This stasis is unraveling.
You’ve upset a stagnant soul.
My essence is awakening.
There’s a light on in these halls.
The inner beast is stretching…


Our world is unprepared.

“Wherever you go, there you are.” They warned as I crossed the first three state lines.

Now, I’m here. Far.
Yes. The change is significant
In that I can’t feel your pull quite as hard from this distance.
…Though then, pull you do,
Regardless of miles.

But night falls and the same speckled skylights up brighten the distance the same. Between you and I.

I feel the pull, eye to I.

As our stars dance ‘round the moon
Just a tease, while we close our eyes.

As Leaves Go

It begins, an annual dance.
A ritual older than conceivable time.
I have no choice in the part that I play.
My role decided before the first speck of green whispered into existence from the earth of which I sprouted.
I was born at the cusp of light, in mist, in the breath of dawn.
I was bathed with rain,
Nurtured in the warmth of the sun,
Protected with shade and
Blossoming in the light of the moon.
I’ve been secret refuge for numerous, nameless, invisible, fragile souls.
I’ve witnessed life hatch,
miracles become reality as birds stretch their wings and take first flight.
I’ve also seen the tragedy and heartache of those who’s wings couldn’t carry the weight of this world and they were born only to die.
I’ve been a harbor for these weary, wing-ed creators.
The ones who’s burden it is to keep us alive.
And I’ve climbed the wind and reached the sky.
And now, as the last warmth of summer is swept away and the chill begins to last beyond dawn,
Season demands sacrifice and branches begin to sway.
So, as I begin to dry, my color rusting, a shiver makes me take up that ancient dance.
And as infinite others have done for eons of eternity,
I must let go of this borrowed perch that was never, ever mine,
As leaves go.

My mind paces,
stalks in circles around thoughts of you.
And the others.
I have concluded that I am unlike
all the other humans.
I’m not sure what it is
that makes your species so.
Perhaps it was ingrained
in the fibers of the earliest of lonely
and jealous people to stalk this planet.
You, and they, are preconditioned
to find one mate,
to pair with one soul,
to love monogamously.
Until the last breath rattles
from your aged and withered lips,
Or maybe just the bitter breaking
of your preconceived infallible bonds.
No, I have the anomaly of loving,
truly, simultaneously, loving
more than one of you.
It’s a curse.
And it is MY curse.
It’s true.
A forbidden love,
so passionate,
for more than one.
It is this multitudinous torture,
to be riddled with the guilt
that accompanies living in this one
cannon timeline.
Why can’t I have a parallel universe?
A paradox of many lives and love?
I am spliced so many times,
Fractionated, less than human.
Like a whisper of what I once was.  
Several panes of glass that don’t quite       touch
Thin, fragile and a false face of totality.
The space between each, is the overwhelming vastness of eternity
that blinds in lonely blackness.
Every sheet is a separate piece
of what once was
me.
And the galaxies separating each,
spread farther with the passing
of light-sped time.
I know the love I feel is real.
It will not waver.
But also, doesn’t matter.
It breaks my heathen heart
to have spun these silken webs
of deeply bonded love onto others.
Entangling them in passionate emotions that are absolutely unobtainable at worst
and just out side of reality at best.
What does this make me?
Am I not a human?
Is this an evil, inside of me?
Am I demon?
There is no answer.
And there is no hope of forming
an inception with my victims,
Nor an existence for my species.
I mourn in lonely secret solitude.
I am the first, and last of my kind.

I sit on my bed,
Gaze soft and unfocused.
Wrapped in the remnants of a shirt you left behind.
Or maybe I stole it.
An air conditioned breeze sends a chill through over-sized armholes that expose the flesh of my *******.
It wakes me from my hazy state.
Glancing up, for a moment I see you in this shirt...
But it’s my own reflection
in the mirror directly opposite my bed.
Disappointment washes over me and I let my gaze slide to the window.
Up, I see the summer moon
as the ghost of you fades from the forefront of my mind,
to its rightful home in my subconscious.
You and I are simply not to be.
Fated in another life,
But now our lives are intertwined and intimately connected to others.
This dream is not mine,
nor is it yours, to have.


It is time.
To bury a memory,
a hope,
a dream.
I watch, from the edge of our six foot trench,
As my own hands throw the first earth on an unmarked grave.

