Once upon a neverworld, the lights shimmer down through the porthole into the damp abyss and bring life back to a distant memory of a dream. Breathing life back in to this solemn place where the clownfish struggle to tell a joke, the bottom eaters are frozen still, and the desolate skeleton bears no emotion. You reach in for a bountiful treasure and find that it was not the gold or dabloons as the stories implied. The treasure lies in the beauty of the lost souls found here, a dream crashed by fate and left as a reminder that even through darkest times and left in the darkest places our soul story will live on for centuries. So long as someone decides to turn the page.

Am I caught up in a fairytale or nestled in a dream? At times its so hard to tell, I'm buried in between. This path is narrowed and the funds are tight, so how the **** do I have the right? Memories invade this secondary world I fought to make; karma's a ***** for ***** sake. How can a person like me deserve any of this ****? The plague infecting my mind, it only says r.i.p.

Surprise looked me in the eye, an instant rush,
One moment that was purely innocent.
Surprise swooned me into arms, bore open,
Multiple moments that were so naive.
Surprise betrayed me in the beginning,
In that moment, after years of artful diversions,
Surprise was forgiven.
---
This first love, puppy love, three years it took.
Three years it took me to realize what one song,
Spit in seconds less than just three minutes.
(non-poetic rant, just bear with me, too many concerned people on other sites)
I know now, despite every other outcome or possibility that my thoughts stirred up, that it never really mattered whether I truly forgave you or not, you knew that you had leverage over me because of how I felt for you. You knew that no matter what I did, however hard I tried to push you away, that if I got a call that you had been hurt or were going to end up being hurt that I would be there no matter what. That power was something that you used against me to keep me around. People may not have "magic" but they sure do have power. I made a mistake by staying involved with someone who would toy with my emotions, and it took me a **** long time to realize that I hadn't been thinking properly. It literally took removing myself entirely and then some time after that to really grasp everything that had happened between us. Although, that being finally said, I do not regret the fact that that had happened, and it wasn't entirely miserable. I learned a lot from you, about myself, the universe, and anything in between. I do not regret having done the unthinkable in forgiving you because I wouldn't have had that experience. I wish the best for you, and I will be a friend, but you have to understand why I cannot ever lose footing on my stance again, not with you at least. So for today, just let sleeping dogs lie and let guard dogs be. For tomorrow, one may not know for certain, but what I do know is that I don't want to worry about tomorrow until tomorrow.

Sincerely, a love that was never meant to be.

So sick,
sick of the torment
the shattered fragments
of words spit
from momentary rage.
So sick,
sick of the silence
the endless dialogue
running through my head
to find nobody around
to hear me out.
So sick,
sick of the lack of
nothing being enough
the void between where I am
and where I want to be.
So sick,
sick of the questions
the continuous banter
that means nothing.
So sick,
sick of the *******
the tiresome surface
which rarely divulges,
more.
I want more, more,
but wants shall not be received.

I don't know what it's like,
to wake up one morning, excited
to tell him of the crazy dream
you had, and walk in to find
that he's walked out for good.


I don't know what it's like,
to spend your free time, trying
to search for a man you thought
just left you on a curb, and see
that he didn't know you exist.


I don't know what it's like,
to lose the man you could
have sworn was invincible,
and wake up every morning
with such uncontrollable grief.


I don't know what it's like,
to have a dad that you can
count on day in and day out
to be there to support you for
every little struggle in life.


I do know what it's like,
to have a father who spends
his free time with beer, and
yells and emphasizes his point
by pushing people around.


I do know what it's like,
to be told that you'll never
amount to anything from the
only person you have to
support anything you do.


I do know what it's like,
to find your own family
and make a life for yourself
even though you still go home
every night living in fear.


I do know what it's like,
to leave the man that was
the cause of so much pain,
and to live with the memories
still trying to move forward.


I do know what it's like,
to think that this day is pointless.

Home again, home again.
What is home again?
Home again, to my origin?
That place of lacking youth,
and taunting memories.
Is home again meant to be,
tragically void of love?

Home again, home again.
What is home again?
Home again, to my blood?
That place of summer delusion,
and bittersweet times.
Is home again meant to be,
an occasional fiction?

Home again, home again.
What is home again?
Home again, to my choice?
That place of hidden thoughts,
and tormenting deceit.
Is home again meant to be,
a lovesick tragedy?

Home again, home again.
What is home again?
Home again, to my escape?
That place of bogus smiles,
and buried anger.
Is home again meant to be,
such a desolate substitute?

Home again, home again.
What is home again?
Home again, to my dream?
That place of eternal languish,
and immediately forfeited.
Is home again meant to be,
another stolen fantasy?

Home again, home again.
What is home again?
Home again, is this my home?
A place of nurturing souls,
but not of true understanding.
Is home again meant to be,
always a skeptical endeavor?

Home again, home again.
Where is home again?
Home again, is my guess?
A place that I'm still unsure,
and will constantly question.
Someday perhaps I'll know what
My home again is meant to be.

The new life waiting,
Buds from this mess.
With rough edges,
Created by convulsing
Due to what I cannot overcome.
It blossoms even through
The hardships placed upon me.

More thorns grow with
The amount of pressure
That overwhelms me.
A rose emerges,
With such grace and dignity,
Powering through the life
That was left for me.

I tried to take the thorns off,
To let people in.
And with a steady hum,
They dug into my skin,
Leaving black.
I tried to refuse,
Kicking and fighting back.

I was taken by this rose,
As my destiny foretold.
It grows from my skin, it’s part of me.