the mist
That shifted white and grey like Gwalchmai's cloak.
His gauntlet wrapped upon the wooden door
Disturbing restful night from those within.
There was a peaceful farmer, and his wife,
And faithful donkey steed who slept with them
Beside the breathing swirling tongues of flame
That barely clung to life. The life in Kay
As faint as glowing embers in the cold
Of early winter. "I must beg your help,"
Said Gwalchmai grey to them. "A knight I am,
Of Arthur's court with knightly friend in need.
Some shelter, food, is all that we require,
I humbly beg you sovereign farmer lords."
A kindly couple roused from sleep they were,
And sheltered knights for nights and days while Kay
Did heal. His consciousness was in and out, he dreamed
Of other lives that people might have lived
And other shores inhabited. Are these
Delusionary thoughts, or prophecies,
He wondered in the pathways of his rest.

While Kay did sleep and farmers farmed their fields
The honest Gwalchmai rode the donkey steed
And after several setting suns, returned
With mounts in tow that they had brought and lost,
With saddlebags of Caerleon intact.
A gift he made of boons he stored within
And labored in the kindly couple's fields
As one of them. And every plant he touched
Was blessed to be perennial and green,
For him the secret god who led our minds
In times when wilderness was all we knew.
And when the moon saw wide with opened lids
Sir Gwalchmai and Sir Kay set out for home.
The fields they passed gave way to plains in bloom,
Splotched red and pink and dewy blonde, the hills
That swelled as ocean waves propelled them home
And kept them not to wander endless seas.
The plains they passed gave way to woods of light,
Aglow with bough and leaf of sleepy green
And sneaky white of moss and lichen ghost,
Unlike the gloomy woods where beast was felled
Where vines had choked the breath of branch and bird.
The woods through which they rode became well-known
The acrobatic trunks grew pale and slight
With strange and twisted summer plants asleep,
And silver leaves did crown the canopy.
The streams ran in to one, as do our hearts,
And mighty river Usk revealed the route
To bring them to the foot of fabled keep...
Where Arthur never truly held his court
Or lived, but in the trails from heart to heart.

IX

He sat upon his throne and drank his wine,
Another dismal holy feast. He was,
They say, some god that stalked the minds of man
In strange and hollow places of the world
Though all his justice helped him not with joy:
His loneliness a barren mother swan.
Some friends from table absent, killed in spite
Or simply lost, or late, no king could tell.
And Mordred, since Gwyl Fair y Canhwyllau,
Had fled to raise black-hearted armies hence,
And if today he'd shown his face, a host
Would flail the king's own blood into his grave.
My son, my son, the agéd monarch thought,
We must dissolve our feud and live as one,
My son, my son, my only son. This feast
Has been undone by absences of kin.

From Gwyl Fair to Calan Mai he'd dreamt
A silver stag had claimed a forest knoll
And raised a silver foal, and made a home.
And hunters from the Darkness Land had come
To feed their tribe and gorge and multiply.
These dreams arrived whenever there was night,
And Arthur knew the hunters were his knights
Who chased the demon boar in different woods.
His tribe, and tribes of men would fill the earth
When all the gods were dead within their minds,
And his the hand that helped to shape this end.
He stroked his regal beard and sighed, and drank,
Bemoaning Calan Mai and murky wine
Though sunlit strands in feasting hall did play
And larks and loons were guests this holy day.
The burden of an honest king as great
As death of love with every judgment made,
And ursine Arthur frayed with weight and age.

The quests he'd set in motion often failed --
He mourned the ones who fell, their faces kept
In jars of memory -- yet on this day,
The holy Calan Mai, his knights returned.
Glewlwyd the gatekeeper let blare his horn,
Some startled birds took flight from tablecloth
To dye the court a host of joyful hues.
"Presenting, Lord, your mighty friends, the two
Who slew the demon boar, and ceased his ways,
And ever after cloaked our realm in peace
From hungry things who wish our table harm!
The order gained was sorely won by these:
Sirs Kay and Gwalchmai chaos killed this day!"
A mood erupted from the hall did raise
All cheers, all cups, all spirits there, and King
From off his throne did rise to greet his knights,
And met them halfway down the hall with cheer
So unrestrained that some had never seen
Their Lord in such a humor. When they met
They all embraced and Arthur said "Sir Kay,
My loving brother, ever conqueror,
My nephew, sly, my oldest friends returned,
With all the fire remaining in my bones
I welcome pair of souls that gods have blessed.
I dreamed this many night while hunted you,
And saw success, and wondered if it true.
And you have brought my heart returned to me
While still it beats and pumps its waning blood
And I am lost, though I am never free."

His knights returned him to the throne and kneeled,
And with the shining Clarent, sword of peace,
King Arthur blessed them both. The other blade,
The brand far-feared, Caledfwich, was lost
Beneath the lake, returned to Vivianne.
The King had mourned when it was gone, yet now
Its sister sword did twice the work, and shed
No drops of blood. The holy steel seemed kind
When lit upon their pauldrons, cleansing them
Of ills they'd met upon the road. And there
Was Guenivere to meet them as they rose.
In slender arms embraced them both with love
And gave her queenly thanks for bringing peace.
And at the Dream Queen's side, of course, was him,
Invincible in tournaments and fierce
With honor and with lance. He welcomed Kay,
And Gwalchmai, brothers with their brotherhood
United once again. These three are bound
In honor, and in lance, thought Arthur, King,
And are they bound as well to Gwenivere?
Unhappily he wondered to himself,
The cleft within his heart did always sting.
To shake the notions from his head and force
A joyous mood, he begged them tell their tale.

So Kay began: "We left when spring was new,
And forest woke from melting bed of snow,
We forded ancient streams grown rough and wide
And passed from woods that wrap our odal lands.
Upon the plains, a flock of friendly birds
Heard Gwalchmai's song, and came to meet with us.
Befriended we these birds that song inspired,
They led us to their treasure in the hills:
It was a Sacred Well, forgotten, bare,
Laid out as if the gods had said 'This draft
Sustain your weary fleshy limbs my son,'
But noble Gwalchmai thought refusal best,
And we set out without the vital cure
That might have purged our worldly ills and sins."
"Your story here runs false, Sir Kay. The Well,"
Said Gwalchmai grey, "was meant to tempt our souls.
A gift so great laid plain aroused my doubt
And thus I said we should not drink of it.
Recall, my King, thou knights, my former tale
And how acceptance of a mighty gift
Illuminated all my vulgar sins.
I saw a parallel, and that was all."
"If I may tell the story as I like,
We left that holy place that gods had sent
And wandered off to further crashing shore
Where forest with a stench of death we found.
Glewlwyd had spoken true, the blood
And bodies smeared the bark and jagged stones.
A monster Trwyth was when face to face.
Above the trees he stood, and Caerleon
He could have cracked with single iron hoof.
His blood began to burn when scent he caught
Of men that stumbled through his gorey nest,
But Gwalchmai had devised a cunning plan
To flay the beast 'til insides were without:
My might and shield distracted fearsome foe
While Gwalchmai set his trap and loosed his bow
And poison shafts did pierce the flesh of boar
And brought him low -- a titan fallen flat.
I carved his flesh and pricked his rage and thus
Recieved the grevious wound that kept us hence.
Though healed am I, regained in faculties,
A curse I may have sworn 'gainst brother here."
The court replied in laughter, Gwalchmai said
"And here you stand, delivering the tale.
I rather you had cursed me there and lived
To see this day, than blackened noble soul.
My role within the story now at hand,
A sooth I must relate: I set no trap.
Coincidence that fallen trees aligned
For me to sharpen trunk and have a lance.
My part was small, Twrch Trwyth forced himself
Upon the spear that pierced his breast and heart.
He cursed us on his final dying breath,
Yet hex was merely dissipating hate
That breezes caught, and into all dissolved.
We ended him," grey Gwalchmai finished soft.

And Arthur stroked his beard and said to them
"Twrch Trwyth gone, his kind is now annulled?"
All Kay could do was raise his sword in air
To mirror final thrust against a foe,
Asserting demon's death to all the court.
They cheered, and Arthur grew a knowing frown,
Yet Gwalchmai understood. "My liege, a child.
The fearsome beast was with his frightened young.
While Kay was out from loss of blood, we met,
The youngling boar and I. I thought it wrong
To slay a creature cold before 'twas grown,
So words were all we had, I let it go;
If ever spirits leave the world, we know
There is another nature god to grow."
And peace had crept upon King Arthur's eyes,
And underneath his beard a smile appeared
That lightened all his court. The birds gave cheer,
As did the knights and ladies, beasts and plants,
The stones that made the castle, mountain bones,
And all the land asleep in ancient myths
That coiled about the island in the mists.

Claire R Aug 2013

General Barker: What are you doing, Corporal?
Radar: Doing, sir?
Barker: D-O-I-N-G! What are you doing?
Radar: I'm listening to you spell "doing", sir.

General Barker: Nurse, is everyone in this outfit crazy?
Nurse: Everybody who's sane is, sir.

Hawkeye: Three hours ago, this man was in a battle. Two hours ago, we operated on him. He's got a fifty-fifty chance. We win some, we lose some. That's what it's all about. No promises. No guaranteed survival. No "saints in surgical garb." Our willingness, our experience, our technique are not enough. Guns and bombs and anti-personnel mines have more power to take life than we have to preserve it. Not a very happy ending to a movie. But then again, no war is a movie.

Radar: They aren't gonna like this.
Frank: I didn't come here to be liked.
Radar: You certainly came to the right place.

PA Announcement: Attention, the following personnel have volunteered to go on a ten-mile fitness hike. [Silence]

Henry: Look, all I know is what they taught me at command school. There are certain rules about a war. Rule number one is young men die. And rule number two is doctors can't change rule number one.

Hawkeye: [thinking as he writes] I've never put much stock in ESP, but if it is possible for one person to read another person's mind, Radar has that ability. The little fink.
Radar: [walking past] Is that a nice thing to say?

Colonel Hersh: You got any stethoscopes there?
Hawkeye: WE'RE A MEDICAL UNIT!!!

General Clayton: Henry, are you sitting down?
Henry: [stands up] No, sir.
Clayton: Maybe you better.
Henry: [sits down] Yes, sir.
Hawkeye: Is he giving you calisthenics over the phone?

Sidney: Sign this, soldier.
Klinger: What's it say?
Sidney: It says that I have examined you and found you to be a transvestite and a homosexual.
Klinger: I ain't any of those. Where do you get off calling me that?
Sidney: I think I got the idea from your cleavage.
Klinger: Listen, all I want is a Section 8. You know what you can do with this.
Sidney: Hey soldier. You forgot your purse.

Henry: You were ordered to stand down!
Hawkeye: I did, but I fell up again.

Hawkeye: [looking for maps of the minefield] Why aren't they under "M"?
Radar: Because they're under "B" for "boom."

General Mitchell: Who are you?
Margaret: Majors Burns and Houlihan, sir!
General Mitchell: Which is which?
Hawkeye: Doesn't matter, they're interchangeable.

[Klinger has gone hang-gliding in a housecoat and slippers]
Hawkeye: Did you see that?
Nurse: What?
Hawkeye: A big red bird with fuzzy pink feet.
Trapper: Hawkeye, did you see that?
Hawkeye: What did you see?
Trapper: A big red bird with fuzzy pink feet.

Hawkeye: Frank, do you know what a hero is? Ninety-nine times out of a hundred, he's somebody who's tired enough and cold enough and hungry enough not to give a damn. I don't give a damn.

Hawkeye: [on the telephone seeking help] Send me anyone! Jack the Ripper! Anyone who's good with a knife!

Frank: You're asking me to let a pervert out of the Army?!
Hawkeye: Oh, by all means, Frank. Let's leave the perverts in the Army.
Trapper: Anyway, Klinger's not a pervert.
Margaret: How do you know?
Trapper: Because I'm one—and he's never at the meetings!

Henry: Don't tell me. I don't want to know about it. You guys have my full permission, and I never said that. I mean, I'm not even here, so how could I? Radar!
Radar: Sir?
Henry: Make an entry in the daily report that I wasn't here today, and bring it to me so I can sign it.
Radar: Uh, sir, if you sign it, it'll show you were here.
Henry: Then you sign it for me.
Radar: Yes, sir. Should I sign your name?
Henry: You'll have to, because I'm gonna say it was a forgery.

Henry: [pulling out Klinger's file] Here we go. Father dying, right?
Klinger: Yes, sir.
Henry: [going through letters in Klinger's file] Father dying, last year. Mother dying, last year. Mother and father dying. Mother, father, and older sister dying. Mother dying and older sister pregnant. Older sister dying and mother pregnant. Younger sister pregnant and older sister dying. Here's an oldie but a goodie: half of the family dying, other half pregnant. [puts file down] Klinger, aren't you ashamed of yourself?
Klinger: Yes sir. I don't deserve to be in the Army.

Flagg: It all depends on HQ.
Henry: HQ.
Flagg: Why did you say HQ? Whoever told you about HQ?
Henry: Well, you told me, Colonel Flagg.
Flagg: Who's Colonel Flagg?

Pratt: [referring to Flagg] Another time, he crashed his Jeep into a wall and set himself on fire.
Hawkeye: Is this guy available for kids' parties?

General Steele: War and whiskey don't mix! General Grant kept throwing up on his bugler.

General Steele: I predict an early end to this war, if it doesn't rain and we get all wet.

General Steele (inspecting Father Mulcahy): There are no atheists in foxholes!
Father Mulcahy: I've heard that.

General Steele I'd like to see a shine on that cross, father.

General Steele (inspecting Radar O'Reilly): The Irish were rotten Indian fighters! (Relenting and patting Radar's shoulders) Enlisted men . . . backbone of the Army! Where are you from, son?
Radar: Iowa, sir—
General Steele: NO TALKING IN THE RANKS!

General Steele (To Klinger): Not now, Margery. I'm inspecting the troops.

General Steele: M is for mobile! And mobile you shall be!

Hawkeye: I will not carry a gun, Frank. When I got thrown into this war I had a clear understanding with the Pentagon: no guns. I'll carry your books, I'll carry a torch, I'll carry a tune, I'll carry on, carry over, carry forward, Cary Grant, cash and carry, carry me back to Old Virginia, I'll even 'hari-kari' if you show me how, but I will not carry a gun!

Hawkeye: I just don’t know why they’re shooting at us. All we want to do is bring them democracy and white bread. Transplant the American dream. Freedom. Achievement. Hyperacidity. Affluence. Flatulence. Technology. Tension. The inalienable right to an early coronary sitting at your desk while plotting to stab your boss in the back.

Sidney: Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice. Pull down your pants, and slide on the ice.

PA Announcement: Due to conditions beyond our control, we regret to announce that lunch is now being served.

Klinger: (On guard duty at night.) Halt! What's the password.
Hawkeye: (in a threatening tone) Outta my way, or i'll split your head open.
Klinger: ...Close enough!

Hawkeye: (After hearing the main dish is liver and/or fish again) ...I didn't hear you say that. Because it isn't possible. It's inhuman to serve the same food day after day. The Geneva convention prohibits the killing of our tastebuds! I simply can not eat the same food day after day. Fish! Liver! Day after day! I've eaten a river of liver, and an ocean of fish! I've eaten so much fish, I'm ready to grow gills! I've eaten so much liver I can only make love if I'm smothered in bacon and onions! (to the rest of the mess tent) Are we going to stand for this?! Are we going to let them do this to us?! NO, I say NO! We're not going to eat this dreck anymore! (starts a riot) We want something else! We want something else! (While chanting continues) Draftees of the world, arise! You have nothing to lose but your cookies! We want something else! (protesting continues, then scene cuts to Hawkeye sitting in Henry's office).
Henry: Just who do you think you are, Pierce?!
Hawkeye: (looking up at Henry with guilt)...I broke under the pressure, warden.

Frank: Klinger, I want to see you out of that dress...tonight!
Klinger: Never on a first date, sir!

Frank: Anyone who needs psychiatry is sick in the head.

Klinger: Colonel, if you can hear me, knock three times. If you can't, knock twice.
(Henry knocks twice)
Klinger: Oh lord, he's dead.

Klinger: What's this morning's breakfast?
Trapper: Last night's dinner.
Klinger: Great, that was yesterday's lunch.

Flagg: My orders are to do whatever it takes to break up this penicillin ring, and I have written permission to die in the attempt!

Klinger (on guard duty): Halt! Who goes there?
Henry: Outta the way, Klinger.
Klinger: I've gotta have the password, Colonel.
Henry: Bullfeathers!
Klinger: That was LAST week's password.

Radar: (walking very slowly into the OR, shortly after Blake's departure) I have a message: Lt. Col... Henry Blake's plane...was shot down... over the Sea of Japan. It spun and . . . there were no survivors. (He leaves, fighting tears)

Frank: Another week of command and I'd have had you out of that dress!
Klinger: I'm not that easy.

Klinger: Colonel Potter, sir. Corporal Klinger. I'm section eight, head-to-toe. I'm wearing a Warner bra. I play with dolls. My last wish is to be buried in my mother's wedding gown. I'm nuts. I should be out.
Potter: Horse hockey! I've seen these dodges for 40 years, all the tricks. Knew a private, pretended he was a mare. Carried a colt in his arm for weeks. Another fellow said he was a daisy. Insisted we water him every morning. No, no, Corporal. It ain't gonna go with me. Now you get out of that froufrou and into a uniform. And you stay in uniform. Dismissed!

Jenkins: Halt, who goes there?
Radar: It's the Colonel.
Jenkins: Oh, sorry, go ahead, sir.
Potter: Don't you want to know the password?
Jenkins: I already know it, sir.

Hawkeye They'll keep coming whether I'm here or not. Trapper went home, they're still coming. Henry got killed and they're still coming. Wherever they come from, they'll never run out.

Captain Pratt: Well, you are, doctor, I am afraid, what George Orwell referred to in 1984 as an "un-person." [chuckles]
Hawkeye: An "un-person"? Now I'm an un-person. Do you know that right now back in Maine my father, not realizing I'm undead, is at this moment mourning his "un-son."
Captain Pratt: Well, I don't know any other way out of it.
Hawkeye: Oh, you don't, huh? He just rattles around in that empty house, gives my things away to the Salvation Army and ages a couple of years for every day he thinks I've shaken off this khaki coil!

Frank (into walkie-talkie): Attention all Allied personnel: There are only about half a dozen stars visible, sky-wise: I am directly under the brightest one.
Hawkeye: Very good, Frank.
BJ: They'll start looking for us in Bethlehem.

Hawkeye: Bite your tongue, Margaret. Or better yet, let me do it.

(Hawkeye is teaching Koreans to speak English)
Hawkeye: I will get the nurse.
South Koreans (with limited English): I will get the nurse.
Hawkeye: Frank Burns eats worms.
South Koreans: Frank Burns eats worms.

Mulcahy: (talking about a patient): Is he going to be all right?
Hawkeye: Well, we could be bombed, there could be an avalanche, or Frank could operate on him again.
Frank: Twerp.
(Hawkeye turns and points to the South Koreans)
South Koreans: You tell him, Ferret Face.

Potter: I've got a soft spot for Klinger. He looks a little like my son and he dresses a lot like my wife.

Colonel Coner: Our losses were insignificant.
Hawkeye: How many kids in an insignificant?

Frank: The way I see it, unless we each conform, unless we obey orders, unless we follow our leaders blindly, there is no possible way we can remain free.

BJ: Minding my own business is a full-time job. In my spare time, it's my hobby. I can't divide myself emotionally. I couldn't break my word to Peg, and not because God will send me to Hell without an electric fan or because it's not the right thing to do. I simply don't want to.
Hawkeye: You've got a lot to learn about messing up your life.

Hawkeye: A war is like when it rains in New York and everybody crowds into doorways, ya know? And they all get chummy together. Perfect strangers. The only difference, of course, is in a war it's also raining on the other side of the street, and the people who are chummy over there are trying to kill the people who are over here who are chums.

Klinger: If I had all the answers, I'd run for God.

Frank: Pierce, you disgust me!
Hawkeye: That's right, Frank. I discussed you with everyone I know. They all think you're disgusting.

Radar [reading Hawkeye's letter]: "Take care, son. We are connecting the dogs."
Hawkeye: That's "counting the days."
Radar: "We are counting the days. All my love..." Major Burns.
Hawkeye: What?
Radar: Major Burns, coming this way.

Margaret: Did you ever once show me any friendship? Ever ask my help in a personal problem? Include me in one of your little bull sessions? Can you imagine how it feels to walk by this tent and... [gasps and breaks down] hear you laughing and know that I'm not welcome? Did you ever offer me a lousy cup of coffee?
Nurse: We didn't think you'd accept.
Margaret: Well, you were wrong.

Klinger (as a Korean girl stares at his dress): This is what happens to you when you don't eat your vegetables.

Sidney: Freud said that there is a link between anger and wit. Anger turned inwards is depression. Anger turned sideways is Hawkeye.

Klinger: Is it any wonder I can't get a Section Eight? In this unit, if you want to be crazy, you gotta stand in line.

Klinger: Who put gasoline in my gasoline?

Potter: (seeing Klinger eat a piece of a jeep): "A" for effort Klinger but it's not gonna work.
Klinger: Watch this. (swallows the lugnut and smiles).
Radar: Oh wow right down.
Klinger: Dip it in a little 30 weight motor oil, pop it in and let it slide down the gullet like a blue point oyster.
Radar: Colonel he's crazy.
Klinger: See? I got a witness. You gotta give me a Section 8 and send me home.
Potter: No dice.
Klinger: If you don't let me out for being a nut you're nuttier than me! Sir.'

[Klinger is playing horseshoes with Potter.]
Potter: I don't know how you do it, Klinger.
Klinger: Well, sir, I learned how to throw horseshoes in Toledo.
Potter: What's that got to do with it?
Klinger: We didn't throw them for fun. We threw them in self-defense!

Potter: Listen, it's too big a world to be in competition with everybody. The only person I'm out to beat is who I am right now. And in your case, that's tough enough.

BJ [singing]: Git along, little doggie...
Hawkeye: I had a long little doggie once. A Dachshund.
BJ: Oh a little hot dog. What happened to it?
Hawkeye: It got all mustered out.
BJ: I relish these conversations.

Moody: When I was a kid, I used to fight all the time when people put me down. I believed what they said about me. Not any more. I've been up on the line. I had the guts to go out there and drag 'em back to the aid station. No one's gonna get me again with any verbal abuse because I got something guys like that will never have - self-respect.

Hawkeye: Look, you can't lay all that on my shoulders. Don't you know how much this place stinks? Don't you know what it's like to stand day after day in blood? In the blood of children? I hate this place. And if I can't stand up to it to your satisfaction, then... then the hell with it. How dare you? The hell with your Iowa naivete, and the hell with your hero worship and your teddy bear, and while you're at it, the hell with you! Why don't you grow up, for crying out loud? I'm not here for you to admire. I'm here to pull bodies out of a sausage grinder, if possible without going crazy. Period. (Radar begins to cry) Come on, cut it out. Stop it, will ya!? You ninny!

Radar: I don't think this place is turning out to be that great an experience for me. I mean I work under terrible pressure and everything and there's a lot of death and destruction and stuff but outside of that I don't think I'm really getting much out of it.

Hawkeye: Radar I'd like to apologize.
Radar: Oh yeah? Well you can just forget it. Just forget it! The hell with me huh. The hell with you. How about that? And another thing. I wanna tell you something. Anyone who says anything about Iowa better be prepared to back it up pal. I'll give you a fistful of Iowa naiveteness right in the stomach. How about that huh?!
Hawkeye (stopping the nurse trying to calm Radar down): No, let him go.
Radar: You know I don't need you to tell me what's what. I know what's what just as well as you do. So why don't you just crawl back in your bottle of booze and pickle yourself?

Sidney: When Pierce and Hunnicutt lose one, he's out of his misery. When I lose one, I've lost a mind.
Mulcahy: When I lose one, I've lost a soul. I guess it all depends on your point of view.

Charles: Do you two realize that you are singing two entirely different operas and they're both out of tune?
Hawkeye: Don't blame me, I didn't write this stuff.

Klinger: When I leave the army, it'll be the honorable way...with a section 8!

Klinger: Colonel, I missed you!
Potter: No.
Klinger: About my heart murmur, Sir...
Potter: No.
Klinger: My double vision is coming back.
Potter: No.
Klinger: I've fallen in love with a goat!
Potter: No.
Klinger: Glad to have you back, Sir.

Hawkeye (trying to guess what "BJ" stands for): Belvedere Jehoshaphat.
BJ: Got it! First try.

Hawkeye (still trying to guess what "BJ" stands for): Was your mother Spanish?
BJ: No, why?
Hawkeye: That eliminates Benito Juarez.

Kwang: Why do you wear the uniform of a nurse?
Klinger: It's a disguise. I'm hiding from sanity.
Kwang: That's crazy.
Klinger: See? It's working!

Hawkeye: Look at this! All my fleas are dead! [to Charles] MURDERER!

Hawkeye: I am the essence of overconfidence. I am speculation, adventure, the spirit of pursuit, the stag howling for its winsome, yet anonymous mate. I am the love call of evolution, the perfume and color of the flowers as they offer their pollen to the gentle fuzz of the bees. I am sex itself, gentlemen. I am life, I am appetite!
BJ: And I'm not taking my clothes off till he leaves.

Hawkeye: With Klinger and Mulcahy's blood in him, this kid will wake up singing "Ave Maria" in Lebanese.

Potter: What is this idiocy about?
Flagg: Your spy ring.
Potter: Spy ring?
Flagg: Very clever, hiding under a house of cards while you plot the overthrow of the free world.
Hawkeye: He's got us, guys, we might as well confess. I'm Joe Stalin. This is Mao Tse-Tung, Marshall Tito, and, of course, you already know Lenin. What can I say, we couldn't get a room in the Kremlin.

Potter: Listen, Radar, I guess you realize I'm kinda fond of you. Lord knows I've never met a soul I could depend on more, but above all that, you've been a damn good friend. Well, friend, it's time we said goodbye. Time you got on with your life. You've come as far as you can go here. You've earned your wings... now you've gotta fly.

Radar (his last line in MAS*H): I'm ready, let's go.

Potter (to Hawkeye): This is the happy hour. Angry hour starts at ten!

Hawkeye: We're 3 1/2 minutes over! Damn it!!
BJ: Maybe the hypothermia bought us some time.
Hawkeye: Yeah, on the other hand, maybe it didn't.
BJ: Hawk, we saved his life.
Hawkeye: Yeah, well I guess that's something.
BJ: It's more than something, it's everything.

[Hawkeye and BJ ask Klinger who he thinks is the funniest guy in the camp.]
Klinger: It's no contest: neither one of you. You guys don't even make the first cut. I'm trying to tell my uncle what kind of a place I work in: doctors, nurses saving lives. Well, I got a commanding officer who dresses me up in his clothes and sits me on a horse named Sophie so he can paint his own picture. There's a priest writing war ditties, and a snooty Major who pays me twenty bucks to follow him out in the woods and watch him blow up a pigeon with a landmine. And if that doesn't do it for ya, I got a head nurse who shoots unarmed luggage. All you two guys do is walk around all day telling jokes. What the hell's so funny about that? It's no wonder I never got a Section Eight; there's nothing special about me. Everybody here is crazy.

Potter: It's a tragedy people have to eat horses, they're beautiful animals. You ever take a peek at a cow or a pig? They're ugly. We're doing them a favor by eating 'em . Saves 'em the agony of looking at their reflections in the trough every morning. But a horse, that's a noble beast. Why, in the cavalry, a man's steed was his best friend, a real companion. Where do people get off making pork chops out of them? Too much killing in this world, too much death. No respect for people, for tradition, for life. The whole world is spinning down the tubes and nobody even seems to notice. I don't know, I...

Hawkeye: I think our job might be a little easier than yours, Sidney. At least we can always see where they're bleeding.

Hawkeye: (answering a letter after operating on a young girl): "Ronnie, it's not a good idea to take the love you had for your brother and turn it into hate. Hate makes war, and war is what killed him. I understand your feelings. Sometimes I hate myself for being here. But once in a while, in the midst of this insanity, a very small event can make my being here seem almost bearable. I'm sorry I don't have an answer for you, Ronnie, except to suggest that you look for good wherever you can find it."

Margaret: It never fails to astonish me. You're alive, you're dead. No drums, no flashing lights, no fanfare. You're just dead.

Klinger: Now the army is my best friend... I may get shot in the stomach... but I won't get stabbed in the back.

Hawkeye: (Drinking coffee): I'm sorry Father. I don't really feel much like talking. I just had to tell a patient he has leukemia.
Mulcahy: Good heavens. That must have been very difficult for you.
Hawkeye: I didn't want to tell him but he wouldn't let me off the hook. I'm a doctor, a guy looks to me for answers and the only thing I can say is that you have this incurable disease and there is nothing I can do about it. Can't blame this on the war. Can't blame it on anything.
Mulcahy: Especially yourself.

Soldier: Am I all right? I can't feel anything in my legs.
Charles: Try to hang on. We're going to get you to a MASH unit and they'll patch you up just fine.
Soldier: I don't know if I can, Doc. I feel real weird.
Charles: Just stay with it.
Soldier: Doc?
Charles: Hm?
Soldier: You still there?
Charles: Sure.
Soldier: I can't see you, hold my hand.
Charles: I am holding it.
Soldier: I can't feel it. Oh God, I'm gonna die.
Charles: Can you hear me?
Soldier: Yes.
Charles (crying): What is happening to you? Can you feel anything? See anything? Please, I have to know. What is happening to you?
Soldier: I smell bread.
Charles: I don't understand.
(soldier dies)

PA Announcement: Attention! The Chinese have begun a new offensive. Command anticipate heavy casualties within the next twenty-four hours. This is a recording.

Potter: Every month there's a new procedure we have to learn because somebody's come up with an even better way to mutilate the human body! Tell me this, Captain: how the hell am I supposed to keep up with it?!
Captain: I'm only...
Potter: If they can invent better ways to kill each other, why can't they invent a way to end this stupid war?!!

[Last scene of the series]
Hawkeye: Look, I know how tough it is for you to say goodbye, so I'll say it. Maybe you're right. Maybe we will see each other again. But just in case we don't, I want you to know how much you've meant to me. I'll never be able to shake you. Whenever I see a pair of big feet or a cheesy mustache, I'll think of you.
B. J.: Whenever I smell month-old socks, I'll think of you.
Hawkeye: Or the next time somebody nails my shoe to the floor...
B. J.: Or when somebody gives me a martini that tastes like lighter fluid.
Hawkeye: I'll miss you.
B. J.: I'll miss you, a lot. I can't imagine what this place would've been like if I hadn't found you here. [The two men hug, then Hawkeye boards the helicopter while B. J. mounts his motorcycle, where he shouts over the helicopter] I'll see you back in the States—I promise! But just in case, I left you a note!
Hawkeye: What?!
[B. J. rides off. Hawkeye gives the pilot the thumbs-up to take off. As the helicopter ascends, Hawkeye looks down and smiles as he sees a message spelled in stones: GOODBYE]

punk rock hippy Jul 2014
5.

I drop four ice cubes into my coke out of habit.
I kiss my sweet love four times for good luck so our team can win the game.
I catch myself counting to four when Im ready to speak up, I don't count to three or even ten I count to four.

It was on my back in big white letters when dad looked through the chain linked fence and said with every ounce of his pride "Take it for a ride lex."
That's the day I got my first homerun.
That's my old man's favorite number and mine too.
Ill never know why I look at him like hes god.

He spelt my name wrong two years back.
The letters said L-e-x-i,
I whispered that's not how you spell my name it's spelled L-e-x-i-e.
I whispered because I didn't want to embarrass him, I thought if I talked quiet enough no one could see my lips break around the words in shock.
I was 5 when me and mom left him.
The number 5 is my most unlucky number it always takes something from me, like my dog, she was in my arms on the fifth of may when heaven called for her to go home.

Dad came the next day to burry her, the hole he dug was to shallow.
Days after her funeral foxes came and
scattered her bones across the field.  

It was a treasure hunt to find all of them, I tried to save her one last time.

I should really give that man a call.
I'll do it tomorrow , or I'll wait for him to call.
I'll count to four before I answer.

Christa Leuning Dec 2011

Thursday, 1:36AM
A conversation
Stemming from a picture
Posted on Facebook
Over whether a volleyball is pink or bubblegum.

You girls should seriously get your eyes checked
Suggests its owner
Because the volleyball is most definitely not pink
Indeed bubblegum and white.

It is sad, he says,
That a college-aged person does not know
The basic colors of life.
He tells us I will pray for you
As if we are the ones who need to be atoned.
What is our sin?

Hes wondering why
God gave us such shallow minds
And bad color perception.

To this I take offense, especially since
Perception is not spelled
“p-r-e-c-e-p-t-i-o-n”.
He brings
Conception, Construction and Liposuction
Into the mix.
Where is this going I asked What is the relevance
Of these things?
He has no answer…

The things I have learned from this
are very clear:
Pink does not equal bubblegum
Facebook does not equal
Intelligent conversation
And owning a pink volleyball
Does not equal being effeminate
And whether male or female
All are one.

Cheryl Mukherji Sep 2014

During one of my recent internet travels,
I came across a picture of a “minor”,
posing with tinted lips
and exposed breasts.
What got my eyes
pinned were the thousand number of likes
by virtually hooting “boys”
and comments by other group of “gentlemen”
telling her how to dress.

HUMILITY: I have been asked to repeat the word
too many times to recall what it means:
the man on the subway cat-called
and accused me of showing too much skin
but instead of fighting back, I smiled
because girls ought to be nice.
I have been taught to survive
by using my body as a swiss army knife,
and I convince myself that
there is protection in being polite.

H-U-M-I-I am forgetting the rest.

The smoke curled up from between his fingers
and he blew out toxic, blurring my vision.
I gasped and wheezed
but I held my sneeze,
I cannot slap him across his face. HUMILITY.
So, I just pretended to cough, hoping he’ll feel ashamed.

I have been trained to flutter my eyelash,
clench my jaw at a whiplash
and business school boys,
who manifest success by refusing to take “NO” for an answer.
And for every time his prying eyes
scan down by body,
as if rating my inexperienced assets on a scale of one to five,
and every time his touch trails a chill down my spine,
I wonder:
Male kindness is so alien to us; we confuse it with seduction every time.

HUMILITY: the quality of having a low view of one’s importance
but, I fail to understand
when did it become synonymous to diffidence;
there is a subtle difference between
papercuts and shattered integrity,
holding hands and chaining souls,
building houses and creating homes,
humiliation rotting down to bones and humility.
HUMILITY, have you spelled it too many times to know what it looks like?

Entheogens, such as:
Tetrahydrocannabinol, Lysergic Acid, Dimethyltryptamine, Mescaline and Psilocybin,
(of Cannabis, LSD, DMT, Peyote and Mushrooms, respectively)
(None of which Firefox thinks are spelled correctly, including 'Entheogen'..)
have many unfounded and illogical taboos about them
for the seemingly sole reasons that those who;
do not know themselves well enough,
and/or
do not realize the magnitude of what they are getting themselves into,
make themselves seem crazy or otherwise endangered or dangerous while having Revelations.

Heed not the Fear-Mongers:
(they generally fear for their own sake)

An Entheogen is a psychoactive substance that brings forth the Divine within one's self;
it is a temporary death of Ego
a temporary glimpse of Heaven
a brief window of Enlightenment.

An Entheogen is the basis for each major Religion on this planet.
Many established Religions have in turn proceeded to attempt to stamp them out
as if to eliminate healthy competition for their precious power hungry Dogmas
(similar to Wal-Mart, but in terms of Religion as opposed to Business, which is eerily similar)

Vines with DMT in them inspired early philosophers in Southeast Asia and South and Middle America.
Mushrooms crammed with Psilocybin were the basis of the monotheisms of the Middle East.
LSD has been a major pivotal factor in many mediums of art since it's 'accidental' synthesis in the 1930s.
Peyote has been a staple for North American shamen and mystics for thousands of years.
Cannabis, as well, has many mystical applications and medicinal properties used worldwide.

And yet,
all of these things are a massive no-no in commonplace Law worldwide
which is a detrimentally terrible turn
for the Spirituality, interconnectivity and thus Enlightenment
of Humanity.

The lack of unbiased, scientific, accurate and up-to-date information about Entheogens
is a tragedy paralleled only by the unnecessary loss of Rights, Freedom and Life,
not to mention the forgone personal lessons one can gain from Entheogens,
as a result of the censorship of sensible, reliable, consistent, fact-based Information.


Entheogens are only an inherently bad idea
if an individual is so ignorant of themselves as well as the nature of their Reality
that they wouldn't be able to handle the aspects of either
brought forth so abruptly by the Entheogens.


Entheogen: To make manifest the Inner Divine
Psychedelic: To make manifest the Mind


These two things are one in the same; yet one is far more stigmatized:

Entheogens/Psychedelics are vital
if we are ever to learn about the parts of ourselves and our Reality
which are too obscure to recognize in everyday life.

Entheogens make apparent the interconnectedness of the Universe;
They break down the superficial and illusory barriers 'twixt Self and Godself:

They are Death of Ego,
which is frightening to Egoslaves;
They are disillusionment,
temporary Enlightenment;
Mystic Teachers.
Shamen in Botanical form.

Entheogens are Divine gifts:
Terrestrial Shepherds for the Soul, Prisms of Divinity;
Ignored, excommunicated, exiled and squandered by Societies
in the supposed name of 'safety';

Safety for those wrongfully in Power, perhaps

We have truly crucified the Prophets.
It didn't just happen in Mythological history;
it has never stopped happening,
it's still happening right here and now.


What personal freedoms are we willing forgo in the name of totalitarianism?
None, I would hope.

To further illustrate the blinding absurdity:

Should we trade in our legs just so we wouldn't need to worry about stepping on pinecones?
I sure wouldn't.
Should we trade in our eyes to preclude seeing things we find uncomfortable?
I sure wouldn't
Should we trade in our voices in fear that we won't be heard?
I sure wouldn't
Should we lay down and accept Authoritarianism?
I sure won't

Would you, were it law?
though I would sure hope not,
many have
;

Law of this sort is an appeal to both Fear and Authority,
all of which are arbitrary
yet all of which mutually and relatively define each other.


Thus I implore of thee to heed these words:

Civil Disobedience is a Virtue.

Reflections of cultural Biases are everywhere.
Culture like this tends to suffocate Humanity.
Culture is a Cult that 'ure' (you're) in.
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/psychedelia-1/

Hello, everyone! This is one of the weirdest sites: or your money back! We have ZIM, neopets, music, and much, much, more. E-mail us for questions, comments, complaints and information. Why not click on the Very Weird Stuff link to see more, or click on the music link? We have halloween and christmas pictures on the NeoPics link. Cheese is not a wild thing!!!!!!!!! Now I have decided to go for a world record. I will try to make the longest web page ever, made completely out of text! Won't that be fun? I will just type, and type, and never, ever use copy and paste. Wow...I really must be bored. Just goes to show what boredom can do to you. Any way, that's it for now. Wait, no it isn't, I still have to keep going, and going, and going. Because I do. THE REST OF THE STUFF I TYPE WILL BE COMPLETLY IN CAPS JUST BECAUSE I CAN. THAT IS ALL. SEEYA! Hi, I'm back. So far this is nowhere near the world record. I think. I don't exactly know where it is...oh, well. I'll just have to do the very best that I can. No one is really coming here, anyway. So it doesn't matter. By the way, TAB is a worthwhile, community-service organization. The form link is to a 100% fake TAB registration form that you can fill out just for laughs. I can't believe I'm bothering to do this. I have very low expectations of my site. None ever comes here, I could do this all day long and I still wouldn't have any more hits. This is just a pointless excursive in spelling errors and grammatical imprecision. May your day be shiney! The following is an extremely weird poem-thingy that I wrote when I was in a relatively weird mood:
never mind that noise my dear can anyone pass the cheese only if you say pretty please oh, boy do I have to sneeze. why must everyone always rhyme, why I’m a poet and don’t I know it? what I fear comes right after here not this life or the next will I ever be able to pass the test? we’re stuck in here, (alone my dear) and we’ll problem never get out so don’t start to shout. it’s dark and I want to go home is where the heart was where is it now? we’ll never know but oh crap it’s starting to snow and it’s time to show and tell about the well that you found last summer at camp when it was damp it was near the ramp oh god why must this be I liked that tree but now it’s gone, farewell so long I’ll miss you as long as you write but then I’m afraid to say good-night. my dear there’s nothing to fear that’s only a box that’s made of blocks next to the wagon that looks like a dragon why are you shaking it’s your fear that is making you shiver and act all a quiver. don’t you know that you only need be afraid of fear and never anything here and certainly not a post that acts like a ghost?
See, very weird. At least it fills up my word quota for the day. Not that I exactly have a word quota for the day. It just sounded very professional to say it. Anyway, I still don't think that anyone is actually coming here. You'd have to be an absolute loser (or really bored) to come here. I'd probley come here, but that isn't much of a surprise. After all, I've been to the Really Really Big Button That Doesn't Do Anything website over 50 times. Pathetic. But, whatever. As long as I'm happy, right. Humor the crazy person, okay? Oh, guess what? According to someone you problem don't know, this is the second most pointless website ever! Next to the Really Big Button, of course. I feel special. Come on everyone, group hug. Okay, now I'm starting to scare myself...I'm gonna quit for today. Seeya. Now I'm back. Is this getting confusing to you? Too bad. Now I want you to go to http://quiz.ravenblack.net/blood.pl?biter=eon" If you do this I'll get points in the game. Come on all you non-existing people! Help me! You know you want to! It's a worthy cause! Honestly, the more time I waste playing the game, the less time I'll work on this site and the less stuff you gotta read. Although why you'd be here if you didn't want to read is beyond me. Maybe you're lost. Okay, if you want to get out, click the little refresh button, okay? Good...what? You say it didn't let you out? Oh, well. You must be caught in a time warp. Keep pressing it. Maybe you'll break free. What's that. The little counter at the bottom keeps going up? Never mind. That's just how many times you have to click before you can leave. Good-bye.

