he could be everything I need
but one of us is just too ******* weird
and it’s not him.
and when we speak,
i m too prone to acting like myself.
he loves it but I don’t.

****, if my mental illness isn't torture enough
then life keeps swinging her punches
i feel weak all the time.

i don’t really like to cry
but i think I’ve cried everyday
for the past two years.
i have climbed myself out of every hole i dug,
and life threw its punches, but i would swing harder

lately my mind and mouth feel like metal,
my chest feels heavy with the rise and falls
and my bones are weak
my muscles ache.

i am tired.
i wish it all could just stop.

i will never be able to say what happened outloud
But sometimes my mind is too much to listen to.
Thinking I deserved it, I could’ve prevented it
but I’m reminded with two days of blood
And forced to think about it with bruised lips
maybe if I would’ve been more careful,
I wouldn’t have had my face pressed into the ground Saturday night
maybe if I hadn’t gotten so drunk I could’ve fought back.

I can’t think about it without crying.

If you don’t think about the needy
You’re selfish.
Self entitled, far from selfless
You should want to help others
The homeless
The needy

But your mind crumbles
Under the thought
Of you could’ve easily been
A drug addicted woman
Separated from her family
Who realized no amount of love
Can push away an addicts love
For white lines and heated spoons.

So your depression isolates you.
Because you were so close to being her
But you end up with empathy
And empty pockets
With the heavy weight of knowing
There’s no way of helping
Someone who doesn’t want to be saved.

we didn't want to you to OD
and have your mother crying
saying she'd do anything to have you back

all these nights i'm losing sleep
i wish it was all a dream
but white lines don't numb dark times
even the lightest mind gonna hang around the dark sometimes
and you fought hard for yours

all of a sudden everyone's mentioning your name,
each time it's said,
it hurts
it just shows me that my life will never be the same

knew you were drifting and you wouldn't live forever
but please let me know if it ever gets better
when you find a way out of your head,
cause i'd do anything for a way out of my head right now