I wished upon a thousand stars
That they would align
And a world would be ours
But the stars are untamably wild
And I couldn't be farther from you
If I was standing on mars

LIFE

Is a bunch of wild guesses
Strung together with long bouts of monotony
A spiral labyrinth winding endlessly
Round and round and up and down
Dizzy and lost
Desperate for direction
Hopeful for destination
Seeking validation

All while
Living

In forgotten realms of borrowed dreams
You and I were kings and queens
Of stars and open air

Down in the belly of The Angel of Defeat
You'll find war waging over only Gods know what
And she's not the one fighting for all that is good
She has shadows in her eyes and demons under her red hood
She rages her lupine armies against Paladins armed with The Light
This battle was foreshadowed before mans dawn and laid in the stones this world was built upon
There's no avoiding what the stars have aligned
And this fight won't end until there's either dark

Or light

I dreamt you wrote me letters with fire
And sent them to the sky
So I could reach up and pluck them out
Like stars in the night

They are both withered and grey.
Still, they wait.
The rooms here, and there, are silent and the halls are barren.
The paint on the fence has faded and all but chipped away.  
The moons have passed and so have many faces.
With each waning phase their bodies have weakened.
But something grows, so slow and steady it's hard to notice.
Still, they wait.
They have died.
In stillness, they wait.

It's cold here, but it heightens her senses. The rustle of the wind in the fallen leaves and the crash of waves on a distant shore tell her she's at home. But this dream is a lie. There is a huntsman on her tail. His mark is untraceable. But to her it's undeniable. He is here. Silent, patient and resolved, her would-be captor knows her as his own reflection. She is aware of intentions, but also of his hesitation. So, in spite of being in his sights, she paces on. Steady, her gaze remains ahead. And though the ranks of cypress trees pass one by one, for what seems to be eternity, the search for her moon moves her on.

It happens when I'm unsuspecting
Painful memories of the most inconsequential things
Slippery glimpses of histories left untold
My breath trips on reminders, catches its self on forbidden thoughts
I find myself stuck-still
Stopped in my track
But I'm shoved forward again by the momentum of a life that doesn't wait for dreams of days that never came
Moving on as if nothing happened
Yet
I look over my shoulder
Eyes desperately searching for that ghost
The one left behind by something
Haunting

I look up to the moon
Smile a hello
Ask how you're doing
Just to let you know
Here we aren't together
But I never let you go

I don't want to look up
At a starless night
Where the moon is absent
And silence deafens the sky
The wolves are mute
On this darkest night

There is a wolf-moon in a starless sky
And were-claws braced to fight

Curse the stars!
For ours were not aligned.

Obviously
I read your words

Don't know what to say
Reality hurts

Won't write you back
Forbidden words

Know it *****
You're better off

You
(And I)
Have cast me out

Once I heard somebody say

"Many moons ago"
Referring to the past

It never made much sense to me
There was only one moon I could see

Now you're in the fading phase
Becoming one of many moons I knew

When the wind clears the murky haze
That has clouded my eyes for a thousand days
Keeping me chained and confoundedly dazed
I'll emerge freed from the tortured craze
Under the most cloudless sky the sun ever raised
To see my direction lit in the rays



Let's hope this self-reflection stays

Statuesque
Watching
Rage in her veins
Justified
Growing

Restless

She's decidedly in love with the morning moon
And she decided today would be good before noon

I hope you sleep
In a dreamless state
And wake to find you forgot my face.

I hope you swim
In the clearest sea
That rinses you of my memory.

I hope you bask
In the summer rays
Free from my moonstruck craze.

So together
We are alone

And the stars freckle the night
As separate souls howl for the same light

It isn't dust to dust
But rather dusk to dusk
As the full moon rises
And calls upon her blood lust
Her pupils grow wild and wide
As her chest grows tight
This instinct is animal
A predisposition of flight changes to fight
With hackles drawn and teeth bared
The she-wolf rises
Not a soul will be spared

What
The
****
Is
WRONG
WITH
ME

I hope these words have found you well
Better at least
Than when there was a dream of we
I'd hate to find
That your state is that of mine
Haunted endlessly
By an imagined existence of you and I

Poison
The First
The Serpent
The Water
The venomous black ink
Slithers endlessly
Silently
Until she reaches her prey
Power
The Second
The Demon
The Fire
The burning red ember
Watches now
Patiently
As her victim is drawn to her warmth
Sorcery
The Third
The Conjurer
The Wind
The Shadow Of The Night
Needs only
To exist
And her casualty swarms to her allure
A trifecta binds, seeking
A fourth
The man
The earth
The flesh and the bone
A host and a home
A willing sacrifice
Falling victim to her charm
Silently striding to his own demise
He succumbs completely
She devours wholly
The elements are in order
The black magic witch is born

Silence

Digging
The search for words
Leaves me empty and blister-handed
Despair and thought swirl in a voiceless dance
Between my ears and
Any will I've had to speak
Disappears where my breath meets my lips
Guttural instinct has me know
There are things that need to be said
Words to be exchanged
Explanations waiting
Perched
Perilously on the edge
Of solving all
And no going back
And yet

Silence. And everything is dead.