Hey, I'm once again: back. I don't suppose you fell for that little thing about the refresh button. After all, you're a responsible, intelligent person who apparently has a lot of time on your hands. Well, you can't possibly have more time than I do. I mean, after all, I made this site. You're only browsing it. And most people don't even come here. Not even my friends...sniffle The just ignore this poor, pathetic little page. All they do is fill out the TAB form and leave. I think. Maybe they're here right now! HI! HOW ARE YOU DOING? I'M FINE! THANKS FOR COMING! YES, I'M YELLING! Who am I kidding. This page won't get a single hit, unless I bribe people...now that has possibilities. Okay, fill out the TAB form, so I have proof that you bothered to come here and...uh...I'll...uh...send you a sandwich? Please allow 6-8 weeks for delivery. I'm bored. I'm gonna go hug a moose. MOOSE! I love-d you moose! Hey, I'm back again! Yea...waits for applause okay! Now I want all you loyal fans...cricket chirps to go to the link to see what I'm like. I took a whole bunch of personality quizzes and posted them there. I'm an evil villain, kitty and a freakazoid so far. And I only took the quiz once, too. Spooky how accurate they are...anyway, I command you to go! I'm going. I'm back. I'm gonna start counting how many times I say back. Let's see: 1...2...3...4...5! Wow. I must really be desperate for something to do. I now officially have proof that someone has been here! It was one of my friends. Apparently this page really is getting long, because my friend said something to that effect. Maybe. Anyway, moving on! I'm just basically typing nothing. Just like all those reports people have to do. You know? With a specific number of words. They start out with half that number, and then just fill in words until they have the right amount. I salute those people. You're great tradition is being carried out here, on the second most pointless site ever! Well. Maybe eventually some weird, bored person will wander onto my site on accident and be mildly entertained be my site until they wander onto a live video feed of a coffee maker. Or maybe not. I only know that I'm entertaining me, which was my original goal. So. I've done what I've set out to accomplish. Yea, me! I'm so special. You see, most people, they don't like reading or writing. So if you're not most people, you've made it down this far without skipping, skimming or getting the spark notes version. (Which I think does not exist) My point is, if you've bothered to read this, then, (like me) you probley have also read the ketchup bottle so many times that you have it down verbatim. Look verbatim up. It's a word. But, you should know that, since you like reading. Or maybe you're just skimming. Anyway, there's nothing wrong with reading food labels. You might be asked a question about them on a quiz show. And now, for the million-dollar question: How many calories are there in a single serving of Mustard? I can just see it now...It could be called Know-Your-Food. Or You are What you Eat. It'd probley be as popular as those game shows that no one's ever heard of. Speaking of food, what's up with pie? There's strawberry pie, apple, pumpkin and so many others, but there is no grape pie! I know. I'm just as upset about this unfortunate lack of development in the pie division. Think about it. Grapes are used to make jelly, jam, juice and raisins. What makes them undesirable for pie? Would they dry into raisins? Couldn't you just stick some jelly in a piecrust and bake it? It just doesn't make any sense. Another thing that bothers me is organ grinders. You know, the foreign guys with the bellhop hats and the little music thingy and the cute little monkey with the bellhop hat who collects the money? Okay. They're basically begging on the street. How did they ever afford an organ-thingy? Wouldn't it make more sense to get a kazoo, if you're broke? And if they're so poor, what possessed them to buy a monkey? I mean, I don't think I could afford a monkey, and I'm not exactly on the streets. Obviously I at least have a computer...so, back to the organ grinders. I would have sold the monkey and the organ and been able to eat for at least a year. Or, if I was weirder than I am, I could at least kill the monkey with the organ and eat it. Why on earth did they keep the monkey? It must have cost a fortune to feed...not to mention the mess. That's just one of those many facts of life that are better left mysteries. Especially since no one but me would ask the question. I better go. I think I hear a monkey...Okay...now I'm back. That's the sixth time I've said back! I realize that this longest text ever must be very boring and not worth anyone's time. But I'd like to take this time to thank the 2 and 1/2 people in the entire universe who have bothered to read this entire thing. I'm not exactly sure who they are, but: thanks! Right now, my spacebar is malfunctioning...that's not good...I have to press it two or three times just to insert a freaking space. Maybe the evil little faeries with the sharp little teeth have put their evil faerie dust on my computer. Or maybe not. This is too frustrating. Goodbye for now...Now I'm back. And still frustrated. But for a different reason. Today I had the misfortune of playing a Treasure Planet game on neopets.com It was terrible. Apparently the point of the game was to get your character to shout "Whoo-Hoo!" as many times as possible before you splattered your brains on the rocks, all the while listening to a soundtrack that is similar to a dying ceiling fan. Of course, when I started out I accidentally hit the rocks approximately three million times. Halfway though I used my four remaining brain-cells to decide that the game was dumb. So my goal changed from surviving to laughing evilly while my character died. So the game naturally did everything it could to preserve my life. The stupid game is still going on and I refuse to quit because I want my points. My character is actually dodging the stupid rocks better now then when I controlled him. I hate irony. Seeya. Okay. Now I'm back again. Today I added an update page, which is basically a less chaotic, outlined version of this without all the ranting. It's more like techno talk about arrays and how much I suck and whether or not the Braves will win this year. Okay, the whole braves thing is made up. But everything else I've said so far is true. I think. Maybe I should start on a boring disclaimer...Eh-hem. All contents of this site were designed for entertainment purposes only. Any use thereof that is not stated in the above mentioned statement would make the author, hereby referred to as Patron Saint of Paper Clips, very angry. Should you violate the purpose of this site: i.e. become not entertained, the Patron Saint of Paper Clips will be forced to take drastic measures. This is specified in Code: 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook. Ooooo…that’s a great idea! I’m gonna start quoting from the Flaming Chicken Handbook! Code: 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook states that the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (that’s me) is allowed to cause vague, pain like sensations while the offending person (or alien life form, dog, etc.) isn’t paying attention. Now I have a purpose in life! To make up quotes from the non-existent Flaming Chicken Handbook, which I’m sure you have a copy of. No? Too bad. It’s in the mail, I promise! Now I must take my leave…and remember. Cheese is watching. Okay...I'm back...I think that eventually half of this thing will consist of the word back over and over again...that's just weird. Which fits the motif of the rest of the site. There's even a money back guarantee. Isn’t' that nice? See? Now no one can ever say that I don't take care of my viewers. Especially since I don't have viewers. I have readers. Wait...I really don't even know if anyone bothers to read this. Even if I put it in a less chaotic, more user-friendly format people would still ignore this because it involves: reading. Yes. Sad to admit, but the majority of people would rather read the summary at the back of a book rather than the whole book itself. What has the world come to? It's pathetic. Especially since I'm bothering to write all this. It's not fair! Why can't I have more readers?! All the other internet writers have nothing on me, except they're better at advertising, having a central theme/plot and basically more talented. Whereas I'm more into the whole ranting and raving stage right now. Plus, I am horrible at spelling. Which is bad. Thank the powers that be for spell-check. The single greatest invention of the computer gods. I'm getting bored, so I think I'm done for the day. May your day be shiney! I'm back again! And I feel weird! I found at that yet another one of my friends is reading this. Creepy. Just how much time do they have on their hands. Perhaps their just trying to be nice. I can just see it now...an organization devoted not to feeding the hungry, or peace, or love or whatever, but to giving recognition to all those poor, pathetic, unpopular websites. I wonder what it's name would be. Don't Ignore Sites? Would it be called DIS? Isn't that like a slang term for an insult? Would that be considered poetic justice, or just a nice coincidence? And why do I even care? I'll tell you why. Because I have nothing else to do right now. I could be playing neopets, but ever since my bad experience with Treasure Planet, I don't feel like it. Oh, by the way, I noticed that whenever I use spell-check, my stupid computer turns the word probley into to word problem. To prevent this, I did nothing. So, it is now up to you, the imaginary reader, to decide whether I mean probley or problem...it's almost like a game! But without the bad sound track. And I promise not to force you to live when you would rather die. Moving on, I have nothing else to say, but don't feel like quitting just yet. I'm like the little engine that could. Or maybe the Energizer Bunny. I just keep going, and going and going. Or I could be like that annoying guy on T.V. who keeps asking if you can hear him. If my site manages to last a decade, my readers snicker will probley wonder what I'm talking about. My answer is simple. It doesn't matter. I'm just rambling. Which means that it doesn't matter if you understand anything I say. Doesn't that make you feel better? I bet it does. Wow. Look how long this has gotten. I even impress myself. Who would have thought I have this much free time? And I congratulate any reader who has gotten this far. Ooooooo! You must check out the fortunes section of the random stuff page! I've just gotten an idea for some more, original, fortunes...I gotta go!(may the moose be with you) And now I am back. I swear. If iI fill out the fake tab form I'm gonna have to put back as my favorite word...I already have filled it out, though. Would it be cheating to fill it out again? Only if I had multiple personalities. Or would it be cheating if I didn't have multiple personalities? The world may never know. Just like how many licks it takes to get to the bottom of a tootsie pop. Would it vary? The number of licks, I mean. Someone could have super-disolving spit, or watery-spit. Or what if you took big ol' slobbery licks? Does the commercial take that into account? No. It doesn't. And let me tell you, it's an outrage. It deludes all of American's sweet, innocent, candy-loving children into thinking that a cartoon owl is smarter than they are! "Mr. Owl, can you tell us how many licks does it take to get to the bottom of a tootsie pop?" Or whatever. And "Mr. Owl" replies "One...Twoo...Three! Chomp" And he bites it. That teaches our youth that it's okay to agree to help someone, and then ruin their experiment. Well...it's not. I am going to start a protest group. Teens Against Cartoon Owls. We could call ourselves TACO! I love the little tacos, I love them good! That is a direct quote from GIR, co-star and comic-relief on INVADER ZIM. Hmmmm...intersting. I put hyphens in both of his titles...it must be a conspiracy! I gotta go. Those TACO buttons don't make themselves, you know. I'm back again. And not so cheesed off about the whole tootsie roll pop thing. Right now, I have another twenty minutes on the Internet before I'm gonna watch T.V. And I can't think of anything else to do. So, predictably, here I am. It's not like I have anything better to do. Obviously, you know this. After all, look how long this text is. I wonder if I've made the world record? If I did, would I stop this? Why bother asking? I'll will most likely still be adding to this on my death bed. Hmmmmm...has any old, senile person ever written anything? Was it coherent? Did it make more sense that this text? Is it possible to make less sense? Am I enjoying asking retorical questions? Yes. Yes, I am. But I seriously wonder what something written by a senile person would be like. I've heard of poems and stuff written by people who were high, insane or paranoid. But never senile. Can a senile person write? Aren't they regressed to a child-like state? Does it even matter? Is anyone even reading this? Did I resume asking retorical questions? Do you care? Is this eating up time? I feel like I'm playing questions only on whose line is it anway. I probley should have capitalized something, or underlined but I'm feeling lazy...hey, you try to keep your two and a half readers happy! It's really stressfull. Someday, I'm gonna snap and just delete this entire thing. Gee, I hope not! I worked sorta hard on this. It's great for making random topics weave together to form an overall infrastructure of chaos. That made little sense. That's why it's here, and not some critically acclaimed site. Ooooooooooooo! I'm gonna quote from the FLAMING CHICKENS HANDBOOK again! Yep! I bet you were just breathless in anticipation. Okay. Here goes. Code: 472 of the Flaming Chickens Handbook states that this site in no way aknowledges the existance of other, better sites (hereon reffered to as the Losers) The Losers are a myth. The Patron Saint of Paper Clips (me again!) claims no knowledge as to where that particullary nasty rumor started, but confirms that this is the best site ever. It would be a sin against humanity for a better site to exist. Should you refuse to aknowledge the Patron Saint of Paper Clips as the ruler of the Internet, you will be subjected to punishment as stated in Code 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook (i.e. Experience vague, pain-like sensations when you're not paying attention) This has been a public service announcement. This is a test, I repeat only a test. Had this been an actual emergency, we would have bought up all the can openers and charged 3 cows and a pig for each one. I repeat, lock all you doors and windows, this is it. I repeat, there is nothing to worry about. Everything is fine. The end is not here. I'm going, you're on you're own! Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm back!smiles brightly And apparantly delusional! Anyway, I just finished rereading my longest text ever. And I became inspired to talk about nothing. You see, I periodically read the longest text ever to check the constant downward spiral of my sanity. Hmmm...I seem to be entertaining myself though, even while reading what I wrote. Which is why I still go to the Really Really Big Button That Doesn't Do Anything website. Because I am easily amused and have lots and lots of time on my hands. Maybe, some day far in the future (like next Thursday) I'll print a copy of this insane text. And then go door to door distributing it. Eventually, this would become a monthly tradition. Whole families would gather around their front door, in breathless anticipation while they attempted to barracade me out. I can just see the whole community rising to thwart my attempts to spread love, joy and insane chaos. I probley wouldn't actually print this out (think how much paper it would take!) but if I do, only friends and enemies will receive copies. Hmmmm...maybe my condition is worsening. Or not. I'm still peeved about the cartoon owl from the Tootsie Roll Pop commercials. He is pure evil. TACO will eventually destroy him. Unless he has already been destroyed by an even more radical Anti-Cartoon-Owl group. I hope not. Or, would that be good? I suppose I could let someone else have the glory. After all, I'm not in this line of buisness for the fame, fortune and power. What line of buisness, do you ask? Why, the assasinating annoying cartoon characters buisness. (Actually I just question them untill they spontaneously combust, I ask lots of questions) So, in conclusion, ladies and gentleman of the jury(that's you) I could not have possibly tortured "Mr. Owl" to death. I love owls. Hmm...I seem to be jumping from one subject to another more frequently. Either I am growing more comfortable with my on-line writing, or I am progressivly getting more insane and chaotic. I also am psyco-analyzing myself a lot today...hmmmm...I'm even saying "hmmmmm..." a lot. Just like a real psychologist. Hmmmmmmm. Time for another boring disclaimer!!!!!!! Code: 742 of the Flaming Chickens Handbook states that in no part does the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (That's still me!) actually claim to be mentally ill. That's either a) a publicity stunt b) An attempt at humor c) a cry for help or d) none of the above You can e-mail your responses by conducting a scavenger hunt of this site. Some of the pages of this site contain a link encouging the two and a half people to e-mail the Patron Saint of Paper Clips. There may also be evil little links that are designed to confuse you. These links send stuff to someone named johnjones333@hotmail.com The Patron Saint of Paper Clips does not know who this individual is, but sincerly wishes that you send all your hate mail to him. Not that the aformentioned individual claims to have received hate mail (or mail of any kind) via a website link. Thank-you for your time. Remember to send your answers to my sanity quiz to the e-mail account, flamingchickens333@hotmail.com Oh, and once I refer to myself in the first person again, the handbook quote is over. I just thought that I might like to mention that. Oh. You're still here. I figured you rush right on over to e-mail me. Perhaps you don't have time to waste e-mailing me. HA! HA! HA! That's funny!!!! If you you don't have time to waste, what are you doing here?!!! Oh, who am I kidding. I figure that even the people I manage to lure onto my site from neopets don't even bother to come to this particular page. Maybe I should make the link come here directly...Hey! What a good idea! That way I can spread my love, joy and insane chaos to more people! I'm a genius. Gotta go, must lure innocent victems to the second most pointless site ever!!!! I'm back. And really angry, and confused. I've always known that I was weird, that's always been a given. But now I realize that I am considerably more normal than the rest of my family. Today we had a "family outing." Now, most families will go bowling, or putt-putt golfing. They may go to a resteraunt with an arcarde, or the movies or to a theme park. Not my family! No, we got the greatest family outing of all. We got to go to a bar and play pool!!!!!waits for readers to become insanely jealous Yep, that's right, a bar with a pool table! Not only did we get world class cuisine (under-cooked hotdogs and over-cooked hamburgers), my little sister (age 10) got taught pool by someone I strongly supect is an ex-convict! Naturally when it was announced that we'd be eating dinner in this place, I could hardly contain my excitment(I glared at my mother and asked why we couldn't go to Pizza Hut) When we arrived, we were promptly served (after thirty minutes) In the meantime, we played a family game of pool(my parents played while my brother and sister and I watched) After two rousing rounds, our food came. The food was superb, (our food came the exact opposite of how we ordered it, and half of the onion rings were missing) Then we joyfully returned to our game(my sister and the ex-con played my mom) We spent hours there (from 5p.m.-7:15p.m.) There were many people that were the same age as me and my siblings (no one in the room but us were under 30) Us kids had to be dragged kicking and screaming from the bar ( I almost fell asleep during the last game I watched) As we left, there was a feeling of goodwill and fellowship between all(my sister locked me out of the car and wouldn't let me in untill I started yelling profanity in her general direction) The high point of the entire night was when my mother gave me $21 for my report card. She promptly borrowed $1 to help with the waitresses tip(This part I'm not being sarcastic about) All in all it was a night I'll remember forever (as the lowest point in "family outing"history, except for that time my mom dragged me to a church thing on the concept of truth.) My brother(age 13) even decided upon a new job he wants when he's old enough to work, a busboy at the bar. We had to tell him that he would probley have to wait untill he was 21.(Absolutly nothing about that statement was sarcastic) As you can see, I love my families outings(Not unless you're blind...or stupid) Hello, everyone! This is one of the weirdest sites: or your money back! We have ZIM, neopets, music, and much, much, more. E-mail us for questions, comments, complaints and information. Why not click on the Very Weird Stuff link to see more, or click on the music link? We have halloween and christmas pictures on the NeoPics link. Cheese is not a wild thing!!!!!!!!! Now I have decided to go for a world record. I will try to make the longest web page ever, made completely out of text! Won't that be fun? I will just type, and type, and never, ever use copy and paste. Wow...I really must be bored. Just goes to show what boredom can do to you. Any way, that's it for now. Wait, no it isn't, I still have to keep going, and going, and going. Because I do. THE REST OF THE STUFF I TYPE WILL BE COMPLETLY IN CAPS JUST BECAUSE I CAN. THAT IS ALL. SEEYA! Hi, I'm back. So far this is nowhere near the world record. I think. I don't exactly know where it is...oh, well. I'll just have to do the very best that I can. No one is really coming here, anyway. So it doesn't matter. By the way, TAB is a worthwhile, community-service organization. The form link is to a 100% fake TAB registration form that you can fill out just for laughs. I can't believe I'm bothering to do this. I have very low expectations of my site. None ever comes here, I could do this all day long and I still wouldn't have any more hits. This is just a pointless excursive in spelling errors and grammatical imprecision. May your day be shiney! The following is an extremely weird poem-thingy that I wrote when I was in a relatively weird mood:
never mind that noise my dear can anyone pass the cheese only if you say pretty please oh, boy do I have to sneeze. why must everyone always rhyme, why I’m a poet and don’t I know it? what I fear comes right after here not this life or the next will I ever be able to pass the test? we’re stuck in here, (alone my dear) and we’ll problem never get out so don’t start to shout. it’s dark and I want to go home is where the heart was where is it now? we’ll never know but oh crap it’s starting to snow and it’s time to show and tell about the well that you found last summer at camp when it was damp it was near the ramp oh god why must this be I liked that tree but now it’s gone, farewell so long I’ll miss you as long as you write but then I’m afraid to say good-night. my dear there’s nothing to fear that’s only a box that’s made of blocks next to the wagon that looks like a dragon why are you shaking it’s your fear that is making you shiver and act all a quiver. don’t you know that you only need be afraid of fear and never anything here and certainly not a post that acts like a ghost?
See, very weird. At least it fills up my word quota for the day. Not that I exactly have a word quota for the day. It just sounded very professional to say it. Anyway, I still don't think that anyone is actually coming here. You'd have to be an absolute loser (or really bored) to come here. I'd probley come here, but that isn't much of a surprise. After all, I've been to the Really Really Big Button That Doesn't Do Anything website over 50 times. Pathetic. But, whatever. As long as I'm happy, right. Humor the crazy person, okay? Oh, guess what? According to someone you problem don't know, this is the second most pointless website ever! Next to the Really Big Button, of course. I feel special. Come on everyone, group hug. Okay, now I'm starting to scare myself...I'm gonna quit for today. Seeya. Now I'm back. Is this getting confusing to you? Too bad. Now I want you to go to http://quiz.ravenblack.net/blood.pl?biter=eon" If you do this I'll get points in the game. Come on all you non-existing people! Help me! You know you want to! It's a worthy cause! Honestly, the more time I waste playing the game, the less time I'll work on this site and the less stuff you gotta read. Although why you'd be here if you didn't want to read is beyond me. Maybe you're lost. Okay, if you want to get out, click the little refresh button, okay? Good...what? You say it didn't let you out? Oh, well. You must be caught in a time warp. Keep pressing it. Maybe you'll break free. What's that. The little counter at the bottom keeps going up? Never mind. That's just how many times you have to click before you can leave. Good-bye.

Hey, I'm once again: back. I don't suppose you fell for that little thing about the refresh button. After all, you're a responsible, intelligent person who apparently has a lot of time on your hands. Well, you can't possibly have more time than I do. I mean, after all, I made this site. You're only browsing it. And most people don't even come here. Not even my friends...sniffle The just ignore this poor, pathetic little page. All they do is fill out the TAB form and leave. I think. Maybe they're here right now! HI! HOW ARE YOU DOING? I'M FINE! THANKS FOR COMING! YES, I'M YELLING! Who am I kidding. This page won't get a single hit, unless I bribe people...now that has possibilities. Okay, fill out the TAB form, so I have proof that you bothered to come here and...uh...I'll...uh...send you a sandwich? Please allow 6-8 weeks for delivery. I'm bored. I'm gonna go hug a moose. MOOSE! I love-d you moose! Hey, I'm back again! Yea...waits for applause okay! Now I want all you loyal fans...cricket chirps to go to the link to see what I'm like. I took a whole bunch of personality quizzes and posted them there. I'm an evil villain, kitty and a freakazoid so far. And I only took the quiz once, too. Spooky how accurate they are...anyway, I command you to go! I'm going. I'm back. I'm gonna start counting how many times I say back. Let's see: 1...2...3...4...5! Wow. I must really be desperate for something to do. I now officially have proof that someone has been here! It was one of my friends. Apparently this page really is getting long, because my friend said something to that effect. Maybe. Anyway, moving on! I'm just basically typing nothing. Just like all those reports people have to do. You know? With a specific number of words. They start out with half that number, and then just fill in words until they have the right amount. I salute those people. You're great tradition is being carried out here, on the second most pointless site ever! Well. Maybe eventually some weird, bored person will wander onto my site on accident and be mildly entertained be my site until they wander onto a live video feed of a coffee maker. Or maybe not. I only know that I'm entertaining me, which was my original goal. So. I've done what I've set out to accomplish. Yea, me! I'm so special. You see, most people, they don't like reading or writing. So if you're not most people, you've made it down this far without skipping, skimming or getting the spark notes version. (Which I think does not exist) My point is, if you've bothered to read this, then, (like me) you probley have also read the ketchup bottle so many times that you have it down verbatim. Look verbatim up. It's a word. But, you should know that, since you like reading. Or maybe you're just skimming. Anyway, there's nothing wrong with reading food labels. You might be asked a question about them on a quiz show. And now, for the million-dollar question: How many calories are there in a single serving of Mustard? I can just see it now...It could be called Know-Your-Food. Or You are What you Eat. It'd probley be as popular as those game shows that no one's ever heard of. Speaking of food, what's up with pie? There's strawberry pie, apple, pumpkin and so many others, but there is no grape pie! I know. I'm just as upset about this unfortunate lack of development in the pie division. Think about it. Grapes are used to make jelly, jam, juice and raisins. What makes them undesirable for pie? Would they dry into raisins? Couldn't you just stick some jelly in a piecrust and bake it? It just doesn't make any sense. Another thing that bothers me is organ grinders. You know, the foreign guys with the bellhop hats and the little music thingy and the cute little monkey with the bellhop hat who collects the money? Okay. They're basically begging on the street. How did they ever afford an organ-thingy? Wouldn't it make more sense to get a kazoo, if you're broke? And if they're so poor, what possessed them to buy a monkey? I mean, I don't think I could afford a monkey, and I'm not exactly on the streets. Obviously I at least have a computer...so, back to the organ grinders. I would have sold the monkey and the organ and been able to eat for at least a year. Or, if I was weirder than I am, I could at least kill the monkey with the organ and eat it. Why on earth did they keep the monkey? It must have cost a fortune to feed...not to mention the mess. That's just one of those many facts of life that are better left mysteries. Especially since no one but me would ask the question. I better go. I think I hear a monkey...Okay...now I'm back. That's the sixth time I've said back! I realize that this longest text ever must be very boring and not worth anyone's time. But I'd like to take this time to thank the 2 and 1/2 people in the entire universe who have bothered to read this entire thing. I'm not exactly sure who they are, but: thanks! Right now, my spacebar is malfunctioning...that's not good...I have to press it two or three times just to insert a freaking space. Maybe the evil little faeries with the sharp little teeth have put their evil faerie dust on my computer. Or maybe not. This is too frustrating. Goodbye for now...Now I'm back. And still frustrated. But for a different reason. Today I had the misfortune of playing a Treasure Planet game on neopets.com It was terrible. Apparently the point of the game was to get your character to shout "Whoo-Hoo!" as many times as possible before you splattered your brains on the rocks, all the while listening to a soundtrack that is similar to a dying ceiling fan. Of course, when I started out I accidentally hit the rocks approximately three million times. Halfway though I used my four remaining brain-cells to decide that the game was dumb. So my goal changed from surviving to laughing evilly while my character died. So the game naturally did everything it could to preserve my life. The stupid game is still going on and I refuse to quit because I want my points. My character is actually dodging the stupid rocks better now then when I controlled him. I hate irony. Seeya. Okay. Now I'm back again. Today I added an update page, which is basically a less chaotic, outlined version of this without all the ranting. It's more like techno talk about arrays and how much I suck and whether or not the Braves will win this year. Okay, the whole braves thing is made up. But everything else I've said so far is true. I think. Maybe I should start on a boring disclaimer...Eh-hem. All contents of this site were designed for entertainment purposes only. Any use thereof that is not stated in the above mentioned statement would make the author, hereby referred to as Patron Saint of Paper Clips, very angry. Should you violate the purpose of this site: i.e. become not entertained, the Patron Saint of Paper Clips will be forced to take drastic measures. This is specified in Code: 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook. Ooooo…that’s a great idea! I’m gonna start quoting from the Flaming Chicken Handbook! Code: 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook states that the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (that’s me) is allowed to cause vague, pain like sensations while the offending person (or alien life form, dog, etc.) isn’t paying attention. Now I have a purpose in life! To make up quotes from the non-existent Flaming Chicken Handbook, which I’m sure you have a copy of. No? Too bad. It’s in the mail, I promise! Now I must take my leave…and remember. Cheese is watching. Okay...I'm back...I think that eventually half of this thing will consist of the word back over and over again...that's just weird. Which fits the motif of the rest of the site. There's even a money back guarantee. Isn’t' that nice? See? Now no one can ever say that I don't take care of my viewers. Especially since I don't have viewers. I have readers. Wait...I really don't even know if anyone bothers to read this. Even if I put it in a less chaotic, more user-friendly format people would still ignore this because it involves: reading. Yes. Sad to admit, but the majority of people would rather read the summary at the back of a book rather than the whole book itself. What has the world come to? It's pathetic. Especially since I'm bothering to write all this. It's not fair! Why can't I have more readers?! All the other internet writers have nothing on me, except they're better at advertising, having a central theme/plot and basically more talented. Whereas I'm more into the whole ranting and raving stage right now. Plus, I am horrible at spelling. Which is bad. Thank the powers that be for spell-check. The single greatest invention of the computer gods. I'm getting bored, so I think I'm done for the day. May your day be shiney! I'm back again! And I feel weird! I found at that yet another one of my friends is reading this. Creepy. Just how much time do they have on their hands. Perhaps their just trying to be nice. I can just see it now...an organization devoted not to feeding the hungry, or peace, or love or whatever, but to giving recognition to all those poor, pathetic, unpopular websites. I wonder what it's name would be. Don't Ignore Sites? Would it be called DIS? Isn't that like a slang term for an insult? Would that be considered poetic justice, or just a nice coincidence? And why do I even care? I'll tell you why. Because I have nothing else to do right now. I could be playing neopets, but ever since my bad experience with Treasure Planet, I don't feel like it. Oh, by the way, I noticed that whenever I use spell-check, my stupid computer turns the word probley into to word problem. To prevent this, I did nothing. So, it is now up to you, the imaginary reader, to decide whether I mean probley or problem...it's almost like a game! But without the bad sound track. And I promise not to force you to live when you would rather die. Moving on, I have nothing else to say, but don't feel like quitting just yet. I'm like the little engine that could. Or maybe the Energizer Bunny. I just keep going, and going and going. Or I could be like that annoying guy on T.V. who keeps asking if you can hear him. If my site manages to last a decade, my readers snicker will probley wonder what I'm talking about. My answer is simple. It doesn't matter. I'm just rambling. Which means that it doesn't matter if you understand anything I say. Doesn't that make you feel better? I bet it does. Wow. Look how long this has gotten. I even impress myself. Who would have thought I have this much free time? And I congratulate any reader who has gotten this far. Ooooooo! You must check out the fortunes section of the random stuff page! I've just gotten an idea for some more, original, fortunes...I gotta go!(may the moose be with you) And now I am back. I swear. If iI fill out the fake tab form I'm gonna have to put back as my favorite word...I already have filled it out, though. Would it be cheating to fill it out again? Only if I had multiple personalities. Or would it be cheating if I didn't have multiple personalities? The world may never know. Just like how many licks it takes to get to the bottom of a tootsie pop. Would it vary? The number of licks, I mean. Someone could have super-disolving spit, or watery-spit. Or what if you took big ol' slobbery licks? Does the commercial take that into account? No. It doesn't. And let me tell you, it's an outrage. It deludes all of American's sweet, innocent, candy-loving children into thinking that a cartoon owl is smarter than they are! "Mr. Owl, can you tell us how many licks does it take to get to the bottom of a tootsie pop?" Or whatever. And "Mr. Owl" replies "One...Twoo...Three! Chomp" And he bites it. That teaches our youth that it's okay to agree to help someone, and then ruin their experiment. Well...it's not. I am going to start a protest group. Teens Against Cartoon Owls. We could call ourselves TACO! I love the little tacos, I love them good! That is a direct quote from GIR, co-star and comic-relief on INVADER ZIM. Hmmmm...intersting. I put hyphens in both of his titles...it must be a conspiracy! I gotta go. Those TACO buttons don't make themselves, you know. I'm back again. And not so cheesed off about the whole tootsie roll pop thing. Right now, I have another twenty minutes on the Internet before I'm gonna watch T.V. And I can't think of anything else to do. So, predictably, here I am. It's not like I have anything better to do. Obviously, you know this. After all, look how long this text is. I wonder if I've made the world record? If I did, would I stop this? Why bother asking? I'll will most likely still be adding to this on my death bed. Hmmmmm...has any old, senile person ever written anything? Was it coherent? Did it make more sense that this text? Is it possible to make less sense? Am I enjoying asking retorical questions? Yes. Yes, I am. But I seriously wonder what something written by a senile person would be like. I've heard of poems and stuff written by people who were high, insane or paranoid. But never senile. Can a senile person write? Aren't they regressed to a child-like state? Does it even matter? Is anyone even reading this? Did I resume asking retorical questions? Do you care? Is this eating up time? I feel like I'm playing questions only on whose line is it anway. I probley should have capitalized something, or underlined but I'm feeling lazy...hey, you try to keep your two and a half readers happy! It's really stressfull. Someday, I'm gonna snap and just delete this entire thing. Gee, I hope not! I worked sorta hard on this. It's great for making random topics weave together to form an overall infrastructure of chaos. That made little sense. That's why it's here, and not some critically acclaimed site. Ooooooooooooo! I'm gonna quote from the FLAMING CHICKENS HANDBOOK again! Yep! I bet you were just breathless in anticipation. Okay. Here goes. Code: 472 of the Flaming Chickens Handbook states that this site in no way aknowledges the existance of other, better sites (hereon reffered to as the Losers) The Losers are a myth. The Patron Saint of Paper Clips (me again!) claims no knowledge as to where that particullary nasty rumor started, but confirms that this is the best site ever. It would be a sin against humanity for a better site to exist. Should you refuse to aknowledge the Patron Saint of Paper Clips as the ruler of the Internet, you will be subjected to punishment as stated in Code 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook (i.e. Experience vague, pain-like sensations when you're not paying attention) This has been a public service announcement. This is a test, I repeat only a test. Had this been an actual emergency, we would have bought up all the can openers and charged 3 cows and a pig for each one. I repeat, lock all you doors and windows, this is it. I repeat, there is nothing to worry about. Everything is fine. The end is not here. I'm going, you're on you're own! Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm back!smiles brightly And apparantly delusional! Anyway, I just finished rereading my longest text ever. And I became inspired to talk about nothing. You see, I periodically read the longest text ever to check the constant downward spiral of my sanity. Hmmm...I seem to be entertaining myself though, even while reading what I wrote. Which is why I still go to the Really Really Big Button That Doesn't Do Anything website. Because I am easily amused and have lots and lots of time on my hands. Maybe, some day far in the future (like next Thursday) I'll print a copy of this insane text. And then go door to door distributing it. Eventually, this would become a monthly tradition. Whole families would gather around their front door, in breathless anticipation while they attempted to barracade me out. I can just see the whole community rising to thwart my attempts to spread love, joy and insane chaos. I probley wouldn't actually print this out (think how much paper it would take!) but if I do, only friends and enemies will receive copies. Hmmmm...maybe my condition is worsening. Or not. I'm still peeved about the cartoon owl from the Tootsie Roll Pop commercials. He is pure evil. TACO will eventually destroy him. Unless he has already been destroyed by an even more radical Anti-Cartoon-Owl group. I hope not. Or, would that be good? I suppose I could let someone else have the glory. After all, I'm not in this line of buisness for the fame, fortune and power. What line of buisness, do you ask? Why, the assasinating annoying cartoon characters buisness. (Actually I just question them untill they spontaneously combust, I ask lots of questions) So, in conclusion, ladies and gentleman of the jury(that's you) I could not have possibly tortured "Mr. Owl" to death. I love owls. Hmm...I seem to be jumping from one subject to another more frequently. Either I am growing more comfortable with my on-line writing, or I am progressivly getting more insane and chaotic. I also am psyco-analyzing myself a lot today...hmmmm...I'm even saying "hmmmmm..." a lot. Just like a real psychologist. Hmmmmmmm. Time for another boring disclaimer!!!!!!! Code: 742 of the Flaming Chickens Handbook states that in no part does the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (That's still me!) actually claim to be mentally ill. That's either a) a publicity stunt b) An attempt at humor c) a cry for help or d) none of the above You can e-mail your responses by conducting a scavenger hunt of this site. Some of the pages of this site contain a link encouging the two and a half people to e-mail the Patron Saint of Paper Clips. There may also be evil little links that are designed to confuse you. These links send stuff to someone named johnjones333@hotmail.com The Patron Saint of Paper Clips does not know who this individual is, but sincerly wishes that you send all your hate mail to him. Not that the aformentioned individual claims to have received hate mail (or mail of any kind) via a website link. Thank-you for your time. Remember to send your answers to my sanity quiz to the e-mail account, flamingchickens333@hotmail.com Oh, and once I refer to myself in the first person again, the handbook quote is over. I just thought that I might like to mention that. Oh. You're still here. I figured you rush right on over to e-mail me. Perhaps you don't have time to waste e-mailing me. HA! HA! HA! That's funny!!!! If you you don't have time to waste, what are you doing here?!!! Oh, who am I kidding. I figure that even the people I manage to lure onto my site from neopets don't even bother to come to this particular page. Maybe I should make the link come here directly...Hey! What a good idea! That way I can spread my love, joy and insane chaos to more people! I'm a genius. Gotta go, must lure innocent victems to the second most pointless site ever!!!! I'm back. And really angry, and confused. I've always known that I was weird, that's always been a given. But now I realize that I am considerably more normal than the rest of my family. Today we had a "family outing." Now, most families will go bowling, or putt-putt golfing. They may go to a resteraunt with an arcarde, or the movies or to a theme park. Not my family! No, we got the greatest family outing of all. We got to go to a bar and play pool!!!!!waits for readers to become insanely jealous Yep, that's right, a bar with a pool table! Not only did we get world class cuisine (under-cooked hotdogs and over-cooked hamburgers), my little sister (age 10) got taught pool by someone I strongly supect is an ex-convict! Naturally when it was announced that we'd be eating dinner in this place, I could hardly contain my excitment(I glared at my mother and asked why we couldn't go to Pizza Hut) When we arrived, we were promptly served (after thirty minutes) In the meantime, we played a family game of pool(my parents played while my brother and sister and I watched) After two rousing rounds, our food came. The food was superb, (our food came the exact opposite of how we ordered it, and half of the onion rings were missing) Then we joyfully returned to our game(my sister and the ex-con played my mom) We spent hours there (from 5p.m.-7:15p.m.) There were many people that were the same age as me and my siblings (no one in the room but us were under 30) Us kids had to be dragged kicking and screaming from the bar ( I almost fell asleep during the last game I watched) As we left, there was a feeling of goodwill and fellowship between all(my sister locked me out of the car and wouldn't let me in untill I started yelling profanity in her general direction) The high point of the entire night was when my mother gave me $21 for my report card. She promptly borrowed $1 to help with the waitresses tip(This part I'm not being sarcastic about) All in all it was a night I'll remember forever (as the lowest point in "family outing"history, except for that time my mom dragged me to a church thing on the concept of truth.) My brother(age 13) even decided upon a new job he wants when he's old enough to work, a busboy at the bar. We had to tell him that he would probley have to wait untill he was 21.(Absolutly nothing about that statement was sarcastic) As you can see, I love my families outings(Not unless you're blind...or stupid) llo, everyone! This is one of the weirdest sites: or your money back! We have ZIM, neopets, music, and much, much, more. E-mail us for questions, comments, complaints and information. Why not click on the Very Weird Stuff link to see more, or click on the music link? We have halloween and christmas pictures on the NeoPics link. Cheese is not a wild thing!!!!!!!!! Now I have decided to go for a world record. I will try to make the longest web page ever, made completely out of text! Won't that be fun? I will just type, and type, and never, ever use copy and paste. Wow...I really must be bored. Just goes to show what boredom can do to you. Any way, that's it for now. Wait, no it isn't, I still have to keep going, and going, and going. Because I do. THE REST OF THE STUFF I TYPE WILL BE COMPLETLY IN CAPS JUST BECAUSE I CAN. THAT IS ALL. SEEYA! Hi, I'm back. So far this is nowhere near the world record. I think. I don't exactly know where it is...oh, well. I'll just have to do the very best that I can. No one is really coming here, anyway. So it doesn't matter. By the way, TAB is a worthwhile, community-service organization. The form link is to a 100% fake TAB registration form that you can fill out just for laughs. I can't believe I'm bothering to do this. I have very low expectations of my site. None ever comes here, I could do this all day long and I still wouldn't have any more hits. This is just a pointless excursive in spelling errors and grammatical imprecision. May your day be shiney! The following is an extremely weird poem-thingy that I wrote when I was in a relatively weird mood:
never mind that noise my dear can anyone pass the cheese only if you say pretty please oh, boy do I have to sneeze. why must everyone always rhyme, why I’m a poet and don’t I know it? what I fear comes right after here not this life or the next will I ever be able to pass the test? we’re stuck in here, (alone my dear) and we’ll problem never get out so don’t start to shout. it’s dark and I want to go home is where the heart was where is it now? we’ll never know but oh crap it’s starting to snow and it’s time to show and tell about the well that you found last summer at camp when it was damp it was near the ramp oh god why must this be I liked that tree but now it’s gone, farewell so long I’ll miss you as long as you write but then I’m afraid to say good-night. my dear there’s nothing to fear that’s only a box that’s made of blocks next to the wagon that looks like a dragon why are you shaking it’s your fear that is making you shiver and act all a quiver. don’t you know that you only need be afraid of fear and never anything here and certainly not a post that acts like a ghost?
See, very weird. At least it fills up my word quota for the day. Not that I exactly have a word quota for the day. It just sounded very professional to say it. Anyway, I still don't think that anyone is actually coming here. You'd have to be an absolute loser (or really bored) to come here. I'd probley come here, but that isn't much of a surprise. After all, I've been to the Really Really Big Button That Doesn't Do Anything website over 50 times. Pathetic. But, whatever. As long as I'm happy, right. Humor the crazy person, okay? Oh, guess what? According to someone you problem don't know, this is the second most pointless website ever! Next to the Really Big Button, of course. I feel special. Come on everyone, group hug. Okay, now I'm starting to scare myself...I'm gonna quit for today. Seeya. Now I'm back. Is this getting confusing to you? Too bad. Now I want you to go to http://quiz.ravenblack.net/blood.pl?biter=eon" If you do this I'll get points in the game. Come on all you non-existing people! Help me! You know you want to! It's a worthy cause! Honestly, the more time I waste playing the game, the less time I'll work on this site and the less stuff you gotta read. Although why you'd be here if you didn't want to read is beyond me. Maybe you're lost. Okay, if you want to get out, click the little refresh button, okay? Good...what? You say it didn't let you out? Oh, well. You must be caught in a time warp. Keep pressing it. Maybe you'll break free. What's that. The little counter at the bottom keeps going up? Never mind. That's just how many times you have to click before you can leave. Good-bye.

Hey, I'm once again: back. I don't suppose you fell for that little thing about the refresh button. After all, you're a responsible, intelligent person who apparently has a lot of time on your hands. Well, you can't possibly have more time than I do. I mean, after all, I made this site. You're only browsing it. And most people don't even come here. Not even my friends...sniffle The just ignore this poor, pathetic little page. All they do is fill out the TAB form and leave. I think. Maybe they're here right now! HI! HOW ARE YOU DOING? I'M FINE! THANKS FOR COMING! YES, I'M YELLING! Who am I kidding. This page won't get a single hit, unless I bribe people...now that has possibilities. Okay, fill out the TAB form, so I have proof that you bothered to come here and...uh...I'll...uh...send you a sandwich? Please allow 6-8 weeks for delivery. I'm bored. I'm gonna go hug a moose. MOOSE! I love-d you moose! Hey, I'm back again! Yea...waits for applause okay! Now I want all you loyal fans...cricket chirps to go to the link to see what I'm like. I took a whole bunch of personality quizzes and posted them there. I'm an evil villain, kitty and a freakazoid so far. And I only took the quiz once, too. Spooky how accurate they are...anyway, I command you to go! I'm going. I'm back. I'm gonna start counting how many times I say back. Let's see: 1...2...3...4...5! Wow. I must really be desperate for something to do. I now officially have proof that someone has been here! It was one of my friends. Apparently this page really is getting long, because my friend said something to that effect. Maybe. Anyway, moving on! I'm just basically typing nothing. Just like all those reports people have to do. You know? With a specific number of words. They start out with half that number, and then just fill in words until they have the right amount. I salute those people. You're great tradition is being carried out here, on the second most pointless site ever! Well. Maybe eventually some weird, bored person will wander onto my site on accident and be mildly entertained be my site until they wander onto a live video feed of a coffee maker. Or maybe not. I only know that I'm entertaining me, which was my original goal. So. I've done what I've set out to accomplish. Yea, me! I'm so special. You see, most people, they don't like reading or writing. So if you're not most people, you've made it down this far without skipping, skimming or getting the spark notes version. (Which I think does not exist) My point is, if you've bothered to read this, then, (like me) you probley have also read the ketchup bottle so many times that you have it down verbatim. Look verbatim up. It's a word. But, you should know that, since you like reading. Or maybe you're just skimming. Anyway, there's nothing wrong with reading food labels. You might be asked a question about them on a quiz show. And now, for the million-dollar question: How many calories are there in a single serving of Mustard? I can just see it now...It could be called Know-Your-Food. Or You are What you Eat. It'd probley be as popular as those game shows that no one's ever heard of. Speaking of food, what's up with pie? There's strawberry pie, apple, pumpkin and so many others, but there is no grape pie! I know. I'm just as upset about this unfortunate lack of development in the pie division. Think about it. Grapes are used to make jelly, jam, juice and raisins. What makes them undesirable for pie? Would they dry into raisins? Couldn't you just stick some jelly in a piecrust and bake it? It just doesn't make any sense. Another thing that bothers me is organ grinders. You know, the foreign guys with the bellhop hats and the little music thingy and the cute little monkey with the bellhop hat who collects the money? Okay. They're basically begging on the street. How did they ever afford an organ-thingy? Wouldn't it make more sense to get a kazoo, if you're broke? And if they're so poor, what possessed them to buy a monkey? I mean, I don't think I could afford a monkey, and I'm not exactly on the streets. Obviously I at least have a computer...so, back to the organ grinders. I would have sold the monkey and the organ and been able to eat for at least a year. Or, if I was weirder than I am, I could at least kill the monkey with the organ and eat it. Why on earth did they keep the monkey? It must have cost a fortune to feed...not to mention the mess. That's just one of those many facts of life that are better left mysteries. Especially since no one but me would ask the question. I better go. I think I hear a monkey...Okay...now I'm back. That's the sixth time I've said back! I realize that this longest text ever must be very boring and not worth anyone's time. But I'd like to take this time to thank the 2 and 1/2 people in the entire universe who have bothered to read this entire thing. I'm not exactly sure who they are, but: thanks! Right now, my spacebar is malfunctioning...that's not good...I have to press it two or three times just to insert a freaking space. Maybe the evil little faeries with the sharp little teeth have put their evil faerie dust on my computer. Or maybe not. This is too frustrating. Goodbye for now...Now I'm back. And still frustrated. But for a different reason. Today I had the misfortune of playing a Treasure Planet game on neopets.com It was terrible. Apparently the point of the game was to get your character to shout "Whoo-Hoo!" as many times as possible before you splattered your brains on the rocks, all the while listening to a soundtrack that is similar to a dying ceiling fan. Of course, when I started out I accidentally hit the rocks approximately three million times. Halfway though I used my four remaining brain-cells to decide that the game was dumb. So my goal changed from surviving to laughing evilly while my character died. So the game naturally did everything it could to preserve my life. The stupid game is still going on and I refuse to quit because I want my points. My character is actually dodging the stupid rocks better now then when I controlled him. I hate irony. Seeya. Okay. Now I'm back again. Today I added an update page, which is basically a less chaotic, outlined version of this without all the ranting. It's more like techno talk about arrays and how much I suck and whether or not the Braves will win this year. Okay, the whole braves thing is made up. But everything else I've said so far is true. I think. Maybe I should start on a boring disclaimer...Eh-hem. All contents of this site were designed for entertainment purposes only. Any use thereof that is not stated in the above mentioned statement would make the author, hereby referred to as Patron Saint of Paper Clips, very angry. Should you violate the purpose of this site: i.e. become not entertained, the Patron Saint of Paper Clips will be forced to take drastic measures. This is specified in Code: 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook. Ooooo…that’s a great idea! I’m gonna start quoting from the Flaming Chicken Handbook! Code: 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook states that the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (that’s me) is allowed to cause vague, pain like sensations while the offending person (or alien life form, dog, etc.) isn’t paying attention. Now I have a purpose in life! To make up quotes from the non-existent Flaming Chicken Handbook, which I’m sure you have a copy of. No? Too bad. It’s in the mail, I promise! Now I must take my leave…and remember. Cheese is watching. Okay...I'm back...I think that eventually half of this thing will consist of the word back over and over again...that's just weird. Which fits the motif of the rest of the site. There's even a money back guarantee. Isn’t' that nice? See? Now no one can ever say that I don't take care of my viewers. Especially since I don't have viewers. I have readers. Wait...I really don't even know if anyone bothers to read this. Even if I put it in a less chaotic, more user-friendly format people would still ignore this because it involves: reading. Yes. Sad to admit, but the majority of people would rather read the summary at the back of a book rather than the whole book itself. What has the world come to? It's pathetic. Especially since I'm bothering to write all this. It's not fair! Why can't I have more readers?! All the other internet writers have nothing on me, except they're better at advertising, having a central theme/plot and basically more talented. Whereas I'm more into the whole ranting and raving stage right now. Plus, I am horrible at spelling. Which is bad. Thank the powers that be for spell-check. The single greatest invention of the computer gods. I'm getting bored, so I think I'm done for the day. May your day be shiney! I'm back again! And I feel weird! I found at that yet another one of my friends is reading this. Creepy. Just how much time do they have on their hands. Perhaps their just trying to be nice. I can just see it now...an organization devoted not to feeding the hungry, or peace, or love or whatever, but to giving recognition to all those poor, pathetic, unpopular websites. I wonder what it's name would be. Don't Ignore Sites? Would it be called DIS? Isn't that like a slang term for an insult? Would that be considered poetic justice, or just a nice coincidence? And why do I even care? I'll tell you why. Because I have nothing else to do right now. I could be playing neopets, but ever since my bad experience with Treasure Planet, I don't feel like it. Oh, by the way, I noticed that whenever I use spell-check, my stupid computer turns the word probley into to word problem. To prevent this, I did nothing. So, it is now up to you, the imaginary reader, to decide whether I mean probley or problem...it's almost like a game! But without the bad sound track. And I promise not to force you to live when you would rather die. Moving on, I have nothing else to say, but don't feel like quitting just yet. I'm like the little engine that could. Or maybe the Energizer Bunny. I just keep going, and going and going. Or I could be like that annoying guy on T.V. who keeps asking if you can hear him. If my site manages to last a decade, my readers snicker will probley wonder what I'm talking about. My answer is simple. It doesn't matter. I'm just rambling. Which means that it doesn't matter if you understand anything I say. Doesn't that make you feel better? I bet it does. Wow. Look how long this has gotten. I even impress myself. Who would have thought I have this much free time? And I congratulate any reader who has gotten this far. Ooooooo! You must check out the fortunes section of the random stuff page! I've just gotten an idea for some more, original, fortunes...I gotta go!(may the moose be with you) And now I am back. I swear. If iI fill out the fake tab form I'm gonna have to put back as my favorite word...I already have filled it out, though. Would it be cheating to fill it out again? Only if I had multiple personalities. Or would it be cheating if I didn't have multiple personalities? The world may never know. Just like how many licks it takes to get to the bottom of a tootsie pop. Would it vary? The number of licks, I mean. Someone could have super-disolving spit, or watery-spit. Or what if you took big ol' slobbery licks? Does the commercial take that into account? No. It doesn't. And let me tell you, it's an outrage. It deludes all of American's sweet, innocent, candy-loving children into thinking that a cartoon owl is smarter than they are! "Mr. Owl, can you tell us how many licks does it take to get to the bottom of a tootsie pop?" Or whatever. And "Mr. Owl" replies "One...Twoo...Three! Chomp" And he bites it. That teaches our youth that it's okay to agree to help someone, and then ruin their experiment. Well...it's not. I am going to start a protest group. Teens Against Cartoon Owls. We could call ourselves TACO! I love the little tacos, I love them good! That is a direct quote from GIR, co-star and comic-relief on INVADER ZIM. Hmmmm...intersting. I put hyphens in both of his titles...it must be a conspiracy! I gotta go. Those TACO buttons don't make themselves, you know. I'm back again. And not so cheesed off about the whole tootsie roll pop thing. Right now, I have another twenty minutes on the Internet before I'm gonna watch T.V. And I can't think of anything else to do. So, predictably, here I am. It's not like I have anything better to do. Obviously, you know this. After all, look how long this text is. I wonder if I've made the world record? If I did, would I stop this? Why bother asking? I'll will most likely still be adding to this on my death bed. Hmmmmm...has any old, senile person ever written anything? Was it coherent? Did it make more sense that this text? Is it possible to make less sense? Am I enjoying asking retorical questions? Yes. Yes, I am. But I seriously wonder what something written by a senile person would be like. I've heard of poems and stuff written by people who were high, insane or paranoid. But never senile. Can a senile person write? Aren't they regressed to a child-like state? Does it even matter? Is anyone even reading this? Did I resume asking retorical questions? Do you care? Is this eating up time? I feel like I'm playing questions only on whose line is it anway. I probley should have capitalized something, or underlined but I'm feeling lazy...hey, you try to keep your two and a half readers happy! It's really stressfull. Someday, I'm gonna snap and just delete this entire thing. Gee, I hope not! I worked sorta hard on this. It's great for making random topics weave together to form an overall infrastructure of chaos. That made little sense. That's why it's here, and not some critically acclaimed site. Ooooooooooooo! I'm gonna quote from the FLAMING CHICKENS HANDBOOK again! Yep! I bet you were just breathless in anticipation. Okay. Here goes. Code: 472 of the Flaming Chickens Handbook states that this site in no way aknowledges the existance of other, better sites (hereon reffered to as the Losers) The Losers are a myth. The Patron Saint of Paper Clips (me again!) claims no knowledge as to where that particullary nasty rumor started, but confirms that this is the best site ever. It would be a sin against humanity for a better site to exist. Should you refuse to aknowledge the Patron Saint of Paper Clips as the ruler of the Internet, you will be subjected to punishment as stated in Code 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook (i.e. Experience vague, pain-like sensations when you're not paying attention) This has been a public service announcement. This is a test, I repeat only a test. Had this been an actual emergency, we would have bought up all the can openers and charged 3 cows and a pig for each one. I repeat, lock all you doors and windows, this is it. I repeat, there is nothing to worry about. Everything is fine. The end is not here. I'm going, you're on you're own! Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm back!smiles brightly And apparantly delusional! Anyway, I just finished rereading my longest text ever. And I became inspired to talk about nothing. You see, I periodically read the longest text ever to check the constant downward spiral of my sanity. Hmmm...I seem to be entertaining myself though, even while reading what I wrote. Which is why I still go to the Really Really Big Button That Doesn't Do Anything website. Because I am easily amused and have lots and lots of time on my hands. Maybe, some day far in the future (like next Thursday) I'll print a copy of this insane text. And then go door to door distributing it. Eventually, this would become a monthly tradition. Whole families would gather around their front door, in breathless anticipation while they attempted to barracade me out. I can just see the whole community rising to thwart my attempts to spread love, joy and insane chaos. I probley wouldn't actually print this out (think how much paper it would take!) but if I do, only friends and enemies will receive copies. Hmmmm...maybe my condition is worsening. Or not. I'm still peeved about the cartoon owl from the Tootsie Roll Pop commercials. He is pure evil. TACO will eventually destroy him. Unless he has already been destroyed by an even more radical Anti-Cartoon-Owl group. I hope not. Or, would that be good? I suppose I could let someone else have the glory. After all, I'm not in this line of buisness for the fame, fortune and power. What line of buisness, do you ask? Why, the assasinating annoying cartoon characters buisness. (Actually I just question them untill they spontaneously combust, I ask lots of questions) So, in conclusion, ladies and gentleman of the jury(that's you) I could not have possibly tortured "Mr. Owl" to death. I love owls. Hmm...I seem to be jumping from one subject to another more frequently. Either I am growing more comfortable with my on-line writing, or I am progressivly getting more insane and chaotic. I also am psyco-analyzing myself a lot today...hmmmm...I'm even saying "hmmmmm..." a lot. Just like a real psychologist. Hmmmmmmm. Time for another boring disclaimer!!!!!!! Code: 742 of the Flaming Chickens Handbook states that in no part does the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (That's still me!) actually claim to be mentally ill. That's either a) a publicity stunt b) An attempt at humor c) a cry for help or d) none of the above You can e-mail your responses by conducting a scavenger hunt of this site. Some of the pages of this site contain a link encouging the two and a half people to e-mail the Patron Saint of Paper Clips. There may also be evil little links that are designed to confuse you. These links send stuff to someone named johnjones333@hotmail.com The Patron Saint of Paper Clips does not know who this individual is, but sincerly wishes that you send all your hate mail to him. Not that the aformentioned individual claims to have received hate mail (or mail of any kind) via a website link. Thank-you for your time. Remember to send your answers to my sanity quiz to the e-mail account, flamingchickens333@hotmail.com Oh, and once I refer to myself in the first person again, the handbook quote is over. I just thought that I might like to mention that. Oh. You're still here. I figured you rush right on over to e-mail me. Perhaps you don't have time to waste e-mailing me. HA! HA! HA! That's funny!!!! If you you don't have time to waste, what are you doing here?!!! Oh, who am I kidding. I figure that even the people I manage to lure onto my site from neopets don't even bother to come to this particular page. Maybe I should make the link come here directly...Hey! What a good idea! That way I can spread my love, joy and insane chaos to more people! I'm a genius. Gotta go, must lure innocent victems to the second most pointless site ever!!!! I'm back. And really angry, and confused. I've always known that I was weird, that's always been a given. But now I realize that I am considerably more normal than the rest of my family. Today we had a "family outing." Now, most families will go bowling, or putt-putt golfing. They may go to a resteraunt with an arcarde, or the movies or to a theme park. Not my family! No, we got the greatest family outing of all. We got to go to a bar and play pool!!!!!waits for readers to become insanely jealous Yep, that's right, a bar with a pool table! Not only did we get world class cuisine (under-cooked hotdogs and over-cooked hamburgers), my little sister (age 10) got taught pool by someone I strongly supect is an ex-convict! Naturally when it was announced that we'd be eating dinner in this place, I could hardly contain my excitment(I glared at my mother and asked why we couldn't go to Pizza Hut) When we arrived, we were promptly served (after thirty minutes) In the meantime, we played a family game of pool(my parents played while my brother and sister and I watched) After two rousing rounds, our food came. The food was superb, (our food came the exact opposite of how we ordered it, and half of the onion rings were missing) Then we joyfully returned to our game(my sister and the ex-con played my mom) We spent hours there (from 5p.m.-7:15p.m.) There were many people that were the same age as me and my siblings (no one in the room but us were under 30) Us kids had to be dragged kicking and screaming from the bar ( I almost fell asleep during the last game I watched) As we left, there was a feeling of goodwill and fellowship between all(my sister locked me out of the car and wouldn't let me in untill I started yelling profanity in her general direction) The high point of the entire night was when my mother gave me $21 for my report card. She promptly borrowed $1 to help with the waitresses tip(This part I'm not being sarcastic about) All in all it was a night I'll remember forever (as the lowest point in "family outing"history, except for that time my mom dragged me to a church thing on the concept of truth.) My brother(age 13) even decided upon a new job he wants when he's old enough to work, a busboy at the bar. We had to tell him that he would probley have to wait untill he was 21.(Absolutly nothing about that statement was sarcastic) As you can see, I love my families outings(Not unless you're blind...or stupid) Hello, everyone! This is one of the weirdest sites: or your money back! We have ZIM, neopets, music, and much, much, more. E-mail us for questions, comments, complaints and information. Why not click on the Very Weird Stuff link to see more, or click on the music link? We have halloween and christmas pictures on the NeoPics link. Cheese is not a wild thing!!!!!!!!! Now I have decided to go for a world record. I will try to make the longest web page ever, made completely out of text! Won't that be fun? I will just type, and type, and never, ever use copy and paste. Wow...I really must be bored. Just goes to show what boredom can do to you. Any way, that's it for now. Wait, no it isn't, I still have to keep going, and going, and going. Because I do. THE REST OF THE STUFF I TYPE WILL BE COMPLETLY IN CAPS JUST BECAUSE I CAN. THAT IS ALL. SEEYA! Hi, I'm back. So far this is nowhere near the world record. I think. I don't exactly know where it is...oh, well. I'll just have to do the very best that I can. No one is really coming here, anyway. So it doesn't matter. By the way, TAB is a worthwhile, community-service organization. The form link is to a 100% fake TAB registration form that you can fill out just for laughs. I can't believe I'm bothering to do this. I have very low expectations of my site. None ever comes here, I could do this all day long and I still wouldn't have any more hits. This is just a pointless excursive in spelling errors and grammatical imprecision. May your day be shiney! The following is an extremely weird poem-thingy that I wrote when I was in a relatively weird mood:
never mind that noise my dear can anyone pass the cheese only if you say pretty please oh, boy do I have to sneeze. why must everyone always rhyme, why I’m a poet and don’t I know it? what I fear comes right after here not this life or the next will I ever be able to pass the test? we’re stuck in here, (alone my dear) and we’ll problem never get out so don’t start to shout. it’s dark and I want to go home is where the heart was where is it now? we’ll never know but oh crap it’s starting to snow and it’s time to show and tell about the well that you found last summer at camp when it was damp it was near the ramp oh god why must this be I liked that tree but now it’s gone, farewell so long I’ll miss you as long as you write but then I’m afraid to say good-night. my dear there’s nothing to fear that’s only a box that’s made of blocks next to the wagon that looks like a dragon why are you shaking it’s your fear that is making you shiver and act all a quiver. don’t you know that you only need be afraid of fear and never anything here and certainly not a post that acts like a ghost?
See, very weird. At least it fills up my word quota for the day. Not that I exactly have a word quota for the day. It just sounded very professional to say it. Anyway, I still don't think that anyone is actually coming here. You'd have to be an absolute loser (or really bored) to come here. I'd probley come here, but that isn't much of a surprise. After all, I've been to the Really Really Big Button That Doesn't Do Anything website over 50 times. Pathetic. But, whatever. As long as I'm happy, right. Humor the crazy person, okay? Oh, guess what? According to someone you problem don't know, this is the second most pointless website ever! Next to the Really Big Button, of course. I feel special. Come on everyone, group hug. Okay, now I'm starting to scare myself...I'm gonna quit for today. Seeya. Now I'm back. Is this getting confusing to you? Too bad. Now I want you to go to http://quiz.ravenblack.net/blood.pl?biter=eon" If you do this I'll get points in the game. Come on all you non-existing people! Help me! You know you want to! It's a worthy cause! Honestly, the more time I waste playing the game, the less time I'll work on this site and the less stuff you gotta read. Although why you'd be here if you didn't want to read is beyond me. Maybe you're lost. Okay, if you want to get out, click the little refresh button, okay? Good...what? You say it didn't let you out? Oh, well. You must be caught in a time warp. Keep pressing it. Maybe you'll break free. What's that. The little counter at the bottom keeps going up? Never mind. That's just how many times you have to click before you can leave. Good-bye.

