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delicate little flower,
i don't know how to speak the language of the perfect– i can only try not to let violence seep off of my anger
as how these words stain the pages,
so there's no other way to tell you this

i've been told you cannot claim what you cannot touch,
so do know this love will never meet your grasp
for
i will break your wrists,
those outstretched hands of yours, little bird, i will tear them from your limbs
i will pour gasoline in your rosebud mouth and light a match against your soft,naked cheek
after the flames,there would be nothing left to fear in the ruins

chained in strings of unsaid words that have strangled me in my sleep a hundred days ago,
you will subsist on crumbs and leftovers of my love, as how i had waited on the scraps of your heart long before
i will make you bleed until you strain your lungs screaming,pleading to be spared
but my dear,
your tears cannot move me, that anguish will rain,feeding the earth as
your agony fuels my desire to feel

all of hell will never compare to the fiery pits of rage where i shall leave you to rot,tangled with the remains of the boy whose love you had
love will save you after all,will it not?

the heavens might pity you, attempt to end your suffering before i slit open that pretty little throat, so be rest assured that your corpse will meet my blade soon enough
and your measly flesh will weigh the same way i did while you had me beneath you–when i carried so much of you yet still felt less inside–
i will bury you beneath my sanctuary where i'll live out my days,
where i do not have to starve to be beautiful like you,
where i do not have to be used and destroyed to be loved like you,
where i do not have to be someone who can't be you
and there
i will not wait for anyone to bring me flowers that i know have graced your heart first,
i will grow a garden above your grave as the worms have their way with you down in the dirt where you belong ,
and you can take my heart with you
–W.
uhh I wrote this way way back in January and idk
burning hues of red,
of bright indigo and yellow,
crashed into the grey horizon
(I am told
my eyes should rest soon),
do not stay as witness
when the depths come
in furious waves of regrets
to drown the ache that
refuses pleas to be heard
by his eyes
denies truth to be seen,as
it falls on deaf ears

again I hold my breath,
I'll sink further into the pit
of madness crafted by
my own mind
through your words,
you will ignore their
silence that comes
piercing through,
a thousand decibels
to remind you
I wanted to shatter
your sadness
–sadness that consumes wood nymphs and faeries,
sadness that lures sirens to their death,
sadness that makes the man in the moon sleepless,
sadness that makes love to death
I wanted to exile your demons in the vast sea of hope

yet after I've outlived
every bullet,every blade
that greeted me in their
violent glory,
after my lungs
grew accustomed to the abuse,
all I broke through
was my resolve,
all I shattered was my soul
all I learned was how to hold my
breath, and
how beautifully painful
it is to cry,beg,and hurt underwater
where the demons will outlive you,
where you'll end up being drowned
by your own intentions

one day,
my body will untangle
itself from its endless slumber
as how you pried off your fingers,
your hands,from their hold
on this cold body,
you know,
I used to be your anchor
now I'm just dead weight
holding you down with me
as I drown
you know,
this corpse understands
how hard it is to love
someone who's
always treading lightly,
who can't shine as bright
as other dying things,
who isn't as phenomenal,
as world-stopping, as mesmerizing
as how your heart pleases
this dying creature knows
that love will never be given
to something that
keeps on bleeding hurt

you should bid farewell soon,
do not stay as witness
leave while it's dark enough,
while the facade could still
lie for us,
leave,let the water wash ashore
let it devour the remains,
let it carry this shipwreck
to its abyss
where,
the body will decompose,
it will die and forget
what the heart wants to remember,
what the mind denies touching
I know,
you will remember
to associate me
with your darkness and demons
who wear another pretty face
and I will remember to forget
how you wanted to forget me
I will hold my breath until the Sun
could assure me of your departure

– W.
(I found this in my drafts. I'd like to pretend this was the only and will forever be the only one I wrote about [redacted] but it's not. Pathetic.)
1) Muster all the courage you could, take these foreign roads, see that they stretch out longer than the well-lit streets you used to walk together,
2) Remember how fear was cold metal, iron weight on your mouth,but you took the blade between your teeth, kissed the edges all for his glory,
3) If you have walked miles and miles in the landmine of his heart, each step anticipating an unwanted end, tell me, darling, what else could render you petrified?
4) Remember, your bones didn’t rattle, your skin didn’t betray you, your resolve didn’t crumble when you saw all the ****** remains confined in his closet, so why are you shaken now?
5) You learned how to fold yourself to make room for his doubts, his fears, his demons that go beyond the realms of his self-made prison, so why do you now refuse to occupy the space that had always been yours?
6) You’ll drive away, you’ll stop thinking who else could be seated in the front with him, you’ll stop feeling him next to you as he traces the lines of your hand like a map, as if you were actually headed towards anywhere other than the cul-de-sac where you first found this love
7) And there are other places left for you to fill other than the void inside that boy,the world gets so much bigger than the haven you found in his room
8) You’ll crawl your way up to the pedestal, grant yourself all the power you have been denied in the name of being more for other people when they treated you less than what you deserve
9) Baby, swear with all the sad rage of a girl that only served as a cigarette break that you will forgive, that one day you’ll sit across a boy with vacant eyes and you wouldn’t flinch,because he’s just a boy and you are so much more.
10) You are so much more.
-W.
**** what gurl idk anymore
i wonder
what kind of pretty eyes made you see
how dead i was behind mine
i want to ask
how rosy were her cheeks to dismay you of the cold,pale skin that often met your touch
i want to know
how many milky white thighs,model thin legs, and baby soft knees displayed through high-waisted schoolgirl skirts did it take to quit me as your fetish
i want to hear
the joke that made you laugh, made you type the line you once wrote as mine: you have the humor i long for in a girl
and i probably already know all the bands she listens to,all the sad songs you'd bond over but i want to hear her playlist so i would know what to delete off of ours
i want to read all the poems she wrote so i could stop using the same words,the same forms, so i could stop writing about the same boy or maybe i could just stop writing altogether
tell me everything; the way her glasses frame her innocence,the way she gets giddy over odd things,the way she freaks about comic book and manga characters
i don't want to but i still need to see for myself
how she lights up the room,
how she is the still point of the turning world,how she is everything i used to be–only better
i want to
memorize her, as if she is the blueprint of a home I'll never be able to have,i need to keep her picture perfect existence inside my mind so i could stop choking on all the why's
i should know how good she is at making your problems disappear that i started fading into static too
and maybe you don't want to but you need to know
i get pushed out of my own head sometimes, trying to finish the image of your dream girl,trying to make the pieces fit just so i would know what pretty face,which delicate features, what humor, what magical creature did it take to make you see i was too human to be the girl you could love.
-W.
but I'm done apologizing for my existence, I don't want to be sorry anymore for being human. i am good enough. ******* for making me believe otherwise.
burning hues of red,
of bright indigo and yellow,
crashed into the grey horizon
(you are told
your eyes should rest soon),
do not stay as witness
when the depths come
in furious waves of regrets
to drown the ache that
refuses pleas to be heard
by his eyes
denies truth to seen,as
it falls on deaf ears