An Autobiography

I rise from another sleepless night
Rinse off yesterday's losses
Put on my shoes
And hats
And walk out someone's front door
I travel the same path everyday
I know it well
It's paved in shells


I go to my job as a performer
I juggle hats you see
I juggle one for love
One for life
One for order
One for peace
And even one for me
I drop a hat now and then
And lately
More now, than then.

And when the hours have passed by
And the stars rise in the night sky
I trudge the shelled path
Right back to the past
The moon will come and go
And

I'll rise from another sleepless night
And rinse off yesterday's losses

I saw you
Perched and weary
Resting near my barred, abandoned soul
I felt your eyes slide into mine
Blackened and worn
Their faded dimness
Pierced through my stone grave home

And two become one
We cleanse each other's sins
In blood
spilled and collected
In our separate trails of dust
I trust the safety
I thought you sought
And felt the same
Terror struck
You waver
But it's late
And I tear through my walls
Let you refuge inside
Watch my demons show
I frighten
You run away

I watch
Perched and weary
You turn to the ghost

A speck
It festers

Silently
Growing

Leeching
Unnoticeably

Raspy voiced  
Less than whispered

Barely noticed
A pesky itch

Ignore
A twitch

Ignore
It won't exist

Ignore
Fade away

Please
The edge is turning grey

The plague is back
Black

And here to stay

In truth
It never really went away

I wish I could just
Evaporate.
Slowly fade and fade
Until I was no more.

I am the wasteland.
My chest,
A cavity shoveled empty,
Filled with infinite space,
Devoid of blood and bone,
Is host to cosmos and ghosts.

And where I once had heart,
Black holes,
Punched out and multiplied,
Empty and expanding,
Aching under the weight of eternity,
Riddle the cavity where my soul once lived.

And shackled to the weight of fate, I watch as:
Shovelers and boxers,
 Blind and unaware,
 Consciously choosing not to care,
 Speaking iron words of weaponry,
Turn my body into a canyon.

And as this scene is comes to a close.
My death,
Foreshadowed early on,
Also barren and filled with despair,
Beckoning and luring,
Is clearly laid out on a horizon.

And though it's true I have been hollowed out,
The void,
Absent hope,
Blank and staring over the human race,
With only wisps of thought to run my head,
*Is the comfort I've learned to be.

There is a great distance
A vastly endless space
A divide that echoes longing
Separating me from you

And within this great distance
Awareness is born
These two entities are destined to be
Their bond infallible

Where is the great distance
Of which I was painfully aware
Now it seems obsolete
We are intangibly connected

There is no great distance
Separating me from you

Storm

Clouds arrive like villains in smiles,
Their threat proudly displayed upon their menacing faces.
The winds are rolling, freshly born.
Waves get restless.
They know a violent cascade is looming.
The impending chaos is tangible.
The cosmos hold their breath.
Time stands still.
Fear,
Both inciting it
And cowering in it,
Is dominant here.
Lightning flashes a glimpse of what's to come.
Thunder speaks the words we instinctively know.
Calm resonates the precipice of disaster.
A vibration tethered for too long,
Shakes a warning to run.
Hesitation.
It's too late.
The eye is focused.
I am the storm.
I am here.

You're the winter, that cools my endless summer.
You're the frost that chills my burning embers.
You're my best friend
My soul's mate
My lover.

You're the stillness that calms my restless soul.
You're the anchor that stops my wandering heart.
You're my best friend,
My soul's mate,
My lover.

You're the moon that lights my starless night.  
You're the space I need to fly.
You're my best friend,
My soul's mate,
My lover.

You're the cosmic wonder for whom I fell.
You're forever, and ever as well.
You're my best friend,
My soul's mate,
My lover.

We collided like a train rushing in from behind,
Your memory and I.
My breath stuck in my throat, unexpectedly.
Tears stinging my eyes, staining my cheeks, involuntarily.
Has your ghost been lingering, shadowed,
Waiting to spring upon me like a serpent in the grass?
Don't tempt me with that shattered past.
I'd gladly place the shards of history's heart back into your hands.
Blatantly disregarding every reserve my mind fires,
Happily risking it all just to taste our youth.
Begone with you phantom! If that's what you are.
Stay only if your monstrosity lingers well into our future.