Hey, I'm once again: back. I don't suppose you fell for that little thing about the refresh button. After all, you're a responsible, intelligent person who apparently has a lot of time on your hands. Well, you can't possibly have more time than I do. I mean, after all, I made this site. You're only browsing it. And most people don't even come here. Not even my friends...sniffle The just ignore this poor, pathetic little page. All they do is fill out the TAB form and leave. I think. Maybe they're here right now! HI! HOW ARE YOU DOING? I'M FINE! THANKS FOR COMING! YES, I'M YELLING! Who am I kidding. This page won't get a single hit, unless I bribe people...now that has possibilities. Okay, fill out the TAB form, so I have proof that you bothered to come here and...uh...I'll...uh...send you a sandwich? Please allow 6-8 weeks for delivery. I'm bored. I'm gonna go hug a moose. MOOSE! I love-d you moose! Hey, I'm back again! Yea...waits for applause okay! Now I want all you loyal fans...cricket chirps to go to the link to see what I'm like. I took a whole bunch of personality quizzes and posted them there. I'm an evil villain, kitty and a freakazoid so far. And I only took the quiz once, too. Spooky how accurate they are...anyway, I command you to go! I'm going. I'm back. I'm gonna start counting how many times I say back. Let's see: 1...2...3...4...5! Wow. I must really be desperate for something to do. I now officially have proof that someone has been here! It was one of my friends. Apparently this page really is getting long, because my friend said something to that effect. Maybe. Anyway, moving on! I'm just basically typing nothing. Just like all those reports people have to do. You know? With a specific number of words. They start out with half that number, and then just fill in words until they have the right amount. I salute those people. You're great tradition is being carried out here, on the second most pointless site ever! Well. Maybe eventually some weird, bored person will wander onto my site on accident and be mildly entertained be my site until they wander onto a live video feed of a coffee maker. Or maybe not. I only know that I'm entertaining me, which was my original goal. So. I've done what I've set out to accomplish. Yea, me! I'm so special. You see, most people, they don't like reading or writing. So if you're not most people, you've made it down this far without skipping, skimming or getting the spark notes version. (Which I think does not exist) My point is, if you've bothered to read this, then, (like me) you probley have also read the ketchup bottle so many times that you have it down verbatim. Look verbatim up. It's a word. But, you should know that, since you like reading. Or maybe you're just skimming. Anyway, there's nothing wrong with reading food labels. You might be asked a question about them on a quiz show. And now, for the million-dollar question: How many calories are there in a single serving of Mustard? I can just see it now...It could be called Know-Your-Food. Or You are What you Eat. It'd probley be as popular as those game shows that no one's ever heard of. Speaking of food, what's up with pie? There's strawberry pie, apple, pumpkin and so many others, but there is no grape pie! I know. I'm just as upset about this unfortunate lack of development in the pie division. Think about it. Grapes are used to make jelly, jam, juice and raisins. What makes them undesirable for pie? Would they dry into raisins? Couldn't you just stick some jelly in a piecrust and bake it? It just doesn't make any sense. Another thing that bothers me is organ grinders. You know, the foreign guys with the bellhop hats and the little music thingy and the cute little monkey with the bellhop hat who collects the money? Okay. They're basically begging on the street. How did they ever afford an organ-thingy? Wouldn't it make more sense to get a kazoo, if you're broke? And if they're so poor, what possessed them to buy a monkey? I mean, I don't think I could afford a monkey, and I'm not exactly on the streets. Obviously I at least have a computer...so, back to the organ grinders. I would have sold the monkey and the organ and been able to eat for at least a year. Or, if I was weirder than I am, I could at least kill the monkey with the organ and eat it. Why on earth did they keep the monkey? It must have cost a fortune to feed...not to mention the mess. That's just one of those many facts of life that are better left mysteries. Especially since no one but me would ask the question. I better go. I think I hear a monkey...Okay...now I'm back. That's the sixth time I've said back! I realize that this longest text ever must be very boring and not worth anyone's time. But I'd like to take this time to thank the 2 and 1/2 people in the entire universe who have bothered to read this entire thing. I'm not exactly sure who they are, but: thanks! Right now, my spacebar is malfunctioning...that's not good...I have to press it two or three times just to insert a freaking space. Maybe the evil little faeries with the sharp little teeth have put their evil faerie dust on my computer. Or maybe not. This is too frustrating. Goodbye for now...Now I'm back. And still frustrated. But for a different reason. Today I had the misfortune of playing a Treasure Planet game on neopets.com It was terrible. Apparently the point of the game was to get your character to shout "Whoo-Hoo!" as many times as possible before you splattered your brains on the rocks, all the while listening to a soundtrack that is similar to a dying ceiling fan. Of course, when I started out I accidentally hit the rocks approximately three million times. Halfway though I used my four remaining brain-cells to decide that the game was dumb. So my goal changed from surviving to laughing evilly while my character died. So the game naturally did everything it could to preserve my life. The stupid game is still going on and I refuse to quit because I want my points. My character is actually dodging the stupid rocks better now then when I controlled him. I hate irony. Seeya. Okay. Now I'm back again. Today I added an update page, which is basically a less chaotic, outlined version of this without all the ranting. It's more like techno talk about arrays and how much I suck and whether or not the Braves will win this year. Okay, the whole braves thing is made up. But everything else I've said so far is true. I think. Maybe I should start on a boring disclaimer...Eh-hem. All contents of this site were designed for entertainment purposes only. Any use thereof that is not stated in the above mentioned statement would make the author, hereby referred to as Patron Saint of Paper Clips, very angry. Should you violate the purpose of this site: i.e. become not entertained, the Patron Saint of Paper Clips will be forced to take drastic measures. This is specified in Code: 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook. Ooooo…that’s a great idea! I’m gonna start quoting from the Flaming Chicken Handbook! Code: 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook states that the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (that’s me) is allowed to cause vague, pain like sensations while the offending person (or alien life form, dog, etc.) isn’t paying attention. Now I have a purpose in life! To make up quotes from the non-existent Flaming Chicken Handbook, which I’m sure you have a copy of. No? Too bad. It’s in the mail, I promise! Now I must take my leave…and remember. Cheese is watching. Okay...I'm back...I think that eventually half of this thing will consist of the word back over and over again...that's just weird. Which fits the motif of the rest of the site. There's even a money back guarantee. Isn’t' that nice? See? Now no one can ever say that I don't take care of my viewers. Especially since I don't have viewers. I have readers. Wait...I really don't even know if anyone bothers to read this. Even if I put it in a less chaotic, more user-friendly format people would still ignore this because it involves: reading. Yes. Sad to admit, but the majority of people would rather read the summary at the back of a book rather than the whole book itself. What has the world come to? It's pathetic. Especially since I'm bothering to write all this. It's not fair! Why can't I have more readers?! All the other internet writers have nothing on me, except they're better at advertising, having a central theme/plot and basically more talented. Whereas I'm more into the whole ranting and raving stage right now. Plus, I am horrible at spelling. Which is bad. Thank the powers that be for spell-check. The single greatest invention of the computer gods. I'm getting bored, so I think I'm done for the day. May your day be shiney! I'm back again! And I feel weird! I found at that yet another one of my friends is reading this. Creepy. Just how much time do they have on their hands. Perhaps their just trying to be nice. I can just see it now...an organization devoted not to feeding the hungry, or peace, or love or whatever, but to giving recognition to all those poor, pathetic, unpopular websites. I wonder what it's name would be. Don't Ignore Sites? Would it be called DIS? Isn't that like a slang term for an insult? Would that be considered poetic justice, or just a nice coincidence? And why do I even care? I'll tell you why. Because I have nothing else to do right now. I could be playing neopets, but ever since my bad experience with Treasure Planet, I don't feel like it. Oh, by the way, I noticed that whenever I use spell-check, my stupid computer turns the word probley into to word problem. To prevent this, I did nothing. So, it is now up to you, the imaginary reader, to decide whether I mean probley or problem...it's almost like a game! But without the bad sound track. And I promise not to force you to live when you would rather die. Moving on, I have nothing else to say, but don't feel like quitting just yet. I'm like the little engine that could. Or maybe the Energizer Bunny. I just keep going, and going and going. Or I could be like that annoying guy on T.V. who keeps asking if you can hear him. If my site manages to last a decade, my readers snicker will probley wonder what I'm talking about. My answer is simple. It doesn't matter. I'm just rambling. Which means that it doesn't matter if you understand anything I say. Doesn't that make you feel better? I bet it does. Wow. Look how long this has gotten. I even impress myself. Who would have thought I have this much free time? And I congratulate any reader who has gotten this far. Ooooooo! You must check out the fortunes section of the random stuff page! I've just gotten an idea for some more, original, fortunes...I gotta go!(may the moose be with you) And now I am back. I swear. If iI fill out the fake tab form I'm gonna have to put back as my favorite word...I already have filled it out, though. Would it be cheating to fill it out again? Only if I had multiple personalities. Or would it be cheating if I didn't have multiple personalities? The world may never know. Just like how many licks it takes to get to the bottom of a tootsie pop. Would it vary? The number of licks, I mean. Someone could have super-disolving spit, or watery-spit. Or what if you took big ol' slobbery licks? Does the commercial take that into account? No. It doesn't. And let me tell you, it's an outrage. It deludes all of American's sweet, innocent, candy-loving children into thinking that a cartoon owl is smarter than they are! "Mr. Owl, can you tell us how many licks does it take to get to the bottom of a tootsie pop?" Or whatever. And "Mr. Owl" replies "One...Twoo...Three! Chomp" And he bites it. That teaches our youth that it's okay to agree to help someone, and then ruin their experiment. Well...it's not. I am going to start a protest group. Teens Against Cartoon Owls. We could call ourselves TACO! I love the little tacos, I love them good! That is a direct quote from GIR, co-star and comic-relief on INVADER ZIM. Hmmmm...intersting. I put hyphens in both of his titles...it must be a conspiracy! I gotta go. Those TACO buttons don't make themselves, you know. I'm back again. And not so cheesed off about the whole tootsie roll pop thing. Right now, I have another twenty minutes on the Internet before I'm gonna watch T.V. And I can't think of anything else to do. So, predictably, here I am. It's not like I have anything better to do. Obviously, you know this. After all, look how long this text is. I wonder if I've made the world record? If I did, would I stop this? Why bother asking? I'll will most likely still be adding to this on my death bed. Hmmmmm...has any old, senile person ever written anything? Was it coherent? Did it make more sense that this text? Is it possible to make less sense? Am I enjoying asking retorical questions? Yes. Yes, I am. But I seriously wonder what something written by a senile person would be like. I've heard of poems and stuff written by people who were high, insane or paranoid. But never senile. Can a senile person write? Aren't they regressed to a child-like state? Does it even matter? Is anyone even reading this? Did I resume asking retorical questions? Do you care? Is this eating up time? I feel like I'm playing questions only on whose line is it anway. I probley should have capitalized something, or underlined but I'm feeling lazy...hey, you try to keep your two and a half readers happy! It's really stressfull. Someday, I'm gonna snap and just delete this entire thing. Gee, I hope not! I worked sorta hard on this. It's great for making random topics weave together to form an overall infrastructure of chaos. That made little sense. That's why it's here, and not some critically acclaimed site. Ooooooooooooo! I'm gonna quote from the FLAMING CHICKENS HANDBOOK again! Yep! I bet you were just breathless in anticipation. Okay. Here goes. Code: 472 of the Flaming Chickens Handbook states that this site in no way aknowledges the existance of other, better sites (hereon reffered to as the Losers) The Losers are a myth. The Patron Saint of Paper Clips (me again!) claims no knowledge as to where that particullary nasty rumor started, but confirms that this is the best site ever. It would be a sin against humanity for a better site to exist. Should you refuse to aknowledge the Patron Saint of Paper Clips as the ruler of the Internet, you will be subjected to punishment as stated in Code 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook (i.e. Experience vague, pain-like sensations when you're not paying attention) This has been a public service announcement. This is a test, I repeat only a test. Had this been an actual emergency, we would have bought up all the can openers and charged 3 cows and a pig for each one. I repeat, lock all you doors and windows, this is it. I repeat, there is nothing to worry about. Everything is fine. The end is not here. I'm going, you're on you're own! Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm back!smiles brightly And apparantly delusional! Anyway, I just finished rereading my longest text ever. And I became inspired to talk about nothing. You see, I periodically read the longest text ever to check the constant downward spiral of my sanity. Hmmm...I seem to be entertaining myself though, even while reading what I wrote. Which is why I still go to the Really Really Big Button That Doesn't Do Anything website. Because I am easily amused and have lots and lots of time on my hands. Maybe, some day far in the future (like next Thursday) I'll print a copy of this insane text. And then go door to door distributing it. Eventually, this would become a monthly tradition. Whole families would gather around their front door, in breathless anticipation while they attempted to barracade me out. I can just see the whole community rising to thwart my attempts to spread love, joy and insane chaos. I probley wouldn't actually print this out (think how much paper it would take!) but if I do, only friends and enemies will receive copies. Hmmmm...maybe my condition is worsening. Or not. I'm still peeved about the cartoon owl from the Tootsie Roll Pop commercials. He is pure evil. TACO will eventually destroy him. Unless he has already been destroyed by an even more radical Anti-Cartoon-Owl group. I hope not. Or, would that be good? I suppose I could let someone else have the glory. After all, I'm not in this line of buisness for the fame, fortune and power. What line of buisness, do you ask? Why, the assasinating annoying cartoon characters buisness. (Actually I just question them untill they spontaneously combust, I ask lots of questions) So, in conclusion, ladies and gentleman of the jury(that's you) I could not have possibly tortured "Mr. Owl" to death. I love owls. Hmm...I seem to be jumping from one subject to another more frequently. Either I am growing more comfortable with my on-line writing, or I am progressivly getting more insane and chaotic. I also am psyco-analyzing myself a lot today...hmmmm...I'm even saying "hmmmmm..." a lot. Just like a real psychologist. Hmmmmmmm. Time for another boring disclaimer!!!!!!! Code: 742 of the Flaming Chickens Handbook states that in no part does the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (That's still me!) actually claim to be mentally ill. That's either a) a publicity stunt b) An attempt at humor c) a cry for help or d) none of the above You can e-mail your responses by conducting a scavenger hunt of this site. Some of the pages of this site contain a link encouging the two and a half people to e-mail the Patron Saint of Paper Clips. There may also be evil little links that are designed to confuse you. These links send stuff to someone named johnjones333@hotmail.com The Patron Saint of Paper Clips does not know who this individual is, but sincerly wishes that you send all your hate mail to him. Not that the aformentioned individual claims to have received hate mail (or mail of any kind) via a website link. Thank-you for your time. Remember to send your answers to my sanity quiz to the e-mail account, flamingchickens333@hotmail.com Oh, and once I refer to myself in the first person again, the handbook quote is over. I just thought that I might like to mention that. Oh. You're still here. I figured you rush right on over to e-mail me. Perhaps you don't have time to waste e-mailing me. HA! HA! HA! That's funny!!!! If you you don't have time to waste, what are you doing here?!!! Oh, who am I kidding. I figure that even the people I manage to lure onto my site from neopets don't even bother to come to this particular page. Maybe I should make the link come here directly...Hey! What a good idea! That way I can spread my love, joy and insane chaos to more people! I'm a genius. Gotta go, must lure innocent victems to the second most pointless site ever!!!! I'm back. And really angry, and confused. I've always known that I was weird, that's always been a given. But now I realize that I am considerably more normal than the rest of my family. Today we had a "family outing." Now, most families will go bowling, or putt-putt golfing. They may go to a resteraunt with an arcarde, or the movies or to a theme park. Not my family! No, we got the greatest family outing of all. We got to go to a bar and play pool!!!!!waits for readers to become insanely jealous Yep, that's right, a bar with a pool table! Not only did we get world class cuisine (under-cooked hotdogs and over-cooked hamburgers), my little sister (age 10) got taught pool by someone I strongly supect is an ex-convict! Naturally when it was announced that we'd be eating dinner in this place, I could hardly contain my excitment(I glared at my mother and asked why we couldn't go to Pizza Hut) When we arrived, we were promptly served (after thirty minutes) In the meantime, we played a family game of pool(my parents played while my brother and sister and I watched) After two rousing rounds, our food came. The food was superb, (our food came the exact opposite of how we ordered it, and half of the onion rings were missing) Then we joyfully returned to our game(my sister and the ex-con played my mom) We spent hours there (from 5p.m.-7:15p.m.) There were many people that were the same age as me and my siblings (no one in the room but us were under 30) Us kids had to be dragged kicking and screaming from the bar ( I almost fell asleep during the last game I watched) As we left, there was a feeling of goodwill and fellowship between all(my sister locked me out of the car and wouldn't let me in untill I started yelling profanity in her general direction) The high point of the entire night was when my mother gave me $21 for my report card. She promptly borrowed $1 to help with the waitresses tip(This part I'm not being sarcastic about) All in all it was a night I'll remember forever (as the lowest point in "family outing"history, except for that time my mom dragged me to a church thing on the concept of truth.) My brother(age 13) even decided upon a new job he wants when he's old enough to work, a busboy at the bar. We had to tell him that he would probley have to wait untill he was 21.(Absolutly nothing about that statement was sarcastic) As you can see, I love my families outings(Not unless you're blind...or stupid) Hello, everyone! This is one of the weirdest sites: or your money back! We have ZIM, neopets, music, and much, much, more. E-mail us for questions, comments, complaints and information. Why not click on the Very Weird Stuff link to see more, or click on the music link? We have halloween and christmas pictures on the NeoPics link. Cheese is not a wild thing!!!!!!!!! Now I have decided to go for a world record. I will try to make the longest web page ever, made completely out of text! Won't that be fun? I will just type, and type, and never, ever use copy and paste. Wow...I really must be bored. Just goes to show what boredom can do to you. Any way, that's it for now. Wait, no it isn't, I still have to keep going, and going, and going. Because I do. THE REST OF THE STUFF I TYPE WILL BE COMPLETLY IN CAPS JUST BECAUSE I CAN. THAT IS ALL. SEEYA! Hi, I'm back. So far this is nowhere near the world record. I think. I don't exactly know where it is...oh, well. I'll just have to do the very best that I can. No one is really coming here, anyway. So it doesn't matter. By the way, TAB is a worthwhile, community-service organization. The form link is to a 100% fake TAB registration form that you can fill out just for laughs. I can't believe I'm bothering to do this. I have very low expectations of my site. None ever comes here, I could do this all day long and I still wouldn't have any more hits. This is just a pointless excursive in spelling errors and grammatical imprecision. May your day be shiney! The following is an extremely weird poem-thingy that I wrote when I was in a relatively weird mood:
never mind that noise my dear can anyone pass the cheese only if you say pretty please oh, boy do I have to sneeze. why must everyone always rhyme, why I’m a poet and don’t I know it? what I fear comes right after here not this life or the next will I ever be able to pass the test? we’re stuck in here, (alone my dear) and we’ll problem never get out so don’t start to shout. it’s dark and I want to go home is where the heart was where is it now? we’ll never know but oh crap it’s starting to snow and it’s time to show and tell about the well that you found last summer at camp when it was damp it was near the ramp oh god why must this be I liked that tree but now it’s gone, farewell so long I’ll miss you as long as you write but then I’m afraid to say good-night. my dear there’s nothing to fear that’s only a box that’s made of blocks next to the wagon that looks like a dragon why are you shaking it’s your fear that is making you shiver and act all a quiver. don’t you know that you only need be afraid of fear and never anything here and certainly not a post that acts like a ghost?
See, very weird. At least it fills up my word quota for the day. Not that I exactly have a word quota for the day. It just sounded very professional to say it. Anyway, I still don't think that anyone is actually coming here. You'd have to be an absolute loser (or really bored) to come here. I'd probley come here, but that isn't much of a surprise. After all, I've been to the Really Really Big Button That Doesn't Do Anything website over 50 times. Pathetic. But, whatever. As long as I'm happy, right. Humor the crazy person, okay? Oh, guess what? According to someone you problem don't know, this is the second most pointless website ever! Next to the Really Big Button, of course. I feel special. Come on everyone, group hug. Okay, now I'm starting to scare myself...I'm gonna quit for today. Seeya. Now I'm back. Is this getting confusing to you? Too bad. Now I want you to go to http://quiz.ravenblack.net/blood.pl?biter=eon" If you do this I'll get points in the game. Come on all you non-existing people! Help me! You know you want to! It's a worthy cause! Honestly, the more time I waste playing the game, the less time I'll work on this site and the less stuff you gotta read. Although why you'd be here if you didn't want to read is beyond me. Maybe you're lost. Okay, if you want to get out, click the little refresh button, okay? Good...what? You say it didn't let you out? Oh, well. You must be caught in a time warp. Keep pressing it. Maybe you'll break free. What's that. The little counter at the bottom keeps going up? Never mind. That's just how many times you have to click before you can leave. Good-bye.

Hey, I'm once again: back. I don't suppose you fell for that little thing about the refresh button. After all, you're a responsible, intelligent person who apparently has a lot of time on your hands. Well, you can't possibly have more time than I do. I mean, after all, I made this site. You're only browsing it. And most people don't even come here. Not even my friends...sniffle The just ignore this poor, pathetic little page. All they do is fill out the TAB form and leave. I think. Maybe they're here right now! HI! HOW ARE YOU DOING? I'M FINE! THANKS FOR COMING! YES, I'M YELLING! Who am I kidding. This page won't get a single hit, unless I bribe people...now that has possibilities. Okay, fill out the TAB form, so I have proof that you bothered to come here and...uh...I'll...uh...send you a sandwich? Please allow 6-8 weeks for delivery. I'm bored. I'm gonna go hug a moose. MOOSE! I love-d you moose! Hey, I'm back again! Yea...waits for applause okay! Now I want all you loyal fans...cricket chirps to go to the link to see what I'm like. I took a whole bunch of personality quizzes and posted them there. I'm an evil villain, kitty and a freakazoid so far. And I only took the quiz once, too. Spooky how accurate they are...anyway, I command you to go! I'm going. I'm back. I'm gonna start counting how many times I say back. Let's see: 1...2...3...4...5! Wow. I must really be desperate for something to do. I now officially have proof that someone has been here! It was one of my friends. Apparently this page really is getting long, because my friend said something to that effect. Maybe. Anyway, moving on! I'm just basically typing nothing. Just like all those reports people have to do. You know? With a specific number of words. They start out with half that number, and then just fill in words until they have the right amount. I salute those people. You're great tradition is being carried out here, on the second most pointless site ever! Well. Maybe eventually some weird, bored person will wander onto my site on accident and be mildly entertained be my site until they wander onto a live video feed of a coffee maker. Or maybe not. I only know that I'm entertaining me, which was my original goal. So. I've done what I've set out to accomplish. Yea, me! I'm so special. You see, most people, they don't like reading or writing. So if you're not most people, you've made it down this far without skipping, skimming or getting the spark notes version. (Which I think does not exist) My point is, if you've bothered to read this, then, (like me) you probley have also read the ketchup bottle so many times that you have it down verbatim. Look verbatim up. It's a word. But, you should know that, since you like reading. Or maybe you're just skimming. Anyway, there's nothing wrong with reading food labels. You might be asked a question about them on a quiz show. And now, for the million-dollar question: How many calories are there in a single serving of Mustard? I can just see it now...It could be called Know-Your-Food. Or You are What you Eat. It'd probley be as popular as those game shows that no one's ever heard of. Speaking of food, what's up with pie? There's strawberry pie, apple, pumpkin and so many others, but there is no grape pie! I know. I'm just as upset about this unfortunate lack of development in the pie division. Think about it. Grapes are used to make jelly, jam, juice and raisins. What makes them undesirable for pie? Would they dry into raisins? Couldn't you just stick some jelly in a piecrust and bake it? It just doesn't make any sense. Another thing that bothers me is organ grinders. You know, the foreign guys with the bellhop hats and the little music thingy and the cute little monkey with the bellhop hat who collects the money? Okay. They're basically begging on the street. How did they ever afford an organ-thingy? Wouldn't it make more sense to get a kazoo, if you're broke? And if they're so poor, what possessed them to buy a monkey? I mean, I don't think I could afford a monkey, and I'm not exactly on the streets. Obviously I at least have a computer...so, back to the organ grinders. I would have sold the monkey and the organ and been able to eat for at least a year. Or, if I was weirder than I am, I could at least kill the monkey with the organ and eat it. Why on earth did they keep the monkey? It must have cost a fortune to feed...not to mention the mess. That's just one of those many facts of life that are better left mysteries. Especially since no one but me would ask the question. I better go. I think I hear a monkey...Okay...now I'm back. That's the sixth time I've said back! I realize that this longest text ever must be very boring and not worth anyone's time. But I'd like to take this time to thank the 2 and 1/2 people in the entire universe who have bothered to read this entire thing. I'm not exactly sure who they are, but: thanks! Right now, my spacebar is malfunctioning...that's not good...I have to press it two or three times just to insert a freaking space. Maybe the evil little faeries with the sharp little teeth have put their evil faerie dust on my computer. Or maybe not. This is too frustrating. Goodbye for now...Now I'm back. And still frustrated. But for a different reason. Today I had the misfortune of playing a Treasure Planet game on neopets.com It was terrible. Apparently the point of the game was to get your character to shout "Whoo-Hoo!" as many times as possible before you splattered your brains on the rocks, all the while listening to a soundtrack that is similar to a dying ceiling fan. Of course, when I started out I accidentally hit the rocks approximately three million times. Halfway though I used my four remaining brain-cells to decide that the game was dumb. So my goal changed from surviving to laughing evilly while my character died. So the game naturally did everything it could to preserve my life. The stupid game is still going on and I refuse to quit because I want my points. My character is actually dodging the stupid rocks better now then when I controlled him. I hate irony. Seeya. Okay. Now I'm back again. Today I added an update page, which is basically a less chaotic, outlined version of this without all the ranting. It's more like techno talk about arrays and how much I suck and whether or not the Braves will win this year. Okay, the whole braves thing is made up. But everything else I've said so far is true. I think. Maybe I should start on a boring disclaimer...Eh-hem. All contents of this site were designed for entertainment purposes only. Any use thereof that is not stated in the above mentioned statement would make the author, hereby referred to as Patron Saint of Paper Clips, very angry. Should you violate the purpose of this site: i.e. become not entertained, the Patron Saint of Paper Clips will be forced to take drastic measures. This is specified in Code: 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook. Ooooo…that’s a great idea! I’m gonna start quoting from the Flaming Chicken Handbook! Code: 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook states that the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (that’s me) is allowed to cause vague, pain like sensations while the offending person (or alien life form, dog, etc.) isn’t paying attention. Now I have a purpose in life! To make up quotes from the non-existent Flaming Chicken Handbook, which I’m sure you have a copy of. No? Too bad. It’s in the mail, I promise! Now I must take my leave…and remember. Cheese is watching. Okay...I'm back...I think that eventually half of this thing will consist of the word back over and over again...that's just weird. Which fits the motif of the rest of the site. There's even a money back guarantee. Isn’t' that nice? See? Now no one can ever say that I don't take care of my viewers. Especially since I don't have viewers. I have readers. Wait...I really don't even know if anyone bothers to read this. Even if I put it in a less chaotic, more user-friendly format people would still ignore this because it involves: reading. Yes. Sad to admit, but the majority of people would rather read the summary at the back of a book rather than the whole book itself. What has the world come to? It's pathetic. Especially since I'm bothering to write all this. It's not fair! Why can't I have more readers?! All the other internet writers have nothing on me, except they're better at advertising, having a central theme/plot and basically more talented. Whereas I'm more into the whole ranting and raving stage right now. Plus, I am horrible at spelling. Which is bad. Thank the powers that be for spell-check. The single greatest invention of the computer gods. I'm getting bored, so I think I'm done for the day. May your day be shiney! I'm back again! And I feel weird! I found at that yet another one of my friends is reading this. Creepy. Just how much time do they have on their hands. Perhaps their just trying to be nice. I can just see it now...an organization devoted not to feeding the hungry, or peace, or love or whatever, but to giving recognition to all those poor, pathetic, unpopular websites. I wonder what it's name would be. Don't Ignore Sites? Would it be called DIS? Isn't that like a slang term for an insult? Would that be considered poetic justice, or just a nice coincidence? And why do I even care? I'll tell you why. Because I have nothing else to do right now. I could be playing neopets, but ever since my bad experience with Treasure Planet, I don't feel like it. Oh, by the way, I noticed that whenever I use spell-check, my stupid computer turns the word probley into to word problem. To prevent this, I did nothing. So, it is now up to you, the imaginary reader, to decide whether I mean probley or problem...it's almost like a game! But without the bad sound track. And I promise not to force you to live when you would rather die. Moving on, I have nothing else to say, but don't feel like quitting just yet. I'm like the little engine that could. Or maybe the Energizer Bunny. I just keep going, and going and going. Or I could be like that annoying guy on T.V. who keeps asking if you can hear him. If my site manages to last a decade, my readers snicker will probley wonder what I'm talking about. My answer is simple. It doesn't matter. I'm just rambling. Which means that it doesn't matter if you understand anything I say. Doesn't that make you feel better? I bet it does. Wow. Look how long this has gotten. I even impress myself. Who would have thought I have this much free time? And I congratulate any reader who has gotten this far. Ooooooo! You must check out the fortunes section of the random stuff page! I've just gotten an idea for some more, original, fortunes...I gotta go!(may the moose be with you) And now I am back. I swear. If iI fill out the fake tab form I'm gonna have to put back as my favorite word...I already have filled it out, though. Would it be cheating to fill it out again? Only if I had multiple personalities. Or would it be cheating if I didn't have multiple personalities? The world may never know. Just like how many licks it takes to get to the bottom of a tootsie pop. Would it vary? The number of licks, I mean. Someone could have super-disolving spit, or watery-spit. Or what if you took big ol' slobbery licks? Does the commercial take that into account? No. It doesn't. And let me tell you, it's an outrage. It deludes all of American's sweet, innocent, candy-loving children into thinking that a cartoon owl is smarter than they are! "Mr. Owl, can you tell us how many licks does it take to get to the bottom of a tootsie pop?" Or whatever. And "Mr. Owl" replies "One...Twoo...Three! Chomp" And he bites it. That teaches our youth that it's okay to agree to help someone, and then ruin their experiment. Well...it's not. I am going to start a protest group. Teens Against Cartoon Owls. We could call ourselves TACO! I love the little tacos, I love them good! That is a direct quote from GIR, co-star and comic-relief on INVADER ZIM. Hmmmm...intersting. I put hyphens in both of his titles...it must be a conspiracy! I gotta go. Those TACO buttons don't make themselves, you know. I'm back again. And not so cheesed off about the whole tootsie roll pop thing. Right now, I have another twenty minutes on the Internet before I'm gonna watch T.V. And I can't think of anything else to do. So, predictably, here I am. It's not like I have anything better to do. Obviously, you know this. After all, look how long this text is. I wonder if I've made the world record? If I did, would I stop this? Why bother asking? I'll will most likely still be adding to this on my death bed. Hmmmmm...has any old, senile person ever written anything? Was it coherent? Did it make more sense that this text? Is it possible to make less sense? Am I enjoying asking retorical questions? Yes. Yes, I am. But I seriously wonder what something written by a senile person would be like. I've heard of poems and stuff written by people who were high, insane or paranoid. But never senile. Can a senile person write? Aren't they regressed to a child-like state? Does it even matter? Is anyone even reading this? Did I resume asking retorical questions? Do you care? Is this eating up time? I feel like I'm playing questions only on whose line is it anway. I probley should have capitalized something, or underlined but I'm feeling lazy...hey, you try to keep your two and a half readers happy! It's really stressfull. Someday, I'm gonna snap and just delete this entire thing. Gee, I hope not! I worked sorta hard on this. It's great for making random topics weave together to form an overall infrastructure of chaos. That made little sense. That's why it's here, and not some critically acclaimed site. Ooooooooooooo! I'm gonna quote from the FLAMING CHICKENS HANDBOOK again! Yep! I bet you were just breathless in anticipation. Okay. Here goes. Code: 472 of the Flaming Chickens Handbook states that this site in no way aknowledges the existance of other, better sites (hereon reffered to as the Losers) The Losers are a myth. The Patron Saint of Paper Clips (me again!) claims no knowledge as to where that particullary nasty rumor started, but confirms that this is the best site ever. It would be a sin against humanity for a better site to exist. Should you refuse to aknowledge the Patron Saint of Paper Clips as the ruler of the Internet, you will be subjected to punishment as stated in Code 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook (i.e. Experience vague, pain-like sensations when you're not paying attention) This has been a public service announcement. This is a test, I repeat only a test. Had this been an actual emergency, we would have bought up all the can openers and charged 3 cows and a pig for each one. I repeat, lock all you doors and windows, this is it. I repeat, there is nothing to worry about. Everything is fine. The end is not here. I'm going, you're on you're own! Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm back!smiles brightly And apparantly delusional! Anyway, I just finished rereading my longest text ever. And I became inspired to talk about nothing. You see, I periodically read the longest text ever to check the constant downward spiral of my sanity. Hmmm...I seem to be entertaining myself though, even while reading what I wrote. Which is why I still go to the Really Really Big Button That Doesn't Do Anything website. Because I am easily amused and have lots and lots of time on my hands. Maybe, some day far in the future (like next Thursday) I'll print a copy of this insane text. And then go door to door distributing it. Eventually, this would become a monthly tradition. Whole families would gather around their front door, in breathless anticipation while they attempted to barracade me out. I can just see the whole community rising to thwart my attempts to spread love, joy and insane chaos. I probley wouldn't actually print this out (think how much paper it would take!) but if I do, only friends and enemies will receive copies. Hmmmm...maybe my condition is worsening. Or not. I'm still peeved about the cartoon owl from the Tootsie Roll Pop commercials. He is pure evil. TACO will eventually destroy him. Unless he has already been destroyed by an even more radical Anti-Cartoon-Owl group. I hope not. Or, would that be good? I suppose I could let someone else have the glory. After all, I'm not in this line of buisness for the fame, fortune and power. What line of buisness, do you ask? Why, the assasinating annoying cartoon characters buisness. (Actually I just question them untill they spontaneously combust, I ask lots of questions) So, in conclusion, ladies and gentleman of the jury(that's you) I could not have possibly tortured "Mr. Owl" to death. I love owls. Hmm...I seem to be jumping from one subject to another more frequently. Either I am growing more comfortable with my on-line writing, or I am progressivly getting more insane and chaotic. I also am psyco-analyzing myself a lot today...hmmmm...I'm even saying "hmmmmm..." a lot. Just like a real psychologist. Hmmmmmmm. Time for another boring disclaimer!!!!!!! Code: 742 of the Flaming Chickens Handbook states that in no part does the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (That's still me!) actually claim to be mentally ill. That's either a) a publicity stunt b) An attempt at humor c) a cry for help or d) none of the above You can e-mail your responses by conducting a scavenger hunt of this site. Some of the pages of this site contain a link encouging the two and a half people to e-mail the Patron Saint of Paper Clips. There may also be evil little links that are designed to confuse you. These links send stuff to someone named johnjones333@hotmail.com The Patron Saint of Paper Clips does not know who this individual is, but sincerly wishes that you send all your hate mail to him. Not that the aformentioned individual claims to have received hate mail (or mail of any kind) via a website link. Thank-you for your time. Remember to send your answers to my sanity quiz to the e-mail account, flamingchickens333@hotmail.com Oh, and once I refer to myself in the first person again, the handbook quote is over. I just thought that I might like to mention that. Oh. You're still here. I figured you rush right on over to e-mail me. Perhaps you don't have time to waste e-mailing me. HA! HA! HA! That's funny!!!! If you you don't have time to waste, what are you doing here?!!! Oh, who am I kidding. I figure that even the people I manage to lure onto my site from neopets don't even bother to come to this particular page. Maybe I should make the link come here directly...Hey! What a good idea! That way I can spread my love, joy and insane chaos to more people! I'm a genius. Gotta go, must lure innocent victems to the second most pointless site ever!!!! I'm back. And really angry, and confused. I've always known that I was weird, that's always been a given. But now I realize that I am considerably more normal than the rest of my family. Today we had a "family outing." Now, most families will go bowling, or putt-putt golfing. They may go to a resteraunt with an arcarde, or the movies or to a theme park. Not my family! No, we got the greatest family outing of all. We got to go to a bar and play pool!!!!!waits for readers to become insanely jealous Yep, that's right, a bar with a pool table! Not only did we get world class cuisine (under-cooked hotdogs and over-cooked hamburgers), my little sister (age 10) got taught pool by someone I strongly supect is an ex-convict! Naturally when it was announced that we'd be eating dinner in this place, I could hardly contain my excitment(I glared at my mother and asked why we couldn't go to Pizza Hut) When we arrived, we were promptly served (after thirty minutes) In the meantime, we played a family game of pool(my parents played while my brother and sister and I watched) After two rousing rounds, our food came. The food was superb, (our food came the exact opposite of how we ordered it, and half of the onion rings were missing) Then we joyfully returned to our game(my sister and the ex-con played my mom) We spent hours there (from 5p.m.-7:15p.m.) There were many people that were the same age as me and my siblings (no one in the room but us were under 30) Us kids had to be dragged kicking and screaming from the bar ( I almost fell asleep during the last game I watched) As we left, there was a feeling of goodwill and fellowship between all(my sister locked me out of the car and wouldn't let me in untill I started yelling profanity in her general direction) The high point of the entire night was when my mother gave me $21 for my report card. She promptly borrowed $1 to help with the waitresses tip(This part I'm not being sarcastic about) All in all it was a night I'll remember forever (as the lowest point in "family outing"history, except for that time my mom dragged me to a church thing on the concept of truth.) My brother(age 13) even decided upon a new job he wants when he's old enough to work, a busboy at the bar. We had to tell him that he would probley have to wait untill he was 21.(Absolutly nothing about that statement was sarcastic) As you can see, I love my families outings(Not unless you're blind...or stupid) llo, everyone! This is one of the weirdest sites: or your money back! We have ZIM, neopets, music, and much, much, more. E-mail us for questions, comments, complaints and information. Why not click on the Very Weird Stuff link to see more, or click on the music link? We have halloween and christmas pictures on the NeoPics link. Cheese is not a wild thing!!!!!!!!! Now I have decided to go for a world record. I will try to make the longest web page ever, made completely out of text! Won't that be fun? I will just type, and type, and never, ever use copy and paste. Wow...I really must be bored. Just goes to show what boredom can do to you. Any way, that's it for now. Wait, no it isn't, I still have to keep going, and going, and going. Because I do. THE REST OF THE STUFF I TYPE WILL BE COMPLETLY IN CAPS JUST BECAUSE I CAN. THAT IS ALL. SEEYA! Hi, I'm back. So far this is nowhere near the world record. I think. I don't exactly know where it is...oh, well. I'll just have to do the very best that I can. No one is really coming here, anyway. So it doesn't matter. By the way, TAB is a worthwhile, community-service organization. The form link is to a 100% fake TAB registration form that you can fill out just for laughs. I can't believe I'm bothering to do this. I have very low expectations of my site. None ever comes here, I could do this all day long and I still wouldn't have any more hits. This is just a pointless excursive in spelling errors and grammatical imprecision. May your day be shiney! The following is an extremely weird poem-thingy that I wrote when I was in a relatively weird mood:
never mind that noise my dear can anyone pass the cheese only if you say pretty please oh, boy do I have to sneeze. why must everyone always rhyme, why I’m a poet and don’t I know it? what I fear comes right after here not this life or the next will I ever be able to pass the test? we’re stuck in here, (alone my dear) and we’ll problem never get out so don’t start to shout. it’s dark and I want to go home is where the heart was where is it now? we’ll never know but oh crap it’s starting to snow and it’s time to show and tell about the well that you found last summer at camp when it was damp it was near the ramp oh god why must this be I liked that tree but now it’s gone, farewell so long I’ll miss you as long as you write but then I’m afraid to say good-night. my dear there’s nothing to fear that’s only a box that’s made of blocks next to the wagon that looks like a dragon why are you shaking it’s your fear that is making you shiver and act all a quiver. don’t you know that you only need be afraid of fear and never anything here and certainly not a post that acts like a ghost?
See, very weird. At least it fills up my word quota for the day. Not that I exactly have a word quota for the day. It just sounded very professional to say it. Anyway, I still don't think that anyone is actually coming here. You'd have to be an absolute loser (or really bored) to come here. I'd probley come here, but that isn't much of a surprise. After all, I've been to the Really Really Big Button That Doesn't Do Anything website over 50 times. Pathetic. But, whatever. As long as I'm happy, right. Humor the crazy person, okay? Oh, guess what? According to someone you problem don't know, this is the second most pointless website ever! Next to the Really Big Button, of course. I feel special. Come on everyone, group hug. Okay, now I'm starting to scare myself...I'm gonna quit for today. Seeya. Now I'm back. Is this getting confusing to you? Too bad. Now I want you to go to http://quiz.ravenblack.net/blood.pl?biter=eon" If you do this I'll get points in the game. Come on all you non-existing people! Help me! You know you want to! It's a worthy cause! Honestly, the more time I waste playing the game, the less time I'll work on this site and the less stuff you gotta read. Although why you'd be here if you didn't want to read is beyond me. Maybe you're lost. Okay, if you want to get out, click the little refresh button, okay? Good...what? You say it didn't let you out? Oh, well. You must be caught in a time warp. Keep pressing it. Maybe you'll break free. What's that. The little counter at the bottom keeps going up? Never mind. That's just how many times you have to click before you can leave. Good-bye.