again i hold my breath,
i'll sink further into the pit
of madness crafted by
my own mind
through your words,
you will ignore their
silence that comes
piercing through,
a thousand decibels
reminding you:
who the hell was I meant
nothing to you,
better will you be loved,
so much more you could be
if you choose to bury
me in the moondust and leave
as for I,
when you've outlived
every bullet,every blade
greeting you in their
violent glory,
when your lungs
are accustomed to the abuse,
you'll learn how to hold your
breath, and
how beautifully painful
it is to beg,cry,and hurt underwater
where tears aren't real,
and pain serves as oxygen


one day,
my body will untangle
itself from its endless slumber
as how you pried off your fingers,
your hands,from their hold
on this cold body,
you know,
i used to be your anchor
now i'm just dead weight
holding you down with me
as i drown
you know,
this corpse understands
how hard it is to love
someone who's
always treading lightly,
who can't shine as bright
as other dying things,
who isn't as phenomenal,
as world-stopping, as mesmerizing
as how your heart pleases
this dying creature knows
that love will never be given
to something that
keeps on bleeding hurt


you should bid farewell soon,
do not stay as witness
leave while it's dark enough,
while the facade could still
lie for us,
leave,let the water wash ashore
let it devour the remains,
let it carry this shipwreck
to its abyss
where,
the body will decompose,
it will die and forget
what the heart wants to remember,
what the mind denies touching
i know,
you will remember
to associate me
with your darkness and demons
who wear another pretty face
and i will remember to forget
the way you wanted to forget me
i will hold my breath until the Sun
could assure me of your departure
-W.
you do not remember,is what you should know first,
remind yourself that:
you do not recall writing an eulogy as a love letter,
you forget about the graves you've dug,
all the pretty faces and estranged loves you've buried here in agony once

foreplays should not burn as repeated pictures in the back of your mind–do not speak of how you have this body memorized—
so you do not put the same record on,
you do not dance in the same room,
you do not sway to the same tune,
offered first to those that intoxicated you with life

you do not light her mouth,gasoline boy
you do not fuel her insides
with the same lies that burned you
you do not kiss her still tasting like the bleeding red of someone else's lips

you do not,you cannot **** the sadness out of her
corpses do not feel anything,do not hear you pray to another god
corpses do not have hearts that break upon being touched by hands that know pleasurable pain well in the most repulsive ways
you do not look at the eyes burning with saltwater
you shrug it off as how you ignore warnings and triggers
we revel in the body's warmth,it feels good pretending it's alive, but the body pretends it's not here
pretends it's just paper skin and friction igniting,acting as catalyst of our self-initiated destruction

you chase your high
the locks come loose
everything unhinges from their hold
darling,there is nothing ghosts fear more than being lost

and after the deed is done
you do not stare at the remains,
you do not paint your face with empathy
it's all for love,it's all for fun
besides, dead girls do not bleed
nor do they cry
**** what
sorry if our love feels like crisp new sheets,uncomfortable to touch,
unlike the ones you prefer to lay on
sorry if this love tastes too sweet,too cold like coffee left for hours on the counter along with a pile of ***** dishes,leftover promises,all the crumpled packs and labels
sorry if it became too convenient– reaching-for-comfort-food-in-the-cupboard-convenient, sorry if it became too easy, too frequent, too plain as consuming frozen dinner rolls and msg-soaked noodles,sorry if it became boring like tv shows reruns on Sunday nights,sorry if it became too much of a  routine rather than an adventure
sorry if this love sounds like a scratched indie record that's been overplayed,
sorry if the lyrics no longer speak to your heart as they should,sorry if it sounded better when somebody else played it for you
sorry if this love is a poem with no form,no rhyme
sorry if someone wrote it better,sorry if I'm just another boring book in the shelf,sorry if someone else had offered a far more interesting story
sorry if it became too much of a task,sorry if I became unwanted homework when the monitor and console were all you wanted to hold,
sorry if I had been reduced into one word reminders and ticking time bombs in your head,
sorry if I allowed myself to be divided into the least I could ever be
sorry if it seems like trying too much when I know very well I will always be less
sorry it had to start with an apology,
sorry it had to end with more pleas and sorry's
-W.
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