I exist in a space somewhere between complacency and sheer panic,
With the very tangible happiness just beyond my reach.
And as my fingers yearn, outstretched and writhing, my mind wonders why bother, let go.
The fact is:
Happiness, though it may be real, was never meant for me.

Sometimes I wander
Up that shadowed path
That is the past
And I let my self wonder
Rather than wander
What would have happened
If I'd strayed left instead of right
At that forbidden fork
And as I gaze into the haze
That is left of best
I see you standing at the end
The sad and silvery ghost of empty promises.
But empty? No.
Just avoided and ignored
They linger in what could have been
Nipping at my heels, reminding me of what sort of person I am
I am not hurt
I am the hurt
And with that I turn from wonder
And refuse to wander

There is no "us" anymore.
There is only you.
I am but a ghostly soul trapped in a functioning cage.
But you!
You have so much potential to fulfill!
If you could see you, the way I do...
Oh well then, we would have to run to keep up.
Nothing would stop you.
Except "us".

That's why, loves, I must make my adieu.
I'm sparing you from me.
And that's the only gift I have worth giving.
Call it a parting-gift,
Though it's nothing at all compared to what you deserve.
I'm sorry for suffering you with "us".

Forgive me, my moons.
I wanted to be amongst your stars.
But I am just a comet,
My fate burns out much faster than yours.
And soon there won't even be a memory
Of  the "us" that was so very unjust.

Angles

By The ** off their album Coexist

Light reflects from your shadow
It is more than I thought could exist
You move through the room
Like breathing was easy
If someone believed me

They would be
As in love with you as I am
They would be
As in love with you as I am
They would be
As in love with you as I am
They would be
In love, love, love

And everyday
I'm learning about you
The things that no one else sees
And the end comes too soon
Like dreaming of angels

And leaving without them
And leaving without them

Being
As in love with you as I am
Being
As in love with you as I am
Being
As in love with you as I am
Being
As in love, love, love
Love, love, love
Love, love, love

And with words unspoken
A silent devotion
I know you know what I mean
And the end is unknown
But I think I'm ready
As long as you're with me

Being
As in love with you as I am
Being
As in love with you as I am
Being
As in love with you as I am
Being
As in love, love, love

She's a thousand miles from where she needs to be,
With a hundred and seven things to do.
And the only things she manages are
"Wince, breath, hold it in, and turn blue."
Exhaling,
She turns to see a path carved of her own destruction

In her wake.

Unaware of how she got here, and now:
Her heart is torn in two.
You think it's wether it's him or wether it's you.
But it's wether it's to sleep forever or stay 'til forever gives up on her.
Involuntarily,
She stumbles on the trail of bodies

In her wake.

It's months or maybe millennia later,
Time has no compassion here.
Her immortal face is as unwavering as stone.
But the scars she's counted have undoubtably grown.
Her bones hide secrets the whole world knows.
And though she'll burn from the heat of the stones they throw.
Everything is still drowning amongst waves

In her wake.

But she knows how to make time and all of everything stand still.
She can ease the world of her venomous touch.
With a single bolt of lead and palm full of small white relief,
At last,
All of us can be put out of her misery.
Only the obligatory tears will fall
When the guest books from her history spill from the celebratory halls

At  *her wake.

I wish I could stop all the time around me.
But keep moving, myself.
So I could have time.
And see it all.
And get better.
And know what to do.

It's not an option.
So I have to do these things
while everyone keeps moving.
Which makes it all more complicated.
And confusing.
And hard.

Please know I hear your offers for help.
And appreciate them.
But I cannot accept.
Helping me is just not something that will actually help me.
I have to sort this,
with out anyone else.

But...
It's so loud.
And Oh!
It's too much.
The white interference.
A symphonic cacophony.
And I'm just more (and more)
lost than before.
Caught in a tide.
Frantic to hide.
Drowning.
And I want to stop.
Breathing.

Yours,

Trouble

I'm trying, I swear.
I'm stuck. Trying not to dispair.
It's bitter cold, inside this whole affair.
Frozen words, the only repair.

Help is near.
But I'm swallowed in fear.
Inside out, not one tear.
So close, yet so far, from my soughten cheer.

My instincts abandoned.
My emotions are stranded.
I'm at the precipice of where I've landed.
And nothing is ok, from where I'm standing.

I'm unfolding again.
I watch it begin.
So hold on my loves,
For the girl within, (the original sin).