Hey, I'm once again: back. I don't suppose you fell for that little thing about the refresh button. After all, you're a responsible, intelligent person who apparently has a lot of time on your hands. Well, you can't possibly have more time than I do. I mean, after all, I made this site. You're only browsing it. And most people don't even come here. Not even my friends...sniffle The just ignore this poor, pathetic little page. All they do is fill out the TAB form and leave. I think. Maybe they're here right now! HI! HOW ARE YOU DOING? I'M FINE! THANKS FOR COMING! YES, I'M YELLING! Who am I kidding. This page won't get a single hit, unless I bribe people...now that has possibilities. Okay, fill out the TAB form, so I have proof that you bothered to come here and...uh...I'll...uh...send you a sandwich? Please allow 6-8 weeks for delivery. I'm bored. I'm gonna go hug a moose. MOOSE! I love-d you moose! Hey, I'm back again! Yea...waits for applause okay! Now I want all you loyal fans...cricket chirps to go to the link to see what I'm like. I took a whole bunch of personality quizzes and posted them there. I'm an evil villain, kitty and a freakazoid so far. And I only took the quiz once, too. Spooky how accurate they are...anyway, I command you to go! I'm going. I'm back. I'm gonna start counting how many times I say back. Let's see: 1...2...3...4...5! Wow. I must really be desperate for something to do. I now officially have proof that someone has been here! It was one of my friends. Apparently this page really is getting long, because my friend said something to that effect. Maybe. Anyway, moving on! I'm just basically typing nothing. Just like all those reports people have to do. You know? With a specific number of words. They start out with half that number, and then just fill in words until they have the right amount. I salute those people. You're great tradition is being carried out here, on the second most pointless site ever! Well. Maybe eventually some weird, bored person will wander onto my site on accident and be mildly entertained be my site until they wander onto a live video feed of a coffee maker. Or maybe not. I only know that I'm entertaining me, which was my original goal. So. I've done what I've set out to accomplish. Yea, me! I'm so special. You see, most people, they don't like reading or writing. So if you're not most people, you've made it down this far without skipping, skimming or getting the spark notes version. (Which I think does not exist) My point is, if you've bothered to read this, then, (like me) you probley have also read the ketchup bottle so many times that you have it down verbatim. Look verbatim up. It's a word. But, you should know that, since you like reading. Or maybe you're just skimming. Anyway, there's nothing wrong with reading food labels. You might be asked a question about them on a quiz show. And now, for the million-dollar question: How many calories are there in a single serving of Mustard? I can just see it now...It could be called Know-Your-Food. Or You are What you Eat. It'd probley be as popular as those game shows that no one's ever heard of. Speaking of food, what's up with pie? There's strawberry pie, apple, pumpkin and so many others, but there is no grape pie! I know. I'm just as upset about this unfortunate lack of development in the pie division. Think about it. Grapes are used to make jelly, jam, juice and raisins. What makes them undesirable for pie? Would they dry into raisins? Couldn't you just stick some jelly in a piecrust and bake it? It just doesn't make any sense. Another thing that bothers me is organ grinders. You know, the foreign guys with the bellhop hats and the little music thingy and the cute little monkey with the bellhop hat who collects the money? Okay. They're basically begging on the street. How did they ever afford an organ-thingy? Wouldn't it make more sense to get a kazoo, if you're broke? And if they're so poor, what possessed them to buy a monkey? I mean, I don't think I could afford a monkey, and I'm not exactly on the streets. Obviously I at least have a computer...so, back to the organ grinders. I would have sold the monkey and the organ and been able to eat for at least a year. Or, if I was weirder than I am, I could at least kill the monkey with the organ and eat it. Why on earth did they keep the monkey? It must have cost a fortune to feed...not to mention the mess. That's just one of those many facts of life that are better left mysteries. Especially since no one but me would ask the question. I better go. I think I hear a monkey...Okay...now I'm back. That's the sixth time I've said back! I realize that this longest text ever must be very boring and not worth anyone's time. But I'd like to take this time to thank the 2 and 1/2 people in the entire universe who have bothered to read this entire thing. I'm not exactly sure who they are, but: thanks! Right now, my spacebar is malfunctioning...that's not good...I have to press it two or three times just to insert a freaking space. Maybe the evil little faeries with the sharp little teeth have put their evil faerie dust on my computer. Or maybe not. This is too frustrating. Goodbye for now...Now I'm back. And still frustrated. But for a different reason. Today I had the misfortune of playing a Treasure Planet game on neopets.com It was terrible. Apparently the point of the game was to get your character to shout "Whoo-Hoo!" as many times as possible before you splattered your brains on the rocks, all the while listening to a soundtrack that is similar to a dying ceiling fan. Of course, when I started out I accidentally hit the rocks approximately three million times. Halfway though I used my four remaining brain-cells to decide that the game was dumb. So my goal changed from surviving to laughing evilly while my character died. So the game naturally did everything it could to preserve my life. The stupid game is still going on and I refuse to quit because I want my points. My character is actually dodging the stupid rocks better now then when I controlled him. I hate irony. Seeya. Okay. Now I'm back again. Today I added an update page, which is basically a less chaotic, outlined version of this without all the ranting. It's more like techno talk about arrays and how much I suck and whether or not the Braves will win this year. Okay, the whole braves thing is made up. But everything else I've said so far is true. I think. Maybe I should start on a boring disclaimer...Eh-hem. All contents of this site were designed for entertainment purposes only. Any use thereof that is not stated in the above mentioned statement would make the author, hereby referred to as Patron Saint of Paper Clips, very angry. Should you violate the purpose of this site: i.e. become not entertained, the Patron Saint of Paper Clips will be forced to take drastic measures. This is specified in Code: 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook. Ooooo…that’s a great idea! I’m gonna start quoting from the Flaming Chicken Handbook! Code: 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook states that the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (that’s me) is allowed to cause vague, pain like sensations while the offending person (or alien life form, dog, etc.) isn’t paying attention. Now I have a purpose in life! To make up quotes from the non-existent Flaming Chicken Handbook, which I’m sure you have a copy of. No? Too bad. It’s in the mail, I promise! Now I must take my leave…and remember. Cheese is watching. Okay...I'm back...I think that eventually half of this thing will consist of the word back over and over again...that's just weird. Which fits the motif of the rest of the site. There's even a money back guarantee. Isn’t' that nice? See? Now no one can ever say that I don't take care of my viewers. Especially since I don't have viewers. I have readers. Wait...I really don't even know if anyone bothers to read this. Even if I put it in a less chaotic, more user-friendly format people would still ignore this because it involves: reading. Yes. Sad to admit, but the majority of people would rather read the summary at the back of a book rather than the whole book itself. What has the world come to? It's pathetic. Especially since I'm bothering to write all this. It's not fair! Why can't I have more readers?! All the other internet writers have nothing on me, except they're better at advertising, having a central theme/plot and basically more talented. Whereas I'm more into the whole ranting and raving stage right now. Plus, I am horrible at spelling. Which is bad. Thank the powers that be for spell-check. The single greatest invention of the computer gods. I'm getting bored, so I think I'm done for the day. May your day be shiney! I'm back again! And I feel weird! I found at that yet another one of my friends is reading this. Creepy. Just how much time do they have on their hands. Perhaps their just trying to be nice. I can just see it now...an organization devoted not to feeding the hungry, or peace, or love or whatever, but to giving recognition to all those poor, pathetic, unpopular websites. I wonder what it's name would be. Don't Ignore Sites? Would it be called DIS? Isn't that like a slang term for an insult? Would that be considered poetic justice, or just a nice coincidence? And why do I even care? I'll tell you why. Because I have nothing else to do right now. I could be playing neopets, but ever since my bad experience with Treasure Planet, I don't feel like it. Oh, by the way, I noticed that whenever I use spell-check, my stupid computer turns the word probley into to word problem. To prevent this, I did nothing. So, it is now up to you, the imaginary reader, to decide whether I mean probley or problem...it's almost like a game! But without the bad sound track. And I promise not to force you to live when you would rather die. Moving on, I have nothing else to say, but don't feel like quitting just yet. I'm like the little engine that could. Or maybe the Energizer Bunny. I just keep going, and going and going. Or I could be like that annoying guy on T.V. who keeps asking if you can hear him. If my site manages to last a decade, my readers snicker will probley wonder what I'm talking about. My answer is simple. It doesn't matter. I'm just rambling. Which means that it doesn't matter if you understand anything I say. Doesn't that make you feel better? I bet it does. Wow. Look how long this has gotten. I even impress myself. Who would have thought I have this much free time? And I congratulate any reader who has gotten this far. Ooooooo! You must check out the fortunes section of the random stuff page! I've just gotten an idea for some more, original, fortunes...I gotta go!(may the moose be with you) And now I am back. I swear. If iI fill out the fake tab form I'm gonna have to put back as my favorite word...I already have filled it out, though. Would it be cheating to fill it out again? Only if I had multiple personalities. Or would it be cheating if I didn't have multiple personalities? The world may never know. Just like how many licks it takes to get to the bottom of a tootsie pop. Would it vary? The number of licks, I mean. Someone could have super-disolving spit, or watery-spit. Or what if you took big ol' slobbery licks? Does the commercial take that into account? No. It doesn't. And let me tell you, it's an outrage. It deludes all of American's sweet, innocent, candy-loving children into thinking that a cartoon owl is smarter than they are! "Mr. Owl, can you tell us how many licks does it take to get to the bottom of a tootsie pop?" Or whatever. And "Mr. Owl" replies "One...Twoo...Three! Chomp" And he bites it. That teaches our youth that it's okay to agree to help someone, and then ruin their experiment. Well...it's not. I am going to start a protest group. Teens Against Cartoon Owls. We could call ourselves TACO! I love the little tacos, I love them good! That is a direct quote from GIR, co-star and comic-relief on INVADER ZIM. Hmmmm...intersting. I put hyphens in both of his titles...it must be a conspiracy! I gotta go. Those TACO buttons don't make themselves, you know. I'm back again. And not so cheesed off about the whole tootsie roll pop thing. Right now, I have another twenty minutes on the Internet before I'm gonna watch T.V. And I can't think of anything else to do. So, predictably, here I am. It's not like I have anything better to do. Obviously, you know this. After all, look how long this text is. I wonder if I've made the world record? If I did, would I stop this? Why bother asking? I'll will most likely still be adding to this on my death bed. Hmmmmm...has any old, senile person ever written anything? Was it coherent? Did it make more sense that this text? Is it possible to make less sense? Am I enjoying asking retorical questions? Yes. Yes, I am. But I seriously wonder what something written by a senile person would be like. I've heard of poems and stuff written by people who were high, insane or paranoid. But never senile. Can a senile person write? Aren't they regressed to a child-like state? Does it even matter? Is anyone even reading this? Did I resume asking retorical questions? Do you care? Is this eating up time? I feel like I'm playing questions only on whose line is it anway. I probley should have capitalized something, or underlined but I'm feeling lazy...hey, you try to keep your two and a half readers happy! It's really stressfull. Someday, I'm gonna snap and just delete this entire thing. Gee, I hope not! I worked sorta hard on this. It's great for making random topics weave together to form an overall infrastructure of chaos. That made little sense. That's why it's here, and not some critically acclaimed site. Ooooooooooooo! I'm gonna quote from the FLAMING CHICKENS HANDBOOK again! Yep! I bet you were just breathless in anticipation. Okay. Here goes. Code: 472 of the Flaming Chickens Handbook states that this site in no way aknowledges the existance of other, better sites (hereon reffered to as the Losers) The Losers are a myth. The Patron Saint of Paper Clips (me again!) claims no knowledge as to where that particullary nasty rumor started, but confirms that this is the best site ever. It would be a sin against humanity for a better site to exist. Should you refuse to aknowledge the Patron Saint of Paper Clips as the ruler of the Internet, you will be subjected to punishment as stated in Code 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook (i.e. Experience vague, pain-like sensations when you're not paying attention) This has been a public service announcement. This is a test, I repeat only a test. Had this been an actual emergency, we would have bought up all the can openers and charged 3 cows and a pig for each one. I repeat, lock all you doors and windows, this is it. I repeat, there is nothing to worry about. Everything is fine. The end is not here. I'm going, you're on you're own! Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm back!smiles brightly And apparantly delusional! Anyway, I just finished rereading my longest text ever. And I became inspired to talk about nothing. You see, I periodically read the longest text ever to check the constant downward spiral of my sanity. Hmmm...I seem to be entertaining myself though, even while reading what I wrote. Which is why I still go to the Really Really Big Button That Doesn't Do Anything website. Because I am easily amused and have lots and lots of time on my hands. Maybe, some day far in the future (like next Thursday) I'll print a copy of this insane text. And then go door to door distributing it. Eventually, this would become a monthly tradition. Whole families would gather around their front door, in breathless anticipation while they attempted to barracade me out. I can just see the whole community rising to thwart my attempts to spread love, joy and insane chaos. I probley wouldn't actually print this out (think how much paper it would take!) but if I do, only friends and enemies will receive copies. Hmmmm...maybe my condition is worsening. Or not. I'm still peeved about the cartoon owl from the Tootsie Roll Pop commercials. He is pure evil. TACO will eventually destroy him. Unless he has already been destroyed by an even more radical Anti-Cartoon-Owl group. I hope not. Or, would that be good? I suppose I could let someone else have the glory. After all, I'm not in this line of buisness for the fame, fortune and power. What line of buisness, do you ask? Why, the assasinating annoying cartoon characters buisness. (Actually I just question them untill they spontaneously combust, I ask lots of questions) So, in conclusion, ladies and gentleman of the jury(that's you) I could not have possibly tortured "Mr. Owl" to death. I love owls. Hmm...I seem to be jumping from one subject to another more frequently. Either I am growing more comfortable with my on-line writing, or I am progressivly getting more insane and chaotic. I also am psyco-analyzing myself a lot today...hmmmm...I'm even saying "hmmmmm..." a lot. Just like a real psychologist. Hmmmmmmm. Time for another boring disclaimer!!!!!!! Code: 742 of the Flaming Chickens Handbook states that in no part does the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (That's still me!) actually claim to be mentally ill. That's either a) a publicity stunt b) An attempt at humor c) a cry for help or d) none of the above You can e-mail your responses by conducting a scavenger hunt of this site. Some of the pages of this site contain a link encouging the two and a half people to e-mail the Patron Saint of Paper Clips. There may also be evil little links that are designed to confuse you. These links send stuff to someone named johnjones333@hotmail.com The Patron Saint of Paper Clips does not know who this individual is, but sincerly wishes that you send all your hate mail to him. Not that the aformentioned individual claims to have received hate mail (or mail of any kind) via a website link. Thank-you for your time. Remember to send your answers to my sanity quiz to the e-mail account, flamingchickens333@hotmail.com Oh, and once I refer to myself in the first person again, the handbook quote is over. I just thought that I might like to mention that. Oh. You're still here. I figured you rush right on over to e-mail me. Perhaps you don't have time to waste e-mailing me. HA! HA! HA! That's funny!!!! If you you don't have time to waste, what are you doing here?!!! Oh, who am I kidding. I figure that even the people I manage to lure onto my site from neopets don't even bother to come to this particular page. Maybe I should make the link come here directly...Hey! What a good idea! That way I can spread my love, joy and insane chaos to more people! I'm a genius. Gotta go, must lure innocent victems to the second most pointless site ever!!!! I'm back. And really angry, and confused. I've always known that I was weird, that's always been a given. But now I realize that I am considerably more normal than the rest of my family. Today we had a "family outing." Now, most families will go bowling, or putt-putt golfing. They may go to a resteraunt with an arcarde, or the movies or to a theme park. Not my family! No, we got the greatest family outing of all. We got to go to a bar and play pool!!!!!waits for readers to become insanely jealous Yep, that's right, a bar with a pool table! Not only did we get world class cuisine (under-cooked hotdogs and over-cooked hamburgers), my little sister (age 10) got taught pool by someone I strongly supect is an ex-convict! Naturally when it was announced that we'd be eating dinner in this place, I could hardly contain my excitment(I glared at my mother and asked why we couldn't go to Pizza Hut) When we arrived, we were promptly served (after thirty minutes) In the meantime, we played a family game of pool(my parents played while my brother and sister and I watched) After two rousing rounds, our food came. The food was superb, (our food came the exact opposite of how we ordered it, and half of the onion rings were missing) Then we joyfully returned to our game(my sister and the ex-con played my mom) We spent hours there (from 5p.m.-7:15p.m.) There were many people that were the same age as me and my siblings (no one in the room but us were under 30) Us kids had to be dragged kicking and screaming from the bar ( I almost fell asleep during the last game I watched) As we left, there was a feeling of goodwill and fellowship between all(my sister locked me out of the car and wouldn't let me in untill I started yelling profanity in her general direction) The high point of the entire night was when my mother gave me $21 for my report card. She promptly borrowed $1 to help with the waitresses tip(This part I'm not being sarcastic about) All in all it was a night I'll remember forever (as the lowest point in "family outing"history, except for that time my mom dragged me to a church thing on the concept of truth.) My brother(age 13) even decided upon a new job he wants when he's old enough to work, a busboy at the bar. We had to tell him that he would probley have to wait untill he was 21.(Absolutly nothing about that statement was sarcastic) As you can see, I love my families outings(Not unless you're blind...or stupid) llo, everyone! This is one of the weirdest sites: or your money back! We have ZIM, neopets, music, and much, much, more. E-mail us for questions, comments, complaints and information. Why not click on the Very Weird Stuff link to see more, or click on the music link? We have halloween and christmas pictures on the NeoPics link. Cheese is not a wild thing!!!!!!!!! Now I have decided to go for a world record. I will try to make the longest web page ever, made completely out of text! Won't that be fun? I will just type, and type, and never, ever use copy and paste. Wow...I really must be bored. Just goes to show what boredom can do to you. Any way, that's it for now. Wait, no it isn't, I still have to keep going, and going, and going. Because I do. THE REST OF THE STUFF I TYPE WILL BE COMPLETLY IN CAPS JUST BECAUSE I CAN. THAT IS ALL. SEEYA! Hi, I'm back. So far this is nowhere near the world record. I think. I don't exactly know where it is...oh, well. I'll just have to do the very best that I can. No one is really coming here, anyway. So it doesn't matter. By the way, TAB is a worthwhile, community-service organization. The form link is to a 100% fake TAB registration form that you can fill out just for laughs. I can't believe I'm bothering to do this. I have very low expectations of my site. None ever comes here, I could do this all day long and I still wouldn't have any more hits. This is just a pointless excursive in spelling errors and grammatical imprecision. May your day be shiney! The following is an extremely weird poem-thingy that I wrote when I was in a relatively weird mood:
never mind that noise my dear can anyone pass the cheese only if you say pretty please oh, boy do I have to sneeze. why must everyone always rhyme, why I’m a poet and don’t I know it? what I fear comes right after here not this life or the next will I ever be able to pass the test? we’re stuck in here, (alone my dear) and we’ll problem never get out so don’t start to shout. it’s dark and I want to go home is where the heart was where is it now? we’ll never know but oh crap it’s starting to snow and it’s time to show and tell about the well that you found last summer at camp when it was damp it was near the ramp oh god why must this be I liked that tree but now it’s gone, farewell so long I’ll miss you as long as you write but then I’m afraid to say good-night. my dear there’s nothing to fear that’s only a box that’s made of blocks next to the wagon that looks like a dragon why are you shaking it’s your fear that is making you shiver and act all a quiver. don’t you know that you only need be afraid of fear and never anything here and certainly not a post that acts like a ghost?
See, very weird. At least it fills up my word quota for the day. Not that I exactly have a word quota for the day. It just sounded very professional to say it. Anyway, I still don't think that anyone is actually coming here. You'd have to be an absolute loser (or really bored) to come here. I'd probley come here, but that isn't much of a surprise. After all, I've been to the Really Really Big Button That Doesn't Do Anything website over 50 times. Pathetic. But, whatever. As long as I'm happy, right. Humor the crazy person, okay? Oh, guess what? According to someone you problem don't know, this is the second most pointless website ever! Next to the Really Big Button, of course. I feel special. Come on everyone, group hug. Okay, now I'm starting to scare myself...I'm gonna quit for today. Seeya. Now I'm back. Is this getting confusing to you? Too bad. Now I want you to go to http://quiz.ravenblack.net/blood.pl?biter=eon" If you do this I'll get points in the game. Come on all you non-existing people! Help me! You know you want to! It's a worthy cause! Honestly, the more time I waste playing the game, the less time I'll work on this site and the less stuff you gotta read. Although why you'd be here if you didn't want to read is beyond me. Maybe you're lost. Okay, if you want to get out, click the little refresh button, okay? Good...what? You say it didn't let you out? Oh, well. You must be caught in a time warp. Keep pressing it. Maybe you'll break free. What's that. The little counter at the bottom keeps going up? Never mind. That's just how many times you have to click before you can leave. Good-bye.

Hey, I'm once again: back. I don't suppose you fell for that little thing about the refresh button. After all, you're a responsible, intelligent person who apparently has a lot of time on your hands. Well, you can't possibly have more time than I do. I mean, after all, I made this site. You're only browsing it. And most people don't even come here. Not even my friends...sniffle The just ignore this poor, pathetic little page. All they do is fill out the TAB form and leave. I think. Maybe they're here right now! HI! HOW ARE YOU DOING? I'M FINE! THANKS FOR COMING! YES, I'M YELLING! Who am I kidding. This page won't get a single hit, unless I bribe people...now that has possibilities. Okay, fill out the TAB form, so I have proof that you bothered to come here and...uh...I'll...uh...send you a sandwich? Please allow 6-8 weeks for delivery. I'm bored. I'm gonna go hug a moose. MOOSE! I love-d you moose! Hey, I'm back again! Yea...waits for applause okay! Now I want all you loyal fans...cricket chirps to go to the link to see what I'm like. I took a whole bunch of personality quizzes and posted them there. I'm an evil villain, kitty and a freakazoid so far. And I only took the quiz once, too. Spooky how accurate they are...anyway, I command you to go! I'm going. I'm back. I'm gonna start counting how many times I say back. Let's see: 1...2...3...4...5! Wow. I must really be desperate for something to do. I now officially have proof that someone has been here! It was one of my friends. Apparently this page really is getting long, because my friend said something to that effect. Maybe. Anyway, moving on! I'm just basically typing nothing. Just like all those reports people have to do. You know? With a specific number of words. They start out with half that number, and then just fill in words until they have the right amount. I salute those people. You're great tradition is being carried out here, on the second most pointless site ever! Well. Maybe eventually some weird, bored person will wander onto my site on accident and be mildly entertained be my site until they wander onto a live video feed of a coffee maker. Or maybe not. I only know that I'm entertaining me, which was my original goal. So. I've done what I've set out to accomplish. Yea, me! I'm so special. You see, most people, they don't like reading or writing. So if you're not most people, you've made it down this far without skipping, skimming or getting the spark notes version. (Which I think does not exist) My point is, if you've bothered to read this, then, (like me) you probley have also read the ketchup bottle so many times that you have it down verbatim. Look verbatim up. It's a word. But, you should know that, since you like reading. Or maybe you're just skimming. Anyway, there's nothing wrong with reading food labels. You might be asked a question about them on a quiz show. And now, for the million-dollar question: How many calories are there in a single serving of Mustard? I can just see it now...It could be called Know-Your-Food. Or You are What you Eat. It'd probley be as popular as those game shows that no one's ever heard of. Speaking of food, what's up with pie? There's strawberry pie, apple, pumpkin and so many others, but there is no grape pie! I know. I'm just as upset about this unfortunate lack of development in the pie division. Think about it. Grapes are used to make jelly, jam, juice and raisins. What makes them undesirable for pie? Would they dry into raisins? Couldn't you just stick some jelly in a piecrust and bake it? It just doesn't make any sense. Another thing that bothers me is organ grinders. You know, the foreign guys with the bellhop hats and the little music thingy and the cute little monkey with the bellhop hat who collects the money? Okay. They're basically begging on the street. How did they ever afford an organ-thingy? Wouldn't it make more sense to get a kazoo, if you're broke? And if they're so poor, what possessed them to buy a monkey? I mean, I don't think I could afford a monkey, and I'm not exactly on the streets. Obviously I at least have a computer...so, back to the organ grinders. I would have sold the monkey and the organ and been able to eat for at least a year. Or, if I was weirder than I am, I could at least kill the monkey with the organ and eat it. Why on earth did they keep the monkey? It must have cost a fortune to feed...not to mention the mess. That's just one of those many facts of life that are better left mysteries. Especially since no one but me would ask the question. I better go. I think I hear a monkey...Okay...now I'm back. That's the sixth time I've said back! I realize that this longest text ever must be very boring and not worth anyone's time. But I'd like to take this time to thank the 2 and 1/2 people in the entire universe who have bothered to read this entire thing. I'm not exactly sure who they are, but: thanks! Right now, my spacebar is malfunctioning...that's not good...I have to press it two or three times just to insert a freaking space. Maybe the evil little faeries with the sharp little teeth have put their evil faerie dust on my computer. Or maybe not. This is too frustrating. Goodbye for now...Now I'm back. And still frustrated. But for a different reason. Today I had the misfortune of playing a Treasure Planet game on neopets.com It was terrible. Apparently the point of the game was to get your character to shout "Whoo-Hoo!" as many times as possible before you splattered your brains on the rocks, all the while listening to a soundtrack that is similar to a dying ceiling fan. Of course, when I started out I accidentally hit the rocks approximately three million times. Halfway though I used my four remaining brain-cells to decide that the game was dumb. So my goal changed from surviving to laughing evilly while my character died. So the game naturally did everything it could to preserve my life. The stupid game is still going on and I refuse to quit because I want my points. My character is actually dodging the stupid rocks better now then when I controlled him. I hate irony. Seeya. Okay. Now I'm back again. Today I added an update page, which is basically a less chaotic, outlined version of this without all the ranting. It's more like techno talk about arrays and how much I suck and whether or not the Braves will win this year. Okay, the whole braves thing is made up. But everything else I've said so far is true. I think. Maybe I should start on a boring disclaimer...Eh-hem. All contents of this site were designed for entertainment purposes only. Any use thereof that is not stated in the above mentioned statement would make the author, hereby referred to as Patron Saint of Paper Clips, very angry. Should you violate the purpose of this site: i.e. become not entertained, the Patron Saint of Paper Clips will be forced to take drastic measures. This is specified in Code: 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook. Ooooo…that’s a great idea! I’m gonna start quoting from the Flaming Chicken Handbook! Code: 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook states that the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (that’s me) is allowed to cause vague, pain like sensations while the offending person (or alien life form, dog, etc.) isn’t paying attention. Now I have a purpose in life! To make up quotes from the non-existent Flaming Chicken Handbook, which I’m sure you have a copy of. No? Too bad. It’s in the mail, I promise! Now I must take my leave…and remember. Cheese is watching. Okay...I'm back...I think that eventually half of this thing will consist of the word back over and over again...that's just weird. Which fits the motif of the rest of the site. There's even a money back guarantee. Isn’t' that nice? See? Now no one can ever say that I don't take care of my viewers. Especially since I don't have viewers. I have readers. Wait...I really don't even know if anyone bothers to read this. Even if I put it in a less chaotic, more user-friendly format people would still ignore this because it involves: reading. Yes. Sad to admit, but the majority of people would rather read the summary at the back of a book rather than the whole book itself. What has the world come to? It's pathetic. Especially since I'm bothering to write all this. It's not fair! Why can't I have more readers?! All the other internet writers have nothing on me, except they're better at advertising, having a central theme/plot and basically more talented. Whereas I'm more into the whole ranting and raving stage right now. Plus, I am horrible at spelling. Which is bad. Thank the powers that be for spell-check. The single greatest invention of the computer gods. I'm getting bored, so I think I'm done for the day. May your day be shiney! I'm back again! And I feel weird! I found at that yet another one of my friends is reading this. Creepy. Just how much time do they have on their hands. Perhaps their just trying to be nice. I can just see it now...an organization devoted not to feeding the hungry, or peace, or love or whatever, but to giving recognition to all those poor, pathetic, unpopular websites. I wonder what it's name would be. Don't Ignore Sites? Would it be called DIS? Isn't that like a slang term for an insult? Would that be considered poetic justice, or just a nice coincidence? And why do I even care? I'll tell you why. Because I have nothing else to do right now. I could be playing neopets, but ever since my bad experience with Treasure Planet, I don't feel like it. Oh, by the way, I noticed that whenever I use spell-check, my stupid computer turns the word probley into to word problem. To prevent this, I did nothing. So, it is now up to you, the imaginary reader, to decide whether I mean probley or problem...it's almost like a game! But without the bad sound track. And I promise not to force you to live when you would rather die. Moving on, I have nothing else to say, but don't feel like quitting just yet. I'm like the little engine that could. Or maybe the Energizer Bunny. I just keep going, and going and going. Or I could be like that annoying guy on T.V. who keeps asking if you can hear him. If my site manages to last a decade, my readers snicker will probley wonder what I'm talking about. My answer is simple. It doesn't matter. I'm just rambling. Which means that it doesn't matter if you understand anything I say. Doesn't that make you feel better? I bet it does. Wow. Look how long this has gotten. I even impress myself. Who would have thought I have this much free time? And I congratulate any reader who has gotten this far. Ooooooo! You must check out the fortunes section of the random stuff page! I've just gotten an idea for some more, original, fortunes...I gotta go!(may the moose be with you) And now I am back. I swear. If iI fill out the fake tab form I'm gonna have to put back as my favorite word...I already have filled it out, though. Would it be cheating to fill it out again? Only if I had multiple personalities. Or would it be cheating if I didn't have multiple personalities? The world may never know. Just like how many licks it takes to get to the bottom of a tootsie pop. Would it vary? The number of licks, I mean. Someone could have super-disolving spit, or watery-spit. Or what if you took big ol' slobbery licks? Does the commercial take that into account? No. It doesn't. And let me tell you, it's an outrage. It deludes all of American's sweet, innocent, candy-loving children into thinking that a cartoon owl is smarter than they are! "Mr. Owl, can you tell us how many licks does it take to get to the bottom of a tootsie pop?" Or whatever. And "Mr. Owl" replies "One...Twoo...Three! Chomp" And he bites it. That teaches our youth that it's okay to agree to help someone, and then ruin their experiment. Well...it's not. I am going to start a protest group. Teens Against Cartoon Owls. We could call ourselves TACO! I love the little tacos, I love them good! That is a direct quote from GIR, co-star and comic-relief on INVADER ZIM. Hmmmm...intersting. I put hyphens in both of his titles...it must be a conspiracy! I gotta go. Those TACO buttons don't make themselves, you know. I'm back again. And not so cheesed off about the whole tootsie roll pop thing. Right now, I have another twenty minutes on the Internet before I'm gonna watch T.V. And I can't think of anything else to do. So, predictably, here I am. It's not like I have anything better to do. Obviously, you know this. After all, look how long this text is. I wonder if I've made the world record? If I did, would I stop this? Why bother asking? I'll will most likely still be adding to this on my death bed. Hmmmmm...has any old, senile person ever written anything? Was it coherent? Did it make more sense that this text? Is it possible to make less sense? Am I enjoying asking retorical questions? Yes. Yes, I am. But I seriously wonder what something written by a senile person would be like. I've heard of poems and stuff written by people who were high, insane or paranoid. But never senile. Can a senile person write? Aren't they regressed to a child-like state? Does it even matter? Is anyone even reading this? Did I resume asking retorical questions? Do you care? Is this eating up time? I feel like I'm playing questions only on whose line is it anway. I probley should have capitalized something, or underlined but I'm feeling lazy...hey, you try to keep your two and a half readers happy! It's really stressfull. Someday, I'm gonna snap and just delete this entire thing. Gee, I hope not! I worked sorta hard on this. It's great for making random topics weave together to form an overall infrastructure of chaos. That made little sense. That's why it's here, and not some critically acclaimed site. Ooooooooooooo! I'm gonna quote from the FLAMING CHICKENS HANDBOOK again! Yep! I bet you were just breathless in anticipation. Okay. Here goes. Code: 472 of the Flaming Chickens Handbook states that this site in no way aknowledges the existance of other, better sites (hereon reffered to as the Losers) The Losers are a myth. The Patron Saint of Paper Clips (me again!) claims no knowledge as to where that particullary nasty rumor started, but confirms that this is the best site ever. It would be a sin against humanity for a better site to exist. Should you refuse to aknowledge the Patron Saint of Paper Clips as the ruler of the Internet, you will be subjected to punishment as stated in Code 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook (i.e. Experience vague, pain-like sensations when you're not paying attention) This has been a public service announcement. This is a test, I repeat only a test. Had this been an actual emergency, we would have bought up all the can openers and charged 3 cows and a pig for each one. I repeat, lock all you doors and windows, this is it. I repeat, there is nothing to worry about. Everything is fine. The end is not here. I'm going, you're on you're own! Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm back!smiles brightly And apparantly delusional! Anyway, I just finished rereading my longest text ever. And I became inspired to talk about nothing. You see, I periodically read the longest text ever to check the constant downward spiral of my sanity. Hmmm...I seem to be entertaining myself though, even while reading what I wrote. Which is why I still go to the Really Really Big Button That Doesn't Do Anything website. Because I am easily amused and have lots and lots of time on my hands. Maybe, some day far in the future (like next Thursday) I'll print a copy of this insane text. And then go door to door distributing it. Eventually, this would become a monthly tradition. Whole families would gather around their front door, in breathless anticipation while they attempted to barracade me out. I can just see the whole community rising to thwart my attempts to spread love, joy and insane chaos. I probley wouldn't actually print this out (think how much paper it would take!) but if I do, only friends and enemies will receive copies. Hmmmm...maybe my condition is worsening. Or not. I'm still peeved about the cartoon owl from the Tootsie Roll Pop commercials. He is pure evil. TACO will eventually destroy him. Unless he has already been destroyed by an even more radical Anti-Cartoon-Owl group. I hope not. Or, would that be good? I suppose I could let someone else have the glory. After all, I'm not in this line of buisness for the fame, fortune and power. What line of buisness, do you ask? Why, the assasinating annoying cartoon characters buisness. (Actually I just question them untill they spontaneously combust, I ask lots of questions) So, in conclusion, ladies and gentleman of the jury(that's you) I could not have possibly tortured "Mr. Owl" to death. I love owls. Hmm...I seem to be jumping from one subject to another more frequently. Either I am growing more comfortable with my on-line writing, or I am progressivly getting more insane and chaotic. I also am psyco-analyzing myself a lot today...hmmmm...I'm even saying "hmmmmm..." a lot. Just like a real psychologist. Hmmmmmmm. Time for another boring disclaimer!!!!!!! Code: 742 of the Flaming Chickens Handbook states that in no part does the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (That's still me!) actually claim to be mentally ill. That's either a) a publicity stunt b) An attempt at humor c) a cry for help or d) none of the above You can e-mail your responses by conducting a scavenger hunt of this site. Some of the pages of this site contain a link encouging the two and a half people to e-mail the Patron Saint of Paper Clips. There may also be evil little links that are designed to confuse you. These links send stuff to someone named johnjones333@hotmail.com The Patron Saint of Paper Clips does not know who this individual is, but sincerly wishes that you send all your hate mail to him. Not that the aformentioned individual claims to have received hate mail (or mail of any kind) via a website link. Thank-you for your time. Remember to send your answers to my sanity quiz to the e-mail account, flamingchickens333@hotmail.com Oh, and once I refer to myself in the first person again, the handbook quote is over. I just thought that I might like to mention that. Oh. You're still here. I figured you rush right on over to e-mail me. Perhaps you don't have time to waste e-mailing me. HA! HA! HA! That's funny!!!! If you you don't have time to waste, what are you doing here?!!! Oh, who am I kidding. I figure that even the people I manage to lure onto my site from neopets don't even bother to come to this particular page. Maybe I should make the link come here directly...Hey! What a good idea! That way I can spread my love, joy and insane chaos to more people! I'm a genius. Gotta go, must lure innocent victems to the second most pointless site ever!!!! I'm back. And really angry, and confused. I've always known that I was weird, that's always been a given. But now I realize that I am considerably more normal than the rest of my family. Today we had a "family outing." Now, most families will go bowling, or putt-putt golfing. They may go to a resteraunt with an arcarde, or the movies or to a theme park. Not my family! No, we got the greatest family outing of all. We got to go to a bar and play pool!!!!!waits for readers to become insanely jealous Yep, that's right, a bar with a pool table! Not only did we get world class cuisine (under-cooked hotdogs and over-cooked hamburgers), my little sister (age 10) got taught pool by someone I strongly supect is an ex-convict! Naturally when it was announced that we'd be eating dinner in this place, I could hardly contain my excitment(I glared at my mother and asked why we couldn't go to Pizza Hut) When we arrived, we were promptly served (after thirty minutes) In the meantime, we played a family game of pool(my parents played while my brother and sister and I watched) After two rousing rounds, our food came. The food was superb, (our food came the exact opposite of how we ordered it, and half of the onion rings were missing) Then we joyfully returned to our game(my sister and the ex-con played my mom) We spent hours there (from 5p.m.-7:15p.m.) There were many people that were the same age as me and my siblings (no one in the room but us were under 30) Us kids had to be dragged kicking and screaming from the bar ( I almost fell asleep during the last game I watched) As we left, there was a feeling of goodwill and fellowship between all(my sister locked me out of the car and wouldn't let me in untill I started yelling profanity in her general direction) The high point of the entire night was when my mother gave me $21 for my report card. She promptly borrowed $1 to help with the waitresses tip(This part I'm not being sarcastic about) All in all it was a night I'll remember forever (as the lowest point in "family outing"history, except for that time my mom dragged me to a church thing on the concept of truth.) My brother(age 13) even decided upon a new job he wants when he's old enough to work, a busboy at the bar. We had to tell him that he would probley have to wait untill he was 21.(Absolutly nothing about that statement was sarcastic) As you can see, I love my families outings(Not unless you're blind...or stupid) Hello, everyone! This is one of the weirdest sites: or your money back! We have ZIM, neopets, music, and much, much, more. E-mail us for questions, comments, complaints and information. Why not click on the Very Weird Stuff link to see more, or click on the music link? We have halloween and christmas pictures on the NeoPics link. Cheese is not a wild thing!!!!!!!!! Now I have decided to go for a world record. I will try to make the longest web page ever, made completely out of text! Won't that be fun? I will just type, and type, and never, ever use copy and paste. Wow...I really must be bored. Just goes to show what boredom can do to you. Any way, that's it for now. Wait, no it isn't, I still have to keep going, and going, and going. Because I do. THE REST OF THE STUFF I TYPE WILL BE COMPLETLY IN CAPS JUST BECAUSE I CAN. THAT IS ALL. SEEYA! Hi, I'm back. So far this is nowhere near the world record. I think. I don't exactly know where it is...oh, well. I'll just have to do the very best that I can. No one is really coming here, anyway. So it doesn't matter. By the way, TAB is a worthwhile, community-service organization. The form link is to a 100% fake TAB registration form that you can fill out just for laughs. I can't believe I'm bothering to do this. I have very low expectations of my site. None ever comes here, I could do this all day long and I still wouldn't have any more hits. This is just a pointless excursive in spelling errors and grammatical imprecision. May your day be shiney! The following is an extremely weird poem-thingy that I wrote when I was in a relatively weird mood:
never mind that noise my dear can anyone pass the cheese only if you say pretty please oh, boy do I have to sneeze. why must everyone always rhyme, why I’m a poet and don’t I know it? what I fear comes right after here not this life or the next will I ever be able to pass the test? we’re stuck in here, (alone my dear) and we’ll problem never get out so don’t start to shout. it’s dark and I want to go home is where the heart was where is it now? we’ll never know but oh crap it’s starting to snow and it’s time to show and tell about the well that you found last summer at camp when it was damp it was near the ramp oh god why must this be I liked that tree but now it’s gone, farewell so long I’ll miss you as long as you write but then I’m afraid to say good-night. my dear there’s nothing to fear that’s only a box that’s made of blocks next to the wagon that looks like a dragon why are you shaking it’s your fear that is making you shiver and act all a quiver. don’t you know that you only need be afraid of fear and never anything here and certainly not a post that acts like a ghost?
See, very weird. At least it fills up my word quota for the day. Not that I exactly have a word quota for the day. It just sounded very professional to say it. Anyway, I still don't think that anyone is actually coming here. You'd have to be an absolute loser (or really bored) to come here. I'd probley come here, but that isn't much of a surprise. After all, I've been to the Really Really Big Button That Doesn't Do Anything website over 50 times. Pathetic. But, whatever. As long as I'm happy, right. Humor the crazy person, okay? Oh, guess what? According to someone you problem don't know, this is the second most pointless website ever! Next to the Really Big Button, of course. I feel special. Come on everyone, group hug. Okay, now I'm starting to scare myself...I'm gonna quit for today. Seeya. Now I'm back. Is this getting confusing to you? Too bad. Now I want you to go to http://quiz.ravenblack.net/blood.pl?biter=eon" If you do this I'll get points in the game. Come on all you non-existing people! Help me! You know you want to! It's a worthy cause! Honestly, the more time I waste playing the game, the less time I'll work on this site and the less stuff you gotta read. Although why you'd be here if you didn't want to read is beyond me. Maybe you're lost. Okay, if you want to get out, click the little refresh button, okay? Good...what? You say it didn't let you out? Oh, well. You must be caught in a time warp. Keep pressing it. Maybe you'll break free. What's that. The little counter at the bottom keeps going up? Never mind. That's just how many times you have to click before you can leave. Good-bye.

Hey, I'm once again: back. I don't suppose you fell for that little thing about the refresh button. After all, you're a responsible, intelligent person who apparently has a lot of time on your hands. Well, you can't possibly have more time than I do. I mean, after all, I made this site. You're only browsing it. And most people don't even come here. Not even my friends...sniffle The just ignore this poor, pathetic little page. All they do is fill out the TAB form and leave. I think. Maybe they're here right now! HI! HOW ARE YOU DOING? I'M FINE! THANKS FOR COMING! YES, I'M YELLING! Who am I kidding. This page won't get a single hit, unless I bribe people...now that has possibilities. Okay, fill out the TAB form, so I have proof that you bothered to come here and...uh...I'll...uh...send you a sandwich? Please allow 6-8 weeks for delivery. I'm bored. I'm gonna go hug a moose. MOOSE! I love-d you moose! Hey, I'm back again! Yea...waits for applause okay! Now I want all you loyal fans...cricket chirps to go to the link to see what I'm like. I took a whole bunch of personality quizzes and posted them there. I'm an evil villain, kitty and a freakazoid so far. And I only took the quiz once, too. Spooky how accurate they are...anyway, I command you to go! I'm going. I'm back. I'm gonna start counting how many times I say back. Let's see: 1...2...3...4...5! Wow. I must really be desperate for something to do. I now officially have proof that someone has been here! It was one of my friends. Apparently this page really is getting long, because my friend said something to that effect. Maybe. Anyway, moving on! I'm just basically typing nothing. Just like all those reports people have to do. You know? With a specific number of words. They start out with half that number, and then just fill in words until they have the right amount. I salute those people. You're great tradition is being carried out here, on the second most pointless site ever! Well. Maybe eventually some weird, bored person will wander onto my site on accident and be mildly entertained be my site until they wander onto a live video feed of a coffee maker. Or maybe not. I only know that I'm entertaining me, which was my original goal. So. I've done what I've set out to accomplish. Yea, me! I'm so special. You see, most people, they don't like reading or writing. So if you're not most people, you've made it down this far without skipping, skimming or getting the spark notes version. (Which I think does not exist) My point is, if you've bothered to read this, then, (like me) you probley have also read the ketchup bottle so many times that you have it down verbatim. Look verbatim up. It's a word. But, you should know that, since you like reading. Or maybe you're just skimming. Anyway, there's nothing wrong with reading food labels. You might be asked a question about them on a quiz show. And now, for the million-dollar question: How many calories are there in a single serving of Mustard? I can just see it now...It could be called Know-Your-Food. Or You are What you Eat. It'd probley be as popular as those game shows that no one's ever heard of. Speaking of food, what's up with pie? There's strawberry pie, apple, pumpkin and so many others, but there is no grape pie! I know. I'm just as upset about this unfortunate lack of development in the pie division. Think about it. Grapes are used to make jelly, jam, juice and raisins. What makes them undesirable for pie? Would they dry into raisins? Couldn't you just stick some jelly in a piecrust and bake it? It just doesn't make any sense. Another thing that bothers me is organ grinders. You know, the foreign guys with the bellhop hats and the little music thingy and the cute little monkey with the bellhop hat who collects the money? Okay. They're basically begging on the street. How did they ever afford an organ-thingy? Wouldn't it make more sense to get a kazoo, if you're broke? And if they're so poor, what possessed them to buy a monkey? I mean, I don't think I could afford a monkey, and I'm not exactly on the streets. Obviously I at least have a computer...so, back to the organ grinders. I would have sold the monkey and the organ and been able to eat for at least a year. Or, if I was weirder than I am, I could at least kill the monkey with the organ and eat it. Why on earth did they keep the monkey? It must have cost a fortune to feed...not to mention the mess. That's just one of those many facts of life that are better left mysteries. Especially since no one but me would ask the question. I better go. I think I hear a monkey...Okay...now I'm back. That's the sixth time I've said back! I realize that this longest text ever must be very boring and not worth anyone's time. But I'd like to take this time to thank the 2 and 1/2 people in the entire universe who have bothered to read this entire thing. I'm not exactly sure who they are, but: thanks! Right now, my spacebar is malfunctioning...that's not good...I have to press it two or three times just to insert a freaking space. Maybe the evil little faeries with the sharp little teeth have put their evil faerie dust on my computer. Or maybe not. This is too frustrating. Goodbye for now...Now I'm back. And still frustrated. But for a different reason. Today I had the misfortune of playing a Treasure Planet game on neopets.com It was terrible. Apparently the point of the game was to get your character to shout "Whoo-Hoo!" as many times as possible before you splattered your brains on the rocks, all the while listening to a soundtrack that is similar to a dying ceiling fan. Of course, when I started out I accidentally hit the rocks approximately three million times. Halfway though I used my four remaining brain-cells to decide that the game was dumb. So my goal changed from surviving to laughing evilly while my character died. So the game naturally did everything it could to preserve my life. The stupid game is still going on and I refuse to quit because I want my points. My character is actually dodging the stupid rocks better now then when I controlled him. I hate irony. Seeya. Okay. Now I'm back again. Today I added an update page, which is basically a less chaotic, outlined version of this without all the ranting. It's more like techno talk about arrays and how much I suck and whether or not the Braves will win this year. Okay, the whole braves thing is made up. But everything else I've said so far is true. I think. Maybe I should start on a boring disclaimer...Eh-hem. All contents of this site were designed for entertainment purposes only. Any use thereof that is not stated in the above mentioned statement would make the author, hereby referred to as Patron Saint of Paper Clips, very angry. Should you violate the purpose of this site: i.e. become not entertained, the Patron Saint of Paper Clips will be forced to take drastic measures. This is specified in Code: 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook. Ooooo…that’s a great idea! I’m gonna start quoting from the Flaming Chicken Handbook! Code: 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook states that the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (that’s me) is allowed to cause vague, pain like sensations while the offending person (or alien life form, dog, etc.) isn’t paying attention. Now I have a purpose in life! To make up quotes from the non-existent Flaming Chicken Handbook, which I’m sure you have a copy of. No? Too bad. It’s in the mail, I promise! Now I must take my leave…and remember. Cheese is watching. Okay...I'm back...I think that eventually half of this thing will consist of the word back over and over again...that's just weird. Which fits the motif of the rest of the site. There's even a money back guarantee. Isn’t' that nice? See? Now no one can ever say that I don't take care of my viewers. Especially since I don't have viewers. I have readers. Wait...I really don't even know if anyone bothers to read this. Even if I put it in a less chaotic, more user-friendly format people would still ignore this because it involves: reading. Yes. Sad to admit, but the majority of people would rather read the summary at the back of a book rather than the whole book itself. What has the world come to? It's pathetic. Especially since I'm bothering to write all this. It's not fair! Why can't I have more readers?! All the other internet writers have nothing on me, except they're better at advertising, having a central theme/plot and basically more talented. Whereas I'm more into the whole ranting and raving stage right now. Plus, I am horrible at spelling. Which is bad. Thank the powers that be for spell-check. The single greatest invention of the computer gods. I'm getting bored, so I think I'm done for the day. May your day be shiney! I'm back again! And I feel weird! I found at that yet another one of my friends is reading this. Creepy. Just how much time do they have on their hands. Perhaps their just trying to be nice. I can just see it now...an organization devoted not to feeding the hungry, or peace, or love or whatever, but to giving recognition to all those poor, pathetic, unpopular websites. I wonder what it's name would be. Don't Ignore Sites? Would it be called DIS? Isn't that like a slang term for an insult? Would that be considered poetic justice, or just a nice coincidence? And why do I even care? I'll tell you why. Because I have nothing else to do right now. I could be playing neopets, but ever since my bad experience with Treasure Planet, I don't feel like it. Oh, by the way, I noticed that whenever I use spell-check, my stupid computer turns the word probley into to word problem. To prevent this, I did nothing. So, it is now up to you, the imaginary reader, to decide whether I mean probley or problem...it's almost like a game! But without the bad sound track. And I promise not to force you to live when you would rather die. Moving on, I have nothing else to say, but don't feel like quitting just yet. I'm like the little engine that could. Or maybe the Energizer Bunny. I just keep going, and going and going. Or I could be like that annoying guy on T.V. who keeps asking if you can hear him. If my site manages to last a decade, my readers snicker will probley wonder what I'm talking about. My answer is simple. It doesn't matter. I'm just rambling. Which means that it doesn't matter if you understand anything I say. Doesn't that make you feel better? I bet it does. Wow. Look how long this has gotten. I even impress myself. Who would have thought I have this much free time? And I congratulate any reader who has gotten this far. Ooooooo! You must check out the fortunes section of the random stuff page! I've just gotten an idea for some more, original, fortunes...I gotta go!(may the moose be with you) And now I am back. I swear. If iI fill out the fake tab form I'm gonna have to put back as my favorite word...I already have filled it out, though. Would it be cheating to fill it out again? Only if I had multiple personalities. Or would it be cheating if I didn't have multiple personalities? The world may never know. Just like how many licks it takes to get to the bottom of a tootsie pop. Would it vary? The number of licks, I mean. Someone could have super-disolving spit, or watery-spit. Or what if you took big ol' slobbery licks? Does the commercial take that into account? No. It doesn't. And let me tell you, it's an outrage. It deludes all of American's sweet, innocent, candy-loving children into thinking that a cartoon owl is smarter than they are! "Mr. Owl, can you tell us how many licks does it take to get to the bottom of a tootsie pop?" Or whatever. And "Mr. Owl" replies "One...Twoo...Three! Chomp" And he bites it. That teaches our youth that it's okay to agree to help someone, and then ruin their experiment. Well...it's not. I am going to start a protest group. Teens Against Cartoon Owls. We could call ourselves TACO! I love the little tacos, I love them good! That is a direct quote from GIR, co-star and comic-relief on INVADER ZIM. Hmmmm...intersting. I put hyphens in both of his titles...it must be a conspiracy! I gotta go. Those TACO buttons don't make themselves, you know. I'm back again. And not so cheesed off about the whole tootsie roll pop thing. Right now, I have another twenty minutes on the Internet before I'm gonna watch T.V. And I can't think of anything else to do. So, predictably, here I am. It's not like I have anything better to do. Obviously, you know this. After all, look how long this text is. I wonder if I've made the world record? If I did, would I stop this? Why bother asking? I'll will most likely still be adding to this on my death bed. Hmmmmm...has any old, senile person ever written anything? Was it coherent? Did it make more sense that this text? Is it possible to make less sense? Am I enjoying asking retorical questions? Yes. Yes, I am. But I seriously wonder what something written by a senile person would be like. I've heard of poems and stuff written by people who were high, insane or paranoid. But never senile. Can a senile person write? Aren't they regressed to a child-like state? Does it even matter? Is anyone even reading this? Did I resume asking retorical questions? Do you care? Is this eating up time? I feel like I'm playing questions only on whose line is it anway. I probley should have capitalized something, or underlined but I'm feeling lazy...hey, you try to keep your two and a half readers happy! It's really stressfull. Someday, I'm gonna snap and just delete this entire thing. Gee, I hope not! I worked sorta hard on this. It's great for making random topics weave together to form an overall infrastructure of chaos. That made little sense. That's why it's here, and not some critically acclaimed site. Ooooooooooooo! I'm gonna quote from the FLAMING CHICKENS HANDBOOK again! Yep! I bet you were just breathless in anticipation. Okay. Here goes. Code: 472 of the Flaming Chickens Handbook states that this site in no way aknowledges the existance of other, better sites (hereon reffered to as the Losers) The Losers are a myth. The Patron Saint of Paper Clips (me again!) claims no knowledge as to where that particullary nasty rumor started, but confirms that this is the best site ever. It would be a sin against humanity for a better site to exist. Should you refuse to aknowledge the Patron Saint of Paper Clips as the ruler of the Internet, you will be subjected to punishment as stated in Code 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook (i.e. Experience vague, pain-like sensations when you're not paying attention) This has been a public service announcement. This is a test, I repeat only a test. Had this been an actual emergency, we would have bought up all the can openers and charged 3 cows and a pig for each one. I repeat, lock all you doors and windows, this is it. I repeat, there is nothing to worry about. Everything is fine. The end is not here. I'm going, you're on you're own! Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm back!smiles brightly And apparantly delusional! Anyway, I just finished rereading my longest text ever. And I became inspired to talk about nothing. You see, I periodically read the longest text ever to check the constant downward spiral of my sanity. Hmmm...I seem to be entertaining myself though, even while reading what I wrote. Which is why I still go to the Really Really Big Button That Doesn't Do Anything website. Because I am easily amused and have lots and lots of time on my hands. Maybe, some day far in the future (like next Thursday) I'll print a copy of this insane text. And then go door to door distributing it. Eventually, this would become a monthly tradition. Whole families would gather around their front door, in breathless anticipation while they attempted to barracade me out. I can just see the whole community rising to thwart my attempts to spread love, joy and insane chaos. I probley wouldn't actually print this out (think how much paper it would take!) but if I do, only friends and enemies will receive copies. Hmmmm...maybe my condition is worsening. Or not. I'm still peeved about the cartoon owl from the Tootsie Roll Pop commercials. He is pure evil. TACO will eventually destroy him. Unless he has already been destroyed by an even more radical Anti-Cartoon-Owl group. I hope not. Or, would that be good? I suppose I could let someone else have the glory. After all, I'm not in this line of buisness for the fame, fortune and power. What line of buisness, do you ask? Why, the assasinating annoying cartoon characters buisness. (Actually I just question them untill they spontaneously combust, I ask lots of questions) So, in conclusion, ladies and gentleman of the jury(that's you) I could not have possibly tortured "Mr. Owl" to death. I love owls. Hmm...I seem to be jumping from one subject to another more frequently. Either I am growing more comfortable with my on-line writing, or I am progressivly getting more insane and chaotic. I also am psyco-analyzing myself a lot today...hmmmm...I'm even saying "hmmmmm..." a lot. Just like a real psychologist. Hmmmmmmm. Time for another boring disclaimer!!!!!!! Code: 742 of the Flaming Chickens Handbook states that in no part does the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (That's still me!) actually claim to be mentally ill. That's either a) a publicity stunt b) An attempt at humor c) a cry for help or d) none of the above You can e-mail your responses by conducting a scavenger hunt of this site. Some of the pages of this site contain a link encouging the two and a half people to e-mail the Patron Saint of Paper Clips. There may also be evil little links that are designed to confuse you. These links send stuff to someone named johnjones333@hotmail.com The Patron Saint of Paper Clips does not know who this individual is, but sincerly wishes that you send all your hate mail to him. Not that the aformentioned individual claims to have received hate mail (or mail of any kind) via a website link. Thank-you for your time. Remember to send your answers to my sanity quiz to the e-mail account, flamingchickens333@hotmail.com Oh, and once I refer to myself in the first person again, the handbook quote is over. I just thought that I might like to mention that. Oh. You're still here. I figured you rush right on over to e-mail me. Perhaps you don't have time to waste e-mailing me. HA! HA! HA! That's funny!!!! If you you don't have time to waste, what are you doing here?!!! Oh, who am I kidding. I figure that even the people I manage to lure onto my site from neopets don't even bother to come to this particular page. Maybe I should make the link come here directly...Hey! What a good idea! That way I can spread my love, joy and insane chaos to more people! I'm a genius. Gotta go, must lure innocent victems to the second most pointless site ever!!!! I'm back. And really angry, and confused. I've always known that I was weird, that's always been a given. But now I realize that I am considerably more normal than the rest of my family. Today we had a "family outing." Now, most families will go bowling, or putt-putt golfing. They may go to a resteraunt with an arcarde, or the movies or to a theme park. Not my family! No, we got the greatest family outing of all. We got to go to a bar and play pool!!!!!waits for readers to become insanely jealous Yep, that's right, a bar with a pool table! Not only did we get world class cuisine (under-cooked hotdogs and over-cooked hamburgers), my little sister (age 10) got taught pool by someone I strongly supect is an ex-convict! Naturally when it was announced that we'd be eating dinner in this place, I could hardly contain my excitment(I glared at my mother and asked why we couldn't go to Pizza Hut) When we arrived, we were promptly served (after thirty minutes) In the meantime, we played a family game of pool(my parents played while my brother and sister and I watched) After two rousing rounds, our food came. The food was superb, (our food came the exact opposite of how we ordered it, and half of the onion rings were missing) Then we joyfully returned to our game(my sister and the ex-con played my mom) We spent hours there (from 5p.m.-7:15p.m.) There were many people that were the same age as me and my siblings (no one in the room but us were under 30) Us kids had to be dragged kicking and screaming from the bar ( I almost fell asleep during the last game I watched) As we left, there was a feeling of goodwill and fellowship between all(my sister locked me out of the car and wouldn't let me in untill I started yelling profanity in her general direction) The high point of the entire night was when my mother gave me $21 for my report card. She promptly borrowed $1 to help with the waitresses tip(This part I'm not being sarcastic about) All in all it was a night I'll remember forever (as the lowest point in "family outing"history, except for that time my mom dragged me to a church thing on the concept of truth.) My brother(age 13) even decided upon a new job he wants when he's old enough to work, a busboy at the bar. We had to tell him that he would probley have to wait untill he was 21.(Absolutly nothing about that statement was sarcastic) As you can see, I love my families outings(Not unless you're blind...or stupid) llo, everyone! This is one of the weirdest sites: or your money back! We have ZIM, neopets, music, and much, much, more. E-mail us for questions, comments, complaints and information. Why not click on the Very Weird Stuff link to see more, or click on the music link? We have halloween and christmas pictures on the NeoPics link. Cheese is not a wild thing!!!!!!!!! Now I have decided to go for a world record. I will try to make the longest web page ever, made completely out of text! Won't that be fun? I will just type, and type, and never, ever use copy and paste. Wow...I really must be bored. Just goes to show what boredom can do to you. Any way, that's it for now. Wait, no it isn't, I still have to keep going, and going, and going. Because I do. THE REST OF THE STUFF I TYPE WILL BE COMPLETLY IN CAPS JUST BECAUSE I CAN. THAT IS ALL. SEEYA! Hi, I'm back. So far this is nowhere near the world record. I think. I don't exactly know where it is...oh, well. I'll just have to do the very best that I can. No one is really coming here, anyway. So it doesn't matter. By the way, TAB is a worthwhile, community-service organization. The form link is to a 100% fake TAB registration form that you can fill out just for laughs. I can't believe I'm bothering to do this. I have very low expectations of my site. None ever comes here, I could do this all day long and I still wouldn't have any more hits. This is just a pointless excursive in spelling errors and grammatical imprecision. May your day be shiney! The following is an extremely weird poem-thingy that I wrote when I was in a relatively weird mood:
never mind that noise my dear can anyone pass the cheese only if you say pretty please oh, boy do I have to sneeze. why must everyone always rhyme, why I’m a poet and don’t I know it? what I fear comes right after here not this life or the next will I ever be able to pass the test? we’re stuck in here, (alone my dear) and we’ll problem never get out so don’t start to shout. it’s dark and I want to go home is where the heart was where is it now? we’ll never know but oh crap it’s starting to snow and it’s time to show and tell about the well that you found last summer at camp when it was damp it was near the ramp oh god why must this be I liked that tree but now it’s gone, farewell so long I’ll miss you as long as you write but then I’m afraid to say good-night. my dear there’s nothing to fear that’s only a box that’s made of blocks next to the wagon that looks like a dragon why are you shaking it’s your fear that is making you shiver and act all a quiver. don’t you know that you only need be afraid of fear and never anything here and certainly not a post that acts like a ghost?
See, very weird. At least it fills up my word quota for the day. Not that I exactly have a word quota for the day. It just sounded very professional to say it. Anyway, I still don't think that anyone is actually coming here. You'd have to be an absolute loser (or really bored) to come here. I'd probley come here, but that isn't much of a surprise. After all, I've been to the Really Really Big Button That Doesn't Do Anything website over 50 times. Pathetic. But, whatever. As long as I'm happy, right. Humor the crazy person, okay? Oh, guess what? According to someone you problem don't know, this is the second most pointless website ever! Next to the Really Big Button, of course. I feel special. Come on everyone, group hug. Okay, now I'm starting to scare myself...I'm gonna quit for today. Seeya. Now I'm back. Is this getting confusing to you? Too bad. Now I want you to go to http://quiz.ravenblack.net/blood.pl?biter=eon" If you do this I'll get points in the game. Come on all you non-existing people! Help me! You know you want to! It's a worthy cause! Honestly, the more time I waste playing the game, the less time I'll work on this site and the less stuff you gotta read. Although why you'd be here if you didn't want to read is beyond me. Maybe you're lost. Okay, if you want to get out, click the little refresh button, okay? Good...what? You say it didn't let you out? Oh, well. You must be caught in a time warp. Keep pressing it. Maybe you'll break free. What's that. The little counter at the bottom keeps going up? Never mind. That's just how many times you have to click before you can leave. Good-bye.

