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  Feb 26 alexis
and see what happens.
  Feb 26 alexis
Last night I dreamed
That we were back together
We kissed and made up,
And it was all better.

I wrapped you in my arms
The way I always wanted to
I kissed you on your face
To show how much I loved you.

We walked home together
Just like we used to.
I miss that a lot,
But not more than being with you.

Then this morning it hit me,
It hurt when I realized
None of that was real,
and then I cried.
For my first and only ex...
I really thought I loved you
alexis Feb 25
Dear titanic, tell me of how you survived your last hurrah- tell me of how you didn’t see the iceberg, tell me of how it felt to lay down on the ocean floor, tell me of how empty you are, the skeletons of your passengers are all but hollow husks- skeletons from a time that is now gone.
“I am not empty,” the titanic says back to me, her voice muffled by bubbles and groans from rust coated pipes.
“But you are, I say. “You are empty but filled with ghosts- yours, the oceans, theirs. They party and laugh and drink and dance and run in your rooms, your hallways that go on forever.”
“You are the empty one,” titanic whispers, rusty railings creaking.
Dear titanic, how did you feel, sinking, ripping in two- unable to be put together again, how did it feel becoming a broken heart? Did you bleed? Did you do it to yourself?
“Was your sink an accident?”
“What do you think?” She growls- groans and moans echo all around.
“How did the music players continue on as you sank- their instruments and lungs filling up with seawater as their somber music filled the ears of your passengers?”
“They just played on, soothing my pain,” came the reply.
“Dear titanic-” I started.
“Let me ask you- why have you come?” She demands.
“To learn your secrets of course.”
“That’s not why.”
“Who hurt you for you to seek me out? Why have you come?”
“I've come to find out what you did to survive.” I reply.
“Then you know now” She whispers, pipes groaning as she shook with mirthless laughter
“Do I?” I questioned.
“Yes.” I imagined her smiling at me- broken glass as teeth and sharp lines for lips.
“How did you survive?” I whispered, my heartbeat echoing in the stillness- needing to hear the words I hoped she wouldn't say.
“I didn’t.”

— dear titanic, tell me of how you survived your sinking // a.
25 février 2020
09:54 am
alexis Jan 13
Your scent lingers on your shirts
and your words still taint my skin
your memory still eats away at me,
slowly but surely
i get rid of you
you become a ghost
i let you fade
until you’re nothing.  
                       ( just like you told me. )

— karma’s a ***** has so am i // a.
22 Janvier 2020
22:50 pm
alexis Jan 13
you almost make me
hate you more
than I hate myself.

— how you push my buttons // a.
12 Janvier 2020
22:46 pm
alexis Jan 13
1.) you are loved
2.) i’m sorry
3.) goodnight
4.) please don’t hate me
5.) i missed you today
6.) i’ll see you tomorrow
7.) i wish i could’ve learned to love you
8.) do you hate me?
9.) how can i fix this?
10.) we’re definitely going to see that
11.) do you miss me?
12.) go away
13.) i love you...(not sent)
14.) you don’t.
15.) how can you say that?
16.) it’s all in your head
17.) i swear i’ll do it
18.) i wish we could go back to the beginning
19.) how young we were then
20.) please come back

— take a picture, it’ll last longer (you didn’t) // a.
12 Janvier 2020
22:39 pm
alexis Jan 13
i am not a poet for you,
for the words i write come from
the deepest parts of me
spilling out like a river,
a never ending stream of
words falling grasping and drowning
i am not a poet for you,
these words do not sing for you,
you do not get to hold and touch
and squish and shape them to your desires
i am not a poet for you,
my words and pain belong to me, they are mine

— i am not a poet for anyone but myself // a.
12 Janvier 2020
22:26 pm
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