My walls are higher than I thought and I
                                    am not so sure
                                           that they will
                                                   actually come
                                                                  down this
                                                                              time.

I do not think I have ever felt this alone
since middle school...
And that is also when I was in my darkest place..
which is what scares me the most.

Looks like that dream I had came true...
I needed you
and you could not be bothered...

I try to give all the souls I care about
as much of the world and pieces of heaven I can give,
no matter what time it is or what I am doing.
And believe me, I try my absolute hardest that sometimes
it drains me...
But you know what ?
       that is okay because all these souls that I love,
are what matters the most....
-  -  -
But wait...
when it comes to me , these souls do not think I am worth any part of this world
or even the slightest piece of heaven,
or a minute of the day...
So tell me why,
I continue to give my all to these souls that I love so dearly...

Why do I catch myself feeling this way in certain moments...
Maybe I should have let you go when everyone told me to.
I'm usually good at hiding these feelings from you and not having them show, because I just keep them aside because they DO NOT MATTER ANYMORE.
They are irrelevant. We are both moving on.
Why why why why
I thought I was done with all these ******* feelings.
****.

I am becoming confused on what happened between us.
You told me you were leaving and did not want to pursue a relationship, because of it.
I was not ready for a relationship at the time anyway, so maybe it was for the best.
But you're going to be out soon... and now you don't want me,
Because apparently, "I was not about it".....

It all makes sense now...
Why I have so many issues
with love...and being loved...
With men...and attention from them...
The past has been brought up a lot lately..
And it's driving me insane that...
I might just crash.