Hey, I'm once again: back. I don't suppose you fell for that little thing about the refresh button. After all, you're a responsible, intelligent person who apparently has a lot of time on your hands. Well, you can't possibly have more time than I do. I mean, after all, I made this site. You're only browsing it. And most people don't even come here. Not even my friends...sniffle The just ignore this poor, pathetic little page. All they do is fill out the TAB form and leave. I think. Maybe they're here right now! HI! HOW ARE YOU DOING? I'M FINE! THANKS FOR COMING! YES, I'M YELLING! Who am I kidding. This page won't get a single hit, unless I bribe people...now that has possibilities. Okay, fill out the TAB form, so I have proof that you bothered to come here and...uh...I'll...uh...send you a sandwich? Please allow 6-8 weeks for delivery. I'm bored. I'm gonna go hug a moose. MOOSE! I love-d you moose! Hey, I'm back again! Yea...waits for applause okay! Now I want all you loyal fans...cricket chirps to go to the link to see what I'm like. I took a whole bunch of personality quizzes and posted them there. I'm an evil villain, kitty and a freakazoid so far. And I only took the quiz once, too. Spooky how accurate they are...anyway, I command you to go! I'm going. I'm back. I'm gonna start counting how many times I say back. Let's see: 1...2...3...4...5! Wow. I must really be desperate for something to do. I now officially have proof that someone has been here! It was one of my friends. Apparently this page really is getting long, because my friend said something to that effect. Maybe. Anyway, moving on! I'm just basically typing nothing. Just like all those reports people have to do. You know? With a specific number of words. They start out with half that number, and then just fill in words until they have the right amount. I salute those people. You're great tradition is being carried out here, on the second most pointless site ever! Well. Maybe eventually some weird, bored person will wander onto my site on accident and be mildly entertained be my site until they wander onto a live video feed of a coffee maker. Or maybe not. I only know that I'm entertaining me, which was my original goal. So. I've done what I've set out to accomplish. Yea, me! I'm so special. You see, most people, they don't like reading or writing. So if you're not most people, you've made it down this far without skipping, skimming or getting the spark notes version. (Which I think does not exist) My point is, if you've bothered to read this, then, (like me) you probley have also read the ketchup bottle so many times that you have it down verbatim. Look verbatim up. It's a word. But, you should know that, since you like reading. Or maybe you're just skimming. Anyway, there's nothing wrong with reading food labels. You might be asked a question about them on a quiz show. And now, for the million-dollar question: How many calories are there in a single serving of Mustard? I can just see it now...It could be called Know-Your-Food. Or You are What you Eat. It'd probley be as popular as those game shows that no one's ever heard of. Speaking of food, what's up with pie? There's strawberry pie, apple, pumpkin and so many others, but there is no grape pie! I know. I'm just as upset about this unfortunate lack of development in the pie division. Think about it. Grapes are used to make jelly, jam, juice and raisins. What makes them undesirable for pie? Would they dry into raisins? Couldn't you just stick some jelly in a piecrust and bake it? It just doesn't make any sense. Another thing that bothers me is organ grinders. You know, the foreign guys with the bellhop hats and the little music thingy and the cute little monkey with the bellhop hat who collects the money? Okay. They're basically begging on the street. How did they ever afford an organ-thingy? Wouldn't it make more sense to get a kazoo, if you're broke? And if they're so poor, what possessed them to buy a monkey? I mean, I don't think I could afford a monkey, and I'm not exactly on the streets. Obviously I at least have a computer...so, back to the organ grinders. I would have sold the monkey and the organ and been able to eat for at least a year. Or, if I was weirder than I am, I could at least kill the monkey with the organ and eat it. Why on earth did they keep the monkey? It must have cost a fortune to feed...not to mention the mess. That's just one of those many facts of life that are better left mysteries. Especially since no one but me would ask the question. I better go. I think I hear a monkey...Okay...now I'm back. That's the sixth time I've said back! I realize that this longest text ever must be very boring and not worth anyone's time. But I'd like to take this time to thank the 2 and 1/2 people in the entire universe who have bothered to read this entire thing. I'm not exactly sure who they are, but: thanks! Right now, my spacebar is malfunctioning...that's not good...I have to press it two or three times just to insert a freaking space. Maybe the evil little faeries with the sharp little teeth have put their evil faerie dust on my computer. Or maybe not. This is too frustrating. Goodbye for now...Now I'm back. And still frustrated. But for a different reason. Today I had the misfortune of playing a Treasure Planet game on neopets.com It was terrible. Apparently the point of the game was to get your character to shout "Whoo-Hoo!" as many times as possible before you splattered your brains on the rocks, all the while listening to a soundtrack that is similar to a dying ceiling fan. Of course, when I started out I accidentally hit the rocks approximately three million times. Halfway though I used my four remaining brain-cells to decide that the game was dumb. So my goal changed from surviving to laughing evilly while my character died. So the game naturally did everything it could to preserve my life. The stupid game is still going on and I refuse to quit because I want my points. My character is actually dodging the stupid rocks better now then when I controlled him. I hate irony. Seeya. Okay. Now I'm back again. Today I added an update page, which is basically a less chaotic, outlined version of this without all the ranting. It's more like techno talk about arrays and how much I suck and whether or not the Braves will win this year. Okay, the whole braves thing is made up. But everything else I've said so far is true. I think. Maybe I should start on a boring disclaimer...Eh-hem. All contents of this site were designed for entertainment purposes only. Any use thereof that is not stated in the above mentioned statement would make the author, hereby referred to as Patron Saint of Paper Clips, very angry. Should you violate the purpose of this site: i.e. become not entertained, the Patron Saint of Paper Clips will be forced to take drastic measures. This is specified in Code: 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook. Ooooo…that’s a great idea! I’m gonna start quoting from the Flaming Chicken Handbook! Code: 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook states that the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (that’s me) is allowed to cause vague, pain like sensations while the offending person (or alien life form, dog, etc.) isn’t paying attention. Now I have a purpose in life! To make up quotes from the non-existent Flaming Chicken Handbook, which I’m sure you have a copy of. No? Too bad. It’s in the mail, I promise! Now I must take my leave…and remember. Cheese is watching. Okay...I'm back...I think that eventually half of this thing will consist of the word back over and over again...that's just weird. Which fits the motif of the rest of the site. There's even a money back guarantee. Isn’t' that nice? See? Now no one can ever say that I don't take care of my viewers. Especially since I don't have viewers. I have readers. Wait...I really don't even know if anyone bothers to read this. Even if I put it in a less chaotic, more user-friendly format people would still ignore this because it involves: reading. Yes. Sad to admit, but the majority of people would rather read the summary at the back of a book rather than the whole book itself. What has the world come to? It's pathetic. Especially since I'm bothering to write all this. It's not fair! Why can't I have more readers?! All the other internet writers have nothing on me, except they're better at advertising, having a central theme/plot and basically more talented. Whereas I'm more into the whole ranting and raving stage right now. Plus, I am horrible at spelling. Which is bad. Thank the powers that be for spell-check. The single greatest invention of the computer gods. I'm getting bored, so I think I'm done for the day. May your day be shiney! I'm back again! And I feel weird! I found at that yet another one of my friends is reading this. Creepy. Just how much time do they have on their hands. Perhaps their just trying to be nice. I can just see it now...an organization devoted not to feeding the hungry, or peace, or love or whatever, but to giving recognition to all those poor, pathetic, unpopular websites. I wonder what it's name would be. Don't Ignore Sites? Would it be called DIS? Isn't that like a slang term for an insult? Would that be considered poetic justice, or just a nice coincidence? And why do I even care? I'll tell you why. Because I have nothing else to do right now. I could be playing neopets, but ever since my bad experience with Treasure Planet, I don't feel like it. Oh, by the way, I noticed that whenever I use spell-check, my stupid computer turns the word probley into to word problem. To prevent this, I did nothing. So, it is now up to you, the imaginary reader, to decide whether I mean probley or problem...it's almost like a game! But without the bad sound track. And I promise not to force you to live when you would rather die. Moving on, I have nothing else to say, but don't feel like quitting just yet. I'm like the little engine that could. Or maybe the Energizer Bunny. I just keep going, and going and going. Or I could be like that annoying guy on T.V. who keeps asking if you can hear him. If my site manages to last a decade, my readers snicker will probley wonder what I'm talking about. My answer is simple. It doesn't matter. I'm just rambling. Which means that it doesn't matter if you understand anything I say. Doesn't that make you feel better? I bet it does. Wow. Look how long this has gotten. I even impress myself. Who would have thought I have this much free time? And I congratulate any reader who has gotten this far. Ooooooo! You must check out the fortunes section of the random stuff page! I've just gotten an idea for some more, original, fortunes...I gotta go!(may the moose be with you) And now I am back. I swear. If iI fill out the fake tab form I'm gonna have to put back as my favorite word...I already have filled it out, though. Would it be cheating to fill it out again? Only if I had multiple personalities. Or would it be cheating if I didn't have multiple personalities? The world may never know. Just like how many licks it takes to get to the bottom of a tootsie pop. Would it vary? The number of licks, I mean. Someone could have super-disolving spit, or watery-spit. Or what if you took big ol' slobbery licks? Does the commercial take that into account? No. It doesn't. And let me tell you, it's an outrage. It deludes all of American's sweet, innocent, candy-loving children into thinking that a cartoon owl is smarter than they are! "Mr. Owl, can you tell us how many licks does it take to get to the bottom of a tootsie pop?" Or whatever. And "Mr. Owl" replies "One...Twoo...Three! Chomp" And he bites it. That teaches our youth that it's okay to agree to help someone, and then ruin their experiment. Well...it's not. I am going to start a protest group. Teens Against Cartoon Owls. We could call ourselves TACO! I love the little tacos, I love them good! That is a direct quote from GIR, co-star and comic-relief on INVADER ZIM. Hmmmm...intersting. I put hyphens in both of his titles...it must be a conspiracy! I gotta go. Those TACO buttons don't make themselves, you know. I'm back again. And not so cheesed off about the whole tootsie roll pop thing. Right now, I have another twenty minutes on the Internet before I'm gonna watch T.V. And I can't think of anything else to do. So, predictably, here I am. It's not like I have anything better to do. Obviously, you know this. After all, look how long this text is. I wonder if I've made the world record? If I did, would I stop this? Why bother asking? I'll will most likely still be adding to this on my death bed. Hmmmmm...has any old, senile person ever written anything? Was it coherent? Did it make more sense that this text? Is it possible to make less sense? Am I enjoying asking retorical questions? Yes. Yes, I am. But I seriously wonder what something written by a senile person would be like. I've heard of poems and stuff written by people who were high, insane or paranoid. But never senile. Can a senile person write? Aren't they regressed to a child-like state? Does it even matter? Is anyone even reading this? Did I resume asking retorical questions? Do you care? Is this eating up time? I feel like I'm playing questions only on whose line is it anway. I probley should have capitalized something, or underlined but I'm feeling lazy...hey, you try to keep your two and a half readers happy! It's really stressfull. Someday, I'm gonna snap and just delete this entire thing. Gee, I hope not! I worked sorta hard on this. It's great for making random topics weave together to form an overall infrastructure of chaos. That made little sense. That's why it's here, and not some critically acclaimed site. Ooooooooooooo! I'm gonna quote from the FLAMING CHICKENS HANDBOOK again! Yep! I bet you were just breathless in anticipation. Okay. Here goes. Code: 472 of the Flaming Chickens Handbook states that this site in no way aknowledges the existance of other, better sites (hereon reffered to as the Losers) The Losers are a myth. The Patron Saint of Paper Clips (me again!) claims no knowledge as to where that particullary nasty rumor started, but confirms that this is the best site ever. It would be a sin against humanity for a better site to exist. Should you refuse to aknowledge the Patron Saint of Paper Clips as the ruler of the Internet, you will be subjected to punishment as stated in Code 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook (i.e. Experience vague, pain-like sensations when you're not paying attention) This has been a public service announcement. This is a test, I repeat only a test. Had this been an actual emergency, we would have bought up all the can openers and charged 3 cows and a pig for each one. I repeat, lock all you doors and windows, this is it. I repeat, there is nothing to worry about. Everything is fine. The end is not here. I'm going, you're on you're own! Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm back!smiles brightly And apparantly delusional! Anyway, I just finished rereading my longest text ever. And I became inspired to talk about nothing. You see, I periodically read the longest text ever to check the constant downward spiral of my sanity. Hmmm...I seem to be entertaining myself though, even while reading what I wrote. Which is why I still go to the Really Really Big Button That Doesn't Do Anything website. Because I am easily amused and have lots and lots of time on my hands. Maybe, some day far in the future (like next Thursday) I'll print a copy of this insane text. And then go door to door distributing it. Eventually, this would become a monthly tradition. Whole families would gather around their front door, in breathless anticipation while they attempted to barracade me out. I can just see the whole community rising to thwart my attempts to spread love, joy and insane chaos. I probley wouldn't actually print this out (think how much paper it would take!) but if I do, only friends and enemies will receive copies. Hmmmm...maybe my condition is worsening. Or not. I'm still peeved about the cartoon owl from the Tootsie Roll Pop commercials. He is pure evil. TACO will eventually destroy him. Unless he has already been destroyed by an even more radical Anti-Cartoon-Owl group. I hope not. Or, would that be good? I suppose I could let someone else have the glory. After all, I'm not in this line of buisness for the fame, fortune and power. What line of buisness, do you ask? Why, the assasinating annoying cartoon characters buisness. (Actually I just question them untill they spontaneously combust, I ask lots of questions) So, in conclusion, ladies and gentleman of the jury(that's you) I could not have possibly tortured "Mr. Owl" to death. I love owls. Hmm...I seem to be jumping from one subject to another more frequently. Either I am growing more comfortable with my on-line writing, or I am progressivly getting more insane and chaotic. I also am psyco-analyzing myself a lot today...hmmmm...I'm even saying "hmmmmm..." a lot. Just like a real psychologist. Hmmmmmmm. Time for another boring disclaimer!!!!!!! Code: 742 of the Flaming Chickens Handbook states that in no part does the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (That's still me!) actually claim to be mentally ill. That's either a) a publicity stunt b) An attempt at humor c) a cry for help or d) none of the above You can e-mail your responses by conducting a scavenger hunt of this site. Some of the pages of this site contain a link encouging the two and a half people to e-mail the Patron Saint of Paper Clips. There may also be evil little links that are designed to confuse you. These links send stuff to someone named johnjones333@hotmail.com The Patron Saint of Paper Clips does not know who this individual is, but sincerly wishes that you send all your hate mail to him. Not that the aformentioned individual claims to have received hate mail (or mail of any kind) via a website link. Thank-you for your time. Remember to send your answers to my sanity quiz to the e-mail account, flamingchickens333@hotmail.com Oh, and once I refer to myself in the first person again, the handbook quote is over. I just thought that I might like to mention that. Oh. You're still here. I figured you rush right on over to e-mail me. Perhaps you don't have time to waste e-mailing me. HA! HA! HA! That's funny!!!! If you you don't have time to waste, what are you doing here?!!! Oh, who am I kidding. I figure that even the people I manage to lure onto my site from neopets don't even bother to come to this particular page. Maybe I should make the link come here directly...Hey! What a good idea! That way I can spread my love, joy and insane chaos to more people! I'm a genius. Gotta go, must lure innocent victems to the second most pointless site ever!!!! I'm back. And really angry, and confused. I've always known that I was weird, that's always been a given. But now I realize that I am considerably more normal than the rest of my family. Today we had a "family outing." Now, most families will go bowling, or putt-putt golfing. They may go to a resteraunt with an arcarde, or the movies or to a theme park. Not my family! No, we got the greatest family outing of all. We got to go to a bar and play pool!!!!!waits for readers to become insanely jealous Yep, that's right, a bar with a pool table! Not only did we get world class cuisine (under-cooked hotdogs and over-cooked hamburgers), my little sister (age 10) got taught pool by someone I strongly supect is an ex-convict! Naturally when it was announced that we'd be eating dinner in this place, I could hardly contain my excitment(I glared at my mother and asked why we couldn't go to Pizza Hut) When we arrived, we were promptly served (after thirty minutes) In the meantime, we played a family game of pool(my parents played while my brother and sister and I watched) After two rousing rounds, our food came. The food was superb, (our food came the exact opposite of how we ordered it, and half of the onion rings were missing) Then we joyfully returned to our game(my sister and the ex-con played my mom) We spent hours there (from 5p.m.-7:15p.m.) There were many people that were the same age as me and my siblings (no one in the room but us were under 30) Us kids had to be dragged kicking and screaming from the bar ( I almost fell asleep during the last game I watched) As we left, there was a feeling of goodwill and fellowship between all(my sister locked me out of the car and wouldn't let me in untill I started yelling profanity in her general direction) The high point of the entire night was when my mother gave me $21 for my report card. She promptly borrowed $1 to help with the waitresses tip(This part I'm not being sarcastic about) All in all it was a night I'll remember forever (as the lowest point in "family outing"history, except for that time my mom dragged me to a church thing on the concept of truth.) My brother(age 13) even decided upon a new job he wants when he's old enough to work, a busboy at the bar. We had to tell him that he would probley have to wait untill he was 21.(Absolutly nothing about that statement was sarcastic) As you can see, I love my families outings(Not unless you're blind...or stupid) Hello, everyone! This is one of the weirdest sites: or your money back! We have ZIM, neopets, music, and much, much, more. E-mail us for questions, comments, complaints and information. Why not click on the Very Weird Stuff link to see more, or click on the music link? We have halloween and christmas pictures on the NeoPics link. Cheese is not a wild thing!!!!!!!!! Now I have decided to go for a world record. I will try to make the longest web page ever, made completely out of text! Won't that be fun? I will just type, and type, and never, ever use copy and paste. Wow...I really must be bored. Just goes to show what boredom can do to you. Any way, that's it for now. Wait, no it isn't, I still have to keep going, and going, and going. Because I do. THE REST OF THE STUFF I TYPE WILL BE COMPLETLY IN CAPS JUST BECAUSE I CAN. THAT IS ALL. SEEYA! Hi, I'm back. So far this is nowhere near the world record. I think. I don't exactly know where it is...oh, well. I'll just have to do the very best that I can. No one is really coming here, anyway. So it doesn't matter. By the way, TAB is a worthwhile, community-service organization. The form link is to a 100% fake TAB registration form that you can fill out just for laughs. I can't believe I'm bothering to do this. I have very low expectations of my site. None ever comes here, I could do this all day long and I still wouldn't have any more hits. This is just a pointless excursive in spelling errors and grammatical imprecision. May your day be shiney! The following is an extremely weird poem-thingy that I wrote when I was in a relatively weird mood:
never mind that noise my dear can anyone pass the cheese only if you say pretty please oh, boy do I have to sneeze. why must everyone always rhyme, why I’m a poet and don’t I know it? what I fear comes right after here not this life or the next will I ever be able to pass the test? we’re stuck in here, (alone my dear) and we’ll problem never get out so don’t start to shout. it’s dark and I want to go home is where the heart was where is it now? we’ll never know but oh crap it’s starting to snow and it’s time to show and tell about the well that you found last summer at camp when it was damp it was near the ramp oh god why must this be I liked that tree but now it’s gone, farewell so long I’ll miss you as long as you write but then I’m afraid to say good-night. my dear there’s nothing to fear that’s only a box that’s made of blocks next to the wagon that looks like a dragon why are you shaking it’s your fear that is making you shiver and act all a quiver. don’t you know that you only need be afraid of fear and never anything here and certainly not a post that acts like a ghost?
See, very weird. At least it fills up my word quota for the day. Not that I exactly have a word quota for the day. It just sounded very professional to say it. Anyway, I still don't think that anyone is actually coming here. You'd have to be an absolute loser (or really bored) to come here. I'd probley come here, but that isn't much of a surprise. After all, I've been to the Really Really Big Button That Doesn't Do Anything website over 50 times. Pathetic. But, whatever. As long as I'm happy, right. Humor the crazy person, okay? Oh, guess what? According to someone you problem don't know, this is the second most pointless website ever! Next to the Really Big Button, of course. I feel special. Come on everyone, group hug. Okay, now I'm starting to scare myself...I'm gonna quit for today. Seeya. Now I'm back. Is this getting confusing to you? Too bad. Now I want you to go to http://quiz.ravenblack.net/blood.pl?biter=eon" If you do this I'll get points in the game. Come on all you non-existing people! Help me! You know you want to! It's a worthy cause! Honestly, the more time I waste playing the game, the less time I'll work on this site and the less stuff you gotta read. Although why you'd be here if you didn't want to read is beyond me. Maybe you're lost. Okay, if you want to get out, click the little refresh button, okay? Good...what? You say it didn't let you out? Oh, well. You must be caught in a time warp. Keep pressing it. Maybe you'll break free. What's that. The little counter at the bottom keeps going up? Never mind. That's just how many times you have to click before you can leave. Good-bye.

Hey, I'm once again: back. I don't suppose you fell for that little thing about the refresh button. After all, you're a responsible, intelligent person who apparently has a lot of time on your hands. Well, you can't possibly have more time than I do. I mean, after all, I made this site. You're only browsing it. And most people don't even come here. Not even my friends...sniffle The just ignore this poor, pathetic little page. All they do is fill out the TAB form and leave. I think. Maybe they're here right now! HI! HOW ARE YOU DOING? I'M FINE! THANKS FOR COMING! YES, I'M YELLING! Who am I kidding. This page won't get a single hit, unless I bribe people...now that has possibilities. Okay, fill out the TAB form, so I have proof that you bothered to come here and...uh...I'll...uh...send you a sandwich? Please allow 6-8 weeks for delivery. I'm bored. I'm gonna go hug a moose. MOOSE! I love-d you moose! Hey, I'm back again! Yea...waits for applause okay! Now I want all you loyal fans...cricket chirps to go to the link to see what I'm like. I took a whole bunch of personality quizzes and posted them there. I'm an evil villain, kitty and a freakazoid so far. And I only took the quiz once, too. Spooky how accurate they are...anyway, I command you to go! I'm going. I'm back. I'm gonna start counting how many times I say back. Let's see: 1...2...3...4...5! Wow. I must really be desperate for something to do. I now officially have proof that someone has been here! It was one of my friends. Apparently this page really is getting long, because my friend said something to that effect. Maybe. Anyway, moving on! I'm just basically typing nothing. Just like all those reports people have to do. You know? With a specific number of words. They start out with half that number, and then just fill in words until they have the right amount. I salute those people. You're great tradition is being carried out here, on the second most pointless site ever! Well. Maybe eventually some weird, bored person will wander onto my site on accident and be mildly entertained be my site until they wander onto a live video feed of a coffee maker. Or maybe not. I only know that I'm entertaining me, which was my original goal. So. I've done what I've set out to accomplish. Yea, me! I'm so special. You see, most people, they don't like reading or writing. So if you're not most people, you've made it down this far without skipping, skimming or getting the spark notes version. (Which I think does not exist) My point is, if you've bothered to read this, then, (like me) you probley have also read the ketchup bottle so many times that you have it down verbatim. Look verbatim up. It's a word. But, you should know that, since you like reading. Or maybe you're just skimming. Anyway, there's nothing wrong with reading food labels. You might be asked a question about them on a quiz show. And now, for the million-dollar question: How many calories are there in a single serving of Mustard? I can just see it now...It could be called Know-Your-Food. Or You are What you Eat. It'd probley be as popular as those game shows that no one's ever heard of. Speaking of food, what's up with pie? There's strawberry pie, apple, pumpkin and so many others, but there is no grape pie! I know. I'm just as upset about this unfortunate lack of development in the pie division. Think about it. Grapes are used to make jelly, jam, juice and raisins. What makes them undesirable for pie? Would they dry into raisins? Couldn't you just stick some jelly in a piecrust and bake it? It just doesn't make any sense. Another thing that bothers me is organ grinders. You know, the foreign guys with the bellhop hats and the little music thingy and the cute little monkey with the bellhop hat who collects the money? Okay. They're basically begging on the street. How did they ever afford an organ-thingy? Wouldn't it make more sense to get a kazoo, if you're broke? And if they're so poor, what possessed them to buy a monkey? I mean, I don't think I could afford a monkey, and I'm not exactly on the streets. Obviously I at least have a computer...so, back to the organ grinders. I would have sold the monkey and the organ and been able to eat for at least a year. Or, if I was weirder than I am, I could at least kill the monkey with the organ and eat it. Why on earth did they keep the monkey? It must have cost a fortune to feed...not to mention the mess. That's just one of those many facts of life that are better left mysteries. Especially since no one but me would ask the question. I better go. I think I hear a monkey...Okay...now I'm back. That's the sixth time I've said back! I realize that this longest text ever must be very boring and not worth anyone's time. But I'd like to take this time to thank the 2 and 1/2 people in the entire universe who have bothered to read this entire thing. I'm not exactly sure who they are, but: thanks! Right now, my spacebar is malfunctioning...that's not good...I have to press it two or three times just to insert a freaking space. Maybe the evil little faeries with the sharp little teeth have put their evil faerie dust on my computer. Or maybe not. This is too frustrating. Goodbye for now...Now I'm back. And still frustrated. But for a different reason. Today I had the misfortune of playing a Treasure Planet game on neopets.com It was terrible. Apparently the point of the game was to get your character to shout "Whoo-Hoo!" as many times as possible before you splattered your brains on the rocks, all the while listening to a soundtrack that is similar to a dying ceiling fan. Of course, when I started out I accidentally hit the rocks approximately three million times. Halfway though I used my four remaining brain-cells to decide that the game was dumb. So my goal changed from surviving to laughing evilly while my character died. So the game naturally did everything it could to preserve my life. The stupid game is still going on and I refuse to quit because I want my points. My character is actually dodging the stupid rocks better now then when I controlled him. I hate irony. Seeya. Okay. Now I'm back again. Today I added an update page, which is basically a less chaotic, outlined version of this without all the ranting. It's more like techno talk about arrays and how much I suck and whether or not the Braves will win this year. Okay, the whole braves thing is made up. But everything else I've said so far is true. I think. Maybe I should start on a boring disclaimer...Eh-hem. All contents of this site were designed for entertainment purposes only. Any use thereof that is not stated in the above mentioned statement would make the author, hereby referred to as Patron Saint of Paper Clips, very angry. Should you violate the purpose of this site: i.e. become not entertained, the Patron Saint of Paper Clips will be forced to take drastic measures. This is specified in Code: 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook. Ooooo…that’s a great idea! I’m gonna start quoting from the Flaming Chicken Handbook! Code: 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook states that the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (that’s me) is allowed to cause vague, pain like sensations while the offending person (or alien life form, dog, etc.) isn’t paying attention. Now I have a purpose in life! To make up quotes from the non-existent Flaming Chicken Handbook, which I’m sure you have a copy of. No? Too bad. It’s in the mail, I promise! Now I must take my leave…and remember. Cheese is watching. Okay...I'm back...I think that eventually half of this thing will consist of the word back over and over again...that's just weird. Which fits the motif of the rest of the site. There's even a money back guarantee. Isn’t' that nice? See? Now no one can ever say that I don't take care of my viewers. Especially since I don't have viewers. I have readers. Wait...I really don't even know if anyone bothers to read this. Even if I put it in a less chaotic, more user-friendly format people would still ignore this because it involves: reading. Yes. Sad to admit, but the majority of people would rather read the summary at the back of a book rather than the whole book itself. What has the world come to? It's pathetic. Especially since I'm bothering to write all this. It's not fair! Why can't I have more readers?! All the other internet writers have nothing on me, except they're better at advertising, having a central theme/plot and basically more talented. Whereas I'm more into the whole ranting and raving stage right now. Plus, I am horrible at spelling. Which is bad. Thank the powers that be for spell-check. The single greatest invention of the computer gods. I'm getting bored, so I think I'm done for the day. May your day be shiney! I'm back again! And I feel weird! I found at that yet another one of my friends is reading this. Creepy. Just how much time do they have on their hands. Perhaps their just trying to be nice. I can just see it now...an organization devoted not to feeding the hungry, or peace, or love or whatever, but to giving recognition to all those poor, pathetic, unpopular websites. I wonder what it's name would be. Don't Ignore Sites? Would it be called DIS? Isn't that like a slang term for an insult? Would that be considered poetic justice, or just a nice coincidence? And why do I even care? I'll tell you why. Because I have nothing else to do right now. I could be playing neopets, but ever since my bad experience with Treasure Planet, I don't feel like it. Oh, by the way, I noticed that whenever I use spell-check, my stupid computer turns the word probley into to word problem. To prevent this, I did nothing. So, it is now up to you, the imaginary reader, to decide whether I mean probley or problem...it's almost like a game! But without the bad sound track. And I promise not to force you to live when you would rather die. Moving on, I have nothing else to say, but don't feel like quitting just yet. I'm like the little engine that could. Or maybe the Energizer Bunny. I just keep going, and going and going. Or I could be like that annoying guy on T.V. who keeps asking if you can hear him. If my site manages to last a decade, my readers snicker will probley wonder what I'm talking about. My answer is simple. It doesn't matter. I'm just rambling. Which means that it doesn't matter if you understand anything I say. Doesn't that make you feel better? I bet it does. Wow. Look how long this has gotten. I even impress myself. Who would have thought I have this much free time? And I congratulate any reader who has gotten this far. Ooooooo! You must check out the fortunes section of the random stuff page! I've just gotten an idea for some more, original, fortunes...I gotta go!(may the moose be with you) And now I am back. I swear. If iI fill out the fake tab form I'm gonna have to put back as my favorite word...I already have filled it out, though. Would it be cheating to fill it out again? Only if I had multiple personalities. Or would it be cheating if I didn't have multiple personalities? The world may never know. Just like how many licks it takes to get to the bottom of a tootsie pop. Would it vary? The number of licks, I mean. Someone could have super-disolving spit, or watery-spit. Or what if you took big ol' slobbery licks? Does the commercial take that into account? No. It doesn't. And let me tell you, it's an outrage. It deludes all of American's sweet, innocent, candy-loving children into thinking that a cartoon owl is smarter than they are! "Mr. Owl, can you tell us how many licks does it take to get to the bottom of a tootsie pop?" Or whatever. And "Mr. Owl" replies "One...Twoo...Three! Chomp" And he bites it. That teaches our youth that it's okay to agree to help someone, and then ruin their experiment. Well...it's not. I am going to start a protest group. Teens Against Cartoon Owls. We could call ourselves TACO! I love the little tacos, I love them good! That is a direct quote from GIR, co-star and comic-relief on INVADER ZIM. Hmmmm...intersting. I put hyphens in both of his titles...it must be a conspiracy! I gotta go. Those TACO buttons don't make themselves, you know. I'm back again. And not so cheesed off about the whole tootsie roll pop thing. Right now, I have another twenty minutes on the Internet before I'm gonna watch T.V. And I can't think of anything else to do. So, predictably, here I am. It's not like I have anything better to do. Obviously, you know this. After all, look how long this text is. I wonder if I've made the world record? If I did, would I stop this? Why bother asking? I'll will most likely still be adding to this on my death bed. Hmmmmm...has any old, senile person ever written anything? Was it coherent? Did it make more sense that this text? Is it possible to make less sense? Am I enjoying asking retorical questions? Yes. Yes, I am. But I seriously wonder what something written by a senile person would be like. I've heard of poems and stuff written by people who were high, insane or paranoid. But never senile. Can a senile person write? Aren't they regressed to a child-like state? Does it even matter? Is anyone even reading this? Did I resume asking retorical questions? Do you care? Is this eating up time? I feel like I'm playing questions only on whose line is it anway. I probley should have capitalized something, or underlined but I'm feeling lazy...hey, you try to keep your two and a half readers happy! It's really stressfull. Someday, I'm gonna snap and just delete this entire thing. Gee, I hope not! I worked sorta hard on this. It's great for making random topics weave together to form an overall infrastructure of chaos. That made little sense. That's why it's here, and not some critically acclaimed site. Ooooooooooooo! I'm gonna quote from the FLAMING CHICKENS HANDBOOK again! Yep! I bet you were just breathless in anticipation. Okay. Here goes. Code: 472 of the Flaming Chickens Handbook states that this site in no way aknowledges the existance of other, better sites (hereon reffered to as the Losers) The Losers are a myth. The Patron Saint of Paper Clips (me again!) claims no knowledge as to where that particullary nasty rumor started, but confirms that this is the best site ever. It would be a sin against humanity for a better site to exist. Should you refuse to aknowledge the Patron Saint of Paper Clips as the ruler of the Internet, you will be subjected to punishment as stated in Code 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook (i.e. Experience vague, pain-like sensations when you're not paying attention) This has been a public service announcement. This is a test, I repeat only a test. Had this been an actual emergency, we would have bought up all the can openers and charged 3 cows and a pig for each one. I repeat, lock all you doors and windows, this is it. I repeat, there is nothing to worry about. Everything is fine. The end is not here. I'm going, you're on you're own! Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm back!smiles brightly And apparantly delusional! Anyway, I just finished rereading my longest text ever. And I became inspired to talk about nothing. You see, I periodically read the longest text ever to check the constant downward spiral of my sanity. Hmmm...I seem to be entertaining myself though, even while reading what I wrote. Which is why I still go to the Really Really Big Button That Doesn't Do Anything website. Because I am easily amused and have lots and lots of time on my hands. Maybe, some day far in the future (like next Thursday) I'll print a copy of this insane text. And then go door to door distributing it. Eventually, this would become a monthly tradition. Whole families would gather around their front door, in breathless anticipation while they attempted to barracade me out. I can just see the whole community rising to thwart my attempts to spread love, joy and insane chaos. I probley wouldn't actually print this out (think how much paper it would take!) but if I do, only friends and enemies will receive copies. Hmmmm...maybe my condition is worsening. Or not. I'm still peeved about the cartoon owl from the Tootsie Roll Pop commercials. He is pure evil. TACO will eventually destroy him. Unless he has already been destroyed by an even more radical Anti-Cartoon-Owl group. I hope not. Or, would that be good? I suppose I could let someone else have the glory. After all, I'm not in this line of buisness for the fame, fortune and power. What line of buisness, do you ask? Why, the assasinating annoying cartoon characters buisness. (Actually I just question them untill they spontaneously combust, I ask lots of questions) So, in conclusion, ladies and gentleman of the jury(that's you) I could not have possibly tortured "Mr. Owl" to death. I love owls. Hmm...I seem to be jumping from one subject to another more frequently. Either I am growing more comfortable with my on-line writing, or I am progressivly getting more insane and chaotic. I also am psyco-analyzing myself a lot today...hmmmm...I'm even saying "hmmmmm..." a lot. Just like a real psychologist. Hmmmmmmm. Time for another boring disclaimer!!!!!!! Code: 742 of the Flaming Chickens Handbook states that in no part does the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (That's still me!) actually claim to be mentally ill. That's either a) a publicity stunt b) An attempt at humor c) a cry for help or d) none of the above You can e-mail your responses by conducting a scavenger hunt of this site. Some of the pages of this site contain a link encouging the two and a half people to e-mail the Patron Saint of Paper Clips. There may also be evil little links that are designed to confuse you. These links send stuff to someone named johnjones333@hotmail.com The Patron Saint of Paper Clips does not know who this individual is, but sincerly wishes that you send all your hate mail to him. Not that the aformentioned individual claims to have received hate mail (or mail of any kind) via a website link. Thank-you for your time. Remember to send your answers to my sanity quiz to the e-mail account, flamingchickens333@hotmail.com Oh, and once I refer to myself in the first person again, the handbook quote is over. I just thought that I might like to mention that. Oh. You're still here. I figured you rush right on over to e-mail me. Perhaps you don't have time to waste e-mailing me. HA! HA! HA! That's funny!!!! If you you don't have time to waste, what are you doing here?!!! Oh, who am I kidding. I figure that even the people I manage to lure onto my site from neopets don't even bother to come to this particular page. Maybe I should make the link come here directly...Hey! What a good idea! That way I can spread my love, joy and insane chaos to more people! I'm a genius. Gotta go, must lure innocent victems to the second most pointless site ever!!!! I'm back. And really angry, and confused. I've always known that I was weird, that's always been a given. But now I realize that I am considerably more normal than the rest of my family. Today we had a "family outing." Now, most families will go bowling, or putt-putt golfing. They may go to a resteraunt with an arcarde, or the movies or to a theme park. Not my family! No, we got the greatest family outing of all. We got to go to a bar and play pool!!!!!waits for readers to become insanely jealous Yep, that's right, a bar with a pool table! Not only did we get world class cuisine (under-cooked hotdogs and over-cooked hamburgers), my little sister (age 10) got taught pool by someone I strongly supect is an ex-convict! Naturally when it was announced that we'd be eating dinner in this place, I could hardly contain my excitment(I glared at my mother and asked why we couldn't go to Pizza Hut) When we arrived, we were promptly served (after thirty minutes) In the meantime, we played a family game of pool(my parents played while my brother and sister and I watched) After two rousing rounds, our food came. The food was superb, (our food came the exact opposite of how we ordered it, and half of the onion rings were missing) Then we joyfully returned to our game(my sister and the ex-con played my mom) We spent hours there (from 5p.m.-7:15p.m.) There were many people that were the same age as me and my siblings (no one in the room but us were under 30) Us kids had to be dragged kicking and screaming from the bar ( I almost fell asleep during the last game I watched) As we left, there was a feeling of goodwill and fellowship between all(my sister locked me out of the car and wouldn't let me in untill I started yelling profanity in her general direction) The high point of the entire night was when my mother gave me $21 for my report card. She promptly borrowed $1 to help with the waitresses tip(This part I'm not being sarcastic about) All in all it was a night I'll remember forever (as the lowest point in "family outing"history, except for that time my mom dragged me to a church thing on the concept of truth.) My brother(age 13) even decided upon a new job he wants when he's old enough to work, a busboy at the bar. We had to tell him that he would probley have to wait untill he was 21.(Absolutly nothing about that statement was sarcastic) As you can see, I love my families outings(Not unless you're blind...or stupid) Hello, everyone! This is one of the weirdest sites: or your money back! We have ZIM, neopets, music, and much, much, more. E-mail us for questions, comments, complaints and information. Why not click on the Very Weird Stuff link to see more, or click on the music link? We have halloween and christmas pictures on the NeoPics link. Cheese is not a wild thing!!!!!!!!! Now I have decided to go for a world record. I will try to make the longest web page ever, made completely out of text! Won't that be fun? I will just type, and type, and never, ever use copy and paste. Wow...I really must be bored. Just goes to show what boredom can do to you. Any way, that's it for now. Wait, no it isn't, I still have to keep going, and going, and going. Because I do. THE REST OF THE STUFF I TYPE WILL BE COMPLETLY IN CAPS JUST BECAUSE I CAN. THAT IS ALL. SEEYA! Hi, I'm back. So far this is nowhere near the world record. I think. I don't exactly know where it is...oh, well. I'll just have to do the very best that I can. No one is really coming here, anyway. So it doesn't matter. By the way, TAB is a worthwhile, community-service organization. The form link is to a 100% fake TAB registration form that you can fill out just for laughs. I can't believe I'm bothering to do this. I have very low expectations of my site. None ever comes here, I could do this all day long and I still wouldn't have any more hits. This is just a pointless excursive in spelling errors and grammatical imprecision. May your day be shiney! The following is an extremely weird poem-thingy that I wrote when I was in a relatively weird mood:
never mind that noise my dear can anyone pass the cheese only if you say pretty please oh, boy do I have to sneeze. why must everyone always rhyme, why I’m a poet and don’t I know it? what I fear comes right after here not this life or the next will I ever be able to pass the test? we’re stuck in here, (alone my dear) and we’ll problem never get out so don’t start to shout. it’s dark and I want to go home is where the heart was where is it now? we’ll never know but oh crap it’s starting to snow and it’s time to show and tell about the well that you found last summer at camp when it was damp it was near the ramp oh god why must this be I liked that tree but now it’s gone, farewell so long I’ll miss you as long as you write but then I’m afraid to say good-night. my dear there’s nothing to fear that’s only a box that’s made of blocks next to the wagon that looks like a dragon why are you shaking it’s your fear that is making you shiver and act all a quiver. don’t you know that you only need be afraid of fear and never anything here and certainly not a post that acts like a ghost?
See, very weird. At least it fills up my word quota for the day. Not that I exactly have a word quota for the day. It just sounded very professional to say it. Anyway, I still don't think that anyone is actually coming here. You'd have to be an absolute loser (or really bored) to come here. I'd probley come here, but that isn't much of a surprise. After all, I've been to the Really Really Big Button That Doesn't Do Anything website over 50 times. Pathetic. But, whatever. As long as I'm happy, right. Humor the crazy person, okay? Oh, guess what? According to someone you problem don't know, this is the second most pointless website ever! Next to the Really Big Button, of course. I feel special. Come on everyone, group hug. Okay, now I'm starting to scare myself...I'm gonna quit for today. Seeya. Now I'm back. Is this getting confusing to you? Too bad. Now I want you to go to http://quiz.ravenblack.net/blood.pl?biter=eon" If you do this I'll get points in the game. Come on all you non-existing people! Help me! You know you want to! It's a worthy cause! Honestly, the more time I waste playing the game, the less time I'll work on this site and the less stuff you gotta read. Although why you'd be here if you didn't want to read is beyond me. Maybe you're lost. Okay, if you want to get out, click the little refresh button, okay? Good...what? You say it didn't let you out? Oh, well. You must be caught in a time warp. Keep pressing it. Maybe you'll break free. What's that. The little counter at the bottom keeps going up? Never mind. That's just how many times you have to click before you can leave. Good-bye.

Hey, I'm once again: back. I don't suppose you fell for that little thing about the refresh button. After all, you're a responsible, intelligent person who apparently has a lot of time on your hands. Well, you can't possibly have more time than I do. I mean, after all, I made this site. You're only browsing it. And most people don't even come here. Not even my friends...sniffle The just ignore this poor, pathetic little page. All they do is fill out the TAB form and leave. I think. Maybe they're here right now! HI! HOW ARE YOU DOING? I'M FINE! THANKS FOR COMING! YES, I'M YELLING! Who am I kidding. This page won't get a single hit, unless I bribe people...now that has possibilities. Okay, fill out the TAB form, so I have proof that you bothered to come here and...uh...I'll...uh...send you a sandwich? Please allow 6-8 weeks for delivery. I'm bored. I'm gonna go hug a moose. MOOSE! I love-d you moose! Hey, I'm back again! Yea...waits for applause okay! Now I want all you loyal fans...cricket chirps to go to the link to see what I'm like. I took a whole bunch of personality quizzes and posted them there. I'm an evil villain, kitty and a freakazoid so far. And I only took the quiz once, too. Spooky how accurate they are...anyway, I command you to go! I'm going. I'm back. I'm gonna start counting how many times I say back. Let's see: 1...2...3...4...5! Wow. I must really be desperate for something to do. I now officially have proof that someone has been here! It was one of my friends. Apparently this page really is getting long, because my friend said something to that effect. Maybe. Anyway, moving on! I'm just basically typing nothing. Just like all those reports people have to do. You know? With a specific number of words. They start out with half that number, and then just fill in words until they have the right amount. I salute those people. You're great tradition is being carried out here, on the second most pointless site ever! Well. Maybe eventually some weird, bored person will wander onto my site on accident and be mildly entertained be my site until they wander onto a live video feed of a coffee maker. Or maybe not. I only know that I'm entertaining me, which was my original goal. So. I've done what I've set out to accomplish. Yea, me! I'm so special. You see, most people, they don't like reading or writing. So if you're not most people, you've made it down this far without skipping, skimming or getting the spark notes version. (Which I think does not exist) My point is, if you've bothered to read this, then, (like me) you probley have also read the ketchup bottle so many times that you have it down verbatim. Look verbatim up. It's a word. But, you should know that, since you like reading. Or maybe you're just skimming. Anyway, there's nothing wrong with reading food labels. You might be asked a question about them on a quiz show. And now, for the million-dollar question: How many calories are there in a single serving of Mustard? I can just see it now...It could be called Know-Your-Food. Or You are What you Eat. It'd probley be as popular as those game shows that no one's ever heard of. Speaking of food, what's up with pie? There's strawberry pie, apple, pumpkin and so many others, but there is no grape pie! I know. I'm just as upset about this unfortunate lack of development in the pie division. Think about it. Grapes are used to make jelly, jam, juice and raisins. What makes them undesirable for pie? Would they dry into raisins? Couldn't you just stick some jelly in a piecrust and bake it? It just doesn't make any sense. Another thing that bothers me is organ grinders. You know, the foreign guys with the bellhop hats and the little music thingy and the cute little monkey with the bellhop hat who collects the money? Okay. They're basically begging on the street. How did they ever afford an organ-thingy? Wouldn't it make more sense to get a kazoo, if you're broke? And if they're so poor, what possessed them to buy a monkey? I mean, I don't think I could afford a monkey, and I'm not exactly on the streets. Obviously I at least have a computer...so, back to the organ grinders. I would have sold the monkey and the organ and been able to eat for at least a year. Or, if I was weirder than I am, I could at least kill the monkey with the organ and eat it. Why on earth did they keep the monkey? It must have cost a fortune to feed...not to mention the mess. That's just one of those many facts of life that are better left mysteries. Especially since no one but me would ask the question. I better go. I think I hear a monkey...Okay...now I'm back. That's the sixth time I've said back! I realize that this longest text ever must be very boring and not worth anyone's time. But I'd like to take this time to thank the 2 and 1/2 people in the entire universe who have bothered to read this entire thing. I'm not exactly sure who they are, but: thanks! Right now, my spacebar is malfunctioning...that's not good...I have to press it two or three times just to insert a freaking space. Maybe the evil little faeries with the sharp little teeth have put their evil faerie dust on my computer. Or maybe not. This is too frustrating. Goodbye for now...Now I'm back. And still frustrated. But for a different reason. Today I had the misfortune of playing a Treasure Planet game on neopets.com It was terrible. Apparently the point of the game was to get your character to shout "Whoo-Hoo!" as many times as possible before you splattered your brains on the rocks, all the while listening to a soundtrack that is similar to a dying ceiling fan. Of course, when I started out I accidentally hit the rocks approximately three million times. Halfway though I used my four remaining brain-cells to decide that the game was dumb. So my goal changed from surviving to laughing evilly while my character died. So the game naturally did everything it could to preserve my life. The stupid game is still going on and I refuse to quit because I want my points. My character is actually dodging the stupid rocks better now then when I controlled him. I hate irony. Seeya. Okay. Now I'm back again. Today I added an update page, which is basically a less chaotic, outlined version of this without all the ranting. It's more like techno talk about arrays and how much I suck and whether or not the Braves will win this year. Okay, the whole braves thing is made up. But everything else I've said so far is true. I think. Maybe I should start on a boring disclaimer...Eh-hem. All contents of this site were designed for entertainment purposes only. Any use thereof that is not stated in the above mentioned statement would make the author, hereby referred to as Patron Saint of Paper Clips, very angry. Should you violate the purpose of this site: i.e. become not entertained, the Patron Saint of Paper Clips will be forced to take drastic measures. This is specified in Code: 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook. Ooooo…that’s a great idea! I’m gonna start quoting from the Flaming Chicken Handbook! Code: 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook states that the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (that’s me) is allowed to cause vague, pain like sensations while the offending person (or alien life form, dog, etc.) isn’t paying attention. Now I have a purpose in life! To make up quotes from the non-existent Flaming Chicken Handbook, which I’m sure you have a copy of. No? Too bad. It’s in the mail, I promise! Now I must take my leave…and remember. Cheese is watching. Okay...I'm back...I think that eventually half of this thing will consist of the word back over and over again...that's just weird. Which fits the motif of the rest of the site. There's even a money back guarantee. Isn’t' that nice? See? Now no one can ever say that I don't take care of my viewers. Especially since I don't have viewers. I have readers. Wait...I really don't even know if anyone bothers to read this. Even if I put it in a less chaotic, more user-friendly format people would still ignore this because it involves: reading. Yes. Sad to admit, but the majority of people would rather read the summary at the back of a book rather than the whole book itself. What has the world come to? It's pathetic. Especially since I'm bothering to write all this. It's not fair! Why can't I have more readers?! All the other internet writers have nothing on me, except they're better at advertising, having a central theme/plot and basically more talented. Whereas I'm more into the whole ranting and raving stage right now. Plus, I am horrible at spelling. Which is bad. Thank the powers that be for spell-check. The single greatest invention of the computer gods. I'm getting bored, so I think I'm done for the day. May your day be shiney! I'm back again! And I feel weird! I found at that yet another one of my friends is reading this. Creepy. Just how much time do they have on their hands. Perhaps their just trying to be nice. I can just see it now...an organization devoted not to feeding the hungry, or peace, or love or whatever, but to giving recognition to all those poor, pathetic, unpopular websites. I wonder what it's name would be. Don't Ignore Sites? Would it be called DIS? Isn't that like a slang term for an insult? Would that be considered poetic justice, or just a nice coincidence? And why do I even care? I'll tell you why. Because I have nothing else to do right now. I could be playing neopets, but ever since my bad experience with Treasure Planet, I don't feel like it. Oh, by the way, I noticed that whenever I use spell-check, my stupid computer turns the word probley into to word problem. To prevent this, I did nothing. So, it is now up to you, the imaginary reader, to decide whether I mean probley or problem...it's almost like a game! But without the bad sound track. And I promise not to force you to live when you would rather die. Moving on, I have nothing else to say, but don't feel like quitting just yet. I'm like the little engine that could. Or maybe the Energizer Bunny. I just keep going, and going and going. Or I could be like that annoying guy on T.V. who keeps asking if you can hear him. If my site manages to last a decade, my readers snicker will probley wonder what I'm talking about. My answer is simple. It doesn't matter. I'm just rambling. Which means that it doesn't matter if you understand anything I say. Doesn't that make you feel better? I bet it does. Wow. Look how long this has gotten. I even impress myself. Who would have thought I have this much free time? And I congratulate any reader who has gotten this far. Ooooooo! You must check out the fortunes section of the random stuff page! I've just gotten an idea for some more, original, fortunes...I gotta go!(may the moose be with you) And now I am back. I swear. If iI fill out the fake tab form I'm gonna have to put back as my favorite word...I already have filled it out, though. Would it be cheating to fill it out again? Only if I had multiple personalities. Or would it be cheating if I didn't have multiple personalities? The world may never know. Just like how many licks it takes to get to the bottom of a tootsie pop. Would it vary? The number of licks, I mean. Someone could have super-disolving spit, or watery-spit. Or what if you took big ol' slobbery licks? Does the commercial take that into account? No. It doesn't. And let me tell you, it's an outrage. It deludes all of American's sweet, innocent, candy-loving children into thinking that a cartoon owl is smarter than they are! "Mr. Owl, can you tell us how many licks does it take to get to the bottom of a tootsie pop?" Or whatever. And "Mr. Owl" replies "One...Twoo...Three! Chomp" And he bites it. That teaches our youth that it's okay to agree to help someone, and then ruin their experiment. Well...it's not. I am going to start a protest group. Teens Against Cartoon Owls. We could call ourselves TACO! I love the little tacos, I love them good! That is a direct quote from GIR, co-star and comic-relief on INVADER ZIM. Hmmmm...intersting. I put hyphens in both of his titles...it must be a conspiracy! I gotta go. Those TACO buttons don't make themselves, you know. I'm back again. And not so cheesed off about the whole tootsie roll pop thing. Right now, I have another twenty minutes on the Internet before I'm gonna watch T.V. And I can't think of anything else to do. So, predictably, here I am. It's not like I have anything better to do. Obviously, you know this. After all, look how long this text is. I wonder if I've made the world record? If I did, would I stop this? Why bother asking? I'll will most likely still be adding to this on my death bed. Hmmmmm...has any old, senile person ever written anything? Was it coherent? Did it make more sense that this text? Is it possible to make less sense? Am I enjoying asking retorical questions? Yes. Yes, I am. But I seriously wonder what something written by a senile person would be like. I've heard of poems and stuff written by people who were high, insane or paranoid. But never senile. Can a senile person write? Aren't they regressed to a child-like state? Does it even matter? Is anyone even reading this? Did I resume asking retorical questions? Do you care? Is this eating up time? I feel like I'm playing questions only on whose line is it anway. I probley should have capitalized something, or underlined but I'm feeling lazy...hey, you try to keep your two and a half readers happy! It's really stressfull. Someday, I'm gonna snap and just delete this entire thing. Gee, I hope not! I worked sorta hard on this. It's great for making random topics weave together to form an overall infrastructure of chaos. That made little sense. That's why it's here, and not some critically acclaimed site. Ooooooooooooo! I'm gonna quote from the FLAMING CHICKENS HANDBOOK again! Yep! I bet you were just breathless in anticipation. Okay. Here goes. Code: 472 of the Flaming Chickens Handbook states that this site in no way aknowledges the existance of other, better sites (hereon reffered to as the Losers) The Losers are a myth. The Patron Saint of Paper Clips (me again!) claims no knowledge as to where that particullary nasty rumor started, but confirms that this is the best site ever. It would be a sin against humanity for a better site to exist. Should you refuse to aknowledge the Patron Saint of Paper Clips as the ruler of the Internet, you will be subjected to punishment as stated in Code 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook (i.e. Experience vague, pain-like sensations when you're not paying attention) This has been a public service announcement. This is a test, I repeat only a test. Had this been an actual emergency, we would have bought up all the can openers and charged 3 cows and a pig for each one. I repeat, lock all you doors and windows, this is it. I repeat, there is nothing to worry about. Everything is fine. The end is not here. I'm going, you're on you're own! Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm back!smiles brightly And apparantly delusional! Anyway, I just finished rereading my longest text ever. And I became inspired to talk about nothing. You see, I periodically read the longest text ever to check the constant downward spiral of my sanity. Hmmm...I seem to be entertaining myself though, even while reading what I wrote. Which is why I still go to the Really Really Big Button That Doesn't Do Anything website. Because I am easily amused and have lots and lots of time on my hands. Maybe, some day far in the future (like next Thursday) I'll print a copy of this insane text. And then go door to door distributing it. Eventually, this would become a monthly tradition. Whole families would gather around their front door, in breathless anticipation while they attempted to barracade me out. I can just see the whole community rising to thwart my attempts to spread love, joy and insane chaos. I probley wouldn't actually print this out (think how much paper it would take!) but if I do, only friends and enemies will receive copies. Hmmmm...maybe my condition is worsening. Or not. I'm still peeved about the cartoon owl from the Tootsie Roll Pop commercials. He is pure evil. TACO will eventually destroy him. Unless he has already been destroyed by an even more radical Anti-Cartoon-Owl group. I hope not. Or, would that be good? I suppose I could let someone else have the glory. After all, I'm not in this line of buisness for the fame, fortune and power. What line of buisness, do you ask? Why, the assasinating annoying cartoon characters buisness. (Actually I just question them untill they spontaneously combust, I ask lots of questions) So, in conclusion, ladies and gentleman of the jury(that's you) I could not have possibly tortured "Mr. Owl" to death. I love owls. Hmm...I seem to be jumping from one subject to another more frequently. Either I am growing more comfortable with my on-line writing, or I am progressivly getting more insane and chaotic. I also am psyco-analyzing myself a lot today...hmmmm...I'm even saying "hmmmmm..." a lot. Just like a real psychologist. Hmmmmmmm. Time for another boring disclaimer!!!!!!! Code: 742 of the Flaming Chickens Handbook states that in no part does the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (That's still me!) actually claim to be mentally ill. That's either a) a publicity stunt b) An attempt at humor c) a cry for help or d) none of the above You can e-mail your responses by conducting a scavenger hunt of this site. Some of the pages of this site contain a link encouging the two and a half people to e-mail the Patron Saint of Paper Clips. There may also be evil little links that are designed to confuse you. These links send stuff to someone named johnjones333@hotmail.com The Patron Saint of Paper Clips does not know who this individual is, but sincerly wishes that you send all your hate mail to him. Not that the aformentioned individual claims to have received hate mail (or mail of any kind) via a website link. Thank-you for your time. Remember to send your answers to my sanity quiz to the e-mail account, flamingchickens333@hotmail.com Oh, and once I refer to myself in the first person again, the handbook quote is over. I just thought that I might like to mention that. Oh. You're still here. I figured you rush right on over to e-mail me. Perhaps you don't have time to waste e-mailing me. HA! HA! HA! That's funny!!!! If you you don't have time to waste, what are you doing here?!!! Oh, who am I kidding. I figure that even the people I manage to lure onto my site from neopets don't even bother to come to this particular page. Maybe I should make the link come here directly...Hey! What a good idea! That way I can spread my love, joy and insane chaos to more people! I'm a genius. Gotta go, must lure innocent victems to the second most pointless site ever!!!! I'm back. And really angry, and confused. I've always known that I was weird, that's always been a given. But now I realize that I am considerably more normal than the rest of my family. Today we had a "family outing." Now, most families will go bowling, or putt-putt golfing. They may go to a resteraunt with an arcarde, or the movies or to a theme park. Not my family! No, we got the greatest family outing of all. We got to go to a bar and play pool!!!!!waits for readers to become insanely jealous Yep, that's right, a bar with a pool table! Not only did we get world class cuisine (under-cooked hotdogs and over-cooked hamburgers), my little sister (age 10) got taught pool by someone I strongly supect is an ex-convict! Naturally when it was announced that we'd be eating dinner in this place, I could hardly contain my excitment(I glared at my mother and asked why we couldn't go to Pizza Hut) When we arrived, we were promptly served (after thirty minutes) In the meantime, we played a family game of pool(my parents played while my brother and sister and I watched) After two rousing rounds, our food came. The food was superb, (our food came the exact opposite of how we ordered it, and half of the onion rings were missing) Then we joyfully returned to our game(my sister and the ex-con played my mom) We spent hours there (from 5p.m.-7:15p.m.) There were many people that were the same age as me and my siblings (no one in the room but us were under 30) Us kids had to be dragged kicking and screaming from the bar ( I almost fell asleep during the last game I watched) As we left, there was a feeling of goodwill and fellowship between all(my sister locked me out of the car and wouldn't let me in untill I started yelling profanity in her general direction) The high point of the entire night was when my mother gave me $21 for my report card. She promptly borrowed $1 to help with the waitresses tip(This part I'm not being sarcastic about) All in all it was a night I'll remember forever (as the lowest point in "family outing"history, except for that time my mom dragged me to a church thing on the concept of truth.) My brother(age 13) even decided upon a new job he wants when he's old enough to work, a busboy at the bar. We had to tell him that he would probley have to wait untill he was 21.(Absolutly nothing about that statement was sarcastic) As you can see, I love my families outings(Not unless you're blind...or stupid) llo, everyone! This is one of the weirdest sites: or your money back! We have ZIM, neopets, music, and much, much, more. E-mail us for questions, comments, complaints and information. Why not click on the Very Weird Stuff link to see more, or click on the music link? We have halloween and christmas pictures on the NeoPics link. Cheese is not a wild thing!!!!!!!!! Now I have decided to go for a world record. I will try to make the longest web page ever, made completely out of text! Won't that be fun? I will just type, and type, and never, ever use copy and paste. Wow...I really must be bored. Just goes to show what boredom can do to you. Any way, that's it for now. Wait, no it isn't, I still have to keep going, and going, and going. Because I do. THE REST OF THE STUFF I TYPE WILL BE COMPLETLY IN CAPS JUST BECAUSE I CAN. THAT IS ALL. SEEYA! Hi, I'm back. So far this is nowhere near the world record. I think. I don't exactly know where it is...oh, well. I'll just have to do the very best that I can. No one is really coming here, anyway. So it doesn't matter. By the way, TAB is a worthwhile, community-service organization. The form link is to a 100% fake TAB registration form that you can fill out just for laughs. I can't believe I'm bothering to do this. I have very low expectations of my site. None ever comes here, I could do this all day long and I still wouldn't have any more hits. This is just a pointless excursive in spelling errors and grammatical imprecision. May your day be shiney! The following is an extremely weird poem-thingy that I wrote when I was in a relatively weird mood:
never mind that noise my dear can anyone pass the cheese only if you say pretty please oh, boy do I have to sneeze. why must everyone always rhyme, why I’m a poet and don’t I know it? what I fear comes right after here not this life or the next will I ever be able to pass the test? we’re stuck in here, (alone my dear) and we’ll problem never get out so don’t start to shout. it’s dark and I want to go home is where the heart was where is it now? we’ll never know but oh crap it’s starting to snow and it’s time to show and tell about the well that you found last summer at camp when it was damp it was near the ramp oh god why must this be I liked that tree but now it’s gone, farewell so long I’ll miss you as long as you write but then I’m afraid to say good-night. my dear there’s nothing to fear that’s only a box that’s made of blocks next to the wagon that looks like a dragon why are you shaking it’s your fear that is making you shiver and act all a quiver. don’t you know that you only need be afraid of fear and never anything here and certainly not a post that acts like a ghost?
See, very weird. At least it fills up my word quota for the day. Not that I exactly have a word quota for the day. It just sounded very professional to say it. Anyway, I still don't think that anyone is actually coming here. You'd have to be an absolute loser (or really bored) to come here. I'd probley come here, but that isn't much of a surprise. After all, I've been to the Really Really Big Button That Doesn't Do Anything website over 50 times. Pathetic. But, whatever. As long as I'm happy, right. Humor the crazy person, okay? Oh, guess what? According to someone you problem don't know, this is the second most pointless website ever! Next to the Really Big Button, of course. I feel special. Come on everyone, group hug. Okay, now I'm starting to scare myself...I'm gonna quit for today. Seeya. Now I'm back. Is this getting confusing to you? Too bad. Now I want you to go to http://quiz.ravenblack.net/blood.pl?biter=eon" If you do this I'll get points in the game. Come on all you non-existing people! Help me! You know you want to! It's a worthy cause! Honestly, the more time I waste playing the game, the less time I'll work on this site and the less stuff you gotta read. Although why you'd be here if you didn't want to read is beyond me. Maybe you're lost. Okay, if you want to get out, click the little refresh button, okay? Good...what? You say it didn't let you out? Oh, well. You must be caught in a time warp. Keep pressing it. Maybe you'll break free. What's that. The little counter at the bottom keeps going up? Never mind. That's just how many times you have to click before you can leave. Good-bye.

Hey, I'm once again: back. I don't suppose you fell for that little thing about the refresh button. After all, you're a responsible, intelligent person who apparently has a lot of time on your hands. Well, you can't possibly have more time than I do. I mean, after all, I made this site. You're only browsing it. And most people don't even come here. Not even my friends...sniffle The just ignore this poor, pathetic little page. All they do is fill out the TAB form and leave. I think. Maybe they're here right now! HI! HOW ARE YOU DOING? I'M FINE! THANKS FOR COMING! YES, I'M YELLING! Who am I kidding. This page won't get a single hit, unless I bribe people...now that has possibilities. Okay, fill out the TAB form, so I have proof that you bothered to come here and...uh...I'll...uh...send you a sandwich? Please allow 6-8 weeks for delivery. I'm bored. I'm gonna go hug a moose. MOOSE! I love-d you moose! Hey, I'm back again! Yea...waits for applause okay! Now I want all you loyal fans...cricket chirps to go to the link to see what I'm like. I took a whole bunch of personality quizzes and posted them there. I'm an evil villain, kitty and a freakazoid so far. And I only took the quiz once, too. Spooky how accurate they are...anyway, I command you to go! I'm going. I'm back. I'm gonna start counting how many times I say back. Let's see: 1...2...3...4...5! Wow. I must really be desperate for something to do. I now officially have proof that someone has been here! It was one of my friends. Apparently this page really is getting long, because my friend said something to that effect. Maybe. Anyway, moving on! I'm just basically typing nothing. Just like all those reports people have to do. You know? With a specific number of words. They start out with half that number, and then just fill in words until they have the right amount. I salute those people. You're great tradition is being carried out here, on the second most pointless site ever! Well. Maybe eventually some weird, bored person will wander onto my site on accident and be mildly entertained be my site until they wander onto a live video feed of a coffee maker. Or maybe not. I only know that I'm entertaining me, which was my original goal. So. I've done what I've set out to accomplish. Yea, me! I'm so special. You see, most people, they don't like reading or writing. So if you're not most people, you've made it down this far without skipping, skimming or getting the spark notes version. (Which I think does not exist) My point is, if you've bothered to read this, then, (like me) you probley have also read the ketchup bottle so many times that you have it down verbatim. Look verbatim up. It's a word. But, you should know that, since you like reading. Or maybe you're just skimming. Anyway, there's nothing wrong with reading food labels. You might be asked a question about them on a quiz show. And now, for the million-dollar question: How many calories are there in a single serving of Mustard? I can just see it now...It could be called Know-Your-Food. Or You are What you Eat. It'd probley be as popular as those game shows that no one's ever heard of. Speaking of food, what's up with pie? There's strawberry pie, apple, pumpkin and so many others, but there is no grape pie! I know. I'm just as upset about this unfortunate lack of development in the pie division. Think about it. Grapes are used to make jelly, jam, juice and raisins. What makes them undesirable for pie? Would they dry into raisins? Couldn't you just stick some jelly in a piecrust and bake it? It just doesn't make any sense. Another thing that bothers me is organ grinders. You know, the foreign guys with the bellhop hats and the little music thingy and the cute little monkey with the bellhop hat who collects the money? Okay. They're basically begging on the street. How did they ever afford an organ-thingy? Wouldn't it make more sense to get a kazoo, if you're broke? And if they're so poor, what possessed them to buy a monkey? I mean, I don't think I could afford a monkey, and I'm not exactly on the streets. Obviously I at least have a computer...so, back to the organ grinders. I would have sold the monkey and the organ and been able to eat for at least a year. Or, if I was weirder than I am, I could at least kill the monkey with the organ and eat it. Why on earth did they keep the monkey? It must have cost a fortune to feed...not to mention the mess. That's just one of those many facts of life that are better left mysteries. Especially since no one but me would ask the question. I better go. I think I hear a monkey...Okay...now I'm back. That's the sixth time I've said back! I realize that this longest text ever must be very boring and not worth anyone's time. But I'd like to take this time to thank the 2 and 1/2 people in the entire universe who have bothered to read this entire thing. I'm not exactly sure who they are, but: thanks! Right now, my spacebar is malfunctioning...that's not good...I have to press it two or three times just to insert a freaking space. Maybe the evil little faeries with the sharp little teeth have put their evil faerie dust on my computer. Or maybe not. This is too frustrating. Goodbye for now...Now I'm back. And still frustrated. But for a different reason. Today I had the misfortune of playing a Treasure Planet game on neopets.com It was terrible. Apparently the point of the game was to get your character to shout "Whoo-Hoo!" as many times as possible before you splattered your brains on the rocks, all the while listening to a soundtrack that is similar to a dying ceiling fan. Of course, when I started out I accidentally hit the rocks approximately three million times. Halfway though I used my four remaining brain-cells to decide that the game was dumb. So my goal changed from surviving to laughing evilly while my character died. So the game naturally did everything it could to preserve my life. The stupid game is still going on and I refuse to quit because I want my points. My character is actually dodging the stupid rocks better now then when I controlled him. I hate irony. Seeya. Okay. Now I'm back again. Today I added an update page, which is basically a less chaotic, outlined version of this without all the ranting. It's more like techno talk about arrays and how much I suck and whether or not the Braves will win this year. Okay, the whole braves thing is made up. But everything else I've said so far is true. I think. Maybe I should start on a boring disclaimer...Eh-hem. All contents of this site were designed for entertainment purposes only. Any use thereof that is not stated in the above mentioned statement would make the author, hereby referred to as Patron Saint of Paper Clips, very angry. Should you violate the purpose of this site: i.e. become not entertained, the Patron Saint of Paper Clips will be forced to take drastic measures. This is specified in Code: 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook. Ooooo…that’s a great idea! I’m gonna start quoting from the Flaming Chicken Handbook! Code: 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook states that the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (that’s me) is allowed to cause vague, pain like sensations while the offending person (or alien life form, dog, etc.) isn’t paying attention. Now I have a purpose in life! To make up quotes from the non-existent Flaming Chicken Handbook, which I’m sure you have a copy of. No? Too bad. It’s in the mail, I promise! Now I must take my leave…and remember. Cheese is watching. Okay...I'm back...I think that eventually half of this thing will consist of the word back over and over again...that's just weird. Which fits the motif of the rest of the site. There's even a money back guarantee. Isn’t' that nice? See? Now no one can ever say that I don't take care of my viewers. Especially since I don't have viewers. I have readers. Wait...I really don't even know if anyone bothers to read this. Even if I put it in a less chaotic, more user-friendly format people would still ignore this because it involves: reading. Yes. Sad to admit, but the majority of people would rather read the summary at the back of a book rather than the whole book itself. What has the world come to? It's pathetic. Especially since I'm bothering to write all this. It's not fair! Why can't I have more readers?! All the other internet writers have nothing on me, except they're better at advertising, having a central theme/plot and basically more talented. Whereas I'm more into the whole ranting and raving stage right now. Plus, I am horrible at spelling. Which is bad. Thank the powers that be for spell-check. The single greatest invention of the computer gods. I'm getting bored, so I think I'm done for the day. May your day be shiney! I'm back again! And I feel weird! I found at that yet another one of my friends is reading this. Creepy. Just how much time do they have on their hands. Perhaps their just trying to be nice. I can just see it now...an organization devoted not to feeding the hungry, or peace, or love or whatever, but to giving recognition to all those poor, pathetic, unpopular websites. I wonder what it's name would be. Don't Ignore Sites? Would it be called DIS? Isn't that like a slang term for an insult? Would that be considered poetic justice, or just a nice coincidence? And why do I even care? I'll tell you why. Because I have nothing else to do right now. I could be playing neopets, but ever since my bad experience with Treasure Planet, I don't feel like it. Oh, by the way, I noticed that whenever I use spell-check, my stupid computer turns the word probley into to word problem. To prevent this, I did nothing. So, it is now up to you, the imaginary reader, to decide whether I mean probley or problem...it's almost like a game! But without the bad sound track. And I promise not to force you to live when you would rather die. Moving on, I have nothing else to say, but don't feel like quitting just yet. I'm like the little engine that could. Or maybe the Energizer Bunny. I just keep going, and going and going. Or I could be like that annoying guy on T.V. who keeps asking if you can hear him. If my site manages to last a decade, my readers snicker will probley wonder what I'm talking about. My answer is simple. It doesn't matter. I'm just rambling. Which means that it doesn't matter if you understand anything I say. Doesn't that make you feel better? I bet it does. Wow. Look how long this has gotten. I even impress myself. Who would have thought I have this much free time? And I congratulate any reader who has gotten this far. Ooooooo! You must check out the fortunes section of the random stuff page! I've just gotten an idea for some more, original, fortunes...I gotta go!(may the moose be with you) And now I am back. I swear. If iI fill out the fake tab form I'm gonna have to put back as my favorite word...I already have filled it out, though. Would it be cheating to fill it out again? Only if I had multiple personalities. Or would it be cheating if I didn't have multiple personalities? The world may never know. Just like how many licks it takes to get to the bottom of a tootsie pop. Would it vary? The number of licks, I mean. Someone could have super-disolving spit, or watery-spit. Or what if you took big ol' slobbery licks? Does the commercial take that into account? No. It doesn't. And let me tell you, it's an outrage. It deludes all of American's sweet, innocent, candy-loving children into thinking that a cartoon owl is smarter than they are! "Mr. Owl, can you tell us how many licks does it take to get to the bottom of a tootsie pop?" Or whatever. And "Mr. Owl" replies "One...Twoo...Three! Chomp" And he bites it. That teaches our youth that it's okay to agree to help someone, and then ruin their experiment. Well...it's not. I am going to start a protest group. Teens Against Cartoon Owls. We could call ourselves TACO! I love the little tacos, I love them good! That is a direct quote from GIR, co-star and comic-relief on INVADER ZIM. Hmmmm...intersting. I put hyphens in both of his titles...it must be a conspiracy! I gotta go. Those TACO buttons don't make themselves, you know. I'm back again. And not so cheesed off about the whole tootsie roll pop thing. Right now, I have another twenty minutes on the Internet before I'm gonna watch T.V. And I can't think of anything else to do. So, predictably, here I am. It's not like I have anything better to do. Obviously, you know this. After all, look how long this text is. I wonder if I've made the world record? If I did, would I stop this? Why bother asking? I'll will most likely still be adding to this on my death bed. Hmmmmm...has any old, senile person ever written anything? Was it coherent? Did it make more sense that this text? Is it possible to make less sense? Am I enjoying asking retorical questions? Yes. Yes, I am. But I seriously wonder what something written by a senile person would be like. I've heard of poems and stuff written by people who were high, insane or paranoid. But never senile. Can a senile person write? Aren't they regressed to a child-like state? Does it even matter? Is anyone even reading this? Did I resume asking retorical questions? Do you care? Is this eating up time? I feel like I'm playing questions only on whose line is it anway. I probley should have capitalized something, or underlined but I'm feeling lazy...hey, you try to keep your two and a half readers happy! It's really stressfull. Someday, I'm gonna snap and just delete this entire thing. Gee, I hope not! I worked sorta hard on this. It's great for making random topics weave together to form an overall infrastructure of chaos. That made little sense. That's why it's here, and not some critically acclaimed site. Ooooooooooooo! I'm gonna quote from the FLAMING CHICKENS HANDBOOK again! Yep! I bet you were just breathless in anticipation. Okay. Here goes. Code: 472 of the Flaming Chickens Handbook states that this site in no way aknowledges the existance of other, better sites (hereon reffered to as the Losers) The Losers are a myth. The Patron Saint of Paper Clips (me again!) claims no knowledge as to where that particullary nasty rumor started, but confirms that this is the best site ever. It would be a sin against humanity for a better site to exist. Should you refuse to aknowledge the Patron Saint of Paper Clips as the ruler of the Internet, you will be subjected to punishment as stated in Code 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook (i.e. Experience vague, pain-like sensations when you're not paying attention) This has been a public service announcement. This is a test, I repeat only a test. Had this been an actual emergency, we would have bought up all the can openers and charged 3 cows and a pig for each one. I repeat, lock all you doors and windows, this is it. I repeat, there is nothing to worry about. Everything is fine. The end is not here. I'm going, you're on you're own! Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm back!smiles brightly And apparantly delusional! Anyway, I just finished rereading my longest text ever. And I became inspired to talk about nothing. You see, I periodically read the longest text ever to check the constant downward spiral of my sanity. Hmmm...I seem to be entertaining myself though, even while reading what I wrote. Which is why I still go to the Really Really Big Button That Doesn't Do Anything website. Because I am easily amused and have lots and lots of time on my hands. Maybe, some day far in the future (like next Thursday) I'll print a copy of this insane text. And then go door to door distributing it. Eventually, this would become a monthly tradition. Whole families would gather around their front door, in breathless anticipation while they attempted to barracade me out. I can just see the whole community rising to thwart my attempts to spread love, joy and insane chaos. I probley wouldn't actually print this out (think how much paper it would take!) but if I do, only friends and enemies will receive copies. Hmmmm...maybe my condition is worsening. Or not. I'm still peeved about the cartoon owl from the Tootsie Roll Pop commercials. He is pure evil. TACO will eventually destroy him. Unless he has already been destroyed by an even more radical Anti-Cartoon-Owl group. I hope not. Or, would that be good? I suppose I could let someone else have the glory. After all, I'm not in this line of buisness for the fame, fortune and power. What line of buisness, do you ask? Why, the assasinating annoying cartoon characters buisness. (Actually I just question them untill they spontaneously combust, I ask lots of questions) So, in conclusion, ladies and gentleman of the jury(that's you) I could not have possibly tortured "Mr. Owl" to death. I love owls. Hmm...I seem to be jumping from one subject to another more frequently. Either I am growing more comfortable with my on-line writing, or I am progressivly getting more insane and chaotic. I also am psyco-analyzing myself a lot today...hmmmm...I'm even saying "hmmmmm..." a lot. Just like a real psychologist. Hmmmmmmm. Time for another boring disclaimer!!!!!!! Code: 742 of the Flaming Chickens Handbook states that in no part does the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (That's still me!) actually claim to be mentally ill. That's either a) a publicity stunt b) An attempt at humor c) a cry for help or d) none of the above You can e-mail your responses by conducting a scavenger hunt of this site. Some of the pages of this site contain a link encouging the two and a half people to e-mail the Patron Saint of Paper Clips. There may also be evil little links that are designed to confuse you. These links send stuff to someone named johnjones333@hotmail.com The Patron Saint of Paper Clips does not know who this individual is, but sincerly wishes that you send all your hate mail to him. Not that the aformentioned individual claims to have received hate mail (or mail of any kind) via a website link. Thank-you for your time. Remember to send your answers to my sanity quiz to the e-mail account, flamingchickens333@hotmail.com Oh, and once I refer to myself in the first person again, the handbook quote is over. I just thought that I might like to mention that. Oh. You're still here. I figured you rush right on over to e-mail me. Perhaps you don't have time to waste e-mailing me. HA! HA! HA! That's funny!!!! If you you don't have time to waste, what are you doing here?!!! Oh, who am I kidding. I figure that even the people I manage to lure onto my site from neopets don't even bother to come to this particular page. Maybe I should make the link come here directly...Hey! What a good idea! That way I can spread my love, joy and insane chaos to more people! I'm a genius. Gotta go, must lure innocent victems to the second most pointless site ever!!!! I'm back. And really angry, and confused. I've always known that I was weird, that's always been a given. But now I realize that I am considerably more normal than the rest of my family. Today we had a "family outing." Now, most families will go bowling, or putt-putt golfing. They may go to a resteraunt with an arcarde, or the movies or to a theme park. Not my family! No, we got the greatest family outing of all. We got to go to a bar and play pool!!!!!waits for readers to become insanely jealous Yep, that's right, a bar with a pool table! Not only did we get world class cuisine (under-cooked hotdogs and over-cooked hamburgers), my little sister (age 10) got taught pool by someone I strongly supect is an ex-convict! Naturally when it was announced that we'd be eating dinner in this place, I could hardly contain my excitment(I glared at my mother and asked why we couldn't go to Pizza Hut) When we arrived, we were promptly served (after thirty minutes) In the meantime, we played a family game of pool(my parents played while my brother and sister and I watched) After two rousing rounds, our food came. The food was superb, (our food came the exact opposite of how we ordered it, and half of the onion rings were missing) Then we joyfully returned to our game(my sister and the ex-con played my mom) We spent hours there (from 5p.m.-7:15p.m.) There were many people that were the same age as me and my siblings (no one in the room but us were under 30) Us kids had to be dragged kicking and screaming from the bar ( I almost fell asleep during the last game I watched) As we left, there was a feeling of goodwill and fellowship between all(my sister locked me out of the car and wouldn't let me in untill I started yelling profanity in her general direction) The high point of the entire night was when my mother gave me $21 for my report card. She promptly borrowed $1 to help with the waitresses tip(This part I'm not being sarcastic about) All in all it was a night I'll remember forever (as the lowest point in "family outing"history, except for that time my mom dragged me to a church thing on the concept of truth.) My brother(age 13) even decided upon a new job he wants when he's old enough to work, a busboy at the bar. We had to tell him that he would probley have to wait untill he was 21.(Absolutly nothing about that statement was sarcastic) As you can see, I love my families outings(Not unless you're blind...or stupid) Hello, everyone! This is one of the weirdest sites: or your money back! We have ZIM, neopets, music, and much, much, more. E-mail us for questions, comments, complaints and information. Why not click on the Very Weird Stuff link to see more, or click on the music link? We have halloween and christmas pictures on the NeoPics link. Cheese is not a wild thing!!!!!!!!! Now I have decided to go for a world record. I will try to make the longest web page ever, made completely out of text! Won't that be fun? I will just type, and type, and never, ever use copy and paste. Wow...I really must be bored. Just goes to show what boredom can do to you. Any way, that's it for now. Wait, no it isn't, I still have to keep going, and going, and going. Because I do. THE REST OF THE STUFF I TYPE WILL BE COMPLETLY IN CAPS JUST BECAUSE I CAN. THAT IS ALL. SEEYA! Hi, I'm back. So far this is nowhere near the world record. I think. I don't exactly know where it is...oh, well. I'll just have to do the very best that I can. No one is really coming here, anyway. So it doesn't matter. By the way, TAB is a worthwhile, community-service organization. The form link is to a 100% fake TAB registration form that you can fill out just for laughs. I can't believe I'm bothering to do this. I have very low expectations of my site. None ever comes here, I could do this all day long and I still wouldn't have any more hits. This is just a pointless excursive in spelling errors and grammatical imprecision. May your day be shiney! The following is an extremely weird poem-thingy that I wrote when I was in a relatively weird mood:
never mind that noise my dear can anyone pass the cheese only if you say pretty please oh, boy do I have to sneeze. why must everyone always rhyme, why I’m a poet and don’t I know it? what I fear comes right after here not this life or the next will I ever be able to pass the test? we’re stuck in here, (alone my dear) and we’ll problem never get out so don’t start to shout. it’s dark and I want to go home is where the heart was where is it now? we’ll never know but oh crap it’s starting to snow and it’s time to show and tell about the well that you found last summer at camp when it was damp it was near the ramp oh god why must this be I liked that tree but now it’s gone, farewell so long I’ll miss you as long as you write but then I’m afraid to say good-night. my dear there’s nothing to fear that’s only a box that’s made of blocks next to the wagon that looks like a dragon why are you shaking it’s your fear that is making you shiver and act all a quiver. don’t you know that you only need be afraid of fear and never anything here and certainly not a post that acts like a ghost?
See, very weird. At least it fills up my word quota for the day. Not that I exactly have a word quota for the day. It just sounded very professional to say it. Anyway, I still don't think that anyone is actually coming here. You'd have to be an absolute loser (or really bored) to come here. I'd probley come here, but that isn't much of a surprise. After all, I've been to the Really Really Big Button That Doesn't Do Anything website over 50 times. Pathetic. But, whatever. As long as I'm happy, right. Humor the crazy person, okay? Oh, guess what? According to someone you problem don't know, this is the second most pointless website ever! Next to the Really Big Button, of course. I feel special. Come on everyone, group hug. Okay, now I'm starting to scare myself...I'm gonna quit for today. Seeya. Now I'm back. Is this getting confusing to you? Too bad. Now I want you to go to http://quiz.ravenblack.net/blood.pl?biter=eon" If you do this I'll get points in the game. Come on all you non-existing people! Help me! You know you want to! It's a worthy cause! Honestly, the more time I waste playing the game, the less time I'll work on this site and the less stuff you gotta read. Although why you'd be here if you didn't want to read is beyond me. Maybe you're lost. Okay, if you want to get out, click the little refresh button, okay? Good...what? You say it didn't let you out? Oh, well. You must be caught in a time warp. Keep pressing it. Maybe you'll break free. What's that. The little counter at the bottom keeps going up? Never mind. That's just how many times you have to click before you can leave. Good-bye.

Hey, I'm once again: back. I don't suppose you fell for that little thing about the refresh button. After all, you're a responsible, intelligent person who apparently has a lot of time on your hands. Well, you can't possibly have more time than I do. I mean, after all, I made this site. You're only browsing it. And most people don't even come here. Not even my friends...sniffle The just ignore this poor, pathetic little page. All they do is fill out the TAB form and leave. I think. Maybe they're here right now! HI! HOW ARE YOU DOING? I'M FINE! THANKS FOR COMING! YES, I'M YELLING! Who am I kidding. This page won't get a single hit, unless I bribe people...now that has possibilities. Okay, fill out the TAB form, so I have proof that you bothered to come here and...uh...I'll...uh...send you a sandwich? Please allow 6-8 weeks for delivery. I'm bored. I'm gonna go hug a moose. MOOSE! I love-d you moose! Hey, I'm back again! Yea...waits for applause okay! Now I want all you loyal fans...cricket chirps to go to the link to see what I'm like. I took a whole bunch of personality quizzes and posted them there. I'm an evil villain, kitty and a freakazoid so far. And I only took the quiz once, too. Spooky how accurate they are...anyway, I command you to go! I'm going. I'm back. I'm gonna start counting how many times I say back. Let's see: 1...2...3...4...5! Wow. I must really be desperate for something to do. I now officially have proof that someone has been here! It was one of my friends. Apparently this page really is getting long, because my friend said something to that effect. Maybe. Anyway, moving on! I'm just basically typing nothing. Just like all those reports people have to do. You know? With a specific number of words. They start out with half that number, and then just fill in words until they have the right amount. I salute those people. You're great tradition is being carried out here, on the second most pointless site ever! Well. Maybe eventually some weird, bored person will wander onto my site on accident and be mildly entertained be my site until they wander onto a live video feed of a coffee maker. Or maybe not. I only know that I'm entertaining me, which was my original goal. So. I've done what I've set out to accomplish. Yea, me! I'm so special. You see, most people, they don't like reading or writing. So if you're not most people, you've made it down this far without skipping, skimming or getting the spark notes version. (Which I think does not exist) My point is, if you've bothered to read this, then, (like me) you probley have also read the ketchup bottle so many times that you have it down verbatim. Look verbatim up. It's a word. But, you should know that, since you like reading. Or maybe you're just skimming. Anyway, there's nothing wrong with reading food labels. You might be asked a question about them on a quiz show. And now, for the million-dollar question: How many calories are there in a single serving of Mustard? I can just see it now...It could be called Know-Your-Food. Or You are What you Eat. It'd probley be as popular as those game shows that no one's ever heard of. Speaking of food, what's up with pie? There's strawberry pie, apple, pumpkin and so many others, but there is no grape pie! I know. I'm just as upset about this unfortunate lack of development in the pie division. Think about it. Grapes are used to make jelly, jam, juice and raisins. What makes them undesirable for pie? Would they dry into raisins? Couldn't you just stick some jelly in a piecrust and bake it? It just doesn't make any sense. Another thing that bothers me is organ grinders. You know, the foreign guys with the bellhop hats and the little music thingy and the cute little monkey with the bellhop hat who collects the money? Okay. They're basically begging on the street. How did they ever afford an organ-thingy? Wouldn't it make more sense to get a kazoo, if you're broke? And if they're so poor, what possessed them to buy a monkey? I mean, I don't think I could afford a monkey, and I'm not exactly on the streets. Obviously I at least have a computer...so, back to the organ grinders. I would have sold the monkey and the organ and been able to eat for at least a year. Or, if I was weirder than I am, I could at least kill the monkey with the organ and eat it. Why on earth did they keep the monkey? It must have cost a fortune to feed...not to mention the mess. That's just one of those many facts of life that are better left mysteries. Especially since no one but me would ask the question. I better go. I think I hear a monkey...Okay...now I'm back. That's the sixth time I've said back! I realize that this longest text ever must be very boring and not worth anyone's time. But I'd like to take this time to thank the 2 and 1/2 people in the entire universe who have bothered to read this entire thing. I'm not exactly sure who they are, but: thanks! Right now, my spacebar is malfunctioning...that's not good...I have to press it two or three times just to insert a freaking space. Maybe the evil little faeries with the sharp little teeth have put their evil faerie dust on my computer. Or maybe not. This is too frustrating. Goodbye for now...Now I'm back. And still frustrated. But for a different reason. Today I had the misfortune of playing a Treasure Planet game on neopets.com It was terrible. Apparently the point of the game was to get your character to shout "Whoo-Hoo!" as many times as possible before you splattered your brains on the rocks, all the while listening to a soundtrack that is similar to a dying ceiling fan. Of course, when I started out I accidentally hit the rocks approximately three million times. Halfway though I used my four remaining brain-cells to decide that the game was dumb. So my goal changed from surviving to laughing evilly while my character died. So the game naturally did everything it could to preserve my life. The stupid game is still going on and I refuse to quit because I want my points. My character is actually dodging the stupid rocks better now then when I controlled him. I hate irony. Seeya. Okay. Now I'm back again. Today I added an update page, which is basically a less chaotic, outlined version of this without all the ranting. It's more like techno talk about arrays and how much I suck and whether or not the Braves will win this year. Okay, the whole braves thing is made up. But everything else I've said so far is true. I think. Maybe I should start on a boring disclaimer...Eh-hem. All contents of this site were designed for entertainment purposes only. Any use thereof that is not stated in the above mentioned statement would make the author, hereby referred to as Patron Saint of Paper Clips, very angry. Should you violate the purpose of this site: i.e. become not entertained, the Patron Saint of Paper Clips will be forced to take drastic measures. This is specified in Code: 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook. Ooooo…that’s a great idea! I’m gonna start quoting from the Flaming Chicken Handbook! Code: 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook states that the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (that’s me) is allowed to cause vague, pain like sensations while the offending person (or alien life form, dog, etc.) isn’t paying attention. Now I have a purpose in life! To make up quotes from the non-existent Flaming Chicken Handbook, which I’m sure you have a copy of. No? Too bad. It’s in the mail, I promise! Now I must take my leave…and remember. Cheese is watching. Okay...I'm back...I think that eventually half of this thing will consist of the word back over and over again...that's just weird. Which fits the motif of the rest of the site. There's even a money back guarantee. Isn’t' that nice? See? Now no one can ever say that I don't take care of my viewers. Especially since I don't have viewers. I have readers. Wait...I really don't even know if anyone bothers to read this. Even if I put it in a less chaotic, more user-friendly format people would still ignore this because it involves: reading. Yes. Sad to admit, but the majority of people would rather read the summary at the back of a book rather than the whole book itself. What has the world come to? It's pathetic. Especially since I'm bothering to write all this. It's not fair! Why can't I have more readers?! All the other internet writers have nothing on me, except they're better at advertising, having a central theme/plot and basically more talented. Whereas I'm more into the whole ranting and raving stage right now. Plus, I am horrible at spelling. Which is bad. Thank the powers that be for spell-check. The single greatest invention of the computer gods. I'm getting bored, so I think I'm done for the day. May your day be shiney! I'm back again! And I feel weird! I found at that yet another one of my friends is reading this. Creepy. Just how much time do they have on their hands. Perhaps their just trying to be nice. I can just see it now...an organization devoted not to feeding the hungry, or peace, or love or whatever, but to giving recognition to all those poor, pathetic, unpopular websites. I wonder what it's name would be. Don't Ignore Sites? Would it be called DIS? Isn't that like a slang term for an insult? Would that be considered poetic justice, or just a nice coincidence? And why do I even care? I'll tell you why. Because I have nothing else to do right now. I could be playing neopets, but ever since my bad experience with Treasure Planet, I don't feel like it. Oh, by the way, I noticed that whenever I use spell-check, my stupid computer turns the word probley into to word problem. To prevent this, I did nothing. So, it is now up to you, the imaginary reader, to decide whether I mean probley or problem...it's almost like a game! But without the bad sound track. And I promise not to force you to live when you would rather die. Moving on, I have nothing else to say, but don't feel like quitting just yet. I'm like the little engine that could. Or maybe the Energizer Bunny. I just keep going, and going and going. Or I could be like that annoying guy on T.V. who keeps asking if you can hear him. If my site manages to last a decade, my readers snicker will probley wonder what I'm talking about. My answer is simple. It doesn't matter. I'm just rambling. Which means that it doesn't matter if you understand anything I say. Doesn't that make you feel better? I bet it does. Wow. Look how long this has gotten. I even impress myself. Who would have thought I have this much free time? And I congratulate any reader who has gotten this far. Ooooooo! You must check out the fortunes section of the random stuff page! I've just gotten an idea for some more, original, fortunes...I gotta go!(may the moose be with you) And now I am back. I swear. If iI fill out the fake tab form I'm gonna have to put back as my favorite word...I already have filled it out, though. Would it be cheating to fill it out again? Only if I had multiple personalities. Or would it be cheating if I didn't have multiple personalities? The world may never know. Just like how many licks it takes to get to the bottom of a tootsie pop. Would it vary? The number of licks, I mean. Someone could have super-disolving spit, or watery-spit. Or what if you took big ol' slobbery licks? Does the commercial take that into account? No. It doesn't. And let me tell you, it's an outrage. It deludes all of American's sweet, innocent, candy-loving children into thinking that a cartoon owl is smarter than they are! "Mr. Owl, can you tell us how many licks does it take to get to the bottom of a tootsie pop?" Or whatever. And "Mr. Owl" replies "One...Twoo...Three! Chomp" And he bites it. That teaches our youth that it's okay to agree to help someone, and then ruin their experiment. Well...it's not. I am going to start a protest group. Teens Against Cartoon Owls. We could call ourselves TACO! I love the little tacos, I love them good! That is a direct quote from GIR, co-star and comic-relief on INVADER ZIM. Hmmmm...intersting. I put hyphens in both of his titles...it must be a conspiracy! I gotta go. Those TACO buttons don't make themselves, you know. I'm back again. And not so cheesed off about the whole tootsie roll pop thing. Right now, I have another twenty minutes on the Internet before I'm gonna watch T.V. And I can't think of anything else to do. So, predictably, here I am. It's not like I have anything better to do. Obviously, you know this. After all, look how long this text is. I wonder if I've made the world record? If I did, would I stop this? Why bother asking? I'll will most likely still be adding to this on my death bed. Hmmmmm...has any old, senile person ever written anything? Was it coherent? Did it make more sense that this text? Is it possible to make less sense? Am I enjoying asking retorical questions? Yes. Yes, I am. But I seriously wonder what something written by a senile person would be like. I've heard of poems and stuff written by people who were high, insane or paranoid. But never senile. Can a senile person write? Aren't they regressed to a child-like state? Does it even matter? Is anyone even reading this? Did I resume asking retorical questions? Do you care? Is this eating up time? I feel like I'm playing questions only on whose line is it anway. I probley should have capitalized something, or underlined but I'm feeling lazy...hey, you try to keep your two and a half readers happy! It's really stressfull. Someday, I'm gonna snap and just delete this entire thing. Gee, I hope not! I worked sorta hard on this. It's great for making random topics weave together to form an overall infrastructure of chaos. That made little sense. That's why it's here, and not some critically acclaimed site. Ooooooooooooo! I'm gonna quote from the FLAMING CHICKENS HANDBOOK again! Yep! I bet you were just breathless in anticipation. Okay. Here goes. Code: 472 of the Flaming Chickens Handbook states that this site in no way aknowledges the existance of other, better sites (hereon reffered to as the Losers) The Losers are a myth. The Patron Saint of Paper Clips (me again!) claims no knowledge as to where that particullary nasty rumor started, but confirms that this is the best site ever. It would be a sin against humanity for a better site to exist. Should you refuse to aknowledge the Patron Saint of Paper Clips as the ruler of the Internet, you will be subjected to punishment as stated in Code 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook (i.e. Experience vague, pain-like sensations when you're not paying attention) This has been a public service announcement. This is a test, I repeat only a test. Had this been an actual emergency, we would have bought up all the can openers and charged 3 cows and a pig for each one. I repeat, lock all you doors and windows, this is it. I repeat, there is nothing to worry about. Everything is fine. The end is not here. I'm going, you're on you're own! Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm back!smiles brightly And apparantly delusional! Anyway, I just finished rereading my longest text ever. And I became inspired to talk about nothing. You see, I periodically read the longest text ever to check the constant downward spiral of my sanity. Hmmm...I seem to be entertaining myself though, even while reading what I wrote. Which is why I still go to the Really Really Big Button That Doesn't Do Anything website. Because I am easily amused and have lots and lots of time on my hands. Maybe, some day far in the future (like next Thursday) I'll print a copy of this insane text. And then go door to door distributing it. Eventually, this would become a monthly tradition. Whole families would gather around their front door, in breathless anticipation while they attempted to barracade me out. I can just see the whole community rising to thwart my attempts to spread love, joy and insane chaos. I probley wouldn't actually print this out (think how much paper it would take!) but if I do, only friends and enemies will receive copies. Hmmmm...maybe my condition is worsening. Or not. I'm still peeved about the cartoon owl from the Tootsie Roll Pop commercials. He is pure evil. TACO will eventually destroy him. Unless he has already been destroyed by an even more radical Anti-Cartoon-Owl group. I hope not. Or, would that be good? I suppose I could let someone else have the glory. After all, I'm not in this line of buisness for the fame, fortune and power. What line of buisness, do you ask? Why, the assasinating annoying cartoon characters buisness. (Actually I just question them untill they spontaneously combust, I ask lots of questions) So, in conclusion, ladies and gentleman of the jury(that's you) I could not have possibly tortured "Mr. Owl" to death. I love owls. Hmm...I seem to be jumping from one subject to another more frequently. Either I am growing more comfortable with my on-line writing, or I am progressivly getting more insane and chaotic. I also am psyco-analyzing myself a lot today...hmmmm...I'm even saying "hmmmmm..." a lot. Just like a real psychologist. Hmmmmmmm. Time for another boring disclaimer!!!!!!! Code: 742 of the Flaming Chickens Handbook states that in no part does the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (That's still me!) actually claim to be mentally ill. That's either a) a publicity stunt b) An attempt at humor c) a cry for help or d) none of the above You can e-mail your responses by conducting a scavenger hunt of this site. Some of the pages of this site contain a link encouging the two and a half people to e-mail the Patron Saint of Paper Clips. There may also be evil little links that are designed to confuse you. These links send stuff to someone named johnjones333@hotmail.com The Patron Saint of Paper Clips does not know who this individual is, but sincerly wishes that you send all your hate mail to him. Not that the aformentioned individual claims to have received hate mail (or mail of any kind) via a website link. Thank-you for your time. Remember to send your answers to my sanity quiz to the e-mail account, flamingchickens333@hotmail.com Oh, and once I refer to myself in the first person again, the handbook quote is over. I just thought that I might like to mention that. Oh. You're still here. I figured you rush right on over to e-mail me. Perhaps you don't have time to waste e-mailing me. HA! HA! HA! That's funny!!!! If you you don't have time to waste, what are you doing here?!!! Oh, who am I kidding. I figure that even the people I manage to lure onto my site from neopets don't even bother to come to this particular page. Maybe I should make the link come here directly...Hey! What a good idea! That way I can spread my love, joy and insane chaos to more people! I'm a genius. Gotta go, must lure innocent victems to the second most pointless site ever!!!! I'm back. And really angry, and confused. I've always known that I was weird, that's always been a given. But now I realize that I am considerably more normal than the rest of my family. Today we had a "family outing." Now, most families will go bowling, or putt-putt golfing. They may go to a resteraunt with an arcarde, or the movies or to a theme park. Not my family! No, we got the greatest family outing of all. We got to go to a bar and play pool!!!!!waits for readers to become insanely jealous Yep, that's right, a bar with a pool table! Not only did we get world class cuisine (under-cooked hotdogs and over-cooked hamburgers), my little sister (age 10) got taught pool by someone I strongly supect is an ex-convict! Naturally when it was announced that we'd be eating dinner in this place, I could hardly contain my excitment(I glared at my mother and asked why we couldn't go to Pizza Hut) When we arrived, we were promptly served (after thirty minutes) In the meantime, we played a family game of pool(my parents played while my brother and sister and I watched) After two rousing rounds, our food came. The food was superb, (our food came the exact opposite of how we ordered it, and half of the onion rings were missing) Then we joyfully returned to our game(my sister and the ex-con played my mom) We spent hours there (from 5p.m.-7:15p.m.) There were many people that were the same age as me and my siblings (no one in the room but us were under 30) Us kids had to be dragged kicking and screaming from the bar ( I almost fell asleep during the last game I watched) As we left, there was a feeling of goodwill and fellowship between all(my sister locked me out of the car and wouldn't let me in untill I started yelling profanity in her general direction) The high point of the entire night was when my mother gave me $21 for my report card. She promptly borrowed $1 to help with the waitresses tip(This part I'm not being sarcastic about) All in all it was a night I'll remember forever (as the lowest point in "family outing"history, except for that time my mom dragged me to a church thing on the concept of truth.) My brother(age 13) even decided upon a new job he wants when he's old enough to work, a busboy at the bar. We had to tell him that he would probley have to wait untill he was 21.(Absolutly nothing about that statement was sarcastic) As you can see, I love my families outings(Not unless you're blind...or stupid) Hello, everyone! This is one of the weirdest sites: or your money back! We have ZIM, neopets, music, and much, much, more. E-mail us for questions, comments, complaints and information. Why not click on the Very Weird Stuff link to see more, or click on the music link? We have halloween and christmas pictures on the NeoPics link. Cheese is not a wild thing!!!!!!!!! Now I have decided to go for a world record. I will try to make the longest web page ever, made completely out of text! Won't that be fun? I will just type, and type, and never, ever use copy and paste. Wow...I really must be bored. Just goes to show what boredom can do to you. Any way, that's it for now. Wait, no it isn't, I still have to keep going, and going, and going. Because I do. THE REST OF THE STUFF I TYPE WILL BE COMPLETLY IN CAPS JUST BECAUSE I CAN. THAT IS ALL. SEEYA! Hi, I'm back. So far this is nowhere near the world record. I think. I don't exactly know where it is...oh, well. I'll just have to do the very best that I can. No one is really coming here, anyway. So it doesn't matter. By the way, TAB is a worthwhile, community-service organization. The form link is to a 100% fake TAB registration form that you can fill out just for laughs. I can't believe I'm bothering to do this. I have very low expectations of my site. None ever comes here, I could do this all day long and I still wouldn't have any more hits. This is just a pointless excursive in spelling errors and grammatical imprecision. May your day be shiney! The following is an extremely weird poem-thingy that I wrote when I was in a relatively weird mood:
never mind that noise my dear can anyone pass the cheese only if you say pretty please oh, boy do I have to sneeze. why must everyone always rhyme, why I’m a poet and don’t I know it? what I fear comes right after here not this life or the next will I ever be able to pass the test? we’re stuck in here, (alone my dear) and we’ll problem never get out so don’t start to shout. it’s dark and I want to go home is where the heart was where is it now? we’ll never know but oh crap it’s starting to snow and it’s time to show and tell about the well that you found last summer at camp when it was damp it was near the ramp oh god why must this be I liked that tree but now it’s gone, farewell so long I’ll miss you as long as you write but then I’m afraid to say good-night. my dear there’s nothing to fear that’s only a box that’s made of blocks next to the wagon that looks like a dragon why are you shaking it’s your fear that is making you shiver and act all a quiver. don’t you know that you only need be afraid of fear and never anything here and certainly not a post that acts like a ghost?
See, very weird. At least it fills up my word quota for the day. Not that I exactly have a word quota for the day. It just sounded very professional to say it. Anyway, I still don't think that anyone is actually coming here. You'd have to be an absolute loser (or really bored) to come here. I'd probley come here, but that isn't much of a surprise. After all, I've been to the Really Really Big Button That Doesn't Do Anything website over 50 times. Pathetic. But, whatever. As long as I'm happy, right. Humor the crazy person, okay? Oh, guess what? According to someone you problem don't know, this is the second most pointless website ever! Next to the Really Big Button, of course. I feel special. Come on everyone, group hug. Okay, now I'm starting to scare myself...I'm gonna quit for today. Seeya. Now I'm back. Is this getting confusing to you? Too bad. Now I want you to go to http://quiz.ravenblack.net/blood.pl?biter=eon" If you do this I'll get points in the game. Come on all you non-existing people! Help me! You know you want to! It's a worthy cause! Honestly, the more time I waste playing the game, the less time I'll work on this site and the less stuff you gotta read. Although why you'd be here if you didn't want to read is beyond me. Maybe you're lost. Okay, if you want to get out, click the little refresh button, okay? Good...what? You say it didn't let you out? Oh, well. You must be caught in a time warp. Keep pressing it. Maybe you'll break free. What's that. The little counter at the bottom keeps going up? Never mind. That's just how many times you have to click before you can leave. Good-bye.

Hey, I'm once again: back. I don't suppose you fell for that little thing about the refresh button. After all, you're a responsible, intelligent person who apparently has a lot of time on your hands. Well, you can't possibly have more time than I do. I mean, after all, I made this site. You're only browsing it. And most people don't even come here. Not even my friends...sniffle The just ignore this poor, pathetic little page. All they do is fill out the TAB form and leave. I think. Maybe they're here right now! HI! HOW ARE YOU DOING? I'M FINE! THANKS FOR COMING! YES, I'M YELLING! Who am I kidding. This page won't get a single hit, unless I bribe people...now that has possibilities. Okay, fill out the TAB form, so I have proof that you bothered to come here and...uh...I'll...uh...send you a sandwich? Please allow 6-8 weeks for delivery. I'm bored. I'm gonna go hug a moose. MOOSE! I love-d you moose! Hey, I'm back again! Yea...waits for applause okay! Now I want all you loyal fans...cricket chirps to go to the link to see what I'm like. I took a whole bunch of personality quizzes and posted them there. I'm an evil villain, kitty and a freakazoid so far. And I only took the quiz once, too. Spooky how accurate they are...anyway, I command you to go! I'm going. I'm back. I'm gonna start counting how many times I say back. Let's see: 1...2...3...4...5! Wow. I must really be desperate for something to do. I now officially have proof that someone has been here! It was one of my friends. Apparently this page really is getting long, because my friend said something to that effect. Maybe. Anyway, moving on! I'm just basically typing nothing. Just like all those reports people have to do. You know? With a specific number of words. They start out with half that number, and then just fill in words until they have the right amount. I salute those people. You're great tradition is being carried out here, on the second most pointless site ever! Well. Maybe eventually some weird, bored person will wander onto my site on accident and be mildly entertained be my site until they wander onto a live video feed of a coffee maker. Or maybe not. I only know that I'm entertaining me, which was my original goal. So. I've done what I've set out to accomplish. Yea, me! I'm so special. You see, most people, they don't like reading or writing. So if you're not most people, you've made it down this far without skipping, skimming or getting the spark notes version. (Which I think does not exist) My point is, if you've bothered to read this, then, (like me) you probley have also read the ketchup bottle so many times that you have it down verbatim. Look verbatim up. It's a word. But, you should know that, since you like reading. Or maybe you're just skimming. Anyway, there's nothing wrong with reading food labels. You might be asked a question about them on a quiz show. And now, for the million-dollar question: How many calories are there in a single serving of Mustard? I can just see it now...It could be called Know-Your-Food. Or You are What you Eat. It'd probley be as popular as those game shows that no one's ever heard of. Speaking of food, what's up with pie? There's strawberry pie, apple, pumpkin and so many others, but there is no grape pie! I know. I'm just as upset about this unfortunate lack of development in the pie division. Think about it. Grapes are used to make jelly, jam, juice and raisins. What makes them undesirable for pie? Would they dry into raisins? Couldn't you just stick some jelly in a piecrust and bake it? It just doesn't make any sense. Another thing that bothers me is organ grinders. You know, the foreign guys with the bellhop hats and the little music thingy and the cute little monkey with the bellhop hat who collects the money? Okay. They're basically begging on the street. How did they ever afford an organ-thingy? Wouldn't it make more sense to get a kazoo, if you're broke? And if they're so poor, what possessed them to buy a monkey? I mean, I don't think I could afford a monkey, and I'm not exactly on the streets. Obviously I at least have a computer...so, back to the organ grinders. I would have sold the monkey and the organ and been able to eat for at least a year. Or, if I was weirder than I am, I could at least kill the monkey with the organ and eat it. Why on earth did they keep the monkey? It must have cost a fortune to feed...not to mention the mess. That's just one of those many facts of life that are better left mysteries. Especially since no one but me would ask the question. I better go. I think I hear a monkey...Okay...now I'm back. That's the sixth time I've said back! I realize that this longest text ever must be very boring and not worth anyone's time. But I'd like to take this time to thank the 2 and 1/2 people in the entire universe who have bothered to read this entire thing. I'm not exactly sure who they are, but: thanks! Right now, my spacebar is malfunctioning...that's not good...I have to press it two or three times just to insert a freaking space. Maybe the evil little faeries with the sharp little teeth have put their evil faerie dust on my computer. Or maybe not. This is too frustrating. Goodbye for now...Now I'm back. And still frustrated. But for a different reason. Today I had the misfortune of playing a Treasure Planet game on neopets.com It was terrible. Apparently the point of the game was to get your character to shout "Whoo-Hoo!" as many times as possible before you splattered your brains on the rocks, all the while listening to a soundtrack that is similar to a dying ceiling fan. Of course, when I started out I accidentally hit the rocks approximately three million times. Halfway though I used my four remaining brain-cells to decide that the game was dumb. So my goal changed from surviving to laughing evilly while my character died. So the game naturally did everything it could to preserve my life. The stupid game is still going on and I refuse to quit because I want my points. My character is actually dodging the stupid rocks better now then when I controlled him. I hate irony. Seeya. Okay. Now I'm back again. Today I added an update page, which is basically a less chaotic, outlined version of this without all the ranting. It's more like techno talk about arrays and how much I suck and whether or not the Braves will win this year. Okay, the whole braves thing is made up. But everything else I've said so far is true. I think. Maybe I should start on a boring disclaimer...Eh-hem. All contents of this site were designed for entertainment purposes only. Any use thereof that is not stated in the above mentioned statement would make the author, hereby referred to as Patron Saint of Paper Clips, very angry. Should you violate the purpose of this site: i.e. become not entertained, the Patron Saint of Paper Clips will be forced to take drastic measures. This is specified in Code: 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook. Ooooo…that’s a great idea! I’m gonna start quoting from the Flaming Chicken Handbook! Code: 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook states that the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (that’s me) is allowed to cause vague, pain like sensations while the offending person (or alien life form, dog, etc.) isn’t paying attention. Now I have a purpose in life! To make up quotes from the non-existent Flaming Chicken Handbook, which I’m sure you have a copy of. No? Too bad. It’s in the mail, I promise! Now I must take my leave…and remember. Cheese is watching. Okay...I'm back...I think that eventually half of this thing will consist of the word back over and over again...that's just weird. Which fits the motif of the rest of the site. There's even a money back guarantee. Isn’t' that nice? See? Now no one can ever say that I don't take care of my viewers. Especially since I don't have viewers. I have readers. Wait...I really don't even know if anyone bothers to read this. Even if I put it in a less chaotic, more user-friendly format people would still ignore this because it involves: reading. Yes. Sad to admit, but the majority of people would rather read the summary at the back of a book rather than the whole book itself. What has the world come to? It's pathetic. Especially since I'm bothering to write all this. It's not fair! Why can't I have more readers?! All the other internet writers have nothing on me, except they're better at advertising, having a central theme/plot and basically more talented. Whereas I'm more into the whole ranting and raving stage right now. Plus, I am horrible at spelling. Which is bad. Thank the powers that be for spell-check. The single greatest invention of the computer gods. I'm getting bored, so I think I'm done for the day. May your day be shiney! I'm back again! And I feel weird! I found at that yet another one of my friends is reading this. Creepy. Just how much time do they have on their hands. Perhaps their just trying to be nice. I can just see it now...an organization devoted not to feeding the hungry, or peace, or love or whatever, but to giving recognition to all those poor, pathetic, unpopular websites. I wonder what it's name would be. Don't Ignore Sites? Would it be called DIS? Isn't that like a slang term for an insult? Would that be considered poetic justice, or just a nice coincidence? And why do I even care? I'll tell you why. Because I have nothing else to do right now. I could be playing neopets, but ever since my bad experience with Treasure Planet, I don't feel like it. Oh, by the way, I noticed that whenever I use spell-check, my stupid computer turns the word probley into to word problem. To prevent this, I did nothing. So, it is now up to you, the imaginary reader, to decide whether I mean probley or problem...it's almost like a game! But without the bad sound track. And I promise not to force you to live when you would rather die. Moving on, I have nothing else to say, but don't feel like quitting just yet. I'm like the little engine that could. Or maybe the Energizer Bunny. I just keep going, and going and going. Or I could be like that annoying guy on T.V. who keeps asking if you can hear him. If my site manages to last a decade, my readers snicker will probley wonder what I'm talking about. My answer is simple. It doesn't matter. I'm just rambling. Which means that it doesn't matter if you understand anything I say. Doesn't that make you feel better? I bet it does. Wow. Look how long this has gotten. I even impress myself. Who would have thought I have this much free time? And I congratulate any reader who has gotten this far. Ooooooo! You must check out the fortunes section of the random stuff page! I've just gotten an idea for some more, original, fortunes...I gotta go!(may the moose be with you) And now I am back. I swear. If iI fill out the fake tab form I'm gonna have to put back as my favorite word...I already have filled it out, though. Would it be cheating to fill it out again? Only if I had multiple personalities. Or would it be cheating if I didn't have multiple personalities? The world may never know. Just like how many licks it takes to get to the bottom of a tootsie pop. Would it vary? The number of licks, I mean. Someone could have super-disolving spit, or watery-spit. Or what if you took big ol' slobbery licks? Does the commercial take that into account? No. It doesn't. And let me tell you, it's an outrage. It deludes all of American's sweet, innocent, candy-loving children into thinking that a cartoon owl is smarter than they are! "Mr. Owl, can you tell us how many licks does it take to get to the bottom of a tootsie pop?" Or whatever. And "Mr. Owl" replies "One...Twoo...Three! Chomp" And he bites it. That teaches our youth that it's okay to agree to help someone, and then ruin their experiment. Well...it's not. I am going to start a protest group. Teens Against Cartoon Owls. We could call ourselves TACO! I love the little tacos, I love them good! That is a direct quote from GIR, co-star and comic-relief on INVADER ZIM. Hmmmm...intersting. I put hyphens in both of his titles...it must be a conspiracy! I gotta go. Those TACO buttons don't make themselves, you know. I'm back again. And not so cheesed off about the whole tootsie roll pop thing. Right now, I have another twenty minutes on the Internet before I'm gonna watch T.V. And I can't think of anything else to do. So, predictably, here I am. It's not like I have anything better to do. Obviously, you know this. After all, look how long this text is. I wonder if I've made the world record? If I did, would I stop this? Why bother asking? I'll will most likely still be adding to this on my death bed. Hmmmmm...has any old, senile person ever written anything? Was it coherent? Did it make more sense that this text? Is it possible to make less sense? Am I enjoying asking retorical questions? Yes. Yes, I am. But I seriously wonder what something written by a senile person would be like. I've heard of poems and stuff written by people who were high, insane or paranoid. But never senile. Can a senile person write? Aren't they regressed to a child-like state? Does it even matter? Is anyone even reading this? Did I resume asking retorical questions? Do you care? Is this eating up time? I feel like I'm playing questions only on whose line is it anway. I probley should have capitalized something, or underlined but I'm feeling lazy...hey, you try to keep your two and a half readers happy! It's really stressfull. Someday, I'm gonna snap and just delete this entire thing. Gee, I hope not! I worked sorta hard on this. It's great for making random topics weave together to form an overall infrastructure of chaos. That made little sense. That's why it's here, and not some critically acclaimed site. Ooooooooooooo! I'm gonna quote from the FLAMING CHICKENS HANDBOOK again! Yep! I bet you were just breathless in anticipation. Okay. Here goes. Code: 472 of the Flaming Chickens Handbook states that this site in no way aknowledges the existance of other, better sites (hereon reffered to as the Losers) The Losers are a myth. The Patron Saint of Paper Clips (me again!) claims no knowledge as to where that particullary nasty rumor started, but confirms that this is the best site ever. It would be a sin against humanity for a better site to exist. Should you refuse to aknowledge the Patron Saint of Paper Clips as the ruler of the Internet, you will be subjected to punishment as stated in Code 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook (i.e. Experience vague, pain-like sensations when you're not paying attention) This has been a public service announcement. This is a test, I repeat only a test. Had this been an actual emergency, we would have bought up all the can openers and charged 3 cows and a pig for each one. I repeat, lock all you doors and windows, this is it. I repeat, there is nothing to worry about. Everything is fine. The end is not here. I'm going, you're on you're own! Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm back!smiles brightly And apparantly delusional! Anyway, I just finished rereading my longest text ever. And I became inspired to talk about nothing. You see, I periodically read the longest text ever to check the constant downward spiral of my sanity. Hmmm...I seem to be entertaining myself though, even while reading what I wrote. Which is why I still go to the Really Really Big Button That Doesn't Do Anything website. Because I am easily amused and have lots and lots of time on my hands. Maybe, some day far in the future (like next Thursday) I'll print a copy of this insane text. And then go door to door distributing it. Eventually, this would become a monthly tradition. Whole families would gather around their front door, in breathless anticipation while they attempted to barracade me out. I can just see the whole community rising to thwart my attempts to spread love, joy and insane chaos. I probley wouldn't actually print this out (think how much paper it would take!) but if I do, only friends and enemies will receive copies. Hmmmm...maybe my condition is worsening. Or not. I'm still peeved about the cartoon owl from the Tootsie Roll Pop commercials. He is pure evil. TACO will eventually destroy him. Unless he has already been destroyed by an even more radical Anti-Cartoon-Owl group. I hope not. Or, would that be good? I suppose I could let someone else have the glory. After all, I'm not in this line of buisness for the fame, fortune and power. What line of buisness, do you ask? Why, the assasinating annoying cartoon characters buisness. (Actually I just question them untill they spontaneously combust, I ask lots of questions) So, in conclusion, ladies and gentleman of the jury(that's you) I could not have possibly tortured "Mr. Owl" to death. I love owls. Hmm...I seem to be jumping from one subject to another more frequently. Either I am growing more comfortable with my on-line writing, or I am progressivly getting more insane and chaotic. I also am psyco-analyzing myself a lot today...hmmmm...I'm even saying "hmmmmm..." a lot. Just like a real psychologist. Hmmmmmmm. Time for another boring disclaimer!!!!!!! Code: 742 of the Flaming Chickens Handbook states that in no part does the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (That's still me!) actually claim to be mentally ill. That's either a) a publicity stunt b) An attempt at humor c) a cry for help or d) none of the above You can e-mail your responses by conducting a scavenger hunt of this site. Some of the pages of this site contain a link encouging the two and a half people to e-mail the Patron Saint of Paper Clips. There may also be evil little links that are designed to confuse you. These links send stuff to someone named johnjones333@hotmail.com The Patron Saint of Paper Clips does not know who this individual is, but sincerly wishes that you send all your hate mail to him. Not that the aformentioned individual claims to have received hate mail (or mail of any kind) via a website link. Thank-you for your time. Remember to send your answers to my sanity quiz to the e-mail account, flamingchickens333@hotmail.com Oh, and once I refer to myself in the first person again, the handbook quote is over. I just thought that I might like to mention that. Oh. You're still here. I figured you rush right on over to e-mail me. Perhaps you don't have time to waste e-mailing me. HA! HA! HA! That's funny!!!! If you you don't have time to waste, what are you doing here?!!! Oh, who am I kidding. I figure that even the people I manage to lure onto my site from neopets don't even bother to come to this particular page. Maybe I should make the link come here directly...Hey! What a good idea! That way I can spread my love, joy and insane chaos to more people! I'm a genius. Gotta go, must lure innocent victems to the second most pointless site ever!!!! I'm back. And really angry, and confused. I've always known that I was weird, that's always been a given. But now I realize that I am considerably more normal than the rest of my family. Today we had a "family outing." Now, most families will go bowling, or putt-putt golfing. They may go to a resteraunt with an arcarde, or the movies or to a theme park. Not my family! No, we got the greatest family outing of all. We got to go to a bar and play pool!!!!!waits for readers to become insanely jealous Yep, that's right, a bar with a pool table! Not only did we get world class cuisine (under-cooked hotdogs and over-cooked hamburgers), my little sister (age 10) got taught pool by someone I strongly supect is an ex-convict! Naturally when it was announced that we'd be eating dinner in this place, I could hardly contain my excitment(I glared at my mother and asked why we couldn't go to Pizza Hut) When we arrived, we were promptly served (after thirty minutes) In the meantime, we played a family game of pool(my parents played while my brother and sister and I watched) After two rousing rounds, our food came. The food was superb, (our food came the exact opposite of how we ordered it, and half of the onion rings were missing) Then we joyfully returned to our game(my sister and the ex-con played my mom) We spent hours there (from 5p.m.-7:15p.m.) There were many people that were the same age as me and my siblings (no one in the room but us were under 30) Us kids had to be dragged kicking and screaming from the bar ( I almost fell asleep during the last game I watched) As we left, there was a feeling of goodwill and fellowship between all(my sister locked me out of the car and wouldn't let me in untill I started yelling profanity in her general direction) The high point of the entire night was when my mother gave me $21 for my report card. She promptly borrowed $1 to help with the waitresses tip(This part I'm not being sarcastic about) All in all it was a night I'll remember forever (as the lowest point in "family outing"history, except for that time my mom dragged me to a church thing on the concept of truth.) My brother(age 13) even decided upon a new job he wants when he's old enough to work, a busboy at the bar. We had to tell him that he would probley have to wait untill he was 21.(Absolutly nothing about that statement was sarcastic) As you can see, I love my families outings(Not unless you're blind...or stupid) llo, everyone! This is one of the weirdest sites: or your money back! We have ZIM, neopets, music, and much, much, more. E-mail us for questions, comments, complaints and information. Why not click on the Very Weird Stuff link to see more, or click on the music link? We have halloween and christmas pictures on the NeoPics link. Cheese is not a wild thing!!!!!!!!! Now I have decided to go for a world record. I will try to make the longest web page ever, made completely out of text! Won't that be fun? I will just type, and type, and never, ever use copy and paste. Wow...I really must be bored. Just goes to show what boredom can do to you. Any way, that's it for now. Wait, no it isn't, I still have to keep going, and going, and going. Because I do. THE REST OF THE STUFF I TYPE WILL BE COMPLETLY IN CAPS JUST BECAUSE I CAN. THAT IS ALL. SEEYA! Hi, I'm back. So far this is nowhere near the world record. I think. I don't exactly know where it is...oh, well. I'll just have to do the very best that I can. No one is really coming here, anyway. So it doesn't matter. By the way, TAB is a worthwhile, community-service organization. The form link is to a 100% fake TAB registration form that you can fill out just for laughs. I can't believe I'm bothering to do this. I have very low expectations of my site. None ever comes here, I could do this all day long and I still wouldn't have any more hits. This is just a pointless excursive in spelling errors and grammatical imprecision. May your day be shiney! The following is an extremely weird poem-thingy that I wrote when I was in a relatively weird mood:
never mind that noise my dear can anyone pass the cheese only if you say pretty please oh, boy do I have to sneeze. why must everyone always rhyme, why I’m a poet and don’t I know it? what I fear comes right after here not this life or the next will I ever be able to pass the test? we’re stuck in here, (alone my dear) and we’ll problem never get out so don’t start to shout. it’s dark and I want to go home is where the heart was where is it now? we’ll never know but oh crap it’s starting to snow and it’s time to show and tell about the well that you found last summer at camp when it was damp it was near the ramp oh god why must this be I liked that tree but now it’s gone, farewell so long I’ll miss you as long as you write but then I’m afraid to say good-night. my dear there’s nothing to fear that’s only a box that’s made of blocks next to the wagon that looks like a dragon why are you shaking it’s your fear that is making you shiver and act all a quiver. don’t you know that you only need be afraid of fear and never anything here and certainly not a post that acts like a ghost?
See, very weird. At least it fills up my word quota for the day. Not that I exactly have a word quota for the day. It just sounded very professional to say it. Anyway, I still don't think that anyone is actually coming here. You'd have to be an absolute loser (or really bored) to come here. I'd probley come here, but that isn't much of a surprise. After all, I've been to the Really Really Big Button That Doesn't Do Anything website over 50 times. Pathetic. But, whatever. As long as I'm happy, right. Humor the crazy person, okay? Oh, guess what? According to someone you problem don't know, this is the second most pointless website ever! Next to the Really Big Button, of course. I feel special. Come on everyone, group hug. Okay, now I'm starting to scare myself...I'm gonna quit for today. Seeya. Now I'm back. Is this getting confusing to you? Too bad. Now I want you to go to http://quiz.ravenblack.net/blood.pl?biter=eon" If you do this I'll get points in the game. Come on all you non-existing people! Help me! You know you want to! It's a worthy cause! Honestly, the more time I waste playing the game, the less time I'll work on this site and the less stuff you gotta read. Although why you'd be here if you didn't want to read is beyond me. Maybe you're lost. Okay, if you want to get out, click the little refresh button, okay? Good...what? You say it didn't let you out? Oh, well. You must be caught in a time warp. Keep pressing it. Maybe you'll break free. What's that. The little counter at the bottom keeps going up? Never mind. That's just how many times you have to click before you can leave. Good-bye.

Hey, I'm once again: back. I don't suppose you fell for that little thing about the refresh button. After all, you're a responsible, intelligent person who apparently has a lot of time on your hands. Well, you can't possibly have more time than I do. I mean, after all, I made this site. You're only browsing it. And most people don't even come here. Not even my friends...sniffle The just ignore this poor, pathetic little page. All they do is fill out the TAB form and leave. I think. Maybe they're here right now! HI! HOW ARE YOU DOING? I'M FINE! THANKS FOR COMING! YES, I'M YELLING! Who am I kidding. This page won't get a single hit, unless I bribe people...now that has possibilities. Okay, fill out the TAB form, so I have proof that you bothered to come here and...uh...I'll...uh...send you a sandwich? Please allow 6-8 weeks for delivery. I'm bored. I'm gonna go hug a moose. MOOSE! I love-d you moose! Hey, I'm back again! Yea...waits for applause okay! Now I want all you loyal fans...cricket chirps to go to the link to see what I'm like. I took a whole bunch of personality quizzes and posted them there. I'm an evil villain, kitty and a freakazoid so far. And I only took the quiz once, too. Spooky how accurate they are...anyway, I command you to go! I'm going. I'm back. I'm gonna start counting how many times I say back. Let's see: 1...2...3...4...5! Wow. I must really be desperate for something to do. I now officially have proof that someone has been here! It was one of my friends. Apparently this page really is getting long, because my friend said something to that effect. Maybe. Anyway, moving on! I'm just basically typing nothing. Just like all those reports people have to do. You know? With a specific number of words. They start out with half that number, and then just fill in words until they have the right amount. I salute those people. You're great tradition is being carried out here, on the second most pointless site ever! Well. Maybe eventually some weird, bored person will wander onto my site on accident and be mildly entertained be my site until they wander onto a live video feed of a coffee maker. Or maybe not. I only know that I'm entertaining me, which was my original goal. So. I've done what I've set out to accomplish. Yea, me! I'm so special. You see, most people, they don't like reading or writing. So if you're not most people, you've made it down this far without skipping, skimming or getting the spark notes version. (Which I think does not exist) My point is, if you've bothered to read this, then, (like me) you probley have also read the ketchup bottle so many times that you have it down verbatim. Look verbatim up. It's a word. But, you should know that, since you like reading. Or maybe you're just skimming. Anyway, there's nothing wrong with reading food labels. You might be asked a question about them on a quiz show. And now, for the million-dollar question: How many calories are there in a single serving of Mustard? I can just see it now...It could be called Know-Your-Food. Or You are What you Eat. It'd probley be as popular as those game shows that no one's ever heard of. Speaking of food, what's up with pie? There's strawberry pie, apple, pumpkin and so many others, but there is no grape pie! I know. I'm just as upset about this unfortunate lack of development in the pie division. Think about it. Grapes are used to make jelly, jam, juice and raisins. What makes them undesirable for pie? Would they dry into raisins? Couldn't you just stick some jelly in a piecrust and bake it? It just doesn't make any sense. Another thing that bothers me is organ grinders. You know, the foreign guys with the bellhop hats and the little music thingy and the cute little monkey with the bellhop hat who collects the money? Okay. They're basically begging on the street. How did they ever afford an organ-thingy? Wouldn't it make more sense to get a kazoo, if you're broke? And if they're so poor, what possessed them to buy a monkey? I mean, I don't think I could afford a monkey, and I'm not exactly on the streets. Obviously I at least have a computer...so, back to the organ grinders. I would have sold the monkey and the organ and been able to eat for at least a year. Or, if I was weirder than I am, I could at least kill the monkey with the organ and eat it. Why on earth did they keep the monkey? It must have cost a fortune to feed...not to mention the mess. That's just one of those many facts of life that are better left mysteries. Especially since no one but me would ask the question. I better go. I think I hear a monkey...Okay...now I'm back. That's the sixth time I've said back! I realize that this longest text ever must be very boring and not worth anyone's time. But I'd like to take this time to thank the 2 and 1/2 people in the entire universe who have bothered to read this entire thing. I'm not exactly sure who they are, but: thanks! Right now, my spacebar is malfunctioning...that's not good...I have to press it two or three times just to insert a freaking space. Maybe the evil little faeries with the sharp little teeth have put their evil faerie dust on my computer. Or maybe not. This is too frustrating. Goodbye for now...Now I'm back. And still frustrated. But for a different reason. Today I had the misfortune of playing a Treasure Planet game on neopets.com It was terrible. Apparently the point of the game was to get your character to shout "Whoo-Hoo!" as many times as possible before you splattered your brains on the rocks, all the while listening to a soundtrack that is similar to a dying ceiling fan. Of course, when I started out I accidentally hit the rocks approximately three million times. Halfway though I used my four remaining brain-cells to decide that the game was dumb. So my goal changed from surviving to laughing evilly while my character died. So the game naturally did everything it could to preserve my life. The stupid game is still going on and I refuse to quit because I want my points. My character is actually dodging the stupid rocks better now then when I controlled him. I hate irony. Seeya. Okay. Now I'm back again. Today I added an update page, which is basically a less chaotic, outlined version of this without all the ranting. It's more like techno talk about arrays and how much I suck and whether or not the Braves will win this year. Okay, the whole braves thing is made up. But everything else I've said so far is true. I think. Maybe I should start on a boring disclaimer...Eh-hem. All contents of this site were designed for entertainment purposes only. Any use thereof that is not stated in the above mentioned statement would make the author, hereby referred to as Patron Saint of Paper Clips, very angry. Should you violate the purpose of this site: i.e. become not entertained, the Patron Saint of Paper Clips will be forced to take drastic measures. This is specified in Code: 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook. Ooooo…that’s a great idea! I’m gonna start quoting from the Flaming Chicken Handbook! Code: 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook states that the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (that’s me) is allowed to cause vague, pain like sensations while the offending person (or alien life form, dog, etc.) isn’t paying attention. Now I have a purpose in life! To make up quotes from the non-existent Flaming Chicken Handbook, which I’m sure you have a copy of. No? Too bad. It’s in the mail, I promise! Now I must take my leave…and remember. Cheese is watching. Okay...I'm back...I think that eventually half of this thing will consist of the word back over and over again...that's just weird. Which fits the motif of the rest of the site. There's even a money back guarantee. Isn’t' that nice? See? Now no one can ever say that I don't take care of my viewers. Especially since I don't have viewers. I have readers. Wait...I really don't even know if anyone bothers to read this. Even if I put it in a less chaotic, more user-friendly format people would still ignore this because it involves: reading. Yes. Sad to admit, but the majority of people would rather read the summary at the back of a book rather than the whole book itself. What has the world come to? It's pathetic. Especially since I'm bothering to write all this. It's not fair! Why can't I have more readers?! All the other internet writers have nothing on me, except they're better at advertising, having a central theme/plot and basically more talented. Whereas I'm more into the whole ranting and raving stage right now. Plus, I am horrible at spelling. Which is bad. Thank the powers that be for spell-check. The single greatest invention of the computer gods. I'm getting bored, so I think I'm done for the day. May your day be shiney! I'm back again! And I feel weird! I found at that yet another one of my friends is reading this. Creepy. Just how much time do they have on their hands. Perhaps their just trying to be nice. I can just see it now...an organization devoted not to feeding the hungry, or peace, or love or whatever, but to giving recognition to all those poor, pathetic, unpopular websites. I wonder what it's name would be. Don't Ignore Sites? Would it be called DIS? Isn't that like a slang term for an insult? Would that be considered poetic justice, or just a nice coincidence? And why do I even care? I'll tell you why. Because I have nothing else to do right now. I could be playing neopets, but ever since my bad experience with Treasure Planet, I don't feel like it. Oh, by the way, I noticed that whenever I use spell-check, my stupid computer turns the word probley into to word problem. To prevent this, I did nothing. So, it is now up to you, the imaginary reader, to decide whether I mean probley or problem...it's almost like a game! But without the bad sound track. And I promise not to force you to live when you would rather die. Moving on, I have nothing else to say, but don't feel like quitting just yet. I'm like the little engine that could. Or maybe the Energizer Bunny. I just keep going, and going and going. Or I could be like that annoying guy on T.V. who keeps asking if you can hear him. If my site manages to last a decade, my readers snicker will probley wonder what I'm talking about. My answer is simple. It doesn't matter. I'm just rambling. Which means that it doesn't matter if you understand anything I say. Doesn't that make you feel better? I bet it does. Wow. Look how long this has gotten. I even impress myself. Who would have thought I have this much free time? And I congratulate any reader who has gotten this far. Ooooooo! You must check out the fortunes section of the random stuff page! I've just gotten an idea for some more, original, fortunes...I gotta go!(may the moose be with you) And now I am back. I swear. If iI fill out the fake tab form I'm gonna have to put back as my favorite word...I already have filled it out, though. Would it be cheating to fill it out again? Only if I had multiple personalities. Or would it be cheating if I didn't have multiple personalities? The world may never know. Just like how many licks it takes to get to the bottom of a tootsie pop. Would it vary? The number of licks, I mean. Someone could have super-disolving spit, or watery-spit. Or what if you took big ol' slobbery licks? Does the commercial take that into account? No. It doesn't. And let me tell you, it's an outrage. It deludes all of American's sweet, innocent, candy-loving children into thinking that a cartoon owl is smarter than they are! "Mr. Owl, can you tell us how many licks does it take to get to the bottom of a tootsie pop?" Or whatever. And "Mr. Owl" replies "One...Twoo...Three! Chomp" And he bites it. That teaches our youth that it's okay to agree to help someone, and then ruin their experiment. Well...it's not. I am going to start a protest group. Teens Against Cartoon Owls. We could call ourselves TACO! I love the little tacos, I love them good! That is a direct quote from GIR, co-star and comic-relief on INVADER ZIM. Hmmmm...intersting. I put hyphens in both of his titles...it must be a conspiracy! I gotta go. Those TACO buttons don't make themselves, you know. I'm back again. And not so cheesed off about the whole tootsie roll pop thing. Right now, I have another twenty minutes on the Internet before I'm gonna watch T.V. And I can't think of anything else to do. So, predictably, here I am. It's not like I have anything better to do. Obviously, you know this. After all, look how long this text is. I wonder if I've made the world record? If I did, would I stop this? Why bother asking? I'll will most likely still be adding to this on my death bed. Hmmmmm...has any old, senile person ever written anything? Was it coherent? Did it make more sense that this text? Is it possible to make less sense? Am I enjoying asking retorical questions? Yes. Yes, I am. But I seriously wonder what something written by a senile person would be like. I've heard of poems and stuff written by people who were high, insane or paranoid. But never senile. Can a senile person write? Aren't they regressed to a child-like state? Does it even matter? Is anyone even reading this? Did I resume asking retorical questions? Do you care? Is this eating up time? I feel like I'm playing questions only on whose line is it anway. I probley should have capitalized something, or underlined but I'm feeling lazy...hey, you try to keep your two and a half readers happy! It's really stressfull. Someday, I'm gonna snap and just delete this entire thing. Gee, I hope not! I worked sorta hard on this. It's great for making random topics weave together to form an overall infrastructure of chaos. That made little sense. That's why it's here, and not some critically acclaimed site. Ooooooooooooo! I'm gonna quote from the FLAMING CHICKENS HANDBOOK again! Yep! I bet you were just breathless in anticipation. Okay. Here goes. Code: 472 of the Flaming Chickens Handbook states that this site in no way aknowledges the existance of other, better sites (hereon reffered to as the Losers) The Losers are a myth. The Patron Saint of Paper Clips (me again!) claims no knowledge as to where that particullary nasty rumor started, but confirms that this is the best site ever. It would be a sin against humanity for a better site to exist. Should you refuse to aknowledge the Patron Saint of Paper Clips as the ruler of the Internet, you will be subjected to punishment as stated in Code 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook (i.e. Experience vague, pain-like sensations when you're not paying attention) This has been a public service announcement. This is a test, I repeat only a test. Had this been an actual emergency, we would have bought up all the can openers and charged 3 cows and a pig for each one. I repeat, lock all you doors and windows, this is it. I repeat, there is nothing to worry about. Everything is fine. The end is not here. I'm going, you're on you're own! Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm back!smiles brightly And apparantly delusional! Anyway, I just finished rereading my longest text ever. And I became inspired to talk about nothing. You see, I periodically read the longest text ever to check the constant downward spiral of my sanity. Hmmm...I seem to be entertaining myself though, even while reading what I wrote. Which is why I still go to the Really Really Big Button That Doesn't Do Anything website. Because I am easily amused and have lots and lots of time on my hands. Maybe, some day far in the future (like next Thursday) I'll print a copy of this insane text. And then go door to door distributing it. Eventually, this would become a monthly tradition. Whole families would gather around their front door, in breathless anticipation while they attempted to barracade me out. I can just see the whole community rising to thwart my attempts to spread love, joy and insane chaos. I probley wouldn't actually print this out (think how much paper it would take!) but if I do, only friends and enemies will receive copies. Hmmmm...maybe my condition is worsening. Or not. I'm still peeved about the cartoon owl from the Tootsie Roll Pop commercials. He is pure evil. TACO will eventually destroy him. Unless he has already been destroyed by an even more radical Anti-Cartoon-Owl group. I hope not. Or, would that be good? I suppose I could let someone else have the glory. After all, I'm not in this line of buisness for the fame, fortune and power. What line of buisness, do you ask? Why, the assasinating annoying cartoon characters buisness. (Actually I just question them untill they spontaneously combust, I ask lots of questions) So, in conclusion, ladies and gentleman of the jury(that's you) I could not have possibly tortured "Mr. Owl" to death. I love owls. Hmm...I seem to be jumping from one subject to another more frequently. Either I am growing more comfortable with my on-line writing, or I am progressivly getting more insane and chaotic. I also am psyco-analyzing myself a lot today...hmmmm...I'm even saying "hmmmmm..." a lot. Just like a real psychologist. Hmmmmmmm. Time for another boring disclaimer!!!!!!! Code: 742 of the Flaming Chickens Handbook states that in no part does the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (That's still me!) actually claim to be mentally ill. That's either a) a publicity stunt b) An attempt at humor c) a cry for help or d) none of the above You can e-mail your responses by conducting a scavenger hunt of this site. Some of the pages of this site contain a link encouging the two and a half people to e-mail the Patron Saint of Paper Clips. There may also be evil little links that are designed to confuse you. These links send stuff to someone named johnjones333@hotmail.com The Patron Saint of Paper Clips does not know who this individual is, but sincerly wishes that you send all your hate mail to him. Not that the aformentioned individual claims to have received hate mail (or mail of any kind) via a website link. Thank-you for your time. Remember to send your answers to my sanity quiz to the e-mail account, flamingchickens333@hotmail.com Oh, and once I refer to myself in the first person again, the handbook quote is over. I just thought that I might like to mention that. Oh. You're still here. I figured you rush right on over to e-mail me. Perhaps you don't have time to waste e-mailing me. HA! HA! HA! That's funny!!!! If you you don't have time to waste, what are you doing here?!!! Oh, who am I kidding. I figure that even the people I manage to lure onto my site from neopets don't even bother to come to this particular page. Maybe I should make the link come here directly...Hey! What a good idea! That way I can spread my love, joy and insane chaos to more people! I'm a genius. Gotta go, must lure innocent victems to the second most pointless site ever!!!! I'm back. And really angry, and confused. I've always known that I was weird, that's always been a given. But now I realize that I am considerably more normal than the rest of my family. Today we had a "family outing." Now, most families will go bowling, or putt-putt golfing. They may go to a resteraunt with an arcarde, or the movies or to a theme park. Not my family! No, we got the greatest family outing of all. We got to go to a bar and play pool!!!!!waits for readers to become insanely jealous Yep, that's right, a bar with a pool table! Not only did we get world class cuisine (under-cooked hotdogs and over-cooked hamburgers), my little sister (age 10) got taught pool by someone I strongly supect is an ex-convict! Naturally when it was announced that we'd be eating dinner in this place, I could hardly contain my excitment(I glared at my mother and asked why we couldn't go to Pizza Hut) When we arrived, we were promptly served (after thirty minutes) In the meantime, we played a family game of pool(my parents played while my brother and sister and I watched) After two rousing rounds, our food came. The food was superb, (our food came the exact opposite of how we ordered it, and half of the onion rings were missing) Then we joyfully returned to our game(my sister and the ex-con played my mom) We spent hours there (from 5p.m.-7:15p.m.) There were many people that were the same age as me and my siblings (no one in the room but us were under 30) Us kids had to be dragged kicking and screaming from the bar ( I almost fell asleep during the last game I watched) As we left, there was a feeling of goodwill and fellowship between all(my sister locked me out of the car and wouldn't let me in untill I started yelling profanity in her general direction) The high point of the entire night was when my mother gave me $21 for my report card. She promptly borrowed $1 to help with the waitresses tip(This part I'm not being sarcastic about) All in all it was a night I'll remember forever (as the lowest point in "family outing"history, except for that time my mom dragged me to a church thing on the concept of truth.) My brother(age 13) even decided upon a new job he wants when he's old enough to work, a busboy at the bar. We had to tell him that he would probley have to wait untill he was 21.(Absolutly nothing about that statement was sarcastic) As you can see, I love my families outings(Not unless you're blind...or stupid) llo, everyone! This is one of the weirdest sites: or your money back! We have ZIM, neopets, music, and much, much, more. E-mail us for questions, comments, complaints and information. Why not click on the Very Weird Stuff link to see more, or click on the music link? We have halloween and christmas pictures on the NeoPics link. Cheese is not a wild thing!!!!!!!!! Now I have decided to go for a world record. I will try to make the longest web page ever, made completely out of text! Won't that be fun? I will just type, and type, and never, ever use copy and paste. Wow...I really must be bored. Just goes to show what boredom can do to you. Any way, that's it for now. Wait, no it isn't, I still have to keep going, and going, and going. Because I do. THE REST OF THE STUFF I TYPE WILL BE COMPLETLY IN CAPS JUST BECAUSE I CAN. THAT IS ALL. SEEYA! Hi, I'm back. So far this is nowhere near the world record. I think. I don't exactly know where it is...oh, well. I'll just have to do the very best that I can. No one is really coming here, anyway. So it doesn't matter. By the way, TAB is a worthwhile, community-service organization. The form link is to a 100% fake TAB registration form that you can fill out just for laughs. I can't believe I'm bothering to do this. I have very low expectations of my site. None ever comes here, I could do this all day long and I still wouldn't have any more hits. This is just a pointless excursive in spelling errors and grammatical imprecision. May your day be shiney! The following is an extremely weird poem-thingy that I wrote when I was in a relatively weird mood:
never mind that noise my dear can anyone pass the cheese only if you say pretty please oh, boy do I have to sneeze. why must everyone always rhyme, why I’m a poet and don’t I know it? what I fear comes right after here not this life or the next will I ever be able to pass the test? we’re stuck in here, (alone my dear) and we’ll problem never get out so don’t start to shout. it’s dark and I want to go home is where the heart was where is it now? we’ll never know but oh crap it’s starting to snow and it’s time to show and tell about the well that you found last summer at camp when it was damp it was near the ramp oh god why must this be I liked that tree but now it’s gone, farewell so long I’ll miss you as long as you write but then I’m afraid to say good-night. my dear there’s nothing to fear that’s only a box that’s made of blocks next to the wagon that looks like a dragon why are you shaking it’s your fear that is making you shiver and act all a quiver. don’t you know that you only need be afraid of fear and never anything here and certainly not a post that acts like a ghost?
See, very weird. At least it fills up my word quota for the day. Not that I exactly have a word quota for the day. It just sounded very professional to say it. Anyway, I still don't think that anyone is actually coming here. You'd have to be an absolute loser (or really bored) to come here. I'd probley come here, but that isn't much of a surprise. After all, I've been to the Really Really Big Button That Doesn't Do Anything website over 50 times. Pathetic. But, whatever. As long as I'm happy, right. Humor the crazy person, okay? Oh, guess what? According to someone you problem don't know, this is the second most pointless website ever! Next to the Really Big Button, of course. I feel special. Come on everyone, group hug. Okay, now I'm starting to scare myself...I'm gonna quit for today. Seeya. Now I'm back. Is this getting confusing to you? Too bad. Now I want you to go to http://quiz.ravenblack.net/blood.pl?biter=eon" If you do this I'll get points in the game. Come on all you non-existing people! Help me! You know you want to! It's a worthy cause! Honestly, the more time I waste playing the game, the less time I'll work on this site and the less stuff you gotta read. Although why you'd be here if you didn't want to read is beyond me. Maybe you're lost. Okay, if you want to get out, click the little refresh button, okay? Good...what? You say it didn't let you out? Oh, well. You must be caught in a time warp. Keep pressing it. Maybe you'll break free. What's that. The little counter at the bottom keeps going up? Never mind. That's just how many times you have to click before you can leave. Good-bye.

Hey, I'm once again: back. I don't suppose you fell for that little thing about the refresh button. After all, you're a responsible, intelligent person who apparently has a lot of time on your hands. Well, you can't possibly have more time than I do. I mean, after all, I made this site. You're only browsing it. And most people don't even come here. Not even my friends...sniffle The just ignore this poor, pathetic little page. All they do is fill out the TAB form and leave. I think. Maybe they're here right now! HI! HOW ARE YOU DOING? I'M FINE! THANKS FOR COMING! YES, I'M YELLING! Who am I kidding. This page won't get a single hit, unless I bribe people...now that has possibilities. Okay, fill out the TAB form, so I have proof that you bothered to come here and...uh...I'll...uh...send you a sandwich? Please allow 6-8 weeks for delivery. I'm bored. I'm gonna go hug a moose. MOOSE! I love-d you moose! Hey, I'm back again! Yea...waits for applause okay! Now I want all you loyal fans...cricket chirps to go to the link to see what I'm like. I took a whole bunch of personality quizzes and posted them there. I'm an evil villain, kitty and a freakazoid so far. And I only took the quiz once, too. Spooky how accurate they are...anyway, I command you to go! I'm going. I'm back. I'm gonna start counting how many times I say back. Let's see: 1...2...3...4...5! Wow. I must really be desperate for something to do. I now officially have proof that someone has been here! It was one of my friends. Apparently this page really is getting long, because my friend said something to that effect. Maybe. Anyway, moving on! I'm just basically typing nothing. Just like all those reports people have to do. You know? With a specific number of words. They start out with half that number, and then just fill in words until they have the right amount. I salute those people. You're great tradition is being carried out here, on the second most pointless site ever! Well. Maybe eventually some weird, bored person will wander onto my site on accident and be mildly entertained be my site until they wander onto a live video feed of a coffee maker. Or maybe not. I only know that I'm entertaining me, which was my original goal. So. I've done what I've set out to accomplish. Yea, me! I'm so special. You see, most people, they don't like reading or writing. So if you're not most people, you've made it down this far without skipping, skimming or getting the spark notes version. (Which I think does not exist) My point is, if you've bothered to read this, then, (like me) you probley have also read the ketchup bottle so many times that you have it down verbatim. Look verbatim up. It's a word. But, you should know that, since you like reading. Or maybe you're just skimming. Anyway, there's nothing wrong with reading food labels. You might be asked a question about them on a quiz show. And now, for the million-dollar question: How many calories are there in a single serving of Mustard? I can just see it now...It could be called Know-Your-Food. Or You are What you Eat. It'd probley be as popular as those game shows that no one's ever heard of. Speaking of food, what's up with pie? There's strawberry pie, apple, pumpkin and so many others, but there is no grape pie! I know. I'm just as upset about this unfortunate lack of development in the pie division. Think about it. Grapes are used to make jelly, jam, juice and raisins. What makes them undesirable for pie? Would they dry into raisins? Couldn't you just stick some jelly in a piecrust and bake it? It just doesn't make any sense. Another thing that bothers me is organ grinders. You know, the foreign guys with the bellhop hats and the little music thingy and the cute little monkey with the bellhop hat who collects the money? Okay. They're basically begging on the street. How did they ever afford an organ-thingy? Wouldn't it make more sense to get a kazoo, if you're broke? And if they're so poor, what possessed them to buy a monkey? I mean, I don't think I could afford a monkey, and I'm not exactly on the streets. Obviously I at least have a computer...so, back to the organ grinders. I would have sold the monkey and the organ and been able to eat for at least a year. Or, if I was weirder than I am, I could at least kill the monkey with the organ and eat it. Why on earth did they keep the monkey? It must have cost a fortune to feed...not to mention the mess. That's just one of those many facts of life that are better left mysteries. Especially since no one but me would ask the question. I better go. I think I hear a monkey...Okay...now I'm back. That's the sixth time I've said back! I realize that this longest text ever must be very boring and not worth anyone's time. But I'd like to take this time to thank the 2 and 1/2 people in the entire universe who have bothered to read this entire thing. I'm not exactly sure who they are, but: thanks! Right now, my spacebar is malfunctioning...that's not good...I have to press it two or three times just to insert a freaking space. Maybe the evil little faeries with the sharp little teeth have put their evil faerie dust on my computer. Or maybe not. This is too frustrating. Goodbye for now...Now I'm back. And still frustrated. But for a different reason. Today I had the misfortune of playing a Treasure Planet game on neopets.com It was terrible. Apparently the point of the game was to get your character to shout "Whoo-Hoo!" as many times as possible before you splattered your brains on the rocks, all the while listening to a soundtrack that is similar to a dying ceiling fan. Of course, when I started out I accidentally hit the rocks approximately three million times. Halfway though I used my four remaining brain-cells to decide that the game was dumb. So my goal changed from surviving to laughing evilly while my character died. So the game naturally did everything it could to preserve my life. The stupid game is still going on and I refuse to quit because I want my points. My character is actually dodging the stupid rocks better now then when I controlled him. I hate irony. Seeya. Okay. Now I'm back again. Today I added an update page, which is basically a less chaotic, outlined version of this without all the ranting. It's more like techno talk about arrays and how much I suck and whether or not the Braves will win this year. Okay, the whole braves thing is made up. But everything else I've said so far is true. I think. Maybe I should start on a boring disclaimer...Eh-hem. All contents of this site were designed for entertainment purposes only. Any use thereof that is not stated in the above mentioned statement would make the author, hereby referred to as Patron Saint of Paper Clips, very angry. Should you violate the purpose of this site: i.e. become not entertained, the Patron Saint of Paper Clips will be forced to take drastic measures. This is specified in Code: 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook. Ooooo…that’s a great idea! I’m gonna start quoting from the Flaming Chicken Handbook! Code: 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook states that the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (that’s me) is allowed to cause vague, pain like sensations while the offending person (or alien life form, dog, etc.) isn’t paying attention. Now I have a purpose in life! To make up quotes from the non-existent Flaming Chicken Handbook, which I’m sure you have a copy of. No? Too bad. It’s in the mail, I promise! Now I must take my leave…and remember. Cheese is watching. Okay...I'm back...I think that eventually half of this thing will consist of the word back over and over again...that's just weird. Which fits the motif of the rest of the site. There's even a money back guarantee. Isn’t' that nice? See? Now no one can ever say that I don't take care of my viewers. Especially since I don't have viewers. I have readers. Wait...I really don't even know if anyone bothers to read this. Even if I put it in a less chaotic, more user-friendly format people would still ignore this because it involves: reading. Yes. Sad to admit, but the majority of people would rather read the summary at the back of a book rather than the whole book itself. What has the world come to? It's pathetic. Especially since I'm bothering to write all this. It's not fair! Why can't I have more readers?! All the other internet writers have nothing on me, except they're better at advertising, having a central theme/plot and basically more talented. Whereas I'm more into the whole ranting and raving stage right now. Plus, I am horrible at spelling. Which is bad. Thank the powers that be for spell-check. The single greatest invention of the computer gods. I'm getting bored, so I think I'm done for the day. May your day be shiney! I'm back again! And I feel weird! I found at that yet another one of my friends is reading this. Creepy. Just how much time do they have on their hands. Perhaps their just trying to be nice. I can just see it now...an organization devoted not to feeding the hungry, or peace, or love or whatever, but to giving recognition to all those poor, pathetic, unpopular websites. I wonder what it's name would be. Don't Ignore Sites? Would it be called DIS? Isn't that like a slang term for an insult? Would that be considered poetic justice, or just a nice coincidence? And why do I even care? I'll tell you why. Because I have nothing else to do right now. I could be playing neopets, but ever since my bad experience with Treasure Planet, I don't feel like it. Oh, by the way, I noticed that whenever I use spell-check, my stupid computer turns the word probley into to word problem. To prevent this, I did nothing. So, it is now up to you, the imaginary reader, to decide whether I mean probley or problem...it's almost like a game! But without the bad sound track. And I promise not to force you to live when you would rather die. Moving on, I have nothing else to say, but don't feel like quitting just yet. I'm like the little engine that could. Or maybe the Energizer Bunny. I just keep going, and going and going. Or I could be like that annoying guy on T.V. who keeps asking if you can hear him. If my site manages to last a decade, my readers snicker will probley wonder what I'm talking about. My answer is simple. It doesn't matter. I'm just rambling. Which means that it doesn't matter if you understand anything I say. Doesn't that make you feel better? I bet it does. Wow. Look how long this has gotten. I even impress myself. Who would have thought I have this much free time? And I congratulate any reader who has gotten this far. Ooooooo! You must check out the fortunes section of the random stuff page! I've just gotten an idea for some more, original, fortunes...I gotta go!(may the moose be with you) And now I am back. I swear. If iI fill out the fake tab form I'm gonna have to put back as my favorite word...I already have filled it out, though. Would it be cheating to fill it out again? Only if I had multiple personalities. Or would it be cheating if I didn't have multiple personalities? The world may never know. Just like how many licks it takes to get to the bottom of a tootsie pop. Would it vary? The number of licks, I mean. Someone could have super-disolving spit, or watery-spit. Or what if you took big ol' slobbery licks? Does the commercial take that into account? No. It doesn't. And let me tell you, it's an outrage. It deludes all of American's sweet, innocent, candy-loving children into thinking that a cartoon owl is smarter than they are! "Mr. Owl, can you tell us how many licks does it take to get to the bottom of a tootsie pop?" Or whatever. And "Mr. Owl" replies "One...Twoo...Three! Chomp" And he bites it. That teaches our youth that it's okay to agree to help someone, and then ruin their experiment. Well...it's not. I am going to start a protest group. Teens Against Cartoon Owls. We could call ourselves TACO! I love the little tacos, I love them good! That is a direct quote from GIR, co-star and comic-relief on INVADER ZIM. Hmmmm...intersting. I put hyphens in both of his titles...it must be a conspiracy! I gotta go. Those TACO buttons don't make themselves, you know. I'm back again. And not so cheesed off about the whole tootsie roll pop thing. Right now, I have another twenty minutes on the Internet before I'm gonna watch T.V. And I can't think of anything else to do. So, predictably, here I am. It's not like I have anything better to do. Obviously, you know this. After all, look how long this text is. I wonder if I've made the world record? If I did, would I stop this? Why bother asking? I'll will most likely still be adding to this on my death bed. Hmmmmm...has any old, senile person ever written anything? Was it coherent? Did it make more sense that this text? Is it possible to make less sense? Am I enjoying asking retorical questions? Yes. Yes, I am. But I seriously wonder what something written by a senile person would be like. I've heard of poems and stuff written by people who were high, insane or paranoid. But never senile. Can a senile person write? Aren't they regressed to a child-like state? Does it even matter? Is anyone even reading this? Did I resume asking retorical questions? Do you care? Is this eating up time? I feel like I'm playing questions only on whose line is it anway. I probley should have capitalized something, or underlined but I'm feeling lazy...hey, you try to keep your two and a half readers happy! It's really stressfull. Someday, I'm gonna snap and just delete this entire thing. Gee, I hope not! I worked sorta hard on this. It's great for making random topics weave together to form an overall infrastructure of chaos. That made little sense. That's why it's here, and not some critically acclaimed site. Ooooooooooooo! I'm gonna quote from the FLAMING CHICKENS HANDBOOK again! Yep! I bet you were just breathless in anticipation. Okay. Here goes. Code: 472 of the Flaming Chickens Handbook states that this site in no way aknowledges the existance of other, better sites (hereon reffered to as the Losers) The Losers are a myth. The Patron Saint of Paper Clips (me again!) claims no knowledge as to where that particullary nasty rumor started, but confirms that this is the best site ever. It would be a sin against humanity for a better site to exist. Should you refuse to aknowledge the Patron Saint of Paper Clips as the ruler of the Internet, you will be subjected to punishment as stated in Code 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook (i.e. Experience vague, pain-like sensations when you're not paying attention) This has been a public service announcement. This is a test, I repeat only a test. Had this been an actual emergency, we would have bought up all the can openers and charged 3 cows and a pig for each one. I repeat, lock all you doors and windows, this is it. I repeat, there is nothing to worry about. Everything is fine. The end is not here. I'm going, you're on you're own! Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm back!smiles brightly And apparantly delusional! Anyway, I just finished rereading my longest text ever. And I became inspired to talk about nothing. You see, I periodically read the longest text ever to check the constant downward spiral of my sanity. Hmmm...I seem to be entertaining myself though, even while reading what I wrote. Which is why I still go to the Really Really Big Button That Doesn't Do Anything website. Because I am easily amused and have lots and lots of time on my hands. Maybe, some day far in the future (like next Thursday) I'll print a copy of this insane text. And then go door to door distributing it. Eventually, this would become a monthly tradition. Whole families would gather around their front door, in breathless anticipation while they attempted to barracade me out. I can just see the whole community rising to thwart my attempts to spread love, joy and insane chaos. I probley wouldn't actually print this out (think how much paper it would take!) but if I do, only friends and enemies will receive copies. Hmmmm...maybe my condition is worsening. Or not. I'm still peeved about the cartoon owl from the Tootsie Roll Pop commercials. He is pure evil. TACO will eventually destroy him. Unless he has already been destroyed by an even more radical Anti-Cartoon-Owl group. I hope not. Or, would that be good? I suppose I could let someone else have the glory. After all, I'm not in this line of buisness for the fame, fortune and power. What line of buisness, do you ask? Why, the assasinating annoying cartoon characters buisness. (Actually I just question them untill they spontaneously combust, I ask lots of questions) So, in conclusion, ladies and gentleman of the jury(that's you) I could not have possibly tortured "Mr. Owl" to death. I love owls. Hmm...I seem to be jumping from one subject to another more frequently. Either I am growing more comfortable with my on-line writing, or I am progressivly getting more insane and chaotic. I also am psyco-analyzing myself a lot today...hmmmm...I'm even saying "hmmmmm..." a lot. Just like a real psychologist. Hmmmmmmm. Time for another boring disclaimer!!!!!!! Code: 742 of the Flaming Chickens Handbook states that in no part does the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (That's still me!) actually claim to be mentally ill. That's either a) a publicity stunt b) An attempt at humor c) a cry for help or d) none of the above You can e-mail your responses by conducting a scavenger hunt of this site. Some of the pages of this site contain a link encouging the two and a half people to e-mail the Patron Saint of Paper Clips. There may also be evil little links that are designed to confuse you. These links send stuff to someone named johnjones333@hotmail.com The Patron Saint of Paper Clips does not know who this individual is, but sincerly wishes that you send all your hate mail to him. Not that the aformentioned individual claims to have received hate mail (or mail of any kind) via a website link. Thank-you for your time. Remember to send your answers to my sanity quiz to the e-mail account, flamingchickens333@hotmail.com Oh, and once I refer to myself in the first person again, the handbook quote is over. I just thought that I might like to mention that. Oh. You're still here. I figured you rush right on over to e-mail me. Perhaps you don't have time to waste e-mailing me. HA! HA! HA! That's funny!!!! If you you don't have time to waste, what are you doing here?!!! Oh, who am I kidding. I figure that even the people I manage to lure onto my site from neopets don't even bother to come to this particular page. Maybe I should make the link come here directly...Hey! What a good idea! That way I can spread my love, joy and insane chaos to more people! I'm a genius. Gotta go, must lure innocent victems to the second most pointless site ever!!!! I'm back. And really angry, and confused. I've always known that I was weird, that's always been a given. But now I realize that I am considerably more normal than the rest of my family. Today we had a "family outing." Now, most families will go bowling, or putt-putt golfing. They may go to a resteraunt with an arcarde, or the movies or to a theme park. Not my family! No, we got the greatest family outing of all. We got to go to a bar and play pool!!!!!waits for readers to become insanely jealous Yep, that's right, a bar with a pool table! Not only did we get world class cuisine (under-cooked hotdogs and over-cooked hamburgers), my little sister (age 10) got taught pool by someone I strongly supect is an ex-convict! Naturally when it was announced that we'd be eating dinner in this place, I could hardly contain my excitment(I glared at my mother and asked why we couldn't go to Pizza Hut) When we arrived, we were promptly served (after thirty minutes) In the meantime, we played a family game of pool(my parents played while my brother and sister and I watched) After two rousing rounds, our food came. The food was superb, (our food came the exact opposite of how we ordered it, and half of the onion rings were missing) Then we joyfully returned to our game(my sister and the ex-con played my mom) We spent hours there (from 5p.m.-7:15p.m.) There were many people that were the same age as me and my siblings (no one in the room but us were under 30) Us kids had to be dragged kicking and screaming from the bar ( I almost fell asleep during the last game I watched) As we left, there was a feeling of goodwill and fellowship between all(my sister locked me out of the car and wouldn't let me in untill I started yelling profanity in her general direction) The high point of the entire night was when my mother gave me $21 for my report card. She promptly borrowed $1 to help with the waitresses tip(This part I'm not being sarcastic about) All in all it was a night I'll remember forever (as the lowest point in "family outing"history, except for that time my mom dragged me to a church thing on the concept of truth.) My brother(age 13) even decided upon a new job he wants when he's old enough to work, a busboy at the bar. We had to tell him that he would probley have to wait untill he was 21.(Absolutly nothing about that statement was sarcastic) As you can see, I love my families outings(Not unless you're blind...or stupid) Hello, everyone! This is one of the weirdest sites: or your money back! We have ZIM, neopets, music, and much, much, more. E-mail us for questions, comments, complaints and information. Why not click on the Very Weird Stuff link to see more, or click on the music link? We have halloween and christmas pictures on the NeoPics link. Cheese is not a wild thing!!!!!!!!! Now I have decided to go for a world record. I will try to make the longest web page ever, made completely out of text! Won't that be fun? I will just type, and type, and never, ever use copy and paste. Wow...I really must be bored. Just goes to show what boredom can do to you. Any way, that's it for now. Wait, no it isn't, I still have to keep going, and going, and going. Because I do. THE REST OF THE STUFF I TYPE WILL BE COMPLETLY IN CAPS JUST BECAUSE I CAN. THAT IS ALL. SEEYA! Hi, I'm back. So far this is nowhere near the world record. I think. I don't exactly know where it is...oh, well. I'll just have to do the very best that I can. No one is really coming here, anyway. So it doesn't matter. By the way, TAB is a worthwhile, community-service organization. The form link is to a 100% fake TAB registration form that you can fill out just for laughs. I can't believe I'm bothering to do this. I have very low expectations of my site. None ever comes here, I could do this all day long and I still wouldn't have any more hits. This is just a pointless excursive in spelling errors and grammatical imprecision. May your day be shiney! The following is an extremely weird poem-thingy that I wrote when I was in a relatively weird mood:
never mind that noise my dear can anyone pass the cheese only if you say pretty please oh, boy do I have to sneeze. why must everyone always rhyme, why I’m a poet and don’t I know it? what I fear comes right after here not this life or the next will I ever be able to pass the test? we’re stuck in here, (alone my dear) and we’ll problem never get out so don’t start to shout. it’s dark and I want to go home is where the heart was where is it now? we’ll never know but oh crap it’s starting to snow and it’s time to show and tell about the well that you found last summer at camp when it was damp it was near the ramp oh god why must this be I liked that tree but now it’s gone, farewell so long I’ll miss you as long as you write but then I’m afraid to say good-night. my dear there’s nothing to fear that’s only a box that’s made of blocks next to the wagon that looks like a dragon why are you shaking it’s your fear that is making you shiver and act all a quiver. don’t you know that you only need be afraid of fear and never anything here and certainly not a post that acts like a ghost?
See, very weird. At least it fills up my word quota for the day. Not that I exactly have a word quota for the day. It just sounded very professional to say it. Anyway, I still don't think that anyone is actually coming here. You'd have to be an absolute loser (or really bored) to come here. I'd probley come here, but that isn't much of a surprise. After all, I've been to the Really Really Big Button That Doesn't Do Anything website over 50 times. Pathetic. But, whatever. As long as I'm happy, right. Humor the crazy person, okay? Oh, guess what? According to someone you problem don't know, this is the second most pointless website ever! Next to the Really Big Button, of course. I feel special. Come on everyone, group hug. Okay, now I'm starting to scare myself...I'm gonna quit for today. Seeya. Now I'm back. Is this getting confusing to you? Too bad. Now I want you to go to http://quiz.ravenblack.net/blood.pl?biter=eon" If you do this I'll get points in the game. Come on all you non-existing people! Help me! You know you want to! It's a worthy cause! Honestly, the more time I waste playing the game, the less time I'll work on this site and the less stuff you gotta read. Although why you'd be here if you didn't want to read is beyond me. Maybe you're lost. Okay, if you want to get out, click the little refresh button, okay? Good...what? You say it didn't let you out? Oh, well. You must be caught in a time warp. Keep pressing it. Maybe you'll break free. What's that. The little counter at the bottom keeps going up? Never mind. That's just how many times you have to click before you can leave. Good-bye.

Hey, I'm once again: back. I don't suppose you fell for that little thing about the refresh button. After all, you're a responsible, intelligent person who apparently has a lot of time on your hands. Well, you can't possibly have more time than I do. I mean, after all, I made this site. You're only browsing it. And most people don't even come here. Not even my friends...sniffle The just ignore this poor, pathetic little page. All they do is fill out the TAB form and leave. I think. Maybe they're here right now! HI! HOW ARE YOU DOING? I'M FINE! THANKS FOR COMING! YES, I'M YELLING! Who am I kidding. This page won't get a single hit, unless I bribe people...now that has possibilities. Okay, fill out the TAB form, so I have proof that you bothered to come here and...uh...I'll...uh...send you a sandwich? Please allow 6-8 weeks for delivery. I'm bored. I'm gonna go hug a moose. MOOSE! I love-d you moose! Hey, I'm back again! Yea...waits for applause okay! Now I want all you loyal fans...cricket chirps to go to the link to see what I'm like. I took a whole bunch of personality quizzes and posted them there. I'm an evil villain, kitty and a freakazoid so far. And I only took the quiz once, too. Spooky how accurate they are...anyway, I command you to go! I'm going. I'm back. I'm gonna start counting how many times I say back. Let's see: 1...2...3...4...5! Wow. I must really be desperate for something to do. I now officially have proof that someone has been here! It was one of my friends. Apparently this page really is getting long, because my friend said something to that effect. Maybe. Anyway, moving on! I'm just basically typing nothing. Just like all those reports people have to do. You know? With a specific number of words. They start out with half that number, and then just fill in words until they have the right amount. I salute those people. You're great tradition is being carried out here, on the second most pointless site ever! Well. Maybe eventually some weird, bored person will wander onto my site on accident and be mildly entertained be my site until they wander onto a live video feed of a coffee maker. Or maybe not. I only know that I'm entertaining me, which was my original goal. So. I've done what I've set out to accomplish. Yea, me! I'm so special. You see, most people, they don't like reading or writing. So if you're not most people, you've made it down this far without skipping, skimming or getting the spark notes version. (Which I think does not exist) My point is, if you've bothered to read this, then, (like me) you probley have also read the ketchup bottle so many times that you have it down verbatim. Look verbatim up. It's a word. But, you should know that, since you like reading. Or maybe you're just skimming. Anyway, there's nothing wrong with reading food labels. You might be asked a question about them on a quiz show. And now, for the million-dollar question: How many calories are there in a single serving of Mustard? I can just see it now...It could be called Know-Your-Food. Or You are What you Eat. It'd probley be as popular as those game shows that no one's ever heard of. Speaking of food, what's up with pie? There's strawberry pie, apple, pumpkin and so many others, but there is no grape pie! I know. I'm just as upset about this unfortunate lack of development in the pie division. Think about it. Grapes are used to make jelly, jam, juice and raisins. What makes them undesirable for pie? Would they dry into raisins? Couldn't you just stick some jelly in a piecrust and bake it? It just doesn't make any sense. Another thing that bothers me is organ grinders. You know, the foreign guys with the bellhop hats and the little music thingy and the cute little monkey with the bellhop hat who collects the money? Okay. They're basically begging on the street. How did they ever afford an organ-thingy? Wouldn't it make more sense to get a kazoo, if you're broke? And if they're so poor, what possessed them to buy a monkey? I mean, I don't think I could afford a monkey, and I'm not exactly on the streets. Obviously I at least have a computer...so, back to the organ grinders. I would have sold the monkey and the organ and been able to eat for at least a year. Or, if I was weirder than I am, I could at least kill the monkey with the organ and eat it. Why on earth did they keep the monkey? It must have cost a fortune to feed...not to mention the mess. That's just one of those many facts of life that are better left mysteries. Especially since no one but me would ask the question. I better go. I think I hear a monkey...Okay...now I'm back. That's the sixth time I've said back! I realize that this longest text ever must be very boring and not worth anyone's time. But I'd like to take this time to thank the 2 and 1/2 people in the entire universe who have bothered to read this entire thing. I'm not exactly sure who they are, but: thanks! Right now, my spacebar is malfunctioning...that's not good...I have to press it two or three times just to insert a freaking space. Maybe the evil little faeries with the sharp little teeth have put their evil faerie dust on my computer. Or maybe not. This is too frustrating. Goodbye for now...Now I'm back. And still frustrated. But for a different reason. Today I had the misfortune of playing a Treasure Planet game on neopets.com It was terrible. Apparently the point of the game was to get your character to shout "Whoo-Hoo!" as many times as possible before you splattered your brains on the rocks, all the while listening to a soundtrack that is similar to a dying ceiling fan. Of course, when I started out I accidentally hit the rocks approximately three million times. Halfway though I used my four remaining brain-cells to decide that the game was dumb. So my goal changed from surviving to laughing evilly while my character died. So the game naturally did everything it could to preserve my life. The stupid game is still going on and I refuse to quit because I want my points. My character is actually dodging the stupid rocks better now then when I controlled him. I hate irony. Seeya. Okay. Now I'm back again. Today I added an update page, which is basically a less chaotic, outlined version of this without all the ranting. It's more like techno talk about arrays and how much I suck and whether or not the Braves will win this year. Okay, the whole braves thing is made up. But everything else I've said so far is true. I think. Maybe I should start on a boring disclaimer...Eh-hem. All contents of this site were designed for entertainment purposes only. Any use thereof that is not stated in the above mentioned statement would make the author, hereby referred to as Patron Saint of Paper Clips, very angry. Should you violate the purpose of this site: i.e. become not entertained, the Patron Saint of Paper Clips will be forced to take drastic measures. This is specified in Code: 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook. Ooooo…that’s a great idea! I’m gonna start quoting from the Flaming Chicken Handbook! Code: 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook states that the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (that’s me) is allowed to cause vague, pain like sensations while the offending person (or alien life form, dog, etc.) isn’t paying attention. Now I have a purpose in life! To make up quotes from the non-existent Flaming Chicken Handbook, which I’m sure you have a copy of. No? Too bad. It’s in the mail, I promise! Now I must take my leave…and remember. Cheese is watching. Okay...I'm back...I think that eventually half of this thing will consist of the word back over and over again...that's just weird. Which fits the motif of the rest of the site. There's even a money back guarantee. Isn’t' that nice? See? Now no one can ever say that I don't take care of my viewers. Especially since I don't have viewers. I have readers. Wait...I really don't even know if anyone bothers to read this. Even if I put it in a less chaotic, more user-friendly format people would still ignore this because it involves: reading. Yes. Sad to admit, but the majority of people would rather read the summary at the back of a book rather than the whole book itself. What has the world come to? It's pathetic. Especially since I'm bothering to write all this. It's not fair! Why can't I have more readers?! All the other internet writers have nothing on me, except they're better at advertising, having a central theme/plot and basically more talented. Whereas I'm more into the whole ranting and raving stage right now. Plus, I am horrible at spelling. Which is bad. Thank the powers that be for spell-check. The single greatest invention of the computer gods. I'm getting bored, so I think I'm done for the day. May your day be shiney! I'm back again! And I feel weird! I found at that yet another one of my friends is reading this. Creepy. Just how much time do they have on their hands. Perhaps their just trying to be nice. I can just see it now...an organization devoted not to feeding the hungry, or peace, or love or whatever, but to giving recognition to all those poor, pathetic, unpopular websites. I wonder what it's name would be. Don't Ignore Sites? Would it be called DIS? Isn't that like a slang term for an insult? Would that be considered poetic justice, or just a nice coincidence? And why do I even care? I'll tell you why. Because I have nothing else to do right now. I could be playing neopets, but ever since my bad experience with Treasure Planet, I don't feel like it. Oh, by the way, I noticed that whenever I use spell-check, my stupid computer turns the word probley into to word problem. To prevent this, I did nothing. So, it is now up to you, the imaginary reader, to decide whether I mean probley or problem...it's almost like a game! But without the bad sound track. And I promise not to force you to live when you would rather die. Moving on, I have nothing else to say, but don't feel like quitting just yet. I'm like the little engine that could. Or maybe the Energizer Bunny. I just keep going, and going and going. Or I could be like that annoying guy on T.V. who keeps asking if you can hear him. If my site manages to last a decade, my readers snicker will probley wonder what I'm talking about. My answer is simple. It doesn't matter. I'm just rambling. Which means that it doesn't matter if you understand anything I say. Doesn't that make you feel better? I bet it does. Wow. Look how long this has gotten. I even impress myself. Who would have thought I have this much free time? And I congratulate any reader who has gotten this far. Ooooooo! You must check out the fortunes section of the random stuff page! I've just gotten an idea for some more, original, fortunes...I gotta go!(may the moose be with you) And now I am back. I swear. If iI fill out the fake tab form I'm gonna have to put back as my favorite word...I already have filled it out, though. Would it be cheating to fill it out again? Only if I had multiple personalities. Or would it be cheating if I didn't have multiple personalities? The world may never know. Just like how many licks it takes to get to the bottom of a tootsie pop. Would it vary? The number of licks, I mean. Someone could have super-disolving spit, or watery-spit. Or what if you took big ol' slobbery licks? Does the commercial take that into account? No. It doesn't. And let me tell you, it's an outrage. It deludes all of American's sweet, innocent, candy-loving children into thinking that a cartoon owl is smarter than they are! "Mr. Owl, can you tell us how many licks does it take to get to the bottom of a tootsie pop?" Or whatever. And "Mr. Owl" replies "One...Twoo...Three! Chomp" And he bites it. That teaches our youth that it's okay to agree to help someone, and then ruin their experiment. Well...it's not. I am going to start a protest group. Teens Against Cartoon Owls. We could call ourselves TACO! I love the little tacos, I love them good! That is a direct quote from GIR, co-star and comic-relief on INVADER ZIM. Hmmmm...intersting. I put hyphens in both of his titles...it must be a conspiracy! I gotta go. Those TACO buttons don't make themselves, you know. I'm back again. And not so cheesed off about the whole tootsie roll pop thing. Right now, I have another twenty minutes on the Internet before I'm gonna watch T.V. And I can't think of anything else to do. So, predictably, here I am. It's not like I have anything better to do. Obviously, you know this. After all, look how long this text is. I wonder if I've made the world record? If I did, would I stop this? Why bother asking? I'll will most likely still be adding to this on my death bed. Hmmmmm...has any old, senile person ever written anything? Was it coherent? Did it make more sense that this text? Is it possible to make less sense? Am I enjoying asking retorical questions? Yes. Yes, I am. But I seriously wonder what something written by a senile person would be like. I've heard of poems and stuff written by people who were high, insane or paranoid. But never senile. Can a senile person write? Aren't they regressed to a child-like state? Does it even matter? Is anyone even reading this? Did I resume asking retorical questions? Do you care? Is this eating up time? I feel like I'm playing questions only on whose line is it anway. I probley should have capitalized something, or underlined but I'm feeling lazy...hey, you try to keep your two and a half readers happy! It's really stressfull. Someday, I'm gonna snap and just delete this entire thing. Gee, I hope not! I worked sorta hard on this. It's great for making random topics weave together to form an overall infrastructure of chaos. That made little sense. That's why it's here, and not some critically acclaimed site. Ooooooooooooo! I'm gonna quote from the FLAMING CHICKENS HANDBOOK again! Yep! I bet you were just breathless in anticipation. Okay. Here goes. Code: 472 of the Flaming Chickens Handbook states that this site in no way aknowledges the existance of other, better sites (hereon reffered to as the Losers) The Losers are a myth. The Patron Saint of Paper Clips (me again!) claims no knowledge as to where that particullary nasty rumor started, but confirms that this is the best site ever. It would be a sin against humanity for a better site to exist. Should you refuse to aknowledge the Patron Saint of Paper Clips as the ruler of the Internet, you will be subjected to punishment as stated in Code 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook (i.e. Experience vague, pain-like sensations when you're not paying attention) This has been a public service announcement. This is a test, I repeat only a test. Had this been an actual emergency, we would have bought up all the can openers and charged 3 cows and a pig for each one. I repeat, lock all you doors and windows, this is it. I repeat, there is nothing to worry about. Everything is fine. The end is not here. I'm going, you're on you're own! Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm back!smiles brightly And apparantly delusional! Anyway, I just finished rereading my longest text ever. And I became inspired to talk about nothing. You see, I periodically read the longest text ever to check the constant downward spiral of my sanity. Hmmm...I seem to be entertaining myself though, even while reading what I wrote. Which is why I still go to the Really Really Big Button That Doesn't Do Anything website. Because I am easily amused and have lots and lots of time on my hands. Maybe, some day far in the future (like next Thursday) I'll print a copy of this insane text. And then go door to door distributing it. Eventually, this would become a monthly tradition. Whole families would gather around their front door, in breathless anticipation while they attempted to barracade me out. I can just see the whole community rising to thwart my attempts to spread love, joy and insane chaos. I probley wouldn't actually print this out (think how much paper it would take!) but if I do, only friends and enemies will receive copies. Hmmmm...maybe my condition is worsening. Or not. I'm still peeved about the cartoon owl from the Tootsie Roll Pop commercials. He is pure evil. TACO will eventually destroy him. Unless he has already been destroyed by an even more radical Anti-Cartoon-Owl group. I hope not. Or, would that be good? I suppose I could let someone else have the glory. After all, I'm not in this line of buisness for the fame, fortune and power. What line of buisness, do you ask? Why, the assasinating annoying cartoon characters buisness. (Actually I just question them untill they spontaneously combust, I ask lots of questions) So, in conclusion, ladies and gentleman of the jury(that's you) I could not have possibly tortured "Mr. Owl" to death. I love owls. Hmm...I seem to be jumping from one subject to another more frequently. Either I am growing more comfortable with my on-line writing, or I am progressivly getting more insane and chaotic. I also am psyco-analyzing myself a lot today...hmmmm...I'm even saying "hmmmmm..." a lot. Just like a real psychologist. Hmmmmmmm. Time for another boring disclaimer!!!!!!! Code: 742 of the Flaming Chickens Handbook states that in no part does the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (That's still me!) actually claim to be mentally ill. That's either a) a publicity stunt b) An attempt at humor c) a cry for help or d) none of the above You can e-mail your responses by conducting a scavenger hunt of this site. Some of the pages of this site contain a link encouging the two and a half people to e-mail the Patron Saint of Paper Clips. There may also be evil little links that are designed to confuse you. These links send stuff to someone named johnjones333@hotmail.com The Patron Saint of Paper Clips does not know who this individual is, but sincerly wishes that you send all your hate mail to him. Not that the aformentioned individual claims to have received hate mail (or mail of any kind) via a website link. Thank-you for your time. Remember to send your answers to my sanity quiz to the e-mail account, flamingchickens333@hotmail.com Oh, and once I refer to myself in the first person again, the handbook quote is over. I just thought that I might like to mention that. Oh. You're still here. I figured you rush right on over to e-mail me. Perhaps you don't have time to waste e-mailing me. HA! HA! HA! That's funny!!!! If you you don't have time to waste, what are you doing here?!!! Oh, who am I kidding. I figure that even the people I manage to lure onto my site from neopets don't even bother to come to this particular page. Maybe I should make the link come here directly...Hey! What a good idea! That way I can spread my love, joy and insane chaos to more people! I'm a genius. Gotta go, must lure innocent victems to the second most pointless site ever!!!! I'm back. And really angry, and confused. I've always known that I was weird, that's always been a given. But now I realize that I am considerably more normal than the rest of my family. Today we had a "family outing." Now, most families will go bowling, or putt-putt golfing. They may go to a resteraunt with an arcarde, or the movies or to a theme park. Not my family! No, we got the greatest family outing of all. We got to go to a bar and play pool!!!!!waits for readers to become insanely jealous Yep, that's right, a bar with a pool table! Not only did we get world class cuisine (under-cooked hotdogs and over-cooked hamburgers), my little sister (age 10) got taught pool by someone I strongly supect is an ex-convict! Naturally when it was announced that we'd be eating dinner in this place, I could hardly contain my excitment(I glared at my mother and asked why we couldn't go to Pizza Hut) When we arrived, we were promptly served (after thirty minutes) In the meantime, we played a family game of pool(my parents played while my brother and sister and I watched) After two rousing rounds, our food came. The food was superb, (our food came the exact opposite of how we ordered it, and half of the onion rings were missing) Then we joyfully returned to our game(my sister and the ex-con played my mom) We spent hours there (from 5p.m.-7:15p.m.) There were many people that were the same age as me and my siblings (no one in the room but us were under 30) Us kids had to be dragged kicking and screaming from the bar ( I almost fell asleep during the last game I watched) As we left, there was a feeling of goodwill and fellowship between all(my sister locked me out of the car and wouldn't let me in untill I started yelling profanity in her general direction) The high point of the entire night was when my mother gave me $21 for my report card. She promptly borrowed $1 to help with the waitresses tip(This part I'm not being sarcastic about) All in all it was a night I'll remember forever (as the lowest point in "family outing"history, except for that time my mom dragged me to a church thing on the concept of truth.) My brother(age 13) even decided upon a new job he wants when he's old enough to work, a busboy at the bar. We had to tell him that he would probley have to wait untill he was 21.(Absolutly nothing about that statement was sarcastic) As you can see, I love my families outings(Not unless you're blind...or stupid) llo, everyone! This is one of the weirdest sites: or your money back! We have ZIM, neopets, music, and much, much, more. E-mail us for questions, comments, complaints and information. Why not click on the Very Weird Stuff link to see more, or click on the music link? We have halloween and christmas pictures on the NeoPics link. Cheese is not a wild thing!!!!!!!!! Now I have decided to go for a world record. I will try to make the longest web page ever, made completely out of text! Won't that be fun? I will just type, and type, and never, ever use copy and paste. Wow...I really must be bored. Just goes to show what boredom can do to you. Any way, that's it for now. Wait, no it isn't, I still have to keep going, and going, and going. Because I do. THE REST OF THE STUFF I TYPE WILL BE COMPLETLY IN CAPS JUST BECAUSE I CAN. THAT IS ALL. SEEYA! Hi, I'm back. So far this is nowhere near the world record. I think. I don't exactly know where it is...oh, well. I'll just have to do the very best that I can. No one is really coming here, anyway. So it doesn't matter. By the way, TAB is a worthwhile, community-service organization. The form link is to a 100% fake TAB registration form that you can fill out just for laughs. I can't believe I'm bothering to do this. I have very low expectations of my site. None ever comes here, I could do this all day long and I still wouldn't have any more hits. This is just a pointless excursive in spelling errors and grammatical imprecision. May your day be shiney! The following is an extremely weird poem-thingy that I wrote when I was in a relatively weird mood:
never mind that noise my dear can anyone pass the cheese only if you say pretty please oh, boy do I have to sneeze. why must everyone always rhyme, why I’m a poet and don’t I know it? what I fear comes right after here not this life or the next will I ever be able to pass the test? we’re stuck in here, (alone my dear) and we’ll problem never get out so don’t start to shout. it’s dark and I want to go home is where the heart was where is it now? we’ll never know but oh crap it’s starting to snow and it’s time to show and tell about the well that you found last summer at camp when it was damp it was near the ramp oh god why must this be I liked that tree but now it’s gone, farewell so long I’ll miss you as long as you write but then I’m afraid to say good-night. my dear there’s nothing to fear that’s only a box that’s made of blocks next to the wagon that looks like a dragon why are you shaking it’s your fear that is making you shiver and act all a quiver. don’t you know that you only need be afraid of fear and never anything here and certainly not a post that acts like a ghost?
See, very weird. At least it fills up my word quota for the day. Not that I exactly have a word quota for the day. It just sounded very professional to say it. Anyway, I still don't think that anyone is actually coming here. You'd have to be an absolute loser (or really bored) to come here. I'd probley come here, but that isn't much of a surprise. After all, I've been to the Really Really Big Button That Doesn't Do Anything website over 50 times. Pathetic. But, whatever. As long as I'm happy, right. Humor the crazy person, okay? Oh, guess what? According to someone you problem don't know, this is the second most pointless website ever! Next to the Really Big Button, of course. I feel special. Come on everyone, group hug. Okay, now I'm starting to scare myself...I'm gonna quit for today. Seeya. Now I'm back. Is this getting confusing to you? Too bad. Now I want you to go to http://quiz.ravenblack.net/blood.pl?biter=eon" If you do this I'll get points in the game. Come on all you non-existing people! Help me! You know you want to! It's a worthy cause! Honestly, the more time I waste playing the game, the less time I'll work on this site and the less stuff you gotta read. Although why you'd be here if you didn't want to read is beyond me. Maybe you're lost. Okay, if you want to get out, click the little refresh button, okay? Good...what? You say it didn't let you out? Oh, well. You must be caught in a time warp. Keep pressing it. Maybe you'll break free. What's that. The little counter at the bottom keeps going up? Never mind. That's just how many times you have to click before you can leave. Good-bye.

Hey, I'm once again: back. I don't suppose you fell for that little thing about the refresh button. After all, you're a responsible, intelligent person who apparently has a lot of time on your hands. Well, you can't possibly have more time than I do. I mean, after all, I made this site. You're only browsing it. And most people don't even come here. Not even my friends...sniffle The just ignore this poor, pathetic little page. All they do is fill out the TAB form and leave. I think. Maybe they're here right now! HI! HOW ARE YOU DOING? I'M FINE! THANKS FOR COMING! YES, I'M YELLING! Who am I kidding. This page won't get a single hit, unless I bribe people...now that has possibilities. Okay, fill out the TAB form, so I have proof that you bothered to come here and...uh...I'll...uh...send you a sandwich? Please allow 6-8 weeks for delivery. I'm bored. I'm gonna go hug a moose. MOOSE! I love-d you moose! Hey, I'm back again! Yea...waits for applause okay! Now I want all you loyal fans...cricket chirps to go to the link to see what I'm like. I took a whole bunch of personality quizzes and posted them there. I'm an evil villain, kitty and a freakazoid so far. And I only took the quiz once, too. Spooky how accurate they are...anyway, I command you to go! I'm going. I'm back. I'm gonna start counting how many times I say back. Let's see: 1...2...3...4...5! Wow. I must really be desperate for something to do. I now officially have proof that someone has been here! It was one of my friends. Apparently this page really is getting long, because my friend said something to that effect. Maybe. Anyway, moving on! I'm just basically typing nothing. Just like all those reports people have to do. You know? With a specific number of words. They start out with half that number, and then just fill in words until they have the right amount. I salute those people. You're great tradition is being carried out here, on the second most pointless site ever! Well. Maybe eventually some weird, bored person will wander onto my site on accident and be mildly entertained be my site until they wander onto a live video feed of a coffee maker. Or maybe not. I only know that I'm entertaining me, which was my original goal. So. I've done what I've set out to accomplish. Yea, me! I'm so special. You see, most people, they don't like reading or writing. So if you're not most people, you've made it down this far without skipping, skimming or getting the spark notes version. (Which I think does not exist) My point is, if you've bothered to read this, then, (like me) you probley have also read the ketchup bottle so many times that you have it down verbatim. Look verbatim up. It's a word. But, you should know that, since you like reading. Or maybe you're just skimming. Anyway, there's nothing wrong with reading food labels. You might be asked a question about them on a quiz show. And now, for the million-dollar question: How many calories are there in a single serving of Mustard? I can just see it now...It could be called Know-Your-Food. Or You are What you Eat. It'd probley be as popular as those game shows that no one's ever heard of. Speaking of food, what's up with pie? There's strawberry pie, apple, pumpkin and so many others, but there is no grape pie! I know. I'm just as upset about this unfortunate lack of development in the pie division. Think about it. Grapes are used to make jelly, jam, juice and raisins. What makes them undesirable for pie? Would they dry into raisins? Couldn't you just stick some jelly in a piecrust and bake it? It just doesn't make any sense. Another thing that bothers me is organ grinders. You know, the foreign guys with the bellhop hats and the little music thingy and the cute little monkey with the bellhop hat who collects the money? Okay. They're basically begging on the street. How did they ever afford an organ-thingy? Wouldn't it make more sense to get a kazoo, if you're broke? And if they're so poor, what possessed them to buy a monkey? I mean, I don't think I could afford a monkey, and I'm not exactly on the streets. Obviously I at least have a computer...so, back to the organ grinders. I would have sold the monkey and the organ and been able to eat for at least a year. Or, if I was weirder than I am, I could at least kill the monkey with the organ and eat it. Why on earth did they keep the monkey? It must have cost a fortune to feed...not to mention the mess. That's just one of those many facts of life that are better left mysteries. Especially since no one but me would ask the question. I better go. I think I hear a monkey...Okay...now I'm back. That's the sixth time I've said back! I realize that this longest text ever must be very boring and not worth anyone's time. But I'd like to take this time to thank the 2 and 1/2 people in the entire universe who have bothered to read this entire thing. I'm not exactly sure who they are, but: thanks! Right now, my spacebar is malfunctioning...that's not good...I have to press it two or three times just to insert a freaking space. Maybe the evil little faeries with the sharp little teeth have put their evil faerie dust on my computer. Or maybe not. This is too frustrating. Goodbye for now...Now I'm back. And still frustrated. But for a different reason. Today I had the misfortune of playing a Treasure Planet game on neopets.com It was terrible. Apparently the point of the game was to get your character to shout "Whoo-Hoo!" as many times as possible before you splattered your brains on the rocks, all the while listening to a soundtrack that is similar to a dying ceiling fan. Of course, when I started out I accidentally hit the rocks approximately three million times. Halfway though I used my four remaining brain-cells to decide that the game was dumb. So my goal changed from surviving to laughing evilly while my character died. So the game naturally did everything it could to preserve my life. The stupid game is still going on and I refuse to quit because I want my points. My character is actually dodging the stupid rocks better now then when I controlled him. I hate irony. Seeya. Okay. Now I'm back again. Today I added an update page, which is basically a less chaotic, outlined version of this without all the ranting. It's more like techno talk about arrays and how much I suck and whether or not the Braves will win this year. Okay, the whole braves thing is made up. But everything else I've said so far is true. I think. Maybe I should start on a boring disclaimer...Eh-hem. All contents of this site were designed for entertainment purposes only. Any use thereof that is not stated in the above mentioned statement would make the author, hereby referred to as Patron Saint of Paper Clips, very angry. Should you violate the purpose of this site: i.e. become not entertained, the Patron Saint of Paper Clips will be forced to take drastic measures. This is specified in Code: 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook. Ooooo…that’s a great idea! I’m gonna start quoting from the Flaming Chicken Handbook! Code: 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook states that the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (that’s me) is allowed to cause vague, pain like sensations while the offending person (or alien life form, dog, etc.) isn’t paying attention. Now I have a purpose in life! To make up quotes from the non-existent Flaming Chicken Handbook, which I’m sure you have a copy of. No? Too bad. It’s in the mail, I promise! Now I must take my leave…and remember. Cheese is watching. Okay...I'm back...I think that eventually half of this thing will consist of the word back over and over again...that's just weird. Which fits the motif of the rest of the site. There's even a money back guarantee. Isn’t' that nice? See? Now no one can ever say that I don't take care of my viewers. Especially since I don't have viewers. I have readers. Wait...I really don't even know if anyone bothers to read this. Even if I put it in a less chaotic, more user-friendly format people would still ignore this because it involves: reading. Yes. Sad to admit, but the majority of people would rather read the summary at the back of a book rather than the whole book itself. What has the world come to? It's pathetic. Especially since I'm bothering to write all this. It's not fair! Why can't I have more readers?! All the other internet writers have nothing on me, except they're better at advertising, having a central theme/plot and basically more talented. Whereas I'm more into the whole ranting and raving stage right now. Plus, I am horrible at spelling. Which is bad. Thank the powers that be for spell-check. The single greatest invention of the computer gods. I'm getting bored, so I think I'm done for the day. May your day be shiney! I'm back again! And I feel weird! I found at that yet another one of my friends is reading this. Creepy. Just how much time do they have on their hands. Perhaps their just trying to be nice. I can just see it now...an organization devoted not to feeding the hungry, or peace, or love or whatever, but to giving recognition to all those poor, pathetic, unpopular websites. I wonder what it's name would be. Don't Ignore Sites? Would it be called DIS? Isn't that like a slang term for an insult? Would that be considered poetic justice, or just a nice coincidence? And why do I even care? I'll tell you why. Because I have nothing else to do right now. I could be playing neopets, but ever since my bad experience with Treasure Planet, I don't feel like it. Oh, by the way, I noticed that whenever I use spell-check, my stupid computer turns the word probley into to word problem. To prevent this, I did nothing. So, it is now up to you, the imaginary reader, to decide whether I mean probley or problem...it's almost like a game! But without the bad sound track. And I promise not to force you to live when you would rather die. Moving on, I have nothing else to say, but don't feel like quitting just yet. I'm like the little engine that could. Or maybe the Energizer Bunny. I just keep going, and going and going. Or I could be like that annoying guy on T.V. who keeps asking if you can hear him. If my site manages to last a decade, my readers snicker will probley wonder what I'm talking about. My answer is simple. It doesn't matter. I'm just rambling. Which means that it doesn't matter if you understand anything I say. Doesn't that make you feel better? I bet it does. Wow. Look how long this has gotten. I even impress myself. Who would have thought I have this much free time? And I congratulate any reader who has gotten this far. Ooooooo! You must check out the fortunes section of the random stuff page! I've just gotten an idea for some more, original, fortunes...I gotta go!(may the moose be with you) And now I am back. I swear. If iI fill out the fake tab form I'm gonna have to put back as my favorite word...I already have filled it out, though. Would it be cheating to fill it out again? Only if I had multiple personalities. Or would it be cheating if I didn't have multiple personalities? The world may never know. Just like how many licks it takes to get to the bottom of a tootsie pop. Would it vary? The number of licks, I mean. Someone could have super-disolving spit, or watery-spit. Or what if you took big ol' slobbery licks? Does the commercial take that into account? No. It doesn't. And let me tell you, it's an outrage. It deludes all of American's sweet, innocent, candy-loving children into thinking that a cartoon owl is smarter than they are! "Mr. Owl, can you tell us how many licks does it take to get to the bottom of a tootsie pop?" Or whatever. And "Mr. Owl" replies "One...Twoo...Three! Chomp" And he bites it. That teaches our youth that it's okay to agree to help someone, and then ruin their experiment. Well...it's not. I am going to start a protest group. Teens Against Cartoon Owls. We could call ourselves TACO! I love the little tacos, I love them good! That is a direct quote from GIR, co-star and comic-relief on INVADER ZIM. Hmmmm...intersting. I put hyphens in both of his titles...it must be a conspiracy! I gotta go. Those TACO buttons don't make themselves, you know. I'm back again. And not so cheesed off about the whole tootsie roll pop thing. Right now, I have another twenty minutes on the Internet before I'm gonna watch T.V. And I can't think of anything else to do. So, predictably, here I am. It's not like I have anything better to do. Obviously, you know this. After all, look how long this text is. I wonder if I've made the world record? If I did, would I stop this? Why bother asking? I'll will most likely still be adding to this on my death bed. Hmmmmm...has any old, senile person ever written anything? Was it coherent? Did it make more sense that this text? Is it possible to make less sense? Am I enjoying asking retorical questions? Yes. Yes, I am. But I seriously wonder what something written by a senile person would be like. I've heard of poems and stuff written by people who were high, insane or paranoid. But never senile. Can a senile person write? Aren't they regressed to a child-like state? Does it even matter? Is anyone even reading this? Did I resume asking retorical questions? Do you care? Is this eating up time? I feel like I'm playing questions only on whose line is it anway. I probley should have capitalized something, or underlined but I'm feeling lazy...hey, you try to keep your two and a half readers happy! It's really stressfull. Someday, I'm gonna snap and just delete this entire thing. Gee, I hope not! I worked sorta hard on this. It's great for making random topics weave together to form an overall infrastructure of chaos. That made little sense. That's why it's here, and not some critically acclaimed site. Ooooooooooooo! I'm gonna quote from the FLAMING CHICKENS HANDBOOK again! Yep! I bet you were just breathless in anticipation. Okay. Here goes. Code: 472 of the Flaming Chickens Handbook states that this site in no way aknowledges the existance of other, better sites (hereon reffered to as the Losers) The Losers are a myth. The Patron Saint of Paper Clips (me again!) claims no knowledge as to where that particullary nasty rumor started, but confirms that this is the best site ever. It would be a sin against humanity for a better site to exist. Should you refuse to aknowledge the Patron Saint of Paper Clips as the ruler of the Internet, you will be subjected to punishment as stated in Code 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook (i.e. Experience vague, pain-like sensations when you're not paying attention) This has been a public service announcement. This is a test, I repeat only a test. Had this been an actual emergency, we would have bought up all the can openers and charged 3 cows and a pig for each one. I repeat, lock all you doors and windows, this is it. I repeat, there is nothing to worry about. Everything is fine. The end is not here. I'm going, you're on you're own! Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm back!smiles brightly And apparantly delusional! Anyway, I just finished rereading my longest text ever. And I became inspired to talk about nothing. You see, I periodically read the longest text ever to check the constant downward spiral of my sanity. Hmmm...I seem to be entertaining myself though, even while reading what I wrote. Which is why I still go to the Really Really Big Button That Doesn't Do Anything website. Because I am easily amused and have lots and lots of time on my hands. Maybe, some day far in the future (like next Thursday) I'll print a copy of this insane text. And then go door to door distributing it. Eventually, this would become a monthly tradition. Whole families would gather around their front door, in breathless anticipation while they attempted to barracade me out. I can just see the whole community rising to thwart my attempts to spread love, joy and insane chaos. I probley wouldn't actually print this out (think how much paper it would take!) but if I do, only friends and enemies will receive copies. Hmmmm...maybe my condition is worsening. Or not. I'm still peeved about the cartoon owl from the Tootsie Roll Pop commercials. He is pure evil. TACO will eventually destroy him. Unless he has already been destroyed by an even more radical Anti-Cartoon-Owl group. I hope not. Or, would that be good? I suppose I could let someone else have the glory. After all, I'm not in this line of buisness for the fame, fortune and power. What line of buisness, do you ask? Why, the assasinating annoying cartoon characters buisness. (Actually I just question them untill they spontaneously combust, I ask lots of questions) So, in conclusion, ladies and gentleman of the jury(that's you) I could not have possibly tortured "Mr. Owl" to death. I love owls. Hmm...I seem to be jumping from one subject to another more frequently. Either I am growing more comfortable with my on-line writing, or I am progressivly getting more insane and chaotic. I also am psyco-analyzing myself a lot today...hmmmm...I'm even saying "hmmmmm..." a lot. Just like a real psychologist. Hmmmmmmm. Time for another boring disclaimer!!!!!!! Code: 742 of the Flaming Chickens Handbook states that in no part does the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (That's still me!) actually claim to be mentally ill. That's either a) a publicity stunt b) An attempt at humor c) a cry for help or d) none of the above You can e-mail your responses by conducting a scavenger hunt of this site. Some of the pages of this site contain a link encouging the two and a half people to e-mail the Patron Saint of Paper Clips. There may also be evil little links that are designed to confuse you. These links send stuff to someone named johnjones333@hotmail.com The Patron Saint of Paper Clips does not know who this individual is, but sincerly wishes that you send all your hate mail to him. Not that the aformentioned individual claims to have received hate mail (or mail of any kind) via a website link. Thank-you for your time. Remember to send your answers to my sanity quiz to the e-mail account, flamingchickens333@hotmail.com Oh, and once I refer to myself in the first person again, the handbook quote is over. I just thought that I might like to mention that. Oh. You're still here. I figured you rush right on over to e-mail me. Perhaps you don't have time to waste e-mailing me. HA! HA! HA! That's funny!!!! If you you don't have time to waste, what are you doing here?!!! Oh, who am I kidding. I figure that even the people I manage to lure onto my site from neopets don't even bother to come to this particular page. Maybe I should make the link come here directly...Hey! What a good idea! That way I can spread my love, joy and insane chaos to more people! I'm a genius. Gotta go, must lure innocent victems to the second most pointless site ever!!!! I'm back. And really angry, and confused. I've always known that I was weird, that's always been a given. But now I realize that I am considerably more normal than the rest of my family. Today we had a "family outing." Now, most families will go bowling, or putt-putt golfing. They may go to a resteraunt with an arcarde, or the movies or to a theme park. Not my family! No, we got the greatest family outing of all. We got to go to a bar and play pool!!!!!waits for readers to become insanely jealous Yep, that's right, a bar with a pool table! Not only did we get world class cuisine (under-cooked hotdogs and over-cooked hamburgers), my little sister (age 10) got taught pool by someone I strongly supect is an ex-convict! Naturally when it was announced that we'd be eating dinner in this place, I could hardly contain my excitment(I glared at my mother and asked why we couldn't go to Pizza Hut) When we arrived, we were promptly served (after thirty minutes) In the meantime, we played a family game of pool(my parents played while my brother and sister and I watched) After two rousing rounds, our food came. The food was superb, (our food came the exact opposite of how we ordered it, and half of the onion rings were missing) Then we joyfully returned to our game(my sister and the ex-con played my mom) We spent hours there (from 5p.m.-7:15p.m.) There were many people that were the same age as me and my siblings (no one in the room but us were under 30) Us kids had to be dragged kicking and screaming from the bar ( I almost fell asleep during the last game I watched) As we left, there was a feeling of goodwill and fellowship between all(my sister locked me out of the car and wouldn't let me in untill I started yelling profanity in her general direction) The high point of the entire night was when my mother gave me $21 for my report card. She promptly borrowed $1 to help with the waitresses tip(This part I'm not being sarcastic about) All in all it was a night I'll remember forever (as the lowest point in "family outing"history, except for that time my mom dragged me to a church thing on the concept of truth.) My brother(age 13) even decided upon a new job he wants when he's old enough to work, a busboy at the bar. We had to tell him that he would probley have to wait untill he was 21.(Absolutly nothing about that statement was sarcastic) As you can see, I love my families outings(Not unless you're blind...or stupid) llo, everyone! This is one of the weirdest sites: or your money back! We have ZIM, neopets, music, and much, much, more. E-mail us for questions, comments, complaints and information. Why not click on the Very Weird Stuff link to see more, or click on the music link? We have halloween and christmas pictures on the NeoPics link. Cheese is not a wild thing!!!!!!!!! Now I have decided to go for a world record. I will try to make the longest web page ever, made completely out of text! Won't that be fun? I will just type, and type, and never, ever use copy and paste. Wow...I really must be bored. Just goes to show what boredom can do to you. Any way, that's it for now. Wait, no it isn't, I still have to keep going, and going, and going. Because I do. THE REST OF THE STUFF I TYPE WILL BE COMPLETLY IN CAPS JUST BECAUSE I CAN. THAT IS ALL. SEEYA! Hi, I'm back. So far this is nowhere near the world record. I think. I don't exactly know where it is...oh, well. I'll just have to do the very best that I can. No one is really coming here, anyway. So it doesn't matter. By the way, TAB is a worthwhile, community-service organization. The form link is to a 100% fake TAB registration form that you can fill out just for laughs. I can't believe I'm bothering to do this. I have very low expectations of my site. None ever